July 14, 2020 • 53 mins
Mr. & Mrs. Foamhaaans.
The Curse of The Mummy.
Vegetarian themed fight club.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Well, he'll come back to another episode of Alchemy. There's
cope y dation. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock, Yes, Kevin Pollock. Hey,
never you mind point Dextor. I'll finish my calculus test
when I'm good and fucking ready. Jerk, but I digress.
Let's meet our alchemists, shall we? In no particular orders?
(00:22):
Say hello to James. He need Jiji James? Hi? Is that?
Is there some sort of quirky name you're gonna give me?
I shot the Heat but did not, in fact shoot
the deputy. Do you remember your first roller coaster? Uh?
My first roller coaster was the Dragon. It was at
(00:42):
the Kerry Days Festival. If I was on a roller
coaster before that, it was because I was not sentient yet.
But I remember the Dragon. It was just a really bad,
small roller coaster that went in the circle two hills. Okay?
Is that Chris wants to know if there's a possibility
you were not sent to him? Yeah? And I think
he speaks for all of us. Yes, I mean I
(01:05):
am sentient now and i've been it's probably about probably
maybe I've hung out with you many of nights after shows,
and you have not been sentient dude. Say, hey, Caroline Carter,
Carter not smarta. Can we get a preview on what
your last words will be before you die? Oh? Probably
(01:26):
like I have to go to the bathroom the restaurant
that is the greatest because so many people shipped themselves. Hey, everybody,
it's cold Stratton strattone Ovich. What do you think of
the film? What did you think of the film? Because
I'm assuming that you're the only person I know who
saw it called Cats. You know, I've I've almost hit
(01:52):
play so many times, but I have not yet brought
myself to do it. I'm going to, I swear I'm
going to, because it's like it's, you know, a car
wrect of a movie from what I hear, but I
have not done it yet. All right, well did you
buy it? No, it's just I'm sure it's already on
(02:15):
v vhs thinking at the laser disk. Hey there's Chris Avarando, tall,
not dark enough and handsome. Ever been fishing? Um No,
not officially officially, no, not offectively. Okay, I like it.
(02:39):
I like all about it. Uh. And last, but don't
let the door hit you on the balls if you
think him least it's Joey Greer MERV the PURV. What's
I sure you? And why so small? I'm a six
and a half in children's and I think it's just
(02:59):
my water if I can be honest. Okay, fair enough,
let's do a damn show. Most of our scenes were
suggested by your listener emails. If you'd like to submit one,
please write to the podcast at your name here at
alchemy this dot com. I love to read your emails,
I replied to as many as I can, which is
I'm at about a ninety percentage right right now again,
(03:20):
write your name here and alchemy this dot com. See
number one fact comes from listener Steve, who wrote, there
was a story I remember about a family whose hands
with a size of the foam number one hands used
at sporting events. I lied, I don't remember it anymore,
so I'm hoping that you can share it with us.
(03:41):
That is an ass backwards way of saying his suggestion
is family whose hands are the size of foam number
one hands. You have shared so much already with all
of us listeners, and all I know, uh is all true.
Just wondering if you are ever late for something or
forget to do something and only have a lame excuse
(04:04):
doing does doing this show allow you to come up
with a believable excuse? So the premise again of this
one this guy is is this Yoda? Is this Yoda?
He just wants to learn how to be a con artist?
So that's a he's like, I tried to con that
story off. I couldn't do it right? And do we
(04:25):
our wants to know? Ye? Using the powers of improvisation
allows us to come up with things on the spot,
and the answer is yeah, you could improvise robbing a
bank and then actually Robert, thank you, his name is Steve. Alright.
I'd like you guys to be very cautious. Those are antiques.
(04:48):
If you break it, you buy it. Let's just move
this stuff out of here. Come on, we're moving it out.
Let's go. Are you talking to Dave. I'm talking to
the customers that just walk and I just want to
make sure that they're cautious these antiques, in fact, that
they're that's from the Revolutionary War. I'm sorry. The way
(05:12):
you're treating me and my family is incredibly disrespectful. You
have a moving crew moving your antiques around. You're not
saying anything to them. But I think you're saying it
to us because our fingers are large. Is that what
you're thinking? You hadn't even noticed that I hadn't noticed.
I hadn't noticed. And these moving crew people they're bringing
in new antiques. Are you sure? I'm not. I'm having
(05:39):
a hard time hearing. I'm pretty old. Okay, well let
me tell you something, sir. These this moving crew is
moving all these pieces into an unmarked van. Mom asked
him if he worked at an antique store because he
is an antique. Sir, do you work at an antique
store because you're an antique? You know what? Just hold
your tongue really quick. I can hear your son this
(06:00):
close to me. Okay, what was the rude thing to say?
You are agent? Shut up? It doesn't matter if the
mirror breaks. We just need to fra you know what.
I believe that. I believe that I'm being robbed by Unfortunately,
Sarah Party Party, I'm the husband here. Unfortunately, we don't
(06:22):
care what you believe anymore, because you've already demonstrated to
us that you are. And I just want to say
thank you for letting me talk to you. You know,
my my grandfather probably wasn't the most like Greek areas,
person are open. But you know you got to spend
the last few moments with him before he had that
massive heart attack aneurism. Yeah again, I'm so I'm so
(06:45):
sorry we didn't call nine one moment right away that
probably would have saved his life. He was just being
so rude to us. I for sure, thank you so
much for the This is a huge tissue. It's just
a towel. It's an ant. Okay, your dad smells like pooh,
(07:05):
thank you so much. Um, I do have a smaller
glass of water I could use. This glass is just
it's too big for my hands to hold. It's just massive. Um. Sure,
here's a here's a cap of a water bottle. Is
that small enough for you? Yeah? I can just dip
it into this giant glass. And how do you do
(07:26):
anything with those baby hands? Oh, if you haven't noticed
by now, my son his name is Bobby, but we
call him Bobby Singer because he's just got He's just
he sings on people wherever we got like, how do
you jerk yourself a soda with those? And the thing
about him is if you have any sort of like
(07:48):
insecurities or whatever. He somehow he knows and he'll just
kind of say the things him because we've been you know,
looked down upon because of our physical features, and yet
he's used as superpower to just bomb on other people
around him. What's quite interesting. Yeah, Also, sir, why didn't
your mom like you know what I mean? Alright, Well,
(08:13):
once again, thank you for giving me the time to
talk to you. Can you please? Oh yeah, I'm sorry
of course. Well well, well, if it isn't the family
that always thinks they're number one, so happy to see
you guys, so happy. Um, if this is a bad time,
(08:33):
we can leave. It seems like you invited us to
dinnerate your house. And yeah, because you know, as freaks
got a band together. We have giant heads, floppy, weird
cowboy hats on them, and we can't change that. That's
just who we are, all right. For some reason, everybody
(08:55):
celebrates you because you have spirit or whatever, and we're
just clowns. So did you invite us over to you
pick this kid out? That's exactly we do this because
on fire. In fact, I'm gonna have PD locked the doors,
PT locked the doors, locking the doors. Hut Her up. Look, Okay, well,
(09:15):
I have a keiche can I can you put it
in your oven? I'm gonna burn my fingers off if
I put it in there because they're huge. Um is
that oven? Is that? Is that a remark about the
size of my noggin, because there's a lot going on
in the No. No, I was in fact making a
remark about my hands and that I needed help putting
(09:35):
this kiche I made for dinner in the oven. Alright, fine,
I'll player Dan. Thank you, Mr and Mrs Foam Hans. Uh.
We have an issue with its foam hands. Yes, I'm
sorry foam hands. Um, I'm having an issue with Bobby.
He has been um well, he's been very negative to
(09:56):
some of the other students. And obviously, we never blame
a child. Is we don't blame a dog. It's the owners,
and as the owners of the child, his parents, we
you know, we have to assume that this is this
might be some kind of atmosphere that is emerging from
home that he's mirroring. So it's just it's a way
for the child to express themselves. And obviously, just like
(10:18):
a dog, they don't have the same kind of you know,
vocal capabilities or you know, they're not able to swim
as fast as us. So uh we you know, we
just want to give them the best opportunity to be
the best person that can be. So you do need
to have a conversation with him, because as he calls
them his singers, his singers are hurting a lot of
the other kids and mainly the teachers. He's able to
(10:40):
really zero in on the teachers insecurities and and really
crush them. So I'm sorry about that. That was my drawer.
I have little I first of all, I have I'm
uncomfortable with how often you're comparing the children here to dogs,
and I do think dogs are responsible for their acts
(11:00):
and should be held accountable. Um. And secondly, that's just
our little, our little Bobby's personality, right honey, whatever you say. Yeah,
and we brought him along with us as well. I
hope that's okay. That that actually okay. And I actually
wanted to bring off for something here and I'm just
going to my cough drawer. And so this is a
(11:20):
shock caller. Okay, that's my closets. So this is a
shock caller I usually use, you know, all right, you know,
in my business they kind of they call me a
shot collar. They do a shot caller. Okay, okay, so
it's always funnier in the second time. Do you understand
(11:43):
that they call him that? Alright, Pete, you were a
good dog, but the judges holding you accountable for what
you did, so you're gonna be going away. You're been
going away for a long time. She wasn't for that suggestion,
my Mrs Foeman's. They wouldn't have happened, but they took it.
They escalated up the ladder, and now all dogs have
(12:05):
to go to court, not not having They should get
my fucking back there dog. Jesus Christ that was to
be fucking done for. Whoknew that guy to shake up
his eye? Oh my god? You know what I'm gonna
tell you somewhere now we're actually planning a break. We're
gonna get the funk out of here. Are you win? Dog?
Or are you not? I don't know about that. What
the fly ship? Ship? Holy ship? Ohly ship? Oh? Okay,
(12:38):
family meeting, family meeting? What's up that? Listen? I um?
