First dates are rarely easy. This one quickly sets new highs of oddness, disruption and distraction… Folks on a charter bus en route to Las Vegas encounter more excitement than they paid for… A team gathers as their new manager lays out a whole new game plan that may or may not resemble the game as they knew it, nor as intended.
Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. This I'm your
guest host Col Stratton. Yes that Col Stett. Thanks guys,
Thanks guys. What's that? I can hear the internet rebelling? Okay,
So Kevin anticipated your incessant interruptions at the top, so
he asked me to read from a prepared statement. So
here goes. It's okay, everyone calmed down. I Kevin Pollock
(00:27):
asked Cole Stratton to sit in for me today. At present,
I'm in New York working on season three of that
little show that's already won thirty nine major awards in
his first two seasons, but he was coming to be sure.
Kevin wrote this the amazing Mrs Maza. That's when my
friend Bobby calls it. I know he's great, and he
will be back and forth between New York and Los
Angeles until September, but I'll often still make it here
(00:48):
for these recording sessions in the meantime. Cole is super talented,
and I guess he wrote this. I'm now still Kevin
talking where was I? And the whole Alchemy. This cast
knows Cole and are very appreciative that he's there in
my stead. So fun today Cole And to all the alchemists,
just know that I love you and I'll be listening. Okay,
So there you have it, folks. I'm that Cold Stratton
(01:10):
and I'm happy to be guest hosting this episode of Alchemy.
This so let's meet our alchemists, shall we? In no
particular order, say hello to Vanessa Raglan Vanessa, would you
like to see a photo I have of Joey Greer
shimming up a tree and only his socks? Oh? Thank you? Correct,
look under the um um tree. It's Chris Alvarado, super
(01:33):
topical reference. When the time is right, will you read
me a story? I'll read Cold Stratton a story, not
Kevin Polk story. Wait, it's weird hosting in his voice.
All right, we'll see. Somebody wisely replaced Joey Greer today
with the also talented and returning guest improviser Carla Kakowski. Carlo, never, Carl,
What do you do with Joey's carps? With his curbs? Carps?
(01:58):
About the curb she did? Sweet lawn ornament? Obviously perfect,
keep people away, that's for sure. Next up is the
godfather of Solmino, Craig's and Bacon with the side of laughter.
How would you respond to this Jeopardy answer? He is
(02:18):
my comedy inspiration. Who is Craig nice? And it's good
to be Craig? And last, but re stocked the pantry
with your mother's eyes. If you think him least, it's
James heeny dr H. Where do you think Kevin has
such a problem calling you James? I think that he's
(02:42):
the The idea of a nickname really adds to a relationship.
I mean, I don't want to break it down too much,
but I think he just wants to be better friends
with me. I'm I think he forgets your name sometimes.
I mean, we've known each other for a long time,
and I think I always call you Hey. Don't think
(03:02):
continue this trend? Alright? Preparation h Let's get going. Let's
get to our first scene. As as always, all today's
scene suggestions were gathered from our listeners emails. If you'd
like to submit yours, please write to the podcast at
your name here at alchemy this dot com. That's your
name here at alchemy this dot com. Okay. Our first
(03:24):
scene was sent in by Nicole Seeman. Good thing Joey's
in here for that one. Nicole Hey, you rag tag
group of weirdos. One day, I was falling asleep from
my third nap of the day, and an idea for
scene suggestions struck me, And it goes like this. A
murderer and a grave robber go on a first date
at a fancy restaurant and have to answer each other's
questions as vaguely as possible so the other doesn't realize
(03:47):
that they are criminals. Meanwhile, two detective slash cops, one
male and one female, so we'll see how this is
cast sit two tables away, bickering over what to order
and who is going to pay. The entire time, the
waiter for both of these tables is becoming more and
more but draggled. As he returns to the tables between
waiting on them, he's going to the alley outside the
restaurant to procter, and I leegal raccoon fighting ring and
(04:10):
it's trying not to rise A suspicion complicated setup, guys,
not convoluted at all. I didn't want to compliment you, guys,
because God knows you get enough emails saying how awesome
you are. But I looked at pictures of all of
you and you're either adorable parental figures or like Vanessa
super hot. I thought I was the other one. You're both.
(04:31):
Screw you all for not being ugly, for making me
love you all the much more, you assholes. Sincerely, Nicole Seaman. PS.
I know it's a bad last name. You find a
way to use it in the scene. I will marry
one of you, might choose PPS. I make art and
ship and if you can give me an address to
the studio or a po box or something, I can
send you all some fun little key chains or some
dumb shit. Tell me something each of the main cast likes,
(04:54):
and I'll try to make it. Thanks Nicole, Joey put
that on at all, right, guys, take it away. I'm nervous.
If I shouldn't say I'm nervous, I should just be
here with you. No, I I totally anticipate everything that
(05:15):
you're about to say in regards to nervousness. Okay, I
was I was up all night last night? Oh really?
Can I get you guys started with something to drink? Um? Yes,
I would like a gallon of water please, okay, and
a little dehydrated okay, just like four cups of one. Yes, Also,
(05:36):
my my nails are filthy, so I really need to
clean than myself. Okay, and I will have rose. Oh
all right, thank you. Can I say the wrong thing? No, no, no,
we both just figuring it out. We're figuring it out here.
I'm trying to strike that nice balance of honesty and
also like fakeness, you'll like me. No, no, I feel you.
(05:59):
I feel you. That's a that's a that's a hard line.
But you know what, we're here because we want to
be here, and I think we should just I'm want
to lean towards more honest frankly, good me too, I
can do that. Okay. Yeah. What do you do for
a living? Um? Jeez, I need to be honest, don't
I We just said this, you just said that. So yeah, okay,
(06:22):
Well for a living, um, I work in a newstand.
Oh yeah interesting. Yeah, and then I have a lot
of hobbies. Interesting. Yeah. I actually use a lot of
newspaper to clean up things. So yeah, that works, that works. Yeah,
would you please just pick something? We don't have an
hour long break, We have an hour told, I don't know.
(06:43):
There's just so so many sandwiches on the menu. We
come there's five sandwiches. So five is too many? Okay,
maybe the club. What's on the club, it's what's regularly
on it. We got lettuce, bacon, turkey pak. Is it
possible for you to just put my order in so
(07:05):
it comes out and we don't have to work asolutely?
If he would let go of my wrist, let go
of her list, Let go let go of her wrist.
He's got a lisp. He has a hard time. I
wouldn't make fun of it. We're partners. We're partners, not
not in life. We're cop partners. I'm a lady cop.
I wouldn't judge you if you were together. Whatever, grilled
(07:27):
cheese does sound good? Is there any meat on that note?
That's just cheese and bread? Oh, I like it when
there's meat. We just put some turkey on it. How
about you just put the philly stick and cheese in
and by the time that's freddy, I'm sure we'll get
the other order. Is that too aggressive? I don't like
the way you're looking at me. You're talking to me,
But my frustration isn't with you. It's just that she
she she keeps our breaks so that we spend the
(07:49):
entirety of the time here at a table. I got
things to do. I want to call my wife. Yeah, okay,
I'm his work wife. You're not wife. Put up the
filly cheese steak in and you keep deliberating and just
flag me down if you mean okay, I'll grab you
by the list. I'm looking at this filly cheese steak frankly, Yeah,
(08:11):
I'm gonna go a little crazy. That's great. I stopped
eating meat a few years ago. Yeah, it's um, it's
just a thing that I have you. Have you ever
tried eating freshly killed meat? No, I'd still consider that
meat like like under the general umbrella, and it's and
(08:31):
it certainly is. Certainly. I just feel like the process
stuff you don't get the macro nutrients that you can
find in freshly freshly killed meat for the gentleman and
a gallon for the guzzler. A gallant. I just got
a bunch of cops. I was ready to order, you think, sure, Yeah,
I'll take the salad salad, salad salad favorites here, and
(08:55):
I will take the filly cheese steak please. And I
wonder if you could add extra fresh meat to that. Sure, yeah,
I can do, And I'll have a salad salad, okay,
a salad sad? And what are your dressings? You guys wants? Yeah?
UZI guzy is a plus so far? Um, yeah sounds good.
What's the other option here? Okay, I'll do it. I'll
go with the uzy guzy. Thank you? Your biceps are huge? Yeah, well,
(09:21):
thank you? Mine are two? They are they are. Wow.
We have a lot in common. I feel better now.
I feel more comfortable. I feel more comfortable with you.
I was out, like you said, I was out late
last night and I don't know I I I didn't
know if I was gonna make it here to tonight. Frankly,
(09:44):
you do have some scratches on your face that I
was kind of wondering about. Yeah, I get crazy. I
turned to a wolf at night. Excuse me, I think
I might be ready to order. Oh wonderful, I'm ready
for you. What is on the salad salad? The salad
salad is let us with another kind of let us
on top, with a little bit of spinach on top
of that, and then we put some vegetables in there.
(10:04):
Oh okay, that sounds like too much salad. That's exactly
what I told you. You'd say. I mean, it's I
just wanted to hear it. We can do it. We
can do it. Just olives, just olives. Okay, okay, does
it so come with us? It does come with the us. Okay,
let me do a side of olives with Uzy Guzy
on top. All Right, you got it. Anything else I
(10:25):
can do for you, guys, Well you can solve this
string up murders that's going around town talking about that.
There's been so many murders, like they haven't even made
some of them have made the paper. How many have
there been about the old lady and the young lady. Well,
we're only hearing about those because those are the people
that are missing. We need bodies, We need bodies. How
do you know about other ones? If the people aren't missing, well,
(10:47):
they're what you consider unknown unknowns. We don't know how
many people are missing that haven't been I mean, it's
really this is a there's no nons, there's unknownowns, there's
no unknowns, and there's unknown unknowns. So who didn't That's
what we're trying to find. God, I just feel like
not everybody deserves to live. I am on the same
(11:09):
page that that's so interesting that I feel exactly the
same way. It's just like Earth, right, it's like overpopulated
and like not everybody should be here, and then when
they die, other people should get their stuff. Yeah. Yeah,
of course, of course when people die, like you should
just be able to take their things. Yeah, I think
(11:29):
that's how that should work. Like this ring that I'm
wearing not mine. I know a lot of dead people.
