Inept bank robbers seem like geniuses compared to those running the joint… The two baristas lives at this coffee drive-thru are simply more oddly compelling than yours or mine… Sure, they took the oath to Do No Harm, but these doctors specialties suggest otherwise.
Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. That's taking the
conch again, and Kevin Pollock Stead is me Cole Stratton,
star of neither stage nor screen. Kevin will be back
as soon as he wrapts production on willow To. These
Brownies got nuts. Let's get right to it and meet
today's Alchemists, starting with Power Forward for the Washington General's
Joey Greer. Joey, how will you beat the Harlem Globetrotters
(00:24):
this time out? I don't know, you know, we just
gotta give solid defense and we've just gotta pass the ball. Sort.
Your spider senses must be tingling, because next up is
Queen of some corner of the Spider Verse, Vanessa Raglan. Vanessa,
who's your favorite honk in the Marvel universe? Honk? If
(00:48):
your horny for Authority Nights. He's curlier than one of
the stooges. It's James ead hean streak. If you could
live inside of your favorite video games, which would it be? Oh,
it would definitely be Grand Theft Auto five. Well, because
I'm really familiar, it's pretty much the same thing. I mean,
(01:10):
I can get away with murder. Well, we're all terrified uh,
next up flipping the script and making mole hills out
of mountains. It's Craig Kakowski. Craig, you give a podcast
about your favorite hundred movies, but what's your least favorite
movie ever? There's a movie called The Far Horizons with
uh Fred McMurray and Charlton Heston is Lewis and Clark
(01:32):
and Donna Reid is saka Jawah. It's a real movie.
It's terrible, nice Donna, And finally he's tall, he's handsome,
and he's funny, so we hate him. Chris, Chris, what's
to like checking all the boxes? I'm just thankful to
(01:54):
God and my parents and stuff like that. Just win
the Super Bowl. I want to thank everybody. I think
you guys are being along on my journey with thanks you.
All right, let's get to our first scene. All of
today's scene suggestions were gathered from our listeners emails. If
you'd like to submit yours, please write to the podcast
(02:16):
at your name here at alchemy this dot com. That's
your name here at alchemy this dot com. Our first
scene comes from Josh, who wrote, Hey, Alchemists, I love
the show. The show cracks me up every time I
listen to it at the office, it is borderline impossible
to stay composed when listening in a quiet setting. Anyways,
I have a scene a group of amateur bank robbers
fumbling around in a bank, trying to carry out the
(02:37):
robbery as professional as possible. It turns out they are
not professional at all. They don't even have a getaway car.
Alchemists filling the rest cheers Josh. Okay, I's just that's
the only key I have. I don't have any other
keys to the case not working. Is there a password?
Where's your manager? Wow? Wow? Really, I'm the manager. I
(03:01):
am the manager. Listen. I have about three minutes before
the can you give us a second? Okay, okay, but
please listen, Brian, I'm the manager. I know, but there's like,
it's more say that, get out of here, the second
freaking out here. It's management issues. I've been the manager
of your six months. Okay, and you great at what
(03:21):
you do. I think you're in the past two management.
But I'm the manager, and I overheard, and I'm sorry.
I just like nude experience. I just say the thing
you want. I'm Rick. What's happening the man? I don't
know exactly. I guess we have a different manager and
there's a there's a power struggle here. There's only one manager.
I'm the manager. No, you cannot which one of you
(03:43):
as the manager? Guys, no car yet, but I got
two birds lined up. I'm trying to get other birds
lined up. Do you have an app? Drive? An app? Yes?
What do you mean the app? I have my phone
at home? What do you mean I have my phone
with the Okay, okay, thank god for Rick, Thank god
(04:04):
for Rick mccorn. Don't use my thing for good shot myself. Okay, okay,
do you have whoever the manager is? Could you get okay,
I'm the manager. Could you please wait? I've got to
really get to the bottom this with Bed. I just
(04:25):
need a first. I have been the manager for six months.
Do you not like my management style? I'm trying to
be compassionate. I try to listen to everything you say.
We're in the middle of the crisis and I'm still
hearing you. So why would you try to take my authority?
It's just something I've dreamed of from a whole life,
and I just said it to activated to believe that
I need one of the guns. These guys aren't paying
(04:46):
attention to me. Get get Damns gone? Okay, Okay, I
got I got two birds. I got a skateboard and
I got an Uber X coming. Is that? Okay? Will
that work? What are so price and Uberpool? Then I
am I gonna skateboard? I'm bleeding. Okay, you'll take the
uber shot Dan Dan shot himself and shot himself Dan
(05:10):
Springsteen and toss me the guy. These guys aren't. Don't
write that down. I'm just taking it. Don't can't throw
me the okay, all right, I think Dan's gonna bleed
out shot again. I can I can help CPR. Can
(05:31):
you help me with the key? Because this I know?
CPR Bran, that was so you are undermining me. I
just said, I know CPR. Did you guys hear that?
I heard that? But why is he doing that? Why
are you doing that to her? Thank you? I'm just
so freaking just want to do the best I can
in these hiding right now for just hearing me. Do
(05:56):
you guys know gut bullet maintenance, A bullet extractions? Okay,
then do it. Let's let's find hit. I don't think
this is a good idea. He's helped my friend Dan, Springste.
Do you have the gun? Isn't the kind available? You
don't need a gun for that? This that give me
my gun? Back out? Okay, I'm gonna have to make
(06:17):
an incision from the neck down. Oh are you using
a complimentary bank pen on the stern all the way
to the belly button. I'm gonna open it. Okay, okay,
but I had to give everybody. I had to give
the uber Xi I downgraded Uberpool. I had to give
me your solal security number. Okay, Dan's dead. We don't
(06:41):
need an uberpool anymore. His rib cake were supposed to
deleted uber anyway should be on lift. Oh, because that
the thing. Wait, he's dead, Springste. Just try CPR Rick McCord,
what are we gonna do? Like my name anymore? We've
got to take hers hostage, now you're Rick? Okay, gut,
what of course we're gonna Are you gonna take me
(07:02):
his hostage? Why did you take Brian? He's the manager? Take?
Is he the manager? Now? I'm the manager. But I'm
just saying, you get to do everything else. You get
to open up the body. You're not the manager, Brian, Brian,
I don't want to shoot. Do not you know it
(07:23):
was self defense. You have tried to get the bullet
out and kill him again like you kill to me.
So I'm gonna cancel this uber. Okay, okay, okay, every
holy shit, I'm alive. Okay, can I dog on my
email here? Okay, but log out of mine first, clog out.
(07:45):
Don't look at my personal stuff? All right, you guys,
I am now in charge. Who's the manager here? I'm
the man? What I am the manager? A lot of
porn sites? Don't That's not what kind of point I had?
What it's in your business? Here's your businesses? People hate that?
What did you say for everyone that really has important?
(08:07):
I'm sorry? Is there a Rick McCord? So I'm waiting
nowt I got people to drop off and she's dead.
Wait what happened to Rick? Well? She shot him? All right, Look,
someone's gonna get charged that. I'm i gotta go. Oh hey,
can you call please? I'm not a phone service, Thank you,
thank you? Can you wait for us? We don't even
(08:27):
have money? Okay, okay, okay, one one night's no, that's wrong.
Thanks for calling. One one night? Your pathway to enlighten me? Yeah, alright,
great readings. One. If you want to feel the lotus,
there's this you want to come on, come on, come on,
(08:51):
smoke him stop mast Rick McCord. It's a bank. I
can do what I want, and as the manager, I
can make you. Oh I got shot out. I'm sorry.
Can I make this deposit or not? I've been standing
here for a good twenty minutes and no one will
(09:13):
come to the tailor window. Give me your money, old man? Okay,
mean he's a great customer. It's penny is you do
you want to count on my rolled? Um? Okay, I
don't want to. I don't want to take from people.
That's why we're robbing this bak. We were robbing the person.
And he's also a public servant. He's been a postal worker.
He volunteers at the fire department even though he can't
(09:35):
do anything. And he puts on a pancake breakfast on
his deck every month, on his what on his deck?
On silver player? Like her Instagram post any sense? Okay
o my cray. I didn't think I did, but why
(09:56):
would you? Like one of your Instagram puts, maybe I'm
more special than I thought. Down this is a bank robber.
Your mother. Wriggle, what's cord here? I'm Rob Wriggle. Rob.
What are you doing? Just rubbing banks with practicing for role?
What's going on? Man? This guy's a real pro. Wow?
What's going on? Man? You got an Instagram account? What's
your hand? I like you? What's your handle? I like you?
(10:20):
What is your handle? I'm into you? Man, Talk to me, man,
I'm gonna blow you away here. Look at his phone.
Get the hell away from me. Man, It's like, I'm
not gonna talk to you. What's your hand? I like you?
Talk to me? What is your handle? Like? I gotta
get out of here. I'm doing a pizza roll later on,
so you can catch me over a pizza. Pizza, but
the pizza, so find me there, all right? Okay? An Instagram?
(10:44):
Oh god, up some Morgans. This has been a weird day.
Can I just say that out loud? This has been
a weird day. I could finally agree, you know, A
couple of people did, but it was tolf defense. Yeah,
and like people are liking my Instagram stuff. It don't.
(11:06):
I don't want those two things to be like the
same level. Okay, can you just give us money and
we will leave. I am a manager. I do not
have the money. Now he's dead. What should we do?
I don't know. Can we open an account here? You
could absolutely open an account. I can help you do that.
(11:27):
I can help you. Yeah. So it's about like you know,
six or seven months running around and fixed in the
car and more about like you know, with the handcuffs
and oh ship, oh my, this this lights bean going
on for a minute. Um no, I shouldn't answer. It's
someone will pick up the emergency line. It's not that
(11:49):
big at you. But yeah, not just crazy kind of
think about what the you have, the flow of it
all is, you know what I mean. So it's it's
not that's not complaint. Well, news flash, I press the
emergency button. So in a few minutes, you guys are
all gonna be busted, busted, busted, and I'm going to
be a hero and I'm not just going to be
(12:10):
a bank manager anymore. I'm going to be a badass
because I a woman killed two men. You were never
going to open account for us in the first place,
were you never? That's rude. You're rude. That's rude, Like
the post and Rob Briggles seems to be kind of
into me as well. He's so strange. Calm this down.
(12:33):
This is nothing that a pancake breakfast. Can't saw what
the That's right? You have a gun. That's right, it's
a Civil War musket. Are you sure you shouldn't answer
that call? That thing is flashing really red and really fast. Yeah,
I mean I am. I sure, you know, yeah, it goes.
