July 31, 2024 • 55 mins
The weirdest, wildest animals you can find in bodies of freshwater! From mysterious lumpy orbs, to the largest living pancake in the world, we're talking about all that's wet, fresh, and slimy. Discover this and more as we answer the age-old question: how many baby bjorns can you carry at once?
Guest: Abe Epperson
Footnotes: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1MMRHJvxBAZB6O-LaiV9X-0mBMNVeybNZ1yAFNfE5rUM/edit?usp=sharing
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Welcome to Creature Future production of iHeartRadio. I'm your host
of Many Parasites, Katie Golden. I studied psychology and evolutionary biology,
and today on the show fresh watt as in what
the heck is in fresh water? Because folks, sometimes it's weird.
We are talking about some of the weirdest things that
(00:27):
you would not expect to find in bodies of fresh water.
We all know the ocean is crazy in full of aliens,
but in your local pond, in your marshlands, I don't
think I would expect to find an alien, and yet
there they are. Joining me today is my friend co
founder of Small Beans, podcaster filmmaker abe E Person. Welcome.
(00:52):
We're gonna talk about weird stuff today.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Hey, Katie, thanks for bringing me on to your bog episode.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
I know that it's the bog, you know, Like, I'm
just glad that.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
We've gotten to this point in our relationship where you're
like still water, fresh water, ponds of scum.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
You know, that's a real kind of deal. I'm real
excited right here.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
You bring a real stagnant energy that I need for
my bog episode.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Yeah, you got it, and I'm here for it. Yeah,
because I'm a I'm a bog animal myself, you know.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
I think that we should all be more appreciative of bogs.
They give us cool things like peat, moss and mummies, yes,
and weird fish and weird animals. But yeah, we are
talking about because you know what, there is something like
primely spooky about water that is not it's it's fresh water,
(01:53):
but it's not so fast, right, It's like kind of
slow moving fresh water, like in marshes because there could
be anything in there, and it's usually slimy, and it's
like it's got it's got kind of a witch vibe.
Witch talk. Are you listening, there's a witch talk. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
And it's also like the place in which we sometimes
get our water, which is necessary for our life and
also produces one of the things that kills us the most,
like in mosquitoes, you know. So it's so it's this
thing that we just keep coming back to. I know
we're probably destined as everything on the earth is from
(02:35):
salt water. But it's like a it's it's it's a hoax. Really,
fresh water is a hoax.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Fresh Water is there's nothing fresh about it, folks. It's
full of little tiny pieces.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Of Hey, is that an ocean? No, it's way tinier
and doesn't taste like salt.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
Yeah. So yeah, we are going to talk about some weird, wild,
slimy stuff you can find in your very own body
of fresh water. So, if you've ever been, I don't know,
to a lake, maybe a lagoon, perhaps you have had
the luck of seeing a lumpy, bloated alien looking mass. No,
(03:20):
it's not me after eating chili. This is called a
fresh water briozoan. So have you ever seen? Aby sent
you some photos I'm looking. I hope you like it.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Thank you so much for sending these to me.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
You're You're welcome this. The first one is what I
would like you to draw your attention to. What are
you looking at?
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Well, I'm looking in an egg from the movie Alien
that just a guy is holding in front of what
looks like a series of lily pads. That there's no
way that there isn't treasure inside that I want to
get in there.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Yeah, crack it open, slurp.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
It up, slurp it up.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
It's probably full of goo and slime and stuff that's
just good for like nutrients, you know, stuff that's good for.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Me, Probably nutrients Okay. You know what's funny, abe is
that I have been struggling with a disease known as GIRD.
Have you heard of Are you familiar with the calamity?
That is god, not the specifics, but it is gastro
(04:29):
intestinal reflux wait, gastro gastro reflex esophageal disease. Anyways, it
means I get heartburn like a lot and it sucks.
So I I asked, asked around to pharmacists give me
(04:50):
something for this, and I tried some some pills and
it didn't really do anything. So then a pharmacist is like, look,
what you gotta do is take this, take this box
of mysterious little packages of liquid and just you know,
just gunshot these. Shotgun just shotgun these. Every time you
(05:11):
eat anything. It's like, okay, great. It is apparently sodium
alginate and it is a kind of goop that I
guess it is algae based, and they have sweetened it
to make it kind of taste like cream soda, but
not quite because it mostly tastes like slime. And so
(05:33):
I have been learning how to imbibe this like almost
cream soda tasting, but mostly like algae pond scum tasting thing.
I've got a little shot glass because at first I
tried to just like go gurt it, you know, like
it came in a little package and she's like just
(05:53):
like put it direct, like squirt it directly in your mouth,
and it was obscene and I didn't like it. So
now I have a little shot glass full of my
pond scum and it is actually helping my tummy feel better.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
So so you got your little slimy peptobysmo that you take.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Yeah, I've got I've got my little bog brow, my
little my little goblin drink that I drink every day.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Little packets of somehow I assume related to stories is
related to this organism.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Right, Yeah, it's it's not really other than it's gowy
and sliming. And you were reminding me of this because
we were talking about slurping this.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Up up Nature's gusher.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
You know. It's it is like Nature's gusher. And you
know the thing that I worry about is that now
I'm going to form this positive association with this pond scum,
medical pond scum that I'm drinking because it makes my
tummy feel a lot better. So now I'm starting to
look at slimy stuff from ponds and going like, maybe
I should just slurp that up. That is that might
(06:57):
make me feel better.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
What a wonderful little caress. So what a cavalcade of
chaos life is?
Speaker 1 (07:03):
You know? Here we go from marinera sauce making my
tummy hurt to me wanting to eat a fresh water
breazon and and.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
Now you're just a zombie.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
I'm just now just gonna be a bog monster. So
I was in Minnesota. Actually, I was walking with my
aunt in law and we saw this thing that looked
like an eggsack. I thought maybe it was like some
kind of bloated dead frog, and so I went over
and I poked it with a stick, and it was
just like an orb, a lumpy orb. And I was like, well,
(07:39):
I mean, I didn't like try to poke it open
in case an alien did come out and did like
hump my face. I didn't want that to happen. So
I just like it seemed more or less hollow though,
like a floating.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
Balloon, like so Spongy had some kids.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
I mean, it's yeah, it was like it was. It
looked exactly like this this picture, and it it is
like a brownish green, very lumpy texture. Uh and it yeah,
it's like a I don't know, it's like a flesh balloon,
as slimy flesh balloon. And I was like, what, I'd
(08:20):
never seen anything like this before, So I started trying
to like googling things like like a slimy ball in
pont flush balloon. Most of these searches did not bring
me what I needed, but finally I found I found
that this is Yeah, this is fresh water, a freshwater browzone,
(08:42):
which is really really interesting because this is an animal, abe, right, Like.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
This is organism. This isn't like the byproduct that like detaches. Yeah,
this is wonderful, Like this is this is so alien that,
like I sometimes I look at Mother Nature and I go,
what what great jokes you have? You know, I.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Will I will smoke what she's smoking exactly exact.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
So what does it do? Like, I mean, I guess
that's a stupid question to ask for animals, what do
you do?
