Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hello everyone, and welcome back to another episode Oh Alchemy.
This the fully improvised comedy podcast where we do full
scenes and shows based on listener suggestions. You are the listener,
and we thank you for listening. And let's jump. Oh.
I'm Chris Operado. I'm hosting, as you could tell, because
(00:23):
I've already messed up. But let's talk to our alchemists today,
some of my friends, some of yours. Let's meet them
in no particular order. Let's first say hello to Jackie.
Dear Ruthie. Hello, Oh hello, now, Jackie. I don't know
the answer to this for myself, but my wife knew
it for her. So I'm want to ask you if
(00:44):
you know yours? For the first song you ever slow
danced too? Wow? Ye, this didn't track, didn't didn't didn't
mean much to me. Were you? Were you a slow
dancwer in middle school? Or slowly? Oh yeah, little Jackie
(01:07):
really hard and the little school make it fast, make
it slow. I was on that floor. I remember, I
remember definitely dancing to like. For whatever reason, this song
is coming to my mind, so it must have been true.
Um that Mark Anthony's song. She sang to me, Hello,
(01:28):
wil Buttom but song for Runaway Bride. Wow, beautiful one
of my favorite movies. Yeah, but I can't really and
I remember Casey and jodo Ah laugh. That was that
was the like I was singing that all morning. I've
(01:49):
been singing that song all morning. I'm not kidding really,
because that song reminded me of an early slow dancing
time for sure. Was it the first? I can't say,
but it was certainly popular. Okay, all right, now let's
say hello to Mark Gagliardi. Hello, Mark, Hi, describe the
feeling for us, because I don't really how, I don't
(02:10):
really know what this feeling feels like. So describe the
feeling of really nailing an audition. One of these days
I will be able to answer this question for you.
You have never felt I've never walked out of an audition,
and I don't know that I've ever felt like I
really nailed it. I feel like, because I'm I guess
(02:31):
I'm pretty hard on myself. I come out and I go,
I could have done this, and that beat could have
done this, and that beat could have done this, and
that beat. Oddly, it's the smaller the thing, the easier
it is to feel like I nailed it. Like I remember,
I had a commercial audition once and all I had
to do was a bite and smile. If you've ever
audition for commercial, you know the bite and smile. It's
just wow, I'm really enjoying this Snickers bar that I
(02:55):
just took a bite of. It's where you you take
a little bite, make sure a little bit of the
car and will hit your lip and then you kind
of lick it in there on you do you very
gently chew and nod and look off to one side.
I did have one of those ones where I went, man,
I nailed that, but that was good. I nailed that
bite and smile. I did not get the job, but
(03:17):
I did finish the snickers. Um. My worst ones are
the no talking. Not that I'm great with dialogue either,
but it's for me. It's the sitting in the audie
and being like, Okay, you're looking at the dash, Oh
you're happy that there's a touch screen. Oh, your wife's calling,
Oh look at this mountain, and it's so hard for
me to like smaller, smaller, smaller, like well then you
(03:39):
get okay anyway, Well, I mean, Mark, you might not
know what a good audition feels like, but you know
what it feels like to book something, you know, and
one of these days, well we'll have that conversation speaking
of booking something. I mean, it's hard to mention booking
without mentioning this. Next fellow, say hello to Craig Atkowski,
the booking Machine. Oh sorry, sorry, guys, I can't do
(04:01):
the second episode of course, Craig. Do you listen to
music every day? Yes? You do. Yes, I don't listen
to music every day. Yeah. I I pay for Amazon
(04:22):
Music for some reason, I guess. I guess I'm being
mocked for um and so I I had had everything
(04:42):
on iTunes and then I slowly like built up like
my old playlists and everything on Amazon Music. So typically
typically my day is I would probably like read the
news for about an hour and a half and then
just listen to my songs on Amazon Music on shuffle.
I've got probably by eight thousand songs in uh in
the rotation. So, and does it does the music affect
(05:05):
your mood from time? I know it's that's a dumb question,
but like, I listen to music so rarely that when
I do, I'm like, oh fuck, Like I'm really like
brushing my teeth feels crazy. Listen to radio Head like,
I'm just I get so affected. Does it will like
affect you as much as it affects me? Yeah? Absolutely.
Like one of my favorite workout playlist is called Shortened
(05:28):
to the Point, which is all songs that are two
and a half minutes long or shorter. So like a
lot of like pop punk kind of stuff, you know,
just like short energetic songs. Love that. I'm I'm never somebody.
I mean, I do like some mellow stuff, but of like,
my normal state is pretty zoned out and mellow, and
so I need music to pump energy and beauty and
(05:54):
melody to get me to feel uh something more. So
I think in the in that sense, it's a little
bit of a drug. I'm loving this. I have to
ask a question. I can't help myself, But what like
if you were to just to like too on a
little song today, tut on one of these songs that
(06:16):
like is energy to you? I just want to know
what that you know what I mean? I just want
to know what that is, just off the top of
my head. I also read a column called The Number
Ones by Tom Bryan that comes out three times a week,
which is kind of a chronological assessment of all the
songs that hit number one in the Billboard charts, and
(06:37):
so right now he's in kind of mid nineties and
like the like the Puff Daddy, which is not necessarily
stuff that speaks to me. But the song for today
was was Biggie's Hypnotized and that's just a fucking jam
and so like. And then as you read the column,
like you can click on of like oh, here's the demo,
(06:59):
and of like oh and here was his first gives
you a little bit of the history of each song
and the artists. So uh, so I did a lot
of like listening to uh two Biggie uh this morning
and hypnotized like we'll we'll get your blood pumping at
any time of the day. Wow, I've never heard of that,
but I bet our next guest has, because our next,
(07:20):
our next guest has his finger on the pulse of
all things pop and culture, and pop culture makes some noise,
say a lot of coal Stratton, everybody, Cole, I'm really excited. Please,
actually have you have you? Have you heard of this?
This guy Crat was talking about I haven't. It sounds
great though, because I like Craig listen to music every day,
all the time, so you should definitely check that out
(07:42):
for sure. My question for you, I'm really excited to
ask you specifically. Actually, I think a lot of us
can answer this, but just you specifically. This is exciting
for me. So it's if if you know if if,
if you know Cole, if you know his wife, if
you follow him on social media, you know that they
take a trip to new work. They see a lot
of Broadway shows. Is that once a year every couple
(08:03):
of years? Cold, it's usually once a year. But then
like the world stopped for two years, so yeah, we
hadn't been back for we just went there back three years. Oh,
it always looks so great because you see so many shows.
Now here's my question for you. You're at a show
and and then all of a sudden someone runs out
and goes everybody, this person got sick, and we need
(08:25):
somebody in the audience who knows all the lyrics to
this song or to this for this musical. I need you.
I need you to answer what musical that is and
what character it is that you that you would be
like bucket here? Yeah, is this school ja First of all,
super plausible scenario I'm always called ready to run up. Gosh,
(08:49):
I've I've probably seen The Music Man seven thousand times
at this point, either from being in it or seeing
because like it's like we just saw the huge Jackman version,
which is great. But music Man at this point can
either so prize nor thrilled me, but never bores me.
Like it's just it's the music Man. So I could
probably jump in and well obviously went through because I
did that when I was a kid like that, but
(09:09):
it would not be appropriate now probably jump in into
Harold Opret pretty well at this point, I love that. Gosh,
I want to see all of you do this. Okay,
I guess we gotta improvise today based on some suggestions. UM,
so glad you're all here. Uh yeah. These suggestions come
from all of you who are listening, or people who
(09:29):
are listening who have sent in suggestions, either via email
or via our Patreon page. If you want to become
a Patreon v I p know that you will get
exclusive bonus including video of what's happening this morning. I mean,
this is exciting stuff, um, plus a lot lot more.
Head on over to patreon dot com slash Alchemy this
or if you want to submit a suggestion via email,
(09:52):
hit us up at Alchemy this email at gmail dot com.
That's Alchemy this gmail dot com. Seen one comes to
us from listener Heather Dempsey. Heather Rights, Hello, lovely people.
I can't tell you how much I appreciate this podcast.
I was just listening to an old episode while shoveling
snow for the seven thousand time this winter. My fingers
(10:15):
were freezing, my back ached, but I was laughing maniacally
the whole time. My neighbors already think I'm weird, so
you guys are really helping to reinforce my reputation. My
scene suggestion is texting and is inspired by a couple
of recent text mishaps. Thanks for everything, Heather. Okay, Ranic,
(10:35):
can you show me how to do this here? I'm
not just turn in the motorola. That smartphone is new
for me. Yeah sure, sure dad. Um, So we're just
gonna we're gonna click this and then you see this
keyboard and it's just like any other keyboard. It's just
like a computer, And so you can text Wendy, was it? Yeah, Wendy,
(10:58):
that's my new lady that I've been seeing. Yeah. So
you can text her hello, hi, um, you can ask
her questions. There's also there's punctuation if you just click this,
or you can send emojis, well what are what are?
What are emojis? Like smiley faces or like plants and
(11:18):
like water squirts? And oh that's good because I just
die that the egg plants are come up in the garden.
So I'll go ahead and send this door right now. Hey, Wendy,
Oh my god. And Marie and Marie I told you
about that boy I just started dating, right Conrad. Yes,
(11:41):
look what he just texted me. That's a lot of
egg plants. That is a lot of egg plants and
a squirt gun. I don't know if I should be
plater sir, eggplant water squirts, but you know what that means.
And Marie tell me you know how to text? Of
(12:03):
course I know how to text. It doesn't sound like
it if you don't know what an egg plant means. Okay,
so you've got to get over there. I guess what
do I wear like? I've got to get over there
right now. And you know, it's it's not always that
it's gonna be like this. It's the beginning phase, you know,
(12:24):
it's the honeymoon. I guess I just have to find
something to put on and go over there and let's
get eggplant e okay, something sexy, but not like in
your face sexy, like every day, you know, casual. I
just rolled out of bed, and I'm sexy. But I
when I roll out of bed, I don't look sexy.
I've got all the stuff in my hair. I've got
I've gotta put my glasses on. I have this the
(12:45):
my mouthguard at night. Well, first of all, you've got
you've got a text back. What do I text back?