(12:56):
But because I'm not even listening to what you're saying,
that button is just so distracting. I mean that that's
the issue. Then, you know, listen to what I'm saying.
Can I answer it? I mean sure, I just kind
of want to show you the place, show you where
I work, and maybe take you out. But you know,
I just feel like that button that is flashing, it
seems important slashing. Can you pass the phone? Yeah? Hello,
(13:24):
this is an automated emergency request from Capital Bank. God second,
and you were right. You're right, it was nothing bad.
Take the gun out of your mouth. You just said
you had so much to live for. What are you
doing now? You're the badass? You win it and breaking
out here? Here? Do you want money? Do you do
(13:45):
you want it? Okay? Give her some cash? What whatever
you have on you. I have sixty bucks for the escape.
I'm paying for the bird on my app. Thank you guy.
Just like it's hitting me what I did to those
guys that was not okay. It is not okay to
kill people. But like when you weren't here and you're
so angry and you have the guns and the team asks,
(14:07):
like I felt like what I was doing okay, announcing
like Alfred would have got. I'm like, what's it? Takes
me a while? I got to get the power in here, Afreid.
Who are you going to shoot one? I don't know.
I got one shot in about four minutes before the
next one, so I'm thinking about it. We should all
just duck when he's ready. That's my plan. Okay, geez,
this has been This has been a weird day. What
(14:29):
am I doing with my life? What am I doing
with my life? Oh? My god? Is that Rick McCord. Yeah,
we used to work at the post office together. Rick,
he was the mastermind behind this plot. He had a
(14:49):
big idea. Well, it's clearly a lot of page, so
I'll just put him out of his misery. Alright, four minutes,
let's stick about what's next. Wow, Well, I think I'm
going home. Oh yeah, that feels right. When the cops
come here, see whatever you want? Um, you know my
(15:11):
Instagram account now, so if you want to find me
or like any of my stuff, you can. And who's
your phone back? By the way, thanks dude, Jesus Christ,
what did you search on this thing? Started? Bank alarms?
Oh yeah, okay? All right? Um, Umber, why you should quit?
I'm gonna I'm gonna burn home. You're gonna hang with her?
(15:32):
Or do you want to come with me? Hang here? Okay?
I feel like I should be with Dan and Rooke
since they died. Blessing. Oh my god, I got school
alive and that everyone just like really chilled out towards
you in there they escalate and then they escalate make
(15:55):
things when you started it in get a hold alright?
Scene too is from M so I have at least
James Juice Ponds. Boss. Hey, they're all Cole is doing
great standing host. Thanks Kevin clearly meant for me to
read that, so thanks Kevin. Fanciest day one. You're all hilarious.
(16:17):
James Ceney once made me pull over in my car
so I could control my laughter. Thank god. It was like,
is this just a friend of mine that I did
something to open letter thread laughter, keep up with the
good work. My scene suggestion is this. Two disgruntled baristas
are working a double shift at the drive through stand.
(16:39):
It is one of those double windows stands, and these
breezes have to deal with all the characters that come
through the drive through. Thanks for all the laughs. M
as to not get fired because they listen knocking me
this at work. That's the anonymous thing. Can I get
a get a che side of strong one chocolate ice block,
(17:00):
side of straws. Bro, I said, chocolate ice latte, side
of straws. You're not doing anything? Sorry, am bro? Are
you hungover? No? Well my heart has hangover. Come on,
just work okay, genius? Yes, there you go one double
(17:23):
chocolate and the side of straws and the side of straws. Hi,
is ione gonna take my debit card? Or how does this?
How do I pay? What is going on? CJ? Get
the card? Okay? Yes, I think you'll take that. You
have sad eyes? Can you just run this please? I
see you insert the chip. I don't want to cut line,
but do you have oat milk? Because if you don't
(17:43):
have oat milk, my held being here is moved? Yeah, no,
we have oatmelk? Great? Well, thank you for cutting. I
didn't cut, I just I asked a question. Got it? Okay?
Can I get my drinks? Or? What's going on? Here?
You sad? Here you go? Here you go? Thank you?
(18:04):
Are you okay? Now? I'm not man? All right? We
gotta pull yourself together again? I'm sorry? Can I get you?
I'd like an iced oat milk matra iced unsweetened gross,
but we got nonsweetened one. Okay? What's wrong with cash? Credit?
What's wrong with him? Is nothing wrong with him? She
(18:26):
did it again? Oh she's cheating on I'm constantly well
what is she on again? Off again? That's never good.
I get on again, off again? It should be off permanently,
That's what I say. At this point, I just feel like,
what's the point. I feel like we learned in the
off again? You can learn, but you should use that
evolution in a new relationship. Are you in a relationship?
(18:48):
I am not in a relationship, so you're in the
off again? No, I'm just I'm just doing me. I've
been doing for twenty years. That's brave and I'm not
interested in any sort of companionship. Is that an option?
It is? It's going great for me. And here's your
ice to match oat milk a lot unsweetened. Of course
it's unweten. Sorry, can anyone helping? Hold on one second?
(19:10):
I don't have any cash. Can I give you this lipstick?
I still have that guy's pin numbers. I mean, that's
not cool. It's alright, it's fine, thank you, Thank you
for that. I hope you feel better. I don't know
if I will, but thank you. Just don't ever go
back be alone forever. You're fine. I'm gonna get I'm
gonna get this. Okay, this drive order driver listening, How
(19:32):
do you have a caffeinated coffee? Yeah? I have caffeinated coffee. Idiot?
What I said? I have caffeinated coffee, idiot. Look, I'm
not a coffee drinker normally, but I'm having an asthma attack,
and my doctor told me that the caffeine might help. Okay,
Well I'm not okay, sure, So I made a caffeinated coffee.
It's just regular coffee. It would be anything else, would
(19:53):
be something extra, it doesn't matter, just regular black coffee.
You want, hey, can I take your Oh? You knew
I was working today, Yeah, I did so. It just
seems like you could have picked anywhere else to get
your coffee today, but you wanted to come here. Yeah,
of course I did. Because we didn't finish our conversation
(20:15):
were off. Oh my god, what's happening? I'm in line.
Can I go before this? I don't want to wait
for that. Yeah, you can go before us. She tends
to let everything come before us for the drive. What's
going on here? I don't know. I'm here, but they're
having a personal thing. But I just need my order. Okay, bro,
I'll cut your back. You want to talk to her,
(20:35):
you can talk for her. I'll take over the counters.
Malcolm is that your name? Don't you can't do that? Oh?
American Malcolm shirt a brand, Malcolm Brand. I'm sure, Yeah,
that's his name, Malcolm Brand. Oh what's an American? American
(20:58):
hash Brown? Well that sounds too intense for me, c J.
Why are you holding my job against me? You know
what's important you do. I work in a kiosk at
the mall where I sell phone repair to the glass
that breaks. Why would you hold that against her? C J?
Because she's has all the time in the world to
repair broken iPhone screens, but has no time to repair
(21:20):
our relationship. Well but wait, okay, let's get to the
bottom of this. What's wrong with the relationship. Well, evidently,
what's your name, honey, it's Penelope. I love the amount
of ponytails you have, Thank you, thank you. Never seen
that many on a head. That was the challenge. It
was ponytail challenged day at the mall. She's a team player.
(21:40):
How do I get the coffee? I've never used the drive.
We needed to pull up to the next window. You're
still at the order place. I thought you wanted the
butt coffee. Now I made you an American. I'm having
an asthma attack. It's an emergency. Then just pull up
to the next window. Okay, so just straight, just all
the only path. Just don't drive away from the building. Okay,
(22:02):
I see you now, I'm waving out the window. That's me.
That's me. Pull up. I'm pulled up next to you. Alright, alright,
here you go. Careful with this coffee. It's really it's
really hot. Be careful. Uh do you think I'm freakish
because of the mask I'm wearing. I barely even noticed
the mask it's uh, it's fairly noticed. People say, look
(22:25):
like Bain. You look a lot like Bain, except what
that mask? He listen, he's got to ask somebody noticed
that person inside? Oh you want to be noticed? Okay,
you're one. I'm sorry that I had to pick up
extra shifts. Okay, but both Dan and Rick were killed
in a bank house this weekend, and somebody had to
(22:46):
man the chaos, and that broke your heart because you
were in love with Dan knew. I think that's unfair.
I think what you're saying is unfairst. Okay, but if
someone's reeling over death, they should reel. Let her grieve.
She's been emotionally cheating on me within for a very
long time. What do you define as emotionally cheating? I'm
not sure, just because we're kindred spirits fixings And I
(23:10):
guess to drink please? Or what do you want to drink?
Like two smoothies, two brown smoothies, when green and like
you mean coffee smoothies? No? No, not just two brown smithies?
Like do you want chocolate chick? No? No, not just
two brown smoothies, and then one green? And then I'm
gonna do a couple of spoons of coffee, and then uh,
(23:30):
you got any Uh go ahead, go go hood say again,
I should go ahead? I honestly, I just confused. On
the first asked if they can do a blended dog. Okay,
can you do a blended dog? Dog? Yeah? I want
a hot dog blended? Please? We don't do those anymore. Okay,
we got two blended dogs. Just drinking summer drinks, just
(23:51):
summer drinking. Baseball season. I know you got the dogs
back there. Just okay, this is terrible. By the way,
First of all, your coffee is disgusting. You aren't supposed
to be here anymore. You're supposed to drive away when
I give that to you. You're talking to me. Why
is everybody wearing masks today? I think that there might
(24:12):
be something wrong with your quality outside. Maybe should we
put on our masks? Can we also do a slice
on ice? I want those hot dogs blended and drain
no water and then slice on Yeah, exercise on ice.
I'm not mad at you. I just I just can't
take the pain anymore. Did you take the mask off?
You're never yourself? Be yourself. You're always like we're getting somewhere.
(24:35):
Should I take the mask off? Yes, take the mask
off show or who you really are, c J. But
then I'll be vulnerable to diseases and to heartbreak. Exactly.
You get the metaphor. You're doing it yourself now. I
am okay, okay, what do you want? I want us
to get back together? I mean to drink. I would
like one of those shaking crazy teas. Okay, shake it good. Wow,
(25:05):
there that'll be nine dollars nine. You're marking it up
from expensive. You're getting the broken heart discount. Sounds like
a up not a disk, the broken heart upcount. C J.
What are you doing this? What's what? What's your name? Tabitha?