Speaker 1 (09:21):
What do you do?
Speaker 2 (09:22):
But like, what's your deal?
Speaker 1 (09:24):
What's what you're doing?
Speaker 2 (09:27):
What scammer? Are you running?
Speaker 1 (09:30):
I mean it passively sits there and absorbs nutrients and
then that's pretty much it. Yeah, so it is actually
so what this is is actually a colony organism. So
I did say it's an animal, but maybe more accurate
it is to say that it is animals. This is animals.
(09:51):
It's a lot of tiny, uh like microscopic animals. It
is a it is a colony organism. So Briozoans actually
are a large phylum of colony invertebrates. So there's a
whole philum full of families and species of briozoans, and
(10:12):
most of them actually live in marine environments and they
can look very different. They can actually be really pretty,
kind of have like this lacey, coral like appearance. But
freshwater briozoans is bringing big bog energy because none of
them are really pretty. They are all just like big, bulbous,
gouey green slimeball, which I actually love. So the freshwater brizones,
(10:36):
also called phylactoalamatta, are found in lakes, ponds, lagoons, marshes,
and slow moving streams, and they are made up of
a bunch of zooids. So zooids are tiny animals that
form a larger organism. And so there is a specific
species of freshwater briozone called the magnet eficent briozoon that
(11:01):
you probably if you live in North America, you might
have actually seen in some of your fresh water areas
if you if you like me, enjoy a good a
good lake or a good bog.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
You just hanging around, Yeah, get a little hat, make
a little hut.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
You know, this would make a fine hat.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
This is I did not know this existed. This is awesome.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
I love that I didn't know.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
I you know, I have to admit I didn't know
this existed until like a few months ago when I
saw it for the first time in my life.
Speaker 3 (11:43):
This is fascinating.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
Not only does it look awesome, I mean like, if
you're into which I assume your audience, there are a
bunch of freaks who are just into.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
Whatever animals you compliment.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Oh yeah, for sure, for sure, I love freaks. But
I assume that they're just like, you know, like slip
down whatever you know. You're selling in terms of like
I got some animals, you know.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
My weird goo that makes you tell me feel better?
Speaker 3 (12:12):
Yeah, ya, you're selling your wares.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
And this is like this is not only unique in
like from in terms of like I I've never seen
anything like this, but also like it's just this passive animal.
Let me ask a question, and it's it's a part
of what I was asking before of like what's what's
(12:35):
your deal? Do any does anything eat this naturally? Like
how does this work in the larger eco system, because
like this is fascinating to just passively kind of develop
almost like a bacterium, you know, or something like that,
where it's just kind of like a part of the
(12:55):
scum that just you know, from our perspective when we
look at like stuck water, you know, like animals, we're
just like, well, that's just gonna exist and that that's
that's a good story for that, good for that, you know. Yeah,
but like this has got to be a vital part
of someone's life, right, yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
I mean it's interesting because the purpose of this kind
of colony structures it makes it less likely that they're
going to get eaten when they are individual zooids and
they do actually have like a free swimming stage where
there can be like this little individual very very tiny
almost like a zooplankton, and it can swim around and
(13:36):
that is like ripe for the picken for like eating.
And so what happens with that is it will start
to reproduce, so they can do both sexual and asexual reproduction.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
Nailing it.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
Yeah, So like the sexual reproduction they do every so
often and that allows them to you know, kind of
judge up their gene pool and then like but often
most most of the time, they do asexual reproduction by buttings,
so they just like make duplicates of themselves. So you'll
have this like free floating zooid, and then it starts
to reproduce by butting, and it creates like these like
(14:12):
little clusters, and then you get you reach sort of
a point in which these little clusters are able to
start forming a larger and larger, more stable sphere. Sometimes
it's not like a perfect sphere. Sometimes it's kind of
like slug shaped. But usually they form these like balls.
And each ball, like each of those like lumps on
the ball is like it's called a rosette, which is
(14:34):
a much prettier name for what it looks like. Yeah,
but each of those like contains a bunch of these zuoids,
and what they basically what each zuoid is is like
it has it's like kind of like a doughnut shape
or oval shape with like a single opening that is
its mouth butt it's both the mouth and the butt,
(14:56):
like yeah, like a chloaca, but for yeah, yeah, it's
one hole that does it all. And then it like
is surrounded and cilia, which are like these kind of
like eyelash like hairs that will help push food into
the mouth butt, and then on the other end of
the zooid, it actually excretes kind of a gelatinous goo
(15:19):
like inwards, which helps strengthen the blob. And so at
a certain point the texture of this blob. I'm sure
there are some animals that do try to eat it,
but I think once it reaches a certain size, it's
just too gooey and slimy to really be that palatable.
And so it's just floating there with all of these
individual zooids, just like passively slurping stuff up, and it
(15:44):
just lives its best blob life. That is.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
So wonderful, just this mucous ridden blob that just kind
of sits there, and that's its life.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
To me when I have it, That's that's exactly my life.
When I have allergies, I'm just a mucus blob that
sits there.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
That's me when I'm angry.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Am I right? No, It's like geez, what a what
a fun little I I am in awe of this,
like this is I have a great amount of compassion
for dumb like configurations of animals, Like it's it's always
brought me joy in my.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Life, Like that's why you're friends with me.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
Yeah, no, yeah, I've like as soon as I saw
you the first time in the writer's room, I was like, hey,
look at that dumb animal. Me and her are gonna
have a great time talking about blobs. Thank you for
bringing this blob to me. I am so I'm so fascinated.
(16:52):
I mean, I'm not going to really research this later.
Like this does like I love that. My engagement with
this is like happy to know it exists, but also
just like its own life, where it's like kind of
worthless and just there for the ride of you know, life.
It's just like, hey, we're.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
All soo here because it's filter feeding. It is actually
good for the aquatic environment, Like it does help with
the ecosystem because it's like filtering stuff out right the water.
It helps you know there, it is helps clean, helps
filter things, and it is like I there's actually not
like a huge plethora of like information on this thing,
(17:34):
which I find even more intriguing. I love that it's
like a mysterious blob, but I've also read.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
No grad student is like this is my sorry, I'm
not sure if it.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Should that's okay, but like it's uh, it's I I
really think it is. It is cool, though there should
be more research on it, but it is also fun
for it just to be kind of a mystery blob
of like I don't just kind of there, but you know,
it does. It does serve a purpose and apparently also
like if you see them in your pond or something,
(18:07):
it's a sign of a healthy ecosystem to have these.