I mean, what's that mean? Look at that? Look at
that that guy over there, for instance, the one by
himself drinking that coffee. Like I look at somebody like
that and I think, why why is he alive? And
I look at something like that and I think, a
(11:50):
nice watch. We are hitting it off? Can I say
that we're hitting it off? Girl? Can I get you
anything else to re fill? Or just kiss? Said here
a while longer? Okay, the raccoon fights aren't going to
start for another thirty minutes. All right, I've got twenty
five thousand. I'm Bandit. I know Bandit's doing great. He
looks great. He's been fighting for him this morning. I
(12:11):
don't think you've got celebrity. Joan Embery from the San
Diego Joan is here, but keep it quiet because blows up.
She's under man. You let me go check out your guy.
He's in the green dumpstairs. Okay, I'm gonna go give
him some emotional core play. You've got meeting lindsay. I
think we should really stop being associated on social media
because the tags are either inappropriate and some of them
(12:34):
make my wife feel uncomfortable. Oh really, you don't like
the tag work husband? I love this man. That's exactly
my partner. Yes, that's the one. Those are the ones.
I really feel like maybe we should just keep social
media separate from our professional relationship. Okay, fine, I'll take
(12:55):
a break from Facebook. What about Insta? Though I'm not
leaving Insta well, I mean, part the problem is I
don't want you to take this the wrong way. I
think you're going to get in trouble. You take pictures
at crime scenes you are posting on I think, Look,
there's crime scene photographers for the in house stuff, and
this is just my personal stuff. I just I don't
want to be associated with it, and I'm not going
(13:16):
to wratch you out. I'm not gonna telling you that
I don't want my name tagged in anything to do
with the extra. Okay, if you tell me anything else
about these murders. I would love for you to follow
me on Instagram. Yeah, it's at grave, Robert Queen. That's funny,
(13:38):
that's dark. Not that I had my phone, I realized
I have to make a quick call. I know, it
seems so rude. It's the news stand, okay, because we
could have gotten like a new newspaper. So excuse me
for one second. Sure, sure, hey, pardon me, sir. See
you over here by this dumpster, just hanging out. Do
(14:00):
you do you smoke by any chance? Yeah? Yeah, of
course great. Can I bomb one? I don't have any
with me, I just do it. Oh oh okay, Well
I'm gonna be frank with you. Okay. I am the
miracle murderer that they've been talking about in the papers.
The miracle murder. Yeah, the one who kills all those bodies,
(14:21):
but no one can find the bodies, right, and they
disappear like a miracle. That's me. I'm sorry to interrupt you.
Can I borrow some of your oozy goozy? I just
didn't enough as for your own? Oh, I was just wondering,
if you know. I just thought you just looked a
little actually, it seemed like you were arguing like a
couple that was arguing at the restaurant. Okay, but then
(14:45):
that's amazing that we people would think that. Yeah, from
from across the room, it's like, whoa, that is an
unhappy marriage. Well, we're partners in a different way where
police where police? Oh, nice to meet you trying to
get the miracle murderer? Hey, um, if you're going to
kill me, man, I guess I have one request? All right,
(15:05):
I give all my victims two requests. Oh two all right? Um, okay, great,
Well the biggie, the biggie is feed my body to
bandit so he's got extra money to win this bout?
Who's band Bandit's my my raccoon here there he is.
Oh Jesus Christ, I think it's gigantic. You want me
(15:27):
to feed your body to that thing? Yeah? Okay, okay,
what's your other request? My other requests is that, um,
do you pass a state wide ordinance that doesn't allow
preussis to be in the left lane because they are
always trying to maximize Can I ask you a quick question?
I just was wondering, Um, isn't you got to observe
(15:50):
what was going on between me and my date. Well,
how do you think it's going? Oh, is it a
first date? It's a first date. Thought it might be
a first date. I don't know. It feels like you
guys are on this little creepy ride together. You're both
got a dirty, slouchy shifty. I don't know. It seems
like I could work out. Yeah, we can't really keep
eye contact, and I noticed that you both are dirt
in your eyeballs all around. But you both got the
(16:10):
salad salad, which is a great time. You know. I've
actually introduced five couples that have gotten married. We'll not introduce,
but served them food. Oh that's so nice. I've got
the magic Dutch. Yeah. I am a vegetarian, so that's
a weird thing. But it's only because I'm around a
lot of dead meat and it makes me sick. Excuse me,
I just changed my mind. Could I get Can I
(16:32):
get the club sandwich with bacon? Oh? Okay, so you
want me to take these olives away or take the
olives away? Yes? Club sandwich with bacon? Yes? Can can
we substitute? Oh my god, I'm not preductable. I can't.
You can't pin me down. Oh my god, it's Joan
Embery from the San Diego Zoo. Is that true? Oh
my god? What's he doing here? It's a woman, that's
(16:54):
what I does. Anyone know where the dumpsters are? Hi,
Joan Embery. Hi, I'm looking for the dumpsters anyone? Uh well,
I assume they're out the officer, I mean usually dumpsters
in the back of buildings. You want to take excuse me, ma'am.
I'm a giant fan. I'm eight years old, and I
just love the way you handle animals. Thank you. I
(17:15):
love handling animals and I love children. Can you sign
my place? Matt? No, Okay, I'm gonna take this story
and tell everyone I'm back. Sorry. It was like an
extra extra read all about it type situation. Probably you
have some um, this is a little bit of blood
on your button down. Look, it's me Joan Embery. Just
(17:38):
went outside. Saw something bad. Who can I talk to
about that? I saw something bad? What did you see?
I saw man guts manus man guts um. We we're
actually police officers, cops, animal trainer. I think they might
be married cops. Did you have something important to tell me?
(18:01):
I did. Yes, Listen, I'm gonna say it. We send honesty, right,
we said no lying a couple of things. One, I
think you're gorgeous too. I think we were. We really
hit it off on this deeper level. Three, I am
the mirror murderer. All right, Joan, why don't you take
us back to see what you're talking about? Man, guts?
Is there a body? Is there a body? I only
(18:22):
saw some guts. The body wasn't there. I hate to
use the word, but it seemed like a miracle that
guts could be there by themselves. I have a very
important question for you. Okay, did you get any jewelry?
I'm glad you asked um. I brought the watch you
had your eye on. There you are, and now I
have a question for you. Can you make this body disappear? Absolutely?
(18:46):
I have a lot of upper body strength. Oh my gosh,
this is this is working out. This is going to
work out. Oh my god. There's guts all over the ground.
Oh god, it looks like don't throw up the time
today I'm throwing up. Don't look in the downstair. I'm
getting pictures, pictures you a crime scene photographers. As being
(19:08):
a lady cop, lindsay no, follow me on instead as
lady cop. Oh, good job getting that handle. I put
the body in the recycling bin. They'll never find never.
You were so smart. We're not anymore people right here?
Oh hi, what's going on here? Oh my gosh, girlfriend, vermin, vermin,
(19:32):
that's raccoon handalyst. I'm here a little buddy, Joan Embury.
This has never happened undercover kid. That's right. I've been
tracking the movie Racal Murderer for months. Who is it?
It's you, sir. I don't think that's can't be. My
(19:55):
girlfriend and I were just having I love that you
keep calling me your girlfriend. It feels ever called me
your girlfriend. Well, I don't call my girlfriend because are
we doing a double freeze? Freeze? Is anyone calling any
ambulance any I've been sucking the raccoons an amount, but
we've got the miracle Murderer right in front of us.
I believe kid cup freeze the miracle Murderer with his
(20:19):
brand new girlfriend. That's it. That's all I want to say.
I'm in a new relationship, so I'm very excited. I
think we let him go. Love conquers all and that's that,
uh pretty much. I did like we thought it would, Alright,
(20:42):
our next fan suggested scene is from Sweet Rollo. I
don't know if I'm pronouncing that right. It's w E
T E, but I'm gonna go with sweet because I
would be a cool name, right because Rollo is a
whole roll of smiles. He wrote, I wish to bestow
for did just praise an excess gratitude upon Mr Pollock
and his rock just cast of I could use Wow,
this is really wordy for the hours of belly left
(21:03):
inducing chickenery. With that hesitation, I can say that my
favorite skit thus far is public library porn donation, not
a brass tax. How come in action movies, when there
is a vehicular chase on a busy highway, all the
surrounding cars keep driving despite the explosions and corpses of
henchman landing on the asphalt. Examples include Kick Ass two,
(21:25):
The Matrix movies, etcetera. Maybe y'all could produce the answer
to this by portraying the passengers of a charter bus
in just such a scenario. Thanks Sweet, Maybe some other
drivers of other cars would make sense in this too.
All right, I'm gonna take it away. How far to Vegas?
You can talk to me? We don't have to be
(21:47):
best friends, but you can talk to me. Look, I'm
just not in a good place right now. Okay, we're
coming up on some bumps. Everybody better have their seatbelts on.
Oh boy, he's right, that is bumpy. I threw my
back out. I mean before and now just your back
(22:07):
out five years ago. Ethel, alright, Lionel, Well you don't
have to just get you. Always tell me the time
of things. Five years ago, this, two weeks ago. That. Look,
I've got a good head for numbers. Anything wrong with
that will be in Vegas win. That's what I said.
No one want to talk to me. I'm traveling alone.
(22:29):
Can get wish I wish you should stand behind the
yellow line, sir. I'm trying to concentrate. There's burning tires
and cars erupting on the road, and it takes extreme focus.
What I don't know if you've noticed, but there is everybody.
I'm gonna everybody down. There's there's some serious car accidents
going on. Cars exploding, barrel rollips driver, driver, Yes, quite
(22:56):
a bit. Quick question, do you take Tony Orlando and
don We'll have a show while we're in town. I mean,
they have a show almost every night of the week. Yes,
they will have a show while you're in town landon
is a whore that can't be proven. Listen, I need
to focus. There are cars exploding on the highway. Do
you or do you not want to get to Vegas?
