May 21, 2020 • 54 mins
Turns out Super Mario Bros based on real people.
First monster mash dance hosted by gay Dracula.
A group of people delirious with fever trying to communicate with one another.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome back to get another episode of Alchemy in is
covid n edition. I'm your host, Kevin polla guest that Kevin,
do I believe in love after love after love after
lovel Come on, but I digress. Let's meet our alchemist,
shall we no particular orders? Tall Hello to Craig Atkowsky. Cocow.
(00:26):
How are you sleeping? I could pull it up on
my fitbit. Yes, some nights are good, some nights are mediocre. Um, yeah,
last night I had uh a seventy two sleep score,
which is just fair five hours and forty five minutess.
(00:47):
I like a B minus. Yeah, that's kinda at seventy
two is like a D plus right, No, that's a
C C minus C minus. Yeah, I love that James
knows what a C minus is. Sorry, feed the damn cats.
Cal Stratton is back. Hello, mckilling it and wife. Do
(01:08):
you believe that the novels of Susan Sontag are self indulgent,
overrated crap? And what film is that line from oh Man?
That sounds very familiar? I cannot place it, So I
guess I'm not a good cinema student. And I thought
it was the novels I also believe the novels of
Susan Sontag or self indulgent overrated crap correct continue there
(01:31):
we go. I do love that movie, though, but it's
been a while since I've watched Nucluuse and Buddies do
their thing played the hash brown. James Heeney has arrived,
James Tiberius smirk. What can you briefly tell us about
your last camping trip. My last camping trip was I
(01:51):
believe my bachelor party and Joey was there and uh,
we cooked, we we there was kyo, he's Oh my god.
The coyotes at night when they were just it was
as if they were killing some beasts nearby and it
was just yelping by coyotes. I'm assuming you're talking about
another improv train team. No, I think maybe we'll like
(02:13):
real four legged coyotes. And when did you go for this?
Where'd you go? Sedona, Arizona? We were we were camping.
I think that was the last time I camped. I
usually go camping every year, but it's been a little
haven't camped a couple of years. Well, thank you for that.
And last, but no egg whites for you. If you
think it's Joey Greer crinkle cutter waffle fry. Oh what
(02:39):
a choice? Huh oh, I gotta pick one of those. Yeah,
can you put a pin in that for a second.
I'd like to welcome back Carlos Carline I was waiting. Thanks,
thank you so much for joining us once again. Thank you.
How are all the creatures? And I I acknowledge you
(02:59):
do you got? In fact, are like myself without children? Correct?
No children? Dog, doggie children. Benny is sleeping at my
feet right now. Best Frankie could be dead in the
next room. We don't know. The doors are sure, everybody's good.
You think the dogs are at all shocked or confused
(03:21):
by the amount of human contact? Absolutely? I think they
are sick of us, absolutely disgusted by are sent in
the house my favorite kind of dogs. All right, let's
do a damn show. If you'd like to submit your
scene suggestions, By the way, please write to the podcast
your name here at alchemy this dot com. That's your
(03:41):
name here at alchemy this dot com and patron v
I P s thank you all for your contributions. You
do get priority as part of your v i P perk.
And this one comes from patron v I p full
of perk James who offered up a scene suggestion and
simply wrote, turns out, super Mario, there's based on real people. Okay,
(04:04):
let's uh start the auditions. Please, when your name is
called out, please come into yet. I've said seven names, sir. Okay.
If you haven't heard yours, you haven't been called in yet.
I was in the bathroom for I don't know if
my name was called. Are you feeling okay? Is your
(04:24):
name Glenn Tim nope, Carlisle nope, Steve Nope? Is to
me Steve, Steve Steve. So glad you made it in time.
We're gonna take you next. That's a great step into
the booth. Have you had You've had a chance to
stardy the sides. Yes, I have a look at it.
(04:46):
The stay is that they are very good. Appreciate the
thumbs up. Your director will have notes for you. You'll
get a few takes at it. Please don't steer from
the script. That's been one of the issues we've had.
That's a good I don't like it. Okay, I'll turn
you over your director now. This is um Roger Vadim. Hello, Hello,
(05:12):
I am Roger Vadim, great French new way of director,
married to Jane Fonda. But hey, I'm not here to
just give you my biography. I am here. I am
here to read you for Super Mario Brothers, Lisa Me,
Steven Palusa. It's nice to meet you. Arrived Vademe. So
(05:34):
you're Steve A. Paluza, Steven Paluza and then you star
are I don't know if my name was called. I'm
not sure you're supposed to be in room. Nope, just
Steve am I not supposed to be here, sir? Follow
me please? Okay, okay, Steve, Steve Palusa. Did you bring
(05:55):
a reading partner because these work good as a buddy read? No.
I did not bring it anyone to eat me all jeez?
How did I messes up already? No? No, no, no,
You're good. You're good. You good. Hold onto it, hold
onto it? Uh you know I like your energy quite
a bit for this part. Well good, Okay, I'm gonna
(06:16):
have you look at the role of Luigi. Are you
comfortable with that? Did you prepare? It's I prepared the boss.
I figured i'd be good for Luigi because that's so tall. Okay,
you keep punching the ceiling. What can I can? I
ask you? Why are you doing that? Well? I need
lunch money. I figured something a fall from there. I
could get a little bit after. You know, you think
(06:38):
something's gonna fall from the ceiling when you punch it. Yeah,
like I don't know. Like I got going so that
they did. At one time I punched my ceiling when
I was so mad. A good con came out and
bring and then I was like, oh good, they get
the money. Now to the story. Yeah, I've been acting
for a while, so how about you. You've been acting
(06:59):
for Wilder? Yes, I've been acting for many years since
I was a child, and my husband is directing this film,
so I fully expect to get a part. Oh wow,
good luck, good luck, good luck. Yeah. One of the
first things I was in was a toothpaste commercial. I
always have one of the guys eating the toothpaste. So yeah,
(07:20):
it's uh. I never had to do commercials. Yeah, tell
me about it. It's not bad work. I wouldn't know, truly,
it's not bad work. I've had to do a lot
of crazy jobs in my day, but this is this
ain't too bad. Tell me something, now, tell me something. Now,
how do you feel about the Vietnam War. Uh. Um,
(07:44):
I think we got out too soon. Honestly, you know,
I think, uh, maybe another thirty years or so or so.
That is an incorrect response. Okay, alright, alright, um anyway, yeah,
you know I've been Uh, Mario, I don't know if
I want to go into that castle. I think that
the princess might just not be in any castle. We
(08:06):
just to keep a finding that she is in another castle.
One day they're gonna make a move, vieaut of Mario, Mario,
don't make me go into the castle alone. This wasn't
the meant for me to get to the end of
totally mentor for you help me. Luigi, you have to
do And Mario, you don't understand. We've gone to so
(08:30):
many castles and it must be a recording her Luis,
listen to me, Listen to me a yoga greenness if
a we are donndergoing. Okay, So this is an original
recording of the peoples that we were basically script on.
(08:53):
No need to voice match, no need to make it
your own, make it your hon and it's hard to
get that voice out of your her head once you
hear he's a very difficulty. Okay, but do your own thing.
Don't feel like you got to match with them. I
will not give you a line reading. Um, my wife
Jane Fonda is got my ex wife, sorry, my ex
wife Jane Fonda, who I directed in Barbarella, is going
(09:15):
to come in and read with you. Is there? Are
you okay? Are you okay with them? I'm already here.
This has always been a problem. I'm in the room
and you don't see me. Roger, jo Jeanne. Hello, Okay,
so nice to Steve A. Plusa is very nice to
meet you. Steven plus is going to read a Luigi
(09:38):
and Jeanne. You're going to read the role of Mario. Okay, okay,
I can do that. I can do it in my sleep. Roger.
And when's you already? Okay? We need to help. But
the Princess in the tower, Sory, I'm going to stop you.
You have something wrong with the way that I've done
(09:59):
the first line. Shocking, Roger, shocking, Jane. Just do it,
do it the way to do it in your own voice.
What is the voice you're doing? This is a very
accurate portrayal of an Italian plumber voice. Okay, I'm gonna
flip it. I'm gonna flip it and Steve readA Mario
and Jane read Luigi. So we'll start with you. Steve. Okay, okay,
(10:26):
action Mario. We need to go into the castle. Okay,
you are you are Mario? You are Mario's sorry, he's
not even looking at me. He's not even Don't touch me,
don't touch me. Let me get in here, let me
get looking auditions, you know, doing audition about me? Is
(10:48):
the right? Who is it? Who is this? This man?
Who is it? This is a man? Who is it?
This man is me? This is a Mario, this is
super Mario. And I don't very careful. He's eating a
lot of mushrooms today, so you might have just don't
want to see him. Fire fire ah, yes, now, who
(11:11):
isn't this a play in the Mayor? My name is
Jane Fonda, and I will be playing you in the film.
Look at the I'm gonna have a dinner from the
playing a man. And that is right. I have won
many Academy Awards and you should be fireble fireball. Okay,
(11:31):
that fireball knocked me on my back, but I'm trying
to get up. I'm a getting up and now I
can move again. Okay. Uh so, so you eat a
lot of mushrooms today, so you're bigger than you would
normally be, right, mar Tommy, hard to careful. My brother's
about the freak out. Oh somebody got the my stomach open?
(11:53):
Oh okay, why are you guys are here? Would you?
Would you read first? Apart? I do the thing that
he really should. This was This was a passionate moment,
but I think it was a mistake for us to
come into the audition process. Do you know if they
called my name yet? Or what was your name again? Uh?
(12:16):
My name was a George Rosa with Jane Oh yeah,
Dr Josiah, doctor Dr j Dr j No, I don't
see your name. Okay, I'll just keep waiting. Yep. I'll
let you know what they call you. Okay, what agency
are you with? My own? The doctor j agency? Yeah? Okay?
(12:44):
If I called her? Who should I ask for? It'll
just call me? So I'm right here. You don't have
to call anybody. Can't you just ask me? Do you
have entertainment? Lawyer? You're thought to take away my chance
at dispart the gun. This has a bullet with a
(13:06):
face on it. This is why we need gun control, alright, Jane,
get off of your soapbox for one So carry my
soapbox in a backpack and I and I carry it
with me from room to room, so it's always here. Okay, well,
surely we can work something out. Jane and Mario read
(13:27):
the role together of Luigi and Luigi and Steve read
the role of Mario. So at the same time. Okay, exercise,
we are all reading Mario. I just said, who's reading?