So this is like a good thing. Yeah, I kind
of look like tumors, but they are actually a good
thing to have in your water system.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Yeah, the bulbous mass, the fact, the idea that there's
like there's a lot of bumps, you know, that's what
That's why I reacted initially of like this is an
alien egg and there's gonna be a face. It really
does get out of it and you know, infects me
with xena zeno phobes or whatever they're called xenomorphs that
(18:44):
are going to destroy my digestive tract. But but it's
just really it's just really there, isn't it? And like
what if? So?
Speaker 3 (18:58):
I know it's full of goo more or less, it's squishy.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
Somewhat hollow, but also there's goo in there.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Yeah. I do feel like there's a part of me,
like a caveman brain that like wants to pop it
and then throw it on a stove and see like
what it tastes like. Is that wrong?
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Is that bad?
Speaker 1 (19:20):
No, it's not wrong. I don't know that it would,
you know. I did not like try to find out
what it tastes like, either in real life or on
the internet. I don't know that anyone else has tried
to eat it. I would not suggest it, given that
it probably is not good for you. But it does
make me, you know, I also have that curiosity because
it's like, is this gonna cure my tummy problems?
Speaker 2 (19:42):
Is it flesh? Because it's like flesh? Yeah, you know,
it's not like a fish. I get that it's pond
scum that has organized in a slightly more complex, you know, man.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
Immunized pond scum.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Yes, but like it's actually got like some turgid aspect
to it.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
It kind of looks it's like a weird avocado.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
So that's kind of skin. And if skin's in the game,
I might want to put it in my mind.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
Yeah maybe, Well, you know, I just get out there,
find one of these things and give it a little nibble.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
Yeah, yeah, like don't hurt it, but just like no,
you know, tell that you're around and I see you
as uh, I see.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
You, I hear you, and maybe I taste you. Don't
taste these. I don't know if it'll kill you.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
Yeah, I doubt it won't.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
I suspect you could just get sick in the same
way that you would get sick if you drink pond water.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
Right, It's it's just sopping with whatever bacteria it exists.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Yeah, there's, yes, exactly. But we are going to take
a brief break while I, uh, you know, drink so
more of my your go, and when we get back,
we're going to talk about another amazing couple of freshwater
finds who are regal and incredible and definitely not done
(21:15):
looking at all. The beer back all right, So we
are back, and now we're going to talk about something
called the meatcong giant catfish. Oh yeah, I shared some
photos of it with you.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
I did not.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
I didn't exist in the South.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
I'm a Californian boy, so I don't know anything about catfish.
I've never really eaten catfish, which is most of my
relation to this podcast is eating Have I eaten?
Speaker 3 (21:52):
Have I eaten it? And what does it taste like?
But tell me about this catfish.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
I'm excited.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
So this is a one of the biggest freshwater fish
UH in the world and also one of the weirdest
looking ones uh. It is found in the mid Kong
Basin in Southeast Asia, and they can grow to be
nearly ten feet long, which is three meters, and they
(22:18):
can weigh up to six hundred and fifty pounds around
two hundred kilograms. So it sounds terrifying, right, like giant
catfish taller than a full grown man. But then look
at its face. Abe, I want you to look at
its face.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
It's such a pudgy little like. Ah, it looks like
you got smushed. It's like this is the boxer of fishes.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
He's like a little ding dong. Yeah, like the dog.
It's like a pug or a boxer. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Like yeah, it's like face has been squashed.
Speaker 1 (22:48):
Its face is a little dinga space. I love it.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
And its eyes are so low it's are wild.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
So his eyes are first of all, very wide set
eyes on the opposite ends of its head, but then
also very low set, so they're almost like underneath it.
They're like yeah, And so it looks it does look
like a droopy a droopy dog, like the wire exactly.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
I'm this is one of the cutest things I've ever seen.
It's I love you, I love you.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
And it's like kind of big but also downturned. It's
just like, yeah, it's like the droopiest looking like.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
Dog. You O, man, imagine if imagine if this is
your predator, imagine you're hitting by this. That's just a
reality check for whatever you know is.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
I assume I know. This is the thing that is
really cute about them is that they don't have any teeth,
so they.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Are they got all their teeth knocked out from all
the fox that they do.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
Like gum.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
So these are also like you in that they they
have to eat go gurt tubes.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
They do have to slurp up algae. It keeps coming
back to my my, my new sodium alginate go GURTs.
They slurp algae from rocks and other surfaces with their big, dumb,
toothless mouths uh. And that's how it's just they're so
(24:39):
what an existence, right, You're huge problem, possibly the largest
fresh water fish out there, and you're just slurping up
pond scum with your dumb mouth and your eyes that
are like sagging down.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
Like I love it's so much you might think, yeah,
and you and you become giant. Yeah, that's that's the
best part too, is that, like I want I want
to get a bunch of them and put them in
my bed and to sleep on them.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
I know.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
It's they're very cute.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
They would make a cute like body pillow.
Speaker 3 (25:23):
You know exactly. And they're enormous. They're I love that,
Like just like the pond.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
There's one photo that you sent me of a bunch
of gentlemen holding it and the pond that.
Speaker 3 (25:38):
There's in is like waist high. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
So if I'm to understand exactly what's going on in
this photo, they assumably found that thing that shark inside
whatever body of water they're in. Yeah, I'm sure it's
a lake or something like that, and I'm obscured, but
it just feels wrong, like it feels like something that
(26:04):
large should not exist in a body of water that
is only like you waist high, right, Yeah, like that's
what's like. Big fishes like whales and sharks exist in
you know, the.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
Totality of depths of the ocean. Yeah, but this is
just in sort of like slow moving rivers, lakes, you.
Speaker 3 (26:28):
Know, so it just gets tired. It doesn't like to
move a lot.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
Yeah, that's what.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
That's another thing I love about it is it's just
like I'm just what's that I'm going to suck on
that rock?
Speaker 1 (26:41):
Yeah? Right, it was around sucking on rocks and getting
picked up by people trying to take photos. They grow
really fast though. They actually can grow over seventy pounds
or thirty kilograms per year. Whoa, and they can live
to be over fifty years old.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
Ash so awesome.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
It's really sad though, because they are critically endangered because
of the habitat loss overfishing. It's illegal now to fish them.
But also just look like I can't imagine. Maybe I
guess like if I have to feed my family, but
I'd feel so bad looking at that face, being like
all right, I gotta kill you know me?
Speaker 2 (27:22):
You're good?
Speaker 1 (27:22):
You can feel me. You just like so sad.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
It's just, you know, the boon of lazy fishermen everywhere.
I know you could probably just like it feels like
a fish that is moving so slowly that you can
just grab it, Like you don't need a tool to
kill this thing, which that makes that makes some sense
of why it's endangered. It saddens me greatly because I
(27:51):
wonder what a wonderful existence just kind of slurping around
like a big dumb dumb dummy. I love you. I'm
in love with this little low eyed it's just drag.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
Its face is incredible. I do have it in this
show notes it's face or if you want to google
a may Kung giant catfish. The face is. It's very photogenic.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
It's like what if what if your forehead was a mouth?