(25:26):
You seem like a ta oh. That's why she's wearing
a Tabitha top. That's the name of the kiosk. Yes,
you deserve better get out of here. This guy's a
scum because you're you're charge youners so much for a
blended tea where you just did that. You just said
nine to I don't know too hot dog blended. I
(25:47):
already told him it's not in season, but can you
help me with it? Okay? If they want unripping hot dogs,
that's fine, but they're making a blended hot dog. I'll
have one. Christis guy wants let yeah, can I get
a slam box? I just want? No, no, no, no, okay,
(26:08):
can you get a little slaw in there? No cabins?
Extra mail? What's the word I wanted the dog blinders?
What they wanted to slaw on the mail? Okay? I'm
so sorry, but my car just broke down and ripped
my shirt off, so I decided to do an open
circuit on the road. Sorry, but an open circuit mean
I'm just I do cross fit. Oh nowhere, I don't
(26:32):
want any service. I'm actually here to give you. You know,
I'm a kindergarten teacher. My kids would love to see this.
You know, a guy working on cars they like. The
kids would love it. If you want to know, why
are you standing closer to him? Okay? You helped fix
my screen? Yeah you look familiar. Wow, I never forget
(26:55):
an eye. It's one beautiful eye. Here's a blended slaw.
What if I take down my three ponytails? Shake this
hair out? Oh my god, that's like bait. Who look
at my hair layers. It's falling out, frosted, just in patches.
My kids would love to have you come in come
(27:16):
in here? Can I touch you? Can I touch you? Consent?
Put your dress down? I didn't put it up. It
flew up. Here's your dog wanted? But you've got to
drive away. Okay, I heard somebody trying to order a
slam box. Could I get a slam box? You gotta
go around and get back into the line because you
are holding up all herom here. I already have slam boxing. Okay,
(27:37):
here's a slam box. I feel that, and I just
I want you to know that you're a powerful person
and then you have everything you need to do whatever
you sorry, do you want to get out of here?
All this talk about box slamming to go? I wish
I could I gave up sex. What can I get
for you, sir? A little time? Some time? You want
(27:59):
that hall or large, whatever signs you're comfortable giving. My
kids would love to just meet you. I think I
just want to come by then draw I didn't it
was I did. I did. Drive You gotta listen to
this guy. This guy, I told you you can't be
(28:22):
here without order what you want. I just want some time?
What holy ship? Hey, why don't you get the people
in the drive to to come in I think this
is an important moment. All right, I'll tell him. But okay,
hey sir, sir, yeah, you're allowed to come in. Slam
box is incredible, but they're we haven't got our sly
(28:46):
yet or any of our Just come on in. The
drugs was broken? Come inside or drive around and just
park your car. Do you even have slice on? We're
not gonna come in nless you have slice on ice? Yeah?
We have, we have slice on. Do you got a
fish cup? Yeah? Boiled or not? Not? We boiled? I
mean it's not boiled, but you want I used anyways? Yeah,
(29:09):
she could comment, Okay, I'm I'm right next to you.
Oh wow, you really do look like Bain right in
front of me. And the core of it all, if
we really think about I'm gonna just a massage this
part to relax my handy, uh and and the core
of it comes down to how do you feel? What's
(29:30):
your hand? I feel like start over. I need to
move to a new town and start over, maybe with
with you. Maybe I just met you, but maybe I
could go with you. But look at his hand. It's
on my boob. It's hands on my boob. Okay, let
me just put my hand in my pocket. Hey, Cliff,
do you get that time now yet? If they don't,
(29:52):
gotta get like sage or Regano or something, I gotta
put something in my pasta sauce. Wait, you wanted the
spice out? Yeah? What do a good one? Holy ship?
You're what c J lining back? I'm c J. I'll
talk to myself. It's okay. You've been all of a
sudden googly eyeing. This guy knows what the fun I've
just been following false ideas and really don't worship false gods.
(30:16):
He'll go to hell. Jesus Christ, you're bleeding, ma'am. I
don't know what's going on today at all. Hot, I'm
trying to help people. Nobody wants to be helped in
your worshiping false god. You just start going to go
to hell, and you're gonna go to hell, and you
keep your shirt off. Keep your shirt off. That guys
haven't it has my tech? Somebody, somebody get him. Get
(30:40):
him some espresso on the scroll disgusting. I don't want
to drink coffee. It's terrible. Get some green tea like
fish cups, unboiled unboiled fish cop We never got one
of our brown Smith brown Smith one. We really need
we need that plays. I totally forgot about the Bronx movies.
(31:03):
But we've got an emergency in here right now. Everyone
did ever live give is doomed to die. I'll save
one that might be you come back here, put your
hand in my book, will perish at you? Wow? If
(31:26):
that was really brave of you, Penelope, I just feel
like we got let's just see you. Let's just start
over for Let's get out of here. Let's start over.
Let's get out of here. It's just like almost word
for work this time it is for real. Ye. But
you're the best man, all right. I'll cover the rest
of your shift. Hey, you can take my tips. Thanks,
and also like take care of yourself, okay, like you
(31:49):
put on a mask sometimes for yourself, okay, and treat yourself.
Sometimes I'm worried about you, but okay, good here, Who
do I have to low for a slam box? Sorry? Sorry,
I'm on my water. And that's that one. Yeah, guys.
(32:11):
Our last scene for today is from Sean, who wrote, Hi,
my name is Sean. The show My suggestion is an
African medical mission with doctors who specialties are not a
great fit for the work, for example, a dermatologist, plastic surgeon,
or at the pedic surgeon who works professional athletes, etcetera.
Maybe a hospital administrator, a billing specialist. Alchemy that, respectfully,
(32:33):
Sean were worth m d oh for Mr m dude,
Mr damn. Yeah. I mean it's that's like the Patriots,
you know, the Jets. Uh don't know. I'm asking you
what what hospitals you served out? What do you mean
(32:53):
you worked at the Patriots and the Jets? Were you
a sports Yeah? You could say that you ever heard
of a guy named Tim Braby? I don't watch sports.
I'm pretty busy trying to see Probably heard of Tim Braby?
Tim Braby? Yeah, yeah, greatest tight end of all time.
Thank you worked on we are, worked on Tim braby shoulder,
worked on his back, you name it. You should have
(33:14):
worked on his hands because dropped break of a bowler here. Okay.
But the crazy part about that whole season was that
it wasn't It wasn't at the beginning that we saw
the outcomes of all that. It was preseason. That's when
outcomes until the end. That's what I how you doing?
You know, Tim Braby? I do know Tim Braby, Please
(33:36):
tell me all three of you aren't sports doctors, not exactly, No,
not just a fan. Okay, you know what we were
just talking about that season, and uh it was a
season that Braby love your necklace. Oh, thank you very much.
You can't wear that human teeth. And we're not just
sports doctors, all right. I'm just a throat specialist. I
(33:57):
don't do here's but just throat. That's not that bad.
Actually that's at least I'm an infectious disease. Thank god,
this is happening to athletes. Doctors. We have a bad case. Okay,
we're prepared for that, professionals. He's in room two. I
have him come here. Who's in room one? No, we
(34:18):
can't have him come to us. He's in a quarantine roman.
Why not put him in room one? One? Is we're
using that's kind of like a storage facility right now,
then you should just renumber so that that's one. It
was honestly number one before we put boxes in there,
which just happened to be the closest thing to the truck.
But nonetheless, but I think that we should call whatever
room he's in, room one. I've been in charge of
(34:39):
this for a long time. Don't come in here day
one trying to tell me renumber my rooms. Look, we're
doing this like kind of for free. This is a
humanitarian thing. Kurtoy, that is your name. It's Curtis. Oh
I thought you said Kurtoy. No I heard. So the
doctors will be here in just a moment. I'm very
(35:00):
What are your symptoms exactly? I am coughing, I've fever yeah, okay, Um,
I'm bleeding. Yeah, I see that. Okay. Um, I'm gonna
need you to step on the scale first. Jesus Christ,
I'm gonna need you to step on the scale for
a second. Okay, take your weight here? Wow? Have you
always weide this much? Have you had any recent weight loss? Yes,
(35:22):
I've lost fifty pounds in the last week. Right, Okay,
so you're eighty nine pounds now, okay, is that bad? Um?
We'll let me take your height. Let me see your
height here. Okay, you're six three, that's you. Look it's
a little thing. It's like shooting guard. Are you hYP you? Uh?
You watch do I watch sports? I do watch sports?
(35:45):
Oh my god, what are you doing in here without
a half match suit? Well? You guys are over there
playing Dilly Delhi. We trips on. Well, we gotta quarantine
this nurse. I know, I'm fine. Take that off, Take off,
rooky mistake. I'm a doctor. I'm a doctor. You're an idiot.
I'm the patients right here. It's very likely that this
(36:06):
patient has a bowl. Hello, sir, I'm an infectious disease specialist,
doctor Anita Squaw. That's a great name. Thank you. And
your name is man. You're very thin, very very thin. Man.
A lot of my friends would be jealous. I have
a lot of antarexic friends. Yes, So where did that
(36:27):
nurse go? I don't know. Girl on the nurse, What
do you want me to do? The nurse was exposed.
You can't go anywhere. Your gloves are off, and I'm
trying to work chase down the nurse. Okay, I'm working
with control here promsolutely foot with the bedside man or
it sounds a little what is that check check? It
sounds like what well, you're telling him he should be lucky.
(36:50):
He's dying. If a bullet, I gotta go. I'm gonna
go find that I am I should I balance hang out, Marvin.
I did not mean to say You're lucky to be
dying of a bowla. Okay, there's worse ways to go, Marvin.
I can tell you that you ever heard of Tim Braby? No,
I don't know. You know the Patriots and the Jets.
(37:11):
I mean we get a lot of their T shirts
for free here yet? Oh great? So you watch I
watch best more of an NBA fan? Okay, yeah, I've
done some NBA stuff. You sure you haven't heard? You're
a good guy. Look I heard Ebola and I'm kind
of locked into that, are you? Are you sure you
(37:33):
have a bowla? I keep hearing people say I have
a bullet. You think you do? There's an outbreak. Your
symptoms match the symptoms of a bowla pretty clearly. It
was bit by a baboon last week. That's bad for you.
What was going on? What are you guys watching? It
doesn't matter. We don't need to know how they got
into it or whatever happened between you and the baboon
(37:53):
is between you and the battle. I'm sorry, it's really
stuffy here. I'm just gonna open up this tent up.