I stopped by Dr Crowds office. He gave me some pamphlets,
some pamphlets. Now I'm not saying something we have to do.
I'm saying I want to discuss the possibility of reconstructive surgery.
(12:59):
I'd be utification, reconstructed like a nose job, like a
nose job for our hands. Well, honey, correct me if
I'm wrong. But if we were to go through that surgery,
they can't reduce the size of our bones in our hands,
so we'd have to be amputated on both hands and
have new maybe a dead person's hands sewn on top.
(13:21):
I did not correct you, correct you, because you are
not wrong, my darling. You rarely are. I'm sorry, buddy,
I don't want to. But what about Bobby if he
gets the surgery now is an eight year old boy.
By the time he's an adult man, he's going to
have child's hands, the dead hands. Okay, here's a great question.
The pamphlin says, there are a lot of dogs being
(13:43):
euthanized on the daily, and some of those dogs can
transfer to humans like that. All right, If you see here,
I got a lot of dog paws with thumbs sewn on.
I'm already gave so what I'm thinking. The one is
I'm gonna be able to take I want these dog paws,
(14:03):
and I'm gonna be able just selem under your fucking arms, okay,
and then you're gonna be able to have these other
fucking dog hands with these thumbs on there and then
and then and then if you want to come back,
I wanna be able to add some more pieces to you, sir. Sorry, sir,
do you have a question for the council? We we
We've only got so much time for each neighbor to uh.
(14:28):
I got a fucking question. Everyone's able to have a
goddamn barbecue. But I start doing little surgeries in my
fucking garage and I get citation. Let me tell you something, body,
I pay my fucking taxes. I have my house board
the way you want it. There's no car and the
fucking garage or drive away. So do me a solid.
(14:51):
Let me use these dog paws with thumbs on them.
Take my heart, sir. I want to wanna make one correction.
It says here h on the notes, you actually have
not paid your taxes. Yeah, I got a question for
the council. Yeah, you know, because Ms Thompson complained that
(15:13):
my dogs ship in your yard. Now he's doing twelve
to life. It's sing, sing, and I just I feel
like we need to find an in between here because
I look, I wasn't there a curb him. That's my fault.
I apologized. You know, I went back and I got it,
and you know I paid extra for long replacement. If, like,
you know, my dog was just doing natures thing. You
didn't know that his his you know, where to go
(15:35):
at the time he was wasn't personal And would you
suggest what a suspended sentence or a community time, community service,
you know, let him, you know, take blind people around something,
you know, just something you can do instead of like
wasting away in a cell, which you know it's not
the yard. Time is not nearly enough and they won't
throw sticks. So it's bullshit. So let's let's take a
(15:56):
quick vote. Uh McGregor, are you going to weigh in
on this? Anti dog? I think it's I think it's
just sorry. This is his first day, this is your
first time at these h o A meetings. It's always
getting crazy. It always comes down to dog, do your
(16:17):
party tea? Do you want tea? I do? Yeah. I
was just actually gonna offer you tea with podka? Do
you party harder? Hold on one second, anti dog? So yeah,
I want party harder than anybody. I love this housing
a Community Office of America. Thank you for the word up.
(16:45):
Can someone close that drawer? Okay? Sorry, I thought I
was gonna be so crazy. I just want to have
a little aside, Am I right? It? All aside of cocaine?
Oh yeah, Actually I was just gonna offer you some
tea with cocaine and there, Thank you. I wanted drying
(17:07):
up my nose, anti dog. I made my position, Claire
U Hi, so you too. You know why we have
to kick you off the council right um, in the
front of the whole town. You were both snorting cocaine
and pouring vodka into your tees while you're sitting, you know,
(17:28):
up large finger to point at us. I was pointing
at the chairs and I gestured to you, he did.
I had nothing to do with it. No, I'm sorry.
This is not a question of sorry. Patricia, Patricia, Patricia Michael, No, Patricia,
(17:53):
calm down, Patricia, Patricia. UM, Oh my god, I'm sorry.
I think I smacked your era off. Sorry one somebody
find at C two comes from Patreon v I P. McCoy,
(18:16):
who wrote, hey, ulcome me gang. I promised i'd hop
on Patreon once I got employed again. So here's the
fulfillment of said promise, and congratulations on your employment. My
sence suggestion is this curse of the mummy, it's now
healthy and much love from northern California McCoy. So the
(18:38):
tour will start in about ten minutes, will be going
about thirty below street level, and all I ask is
that you don't touch any of the objects and photographs here.
I hate to do this. I hate to do that.
I can never convert meters to like feet or inches.
Can you give me a little please? Please stop talking.
(18:58):
I'm trying to hear the door. Paused him. I paused him,
so he's not talking anymore. So you didn't miss a thing.
You pause him on my thing too. Goddamn well they're
still moving. Fuck, okay, great, So what what do you want?
What do you want? Oh? Yes, I I did a
pause for all, just a pause for me and you.
Apparently it looks like the other sixty people are going
(19:19):
they don't hear. What do you want? Man? Can you
I need a little help so you know, like it's
just the cups gallons to leaders like I don't what
what's the conversion rate for meters to feet, it's a
hundred and twenty ft is one hundred and so he
and so how many meters did he see? We're going
down thirty Let me do that math there, so well,
(19:40):
I'm bad at math. I'm gonna pull on my phone
really quick. So thirty meters times a hundred three thousand,
six hundred ft. Holy shit, that seems deep. Am I crazy?
It's no, You're not crazy, okay. And I did a
pause for all you pause for all my ass You
(20:01):
just you clicked my god, damn little pack and everyone
else kept walking. Now it's almost pitch black. I can't
see where the hell I'm going. There's six pathsways going
different different directions. I'm good. All we gonna do is
walking that he a little boy, hello girl, man, well
compared compared to I'm just talking about size. You're about
(20:23):
half a meter tall, both of you. Huh No, a
hundred twenty six ft, so that's half a half of
that half of twelve. And I'm just trying to make
a point that you're both very small, and I'm a
very You can't see me completely, but I'm a big
(20:46):
creepy woman, and you look like you bust your way
from your here's the plan, here's the plan. You hold
my hand, and we walked three thousand, six hundred feet
in that direction. And listen, buddy, my man, what look Okay,
(21:06):
I just wanted to go on this. I wanted to
see those commies. I'm trying to go. Look, I'm whispering. Okay,
you're whispering. We're freaked out. Let's just admit we're scaring.
I'm scared, you're not. Just believe you know that. Mommy
mommies are real moment too, and the wolfman's real kids. Yes, yes,
(21:35):
I've actually been I've been done, mommaid. Oh my god,
Oh my god. Okay, let's go too. So my husband
he was going on one of those two us to
see some of the mummies and whatnot, and he should
be back maybe in a couple of hours whatever. But
I just went out with there any spas in the
(21:57):
hotel that you can recommend to me that a lot,
you know, pretty much eat the same amount of time.
It's him at the tomb and then me getting a
massage that do you know what I mean? I just
want to be able to cross him when he returns.
He has his thing, I have my thing, so we
could spend time together. Do you understand what I'm saying?
Is that clear? Do you know what I mean? I
(22:18):
feel like I'm not being clear enough about what I'm asking.
Do you understand? Understand? I fully understand. We're not a
hotel with many amenities. We have a continental breakfast, and
we have a gym which is three weights and a
treadmill that doesn't work. So there's not really a spa
on property per se. But if you go down to
(22:42):
the tomb but only godred feet and hanging right, there's
a wonderful catacombs area with lots of sarcopha guy that
you can use to do like pilates and crunches on
and there's a lot of mud down there that you
can put on your face to help you know it,
feel bad and stuff. Okay, so there's nothing at the hotel.
(23:05):
Do you have to bring my own towel? Or is
the hotel provide three thou five hundred and sixty four
shop County every Just okay, we're about forty feet away
from where three is. Okay, Yeah, you don't think Look
I hear you, okay, and you wants kissing me off.
(23:28):
You don't believe in the wolf man? You don't believe
in Are you mad at me? Because you got this
is serious? Man. We're under where a well, who knows
how how many miles are on the ground, how many
miles are in the Memmi's home behind you? Okay, nothing, sir,
it's all dark. I can't. Let's put your hands out.
(23:49):
It's quite this like do the mummy. Okay, I'm sorry, Okay,
I've stopped. I stopped. Hello, did you bring did I
(24:12):
bring Heeny? I don't know? Did I bring heeny heeny?
What does that mean? Dr? Heeny? Oh you can't hear me. Dr.
(24:36):
We wonder if perhaps we could give you enough money
to sufficiently urge you to go down into the tomb,
deep deep deep, to help fulfill the prophecy that we've
written about. You're written this prophecy, Dr Heeny. It's precisely
the reason I don't want to go into the Mummy's tomb.
(24:56):
The prophecy doesn't end well for me. Yes, but it's
a proph to see. We all want to see it,
like if it's real or not. You're being a dick.
Dr he need go down and explain, lose situation for me. Dick, Dick, Dick, dick,
don't come chant this, don't chant this. All right, I'll go,
(25:19):
but I'm gonna need one hell of a tour guide.
But we could bring Gus out of retirement. He hasn't
gone anywhere since he recorded that wonderful tape describing meters. Well,
the problem is the tapes. I don't trust. I want
somebody that is in real time giving me directions to
get down into the mummy's tomb. And if there's some
(25:42):
sort of mummy hunter, i'd like that with me too.
Wow demands. Uh, Well, I'm going to my own demies.
