Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. This Cold Stratton
here filling in once again for Kevin Pollock, who was
off shooting a Grumpy Old Men prequel called Slightly Irritable
Fresh Faced Fellas before met Alchemists once again. There's an
opportunity that this will be interrupted by a fire alarm.
They're testing the building sometimes between eleven and six, and
(00:22):
we're square in the middle of that. So if that happens,
everyone panic. Well, let's meet our alchemists for today. He's
the one who let the dogs out. Craig Kowski, Greig,
what's your favorite animal? Tiger? A tiger? Next up this
(00:44):
Andrew Lloyd Weberhead. Where's Fantom sweatress? Wherever she goes? Carla Kakowski?
I thought that was some one else. Look at your shirt,
Yeah right there, Carla. How many times you're gonna go
see cats in the theater? At least once? For real?
Though it looks pretty apology, it looks those tales are
(01:05):
so upsetting. Really, he spent his entire life requesting for
the Golden City of El Dorado. James Heeney, James, what
will you do with all that gold? Well? I would
convert it into bitcoin. And I just crossed my fingers.
I know it's having a bad rough time right now,
but twenty years from now it'll be worth a lot. Right.
But but it's real gold. Yeah, I know, But what's
(01:27):
real good good? What's real gold good for anymore? Like
copper wiring is better than gold? Right? I don't know
bitcoins where to invest your money? You're the guy who's
against gold. Our next alcomists probably boast having over fifty phobias,
including arachnophobia, acrophobia, and criscadextophobia. Joey Greer will be the
(01:51):
coward other than spiders in the number thirteen. What else
are you terrified of? Okay, everything you just said is
freaking be the funk out, Okay Uh. I'm also scared
bourbon to drink bourbon glaze on Jack Daniels bourbon on
TJ friday Stakes and Hamburgers. I'm also freaked out by
flat moost rella sticks at TJ Friday's. I'm also freaked
(02:12):
out by Cajun peppers and like seasoning on the fries
at Fridays is really bad for your sponsor. Yeah, and finally,
some people call her the space Cowboys. Some call her
the Gangster love. Some call her Maury's who. It's Vanessa
(02:34):
Raglan The What music did your folks play around you
when you're a grown up? Um? That was a song
that I did hear a lot actually, and a lot
of Crosby Stales National Young Yeah, sweet step, they really
taught their child. Well, let's get to her, like I'm
with you, Let's get to our first scene. All of
(02:55):
today's scene suggestions were gathered from our listeners emails. If
you'd like to meet your please write to the podcast
at your name here, give me this dot com your
name here, he give you this dot com favorite child. Alright,
our first see suggestion from Amanda. A person with the
worst case of O c D is stuck in a
dirty jail cell. There's your sale, prisoner. Make yourself comfortable. Okay,
(03:29):
we don't have a four thousand Trentdy cayon and Gypson
cotton cheats. Yeah, okay, it's a big fancier last half prisoner. Okay,
I think I'm just gonna sit in the corner, and
you want to sit in the corner. I'm sorry, we
don't have a shelf loung I'm just I really would
when I get a chance I'd like to call my
war the telephone. I'm sorry on the kind of phone
(03:51):
we have as made a booker. We we're off there.
Let me just spitting here? Can I get a napkins? Yes?
I was under your matress and guess what, it's my
pay that's your gross stay at it. Oh my god,
(04:13):
I didn't even realize there was another person here. What
do you think you get your own cell? I was hoping.
So what are you doing underneath the bed? Let's where
I sleep. Jesus Christ got a bad back. These mattresses
are terrible. Okay, well, I'm not gonna be here very long,
so it's I'd like to keep to myself. That's what.
The fresh fish, what's sever Oh? Every every Wednesday we
(04:38):
get fresh fish. It's like it's the one day, one
day the food is good. Salmon, alright, thanks earl. Oh gosh,
fresh fish. I gotta pass it on to the next
sell fresh fish. Got first fresh today. Oh it's Wednesday,
that's right. Okay. How long did it take to get
(05:03):
your first call to your lawyer? I first called him. Yeah,
like I figured that after processing, I should be able
to get outside and really just make a quick call
and tell your friend's last. What are you doing? I
tell you we're all out of they Okay, here over there,
we got enough for yourself, but we're all out for
(05:26):
I'll just take a lemon wedge with you. I'm not
the white dress. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I still we
need to about they're on there, okay, I'm huh. I
get real mad, and when I can't get it, he
calmed down. What are you doing? Don't get out from
under the bed over excuse me? I want to shake
(05:50):
your hand. I don't know. I don't trust a guy
who I can't shake his hand. Do you mind washing
your hands in that sink over their first and sink
gonna make it dirtier, would it? Yeah? Well, straight dirt
comes out of it, sir. Here's your sandwich. I'm sorry
to say. We ran out of IOLI about twenty minutes ago.
You ran out of wood, We ran out of the II.