(23:16):
What do we do? Well, we should probably stop the
vehicle and you know the police will be here soon,
and you know this all is all gonna have to
be reported to insurance. I don't think we should stop.
I got I have an appointment in Vegas. We are
not stopping. If we stop, we are going to get
stuck in one hell of a gridlocked traffic jam. I
have tickets to Britney Spears, so we got to get
(23:36):
their stat That sounds fun. The smart thing would be
too pre buy the Tony Orlando tickets. Now, if we're
stuck here a while. You know HiFi. You can purchase
the WiFi on the bus. It's you're just gonna open
the go app and cost money. I'm not you can
do it cost money. We bought our tickets already. Your
(23:57):
tickets get you a ride. Every other service you have
to per driver. There's a burning family on fire trying
to get into the van I'm not letting them in. Okay,
there's they're pounding on the door. Well, luckily fast we
let that family in, and then all of a sudden,
every family that's on this highway is going to want
to get in this Vegas bus. That's how I feel
(24:17):
about Thanksgiving dinner. You start to invite people that aren't
in the core group, it ruins the dinner. Best to
be alone. Wait a minute, does this bus have to
go at a certain pace or a bomb explodes? Well,
it's the equivalence, because if we aren't staying ahead of
all these explosions, we're gonna get wrapped up in it.
So I'd say we should stay above about sixty. I agree,
(24:40):
I agree. Oh, look, guys, look out to the right.
There's a bunch of muscular, bald headed guys that look
like families important to them. We can't let anybody else
on the bus. We're not doing it, not gonna happen.
How can you tell? Just by looking? I could tell
because they're giving each other bro hugs and and talking
(25:00):
about their souped up vehicles. I don't know if that
means family is important to them all right? Family is bullshit.
Family is important to me. I'm actually headed to Vegas
to stop a wedding. Oh did you guys here? Who's
the love of my life? So you're like a creepy stalker. Yeah,
(25:23):
you're like the actor in that movie with the woman
and the and he's like, I love you and then
they end up together on the bus. That's what I'm
hoping for. What movie is that? The building just shot
out of the ground. We've got to keep our speed up.
We don't want to get behind the building. We pull
over for one second. I just got to take a
(25:45):
quick whizz quick, whiz quick wi the peanut can. I
don't want everyone's whizzing that peanut can, and I don't
want to that. You have a problem with whizzing with
all of our whiz. It's just it's getting full and
I have a lot of whiz. Let's pull over next
to that. I have a wedding to stop. You have
to wiz in the peanut can. How are those two
(26:06):
things combined? If because he's saying, if we stop at all,
great lock. Yes, there's no way I'm pulling this this
bus over. That's not gonna happen. Look, if a building
shot out of the ground, it probably means we're in
a dream. Architect is just building up the reality of
this dream. You might be about to wet the bed
(26:28):
in real life. That's what happens to me. I'm looking
for a place to wiz. I wake up and I'm
wet the bed. I'll hold the can for you. This
is no dream. Bring out your young penis. We've seen
him before. This is a nightmare. We want to see
a young penis. Come on to get back from the
front of the bus. I can't concentrate. You think it's
(26:50):
some sort of nightmare bus on a one way ride
to Hank not gonna happen. One way to focus. It's
another word for how to me? Don't you know? These
things come on? I need to focus on. What's another
word for a fuck? I don't know? Foods Frank, Frank, frank.
(27:11):
That's for help. From now on, we've got a language.
There's a lot of bullets whizzing by. There's a lot
of bullets whizzing by us. Do you do or you
don't have to be you do? We don't want to
stop the wedding. What's your story? Who are out? Fine? Christ?
Why did you make that noise with your mouth? Sound
(27:33):
like the law of order in it. Hello, his entire
life story is tattooed on his young cock. Are these
things you'd forget if they want tattooed on your cock?
And that's exactly right. I don't want to make it.
We shouldn't say cock, No, we should I just want
to whiz. Bring the can over. Okay, it got it?
(27:58):
Oh you got thank you, honey. Okay, it's getting it
is getting higher. Don't worry. I've had a lot of children.
I've seen, I've been I've helped people pee before children
years ago, four years ago, utterly sick of you, and
twenty years ago. That one was a mistake. I'm done.
(28:18):
Well that hands about this? Good buddy, good, Everyone, get
your hands off my Charles. I was only able to
read the first chapter of that. Did you put a
mark on it so I could pick it up later?
You could put a piece of bottle gum on it
where you stopped? Why don't you put a piece of
bottle gum on it? Or you could tie tie something
(28:41):
around it yellow right around the old child's tree. The
bridge ahead of us is collapsing. We're gonna have to
speed up. I'm telling everybody. If you don't have a
seatbelt on. It is not my responsibility. We're gonna get someone.
(29:02):
Oh peace, physics checked out, good work, thank god. All
right up, there's the mirage. We're almost there. Yeah, wait
a minute, is that really a hotel? Or is it
a mirage? It's we don't know that. I know that,
you don't know that. This is my pudding. Can I
(29:25):
bite your nose? Get your face away from my bad
this dream before drop me off at Circus Circus. We
have one stop at the Rage. I need to cuss.
Luck of your life is getting married at Circus Circus. Yes,
oh that's all right. If we can get unanimous vote,
I'll stop at Circus Circus. But everybody has agreed to
(29:45):
go to the Mirage. Okay, well we should support him.
He paid for us, and honestly I won't forget this
and I will add this chapter to Charles. All right,
I vote to go to Circus Circus. I second that
I vote to go to Circus Circus. We just need
one more, folks, come off. It's for love, please please.
(30:05):
That's tough, because no one wanted to stop at the
Alien Beef Turkey place on the way. We've been through
so much together, buildings, falling, bridges blowing up. Well, let
me just restake my entire romantic life up to this
point and see if I want to vote for love
or against it? Well, have you ever had your heart broken? Yeah?
(30:27):
I've had my heart broken. I'm sorry. Um, what was
your name again? Phil? Phil? Yeah, I appreciate the affection,
but I just don't really remember you. Okay. I mean
you wrote never change in my earbook, So I didn't
change at all. I didn't change. We went to school together.
(30:47):
I never changed. Yeah, I'm exactly the same. Okay. Well,
that does sound like a terrible story. Pretty bad. That's
the satis flashback i've ever heard. That's that? That's you've
ever heard? Yeah, try me find me a sadder flash. Well,
my situation leading them to circus circus is pretty rough.
(31:09):
All right, baby, don't go, I'm going And I never
saw to stop this wedding thank you story. I vote
for it. That stop, Phil. I love you. I love
(31:30):
you too, Phil. Anyone else come out love him? Alright,
it's a dream. It doesn't matter. It's not a dream.
And we accept tips. They're not mandatory. But as you
guys exit the bus an, it's the hope. Oh it
is a dream. I don't think this is a dream.
(31:52):
I think that's really the whole. That is the hope.
That is also a rocket is headed our way, and
so is the Kawasaki motorcycle. Oh God, are we gonna
make it? Is the going to stop that rocket? I
think so? If I can stop a wedding, I can
also stop a rocket. But we don't know if you're
stopping a wedding. Well, let me start with the rocket.
That's okay, Here we go, trying to jump on that ninja. Okay,
(32:16):
here we go. Boy rides again. Does he think he's
the hulk? Rocket? Explode it? Oh, we'll never finish the
Charles done it well, Frank, This good job, alchemist. Next
(32:43):
up is Bob mccowski, who wrote that sounds like it
sounds like my dad under a bad That sounds like
his wit. Second name, hey By mccowsky didn't witness a murder.
By mccowsky wrote, Hey, alchemists, I'd love to hear a
sketch of about baseball. Specifically, it's the new manager's first
day and he has no idea what he's doing. Let's
(33:05):
be good for you, Vanessa. The players are confused. About
what to do. The assistance and even the fans are
trying to help him out. Love the show. Keep up
the good work, Bob mccow's key. Everyone's circle up and
say hello to your neighbor. I already know my neighbor.
I already know these guys. Great start. Let's put our
(33:27):
tight pants on and are already we dressed up before
we came out of the locker room. You look great.
What's the what's the plan? Well, easy, peasy, lemon, squeez day.
I do some things on this white board that I
think you'll all into it as the plan to trounce
(33:51):
on the dodge airs, as it were. That looks like
a game of hangman. It does, doesn't it? Oh, And
that's what we're going to be doing. We're going to
be hanging the competition. You're gonna throw and hit and
scramble chaos Joker style. Coach, you realized this is baseball, right.
We don't run plays. No, we pitched the ball try
(34:14):
to get out, so we try to get get it
in play. I just meant it as an energy, as
a general energy. I wanted to feel like the Joker. Chaos, uh, frightening,
you know, fear as power. I I that's what I
want the mood to be out there today. I mean
they told us you were positive. Hey, coach, I understand
you won this team in a poker game last Friday,
(34:36):
but you don't have to actually coach you. You can
give it to somebody else, please, but I'd love to try. Please,
we could figure this out together. Gang, Well, it's a
really big game today and the fans out there are
really we do spitballs. What does that mean is that
a spitball? Spitballs are illegal? It's totally illegal. That illegal.
(34:57):
If we were going to do that, we wouldn't want
to talk about it. Oh well, maybe we never mentioned it.
Crying a baseball? Why are some peoples illegal? Again? I
was forgetting because you're doctoring the ball and just your saliva. Yeah,
it's like slides off the bat. Saliva is not medical.
(35:18):
Well yeah, but sometimes when you got to split on
the ball and somebody hits the bad spray sucker word
and people can get sickly. This is gross. Yeah, it's gross.
It's pretty much a biohazard. Okay, coach, can you let
go ahead and decide who's gonna bear starting picture today?
We've got seven guys warming up right now, and so lutely,
who wants to go? Well, rock paper scissors? He can
(35:42):
just go, I'll go. Okay, great, it's okay. I'd like
to play rock pepper scissors. You weren't even on rock
paper scissors. I'd like to compete. Well, who wants to
play rock paper scissors with number seven? Well, I think
you should. I guess I'll do it. Okay, Okay, gather
(36:02):
around everyone, This is team work. Thank you of shoes. Okay,
shoot paper covers rock Okay, So I still want it?