I want to take all precautions to survive. Alright. Well,
I do know a mummy hunter is his name is
Rich and he's in town. Just he's in town for
a sales conference. It's very uh fortuitous. So maybe i'll
(26:05):
see if you'd like to go, darteney, okay, three thousand,
six hundred. Uh, where's the rest of the group? Which
one of you? We'll speak to the mommy. I don't
(26:30):
see anyone else here. I think it's just me. I'll
speak to the mommy. Are you are you fucking with me?
Are you the same guy to ask me about AHENI
I'm still trying to figure out what that is. Look
(26:50):
straight ahead, follow the light. Is that what the gift
shop is? I'm thirsty. I can't find any more mud.
The mud already gone. Oh my god, are you gonna
bring can you give me him my mouse? You know? Care? Oh? Well,
(27:19):
do you want my mouth? Yes? I just walked three
thousand six on her feet. Oh my god? How many meat?
Is is that that? He means? Yeah? Anyway, I wanted
this mummy tour, but there wasn't actually any mummies, just
a weird voice. My husband was on that, so he's
(27:41):
obsessed with it. He loves all frank they walk already?
Did they come out already? No? I haven't seen him. Yeah,
actually he Oh my god, he had the exact same
bracelets that you have full access. Yeah. Actually he was
wearing the exact same shorts that you're wearing too, supernumeray status. Yeah,
(28:01):
let's get you in anywhere. Actually he was wearing the
exact same sunglasses is you're wearing ordered online? Hell? Yeah, yeah,
that's just the winky dink. I think a lot of
people have the same set up here. If you buy
online you order early all that stuff. Anyhow, No mummy's here.
(28:21):
It's a long walk through a cave. I appreciate the mimosa,
but I gotta go lay down now, all right, well,
feel free to lay down. Yeah, I'm in a little spot.
I just want to let you know maybe you might
not ever see your husband again. What the hell? Sorry?
All right, Dr Heiti descend to the tomb. They're just
punting down there. You need to fulfill the prophecy. All right,
(28:44):
I'm on my way. Isn't there like some sort of
heads flashlight that I can strap to my head? There is.
I brought a more traditional maglite for you, but if
you prefer, we could duct tape it to this uh
beer helmet that they were the baas. I do prefer that.
I need to have my hands free in case a
(29:04):
mummy comes up. All right, but it's an embarrassing look
to be seen with in front of a mummy. So
it's up to you. But I'll strap it on here,
tapping it on. It's got my hair, it's got my hair, alright, alright, alright, alright,
oh wait, I'm getting the sort of audio. Do you
(29:27):
hear that? Yes? This is Dr Heney dr Yes, I'm
traveling into the two. Is that I'm here for my
two o'clock? Am I your two o'clock? Yes? Okay, good good,
(29:52):
So I think we're alone. Now, what's going on? M
hm and exam? Oh well, I primarily work with the
living um but your finger? Okay? Is this? I up
(30:19):
my ass? Okay, I'm just kept to unwrap some of
these bandages. Oh their paper thin, I can just rip
through them. Okay, I'm gonna need some m and it's
I don't, I don't. This is very It feels like
somebody has taken all of the insides that I usually
find in an ass out. I think that's the problem.
(30:42):
I think the problem is is all your organs have
been removed. They're just don't. Oh, yes, well, we just
need to find a family willing to donate organs to
my ass. Well we could start there. Yeah, a bunch
(31:02):
of stuff that you guys can use. I got a
whole bunch of organs. I got a whole bunch of
dog hands. Whatever the fucking need, man, So just open
that cooler and take whatever you want. I'm a scientist,
I'm a dog. Sir. Sir, you failed the driving portion
of the test, so you will not be getting Okay, okay, okay,
(31:28):
you need to realize anything, maybe to travel. Yeah, okay,
well I have a passport, so I'll just use that
instead it No, that's scene too. I want to spend
(31:48):
some time with that Selah. I want to get to
know him better. By the way, Cole, you brought up
the beer helmet and I was thinking about beer helmet
from the previous scene. Did you have that on your mind?
It's like the floppy cowboy this finger and yeah, wow,
mind mind. Everybody see three today. Cost from Thomas wrote
(32:13):
high alchemist. I plan on becoming a v I P
once the world stop spinning again. And I'm not eating rash.
You're all great and I had to rank, and if
I had to rank you all, I would put Joey third.
My suggestion is a vegetarian themed fight club. Thanks Thomas.
(32:38):
All right, first, let's have a call out of new members.
New members, please just raise your hand, yeah, hand raised?
What is your name? New member? Carrot? Carrot? Yeah, okay,
and you fella, what's your name? Brock's that short for broccoli.
(33:05):
It's Brock Lee crazy clever okay, uh and uh, Steven,
you're gonna take minutes this week. People are in this room.
God damn it. Yes, chick me, you're gonna take notes
this week. Great? Alright, old business first. Uh, someone in
(33:30):
this room, and I'm not gonna name names, I'd like
you to just step forward and uh explain. Someone has
mentioned Vegetarian Fight Club outside this room. I was invited
by chick yesp And how are you invited sir? By
word of mouth? Yeah, I understand he spoke to you.
(33:53):
I'm just wondering it was it in a public place?
Was it in private? Was in an email? It was
in private in a public place? And so what was
the private part? Okay? Yeah, So here are salads. Thank you.
If you anything else, just let me know. Here at
salads and again, here at Salads and and Fork, will
(34:16):
you offer everything? Heybody, Okay, I'm fine, I'm sorry. I
just got a table out there, and they seem like
really rough and tumble kind of guys. And I just
really want to, like, you know, introduce myself the best
way possible because here at Salad and Fork, we here
at Salad Fork, we offer the premier salad and Fork experience.
That's what I'm supposed to say. And So what would
(34:38):
you really saying is, look, you have aggression, right, so
take it out. Yeah, I'm gonna fucking knock that guy's teath.
I'm saying my brain, I'm saying, is I'm part of it.
I'm so sorry to interrupt. High welcome to salad and fork.
I know you our last several server. I swear to God,
if I have to talk to this asshole, I'm gonna
(34:59):
knock his fucking teeth. That this or something wrong that
I can maybe something with the order I can help
with or get away from us. Nothing, Okay, great, okay,
you got it? All right? What if I told you
there was a backyard in Semi Valley where a group
of people meet their aggressions out, would you be interested?
(35:24):
I'd say, I'm in. You just saved me my third strike, friend,
I'm in. Now, there's a catch. We're not using these
what we're not using christs, we're not using our knees
a using but that's all I've trained in. Throw that out.
I'm talking stocks of celery, right, I'm talking throwing tomatoes
(35:45):
as hard as you can. Yes, So I think it's
pretty clear that Chickpea kind of said the whole damn
thing to this new guy. It seems that I just
want to ask a question because I know the rule
is we don't talk about it. But I was wondering, then,
how do we get new recruits? Thank you A fair question, Carl.
You want to take that one. Well, the best way
(36:10):
to UH to get new recruits is what I like
to do is I go and I stand outside the
Vegan fight club on Third. They're so weak, they're easily impressionable.
But the problem is because they're vegan, they will want
to tell everyone. So you know, there is that, but
they're right for the pickings. So I recommend going down
(36:31):
there and we can see what we can get. You know,
we get some carrot find out about the club. That's
a solid question. Why First of all, how come everybody
is under investigation here today? I didn't realize that this
was the FBI. Okay, I'm trying to make a comedy joke.
(36:54):
Jesus fucking Christ. Guys are just like my wife. She
doesn't laugh at it. Anyway, Um, how did I find
out about it? Yeah? Something that I like to do
that I think is fun is stand just outside. I
like to go around outside. If I hear a noise
from somebody's backyard. I'll walk to it. Have I gotten
arrested for that before? Yeah? Did it? Dana? Um, this
(37:18):
is this is becoming a bigger issue than I want.
I mean, you're coming to work with shellery stocks, uh,
pieces of I guess potato skin all over your fists
and eyes. Uh. You know, I need to have a
little bit more respect when you come into this office. Okay,
on your personal life, but that needs to be curbed
(37:39):
when you come in here. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm just
confused because at first I would come in to work with,
you know, just looking like a real nasty piece of ship.
And now I just have vegetable scraps on my hands,
and I'm still getting attacked for that. You're not gonna
attack for that, okay, But I feel like you're taking me.
(38:00):
I don't know. I don't know why I feel like
you're attacking me. I don't know why this matters I feel.
So it looks like we have some blunt force trauma
from a stock vegetable. Maybe he died instantly, um, just
here in the boardroom. So uh, we're gonna corner it.
Af Let's don't don't move it. It's an active crime scene.
(38:25):
Please leave it. We're trying to have no authority here.
I can't feel him through the doorway. I'm gonna have
to cut him in half. Please stop, Just leave the body.
We're still trying. It's still fresh from its death. I'm
trying to ascertain a lot more about it's an active
(38:45):
Oh god, damn it. Moving the desk. All right, Well,
I think I got enough down here. It's it's the
fifth body I found this week that had some sort
of vegetable markings on it. Uh, you have somebody who's
acting out with a lot of aggression. At least I
(39:07):
have you to tell it to tape recorder. What do
you what do you mean you're shutting the farmers market town.
I mean this is where we come to sell our
fresh vegetables and fruits. I mean we just want to
be able to give the community some healthier alternatives to
We won't shut you down, but we need you all
to wear wires. Okay, we're gonna try to figure out
(39:31):
why is this bad for the vegetables. Look, it's just
until we catch this killer or killers. Hi, I'm looking
for some real stiff celery um. Okay, sure, I'm talking
the kind that could knock knock a man out. Well,
(39:56):
that's fairly untraditional for it. But my name is Steve.
If you're looking for Steve Chick, you might have heard
of me. No. I live at four three zero six
way more place. Oh, you live across the street from
my sister. She lives on four six zero. No, I
(40:19):
just got confused thinking about houses. You know, on one
side of the street will be odd and the other
will be even so for me, I just had a
brain I'm sorry. You know that I had a brain
tumor that was removed two months ago, so I get
I don't believe you did. This is my point is,
what do you think? This is? What do you think?