You know what, I'm going to change the subject. I'm
going to change the subject. I don't want this to
get sexual. I'll just tell him about the garden and
and the and the orchard. You know, the peaches are in,
the peaches are in. I'll change the subject. I'll just
(13:05):
we'll talk about the peaches. So I'll just I'm just
gonna send him some peaches. Larry, what the fund is
this quote text sent from you to me? Linda is
being such a bit right now? Uh m hmm. Explain
(13:29):
how it got to you again? Who were you trying
to text that I and being such a bit right
now to you, Linda, that's your choice of communication with
me these days. Well, I was speaking about you in
the third person to you, so we could look at
(13:50):
this objectively and you know, make some adjustments to our relationships.
So you know, every now and then, if if I'm
acting up, can send me a text says that Larry's
being an asshole, for instance, so we don't take it personally.
And I like that, that makes sense, that's good. I
(14:11):
just I just want to make sure we continue to
stay closer. And sometimes, you know, they say you can
lose some meaning over text. I disagree. I think i'm
I'm I'm better over text. Well, anyways, my mom's going
to stay for two weeks. I want her to stay
in the bed with me, So if you don't mind
(14:33):
hopping in the air mattress, that would be great. Of course,
I know the drill Mom comes, she sleeps with you,
I'm on the air mattress. And if you complain about
it again, it's going to be like a big problem.
Mm hmmm. Shoot you a quick text, real quick. Okay,
see that Linda has been a bit again. This isn't funny. Oh,
(14:57):
I wasn't trying to be funny. It's just not you, babe,
but like, let's like look outside of ourselves and Lena's
being a real fucking bitch again, you know what I mean.
I just don't. I just feel like when I'm reading
it in texts, it's hurtful, but it's not like the
way that you're saying it is even worse. It's so
it's so aggressive, build up hate. I'm going to clarify this.
(15:21):
Um okay, just sent you another one. Listen. I know
that I said that this is a good idea, and
I do think that it does have merit. But we've
established that you felt that way earlier, and I want
to now connect with you as a human to human
and try to um figure this out. It says Lena
(15:42):
is a bitch because her mom's a bitch. Wow, this
is a big This is a big this is a
big line across I'll get the air mattress. It's really
something that we still are together, let me just say that,
and are pretty intimate, uh more than once a month,
which I think is pretty exciting because some of my
(16:04):
friends don't. Anyway, Hey, wend are you gonna go visit
your daughter? I am? I look Linda and Linda and Larry.
I think they're having some problems. And you know, sometimes
the mom's just gotta go in there, you know, and
you know, take care of things. I gotta take care
(16:26):
of my little girl. You know, I understand that I
do the same thing with Veronica. Well, you know, maybe
I'll text you while you're there getting the hang of
it here, Uh, text you some fun stuff, you know,
kind of keep things spicy in our relationship. I mean,
I like it when you when you do keep things spicy.
I I don't know if we want to have another
mishap like on beach day when I showed up in
(16:51):
that outfit. But now you know what we're learning. We've
been learning, and that's what's important. You know, we're now
we know how to text each other. Will send me
my send me some emojis. I want to. I want
to see if I can guess what you're saying. All right, up.
You are so cute the way the way that you
look like at your phone down like that when you're concentrating,
(17:12):
you just get this little twinkle in your eye. It's
just really cute. Okay, and send there you go. Oh see,
this is where I'm confused, though, Conrad. This is how
I get confused, because now you know what an egg
plant means, and now that you know what it means,
(17:35):
you're just sending me lots of egg plants. Do you
understand I'm trying to tell you something here where? Yeah?
I don't know. I mean I just kind of like
jump started my dad's for a into texting as sexting,
(17:55):
and I realized that that's kind of weird and a
little creepy, But I don't know. It's it's been a
long time for him. And is your relationship with your
father improving? He's happier, he's happier, so um, yeah, he
talks to me in like a better tone for sure. Um.
(18:17):
He seems to be more into the idea of me
moving in Um, which is a positive. And how about work?
Does everyone still hate you? Yeah? Everyone still hates m um.
It's now getting to the point where they're putting flyers
on the bulletin board. H And you can like, sorry, sorry,
(18:40):
I'm sorry, I'm laughing at something else. What are you
laughing at? Just I guess I'm on a text thread
with a bunch of other therapists. Okay, Um, well, yeah,
people that work still hate me. Um, should we end
(19:02):
our session early or no? No, no, We've got an hour.
I gotta say I love therapist happy hour. This is nice.
Have a couple of drinks at a discounted rate and
just shoot the ship. Shoot the ship. Let's talk about
the crazy. I mean, the gifts that you send are
(19:26):
great on the thread, but be able to to to
expand on those I r L makes a huge difference.
What's going on with that narcissist you're you're treating? Oh well, um,
he still thinks it's all about him by definition, so
(19:49):
and so if you recall you're my last session I
sent mirror emoji z z z. It's like he's a look,
it's all about him, and I'm like, I'm tired knowing
another picture of Rita's Yes, yeah, let's do it. Let's
do it, so Berna, Berna, are you still seeing one
of your patients? Is that still? Yeah? I got pregnant
(20:13):
last week? What he got me pregnant last week? Congratulations?
He's married? Right that this is just like a flaing thing. Well,
I actually, you know a lot of the focus goes
onto him and his issues, and for me, this is
actually quite amazing. Because um, we didn't think that I
(20:34):
me and my team of doctors didn't think that I
could conceive. So oh, miRNA, I just you're getting a
text from me, and that was that was not meant
for you. So just just just ignore or delete that
as it comes in. So rob am, I supposed to
(20:58):
be Miss Piggy in this job. That's supposed to be me.
Uh no, that was that was for someone else. And
it's just because we were because you just told me
that it was about me. Uh okay, yes, you're supposed
to be Miss Piggy. Okay, geez one. He really appreciate
(21:24):
you indulging me in my cuckle fantasy. I mean, I
didn't know this was going to be part of this relationship,
but I mean if if if you wanted this, I mean, sure, honey,
that's you, and you can take the robe off if
you want. It's it's oh my wow, wow. That is
(21:48):
at egg Plant Parmeer genre. That's our pers Scene Scene
two comes to us for Alchemniak Katherine Wasser was I
don't know, She writes high Alchemist seen suggestion prom night
(22:14):
have fun. Katherine just scooch over a little so I
can get both of you real good in the picture.
Get Nope, but don't not not I mean, don't put
your arm around her, but not like that. You know,
you kids are so cute, scooch close. She's my sister
and that feels well, she's you know what, But tonight
(22:37):
she's your prom day, isn't she? Because somebody didn't ask
someone soon enough, so someone's got his older sister going
as his prom day. Yes, sir, okay, And if we
could just agree that we're going to be home by
ten thirty. I have court very early in the morning.
Your sister is a is a very important lawyer. Now,
(23:00):
she's a very important lawyer. You gotta get her home
early so that she can she's working on some cases. Okay,
you guys in the same didn't you guys? Were you
in class together so you ended up being a photographer
and you're hello, huh. Some of us don't do as
well in school, okay, some of them. This is not
about us. This is not about this family unit. This
(23:23):
is about you two scooching close together so I can
get a good picture. But you two knew each other,
so I'm asking, yeah, yes, yes, we knew each other.
We knew each other. Is that what you asked? Are you?
Are you gonna bring this up? That that that that
the old man failed out of failed out of law
(23:43):
school again? Is that what we're gonna keep bringing up? No,
I just thought, Okay, we're gonna score, We're gonna scooch
closer for a picture. Yeah. No's but you two were
you were friends? Right, Yeah, I'm a little lost. I'm
not gonna lie. I'm a little lost. Kevin's Yes, we
(24:07):
were friends. We were classmates, we were a father daughter,
we were everything. It was a crazy thing that happened.
And would someone else use a time machine in a
different way? He check out Thompson. He brought a sister
mom the prom again every year. Man, I no matter,
(24:35):
no matter how many times we go over all the
mystery and intrigue in that family, I still cannot wrap
my head around the full situation. You know, he shouldn't have.
That was a bad way to do time travel, because look,
I have these gills now because of what he did.
All right, he messed up the timeline. Now I got gills,
(24:56):
and he's at the problem with the system. Mom. Yeah,
but I guess you know it? Is it like maybe
you've always had gills, and you know, it's just like
this is the way it's supposed to happen, you know,
because if time is a loop, then you're just supposed
to have girls, right, Yeah, I guess you're right. I
don't remember a time when I didn't have gils. Okay, okay,
(25:18):
look after this dance, I'm gonna hop back into that
machine and make some different choices. But before I do,
I need some clarification. I thought you were my sister,
and you and you okay, and you were just a
guy taking pictures, and I was trying to establish that
you two probably knew each other from before. Wait wait, wait, wait, wait.
First of all, let's just say this. We talked about this.
(25:43):
You were not supposed to keep the time machine. Nevertheless,
bring it to your prompt to bring pographer. Yes, I
thought you were my sister both. I know it's a
little wonky, but it's true. It's Senior da Vinci. I
see these plans you made for the time of machine.
(26:04):
But I wonder, Senor da Vinci, do you think do
you think this could several hundred years from now getting
used in a kind of a wonky way, like incorrectly,
like like it could mess up with the family relationships.
I don't know if we should have been messing with
the spacetime and continue and miss my point. Senor DaVinci, Okay,
(26:27):
who is the master? Giuseppe? You you, Senor DaVinci, Master.
We all know you're the master. Let me let me
ask you. Did you make it a Vietrovian man? Yes,
I make it a Trouvian man. His arms are above
his head, his arms to the side, his arms on
the bottom, his legs spread whide, his legs closer together.
I drew out the Vitruvian man, just as you asked
me to. Or do you mean did I come up
(26:48):
with the concept? Did you come up with the guns? No?
I know you came up with the concept. Okay, alright,
So I think I'm a time of in. Is gonna work?
Justify just I know it? It will work. It that's
the problem. It's a photographer. Yeah, I think we're we're
(27:11):
getting a little lost here. Yeah, tell me where I mean? Yeah,
I'm a photographer. I was. I assumed you knew I
was your father? Yes, they call him dad, don't that
That's what That's what was confusing me. Well, you see,
(27:33):
I saw this at the at the prom, at the
gymnasium itself. Not we are right now dancing. Yeah, but
look they're still trying to work it out. They don't
even know themselves. It's that confused, it really is. Hey,
you might splashing some water on me. I'm being tired. Yeah,
(27:56):
you breathe, you breathe water. That's that's how it works.