I'm sorry. That's an awful story. That's what I'm in
(06:18):
here for. Oh godoke two people to death. All right,
I'll just put this sheet over my hand and now
I'll shake yours. That's that's a hard I got a
strong grip. Okay, I'll just have a little bad ness here.
I am an angel. Looked bad. We accidentally had a
little plumb on that. Don't tell your water filtains gonna
(06:39):
spear diarrhea. Oh god, I smelled diarrhea over here. I
don't think I can handle this. I gotta take my pills, pills.
I'm gonna take my pills in a where I can
take him dry too. Oh, you can't drink out of
(07:01):
that water. You can't drink out of that water. I
got it. I gotta take do not drink out of
that water. Oh okay, Please don't stop pushing that button.
It's just disgusting. This one's kind of a horse pill,
So please don't drink that. There's nothing diabetes. I got diabetes.
(07:27):
I gotta take my diabetes bills. Please stop. Okay, Oh god,
it's all over your face. Don't stay away from me.
I'll take your sheet. Stay back. Don't use my sheet
for data? Alright? What else am I gonna use? I
don't know. I'm gonna have to request a new sheet
sheet service. This sheet's got diarrhea, does it. I'll have
(07:52):
a laundered run away. Don't thank you so much? Come out,
come and put okay, soup here, I still was a
tooth in there. I need I need to wash my mouth.
Thought was, something can't get me some. I guess they're
gonna have to slip up some diarrhea like you're a friend.
I don't know. I can't do it. I can't do
it there in the big house. Now, oh, someone, or
(08:18):
why don't you come down the aircauld there's back up.
The first night was hard for Timmy Princess Johnson, but
it didn't get any easier for him after that. In fact,
days turn into months. I got another turn into years
and it got worse. Just watched another plumbing problem. Somehow
(08:40):
your water fountain got hooked up to the period machine.
I don't know what a period machine is. Okay, well,
it sounds like it's got to be better than diarrhea.
I don't know what. That's where he earned his nickname
in red. Oh it's just blood. What's it's blood? Coming
(09:07):
up doing the period? You don't know what a period machine?
My god, that's what it means. I didn't think there
was possible. There's a go ahead prison say fresh stay
first steak, first day snake steak, snake, No not snake snake,
it's fresh steak snake. Okay, steak great. I've been seeing
(09:29):
that fucking guy walking around the yard thinking like he
owns the fucking place, all clean and all clean. I
just want to believe him up. Sorry, yeah, Princess, right,
I don't. That's not my own nickname. I'd rather be
(09:51):
called like Razor. I don't know, I'm looking for a
good snake. You guys here on your head, Princess, it's
just embalding in a weird spot. I'm sorry, maybe buzz like.
I don't know what's a good nickname for me? Guys,
I don't know. How about Okay, you're gonna get dirty? No,
(10:11):
I prefer not, honestly, you like tojan what's you don't know?
What happened next was the defining moment for Princess against
the Sandbox Boys, the moment that made him realize that
(10:32):
maybe he'd be able to survive the prisons. Jesus WANs
you gutted me? Who you gutted me? Man? Just to
tost in my mouth. Now I'm gonna go in you.
You really prove yourself in the yard today, Princess Raizor
felt good. I guess I didn't realize how good it
(10:54):
felt to get dirty. Hi, Princess Roser, wasn't a little
bit of sou me todd lets to offer you from
the shelf? Well, that's nice, passed it under the bars,
so through the bars? Soys you know what just tossed
on the floor and I'll eat it alright, Princess Risor
much respect for you on the jude up for a second,
(11:21):
haven't me and ask you about this justin Bieber poster? Yeah?
What about it? Well, well you got this justin Bieber
post because I'm a believer. Okay, I'm a big fan.
He's changed. He's a musician. You know you've changed to
You've really gotten used to things that are kind of gross. Yeah,
I think you've kind of grown out of your O. C. D.
Well once. I when I first came in here, I
(11:42):
had a really weak commune system. Even a sneeze on
a plane would make me shudder. But now I drink
period of machine blood out of the goddamn fountain. And
I just entered a man through his belly button. I
didn't rub. But there's not a hole behind that poster,
is there? No? Is the one more person to a
(12:05):
hole in the wall. I'm in a whole ape of trouble.
I wouldn't put you in that position. I'm not even
gonna talk to him. I'm so pissed at him right now.
Why are you mad at him? Why am I mad
at How much time have you got just to think
so much for taking the tour of the person a
(12:26):
lot of the immage. You have big fans of you,
and I really appreciate you doing a concert for the incarcerated.
We think it a spirit. Oh any time. I'm very
excited about being here, very excited to sing out loud
as opposed to by myself and my car. Oh yeah, well,
let's take a little what's this period machine looking thing
(12:49):
over here? What it is? Period? That's the day Justin
Bieber became a man. I've never drink period machine before
at all. Well, it's still, it's it's it's my voice.