Speaker 1 (28:23):
The thing is if you flip the face. Actually, it
makes more sense if you like rote. I'm actually gonna
do that for myself. I'm going to rotate it. If
I can't, d oh, it looks like it's smiling upside down.
Wait in your document. I'm going to rotate this for you.
Hang on, please, it's the bottom one with the like
(28:45):
National Geographic logo on it. Don't tell me. I just
flipped that around, like look at it.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
Hit me.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
It looks like it makes more sense now. It's like
like the eye looks more normally play.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
Right, Yeah, exactly. Like I know we're not here to
pass judgment on Mother Nature and her concoctions, but like
I'm in between, like you really screwed up Mother Nature.
And also no notes, you know, like I love the
diversity that you create, but like you really fumbled this one.
(29:25):
You really got it backward for no reason I love.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
I couldn't find like a specific reason why it's eyes
are like that. I would assume though, because it just
slurps the algae that it's just like look down for
the algae.
Speaker 3 (29:39):
Yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
It's like almost all stimulaly, you know, like eyes and
you know, like silly as you mentioned earlier, and just
like it's always just reaching like trees reach for the sun.
Speaker 3 (29:54):
Yeah, it's always just.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Yeah, nutrition, nutritive goo.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
It's fascinating.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
Now on to our other big boy. Like this is
the other largest freshwater fish. It is the giant freshwater stingray.
It is actually the largest stingray in the world. And
it's just like hanging out and hiding around in fresh water.
It is It certainly has the largest diameter of any
freshwater fish. It is found in Southeast Asia. They are
(30:27):
related to marine rays. But yeah, these are huge. They
grow over seven feet in diameter, which is over two meters,
and they can weigh over six hundred and fifty pounds,
which is around three hundred kilograms. Yeah, it's huge.
Speaker 3 (30:43):
Get out, Get out of fresh water. Yeah, get in
the ocean.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
What are you doing like to me like that, this
is way too big to exist, Like like this is
in rivers, I assume, yeah, yeah, this is like and
fresh Amazon or you know this is actually so this
is found in Southeast Asia, so not in them, yeah,
but in like in.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
Like rivers, slow moving rivers and like lakes. Uh, and
so yeah it is uh. It actually looks like like
it's kind of brown, so it kind of looks like
a giant alien pancake.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
It's the the photo that you have is terrifying because like, so,
you know, let's break down the biology. I understand exactly
what's going on in every part of this organism. It's
got the fan part, you know, like sting ray, you know,
get the floppy bits but then there's a center mass
(31:42):
that is basically a torso like a human torso it
looks like kind of ribsolved.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
It does kind of look like a pancake, a monster pancake,
like eight a human and like digested it. And then
there's just like a human like rib cage in there
that's like actually the top part of the the the array,
and it's like there that may those like lines may
actually be some bones because these are bony fish and uh,
(32:16):
but yeah, the underside is where you would find like
its mouth and stuff like it's it actually has like
near its mouth and electroreceptor kind of area where it
can detect the electrical signals of its prey, which would
be like fresh water crustaceans and stuff. So it is
(32:37):
it is very strange, very very strange animal. It's covered
in mucous so we've got another slime boy on our hands.
This is a very slimy episode. And they also have
they are a sting ray, so they do have a
fifteen inch toxic stinger that is strong enough and media
(32:58):
enough to punch through human bone, human bone, human bone.
It can pierce your bones.
Speaker 3 (33:06):
What is that for? What are you taken down?
Speaker 2 (33:08):
Buddy.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
It is defensive, but also to take down it's prey
like freshwater crabs, and it is it seems.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
Like overkill for freshwater crabs. I'm sorry, perhaps a little bit.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
But you know what is interesting is that apparently they
are not very aggressive. So even though they have a
stinger that could probably just skewer us, right, I think
it could just impale a person. I don't think. I
don't think they're known to really do that because they're
pretty chill. They don't really want to mess with us.
(33:42):
They're like politely inquisitive apparently, which is really cute. They are.
Sometimes fishermen do go after them, and if they do,
like hook one of these, then they will fight back.
And it's wild because they're so big they can pull
like a small fishing boat under water, which just sounds like,
(34:03):
why would you tussle with this giant murder pancake that
can like drag you into this murkt absolutely like sediment
filled water. That is like my worst nightmare.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
I I am like in awe that a part of
its process isn't to just envelope you like a bruto
and just be like and that's it.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
Kind of yeah, it does look kind of like the
alien from Nope, right, like just like a big murder
pancake sky whale.
Speaker 2 (34:35):
Yeah, it's like this flat. It's again amazing way to
go fresh water. I did not think that you packed
so many, you know, like demons. Yeah, frankly, this is
a demon.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
I do kind of want to like lie on top
of it, like use it as sort of just like
a cushion.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
I mean, yeah, it's another body pillow.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
Little Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:00):
Right.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
We have a lot of like nap friendly animals on
this episode, like the giant catfish that's like a body pillow,
the Brozone Briozon, which is kind of like I feel
like I could rest my head on that. It's like
an air airplane. Nice airplane pillow. This one like sort
of a yoga around Matt.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
Yeah, I feel like I wrap myself in it as
long as I had control, because it feels too muscly.
I mean, obviously it's a fish.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
Yeah. I think it would defend itself if it felt
like you were like doing something and didn't like And
it does have that fifteen inch long toxic stinger that
I did mention that can punch through bones. So maybe
not a great idea. Maybe not a great idea.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
But I feel like this is like you said that,
they're not really that uh you know, aggressive aggressive, So
like I feel like this is a familiar in a
D and D campaign.
Speaker 1 (35:56):
Yeah, maybe we could be friends.
Speaker 2 (35:58):
Yeah, I feel like I'm like me and you. I'll
feed you some something. And you're obviously a spawn from Satan,
but that's fine. You and me are going to be
best pals, and I'm gonna use you as a blanket
and also hug you in your terrifying rib cage.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
That's so sweet. We're going to take a quick break
and when we get back, we're going to talk about
one more very weird animal that you can find in
fresh water.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
So you'll be right back.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
So now we're talking about toe biters biting them toes.
Uh oh yeah. So these are giant water bugs. Hooray.
So giant water bugs are giant bugs that you find
in water. They usually grow around an inch to two
inches long. There are some species that can grow up
(36:51):
to four and a half inches long, which is eleven
and a half centimeters. They are found all over the
world in fresh water habitats, and there are many species
in this family. The family is called bellow stone Matidae,
and most of them are these like flat, brown, oval
(37:12):
shaped bugs. They're just like these kind of beatly looking
bugs with their flat and they've got really meaty legs.
So all of them are weird and kind of scary looking.
But let's just talk about the absolute most weirdo ones,
like the most upsetting thing that you could find brushing
(37:35):
against your foot. So sorry, So yes, yeah, I'm.