Who's reading? What? Mario, You're gonna read for Luigi? Mario
read for Luigi. Luigi read for Mario. Jane read for Mario,
(13:51):
Steve read for Luigi. I don't know if that's what
I said last time I directed Brigitte bardot in and
God created woman. And these are as facts about Roger Vadi.
Why are you always bringing up bard every time I
auditioned for you, you bring up more beautiful woman who
has ever leaved on earth? Mr Vadim started interrupts. We're
(14:12):
just just taking some lunch orders. What can I get you? Great? Great?
I would take a booth book in your you need
it salad. You've gained a lot of weight recently. Roger,
I would take a Frise salad with lardoon that he
is back on. I would take a French onion soap,
don't ah. Yeah, and also let me get a let
(14:35):
me get an Italian sandwich too, yeah, picking up picking
up some lunch orders for the crew. You know, there's
no there's no bad job, am all right? I don't know.
I wish I could had a better job. I don't
really like working and kind of cash register. Yeah, that's
not too bad though, I'm an actor. Oh really, why
(14:56):
aren't you on set acting? Then? Well, you know, they
they didn't to do a food order, and the only
way I was gonna get something to eat is if
I went and picked it up. It sounds like you're
a p A A A. Well, I mean there's everyone's
an actor on set, so it's like kind of like
a that's that's an untruth. Okay, yeah, so let me
(15:18):
just hey, you're gonna leave tip, right, because some pas
come in and pick up food and they don't leave
a tip and it sucks wild. Yeah, of course, are
you are you a sucker? No? No, I'm not a sucker, No,
not at all. I actually were my own agency, so
I'm pretty big. So you're an agent too. Yeah, I'm
(15:40):
an agent. Um, so, how how much do you have
in your bank account right now? Probably three fifty dollars? Yeah,
you know we're hiring here. Are you serious? I am serious?
All right, Actually I'll run that order if you don't mind,
(16:04):
because we need a runner. Okay, yeah, yeah, okay, sweet okay,
And so one more time from ZiT top Oh I
thought we were marrying? Am I still? I'm not? No.
I think that this is very confusing. I'm not going
(16:25):
to call cut. Keep it going, keep it going, I
can do whatever. Somebody make eye contact with me. I
contact you shoulds. Don't you believe that a loud? Why?
(16:49):
Because I'm a woman. I don't know why I said that.
It's just to slip down badger. I'm so sorry about you. Look,
it's a clear and it's clear. I cannot compete with
the Mario in the Luigi. Perhaps I can read for
this end the day fund. But the part that bou ghosts,
(17:11):
I think he's very shy. Okay, I am a shack ghost.
Don't look at me. And the Academy Award for Best
Supporting Actor goes to I'm nervous. Let me just say
(17:34):
before I read this everyone did a fantastic I know
this will usually be the recipient's job to do this,
but I just want to say watching everyone work has
been fantastic this past year. You know, every year is great,
but this year was fantastic. So the awards. The award
for Best Supporting Actors in this envelope and when I
read it will know the winner, and that name is
(17:56):
in here. So let me just open it up really quick.
And it's a zipper this year. It's not an envelope
normal level if they have a zipper. So Jane Fonda,
Jane Fonda screamed her name like a pokemon. Uh and
uh all right, let me just on zip this now.
(18:16):
Just to be clear, it just because it said supporting
actor doesn't mean you're less than the lead, okay, doesn't
mean in any way that this is a less award
or that this means anything other than, like, you know,
best actor actress, but write it this is the best
supporting actor. Still, you did great, you did great money. Okay. Uh.
(18:37):
So from that point that is seen one. I think
it was the I think it was Boom it was
it was the Boo ghost. It was in there. We'll
never know. Scene two comes to us from Sydney, who wrote, Hello, miss,
first time, long time. I've never written into a podcast before.
(19:00):
Would you seem worth it? I started listening about three
episodes into your podcast when I was working as a
merchandizer at a large sporting goods store in Canada. My
coworkers always commented that they knew where I was as
they could hear the booming laughter echo through the dusty
rafters in the early morning hours. I now work from
(19:20):
home as a pole dance instructor. Hell yeah, did I
hear that right? And no one hears me cackle but
my two dogs. Hey Now, I always like suggestions that
are vague and allow you to work your magic. So
here it is the first Monster mash dance hosted by
(19:42):
Gay Dracula. Have fun. I love you all, especially Craig.
The luxurious tones of Craig can't spellers last name Kakowski?
Is it it? Can't you just copy paste it? Sidney
from Vancouver, Canadia, Honey, thanks for for picking me up.
(20:08):
I'm sorry I had car trouble. I'm very excited about
the dance tonight and were you able to pick up
the costumes on time? Yes? I got all of the costumes. Okay,
there was a little snaff foo with Frankenstein, so I
got to Santa instead. Okay, Well, Santa is not really
a monster, I know, but he could be depending upon
(20:30):
the point of view of the child, right, true, that's true.
My cousin Tim definitely was traumatized when his father dressed
up as Santa. So yeah, yeah, I could go. I
could put an evil bent on it. Okay, I guess
well I did my best, all right, you know, maybe
make the maybe make the beard dark. Okay, we can
do that, we can die the beard. But you know,
(20:51):
I did put down a deposit for these costumes, so
we are going to have to forfeit. That my mistake.
I'll just it'll all be at attitude. So did you
come through with all of the guests if I got
the costume, you've got the Yeah, all the guests of
our all the guests of R. S v P. They're
all going to be there. Is Nathaniel going to be there?
I don't know why I'm asking. I'm just curious, Um Nathaniel. Yeah,
(21:17):
I mean, I'm fine with it either way, and I
don't think he's bringing anyone. Oh oh, what a shame.
He's not seeing Linda anymore. I don't know. He just
r C Peters himself. Weird. Huh, that's crazy. I can't
wait to see him. I mean or not, I don't
care either way. Uh. All right, I'm gonna put this
Santa costume on. You'll be Santa, yeah, good good, And
(21:43):
I will be Frankenstein's wife, which means we have Gage,
Racula and Casper the friendly Ghost. Nathaniel is going to
be Frankenstein, I believe. Oh but the Frankenstein costume. There
wasn't one, remember ship. Look just wait, We're almost there, okay,
(22:05):
can you just can you just stop bothering me. I'm
following the map that's that was given to me. So
we're almost there. Party Yes, party, yes, party, Yes, We're
gonna party. Party. We are the party, the fucking party.
If you want a party, I say, we're going to
a party. So we're gonna party. But you don't want
(22:25):
a party? Here with the party, for God's sakes. God. Yeah.
Do you know why I drive bad? Because just wait
to play displacement on the right side of my goddamn car. Okay,
I got about a six pound freak next to me.
You don't have to take out the front seat, slash
around freak. No, you're a freak. You're a freak. Drive
(22:47):
bad drive, Oh I'm a bad driver. Sure, well guess what. Okay,
all the windows gotta be fucking tinted so I can
drive during the day. Okay, thank you give it a
much so it's hard to fucking see cheese, creepers, teepers.
Music music. Okay, we're gonna put on those guttural noises again. Awesome, awesome,
(23:08):
great man, Yeah, this is no one likes your indie music. Okay, good,
it's not good. Em good Emo is fine as a genre,
but you making grunts over what sounds like I'm it's
your emao. Okay, well your backup vocals of someone spitting
into a bowl. Literally, that's not a joke. Okay, it's sick.
(23:31):
I'm not going. I'm changing myself to the radiator. I'll
hurt somebody at the party when I wolf out, I'll
hurt someone at the party. Sweetie, Listen, If you want
to stay behind, that's fine, but I don't. I don't
feel comfortable leaving for the party while you're still chained
up to the radiator. You need to leave me here.
The moon is full. Oh my god, the moon is full.
(23:53):
Someone will get hurt. Okay, look, everyone knows. Everyone knows
what's going to happen. The moon's gonna change, you're gonna
get off, very things are gonna come out. Everything's gonna
be extended, and you're gonna be scary and eat people.
We get it, we get it. Everybody's on board, but
their party guests. They don't deserve to be eating. Don't
you understand it's a party, Deborah, it's a party. But
(24:15):
this is why we have this discussion. I believe some
of the people at the party are deserving to be
Let's go over my list. Okay, okay, do you know
who Sean Kilman is? Yeah? I mean his last name
is just like literally kill me. So yes, I know
Sean Killman is the worst. I'm okay, I will eat Killman.
(24:36):
Put me next to Killman. I will just embowel him
and eat him. That's how about, debor not my legs?
All right? But the thing is, I'm gonna be tempted
to start with the legs. It's it's like being told
no makes you want to do it. So I okay,
but I can't promise I won't start with the legs,
(24:56):
that's okay. How about Joey, not the Joey, not the face.
That guy has a face meant for eating. I mean,
just look at it. Look at his sister gram, look
at his sister grap feed. Look at that. Oh my god,
this is a face. Yeah, that needs to be eating removed. Yeah, Monster,
(25:19):
do you think Nathan is gonna be there? Monster? Hello
to you? Asleep? You? Oh no? Oh no, fire, I
woke up. Do you think Nathan's gonna be there? Nathan there?
(25:42):
God read vite red fie oh read evite Shut up
you cast list, guest list, hidden, guest list hidden you
said you had into the guest list? Print out Monster,
(26:02):
Jesus Christ, park up park can I Monster? I gotta
tell you something. I am. I sucked up Linda and
uh drank her up so Nathan would be single. I
think I'm gonna I'm gonna, you know, see what's happen.
I'm gonna see how he's feeling and what's the vibe
because drink Yeah, I drank her up. What are you
(26:24):
think about? Yea? I drank rep bad. Oh shut up.
Don't even do that to me, dude, don't even do
that to me. How many spines of people have you crushed? Huh? Millions, millions, millions.
A couple of people park I will I can't parking.
There's too small. It's too small. I'm not gonna parking them.
(26:46):
I'm gonna scratch. I'm gonna I'm gonna drive around again. Good, no, good,
it's a good monster. Okay, this is a custom ride.