Just draw what you're saying. I feel like i'm older,
(13:12):
I'm just as manager. What happened? It was gone for
five minutes, justin what happened? No running now as hormones?
Is there any way he could have gotten access to
some hormone? I don't know, I don't know. Did you
let him drink from that period machine. Oh darn, it
(13:37):
looks like the wall has been knocked down. Princess raising
you better get out of here. What about you? Aren't
you gonna come with me? I'm gonna stay right here,
you know, all the hole this time. Yeah, you've had
a sale to yourself. No, that's right, I'm not real.
You're not real. That means that means you drink that
(13:59):
diarrhea of water. It turns out Princess Raizer disassociated himself
from all the horrible things he had to do. Drinking, period, blood, diarrhea,
you name it. He did it. Get busy, living, get
busy fun. Hey buddy, Hey, are you gonna buy anything?
You're gonna talk to you something the whole time. I'm
(14:19):
recording an audio book. All right, all right, right, look,
you gotta buy something to get out. Okay, I'll take
these three postcards in this lighter. Okay, they're good. Do
you have any fresh fish? Uh? Yeah, salmon, salmon? Do
you have any ali? Yes, it's in the back. When
we go. He waited for the aoli to about a time.
(14:45):
He knew if he didn't get his aoli he would
become furious. It took quite a while. I'm out, You're out.
He felt his blood boil, he felt his neck pounding.
He was going to full out bieber on this guy.
(15:06):
Put the gun down. Okay, just put the gun down.
The gun was loaded with bullets, all right, I can
see that. Just just chill, chill. It was at that
moment that he fired. He knew that he'd have to run. Oh,
you would end up drinking out of a diarrhea fountain
in prison. And that's off of sin. That couldn't really happen, right,
(15:32):
don't worry about it. Right, didn't happen to you. I'm sure.
I'm just trying to follow the law. I don't want
to end up in one of those cells. Boy, alright,
our second see suggestion insert obligatory greeting. You can call
me Jimmy Jack. Apparently most of your audiences from Australia.
(15:53):
I am also insert obligatory as kissing. I used to
love listening to your collective ramblings while I wasted my
life way working in a warehouse. Then one day the
big evil boss man came a call and saying no
more headphones at work. You may think this was a
reason to a safety issue, but no, it was an
effort to improve the culture in the warehouse. This brings
me to my idea. In the most mundane of workplaces,
(16:17):
workers grow increasingly frustrated by HR and their ridiculous ideas
and impositions. Cheers, Jimmy Jack ps. You guys are fucking amazing.
Or right? No more brides or right? No more? No,
I'm all you tell your bright when you're off. What No,
we need bikes. I'm not gonna have a little pairwall man.
(16:39):
This is what it is. I'm on break right now,
all right, not alright, I'm alright, bride, well nothing alright
and not food homeby. You can use your real voice
voice now, you make realice like I'm using my real
voice just because you're off from somewhere else. I'm from here,
(17:01):
my ear on a work visa from England. From no.
I caught. I caught the accent. Just want everybody else
does here take breaks monthly to eating. I want you
sound like you're here now A couple of sentences to
get warmed up. I think I appreciate your noticing and
bringing it up. But I'm on break, so I know
(17:23):
I'm a break right now. Anybody want to lunchable. Yeah. Look,
if anyone's on rights, I'm gonna release wild dogs into
the way here. Dangos, yes, dangos. You started it. Oh
I'm so. I was just gonna say dingoes are really friendly. Yeah,
(17:43):
but if you stop them, they eat babies. But there's
no babies here. Well, I'm trying to do not understand
the childs that sellers would look at and at least
sound like you moved away. Someone saw funnies. Baby is no,
this is horrible for him. It is sign it right, Willa,
(18:07):
Mr Willa? Why do you just signed these babies gonna
feed the dinger? What a los my baby? No, that
little woman with the eyes in the face, my baby.
You're not Australian and you don't have everyone's going to
take a choild yeah, risey yeah, policy connectivity, Yeah all right,
(18:28):
I go to my office. Well I got DIBs on
my kid mark. I'm taking my baby. Stop what dad?
You got me from a warehouse? Yeah? Yeah, it was
a hard day at the Australian warehouse. Honey, you don't
have to do it at home. At home a courtly accent.
(18:50):
Did I hear you talk in your sleep? And you
don't sound like that where all people talking a different
voice in their sleep down. This is just sad to
Akron after you're there for like three months. Yeah, but
I was changed when I lived over there, honey. So
you so you think you caught some sort of accent? Yeah,
(19:11):
can't you hear it? I do? I do hear something.
