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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. This filling in
for Kevin Pollock once again is me Cole Stratton. It's okay,
I don't know who I am either, but Kevin is
giving me his full blessing to get these episodes done
while he's away filming a few good men to the
search for Lieutenant Winebert's goal. So, without further ado, as
I think we're at the exact right amount of a due,
(00:23):
let's meet today's Alchemists in no particular order except the
particularity of it being written down this way. Let's say
hello to Chris Alvarado, Chris who put the Gladden Gladiatory
sitting next to or nowhere near Chris. It's audio, So
how would you know it's James Heeney, or at least
(00:43):
I think it is, as he shaved his mustache and
we don't know how to deal with it. James, if
you could have any sort of new facial hair or
haircut combo, what would it be. I would really like
to have a long wizard's beard beard like. It's gonna
be a long term goal. I I first, I mean
I wanted to go white because I want a wizard's
(01:05):
white like you know, I look like Handolf off the
gray or Gandalf the white. Great question, start with the
gray and then you know, button it with the whiteways,
like a good plan. Next up, she's a lady, Loo,
she's a lady Vanessa. That would have been fair. V
(01:27):
What would you throw at Tom Jones to break up
the endless baraga panties? Oh? An ice cube? He's pretty
hot up there. He'd probably appreciate it. That's cool to
be down, thanks, lady. Who can turn the world on
with a smile? Certainly not Joey Gray. Joey, who do
you think you can dunk on in this room? H?
(01:48):
Every person here, not a question, not a question. My
vertical is top notch. I think I can peek at
two three some of that. Well, that's pretty great. Everyone
is laying down, just killing it. And finally he's here
on the Craiglar c Craig. Please give everyone in this
(02:15):
room a catch phrase they need to use sometime during
this recording. Uh, Chris is will be bonga, Vanessa's will
be Uh. I don't think that's gonna work months. Senior
James's will be oh, cheerios. Uh, Joey's will be good
(02:37):
doing so tough, pretty good cor yours will be I'm
Cole Stretton. I'll try to work that right. Alright, pretty great.
Let's let's get to our first scene. Then. All of
today's scene suggestions were gathered from our listener emails. If
you'd like to submit yours, please write to the podcast
(02:58):
at your name here at alchemy this dot com. That's
your name here at alchemy this dot com. Alright, our
first scene comes from Matt, who wrote, Hello, Alchemists, I
really enjoy and appreciate the show. I wanted to offer
a scene suggestion that I know you could do amazing
things with. A new daytime judge show is presided over
by Marvin mckugh. Alrighty that comes from the recurring that
(03:27):
comes from Matt el So, thank you, Matt. So here
we go with our daytime judge show presided over by
Marvin mckugh. Alchemists, take it away and according to the
security deposit, he owes me seven and fifty dollars. Bull
Ship a real bull fucking ship. The personalities are out
of control, bull Ship. It's mcugh's do you all right
(04:04):
for Judge mckugh. Oh wait a minute, I'm in I'm
at home right now. I there's some way I'm supposed
to be, isn't there? So we we outfitted your home
to we outfitted your home to be a courtroom. Okay,
we just we found you so late to set that
we just decided just to do it here. Well that works, Okay.
What do we got on the docket today? I'm Marvin mckugh,
(04:27):
Judge Marvin mckugh. Can we sit down on it? Uh?
Mr mhugh. So here's the paperwork on today? Okay. We
have this gentleman here who believes this other person owes
him money. That's the short of it. Okay. And what's
your name, sir? My name is Jonathan Jonathan. How do
you spell that? Okay? Hold up? Hold up? So ready? Yes,
(04:51):
j O n A. Well, why have it? Why do
I have an H here? I'm not sure that's not
how I spell my name? Okay, So I would you
like me to finish it? Yes? J o en th
a M. So there is an H in there? Well,
I'm so sorry, your honor. Can I just say it
doesn't even have an A in his name? It's Jonathan Jonathan,
(05:14):
it's j O n th h owen or whatever. There's
not even there's no a. It's Jonathan. Can we get
already dealing with the lie or whatiff? Yes? My my
bailiff is armed. By the way, I expect nothing less
your honor. Um, Honestly, I'd like to just stick to
the rental agreement that we had when we moved in together. Okay,
(05:36):
And who did you move in with? That guy over
there who was talking? Yeah, okay, what's your name? Snail? Snail? Yeah?
How do you spell that? Just like it sounds alright?
S N A L L snail? And is that a
given name or a nickname, birth name? Birth name? Is
(05:58):
it from a particular ethnic group? Yes, it is. Can
you tell me the ethnic group? Gall French? Okay, Well,
I don't have a prejudice against that particular group, so
I guess they're okay. And what happened, Well, this is
what happened to your honor is he claims that the
security positive is his last month's But he threw a
(06:20):
party on the before he moved out and destroyed our apartment,
so that security part that should be surrender. Okay, this
lady's objecting. Hey, um, I was at the party and
it didn't ruin anything. It was the best party ever
in Stale and I really connected that night, and I
think we actually up the value of the apartment because
(06:40):
we did some art on the walls, and my art
on Instagram sales for like upwards of money. So you
have a lot of followers. I had a lot of followers. Yea,
I'm an influencer account my account. Okay, well, I think
I just I wiped your screen clear. I don't know
how I did that. I don't know. God, it's like
(07:01):
a magic man object object to the objection. Who's this guy?
I'm called Stratton? And uh I was at that party
and it was not the best party ever. Pay for you.
It was terrible for me. Veronica broke up with me,
and I just saw looking at the vinyl records in
the corner of the whole time. Wow. Wow. First of all,
(07:21):
Mr Stratton, hell of a catchphrase, by the way, thanks.
Second of all, can we enter that in the record?
Is this all being? Is this all on the record?
It's all being? I got it on the okay, good good?
This this room is getting really hot. It's like a
c we have in this or we can't turn on
the It sounds like meatballs is that meat balls, Well
(07:44):
they were meat ball I made beatballs three nights ago.
So linger oh, Judge mcew in the case of the
lingering meat balls taking the mystery show, I'd really like
to just settle this one up because he owes me seven.
I I mean I like to party as much as
(08:04):
the next person. Yes, I kill that. Sometimes it's just
after let's see your party. I mean, I know it
looks like the macarena, but it's really newly I know
real Judge McKell the right back. Okay, what the fund
(08:27):
is going on? What the fund is going on with
Judge mckuugh. Okay, how long we've been working together? Mckuugh,
I don't know us. Sixteen years, sixteen years, sixteen years
we've been working together. That sounds good. Yes, if that
length of time was a person, it could be driving
by now. It would be driving now. I'm Marvin's sister,
(08:49):
Hag Hello, Hello, do you know my sister? Hi? I've
met her before. I met her at the rap party
last year. And are you making eyes at me? Because
it's not gonna work looking at you while you're talking
whoa as a former title? Okay, I don't do that anymore. Okay,
I'm not I'm on senior. I don't have that power,
all right. I left for my own reason, and that's
for no one to jump. Why did you call my
(09:10):
brother into this office? Because so far all the tapes
were receiving right now or just him explaining dishes he's
made weeks ago. None of the cases get solved, and
I have to end out paying even more to the
individuals that come on scret part of me, sir. But
our ratings are higher than they've ever been here in
the numbers. Oh my god. You know, I've never looked
at how many toes do you have? Oh my god,
(09:32):
it's it's an odd number. Oh god, he's hitch choo cho.
We've been on the air for sixteen years. So I
don't see what the problem is. The problem is I
don't read the ratings. And that's something I realized right now.
I've been coming at you in a way that is
(09:53):
completely unjustified, and I need to Can I get a
photo apology? Can we do it in the courtroom? Let's go?
Where are we going? The case is a real bullshit,
you're out of order bullshit? All right, sit down in
(10:15):
my living room, I'm mcke. I got my producer here.
What's your name again? Raymond Steele? Raymond Steele? Somehow I
never knew that. Okay, I thought you looked like a Rick.
Thank you. There's a whole time I thought he was high.
Doesn't he look like a Rick? He looks like a
rick to me, or come here, let me touch your face.
(10:40):
Your hands are wet. He does look like he looks
like a rich You could just rule on it, and
he could be a Rick from now on. Okay, from
now on, your name is Rick. Hold what. I can't
be guilty. I got family, I guess, I guess some
little keytoes that I gotta take care of. Keto ke diets.
I'm running a whole circuit. I can't I can't leave. Well,
(11:03):
why do you why do you think you're here today
in my courtroom. I'm apologizing because I didn't read the ratings,
probably and I came down in a way that was
gonna appropriate. So you've been producing this show for sixteen years,
not realizing it's the number one show on television. Sounds
like an idiot to me. Bro, Look, I'm a dumb guy. Okay,
I'm a dumb guy. But I can't go to jail.
(11:25):
Lock him up. Well, all right, we got a vote.
What is going on? Lock him up, him up. Everyone's
saying to lock him up. The verdict is in. Judge
M said, Hey, what are you going for? I lied
(11:50):
about myself. Honestly, I lied about myself. I wasn't true
to me. That's the biggest crime. That's the biggest crime
you can commit. So it's a line for the bathroom,
or we just hanging down the hallway, line for the bathroom. Good, good,
good good. You know there are some rules around here. Yeah,
it's really we're gonna lock up two hours of in
(12:11):
house rules. Pick up after yourself, I mean personal rules always,
you know, keep a clean space. Look, you're gonna be
in a lot of trouble unless you make friends. Okay,
how do you do? I'm great friend, I'm great your friend.