You're fishman. So the assam was that my father was
at the actual problem and not at I wouldn't understand
the stairway picture in the home. Okay, Okay, okay, I
gotta stop a things right here. Sorry, yes, yes, don't
don't freak out. Oh my gosh, I'm a Leonardo da Vinci.
(28:22):
Holy hell. Okay, it wasn't never supposed to get this way. Okay,
are you alive? Are you an apparition? No? No, I'm
a hearing What is this? Two? Yes? Yeah? In in
the United States of America, Okay, in a California, Okay,
(28:47):
in a Los Angeles. This is amazing, all right, Mr Gail,
Mrs Amacas, Mr Spielberg, We've got some notes on your
first aff for Back to the Future. H We're gonna
keep the prom setting. We like that, and we're gonna
keep the mom relationship, but we're not going to make
(29:10):
it as complicated as you did. We're not gonna put
a sister part in. Well really, yeah, that's not really
tracking for us, because I mean, the whole idea of
a guy having to take his sister to the prom,
but the photographer is also his dad, and the dad
here's the important. The important is the dad and sister
(29:33):
were friends. All Right, I'm gonna think of all the
complications that that will ensue. So let me ask you
a question. Is there a scenario where I hop back
in that sheet machine and when I come back, you're
not my mom or my sister, but you're just my
(29:53):
straight up prom date. This is a creepy question. The
way that you're looking at me, it seems like you
don't want me to be your family anymore, and that
I don't like that. Listen, the only person who can
go you should be carrying this around. This isn't your
time machine. Okay, your father photographer and I found it
(30:18):
together when we were on our honeymoon. It's not yours
to tote around, and it's not yours to go into.
We are the ones who went into it, and we
are the only ones who could go back. Fine, if
Leonardo was right, these are the rules, he told me.
(30:40):
What are you saying, Mom's this? I'm I mean, I'm
just saying it's all kind of a wash, right, Like
it's all just hypothetical. Zone really knows what if I
punched Dad right now? You just punched him, but not
really kicked out of the prom. You're lucky that's turned
(31:03):
out for what's playing, and you're lucky about that. So
tell me again which one is the carnitas and the
which one is the carne asada? Because of that, they
all taste amazing to me, Mr da Vinci. If you've
just been standing next to us with this buffet plate
the whole time. Look, I look out and there's like
(31:23):
a there's like a taco truck on the every corner here. Yes,
it's California, it's Los Angeles. Incredible, you have this available everything.
You have ruined our family. Hey, Mike, it's me, your neighbor.
I know we don't hang out a lot lately because
you know, I got that time machine thing, so I've
(31:44):
been like leaving stuff and checking things out. But I
miss you, dude. Yeah. Man, uh yeah, I miss hanging
with you too. How's life in the real world? That's
all right? Um, you know my gils disappeared? What does
(32:05):
that mean? Did I do that? Probably? But that did
I ever have them? Yeah? Good question. Could you just
like just stay put, you know, like, let's just ride
our bikes around, you know, let's just play video games
and drink bound dude and has some Mike and Ike
and and just speak kids again. You know, it sounds nice.
(32:29):
You know what, Maybe we should destroy that stupid machine.
So I'm never tempting. No one else has ever tempted again,
all right, but maybe take Da Vinci back first. I
don't know he buys his he could buy his beer,
right sir, Hey you want the beer, I get you beer.
And see that's kind of cool. Yeah, you're right, keep
(32:50):
them around. I'll keep him around. But smash smash this
machine and just get back to being kids. Yeah, let's
do it. There's also n as a nobody cares that
that mcgay here. It's it's really it's a really wonderful.
Yeah no, it's not a problem. Not a problem, not
in United States, California, Los Angeles. But you're saying else where. Listen,
(33:18):
sometimes things can go straight up completely Texas and then
it gets like sideways. But we don't want to get
into that. Uh, sweetie bro, are you trying to tell
me your friend wants to be a normal kid? And
that and he said that means what Mike and Ikes
Mountain dew video games, riding bikes. Probably a backwards hatter
(33:39):
two okay? And and and you think that he's from
because it sounds like that's a time traveler. Wait what
well he gave me this Rubik's cuban is slinky? Does
that mean anything to you? Uh? Yeah, sweetie bro, it
really does. What is it? What? What time is he freeting?
(34:00):
Incredibly eighties? Incredibly eighties? I mean, Mike and Ikes are here,
but my god, you really have the search to find
him and no one likes well that that that's okay.
We wrote it. We wrote it in the eighties. Uh
we we just you know, the the the studios at
the time didn't have the balls to make the story
(34:20):
that we wanted to tell. Now now that we've sent
ourselves to two So I'm still Steven Spielberg, but I'm
in two thousand twenty two, But I want to make
the movie now. With you guys. Is that is that confusing? Um?
Could we could we updated? Um? I see that you
(34:40):
did a second draft in the nineties where POGs make
a big appearance. But could we just make us make
a current I'll make it a lot easier. And please
ignore the fact that that Bob's meckis has gills. Now
we don't somehow that happened along the way. Uh? But
we and no and no version of the timeline did
(35:01):
we hook up? We were always just friends. We were
always just friends. Senora da Vinci, you're back. I've been
so worried about you. The workshop is not to be
in the same since since you left. What what are
you eating? I had so many street tacos? What is
the street tacos? That's our second see see three comes
(35:30):
to us from listener Todd Tambling suggestion convention for people
who are bad at parking regards Todd, Oh, I want
to go into Uh. I want to go see that booth.
Oh yeah, that booth for the people that just park
a teensy bit in the red. Hi there, How can
(35:52):
I help you? Hi? Um? I was really interested about
possibly parking a little bit in the red And how
I can get away with it. Sure, So we have
brochures here as you can see there. It gives you
some diagrams. And basically what we're doing is we're not
breaking the law. We're just breaking the law, you know,
piecing people off sometimes and that's fine too. Yeah, sometimes
(36:16):
that is fine because no one, no one can really
know what true happiness is if they don't experience true rage. Wow,
we should write that down. I should wear a slogan here.
Oh my gosh, do you need I mean, I haven't
worked in years? Well, then no, they know what I
don't need somebody who hasn't worked in years, and then
(36:38):
don't use my slogan. That's my intellectual property. I'm useful
and I'm valuable in this world, and someone someone's going
to recognize that one day. I didn't mean to be disrespectful. Um,
why don't I go over a couple of the benefits
for parking tincy tiny and to the red um. One
(37:00):
benefit is, um, I can see your man. I'm in
a bad mood. Now. I'm in a bad mood. Now, okay,
how can we fix this? Have you? Okay? There are
so many other places to go at tension Convention ears
(37:23):
the following license plates are being towed for illegally being
parked in front of the building. Yes, that's me. Excuse me, miss,
you look pretty angry. Would you like to check out
some of our literature. This is for people that park
(37:46):
way over to the left side, kind of between the lines.
M hmm. I'm not even understanding that. I'm someone who
parks perpendicular in a parallel So well, this is for
when there's a spot with two lines clearly up and
you put way over on one side or the other side.
Really like now, I understand straddling the line. Yes, straddling
(38:12):
for the straddlers. We should write that down straddling. Yeah,
it's a great slogan. Actually, Um, if you're looking for
someone who can can do that, I happen to be
between jobs. Oh, I mean we're You've got four pamphlet
guys right now, and I don't I mean three of
them are my nephews. I can't really let them go,
but thank you. Sure. I mean, any any workforce could
(38:35):
um benefit from having a woman, So think about it. Hey, hey,
you're coming over to my booth, coming over to my booth. Um,
I gotta go, but any turn around, turn around turn around,
turn around, turn around to back it up? Okay okay
(38:56):
left or back to the right, straight straight it out,
straight it out, okay, forward, okay, okay, back it up. Shoot, okay,
back it up to the right, the right, strain it up,
straight up, all right, okay, back it up? Okay, okay,
(39:17):
good right, good? Who I haven't gotten that right? Safer
to back in? It's safer to and then you can
and then you can just get right out. I love
a convention that has like a physical fitness element to it.
It really gives you extra energy to keep going for
the day. Yeah, yes, and I love it so much.
(39:41):
It uh it's going Okay, there's no need to bark,
all right. Sorry, I'm just so excited. I think I
just got a job. Oh yeah, I haven't worked in years.
Um doing slogan for that guy he kind of said no.
(40:03):
But I feel like I really gave him, you know,
a bit of a of a of a stab and
a twist to really uh convince him to take to
take me on. So I'm feeling pretty good, and I'm
feeling and you know, invariated out. Sorry I left. I
(40:23):
left a while ago. I was sitting here, I heard
everything you said. Great. Um, yeah, I'm just I'm just
looking at my my my maps from the uh the convention.
Your boy, they made this real confusing with all the
one way pathways. You know what, I'm just gonna go
the opposite direction, get where I'm going faster. You uh,
(40:48):
you look real familiar to me. Um, you're not, are
you the Are you a lady that has that intellectual
property about not knowing true happiness unless you've own true rage? Yes,
well I've got your intellectual property right here. Will you
sign it for me. I'm a huge fan of your work.
(41:12):
I would be happy to This is so, this is
amazing because really you changed my life, like I know
true happiness Right now, I am a fucking rage monster.
I've killed hundreds and it's all thanks to you. I
just gotta say, it's a real, real, real treat to
meet you. Wow, it is very special to meet you.
(41:38):
It is very I'm sorry for you to have that experience. Um,
but I'm happy that you're able to sorry. On the
other side of the storm cloud, all the storm cloud
is the rainbow. This is great. Rage has made me
so happy. In fact, I think I'm just gonna go
outside with this old safe I found to drop it
on as many cars as I can. Attention conventioners, Attention
(42:05):
convention ears. It is now time for the panel discussion.
Please make your way to the auditorium. Please make your
way to the auditorium. Excuse me, part of me? Hey, hey, hey, sorry,
I just want to sit. It's excuse me. It's just
(42:31):
there's a panel. It's a panel. We're all here for
the same fucking panel. Just we're trying to get the front. Hey, conventioneers, welcome, welcome, welcome.
We're in these sitting seeds. Stop it, I mean this works,
this works. It does not. I was in this chair.