It was fun. Um, I'm feeling let's talk about our
feelings frightened. Um? What do they need from me today? Well,
(36:26):
it's fan appreciation day. So they evolve been giving T
shirts and small bats, and I think what are they
going to do with them? They just pretend like they're
playing baseball. Some for the kids. It's fun children with
small bats. Yuck. Also, you know, we could use some sandwiches.
I like the team we get hungry. Are you telling
(36:48):
the woman in the room to make sandwiches? Hashtag me too? Man, Okay,
that was a close one. I'll have someone called something in.
I mean, like the main thing you got to do
is like, you know, pick the order that we're going
to hit in in the positions that we're supposed to play.
So if you just well, that's the coach's jobs. It's
one through a coach. This is a genuine question if
(37:11):
there was if there wasn't a coach, we'd be doing
rock paper scissors, fright. You see, it takes a long time.
I should have done it a series of three. I
could have probably one, right, but you know it all
worked out. Yeah, play two more rounds, okay, okay. Well
while they're doing that, maybe you should write a speech. Yeah,
(37:35):
because French paper covers rock, the fans are going to
expect some kind of speech. This happens every year during
appreciation Day. So you might tell them, like what the
plan is and how we're gonna go for the championship
and stuff like that. Which championship paper covers rock? Again?
Stop picking rock tank? Well, eventually it's going to come up,
(37:56):
ladies and gentlemen. Made some noise for your favorite baseball team,
the bear Boys. I love the bear Boys and so
glad they added him to the league this season, and
making your welcome day speech is the new coach. You
(38:17):
gotta stop drinking and chuck. What does this all meaning?
You gotta hang in there and get the announcement out.
You gotta get it into them. It doesn't matter. Just
get it into the mic, announced the coach, saying real words.
It's time for the coaches speech. That was to me.
You have to say it in the microphone with a
big voice. He's a gentleman. It's time for the coaches speech. Yeah,
(38:46):
I love the coaches speech. My favorite. So great, You're
all so beautiful. Who loves sports? Linda Amirez, life coach
and Bear Boy owner ramis Is that are you related
(39:08):
to that? Ramirez? Ramires, Yeah, she's my aunt. But I
was trying to play it cool. Alright, wait she's your aunt. Yeah.
What I would love for the stadium to keep in
mind today with your little bats wiggling in the sky,
is this is a great American game. Okay, I hear that.
(39:34):
This great American game is about working together. So take
me out to the ball game. We want to w
what we want to w that they want to win.
We want this standard. Well I want a W two
(39:58):
and I'll w that's a tax joke. Um, Linda Ramirez, Uh,
everyone look inside yourselves, leave the bear Boys to victory.
We're so excited to play at the playoffs. Um, and
I'll hang out with everyone during intermission, and Linda, could
I say a few words to the fans? Absolutely? Hey, guys,
(40:23):
just what everyone to? I want to thank you all
for for your supports. You know, we are the only
major league team that are all fat, harry gay guys,
and we were added to the league to promote more diversity.
And god, bear Boys bus really good, honey, thank you.
(40:47):
I'm still I mean, I can make sandwiches for us.
She doesn't want to do it, you know, but we're
old coat. You should always make a sandwich. Know, all
of a sudden, because she's a woman, she can't make sandwiches.
That's not I feel like that too, Like why can't
it just all be genderless? Right? Our old coach never
complained about making peanut butter and couldn't help it over here.
I think it could be genderless if you allowed women
(41:09):
in the league, But as it is, since women can't
play for the women that are into a domestic role.
That's just what I'm feeling. But again, I'm new here.
She's not She's not wrong. Maybe they could start a
lead at their own. That's not a bad idea. I've
always wanted a coach. Maybe I could coach. I think
(41:29):
it would be nice to have lady coach. I guess
I'll lead off. Go on out fair, do your things
all right, all right, wish me look have fun out there.
Thanks hit it hey. By the way, you guys really
should come into the dugout and it'll make things a
(41:51):
lot easier for when we go up stuff instead of
being in the clubhouse like this, like mill do in there.
I don't like that room. I went in there earlier.
Sad tall you well, I'll come back and forth all Liaise.
I'll let you know when the next batter is coming
up in the situations if I'm on baseball just at
the show, I don't know what that was. You have
fun kids. Thanks. We are now at the bottom of
(42:12):
the ninth inning. It has been something of a game,
hasn't happened? It sure has been something of a game.
It's me, Linda Amiraz on the mic. It's okay, Linda,
I mean, coach. I don't know. I don't know what
we're supposed to do with the coach. I think we're
gonna lose this guy went up into the booth on
(42:35):
your shirt. It's been a rough week talking about sweetheart.
I am here and I'm just here to tell you
that I want my car back. And just because I
said sweetheart doesn't mean I'm taking you back. Very drunk.
I know I'm drunk too. I don't sound like it,
(42:55):
but I am just stick around for one one last inning,
wiser one in the bare boys are down by one.
You care. All you care about is a stupid job,
this stupid baseball job. Because hearing a lot of anger
from both of you. But if it's about the jobs,
how do you guys feel about each other? You know,
let's take the work out of it. Let's take all
(43:17):
this This is just noise. What's going on for real?
I'm reasonful of her, oh big word, because I make
a lot of money of her accomplishment. Well, I think
you should say thank you if she makes a lot
of money, because she doesn't thank me for me pursuing
my dream. Well, you're covered in vomit. This is what
I love to do. She never saw that. How does
that make you feel? I'm sorry in this trainame, uh, Linda, Linda,
(43:41):
Oh my god, I'm there's so many Linda's run. I'm trying. Hey, Tank,
if you get to the bottom of the ninth and
(44:02):
the bear Boys are down one, score the winning run
for me. Please, what's wrong with you? Did you just
give me sick? You just coughed all over me? Kids?
Is you visited me at the kids hospital? Score the
winning run for me? Tank? You for you? Yeah? Alright?
Taking as a doctor here, I just wouldn't want to
(44:23):
remind you that this is the kid Detective. He solved
a lot of murders. Excuse so much for coming to
sign kids are sick? What's wrong with them? Is it contagious? Yeah,
it's contagious. Of course it's contagious. He coughed when I
was Tank Henderson is just score, go ahead run. But
(44:47):
what's this? The umpire is noting that he's covered in saliva.
He's disqualified spitball. There appears to be reconsidering he will
settle the game via game of rock paper scissors. You
(45:08):
got this? Oh my god, Rock Beach sussor the boys.
We are here live with the owner and new coach
(45:28):
Linda Ramire is a big, big win. How do you
feel in tonight? Oh? I feel good? Thanks for asking?
What a funky day, funky. Indeed, I just didn't see
this coming. But wow, there was a little boy, you know,
tank got rabies? Oh? Is that what happened? Yes, I
(45:50):
just found out myself. But thank goodness, he got that
rock paper scissor win. But he had visited a kid
in the hospital who had rabies. Of all things, I
think I saved a marriage. Um, I learned what w means.
It's funky, funky, funky, big day for you. So what's
the plan going forward with the with the with the
ball club. Well, I'm going to take the ball club
on ice tour and we'll just see what happens. I've
(46:12):
always loved ice. And you look beautiful. Boy slippery. Oh,
you're slippery and you're hairy and you're perfect. Screws, where's
the kid that used to be in this hospital? But
did you just say screws me? No? Excuse me, they're
(46:33):
I'm sorry. I just a lot of people have been
triggering me today. Sorry, I'm just there was a kid
in this hospital. Bird, Yes, he died, he died. No
excuse me, police, I am a lady cop. Thank you.
Did I say screws me? Yeah? I don't know. Sething
like that. Eis sorry. I can have a picture of
you for my anster. Okay, thank you. I'm the doctor here. Yes,
(46:55):
I'm looking forward. There was a kid here, a kid detective.
He died. It has the way this morning. Another murder,
complications of rabies. I don't know if they're murderer. I
don't know if that was we put the miracle murderer away.
I don't yeah, I don't think that's murder. Excuse me,
I think I took a wrong turn. Is this where
Tony Orlando and daughter plan? Yes, this is the sand Yes,
(47:20):
you just go right down the hall. Wait ant, this
is a hospital and the Sands casino. Yes, I must
be dreaming. No, no, no, I'm dreaming. I can go
right out the window. And she flew away. It was
a dream, her own dream where she became all the
(47:40):
things she's ever wanted to be. Wow, that all that's
written on your Charles. What a wonderful story. Oh that
was good. I can go to Hanker, happy lady. Now
this has been to a funky day. It's been a day,
(48:02):
all right, Oh boy, big thanks to everybody here. Chris Alvarado, Yes,
thank you for being a frame man. Thank you Cole.
It's someone to have you here. Thank you everybody out there,
thanks for sending and all your stuff. We love you.
Chris Alvarado is my name. Wrapping up is your game? Vanessa, Wow,
(48:31):
funky stuff. Thanks for having me. Ki. I guess I'll
promote myself. You can follow me at Kikowski on Twitter
or at Orange Tucks improv for shows that me and
Carla have. Yeah, good job, I'll go straight to Carla
(48:52):
Kakowski then yeah, you can follow me at Carla Kaikowski
on Twitter and what he just said and Mr James
Heeney check out Brief news Brief dot com two times
a week, comedy news and what do do you do?
You do news in your no I in the first episodes,
(49:12):
I did wear briefs brief news brief, but I quickly
ended that part of it. That was like two episodes
like three years ago, so I wear pants throughout of three.
It was it was like it wasn't a big part
of the show. I had no pants on, but it
was below the camera so it didn't matter. Then I
(49:34):
was like, what am I doing this? Where can we
find me? You can find me right here, right now
at Stratton Cole on Instagram at Cole Stratton on Twitter.