Speaker 2 (37:43):
Looking at a photo that you've sent me, and you
mentioned the meaty legs like that was the you know,
that was the headliner. Yes, and I'm not going to
disagree with you, but like, let's talk about what is
its body?
Speaker 1 (38:02):
It's it's the bulblessness of it, right, the pustules that
you're worried.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
About, the pustules like you're you're you're gonna you're gonna
sit there and act like that's not full of spiders,
because like I I won't allow you to do that.
Speaker 1 (38:20):
Can you get can you guess what these like? Uh?
What he's looking at is like these many protrusions like
almost like the like the like the inside of a pomegranate,
but it's on this bugs back and they're kind of oblong.
Uh so what what do you think those are?
Speaker 2 (38:44):
So they obviously detach and invade the earth in a row.
In emeric film, they shoot themselves into the White House
and take over with duplicates of the President. I have
no clue what those things do. I assume that there's
(39:06):
some because they're running in a series. Because it's like,
you know, much like the you know, shell of a
turtle or the scales of an armadillo. I assume it's
some kind of protection. Maybe there's a sensory involvement in there.
Are you like you tell me you're the expert.
Speaker 1 (39:29):
You're much closer with the like they'll like go into
the President and I don't know what they launched, like
give birth to a bunch of little presidents like they
are these are eggs. These are eggs stuck to the
back of this thing.
Speaker 3 (39:42):
They're just taking a ride exactly.
Speaker 1 (39:44):
And when you say therefore protection, it's actually the inverse.
The beetle or the not beetle, the giant water bug
is the one protecting the egg. So uh, the so
the way this works, I love this. This is some
great parental care from these giant water bugs. And also
we love a society where both the sexes take care
(40:08):
of the young because the female will lay her eggs
on top of the male's back, and actually she has
like a secretion that glues these eggs to his back,
and he'll litter do that, and so the male carries
these eggs on his back and then he's able to
protect them from predators who would otherwise just like get
(40:28):
a free lunch by slurping up these eggs. But now
you've got this giant water bug going around with his
eggs on his back. And if you're gonna try to
pluck one of these eggs off of them like a grape,
he's gonna bite you. And they can bite really hard
and it hurts apparently really bad.
Speaker 2 (40:46):
Okay, good, good for it. Yeah, you know I love that.
So mom just kind of packs off.
Speaker 1 (40:54):
Hell yeah, we love to see it. We love to
see it.
Speaker 2 (40:58):
Love to see it.
Speaker 3 (40:59):
Man, I wish flip the patriarchal.
Speaker 1 (41:01):
I mean, that's more or less my plan. If I
have a kid, I'm just gonna stick that baby on
a baby bjorn, put it on my husband and be
like all right, good luck, bye bye.
Speaker 2 (41:12):
I'm gonna see the world. And by the world, I
mean like yeah, four to eight feet that is our palm.
Speaker 1 (41:19):
Yeah, but just imagine that with like fifty babies and
fifty baby bjorns and you're just covered in babies and
it's like, all right, you see ya.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
I love that, Like the organism doesn't like I know
that we're talking about invertebrates, so like we're not like
it's not like a you know, pregnancy, but usually, like
I don't know, like usually animals have some form of
like protect the baby. This one is just like I
know you said, the males will bite, you know, if
(41:50):
like someone is trying to pluck these eggs out, but
they're so exposed. It's almost like, take my children before
you attack me. I will form a shield of my children.
It really does feel like because that's where the predators
are coming from, is the top right, This is a
bottom dweller. Yeah, it's low to ground, even I assume underwater.
Speaker 1 (42:16):
When I explain this other species, I think you'll get
a better understanding of why animals might avoid trying to
do that. So, like I said, a lot of these
species are known as toe biters because they will bite
you really hard, which can be incredibly painful. It's not
necessarily dangerous unless you happen to be a little little
(42:42):
fish or turtle, because these bugs actually can eat fish
and small turtles and snakes, because they're so so good
at biting in a way that is really disturbing. So
many awesome, many species of giant water bugs are oracious predators.
So kirk Kirkaldia dei roli, found in freshwater habitats and
(43:09):
rice fields in Asia, have been documented to hunt and
eat fish, small turtles, snakes. I saw some things about
like maybe even eating like baby birds, like baby ducklings,
but I think it's probably God, I don't know that.
I think that it's probably like they are in the water,
so it's anything that they can grab that happens to
(43:31):
be in the water. So their front legs are very beefy,
and they basically like put their prey in like a
half nelson, uh, And then they have this hard proboscus
that they stab into their prey. And the proboscis is
like it's like this mouth, this sharp mouth.
Speaker 2 (43:51):
Tube mouth spears.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
It's a mouth spear, perfect, thank you, And it injects
enzymes that break down the flesh of their prey. And
apparently it also has like a paralytic paralytic compound that
is apparently incredibly painful. Like it's not, like I said,
it's not generally harmful to humans in terms of it's
(44:16):
not gonna like put you in the hospital. But this
venom and this bite is like super super painful. But
what it does for its smaller prey like a fish,
is it renders them immobile and then they're just pumping
it full of digestive juices that like turns it into
a slurpe, and then the beatle just sucks it up.
(44:37):
So you know, I think that might be why having
the babies on its back is a good strategy, because
most animals are probably gonna learn, like to avoid this
horrifying thing.
Speaker 2 (44:52):
That way to go again, mother nature. You just little
bite sized, candy sized versions of brutality running around the pond.
Don't even care about predators. They're like, yeah, eat me.
I'm gonna put the most attractive part of my animal
(45:15):
right on my back because I am a murder toad.
That is what a fascinating little organism.
Speaker 1 (45:24):
Yeah, it's a it's pretty creepy, but also like great,
it's a great dad. It's dad of the month.
Speaker 2 (45:31):
It's a great dad.
Speaker 3 (45:32):
Yeah, I guess is number one.
Speaker 2 (45:36):
Dad got got a little spear there to protect the
children's Yeah, yeah, I love that. It also puts you
in a half Nelson, you.
Speaker 1 (45:45):
Know, it really does.
Speaker 2 (45:47):
It wants you, It wants you to tap out, yeah,
before it destroys.
Speaker 1 (45:52):
And yeah, good, good, good for these little guys. Love
them not so little. Actually some of them grow over
four inches long.
Speaker 2 (46:02):
So you know if I saw that that, like, if
I saw that in my house, like a four inch
size one of these, I would not try to save it.
Speaker 1 (46:14):
Yeah, I mean, if you live in a bog, I
feel like you kind of because like that's probably the
only time you'd see it in your house. Of if
you live in a pond, like your house is just
inside of the pond. Uh.
Speaker 3 (46:29):
But yeah, I live in la Am I right.
Speaker 2 (46:33):
I don't know why I'm making like, yeah, Heathcliff jokes
on your podcast.
Speaker 1 (46:37):
It's fine. There's some kind of political joke there to
be made about the swamp.