(40:40):
I don't know. I mean I think you have to
try to keep them trying to keep on topic. Here,
we're getting a lot of good information. Now you guys
are spiraled out and don't act like you're hearing me
through your earpieces. Okay, I just go back to transaction. Sorry,
someone in my ear just told me to stop talking
to him, so let me You know, I hear those
same voices sometimes and then the voice today is telling
(41:00):
me tonight I should bludge in a man with the
sack of potatoes. This is the FBI tone. Hey, FBI,
p p I, d p I. Anything you need to label? Yeah,
telling me that you must. We're working on something implanted
in working in the same case. If that's If that's
(41:24):
the case, why don't you meet me at four three
zero eight way more place tonight. That's my my brother
in law's house I'm married to. I think you've got enough.
I got enough. Move in moving tap recorder, move in,
tap recorder, go go go, don't just look, go get
them tap recorder, go move in, move it. Taper corder.
(41:47):
God damn it. Connor, I'm sorry, but we're gonna have
to cut fund into your special division. Why we're just
not getting the results we want. I mean your paper
on the advancement of tape recorder technology and how it's
actually going to be able to take the place of
(42:07):
field agents was interesting, I mean enough so that we
invested two to three. All right, look, pal, look I'll
serve you drink, but I'm not serving that thing. You
just got a line of shots next to it. Pour
it on the recorder. God damn it. All right, I
mean you're paying for this poor on Okay, I feel
(42:31):
weird about this, and one and poor one on the
floor for the walkman we lost last week. Jesus Christ,
you're a real whackle. You know that. I'm a wacko.
The department assigned me this partner. Okay, so I'm just
doing the best I can do, all right. All he
just he's a good air. He listens, but that's about it.
He doesn't offer any theories, he doesn't offer any backup.
(42:52):
But you know what, he's my partner and I have
his back, all right, behave. I just want you to
leave the tape recorder out of this for once. Okay.
We haven't made love in months, and I'm tonight. I'm horny,
so I want to have sex. And I just wish
you would take the tape recorder out of the bed.
Leave work at work. I mean, I can't. I mean,
(43:13):
what what happens if I leave him in another room
and some headphones show up and take him away? I can't.
That doesn't happen. It's a tape recorder. Him in here,
He'll hear everything, and that's embarrassing. Get shut him off,
turn pause, put him into a drawer in another room,
and pick him up when you go to work tomorrow
to fucking tape recorder. You do what? Never mind? I
am leaving you. Hello. UM, my name is Stephanie Kay.
(43:41):
I am newly and my partner was obsessed with a mouse.
It was a Bluetooth mouse, and God, he'd bring it everywhere,
asked if it was able to that to anything, to
just scroll around, and then if it did, which most
(44:03):
of the time I did because most things are sucking bluetooth.
He was just clicking around, clicking room c looking around,
and I lost him. I lost him to that mouse.
And I'm so sorry. I don't know why. I just
had to say something. I'm I'm sorry. I just wanted
to say something. Thank you, Thank you, Stephanie. There's no
apology necessary. And these are safe walls that you stand
(44:28):
inside of. We're all here to crazy way to describe
a room. I'm sorry, that's just a room. I've never
heard anyone describe it like I mean, even just like
an open space. It could be safe. You know, it's
safe in here, So it's okay that you're all. I
don't feel safe in here because of how you're describe
I don't. I feel like the walls might drop and
(44:50):
then like a whole bunch of dogs will just be
released on to me. Is any rational? Is any rational? Fear? No? No? Okay,
what anyone else likes, I'll say something else. I'll go
back up and say something. Yeah, that's a weird noise.
(45:11):
So alright, State Recorder, she's in that meeting. I'm gonna
hold you up and I need you to play in
your eyes all right, and then maybe she'll come back
to me. I don't know how well you amplify it
because your pocket sized. And hopefully she hears it. But
we'll see what happens. Oh, come back to me your ship? Ship?
(45:39):
Is it? Because I poured some buch shots on you?
Oh hai, old prospector. I was, I don't know. I
was trying to move my wife back, my partner here,
and I got so deep into work that you know,
the State Recorder became my life and she left me in.
(46:00):
I mean, I know that your only love as gold,
but how do you how do you show it that
it's the most important thing. Well, I'll tell you this.
My partner was my pick axe right here, Charlie. Now,
this piece and me went everyway together, and I I'm
gonna be honest I try to make love to it,
and when I did, I I did some horrible things
(46:23):
at the bottom half of my body. I um actress
too shop. I cut my scholf up pretty bad, you know,
I cut up You're on You're on a public street,
and that's a weapon, and I feel like I have
to take you in, but I don't want you because
I really admire you your spirit. Gunner. I'm reinstated in
(46:45):
the program. That prospector you arrested was actually the head
of a cartel gold ring and you busted four hundred
billion dollars worth of counterfeit the Boollians. Gunner. I'm raising
your pay to more. Oh, it's all been worth it.
Losing my wife and she still want to talk to me,
returned my calls. But to know that I've got this
(47:08):
morning now to put away everything. Connor, this is working, Okay.
I want to leave home at home and work here. Okay.
I don't need to know what's going on in your
personal do you hear me? Hey captain sorry interrupted? Oh wow,
did you have these walls painted? I feel so safe
in here. Yeah yeah, well I actually wrote safe on
(47:29):
all the walls. So oh that's got that squeak again.
I know we're celebrating the four hundred billion dollar booie
and bust, but there's a goddamn massacre at four three
zero six way More place. It was hummus and blood everywhere. Yeah,
(47:52):
I got it. Come on. I love you, oh my,
and I have so many feelings for you. But this
is not the time. I have to stop this. I
love it, I love you more. It's not the time.
Don't do this, Okay. I know it's not the time.
(48:14):
I'm just saying, I gotta get down there. I love you, Okay, Okay, Chief,
I love you too. I know it's not the time.
I'm gonna go down on now. Okay, Chief, I know
I gotta go. Okay, Connor of the director that need
to have the captain of a police department. They're all dead.
(48:35):
They're all dead, okay. Closed Well, no, no, no, we don't.
We still gotta apprehend the people who the assailants, the
people who committed the crimes. But no one's breathing. Thompson,
Have you just been running back and forth to the
crime sheet. Yeah, it's I mean four three zero six
way More places, right, Yeah, you guys should see it.
(48:58):
If you open the door. Actually, captain, can I up
in your planes of cos right there? Whoa? Where you
where you point? A lot of there? No, you're looking
over there. The sun is in yours as you're looking
in the reflection of the window. I'm looking directly at
the down Wait a second, guys, guys, tape recorder has
(49:21):
been missing for half an hour. Could it be this
whole time? He Oh my god, you cool. That's our
shouting out. Sorry, you've only got so much we can
(49:45):
afford of the rights of that song. Fantastic. I want
to thank all the bar Alchemists today, especially Mr James
eeny James, thanks so much for being here. Oh, thanks
for having me. It's uh, it's a lot of fun. Yeah.
So we'll work on some technical things between episodes. I
think I'll be able to fix it before the next episode.
I'm just gonna use a secondary laptop if you can
(50:09):
get closer to your camera. Also, you're so damn handsome. Uh,
I can barely see you. Look like you're in hell
the bowels of health. That's the background, and you seem
very cold. But you're also like half the normal size,
and I'm missing that sweet, sweet heeny face and congrats
again on the commercial. What was that? Was that? The
(50:30):
sweet sweet nation Schnitzel enjoyed the hell out of that. Man,
I remember you telling us about the movable uh wig
or whatever that ponytail thing is. Yeah, it was. It
was controlled with a remote control. There was a team
of people remote controlling everybody's pony. Whole team of people.
It's awesome. A team. Yeah. And the same person that
(50:53):
worked on my hair, the same person that did your
hair stuff for uh for the whole ten yards Yeah, yeah,
that's crazy. And and they also work on a mandalorian anyways,
Uh yeah, they did great. To see you, James, Caroline Carter,
James Genie, thank you so much for being here today.
(51:13):
And well, uh, you will not be joining us for
the second show, I understand, but I greatly appreciate you
making the first one. Where can folks find you if
you would like them to? Well, I don't want anyone
to find me anywhere, but if you did, it's on.
You can find me on Instagram on Carter poop and
maybe tell me what I should do with my life. Yes, please,
(51:35):
someone out there help offer a rudder fox sake. Thank you,
cal Chris Alvaratz thank you for having me. I was
on the phone with Jessica the other day. She's in
Orange County and while we're talking, she goes James Heeney's
on TV and she's so she had to watch your
(51:58):
spot while listening while talking to me. Is a really
fun moment for both of us. We're so proud of you, dude,
and that's all I want to say. Yield my time,
Mr col Stratton talks so much for joining us again.
Of course, thanks for having me. Sidebar on the Jessica
Low Things. She has a very funny part at the
end of Desperadoes now on Netflix. F y I uh yeah,
go to uh at cold strand at Stratton calling very
(52:20):
social things. God s sketch Fest dot com rent some videos.
Help support the festival. There's a lot of good ship
on there. More good stuff coming, please do. Joey Graherman,
Please check out Bear Supply live on the internet on
Westie Comedy Theaters, Twitch Channel's twitch dot tv backs West
Comedy Theater every Wednesday at seven o'clock. Please continue a
(52:41):
right to us your name here and almy just dot com.