Do you understand this? I think you look fine. I mean,
you know, the suits a little tight, but overall you
(27:07):
look like Santa. Don't worry so much. Santa is supposed
to be fat. I mean, this is form fitted. I
don't get it. Well, you know, you didn't give me
much time to get this together, so so you bought
skinny Santa. Well, I thought it would be better than
fat Santa. I didn't want to offend you. It's fine,
it's fine, you know what. It's fine. And every time
(27:28):
someone says something, I'll laugh. I'll go with the joke
that I look ridiculous and like you have a bowl
full of jelly. Right, okay, Hi, hi, Hi, hey Nate.
Oh wow wows serial killer? Oh my god, that's so funny. Wow,
(27:51):
you look really good. Thank you? I um I'm Frankenstein's wife. Wow?
Did did? Did he dress up his Frankenstein? Uh? He's Santa.
Oh well that's that's cool. Come on in, get off
the porch, take off your shoes. Relaxed, be at home.
Take off your shirt. I don't care. Take off my shirt. Well,
(28:15):
a serial killer would probably just blend in and I'd
stick out like a sore thumb with my shirt off.
Here by maybe that that tracks, that's logical. Sure, sure, well, gosh,
I'm sorry to hear about Linda. Oh you know what,
things just weren't working out. It was quarantine. We were
(28:36):
stuck together for so long that once it was lifted,
I was just like, I'm getting my own place. I'm
getting my own place and going out to party. Good
for you. I wish I had a Oh sorry, I've
interrupted my thought. Hold on Hello, Hi, monster park far away?
(29:01):
Oh come on, guys, come on. There was a lot
of spot. Here's two scary guys. What can I get
you to drink? Can we get him out of here?
Can we get sitting out of here? Get him out
of here? Get out of here? This is my worst nightmare.
(29:21):
Get the hell out bad. It's okay. Relaxed, monster. Don't
you take a lap or something, Nathan? How are you? Huh?
I'm doing good. So cool to be able to go
to a party with other people within six ft that's crazy. Like,
why don't you pop that shirt off if you're hot?
That's so funny thinking, do you guys think a serial
(29:43):
killer would have no shirt on? I'm sure, yes, yes,
all right, hey everybody, Sorry, relate, took a while to
get here. I'm just gonna transform over by the dip,
if that's okay with everybody, If you could do it
a few feet away. I spent all afternoon that dip. Sure,
(30:03):
harps are getting longer. I'm really sorry to boy Linda
and how she got drained of all her blood. That's sucking,
that's insane. You know, it was really weird. The timing
was perfect. We weren't together anymore, we had kind of
gone our separate ways, and you know, I love that.
(30:23):
I love that, like you can share at home with
somebody in relationship and then once it's over and that
person passes and you're like, who cares? Made between you
and me? It made it easier. I mean I wasn't
all the way over her, but that kind of sealed
the deal. Okay, that's kind of hard a process. But
took lap, took lap eat dip bad, dip, dip bad,
(30:49):
dip bad. You're you're bad, You're bad. Look. Hate to
be that guy. But Frankenstein not monster, Frankenstein doctor. Yeah
we know doctor. She's dressed up as Frankenstein's doctor's wife,
(31:15):
exactly right. And within the context of cartoons, Frankenstein is
a monster. No cartoon you know what? You know? What?
What name do you want? Because everyone's calling the monster
or Frankenstein's monster, I feel like assholes. A good one
there is? Yeah, Okay, okay, me go car, Miko, car
(31:39):
far away. Okay, I'm not giving you the keys. They're
gonna stand outside. May break good. I'll be back. I
gotta let him in the car. Wolfman stop peeing everywhere? Okay,
where's Sean Kilman? Where's Sean Kilman? Hungry? Hey, guys, Kilman
(31:59):
and house kill me kill me much? Oh? All right.
Now that we've gotten that out of our system, I
put together this line dance for us to do, and
(32:20):
it's to this amazing song, Honey, can I come back
into our own party? Is the monster gone? The monster
is still here? Just take off the beard. Okay, So
Santa Claus Shaft well as the parents of of Linda,
we want you to know that the autopsy was fairly inconclusive.
(32:45):
Looks like there are two puncture wounds right on the neck,
perfectly in sync with the order or vain and uh
it seems in less for better words, that she she
was drained up. Sorry, which part is fair really inconclusive
her her passing? Really we know that the holes kind
(33:08):
of are I mean, obviously she was drained up like
someone There are holes in her vein that led to
her being drained up. So it sounds like you're saying
she she passed away, she expired from lack of blood. Yeah,
it looks like somebody drained it up. Somebody or maybe
(33:29):
oh what do you know, I'm trying to fill in
some blanks animal, well maybe animally. Yeah, okay, let's write
that down. Let's write that down. Animal. What else? Sub human?
Sub humans or human underground? But that a human underground? Okay?
What else? What else? We got? Subway? Sandwich? Subway sandwich?
S Jared uh Ted, You've been coronerr for two weeks,
(33:53):
so you know I'm gonna write this off as a
just a rookie mistake. But uh, you know it's your
job to kind of reach can inclusions on the cause
of death and not riff with the family members as
to possible possible causes of death. I understand that. I
understand that, Kurt. But at the same time, you shed
a scener she had. She was firing on all cylinders
(34:15):
the things she was saying. I mean, it could have
been those those causes. You know, I don't want to
you know, I don't want to say that we have
the exact answer, right, And I see your rode on here.
Possible gay Dracula, Yeah, I did. Uh, it's kind of
a theory of mine I've been cooking with for a while. Actually,
a lot of deaths in this community. I've been kind
of putting up to gays. Why is the sexual orientation
(34:37):
of the of the vampire important? Reason? It's not. It's
not okay, alright, So just take gay out and just
write possible Dracula. Uh all right, change it a possible vampire.
I think because Dracula is one specific Dracula is one
specific vampire. So Dracula. Um, this is gonna sound really
(35:05):
really weird, But why don't you. Why don't we go
to the the darkest corner and talk there? Okay, that's
actually that's good because I wanted a moment in private
with you. Was, um, well, Linda, well this is this
is gonna sound crazy, but she was drained of all
of her blood through two holes, right, which it's pretty crazy.
(35:30):
And at first I was like, I know, I know
you suck blood. From what you told me is from
what you told me is when you would do that,
I would be granted everlasting life. So I'm like that
couldn't be you, right, yeah, right right, yeah, yeah, Well
I have to go on. Oh nothing, nothing, it's an
(35:51):
asshole nothing. Okay are these did you burn CDs to
give out at the goddamn party? So sorry to interrupt you, guys,
but we are out here doing the Frankenstein mash, and
I fully expect the rest of you to come out
and dance with us. Oh so it's a dance named
after the doctor Frankensteh, what did you expect it to
(36:16):
be named after? Okay, good, good, will be there one second.
We will be there one second. That is seemed too Frankenstein,
the monster, not the doctor. Very very serious and sincere
(36:38):
in his effort to make sure everyone knows the difference
to us from patron very p William Morris, that's right,
who wrote, dear Alchemist, thank you for being so awesome
and and submitting yourself to my will. Sorry Craig for
another intervention episode. I very much enjoyed the latest episode
(37:03):
with Joey's multiple personalities, although listening in the middle of
a fever state brought on what I assume is the
dreaded virus. Uh. Not that I know this for sure,
because I apparently must be on the verge of death
to in order to get a test, but hearing my
name called over and over again was kind of surreal,
(37:25):
especially given the fever brain I had. This leads me
to make another suggestion and please feel free to let
some time elipse before getting around to it, which I,
as you can see, did not. James avert those eyes
to the group. A group of people delirious with fever
(37:46):
trying to communicate with one another. That's it. Thanks again.
I love these guys so much. Stay healthy and hilarious.
William Morris, um hit this. Can we just turn the
A C on for just like a bit? Please? Yeah?
I don't think that's what the doctor thought was a
good idea. So the doctor said, no a C. The
doctor said, heat up, that's what the doctor wants. The
(38:08):
doctor said, let the fever work its way through your system. Okay,
so I can't. So the A C is gonna stop
a fever. We're not going to take painkillers. We're not
going to turn on the a C so that you
feel normal. Doctor is a psycho path Okay, yeah, maybe
he is. Yeah, he can't take anything. You can't take
(38:28):
anything to ease the pain. And get you something to eat. Yeah,
you can give me a little a C. Huh, A
sort of tuna fish then fish? Okay, please manage? Why
are you little colder? Please? Okay, all right? Okay? Here,
Oh gee, god, damn it. Oh my god, that smells
(38:50):
like tuna fish. And that's hot air. Okay, that's stopt
to breathe on me again. Let me fluff up the pillow.
Oh my god, you're sweating a lot. Yeah, I'm sweating
a lot. Maybe we should adjust the temperature in here.
Holy god, yeah, maybe we should. Okay, I'm swimming in myself. Please. No,
(39:11):
I was thinking we make a little hotter to really
drain this out. Keep talking about hotter. You want to
make it hotter in here to break the fever. It's broken, man,
it's broken, free, it's running wild and me. Man, come on,
I need the cool down. We're doing it here everyone. Doctor.
I was just trying to study the patient, you piece
(39:33):
of fucking shit. Fucking piece of ships s what I'm
dealing with. Okay, great, great, great, fuck you fuck you motherfucker.
It's so hot. I'm afraid the fever is really get
into his brain. Okay. You realize you're a patient as well.
I do, but I share this room, so okay, I
(39:54):
can't just sit here in silence. Look, I think you're
you're you're feverish and you're getting delusional and uh oh
I'm delusional. Now. Well look I'm not casting any aspersions.
You know. Both of you just need to rest and
let let the fever break. Okay, your honor, I think
the thing that you need to do is sit down.
My client is innocent of those charges. Okay. Look, there's
(40:17):
some magazines here. If you need to kill some time,
feel free to look through those. Kill some time. That's
what I want to kill time. Joey, pick me up.
I'm a magazine holy ship. Come on, Joey, pick me up,
open it up, see what's inside. Can you guys give
me a second with this architecture, digestus, give you a second?
(40:39):
Give me a second? Doctor. Am I allowed to leave
the room to give my roommate a second? No? You
you need to both stay in the room. Thank you.
This is very important and I do have other patients,
so I'm just gonna make my way out of a doctor. Sorry.