That's better. Listen. I know this is bad. This means
the germs are getting out. This let's just do it, Brian, Brian,
step back from the buffet. I'm starting, Brian, Please don't
(38:16):
go over by that. Okay, weak what's up? Makes his
chicken with the rice and every day else? Okay, nobody
this food, This food is off limits. Don't know what
I mean? Good, Okay, I'm sure that you'll understand. This
food has now been tainted by a quarrantin somebody that
(38:36):
should be quarantined. You're stain. We can't. I've had a
long day of making spinal adjustments to people. Well, unfortunately,
Brian here was exposed to bulls looking up my feed.
This bad boom before people. Okay, okay, okay, keep a
little bit of the food. Okay, okay, come in. I
make the food all right, and you're gonna tell me
(38:57):
right now that I guess some of the food that's inside. Well,
you know how dangerous it is here. I know how dangerous.
I'm working with a crazy doctor, Brian. This nurse here,
it was just exposed a nurse. I don't know what
your position is. We're just people. Listen, Brian, I need
(39:18):
you to go into room number three. Zip the door
which three now? Because now everything's all follow the actual
numbers in the doors. Follow the yellow grow d. I'm
gonna freak the funk out, Bryan, get into room number three.
You guys, this food can't be served. Come on, no,
(39:39):
just don't serve it. It's an order from the doctor. Okay,
I've got to get back to room number two. And
how long have you had this tension? This tension, This
tension has been growing since the kissing contest cerily all
because you might need some cupping to reduce the anxiety.
Just welcome to kissing contest. That serio. See what did
(40:00):
I say? Local celebrity doesn't mean you can funk up
the name of the look. You two are just the kissers.
I'm the pace of this competition. Well, I want to
necessarily okay, your confused because Sara Lee, the Cheesecake Company,
is sponsoring this. That is true. That was a generous offer.
(40:22):
That was true. That's true. So I'm justified here. No
hold on, no, you gotta say, Sierra, I'm not here
to fight. I'm here to this. What we want you
to remember, you two are kissing every person that walks
up to your boots. Understand, you only get one refusal
of the day. One refusal of the day, and you're
gonna hold the big sign and say never Never ain't
(40:43):
gonna happen. Would rather die? Yeah? Or that I can
also work. And nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Nobody doesn't like.
Nobody doesn't like. It's a double bat. It's their slogan.
It's just that's such a word jump sly. Why can't
we can't change their slogan at this point, if he's
(41:04):
gonna say, Sarah Leone, I don't know why kids changed, Okay,
so then I have to say they're slogan. Yes, they're sponsoring.
Is it looks like we have somebody out there waiting.
Has anybody at this booth? Yea? We right with you? Okay,
you too. You're the blue team, You're the right team.
Whoever gets more kisses winds? Do we have our own booths?
(41:25):
Do we share a booth? No, you have your own booth. Okay, okay.
So he came to I'm just I'm spinning right and gentlemen,
Sera Leon Kissing Sarah Li Sierra Leone Kissing Contest. Welcome
to the Sarah le Sera Leone Contest. The ladies and gentlemen,
(41:47):
I know why you came here. You came here to
get kissed. Makes a noise over you're too professional kissers.
You know her. She's from Newark, New Jenna. Make some
noise for Tilly's Swanson folks. Master himself coming to you
(42:14):
live from Atlanta, Georgia, and gonna make some noise for
Jeff Carls. He's not coming to live from Atlanta. He's here,
Jesus alive. It's Carton Tillatin all right, Carl Leo Cartan,
till Atten, Jeff Carton, Tillaton, Jeffrey Okay, Carton, Carton, Carton Tillton,
(42:39):
two top kissing chips. So what happened in the contest?
Onesn't that to do with us eating and eating food? Here?
Forty two new cases of the bullet broke out that day,
and I've been sweating bullets up for sick. I'm so sorry.
I was just what are you doing? Okay? I need
your help? Who here has heard of Tim Baby that
baboon has got a get away from their goddamn a
(43:01):
thing or I'm their killing by I have What are
you doing coming? Tim? Tim? Come quickly come in to
come with you quickly, quickly, quickly, Marvin mart Yes, do
you recognize this guy. He looks vaguely for me. Yeah,
who do you think he is? I don't know Tim Braby. Yeah,
(43:22):
that's not Tim Braby. Okay, why is this unsipped? Guys?
This is completely melted down, Tim Braby. I need you
in room number four. Zip it when you get in
your under quarantine. It is a real stick that. It's Curtish.
It's name to say, you know, covid. Okay, you know
(43:47):
we have come down to the last kiss of the
far another have used. Ain't gonna kiss, but maybe they will.
Now our last two people to kiss are coming up, right,
(44:09):
you choose? Is it gonna be Tilly or Carlton? Hardon?
Sarah le Sira Leone? Before you kiss anybody? Can you
say the magic catch phrase? Sarah le Sierra Leone? Okay, Tilly,
he threw up in your booth. It means you are kissing?
(44:32):
Are we tied? Do I have to take this one? Well,
you can use your pass. I'll take it. I'll take it. Okay,
So say the say the phrase nobody doesn't like Sarah
Lee Leon. Alright, Carlton, it is up to you. Just Jeff, Jeff, okay, Jeff,
everybody Jeff will you be kissing or not? Know what?
(44:59):
It doesn't like? Sara hold On, that was the pass phrase,
both past this. Yeah, what the hell? I guess um
that guy threw up in my mouth. That's not supposed
to happen. Look good, doctors, just give it to me straight.
I told him. I think it's what's the prugnosis? It's
(45:21):
a bowler. Yeah, you don't need to come in here.
This is this is Tim Braby. I don't know if
I've been into his room. I'm having trouble holding down
this cheesecake. Is there are less rich food you can
give me? Sorry, we're this hospital sponsored. I mean we're
thankful for all of the fund Nobody doesn't like Sarah Lee. No, No,
(45:43):
nobody doesn't like No. No, it's nobody does it like
it's a double negative sponsor, Sarily, what is it? It's
nobody doesn't like Sara Lee hold On, Like, sorry, say
it again. We're trying to gear Tim Marvin. Would you
(46:04):
like me to sign your Buffalo Bills four time Super
Bowl champions T shirt? Sure? I was getting skinnier every
fucking second, So what's the saying? What's the slugre It's
nobody doesn't like Seraly. Nobody doesn't like that. You know,
I renumbered the doors. So now we have all of
the dead and decomposing bodies in room four, a new
(46:26):
room four, which was old room five. Old room five.
That's that's where Tim was supposed to be. I have
no I gotta go. You gotta go to that room.
Why does he have to go there? This guy doesn't
look I mean, he looks great, but he doesn't look great.
Does anyone happen that's a new room six. That's a
new room six. Well that is there's only one antidote,
(46:48):
and we were using that to duplicate. So thanks a lot.
Well we should give it to Marvin. It's not a
duplicated We saved Marvin, and everybody else's sick is dead.
But now I've made a connection with Marvin. Come in, hello,
leave the light off. Okay, it's kind of hard to see.
My eyes are just in here, kind of like Tim
(47:09):
Braby last season. I'm all right, are you familiar? I
suppose you're here for the antidote? I am Tim Braby.
Are you familiar? Yes, that's great. It's kind of a
close personal friend of mine and worked on him, worked
on his hands shoulders. You don't have to tell every
(47:32):
story about me to everybody you met. Tim is I
can't believe it's Tim Remember you bigger and stronger. Look,
I got the end of the right here dropped getting anecdotes.
(48:00):
So now it goes to figure, if we make the baboon,
if we drain the baboon's blood, we can put the
blood in Marvin and anything. And Marvin's what you sent
a humor first thing to go. You're you're, you're in
good spirits. I love that. I love that. Who's gonna
(48:23):
drain the balloon? That's make a decision. I'll suck and spit.
So let's make it a on Marvin and then here
we go, right, Oh, humanitarian work. Can we get a bucket?
I'm losing a lot of blood and trying to spit
the hole from Marvin. Sorry, I have been sitting this
one out. I'm not I just doesn't seem throat related,
(48:45):
so I've just been hanging back. It's definitely throat related.
That's where the blood's coming from. Mr Tomato motto. I
might be crazy because everybody else seems to think this
as normal, but usually blood transfusion through I'm good just
through bags and to and I don't think this tent
(49:10):
is a real medical tent. I think this is all
just some Sarahly publicity stunt which I've seen happened before.
Rob wriggled. Here, everybody down, alright in this place? All right?
I like you? What's your name? What is your name?
Answer for you? What is your handle? I don't I
(49:30):
don't know how to answer. What is your handle? I
like yours? With Kobe Bryant, did ye? I would scream
that out? Well. I wanted wrong to look at me?
Why did you shoot Timber? Timbarment? Don't like you that much? Man, Okay,
I'm not big fan. I'm not a big fan. Alright, Boston,
but don't like you? All right? You got that feeling
(49:51):
me handle? Now? I don't feel comfortable. Who's that walking
through the door. It's that crazy old man who keeps
in that dark, dark room in room in new room six.
He knows that, you know, he probably has some answer here,
he goes. Why did he need that kind of intro?
(50:12):
You know what I mean? Like, I don't know is
he here or not? What does he talk? Hey, Marvin,
we're canceling your seventeenth spinoff. What canceling the spinoff whoa
Doctor Sabbatical is not going well? I thought that was
my favorite one to do. Sorry, buddy. Addressed as a local,
(50:35):
my name was Marvin. Marvin is just a fensive across
the board. I mean you're telling me black faces, Yes, Marvin,
look at these numbers. Look at these numbers, seven ten,
lots of numbers. Yeah, you got a five seven ten,
it's a plus ten location. Yeah, in the market. Oh
(50:58):
my gosh, this is in the numbers. Are through the riff,
through the riff, through the what to the riff? Are
you some kind of an alien? I have to go
take a ship. What's happening to your skin? And that's
our show for today. Everybody was that from this week.
(51:27):
That's a really long form, right, Well, let's let's say
hello goodbye to our alchemist Chris Alvarado. Hello, Goodbyeobe. Craig
get as you say hello, and I said goodbye, James.
I don't know. I'm not going to not promote myself.
I got to promoted to boss no kidding, go to
(51:52):
under cow boss undercover at the heam and on there.
I've got some new content. I made this Rusher thing
starring vs. Jump Bolt nice, it's funny. I really enjoyed,
and Joey Greer Guys, Hello, goodbye. I'm full Stratton filling
it for Kevin. Let's thank our engineer Doug Banbe, our
(52:13):
post sound design artist Raphael Brito, our producer Sophie Lichtman,
and lastly, I heart Media. We encourage you all to
write a review tele everyone you've ever met and write
to us at your name here at alchemy this dot com.
