October 26, 2021 • 52 mins
Florida man tased for twerking during rainy traffic stop;
The Devil visits Death Valley;
Literal breadwinners.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. Guys, sign your
guest host Cold Strate for KP for quite a little
stretch here. Let's meet everybody today. Uh, James Teney first up? James.
Who put the bomp in the bomp a bomp a bomb?
Who put the ram and the ramamm ding dong? Was
its Beach Boys? And I don't know. I don't know
(00:27):
who did it? Who did it? I mean, no one knows.
It's like who let the dogs out with their da
haven't caught anyone yet, Okay, So usually Kevin tells me
I'm right when I give an answer. Is that? Was
that just a flat out wrong answer? Look, it's a
rhetorical No one knows. I mean it's definitely the Beach
Boys did not record that song. But it does not
matter because that wasn't what I was doing. I was
(00:49):
literally asking in the scenario where someone put the bomb
in the bomba bompa bob and someone put the ram
and the ramam ding dong, who did it? That's all
I'm trying to get to the bottom of here at
the base man, I like that. I like that. That's
the right answer. That's the right answer. Good job, Good job.
Jackie Gonzalez to Ruthy, what becomes of the broken hearted?
(01:14):
Them farted? That's not right. You know what they do?
They duped them stuff themselves off, and they rise up
again and their heart becomes whole, and then they get
broken again, and it's just a cycle. You should record
it as like r E what becomes of the broken hearted?
(01:36):
That's an answer song. You need it. You're right, thank
you for that. I will, I'll do that, no problem.
Chris Alvarado, Chris, what if God was one of us,
you know, just a stranger on the bus, he would
be he would definitely or she it. They would be
an alcamaniac for sure. They would join our Patreon describe
(01:58):
at the highest level and all this faun and juicy content.
That was a great, great way to fidch it so much.
What would Jesus do become in alcmaniac? You go, Mark
gangle Ardy's here, guys, Mark, Yes, what have I what
(02:20):
have I? What have I done to deserve this? You know,
you know you know what you've done to deserve this.
We all, we all, we all know what you've done
to deserve this. And it's time. It's time, it's time
you took some responsibility in your life. You're right, You're right,
(02:42):
You're right. I'm board Mark. Last, but not least, Joey Greer, Joey,
what have you done for me lately? You obviously not enough.
I was over at your house with the day you
asked me to come over for an emergency. Apparently you
could an open to canna beans. And when I got
(03:02):
there and I opened it up, you had hollowed it out,
which also was surprised because I said, this is a
really light canny beans and he said, no, no, no,
they're just air fried. And I was like, what does
that mean. You said it means they feel the beans
the air, so they feel all light. And I was like, okay,
and I've been doing that for the last couple of days. Man,
all right, and it's really goodding on my nerves. Have
responsibilities here at my home that I need to take
(03:23):
care of and I'm not able to do that, all right,
So we're gonna have to take some time apart. I
get it. I get it, man, But it's beans, beans,
the magic fruit. The more you eat, the more you
too farted. All right, let's do a damn show show
all of our scene suggestions are gathered from listeners, emails,
(03:45):
or from our Patreon v I P. S. To become
a Patreon supporter of the show and enjoy exclusive content
and other berks, just head on over to patreon dot
com slash Alchemy this if you'd like to submit a
scene suggestion via email, plea's right to the podcast. That
are new email not that new anymore, but we're gonna
pretend it is. You haven't listened to a few months.
Our new email address Alchemy this email at gmail dot com.
(04:08):
That's scene one m from Patreon v I P. Haven,
who wrote how to the Alchemists. I figured I'd try
something different again. I searched Florida Man on Google at
the time of writing this to get in a scene idea.
The chosen article was the first to pop up in
my search and argue me the most wholesome and least
(04:30):
violent one I could find. The title of the article
is as follows, Florida Man tazed for twerking during rainy
traffic stop. How about we give our culprit a thick
biou accent to top it off? Much love from Canada, Haven. Yeah, okay,
I got all my reports done there just about the
(04:51):
head out. I want to make sure i'd be able
to be traffic. I just wanted to make sure that
I got this this character sketch correct. You said he
had long, uh, straggly knotted hair, an extreme beard. Don't
know whether that means thick or long or what, but
(05:12):
an extreme beard, both of those, okay, and buy you accent.
Now I can't draw that in there. Well, there's like
overalls maybe you know, maybe he's on an airboat or something, right,
we get it. It's like it's by you to buy
your accent, you know. Or maybe there's like catfish all
around him or something. I don't I don't know. I'm
just wondering, like do you want Is this like a
(05:34):
Florida man? Okay, so like a Florida man, but the
buyou not really Florida, right, So I think you're giving
me like so many different things. And I just get
the sketch right so that we can find that find
the purp. Yeah, but there's like there's swamp. I'm totally happy.
Can I just call you in my car phone? I
just want to be traffic. I just want to be
(05:56):
able to I just feel like whenever I talked to you,
at work. You're always just evade doing me. You're you're
walking away or you're either going on your lunch break,
you're going home, isn't me? I don't, Yeah, A little bit,
A little bit, oh a lot of it, the whole bit.
(06:18):
If you're gonna break the bit up in little pieces
and adam around and like put things in there, I'd say,
don't do that. You're you're the whole bit. Well, I'm
really sorry. I'm just trying to be a professional and
get my work done. Oh, Ricky rock you our comity,
you escape, I boast the obailed, But you ran away anyway?
What you do that for? Ricky? But I knew you
(06:38):
were there. I just it's when I see the sun,
the sun go away and the and the rain coming down,
I can't help myself. I just got to get going
out there and get my working on. But but but
but but I I saw you coming and approaching me,
and I know how you feel about dance and on
account of your father's religiosity, so I didn't. I didn't
(07:00):
want you to see any of the trucking. But we
we can still be friends. We can still be friends.
I don't know. It might end us it might be
the final start of road to camel Back. You know
what I'm saying that again. You came to take me
out of prison, Floyd. You came to take me out
of prison and take me out of jail. It's gonna
be a final, your final, final gift gets the right
(07:23):
and gifted the madjaf for you. And then I move
on with my life and my gumbo making and you stay,
you do whatever you do. Ricky, you be dancing. Hey,
you gotta move this cat. Look, okay, you can't have
an idol in front of the prison. I'm sorry I
did you. Are you appreciating it? Though it's quite a ride?
It is all right. I mean I can see what
this is, just just a right of a ride because
(07:44):
this is us a fan dancing, right you shouna take
your voice spin, we'll go with you. You could take
your Ford spending. You can see how much you like
and how much I handle the road. I'm not gonna
buy your catlo. Look, you just gotta get it away
from the prison. Okay. You've been here long enough. Were
blocking the road. You're trying to get home to be
traffic or something. We're having a moment together it's illegal
to park in front of a prison like this. Do
you throw me back in? I bet Flora would like that.
(08:07):
Floyd would day together. You know what you want to
throw back and you throw him back in there. I
don't know, I don't know. I don't mind. I don't
thinking both of you in all right, thinking both you
and right now it's take us in, take us on
a sale. Um. I don't really see the problem, Sheriff.
(08:28):
I understand that every perp that I've drawn in the
past couple of weeks looks like Deputy Schuster, But you know,
if that's how they're described to me, that's how they
described to me. Well, the problem is, I think, and
I'm not really supposed to have this conversation, but my
guess is that this is actually a personal relationship, and
(08:50):
that's why you're not supposed to. Well, if he's he's
a scumbag, then maybe some get him for that, you know,
maybe someone should get him for that. I think that
it's just that the relationship ended and neither of you
really want to be around each other. Uh. But I
just these pictures. Look at this, there's you. You put
a name tag on this one, and it's got his
(09:11):
name on there. That shouldn't someone be putting him the jail.
Here's their hold up? What's up? Bill? Yeah? Man, I
gotta be traffic. Cool um, one quick thing. Put your
hands behind your back, and motherfucker, you were under arrest.
This is a present, your hand a present? No, man,
you're going in for what? What the hell is going
(09:33):
on in? You match a lot of descriptions, You match
a lot of dude. You were the best man at
my wedding. You fuck. I had no idea? What hell
is going on? Well you tell me, you tell Look
at this picture? Okay, okay, Now look at this one,
the same picture. Okay, look at this one. Same And
who do they look like? I guess my friend, my
(09:57):
best friend? Is it me? Yeah? It's you. We're best friends.
Stop that? Oh my god? Ware Well well, Ricky, look
who it is brought into the gin pile. But that's
a fell outside. I shouldn't be in here. I shouldn't
(10:18):
be in here, all right. I look, I'm supposed to
be on the outside. I'm a sheriff's deputy. Okay, I
put people in here. I'm supposed to be in here.
Hello hello, hello, hello, oh god, oh God, was the
last time you were on this side of the bars? Son?
They don't. They've never come up when you yelled from Look,
(10:40):
I can yell anything I want right now, Hey, officer,
you look pretty in them boots. Come on over here,
and I want to give you compliments. That's not he's
not even gonna come. He's not even gonna come. And
off of compliments, actually, um bill, I'm I'm not drinking today.
I just came into the bar to say I appreciate you,
(11:01):
and I think I'm done drinking. You might ask what's changed, Well,
I'll tell you. I was stationed in the prison. As
you know, it's my job. I don't know where this
compliment hits me, right and it doesn't just hit my ears.
It hits me right here, right in the heart. Somebody
likes me. So you want to Coca cola? Yeah, I
(11:22):
have to get Coca cola. Give me a Coca cola.
I mean, it's like they say, there's the way you
see yourself and the way others see you, and the
way you really are. I think this prisoner sees me
the way I really am, which is looking good at
my boots. All right, that's six dollars coke. Alright, no problem, Bill,
(11:43):
you ever do you ever feel just good inside? No?
Is it raining at all? It's gonna if it's not, No,
it's gonna rain. Good at them boots. What do you think? Yeah? See,
they don't listen to you at all. It did nothing
like listen to this, Hey, officer. I think you should
go back to school and get that degree and follow
(12:06):
your dream that you were gonna do. But then you
set a phone this job. So what I think is
you should go back, You should reapply yourself, should get
back out there, and you can get your dream job.