Sorry you felt that he need to brag to us
that you have other patients. Yes, I do. I'm a
very important doctor. Many have said I am the most
(41:03):
important doctor here at this time. I just ask you
to turn up the heat. You're so important. Maybe you
have access to the thumb stat I mean it's pretty
hot here already, man, I am really andors are a
chance that you have a temperature. I do not have
a temperature, but I will let me just check in
(41:24):
on everyone here. How are all my patients feeling? Oh, Kirk, good,
good to see a colleague here. Okay, you know you're
a patient. Yes, yes I do, and I'm sorry I'm
sorry that I said that. It's okay, everyone are alright, Okay,
how's the little hot in here. It's very hot, super good.
Come on, Joey, opened me up. I've got a frankoid
(41:46):
right house waiting for you. Oh my god, d this
classic architecture. And if it goes well, I also have
a Tuscan facade waiting to be traverse. What is that?
Is that the region of Tuscany? I think it was
(42:07):
a Star Wars reference. Get out of here, the hell
out of I can't, patient, I have to stay here,
all right, everyone, calm down, calm down, all right down,
thank you, kirk. Okay, you're a patient. You're a patient.
So al right, is everyone good here? Does anybody want
some freshman a doing out of your bed? But get
(42:28):
into your bed? They did? Somebody turned did somebody turn
up the A C in this room? Well, we're trying
to cool down bill. Do you not understand the science
on it? Sorry doctor, sorry doctor. We want the temperature up.
The temperature up will kill the virus. That is why
(42:50):
you have fever. That is why. Yeah, why why did
they take your lips away? See the don't take my
lip away. They did not take my BIPs away. They
had to be removed because they had the virus. Virus
they were It was traveling from whips to mouth, and
(43:12):
I had to act fast. Honey, honey, honey, Oh god,
I just I'm sweating feverish. I've got a lipless doctor
in my head. Uh there's a magazine that's talking to
some guy named Joey and uh, several doctors. I don't
(43:33):
feel good. I don't feel good at all. I understand.
But it sounds exciting, doesn't it. It's not though you
think it would people, but it's not. I feel it's
more exciting than when I'm watching on the news. The
world is a mess. Okay, um, did you just did
(43:53):
you don't I just turned the heat up just a bit,
a bit more, very small amount. I think it will
kill the virus. Yeah, yeah, I'm mind, Doctor Luke. Let
me take your temperature again, open your mouth. Sure, okay,
all right, Oh that's hot, hot to the touch. I'd
(44:17):
sim think it just went up a little bit. I
can tell it just went up. Okay, So your temperature
looks pretty hout here and your and h Miranda, you're
the one who took the temperature. I am now it
says a hundred and thirty. That might be a little inaccurate. Okay, Okay, Well, yeah,
just out of safety. We're gonna leave. We're gonna leave
(44:39):
your husband at home alone. Okay, And uh, do you
want to go out? You want to do something? Or
yeah I would like to. Um, i've been I want
to go to our beach house. Yeah, you have a
beach house. We do? Okay, great? Yeah, down to go
with you, sir, you're gonna have to stay home. Okay,
And let's turn the a c up for you, just
to make sure. Is that all right? Sure? Yeah, thanks
(45:00):
for turning it up. I'm so feverish. I don't think
I'm going to object to my wife going off to
our beach house with you. So. Oh, these sports coats
are nice. Do you want if I should bring a couple?
It gets chilly at night? Oh does it. I'm gonna
need a couple now, sweetheart, you're gonna have. You're gonna
be fine. Just enjoy that to my real, sweetheart. Come on,
(45:25):
I'm a doctor. Just enjoy the time that you have
with your little friends in your head. Okay, I have
fun at the beaches. Be sure to lock it up.
But it opens at night, It opens what it opens
at night? The door it's opening gets breezy on the cape.
You'll you'll go through all this with him. Yeah, it's
(45:45):
a Tuscan style door, so all the doors in Tust.
Can you do this at night? It's a Star Wars thing. Yeah. Yeah,
you're saying that I'm I'm not even a doctor, but
I'm I'm not even real and I'm just a voice
in your head that count. I mean, look at him.
He's a real lifless doctor who's a Nazi. He seems real.
(46:10):
You guys seem so real right now? Why did you
think of a Nazi? Why did you make a Nazi character?
Why did you do that? I don't Yeah, if you
admitted us, you're you're responsible for all of this. That's
some fucked up repressed ship dude. That's some fucked up
ship man. And that that real doctor cut you hard man,
that got cut you and took your way. You got cocked, man,
(46:34):
you got cocked. I mean, how do you know this
virus is even real? Man? It could be a conspiracy.
You know what you gotta do. You gotta go outside
and you gotta start burning all the cars. The cars
are the things that transmitting the virus. My freedom before
your fear, right, okay, right? Right? Um um yeah, here's
(46:56):
my license. It's a real driver's license. Why are you
wearing a police uniform? I'm undercover? Oh okay, well, um,
I guess it is here in your license. Your eyes
are blue? They are? Aren't they? Nope? Are you were
(47:16):
in contact? Yeah? I am. I'm wearing contacts. I'm wearing
bread contacts. Yeah. You should probably state that on your
driver's license that you are contact lenses. Okay, Well, what's
going on? Do we get pulled over? We got pulled over.
My brother's running a fever and I'm just trying to
get him to the hospital. What kind of fevers? It's
a bad one. It's a real fever. It's not a
(47:39):
fake fever. Is there a number? Yeah, there's a number.
It's a hundred and thirty. That sounds crazy, but that's
what the thermometer says. Okay, it sounds like your thermometer
is working perfectly. Why don't I give you folks a
police escort to the hospital? All right, that's that's great,
right bro? Sure, so you want to ride with me?
I guess yeah, I'm just so hot? Do you have
(48:03):
any I d sir? Wait? Are you sure you want
him to ride with you? He's got a fever. I mean,
he doesn't have to ride with me. I just think
it would be I've always wanted to ride on a motorcycle, Officer.
Do you think I could drive it? I've got a sedan,
(48:23):
a cruiser, police cruiser, so you could do my calling
in a motorcycle unit, so I could drive the motorcycle.
You know, ma'am. I'm gonna give you just a warning today, folks,
have a good day. Officer. Are you real or are
you in my head? Well? Do I have wings? You do? Actually?
(48:43):
You're flying? Yes, you are flying? Okay, okay, then I'm real. Okay,
what about you? Are you my brother? Or are you okay? No,
not that that schools take it. Take it one more time,
take the line one more time, and but just do
it in your natural voice. What do you mean I
(49:08):
said a line? I am your brother? Who I'm talking to? Mario?
And now you've got me doing the voice. I'll start
it by saying, are you my brother? Are you in
my head? Okay? That's good, gin, that's good? Where is
my krimble? By the way, did I did I not order? Am?
(49:30):
All right? I'll just say it. I'll say action. Action
is totally unprofessional. Nobody is going to get an Academy
Award next year at this rate. Okay, someone, someone's going
to get an Academy Award. I will be up for
the Supporting Actor next year and I plan on getting it,
(49:51):
and the award for best just say it, the Award
for Best Supporting Actor. Here we go. Read the envelope. Okay,
well this is uh. The envelope is inside a bag
of water, so it's a little wet this year water bed. Okay,
(50:11):
here we go. Why are you stalling? I'm not stalling. Uh,
let's see here and the award joined off the face.
We're gonna break away right now when we come back,
(50:32):
and James Good, that's our show for it today. A
man s I'm a hyak good. The monster says said
it clearly. Once again, let's thank all of our alchemists. Now,
(50:52):
you guys so much for joining here in the smack
dab in the middle of May? Are we do not
really smack dab? I meet something I can't tell. I
can't tell anymore. This groundhog day is just eating away
my brain. But first, let's thank the lovely and delightful
and unfairly humorous carlic A cost fairly, unfairly, unfairly did
(51:19):
you say did you think? He said barely? I thought
he said fairly like fair you're like I thought you
said fairly, Like jeez, you're taking me that well, if
that's what you think, he said, proving once again great actress. Oh,
thank you so much. I really needed this. I've laughed
so hard today. Thank you for having me. It's so good,
good good. Please come back as soon as you are able.
(51:42):
Thank you, Joey Greer do what thank you for having me?
And uh, Joey. Folks should look for your dynamite show
just by going to Jeffy Greeber on Instagram and what yeah,
Jeffy Jeffy Greeber on Instagram, and you'll see all this
stuff that I'm doing. I posted on my stories, twitcht TV,
front Slash West Comedy Theater for Pretty Pretty Pony Bear
(52:03):
supply and shows six nights a week. James Eeney here,
I am looking at the reviews, and there's one from
Davo five star review. There are two types of podcasts,
the good ones and the ones that are on when
I'm at home. James al Pacino is wonderful. Vanessa's aussee
(52:28):
accent is stand out episodes play on request as designed
respect to all Chicken his Church, Dave Perth, Western Australia.
Do I do a great Pechino? I mean I was
really I really loved that review, but I don't remember
doing Pecino. I'm just gonna say yes an thank Yeah
(52:49):
cool Stratton, thank you so much for being here, Pal, Yeah,
thanks for having me. Um at Stratton Cole on Instagram,
at col Stratton on Twitter and go to ss sketch
Fest dot com slash watch. We've been putting out a
bunch of archival recordings of great past shows. The proceeds
go towards the performers and the festival and charities and things,
so please check that out. Don't forget to save ten
(53:13):
percent to work on the WiFi there at the house
you met Greggs. Thank you so much, Pal, My pleasure.
How much fun was this? Uh? That's one of our reviews.
Are you reading that right from the iTunes? Yeah? I'm
reading it here, my pleasure? How much fun was this? Uh?
(53:34):
We can always get some more heat on the Alchemy.
This reddit page zorlac seven posts every week the new
episode and there's some comments, but then some of us
on the show. May lurk on that page occasionally and
see what you've written about us, so you never know
when prowling did you. I don't know if it was
was if this was Reddit or not, but there was
(53:55):
one comment saying about how you in December, as Marvin
MQ told me able to drink bleach. Do you remember
that we had a whole episode where somebody drank bleach
because you told him to on the phone and you
got sued. Yeah, that's the one where you did your
awesome pacino. It must be. It must be. I love
(54:15):
that it's not just the Simpsons predicting the future. Let's
thank our engineer of the Stars and producer, Mr Doug
bain Fin. I heart media. I'm your host, and I
thank you all very much. Please say extremely healthy. We'll
see you next time on
Welcome back to get another episode of Alchemy in is
covid n edition. I'm your host, Kevin polla guest that Kevin,
do I believe in love after love after love after
lovel Come on, but I digress. Let's meet our alchemist,
shall we no particular orders? Tall Hello to Craig Atkowsky. Cocow.