It's Australian. Well, let's not jump to any conclusions. Trust me,
I'll say, doctor, here's some reports for you right there. Okay, Oh,
dear God, is that my report? Yes? It is um. Yeah,
these vowels are all off nearer nearer they're not. Okay, Yeah,
(19:37):
it sounds like you have a you've caught a really
bad Australian accent. I'm sorry that it is, dingo. What
can I do about it? Okay, well, all the all
the idioms are completely off. It's already no there is hope.
(19:57):
So you're living here in Acron, right, don't go back
to Australia. Um, don't watch any Australian TV. I really
like watching some of those shows. Watch Crocodile Hunter, just
three runs? Okay that that should be easy to drop near. Okay,
(20:19):
all right, so just say it with me now, Okay, Hello, hello. Oh,
your voice is completely gone. Hello. Hello, there you go? Okay, great?
Say hello Hello Hello. I don't think your hell I did.
We're making No, it's not me, it's not the real maid. Okay,
(20:44):
look at me, look at me, look at hello? Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello,
come on, babe for us for we're honey. Hello. I
don't know. I think it's worse, just like Australian dallas now,
but babe, that's better than the continent continent hello. Hell oh, yes,
(21:13):
come here, kiss me, kiss me? Kissing. So now you've
caught the bad Australian accent because you were kissing. I'm
so humiliated. Help you. You went out and you just
caught the first bad Australian accent you could possibly find
because I wasn't into kissing you. A lot I have
(21:37):
because I make a lot of money. And how does
that make me feel? I have a doctorate? Are you
pooping right now? Yeah, it's part of the egg scen
I'm just I'm I yeah, I'm a I'll forgive you.
I'm going to come on day back your bags. We're
leaving tonight. Okay, I'm going as fast as I can. Mom,
(21:58):
your dad's sleeping. Did you part. You can't have it. Yeah,
Oh no, that's a wicked kiss. No Gussia para. No,
I know I should have gotten now years ago. Well,
i'm sorry, I'm leaving you. I'm sorry. Best of luck. Mom.
No you all right, said another thing. We're gonna be
(22:21):
in the way house you. None of this is gonna
go on the ricked right. No breathing, alright, no breathing,
none of you, none of you. You've been breathing. I've
been breathing, alright, Linda's been breathing. None of that. It's
gonna take up torn. I don't understand. I'm coming back
(22:43):
to work here again. Ah like, I just gotta clock
back in all right, recognizing. Oh sorry, it's back. We
don't allowed to breathe now, my wife, We're not We're
not allowed to breathe. No, I can't do that. This
(23:05):
is a failure. I lost my wife. My son doesn't
love me anymore. I used to have an accent. That's gone.
You keep that thing a lot that they got delivered.
He did you keep that biby along? Of course I did.
Didn't she else keep that baby along? I lost mine
the second day I found mone either took it to
the beach. This is very nice. It was a child,
(23:27):
It was a baby. It was you know, a gif
I took mine into This baby just washed up on
the shore and I can't the tides keep bringing it
back in. Mark, get rid of it, doggy. I am
not trying to usher in a diaspora. Get this child
out of here. It's get it out. I have to
(23:52):
raise it now. Mark, I'm on. Yeah, well I was
too until this little bundle of joy washed into my life.
Leads just stop. We're not going to bring this child
to the king. What I can do that? All right,
We'll bring him to the king. It's what we're supposed
to do. I feel like it's written in some sort
(24:13):
of book. We're on fake k I know we're on
the VCA, but sometimes the VECA gets interrupted. I can
never enjoy myself. Bring the babies. Well, you know that
he's just gonna kill it right now. He's your your highness.
(24:34):
I've never addressed you before. I highness will do Thank you,
your highness. Here's here's the child. Oh well, happy little fellow,
isn't it. Oh he knows my name? Yes, well, I'll
be keeping him. Oh great, great great, Oh that's what
(24:56):
you want. Yeah, that's actually great. Well no, then I'll
be giving this. I go back to you, dam it,
damn Mark. We gotta raise it because you blew it.
We have to, yeah, we have to. Oh my gosh,
are you theorious? We're partners? What should we name him?
(25:19):
Fucking no, fucking no, I don't know. Noses, noses? Feel
three to step out of the throne room, whatever you'd like.
I'll take this outside. Duncan come on, noses? Or do
we settle on that? That's what the kids seems to
like it. No, no, just oh my fucking god, he's
(25:44):
got away with words. I have going to grow up
so strong. You'll have whatever accent we have now, and
you'll never catch a bad one. Isn't that right? Little noses? Alight? Ease?
Was this what? Or I now? Brakes? Okay, none of it? Alright,
none of it, no, brides, I'm already on a break.
(26:05):
I understand it by eating from the king. Now, Brakes,
it's going to all around the country into the water fountains.
What happened to the water fountains? We're taking them out.
Put it in diarrhea films, all right, it's so hot
in here. Don't know me. What's happening to me? Linda's
(26:27):
getting it? Oh no, it looked like caught a mixing.
I caught an exit an accent. It's a bad one.