You know the usual places. What's that comedy where we
all do a lot of things? Yeah. Um. Let's also
(49:55):
thank our engineer Doug Main, raphaelip Rito, plans for Sophie Lichtreman,
and lastly, I heart media. Guys. Please listen to the podcast,
review and subscribe, and you can write to us give
us your suggestions for these hecky scenarios at your name
here at alchemy this dot com. That's your name here
(50:16):
at alchemy this dot com. Thank you all for listening
Alchemy Alchemy
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. This I'm your
guest host Col Stratton. Yes that Col Stett. Thanks guys,
Thanks guys. What's that? I can hear the internet rebelling? Okay,
So Kevin anticipated your incessant interruptions at the top, so
he asked me to read from a prepared statement. So
here goes. It's okay, everyone calmed down. I Kevin Pollock
(00:27):
asked Cole Stratton to sit in for me today. At present,
I'm in New York working on season three of that
little show that's already won thirty nine major awards in
his first two seasons, but he was coming to be sure.
Kevin wrote this the amazing Mrs Maza. That's when my
friend Bobby calls it. I know he's great, and he
will be back and forth between New York and Los
Angeles until September, but I'll often still make it here
(00:48):
for these recording sessions in the meantime. Cole is super talented,
and I guess he wrote this. I'm now still Kevin
talking where was I? And the whole Alchemy. This cast
knows Cole and are very appreciative that he's there in
my stead. So fun today Cole And to all the alchemists,
just know that I love you and I'll be listening. Okay,
So there you have it, folks. I'm that Cold Stratton
(01:10):
and I'm happy to be guest hosting this episode of Alchemy.
This so let's meet our alchemists, shall we? In no
particular order, say hello to Vanessa Raglan Vanessa, would you
like to see a photo I have of Joey Greer
shimming up a tree and only his socks? Oh? Thank you? Correct,
look under the um um tree. It's Chris Alvarado, super
(01:33):
topical reference. When the time is right, will you read
me a story? I'll read Cold Stratton a story, not
Kevin Polk story. Wait, it's weird hosting in his voice.
All right, we'll see. Somebody wisely replaced Joey Greer today
with the also talented and returning guest improviser Carla Kakowski. Carlo, never, Carl,
What do you do with Joey's carps? With his curbs? Carps?
(01:58):
About the curb she did? Sweet lawn ornament? Obviously perfect,
keep people away, that's for sure. Next up is the
godfather of Solmino, Craig's and Bacon with the side of laughter.
How would you respond to this Jeopardy answer? He is
(02:18):
my comedy inspiration. Who is Craig nice? And it's good
to be Craig? And last, but re stocked the pantry
with your mother's eyes. If you think him least, it's
James heeny dr H. Where do you think Kevin has
such a problem calling you James? I think that he's
(02:42):
the The idea of a nickname really adds to a relationship.
I mean, I don't want to break it down too much,
but I think he just wants to be better friends
with me. I'm I think he forgets your name sometimes.
I mean, we've known each other for a long time,
and I think I always call you Hey. Don't think
(03:02):
continue this trend? Alright? Preparation h Let's get going. Let's
get to our first scene. As as always, all today's
scene suggestions were gathered from our listeners emails. If you'd
like to submit yours, please write to the podcast at
your name here at alchemy this dot com. That's your
name here at alchemy this dot com. Okay. Our first
(03:24):
scene was sent in by Nicole Seeman. Good thing Joey's
in here for that one. Nicole Hey, you rag tag
group of weirdos. One day, I was falling asleep from
my third nap of the day, and an idea for
scene suggestions struck me, And it goes like this. A
murderer and a grave robber go on a first date
at a fancy restaurant and have to answer each other's
questions as vaguely as possible so the other doesn't realize
(03:47):
that they are criminals. Meanwhile, two detective slash cops, one
male and one female, so we'll see how this is
cast sit two tables away, bickering over what to order
and who is going to pay. The entire time, the
waiter for both of these tables is becoming more and
more but draggled. As he returns to the tables between
waiting on them, he's going to the alley outside the
restaurant to procter, and I leegal raccoon fighting ring and
(04:10):
it's trying not to rise A suspicion complicated setup, guys,
not convoluted at all. I didn't want to compliment you, guys,
because God knows you get enough emails saying how awesome
you are. But I looked at pictures of all of
you and you're either adorable parental figures or like Vanessa
super hot. I thought I was the other one. You're both.
(04:31):
Screw you all for not being ugly, for making me
love you all the much more, you assholes. Sincerely, Nicole Seaman. PS.
I know it's a bad last name. You find a
way to use it in the scene. I will marry
one of you, might choose PPS. I make art and
ship and if you can give me an address to
the studio or a po box or something, I can
send you all some fun little key chains or some
dumb shit. Tell me something each of the main cast likes,
(04:54):
and I'll try to make it. Thanks Nicole, Joey put
that on at all, right, guys, take it away. I'm nervous.
If I shouldn't say I'm nervous, I should just be
here with you. No, I I totally anticipate everything that
(05:15):
you're about to say in regards to nervousness. Okay, I
was I was up all night last night? Oh really?
Can I get you guys started with something to drink? Um? Yes,
I would like a gallon of water please, okay, and
a little dehydrated okay, just like four cups of one. Yes, Also,
(05:36):
my my nails are filthy, so I really need to
clean than myself. Okay, and I will have rose. Oh
all right, thank you. Can I say the wrong thing? No, no, no,
we both just figuring it out. We're figuring it out here.
I'm trying to strike that nice balance of honesty and
also like fakeness, you'll like me. No, no, I feel you.
(05:59):
I feel you. That's a that's a that's a hard line.
But you know what, we're here because we want to
be here, and I think we should just I'm want
to lean towards more honest frankly, good me too, I
can do that. Okay. Yeah. What do you do for
a living? Um? Jeez, I need to be honest, don't
I We just said this, you just said that. So yeah, okay,
(06:22):
Well for a living, um, I work in a newstand.
Oh yeah interesting. Yeah, and then I have a lot
of hobbies. Interesting. Yeah. I actually use a lot of
newspaper to clean up things. So yeah, that works, that works. Yeah,
would you please just pick something? We don't have an
hour long break, We have an hour told, I don't know.
(06:43):
There's just so so many sandwiches on the menu. We
come there's five sandwiches. So five is too many? Okay,
maybe the club. What's on the club, it's what's regularly
on it. We got lettuce, bacon, turkey pak. Is it
possible for you to just put my order in so
(07:05):
it comes out and we don't have to work asolutely?
If he would let go of my wrist, let go
of her list, Let go let go of her wrist.
He's got a lisp. He has a hard time. I
wouldn't make fun of it. We're partners. We're partners, not
not in life. We're cop partners. I'm a lady cop.
I wouldn't judge you if you were together. Whatever, grilled
(07:27):
cheese does sound good? Is there any meat on that note?
That's just cheese and bread? Oh, I like it when
there's meat. We just put some turkey on it. How
about you just put the philly stick and cheese in
and by the time that's freddy, I'm sure we'll get
the other order. Is that too aggressive? I don't like
the way you're looking at me. You're talking to me,
But my frustration isn't with you. It's just that she
she she keeps our breaks so that we spend the
(07:49):
entirety of the time here at a table. I got
things to do. I want to call my wife. Yeah, okay,
I'm his work wife. You're not wife. Put up the
filly cheese steak in and you keep deliberating and just
flag me down if you mean okay, I'll grab you
by the list. I'm looking at this filly cheese steak frankly, Yeah,
(08:11):
I'm gonna go a little crazy. That's great. I stopped
eating meat a few years ago. Yeah, it's um, it's
just a thing that I have you. Have you ever
tried eating freshly killed meat? No, I'd still consider that
meat like like under the general umbrella, and it's and
(08:31):
it certainly is. Certainly. I just feel like the process
stuff you don't get the macro nutrients that you can
find in freshly freshly killed meat for the gentleman and
a gallon for the guzzler. A gallant. I just got
a bunch of cops. I was ready to order, you think, sure, Yeah,
I'll take the salad salad, salad salad favorites here, and
(08:55):
I will take the filly cheese steak please. And I
wonder if you could add extra fresh meat to that. Sure, yeah,
I can do, And I'll have a salad salad, okay,
a salad sad? And what are your dressings? You guys wants? Yeah?
UZI guzy is a plus so far? Um, yeah sounds good.
What's the other option here? Okay, I'll do it. I'll
go with the uzy guzy. Thank you? Your biceps are huge? Yeah, well,
(09:21):
thank you? Mine are two? They are they are. Wow.
We have a lot in common. I feel better now.
I feel more comfortable. I feel more comfortable with you.
I was out, like you said, I was out late
last night and I don't know I I I didn't
know if I was gonna make it here to tonight. Frankly,
(09:44):
you do have some scratches on your face that I
was kind of wondering about. Yeah, I get crazy. I
turned to a wolf at night. Excuse me, I think
I might be ready to order. Oh wonderful, I'm ready
for you. What is on the salad salad? The salad
salad is let us with another kind of let us
on top, with a little bit of spinach on top
of that, and then we put some vegetables in there.
(10:04):
Oh okay, that sounds like too much salad. That's exactly
what I told you. You'd say. I mean, it's I
just wanted to hear it. We can do it. We
can do it. Just olives, just olives. Okay, okay, does
it so come with us? It does come with the us. Okay,
let me do a side of olives with Uzy Guzy
on top. All Right, you got it. Anything else I
(10:25):
can do for you, guys, Well you can solve this
string up murders that's going around town talking about that.
There's been so many murders, like they haven't even made
some of them have made the paper. How many have
there been about the old lady and the young lady. Well,
we're only hearing about those because those are the people
that are missing. We need bodies, We need bodies. How
do you know about other ones? If the people aren't missing, well,
(10:47):
they're what you consider unknown unknowns. We don't know how
many people are missing that haven't been I mean, it's
really this is a there's no nons, there's unknownowns, there's
no unknowns, and there's unknown unknowns. So who didn't That's
what we're trying to find. God, I just feel like
not everybody deserves to live. I am on the same
(11:09):
page that that's so interesting that I feel exactly the
same way. It's just like Earth, right, it's like overpopulated
and like not everybody should be here, and then when
they die, other people should get their stuff. Yeah. Yeah,
of course, of course when people die, like you should
just be able to take their things. Yeah, I think
(11:29):
that's how that should work. Like this ring that I'm
wearing not mine. I know a lot of dead people.