(00:26):
How are you sleeping? I could pull it up on
my fitbit. Yes, some nights are good, some nights are mediocre. Um, yeah,
last night I had uh a seventy two sleep score,
which is just fair five hours and forty five minutess.
(00:47):
I like a B minus. Yeah, that's kinda at seventy
two is like a D plus right, No, that's a
C C minus C minus. Yeah, I love that James
knows what a C minus is. Sorry, feed the damn cats.
Cal Stratton is back. Hello, mckilling it and wife. Do
(01:08):
you believe that the novels of Susan Sontag are self indulgent,
overrated crap? And what film is that line from oh Man?
That sounds very familiar? I cannot place it, So I
guess I'm not a good cinema student. And I thought
it was the novels I also believe the novels of
Susan Sontag or self indulgent overrated crap correct continue there
(01:31):
we go. I do love that movie, though, but it's
been a while since I've watched Nucluuse and Buddies do
their thing played the hash brown. James Heeney has arrived,
James Tiberius smirk. What can you briefly tell us about
your last camping trip. My last camping trip was I
(01:51):
believe my bachelor party and Joey was there and uh,
we cooked, we we there was kyo, he's Oh my god.
The coyotes at night when they were just it was
as if they were killing some beasts nearby and it
was just yelping by coyotes. I'm assuming you're talking about
another improv train team. No, I think maybe we'll like
(02:13):
real four legged coyotes. And when did you go for this?
Where'd you go? Sedona, Arizona? We were we were camping.
I think that was the last time I camped. I
usually go camping every year, but it's been a little
haven't camped a couple of years. Well, thank you for that.
And last, but no egg whites for you. If you
think it's Joey Greer crinkle cutter waffle fry. Oh what
(02:39):
a choice? Huh oh, I gotta pick one of those. Yeah,
can you put a pin in that for a second.
I'd like to welcome back Carlos Carline I was waiting. Thanks,
thank you so much for joining us once again. Thank you.
How are all the creatures? And I I acknowledge you
(02:59):
do you got? In fact, are like myself without children? Correct?
No children? Dog, doggie children. Benny is sleeping at my
feet right now. Best Frankie could be dead in the
next room. We don't know. The doors are sure, everybody's good.
You think the dogs are at all shocked or confused
(03:21):
by the amount of human contact? Absolutely? I think they
are sick of us, absolutely disgusted by are sent in
the house my favorite kind of dogs. All right, let's
do a damn show. If you'd like to submit your
scene suggestions, By the way, please write to the podcast
your name here at alchemy this dot com. That's your
(03:41):
name here at alchemy this dot com and patron v
I P s thank you all for your contributions. You
do get priority as part of your v i P perk.
And this one comes from patron v I p full
of perk James who offered up a scene suggestion and
simply wrote, turns out, super Mario, there's based on real people. Okay,
(04:04):
let's uh start the auditions. Please, when your name is
called out, please come into yet. I've said seven names, sir. Okay.
If you haven't heard yours, you haven't been called in yet.
I was in the bathroom for I don't know if
my name was called. Are you feeling okay? Is your
(04:24):
name Glenn Tim nope, Carlisle nope, Steve Nope? Is to
me Steve, Steve Steve. So glad you made it in time.
We're gonna take you next. That's a great step into
the booth. Have you had You've had a chance to
stardy the sides. Yes, I have a look at it.
(04:46):
The stay is that they are very good. Appreciate the
thumbs up. Your director will have notes for you. You'll
get a few takes at it. Please don't steer from
the script. That's been one of the issues we've had.
That's a good I don't like it. Okay, I'll turn
you over your director now. This is um Roger Vadim. Hello, Hello,
(05:12):
I am Roger Vadim, great French new way of director,
married to Jane Fonda. But hey, I'm not here to
just give you my biography. I am here. I am
here to read you for Super Mario Brothers, Lisa Me,
Steven Palusa. It's nice to meet you. Arrived Vademe. So
(05:34):
you're Steve A. Paluza, Steven Paluza and then you star
are I don't know if my name was called. I'm
not sure you're supposed to be in room. Nope, just
Steve am I not supposed to be here, sir? Follow
me please? Okay, okay, Steve, Steve Palusa. Did you bring
(05:55):
a reading partner because these work good as a buddy read? No.
I did not bring it anyone to eat me all jeez?
How did I messes up already? No? No, no, no,
You're good. You're good. You good. Hold onto it, hold
onto it? Uh you know I like your energy quite
a bit for this part. Well good, Okay, I'm gonna
(06:16):
have you look at the role of Luigi. Are you
comfortable with that? Did you prepare? It's I prepared the boss.
I figured i'd be good for Luigi because that's so tall. Okay,
you keep punching the ceiling. What can I can? I
ask you? Why are you doing that? Well? I need
lunch money. I figured something a fall from there. I
could get a little bit after. You know, you think
(06:38):
something's gonna fall from the ceiling when you punch it. Yeah,
like I don't know. Like I got going so that
they did. At one time I punched my ceiling when
I was so mad. A good con came out and
bring and then I was like, oh good, they get
the money. Now to the story. Yeah, I've been acting
for a while, so how about you. You've been acting
(06:59):
for Wilder? Yes, I've been acting for many years since
I was a child, and my husband is directing this film,
so I fully expect to get a part. Oh wow,
good luck, good luck, good luck. Yeah. One of the
first things I was in was a toothpaste commercial. I
always have one of the guys eating the toothpaste. So yeah,
(07:20):
it's uh. I never had to do commercials. Yeah, tell
me about it. It's not bad work. I wouldn't know, truly,
it's not bad work. I've had to do a lot
of crazy jobs in my day, but this is this
ain't too bad. Tell me something, now, tell me something. Now,
how do you feel about the Vietnam War. Uh. Um,
(07:44):
I think we got out too soon. Honestly, you know,
I think, uh, maybe another thirty years or so or so.
That is an incorrect response. Okay, alright, alright, um anyway, yeah,
you know I've been Uh, Mario, I don't know if
I want to go into that castle. I think that
the princess might just not be in any castle. We
(08:06):
just to keep a finding that she is in another castle.
One day they're gonna make a move, vieaut of Mario, Mario,
don't make me go into the castle alone. This wasn't
the meant for me to get to the end of
totally mentor for you help me. Luigi, you have to
do And Mario, you don't understand. We've gone to so
(08:30):
many castles and it must be a recording her Luis,
listen to me, Listen to me a yoga greenness if
a we are donndergoing. Okay, So this is an original
recording of the peoples that we were basically script on.
(08:53):
No need to voice match, no need to make it
your own, make it your hon and it's hard to
get that voice out of your her head once you
hear he's a very difficulty. Okay, but do your own thing.
Don't feel like you got to match with them. I
will not give you a line reading. Um, my wife
Jane Fonda is got my ex wife, sorry, my ex
wife Jane Fonda, who I directed in Barbarella, is going
(09:15):
to come in and read with you. Is there? Are
you okay? Are you okay with them? I'm already here.
This has always been a problem. I'm in the room
and you don't see me. Roger, jo Jeanne. Hello, Okay,
so nice to Steve A. Plusa is very nice to
meet you. Steven plus is going to read a Luigi
(09:38):
and Jeanne. You're going to read the role of Mario. Okay, okay,
I can do that. I can do it in my sleep. Roger.
And when's you already? Okay? We need to help. But
the Princess in the tower, Sory, I'm going to stop you.
You have something wrong with the way that I've done
(09:59):
the first line. Shocking, Roger, shocking, Jane. Just do it,
do it the way to do it in your own voice.
What is the voice you're doing? This is a very
accurate portrayal of an Italian plumber voice. Okay, I'm gonna
flip it. I'm gonna flip it and Steve readA Mario
and Jane read Luigi. So we'll start with you. Steve. Okay, okay,
(10:26):
action Mario. We need to go into the castle. Okay,
you are you are Mario? You are Mario's sorry, he's
not even looking at me. He's not even Don't touch me,
don't touch me. Let me get in here, let me
get looking auditions, you know, doing audition about me? Is
(10:48):
the right? Who is it? Who is this? This man?
Who is it? This is a man? Who is it?
This man is me? This is a Mario, this is
super Mario. And I don't very careful. He's eating a
lot of mushrooms today, so you might have just don't
want to see him. Fire fire ah, yes, now, who
(11:11):
isn't this a play in the Mayor? My name is
Jane Fonda, and I will be playing you in the film.
Look at the I'm gonna have a dinner from the
playing a man. And that is right. I have won
many Academy Awards and you should be fireble fireball. Okay,
(11:31):
that fireball knocked me on my back, but I'm trying
to get up. I'm a getting up and now I
can move again. Okay. Uh so, so you eat a
lot of mushrooms today, so you're bigger than you would
normally be, right, mar Tommy, hard to careful. My brother's
about the freak out. Oh somebody got the my stomach open?
(11:53):
Oh okay, why are you guys are here? Would you?
Would you read first? Apart? I do the thing that
he really should. This was This was a passionate moment,
but I think it was a mistake for us to
come into the audition process. Do you know if they
called my name yet? Or what was your name again? Uh?
(12:16):
My name was a George Rosa with Jane Oh yeah,
Dr Josiah, doctor Dr j Dr j No, I don't
see your name. Okay, I'll just keep waiting. Yep. I'll
let you know what they call you. Okay, what agency
are you with? My own? The doctor j agency? Yeah? Okay?
(12:44):
If I called her? Who should I ask for? It'll
just call me? So I'm right here. You don't have
to call anybody. Can't you just ask me? Do you
have entertainment? Lawyer? You're thought to take away my chance
at dispart the gun. This has a bullet with a
(13:06):
face on it. This is why we need gun control, alright, Jane,
get off of your soapbox for one So carry my
soapbox in a backpack and I and I carry it
with me from room to room, so it's always here. Okay, well,
surely we can work something out. Jane and Mario read
(13:27):
the role together of Luigi and Luigi and Steve read
the role of Mario. So at the same time. Okay, exercise,
we are all reading Mario. I just said, who's reading?