It's one chair per person. What are you doing? All right?
(42:54):
Who's excited? Who's excited? Stop? We've got a panel, so
many owners of souped up sports cars who just leave
them anywhere they want in the parking lot. Let's check
in with them right now. Hey, how's everybody doing? My
name is Trip. Uh, this is my is my daughter
(43:18):
and my friend. Hi you. I'm cantina Um and I'm
so happy. I'm so excited to be here. Sometimes I
do borrow my dad's car. Alright, Trip, tell us about
your vehicle? What kind of is and where you leave it? Uh,
this is a Lamborghini, and uh I leave it wherever
(43:42):
the that's right. One time I drove it into an
outdoor mall. Just throw it right in hell. Yeah, And
I punished her. I punished her as a daughter, but
I supported her as a friend. He's my best friend.
My dad is my best friend. Thanks for being here,
(44:03):
Tripping Cantina. Everybody going on the line. I know you
guys are excited. Rudolpho is here, Rodolpho, Yeah, I was.
I was fine. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. This guy just
scooched right up next to me. Fine, we're fine. We're
not fine. This is my seat, like I was, I
said in the front room because I knew I was
(44:24):
going to get called on because I'm one of the
I'm not gonna go. I have a ninety one Lotus. Okay,
I have a ninety one Lotus? All right, Rodolpho, And
where do you leave that car? Wherever I want? I
have an illegal handicapped placard. Actually just changed the date
on a temporary placard, so it looks like I bought
myself several years by turning the zero to an eight.
(44:45):
So now it's good until this is my Sorry folks,
sorry folks, you've been doing this panel for for thirty
one minutes. It's a a thirty minute limit. Come up.
We were just we were just finishing. We were just
we just we just finishing. We were just finishing. Sorry,
(45:07):
I can't do anything. I can't do anything. There's your ticket, officer,
what kind of what kind of car do you drive? Officer?
Drive a cop car? And where do you leave it? Wherever?
The fun? That's right? Yeah, wow, oh we'll wrap this.
(45:29):
We'll wrap this up. Guys, thanks for coming. Please go
back out to the main exhibit. For man, what a
great panel. That was not just on my lap. It's
just just informative, so informative. Hey, uh, do you even
think about starting a car club? Yeah? Probably a part
of one. Huh No, I mean I have thought of
(45:52):
starting one, but I don't know anybody that would want
to be in a car club with me. I just
feel like it would be cool to be a part of, like,
you know, community, every were the only two people in
the room. Now, can I have the rest of this chair? Okay? Okay, okay,
okay okay okay. So my idea would be like the
door dingers, the door dingers, the door dangers. Oh like
(46:14):
we just part next to people and smash their doors
a little. Yeah, you know, I maybe I misjudged you
ill be door dingers. I think you know, I think
excuse me? Did you just ding my door? Here we go?
Yes we did, Yes we did, And what of it?
We're the door dingers. Well, I'm gonna have to get
(46:39):
your insurance information this huge dang on my door. Yes,
you have to do insurance for a door. It's a
door dang. What's door dan dang? I'm gonna have to
get this ding danged out? Are you? Are you looking
to get this ding ding out? Gonn it be undang?
(47:01):
We can undang, we can dong, we can ding out,
we can d ding. I don't want a dong, Okay, Well,
the dong is the dong is the lowest model. I
wasn't gonna try to pitch you on. The Look at
the sign over here, Look at the sign over here.
You see that at the banking, the fifty nine dollars
the dong. That's fifty nine dollar dong, seventy nine dollar undang,
a hundred and twenty nine dollar d ding. Do you
want a d ding and undang or a dong. Now
(47:22):
if you want to do a dong is two fifty dollars,
but we only do those for foreign cars. Uh, well,
I I do have a Mercedes benz Um that counts.
I'm sorry. I can't tell domestic from for and I
grew up in Germany, so that to me is at
domestic dog. Hey, danks for coming and get in a
second opinion, we could definitely beat the prices here and
ding dong the ding is gone. And I came up
(47:44):
with that slogan. By the way, it's great, it's great.
It crought my eye on the Yellow Pages, and yes,
I still use the Yellow Pages. So yeah, what they
what they want? Seventy nine nine, we'll go seventy six
nineties six the ding ding, the ding is gone. The
thing is that we will be any price by three
(48:06):
bucks a cantina. Yeah, I was thinking, I think maybe
this relationship ain't working out after all. Um, okay, I'm
I don't know. I'm kind of tightening up my driving
skills a little bit. My parking skills are part of
(48:28):
my driving skills. I'm sorry. Is it because you drive
your car? Well, it's a good car. Every time you
like you can get away with it. You know, it's
like you cant, We're well, I could, I could get
(48:50):
a lot of trouble whenever mind's parked, wherever it looks
like it's a display and people think, like, I wonder
if there's going to be a street fair today or
like some kind of parade. This is probably here for
a reason. Let me take a picture with it instead
of you know, so yeah, yeah, yeah, you drive an
You drive your dad's eighty nine Lamborghini. I drive eighty
(49:13):
nine Lamborghini, that's right. And you drive your Toyota camera
two thousand, which is like a fine car. It's very
reliable and extremely safe and it gets good gas mileage.
But at the end of the day, if you're breaking
up with me, because I'm right into that lambo um,
(49:36):
just know that my dad's gonna be pretty piste. He
hates when his best friend daughter gets dumped on. He's
very protective. Excuse me, sir, is this your two thousand
Toyota camera? Yes, sir, you just can't leave this wherever
the funk you want. This is a two thousand Toyota camera.
You need to move it to that spot over there.
(49:58):
I'm just parking. I can't park, I can't get right here.
You can't just leave it here. It's not an eighty
nine lambo. Okay, it's you gotta actually put it in
the lines. Who do you work for? Exactly? I work
for Big Car? You mother fuck? Okay, okay, I see
what's going on here? Fine? Yeah? Wa when wait when
(50:19):
we went wait? Wait? Wait? Wait when wa wa? Wait?
Wit went Daddy? I need to talk to you as
a daughter, as a friend right now, I'm going to
say friend. Let's go friend first. Cool cool Okay, So
you know that I was dating Dustin and he was
(50:41):
pretty cool, sometimes paid for my meals, had a cool dick,
so I was kind of into it. Didn't really make
me laugh. But again, the cool dick right right, sort
like plant. He he was getting weird over texts, so
I could tell all that like things were a little off.
(51:02):
And then he totally dumped me. And then he said
it was because of my my parking and his park
and he just made it about the cars. And it's
just making me feel like do I need to Oh
it's okay, okay, Because I was like, gosh, do I
need to change? Like, do I need to start driving normal,
(51:25):
like a normal car, or like normally? Can I can
I talk to you with your father for a second? Um, yeah, okay,
talk to you as my father. I know you're gonna
apologize to that boy. You need to apologize to that boy.
Kick his ass. Sorry, I ain't got time for apologies.
I got this dolorium over here, and I got a
(51:46):
promt to get too, so I will catch you later.
Did you guys see that time travel with the cool dick? Yeah?
I used to date him. That's our show. Oh, thank
(52:06):
you everyone for playing Cole st and thank you for
joining us today. Where can people find you? You can
find me on I think Instagram is at Stratton, Cole
twitters at Cole Stratton Friends. Stare is non existent. Uh.
Go to Westside Comedy dot com check out several shows
Coverts and Friends. Do a TV reunion show right now
(52:27):
which is really fun, where we reunited show that never existed? Um,
also pretty Pretty Pony first Thursday of the month at
ten pm. And sketch us dot com Hold on real quick,
That Cobord show was a really really cool concept. We'll
just just give to give us ten more seconds on
the one with that is exactly. I love that. So
what we do is we get from the audience, we
get the style of show, like the genre, like sci
(52:47):
fi western, whatever, the year the show premiered, how many
seasons it ran in the title of the show, and
then we do a reunion of the cast and crew
of it. And that's a lot of fun. That is
so wild. Yeah, it's pretty ridiculous. I love that. Craig Atkowski,
thank you so much for bringing the noise and bringing
the funk. Good. I brought both. Yeah, There's been episodes
(53:10):
in the past where I've only brought the noise and
I sometimes will bring the phone, but I felt like
today I did. I brought both. But you would you
would warn me ahead of time to bring both. Absolutely. Uh.
Speaking of bringing the funk, I saw a video of
you dancing at a wedding this past weekend, and you
were fucking bringing it. I requested it at the time
(53:37):
to not be filled. Also requested later for it not
to be put on social media. But you know, sometimes,
you know, people just go against your wishes, and uh,
and it gets out there and it's it's permanent, it's there,
and um, yeah, you can you can probably see it
on on my instaf I just I just like that
(54:00):
both of your requests were just ignored completely. Don't don't video,
don't post, Jackie d Ruthy, thank you so much for
being here. Where can we find you? I'm at Jackie
d Ruthy on Instagram. Craig. You know, sometimes people are
proud of you and they know that you can't see
what they see, and they wanna they want to raise
(54:23):
you up in in every talent you have, whether you
acknowledge it or not. Um, I'm at Jackie d Ruthie,
And gosh is it early to say this, but I'm
going to I don't care. It's almost Uh, the spring
is turning into summer. And I don't know when this
episode is coming out, certainly not certainly, probably not in June.
(54:44):
But if it does, guess what's next month? Why? It's
Christmas in July. I co host The Most Wonderful Pot
of the Year And yes we do a quick month
stint in July and review for great movies. Uh to
laugh at? So uh watch out watch out for that. Yeah,
(55:06):
never too early to plug that. Never, It's never too
early because I'm thinking about Christmas and July all the time.
That's right, that's right, Mark Gagliardi, thank you so much
for being here. Where can we find you? Uh, it's
a delight as always to be here, my friend. If
you want to find me online, just google Craig Kowski
(55:26):
Wedding Dance and you will find where I'm doing all
my shows. We got this with Mark and Hall on
Maximum Fun, Blood and Treasure. Anything you want to find
out about me, just google Craig Atkowski Wedding Dance. You'll
find it. Love it. Thank you so much, and let's
think our engineer and producer to the stars, Mr Doug Babe,
(55:47):
and the fine folks that I heart media. I've been
your host, Chris Alvarado, and I thank you for listening,
and until next time, everybody as a
Hello everyone, and welcome back to another episode Oh Alchemy.