Love to read your emails and here from all of
you means the world to us, Please stay safe and
remember to wash your hands as often as possible. Social
distance your ship, and uh let's get big. Thanks to
our producing engineer the stars, Mr Duck Bain Ba ba
ba baby, the fine folks that I heart media. I'm
(53:06):
Kevin Pollock. Thank you all for being there. Be safe
until next time
Well, he'll come back to another episode of Alchemy. There's
cope y dation. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock, Yes, Kevin Pollock. Hey,
never you mind point Dextor. I'll finish my calculus test
when I'm good and fucking ready. Jerk, but I digress.
Let's meet our alchemists, shall we? In no particular orders?
(00:22):
Say hello to James. He need Jiji James? Hi? Is that?
Is there some sort of quirky name you're gonna give me?
I shot the Heat but did not, in fact shoot
the deputy. Do you remember your first roller coaster? Uh?
My first roller coaster was the Dragon. It was at
(00:42):
the Kerry Days Festival. If I was on a roller
coaster before that, it was because I was not sentient yet.
But I remember the Dragon. It was just a really bad,
small roller coaster that went in the circle two hills. Okay?
Is that Chris wants to know if there's a possibility
you were not sent to him? Yeah? And I think
he speaks for all of us. Yes, I mean I
(01:05):
am sentient now and i've been it's probably about probably
maybe I've hung out with you many of nights after shows,
and you have not been sentient dude. Say, hey, Caroline Carter,
Carter not smarta. Can we get a preview on what
your last words will be before you die? Oh? Probably
(01:26):
like I have to go to the bathroom the restaurant
that is the greatest because so many people shipped themselves. Hey, everybody,
it's cold Stratton strattone Ovich. What do you think of
the film? What did you think of the film? Because
I'm assuming that you're the only person I know who
saw it called Cats. You know, I've I've almost hit
(01:52):
play so many times, but I have not yet brought
myself to do it. I'm going to, I swear I'm
going to, because it's like it's, you know, a car
wrect of a movie from what I hear, but I
have not done it yet. All right, well did you
buy it? No, it's just I'm sure it's already on
(02:15):
v vhs thinking at the laser disk. Hey there's Chris Avarando, tall,
not dark enough and handsome. Ever been fishing? Um No,
not officially officially, no, not offectively. Okay, I like it.
(02:39):
I like all about it. Uh. And last, but don't
let the door hit you on the balls if you
think him least it's Joey Greer MERV the PURV. What's
I sure you? And why so small? I'm a six
and a half in children's and I think it's just
(02:59):
my water if I can be honest. Okay, fair enough,
let's do a damn show. Most of our scenes were
suggested by your listener emails. If you'd like to submit one,
please write to the podcast at your name here at
alchemy this dot com. I love to read your emails,
I replied to as many as I can, which is
I'm at about a ninety percentage right right now again,
(03:20):
write your name here and alchemy this dot com. See
number one fact comes from listener Steve, who wrote, there
was a story I remember about a family whose hands
with a size of the foam number one hands used
at sporting events. I lied, I don't remember it anymore,
so I'm hoping that you can share it with us.
(03:41):
That is an ass backwards way of saying his suggestion
is family whose hands are the size of foam number
one hands. You have shared so much already with all
of us listeners, and all I know, uh is all true.
Just wondering if you are ever late for something or
forget to do something and only have a lame excuse
(04:04):
doing does doing this show allow you to come up
with a believable excuse? So the premise again of this
one this guy is is this Yoda? Is this Yoda?
He just wants to learn how to be a con artist?
So that's a he's like, I tried to con that
story off. I couldn't do it right? And do we
(04:25):
our wants to know? Ye? Using the powers of improvisation
allows us to come up with things on the spot,
and the answer is yeah, you could improvise robbing a
bank and then actually Robert, thank you, his name is Steve. Alright.
I'd like you guys to be very cautious. Those are antiques.
(04:48):
If you break it, you buy it. Let's just move
this stuff out of here. Come on, we're moving it out.
Let's go. Are you talking to Dave. I'm talking to
the customers that just walk and I just want to
make sure that they're cautious these antiques, in fact, that
they're that's from the Revolutionary War. I'm sorry. The way
(05:12):
you're treating me and my family is incredibly disrespectful. You
have a moving crew moving your antiques around. You're not
saying anything to them. But I think you're saying it
to us because our fingers are large. Is that what
you're thinking? You hadn't even noticed that I hadn't noticed.
I hadn't noticed. And these moving crew people they're bringing
in new antiques. Are you sure? I'm not. I'm having
(05:39):
a hard time hearing. I'm pretty old. Okay, well let
me tell you something, sir. These this moving crew is
moving all these pieces into an unmarked van. Mom asked
him if he worked at an antique store because he
is an antique. Sir, do you work at an antique
store because you're an antique? You know what? Just hold
your tongue really quick. I can hear your son this
(06:00):
close to me. Okay, what was the rude thing to say?
You are agent? Shut up? It doesn't matter if the
mirror breaks. We just need to fra you know what.
I believe that. I believe that I'm being robbed by Unfortunately,
Sarah Party Party, I'm the husband here. Unfortunately, we don't
(06:22):
care what you believe anymore, because you've already demonstrated to
us that you are. And I just want to say
thank you for letting me talk to you. You know,
my my grandfather probably wasn't the most like Greek areas,
person are open. But you know you got to spend
the last few moments with him before he had that
massive heart attack aneurism. Yeah again, I'm so I'm so
(06:45):
sorry we didn't call nine one moment right away that
probably would have saved his life. He was just being
so rude to us. I for sure, thank you so
much for the This is a huge tissue. It's just
a towel. It's an ant. Okay, your dad smells like pooh,
(07:05):
thank you so much. Um, I do have a smaller
glass of water I could use. This glass is just
it's too big for my hands to hold. It's just massive. Um. Sure,
here's a here's a cap of a water bottle. Is
that small enough for you? Yeah? I can just dip
it into this giant glass. And how do you do
(07:26):
anything with those baby hands? Oh, if you haven't noticed
by now, my son his name is Bobby, but we
call him Bobby Singer because he's just got He's just
he sings on people wherever we got like, how do
you jerk yourself a soda with those? And the thing
about him is if you have any sort of like
(07:48):
insecurities or whatever. He somehow he knows and he'll just
kind of say the things him because we've been you know,
looked down upon because of our physical features, and yet
he's used as superpower to just bomb on other people
around him. What's quite interesting. Yeah, Also, sir, why didn't
your mom like you know what I mean? Alright, Well,
(08:13):
once again, thank you for giving me the time to
talk to you. Can you please? Oh yeah, I'm sorry
of course. Well well, well, if it isn't the family
that always thinks they're number one, so happy to see
you guys, so happy. Um, if this is a bad time,
(08:33):
we can leave. It seems like you invited us to
dinnerate your house. And yeah, because you know, as freaks
got a band together. We have giant heads, floppy, weird
cowboy hats on them, and we can't change that. That's
just who we are, all right. For some reason, everybody
(08:55):
celebrates you because you have spirit or whatever, and we're
just clowns. So did you invite us over to you
pick this kid out? That's exactly we do this because
on fire. In fact, I'm gonna have PD locked the doors,
PT locked the doors, locking the doors. Hut Her up. Look, Okay, well,
(09:15):
I have a keiche can I can you put it
in your oven? I'm gonna burn my fingers off if
I put it in there because they're huge. Um is
that oven? Is that? Is that a remark about the
size of my noggin, because there's a lot going on
in the No. No, I was in fact making a
remark about my hands and that I needed help putting
(09:35):
this kiche I made for dinner in the oven. Alright, fine,
I'll player Dan. Thank you, Mr and Mrs Foam Hans. Uh.
We have an issue with its foam hands. Yes, I'm
sorry foam hands. Um, I'm having an issue with Bobby.
He has been um well, he's been very negative to
(09:56):
some of the other students. And obviously, we never blame
a child. Is we don't blame a dog. It's the owners,
and as the owners of the child, his parents, we
you know, we have to assume that this is this
might be some kind of atmosphere that is emerging from
home that he's mirroring. So it's just it's a way
for the child to express themselves. And obviously, just like
(10:18):
a dog, they don't have the same kind of you know,
vocal capabilities or you know, they're not able to swim
as fast as us. So uh we you know, we
just want to give them the best opportunity to be
the best person that can be. So you do need
to have a conversation with him, because as he calls
them his singers, his singers are hurting a lot of
the other kids and mainly the teachers. He's able to
(10:40):
really zero in on the teachers insecurities and and really
crush them. So I'm sorry about that. That was my drawer.
I have little I first of all, I have I'm
uncomfortable with how often you're comparing the children here to dogs,
and I do think dogs are responsible for their acts
(11:00):
and should be held accountable. Um. And secondly, that's just
our little, our little Bobby's personality, right honey, whatever you say. Yeah,
and we brought him along with us as well. I
hope that's okay. That that actually okay. And I actually
wanted to bring off for something here and I'm just
going to my cough drawer. And so this is a
(11:20):
shock caller. Okay, that's my closets. So this is a
shock caller I usually use, you know, all right, you know,
in my business they kind of they call me a
shot collar. They do a shot caller. Okay, okay, so
it's always funnier in the second time. Do you understand
(11:43):
that they call him that? Alright, Pete, you were a
good dog, but the judges holding you accountable for what
you did, so you're gonna be going away. You're been
going away for a long time. She wasn't for that suggestion,
my Mrs Foeman's. They wouldn't have happened, but they took it.
They escalated up the ladder, and now all dogs have
(12:05):
to go to court, not not having They should get
my fucking back there dog. Jesus Christ that was to
be fucking done for. Whoknew that guy to shake up
his eye? Oh my god? You know what I'm gonna
tell you somewhere now we're actually planning a break. We're
gonna get the funk out of here. Are you win? Dog?
Or are you not? I don't know about that. What
the fly ship? Ship? Holy ship? Ohly ship? Oh? Okay,
(12:38):
family meeting, family meeting? What's up that? Listen? I um?