Who's reading? What? Mario, You're gonna read for Luigi? Mario
read for Luigi. Luigi read for Mario. Jane read for Mario,
(13:51):
Steve read for Luigi. I don't know if that's what
I said last time I directed Brigitte bardot in and
God created woman. And these are as facts about Roger Vadi.
Why are you always bringing up bard every time I
auditioned for you, you bring up more beautiful woman who
has ever leaved on earth? Mr Vadim started interrupts. We're
(14:12):
just just taking some lunch orders. What can I get you? Great? Great?
I would take a booth book in your you need
it salad. You've gained a lot of weight recently. Roger,
I would take a Frise salad with lardoon that he
is back on. I would take a French onion soap,
don't ah. Yeah, and also let me get a let
(14:35):
me get an Italian sandwich too, yeah, picking up picking
up some lunch orders for the crew. You know, there's
no there's no bad job, am all right? I don't know.
I wish I could had a better job. I don't
really like working and kind of cash register. Yeah, that's
not too bad though, I'm an actor. Oh really, why
(14:56):
aren't you on set acting? Then? Well, you know, they
they didn't to do a food order, and the only
way I was gonna get something to eat is if
I went and picked it up. It sounds like you're
a p A A A. Well, I mean there's everyone's
an actor on set, so it's like kind of like
a that's that's an untruth. Okay, yeah, so let me
(15:18):
just hey, you're gonna leave tip, right, because some pas
come in and pick up food and they don't leave
a tip and it sucks wild. Yeah, of course, are
you are you a sucker? No? No, I'm not a sucker, No,
not at all. I actually were my own agency, so
I'm pretty big. So you're an agent too. Yeah, I'm
(15:40):
an agent. Um, so, how how much do you have
in your bank account right now? Probably three fifty dollars? Yeah,
you know we're hiring here. Are you serious? I am serious?
All right, Actually I'll run that order if you don't mind,
(16:04):
because we need a runner. Okay, yeah, yeah, okay, sweet okay,
And so one more time from ZiT top Oh I
thought we were marrying? Am I still? I'm not? No.
I think that this is very confusing. I'm not going
(16:25):
to call cut. Keep it going, keep it going, I
can do whatever. Somebody make eye contact with me. I
contact you shoulds. Don't you believe that a loud? Why?
(16:49):
Because I'm a woman. I don't know why I said that.
It's just to slip down badger. I'm so sorry about you. Look,
it's a clear and it's clear. I cannot compete with
the Mario in the Luigi. Perhaps I can read for
this end the day fund. But the part that bou ghosts,
(17:11):
I think he's very shy. Okay, I am a shack ghost.
Don't look at me. And the Academy Award for Best
Supporting Actor goes to I'm nervous. Let me just say
(17:34):
before I read this everyone did a fantastic I know
this will usually be the recipient's job to do this,
but I just want to say watching everyone work has
been fantastic this past year. You know, every year is great,
but this year was fantastic. So the awards. The award
for Best Supporting Actors in this envelope and when I
read it will know the winner, and that name is
(17:56):
in here. So let me just open it up really quick.
And it's a zipper this year. It's not an envelope
normal level if they have a zipper. So Jane Fonda,
Jane Fonda screamed her name like a pokemon. Uh and
uh all right, let me just on zip this now.
(18:16):
Just to be clear, it just because it said supporting
actor doesn't mean you're less than the lead, okay, doesn't
mean in any way that this is a less award
or that this means anything other than, like, you know,
best actor actress, but write it this is the best
supporting actor. Still, you did great, you did great money. Okay. Uh.
(18:37):
So from that point that is seen one. I think
it was the I think it was Boom it was
it was the Boo ghost. It was in there. We'll
never know. Scene two comes to us from Sydney, who wrote, Hello, miss,
first time, long time. I've never written into a podcast before.
(19:00):
Would you seem worth it? I started listening about three
episodes into your podcast when I was working as a
merchandizer at a large sporting goods store in Canada. My
coworkers always commented that they knew where I was as
they could hear the booming laughter echo through the dusty
rafters in the early morning hours. I now work from
(19:20):
home as a pole dance instructor. Hell yeah, did I
hear that right? And no one hears me cackle but
my two dogs. Hey Now, I always like suggestions that
are vague and allow you to work your magic. So
here it is the first Monster mash dance hosted by
(19:42):
Gay Dracula. Have fun. I love you all, especially Craig.
The luxurious tones of Craig can't spellers last name Kakowski?
Is it it? Can't you just copy paste it? Sidney
from Vancouver, Canadia, Honey, thanks for for picking me up.
(20:08):
I'm sorry I had car trouble. I'm very excited about
the dance tonight and were you able to pick up
the costumes on time? Yes? I got all of the costumes. Okay,
there was a little snaff foo with Frankenstein, so I
got to Santa instead. Okay, Well, Santa is not really
a monster, I know, but he could be depending upon
(20:30):
the point of view of the child, right, true, that's true.
My cousin Tim definitely was traumatized when his father dressed
up as Santa. So yeah, yeah, I could go. I
could put an evil bent on it. Okay, I guess
well I did my best, all right, you know, maybe
make the maybe make the beard dark. Okay, we can
do that, we can die the beard. But you know,
(20:51):
I did put down a deposit for these costumes, so
we are going to have to forfeit. That my mistake.
I'll just it'll all be at attitude. So did you
come through with all of the guests if I got
the costume, you've got the Yeah, all the guests of
our all the guests of R. S v P. They're
all going to be there. Is Nathaniel going to be there?
I don't know why I'm asking. I'm just curious, Um Nathaniel. Yeah,
(21:17):
I mean, I'm fine with it either way, and I
don't think he's bringing anyone. Oh oh, what a shame.
He's not seeing Linda anymore. I don't know. He just
r C Peters himself. Weird. Huh, that's crazy. I can't
wait to see him. I mean or not, I don't
care either way. Uh. All right, I'm gonna put this
Santa costume on. You'll be Santa, yeah, good good, And
(21:43):
I will be Frankenstein's wife, which means we have Gage,
Racula and Casper the friendly Ghost. Nathaniel is going to
be Frankenstein, I believe. Oh but the Frankenstein costume. There
wasn't one, remember ship. Look just wait, We're almost there, okay,
(22:05):
can you just can you just stop bothering me. I'm
following the map that's that was given to me. So
we're almost there. Party Yes, party, yes, party, Yes, We're
gonna party. Party. We are the party, the fucking party.
If you want a party, I say, we're going to
a party. So we're gonna party. But you don't want
(22:25):
a party? Here with the party, for God's sakes. God. Yeah.
Do you know why I drive bad? Because just wait
to play displacement on the right side of my goddamn car. Okay,
I got about a six pound freak next to me.
You don't have to take out the front seat, slash
around freak. No, you're a freak. You're a freak. Drive
(22:47):
bad drive, Oh I'm a bad driver. Sure, well guess what. Okay,
all the windows gotta be fucking tinted so I can
drive during the day. Okay, thank you give it a
much so it's hard to fucking see cheese, creepers, teepers.
Music music. Okay, we're gonna put on those guttural noises again. Awesome, awesome,
(23:08):
great man, Yeah, this is no one likes your indie music. Okay, good,
it's not good. Em good Emo is fine as a genre,
but you making grunts over what sounds like I'm it's
your emao. Okay, well your backup vocals of someone spitting
into a bowl. Literally, that's not a joke. Okay, it's sick.
(23:31):
I'm not going. I'm changing myself to the radiator. I'll
hurt somebody at the party when I wolf out, I'll
hurt someone at the party. Sweetie, Listen, If you want
to stay behind, that's fine, but I don't. I don't
feel comfortable leaving for the party while you're still chained
up to the radiator. You need to leave me here.
The moon is full. Oh my god, the moon is full.
(23:53):
Someone will get hurt. Okay, look, everyone knows. Everyone knows
what's going to happen. The moon's gonna change, you're gonna
get off, very things are gonna come out. Everything's gonna
be extended, and you're gonna be scary and eat people.
We get it, we get it. Everybody's on board, but
their party guests. They don't deserve to be eating. Don't
you understand it's a party, Deborah, it's a party. But
(24:15):
this is why we have this discussion. I believe some
of the people at the party are deserving to be
Let's go over my list. Okay, okay, do you know
who Sean Kilman is? Yeah? I mean his last name
is just like literally kill me. So yes, I know
Sean Killman is the worst. I'm okay, I will eat Killman.
(24:36):
Put me next to Killman. I will just embowel him
and eat him. That's how about, debor not my legs?
All right? But the thing is, I'm gonna be tempted
to start with the legs. It's it's like being told
no makes you want to do it. So I okay,
but I can't promise I won't start with the legs,
(24:56):
that's okay. How about Joey, not the Joey, not the face.
That guy has a face meant for eating. I mean,
just look at it. Look at his sister gram, look
at his sister grap feed. Look at that. Oh my god,
this is a face. Yeah, that needs to be eating removed. Yeah, Monster,
(25:19):
do you think Nathan is gonna be there? Monster? Hello
to you? Asleep? You? Oh no? Oh no, fire, I
woke up. Do you think Nathan's gonna be there? Nathan there?
(25:42):
God read vite red fie oh read evite Shut up
you cast list, guest list, hidden, guest list hidden you
said you had into the guest list? Print out Monster,
(26:02):
Jesus Christ, park up park can I Monster? I gotta
tell you something. I am. I sucked up Linda and
uh drank her up so Nathan would be single. I
think I'm gonna I'm gonna, you know, see what's happen.
I'm gonna see how he's feeling and what's the vibe
because drink Yeah, I drank her up. What are you
(26:24):
think about? Yea? I drank rep bad. Oh shut up.
Don't even do that to me, dude, don't even do
that to me. How many spines of people have you crushed? Huh? Millions, millions, millions.
A couple of people park I will I can't parking.
There's too small. It's too small. I'm not gonna parking them.
(26:46):
I'm gonna scratch. I'm gonna I'm gonna drive around again. Good, no, good,
it's a good monster. Okay, this is a custom ride.