So I think you can do it. I believe in you,
as is everybody else in this place. You don't how
we do. We're we're big fans, Bill, We're big fans. Um.
(12:26):
Is there a register? Is it too late to register
for this semester? Excuse me? Thank god, thank god. I
know that it's a little bit. Oh no, no, no,
you know. Let me take this bad jo off. I'm
just trying to. I'll put it back on if you're
(12:48):
more comfortable. I'm just looking at you. I can't, uh no,
I just want to go back to school. I work
in the prison down the street. Don't pick up pitchhikers.
They get out all the time. But when I was
told that, you know what, I'm better than the job
that I settled for. I had dreams of being a veterinarian.
(13:10):
Oh coo cood h. So what's next? Well, next, I'm
going to need Oh my gosh, Sarah, hold up, Sarah,
hold up, you work? Um, yeah, I was just gonna freeze.
Put your hands on your back. Yep, yep. What the
hell is this? I don't know. You see this sketch
(13:32):
an anonymous person? This, Oh it's not anonymous. You drew
a sketch of yourself. Well, yeah, I'm working on self portraits.
I'm actually taking a class. Some people say that all
my drawings look the same. Song trying to get better?
Save it, save it for the jail talk time. You're
really hurting my wrists. Now I didn't I didn't mean
to do that. But listen, wait, wait, wait, I don't
(13:55):
understand why that put you in here with us. I
feel like that should be a separate holding air. Yeah
for artists like you should have a female jail. Oh
that too, sure, because I'll let me tell you, I've
seen black and I've seen Oz, and I know which
one I'd prefer to be in. Oh, seure Oz. Everybody
(14:16):
wants to go to OZ. You got an emerald city
and a scared groyn. Alright, but I think it's gonna
look a lot like one of two people, me and
my ex boyfriend. Okay, he's sitting right here. Oh my god,
(14:39):
why do you Why do you have a stethoscope? Why
do you have any do you have a well, First
of all, I prefer to call me sheriff. All right,
I've got a stethoscope because I'm gonna do physicals today
on all the inmates. Um doesn't regular. It is irregular,
(15:01):
but it's not often. I have two of my finest
buying bars and I want to make sure they're okay.
So I'm gonna bring somebody else in for you, because uh, obviously,
but if the men would step up to the sheriff interrupt.
But it's officially jail talk time. So this is where
they get that they get to have free free talk time.
(15:22):
I was gonna I was gonna check vitals. Yeah, we
can say whatever we want it this time. It's free
jail talk time. So, Cheff, how's your relationship at home
with your wife and your children. Uh, it's great. I
don't spend as much time as as i'd like with them.
When we do spend time together, it is great. Jailff,
(15:43):
have you ever thought about going on phabbatical, you know,
just getting on here for a little bit, maybe exploring
the Riviera or the Mediterranean. Don't not sound nice, shriff.
I've never honestly heard in the Riviera, but it sounds exciting.
But I pretty much dedicated my life to this, and
I'm so close to retirement. I'd like to just finish
(16:05):
my run. Well, I bet your kids would like for
you to finish you the run and that sack race?
Did you skip this weekend? I heard you on the phone.
I heard you on the phone. Yeah, a little how
we are here looking forward to the throat box Durby
next week. And if you don't show uf for that one,
that's not gonna trouble on the home front. To him,
(16:27):
I hate to interrupt, but this just came in from
the governor. UM. All prisoners are to be let free. Amazing.
I'm so excited. I could twork. I could twork with joy.
Oh no, oh no, don't run out in the rain. No, no,
(16:49):
don't run in the rain. You're got work, and I
got the trunk out that under the rain because of
the electricity. Oh no, he moved his console. There's nothing
blocking that bus coming straight? Emma, is this Hammas are
(17:12):
all right? Listen, buddy, we don't have any ducks on.
We got veterinarians, all right, So we're gonna have to
go to surgery on any like. You're a small rabbit.
Do you understand that's a process We have to process
a lot more because your ribs are about fifteen times
larger than what we're used to, So to make it
normal for our brain, we're gonna have to break your
ribs down and make him teeny tiny? Do you understand?
(17:33):
I understand his teeth are all different and weird? Am
I weird to know his teeth are all different than
the rapps? Okay, okay, let's let's focus here, people. Okay,
let's see here this internal bleeding hemorrhgene. Let's see is
is there an embriotic sack. Let's see if there's kind
of some kind of rabbit sack in his tum tum. Right,
I'm gonna go in here now, sir. We don't have
(17:53):
anesthesia You're going to be awake the whole time. All Right,
there you go, see what's on the inside in here.
This is so much bigger than a blame is danced
and that's our first season. The only thing to blame
is dance too. Is from listener Justin. He wrote, greetings
(18:22):
Kevin and Crewe. I shall spare you frivolous rantings of
praise or perhaps the questions of the cruise somehow reuniting
in the same room again. Everyone just fast forwards through
that part of the podcast anyway, No for me, I
bring greetings and salutations from the land of the Rocky
Mountains in the form of a scene suggestion. In Utah,
along with many other places among the United States, we've
been getting a heat wave. Even Satan himself couldn't bear yet.
(18:44):
I hear of tourists all over the world who are
visiting Death Valley to experience record temperatures. My thought is this,
wouldn't it be great to hear the Devil himself complaining
about the heat to worldwide visitors who are visiting Death
Valley for the enjoyment and vacation. Thank you, Justin it
on again. You guys, got any idea what this press
conference is about. I don't know. I'm just so fucking hot. Yeah.
(19:07):
I think it turned the air condition you're on in
this place. It's the pick up the air conditioning. God. Hi, everybody,
think if you're coming today, think if you're coming today,
and we know this short notice, We appreciate you. Mike,
who is this? Who is even coming out here today?
What's up with these tiny waters? They're all gone? A
little tiny waters are gone? And listen to is short
(19:29):
notice for me as well? But um, I think you're
gonna like what this person has to say or not,
but you're gonna like who it is? Okay, Paul, is
it Adele Dan? No, it's not Dan, Billie Eilish, Oh
my god, it's Billy Eilish. It's Billy town gonna Oh
(19:50):
my god, is she gonna play the best Boy? So?
Oh my god. A couple of reference points here. We
will be talking about global warming. We're talking about the
heat wave. Yes, what'sn't a question. I'm just disappointed. Oh
Billy wants to talk about the heat wave. That's it's
not Paul, It's not it's not Billy Eilish. Okay, just
(20:13):
to believe it was Billie Eilish, it's gotta be Adele's
um um members of the press. Uh, I'm pleased to
introduce um Satan. Hey, fuck you, fuck you and fuck you?
What the hell pleased to introduced? Say what? I don't
(20:35):
I don't know. There's is the questions, what is going on?
We didn't know coming, we didn't know you have an
opening state. I'm sorry, Billie Eilish was supposed to open
for me minute. I know it's tough, but then again,
even the devil can't follow Billie Eilish. I mean that
would be a great opener. Am I right? All right? Billy,
(20:59):
she was here. Don't clap the devil. We were clapping,
really Eilish blinlish so uh, thank you? Oh my god,
Oh I got boils are all my hands? Oh, oh
my god, my legs are coming in locusts. Oh my god,
happening here. This is what everyone hopes would happen to
(21:23):
the press. I'm just doing it for everybody else. What
I mean, Oh my god? What do we have to
do to get this off of our body? We have
a good deal with them. Clapped from the first time.
I'm fine, I'm fine, You're not fine. Look in the mirror,
(21:43):
pull your grab, grab your compact out of your pocket,
look int the mirror. Okay, Okay, dear Satan, I love you.
You're my God. Satan is my God. I worship you God,
oh God. Just alright, sweetheart, you can take the blindfold
off before I can I do some guesses of what
you got me before before I take off the point
(22:06):
we're in the car, so you can guess where we are.
I am okay, I think we're at Adult. I think
we're at Adult. That's funny. No, babe, I can't get
those tickets. Oh no, that's not I don't know even
(22:27):
know what the dela. Okay, you can't park in front
of the best Buy, the best by. You can't park here, Okay,
we're not just okay, okay, okay, so no, no, no,
leave it on, leaving on, leaving on. I'm gonna pull
away from the parking from the shopping center, go a
(22:50):
little further out. Okay, this looks good. Okay, now, any
more guesses. I think that we're just outside of a
best Buy. I mean yes, but like, where's your graphically?
How about this? I'm gonna roll down your window, stick
your hand out. How's that. Yeah, how's that feel? It
feels so so alike to the temperature in the car,
(23:12):
just feels it should be a little hotter out there.
You can't, Parker, This is with a loan unloan at
the best Buy? Can't Parker? Okay, we're at loading and
loading and loading and unloading at the best boy, Okay, miss,
thank you s are okay, baby baby? Obviously you and
I have talked about our future together. Yes, okay, so
(23:34):
fill fill this in for me till blank. So thank
you for the matrealistics. So he proposed to you outside
of the best Buy. That was our dream. We talk
about this in high school. My husband would ultimately be
my best by exactly, exactly, exactimate purchase the ultimate bye.
(24:01):
I know. It was a fucking dream come true. And honestly,
what the hell is this? As much of realistics are
like ice cold? What the hell is this? That's weird?
What the hell it's so hot? Onside, I don't understand
this horn was one of the worst man's ever had
in my life. Gusting, you know what's so crazy? He
had the whole best By just covered and cheese. My god,
(24:23):
you're such a cheese for there were daffodils. There were
all of the video games that you get to try out.
We're unlimited. Oh my god, you got to play the
PS one and PS three. Oh oh my god. Alright,
geek squad, I need you to to clean up this
area here. Uh, this goddamn GOODA in the in the computers.
(24:48):
I know it's I don't know who approved this. Uh
you don't put a craft single in the CD ROM drive.
There's daffodils in this fridge box. Look. I know it's
gonna be tough. It's everywhere. Uh just go department department.