Put your hand down. Sorry, I'm not your friend. I'm
your enemy. Okay, And I will hurt you, not as
much as I'm gonna hurt myself. I like to hear that.
(12:33):
That's the spirit. That's the spirit. So we're friends, We're not. Look,
as soon as we go to chow, people are going
to attack you. Okay physically, so I guess I gotta
get your back. You know you leave me alone. As
a matter of fact, don't look at me anymore. And
when I finished this sentence, we're done. You got it?
Chow time? Who's ready for meat? Bos hey? I think
(12:54):
you want to go in front of me and don't
talk to me. I feel like you before I have not.
I haven't seen you around. I was first daping. My
buddy here says it's really good show. Don't call me
your first you know you? Come on, I don't got friends.
He just claimbed you his friend, don claiming this guy
is not my friend. Thank you best you guys have
(13:15):
an energy. No, thank you, thank you. I can see it.
No like twin flames burning together. Oh that was beautiful, flock.
Looks like we're about to have another full scale prison
right right here and Marva mckugh's basement. Somebody going to
ship somebody, I think so I can give you the shift?
Should I throw something? Give me a ship? Thank you?
(13:38):
Get it all right? I'm gonna kill both you shuns
of bitches coming. Oh Jesus tell me my friends. Hells okay,
prison basement, We'll be right bad. What the hell is
going on, mckill. Look, most of those daytime judge shows
(14:02):
just do civil case. I do criminal cases and sentenced
them to serve time in my basement. You know, you're
one of the few Americans, if I can say this
out loud, that decided to take the judicial system into
their own hands, that's right, and put it in their
home and put a really not even a private prison,
a public prison inside the basement. Beautiful. I'm waving my
(14:23):
feet too. I'm doing it for the love of the country. Wow. Wow,
wow wow. You know, my daughter's here and she loves
the show, and she had just a couple of questions
that she wants to ask. If that's okay. What's your name? Delia?
Speak up, girl speaking. That's a beautiful name. Thank you,
(14:44):
my sisters, Amelia, Amelia Badla Okay. Um. Do you ever
think that you'll do a show on location other than
your house? Well, I don't know. The courtroom is in
my house, the jail's in my house. It just makes
sense to do it here. But I'm Amelia. Back in
(15:05):
the hall. Get question for the get back a question. Sorry,
you got one good girl and one naughty, naughty girl.
She's a good one. Go go for it, Go for him.
I asked the question already us ask it again. Maybe
if you were to have a location other than your
house to do this show, what would that location be
(15:28):
and why? WHOA that's good essay for him? All right, Well,
I guess I guess I'd take the show out to
the people, uh and have them vote on whether contestants
will live or die. Great? This has been a great
make a wish. Thank you, Marvin mugh. Oh wait, are
you terminally ill? No, but I'm pretending to be because
(15:51):
we all are. Want you ask my question, dad, question, Amelia,
what are you in for? Well? I left the car
when my dad was hiding. Just dad, girl, I mean
I didn't do anything really wrong. Welcome home, Welcome to
the Bad Girls class. This is where the bad girls live.
I think I've been put here by mistake. What Bad
(16:15):
Girls Club will be? Right? Bad? That's so many spinoff
I mean, that's what they do now, right alright. Scene
two comes from Chris, who wrote not that Chris, though different, Chris,
(16:36):
I love gris Elrondo, Hey Alchemists. While watching the classic
crime film The Usual Suspects with the inimitable Kevin Pollock. Yes,
that Kevin Pollock. An idea struck me. Imagine if the
lineup had gone very differently and the investigators had rounded
up a very different set of people. Anyway, I turned
into your show every week, and that you all managed
to do the show was one of the reasons I
(16:58):
became interested in improv and acting in the first place.
Keep up the good work, and I hope you're all
doing well. Chris Rudy, Rudy. So here we go with
a kind of alternative usual suspects lineup? How comes take
it away? Number one? Step forward? Yeah, say the line?
Are you gonna need all that food on the table?
(17:18):
Number two? Step forward? Line? Please you canna eat all
wet food? Finish the line? What's the last part? Or
are you gonna leave it on the table? You're gonna
eat food? Are you gonna leave it on the table?
Very good? Three step forward Hello, yes, line please? Are
you going to eat all of that food? Or are
you going to leave it on the table? For are
(17:41):
you gonna eat out of food? You can leave it
on the table. So I need these ringing a bell?
Can I get that again? Can I do it again again?
I want to take it to my addiction clear enough,
It was clear. Did you hear every word that I said? Yes, wonderful.
(18:01):
Number three, I don't know, man, I think I need
to hear it again. Okay, do you want do you
have any notes? Uh? If they could do it with conviction? Conviction? Okay,
And by the way, we thank you for coming down
to the station. I know this is traumatic. Traumatic. I
think you need to get to the bottom of this.
We appreciate it. Okay. Uh, just in real quick between
you and I. Anybody a front runner here between one
(18:22):
and four? I mean threes really got sounds good? Right?
Very actors? Studio? Yes? Yes, um, but yeah, I'm not
I'm not sure. I think it needs sounds good. Okay,
line up, We're gonna do this again with more conviction,
more conviction. Okay. Could I just say we are a
very unusual group of suspects. You cannot you cannot say that? Okay.
(18:46):
Number one, Uh, the same line. I'll give me one second. Um,
So you were saying that that the person who broke
into the home and then committed all those murders said
you can eat all this food, are gonna leave it
on the table. What else did they say? Well, they
just said that. But if they could do three in
a row, maybe I'd be able to hear it from
the variety. Yes, going around, Yes, so the same line
(19:11):
you say it once? Say, uh, why would you ask
if you're gonna say it once? This gut feeling? Well,
you were right, you were right. So go with three?
Want three takes s takes me whatever I want? Nice
and quick. Here we go whatever I want? Here we go? Alright? No,
not of whatever you want of the line? Okay, alright? Right? Um?
(19:36):
You kill good again? Um? You know I mean you
eat the table instead? Good? One more time? Please us
not in here. Um, it's not it's hot line. I
just don't crossing your skin and making my skin very good? Okay,
(19:59):
moving on number two. I gotta recorders in my meters.
That's all right? Do I need to do this again? Yes? Right?
Are you gonna eat all that food? Are you gonna
leave it on the table? Good? Give me another take?
Are you gonna eat all that food? Or are you
gonna leave it on the table? And this time just
throw it away? You know what I mean? We've got
that one right? Okay, you gonna eat all that food?
(20:22):
Leaving on the table? Very nice? Very nice. Okay, not yet? Okay.
Number three, Are you going to eat all that food?
Are you going to leave it on the table? Very nice?
Any notes, any justments? If he could really emphasize table
this time, because the guy right before he killed all
my friends in front of me, he really hit table hard.
(20:45):
Please emphasize table table. Okay, great? Yes? Are you going
to eat all of that food? Are or sorry? Reversed?
Or and are there for somebody? Okay, no problem? All right?
Are you going to eat all of that food? Or
are you going to leave it on the table? Very nice?
(21:08):
By the way, it is when you slow it down
as hard as to do or and are it is? Yeah? Yeah,
I was surprised that here. Yeah, I mean the killer
was able to do it pretty cleanly in the moment.
That's a great point. I think he was already warmed up.
That's a great point. That's a great point. Just give
us one more just for fun. Okay, have I been
eliminated from contention? Let me ask can I ask you
(21:30):
that we're gonna make our our final decision in just
the moment? All right? Just one more, one more take?
Are you going to eat all of that food? Or
are you going to leave it on the table. Very nice,
very nice? Okay, okay, number four, this is your big time.
(21:54):
You just let me know if I'm in the running
your big moment. Are you going to eat all that food?
Are are you going to leave it on the table?
Are you? Are you going to eat all that food?
Or are you going to leave it on the table?
And then this time, can you switch where or would
be in certain Are are you going to eat all
(22:16):
that Are you going to eat all that food? Are
you going to leave it's? Are you or you going
to eat all that food? Are you going to lean
on the table? She's a that's great? Are you this
(22:36):
is Are you single? I am now? Because yeah, I
wasn't before the murders, but now I'm yeah. I mean, okay,
I got two plates of bread for the lovely couple.
I'm sorry, I just said that. I don't even know
if you're in a relationship. The first date, fantastic first dates.
Well here at t J Fridays, we love first dates.
(22:56):
And this bread will be on the house. And if
imagine a house with bread on it, wearing bread, i't
even say anything. All right, Well, if you need anything,
my name is Taper. And taper. So just screen my
name out and I'll be sure to come over. Thanks
(23:16):
for two loaves. It's a lot. Thank you, though, You're welcome. Thanks,
this is going, this is great. I agree, And thanks
for letting me take that five minutes to go cry
in the bathroom about Mike. It's fine. I cried under
the table while you work on. Okay, great. I had
a bad childhood, but I'm doing okay. Oh you have
(23:36):
some bread on your face. Oh what soft skin face?