I stopped by Dr Crowds office. He gave me some pamphlets,
some pamphlets. Now I'm not saying something we have to do.
I'm saying I want to discuss the possibility of reconstructive surgery.
(12:59):
I'd be utification, reconstructed like a nose job, like a
nose job for our hands. Well, honey, correct me if
I'm wrong. But if we were to go through that surgery,
they can't reduce the size of our bones in our hands,
so we'd have to be amputated on both hands and
have new maybe a dead person's hands sewn on top.
(13:21):
I did not correct you, correct you, because you are
not wrong, my darling. You rarely are. I'm sorry, buddy,
I don't want to. But what about Bobby if he
gets the surgery now is an eight year old boy.
By the time he's an adult man, he's going to
have child's hands, the dead hands. Okay, here's a great question.
The pamphlin says, there are a lot of dogs being
(13:43):
euthanized on the daily, and some of those dogs can
transfer to humans like that. All right, If you see here,
I got a lot of dog paws with thumbs sewn on.
I'm already gave so what I'm thinking. The one is
I'm gonna be able to take I want these dog paws,
(14:03):
and I'm gonna be able just selem under your fucking arms, okay,
and then you're gonna be able to have these other
fucking dog hands with these thumbs on there and then
and then and then if you want to come back,
I wanna be able to add some more pieces to you, sir. Sorry, sir,
do you have a question for the council? We we
We've only got so much time for each neighbor to uh.
(14:28):
I got a fucking question. Everyone's able to have a
goddamn barbecue. But I start doing little surgeries in my
fucking garage and I get citation. Let me tell you something, body,
I pay my fucking taxes. I have my house board
the way you want it. There's no car and the
fucking garage or drive away. So do me a solid.
(14:51):
Let me use these dog paws with thumbs on them.
Take my heart, sir. I want to wanna make one correction.
It says here h on the notes, you actually have
not paid your taxes. Yeah, I got a question for
the council. Yeah, you know, because Ms Thompson complained that
(15:13):
my dogs ship in your yard. Now he's doing twelve
to life. It's sing, sing, and I just I feel
like we need to find an in between here because
I look, I wasn't there a curb him. That's my fault.
I apologized. You know, I went back and I got it,
and you know I paid extra for long replacement. If, like,
you know, my dog was just doing natures thing. You
didn't know that his his you know, where to go
(15:35):
at the time he was wasn't personal And would you
suggest what a suspended sentence or a community time, community service,
you know, let him, you know, take blind people around something,
you know, just something you can do instead of like
wasting away in a cell, which you know it's not
the yard. Time is not nearly enough and they won't
throw sticks. So it's bullshit. So let's let's take a
(15:56):
quick vote. Uh McGregor, are you going to weigh in
on this? Anti dog? I think it's I think it's
just sorry. This is his first day, this is your
first time at these h o A meetings. It's always
getting crazy. It always comes down to dog, do your
(16:17):
party tea? Do you want tea? I do? Yeah. I
was just actually gonna offer you tea with podka? Do
you party harder? Hold on one second, anti dog? So yeah,
I want party harder than anybody. I love this housing
a Community Office of America. Thank you for the word up.
(16:45):
Can someone close that drawer? Okay? Sorry, I thought I
was gonna be so crazy. I just want to have
a little aside, Am I right? It? All aside of cocaine?
Oh yeah, Actually I was just gonna offer you some
tea with cocaine and there, Thank you. I wanted drying
(17:07):
up my nose, anti dog. I made my position, Claire
U Hi, so you too. You know why we have
to kick you off the council right um, in the
front of the whole town. You were both snorting cocaine
and pouring vodka into your tees while you're sitting, you know,
(17:28):
up large finger to point at us. I was pointing
at the chairs and I gestured to you, he did.
I had nothing to do with it. No, I'm sorry.
This is not a question of sorry. Patricia, Patricia, Patricia Michael, No, Patricia,
(17:53):
calm down, Patricia, Patricia. UM, Oh my god, I'm sorry.
I think I smacked your era off. Sorry one somebody
find at C two comes from Patreon v I P. McCoy,
(18:16):
who wrote, hey, ulcome me gang. I promised i'd hop
on Patreon once I got employed again. So here's the
fulfillment of said promise, and congratulations on your employment. My
sence suggestion is this curse of the mummy, it's now
healthy and much love from northern California McCoy. So the
(18:38):
tour will start in about ten minutes, will be going
about thirty below street level, and all I ask is
that you don't touch any of the objects and photographs here.
I hate to do this. I hate to do that.
I can never convert meters to like feet or inches.
Can you give me a little please? Please stop talking.
(18:58):
I'm trying to hear the door. Paused him. I paused him,
so he's not talking anymore. So you didn't miss a thing.
You pause him on my thing too. Goddamn well they're
still moving. Fuck, okay, great, So what what do you want?
What do you want? Oh? Yes, I I did a
pause for all, just a pause for me and you.
Apparently it looks like the other sixty people are going
(19:19):
they don't hear. What do you want? Man? Can you
I need a little help so you know, like it's
just the cups gallons to leaders like I don't what
what's the conversion rate for meters to feet, it's a
hundred and twenty ft is one hundred and so he
and so how many meters did he see? We're going
down thirty Let me do that math there, so well,
(19:40):
I'm bad at math. I'm gonna pull on my phone
really quick. So thirty meters times a hundred three thousand,
six hundred ft. Holy shit, that seems deep. Am I crazy?
It's no, You're not crazy, okay. And I did a
pause for all you pause for all my ass You
(20:01):
just you clicked my god, damn little pack and everyone
else kept walking. Now it's almost pitch black. I can't
see where the hell I'm going. There's six pathsways going
different different directions. I'm good. All we gonna do is
walking that he a little boy, hello girl, man, well
compared compared to I'm just talking about size. You're about
(20:23):
half a meter tall, both of you. Huh No, a
hundred twenty six ft, so that's half a half of
that half of twelve. And I'm just trying to make
a point that you're both very small, and I'm a
very You can't see me completely, but I'm a big
(20:46):
creepy woman, and you look like you bust your way
from your here's the plan, here's the plan. You hold
my hand, and we walked three thousand, six hundred feet
in that direction. And listen, buddy, my man, what look Okay,
(21:06):
I just wanted to go on this. I wanted to
see those commies. I'm trying to go. Look, I'm whispering. Okay,
you're whispering. We're freaked out. Let's just admit we're scaring.
I'm scared, you're not. Just believe you know that. Mommy
mommies are real moment too, and the wolfman's real kids. Yes, yes,
(21:35):
I've actually been I've been done, mommaid. Oh my god,
Oh my god. Okay, let's go too. So my husband
he was going on one of those two us to
see some of the mummies and whatnot, and he should
be back maybe in a couple of hours whatever. But
I just went out with there any spas in the
(21:57):
hotel that you can recommend to me that a lot,
you know, pretty much eat the same amount of time.
It's him at the tomb and then me getting a
massage that do you know what I mean? I just
want to be able to cross him when he returns.
He has his thing, I have my thing, so we
could spend time together. Do you understand what I'm saying?
Is that clear? Do you know what I mean? I
(22:18):
feel like I'm not being clear enough about what I'm asking.
Do you understand? Understand? I fully understand. We're not a
hotel with many amenities. We have a continental breakfast, and
we have a gym which is three weights and a
treadmill that doesn't work. So there's not really a spa
on property per se. But if you go down to
(22:42):
the tomb but only godred feet and hanging right, there's
a wonderful catacombs area with lots of sarcopha guy that
you can use to do like pilates and crunches on
and there's a lot of mud down there that you
can put on your face to help you know it,
feel bad and stuff. Okay, so there's nothing at the hotel.
(23:05):
Do you have to bring my own towel? Or is
the hotel provide three thou five hundred and sixty four
shop County every Just okay, we're about forty feet away
from where three is. Okay, Yeah, you don't think Look
I hear you, okay, and you wants kissing me off.
(23:28):
You don't believe in the wolf man? You don't believe
in Are you mad at me? Because you got this
is serious? Man. We're under where a well, who knows
how how many miles are on the ground, how many
miles are in the Memmi's home behind you? Okay, nothing, sir,
it's all dark. I can't. Let's put your hands out.
(23:49):
It's quite this like do the mummy. Okay, I'm sorry, Okay,
I've stopped. I stopped. Hello, did you bring did I
(24:12):
bring Heeny? I don't know? Did I bring heeny heeny?
What does that mean? Dr? Heeny? Oh you can't hear me. Dr.
(24:36):
We wonder if perhaps we could give you enough money
to sufficiently urge you to go down into the tomb,
deep deep deep, to help fulfill the prophecy that we've
written about. You're written this prophecy, Dr Heeny. It's precisely
the reason I don't want to go into the Mummy's tomb.
(24:56):
The prophecy doesn't end well for me. Yes, but it's
a proph to see. We all want to see it,
like if it's real or not. You're being a dick.
Dr he need go down and explain, lose situation for me. Dick, Dick, Dick, dick,
don't come chant this, don't chant this. All right, I'll go,
(25:19):
but I'm gonna need one hell of a tour guide.
But we could bring Gus out of retirement. He hasn't
gone anywhere since he recorded that wonderful tape describing meters. Well,
the problem is the tapes. I don't trust. I want
somebody that is in real time giving me directions to
get down into the mummy's tomb. And if there's some
(25:42):
sort of mummy hunter, i'd like that with me too.
Wow demands. Uh, Well, I'm going to my own demies.
I want to take all precautions to survive. Alright. Well,
I do know a mummy hunter is his name is
Rich and he's in town. Just he's in town for
a sales conference. It's very uh fortuitous. So maybe i'll
(26:05):
see if you'd like to go, darteney, okay, three thousand,
six hundred. Uh, where's the rest of the group? Which
one of you? We'll speak to the mommy. I don't
(26:30):
see anyone else here. I think it's just me. I'll
speak to the mommy. Are you are you fucking with me?