That's your name here at alchemy this dot com. And
until next time, remember
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. That's taking the
conch again, and Kevin Pollock Stead is me Cole Stratton,
star of neither stage nor screen. Kevin will be back
as soon as he wrapts production on willow To. These
Brownies got nuts. Let's get right to it and meet
today's Alchemists, starting with Power Forward for the Washington General's
Joey Greer. Joey, how will you beat the Harlem Globetrotters
(00:24):
this time out? I don't know, you know, we just
gotta give solid defense and we've just gotta pass the ball. Sort.
Your spider senses must be tingling, because next up is
Queen of some corner of the Spider Verse, Vanessa Raglan. Vanessa,
who's your favorite honk in the Marvel universe? Honk? If
(00:48):
your horny for Authority Nights. He's curlier than one of
the stooges. It's James ead hean streak. If you could
live inside of your favorite video games, which would it be? Oh,
it would definitely be Grand Theft Auto five. Well, because
I'm really familiar, it's pretty much the same thing. I mean,
(01:10):
I can get away with murder. Well, we're all terrified uh,
next up flipping the script and making mole hills out
of mountains. It's Craig Kakowski. Craig, you give a podcast
about your favorite hundred movies, but what's your least favorite
movie ever? There's a movie called The Far Horizons with
uh Fred McMurray and Charlton Heston is Lewis and Clark
(01:32):
and Donna Reid is saka Jawah. It's a real movie.
It's terrible, nice Donna, And finally he's tall, he's handsome,
and he's funny, so we hate him. Chris, Chris, what's
to like checking all the boxes? I'm just thankful to
(01:54):
God and my parents and stuff like that. Just win
the Super Bowl. I want to thank everybody. I think
you guys are being along on my journey with thanks you.
All right, let's get to our first scene. All of
today's scene suggestions were gathered from our listeners emails. If
you'd like to submit yours, please write to the podcast
(02:16):
at your name here at alchemy this dot com. That's
your name here at alchemy this dot com. Our first
scene comes from Josh, who wrote, Hey, Alchemists, I love
the show. The show cracks me up every time I
listen to it at the office, it is borderline impossible
to stay composed when listening in a quiet setting. Anyways,
I have a scene a group of amateur bank robbers
fumbling around in a bank, trying to carry out the
(02:37):
robbery as professional as possible. It turns out they are
not professional at all. They don't even have a getaway car.
Alchemists filling the rest cheers Josh. Okay, I's just that's
the only key I have. I don't have any other
keys to the case not working. Is there a password?
Where's your manager? Wow? Wow? Really, I'm the manager. I
(03:01):
am the manager. Listen. I have about three minutes before
the can you give us a second? Okay, okay, but
please listen, Brian, I'm the manager. I know, but there's like,
it's more say that, get out of here, the second
freaking out here. It's management issues. I've been the manager
of your six months. Okay, and you great at what
(03:21):
you do. I think you're in the past two management.
But I'm the manager, and I overheard, and I'm sorry.
I just like nude experience. I just say the thing
you want. I'm Rick. What's happening the man? I don't
know exactly. I guess we have a different manager and
there's a there's a power struggle here. There's only one manager.
I'm the manager. No, you cannot which one of you
(03:43):
as the manager? Guys, no car yet, but I got
two birds lined up. I'm trying to get other birds
lined up. Do you have an app? Drive? An app? Yes?
What do you mean the app? I have my phone
at home? What do you mean I have my phone
with the Okay, okay, thank god for Rick, Thank god
(04:04):
for Rick mccorn. Don't use my thing for good shot myself. Okay, okay,
do you have whoever the manager is? Could you get okay,
I'm the manager. Could you please wait? I've got to
really get to the bottom this with Bed. I just
(04:25):
need a first. I have been the manager for six months.
Do you not like my management style? I'm trying to
be compassionate. I try to listen to everything you say.
We're in the middle of the crisis and I'm still
hearing you. So why would you try to take my authority?
It's just something I've dreamed of from a whole life,
and I just said it to activated to believe that
I need one of the guns. These guys aren't paying
(04:46):
attention to me. Get get Damns gone? Okay, Okay, I
got I got two birds. I got a skateboard and
I got an Uber X coming. Is that? Okay? Will
that work? What are so price and Uberpool? Then I
am I gonna skateboard? I'm bleeding. Okay, you'll take the
uber shot Dan Dan shot himself and shot himself Dan
(05:10):
Springsteen and toss me the guy. These guys aren't. Don't
write that down. I'm just taking it. Don't can't throw
me the okay, all right, I think Dan's gonna bleed
out shot again. I can I can help CPR. Can
(05:31):
you help me with the key? Because this I know?
CPR Bran, that was so you are undermining me. I
just said, I know CPR. Did you guys hear that?
I heard that? But why is he doing that? Why
are you doing that to her? Thank you? I'm just
so freaking just want to do the best I can
in these hiding right now for just hearing me. Do
(05:56):
you guys know gut bullet maintenance, A bullet extractions? Okay,
then do it. Let's let's find hit. I don't think
this is a good idea. He's helped my friend Dan, Springste.
Do you have the gun? Isn't the kind available? You
don't need a gun for that? This that give me
my gun? Back out? Okay, I'm gonna have to make
(06:17):
an incision from the neck down. Oh are you using
a complimentary bank pen on the stern all the way
to the belly button. I'm gonna open it. Okay, okay,
but I had to give everybody. I had to give
the uber Xi I downgraded Uberpool. I had to give
me your solal security number. Okay, Dan's dead. We don't
(06:41):
need an uberpool anymore. His rib cake were supposed to
deleted uber anyway should be on lift. Oh, because that
the thing. Wait, he's dead, Springste. Just try CPR Rick McCord,
what are we gonna do? Like my name anymore? We've
got to take hers hostage, now you're Rick? Okay, gut,
what of course we're gonna Are you gonna take me
(07:02):
his hostage? Why did you take Brian? He's the manager? Take?
Is he the manager? Now? I'm the manager. But I'm
just saying, you get to do everything else. You get
to open up the body. You're not the manager, Brian, Brian,
I don't want to shoot. Do not you know it
(07:23):
was self defense. You have tried to get the bullet
out and kill him again like you kill to me.
So I'm gonna cancel this uber. Okay, okay, okay, every
holy shit, I'm alive. Okay, can I dog on my
email here? Okay, but log out of mine first, clog out.
(07:45):
Don't look at my personal stuff? All right, you guys,
I am now in charge. Who's the manager here? I'm
the man? What I am the manager? A lot of
porn sites? Don't That's not what kind of point I had?
What it's in your business? Here's your businesses? People hate that?
What did you say for everyone that really has important?
(08:07):
I'm sorry? Is there a Rick McCord? So I'm waiting
nowt I got people to drop off and she's dead.
Wait what happened to Rick? Well? She shot him? All right, Look,
someone's gonna get charged that. I'm i gotta go. Oh hey,
can you call please? I'm not a phone service, Thank you,
thank you? Can you wait for us? We don't even
(08:27):
have money? Okay, okay, okay, one one night's no, that's wrong.
Thanks for calling. One one night? Your pathway to enlighten me? Yeah, alright,
great readings. One. If you want to feel the lotus,
there's this you want to come on, come on, come on,
(08:51):
smoke him stop mast Rick McCord. It's a bank. I
can do what I want, and as the manager, I
can make you. Oh I got shot out. I'm sorry.
Can I make this deposit or not? I've been standing
here for a good twenty minutes and no one will
(09:13):
come to the tailor window. Give me your money, old man? Okay,
mean he's a great customer. It's penny is you do
you want to count on my rolled? Um? Okay, I
don't want to. I don't want to take from people.
That's why we're robbing this bak. We were robbing the person.
And he's also a public servant. He's been a postal worker.
He volunteers at the fire department even though he can't
(09:35):
do anything. And he puts on a pancake breakfast on
his deck every month, on his what on his deck?
On silver player? Like her Instagram post any sense? Okay
o my cray. I didn't think I did, but why
(09:56):
would you? Like one of your Instagram puts, maybe I'm
more special than I thought. Down this is a bank robber.
Your mother. Wriggle, what's cord here? I'm Rob Wriggle. Rob.
What are you doing? Just rubbing banks with practicing for role?
What's going on? Man? This guy's a real pro. Wow?
What's going on? Man? You got an Instagram account? What's
your hand? I like you? What's your handle? I like you?
(10:20):
What is your handle? I'm into you? Man, Talk to me, man,
I'm gonna blow you away here. Look at his phone.
Get the hell away from me. Man, It's like, I'm
not gonna talk to you. What's your hand? I like you?
Talk to me? What is your handle? Like? I gotta
get out of here. I'm doing a pizza roll later on,
so you can catch me over a pizza. Pizza, but
the pizza, so find me there, all right? Okay? An Instagram?
(10:44):
Oh god, up some Morgans. This has been a weird day.
Can I just say that out loud? This has been
a weird day. I could finally agree, you know, A
couple of people did, but it was tolf defense. Yeah,
and like people are liking my Instagram stuff. It don't.
(11:06):
I don't want those two things to be like the
same level. Okay, can you just give us money and
we will leave. I am a manager. I do not
have the money. Now he's dead. What should we do?
I don't know. Can we open an account here? You
could absolutely open an account. I can help you do that.
(11:27):
I can help you. Yeah. So it's about like you know,
six or seven months running around and fixed in the
car and more about like you know, with the handcuffs
and oh ship, oh my, this this lights bean going
on for a minute. Um no, I shouldn't answer. It's
someone will pick up the emergency line. It's not that
(11:49):
big at you. But yeah, not just crazy kind of
think about what the you have, the flow of it
all is, you know what I mean. So it's it's
not that's not complaint. Well, news flash, I press the
emergency button. So in a few minutes, you guys are
all gonna be busted, busted, busted, and I'm going to
be a hero and I'm not just going to be
(12:10):
a bank manager anymore. I'm going to be a badass
because I a woman killed two men. You were never
going to open account for us in the first place,
were you never? That's rude. You're rude. That's rude, Like
the post and Rob Briggles seems to be kind of
into me as well. He's so strange. Calm this down.
(12:33):
This is nothing that a pancake breakfast. Can't saw what
the That's right? You have a gun. That's right, it's
a Civil War musket. Are you sure you shouldn't answer
that call? That thing is flashing really red and really fast. Yeah,
I mean I am. I sure, you know, yeah, it goes.