I'll start in washer dryers because I'm pretty sure there's
(25:09):
some GOODA wheels inside there. Um. And we just gotta
clean this ship up before uh we opened in another hour.
And I know this is a lot to ask of
you guys, and I'm gonna fight for some overtime for you. Um,
but we just need to clean this place. Soup, it's
it's I'm so sorry that this happened. Hey, Jake, you
want to come with me and clean up all the
like uh PlayStation game, Xbox games. He's already covering plastics,
(25:32):
so it should be easy. Yeah, yeah, okay, I got
complaine take to take the games with your shoe. Sure,
did you say you want to play with me? No,
we can play video games and some of that. I
don't want to go play video right, Yeah, all right,
that's fine. That's that's cool. Is it cool? Yeah? Hey,
satan Um, I just wanted to thank you again for
(25:55):
the deal we had where I would propose the love
of my life and she would say yes and in return,
I give you. I kind of forget what that part was.
What do I give you? I mean, that's the main thing.
I got your soul and uh so that's just done.
Do any to do anything? Sign it over or we
signed that contract. That was the thing where I picked
your finger. And the little thing that appeared in mid
air and then disappeared, that was the whole thing. Can
(26:18):
I just say one little thing that didn't go off
as well as I thought. She was so fixated on
all the cheese and the best Buy she didn't really
get to experience that it was happening in Death Valley,
you know, because it's so hot out here at that
would be cool, like our love is so hot and
she's so hot. Until death drew his part and we
live in the valley you know. That's so you're complaining.
(26:39):
You're complaining of what I did. You should have been
more specific. You said, that's my proposal. She's at the
funk up, and I did all right. Now you want
me to concentrate on the ben again. Congratulations on the proposal,
but uh, these church are very abnormal. It seems like, well,
the only way I can disagramb it is your internal
(26:59):
arm turning into what looks like a rabbit. So the
ribs are shrinking, your internal organs are going teeny tiny,
and I don't know what that means. I can only
assume that life expectancy for you would be to day's
if not a little less a little more than days
medically medically speaking. Huh yep, turning as you were rabbit.
(27:24):
Shouldn't co complained about how it did the job, should
not have complained, Well, it just seems that I thought
I was gonna have cute ears, not have all my
organ trucks. You're getting tiny. So you got about a
day and a half to get this wedding done with
or before you turned into you know, a little bit
of patta. You know what I'm saying. It is hot
here right dearly beloved. We are gathered here to witness
(27:45):
the marriage of this obviously human woman with Ah. This
is the first for me. I'm not going to lie.
I don't. I don't know how you'd like to be
referred to, how you'd like to be introduced. I'm I'm
trying to go with the wishes of of all people involved.
(28:09):
But this was a rush job, so I didn't get
a chance to write anything. I'm not sure what to
call a half human, half rabbit hybrid who's shrinking as
we speak. So happy, happy, Wow, that's that's delightful. So
happy do you take this human woman? I object? Father,
(28:33):
I object? Thank God? Yes, what's the objection? Well, first
of all, it's a Harman. It's a Harriman, is what
he would be considered. But that's not my real objection.
My real objection is you've brought the devil into your church. Well, yes,
he was on the guest list. He's sitting right there. Hey,
(28:55):
look if someone is on the guest list. None, Oh God,
we believe it God here, and you've brought the devil
into our home. No, we aren't relieve in Satan. Here.
Satan cured my boils. Satan cured me. Okay, you've got that.
You got that? You you stupid, you stupid. Okay, Satan
is God and he's here. He's here. Kidn't you ever
(29:18):
said Satan showed up? This place has been hot as hell. Okay,
I'm not gonna let this wedding go off. At least
my family is not gonna. You know what, kids, come on,
we're leaving. But joy being kids, enjoy being hair kids.
But we didn't sell our souls. You can't complain. I
(29:38):
can do dick things. Well, everyone in this congregation is shrinking.
What is happening? What is happening? I did? I did? Oh?
I Now, come on, Sean, I don't know what to
tell you. I mean, you can pray all you want
to God, but Satan's here. Your kids are gonna be
(30:00):
little rabbits. I don't know what to tell you. Come on,
you gotta have like a hook up or something too.
I did, I did, okay, Sean, but I'm not appreciate anymore.
Give that up. Come on, look this is look how
quick we're turning into hairs. Hi? Are you guys open?
I want to return these noise? Cancel? Yeah, I could
still here. Do you have the receiver. Can I ask
(30:21):
you something? What do you have the do the other receipt?
Do you think it's a waste? Just give me a second. Okay,
I'm working. I'm working. I know what you're thinking doing,
But what you're really doing is you're throw in a
real lifeful way. He used to be a priest and
he had a direct connect to God, and now he
(30:42):
works on the geek squad. Oh isn't that a waste? True? Yeah,
I'm a sales and returns for the geek squad. I'm
not even on the guy named field team. So do
you have a Do you have receipt for this? No?
I don't. Okay, we can't return the money. I'm back.
Oh boy, did the trip go great? I missed you
(31:04):
so much. I missed you too, I am. I've been
really inspired since you left. I've written a new song
or rewritten or rewritten an old song. Oh, Billy, you
didn't not to do that for me? I did? It
(31:25):
goes like this? It goes like this. I had a dree,
I got married and the best buy there was lots
of cheese, and I married the best guy. A song
as that does he I'm gonna get married everybody's a
(31:45):
rubbing now and I'm turning Harry and it keeps going. No,
that was great, and I gotta commend you for problem
is you didn't fall asleep that time while you sang.
And I'm really proud of you, really proud. Well, if
I kept going, I would. And that's the problem. I
keep falling as so they can't book me. Adult keeps
(32:06):
booking all my gigs. They can't book me because I
keep falling asleep in the middle my damn songs. There there,
it's it's all right. You know I need you for
my domination plan. You're gonna lull everybody to sleep. I'm
spreading lots of misinformation. They don't even notice the global
warming anymore because they're all obsessed with Best Buy Rabbit weddings.
Let me just going, it's going, I am you know, hey,
(32:28):
thanks for coming to the press conference. Everybody just setting
what is it this time? What is this? Paul? You
ruined this town with your last press conference. Mike the
Devil showed up with his wife Billie Eilish, and everybody's
a rap, isn't You're the one that you're giving up.
I'm having to introduce. It's pretty convenient that the next
(32:53):
week you get proposed proposed in front of the best
Buy covered with cheese. How does that even happen? How
are you human again? What that was going? Know? The rules? Human? Well,
if you'll let me introduce our next person of interest, everybody,
I'm thrilled to bring on. Oh my god, oh my god,
(33:15):
oh my god, oh my godness, Locust, Locust. Second scene,
Oh nice work. Scene three today is from listener Brett,
who wrote, Hey, gang, my C suggestion is the alchemy
(33:38):
this gang meets to hold the door. Guy, order up, guys,
Solomon Grundy, Marvin mckugh and every other character you all made.
Just kidding, Thank god, My C suggestion is just literal breadwinners.
Take care, Brett. Next up in the competition, we have
(34:00):
Luke le and he'll be presenting his prized rabbit. Luke.
I'm oh uh which judging? I'll be here silently, Luke Yes.
I just want to point out and makes the funnest baghettes.
(34:20):
I'm look, I stamped them all with look baggett stamp.
Don't not worry. It's a hot brand, so it just
makes it makes a little browner. It doesn't make it Uh,
it tastes different, just a little little brand apart that says, look,
so please take a bagget bites. Have some some bagel
bites that I put a little bit of pizza on
top of I cut them and have put a little
(34:40):
PiZZ on top of them. Or these bagel bites your
bread or no? These are they were frozen bagge bites
from the I just brought some bagel bites from the
story as aside for my with your bread, with my bagats. Yes, yes,
so please be honest and be honest the bagel. I'd
I could try a piece of the bread with the
(35:01):
stamp on it, so I can officially know that there's
no difference in taste. Right, Well, here you goes is
that for you? Uh? And bread with stamp and so
I do I appreciate your eatting the bigger bites, but
you've eaten nearly all of the bigger bites and you
haven't eaten any of my So you have any pepperoni?
These are just murderit. Well, I didn't bring the pepperoni one,
(35:22):
but I just want they were they want pepperonis. Oh
look he still doing the little stamps on zeb heads.
This is so a dorible. Look, it's so chateau. I
knew you would be here. That's right. You should come
to my boos check out zember that I am making,
because let me tell you, man, if many feak my foot,
(35:46):
many fake my foot, your bread taste like my foot,
that's what your bread taste like. Your bread taste like
somebody stepped on one of my bagel bites and then
ate the foot. So there you go. How how would
you know what's that tastes like unless you have tasted it? Oh?
Is this? I'm rubber your glue? Is that what this is?
This is we playground hunting or with playground hunting? Yes? Yes, yes, no, Papa,
(36:08):
I did not get to compete. The competition was completely
taken over by two idiots. You just kept fighting. I
didn't even get to give them my pumpkin, my pumpkin love.
Please do not be said Papa. But we put all
the money into the ticket for you to enter. I
don't want you to cry, Papa. I don't want you
(36:29):
so that you could do the competition and my fault
to always cry because of me, And it makes me
feel like we're going to go back then, and if
we've got to make sure that you get your bread
into the competition. Hey, Chuck, I just want to say
thanks for you know, taking a risk on hiring me
(36:50):
here at the dark. I know I gotta a rocky
pass and a bit of a record, but you know
I'm honest man now, and and I work honestly. Um
on one little little thing is today's pay day. And
when I went to my locker, I was expecting a paycheck. Yeah,
(37:10):
tough break today, kid, tough break today. Look well it's
what are these little tiny uh these little bread? This
little looks like a bag of bread. Yeah, that's a
bag of bread for pigeons. Old Chuck wanted to give
you something for a send off, because, uh, here's you
take this. Yeah, we're we're not making the money we
(37:34):
used to make your on the docks. Yeah, I'm sorry
about too many cigarettes this morning. We're gonna, we're gonna,
we're gonna all wish you well. I really mean that, kid,
Am I the only one in that? Yeah? Yeah, you're
(37:55):
sort of You're the sandbag on this particular hot hair
blue and we gotta keep the thing afloat. What is this?