Are you the same guy to ask me about AHENI
I'm still trying to figure out what that is. Look
(26:50):
straight ahead, follow the light. Is that what the gift
shop is? I'm thirsty. I can't find any more mud.
The mud already gone. Oh my god, are you gonna
bring can you give me him my mouse? You know? Care? Oh? Well,
(27:19):
do you want my mouth? Yes? I just walked three
thousand six on her feet. Oh my god? How many meat?
Is is that that? He means? Yeah? Anyway, I wanted
this mummy tour, but there wasn't actually any mummies, just
a weird voice. My husband was on that, so he's
(27:41):
obsessed with it. He loves all frank they walk already?
Did they come out already? No? I haven't seen him. Yeah,
actually he Oh my god, he had the exact same
bracelets that you have full access. Yeah. Actually he was
wearing the exact same shorts that you're wearing too, supernumeray status. Yeah,
(28:01):
let's get you in anywhere. Actually he was wearing the
exact same sunglasses is you're wearing ordered online? Hell? Yeah, yeah,
that's just the winky dink. I think a lot of
people have the same set up here. If you buy
online you order early all that stuff. Anyhow, No mummy's here.
(28:21):
It's a long walk through a cave. I appreciate the mimosa,
but I gotta go lay down now, all right, well,
feel free to lay down. Yeah, I'm in a little spot.
I just want to let you know maybe you might
not ever see your husband again. What the hell? Sorry?
All right, Dr Heiti descend to the tomb. They're just
punting down there. You need to fulfill the prophecy. All right,
(28:44):
I'm on my way. Isn't there like some sort of
heads flashlight that I can strap to my head? There is.
I brought a more traditional maglite for you, but if
you prefer, we could duct tape it to this uh
beer helmet that they were the baas. I do prefer that.
I need to have my hands free in case a
(29:04):
mummy comes up. All right, but it's an embarrassing look
to be seen with in front of a mummy. So
it's up to you. But I'll strap it on here,
tapping it on. It's got my hair, it's got my hair, alright, alright, alright, alright,
oh wait, I'm getting the sort of audio. Do you
(29:27):
hear that? Yes? This is Dr Heney dr Yes, I'm
traveling into the two. Is that I'm here for my
two o'clock? Am I your two o'clock? Yes? Okay, good good,
(29:52):
So I think we're alone. Now, what's going on? M
hm and exam? Oh well, I primarily work with the
living um but your finger? Okay? Is this? I up
(30:19):
my ass? Okay, I'm just kept to unwrap some of
these bandages. Oh their paper thin, I can just rip
through them. Okay, I'm gonna need some m and it's
I don't, I don't. This is very It feels like
somebody has taken all of the insides that I usually
find in an ass out. I think that's the problem.
(30:42):
I think the problem is is all your organs have
been removed. They're just don't. Oh, yes, well, we just
need to find a family willing to donate organs to
my ass. Well we could start there. Yeah, a bunch
(31:02):
of stuff that you guys can use. I got a
whole bunch of organs. I got a whole bunch of
dog hands. Whatever the fucking need, man, So just open
that cooler and take whatever you want. I'm a scientist,
I'm a dog. Sir. Sir, you failed the driving portion
of the test, so you will not be getting Okay, okay, okay,
(31:28):
you need to realize anything, maybe to travel. Yeah, okay,
well I have a passport, so I'll just use that
instead it No, that's scene too. I want to spend
(31:48):
some time with that Selah. I want to get to
know him better. By the way, Cole, you brought up
the beer helmet and I was thinking about beer helmet
from the previous scene. Did you have that on your mind?
It's like the floppy cowboy this finger and yeah, wow,
mind mind. Everybody see three today. Cost from Thomas wrote
(32:13):
high alchemist. I plan on becoming a v I P
once the world stop spinning again. And I'm not eating rash.
You're all great and I had to rank, and if
I had to rank you all, I would put Joey third.
My suggestion is a vegetarian themed fight club. Thanks Thomas.
(32:38):
All right, first, let's have a call out of new members.
New members, please just raise your hand, yeah, hand raised?
What is your name? New member? Carrot? Carrot? Yeah, okay,
and you fella, what's your name? Brock's that short for broccoli.
(33:05):
It's Brock Lee crazy clever okay, uh and uh, Steven,
you're gonna take minutes this week. People are in this room.
God damn it. Yes, chick me, you're gonna take notes
this week. Great? Alright, old business first. Uh, someone in
(33:30):
this room, and I'm not gonna name names, I'd like
you to just step forward and uh explain. Someone has
mentioned Vegetarian Fight Club outside this room. I was invited
by chick yesp And how are you invited sir? By
word of mouth? Yeah, I understand he spoke to you.
(33:53):
I'm just wondering it was it in a public place?
Was it in private? Was in an email? It was
in private in a public place? And so what was
the private part? Okay? Yeah, So here are salads. Thank you.
If you anything else, just let me know. Here at
salads and again, here at Salads and and Fork, will
(34:16):
you offer everything? Heybody, Okay, I'm fine, I'm sorry. I
just got a table out there, and they seem like
really rough and tumble kind of guys. And I just
really want to, like, you know, introduce myself the best
way possible because here at Salad and Fork, we here
at Salad Fork, we offer the premier salad and Fork experience.
That's what I'm supposed to say. And So what would
(34:38):
you really saying is, look, you have aggression, right, so
take it out. Yeah, I'm gonna fucking knock that guy's teath.
I'm saying my brain, I'm saying, is I'm part of it.
I'm so sorry to interrupt. High welcome to salad and fork.
I know you our last several server. I swear to God,
if I have to talk to this asshole, I'm gonna
(34:59):
knock his fucking teeth. That this or something wrong that
I can maybe something with the order I can help
with or get away from us. Nothing, Okay, great, okay,
you got it? All right? What if I told you
there was a backyard in Semi Valley where a group
of people meet their aggressions out, would you be interested?
(35:24):
I'd say, I'm in. You just saved me my third strike, friend,
I'm in. Now, there's a catch. We're not using these
what we're not using christs, we're not using our knees
a using but that's all I've trained in. Throw that out.
I'm talking stocks of celery, right, I'm talking throwing tomatoes
(35:45):
as hard as you can. Yes, So I think it's
pretty clear that Chickpea kind of said the whole damn
thing to this new guy. It seems that I just
want to ask a question because I know the rule
is we don't talk about it. But I was wondering, then,
how do we get new recruits? Thank you A fair question, Carl.
You want to take that one. Well, the best way
(36:10):
to UH to get new recruits is what I like
to do is I go and I stand outside the
Vegan fight club on Third. They're so weak, they're easily impressionable.
But the problem is because they're vegan, they will want
to tell everyone. So you know, there is that, but
they're right for the pickings. So I recommend going down
(36:31):
there and we can see what we can get. You know,
we get some carrot find out about the club. That's
a solid question. Why First of all, how come everybody
is under investigation here today? I didn't realize that this
was the FBI. Okay, I'm trying to make a comedy joke.
(36:54):
Jesus fucking Christ. Guys are just like my wife. She
doesn't laugh at it. Anyway, Um, how did I find
out about it? Yeah? Something that I like to do
that I think is fun is stand just outside. I
like to go around outside. If I hear a noise
from somebody's backyard. I'll walk to it. Have I gotten
arrested for that before? Yeah? Did it? Dana? Um, this
(37:18):
is this is becoming a bigger issue than I want.
I mean, you're coming to work with shellery stocks, uh,
pieces of I guess potato skin all over your fists
and eyes. Uh. You know, I need to have a
little bit more respect when you come into this office. Okay,
on your personal life, but that needs to be curbed
(37:39):
when you come in here. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm just
confused because at first I would come in to work with,
you know, just looking like a real nasty piece of ship.
And now I just have vegetable scraps on my hands,
and I'm still getting attacked for that. You're not gonna
attack for that, okay, But I feel like you're taking me.
(38:00):
I don't know. I don't know why I feel like
you're attacking me. I don't know why this matters I feel.
So it looks like we have some blunt force trauma
from a stock vegetable. Maybe he died instantly, um, just
here in the boardroom. So uh, we're gonna corner it.
Af Let's don't don't move it. It's an active crime scene.
(38:25):
Please leave it. We're trying to have no authority here.
I can't feel him through the doorway. I'm gonna have
to cut him in half. Please stop, Just leave the body.
We're still trying. It's still fresh from its death. I'm
trying to ascertain a lot more about it's an active
(38:45):
Oh god, damn it. Moving the desk. All right, Well,
I think I got enough down here. It's it's the
fifth body I found this week that had some sort
of vegetable markings on it. Uh, you have somebody who's
acting out with a lot of aggression. At least I
(39:07):
have you to tell it to tape recorder. What do
you what do you mean you're shutting the farmers market town.
I mean this is where we come to sell our
fresh vegetables and fruits. I mean we just want to
be able to give the community some healthier alternatives to
We won't shut you down, but we need you all
to wear wires. Okay, we're gonna try to figure out
(39:31):
why is this bad for the vegetables. Look, it's just
until we catch this killer or killers. Hi, I'm looking
for some real stiff celery um. Okay, sure, I'm talking
the kind that could knock knock a man out. Well,
(39:56):
that's fairly untraditional for it. But my name is Steve.
If you're looking for Steve Chick, you might have heard
of me. No. I live at four three zero six
way more place. Oh, you live across the street from
my sister. She lives on four six zero. No, I
(40:19):
just got confused thinking about houses. You know, on one
side of the street will be odd and the other
will be even so for me, I just had a
brain I'm sorry. You know that I had a brain
tumor that was removed two months ago, so I get
I don't believe you did. This is my point is,
what do you think? This is? What do you think?
