BrainStuff Classics: What Is Breakup Bootcamp?

We have retreats for everything else, so why not survival post-breakup? Learn how these camps hope to help the broken hearted, plus what emotional work they won't cover, in this classic episode of BrainStuff, based on this article: https://health.howstuffworks.com/relationships/tips/breakup-bootcamp-surviving-broken-heart.htm

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to brain Stuff, a production of I Heart Radio.
Hey brain Stuff. I'm Lauren vog Obam, and this is
another episode from the Vault. Today's classic concerns a novel
way that people are dealing with the age old issue
of how to heal a broken heart breakup boot Camps,

(00:22):
Hey brain Stuff, Lauren voc Obam. Here, nobody tells us
how to do a breakup. We get advice, encouragement, and
insistence when it comes to entering romantic relationships, but when
it comes to splitting up, we're on our own. Literally. Sure,
we have condolences murmured to us by anxious eyed friends
and family for a few weeks, and it's generally accepted

(00:42):
that unusual ice cream eating behavior, possibly combined with a
drastic haircut, might be in order. But otherwise we're given
free rain to melt down in the manner of our choosing.
After a while, though, people start rolling their eyes. Why
does she still look like she's going to a Morrissey concert,
they ask each other. Or why can't he stop texting
her at midnight apologizing for not having unloaded the dishwasher?

(01:05):
More often, the truth is breakups are personal. The sudden
dissolution of a relationship with the human where emotionally closest
to can cause the sensation of life collapsing in on itself.
We spoke with Suzanne Morgan, a relationship counselor at Counseling
Associates for Well Being in Athens, Georgia. She said, a

(01:25):
breakup or divorce is a loss that needs to be
grieved and it often affects self esteem and identity and
sometimes even a sense of safety in the physical world.
It can mean the loss of these significant other and
the relationship, but also the death of the dream one
had for a life imagined or planned with that person.
It's a big deal and emotional healing takes a little time.

(01:45):
But if you don't have time these days, there's always
breakup boot camp. In an age of SPA retreats and
clean living seminars, breakup boot camps have sprung up to
fill a need to make the broken hearted feel as
if they're doing something beside it's wallowing in their own
psychological pain in addition to giving them concrete steps for
moving forward with their lives. And it's a big business.

(02:08):
Let's take for example, the renew Breakup boot Camp, which
runs retreats out of New York and California and touts
on their website a scientific and spiritual approach to healing
the heart. You can participate in one of their weekend
getaways communing with psychologists, life coaches, energy healers, and tantric
yoga instructors in addition to others struggling with the aftermath
of a big breakup for between one thousand, two d

(02:31):
dollars and two thousand four dollars. If that's a little
rich for your blood, you can sign up for text
messages from a relationship guru for nine dollars a month,
or take a thirty day email course for a hundred
and forty nine dollars. M e n relationship columnist and
founder of Renew Breakup boot Camp invokes the combined powers
of neuroscience, psychology, yoga, meditation, and energy healing to cover

(02:55):
all of your post breakup bases. But it seems like
that's the kind of firepower for quired for the tall
order she's promising to fill. According to her website quote,
Renew provides a safe space for women to heal past wounds,
rewire unhealthy patterns and limiting narratives, and enter the next
phase of life with inspiration and empowerment all over the

(03:16):
course of a long weekend. Other breakup boot camps claimed
to have hit on similarly effective formulas for ushering the
trauma addled love loren through the healing process. One such
program claims a three step program is the way to
go acknowledge your own role in what happened, admit you're
better off without that person, and accept that the relationship
is over. But is all this kerfuffle needed for something

(03:39):
that the vast majority of us will go through at
least once in our lives. On the spectrum of trauma
a person can experience, how bad can it be? We
also spoke with Anne Bellwood of Many Colors Counseling, who
specializes in psychotherapy for women and the LGBTQ community. She
said people are dealing with all kinds of things during
break up. Psychological trauma is a subjective experience, meaning it

(04:03):
is defined by you and it is characterized by feeling
extremely helpless and overwhelmed. The loss of a close relationship,
especially depending upon the details of your situation, can absolutely
make you feel this way. I help clients deal with
this by restoring a sense of control over their lives,
making meaning from the past and restoring hope in the future.
So maybe the need for things like breakup boot camps

(04:26):
has more to do with our need for extra help
in all areas of our lives that we're constantly holding
together until the end of an important relationship brings it
all crashing into our laps. And although eating delicious meals,
doing yoga and talking to neuroscientists, life coaches and other
people who have recently been through breakups can definitely help healing,
unhealthy relationship patterns can take a lifetime, not just a weekend.

(04:49):
Morgan said, I personally think the boot camp idea sounds fine,
but I would look at it more as a retreat
and a way to get support or jump start the
healing process. I would caution some one planning to attend
that they shouldn't expect a quick fix. Breakups can bring
up long held, painful wounds and negative beliefs, but they're
actually a good opportunity to change the narrative. This doesn't

(05:10):
happen overnight and requires some work. A breakup can actually
be a positive sign of growth, that one is changing
a pattern or not willing to accept unacceptable behavior anymore.
Today's episode is based on the article Breakup boot Camp
Help for Surviving a Broken Heart on how stuff works

(05:32):
dot com, written by Jesslyn Shields. Brain Stuff is production
of My Heart Radio in partnership with how stuff works
dot Com, and it's produced by Tyler Clang. For more
podcasts from my heart Radio, visit the a heart Radio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.