I mean, what's that mean? Look at that? Look at
that that guy over there, for instance, the one by
himself drinking that coffee. Like I look at somebody like
that and I think, why why is he alive? And
I look at something like that and I think, a
(11:50):
nice watch. We are hitting it off? Can I say
that we're hitting it off? Girl? Can I get you
anything else to re fill? Or just kiss? Said here
a while longer? Okay, the raccoon fights aren't going to
start for another thirty minutes. All right, I've got twenty
five thousand. I'm Bandit. I know Bandit's doing great. He
looks great. He's been fighting for him this morning. I
(12:11):
don't think you've got celebrity. Joan Embery from the San
Diego Joan is here, but keep it quiet because blows up.
She's under man. You let me go check out your guy.
He's in the green dumpstairs. Okay, I'm gonna go give
him some emotional core play. You've got meeting lindsay. I
think we should really stop being associated on social media
because the tags are either inappropriate and some of them
(12:34):
make my wife feel uncomfortable. Oh really, you don't like
the tag work husband? I love this man. That's exactly
my partner. Yes, that's the one. Those are the ones.
I really feel like maybe we should just keep social
media separate from our professional relationship. Okay, fine, I'll take
(12:55):
a break from Facebook. What about Insta? Though I'm not
leaving Insta well, I mean, part the problem is I
don't want you to take this the wrong way. I
think you're going to get in trouble. You take pictures
at crime scenes you are posting on I think, Look,
there's crime scene photographers for the in house stuff, and
this is just my personal stuff. I just I don't
want to be associated with it, and I'm not going
(13:16):
to wratch you out. I'm not gonna telling you that
I don't want my name tagged in anything to do
with the extra. Okay, if you tell me anything else
about these murders. I would love for you to follow
me on Instagram. Yeah, it's at grave, Robert Queen. That's funny,
(13:38):
that's dark. Not that I had my phone, I realized
I have to make a quick call. I know, it
seems so rude. It's the news stand, okay, because we
could have gotten like a new newspaper. So excuse me
for one second. Sure, sure, hey, pardon me, sir. See
you over here by this dumpster, just hanging out. Do
(14:00):
you do you smoke by any chance? Yeah? Yeah, of
course great. Can I bomb one? I don't have any
with me, I just do it. Oh oh okay, Well
I'm gonna be frank with you. Okay. I am the
miracle murderer that they've been talking about in the papers.
The miracle murder. Yeah, the one who kills all those bodies,
(14:21):
but no one can find the bodies, right, and they
disappear like a miracle. That's me. I'm sorry to interrupt you.
Can I borrow some of your oozy goozy? I just
didn't enough as for your own? Oh, I was just wondering,
if you know. I just thought you just looked a
little actually, it seemed like you were arguing like a
couple that was arguing at the restaurant. Okay, but then
(14:45):
that's amazing that we people would think that. Yeah, from
from across the room, it's like, whoa, that is an
unhappy marriage. Well, we're partners in a different way where
police where police? Oh, nice to meet you trying to
get the miracle murderer? Hey, um, if you're going to
kill me, man, I guess I have one request? All right,
(15:05):
I give all my victims two requests. Oh two all right? Um, okay, great,
Well the biggie, the biggie is feed my body to
bandit so he's got extra money to win this bout?
Who's band Bandit's my my raccoon here there he is.
Oh Jesus Christ, I think it's gigantic. You want me
(15:27):
to feed your body to that thing? Yeah? Okay, okay,
what's your other request? My other requests is that, um,
do you pass a state wide ordinance that doesn't allow
preussis to be in the left lane because they are
always trying to maximize Can I ask you a quick question?
I just was wondering, Um, isn't you got to observe
(15:50):
what was going on between me and my date. Well,
how do you think it's going? Oh, is it a
first date? It's a first date. Thought it might be
a first date. I don't know. It feels like you
guys are on this little creepy ride together. You're both
got a dirty, slouchy shifty. I don't know. It seems
like I could work out. Yeah, we can't really keep
eye contact, and I noticed that you both are dirt
in your eyeballs all around. But you both got the
(16:10):
salad salad, which is a great time. You know. I've
actually introduced five couples that have gotten married. We'll not introduce,
but served them food. Oh that's so nice. I've got
the magic Dutch. Yeah. I am a vegetarian, so that's
a weird thing. But it's only because I'm around a
lot of dead meat and it makes me sick. Excuse me,
I just changed my mind. Could I get Can I
(16:32):
get the club sandwich with bacon? Oh? Okay, so you
want me to take these olives away or take the
olives away? Yes? Club sandwich with bacon? Yes? Can can
we substitute? Oh my god, I'm not preductable. I can't.
You can't pin me down. Oh my god, it's Joan
Embery from the San Diego Zoo. Is that true? Oh
my god? What's he doing here? It's a woman, that's
(16:54):
what I does. Anyone know where the dumpsters are? Hi,
Joan Embery. Hi, I'm looking for the dumpsters anyone? Uh well,
I assume they're out the officer, I mean usually dumpsters
in the back of buildings. You want to take excuse me, ma'am.
I'm a giant fan. I'm eight years old, and I
just love the way you handle animals. Thank you. I
(17:15):
love handling animals and I love children. Can you sign
my place? Matt? No, Okay, I'm gonna take this story
and tell everyone I'm back. Sorry. It was like an
extra extra read all about it type situation. Probably you
have some um, this is a little bit of blood
on your button down. Look, it's me Joan Embery. Just
(17:38):
went outside. Saw something bad. Who can I talk to
about that? I saw something bad? What did you see?
I saw man guts manus man guts um. We we're
actually police officers, cops, animal trainer. I think they might
be married cops. Did you have something important to tell me?
(18:01):
I did. Yes, Listen, I'm gonna say it. We send honesty, right,
we said no lying a couple of things. One, I
think you're gorgeous too. I think we were. We really
hit it off on this deeper level. Three, I am
the mirror murderer. All right, Joan, why don't you take
us back to see what you're talking about? Man, guts?
Is there a body? Is there a body? I only
(18:22):
saw some guts. The body wasn't there. I hate to
use the word, but it seemed like a miracle that
guts could be there by themselves. I have a very
important question for you. Okay, did you get any jewelry?
I'm glad you asked um. I brought the watch you
had your eye on. There you are, and now I
have a question for you. Can you make this body disappear? Absolutely?
(18:46):
I have a lot of upper body strength. Oh my gosh,
this is this is working out. This is going to
work out. Oh my god. There's guts all over the ground.
Oh god, it looks like don't throw up the time
today I'm throwing up. Don't look in the downstair. I'm
getting pictures, pictures you a crime scene photographers. As being
(19:08):
a lady cop, lindsay no, follow me on instead as
lady cop. Oh, good job getting that handle. I put
the body in the recycling bin. They'll never find never.
You were so smart. We're not anymore people right here?
Oh hi, what's going on here? Oh my gosh, girlfriend, vermin, vermin,
(19:32):
that's raccoon handalyst. I'm here a little buddy, Joan Embury.
This has never happened undercover kid. That's right. I've been
tracking the movie Racal Murderer for months. Who is it?
It's you, sir. I don't think that's can't be. My
(19:55):
girlfriend and I were just having I love that you
keep calling me your girlfriend. It feels ever called me
your girlfriend. Well, I don't call my girlfriend because are
we doing a double freeze? Freeze? Is anyone calling any
ambulance any I've been sucking the raccoons an amount, but
we've got the miracle Murderer right in front of us.
I believe kid cup freeze the miracle Murderer with his
(20:19):
brand new girlfriend. That's it. That's all I want to say.
I'm in a new relationship, so I'm very excited. I
think we let him go. Love conquers all and that's that,
uh pretty much. I did like we thought it would, Alright,
(20:42):
our next fan suggested scene is from Sweet Rollo. I
don't know if I'm pronouncing that right. It's w E
T E, but I'm gonna go with sweet because I
would be a cool name, right because Rollo is a
whole roll of smiles. He wrote, I wish to bestow
for did just praise an excess gratitude upon Mr Pollock
and his rock just cast of I could use Wow,
this is really wordy for the hours of belly left
(21:03):
inducing chickenery. With that hesitation, I can say that my
favorite skit thus far is public library porn donation, not
a brass tax. How come in action movies, when there
is a vehicular chase on a busy highway, all the
surrounding cars keep driving despite the explosions and corpses of
henchman landing on the asphalt. Examples include Kick Ass two,
(21:25):
The Matrix movies, etcetera. Maybe y'all could produce the answer
to this by portraying the passengers of a charter bus
in just such a scenario. Thanks Sweet, Maybe some other
drivers of other cars would make sense in this too.
All right, I'm gonna take it away. How far to Vegas?
You can talk to me? We don't have to be
(21:47):
best friends, but you can talk to me. Look, I'm
just not in a good place right now. Okay, we're
coming up on some bumps. Everybody better have their seatbelts on.
Oh boy, he's right, that is bumpy. I threw my
back out. I mean before and now just your back
(22:07):
out five years ago. Ethel, alright, Lionel, Well you don't
have to just get you. Always tell me the time
of things. Five years ago, this, two weeks ago. That. Look,
I've got a good head for numbers. Anything wrong with
that will be in Vegas win. That's what I said.
No one want to talk to me. I'm traveling alone.
(22:29):
Can get wish I wish you should stand behind the
yellow line, sir. I'm trying to concentrate. There's burning tires
and cars erupting on the road, and it takes extreme focus.
What I don't know if you've noticed, but there is everybody.
I'm gonna everybody down. There's there's some serious car accidents
going on. Cars exploding, barrel rollips driver, driver, Yes, quite
(22:56):
a bit. Quick question, do you take Tony Orlando and
don We'll have a show while we're in town. I mean,
they have a show almost every night of the week. Yes,
they will have a show while you're in town landon
is a whore that can't be proven. Listen, I need
to focus. There are cars exploding on the highway. Do
you or do you not want to get to Vegas?
(23:16):
What do we do? Well, we should probably stop the
vehicle and you know the police will be here soon,
and you know this all is all gonna have to
be reported to insurance. I don't think we should stop.