This is your rent? A little bag of bread for birds?
What is this well, I was thinking if you let
them crust out, they would be good on salads and
stuff crushed out? Do you mean do you mean baked
(38:19):
bread to make cruetones? I just talking about that's the
word cruetone. I couldn't look. Look, I need when I
when I got, when I got let out of the slammer,
nobody would give me housing. Okay, you took a chance.
I mean you trust in me, and I appreciate that.
And you appreciate that by giving me bread in a
little zip luck bag. Yeah, I got nothing else to say, Polly,
(38:41):
I mean, what what what? What? What the fund do
you want from me? Poll? Huh? What else do you want?
Funny money? Look, I'm sure you're not gonna be able
to stay here. I'm sorry you're gonna are you doing like?
Oh of me? Like you're gonna pull me out right now?
I can't go into my house and understand, I'll get
your shoes. I'll get your shoes, all right, there you go.
You're kicking me the but hey, hey, there you go.
(39:04):
I have a computer in there, and it's it's a tell.
No one uses a tell anymore, okay, and I'm taking
this little bag of bread. Oh, look at this quiet
little table, This pumpkin looks even if even Chateau and I,
who have been nemesis for our whole lives, knows that
(39:26):
this pumpkin love does not stand a chance, let us
walk away laughing. I will have the last laugh. I
will have the last laugh. What do you got here?
It is a pump It's a pumpkin love is a
seasonal right now it's it's a pumpkin. It's a pumpkin love.
(39:50):
So it's not it's a similar to pumpkin nicole. I'm
not familiar with pumpkin loop. Give it a try and
maybe you will like it. It is a little bit sweet,
almost like a cake, very very dense, moist, very good.
I really really need to win gold in order to
keep my father happy. Ever since Momi date, he can
(40:13):
stop crying, and there is the whole world is on
my shoulders. So can I be honest with you for
a second? Can I cadge love with you? These petrols
are so I can't can. But I think I thought
I was like judging like a rabbit thing, just like
all can you wait until after you eat? To me?
It really bothers me to hear you too while you
(40:33):
took I just can't stop in this guy and Petro
so fucking good. There's one French guy. I think it's French.
You might be CANi, but he came out to like handmade. Again.
I guessed while you eat so but I didn't you
just take your time and eat part of me. I
(40:54):
was just walking through this park. I see you got
these tent set up. Seems to be some kind of
it's a rest, yes, come come in? Can helpful? Yes? Yes,
I see this a bread and the rent fair? Yes, yes,
at the carnival tent here? Yes? Do you think these
would be worth anything? You got a handful of crumbs?
(41:15):
Do you think this is any kind of Can I
enter with bread? But you'll you do have to put
a wage? Possibly those shoes or maybe that No, not
that delicate puter. The shoes will do. The shoes will do, Okay, Yes,
I me yup. I got nothing else. That's just your name, okay, Lorraine.
(41:38):
I can't go to that. I can't go to the
rent fair today. My ship is messed up. I had
I had. I had sex last night for the first
time in many months, in many months now, like crusted out. Oh,
I don't go to the rent fair. They'll have a remedy.
They have remedies for everything. They have an apothecary. He
(42:00):
has all those jars. Surely there's an I'm crusted out jar.
I'm honestly so uncomfortable. Every step just reverberate like itch
throughout the core of my body. It's like I can't
even scratch it because it's within me. Just use your
old wheel chair from when you broke your leg, will
decorate it in fair style. Sorry interrupt, ladies. I know
(42:20):
you're in the ladies dinner. You want some saltines. I
just brought out a plate of saltine crackers. Dad, you're welcome, Okay.
I wish he'd bring us some kind of drink with
the assaultines. I feel like he's constantly trying to the
opposite waterboard me, crust, crumboard me. What is with the
people in your life? It's all about crust and crumbs? Uh? Yeah,
(42:44):
this is um, this is uh. I'm nervous to be
around French judges. If I front you know what I
heard two French guys, I assumed judges ignorant. No, no, no,
we should be we have the eggs. But what do
(43:07):
you have as we woke up and stick up fingers
in your little bowl of food? What is this you
have here? I call it pigeon bread, pigeon blood. Let
me taste one of these. Sure suck like blue. It's
not expecting look the lord delicious. Yeah, they're saying, but
(43:35):
you're not good. Hold on a second second. Let me
have this pizza really quick. Huh, Actually, let me another pet.
This is the first time he's judged the bread competition.
I think he's actually typically a fair grounds for pigs
and animalsloves pizza rules. Just first time. O my god,
(43:57):
I guess I'll just try the bread crops. Yeah. The
guy that just lick my fingers and dipplement, Yeah, lick
your finger is an impressed into the ball. That's a
lot of good. Oh oh it's really good. It's like
my it's like breadsticks. But the center's my finger. Do
(44:19):
I win? I mean, I we really got to wait
for the other judge. It's kind of important. And let
me just say there's a little girl who her family
is depending on winning gold. So we love sad sad
sack of bread fight as the rain fair? Is that
(44:40):
what this is just because Chateau and Chala owns the
two most fancy, fabulous bakeries in town. We are not
considered because we are already rich. Oh you're very much considered.
It's just that like you've started from somewhere that was
already one. So many I have high expectations. I didn't
have any expectations of these bread problems we are now,
(45:02):
but we will not always that the way we will
kiss to my upbloaking was so tough. Yes, we only
got wine three times a day, three times three times.
That was it. But my life was My life was
harder than than Chateaus was. My life was infinitely harder
(45:23):
than Shateaus. My life was harder than the little girl
with the with the whatever she brought in the pumpkin
and the cluton man I had hearted. Every year you
enter this amateur bread contest and it's a lot of
us superber. We want to see some up and coming
new bread makers. Look, my dad, is you try living
(45:44):
in the same house? Was the I do is? The
fat man is a flatulent, it's always strunk. It's very
much not in the good place right now. So they
embossing the bread is all I had to escape. Remind,
my father was my father was a rather TOI, and
(46:07):
we did have nothing in our house, and so I
had to scrape by on the combs on the ground.
So I should win this because I'm for the king.
That the king, the king of the jousers starting and
the king is here the rent fair makeway? Wait wait
(46:29):
wait gay from from from Okay? Hello ah uh, this
is like a bred competent still going on. You could service.
The judges seemed to be split on who gets this
thing as he was the king, so uh, what's the
(46:49):
bred options? Pappa? He didn't win again. He turns out
some women came in last minute, had something called sultines.
The king loved it. She took the whole thing. Please,
this cannot be true. Please do love me. I cannot.
I cannot love you part of me, young lady. I
(47:12):
just wanted to say congratulations on your win. Uh. And
I'm sorry that you are in a wheelchair. It's actually
not um, not that that matters, but you don't need
to apologize whether it's permanent or not. Like, um, what's
the deal? Uh? Kind of an injury, kind of an injury.
(47:34):
I'm healing. I'm on the Okay, you rolled an ankle
or something? Yeah, kind of an injury or let me guess,
are you crusted out? How can you tell it? Their smell?
I cannot believe that cracks the blood competition. I see.
(47:56):
We can never go back. We can never go back
to a baker us. We can never go back to Flance.
What are we going through? Is I found a friend
in you that I did not know ahead you know, Chateau,
You are right. It was the first time in our
lives we realize that we have more in commons than
we have differences. Drink and get totally crust the dead.
(48:22):
Let us go get clusted out to my friend. Yes
to life, to life, and that is our show. What
a day of mall? Yeah? Really we agree a little
bit this day. Let's go through here. Raise up to
Chris Alvarado. Oh thanks so much. Man. Jeez, that was crazy.
(48:45):
That was a crazy show, crazy show. I love playing
with everybody here. I just feel good. Life is good.
I have a podcast called The Comedy Fash where we
question everything you've ever thought you knew about performance and comedy.
Give that, give check that out. See what's going on there?
Thank you? Nice Beckie Gonzales Roth, Well, thank you for
having me. It's always a blast. And I um Jackie
(49:08):
Druthy on the Socials. The most wonderful pot of the
year is uh my other podcast where I talk about
not so well liked Christmas movies. Um. And we are
starting a week early, so we're starting the last week
of October, so right around the corner. Can't wait. Nice,
(49:30):
There's tons of Christmas decorations and stores already, so I
think it's about that time. Mark Gagliardi, Yeah, thanks for
having me, man. It's always fun to see you guys.
And this is I'm I feel bad for the patreons
that are seeing the thing that I'm throwing them out
of it by doubling over, laughing through half the show
and trying to do it quietly. Um, but yeah, thanks
(49:52):
for having me. I'm Mark Gags on Twitter Instagram. We
got this with Mark and how dropping new episodes every
week on the Maximum Network and Blood and Treasure CBS.
Uh season two coming soon. Nice, And I'm glad you
and I still have voices. After two voices we decided
that are total throat rippers. Good Lord, James Ceney, thanks
(50:16):
for having me. Go check out game Front on YouTube
and there's just tons of content these days. In fact,
we have new videos every day. Nice Joey Greer, Yeah,
you know what's going on. You know where I'm at
and all. Honestly, I am trying to find the best
sp October shows available and it's it's it's a limited
(50:39):
it's a limited bunch this here. I get it, but
it's I'm I'm a little sad. So if anyone has
any suggestions, please let me know. I'm at Cole Stratton Stratton,
Cole on your socials. What is that exactly? Halloween? Halloween?
Halloween's the thing. It's happening soon, guys, in what capacity
we don't know, but it is coming up at col
(51:02):
strand Straton Coal on different socials. Go to s sketch
Fest dot com check out videos. We're only gonna be
up to November one and then we're announcing our lineup
for our twentieth anniversary festival and Big November. That's the
thing that's supposedly going to happen in January of next year,
so definitely check that out. Hey, big thanks to our
engineering producer Doug Baine and the fine folks at iHeart
(51:25):
Media dot com. Please write to us at alcove you
this email at gmail dot com. That's alcohol dot com.