You have a pretty amazing touch it. Or you can
eat all this food or you're gonna leave it on
the table. Okay, so some waters here? There you go?
(23:59):
Are you sure? Sor so? Welcome back to the station.
This is unusual. This is unusual. I'm sorry to take
up so much of your line up time. Please, you've
been through a lot. I'm like bonga, you know what
I mean. It's a lot. So, uh you know the drill,
(24:21):
you know the drill. I can't believe. So we we
InCAR sorted the wrong person last time because obviously the
killer wouldn't know that line. But we nab these people
in that Uh where were they again? Sparking? Lot? Okay,
here we go, let's get right to it. I can't
believe it's the same line. I know this is good.
(24:46):
This is good though, this is good for everybody, I'm sure.
And I'm sorry about your date dying. I know it's
been rough. We get to this Number one. I mean,
I already know it's not Taper, but I'm that you
brought him in here to use. Does anyone need anything?
And maybe that's good, that's good Taper. It just just
sit in line for us real QUICKLYA um okay, um, hey,
(25:09):
you're gonna eat all that food or you're gonna leave
it on the table. Number two. I've been behind bars
ever since the last one. There's no way I could
have done this. We don't know that. Okay, what's the line?
I'm not going to repeat it. If you don't know what,
you're probably guilty. God, Okay, are you gonna eat all
this food? Are you gonna leave it on the table?
You think he didn't know it? Thank you. I just
(25:31):
wanted to make sure I got it right. I can't.
I just gotta I left my cats on attended at home.
You're not going to see them ever again. Okay. Number three, Hi, Hi, good,
good to be back. Welcome back, welcome back. Do you
want me to use the chair or not? Please use
the chair? Sorry? Line? Um, are you going to eat
(25:52):
all that food? Are you going to eat that food?
We're going to leave it on the table? Or are you?
Or are are you going to leave it on the table?
By the way, this is his head shot? Um, you
see here he did the Pirates of Penzan. Yeah, he's
just done a lot of stus of four and one.
Are you going to read to all of that food
or are you going to leave it on the table?
That's great? Hey, I'm planning to write a memoir based
(26:12):
on my experiences. Could you narrate the audiobook when it
comes out? I would love to be great? Okay, well, great, great, Okay,
last one not this one. This is a new one, okay,
and pretty suspicious if you ask me, I shouldn't be
saying that, but based on like the vibe I'm getting,
seems like a murderer. Okay, number four, you're going to
eat your food? Wh leave it on your table? So
(26:34):
what do you think it's a child? Huh? I don't know.
I think I need to hear it again. Noble, are
you going to eat out your food? Leave it on
a table, my skins crawling. It's it's creepy as hell.
I know, I know. Do you do you recognize this
child was the person who came in and shut up
that app Fridays. I can't get over the fact that
(26:59):
she has no pup. Yeah, yeah, she's food. I don't know.
I don't know if the food, I might leave it
on the table. Hold on, what did you just say?
I don't leave all the food. You know the food
will leave it on the table. See that for me
(27:19):
one more time. The actual line. Now, are you going
to eat all that food? Ship? Are you going to leave?
What's happening in the room? Thing? I know I must
have turned the mic off. Congratulations, I'm booking a book,
Thank you. That's that's good. Those could be good. Hey, Kurt,
(27:41):
I'm started to bring it to my office like this. Uh,
you know, been managing your career for a little bit
half a great time, but some bumps and roads on
my sidnes well here and none of us are perfect.
None of us are. And uh, it's hard to sell
you when a lot of your resume is line up work,
and it's our to explain that it's police line up
and it's also hard to explain that it doesn't really
(28:03):
pan out in a lot of work. So we're gonna
have to let you go. What We're gonna have to
cut you away like I just booked a memoir an audiobook.
I'm sorry, but you can't. I booked it in the room, Kurt,
You're not a You're not an actor. You can't do it.
I'm not a what actor? You can't do it? I
never claimed to be an actor. Well, I'm an actor.
You're saying it wrong, and you can't. You can't. Look
(28:25):
you've been insisting since the day I hired you that
it's pronounced A. And I'm not wrong, am I? Every
time I've tried to use that, people look at me strangely,
like I'm saying it wrong. Well, that's part of why
you're a bad actor. When you go down to Earth,
you're going to be an agent. Let's get the terminology
down right. Plus ten location actor? Okay, got it? Plus
(28:54):
ten location sorry, say again? Plus ten location actor plus
ten location hector? What am I saying? Why can't I
get this? Okay? One more? Say it three times? Give
me three three three three? No, the line? The line
(29:14):
plus ten plus ten I could send zap store down instead.
Oh no, please, I'm ready for it. Plus ten location
or yes he's got it going. Oh please let me
go down. Book. I'm telling you that I already booked
this gig. I mean there's a plus ten in it
for you location actor. Look, if you really think that
(29:36):
that's all that matters in this business, you have a touchment.
You don't run, no, I know, because it never comes
in it will. I'm telling you, I'm telling you I'm
doing an audiobook for God's sake. You know what showed
me the paperwork and I'll sign it. Okay, Well there's
no paperwork, Kurt, Kurt, because the man who offered it
to me pulled out a shotgun and killed all the
(29:58):
cops there in the room. But there was an audio
promise of an audio book. Well that's binding. There's audio problem.
Yes it is. It's binding. And look look I have
the memoir here. Hey baby, road Trip Times awesome? Yeah
what did you get? Audio book? Oh no, no, no,
(30:23):
this just I know. Just give it one sec. Okay,
you look beautiful. Okay, here we go. I was enjoying
a fine meal at t g I Fridays. The Hellapeno
Pappas had just arrived. We had each been served a
loaf of delicious French bread by our waiter, Taper, an
(30:45):
unusual name but a very handsome young boy, when to
my surprise I pulled out a shotgun and said, at
the top of my lungs, are you going to eat
all that food? Are or you going to be on
the table that out? I think that's I think that's
what was actually said. Watch your everyone real quick and
(31:09):
are or that's not right? What do you mean? That's
a shitty audio? Book? That is a shitty audio. Can
take your hand out of my face when you say
that I went out of this car. Mcqueues audio will
be right bad. And that's the good job guys, all right.
(31:35):
Our third and final scene coach from Spencer, who wrote, Hey, alchemists,
love the weird looks I get while laughing out loud
in a dead quiet workspace. So thanks for that. You
guys are super unique and mostly always entertaining. That feels
pretty bad, mostly except for the times that you really
blow it. Uh, none of you sound like you look
in your pictures. Don't take that What does that mean you?
(31:56):
I lived in Bend Oregan. That explains it old with
business and outdoorsman type. So my idea is this a
company has gone too far and sent their staff on
a team building excursion up Mount Everest, all of the
whom are not experienced mountaineers, a fact which the guys
quickly realize. Can't wait to see what you guys come
up with. Much love, Spencer Fuller from Bend, Oregon. It's dirty.
(32:21):
It's very dirty. It's dirty here or around. Up, everybody,
get to get up. This is a mountain face. It's
nothing like anything else. I'd like to if I may
high Diane, Um, could we turn this around? Yeah? Can
we turn around? I didn't fist the other wy what
(32:43):
what does he say? Underwear? Underwear? I know if it's
dirty here, it's just dirty. Yeah. This mountain fice is
tagging the walls of billions of human by Will you
just explain to us how this is going to help
us bond in the workplace. Last year, we just did
a ropes course in an improv class, and if you
(33:04):
didn't want to do the ropes course, you could watch
the ropes course, but you had to do the improv class.
But that was fun, It was all right. I remember
soup you're like soup. She had a catch friend, she
had a catch for Jesus Christ. She is serious. People
are gonna get skin to live up on this mountain.
(33:26):
We're not doing this's not let's not do that and
find your way back down by your lines. So I'm
not gonna help. The only way to get out of
the mountain is on top of it, right, so we
gotta work. It's a time to find out what waying
to do. Honestly, like the flight to Nepal was rough
enough to pickin with it with the transfer three times.
(33:49):
The only one who knows the path and the only
one who's going to supply. Okay, well I'm the only one.
Oh god, okay, okay, okay, Oh gosh, I got a
lot of what's going on. I got some colt our
(34:10):
guy just fell off where the dead just oh my
go okay, okay, okay, guys, guys, I'm I'm head of
creative right in the office. I'm head of creative, yes,
so just give me a second. Solutions right next to
(34:34):
the edge, get back, what do you mean? Okay? Yes,
and ahead of hr I'm just gonna remind us not
touch each other in a weird way. Um and and
think about our language, you know, and think about how
it makes people feel need to hold on to each other.
About you're pushing her, pushing her, I'm trying not to.
(34:56):
Guys like jeers. Stop saying that. That's annoying it. It's
just what's what I try to say, the stuff form
cursing my curse. Anyways? Have you seen my mommy and Danny?
What what is this kid doing here? My experience bring
me to all their trips. I'm home school. I think
(35:17):
it's this Debora's kids. She was sneaking him on the trip.
Oh god, God, Oh hey, guys, my skin? Help me?
How my skin is getting taken over? Oh? I thought
it was dead. The mountain they see the mountain? Wow?