Speaker 3 (46:45):
And draining it, meaning it for the toe biters.
Speaker 1 (46:48):
But then the toe biters are going to come get you,
and something about medicare. I don't know. I'm so tired. Listen,
let's do a little game. I like to call gets
to squawk on the Mystery Animal sound game. Every week
I play mister Animal Saund and you the listener, and
you the guests, try to guess who is making that sound.
It can be any animal in the world. And just
(47:11):
to remind you, animals include everything folks like insects, spiders, birds, bugs, frogs, cats, dogs, donkeys, uh, snakes, everything,
So it could be any of those things. I keep
going monkeys, squirrels.
Speaker 2 (47:31):
You're killing it.
Speaker 1 (47:32):
Okay, I named every animal that exists, so you're a
thank you. I'm so glad someone recognizes it.
Speaker 2 (47:41):
I'm yeah, I am amazed.
Speaker 1 (47:44):
Yeah. The hint for last well, actually the week before
last week, mister animal Sam is this. Uh these little
guys are free living exterminators. All right, Abe, did you
hear that little like kick?
Speaker 2 (48:01):
Yep, the cackle, Nature's little cackle, like try to defy me?
Is like, what that organism? So you're saying to the cackle,
I mean it honestly sounds mammalian, like it's doesn't sound
(48:22):
like a bug to me. I feel like I'm gonna
get dunked on in a second, because like I don't
like pride myself on knowing you know, like sounds of
organisms and being like to play this game. I don't
think I'm particularly good at this game, but like, that
sounds like a rodent to me.
Speaker 1 (48:42):
Maybe you know, this game is designed not for education,
not for fun, but just to make you feel bad,
to make you feel.
Speaker 2 (48:51):
Bad, just for you to feel superior on your guests
for just a brief second of happiness.
Speaker 1 (48:57):
Actually, no, fool, this is not a rodent. No, I
mean it does really sound like it sounds like a chipmunk, right,
it sounds like like some kind of rodent, maybe a chipmunk,
maybe a squirrel. But no, this is actually the call
of the common house gecko. This is a gecko making
this little call.
Speaker 2 (49:17):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (49:17):
Yeah. There are a small brown, kind of pale brown
gecko found in Asia and Oceania.
Speaker 2 (49:24):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (49:25):
They like to hang around human homes, thus the name
house gecko. And they eat have bugs for you, bell
eat cockroaches, termites, wasps, moths, flies, crickets. So honestly, seems
like a mutually beneficial situation. I would much rather have
one of these little cute guys there. They're just a
cute little gecko, and I'd much rather have one of
(49:47):
those going around than like termites and cockroaches. So hey,
oh yeah, for sure, they're like the best roommate that
you could have, Like they're killing bugs.
Speaker 2 (49:57):
For you and the las fun all the time, Like yeah,
they're the court jesture and like I feel like it's
the cat. Yeah, they're like.
Speaker 1 (50:10):
This episode is like I think this episode is like
just tailor made for bog witches. So I hope you've
all all all my witches out there. I hope you've
enjoyed this. H onto this week's mystery animal. Sound. The
hint is this you're not gonna find this hen on
a farm. Uh, and it'll make this call till it's
(50:31):
red in the face. All right, any guesses abe?
Speaker 3 (50:47):
So at the end there was that like multiple of them.
Speaker 1 (50:52):
Yeah, yeah, it was.
Speaker 2 (50:53):
Because there was like a like a paused chirp that
was kind of happened.
Speaker 1 (50:57):
Yeah, I think there was more. I think there was
more than one.
Speaker 2 (51:00):
And the second part and then it found it sounded
like it found a friend.
Speaker 3 (51:04):
Yeah, gosh, I mean that does sound like.
Speaker 2 (51:07):
A bird because the repetition, but like I also want
to say.
Speaker 1 (51:14):
Frog, yeah heard or a frog. I'll give you, I'll
give it.
Speaker 2 (51:19):
Uh, I'll go frog Frog.
Speaker 1 (51:22):
All right, very interesting gifts. I will another little hint,
just a freebel throw, and is that since this episode
has been very very swampy, uh, that is that it
is on theme, on brand with the rest of this episode. Well,
I but I will reveal the answer on next week's
episode of Creature Feature. Abe, thank you so much for
(51:43):
joining me today and marchhen it up with me this.
I really I just love weird stuff you find in water.
Speaker 2 (51:54):
Me too. I love Mother Nature and the ability that
she has to, you know, just blow my mind with
dumb animals that I want to apparently put in my
bed and sleep with. Yeah, that seemed to be both
of our ten throughout this episode.
Speaker 1 (52:14):
Super cute. If there was like a plush version of it,
I would buy that. It probably costs like five hundred dollars.
I buy it though. Where can people find you?
Speaker 2 (52:24):
You know, if you like, you know, just my conversational
stylings and you can go over to patreon dot com
slash small means I co founded this little tiny I
guess you call it a network of podcasting. Yeah, they are,
(52:47):
and we talk about more or less pop culture, movies,
video games and such like that. I'm there with my
friends Michael Swam and Adam Ganzer, who are you know
if you remember all of us from Cracked Fame which Katie, Yeah,
who knows. But that's where I reside. And we're also
(53:11):
making a movie. We're filmmakers, and we've been making a
movie for a long time now. We're still in the
you know, pre production phases. And it's a movie about
a coming of age film where a teenager finds out
that his dad is a gay furry and it's semi
(53:34):
autobiographical based off Michael's life. It's a movie that we've
wanted to make for a long time because we find
the topic fascinating and how communities and fandoms are influential
and positive in people's life.
Speaker 3 (53:50):
And so that's kind of like what we're up to.
Speaker 2 (53:52):
And that's kind of the vibes if you go over there.
But please check us out at small Beans.
Speaker 1 (53:58):
That sounds excellent. I'm a I'm extremely excited for this movie.
I've heard about it and I think it sounds super interesting.
And I know movie making is a long process, but
come on, guys, yeah it get it.
Speaker 2 (54:10):
I know, I know it's we have had a series
of strikes and yeah.
Speaker 1 (54:18):
I'm not going I'm not criticizing you. I'm just impatient
because I want to.
Speaker 2 (54:22):
See it, you and me both. Yeah, but that's but
thank you for being a fan.
Speaker 1 (54:29):
I will remain steadfast and patient and when it comes out,
I'm definitely watching it. Thank you so much, thank you
so much for joining me, and thank you so much
for you guys out there, the ones listening to this
right now. For listening, if you leave a rating review
helps me a lot. Just listening helps me, and I
(54:49):
appreciate you guys enjoying listening about bogs and like gross
water muck because that's great and you're great. And thanks
to the Space Classics for their super awesome song. Ex Alumina.