Do you understand this? I think you look fine. I mean,
you know, the suits a little tight, but overall you
(27:07):
look like Santa. Don't worry so much. Santa is supposed
to be fat. I mean, this is form fitted. I
don't get it. Well, you know, you didn't give me
much time to get this together, so so you bought
skinny Santa. Well, I thought it would be better than
fat Santa. I didn't want to offend you. It's fine,
it's fine, you know what. It's fine. And every time
(27:28):
someone says something, I'll laugh. I'll go with the joke
that I look ridiculous and like you have a bowl
full of jelly. Right, okay, Hi, hi, Hi, hey Nate.
Oh wow wows serial killer? Oh my god, that's so funny. Wow,
(27:51):
you look really good. Thank you? I um I'm Frankenstein's wife. Wow?
Did did? Did he dress up his Frankenstein? Uh? He's Santa.
Oh well that's that's cool. Come on in, get off
the porch, take off your shoes. Relaxed, be at home.
Take off your shirt. I don't care. Take off my shirt. Well,
(28:15):
a serial killer would probably just blend in and I'd
stick out like a sore thumb with my shirt off.
Here by maybe that that tracks, that's logical. Sure, sure, well, gosh,
I'm sorry to hear about Linda. Oh you know what,
things just weren't working out. It was quarantine. We were
(28:36):
stuck together for so long that once it was lifted,
I was just like, I'm getting my own place. I'm
getting my own place and going out to party. Good
for you. I wish I had a Oh sorry, I've
interrupted my thought. Hold on Hello, Hi, monster park far away?
(29:01):
Oh come on, guys, come on. There was a lot
of spot. Here's two scary guys. What can I get
you to drink? Can we get him out of here?
Can we get sitting out of here? Get him out
of here? Get out of here? This is my worst nightmare.
(29:21):
Get the hell out bad. It's okay. Relaxed, monster. Don't
you take a lap or something, Nathan? How are you? Huh?
I'm doing good. So cool to be able to go
to a party with other people within six ft that's crazy. Like,
why don't you pop that shirt off if you're hot?
That's so funny thinking, do you guys think a serial
(29:43):
killer would have no shirt on? I'm sure, yes, yes,
all right, hey everybody, Sorry, relate, took a while to
get here. I'm just gonna transform over by the dip,
if that's okay with everybody, If you could do it
a few feet away. I spent all afternoon that dip. Sure,
(30:03):
harps are getting longer. I'm really sorry to boy Linda
and how she got drained of all her blood. That's sucking,
that's insane. You know, it was really weird. The timing
was perfect. We weren't together anymore, we had kind of
gone our separate ways, and you know, I love that.
(30:23):
I love that, like you can share at home with
somebody in relationship and then once it's over and that
person passes and you're like, who cares? Made between you
and me? It made it easier. I mean I wasn't
all the way over her, but that kind of sealed
the deal. Okay, that's kind of hard a process. But
took lap, took lap eat dip bad, dip, dip bad,
(30:49):
dip bad. You're you're bad, You're bad. Look. Hate to
be that guy. But Frankenstein not monster, Frankenstein doctor. Yeah
we know doctor. She's dressed up as Frankenstein's doctor's wife,
(31:15):
exactly right. And within the context of cartoons, Frankenstein is
a monster. No cartoon you know what? You know? What?
What name do you want? Because everyone's calling the monster
or Frankenstein's monster, I feel like assholes. A good one
there is? Yeah, Okay, okay, me go car, Miko, car
(31:39):
far away. Okay, I'm not giving you the keys. They're
gonna stand outside. May break good. I'll be back. I
gotta let him in the car. Wolfman stop peeing everywhere? Okay,
where's Sean Kilman? Where's Sean Kilman? Hungry? Hey, guys, Kilman
(31:59):
and house kill me kill me much? Oh? All right.
Now that we've gotten that out of our system, I
put together this line dance for us to do, and
(32:20):
it's to this amazing song, Honey, can I come back
into our own party? Is the monster gone? The monster
is still here? Just take off the beard. Okay, So
Santa Claus Shaft well as the parents of of Linda,
we want you to know that the autopsy was fairly inconclusive.
(32:45):
Looks like there are two puncture wounds right on the neck,
perfectly in sync with the order or vain and uh
it seems in less for better words, that she she
was drained up. Sorry, which part is fair really inconclusive
her her passing? Really we know that the holes kind
(33:08):
of are I mean, obviously she was drained up like
someone There are holes in her vein that led to
her being drained up. So it sounds like you're saying
she she passed away, she expired from lack of blood. Yeah,
it looks like somebody drained it up. Somebody or maybe
(33:29):
oh what do you know, I'm trying to fill in
some blanks animal, well maybe animally. Yeah, okay, let's write
that down. Let's write that down. Animal. What else? Sub human?
Sub humans or human underground? But that a human underground? Okay?
What else? What else? We got? Subway? Sandwich? Subway sandwich?
S Jared uh Ted, You've been coronerr for two weeks,
(33:53):
so you know I'm gonna write this off as a
just a rookie mistake. But uh, you know it's your
job to kind of reach can inclusions on the cause
of death and not riff with the family members as
to possible possible causes of death. I understand that. I
understand that, Kurt. But at the same time, you shed
a scener she had. She was firing on all cylinders
(34:15):
the things she was saying. I mean, it could have
been those those causes. You know, I don't want to
you know, I don't want to say that we have
the exact answer, right, And I see your rode on here.
Possible gay Dracula, Yeah, I did. Uh, it's kind of
a theory of mine I've been cooking with for a while. Actually,
a lot of deaths in this community. I've been kind
of putting up to gays. Why is the sexual orientation
(34:37):
of the of the vampire important? Reason? It's not. It's
not okay, alright, So just take gay out and just
write possible Dracula. Uh all right, change it a possible vampire.
I think because Dracula is one specific Dracula is one
specific vampire. So Dracula. Um, this is gonna sound really
(35:05):
really weird, But why don't you. Why don't we go
to the the darkest corner and talk there? Okay, that's
actually that's good because I wanted a moment in private
with you. Was, um, well, Linda, well this is this
is gonna sound crazy, but she was drained of all
of her blood through two holes, right, which it's pretty crazy.
(35:30):
And at first I was like, I know, I know
you suck blood. From what you told me is from
what you told me is when you would do that,
I would be granted everlasting life. So I'm like that
couldn't be you, right, yeah, right right, yeah, yeah, Well
I have to go on. Oh nothing, nothing, it's an
(35:51):
asshole nothing. Okay are these did you burn CDs to
give out at the goddamn party? So sorry to interrupt you, guys,
but we are out here doing the Frankenstein mash, and
I fully expect the rest of you to come out
and dance with us. Oh so it's a dance named
after the doctor Frankensteh, what did you expect it to
(36:16):
be named after? Okay, good, good, will be there one second.
We will be there one second. That is seemed too Frankenstein,
the monster, not the doctor. Very very serious and sincere
(36:38):
in his effort to make sure everyone knows the difference
to us from patron very p William Morris, that's right,
who wrote, dear Alchemist, thank you for being so awesome
and and submitting yourself to my will. Sorry Craig for
another intervention episode. I very much enjoyed the latest episode
(37:03):
with Joey's multiple personalities, although listening in the middle of
a fever state brought on what I assume is the
dreaded virus. Uh. Not that I know this for sure,
because I apparently must be on the verge of death
to in order to get a test, but hearing my
name called over and over again was kind of surreal,
(37:25):
especially given the fever brain I had. This leads me
to make another suggestion and please feel free to let
some time elipse before getting around to it, which I,
as you can see, did not. James avert those eyes
to the group. A group of people delirious with fever
(37:46):
trying to communicate with one another. That's it. Thanks again.
I love these guys so much. Stay healthy and hilarious.
William Morris, um hit this. Can we just turn the
A C on for just like a bit? Please? Yeah?
I don't think that's what the doctor thought was a
good idea. So the doctor said, no a C. The
doctor said, heat up, that's what the doctor wants. The
(38:08):
doctor said, let the fever work its way through your system. Okay,
so I can't. So the A C is gonna stop
a fever. We're not going to take painkillers. We're not
going to turn on the a C so that you
feel normal. Doctor is a psycho path Okay, yeah, maybe
he is. Yeah, he can't take anything. You can't take
(38:28):
anything to ease the pain. And get you something to eat. Yeah,
you can give me a little a C. Huh, A
sort of tuna fish then fish? Okay, please manage? Why
are you little colder? Please? Okay, all right? Okay? Here,
Oh gee, god, damn it. Oh my god, that smells
(38:50):
like tuna fish. And that's hot air. Okay, that's stopt
to breathe on me again. Let me fluff up the pillow.
Oh my god, you're sweating a lot. Yeah, I'm sweating
a lot. Maybe we should adjust the temperature in here.
Holy god, yeah, maybe we should. Okay, I'm swimming in myself. Please. No,
(39:11):
I was thinking we make a little hotter to really
drain this out. Keep talking about hotter. You want to
make it hotter in here to break the fever. It's broken, man,
it's broken, free, it's running wild and me. Man, come on,
I need the cool down. We're doing it here everyone. Doctor.
I was just trying to study the patient, you piece
(39:33):
of fucking shit. Fucking piece of ships s what I'm
dealing with. Okay, great, great, great, fuck you fuck you motherfucker.
It's so hot. I'm afraid the fever is really get
into his brain. Okay. You realize you're a patient as well.
I do, but I share this room, so okay, I
(39:54):
can't just sit here in silence. Look, I think you're
you're you're feverish and you're getting delusional and uh oh
I'm delusional. Now. Well look I'm not casting any aspersions.
You know. Both of you just need to rest and
let let the fever break. Okay, your honor, I think
the thing that you need to do is sit down.
My client is innocent of those charges. Okay. Look, there's
(40:17):
some magazines here. If you need to kill some time,
feel free to look through those. Kill some time. That's
what I want to kill time. Joey, pick me up.
I'm a magazine holy ship. Come on, Joey, pick me up,
open it up, see what's inside. Can you guys give
me a second with this architecture, digestus, give you a second?
(40:39):
Give me a second? Doctor. Am I allowed to leave
the room to give my roommate a second? No? You
you need to both stay in the room. Thank you.
This is very important and I do have other patients,
so I'm just gonna make my way out of a doctor. Sorry.