I feel sick. I feel very sick. It took me
years to get rid of mine. It was really bad.
It was really hard, lost a family home for it
(26:48):
was well. I couldn't get a job in the US,
and I didn't have a family, and I figured I
would go back to my roots. It's an expensive fly, sure,
but it was just it's you know, half as much
of it's on what How did you just say sure? Sure? Okay?
I thought I had something else. I don't know. I
wouldn't know, honestly. I think it was just regular old shore.
(27:11):
I don't know. Did you hear anything, Linda? I heard something.
I feel useless now, Linda, No, are you powerful? Yeah? No,
I have nothing? Now do you single? You lost that baby?
I lost the baby. That's a good thing. You're free.
That baby grew up to be a narrator and is
(27:34):
at that moment that knows us returned to where it
all started. What are you doing here at the diarrhea plant?
He don't move the house all right, move the house.
What's going on? I um, I think I'm from here? Yeah,
seen you right? Aren't you on the bill notes with
the king and ship like that? Yeah? I'm on the
bill notes. That's awesome. Hey dose you know Mr Willah? Yeah?
(28:01):
Are you Mr Willa? Yeah? I know? You know he
bought a few babies for a song oh twenty nineteen. Yeah, yeah,
I was one of those babies. Holy ship. Yeah, careful
this diarrhea coming around your ankles on a mind. I
grew up on the stuff. Look, I had to let
(28:25):
you go. What one time ago there was needing from
the king that he was running on both these kids
to wipe him out because he thought they were trying
to approaching his throne, some kind of prophecy. Ship didn't
really pan out. The guy said, go but king, you're king?
My king? Yeah, I don't answer to a king. I
mean we all do. No. Yeah, this is Australia. There's
(28:47):
no King of Australia. Where in the castle castle, the
center of Australia where no one goes. No, that's not true.
What kind of diary of factory is this? I think
(29:07):
I got all the ins alright, And he moved the hose.
He showed it and knows this. Ventured deep into the
outback to find the supposed King of Australia. I need
you know about that castle over the horizon? Yeah, no
(29:31):
from I'm looking to the log home. I'm sty I'm
from I'm from North Carolina. But I didn't give her
a couple of weeks and I caught a real bad accent.
Should get that checked out. No, y, what's your intail
on that castle? That's what the king is? The cuca
(29:55):
Bara was correct and on what knows this? Until she
herself at the gate. Hello, Oh my god, I didn't
see that. Is this an inn a karma? Or is
there a person? It's me? Where? Who down to the list? No?
You see me? Here? Are you the sp I lick
(30:17):
myself on fire? The gum tree? I'm a bush on fire.
I don't see a bush on fire? My simple fire.
Bush on fire, actually a smirking bush. It's gonna fire.
You'll keep your sicking hear me? Yeah? Is that a king? In?
Is there a king who dares disturbed the King of Australia?
(30:42):
My name is Noises? Is this? Yeah? I think I
was brought before you? Yes, you look familiar. Oh yeah,
it was a baby. When I saw your last I
didn't think you were real. I ended up raised by
a partner of guys, not super intomy, and here I am.
You've got a small ring bush out front. Yes, yes,
(31:05):
thanks going to take you didn't think I was really
we're on money together. Yes, you as a child that's
trying to forget about that. Yes? Have you looked for work?
If you tried the diarrhea factory. I was by the
diarrha factory. Yeah, there's also a fudge factory around the corner.
(31:28):
I'm looking at the milk and lemonade factory. Yes, well
is that around the corner. There's there's around the corner.
There's work at the milk and lemonade factory. All right,
maybe I'll check that out. Sorry to war nor did
you hear that? I did think I'm kidching something bad?
Wait a minute, you're losing your Australian accent. You don't
(31:50):
have a pure one like I do with the king.
Wait a minute, are you one of us? Where did
you come from? I work here. I'm one of the
guys who work at the King's Castle. You want to
bust You're not You're not Australian, would he I'm a
worker at the castle. No I am. What's confusion about.
I don't know what's happening. You just just look. I
(32:20):
just thought it would he Are you copying me? Hello?
Hi hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello hello hello. Hol
you went back to it. That reversed it. Damn well,
good luck narrating us out of this one. Morgan Freeman,
he wasn't quite sure. I wrapped this up with a
dainty little bow, so he thought he would leave it
(32:40):
at this bubblegum, bubblegum in a dish? How many pieces
do you wish bushes on fire? And that's our second
said number three. Historically it was. It's pretty accurate. Holy
(33:03):
Podcast Alchemists. The scene where Batman and Robin went to
the d m V and dealt with a nefarious umbrella
cling Penguin was one of my favorites. I would love
to see a scene where Batman and Robin return, this
time their house shopping for a new bat cave. I
wonder what supervillain will meet at the title office during closing.