Creature features a production of iHeart Radio. For more podcasts
like the one you has heard, visit the iHeartRadio app
Apple podcast. All right, guess what or if you listen
(55:11):
to your favorite shows. I'm not your mother, and I
can't tell you what to do, but I can tell
you this one thing. Having sodium alginate goo shots does
sometimes help you tummy with its problems. See you next Wednesday,
Welcome to Creature Future production of iHeartRadio. I'm your host
of Many Parasites, Katie Golden. I studied psychology and evolutionary biology,
and today on the show fresh watt as in what
the heck is in fresh water? Because folks, sometimes it's weird.
We are talking about some of the weirdest things that
(00:27):
you would not expect to find in bodies of fresh water.
We all know the ocean is crazy in full of aliens,
but in your local pond, in your marshlands, I don't
think I would expect to find an alien, and yet
there they are. Joining me today is my friend co
founder of Small Beans, podcaster filmmaker abe E Person. Welcome.
(00:52):
We're gonna talk about weird stuff today.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Hey, Katie, thanks for bringing me on to your bog episode.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
I know that it's the bog, you know, Like, I'm
just glad that.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
We've gotten to this point in our relationship where you're
like still water, fresh water, ponds of scum.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
You know, that's a real kind of deal. I'm real
excited right here.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
You bring a real stagnant energy that I need for
my bog episode.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Yeah, you got it, and I'm here for it. Yeah,
because I'm a I'm a bog animal myself, you know.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
I think that we should all be more appreciative of bogs.
They give us cool things like peat, moss and mummies, yes,
and weird fish and weird animals. But yeah, we are
talking about because you know what, there is something like
primely spooky about water that is not it's it's fresh water,
(01:53):
but it's not so fast, right, It's like kind of
slow moving fresh water, like in marshes because there could
be anything in there, and it's usually slimy, and it's
like it's got it's got kind of a witch vibe.
Witch talk. Are you listening, there's a witch talk. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
And it's also like the place in which we sometimes
get our water, which is necessary for our life and
also produces one of the things that kills us the most,
like in mosquitoes, you know. So it's so it's this
thing that we just keep coming back to. I know
we're probably destined as everything on the earth is from
(02:35):
salt water. But it's like a it's it's it's a hoax. Really,
fresh water is a hoax.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Fresh Water is there's nothing fresh about it, folks. It's
full of little tiny pieces.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Of Hey, is that an ocean? No, it's way tinier
and doesn't taste like salt.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
Yeah. So yeah, we are going to talk about some weird, wild,
slimy stuff you can find in your very own body
of fresh water. So, if you've ever been, I don't know,
to a lake, maybe a lagoon, perhaps you have had
the luck of seeing a lumpy, bloated alien looking mass. No,
(03:20):
it's not me after eating chili. This is called a
fresh water briozoan. So have you ever seen? Aby sent
you some photos I'm looking. I hope you like it.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Thank you so much for sending these to me.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
You're You're welcome this. The first one is what I
would like you to draw your attention to. What are
you looking at?
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Well, I'm looking in an egg from the movie Alien
that just a guy is holding in front of what
looks like a series of lily pads. That there's no
way that there isn't treasure inside that I want to
get in there.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Yeah, crack it open, slurp.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
It up, slurp it up.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
It's probably full of goo and slime and stuff that's
just good for like nutrients, you know, stuff that's good for.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Me, Probably nutrients Okay. You know what's funny, abe is
that I have been struggling with a disease known as GIRD.
Have you heard of Are you familiar with the calamity?
That is god, not the specifics, but it is gastro
(04:29):
intestinal reflux wait, gastro gastro reflex esophageal disease. Anyways, it
means I get heartburn like a lot and it sucks.
So I I asked, asked around to pharmacists give me
(04:50):
something for this, and I tried some some pills and
it didn't really do anything. So then a pharmacist is like, look,
what you gotta do is take this, take this box
of mysterious little packages of liquid and just you know,
just gunshot these. Shotgun just shotgun these. Every time you
(05:11):
eat anything. It's like, okay, great. It is apparently sodium
alginate and it is a kind of goop that I
guess it is algae based, and they have sweetened it
to make it kind of taste like cream soda, but
not quite because it mostly tastes like slime. And so
(05:33):
I have been learning how to imbibe this like almost
cream soda tasting, but mostly like algae pond scum tasting thing.
I've got a little shot glass because at first I
tried to just like go gurt it, you know, like
it came in a little package and she's like just
(05:53):
like put it direct, like squirt it directly in your mouth,
and it was obscene and I didn't like it. So
now I have a little shot glass full of my
pond scum and it is actually helping my tummy feel better.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
So so you got your little slimy peptobysmo that you take.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Yeah, I've got I've got my little bog brow, my
little my little goblin drink that I drink every day.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Little packets of somehow I assume related to stories is
related to this organism.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Right, Yeah, it's it's not really other than it's gowy
and sliming. And you were reminding me of this because
we were talking about slurping this.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Up up Nature's gusher.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
You know. It's it is like Nature's gusher. And you
know the thing that I worry about is that now
I'm going to form this positive association with this pond scum,
medical pond scum that I'm drinking because it makes my
tummy feel a lot better. So now I'm starting to
look at slimy stuff from ponds and going like, maybe
I should just slurp that up. That is that might
(06:57):
make me feel better.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
What a wonderful little caress. So what a cavalcade of
chaos life is?
Speaker 1 (07:03):
You know? Here we go from marinera sauce making my
tummy hurt to me wanting to eat a fresh water
breazon and and.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
Now you're just a zombie.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
I'm just now just gonna be a bog monster. So
I was in Minnesota. Actually, I was walking with my
aunt in law and we saw this thing that looked
like an eggsack. I thought maybe it was like some
kind of bloated dead frog, and so I went over
and I poked it with a stick, and it was
just like an orb, a lumpy orb. And I was like, well,
(07:39):
I mean, I didn't like try to poke it open
in case an alien did come out and did like
hump my face. I didn't want that to happen. So
I just like it seemed more or less hollow though,
like a floating.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
Balloon, like so Spongy had some kids.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
I mean, it's yeah, it was like it was. It
looked exactly like this this picture, and it it is
like a brownish green, very lumpy texture. Uh and it yeah,
it's like a I don't know, it's like a flesh balloon,
as slimy flesh balloon. And I was like, what, I'd
(08:20):
never seen anything like this before, So I started trying
to like googling things like like a slimy ball in
pont flush balloon. Most of these searches did not bring
me what I needed, but finally I found I found
that this is Yeah, this is fresh water, a freshwater browzone,
(08:42):
which is really really interesting because this is an animal, abe, right, Like.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
This is organism. This isn't like the byproduct that like detaches. Yeah,
this is wonderful, Like this is this is so alien that,
like I sometimes I look at Mother Nature and I go,
what what great jokes you have? You know, I.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Will I will smoke what she's smoking exactly exact.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
So what does it do? Like, I mean, I guess
that's a stupid question to ask for animals, what do
you do?
Speaker 1 (09:21):
What do you do?
Speaker 2 (09:22):
But like, what's your deal?