(12:56):
But because I'm not even listening to what you're saying,
that button is just so distracting. I mean that that's
the issue. Then, you know, listen to what I'm saying.
Can I answer it? I mean sure, I just kind
of want to show you the place, show you where
I work, and maybe take you out. But you know,
I just feel like that button that is flashing, it
seems important slashing. Can you pass the phone? Yeah? Hello,
(13:24):
this is an automated emergency request from Capital Bank. God second,
and you were right. You're right, it was nothing bad.
Take the gun out of your mouth. You just said
you had so much to live for. What are you
doing now? You're the badass? You win it and breaking
out here? Here? Do you want money? Do you do
(13:45):
you want it? Okay? Give her some cash? What whatever
you have on you. I have sixty bucks for the escape.
I'm paying for the bird on my app. Thank you guy.
Just like it's hitting me what I did to those
guys that was not okay. It is not okay to
kill people. But like when you weren't here and you're
so angry and you have the guns and the team asks,
(14:07):
like I felt like what I was doing okay, announcing
like Alfred would have got. I'm like, what's it? Takes
me a while? I got to get the power in here, Afreid.
Who are you going to shoot one? I don't know.
I got one shot in about four minutes before the
next one, so I'm thinking about it. We should all
just duck when he's ready. That's my plan. Okay, geez,
this has been This has been a weird day. What
(14:29):
am I doing with my life? What am I doing
with my life? Oh? My god? Is that Rick McCord. Yeah,
we used to work at the post office together. Rick,
he was the mastermind behind this plot. He had a
(14:49):
big idea. Well, it's clearly a lot of page, so
I'll just put him out of his misery. Alright, four minutes,
let's stick about what's next. Wow, Well, I think I'm
going home. Oh yeah, that feels right. When the cops
come here, see whatever you want? Um, you know my
(15:11):
Instagram account now, so if you want to find me
or like any of my stuff, you can. And who's
your phone back? By the way, thanks dude, Jesus Christ,
what did you search on this thing? Started? Bank alarms?
Oh yeah, okay? All right? Um, Umber, why you should quit?
I'm gonna I'm gonna burn home. You're gonna hang with her?
(15:32):
Or do you want to come with me? Hang here? Okay?
I feel like I should be with Dan and Rooke
since they died. Blessing. Oh my god, I got school
alive and that everyone just like really chilled out towards
you in there they escalate and then they escalate make
(15:55):
things when you started it in get a hold alright?
Scene too is from M so I have at least
James Juice Ponds. Boss. Hey, they're all Cole is doing
great standing host. Thanks Kevin clearly meant for me to
read that, so thanks Kevin. Fanciest day one. You're all hilarious.
(16:17):
James Ceney once made me pull over in my car
so I could control my laughter. Thank god. It was like,
is this just a friend of mine that I did
something to open letter thread laughter, keep up with the
good work. My scene suggestion is this. Two disgruntled baristas
are working a double shift at the drive through stand.
(16:39):
It is one of those double windows stands, and these
breezes have to deal with all the characters that come
through the drive through. Thanks for all the laughs. M
as to not get fired because they listen knocking me
this at work. That's the anonymous thing. Can I get
a get a che side of strong one chocolate ice block,
(17:00):
side of straws. Bro, I said, chocolate ice latte, side
of straws. You're not doing anything? Sorry, am bro? Are
you hungover? No? Well my heart has hangover. Come on,
just work okay, genius? Yes, there you go one double
(17:23):
chocolate and the side of straws and the side of straws. Hi,
is ione gonna take my debit card? Or how does this?
How do I pay? What is going on? CJ? Get
the card? Okay? Yes, I think you'll take that. You
have sad eyes? Can you just run this please? I
see you insert the chip. I don't want to cut line,
but do you have oat milk? Because if you don't
(17:43):
have oat milk, my held being here is moved? Yeah, no,
we have oatmelk? Great? Well, thank you for cutting. I
didn't cut, I just I asked a question. Got it? Okay?
Can I get my drinks? Or? What's going on? Here?
You sad? Here you go? Here you go? Thank you?
(18:04):
Are you okay? Now? I'm not man? All right? We
gotta pull yourself together again? I'm sorry? Can I get you?
I'd like an iced oat milk matra iced unsweetened gross,
but we got nonsweetened one. Okay? What's wrong with cash? Credit?
What's wrong with him? Is nothing wrong with him? She
(18:26):
did it again? Oh she's cheating on I'm constantly well
what is she on again? Off again? That's never good.
I get on again, off again? It should be off permanently,
That's what I say. At this point, I just feel like,
what's the point. I feel like we learned in the
off again? You can learn, but you should use that
evolution in a new relationship. Are you in a relationship?
(18:48):
I am not in a relationship, so you're in the
off again? No, I'm just I'm just doing me. I've
been doing for twenty years. That's brave and I'm not
interested in any sort of companionship. Is that an option?
It is? It's going great for me. And here's your
ice to match oat milk a lot unsweetened. Of course
it's unweten. Sorry, can anyone helping? Hold on one second?
(19:10):
I don't have any cash. Can I give you this lipstick?
I still have that guy's pin numbers. I mean, that's
not cool. It's alright, it's fine, thank you, Thank you
for that. I hope you feel better. I don't know
if I will, but thank you. Just don't ever go
back be alone forever. You're fine. I'm gonna get I'm
gonna get this. Okay, this drive order driver listening, How
(19:32):
do you have a caffeinated coffee? Yeah? I have caffeinated coffee. Idiot?
What I said? I have caffeinated coffee, idiot. Look, I'm
not a coffee drinker normally, but I'm having an asthma attack,
and my doctor told me that the caffeine might help. Okay,
Well I'm not okay, sure, So I made a caffeinated coffee.
It's just regular coffee. It would be anything else, would
(19:53):
be something extra, it doesn't matter, just regular black coffee.
You want, hey, can I take your Oh? You knew
I was working today, Yeah, I did so. It just
seems like you could have picked anywhere else to get
your coffee today, but you wanted to come here. Yeah,
of course I did. Because we didn't finish our conversation
(20:15):
were off. Oh my god, what's happening? I'm in line.
Can I go before this? I don't want to wait
for that. Yeah, you can go before us. She tends
to let everything come before us for the drive. What's
going on here? I don't know. I'm here, but they're
having a personal thing. But I just need my order. Okay, bro,
I'll cut your back. You want to talk to her,
(20:35):
you can talk for her. I'll take over the counters.
Malcolm is that your name? Don't you can't do that? Oh?
American Malcolm shirt a brand, Malcolm Brand. I'm sure, Yeah,
that's his name, Malcolm Brand. Oh what's an American? American
(20:58):
hash Brown? Well that sounds too intense for me, c J.
Why are you holding my job against me? You know
what's important you do. I work in a kiosk at
the mall where I sell phone repair to the glass
that breaks. Why would you hold that against her? C J?
Because she's has all the time in the world to
repair broken iPhone screens, but has no time to repair
(21:20):
our relationship. Well but wait, okay, let's get to the
bottom of this. What's wrong with the relationship. Well, evidently,
what's your name, honey, it's Penelope. I love the amount
of ponytails you have, Thank you, thank you. Never seen
that many on a head. That was the challenge. It
was ponytail challenged day at the mall. She's a team player.
(21:40):
How do I get the coffee? I've never used the drive.
We needed to pull up to the next window. You're
still at the order place. I thought you wanted the
butt coffee. Now I made you an American. I'm having
an asthma attack. It's an emergency. Then just pull up
to the next window. Okay, so just straight, just all
the only path. Just don't drive away from the building. Okay,
(22:02):
I see you now, I'm waving out the window. That's me.
That's me. Pull up. I'm pulled up next to you. Alright, alright,
here you go. Careful with this coffee. It's really it's
really hot. Be careful. Uh do you think I'm freakish
because of the mask I'm wearing. I barely even noticed
the mask it's uh, it's fairly noticed. People say, look
(22:25):
like Bain. You look a lot like Bain, except what
that mask? He listen, he's got to ask somebody noticed
that person inside? Oh you want to be noticed? Okay,
you're one. I'm sorry that I had to pick up
extra shifts. Okay, but both Dan and Rick were killed
in a bank house this weekend, and somebody had to
(22:46):
man the chaos, and that broke your heart because you
were in love with Dan knew. I think that's unfair.
I think what you're saying is unfairst. Okay, but if
someone's reeling over death, they should reel. Let her grieve.
She's been emotionally cheating on me within for a very
long time. What do you define as emotionally cheating? I'm
not sure, just because we're kindred spirits fixings And I
(23:10):
guess to drink please? Or what do you want to drink?
Like two smoothies, two brown smoothies, when green and like
you mean coffee smoothies? No? No, not just two brown smithies?
Like do you want chocolate chick? No? No, not just
two brown smoothies, and then one green? And then I'm
gonna do a couple of spoons of coffee, and then uh,
(23:30):
you got any Uh go ahead, go go hood say again,
I should go ahead? I honestly, I just confused. On
the first asked if they can do a blended dog. Okay,
can you do a blended dog? Dog? Yeah? I want
a hot dog blended? Please? We don't do those anymore. Okay,
we got two blended dogs. Just drinking summer drinks, just
(23:51):
summer drinking. Baseball season. I know you got the dogs
back there. Just okay, this is terrible. By the way,
First of all, your coffee is disgusting. You aren't supposed
to be here anymore. You're supposed to drive away when
I give that to you. You're talking to me. Why
is everybody wearing masks today? I think that there might
(24:12):
be something wrong with your quality outside. Maybe should we
put on our masks? Can we also do a slice
on ice? I want those hot dogs blended and drain
no water and then slice on Yeah, exercise on ice.
I'm not mad at you. I just I just can't
take the pain anymore. Did you take the mask off?
You're never yourself? Be yourself. You're always like we're getting somewhere.
(24:35):
Should I take the mask off? Yes, take the mask
off show or who you really are, c J. But
then I'll be vulnerable to diseases and to heartbreak. Exactly.
You get the metaphor. You're doing it yourself now. I
am okay, okay, what do you want? I want us
to get back together? I mean to drink. I would
like one of those shaking crazy teas. Okay, shake it good. Wow,
(25:05):
there that'll be nine dollars nine. You're marking it up
from expensive. You're getting the broken heart discount. Sounds like
a up not a disk, the broken heart upcount. C J.
What are you doing this? What's what? What's your name? Tabitha?