I got I have an appointment in Vegas. We are
not stopping. If we stop, we are going to get
stuck in one hell of a gridlocked traffic jam. I
have tickets to Britney Spears, so we got to get
(23:36):
their stat That sounds fun. The smart thing would be
too pre buy the Tony Orlando tickets. Now, if we're
stuck here a while. You know HiFi. You can purchase
the WiFi on the bus. It's you're just gonna open
the go app and cost money. I'm not you can
do it cost money. We bought our tickets already. Your
(23:57):
tickets get you a ride. Every other service you have
to per driver. There's a burning family on fire trying
to get into the van I'm not letting them in. Okay,
there's they're pounding on the door. Well, luckily fast we
let that family in, and then all of a sudden,
every family that's on this highway is going to want
to get in this Vegas bus. That's how I feel
(24:17):
about Thanksgiving dinner. You start to invite people that aren't
in the core group, it ruins the dinner. Best to
be alone. Wait a minute, does this bus have to
go at a certain pace or a bomb explodes? Well,
it's the equivalence, because if we aren't staying ahead of
all these explosions, we're gonna get wrapped up in it.
So I'd say we should stay above about sixty. I agree,
(24:40):
I agree. Oh, look, guys, look out to the right.
There's a bunch of muscular, bald headed guys that look
like families important to them. We can't let anybody else
on the bus. We're not doing it, not gonna happen.
How can you tell? Just by looking? I could tell
because they're giving each other bro hugs and and talking
(25:00):
about their souped up vehicles. I don't know if that
means family is important to them all right? Family is bullshit.
Family is important to me. I'm actually headed to Vegas
to stop a wedding. Oh did you guys here? Who's
the love of my life? So you're like a creepy stalker. Yeah,
(25:23):
you're like the actor in that movie with the woman
and the and he's like, I love you and then
they end up together on the bus. That's what I'm
hoping for. What movie is that? The building just shot
out of the ground. We've got to keep our speed up.
We don't want to get behind the building. We pull
over for one second. I just got to take a
(25:45):
quick whizz quick, whiz quick wi the peanut can. I
don't want everyone's whizzing that peanut can, and I don't
want to that. You have a problem with whizzing with
all of our whiz. It's just it's getting full and
I have a lot of whiz. Let's pull over next
to that. I have a wedding to stop. You have
to wiz in the peanut can. How are those two
(26:06):
things combined? If because he's saying, if we stop at all,
great lock. Yes, there's no way I'm pulling this this
bus over. That's not gonna happen. Look, if a building
shot out of the ground, it probably means we're in
a dream. Architect is just building up the reality of
this dream. You might be about to wet the bed
(26:28):
in real life. That's what happens to me. I'm looking
for a place to wiz. I wake up and I'm
wet the bed. I'll hold the can for you. This
is no dream. Bring out your young penis. We've seen
him before. This is a nightmare. We want to see
a young penis. Come on to get back from the
front of the bus. I can't concentrate. You think it's
(26:50):
some sort of nightmare bus on a one way ride
to Hank not gonna happen. One way to focus. It's
another word for how to me? Don't you know? These
things come on? I need to focus on. What's another
word for a fuck? I don't know? Foods Frank, Frank, frank.
(27:11):
That's for help. From now on, we've got a language.
There's a lot of bullets whizzing by. There's a lot
of bullets whizzing by us. Do you do or you
don't have to be you do? We don't want to
stop the wedding. What's your story? Who are out? Fine? Christ?
Why did you make that noise with your mouth? Sound
(27:33):
like the law of order in it. Hello, his entire
life story is tattooed on his young cock. Are these
things you'd forget if they want tattooed on your cock?
And that's exactly right. I don't want to make it.
We shouldn't say cock, No, we should I just want
to whiz. Bring the can over. Okay, it got it?
(27:58):
Oh you got thank you, honey. Okay, it's getting it
is getting higher. Don't worry. I've had a lot of children.
I've seen, I've been I've helped people pee before children
years ago, four years ago, utterly sick of you, and
twenty years ago. That one was a mistake. I'm done.
(28:18):
Well that hands about this? Good buddy, good, Everyone, get
your hands off my Charles. I was only able to
read the first chapter of that. Did you put a
mark on it so I could pick it up later?
You could put a piece of bottle gum on it
where you stopped? Why don't you put a piece of
bottle gum on it? Or you could tie tie something
(28:41):
around it yellow right around the old child's tree. The
bridge ahead of us is collapsing. We're gonna have to
speed up. I'm telling everybody. If you don't have a
seatbelt on. It is not my responsibility. We're gonna get someone.
(29:02):
Oh peace, physics checked out, good work, thank god. All
right up, there's the mirage. We're almost there. Yeah, wait
a minute, is that really a hotel? Or is it
a mirage? It's we don't know that. I know that,
you don't know that. This is my pudding. Can I
(29:25):
bite your nose? Get your face away from my bad
this dream before drop me off at Circus Circus. We
have one stop at the Rage. I need to cuss.
Luck of your life is getting married at Circus Circus. Yes,
oh that's all right. If we can get unanimous vote,
I'll stop at Circus Circus. But everybody has agreed to
(29:45):
go to the Mirage. Okay, well we should support him.
He paid for us, and honestly I won't forget this
and I will add this chapter to Charles. All right,
I vote to go to Circus Circus. I second that
I vote to go to Circus Circus. We just need
one more, folks, come off. It's for love, please please.
(30:05):
That's tough, because no one wanted to stop at the
Alien Beef Turkey place on the way. We've been through
so much together, buildings, falling, bridges blowing up. Well, let
me just restake my entire romantic life up to this
point and see if I want to vote for love
or against it? Well, have you ever had your heart broken? Yeah?
(30:27):
I've had my heart broken. I'm sorry. Um, what was
your name again? Phil? Phil? Yeah, I appreciate the affection,
but I just don't really remember you. Okay. I mean
you wrote never change in my earbook, So I didn't
change at all. I didn't change. We went to school together.
(30:47):
I never changed. Yeah, I'm exactly the same. Okay. Well,
that does sound like a terrible story. Pretty bad. That's
the satis flashback i've ever heard. That's that? That's you've
ever heard? Yeah, try me find me a sadder flash. Well,
my situation leading them to circus circus is pretty rough.
(31:09):
All right, baby, don't go, I'm going And I never
saw to stop this wedding thank you story. I vote
for it. That stop, Phil. I love you. I love
(31:30):
you too, Phil. Anyone else come out love him? Alright,
it's a dream. It doesn't matter. It's not a dream.
And we accept tips. They're not mandatory. But as you
guys exit the bus an, it's the hope. Oh it
is a dream. I don't think this is a dream.
(31:52):
I think that's really the whole. That is the hope.
That is also a rocket is headed our way, and
so is the Kawasaki motorcycle. Oh God, are we gonna
make it? Is the going to stop that rocket? I
think so? If I can stop a wedding, I can
also stop a rocket. But we don't know if you're
stopping a wedding. Well, let me start with the rocket.
That's okay, Here we go, trying to jump on that ninja. Okay,
(32:16):
here we go. Boy rides again. Does he think he's
the hulk? Rocket? Explode it? Oh, we'll never finish the
Charles done it well, Frank, This good job, alchemist. Next
(32:43):
up is Bob mccowski, who wrote that sounds like it
sounds like my dad under a bad That sounds like
his wit. Second name, hey By mccowsky didn't witness a murder.
By mccowsky wrote, Hey, alchemists, I'd love to hear a
sketch of about baseball. Specifically, it's the new manager's first
day and he has no idea what he's doing. Let's
(33:05):
be good for you, Vanessa. The players are confused. About
what to do. The assistance and even the fans are
trying to help him out. Love the show. Keep up
the good work, Bob mccow's key. Everyone's circle up and
say hello to your neighbor. I already know my neighbor.
I already know these guys. Great start. Let's put our
(33:27):
tight pants on and are already we dressed up before
we came out of the locker room. You look great.
What's the what's the plan? Well, easy, peasy, lemon, squeez day.
I do some things on this white board that I
think you'll all into it as the plan to trounce
(33:51):
on the dodge airs, as it were. That looks like
a game of hangman. It does, doesn't it? Oh, And
that's what we're going to be doing. We're going to
be hanging the competition. You're gonna throw and hit and
scramble chaos Joker style. Coach, you realized this is baseball, right.
We don't run plays. No, we pitched the ball try
(34:14):
to get out, so we try to get get it
in play. I just meant it as an energy, as
a general energy. I wanted to feel like the Joker. Chaos, uh, frightening,
you know, fear as power. I I that's what I
want the mood to be out there today. I mean
they told us you were positive. Hey, coach, I understand
you won this team in a poker game last Friday,
(34:36):
but you don't have to actually coach you. You can
give it to somebody else, please, but I'd love to try. Please,
we could figure this out together. Gang, Well, it's a
really big game today and the fans out there are
really we do spitballs. What does that mean is that
a spitball? Spitballs are illegal? It's totally illegal. That illegal.
(34:57):
If we were going to do that, we wouldn't want
to talk about it. Oh well, maybe we never mentioned it.
Crying a baseball? Why are some peoples illegal? Again? I
was forgetting because you're doctoring the ball and just your saliva. Yeah,
it's like slides off the bat. Saliva is not medical.
(35:18):
Well yeah, but sometimes when you got to split on
the ball and somebody hits the bad spray sucker word
and people can get sickly. This is gross. Yeah, it's gross.
It's pretty much a biohazard. Okay, coach, can you let
go ahead and decide who's gonna bear starting picture today?
We've got seven guys warming up right now, and so lutely,
who wants to go? Well, rock paper scissors? He can
(35:42):
just go, I'll go. Okay, great, it's okay. I'd like
to play rock pepper scissors. You weren't even on rock
paper scissors. I'd like to compete. Well, who wants to
play rock paper scissors with number seven? Well, I think
you should. I guess I'll do it. Okay, Okay, gather
(36:02):
around everyone, This is team work. Thank you of shoes. Okay,
shoot paper covers rock Okay, So I still want it?