Until next time,
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. Guys, sign your
guest host Cold Strate for KP for quite a little
stretch here. Let's meet everybody today. Uh, James Teney first up? James.
Who put the bomp in the bomp a bomp a bomb?
Who put the ram and the ramamm ding dong? Was
its Beach Boys? And I don't know. I don't know
(00:27):
who did it? Who did it? I mean, no one knows.
It's like who let the dogs out with their da
haven't caught anyone yet, Okay, So usually Kevin tells me
I'm right when I give an answer. Is that? Was
that just a flat out wrong answer? Look, it's a
rhetorical No one knows. I mean it's definitely the Beach
Boys did not record that song. But it does not
matter because that wasn't what I was doing. I was
(00:49):
literally asking in the scenario where someone put the bomb
in the bomba bompa bob and someone put the ram
and the ramam ding dong, who did it? That's all
I'm trying to get to the bottom of here at
the base man, I like that. I like that. That's
the right answer. That's the right answer. Good job, Good job.
Jackie Gonzalez to Ruthy, what becomes of the broken hearted?
(01:14):
Them farted? That's not right. You know what they do?
They duped them stuff themselves off, and they rise up
again and their heart becomes whole, and then they get
broken again, and it's just a cycle. You should record
it as like r E what becomes of the broken hearted?
(01:36):
That's an answer song. You need it. You're right, thank
you for that. I will, I'll do that, no problem.
Chris Alvarado, Chris, what if God was one of us,
you know, just a stranger on the bus, he would
be he would definitely or she it. They would be
an alcamaniac for sure. They would join our Patreon describe
(01:58):
at the highest level and all this faun and juicy content.
That was a great, great way to fidch it so much.
What would Jesus do become in alcmaniac? You go, Mark
gangle Ardy's here, guys, Mark, Yes, what have I what
(02:20):
have I? What have I done to deserve this? You know,
you know you know what you've done to deserve this.
We all, we all, we all know what you've done
to deserve this. And it's time. It's time, it's time
you took some responsibility in your life. You're right, You're right,
(02:42):
You're right. I'm board Mark. Last, but not least, Joey Greer, Joey,
what have you done for me lately? You obviously not enough.
I was over at your house with the day you
asked me to come over for an emergency. Apparently you
could an open to canna beans. And when I got
(03:02):
there and I opened it up, you had hollowed it out,
which also was surprised because I said, this is a
really light canny beans and he said, no, no, no,
they're just air fried. And I was like, what does
that mean. You said it means they feel the beans
the air, so they feel all light. And I was like, okay,
and I've been doing that for the last couple of days. Man,
all right, and it's really goodding on my nerves. Have
responsibilities here at my home that I need to take
(03:23):
care of and I'm not able to do that, all right,
So we're gonna have to take some time apart. I
get it. I get it, man, But it's beans, beans,
the magic fruit. The more you eat, the more you
too farted. All right, let's do a damn show show
all of our scene suggestions are gathered from listeners, emails,
(03:45):
or from our Patreon v I P. S. To become
a Patreon supporter of the show and enjoy exclusive content
and other berks, just head on over to patreon dot
com slash Alchemy this if you'd like to submit a
scene suggestion via email, plea's right to the podcast. That
are new email not that new anymore, but we're gonna
pretend it is. You haven't listened to a few months.
Our new email address Alchemy this email at gmail dot com.
(04:08):
That's scene one m from Patreon v I P. Haven,
who wrote how to the Alchemists. I figured I'd try
something different again. I searched Florida Man on Google at
the time of writing this to get in a scene idea.
The chosen article was the first to pop up in
my search and argue me the most wholesome and least
(04:30):
violent one I could find. The title of the article
is as follows, Florida Man tazed for twerking during rainy
traffic stop. How about we give our culprit a thick
biou accent to top it off? Much love from Canada, Haven. Yeah, okay,
I got all my reports done there just about the
(04:51):
head out. I want to make sure i'd be able
to be traffic. I just wanted to make sure that
I got this this character sketch correct. You said he
had long, uh, straggly knotted hair, an extreme beard. Don't
know whether that means thick or long or what, but
(05:12):
an extreme beard, both of those, okay, and buy you accent.
Now I can't draw that in there. Well, there's like
overalls maybe you know, maybe he's on an airboat or something, right,
we get it. It's like it's by you to buy
your accent, you know. Or maybe there's like catfish all
around him or something. I don't I don't know. I'm
just wondering, like do you want Is this like a
(05:34):
Florida man? Okay, so like a Florida man, but the
buyou not really Florida, right, So I think you're giving
me like so many different things. And I just get
the sketch right so that we can find that find
the purp. Yeah, but there's like there's swamp. I'm totally happy.
Can I just call you in my car phone? I
just want to be traffic. I just want to be
(05:56):
able to I just feel like whenever I talked to you,
at work. You're always just evade doing me. You're you're
walking away or you're either going on your lunch break,
you're going home, isn't me? I don't, Yeah, A little bit,
A little bit, oh a lot of it, the whole bit.
(06:18):
If you're gonna break the bit up in little pieces
and adam around and like put things in there, I'd say,
don't do that. You're you're the whole bit. Well, I'm
really sorry. I'm just trying to be a professional and
get my work done. Oh, Ricky rock you our comity,
you escape, I boast the obailed, But you ran away anyway?
What you do that for? Ricky? But I knew you
(06:38):
were there. I just it's when I see the sun,
the sun go away and the and the rain coming down,
I can't help myself. I just got to get going
out there and get my working on. But but but
but but I I saw you coming and approaching me,
and I know how you feel about dance and on
account of your father's religiosity, so I didn't. I didn't
(07:00):
want you to see any of the trucking. But we
we can still be friends. We can still be friends.
I don't know. It might end us it might be
the final start of road to camel Back. You know
what I'm saying that again. You came to take me
out of prison, Floyd. You came to take me out
of prison and take me out of jail. It's gonna
be a final, your final, final gift gets the right
(07:23):
and gifted the madjaf for you. And then I move
on with my life and my gumbo making and you stay,
you do whatever you do. Ricky, you be dancing. Hey,
you gotta move this cat. Look, okay, you can't have
an idol in front of the prison. I'm sorry I
did you. Are you appreciating it? Though it's quite a ride?
It is all right. I mean I can see what
this is, just just a right of a ride because
(07:44):
this is us a fan dancing, right you shouna take
your voice spin, we'll go with you. You could take
your Ford spending. You can see how much you like
and how much I handle the road. I'm not gonna
buy your catlo. Look, you just gotta get it away
from the prison. Okay. You've been here long enough. Were
blocking the road. You're trying to get home to be
traffic or something. We're having a moment together it's illegal
to park in front of a prison like this. Do
you throw me back in? I bet Flora would like that.
(08:07):
Floyd would day together. You know what you want to
throw back and you throw him back in there. I
don't know, I don't know. I don't mind. I don't
thinking both of you in all right, thinking both you
and right now it's take us in, take us on
a sale. Um. I don't really see the problem, Sheriff.
(08:28):
I understand that every perp that I've drawn in the
past couple of weeks looks like Deputy Schuster, But you know,
if that's how they're described to me, that's how they
described to me. Well, the problem is, I think, and
I'm not really supposed to have this conversation, but my
guess is that this is actually a personal relationship, and
(08:50):
that's why you're not supposed to. Well, if he's he's
a scumbag, then maybe some get him for that, you know,
maybe someone should get him for that. I think that
it's just that the relationship ended and neither of you
really want to be around each other. Uh. But I
just these pictures. Look at this, there's you. You put
a name tag on this one, and it's got his
(09:11):
name on there. That shouldn't someone be putting him the jail.
Here's their hold up? What's up? Bill? Yeah? Man, I
gotta be traffic. Cool um, one quick thing. Put your
hands behind your back, and motherfucker, you were under arrest.
This is a present, your hand a present? No, man,
you're going in for what? What the hell is going
(09:33):
on in? You match a lot of descriptions, You match
a lot of dude. You were the best man at
my wedding. You fuck. I had no idea? What hell
is going on? Well you tell me, you tell Look
at this picture? Okay, okay, Now look at this one,
the same picture. Okay, look at this one. Same And
who do they look like? I guess my friend, my
(09:57):
best friend? Is it me? Yeah? It's you. We're best friends.
Stop that? Oh my god? Ware Well well, Ricky, look
who it is brought into the gin pile. But that's
a fell outside. I shouldn't be in here. I shouldn't
(10:18):
be in here, all right. I look, I'm supposed to
be on the outside. I'm a sheriff's deputy. Okay, I
put people in here. I'm supposed to be in here.
Hello hello, hello, hello, oh god, oh God, was the
last time you were on this side of the bars? Son?
They don't. They've never come up when you yelled from Look,
(10:40):
I can yell anything I want right now, Hey, officer,
you look pretty in them boots. Come on over here,
and I want to give you compliments. That's not he's
not even gonna come. He's not even gonna come. And
off of compliments, actually, um bill, I'm I'm not drinking today.
I just came into the bar to say I appreciate you,
(11:01):
and I think I'm done drinking. You might ask what's changed, Well,
I'll tell you. I was stationed in the prison. As
you know, it's my job. I don't know where this
compliment hits me, right and it doesn't just hit my ears.
It hits me right here, right in the heart. Somebody
likes me. So you want to Coca cola? Yeah, I
(11:22):
have to get Coca cola. Give me a Coca cola.
I mean, it's like they say, there's the way you
see yourself and the way others see you, and the
way you really are. I think this prisoner sees me
the way I really am, which is looking good at
my boots. All right, that's six dollars coke. Alright, no problem, Bill,
(11:43):
you ever do you ever feel just good inside? No?
Is it raining at all? It's gonna if it's not, No,
it's gonna rain. Good at them boots. What do you think? Yeah? See,
they don't listen to you at all. It did nothing
like listen to this, Hey, officer. I think you should
go back to school and get that degree and follow
(12:06):
your dream that you were gonna do. But then you
set a phone this job. So what I think is
you should go back, You should reapply yourself, should get
back out there, and you can get your dream job.