Down to go all the way up? Wow? Is anyone
(35:40):
else common? When did I make me clean to jump down?
I don't think it was clear? Bring your kids one? Okay?
What do you mean? He just brought one key? I
have more, but I brought the one that I like
to travel with the vagueness of the ancients to stabbing me.
Don't even know how many keys. Don't know what you're saying?
Can you back up? Okay? I don't think can mountain.
(36:06):
You made it. It took me a little while. Accounts payable.
It's not an immediate thing. Oh God, darny Cheerios and
Gary are still up there. So and then this one
is when I thought I was a spider and then
of a giraffe. Okay, that doesn't help. Mul let's let's
put you know, ear muffs, put ear muffs. Okay, I
(36:29):
think we need to eat this child? What I think
we do? Eat me? You don't have the ear muffs
I did. You can hear them on tighter, put him
on tighter. I don't see an option because I'm not
gonna let you eat me. I'm not gonna let you
eat me. Obviously we're gonna eat the kid. Yeah, okay, okay,
I don't know. We had to make it through the
(36:51):
kive and if they fallen us, they fallen us. I
don't okay, but this seems like scary enough. I don't
understand why we also have to do trust falls. We
just fell out the side of a mountain, and now
you're expect Team Jacob gonna get down here. They saw me.
I think it was pretty clear that we had to
jump down and traveled and a little kai to eat
at the top. Didn't know explain it. It wasn't very clear.
(37:11):
We all thought we were falling to our dad. That's right,
I mean, hey, tiny bones are falling from the sky.
Oh no, he's beginning. He's riding vines the mountain show
and as all the other people. It's taken. We got
a mic into the gay kids stopped throwing those little
bones off the side. Where did you get those anyway?
(37:34):
Which gave it to me? She said, if I throw
them in the snow, I can see where did you
see the which she came to my dreams? And then
she was real, does she do it? Do it? Oh
my god? Hello Jacob, Hello, you've been throwing This one's
a spider, and this one if it was a giraffe. Yeah? Really,
(37:58):
I watched your names. Gary, please bring bind Are you
stuck on many? Help us get off the mountain. I'll
do anything. I'll do anything. Okay, let me we got
a micas all the supernatural forests on this mountain, okay,
ancient mountain. I feel like we can't move on unless
we're being honest. Diane. Yeah, you tell Donny that your
(38:20):
name is Deborah, and that feels weird. To me, I
don't care. And see that's what I'm saying. I don't
trust you have a boundary with him or dating this mountain.
If we don't trust detail and together, Okay, I trust you.
My middle name is Deborah, by the way, so it's
a half truth. Come, we gotta make it to the
bloody kid? Do you go to say yawning, Yeah, it's
(38:43):
it's got it's got over. We can reattention inside. Then
I have to I have to name called. The cave
is moving like a mice. Cave is moving like a maze.
(39:05):
Moment the echo changed in the sinking one. He did,
I'm losing a lot of blood, might not attach my
arm holding the arm. I don't want to hold the
arm anymore? Good trust? What happened to the other block?
Happened to the why do we do this? Why did
we do this? Why do we do this? I don't
(39:26):
like the echo. That doesn't match the voice. It doesn't
match the voice. Stop. I had a group for Napolis paintball,
and we're down here doing this, doing this. You're the guide. Oh,
you're the one who are a company hired. You're losing
a little color in the ice mine. I've given my
(39:46):
arm for this company, but I've also given a lot
of emotional body of creative. So he's very you know,
and I don't know which way is up and which
way is down anymore. And I'm feeling crazy and I
don't feel supported. You look at the woman. I don't
feel supported. He looks right at the woman like it's
(40:08):
my job to nurture him. I'm holding your arm. I
don't even know where my son is. It's raining bone. Okay,
you'll both get raisist. Then that's right, undercover boss. You guys,
did my arm really get cut off? Look we got
a right. You've eaten his leg down. It was very good,
(40:34):
but then didn't crunch, just like ship the knee from
a boy whose name is fleed, boy named go ahead
and take his knee, good good. I didn't know you
(40:59):
could slip me just that's the Carlos dried out. But
he is chewy, warm and riding. Now I need a
pen of little very tiny all right, Stacy, Look, this
is a Google retreat. We need you to act like
a teammate. That means you need to pretend to be
a grimlin and go eat the body parts of strangers
on this mountain. We're doing We're doing Gremlin or Gremlin Gremlin, okay,
(41:23):
because we've got two different water like Midnight Stacy, give
me a creepy voice. Creepier. That's a little better. Now,
go eat people, this is Google. Go fine, you're not mine.
(41:44):
That's not mine. It's gotta be this little boy. I mean,
I mean, it's pretty big cheerios. You're gonna have to
eat the child's that's very time. It's not that tiny.
(42:04):
Fantastically if you's go to rice. I love that they
were all bonding now, but we gotta make it through
here this seventeen trials. Each of us will fight individuals.
Have any of them are? Have we done any yet?
Into the cave the cave, it's gonna be a lot
of pressure. So the arm that doesn't count, losing child
doesn't clicking. You're going to rip the skin off here alright,
(42:30):
to be falling down. And he thought like it's going
to be a fun little room. I didn't. I did
not think it was going to be fun. Seventeen trials.
H my arm feels better, by the way, thank you
for at touching it. Will as my pubes. I used
this thread just to the record just to the record. Alright,
(42:50):
spool already I need just in case I'm the only
one repeat. I'm gonna go through these first. Alright, you're
gonna go through all seventeen trials. You'll see me on
the other side. Are all of our trials the same
old different old opinion on each other's imagions, impersonal tragedies? Alright?
Here you go first. Okay, are you worried about your
(43:14):
kid at all? I am. I'm worried about a lot
right now. Honestly, Oh, my head is swimming trials. I
just want to say thank you for the raise, no
problem that I'm not there yet. This is a crazy trip,
I know. But we do things hard at Google. Why
are you're putting us through this? Haven't we already proven
(43:35):
ourselves enough hardly? If you feel that way, go to
ask jeeves they're hiring. Okay, understood out and clear. Did
you hear that? I didn't hear anything? Maybe this is
my trial. What are you hearing? Hearing like moans and
crimes or I'm hearing whispers of I'm hearing words? What
(43:58):
kind of words? Scary words like like um, I should
be the boss? I should be the boss? Hamburgers I'm
hearing this, I should be the boss Hamburgers. What do
you think that means? You're the boss? But maybe I
should be the boss trials? So you Hamburgers. Maybe this
(44:18):
is a test to you know? Wait, is a trial
different from a test? Sort of what are we going
to do? Also? Are there too? So I know? Okay?
So just for clarifications sake, um, there are two Google
Google things happening here today, right, because I know that
the other person I saw Stacy from the other part
(44:41):
of campus earlier and she was with a different group.
She was getting into her crystals. Present to you. Now,
that's the only why I'm on a Mikey. You know
that from a bottom of my heart. The trial is done. Fantastic?
What just happened? Wait? Did you do your seventeen? Like? You? Not? About?
Of course? Does anyone have dependence? I didn't get any gold. No,
(45:07):
we were waiting do you finish the trial? He was
hearing he heard fantastic? What would he? Um? You should
be the boss? Why are you looking at me like that?
I don't know you sort of seed right, sounding like royalist? Seen? Um,
Now I wouldn't got any pendance of gold belt. We
haven't gotten any trial. I would I would welcome a trial. Okay,
(45:31):
are you ready for your trial? Yes, I'm Iva mckulle,
Judgeva mcculle. Welcome to my living room. Okay, So why
what brings you here today? Um? This is I suppose
from what I'm trying to glean the first of seventeen trials,
(45:51):
and I'm just trying to knock one out to get
an amulet or a belt. Um, so give it to
me and I'll volley back. I can give you this belt.
It's not my parents. I want to give me your belt. Sir.
You're gonna lose your job, you lose everything you hold, dear, Really,
my shows, congratulations, thank you. Um, but I'm just trying
(46:14):
to complete this. So if we could just wrap it
up with a verdict and I'll get the amulet or okay,
well i'd proclaim you free to move on to the
next trial. Beautiful amulet? You got one? I got one?
Where did you go? Um? It was a vortex thing.
Courtroom wrapped it up really quick. Your eyes are spinning
(46:37):
in your head. Oh well I was here. I was here,
heyte dreams will be right, bad ship, And that's alchemy. Yes, everybody,
let's take all of our alchemists. Chris Alvarado, thank you
very much. I thank you for being here. We love
(46:58):
when you're here. Of course I love being here. Vanessa Raglan,
thank you very much. I second the sentiments. Thanks. I'll
say you're welcome. If you're thanking me. I am just
I think probably the most thankful person in the room.