It was fun. Um, I'm feeling let's talk about our
feelings frightened. Um? What do they need from me today? Well,
(36:26):
it's fan appreciation day. So they evolve been giving T
shirts and small bats, and I think what are they
going to do with them? They just pretend like they're
playing baseball. Some for the kids. It's fun children with
small bats. Yuck. Also, you know, we could use some sandwiches.
I like the team we get hungry. Are you telling
(36:48):
the woman in the room to make sandwiches? Hashtag me too? Man, Okay,
that was a close one. I'll have someone called something in.
I mean, like the main thing you got to do
is like, you know, pick the order that we're going
to hit in in the positions that we're supposed to play.
So if you just well, that's the coach's jobs. It's
one through a coach. This is a genuine question if
(37:11):
there was if there wasn't a coach, we'd be doing
rock paper scissors, fright. You see, it takes a long time.
I should have done it a series of three. I
could have probably one, right, but you know it all
worked out. Yeah, play two more rounds, okay, okay. Well
while they're doing that, maybe you should write a speech. Yeah,
(37:35):
because French paper covers rock, the fans are going to
expect some kind of speech. This happens every year during
appreciation Day. So you might tell them, like what the
plan is and how we're gonna go for the championship
and stuff like that. Which championship paper covers rock? Again?
Stop picking rock tank? Well, eventually it's going to come up,
(37:56):
ladies and gentlemen. Made some noise for your favorite baseball team,
the bear Boys. I love the bear Boys and so
glad they added him to the league this season, and
making your welcome day speech is the new coach. You
(38:17):
gotta stop drinking and chuck. What does this all meaning?
You gotta hang in there and get the announcement out.
You gotta get it into them. It doesn't matter. Just
get it into the mic, announced the coach, saying real words.
It's time for the coaches speech. That was to me.
You have to say it in the microphone with a
big voice. He's a gentleman. It's time for the coaches speech. Yeah,
(38:46):
I love the coaches speech. My favorite. So great, You're
all so beautiful. Who loves sports? Linda Amirez, life coach
and Bear Boy owner ramis Is that are you related
(39:08):
to that? Ramirez? Ramires, Yeah, she's my aunt. But I
was trying to play it cool. Alright, wait she's your aunt. Yeah.
What I would love for the stadium to keep in
mind today with your little bats wiggling in the sky,
is this is a great American game. Okay, I hear that.
(39:34):
This great American game is about working together. So take
me out to the ball game. We want to w
what we want to w that they want to win.
We want this standard. Well I want a W two
(39:58):
and I'll w that's a tax joke. Um, Linda Ramirez, Uh,
everyone look inside yourselves, leave the bear Boys to victory.
We're so excited to play at the playoffs. Um, and
I'll hang out with everyone during intermission, and Linda, could
I say a few words to the fans? Absolutely? Hey, guys,
(40:23):
just what everyone to? I want to thank you all
for for your supports. You know, we are the only
major league team that are all fat, harry gay guys,
and we were added to the league to promote more diversity.
And god, bear Boys bus really good, honey, thank you.
(40:47):
I'm still I mean, I can make sandwiches for us.
She doesn't want to do it, you know, but we're
old coat. You should always make a sandwich. Know, all
of a sudden, because she's a woman, she can't make sandwiches.
That's not I feel like that too, Like why can't
it just all be genderless? Right? Our old coach never
complained about making peanut butter and couldn't help it over here.
I think it could be genderless if you allowed women
(41:09):
in the league, But as it is, since women can't
play for the women that are into a domestic role.
That's just what I'm feeling. But again, I'm new here.
She's not She's not wrong. Maybe they could start a
lead at their own. That's not a bad idea. I've
always wanted a coach. Maybe I could coach. I think
(41:29):
it would be nice to have lady coach. I guess
I'll lead off. Go on out fair, do your things
all right, all right, wish me look have fun out there.
Thanks hit it hey. By the way, you guys really
should come into the dugout and it'll make things a
(41:51):
lot easier for when we go up stuff instead of
being in the clubhouse like this, like mill do in there.
I don't like that room. I went in there earlier.
Sad tall you well, I'll come back and forth all Liaise.
I'll let you know when the next batter is coming
up in the situations if I'm on baseball just at
the show, I don't know what that was. You have
fun kids. Thanks. We are now at the bottom of
(42:12):
the ninth inning. It has been something of a game,
hasn't happened? It sure has been something of a game.
It's me, Linda Amiraz on the mic. It's okay, Linda,
I mean, coach. I don't know. I don't know what
we're supposed to do with the coach. I think we're
gonna lose this guy went up into the booth on
(42:35):
your shirt. It's been a rough week talking about sweetheart.
I am here and I'm just here to tell you
that I want my car back. And just because I
said sweetheart doesn't mean I'm taking you back. Very drunk.
I know I'm drunk too. I don't sound like it,
(42:55):
but I am just stick around for one one last inning,
wiser one in the bare boys are down by one.
You care. All you care about is a stupid job,
this stupid baseball job. Because hearing a lot of anger
from both of you. But if it's about the jobs,
how do you guys feel about each other? You know,
let's take the work out of it. Let's take all
(43:17):
this This is just noise. What's going on for real?
I'm reasonful of her, oh big word, because I make
a lot of money of her accomplishment. Well, I think
you should say thank you if she makes a lot
of money, because she doesn't thank me for me pursuing
my dream. Well, you're covered in vomit. This is what
I love to do. She never saw that. How does
that make you feel? I'm sorry in this trainame, uh, Linda, Linda,
(43:41):
Oh my god, I'm there's so many Linda's run. I'm trying. Hey, Tank,
if you get to the bottom of the ninth and
(44:02):
the bear Boys are down one, score the winning run
for me. Please, what's wrong with you? Did you just
give me sick? You just coughed all over me? Kids?
Is you visited me at the kids hospital? Score the
winning run for me? Tank? You for you? Yeah? Alright?
Taking as a doctor here, I just wouldn't want to
(44:23):
remind you that this is the kid Detective. He solved
a lot of murders. Excuse so much for coming to
sign kids are sick? What's wrong with them? Is it contagious? Yeah,
it's contagious. Of course it's contagious. He coughed when I
was Tank Henderson is just score, go ahead run. But
(44:47):
what's this? The umpire is noting that he's covered in saliva.
He's disqualified spitball. There appears to be reconsidering he will
settle the game via game of rock paper scissors. You
(45:08):
got this? Oh my god, Rock Beach sussor the boys.
We are here live with the owner and new coach
(45:28):
Linda Ramire is a big, big win. How do you
feel in tonight? Oh? I feel good? Thanks for asking?
What a funky day, funky. Indeed, I just didn't see
this coming. But wow, there was a little boy, you know,
tank got rabies? Oh? Is that what happened? Yes, I
(45:50):
just found out myself. But thank goodness, he got that
rock paper scissor win. But he had visited a kid
in the hospital who had rabies. Of all things, I
think I saved a marriage. Um, I learned what w means.
It's funky, funky, funky, big day for you. So what's
the plan going forward with the with the with the
ball club. Well, I'm going to take the ball club
on ice tour and we'll just see what happens. I've
(46:12):
always loved ice. And you look beautiful. Boy slippery. Oh,
you're slippery and you're hairy and you're perfect. Screws, where's
the kid that used to be in this hospital? But
did you just say screws me? No? Excuse me, they're
(46:33):
I'm sorry. I just a lot of people have been
triggering me today. Sorry, I'm just there was a kid
in this hospital. Bird, Yes, he died, he died. No
excuse me, police, I am a lady cop. Thank you.
Did I say screws me? Yeah? I don't know. Sething
like that. Eis sorry. I can have a picture of
you for my anster. Okay, thank you. I'm the doctor here. Yes,
(46:55):
I'm looking forward. There was a kid here, a kid detective.
He died. It has the way this morning. Another murder,
complications of rabies. I don't know if they're murderer. I
don't know if that was we put the miracle murderer away.
I don't yeah, I don't think that's murder. Excuse me,
I think I took a wrong turn. Is this where
Tony Orlando and daughter plan? Yes, this is the sand Yes,
(47:20):
you just go right down the hall. Wait ant, this
is a hospital and the Sands casino. Yes, I must
be dreaming. No, no, no, I'm dreaming. I can go
right out the window. And she flew away. It was
a dream, her own dream where she became all the
(47:40):
things she's ever wanted to be. Wow, that all that's
written on your Charles. What a wonderful story. Oh that
was good. I can go to Hanker, happy lady. Now
this has been to a funky day. It's been a day,
(48:02):
all right, Oh boy, big thanks to everybody here. Chris Alvarado, Yes,
thank you for being a frame man. Thank you Cole.
It's someone to have you here. Thank you everybody out there,
thanks for sending and all your stuff. We love you.
Chris Alvarado is my name. Wrapping up is your game? Vanessa, Wow,
(48:31):
funky stuff. Thanks for having me. Ki. I guess I'll
promote myself. You can follow me at Kikowski on Twitter
or at Orange Tucks improv for shows that me and
Carla have. Yeah, good job, I'll go straight to Carla
(48:52):
Kakowski then yeah, you can follow me at Carla Kaikowski
on Twitter and what he just said and Mr James
Heeney check out Brief news Brief dot com two times
a week, comedy news and what do do you do?
You do news in your no I in the first episodes,
(49:12):
I did wear briefs brief news brief, but I quickly
ended that part of it. That was like two episodes
like three years ago, so I wear pants throughout of three.
It was it was like it wasn't a big part
of the show. I had no pants on, but it
was below the camera so it didn't matter. Then I
(49:34):
was like, what am I doing this? Where can we
find me? You can find me right here, right now
at Stratton Cole on Instagram at Cole Stratton on Twitter.
You know the usual places. What's that comedy where we
all do a lot of things? Yeah. Um. Let's also
(49:55):
thank our engineer Doug Main, raphaelip Rito, plans for Sophie Lichtreman,
and lastly, I heart media. Guys. Please listen to the podcast,
review and subscribe, and you can write to us give
us your suggestions for these hecky scenarios at your name
here at alchemy this dot com. That's your name here
(50:16):
at alchemy this dot com. Thank you all for listening
Alchemy Alchemy
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!