So I think you can do it. I believe in you,
as is everybody else in this place. You don't how
we do. We're we're big fans, Bill, We're big fans. Um.
(12:26):
Is there a register? Is it too late to register
for this semester? Excuse me? Thank god, thank god. I
know that it's a little bit. Oh no, no, no,
you know. Let me take this bad jo off. I'm
just trying to. I'll put it back on if you're
(12:48):
more comfortable. I'm just looking at you. I can't, uh no,
I just want to go back to school. I work
in the prison down the street. Don't pick up pitchhikers.
They get out all the time. But when I was
told that, you know what, I'm better than the job
that I settled for. I had dreams of being a veterinarian.
(13:10):
Oh coo cood h. So what's next? Well, next, I'm
going to need Oh my gosh, Sarah, hold up, Sarah,
hold up, you work? Um, yeah, I was just gonna freeze.
Put your hands on your back. Yep, yep. What the
hell is this? I don't know. You see this sketch
(13:32):
an anonymous person? This, Oh it's not anonymous. You drew
a sketch of yourself. Well, yeah, I'm working on self portraits.
I'm actually taking a class. Some people say that all
my drawings look the same. Song trying to get better?
Save it, save it for the jail talk time. You're
really hurting my wrists. Now I didn't I didn't mean
to do that. But listen, wait, wait, wait, I don't
(13:55):
understand why that put you in here with us. I
feel like that should be a separate holding air. Yeah
for artists like you should have a female jail. Oh
that too, sure, because I'll let me tell you, I've
seen black and I've seen Oz, and I know which
one I'd prefer to be in. Oh, seure Oz. Everybody
(14:16):
wants to go to OZ. You got an emerald city
and a scared groyn. Alright, but I think it's gonna
look a lot like one of two people, me and
my ex boyfriend. Okay, he's sitting right here. Oh my god,
(14:39):
why do you Why do you have a stethoscope? Why
do you have any do you have a well, First
of all, I prefer to call me sheriff. All right,
I've got a stethoscope because I'm gonna do physicals today
on all the inmates. Um doesn't regular. It is irregular,
(15:01):
but it's not often. I have two of my finest
buying bars and I want to make sure they're okay.
So I'm gonna bring somebody else in for you, because uh, obviously,
but if the men would step up to the sheriff interrupt.
But it's officially jail talk time. So this is where
they get that they get to have free free talk time.
(15:22):
I was gonna I was gonna check vitals. Yeah, we
can say whatever we want it this time. It's free
jail talk time. So, Cheff, how's your relationship at home
with your wife and your children. Uh, it's great. I
don't spend as much time as as i'd like with them.
When we do spend time together, it is great. Jailff,
(15:43):
have you ever thought about going on phabbatical, you know,
just getting on here for a little bit, maybe exploring
the Riviera or the Mediterranean. Don't not sound nice, shriff.
I've never honestly heard in the Riviera, but it sounds exciting.
But I pretty much dedicated my life to this, and
I'm so close to retirement. I'd like to just finish
(16:05):
my run. Well, I bet your kids would like for
you to finish you the run and that sack race?
Did you skip this weekend? I heard you on the phone.
I heard you on the phone. Yeah, a little how
we are here looking forward to the throat box Durby
next week. And if you don't show uf for that one,
that's not gonna trouble on the home front. To him,
(16:27):
I hate to interrupt, but this just came in from
the governor. UM. All prisoners are to be let free. Amazing.
I'm so excited. I could twork. I could twork with joy.
Oh no, oh no, don't run out in the rain. No, no,
(16:49):
don't run in the rain. You're got work, and I
got the trunk out that under the rain because of
the electricity. Oh no, he moved his console. There's nothing
blocking that bus coming straight? Emma, is this Hammas are
(17:12):
all right? Listen, buddy, we don't have any ducks on.
We got veterinarians, all right, So we're gonna have to
go to surgery on any like. You're a small rabbit.
Do you understand that's a process We have to process
a lot more because your ribs are about fifteen times
larger than what we're used to, So to make it
normal for our brain, we're gonna have to break your
ribs down and make him teeny tiny? Do you understand?
(17:33):
I understand his teeth are all different and weird? Am
I weird to know his teeth are all different than
the rapps? Okay, okay, let's let's focus here, people. Okay,
let's see here this internal bleeding hemorrhgene. Let's see is
is there an embriotic sack. Let's see if there's kind
of some kind of rabbit sack in his tum tum. Right,
I'm gonna go in here now, sir. We don't have
(17:53):
anesthesia You're going to be awake the whole time. All Right,
there you go, see what's on the inside in here.
This is so much bigger than a blame is danced
and that's our first season. The only thing to blame
is dance too. Is from listener Justin. He wrote, greetings
(18:22):
Kevin and Crewe. I shall spare you frivolous rantings of
praise or perhaps the questions of the cruise somehow reuniting
in the same room again. Everyone just fast forwards through
that part of the podcast anyway, No for me, I
bring greetings and salutations from the land of the Rocky
Mountains in the form of a scene suggestion. In Utah,
along with many other places among the United States, we've
been getting a heat wave. Even Satan himself couldn't bear yet.
(18:44):
I hear of tourists all over the world who are
visiting Death Valley to experience record temperatures. My thought is this,
wouldn't it be great to hear the Devil himself complaining
about the heat to worldwide visitors who are visiting Death
Valley for the enjoyment and vacation. Thank you, Justin it
on again. You guys, got any idea what this press
conference is about. I don't know. I'm just so fucking hot. Yeah.
(19:07):
I think it turned the air condition you're on in
this place. It's the pick up the air conditioning. God. Hi, everybody,
think if you're coming today, think if you're coming today,
and we know this short notice, We appreciate you. Mike,
who is this? Who is even coming out here today?
What's up with these tiny waters? They're all gone? A
little tiny waters are gone? And listen to is short
(19:29):
notice for me as well? But um, I think you're
gonna like what this person has to say or not,
but you're gonna like who it is? Okay, Paul, is
it Adele Dan? No, it's not Dan, Billie Eilish, Oh
my god, it's Billy Eilish. It's Billy town gonna Oh
(19:50):
my god, is she gonna play the best Boy? So?
Oh my god. A couple of reference points here. We
will be talking about global warming. We're talking about the
heat wave. Yes, what'sn't a question. I'm just disappointed. Oh
Billy wants to talk about the heat wave. That's it's
not Paul, It's not it's not Billy Eilish. Okay, just
(20:13):
to believe it was Billie Eilish, it's gotta be Adele's
um um members of the press. Uh, I'm pleased to
introduce um Satan. Hey, fuck you, fuck you and fuck you?
What the hell pleased to introduced? Say what? I don't
(20:35):
I don't know. There's is the questions, what is going on?
We didn't know coming, we didn't know you have an
opening state. I'm sorry, Billie Eilish was supposed to open
for me minute. I know it's tough, but then again,
even the devil can't follow Billie Eilish. I mean that
would be a great opener. Am I right? All right? Billy,
(20:59):
she was here. Don't clap the devil. We were clapping,
really Eilish blinlish so uh, thank you? Oh my god,
Oh I got boils are all my hands? Oh, oh
my god, my legs are coming in locusts. Oh my god,
happening here. This is what everyone hopes would happen to
(21:23):
the press. I'm just doing it for everybody else. What
I mean, Oh my god? What do we have to
do to get this off of our body? We have
a good deal with them. Clapped from the first time.
I'm fine, I'm fine, You're not fine. Look in the mirror,
(21:43):
pull your grab, grab your compact out of your pocket,
look int the mirror. Okay, Okay, dear Satan, I love you.
You're my God. Satan is my God. I worship you God,
oh God. Just alright, sweetheart, you can take the blindfold
off before I can I do some guesses of what
you got me before before I take off the point
(22:06):
we're in the car, so you can guess where we are.
I am okay, I think we're at Adult. I think
we're at Adult. That's funny. No, babe, I can't get
those tickets. Oh no, that's not I don't know even
(22:27):
know what the dela. Okay, you can't park in front
of the best Buy, the best by. You can't park here, Okay,
we're not just okay, okay, okay, so no, no, no,
leave it on, leaving on, leaving on. I'm gonna pull
away from the parking from the shopping center, go a
(22:50):
little further out. Okay, this looks good. Okay, now, any
more guesses. I think that we're just outside of a
best Buy. I mean yes, but like, where's your graphically?
How about this? I'm gonna roll down your window, stick
your hand out. How's that. Yeah, how's that feel? It
feels so so alike to the temperature in the car,
(23:12):
just feels it should be a little hotter out there.
You can't, Parker, This is with a loan unloan at
the best Buy? Can't Parker? Okay, we're at loading and
loading and loading and unloading at the best boy, Okay, miss,
thank you s are okay, baby baby? Obviously you and
I have talked about our future together. Yes, okay, so
(23:34):
fill fill this in for me till blank. So thank
you for the matrealistics. So he proposed to you outside
of the best Buy. That was our dream. We talk
about this in high school. My husband would ultimately be
my best by exactly, exactly, exactimate purchase the ultimate bye.
(24:01):
I know. It was a fucking dream come true. And honestly,
what the hell is this? As much of realistics are
like ice cold? What the hell is this? That's weird?
What the hell it's so hot? Onside, I don't understand
this horn was one of the worst man's ever had
in my life. Gusting, you know what's so crazy? He
had the whole best By just covered and cheese. My god,
(24:23):
you're such a cheese for there were daffodils. There were
all of the video games that you get to try out.
We're unlimited. Oh my god, you got to play the
PS one and PS three. Oh oh my god. Alright,
geek squad, I need you to to clean up this
area here. Uh, this goddamn GOODA in the in the computers.
(24:48):
I know it's I don't know who approved this. Uh
you don't put a craft single in the CD ROM drive.
There's daffodils in this fridge box. Look. I know it's
gonna be tough. It's everywhere. Uh just go department department.
I'll start in washer dryers because I'm pretty sure there's
(25:09):
some GOODA wheels inside there. Um. And we just gotta
clean this ship up before uh we opened in another hour.