(25:26):
You seem like a ta oh. That's why she's wearing
a Tabitha top. That's the name of the kiosk. Yes,
you deserve better get out of here. This guy's a
scum because you're you're charge youners so much for a
blended tea where you just did that. You just said
nine to I don't know too hot dog blended. I
(25:47):
already told him it's not in season, but can you
help me with it? Okay? If they want unripping hot dogs,
that's fine, but they're making a blended hot dog. I'll
have one. Christis guy wants let yeah, can I get
a slam box? I just want? No, no, no, no, okay,
(26:08):
can you get a little slaw in there? No cabins?
Extra mail? What's the word I wanted the dog blinders?
What they wanted to slaw on the mail? Okay? I'm
so sorry, but my car just broke down and ripped
my shirt off, so I decided to do an open
circuit on the road. Sorry, but an open circuit mean
I'm just I do cross fit. Oh nowhere, I don't
(26:32):
want any service. I'm actually here to give you. You know,
I'm a kindergarten teacher. My kids would love to see this.
You know, a guy working on cars they like. The
kids would love it. If you want to know, why
are you standing closer to him? Okay? You helped fix
my screen? Yeah you look familiar. Wow, I never forget
(26:55):
an eye. It's one beautiful eye. Here's a blended slaw.
What if I take down my three ponytails? Shake this
hair out? Oh my god, that's like bait. Who look
at my hair layers. It's falling out, frosted, just in patches.
My kids would love to have you come in come
(27:16):
in here? Can I touch you? Can I touch you? Consent?
Put your dress down? I didn't put it up. It
flew up. Here's your dog wanted? But you've got to
drive away. Okay, I heard somebody trying to order a
slam box. Could I get a slam box? You gotta
go around and get back into the line because you
are holding up all herom here. I already have slam boxing. Okay,
(27:37):
here's a slam box. I feel that, and I just
I want you to know that you're a powerful person
and then you have everything you need to do whatever
you sorry, do you want to get out of here?
All this talk about box slamming to go? I wish
I could I gave up sex. What can I get
for you, sir? A little time? Some time? You want
(27:59):
that hall or large, whatever signs you're comfortable giving. My
kids would love to just meet you. I think I
just want to come by then draw I didn't it
was I did. I did. Drive You gotta listen to
this guy. This guy, I told you you can't be
(28:22):
here without order what you want. I just want some time?
What holy ship? Hey, why don't you get the people
in the drive to to come in I think this
is an important moment. All right, I'll tell him. But okay,
hey sir, sir, yeah, you're allowed to come in. Slam
box is incredible, but they're we haven't got our sly
(28:46):
yet or any of our Just come on in. The
drugs was broken? Come inside or drive around and just
park your car. Do you even have slice on? We're
not gonna come in nless you have slice on ice? Yeah?
We have, we have slice on. Do you got a
fish cup? Yeah? Boiled or not? Not? We boiled? I
mean it's not boiled, but you want I used anyways? Yeah,
(29:09):
she could comment, Okay, I'm I'm right next to you.
Oh wow, you really do look like Bain right in
front of me. And the core of it all, if
we really think about I'm gonna just a massage this
part to relax my handy, uh and and the core
of it comes down to how do you feel? What's
(29:30):
your hand? I feel like start over. I need to
move to a new town and start over, maybe with
with you. Maybe I just met you, but maybe I
could go with you. But look at his hand. It's
on my boob. It's hands on my boob. Okay, let
me just put my hand in my pocket. Hey, Cliff,
do you get that time now yet? If they don't,
(29:52):
gotta get like sage or Regano or something, I gotta
put something in my pasta sauce. Wait, you wanted the
spice out? Yeah? What do a good one? Holy ship?
You're what c J lining back? I'm c J. I'll
talk to myself. It's okay. You've been all of a
sudden googly eyeing. This guy knows what the fun I've
just been following false ideas and really don't worship false gods.
(30:16):
He'll go to hell. Jesus Christ, you're bleeding, ma'am. I
don't know what's going on today at all. Hot, I'm
trying to help people. Nobody wants to be helped in
your worshiping false god. You just start going to go
to hell, and you're gonna go to hell, and you
keep your shirt off. Keep your shirt off. That guys
haven't it has my tech? Somebody, somebody get him. Get
(30:40):
him some espresso on the scroll disgusting. I don't want
to drink coffee. It's terrible. Get some green tea like
fish cups, unboiled unboiled fish cop We never got one
of our brown Smith brown Smith one. We really need
we need that plays. I totally forgot about the Bronx movies.
(31:03):
But we've got an emergency in here right now. Everyone
did ever live give is doomed to die. I'll save
one that might be you come back here, put your
hand in my book, will perish at you? Wow? If
(31:26):
that was really brave of you, Penelope, I just feel
like we got let's just see you. Let's just start
over for Let's get out of here. Let's start over.
Let's get out of here. It's just like almost word
for work this time it is for real. Ye. But
you're the best man, all right. I'll cover the rest
of your shift. Hey, you can take my tips. Thanks,
and also like take care of yourself, okay, like you
(31:49):
put on a mask sometimes for yourself, okay, and treat yourself.
Sometimes I'm worried about you, but okay, good here, Who
do I have to low for a slam box? Sorry? Sorry,
I'm on my water. And that's that one. Yeah, guys.
(32:11):
Our last scene for today is from Sean, who wrote, Hi,
my name is Sean. The show My suggestion is an
African medical mission with doctors who specialties are not a
great fit for the work, for example, a dermatologist, plastic surgeon,
or at the pedic surgeon who works professional athletes, etcetera.
Maybe a hospital administrator, a billing specialist. Alchemy that, respectfully,
(32:33):
Sean were worth m d oh for Mr m dude,
Mr damn. Yeah. I mean it's that's like the Patriots,
you know, the Jets. Uh don't know. I'm asking you
what what hospitals you served out? What do you mean
(32:53):
you worked at the Patriots and the Jets? Were you
a sports Yeah? You could say that you ever heard
of a guy named Tim Braby? I don't watch sports.
I'm pretty busy trying to see Probably heard of Tim Braby?
Tim Braby? Yeah, yeah, greatest tight end of all time.
Thank you worked on we are, worked on Tim braby shoulder,
worked on his back, you name it. You should have
(33:14):
worked on his hands because dropped break of a bowler here. Okay.
But the crazy part about that whole season was that
it wasn't It wasn't at the beginning that we saw
the outcomes of all that. It was preseason. That's when
outcomes until the end. That's what I how you doing?
You know, Tim Braby? I do know Tim Braby, Please
(33:36):
tell me all three of you aren't sports doctors, not exactly, No,
not just a fan. Okay, you know what we were
just talking about that season, and uh it was a
season that Braby love your necklace. Oh, thank you very much.
You can't wear that human teeth. And we're not just
sports doctors, all right. I'm just a throat specialist. I
(33:57):
don't do here's but just throat. That's not that bad.
Actually that's at least I'm an infectious disease. Thank god,
this is happening to athletes. Doctors. We have a bad case. Okay,
we're prepared for that, professionals. He's in room two. I
have him come here. Who's in room one? No, we
(34:18):
can't have him come to us. He's in a quarantine roman.
Why not put him in room one? One? Is we're
using that's kind of like a storage facility right now,
then you should just renumber so that that's one. It
was honestly number one before we put boxes in there,
which just happened to be the closest thing to the truck.
But nonetheless, but I think that we should call whatever
room he's in, room one. I've been in charge of
(34:39):
this for a long time. Don't come in here day
one trying to tell me renumber my rooms. Look, we're
doing this like kind of for free. This is a
humanitarian thing. Kurtoy, that is your name. It's Curtis. Oh
I thought you said Kurtoy. No I heard. So the
doctors will be here in just a moment. I'm very
(35:00):
What are your symptoms exactly? I am coughing, I've fever yeah, okay, Um,
I'm bleeding. Yeah, I see that. Okay. Um, I'm gonna
need you to step on the scale first. Jesus Christ,
I'm gonna need you to step on the scale for
a second. Okay, take your weight here? Wow? Have you
always weide this much? Have you had any recent weight loss? Yes,
(35:22):
I've lost fifty pounds in the last week. Right, Okay,
so you're eighty nine pounds now, okay, is that bad? Um?
We'll let me take your height. Let me see your
height here. Okay, you're six three, that's you. Look it's
a little thing. It's like shooting guard. Are you hYP you? Uh?
You watch do I watch sports? I do watch sports?
(35:45):
Oh my god, what are you doing in here without
a half match suit? Well? You guys are over there
playing Dilly Delhi. We trips on. Well, we gotta quarantine
this nurse. I know, I'm fine. Take that off, Take off,
rooky mistake. I'm a doctor. I'm a doctor. You're an idiot.
I'm the patients right here. It's very likely that this
(36:06):
patient has a bowl. Hello, sir, I'm an infectious disease specialist,
doctor Anita Squaw. That's a great name. Thank you. And
your name is man. You're very thin, very very thin. Man.
A lot of my friends would be jealous. I have
a lot of antarexic friends. Yes, So where did that
(36:27):
nurse go? I don't know. Girl on the nurse, What
do you want me to do? The nurse was exposed.
You can't go anywhere. Your gloves are off, and I'm
trying to work chase down the nurse. Okay, I'm working
with control here promsolutely foot with the bedside man or
it sounds a little what is that check check? It
sounds like what well, you're telling him he should be lucky.
(36:50):
He's dying. If a bullet, I gotta go. I'm gonna
go find that I am I should I balance hang out, Marvin.
I did not mean to say You're lucky to be
dying of a bowla. Okay, there's worse ways to go, Marvin.
I can tell you that you ever heard of Tim Braby? No,
I don't know. You know the Patriots and the Jets.
(37:11):
I mean we get a lot of their T shirts
for free here yet? Oh great? So you watch I
watch best more of an NBA fan? Okay, yeah, I've
done some NBA stuff. You sure you haven't heard? You're
a good guy. Look I heard Ebola and I'm kind
of locked into that, are you? Are you sure you
(37:33):
have a bowla? I keep hearing people say I have
a bullet. You think you do? There's an outbreak. Your
symptoms match the symptoms of a bowla pretty clearly. It
was bit by a baboon last week. That's bad for you.
What was going on? What are you guys watching? It
doesn't matter. We don't need to know how they got
into it or whatever happened between you and the baboon
(37:53):
is between you and the battle. I'm sorry, it's really
stuffy here. I'm just gonna open up this tent up.