This the fully improvised comedy podcast where we do full
scenes and shows based on listener suggestions. You are the listener,
and we thank you for listening. And let's jump. Oh.
I'm Chris Operado. I'm hosting, as you could tell, because
(00:23):
I've already messed up. But let's talk to our alchemists today,
some of my friends, some of yours. Let's meet them
in no particular order. Let's first say hello to Jackie.
Dear Ruthie. Hello, Oh hello, now, Jackie. I don't know
the answer to this for myself, but my wife knew
it for her. So I'm want to ask you if
(00:44):
you know yours? For the first song you ever slow
danced too? Wow? Ye, this didn't track, didn't didn't didn't
mean much to me. Were you? Were you a slow
dancwer in middle school? Or slowly? Oh yeah, little Jackie
(01:07):
really hard and the little school make it fast, make
it slow. I was on that floor. I remember, I
remember definitely dancing to like. For whatever reason, this song
is coming to my mind, so it must have been true.
Um that Mark Anthony's song. She sang to me, Hello,
(01:28):
wil Buttom but song for Runaway Bride. Wow, beautiful one
of my favorite movies. Yeah, but I can't really and
I remember Casey and jodo Ah laugh. That was that
was the like I was singing that all morning. I've
(01:49):
been singing that song all morning. I'm not kidding really,
because that song reminded me of an early slow dancing
time for sure. Was it the first? I can't say,
but it was certainly popular. Okay, all right, now let's
say hello to Mark Gagliardi. Hello, Mark, Hi, describe the
feeling for us, because I don't really how, I don't
(02:10):
really know what this feeling feels like. So describe the
feeling of really nailing an audition. One of these days
I will be able to answer this question for you.
You have never felt I've never walked out of an audition,
and I don't know that I've ever felt like I
really nailed it. I feel like, because I'm I guess
(02:31):
I'm pretty hard on myself. I come out and I go,
I could have done this, and that beat could have
done this, and that beat could have done this, and
that beat. Oddly, it's the smaller the thing, the easier
it is to feel like I nailed it. Like I remember,
I had a commercial audition once and all I had
to do was a bite and smile. If you've ever
audition for commercial, you know the bite and smile. It's
just wow, I'm really enjoying this Snickers bar that I
(02:55):
just took a bite of. It's where you you take
a little bite, make sure a little bit of the
car and will hit your lip and then you kind
of lick it in there on you do you very
gently chew and nod and look off to one side.
I did have one of those ones where I went, man,
I nailed that, but that was good. I nailed that
bite and smile. I did not get the job, but
(03:17):
I did finish the snickers. Um. My worst ones are
the no talking. Not that I'm great with dialogue either,
but it's for me. It's the sitting in the audie
and being like, Okay, you're looking at the dash, Oh
you're happy that there's a touch screen. Oh, your wife's calling,
Oh look at this mountain, and it's so hard for
me to like smaller, smaller, smaller, like well then you
(03:39):
get okay anyway, Well, I mean, Mark, you might not
know what a good audition feels like, but you know
what it feels like to book something, you know, and
one of these days, well we'll have that conversation speaking
of booking something. I mean, it's hard to mention booking
without mentioning this. Next fellow, say hello to Craig Atkowski,
the booking Machine. Oh sorry, sorry, guys, I can't do
(04:01):
the second episode of course, Craig. Do you listen to
music every day? Yes? You do. Yes, I don't listen
to music every day. Yeah. I I pay for Amazon
(04:22):
Music for some reason, I guess. I guess I'm being
mocked for um and so I I had had everything
(04:42):
on iTunes and then I slowly like built up like
my old playlists and everything on Amazon Music. So typically
typically my day is I would probably like read the
news for about an hour and a half and then
just listen to my songs on Amazon Music on shuffle.
I've got probably by eight thousand songs in uh in
the rotation. So, and does it does the music affect
(05:05):
your mood from time? I know it's that's a dumb question,
but like, I listen to music so rarely that when
I do, I'm like, oh fuck, Like I'm really like
brushing my teeth feels crazy. Listen to radio Head like,
I'm just I get so affected. Does it will like
affect you as much as it affects me? Yeah? Absolutely.
Like one of my favorite workout playlist is called Shortened
(05:28):
to the Point, which is all songs that are two
and a half minutes long or shorter. So like a
lot of like pop punk kind of stuff, you know,
just like short energetic songs. Love that. I'm I'm never somebody.
I mean, I do like some mellow stuff, but of like,
my normal state is pretty zoned out and mellow, and
so I need music to pump energy and beauty and
(05:54):
melody to get me to feel uh something more. So
I think in the in that sense, it's a little
bit of a drug. I'm loving this. I have to
ask a question. I can't help myself, But what like
if you were to just to like too on a
little song today, tut on one of these songs that
(06:16):
like is energy to you? I just want to know
what that you know what I mean? I just want
to know what that is, just off the top of
my head. I also read a column called The Number
Ones by Tom Bryan that comes out three times a week,
which is kind of a chronological assessment of all the
songs that hit number one in the Billboard charts, and
(06:37):
so right now he's in kind of mid nineties and
like the like the Puff Daddy, which is not necessarily
stuff that speaks to me. But the song for today
was was Biggie's Hypnotized and that's just a fucking jam
and so like. And then as you read the column,
like you can click on of like oh, here's the demo,
(06:59):
and of like oh and here was his first gives
you a little bit of the history of each song
and the artists. So uh, so I did a lot
of like listening to uh two Biggie uh this morning
and hypnotized like we'll we'll get your blood pumping at
any time of the day. Wow, I've never heard of that,
but I bet our next guest has, because our next,
(07:20):
our next guest has his finger on the pulse of
all things pop and culture, and pop culture makes some noise,
say a lot of coal Stratton, everybody, Cole, I'm really excited. Please,
actually have you have you? Have you heard of this?
This guy Crat was talking about I haven't. It sounds
great though, because I like Craig listen to music every day,
all the time, so you should definitely check that out
(07:42):
for sure. My question for you, I'm really excited to
ask you specifically. Actually, I think a lot of us
can answer this, but just you specifically. This is exciting
for me. So it's if if you know if if,
if you know Cole, if you know his wife, if
you follow him on social media, you know that they
take a trip to new work. They see a lot
of Broadway shows. Is that once a year every couple
(08:03):
of years? Cold, it's usually once a year. But then
like the world stopped for two years, so yeah, we
hadn't been back for we just went there back three years. Oh,
it always looks so great because you see so many shows.
Now here's my question for you. You're at a show
and and then all of a sudden someone runs out
and goes everybody, this person got sick, and we need
(08:25):
somebody in the audience who knows all the lyrics to
this song or to this for this musical. I need you.
I need you to answer what musical that is and
what character it is that you that you would be
like bucket here? Yeah, is this school ja First of all,
super plausible scenario I'm always called ready to run up. Gosh,
(08:49):
I've I've probably seen The Music Man seven thousand times
at this point, either from being in it or seeing
because like it's like we just saw the huge Jackman version,
which is great. But music Man at this point can
either so prize nor thrilled me, but never bores me.
Like it's just it's the music Man. So I could
probably jump in and well obviously went through because I
did that when I was a kid like that, but
(09:09):
it would not be appropriate now probably jump in into
Harold Opret pretty well at this point, I love that. Gosh,
I want to see all of you do this. Okay,
I guess we gotta improvise today based on some suggestions. UM,
so glad you're all here. Uh yeah. These suggestions come
from all of you who are listening, or people who
(09:29):
are listening who have sent in suggestions, either via email
or via our Patreon page. If you want to become
a Patreon v I p know that you will get
exclusive bonus including video of what's happening this morning. I mean,
this is exciting stuff, um, plus a lot lot more.
Head on over to patreon dot com slash Alchemy this
or if you want to submit a suggestion via email,
(09:52):
hit us up at Alchemy this email at gmail dot com.
That's Alchemy this gmail dot com. Seen one comes to
us from listener Heather Dempsey. Heather Rights, Hello, lovely people.
I can't tell you how much I appreciate this podcast.
I was just listening to an old episode while shoveling
snow for the seven thousand time this winter. My fingers
(10:15):
were freezing, my back ached, but I was laughing maniacally
the whole time. My neighbors already think I'm weird, so
you guys are really helping to reinforce my reputation. My
scene suggestion is texting and is inspired by a couple
of recent text mishaps. Thanks for everything, Heather. Okay, Ranic,
(10:35):
can you show me how to do this here? I'm
not just turn in the motorola. That smartphone is new
for me. Yeah sure, sure dad. Um, So we're just
gonna we're gonna click this and then you see this
keyboard and it's just like any other keyboard. It's just
like a computer, And so you can text Wendy, was it? Yeah, Wendy,
(10:58):
that's my new lady that I've been seeing. Yeah. So
you can text her hello, hi, um, you can ask
her questions. There's also there's punctuation if you just click this,
or you can send emojis, well what are what are?
What are emojis? Like smiley faces or like plants and
(11:18):
like water squirts? And oh that's good because I just
die that the egg plants are come up in the garden.
So I'll go ahead and send this door right now. Hey, Wendy,
Oh my god. And Marie and Marie I told you
about that boy I just started dating, right Conrad. Yes,
(11:41):
look what he just texted me. That's a lot of
egg plants. That is a lot of egg plants and
a squirt gun. I don't know if I should be
plater sir, eggplant water squirts, but you know what that means.
And Marie tell me you know how to text? Of
(12:03):
course I know how to text. It doesn't sound like
it if you don't know what an egg plant means. Okay,
so you've got to get over there. I guess what
do I wear like? I've got to get over there
right now. And you know, it's it's not always that
it's gonna be like this. It's the beginning phase, you know,
(12:24):
it's the honeymoon. I guess I just have to find
something to put on and go over there and let's
get eggplant e okay, something sexy, but not like in
your face sexy, like every day, you know, casual. I
just rolled out of bed, and I'm sexy. But I
when I roll out of bed, I don't look sexy.
I've got all the stuff in my hair. I've got
I've gotta put my glasses on. I have this the
(12:45):
my mouthguard at night. Well, first of all, you've got
you've got a text back. What do I text back?