And I know this is a lot to ask of
you guys, and I'm gonna fight for some overtime for you. Um,
but we just need to clean this place. Soup, it's
it's I'm so sorry that this happened. Hey, Jake, you
want to come with me and clean up all the
like uh PlayStation game, Xbox games. He's already covering plastics,
(25:32):
so it should be easy. Yeah, yeah, okay, I got
complaine take to take the games with your shoe. Sure,
did you say you want to play with me? No,
we can play video games and some of that. I
don't want to go play video right, Yeah, all right,
that's fine. That's that's cool. Is it cool? Yeah? Hey,
satan Um, I just wanted to thank you again for
(25:55):
the deal we had where I would propose the love
of my life and she would say yes and in return,
I give you. I kind of forget what that part was.
What do I give you? I mean, that's the main thing.
I got your soul and uh so that's just done.
Do any to do anything? Sign it over or we
signed that contract. That was the thing where I picked
your finger. And the little thing that appeared in mid
air and then disappeared, that was the whole thing. Can
(26:18):
I just say one little thing that didn't go off
as well as I thought. She was so fixated on
all the cheese and the best Buy she didn't really
get to experience that it was happening in Death Valley,
you know, because it's so hot out here at that
would be cool, like our love is so hot and
she's so hot. Until death drew his part and we
live in the valley you know. That's so you're complaining.
(26:39):
You're complaining of what I did. You should have been
more specific. You said, that's my proposal. She's at the
funk up, and I did all right. Now you want
me to concentrate on the ben again. Congratulations on the proposal,
but uh, these church are very abnormal. It seems like, well,
the only way I can disagramb it is your internal
(26:59):
arm turning into what looks like a rabbit. So the
ribs are shrinking, your internal organs are going teeny tiny,
and I don't know what that means. I can only
assume that life expectancy for you would be to day's
if not a little less a little more than days
medically medically speaking. Huh yep, turning as you were rabbit.
(27:24):
Shouldn't co complained about how it did the job, should
not have complained, Well, it just seems that I thought
I was gonna have cute ears, not have all my
organ trucks. You're getting tiny. So you got about a
day and a half to get this wedding done with
or before you turned into you know, a little bit
of patta. You know what I'm saying. It is hot
here right dearly beloved. We are gathered here to witness
(27:45):
the marriage of this obviously human woman with Ah. This
is the first for me. I'm not going to lie.
I don't. I don't know how you'd like to be
referred to, how you'd like to be introduced. I'm I'm
trying to go with the wishes of of all people involved.
(28:09):
But this was a rush job, so I didn't get
a chance to write anything. I'm not sure what to
call a half human, half rabbit hybrid who's shrinking as
we speak. So happy, happy, Wow, that's that's delightful. So
happy do you take this human woman? I object? Father,
(28:33):
I object? Thank God? Yes, what's the objection? Well, first
of all, it's a Harman. It's a Harriman, is what
he would be considered. But that's not my real objection.
My real objection is you've brought the devil into your church. Well, yes,
he was on the guest list. He's sitting right there. Hey,
(28:55):
look if someone is on the guest list. None, Oh God,
we believe it God here, and you've brought the devil
into our home. No, we aren't relieve in Satan. Here.
Satan cured my boils. Satan cured me. Okay, you've got that.
You got that? You you stupid, you stupid. Okay, Satan
is God and he's here. He's here. Kidn't you ever
(29:18):
said Satan showed up? This place has been hot as hell. Okay,
I'm not gonna let this wedding go off. At least
my family is not gonna. You know what, kids, come on,
we're leaving. But joy being kids, enjoy being hair kids.
But we didn't sell our souls. You can't complain. I
(29:38):
can do dick things. Well, everyone in this congregation is shrinking.
What is happening? What is happening? I did? I did? Oh?
I Now, come on, Sean, I don't know what to
tell you. I mean, you can pray all you want
to God, but Satan's here. Your kids are gonna be
(30:00):
little rabbits. I don't know what to tell you. Come on,
you gotta have like a hook up or something too.
I did, I did, okay, Sean, but I'm not appreciate anymore.
Give that up. Come on, look this is look how
quick we're turning into hairs. Hi? Are you guys open?
I want to return these noise? Cancel? Yeah, I could
still here. Do you have the receiver. Can I ask
(30:21):
you something? What do you have the do the other receipt?
Do you think it's a waste? Just give me a second. Okay,
I'm working. I'm working. I know what you're thinking doing,
But what you're really doing is you're throw in a
real lifeful way. He used to be a priest and
he had a direct connect to God, and now he
(30:42):
works on the geek squad. Oh isn't that a waste? True? Yeah,
I'm a sales and returns for the geek squad. I'm
not even on the guy named field team. So do
you have a Do you have receipt for this? No?
I don't. Okay, we can't return the money. I'm back.
Oh boy, did the trip go great? I missed you
(31:04):
so much. I missed you too, I am. I've been
really inspired since you left. I've written a new song
or rewritten or rewritten an old song. Oh, Billy, you
didn't not to do that for me? I did? It
(31:25):
goes like this? It goes like this. I had a dree,
I got married and the best buy there was lots
of cheese, and I married the best guy. A song
as that does he I'm gonna get married everybody's a
(31:45):
rubbing now and I'm turning Harry and it keeps going. No,
that was great, and I gotta commend you for problem
is you didn't fall asleep that time while you sang.
And I'm really proud of you, really proud. Well, if
I kept going, I would. And that's the problem. I
keep falling as so they can't book me. Adult keeps
(32:06):
booking all my gigs. They can't book me because I
keep falling asleep in the middle my damn songs. There there,
it's it's all right. You know I need you for
my domination plan. You're gonna lull everybody to sleep. I'm
spreading lots of misinformation. They don't even notice the global
warming anymore because they're all obsessed with Best Buy Rabbit weddings.
Let me just going, it's going, I am you know, hey,
(32:28):
thanks for coming to the press conference. Everybody just setting
what is it this time? What is this? Paul? You
ruined this town with your last press conference. Mike the
Devil showed up with his wife Billie Eilish, and everybody's
a rap, isn't You're the one that you're giving up.
I'm having to introduce. It's pretty convenient that the next
(32:53):
week you get proposed proposed in front of the best
Buy covered with cheese. How does that even happen? How
are you human again? What that was going? Know? The rules? Human? Well,
if you'll let me introduce our next person of interest, everybody,
I'm thrilled to bring on. Oh my god, oh my god,
(33:15):
oh my god, oh my godness, Locust, Locust. Second scene,
Oh nice work. Scene three today is from listener Brett,
who wrote, Hey, gang, my C suggestion is the alchemy
(33:38):
this gang meets to hold the door. Guy, order up, guys,
Solomon Grundy, Marvin mckugh and every other character you all made.
Just kidding, Thank god, My C suggestion is just literal breadwinners.
Take care, Brett. Next up in the competition, we have
(34:00):
Luke le and he'll be presenting his prized rabbit. Luke.
I'm oh uh which judging? I'll be here silently, Luke Yes.
I just want to point out and makes the funnest baghettes.
(34:20):
I'm look, I stamped them all with look baggett stamp.
Don't not worry. It's a hot brand, so it just
makes it makes a little browner. It doesn't make it Uh,
it tastes different, just a little little brand apart that says, look,
so please take a bagget bites. Have some some bagel
bites that I put a little bit of pizza on
top of I cut them and have put a little
(34:40):
PiZZ on top of them. Or these bagel bites your
bread or no? These are they were frozen bagge bites
from the I just brought some bagel bites from the
story as aside for my with your bread, with my bagats. Yes, yes,
so please be honest and be honest the bagel. I'd
I could try a piece of the bread with the
(35:01):
stamp on it, so I can officially know that there's
no difference in taste. Right, Well, here you goes is
that for you? Uh? And bread with stamp and so
I do I appreciate your eatting the bigger bites, but
you've eaten nearly all of the bigger bites and you
haven't eaten any of my So you have any pepperoni?
These are just murderit. Well, I didn't bring the pepperoni one,
(35:22):
but I just want they were they want pepperonis. Oh
look he still doing the little stamps on zeb heads.
This is so a dorible. Look, it's so chateau. I
knew you would be here. That's right. You should come
to my boos check out zember that I am making,
because let me tell you, man, if many feak my foot,
(35:46):
many fake my foot, your bread taste like my foot,
that's what your bread taste like. Your bread taste like
somebody stepped on one of my bagel bites and then
ate the foot. So there you go. How how would
you know what's that tastes like unless you have tasted it? Oh?
Is this? I'm rubber your glue? Is that what this is?
This is we playground hunting or with playground hunting? Yes? Yes, yes, no, Papa,
(36:08):
I did not get to compete. The competition was completely
taken over by two idiots. You just kept fighting. I
didn't even get to give them my pumpkin, my pumpkin love.
Please do not be said Papa. But we put all
the money into the ticket for you to enter. I
don't want you to cry, Papa. I don't want you
(36:29):
so that you could do the competition and my fault
to always cry because of me, And it makes me
feel like we're going to go back then, and if
we've got to make sure that you get your bread
into the competition. Hey, Chuck, I just want to say
thanks for you know, taking a risk on hiring me
(36:50):
here at the dark. I know I gotta a rocky
pass and a bit of a record, but you know
I'm honest man now, and and I work honestly. Um
on one little little thing is today's pay day. And
when I went to my locker, I was expecting a paycheck. Yeah,
(37:10):
tough break today, kid, tough break today. Look well it's
what are these little tiny uh these little bread? This
little looks like a bag of bread. Yeah, that's a
bag of bread for pigeons. Old Chuck wanted to give
you something for a send off, because, uh, here's you
take this. Yeah, we're we're not making the money we
(37:34):
used to make your on the docks. Yeah, I'm sorry
about too many cigarettes this morning. We're gonna, we're gonna,
we're gonna all wish you well. I really mean that, kid,
Am I the only one in that? Yeah? Yeah, you're
(37:55):
sort of You're the sandbag on this particular hot hair
blue and we gotta keep the thing afloat. What is this?