That's better. Listen. I know this is bad. This means
the germs are getting out. This let's just do it, Brian, Brian,
step back from the buffet. I'm starting, Brian, Please don't
(38:16):
go over by that. Okay, weak what's up? Makes his
chicken with the rice and every day else? Okay, nobody
this food, This food is off limits. Don't know what
I mean? Good, Okay, I'm sure that you'll understand. This
food has now been tainted by a quarrantin somebody that
(38:36):
should be quarantined. You're stain. We can't. I've had a
long day of making spinal adjustments to people. Well, unfortunately,
Brian here was exposed to bulls looking up my feed.
This bad boom before people. Okay, okay, okay, keep a
little bit of the food. Okay, okay, come in. I
make the food all right, and you're gonna tell me
(38:57):
right now that I guess some of the food that's inside. Well,
you know how dangerous it is here. I know how dangerous.
I'm working with a crazy doctor, Brian. This nurse here,
it was just exposed a nurse. I don't know what
your position is. We're just people. Listen, Brian, I need
(39:18):
you to go into room number three. Zip the door
which three now? Because now everything's all follow the actual
numbers in the doors. Follow the yellow grow d. I'm
gonna freak the funk out, Bryan, get into room number three.
You guys, this food can't be served. Come on, no,
(39:39):
just don't serve it. It's an order from the doctor. Okay,
I've got to get back to room number two. And
how long have you had this tension? This tension, This
tension has been growing since the kissing contest cerily all
because you might need some cupping to reduce the anxiety.
Just welcome to kissing contest. That serio. See what did
(40:00):
I say? Local celebrity doesn't mean you can funk up
the name of the look. You two are just the kissers.
I'm the pace of this competition. Well, I want to
necessarily okay, your confused because Sara Lee, the Cheesecake Company,
is sponsoring this. That is true. That was a generous offer.
(40:22):
That was true. That's true. So I'm justified here. No
hold on, no, you gotta say, Sierra, I'm not here
to fight. I'm here to this. What we want you
to remember, you two are kissing every person that walks
up to your boots. Understand, you only get one refusal
of the day. One refusal of the day, and you're
gonna hold the big sign and say never Never ain't
(40:43):
gonna happen. Would rather die? Yeah? Or that I can
also work. And nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Nobody doesn't like.
Nobody doesn't like. It's a double bat. It's their slogan.
It's just that's such a word jump sly. Why can't
we can't change their slogan at this point, if he's
(41:04):
gonna say, Sarah Leone, I don't know why kids changed, Okay,
so then I have to say they're slogan. Yes, they're sponsoring.
Is it looks like we have somebody out there waiting.
Has anybody at this booth? Yea? We right with you? Okay,
you too. You're the blue team, You're the right team.
Whoever gets more kisses winds? Do we have our own booths?
(41:25):
Do we share a booth? No, you have your own booth. Okay, okay.
So he came to I'm just I'm spinning right and gentlemen,
Sera Leon Kissing Sarah Li Sierra Leone Kissing Contest. Welcome
to the Sarah le Sera Leone Contest. The ladies and gentlemen,
(41:47):
I know why you came here. You came here to
get kissed. Makes a noise over you're too professional kissers.
You know her. She's from Newark, New Jenna. Make some
noise for Tilly's Swanson folks. Master himself coming to you
(42:14):
live from Atlanta, Georgia, and gonna make some noise for
Jeff Carls. He's not coming to live from Atlanta. He's here,
Jesus alive. It's Carton Tillatin all right, Carl Leo Cartan,
till Atten, Jeff Carton, Tillaton, Jeffrey Okay, Carton, Carton, Carton Tillton,
(42:39):
two top kissing chips. So what happened in the contest?
Onesn't that to do with us eating and eating food? Here?
Forty two new cases of the bullet broke out that day,
and I've been sweating bullets up for sick. I'm so sorry.
I was just what are you doing? Okay? I need
your help? Who here has heard of Tim Baby that
baboon has got a get away from their goddamn a
(43:01):
thing or I'm their killing by I have What are
you doing coming? Tim? Tim? Come quickly come in to
come with you quickly, quickly, quickly, Marvin mart Yes, do
you recognize this guy. He looks vaguely for me. Yeah,
who do you think he is? I don't know Tim Braby. Yeah,
(43:22):
that's not Tim Braby. Okay, why is this unsipped? Guys?
This is completely melted down, Tim Braby. I need you
in room number four. Zip it when you get in
your under quarantine. It is a real stick that. It's Curtish.
It's name to say, you know, covid. Okay, you know
(43:47):
we have come down to the last kiss of the
far another have used. Ain't gonna kiss, but maybe they will.
Now our last two people to kiss are coming up, right,
(44:09):
you choose? Is it gonna be Tilly or Carlton? Hardon?
Sarah le Sira Leone? Before you kiss anybody? Can you
say the magic catch phrase? Sarah le Sierra Leone? Okay, Tilly,
he threw up in your booth. It means you are kissing?
(44:32):
Are we tied? Do I have to take this one? Well,
you can use your pass. I'll take it. I'll take it. Okay,
So say the say the phrase nobody doesn't like Sarah
Lee Leon. Alright, Carlton, it is up to you. Just Jeff, Jeff, okay, Jeff,
everybody Jeff will you be kissing or not? Know what?
(44:59):
It doesn't like? Sara hold On, that was the pass phrase,
both past this. Yeah, what the hell? I guess um
that guy threw up in my mouth. That's not supposed
to happen. Look good, doctors, just give it to me straight.
I told him. I think it's what's the prugnosis? It's
(45:21):
a bowler. Yeah, you don't need to come in here.
This is this is Tim Braby. I don't know if
I've been into his room. I'm having trouble holding down
this cheesecake. Is there are less rich food you can
give me? Sorry, we're this hospital sponsored. I mean we're
thankful for all of the fund Nobody doesn't like Sarah Lee. No, No,
(45:43):
nobody doesn't like No. No, it's nobody does it like
it's a double negative sponsor, Sarily, what is it? It's
nobody doesn't like Sara Lee hold On, Like, sorry, say
it again. We're trying to gear Tim Marvin. Would you
(46:04):
like me to sign your Buffalo Bills four time Super
Bowl champions T shirt? Sure? I was getting skinnier every
fucking second, So what's the saying? What's the slugre It's
nobody doesn't like Seraly. Nobody doesn't like that. You know,
I renumbered the doors. So now we have all of
the dead and decomposing bodies in room four, a new
(46:26):
room four, which was old room five. Old room five.
That's that's where Tim was supposed to be. I have
no I gotta go. You gotta go to that room.
Why does he have to go there? This guy doesn't
look I mean, he looks great, but he doesn't look great.
Does anyone happen that's a new room six. That's a
new room six. Well that is there's only one antidote,
(46:48):
and we were using that to duplicate. So thanks a lot.
Well we should give it to Marvin. It's not a
duplicated We saved Marvin, and everybody else's sick is dead.
But now I've made a connection with Marvin. Come in, hello,
leave the light off. Okay, it's kind of hard to see.
My eyes are just in here, kind of like Tim
(47:09):
Braby last season. I'm all right, are you familiar? I
suppose you're here for the antidote? I am Tim Braby.
Are you familiar? Yes, that's great. It's kind of a
close personal friend of mine and worked on him, worked
on his hands shoulders. You don't have to tell every
(47:32):
story about me to everybody you met. Tim is I
can't believe it's Tim Remember you bigger and stronger. Look,
I got the end of the right here dropped getting anecdotes.
(48:00):
So now it goes to figure, if we make the baboon,
if we drain the baboon's blood, we can put the
blood in Marvin and anything. And Marvin's what you sent
a humor first thing to go. You're you're, you're in
good spirits. I love that. I love that. Who's gonna
(48:23):
drain the balloon? That's make a decision. I'll suck and spit.
So let's make it a on Marvin and then here
we go, right, Oh, humanitarian work. Can we get a bucket?
I'm losing a lot of blood and trying to spit
the hole from Marvin. Sorry, I have been sitting this
one out. I'm not I just doesn't seem throat related,
(48:45):
so I've just been hanging back. It's definitely throat related.
That's where the blood's coming from. Mr Tomato motto. I
might be crazy because everybody else seems to think this
as normal, but usually blood transfusion through I'm good just
through bags and to and I don't think this tent
(49:10):
is a real medical tent. I think this is all
just some Sarahly publicity stunt which I've seen happened before.
Rob wriggled. Here, everybody down, alright in this place? All right?
I like you? What's your name? What is your name?
Answer for you? What is your handle? I don't I
(49:30):
don't know how to answer. What is your handle? I
like yours? With Kobe Bryant, did ye? I would scream
that out? Well. I wanted wrong to look at me?
Why did you shoot Timber? Timbarment? Don't like you that much? Man, Okay,
I'm not big fan. I'm not a big fan. Alright, Boston,
but don't like you? All right? You got that feeling
(49:51):
me handle? Now? I don't feel comfortable. Who's that walking
through the door. It's that crazy old man who keeps
in that dark, dark room in room in new room six.
He knows that, you know, he probably has some answer here,
he goes. Why did he need that kind of intro?
(50:12):
You know what I mean? Like, I don't know is
he here or not? What does he talk? Hey, Marvin,
we're canceling your seventeenth spinoff. What canceling the spinoff whoa
Doctor Sabbatical is not going well? I thought that was
my favorite one to do. Sorry, buddy. Addressed as a local,
(50:35):
my name was Marvin. Marvin is just a fensive across
the board. I mean you're telling me black faces, Yes, Marvin,
look at these numbers. Look at these numbers, seven ten,
lots of numbers. Yeah, you got a five seven ten,
it's a plus ten location. Yeah, in the market. Oh
(50:58):
my gosh, this is in the numbers. Are through the riff,
through the riff, through the what to the riff? Are
you some kind of an alien? I have to go
take a ship. What's happening to your skin? And that's
our show for today. Everybody was that from this week.
(51:27):
That's a really long form, right, Well, let's let's say
hello goodbye to our alchemist Chris Alvarado. Hello, Goodbyeobe. Craig
get as you say hello, and I said goodbye, James.
I don't know. I'm not going to not promote myself.
I got to promoted to boss no kidding, go to
(51:52):
under cow boss undercover at the heam and on there.
I've got some new content. I made this Rusher thing
starring vs. Jump Bolt nice, it's funny. I really enjoyed,
and Joey Greer Guys, Hello, goodbye. I'm full Stratton filling
it for Kevin. Let's thank our engineer Doug Banbe, our
(52:13):
post sound design artist Raphael Brito, our producer Sophie Lichtman,
and lastly, I heart Media. We encourage you all to
write a review tele everyone you've ever met and write
to us at your name here at alchemy this dot com.
That's your name here at alchemy this dot com. And
until next time, remember
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!