(47:20):
It sounded like everybody was. So it's your first of seventeen. Thanks,
thank you, well, thank you, thank you, thank you. And
Joey Greer, thanks to our engineer Doug Baby and our
post sound design artist Raphael Brito, producer Sophie Lichtman. And lastly,
(47:43):
I heart media, and I encourage all of you to
write a review, tell everyone you've ever met, get the
word out people, and write to us at your name
here at alchemy this dot com. That's your name here
at alchemy this dot com. Thanks for listening, everybody, Thank you,
Thank you so much. Me and and I pull and
(48:25):
I put all
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. This filling in
for Kevin Pollock once again is me Cole Stratton. It's okay,
I don't know who I am either, but Kevin is
giving me his full blessing to get these episodes done
while he's away filming a few good men to the
search for Lieutenant Winebert's goal. So, without further ado, as
I think we're at the exact right amount of a due,
(00:23):
let's meet today's Alchemists in no particular order except the
particularity of it being written down this way. Let's say
hello to Chris Alvarado, Chris who put the Gladden Gladiatory
sitting next to or nowhere near Chris. It's audio, So
how would you know it's James Heeney, or at least
(00:43):
I think it is, as he shaved his mustache and
we don't know how to deal with it. James, if
you could have any sort of new facial hair or
haircut combo, what would it be. I would really like
to have a long wizard's beard beard like. It's gonna
be a long term goal. I I first, I mean
I wanted to go white because I want a wizard's
(01:05):
white like you know, I look like Handolf off the
gray or Gandalf the white. Great question, start with the
gray and then you know, button it with the whiteways,
like a good plan. Next up, she's a lady, Loo,
she's a lady Vanessa. That would have been fair. V
(01:27):
What would you throw at Tom Jones to break up
the endless baraga panties? Oh? An ice cube? He's pretty
hot up there. He'd probably appreciate it. That's cool to
be down, thanks, lady. Who can turn the world on
with a smile? Certainly not Joey Gray. Joey, who do
you think you can dunk on in this room? H?
(01:48):
Every person here, not a question, not a question. My
vertical is top notch. I think I can peek at
two three some of that. Well, that's pretty great. Everyone
is laying down, just killing it. And finally he's here
on the Craiglar c Craig. Please give everyone in this
(02:15):
room a catch phrase they need to use sometime during
this recording. Uh, Chris is will be bonga, Vanessa's will
be Uh. I don't think that's gonna work months. Senior
James's will be oh, cheerios. Uh, Joey's will be good
(02:37):
doing so tough, pretty good cor yours will be I'm
Cole Stretton. I'll try to work that right. Alright, pretty great.
Let's let's get to our first scene. Then. All of
today's scene suggestions were gathered from our listener emails. If
you'd like to submit yours, please write to the podcast
(02:58):
at your name here at alchemy this dot com. That's
your name here at alchemy this dot com. Alright, our
first scene comes from Matt, who wrote, Hello, Alchemists, I
really enjoy and appreciate the show. I wanted to offer
a scene suggestion that I know you could do amazing
things with. A new daytime judge show is presided over
by Marvin mckugh. Alrighty that comes from the recurring that
(03:27):
comes from Matt el So, thank you, Matt. So here
we go with our daytime judge show presided over by
Marvin mckugh. Alchemists, take it away and according to the
security deposit, he owes me seven and fifty dollars. Bull
Ship a real bull fucking ship. The personalities are out
of control, bull Ship. It's mcugh's do you all right
(04:04):
for Judge mckugh. Oh wait a minute, I'm in I'm
at home right now. I there's some way I'm supposed
to be, isn't there? So we we outfitted your home
to we outfitted your home to be a courtroom. Okay,
we just we found you so late to set that
we just decided just to do it here. Well that works, Okay.
What do we got on the docket today? I'm Marvin mckugh,
(04:27):
Judge Marvin mckugh. Can we sit down on it? Uh?
Mr mhugh. So here's the paperwork on today? Okay. We
have this gentleman here who believes this other person owes
him money. That's the short of it. Okay. And what's
your name, sir? My name is Jonathan Jonathan. How do
you spell that? Okay? Hold up? Hold up? So ready? Yes,
(04:51):
j O n A. Well, why have it? Why do
I have an H here? I'm not sure that's not
how I spell my name? Okay, So I would you
like me to finish it? Yes? J o en th
a M. So there is an H in there? Well,
I'm so sorry, your honor. Can I just say it
doesn't even have an A in his name? It's Jonathan Jonathan,
(05:14):
it's j O n th h owen or whatever. There's
not even there's no a. It's Jonathan. Can we get
already dealing with the lie or whatiff? Yes? My my
bailiff is armed. By the way, I expect nothing less
your honor. Um, Honestly, I'd like to just stick to
the rental agreement that we had when we moved in together. Okay,
(05:36):
And who did you move in with? That guy over
there who was talking? Yeah, okay, what's your name? Snail? Snail? Yeah?
How do you spell that? Just like it sounds alright?
S N A L L snail? And is that a
given name or a nickname, birth name? Birth name? Is
(05:58):
it from a particular ethnic group? Yes, it is. Can
you tell me the ethnic group? Gall French? Okay, Well,
I don't have a prejudice against that particular group, so
I guess they're okay. And what happened, Well, this is
what happened to your honor is he claims that the
security positive is his last month's But he threw a
(06:20):
party on the before he moved out and destroyed our apartment,
so that security part that should be surrender. Okay, this
lady's objecting. Hey, um, I was at the party and
it didn't ruin anything. It was the best party ever
in Stale and I really connected that night, and I
think we actually up the value of the apartment because
(06:40):
we did some art on the walls, and my art
on Instagram sales for like upwards of money. So you
have a lot of followers. I had a lot of followers. Yea,
I'm an influencer account my account. Okay, well, I think
I just I wiped your screen clear. I don't know
how I did that. I don't know. God, it's like
(07:01):
a magic man object object to the objection. Who's this guy?
I'm called Stratton? And uh I was at that party
and it was not the best party ever. Pay for you.
It was terrible for me. Veronica broke up with me,
and I just saw looking at the vinyl records in
the corner of the whole time. Wow. Wow. First of all,
(07:21):
Mr Stratton, hell of a catchphrase, by the way, thanks.
Second of all, can we enter that in the record?
Is this all being? Is this all on the record?
It's all being? I got it on the okay, good good?
This this room is getting really hot. It's like a
c we have in this or we can't turn on
the It sounds like meatballs is that meat balls, Well
(07:44):
they were meat ball I made beatballs three nights ago.
So linger oh, Judge mcew in the case of the
lingering meat balls taking the mystery show, I'd really like
to just settle this one up because he owes me seven.
I I mean I like to party as much as
(08:04):
the next person. Yes, I kill that. Sometimes it's just
after let's see your party. I mean, I know it
looks like the macarena, but it's really newly I know
real Judge McKell the right back. Okay, what the fund
(08:27):
is going on? What the fund is going on with
Judge mckuugh. Okay, how long we've been working together? Mckuugh,
I don't know us. Sixteen years, sixteen years, sixteen years
we've been working together. That sounds good. Yes, if that
length of time was a person, it could be driving
by now. It would be driving now. I'm Marvin's sister,
(08:49):
Hag Hello, Hello, do you know my sister? Hi? I've
met her before. I met her at the rap party
last year. And are you making eyes at me? Because
it's not gonna work looking at you while you're talking
whoa as a former title? Okay, I don't do that anymore. Okay,
I'm not I'm on senior. I don't have that power,
all right. I left for my own reason, and that's
for no one to jump. Why did you call my
(09:10):
brother into this office? Because so far all the tapes
were receiving right now or just him explaining dishes he's
made weeks ago. None of the cases get solved, and
I have to end out paying even more to the
individuals that come on scret part of me, sir. But
our ratings are higher than they've ever been here in
the numbers. Oh my god. You know, I've never looked
at how many toes do you have? Oh my god,
(09:32):
it's it's an odd number. Oh god, he's hitch choo cho.
We've been on the air for sixteen years. So I
don't see what the problem is. The problem is I
don't read the ratings. And that's something I realized right now.
I've been coming at you in a way that is
(09:53):
completely unjustified, and I need to Can I get a
photo apology? Can we do it in the courtroom? Let's go?
Where are we going? The case is a real bullshit,
you're out of order bullshit? All right, sit down in
(10:15):
my living room, I'm mcke. I got my producer here.
What's your name again? Raymond Steele? Raymond Steele? Somehow I
never knew that. Okay, I thought you looked like a Rick.
Thank you. There's a whole time I thought he was high.
Doesn't he look like a Rick? He looks like a
rick to me, or come here, let me touch your face.
(10:40):
Your hands are wet. He does look like he looks
like a rich You could just rule on it, and
he could be a Rick from now on. Okay, from
now on, your name is Rick. Hold what. I can't
be guilty. I got family, I guess, I guess some
little keytoes that I gotta take care of. Keto ke diets.
I'm running a whole circuit. I can't I can't leave. Well,
(11:03):
why do you why do you think you're here today
in my courtroom. I'm apologizing because I didn't read the ratings,
probably and I came down in a way that was
gonna appropriate. So you've been producing this show for sixteen years,
not realizing it's the number one show on television. Sounds
like an idiot to me. Bro, Look, I'm a dumb guy. Okay,
I'm a dumb guy. But I can't go to jail.
(11:25):
Lock him up. Well, all right, we got a vote.
What is going on? Lock him up, him up. Everyone's
saying to lock him up. The verdict is in. Judge
M said, Hey, what are you going for? I lied
(11:50):
about myself. Honestly, I lied about myself. I wasn't true
to me. That's the biggest crime. That's the biggest crime
you can commit. So it's a line for the bathroom,
or we just hanging down the hallway, line for the bathroom. Good, good,
good good. You know there are some rules around here. Yeah,
it's really we're gonna lock up two hours of in
(12:11):
house rules. Pick up after yourself, I mean personal rules always,
you know, keep a clean space. Look, you're gonna be
in a lot of trouble unless you make friends. Okay,
how do you do? I'm great friend, I'm great your friend.