This is your rent? A little bag of bread for birds?
What is this well, I was thinking if you let
them crust out, they would be good on salads and
stuff crushed out? Do you mean do you mean baked
(38:19):
bread to make cruetones? I just talking about that's the
word cruetone. I couldn't look. Look, I need when I
when I got, when I got let out of the slammer,
nobody would give me housing. Okay, you took a chance.
I mean you trust in me, and I appreciate that.
And you appreciate that by giving me bread in a
little zip luck bag. Yeah, I got nothing else to say, Polly,
(38:41):
I mean, what what what? What? What the fund do
you want from me? Poll? Huh? What else do you want?
Funny money? Look, I'm sure you're not gonna be able
to stay here. I'm sorry you're gonna are you doing like?
Oh of me? Like you're gonna pull me out right now?
I can't go into my house and understand, I'll get
your shoes. I'll get your shoes, all right, there you go.
You're kicking me the but hey, hey, there you go.
(39:04):
I have a computer in there, and it's it's a tell.
No one uses a tell anymore, okay, and I'm taking
this little bag of bread. Oh, look at this quiet
little table, This pumpkin looks even if even Chateau and I,
who have been nemesis for our whole lives, knows that
(39:26):
this pumpkin love does not stand a chance, let us
walk away laughing. I will have the last laugh. I
will have the last laugh. What do you got here?
It is a pump It's a pumpkin love is a
seasonal right now it's it's a pumpkin. It's a pumpkin love.
(39:50):
So it's not it's a similar to pumpkin nicole. I'm
not familiar with pumpkin loop. Give it a try and
maybe you will like it. It is a little bit sweet,
almost like a cake, very very dense, moist, very good.
I really really need to win gold in order to
keep my father happy. Ever since Momi date, he can
(40:13):
stop crying, and there is the whole world is on
my shoulders. So can I be honest with you for
a second? Can I cadge love with you? These petrols
are so I can't can. But I think I thought
I was like judging like a rabbit thing, just like
all can you wait until after you eat? To me?
It really bothers me to hear you too while you
(40:33):
took I just can't stop in this guy and Petro
so fucking good. There's one French guy. I think it's French.
You might be CANi, but he came out to like handmade. Again.
I guessed while you eat so but I didn't you
just take your time and eat part of me. I
(40:54):
was just walking through this park. I see you got
these tent set up. Seems to be some kind of
it's a rest, yes, come come in? Can helpful? Yes? Yes,
I see this a bread and the rent fair? Yes, yes,
at the carnival tent here? Yes? Do you think these
would be worth anything? You got a handful of crumbs?
(41:15):
Do you think this is any kind of Can I
enter with bread? But you'll you do have to put
a wage? Possibly those shoes or maybe that No, not
that delicate puter. The shoes will do. The shoes will do, Okay, Yes,
I me yup. I got nothing else. That's just your name, okay, Lorraine.
(41:38):
I can't go to that. I can't go to the
rent fair today. My ship is messed up. I had
I had. I had sex last night for the first
time in many months, in many months now, like crusted out. Oh,
I don't go to the rent fair. They'll have a remedy.
They have remedies for everything. They have an apothecary. He
(42:00):
has all those jars. Surely there's an I'm crusted out jar.
I'm honestly so uncomfortable. Every step just reverberate like itch
throughout the core of my body. It's like I can't
even scratch it because it's within me. Just use your
old wheel chair from when you broke your leg, will
decorate it in fair style. Sorry interrupt, ladies. I know
(42:20):
you're in the ladies dinner. You want some saltines. I
just brought out a plate of saltine crackers. Dad, you're welcome, Okay.
I wish he'd bring us some kind of drink with
the assaultines. I feel like he's constantly trying to the
opposite waterboard me, crust, crumboard me. What is with the
people in your life? It's all about crust and crumbs? Uh? Yeah,
(42:44):
this is um, this is uh. I'm nervous to be
around French judges. If I front you know what I
heard two French guys, I assumed judges ignorant. No, no, no,
we should be we have the eggs. But what do
(43:07):
you have as we woke up and stick up fingers
in your little bowl of food? What is this you
have here? I call it pigeon bread, pigeon blood. Let
me taste one of these. Sure suck like blue. It's
not expecting look the lord delicious. Yeah, they're saying, but
(43:35):
you're not good. Hold on a second second. Let me
have this pizza really quick. Huh, Actually, let me another pet.
This is the first time he's judged the bread competition.
I think he's actually typically a fair grounds for pigs
and animalsloves pizza rules. Just first time. O my god,
(43:57):
I guess I'll just try the bread crops. Yeah. The
guy that just lick my fingers and dipplement, Yeah, lick
your finger is an impressed into the ball. That's a
lot of good. Oh oh it's really good. It's like
my it's like breadsticks. But the center's my finger. Do
(44:19):
I win? I mean, I we really got to wait
for the other judge. It's kind of important. And let
me just say there's a little girl who her family
is depending on winning gold. So we love sad sad
sack of bread fight as the rain fair? Is that
(44:40):
what this is just because Chateau and Chala owns the
two most fancy, fabulous bakeries in town. We are not
considered because we are already rich. Oh you're very much considered.
It's just that like you've started from somewhere that was
already one. So many I have high expectations. I didn't
have any expectations of these bread problems we are now,
(45:02):
but we will not always that the way we will
kiss to my upbloaking was so tough. Yes, we only
got wine three times a day, three times three times.
That was it. But my life was My life was
harder than than Chateaus was. My life was infinitely harder
(45:23):
than Shateaus. My life was harder than the little girl
with the with the whatever she brought in the pumpkin
and the cluton man I had hearted. Every year you
enter this amateur bread contest and it's a lot of
us superber. We want to see some up and coming
new bread makers. Look, my dad, is you try living
(45:44):
in the same house? Was the I do is? The
fat man is a flatulent, it's always strunk. It's very
much not in the good place right now. So they
embossing the bread is all I had to escape. Remind,
my father was my father was a rather TOI, and
(46:07):
we did have nothing in our house, and so I
had to scrape by on the combs on the ground.
So I should win this because I'm for the king.
That the king, the king of the jousers starting and
the king is here the rent fair makeway? Wait wait
(46:29):
wait gay from from from Okay? Hello ah uh, this
is like a bred competent still going on. You could service.
The judges seemed to be split on who gets this
thing as he was the king, so uh, what's the
(46:49):
bred options? Pappa? He didn't win again. He turns out
some women came in last minute, had something called sultines.
The king loved it. She took the whole thing. Please,
this cannot be true. Please do love me. I cannot.
I cannot love you part of me, young lady. I
(47:12):
just wanted to say congratulations on your win. Uh. And
I'm sorry that you are in a wheelchair. It's actually
not um, not that that matters, but you don't need
to apologize whether it's permanent or not. Like, um, what's
the deal? Uh? Kind of an injury, kind of an injury.
(47:34):
I'm healing. I'm on the Okay, you rolled an ankle
or something? Yeah, kind of an injury or let me guess,
are you crusted out? How can you tell it? Their smell?
I cannot believe that cracks the blood competition. I see.
(47:56):
We can never go back. We can never go back
to a baker us. We can never go back to Flance.
What are we going through? Is I found a friend
in you that I did not know ahead you know, Chateau,
You are right. It was the first time in our
lives we realize that we have more in commons than
we have differences. Drink and get totally crust the dead.
(48:22):
Let us go get clusted out to my friend. Yes
to life, to life, and that is our show. What
a day of mall? Yeah? Really we agree a little
bit this day. Let's go through here. Raise up to
Chris Alvarado. Oh thanks so much. Man. Jeez, that was crazy.
(48:45):
That was a crazy show, crazy show. I love playing
with everybody here. I just feel good. Life is good.
I have a podcast called The Comedy Fash where we
question everything you've ever thought you knew about performance and comedy.
Give that, give check that out. See what's going on there?
Thank you? Nice Beckie Gonzales Roth, Well, thank you for
having me. It's always a blast. And I um Jackie
(49:08):
Druthy on the Socials. The most wonderful pot of the
year is uh my other podcast where I talk about
not so well liked Christmas movies. Um. And we are
starting a week early, so we're starting the last week
of October, so right around the corner. Can't wait. Nice,
(49:30):
There's tons of Christmas decorations and stores already, so I
think it's about that time. Mark Gagliardi, Yeah, thanks for
having me, man. It's always fun to see you guys.
And this is I'm I feel bad for the patreons
that are seeing the thing that I'm throwing them out
of it by doubling over, laughing through half the show
and trying to do it quietly. Um, but yeah, thanks
(49:52):
for having me. I'm Mark Gags on Twitter Instagram. We
got this with Mark and how dropping new episodes every
week on the Maximum Network and Blood and Treasure CBS.
Uh season two coming soon. Nice, And I'm glad you
and I still have voices. After two voices we decided
that are total throat rippers. Good Lord, James Ceney, thanks
(50:16):
for having me. Go check out game Front on YouTube
and there's just tons of content these days. In fact,
we have new videos every day. Nice Joey Greer, Yeah,
you know what's going on. You know where I'm at
and all. Honestly, I am trying to find the best
sp October shows available and it's it's it's a limited
(50:39):
it's a limited bunch this here. I get it, but
it's I'm I'm a little sad. So if anyone has
any suggestions, please let me know. I'm at Cole Stratton Stratton,
Cole on your socials. What is that exactly? Halloween? Halloween?
Halloween's the thing. It's happening soon, guys, in what capacity
we don't know, but it is coming up at col
(51:02):
strand Straton Coal on different socials. Go to s sketch
Fest dot com check out videos. We're only gonna be
up to November one and then we're announcing our lineup
for our twentieth anniversary festival and Big November. That's the
thing that's supposedly going to happen in January of next year,
so definitely check that out. Hey, big thanks to our
engineering producer Doug Baine and the fine folks at iHeart
(51:25):
Media dot com. Please write to us at alcove you
this email at gmail dot com. That's alcohol dot com.
Until next time,
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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