Sorry you felt that he need to brag to us
that you have other patients. Yes, I do. I'm a
very important doctor. Many have said I am the most
(41:03):
important doctor here at this time. I just ask you
to turn up the heat. You're so important. Maybe you
have access to the thumb stat I mean it's pretty
hot here already, man, I am really andors are a
chance that you have a temperature. I do not have
a temperature, but I will let me just check in
(41:24):
on everyone here. How are all my patients feeling? Oh, Kirk, good,
good to see a colleague here. Okay, you know you're
a patient. Yes, yes I do, and I'm sorry I'm
sorry that I said that. It's okay, everyone are alright, Okay,
how's the little hot in here. It's very hot, super good.
Come on, Joey, opened me up. I've got a frankoid
(41:46):
right house waiting for you. Oh my god, d this
classic architecture. And if it goes well, I also have
a Tuscan facade waiting to be traverse. What is that?
Is that the region of Tuscany? I think it was
(42:07):
a Star Wars reference. Get out of here, the hell
out of I can't, patient, I have to stay here,
all right, everyone, calm down, calm down, all right down,
thank you, kirk. Okay, you're a patient. You're a patient.
So al right, is everyone good here? Does anybody want
some freshman a doing out of your bed? But get
(42:28):
into your bed? They did? Somebody turned did somebody turn
up the A C in this room? Well, we're trying
to cool down bill. Do you not understand the science
on it? Sorry doctor, sorry doctor. We want the temperature up.
The temperature up will kill the virus. That is why
(42:50):
you have fever. That is why. Yeah, why why did
they take your lips away? See the don't take my
lip away. They did not take my BIPs away. They
had to be removed because they had the virus. Virus
they were It was traveling from whips to mouth, and
(43:12):
I had to act fast. Honey, honey, honey, Oh god,
I just I'm sweating feverish. I've got a lipless doctor
in my head. Uh there's a magazine that's talking to
some guy named Joey and uh, several doctors. I don't
(43:33):
feel good. I don't feel good at all. I understand.
But it sounds exciting, doesn't it. It's not though you
think it would people, but it's not. I feel it's
more exciting than when I'm watching on the news. The
world is a mess. Okay, um, did you just did
(43:53):
you don't I just turned the heat up just a bit,
a bit more, very small amount. I think it will
kill the virus. Yeah, yeah, I'm mind, Doctor Luke. Let
me take your temperature again, open your mouth. Sure, okay,
all right, Oh that's hot, hot to the touch. I'd
(44:17):
sim think it just went up a little bit. I
can tell it just went up. Okay, So your temperature
looks pretty hout here and your and h Miranda, you're
the one who took the temperature. I am now it
says a hundred and thirty. That might be a little inaccurate. Okay, Okay, Well, yeah,
just out of safety. We're gonna leave. We're gonna leave
(44:39):
your husband at home alone. Okay, And uh, do you
want to go out? You want to do something? Or
yeah I would like to. Um, i've been I want
to go to our beach house. Yeah, you have a
beach house. We do? Okay, great? Yeah, down to go
with you, sir, you're gonna have to stay home. Okay,
And let's turn the a c up for you, just
to make sure. Is that all right? Sure? Yeah, thanks
(45:00):
for turning it up. I'm so feverish. I don't think
I'm going to object to my wife going off to
our beach house with you. So. Oh, these sports coats
are nice. Do you want if I should bring a couple?
It gets chilly at night? Oh does it. I'm gonna
need a couple now, sweetheart, you're gonna have. You're gonna
be fine. Just enjoy that to my real, sweetheart. Come on,
(45:25):
I'm a doctor. Just enjoy the time that you have
with your little friends in your head. Okay, I have
fun at the beaches. Be sure to lock it up.
But it opens at night, It opens what it opens
at night? The door it's opening gets breezy on the cape.
You'll you'll go through all this with him. Yeah, it's
(45:45):
a Tuscan style door, so all the doors in Tust.
Can you do this at night? It's a Star Wars thing. Yeah. Yeah,
you're saying that I'm I'm not even a doctor, but
I'm I'm not even real and I'm just a voice
in your head that count. I mean, look at him.
He's a real lifless doctor who's a Nazi. He seems real.
(46:10):
You guys seem so real right now? Why did you
think of a Nazi? Why did you make a Nazi character?
Why did you do that? I don't Yeah, if you
admitted us, you're you're responsible for all of this. That's
some fucked up repressed ship dude. That's some fucked up
ship man. And that that real doctor cut you hard man,
that got cut you and took your way. You got cocked, man,
(46:34):
you got cocked. I mean, how do you know this
virus is even real? Man? It could be a conspiracy.
You know what you gotta do. You gotta go outside
and you gotta start burning all the cars. The cars
are the things that transmitting the virus. My freedom before
your fear, right, okay, right? Right? Um um yeah, here's
(46:56):
my license. It's a real driver's license. Why are you
wearing a police uniform? I'm undercover? Oh okay, well, um,
I guess it is here in your license. Your eyes
are blue? They are? Aren't they? Nope? Are you were
(47:16):
in contact? Yeah? I am. I'm wearing contacts. I'm wearing
bread contacts. Yeah. You should probably state that on your
driver's license that you are contact lenses. Okay, Well, what's
going on? Do we get pulled over? We got pulled over.
My brother's running a fever and I'm just trying to
get him to the hospital. What kind of fevers? It's
a bad one. It's a real fever. It's not a
(47:39):
fake fever. Is there a number? Yeah, there's a number.
It's a hundred and thirty. That sounds crazy, but that's
what the thermometer says. Okay, it sounds like your thermometer
is working perfectly. Why don't I give you folks a
police escort to the hospital? All right, that's that's great,
right bro? Sure, so you want to ride with me?
I guess yeah, I'm just so hot? Do you have
(48:03):
any I d sir? Wait? Are you sure you want
him to ride with you? He's got a fever. I mean,
he doesn't have to ride with me. I just think
it would be I've always wanted to ride on a motorcycle, Officer.
Do you think I could drive it? I've got a sedan,
(48:23):
a cruiser, police cruiser, so you could do my calling
in a motorcycle unit, so I could drive the motorcycle.
You know, ma'am. I'm gonna give you just a warning today, folks,
have a good day. Officer. Are you real or are
you in my head? Well? Do I have wings? You do? Actually?
(48:43):
You're flying? Yes, you are flying? Okay, okay, then I'm real. Okay,
what about you? Are you my brother? Or are you okay? No,
not that that schools take it. Take it one more time,
take the line one more time, and but just do
it in your natural voice. What do you mean I
(49:08):
said a line? I am your brother? Who I'm talking to? Mario?
And now you've got me doing the voice. I'll start
it by saying, are you my brother? Are you in
my head? Okay? That's good, gin, that's good? Where is
my krimble? By the way, did I did I not order? Am?
(49:30):
All right? I'll just say it. I'll say action. Action
is totally unprofessional. Nobody is going to get an Academy
Award next year at this rate. Okay, someone, someone's going
to get an Academy Award. I will be up for
the Supporting Actor next year and I plan on getting it,
(49:51):
and the award for best just say it, the Award
for Best Supporting Actor. Here we go. Read the envelope. Okay,
well this is uh. The envelope is inside a bag
of water, so it's a little wet this year water bed. Okay,
(50:11):
here we go. Why are you stalling? I'm not stalling. Uh,
let's see here and the award joined off the face.
We're gonna break away right now when we come back,
(50:32):
and James Good, that's our show for it today. A
man s I'm a hyak good. The monster says said
it clearly. Once again, let's thank all of our alchemists. Now,
(50:52):
you guys so much for joining here in the smack
dab in the middle of May? Are we do not
really smack dab? I meet something I can't tell. I
can't tell anymore. This groundhog day is just eating away
my brain. But first, let's thank the lovely and delightful
and unfairly humorous carlic A cost fairly, unfairly, unfairly did
(51:19):
you say did you think? He said barely? I thought
he said fairly like fair you're like I thought you
said fairly, Like jeez, you're taking me that well, if
that's what you think, he said, proving once again great actress. Oh,
thank you so much. I really needed this. I've laughed
so hard today. Thank you for having me. It's so good,
good good. Please come back as soon as you are able.
(51:42):
Thank you, Joey Greer do what thank you for having me?
And uh, Joey. Folks should look for your dynamite show
just by going to Jeffy Greeber on Instagram and what yeah,
Jeffy Jeffy Greeber on Instagram, and you'll see all this
stuff that I'm doing. I posted on my stories, twitcht TV,
front Slash West Comedy Theater for Pretty Pretty Pony Bear
(52:03):
supply and shows six nights a week. James Eeney here,
I am looking at the reviews, and there's one from
Davo five star review. There are two types of podcasts,
the good ones and the ones that are on when
I'm at home. James al Pacino is wonderful. Vanessa's aussee
(52:28):
accent is stand out episodes play on request as designed
respect to all Chicken his Church, Dave Perth, Western Australia.
Do I do a great Pechino? I mean I was
really I really loved that review, but I don't remember
doing Pecino. I'm just gonna say yes an thank Yeah
(52:49):
cool Stratton, thank you so much for being here, Pal, Yeah,
thanks for having me. Um at Stratton Cole on Instagram,
at col Stratton on Twitter and go to ss sketch
Fest dot com slash watch. We've been putting out a
bunch of archival recordings of great past shows. The proceeds
go towards the performers and the festival and charities and things,
so please check that out. Don't forget to save ten
(53:13):
percent to work on the WiFi there at the house
you met Greggs. Thank you so much, Pal, My pleasure.
How much fun was this? Uh? That's one of our reviews.
Are you reading that right from the iTunes? Yeah? I'm
reading it here, my pleasure? How much fun was this? Uh?
(53:34):
We can always get some more heat on the Alchemy.
This reddit page zorlac seven posts every week the new
episode and there's some comments, but then some of us
on the show. May lurk on that page occasionally and
see what you've written about us, so you never know
when prowling did you. I don't know if it was
was if this was Reddit or not, but there was
(53:55):
one comment saying about how you in December, as Marvin
MQ told me able to drink bleach. Do you remember
that we had a whole episode where somebody drank bleach
because you told him to on the phone and you
got sued. Yeah, that's the one where you did your
awesome pacino. It must be. It must be. I love
(54:15):
that it's not just the Simpsons predicting the future. Let's
thank our engineer of the Stars and producer, Mr Doug
bain Fin. I heart media. I'm your host, and I
thank you all very much. Please say extremely healthy. We'll
see you next time on
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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