Put your hand down. Sorry, I'm not your friend. I'm
your enemy. Okay, And I will hurt you, not as
much as I'm gonna hurt myself. I like to hear that.
(12:33):
That's the spirit. That's the spirit. So we're friends, We're not. Look,
as soon as we go to chow, people are going
to attack you. Okay physically, so I guess I gotta
get your back. You know you leave me alone. As
a matter of fact, don't look at me anymore. And
when I finished this sentence, we're done. You got it?
Chow time? Who's ready for meat? Bos hey? I think
(12:54):
you want to go in front of me and don't
talk to me. I feel like you before I have not.
I haven't seen you around. I was first daping. My
buddy here says it's really good show. Don't call me
your first you know you? Come on, I don't got friends.
He just claimbed you his friend, don claiming this guy
is not my friend. Thank you best you guys have
(13:15):
an energy. No, thank you, thank you. I can see it.
No like twin flames burning together. Oh that was beautiful, flock.
Looks like we're about to have another full scale prison
right right here and Marva mckugh's basement. Somebody going to
ship somebody, I think so I can give you the shift?
Should I throw something? Give me a ship? Thank you?
(13:38):
Get it all right? I'm gonna kill both you shuns
of bitches coming. Oh Jesus tell me my friends. Hells okay,
prison basement, We'll be right bad. What the hell is
going on, mckill. Look, most of those daytime judge shows
(14:02):
just do civil case. I do criminal cases and sentenced
them to serve time in my basement. You know, you're
one of the few Americans, if I can say this
out loud, that decided to take the judicial system into
their own hands, that's right, and put it in their
home and put a really not even a private prison,
a public prison inside the basement. Beautiful. I'm waving my
(14:23):
feet too. I'm doing it for the love of the country. Wow. Wow,
wow wow. You know, my daughter's here and she loves
the show, and she had just a couple of questions
that she wants to ask. If that's okay. What's your name? Delia?
Speak up, girl speaking. That's a beautiful name. Thank you,
(14:44):
my sisters, Amelia, Amelia Badla Okay. Um. Do you ever
think that you'll do a show on location other than
your house? Well, I don't know. The courtroom is in
my house, the jail's in my house. It just makes
sense to do it here. But I'm Amelia. Back in
(15:05):
the hall. Get question for the get back a question. Sorry,
you got one good girl and one naughty, naughty girl.
She's a good one. Go go for it, Go for him.
I asked the question already us ask it again. Maybe
if you were to have a location other than your
house to do this show, what would that location be
(15:28):
and why? WHOA that's good essay for him? All right, Well,
I guess I guess I'd take the show out to
the people, uh and have them vote on whether contestants
will live or die. Great? This has been a great
make a wish. Thank you, Marvin mugh. Oh wait, are
you terminally ill? No, but I'm pretending to be because
(15:51):
we all are. Want you ask my question, dad, question, Amelia,
what are you in for? Well? I left the car
when my dad was hiding. Just dad, girl, I mean
I didn't do anything really wrong. Welcome home, Welcome to
the Bad Girls class. This is where the bad girls live.
I think I've been put here by mistake. What Bad
(16:15):
Girls Club will be? Right? Bad? That's so many spinoff
I mean, that's what they do now, right alright. Scene
two comes from Chris, who wrote not that Chris, though different, Chris,
(16:36):
I love gris Elrondo, Hey Alchemists. While watching the classic
crime film The Usual Suspects with the inimitable Kevin Pollock. Yes,
that Kevin Pollock. An idea struck me. Imagine if the
lineup had gone very differently and the investigators had rounded
up a very different set of people. Anyway, I turned
into your show every week, and that you all managed
to do the show was one of the reasons I
(16:58):
became interested in improv and acting in the first place.
Keep up the good work, and I hope you're all
doing well. Chris Rudy, Rudy. So here we go with
a kind of alternative usual suspects lineup? How comes take
it away? Number one? Step forward? Yeah, say the line?
Are you gonna need all that food on the table?
(17:18):
Number two? Step forward? Line? Please you canna eat all
wet food? Finish the line? What's the last part? Or
are you gonna leave it on the table? You're gonna
eat food? Are you gonna leave it on the table?
Very good? Three step forward Hello, yes, line please? Are
you going to eat all of that food? Or are
you going to leave it on the table? For are
(17:41):
you gonna eat out of food? You can leave it
on the table. So I need these ringing a bell?
Can I get that again? Can I do it again again?
I want to take it to my addiction clear enough,
It was clear. Did you hear every word that I said? Yes, wonderful.
(18:01):
Number three, I don't know, man, I think I need
to hear it again. Okay, do you want do you
have any notes? Uh? If they could do it with conviction? Conviction? Okay,
And by the way, we thank you for coming down
to the station. I know this is traumatic. Traumatic. I
think you need to get to the bottom of this.
We appreciate it. Okay. Uh, just in real quick between
you and I. Anybody a front runner here between one
(18:22):
and four? I mean threes really got sounds good? Right?
Very actors? Studio? Yes? Yes, um, but yeah, I'm not
I'm not sure. I think it needs sounds good. Okay,
line up, We're gonna do this again with more conviction,
more conviction. Okay. Could I just say we are a
very unusual group of suspects. You cannot you cannot say that? Okay.
(18:46):
Number one, Uh, the same line. I'll give me one second. Um,
So you were saying that that the person who broke
into the home and then committed all those murders said
you can eat all this food, are gonna leave it
on the table. What else did they say? Well, they
just said that. But if they could do three in
a row, maybe I'd be able to hear it from
the variety. Yes, going around, Yes, so the same line
(19:11):
you say it once? Say, uh, why would you ask
if you're gonna say it once? This gut feeling? Well,
you were right, you were right. So go with three?
Want three takes s takes me whatever I want? Nice
and quick. Here we go whatever I want? Here we go? Alright? No,
not of whatever you want of the line? Okay, alright? Right? Um?
(19:36):
You kill good again? Um? You know I mean you
eat the table instead? Good? One more time? Please us
not in here. Um, it's not it's hot line. I
just don't crossing your skin and making my skin very good? Okay,
(19:59):
moving on number two. I gotta recorders in my meters.
That's all right? Do I need to do this again? Yes? Right?
Are you gonna eat all that food? Are you gonna
leave it on the table? Good? Give me another take?
Are you gonna eat all that food? Or are you
gonna leave it on the table? And this time just
throw it away? You know what I mean? We've got
that one right? Okay, you gonna eat all that food?
(20:22):
Leaving on the table? Very nice? Very nice. Okay, not yet? Okay.
Number three, Are you going to eat all that food?
Are you going to leave it on the table? Very nice?
Any notes, any justments? If he could really emphasize table
this time, because the guy right before he killed all
my friends in front of me, he really hit table hard.
(20:45):
Please emphasize table table. Okay, great? Yes? Are you going
to eat all of that food? Are or sorry? Reversed?
Or and are there for somebody? Okay, no problem? All right?
Are you going to eat all of that food? Or
are you going to leave it on the table? Very nice?
(21:08):
By the way, it is when you slow it down
as hard as to do or and are it is? Yeah? Yeah,
I was surprised that here. Yeah, I mean the killer
was able to do it pretty cleanly in the moment.
That's a great point. I think he was already warmed up.
That's a great point. That's a great point. Just give
us one more just for fun. Okay, have I been
eliminated from contention? Let me ask can I ask you
(21:30):
that we're gonna make our our final decision in just
the moment? All right? Just one more, one more take?
Are you going to eat all of that food? Or
are you going to leave it on the table. Very nice,
very nice? Okay, okay, number four, this is your big time.
(21:54):
You just let me know if I'm in the running
your big moment. Are you going to eat all that food?
Are are you going to leave it on the table?
Are you? Are you going to eat all that food?
Or are you going to leave it on the table?
And then this time, can you switch where or would
be in certain Are are you going to eat all
(22:16):
that Are you going to eat all that food? Are
you going to leave it's? Are you or you going
to eat all that food? Are you going to lean
on the table? She's a that's great? Are you this
(22:36):
is Are you single? I am now? Because yeah, I
wasn't before the murders, but now I'm yeah. I mean, okay,
I got two plates of bread for the lovely couple.
I'm sorry, I just said that. I don't even know
if you're in a relationship. The first date, fantastic first dates.
Well here at t J Fridays, we love first dates.
(22:56):
And this bread will be on the house. And if
imagine a house with bread on it, wearing bread, i't
even say anything. All right, Well, if you need anything,
my name is Taper. And taper. So just screen my
name out and I'll be sure to come over. Thanks
(23:16):
for two loaves. It's a lot. Thank you, though, You're welcome. Thanks,
this is going, this is great. I agree, And thanks
for letting me take that five minutes to go cry
in the bathroom about Mike. It's fine. I cried under
the table while you work on. Okay, great. I had
a bad childhood, but I'm doing okay. Oh you have
(23:36):
some bread on your face. Oh what soft skin face?