(40:40):
I don't know. I mean I think you have to
try to keep them trying to keep on topic. Here,
we're getting a lot of good information. Now you guys
are spiraled out and don't act like you're hearing me
through your earpieces. Okay, I just go back to transaction. Sorry,
someone in my ear just told me to stop talking
to him, so let me You know, I hear those
same voices sometimes and then the voice today is telling
(41:00):
me tonight I should bludge in a man with the
sack of potatoes. This is the FBI tone. Hey, FBI,
p p I, d p I. Anything you need to label? Yeah,
telling me that you must. We're working on something implanted
in working in the same case. If that's If that's
(41:24):
the case, why don't you meet me at four three
zero eight way more place tonight. That's my my brother
in law's house I'm married to. I think you've got enough.
I got enough. Move in moving tap recorder, move in,
tap recorder, go go go, don't just look, go get
them tap recorder, go move in, move it. Taper corder.
(41:47):
God damn it. Connor, I'm sorry, but we're gonna have
to cut fund into your special division. Why we're just
not getting the results we want. I mean your paper
on the advancement of tape recorder technology and how it's
actually going to be able to take the place of
(42:07):
field agents was interesting, I mean enough so that we
invested two to three. All right, look, pal, look I'll
serve you drink, but I'm not serving that thing. You
just got a line of shots next to it. Pour
it on the recorder. God damn it. All right, I
mean you're paying for this poor on Okay, I feel
(42:31):
weird about this, and one and poor one on the
floor for the walkman we lost last week. Jesus Christ,
you're a real whackle. You know that. I'm a wacko.
The department assigned me this partner. Okay, so I'm just
doing the best I can do, all right. All he
just he's a good air. He listens, but that's about it.
He doesn't offer any theories, he doesn't offer any backup.
(42:52):
But you know what, he's my partner and I have
his back, all right, behave. I just want you to
leave the tape recorder out of this for once. Okay.
We haven't made love in months, and I'm tonight. I'm horny,
so I want to have sex. And I just wish
you would take the tape recorder out of the bed.
Leave work at work. I mean, I can't. I mean,
(43:13):
what what happens if I leave him in another room
and some headphones show up and take him away? I can't.
That doesn't happen. It's a tape recorder. Him in here,
He'll hear everything, and that's embarrassing. Get shut him off,
turn pause, put him into a drawer in another room,
and pick him up when you go to work tomorrow
to fucking tape recorder. You do what? Never mind? I
am leaving you. Hello. UM, my name is Stephanie Kay.
(43:41):
I am newly and my partner was obsessed with a mouse.
It was a Bluetooth mouse, and God, he'd bring it everywhere,
asked if it was able to that to anything, to
just scroll around, and then if it did, which most
(44:03):
of the time I did because most things are sucking bluetooth.
He was just clicking around, clicking room c looking around,
and I lost him. I lost him to that mouse.
And I'm so sorry. I don't know why. I just
had to say something. I'm I'm sorry. I just wanted
to say something. Thank you, Thank you, Stephanie. There's no
apology necessary. And these are safe walls that you stand
(44:28):
inside of. We're all here to crazy way to describe
a room. I'm sorry, that's just a room. I've never
heard anyone describe it like I mean, even just like
an open space. It could be safe. You know, it's
safe in here, So it's okay that you're all. I
don't feel safe in here because of how you're describe
I don't. I feel like the walls might drop and
(44:50):
then like a whole bunch of dogs will just be
released on to me. Is any rational? Is any rational? Fear? No? No? Okay,
what anyone else likes, I'll say something else. I'll go
back up and say something. Yeah, that's a weird noise.
(45:11):
So alright, State Recorder, she's in that meeting. I'm gonna
hold you up and I need you to play in
your eyes all right, and then maybe she'll come back
to me. I don't know how well you amplify it
because your pocket sized. And hopefully she hears it. But
we'll see what happens. Oh, come back to me your ship? Ship?
(45:39):
Is it? Because I poured some buch shots on you?
Oh hai, old prospector. I was, I don't know. I
was trying to move my wife back, my partner here,
and I got so deep into work that you know,
the State Recorder became my life and she left me in.
(46:00):
I mean, I know that your only love as gold,
but how do you how do you show it that
it's the most important thing. Well, I'll tell you this.
My partner was my pick axe right here, Charlie. Now,
this piece and me went everyway together, and I I'm
gonna be honest I try to make love to it,
and when I did, I I did some horrible things
(46:23):
at the bottom half of my body. I um actress
too shop. I cut my scholf up pretty bad, you know,
I cut up You're on You're on a public street,
and that's a weapon, and I feel like I have
to take you in, but I don't want you because
I really admire you your spirit. Gunner. I'm reinstated in
(46:45):
the program. That prospector you arrested was actually the head
of a cartel gold ring and you busted four hundred
billion dollars worth of counterfeit the Boollians. Gunner. I'm raising
your pay to more. Oh, it's all been worth it.
Losing my wife and she still want to talk to me,
returned my calls. But to know that I've got this
(47:08):
morning now to put away everything. Connor, this is working, Okay.
I want to leave home at home and work here. Okay.
I don't need to know what's going on in your
personal do you hear me? Hey captain sorry interrupted? Oh wow,
did you have these walls painted? I feel so safe
in here. Yeah yeah, well I actually wrote safe on
(47:29):
all the walls. So oh that's got that squeak again.
I know we're celebrating the four hundred billion dollar booie
and bust, but there's a goddamn massacre at four three
zero six way More place. It was hummus and blood everywhere. Yeah,
(47:52):
I got it. Come on. I love you, oh my,
and I have so many feelings for you. But this
is not the time. I have to stop this. I
love it, I love you more. It's not the time.
Don't do this, Okay. I know it's not the time.
(48:14):
I'm just saying, I gotta get down there. I love you, Okay, Okay, Chief,
I love you too. I know it's not the time.
I'm gonna go down on now. Okay, Chief, I know
I gotta go. Okay, Connor of the director that need
to have the captain of a police department. They're all dead.
(48:35):
They're all dead, okay. Closed Well, no, no, no, we don't.
We still gotta apprehend the people who the assailants, the
people who committed the crimes. But no one's breathing. Thompson,
Have you just been running back and forth to the
crime sheet. Yeah, it's I mean four three zero six
way More places, right, Yeah, you guys should see it.
(48:58):
If you open the door. Actually, captain, can I up
in your planes of cos right there? Whoa? Where you
where you point? A lot of there? No, you're looking
over there. The sun is in yours as you're looking
in the reflection of the window. I'm looking directly at
the down Wait a second, guys, guys, tape recorder has
(49:21):
been missing for half an hour. Could it be this
whole time? He Oh my god, you cool. That's our
shouting out. Sorry, you've only got so much we can
(49:45):
afford of the rights of that song. Fantastic. I want
to thank all the bar Alchemists today, especially Mr James
eeny James, thanks so much for being here. Oh, thanks
for having me. It's uh, it's a lot of fun. Yeah.
So we'll work on some technical things between episodes. I
think I'll be able to fix it before the next episode.
I'm just gonna use a secondary laptop if you can
(50:09):
get closer to your camera. Also, you're so damn handsome. Uh,
I can barely see you. Look like you're in hell
the bowels of health. That's the background, and you seem
very cold. But you're also like half the normal size,
and I'm missing that sweet, sweet heeny face and congrats
again on the commercial. What was that? Was that? The
(50:30):
sweet sweet nation Schnitzel enjoyed the hell out of that. Man,
I remember you telling us about the movable uh wig
or whatever that ponytail thing is. Yeah, it was. It
was controlled with a remote control. There was a team
of people remote controlling everybody's pony. Whole team of people.
It's awesome. A team. Yeah. And the same person that
(50:53):
worked on my hair, the same person that did your
hair stuff for uh for the whole ten yards Yeah, yeah,
that's crazy. And and they also work on a mandalorian anyways,
Uh yeah, they did great. To see you, James, Caroline Carter,
James Genie, thank you so much for being here today.
(51:13):
And well, uh, you will not be joining us for
the second show, I understand, but I greatly appreciate you
making the first one. Where can folks find you if
you would like them to? Well, I don't want anyone
to find me anywhere, but if you did, it's on.
You can find me on Instagram on Carter poop and
maybe tell me what I should do with my life. Yes, please,
(51:35):
someone out there help offer a rudder fox sake. Thank you,
cal Chris Alvaratz thank you for having me. I was
on the phone with Jessica the other day. She's in
Orange County and while we're talking, she goes James Heeney's
on TV and she's so she had to watch your
(51:58):
spot while listening while talking to me. Is a really
fun moment for both of us. We're so proud of you, dude,
and that's all I want to say. Yield my time,
Mr col Stratton talks so much for joining us again.
Of course, thanks for having me. Sidebar on the Jessica
Low Things. She has a very funny part at the
end of Desperadoes now on Netflix. F y I uh yeah,
go to uh at cold strand at Stratton calling very
(52:20):
social things. God s sketch Fest dot com rent some videos.
Help support the festival. There's a lot of good ship
on there. More good stuff coming, please do. Joey Graherman,
Please check out Bear Supply live on the internet on
Westie Comedy Theaters, Twitch Channel's twitch dot tv backs West
Comedy Theater every Wednesday at seven o'clock. Please continue a
(52:41):
right to us your name here and almy just dot com.
Love to read your emails and here from all of
you means the world to us, Please stay safe and
remember to wash your hands as often as possible. Social
distance your ship, and uh let's get big. Thanks to
our producing engineer the stars, Mr Duck Bain Ba ba
ba baby, the fine folks that I heart media. I'm
(53:06):
Kevin Pollock. Thank you all for being there. Be safe
until next time
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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