You know what, I'm going to change the subject. I'm
going to change the subject. I don't want this to
get sexual. I'll just tell him about the garden and
and the and the orchard. You know, the peaches are in,
the peaches are in. I'll change the subject. I'll just
(13:05):
we'll talk about the peaches. So I'll just I'm just
gonna send him some peaches. Larry, what the fund is
this quote text sent from you to me? Linda is
being such a bit right now? Uh m hmm. Explain
(13:29):
how it got to you again? Who were you trying
to text that I and being such a bit right
now to you, Linda, that's your choice of communication with
me these days. Well, I was speaking about you in
the third person to you, so we could look at
(13:50):
this objectively and you know, make some adjustments to our relationships.
So you know, every now and then, if if I'm
acting up, can send me a text says that Larry's
being an asshole, for instance, so we don't take it personally.
And I like that, that makes sense, that's good. I
(14:11):
just I just want to make sure we continue to
stay closer. And sometimes, you know, they say you can
lose some meaning over text. I disagree. I think i'm
I'm I'm better over text. Well, anyways, my mom's going
to stay for two weeks. I want her to stay
in the bed with me, So if you don't mind
(14:33):
hopping in the air mattress, that would be great. Of course,
I know the drill Mom comes, she sleeps with you,
I'm on the air mattress. And if you complain about
it again, it's going to be like a big problem.
Mm hmmm. Shoot you a quick text, real quick. Okay,
see that Linda has been a bit again. This isn't funny. Oh,
(14:57):
I wasn't trying to be funny. It's just not you, babe,
but like, let's like look outside of ourselves and Lena's
being a real fucking bitch again, you know what I mean.
I just don't. I just feel like when I'm reading
it in texts, it's hurtful, but it's not like the
way that you're saying it is even worse. It's so
it's so aggressive, build up hate. I'm going to clarify this.
(15:21):
Um okay, just sent you another one. Listen. I know
that I said that this is a good idea, and
I do think that it does have merit. But we've
established that you felt that way earlier, and I want
to now connect with you as a human to human
and try to um figure this out. It says Lena
(15:42):
is a bitch because her mom's a bitch. Wow, this
is a big This is a big this is a
big line across I'll get the air mattress. It's really
something that we still are together, let me just say that,
and are pretty intimate, uh more than once a month,
which I think is pretty exciting because some of my
(16:04):
friends don't. Anyway, Hey, wend are you gonna go visit
your daughter? I am? I look Linda and Linda and Larry.
I think they're having some problems. And you know, sometimes
the mom's just gotta go in there, you know, and
you know, take care of things. I gotta take care
(16:26):
of my little girl. You know, I understand that I
do the same thing with Veronica. Well, you know, maybe
I'll text you while you're there getting the hang of
it here, Uh, text you some fun stuff, you know,
kind of keep things spicy in our relationship. I mean,
I like it when you when you do keep things spicy.
I I don't know if we want to have another
mishap like on beach day when I showed up in
(16:51):
that outfit. But now you know what we're learning. We've
been learning, and that's what's important. You know, we're now
we know how to text each other. Will send me
my send me some emojis. I want to. I want
to see if I can guess what you're saying. All right, up.
You are so cute the way the way that you
look like at your phone down like that when you're concentrating,
(17:12):
you just get this little twinkle in your eye. It's
just really cute. Okay, and send there you go. Oh see,
this is where I'm confused, though, Conrad. This is how
I get confused, because now you know what an egg
plant means, and now that you know what it means,
(17:35):
you're just sending me lots of egg plants. Do you
understand I'm trying to tell you something here where? Yeah?
I don't know. I mean I just kind of like
jump started my dad's for a into texting as sexting,
(17:55):
and I realized that that's kind of weird and a
little creepy, But I don't know. It's it's been a
long time for him. And is your relationship with your
father improving? He's happier, he's happier, so um, yeah, he
talks to me in like a better tone for sure. Um.
(18:17):
He seems to be more into the idea of me
moving in Um, which is a positive. And how about work?
Does everyone still hate you? Yeah? Everyone still hates m um.
It's now getting to the point where they're putting flyers
on the bulletin board. H And you can like, sorry, sorry,
(18:40):
I'm sorry, I'm laughing at something else. What are you
laughing at? Just I guess I'm on a text thread
with a bunch of other therapists. Okay, Um, well, yeah,
people that work still hate me. Um, should we end
(19:02):
our session early or no? No, no, We've got an hour.
I gotta say I love therapist happy hour. This is nice.
Have a couple of drinks at a discounted rate and
just shoot the ship. Shoot the ship. Let's talk about
the crazy. I mean, the gifts that you send are
(19:26):
great on the thread, but be able to to to
expand on those I r L makes a huge difference.
What's going on with that narcissist you're you're treating? Oh well, um,
he still thinks it's all about him by definition, so
(19:49):
and so if you recall you're my last session I
sent mirror emoji z z z. It's like he's a look,
it's all about him, and I'm like, I'm tired knowing
another picture of Rita's Yes, yeah, let's do it. Let's
do it, so Berna, Berna, are you still seeing one
of your patients? Is that still? Yeah? I got pregnant
(20:13):
last week? What he got me pregnant last week? Congratulations?
He's married? Right that this is just like a flaing thing. Well,
I actually, you know a lot of the focus goes
onto him and his issues, and for me, this is
actually quite amazing. Because um, we didn't think that I
(20:34):
me and my team of doctors didn't think that I
could conceive. So oh, miRNA, I just you're getting a
text from me, and that was that was not meant
for you. So just just just ignore or delete that
as it comes in. So rob am, I supposed to
(20:58):
be Miss Piggy in this job. That's supposed to be me.
Uh no, that was that was for someone else. And
it's just because we were because you just told me
that it was about me. Uh okay, yes, you're supposed
to be Miss Piggy. Okay, geez one. He really appreciate
(21:24):
you indulging me in my cuckle fantasy. I mean, I
didn't know this was going to be part of this relationship,
but I mean if if if you wanted this, I mean, sure, honey,
that's you, and you can take the robe off if
you want. It's it's oh my wow, wow. That is
(21:48):
at egg Plant Parmeer genre. That's our pers Scene Scene
two comes to us for Alchemniak Katherine Wasser was I
don't know, She writes high Alchemist seen suggestion prom night
(22:14):
have fun. Katherine just scooch over a little so I
can get both of you real good in the picture.
Get Nope, but don't not not I mean, don't put
your arm around her, but not like that. You know,
you kids are so cute, scooch close. She's my sister
and that feels well, she's you know what, But tonight
(22:37):
she's your prom day, isn't she? Because somebody didn't ask
someone soon enough, so someone's got his older sister going
as his prom day. Yes, sir, okay, And if we
could just agree that we're going to be home by
ten thirty. I have court very early in the morning.
Your sister is a is a very important lawyer. Now,
(23:00):
she's a very important lawyer. You gotta get her home
early so that she can she's working on some cases. Okay,
you guys in the same didn't you guys? Were you
in class together so you ended up being a photographer
and you're hello, huh. Some of us don't do as
well in school, okay, some of them. This is not
about us. This is not about this family unit. This
(23:23):
is about you two scooching close together so I can
get a good picture. But you two knew each other,
so I'm asking, yeah, yes, yes, we knew each other.
We knew each other. Is that what you asked? Are you?
Are you gonna bring this up? That that that that
the old man failed out of failed out of law
(23:43):
school again? Is that what we're gonna keep bringing up? No,
I just thought, Okay, we're gonna score, We're gonna scooch
closer for a picture. Yeah. No's but you two were
you were friends? Right, Yeah, I'm a little lost. I'm
not gonna lie. I'm a little lost. Kevin's Yes, we
(24:07):
were friends. We were classmates, we were a father daughter,
we were everything. It was a crazy thing that happened.
And would someone else use a time machine in a
different way? He check out Thompson. He brought a sister
mom the prom again every year. Man, I no matter,
(24:35):
no matter how many times we go over all the
mystery and intrigue in that family, I still cannot wrap
my head around the full situation. You know, he shouldn't have.
That was a bad way to do time travel, because look,
I have these gills now because of what he did.
All right, he messed up the timeline. Now I got gills,
(24:56):
and he's at the problem with the system. Mom. Yeah,
but I guess you know it? Is it like maybe
you've always had gills, and you know, it's just like
this is the way it's supposed to happen, you know,
because if time is a loop, then you're just supposed
to have girls, right, Yeah, I guess you're right. I
don't remember a time when I didn't have gils. Okay, okay,
(25:18):
look after this dance, I'm gonna hop back into that
machine and make some different choices. But before I do,
I need some clarification. I thought you were my sister,
and you and you okay, and you were just a
guy taking pictures, and I was trying to establish that
you two probably knew each other from before. Wait wait, wait, wait, wait.
First of all, let's just say this. We talked about this.
(25:43):
You were not supposed to keep the time machine. Nevertheless,
bring it to your prompt to bring pographer. Yes, I
thought you were my sister both. I know it's a
little wonky, but it's true. It's Senior da Vinci. I
see these plans you made for the time of machine.
(26:04):
But I wonder, Senor da Vinci, do you think do
you think this could several hundred years from now getting
used in a kind of a wonky way, like incorrectly,
like like it could mess up with the family relationships.
I don't know if we should have been messing with
the spacetime and continue and miss my point. Senor DaVinci, Okay,
(26:27):
who is the master? Giuseppe? You you, Senor DaVinci, Master.
We all know you're the master. Let me let me
ask you. Did you make it a Vietrovian man? Yes,
I make it a Trouvian man. His arms are above
his head, his arms to the side, his arms on
the bottom, his legs spread whide, his legs closer together.
I drew out the Vitruvian man, just as you asked
me to. Or do you mean did I come up
(26:48):
with the concept? Did you come up with the guns? No?
I know you came up with the concept. Okay, alright,
So I think I'm a time of in. Is gonna work?
Justify just I know it? It will work. It that's
the problem. It's a photographer. Yeah, I think we're we're
(27:11):
getting a little lost here. Yeah, tell me where I mean? Yeah,
I'm a photographer. I was. I assumed you knew I
was your father? Yes, they call him dad, don't that
That's what That's what was confusing me. Well, you see,
(27:33):
I saw this at the at the prom, at the
gymnasium itself. Not we are right now dancing. Yeah, but
look they're still trying to work it out. They don't
even know themselves. It's that confused, it really is. Hey,
you might splashing some water on me. I'm being tired. Yeah,
(27:56):
you breathe, you breathe water. That's that's how it works.