You have a pretty amazing touch it. Or you can
eat all this food or you're gonna leave it on
the table. Okay, so some waters here? There you go?
(23:59):
Are you sure? Sor so? Welcome back to the station.
This is unusual. This is unusual. I'm sorry to take
up so much of your line up time. Please, you've
been through a lot. I'm like bonga, you know what
I mean. It's a lot. So, uh you know the drill,
(24:21):
you know the drill. I can't believe. So we we
InCAR sorted the wrong person last time because obviously the
killer wouldn't know that line. But we nab these people
in that Uh where were they again? Sparking? Lot? Okay,
here we go, let's get right to it. I can't
believe it's the same line. I know this is good.
(24:46):
This is good though, this is good for everybody, I'm sure.
And I'm sorry about your date dying. I know it's
been rough. We get to this Number one. I mean,
I already know it's not Taper, but I'm that you
brought him in here to use. Does anyone need anything?
And maybe that's good, that's good Taper. It just just
sit in line for us real QUICKLYA um okay, um, hey,
(25:09):
you're gonna eat all that food or you're gonna leave
it on the table. Number two. I've been behind bars
ever since the last one. There's no way I could
have done this. We don't know that. Okay, what's the line?
I'm not going to repeat it. If you don't know what,
you're probably guilty. God, Okay, are you gonna eat all
this food? Are you gonna leave it on the table?
You think he didn't know it? Thank you. I just
(25:31):
wanted to make sure I got it right. I can't.
I just gotta I left my cats on attended at home.
You're not going to see them ever again. Okay. Number three, Hi, Hi, good,
good to be back. Welcome back, welcome back. Do you
want me to use the chair or not? Please use
the chair? Sorry? Line? Um, are you going to eat
(25:52):
all that food? Are you going to eat that food?
We're going to leave it on the table? Or are you?
Or are are you going to leave it on the table?
By the way, this is his head shot? Um, you
see here he did the Pirates of Penzan. Yeah, he's
just done a lot of stus of four and one.
Are you going to read to all of that food
or are you going to leave it on the table?
That's great? Hey, I'm planning to write a memoir based
(26:12):
on my experiences. Could you narrate the audiobook when it
comes out? I would love to be great? Okay, well, great, great, Okay,
last one not this one. This is a new one, okay,
and pretty suspicious if you ask me, I shouldn't be
saying that, but based on like the vibe I'm getting,
seems like a murderer. Okay, number four, you're going to
eat your food? Wh leave it on your table? So
(26:34):
what do you think it's a child? Huh? I don't know.
I think I need to hear it again. Noble, are
you going to eat out your food? Leave it on
a table, my skins crawling. It's it's creepy as hell.
I know, I know. Do you do you recognize this
child was the person who came in and shut up
that app Fridays. I can't get over the fact that
(26:59):
she has no pup. Yeah, yeah, she's food. I don't know.
I don't know if the food, I might leave it
on the table. Hold on, what did you just say?
I don't leave all the food. You know the food
will leave it on the table. See that for me
(27:19):
one more time. The actual line. Now, are you going
to eat all that food? Ship? Are you going to leave?
What's happening in the room? Thing? I know I must
have turned the mic off. Congratulations, I'm booking a book,
Thank you. That's that's good. Those could be good. Hey, Kurt,
(27:41):
I'm started to bring it to my office like this. Uh,
you know, been managing your career for a little bit
half a great time, but some bumps and roads on
my sidnes well here and none of us are perfect.
None of us are. And uh, it's hard to sell
you when a lot of your resume is line up work,
and it's our to explain that it's police line up
and it's also hard to explain that it doesn't really
(28:03):
pan out in a lot of work. So we're gonna
have to let you go. What We're gonna have to
cut you away like I just booked a memoir an audiobook.
I'm sorry, but you can't. I booked it in the room, Kurt,
You're not a You're not an actor. You can't do it.
I'm not a what actor? You can't do it? I
never claimed to be an actor. Well, I'm an actor.
You're saying it wrong, and you can't. You can't. Look
(28:25):
you've been insisting since the day I hired you that
it's pronounced A. And I'm not wrong, am I? Every
time I've tried to use that, people look at me strangely,
like I'm saying it wrong. Well, that's part of why
you're a bad actor. When you go down to Earth,
you're going to be an agent. Let's get the terminology
down right. Plus ten location actor? Okay, got it? Plus
(28:54):
ten location sorry, say again? Plus ten location actor plus
ten location hector? What am I saying? Why can't I
get this? Okay? One more? Say it three times? Give
me three three three three? No, the line? The line
(29:14):
plus ten plus ten I could send zap store down instead.
Oh no, please, I'm ready for it. Plus ten location
or yes he's got it going. Oh please let me
go down. Book. I'm telling you that I already booked
this gig. I mean there's a plus ten in it
for you location actor. Look, if you really think that
(29:36):
that's all that matters in this business, you have a touchment.
You don't run, no, I know, because it never comes
in it will. I'm telling you, I'm telling you I'm
doing an audiobook for God's sake. You know what showed
me the paperwork and I'll sign it. Okay, Well there's
no paperwork, Kurt, Kurt, because the man who offered it
to me pulled out a shotgun and killed all the
(29:58):
cops there in the room. But there was an audio
promise of an audio book. Well that's binding. There's audio problem.
Yes it is. It's binding. And look look I have
the memoir here. Hey baby, road Trip Times awesome? Yeah
what did you get? Audio book? Oh no, no, no,
(30:23):
this just I know. Just give it one sec. Okay,
you look beautiful. Okay, here we go. I was enjoying
a fine meal at t g I Fridays. The Hellapeno
Pappas had just arrived. We had each been served a
loaf of delicious French bread by our waiter, Taper, an
(30:45):
unusual name but a very handsome young boy, when to
my surprise I pulled out a shotgun and said, at
the top of my lungs, are you going to eat
all that food? Are or you going to be on
the table that out? I think that's I think that's
what was actually said. Watch your everyone real quick and
(31:09):
are or that's not right? What do you mean? That's
a shitty audio? Book? That is a shitty audio. Can
take your hand out of my face when you say
that I went out of this car. Mcqueues audio will
be right bad. And that's the good job guys, all right.
(31:35):
Our third and final scene coach from Spencer, who wrote, Hey, alchemists,
love the weird looks I get while laughing out loud
in a dead quiet workspace. So thanks for that. You
guys are super unique and mostly always entertaining. That feels
pretty bad, mostly except for the times that you really
blow it. Uh, none of you sound like you look
in your pictures. Don't take that What does that mean you?
(31:56):
I lived in Bend Oregan. That explains it old with
business and outdoorsman type. So my idea is this a
company has gone too far and sent their staff on
a team building excursion up Mount Everest, all of the
whom are not experienced mountaineers, a fact which the guys
quickly realize. Can't wait to see what you guys come
up with. Much love, Spencer Fuller from Bend, Oregon. It's dirty.
(32:21):
It's very dirty. It's dirty here or around. Up, everybody,
get to get up. This is a mountain face. It's
nothing like anything else. I'd like to if I may
high Diane, Um, could we turn this around? Yeah? Can
we turn around? I didn't fist the other wy what
(32:43):
what does he say? Underwear? Underwear? I know if it's
dirty here, it's just dirty. Yeah. This mountain fice is
tagging the walls of billions of human by Will you
just explain to us how this is going to help
us bond in the workplace. Last year, we just did
a ropes course in an improv class, and if you
(33:04):
didn't want to do the ropes course, you could watch
the ropes course, but you had to do the improv class.
But that was fun, It was all right. I remember
soup you're like soup. She had a catch friend, she
had a catch for Jesus Christ. She is serious. People
are gonna get skin to live up on this mountain.
(33:26):
We're not doing this's not let's not do that and
find your way back down by your lines. So I'm
not gonna help. The only way to get out of
the mountain is on top of it, right, so we
gotta work. It's a time to find out what waying
to do. Honestly, like the flight to Nepal was rough
enough to pickin with it with the transfer three times.
(33:49):
The only one who knows the path and the only
one who's going to supply. Okay, well I'm the only one.
Oh god, okay, okay, okay, Oh gosh, I got a
lot of what's going on. I got some colt our
(34:10):
guy just fell off where the dead just oh my
go okay, okay, okay, guys, guys, I'm I'm head of
creative right in the office. I'm head of creative, yes,
so just give me a second. Solutions right next to
(34:34):
the edge, get back, what do you mean? Okay? Yes,
and ahead of hr I'm just gonna remind us not
touch each other in a weird way. Um and and
think about our language, you know, and think about how
it makes people feel need to hold on to each other.
About you're pushing her, pushing her, I'm trying not to.
(34:56):
Guys like jeers. Stop saying that. That's annoying it. It's
just what's what I try to say, the stuff form
cursing my curse. Anyways? Have you seen my mommy and Danny?
What what is this kid doing here? My experience bring
me to all their trips. I'm home school. I think
(35:17):
it's this Debora's kids. She was sneaking him on the trip.
Oh god, God, Oh hey, guys, my skin? Help me?
How my skin is getting taken over? Oh? I thought
it was dead. The mountain they see the mountain? Wow?