Thank you for all you do. John from Parker, Colorado. Nope, nope, nope,
(33:24):
I'm not doing this. Scene with you guys. You guys,
you don't know who calendar. I'm not gonna do a video,
but he walk out. He's going love to watch him go.
How many how many cups do you have? I promise
(33:44):
you Batman and Robin won't be from Australia. Well, take
a look around, boy, wonder what do you think? I
don't know. I mean anything with the pool is fine. Um,
we don't pool is not operational yet, but you can
see there is a natural place for a pool and
it'll fill up with water with a rainfall. Do you
(34:06):
mean it's a hole in the ground. It's a cave
and that's a hole in the ground. How much for
this cave? How much do you have? Well? Asking prices? Wait,
I was like, why are you telling me to come
to the corner? What do you want? You're asking me
for money. I don't have any money. Everything's tied up
in investments. Right now, you're multi I can't wait for
(34:30):
you guys to see the backyard. Okay, I don't have
any cave. I hope you like sacks. I'm not sleeping
in the backyard. We've been over this, okay, still like
tights are on the ground and still ectites or in
the ceiling. What's oh man? Are you your Batman? Huh yeah,
that's right. Oh cool? Cool, and you're you're the other guy.
I'm robbin Oh whatever, awesome, Batman. I'm such a huge fan.
(34:54):
I live next doore A. You're gonna move in here?
You live right next door to this cave. Yeah. What's
your name? My name's Ned Yeah. Ned. Oh excuse me,
um child trying to close a deal here? Oh yeah, yeah,
shut up, lady, Oh Batman, I'm a big fan. Do
(35:16):
you think if you sign my uh you could sign
my book? Here, my autograph book. Sure, let's let's go.
Oh you have Superman's autograph? I do I like him to?
Oh's super pickle and uh well it's wonder woman. Yeah,
you got an aquaman's autograph. I think I can make
you a really good deal. Lady. Do you know who?
(35:38):
This lady is? A real turn? Yeah, she's a real turn.
She's a really evil realtor. Wait wait a second, that's right.
See I'm helpful. I'm more helpful than this schmuck right here, Batman,
the cat in space is really good? Are you telling me?
This is Catwoman's skies As a real turn. Yeah, she's
(36:01):
a smart lady. So what's up with all these like, uh,
scratch posts all around the place. I don't know, the
previous tenant must have left those there, you idiot, I
mean Robin bo. I wonder how did you know my name?
I didn't know your name. Yeah, she's pretty sexy. Huh
she is? But evil, but sexy, but evil. I hate
(36:23):
to interrupt this little love fest, but my um latex
is grading on me. I'd love to close this a deal.
It's a beautiful cave. You'd be totally safe here. None
of those two lag tits at lag might have been
wired to embail you in your sleep that my aunt
Rosie is calling me? Oh there you are? Then, what
(36:45):
did you get to? I got to the well. I
was just hanging out and I saw this. Yeah, I'm spatman, ma'am?
Could you take net away where I'm trying to? If
you are the Batman, I am, hey, are you moving
in here? Well? Thinking about it? Well? If you do,
can you please keep the crime fighting to a minimum
After ten pm? What a funny woman like crime fighting time?
(37:11):
Time of day where I fight crime? I fight crime?
That's right, because he's Batman all right, but you know,
just ned you stay away from here can get dangerous.
All right, Okay, I have an allergy, so I'm gonna
go aunt Rosie. Okayaman and whoever you is, all right
(37:31):
by Robin. I'm getting a lot of offers on this
house cave. Yes, may offer a few minutes. I'd find
that hard to be. I really like the cave. I
think it's nice. I think it's it has everything I'm
looking for. Uh, you know, I think I might want
to jump on it. Yeah, I think I want to
do it. That's right. We have we have cash. We
(37:54):
have cash. Listen, do you mind if I use you
as sort of baitd in a game? I don't understand.
Always wanted to be baked perfect? You always wanted What
didn't you tell me that? So we have an offer,
very motivated buyer. Wait a minute, what's this trail of blood?
I don't see that. I see a trail robe, trail
(38:16):
of bloods cave drippings. It's cave. There's a guy who's
hung up with your The skinnest ripped off down. Oh
my god. Oh I hadn't noticed that horrible thing I've
ever seen. Previous tenants did not take great care of
the cave. It's true. I can probably take some money
off of the price for that. I'll do what I can. Okay, yes,
(38:37):
it is catwoman what we do when we can do something.
Do you want the cave or not? I again, I
have a very motivated buyer. I'd hate for this to
slip through your fingers. I mean, do not do not
try to hook up with there? Okay, let's this. Did
I mention even though we don't have a pool, we
do have a hot Oh really, I wouldn't mind come
for a little dip right this way? Would you like
(38:57):
to Borrow's the wrong? I have my own think. Oh there,
you could almost boil you alive. So what makes you
so great? Anyways, Robin, I was raising the circus, and
I have like hyper athletic abilities and my sense of
smell is really good. To prove it, Uh, who's playing
(39:23):
a hackey sock? We're trying to hoss up? Sorry? Yeah,
so that's kind of what I can do. Well, I can.