You're fishman. So the assam was that my father was
at the actual problem and not at I wouldn't understand
the stairway picture in the home. Okay, Okay, okay, I
gotta stop a things right here. Sorry, yes, yes, don't
don't freak out. Oh my gosh, I'm a Leonardo da Vinci.
(28:22):
Holy hell. Okay, it wasn't never supposed to get this way. Okay,
are you alive? Are you an apparition? No? No, I'm
a hearing What is this? Two? Yes? Yeah? In in
the United States of America, Okay, in a California, Okay,
(28:47):
in a Los Angeles. This is amazing, all right, Mr Gail,
Mrs Amacas, Mr Spielberg, We've got some notes on your
first aff for Back to the Future. H We're gonna
keep the prom setting. We like that, and we're gonna
keep the mom relationship, but we're not going to make
(29:10):
it as complicated as you did. We're not gonna put
a sister part in. Well really, yeah, that's not really
tracking for us, because I mean, the whole idea of
a guy having to take his sister to the prom,
but the photographer is also his dad, and the dad
here's the important. The important is the dad and sister
(29:33):
were friends. All Right, I'm gonna think of all the
complications that that will ensue. So let me ask you
a question. Is there a scenario where I hop back
in that sheet machine and when I come back, you're
not my mom or my sister, but you're just my
(29:53):
straight up prom date. This is a creepy question. The
way that you're looking at me, it seems like you
don't want me to be your family anymore, and that
I don't like that. Listen, the only person who can
go you should be carrying this around. This isn't your
time machine. Okay, your father photographer and I found it
(30:18):
together when we were on our honeymoon. It's not yours
to tote around, and it's not yours to go into.
We are the ones who went into it, and we
are the only ones who could go back. Fine, if
Leonardo was right, these are the rules, he told me.
(30:40):
What are you saying, Mom's this? I'm I mean, I'm
just saying it's all kind of a wash, right, Like
it's all just hypothetical. Zone really knows what if I
punched Dad right now? You just punched him, but not
really kicked out of the prom. You're lucky that's turned
(31:03):
out for what's playing, and you're lucky about that. So
tell me again which one is the carnitas and the
which one is the carne asada? Because of that, they
all taste amazing to me, Mr da Vinci. If you've
just been standing next to us with this buffet plate
the whole time. Look, I look out and there's like
(31:23):
a there's like a taco truck on the every corner here. Yes,
it's California, it's Los Angeles. Incredible, you have this available everything.
You have ruined our family. Hey, Mike, it's me, your neighbor.
I know we don't hang out a lot lately because
you know, I got that time machine thing, so I've
(31:44):
been like leaving stuff and checking things out. But I
miss you, dude. Yeah. Man, uh yeah, I miss hanging
with you too. How's life in the real world? That's
all right? Um, you know my gils disappeared? What does
(32:05):
that mean? Did I do that? Probably? But that did
I ever have them? Yeah? Good question. Could you just
like just stay put, you know, like, let's just ride
our bikes around, you know, let's just play video games
and drink bound dude and has some Mike and Ike
and and just speak kids again. You know, it sounds nice.
(32:29):
You know what, Maybe we should destroy that stupid machine.
So I'm never tempting. No one else has ever tempted again,
all right, but maybe take Da Vinci back first. I
don't know he buys his he could buy his beer,
right sir, Hey you want the beer, I get you beer.
And see that's kind of cool. Yeah, you're right, keep
(32:50):
them around. I'll keep him around. But smash smash this
machine and just get back to being kids. Yeah, let's
do it. There's also n as a nobody cares that
that mcgay here. It's it's really it's a really wonderful.
Yeah no, it's not a problem. Not a problem, not
in United States, California, Los Angeles. But you're saying else where. Listen,
(33:18):
sometimes things can go straight up completely Texas and then
it gets like sideways. But we don't want to get
into that. Uh, sweetie bro, are you trying to tell
me your friend wants to be a normal kid? And
that and he said that means what Mike and Ikes
Mountain dew video games, riding bikes. Probably a backwards hatter
(33:39):
two okay? And and and you think that he's from
because it sounds like that's a time traveler. Wait what
well he gave me this Rubik's cuban is slinky? Does
that mean anything to you? Uh? Yeah, sweetie bro, it
really does. What is it? What? What time is he freeting?
(34:00):
Incredibly eighties? Incredibly eighties? I mean, Mike and Ikes are here,
but my god, you really have the search to find
him and no one likes well that that that's okay.
We wrote it. We wrote it in the eighties. Uh
we we just you know, the the the studios at
the time didn't have the balls to make the story
(34:20):
that we wanted to tell. Now now that we've sent
ourselves to two So I'm still Steven Spielberg, but I'm
in two thousand twenty two, But I want to make
the movie now. With you guys. Is that is that confusing? Um?
Could we could we updated? Um? I see that you
(34:40):
did a second draft in the nineties where POGs make
a big appearance. But could we just make us make
a current I'll make it a lot easier. And please
ignore the fact that that Bob's meckis has gills. Now
we don't somehow that happened along the way. Uh? But
we and no and no version of the timeline did
(35:01):
we hook up? We were always just friends. We were
always just friends. Senora da Vinci, you're back. I've been
so worried about you. The workshop is not to be
in the same since since you left. What what are
you eating? I had so many street tacos? What is
the street tacos? That's our second see see three comes
(35:30):
to us from listener Todd Tambling suggestion convention for people
who are bad at parking regards Todd, Oh, I want
to go into Uh. I want to go see that booth.
Oh yeah, that booth for the people that just park
a teensy bit in the red. Hi there, How can
(35:52):
I help you? Hi? Um? I was really interested about
possibly parking a little bit in the red And how
I can get away with it. Sure, So we have
brochures here as you can see there. It gives you
some diagrams. And basically what we're doing is we're not
breaking the law. We're just breaking the law, you know,
piecing people off sometimes and that's fine too. Yeah, sometimes
(36:16):
that is fine because no one, no one can really
know what true happiness is if they don't experience true rage. Wow,
we should write that down. I should wear a slogan here.
Oh my gosh, do you need I mean, I haven't
worked in years? Well, then no, they know what I
don't need somebody who hasn't worked in years, and then
(36:38):
don't use my slogan. That's my intellectual property. I'm useful
and I'm valuable in this world, and someone someone's going
to recognize that one day. I didn't mean to be disrespectful. Um,
why don't I go over a couple of the benefits
for parking tincy tiny and to the red um. One
(37:00):
benefit is, um, I can see your man. I'm in
a bad mood. Now. I'm in a bad mood. Now, okay,
how can we fix this? Have you? Okay? There are
so many other places to go at tension Convention ears
(37:23):
the following license plates are being towed for illegally being
parked in front of the building. Yes, that's me. Excuse me, miss,
you look pretty angry. Would you like to check out
some of our literature. This is for people that park
(37:46):
way over to the left side, kind of between the lines.
M hmm. I'm not even understanding that. I'm someone who
parks perpendicular in a parallel So well, this is for
when there's a spot with two lines clearly up and
you put way over on one side or the other side.
Really like now, I understand straddling the line. Yes, straddling
(38:12):
for the straddlers. We should write that down straddling. Yeah,
it's a great slogan. Actually, Um, if you're looking for
someone who can can do that, I happen to be
between jobs. Oh, I mean we're You've got four pamphlet
guys right now, and I don't I mean three of
them are my nephews. I can't really let them go,
but thank you. Sure. I mean, any any workforce could
(38:35):
um benefit from having a woman, So think about it. Hey, hey,
you're coming over to my booth, coming over to my booth. Um,
I gotta go, but any turn around, turn around turn around,
turn around, turn around to back it up? Okay okay
(38:56):
left or back to the right, straight straight it out,
straight it out, okay, forward, okay, okay, back it up. Shoot, okay,
back it up to the right, the right, strain it up,
straight up, all right, okay, back it up? Okay, okay,
(39:17):
good right, good? Who I haven't gotten that right? Safer
to back in? It's safer to and then you can
and then you can just get right out. I love
a convention that has like a physical fitness element to it.
It really gives you extra energy to keep going for
the day. Yeah, yes, and I love it so much.
(39:41):
It uh it's going Okay, there's no need to bark,
all right. Sorry, I'm just so excited. I think I
just got a job. Oh yeah, I haven't worked in years.
Um doing slogan for that guy he kind of said no.
(40:03):
But I feel like I really gave him, you know,
a bit of a of a of a stab and
a twist to really uh convince him to take to
take me on. So I'm feeling pretty good, and I'm
feeling and you know, invariated out. Sorry I left. I
(40:23):
left a while ago. I was sitting here, I heard
everything you said. Great. Um, yeah, I'm just I'm just
looking at my my my maps from the uh the convention.
Your boy, they made this real confusing with all the
one way pathways. You know what, I'm just gonna go
the opposite direction, get where I'm going faster. You uh,
(40:48):
you look real familiar to me. Um, you're not, are
you the Are you a lady that has that intellectual
property about not knowing true happiness unless you've own true rage? Yes,
well I've got your intellectual property right here. Will you
sign it for me. I'm a huge fan of your work.
(41:12):
I would be happy to This is so, this is
amazing because really you changed my life, like I know
true happiness Right now, I am a fucking rage monster.
I've killed hundreds and it's all thanks to you. I
just gotta say, it's a real, real, real treat to
meet you. Wow, it is very special to meet you.
(41:38):
It is very I'm sorry for you to have that experience. Um,
but I'm happy that you're able to sorry. On the
other side of the storm cloud, all the storm cloud
is the rainbow. This is great. Rage has made me
so happy. In fact, I think I'm just gonna go
outside with this old safe I found to drop it
on as many cars as I can. Attention conventioners, Attention
(42:05):
convention ears. It is now time for the panel discussion.
Please make your way to the auditorium. Please make your
way to the auditorium. Excuse me, part of me? Hey, hey, hey, sorry,
I just want to sit. It's excuse me. It's just
(42:31):
there's a panel. It's a panel. We're all here for
the same fucking panel. Just we're trying to get the front. Hey, conventioneers, welcome, welcome, welcome.
We're in these sitting seeds. Stop it, I mean this works,
this works. It does not. I was in this chair.