Down to go all the way up? Wow? Is anyone
(35:40):
else common? When did I make me clean to jump down?
I don't think it was clear? Bring your kids one? Okay?
What do you mean? He just brought one key? I
have more, but I brought the one that I like
to travel with the vagueness of the ancients to stabbing me.
Don't even know how many keys. Don't know what you're saying?
Can you back up? Okay? I don't think can mountain.
(36:06):
You made it. It took me a little while. Accounts payable.
It's not an immediate thing. Oh God, darny Cheerios and
Gary are still up there. So and then this one
is when I thought I was a spider and then
of a giraffe. Okay, that doesn't help. Mul let's let's
put you know, ear muffs, put ear muffs. Okay, I
(36:29):
think we need to eat this child? What I think
we do? Eat me? You don't have the ear muffs
I did. You can hear them on tighter, put him
on tighter. I don't see an option because I'm not
gonna let you eat me. I'm not gonna let you
eat me. Obviously we're gonna eat the kid. Yeah, okay, okay,
I don't know. We had to make it through the
(36:51):
kive and if they fallen us, they fallen us. I
don't okay, but this seems like scary enough. I don't
understand why we also have to do trust falls. We
just fell out the side of a mountain, and now
you're expect Team Jacob gonna get down here. They saw me.
I think it was pretty clear that we had to
jump down and traveled and a little kai to eat
at the top. Didn't know explain it. It wasn't very clear.
(37:11):
We all thought we were falling to our dad. That's right,
I mean, hey, tiny bones are falling from the sky.
Oh no, he's beginning. He's riding vines the mountain show
and as all the other people. It's taken. We got
a mic into the gay kids stopped throwing those little
bones off the side. Where did you get those anyway?
(37:34):
Which gave it to me? She said, if I throw
them in the snow, I can see where did you
see the which she came to my dreams? And then
she was real, does she do it? Do it? Oh
my god? Hello Jacob, Hello, you've been throwing This one's
a spider, and this one if it was a giraffe. Yeah? Really,
(37:58):
I watched your names. Gary, please bring bind Are you
stuck on many? Help us get off the mountain. I'll
do anything. I'll do anything. Okay, let me we got
a micas all the supernatural forests on this mountain, okay,
ancient mountain. I feel like we can't move on unless
we're being honest. Diane. Yeah, you tell Donny that your
(38:20):
name is Deborah, and that feels weird. To me, I
don't care. And see that's what I'm saying. I don't
trust you have a boundary with him or dating this mountain.
If we don't trust detail and together, Okay, I trust you.
My middle name is Deborah, by the way, so it's
a half truth. Come, we gotta make it to the
bloody kid? Do you go to say yawning, Yeah, it's
(38:43):
it's got it's got over. We can reattention inside. Then
I have to I have to name called. The cave
is moving like a mice. Cave is moving like a maze.
(39:05):
Moment the echo changed in the sinking one. He did,
I'm losing a lot of blood, might not attach my
arm holding the arm. I don't want to hold the
arm anymore? Good trust? What happened to the other block?
Happened to the why do we do this? Why did
we do this? Why do we do this? I don't
(39:26):
like the echo. That doesn't match the voice. It doesn't
match the voice. Stop. I had a group for Napolis paintball,
and we're down here doing this, doing this. You're the guide. Oh,
you're the one who are a company hired. You're losing
a little color in the ice mine. I've given my
(39:46):
arm for this company, but I've also given a lot
of emotional body of creative. So he's very you know,
and I don't know which way is up and which
way is down anymore. And I'm feeling crazy and I
don't feel supported. You look at the woman. I don't
feel supported. He looks right at the woman like it's
(40:08):
my job to nurture him. I'm holding your arm. I
don't even know where my son is. It's raining bone. Okay,
you'll both get raisist. Then that's right, undercover boss. You guys,
did my arm really get cut off? Look we got
a right. You've eaten his leg down. It was very good,
(40:34):
but then didn't crunch, just like ship the knee from
a boy whose name is fleed, boy named go ahead
and take his knee, good good. I didn't know you
(40:59):
could slip me just that's the Carlos dried out. But
he is chewy, warm and riding. Now I need a
pen of little very tiny all right, Stacy, Look, this
is a Google retreat. We need you to act like
a teammate. That means you need to pretend to be
a grimlin and go eat the body parts of strangers
on this mountain. We're doing We're doing Gremlin or Gremlin Gremlin, okay,
(41:23):
because we've got two different water like Midnight Stacy, give
me a creepy voice. Creepier. That's a little better. Now,
go eat people, this is Google. Go fine, you're not mine.
(41:44):
That's not mine. It's gotta be this little boy. I mean,
I mean, it's pretty big cheerios. You're gonna have to
eat the child's that's very time. It's not that tiny.
(42:04):
Fantastically if you's go to rice. I love that they
were all bonding now, but we gotta make it through
here this seventeen trials. Each of us will fight individuals.
Have any of them are? Have we done any yet?
Into the cave the cave, it's gonna be a lot
of pressure. So the arm that doesn't count, losing child
doesn't clicking. You're going to rip the skin off here alright,
(42:30):
to be falling down. And he thought like it's going
to be a fun little room. I didn't. I did
not think it was going to be fun. Seventeen trials.
H my arm feels better, by the way, thank you
for at touching it. Will as my pubes. I used
this thread just to the record just to the record. Alright,
(42:50):
spool already I need just in case I'm the only
one repeat. I'm gonna go through these first. Alright, you're
gonna go through all seventeen trials. You'll see me on
the other side. Are all of our trials the same
old different old opinion on each other's imagions, impersonal tragedies? Alright?
Here you go first. Okay, are you worried about your
(43:14):
kid at all? I am. I'm worried about a lot
right now. Honestly, Oh, my head is swimming trials. I
just want to say thank you for the raise, no
problem that I'm not there yet. This is a crazy trip,
I know. But we do things hard at Google. Why
are you're putting us through this? Haven't we already proven
(43:35):
ourselves enough hardly? If you feel that way, go to
ask jeeves they're hiring. Okay, understood out and clear. Did
you hear that? I didn't hear anything? Maybe this is
my trial. What are you hearing? Hearing like moans and
crimes or I'm hearing whispers of I'm hearing words? What
(43:58):
kind of words? Scary words like like um, I should
be the boss? I should be the boss? Hamburgers I'm
hearing this, I should be the boss Hamburgers. What do
you think that means? You're the boss? But maybe I
should be the boss trials? So you Hamburgers. Maybe this
(44:18):
is a test to you know? Wait, is a trial
different from a test? Sort of what are we going
to do? Also? Are there too? So I know? Okay?
So just for clarifications sake, um, there are two Google
Google things happening here today, right, because I know that
the other person I saw Stacy from the other part
(44:41):
of campus earlier and she was with a different group.
She was getting into her crystals. Present to you. Now,
that's the only why I'm on a Mikey. You know
that from a bottom of my heart. The trial is done. Fantastic?
What just happened? Wait? Did you do your seventeen? Like? You? Not? About?
Of course? Does anyone have dependence? I didn't get any gold. No,
(45:07):
we were waiting do you finish the trial? He was
hearing he heard fantastic? What would he? Um? You should
be the boss? Why are you looking at me like that?
I don't know you sort of seed right, sounding like royalist? Seen? Um,
Now I wouldn't got any pendance of gold belt. We
haven't gotten any trial. I would I would welcome a trial. Okay,
(45:31):
are you ready for your trial? Yes, I'm Iva mckulle,
Judgeva mcculle. Welcome to my living room. Okay, So why
what brings you here today? Um? This is I suppose
from what I'm trying to glean the first of seventeen trials,
(45:51):
and I'm just trying to knock one out to get
an amulet or a belt. Um, so give it to
me and I'll volley back. I can give you this belt.
It's not my parents. I want to give me your belt. Sir.
You're gonna lose your job, you lose everything you hold, dear, Really,
my shows, congratulations, thank you. Um, but I'm just trying
(46:14):
to complete this. So if we could just wrap it
up with a verdict and I'll get the amulet or okay,
well i'd proclaim you free to move on to the
next trial. Beautiful amulet? You got one? I got one?
Where did you go? Um? It was a vortex thing.
Courtroom wrapped it up really quick. Your eyes are spinning
(46:37):
in your head. Oh well I was here. I was here,
heyte dreams will be right, bad ship, And that's alchemy. Yes, everybody,
let's take all of our alchemists. Chris Alvarado, thank you
very much. I thank you for being here. We love
(46:58):
when you're here. Of course I love being here. Vanessa Raglan,
thank you very much. I second the sentiments. Thanks. I'll
say you're welcome. If you're thanking me. I am just
I think probably the most thankful person in the room.
(47:20):
It sounded like everybody was. So it's your first of seventeen. Thanks,
thank you, well, thank you, thank you, thank you. And
Joey Greer, thanks to our engineer Doug Baby and our
post sound design artist Raphael Brito, producer Sophie Lichtman. And lastly,
(47:43):
I heart media, and I encourage all of you to
write a review, tell everyone you've ever met, get the
word out people, and write to us at your name
here at alchemy this dot com. That's your name here
at alchemy this dot com. Thanks for listening, everybody, Thank you,
Thank you so much. Me and and I pull and
(48:25):
I put all
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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