I can scale walls with my bare hands, and my
tongue is a lizard tongue. Oh can I see? Yeah? Wow? Yeah,
(39:44):
Well you're like Croc. You're like a mini croc a dial.
It's getting really warm, isn't I think many themselves. Your
little sidekick is choking on his stupid words. Clearly, Robin,
what are you saying? Boy? This is a trap? I
(40:06):
think it's a trap. I think we're gonna be ambushed soon.
Do you mind if I pour some seasonings in here?
I mean, bubbles, bubbles, wonderful. I'm just going to get out.
Do do, do, do do? Don't look at my body.
I forgot a towel. What am I supposed to do?
She's so sexy? Batman? What coming jump in the toup
(40:30):
with you? It's warming? I think we gotta get out
of here. Okay, look I just need ten moments. My
back is killing. Stop rubbing your dick against with the
jet streams. Okay, stop, I'm not doing that. You are?
It feels good? Okay, Just how we're going to get
out of here? Oh? I'm just gonna cup the heat
just a bit. Oh, bad news. It seems there's a
(40:51):
boulder blocking the exit. What only a very thin body
can fit through? All I might be able to get through, Batman.
If you no, not you me? I can get out?
You can't. You're both stuck about a kid A kid?
There's no kid in here. Oh Ned, that's right. I'm
a kid and I can get out. I can do it.
I can Yeah right. Yeah, you're a little older now, Robin,
(41:15):
you were a kid once. Okay, I'm gonna get out.
Watch me batman licking everything. Excuse me? But why don't
why don't you like you? Like me? Listen less? Because
I'm not a kid. Look, you know you can't have
the same sidekick for forever. Yeah, I agree. I think
(41:37):
I deserve a promotion, a promotion. Yeah, oh sure, you
want to go out on your own? Maybe? Yeah, maybe
that's what it takes. They don't do that. You want
to fight crime solo? Yeah, maybe we'll do it on
the night hit the bubbles? Are you over there? I'm
at least turned to me. Square your shoulders with me,
I did, Robin. You're living with me now, Huh? I
(41:58):
made you a lemonade analyze I am. Yeah, that's great. Uh,
it's good to see you again. It show is not
bedtime is ninety five. Okay, We're gonna watch heeha and
go straight to sleep, all right. I mean I kind
of gotta go out and fight crime. I don't think so.
It's after curfy young man. Look, um, I'm sorry that
you Batman broke up and all that and it was
(42:20):
really an explosive thing and and um, but uh, first
of all, Batman another date? Do we just fun buddies
in college? Alright? Whatever? He does? He even remember me,
just knows me his aunt Rosie. You don't remember me
at all? Whatever. Look, I had a question on you two,
and I yeah, you knew this, you knew this. You'll
(42:46):
you're gonna be sleeping on Ned's bed. It's a little
show up, but I think you'll have fun. Then why
don't you call me after the whole thing went down?
Why did not passing ships? All right, passing ships? But
maybe maybe they saw each other in the day the fund?
Does that even mean? Aunt Rosie? I can I just
(43:08):
call you Rosie? Please? All right? I am not technically yea. Look,
I'm into older ladies and I think you're really hot
and I'm living on my own now with you, and uh,
maybe I thought you'd like to go grab something neat,
maybe like salmon steak, a sam steak, a thick cut
(43:33):
of salmon or something because against my better judgment, But alright, Robin.
Oh great, okay, can I call you Robbed? Yeah? Yeah, yeah,
if you're gonna be a growing up where those growing
up pants and be rob Oh yeah for sure. Um
let me get dressed and then let's let's go to
this really place, really, this really nice place that I know. Okay, well,
(43:54):
let's do that. I mean, I'll change myself. All nice.
It's a really fancy Australian restaurant. Oh all right, we'll go.
Sounds good. Did I welcome to salmon steaks? Can I
interest you in one of our salmon steaks? Yeah, that'd
be great, alright, and how about how a few I
(44:15):
also have a salmon steak, because I hear that's what
you do best. If we did the samon steak based great, uh,
and we'll do two siders, two sides, and saw some
of your world famous fudge or it's it's around the corner.
But all right, I'm sorry. Cheers, cheers, cheers. This is
(44:36):
so romantic. It's so different having Batman around. Oh well,
this is uh, this is awkward. Batman. Hey, hey, Robin,
this is a realtor and I were just realtor to
the stars. Catwoman, shut up. We were just discussing the
contract for the for the cave and uh and enjoying
(44:58):
a salmon steak. Glad to see you it up. I'm
sorry if the two of you are here, where is
ned Who's looking after him? I'm right here. I'm hiding
under the table so nobody can see me so I
can have Batman's back when things go bad. Is that
an interior monologue? Net? Did you mean? Okay? Well I'm here, Batman.