It's one chair per person. What are you doing? All right?
(42:54):
Who's excited? Who's excited? Stop? We've got a panel, so
many owners of souped up sports cars who just leave
them anywhere they want in the parking lot. Let's check
in with them right now. Hey, how's everybody doing? My
name is Trip. Uh, this is my is my daughter
(43:18):
and my friend. Hi you. I'm cantina Um and I'm
so happy. I'm so excited to be here. Sometimes I
do borrow my dad's car. Alright, Trip, tell us about
your vehicle? What kind of is and where you leave it? Uh,
this is a Lamborghini, and uh I leave it wherever
(43:42):
the that's right. One time I drove it into an
outdoor mall. Just throw it right in hell. Yeah, And
I punished her. I punished her as a daughter, but
I supported her as a friend. He's my best friend.
My dad is my best friend. Thanks for being here,
(44:03):
Tripping Cantina. Everybody going on the line. I know you
guys are excited. Rudolpho is here, Rodolpho, Yeah, I was.
I was fine. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. This guy just
scooched right up next to me. Fine, we're fine. We're
not fine. This is my seat, like I was, I
said in the front room because I knew I was
(44:24):
going to get called on because I'm one of the
I'm not gonna go. I have a ninety one Lotus. Okay,
I have a ninety one Lotus? All right, Rodolpho, And
where do you leave that car? Wherever I want? I
have an illegal handicapped placard. Actually just changed the date
on a temporary placard, so it looks like I bought
myself several years by turning the zero to an eight.
(44:45):
So now it's good until this is my Sorry folks,
sorry folks, you've been doing this panel for for thirty
one minutes. It's a a thirty minute limit. Come up.
We were just we were just finishing. We were just
we just we just finishing. We were just finishing. Sorry,
(45:07):
I can't do anything. I can't do anything. There's your ticket, officer,
what kind of what kind of car do you drive? Officer?
Drive a cop car? And where do you leave it? Wherever?
The fun? That's right? Yeah, wow, oh we'll wrap this.
(45:29):
We'll wrap this up. Guys, thanks for coming. Please go
back out to the main exhibit. For man, what a
great panel. That was not just on my lap. It's
just just informative, so informative. Hey, uh, do you even
think about starting a car club? Yeah? Probably a part
of one. Huh No, I mean I have thought of
(45:52):
starting one, but I don't know anybody that would want
to be in a car club with me. I just
feel like it would be cool to be a part of, like,
you know, community, every were the only two people in
the room. Now, can I have the rest of this chair? Okay? Okay, okay,
okay okay okay. So my idea would be like the
door dingers, the door dingers, the door dangers. Oh like
(46:14):
we just part next to people and smash their doors
a little. Yeah, you know, I maybe I misjudged you
ill be door dingers. I think you know, I think
excuse me? Did you just ding my door? Here we go?
Yes we did, Yes we did, And what of it?
We're the door dingers. Well, I'm gonna have to get
(46:39):
your insurance information this huge dang on my door. Yes,
you have to do insurance for a door. It's a
door dang. What's door dan dang? I'm gonna have to
get this ding danged out? Are you? Are you looking
to get this ding ding out? Gonn it be undang?
(47:01):
We can undang, we can dong, we can ding out,
we can d ding. I don't want a dong, Okay, Well,
the dong is the dong is the lowest model. I
wasn't gonna try to pitch you on. The Look at
the sign over here, Look at the sign over here.
You see that at the banking, the fifty nine dollars
the dong. That's fifty nine dollar dong, seventy nine dollar undang,
a hundred and twenty nine dollar d ding. Do you
want a d ding and undang or a dong. Now
(47:22):
if you want to do a dong is two fifty dollars,
but we only do those for foreign cars. Uh, well,
I I do have a Mercedes benz Um that counts.
I'm sorry. I can't tell domestic from for and I
grew up in Germany, so that to me is at
domestic dog. Hey, danks for coming and get in a
second opinion, we could definitely beat the prices here and
ding dong the ding is gone. And I came up
(47:44):
with that slogan. By the way, it's great, it's great.
It crought my eye on the Yellow Pages, and yes,
I still use the Yellow Pages. So yeah, what they
what they want? Seventy nine nine, we'll go seventy six
nineties six the ding ding, the ding is gone. The
thing is that we will be any price by three
(48:06):
bucks a cantina. Yeah, I was thinking, I think maybe
this relationship ain't working out after all. Um, okay, I'm
I don't know. I'm kind of tightening up my driving
skills a little bit. My parking skills are part of
(48:28):
my driving skills. I'm sorry. Is it because you drive
your car? Well, it's a good car. Every time you
like you can get away with it. You know, it's
like you cant, We're well, I could, I could get
(48:50):
a lot of trouble whenever mind's parked, wherever it looks
like it's a display and people think, like, I wonder
if there's going to be a street fair today or
like some kind of parade. This is probably here for
a reason. Let me take a picture with it instead
of you know, so yeah, yeah, yeah, you drive an
You drive your dad's eighty nine Lamborghini. I drive eighty
(49:13):
nine Lamborghini, that's right. And you drive your Toyota camera
two thousand, which is like a fine car. It's very
reliable and extremely safe and it gets good gas mileage.
But at the end of the day, if you're breaking
up with me, because I'm right into that lambo um,
(49:36):
just know that my dad's gonna be pretty piste. He
hates when his best friend daughter gets dumped on. He's
very protective. Excuse me, sir, is this your two thousand
Toyota camera? Yes, sir, you just can't leave this wherever
the funk you want. This is a two thousand Toyota camera.
You need to move it to that spot over there.
(49:58):
I'm just parking. I can't park, I can't get right here.
You can't just leave it here. It's not an eighty
nine lambo. Okay, it's you gotta actually put it in
the lines. Who do you work for? Exactly? I work
for Big Car? You mother fuck? Okay, okay, I see
what's going on here? Fine? Yeah? Wa when wait when
(50:19):
we went wait? Wait? Wait? Wait when wa wa? Wait?
Wit went Daddy? I need to talk to you as
a daughter, as a friend right now, I'm going to
say friend. Let's go friend first. Cool cool Okay, So
you know that I was dating Dustin and he was
(50:41):
pretty cool, sometimes paid for my meals, had a cool dick,
so I was kind of into it. Didn't really make
me laugh. But again, the cool dick right right, sort
like plant. He he was getting weird over texts, so
I could tell all that like things were a little off.
(51:02):
And then he totally dumped me. And then he said
it was because of my my parking and his park
and he just made it about the cars. And it's
just making me feel like do I need to Oh
it's okay, okay, Because I was like, gosh, do I
need to change? Like, do I need to start driving normal,
(51:25):
like a normal car, or like normally? Can I can
I talk to you with your father for a second? Um, yeah, okay,
talk to you as my father. I know you're gonna
apologize to that boy. You need to apologize to that boy.
Kick his ass. Sorry, I ain't got time for apologies.
I got this dolorium over here, and I got a
(51:46):
promt to get too, so I will catch you later.
Did you guys see that time travel with the cool dick? Yeah?
I used to date him. That's our show. Oh, thank
(52:06):
you everyone for playing Cole st and thank you for
joining us today. Where can people find you? You can
find me on I think Instagram is at Stratton, Cole
twitters at Cole Stratton Friends. Stare is non existent. Uh.
Go to Westside Comedy dot com check out several shows
Coverts and Friends. Do a TV reunion show right now
(52:27):
which is really fun, where we reunited show that never existed? Um,
also pretty Pretty Pony first Thursday of the month at
ten pm. And sketch us dot com Hold on real quick,
That Cobord show was a really really cool concept. We'll
just just give to give us ten more seconds on
the one with that is exactly. I love that. So
what we do is we get from the audience, we
get the style of show, like the genre, like sci
(52:47):
fi western, whatever, the year the show premiered, how many
seasons it ran in the title of the show, and
then we do a reunion of the cast and crew
of it. And that's a lot of fun. That is
so wild. Yeah, it's pretty ridiculous. I love that. Craig Atkowski,
thank you so much for bringing the noise and bringing
the funk. Good. I brought both. Yeah, There's been episodes
(53:10):
in the past where I've only brought the noise and
I sometimes will bring the phone, but I felt like
today I did. I brought both. But you would you
would warn me ahead of time to bring both. Absolutely. Uh.
Speaking of bringing the funk, I saw a video of
you dancing at a wedding this past weekend, and you
were fucking bringing it. I requested it at the time
(53:37):
to not be filled. Also requested later for it not
to be put on social media. But you know, sometimes,
you know, people just go against your wishes, and uh,
and it gets out there and it's it's permanent, it's there,
and um, yeah, you can you can probably see it
on on my instaf I just I just like that
(54:00):
both of your requests were just ignored completely. Don't don't video,
don't post, Jackie d Ruthy, thank you so much for
being here. Where can we find you? I'm at Jackie
d Ruthy on Instagram. Craig. You know, sometimes people are
proud of you and they know that you can't see
what they see, and they wanna they want to raise
(54:23):
you up in in every talent you have, whether you
acknowledge it or not. Um, I'm at Jackie d Ruthie,
And gosh is it early to say this, but I'm
going to I don't care. It's almost Uh, the spring
is turning into summer. And I don't know when this
episode is coming out, certainly not certainly, probably not in June.
(54:44):
But if it does, guess what's next month? Why? It's
Christmas in July. I co host The Most Wonderful Pot
of the Year And yes we do a quick month
stint in July and review for great movies. Uh to
laugh at? So uh watch out watch out for that. Yeah,
(55:06):
never too early to plug that. Never, It's never too
early because I'm thinking about Christmas and July all the time.
That's right, that's right, Mark Gagliardi, thank you so much
for being here. Where can we find you? Uh, it's
a delight as always to be here, my friend. If
you want to find me online, just google Craig Kowski
(55:26):
Wedding Dance and you will find where I'm doing all
my shows. We got this with Mark and Hall on
Maximum Fun, Blood and Treasure. Anything you want to find
out about me, just google Craig Atkowski Wedding Dance. You'll
find it. Love it. Thank you so much, and let's
think our engineer and producer to the stars, Mr Doug Babe,
(55:47):
and the fine folks that I heart media. I've been
your host, Chris Alvarado, and I thank you for listening,
and until next time, everybody as a
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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