(45:22):
That's all you need to know, Aunt Rosie. I've always
thought of it as a sort of maternal figure. Yead
here you are, according this boy man over seven steak,
no less? Look, I'm May. December is perfectly acceptable. I know,
supposed to be made November. But there's a bigger age gap,
so it's fine. All right, it's a pretty big age gap,
(45:45):
Aunt Rosie. We got some frock corn, Brady, you're going
for the table? Yeah, anybody wants some bada just leave
it please? Anything? Do you have any you know? Ram uh?
I'd like them or um? Right? Aw right, all Patricia,
(46:11):
if you can get my shoulder and just have a
little contricians sorry, absolutely, just make some biscuits right here, careful, Batman,
She's got her careful bat she's got her clo. Let
me do that. I feel good. It's my job now, dude,
I like you, don't they Why don't I start? Huh?
(46:31):
All right? How safe enough? It's obvious the ship out
of at Rosie. I just help her obvious you miss batman.
We can all see it. Of course I do. Of
course I miss you. I miss you two kids. What
(46:51):
but but ned is my new side kick. That's right.
And I just tied your shoelaces together under the table, idiot,
And I just poisoned all your entrees you haven't got,
haven't come out yet, haven't eat an We'll be sure
not to eat them when they come out. Okay, you
(47:11):
know what you guys were growing on me. I'm glad
I slept. We need to find some raw meat. An't
even table that wants it raw mate? No do it?
Do you have to get it? If a customer won't sit,
if they want it, you gotta get it. No, we
don you can get keen. It's only they have semen.
(47:34):
I I don't got some raw, mate, been sitting out
a while. Fun, Here you go, fun, here you go,
thank you you have little salt in mate. Yeah, I
got some salt in there. Accident spector, I'm shedding this
place sheet oil. You've got an outbreak here, come, been
(47:57):
out broken this whole time. Up. Sorry, you've got to
You've got a d rating and accents and uh we're
shutting the place down immediately. What is taking undress so long? Ever?
Shutting down? Everybody out? What? Everybody out? Where's my raw? Meat? Man? Please?
(48:20):
You have a box? I can shoot in? Sorry now
you have to do that outside? No, thank you? Boop
fire alarm boom boom boo boo boo boo boo. Let's go.
Does anyone have a box? Second? Ship in? Someone did?
His name was Lucius Fox. Here you go, catwoman away,
(48:43):
Thank you so much. Who is this mysterious man? You
seem familiar? You know him. We did a whole thing
with him. Could I have a little privacy? Do him
in the street. I'm the one who told you all
you wonderful matt mobiles and things. That's right, that was you,
all of my madmobiles. That's right. That Look, I'm just
(49:08):
gonna duck out behind this poster of Justin Bieber. Can
I come with you? I'm right here, I'm right here
next to you. You gotta pick one, Batman, gotta pick one.
Is it going to be Ned or the citiot? Robin torn?
Both boy wonders so tempting. I love them both for
(49:31):
different reasons, different powers. Ah, Robin, could you work with
Mini croc here? Um? Yeah? If that means I'm with
you then yeah? And Catwoman, we knew it was you
all along. Yeah. Sorry, she's shipping in a box. Yeah,
(49:54):
if I could have a little privacy in the street.
Well that's where the box is, genius kick in the
corner behind some dumpsters or something. I just need a minute. Okay,
I'm done. Well, it seems like everybody's happy here. But
well they have to find out who Aunt Rosie really is.
(50:15):
Oh wow, was that a question? Was Aunt Rosie not
Aunt Real? Is that somebody else? I thought a Rosie
was dating in college? It's me, wonder woman, Holy ship,
we're about to have sex, I know, and I was
gonna use my last of truth in a kinky way.
Can we still do that? You bet? Little boy? How
(50:35):
did I not know you are my aunt this whole time?
Excuse me, I've got to take some pills. Let me
use this water phone right here. Oh dear God, that's
our show. Oh my god, is that diarrhea? Always get
to end a show on that? Let's go around at
(50:57):
thank us today. Up to Carl like a cascade at
Carla Kakowski Boo boo at Dynasty Typewriter feed on Greg
Kakowski Kakowski on Twitter, at Kikowski on Instagram. He James Heeney,
(51:22):
the real James Cheeney, scrotus want us it sounds more
like Shaggy that like scrow want Joey Greer at Jeffy
Greeber on Instagram, Ding Dong at Cold Stratton or at
(51:43):
Stratton Cold, depending on the device. So's that car your
Doug babe, our post sound design artist Raphael Britto, our
producer Sophie Lichtman, and lastly, I heart media something. We
(52:07):
encourage you all to write a review, tell everyone you've
ever met, and write to us with your scene suggestions
and whatever else. At your name here at alchemy this
dot com. That's your name here at alchemy this dot
com Until next time.