Speaker 1 (09:24):
What's what you're doing?
Speaker 2 (09:27):
What scammer? Are you running?
Speaker 1 (09:30):
I mean it passively sits there and absorbs nutrients and
then that's pretty much it. Yeah, so it is actually
so what this is is actually a colony organism. So
I did say it's an animal, but maybe more accurate
it is to say that it is animals. This is animals.
(09:51):
It's a lot of tiny, uh like microscopic animals. It
is a it is a colony organism. So Briozoans actually
are a large phylum of colony invertebrates. So there's a
whole philum full of families and species of briozoans, and
(10:12):
most of them actually live in marine environments and they
can look very different. They can actually be really pretty,
kind of have like this lacey, coral like appearance. But
freshwater briozoans is bringing big bog energy because none of
them are really pretty. They are all just like big, bulbous,
gouey green slimeball, which I actually love. So the freshwater brizones,
(10:36):
also called phylactoalamatta, are found in lakes, ponds, lagoons, marshes,
and slow moving streams, and they are made up of
a bunch of zooids. So zooids are tiny animals that
form a larger organism. And so there is a specific
species of freshwater briozone called the magnet eficent briozoon that
(11:01):
you probably if you live in North America, you might
have actually seen in some of your fresh water areas
if you if you like me, enjoy a good a
good lake or a good bog.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
You just hanging around, Yeah, get a little hat, make
a little hut.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
You know, this would make a fine hat.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
This is I did not know this existed. This is awesome.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
I love that I didn't know.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
I you know, I have to admit I didn't know
this existed until like a few months ago when I
saw it for the first time in my life.
Speaker 3 (11:43):
This is fascinating.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
Not only does it look awesome, I mean like, if
you're into which I assume your audience, there are a
bunch of freaks who are just into.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
Whatever animals you compliment.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Oh yeah, for sure, for sure, I love freaks. But
I assume that they're just like, you know, like slip
down whatever you know. You're selling in terms of like
I got some animals, you know.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
My weird goo that makes you tell me feel better?
Speaker 3 (12:12):
Yeah, ya, you're selling your wares.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
And this is like this is not only unique in
like from in terms of like I I've never seen
anything like this, but also like it's just this passive animal.
Let me ask a question, and it's it's a part
of what I was asking before of like what's what's
(12:35):
your deal? Do any does anything eat this naturally? Like
how does this work in the larger eco system, because
like this is fascinating to just passively kind of develop
almost like a bacterium, you know, or something like that,
where it's just kind of like a part of the
(12:55):
scum that just you know, from our perspective when we
look at like stuck water, you know, like animals, we're
just like, well, that's just gonna exist and that that's
that's a good story for that, good for that, you know. Yeah,
but like this has got to be a vital part
of someone's life, right, yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
I mean it's interesting because the purpose of this kind
of colony structures it makes it less likely that they're
going to get eaten when they are individual zooids and
they do actually have like a free swimming stage where
there can be like this little individual very very tiny
almost like a zooplankton, and it can swim around and
(13:36):
that is like ripe for the picken for like eating.
And so what happens with that is it will start
to reproduce, so they can do both sexual and asexual reproduction.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
Nailing it.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
Yeah, So like the sexual reproduction they do every so
often and that allows them to you know, kind of
judge up their gene pool and then like but often
most most of the time, they do asexual reproduction by buttings,
so they just like make duplicates of themselves. So you'll
have this like free floating zooid, and then it starts
to reproduce by butting, and it creates like these like
(14:12):
little clusters, and then you get you reach sort of
a point in which these little clusters are able to
start forming a larger and larger, more stable sphere. Sometimes
it's not like a perfect sphere. Sometimes it's kind of
like slug shaped. But usually they form these like balls.
And each ball, like each of those like lumps on
the ball is like it's called a rosette, which is
(14:34):
a much prettier name for what it looks like. Yeah,
but each of those like contains a bunch of these zuoids,
and what they basically what each zuoid is is like
it has it's like kind of like a doughnut shape
or oval shape with like a single opening that is
its mouth butt it's both the mouth and the butt,
(14:56):
like yeah, like a chloaca, but for yeah, yeah, it's
one hole that does it all. And then it like
is surrounded and cilia, which are like these kind of
like eyelash like hairs that will help push food into
the mouth butt, and then on the other end of
the zooid, it actually excretes kind of a gelatinous goo
(15:19):
like inwards, which helps strengthen the blob. And so at
a certain point the texture of this blob. I'm sure
there are some animals that do try to eat it,
but I think once it reaches a certain size, it's
just too gooey and slimy to really be that palatable.
And so it's just floating there with all of these
individual zooids, just like passively slurping stuff up, and it
(15:44):
just lives its best blob life. That is.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
So wonderful, just this mucous ridden blob that just kind
of sits there, and that's its life.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
To me when I have it, That's that's exactly my life.
When I have allergies, I'm just a mucus blob that
sits there.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
That's me when I'm angry.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Am I right? No, It's like geez, what a what
a fun little I I am in awe of this,
like this is I have a great amount of compassion
for dumb like configurations of animals, Like it's it's always
brought me joy in my.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Life, Like that's why you're friends with me.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
Yeah, no, yeah, I've like as soon as I saw
you the first time in the writer's room, I was like, hey,
look at that dumb animal. Me and her are gonna
have a great time talking about blobs. Thank you for
bringing this blob to me. I am so I'm so fascinated.
(16:52):
I mean, I'm not going to really research this later.
Like this does like I love that. My engagement with
this is like happy to know it exists, but also
just like its own life, where it's like kind of
worthless and just there for the ride of you know, life.
It's just like, hey, we're.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
All soo here because it's filter feeding. It is actually
good for the aquatic environment, Like it does help with
the ecosystem because it's like filtering stuff out right the water.
It helps you know there, it is helps clean, helps
filter things, and it is like I there's actually not
like a huge plethora of like information on this thing,
(17:34):
which I find even more intriguing. I love that it's
like a mysterious blob, but I've also read.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
No grad student is like this is my sorry, I'm
not sure if it.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Should that's okay, but like it's uh, it's I I
really think it is. It is cool, though there should
be more research on it, but it is also fun
for it just to be kind of a mystery blob
of like I don't just kind of there, but you know,
it does. It does serve a purpose and apparently also
like if you see them in your pond or something,
(18:07):
it's a sign of a healthy ecosystem to have these.
So this is like a good thing. Yeah, I kind
of look like tumors, but they are actually a good
thing to have in your water system.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Yeah, the bulbous mass, the fact, the idea that there's
like there's a lot of bumps, you know, that's what
That's why I reacted initially of like this is an
alien egg and there's gonna be a face. It really
does get out of it and you know, infects me
with xena zeno phobes or whatever they're called xenomorphs that
(18:44):
are going to destroy my digestive tract. But but it's
just really it's just really there, isn't it? And like
what if? So?
Speaker 3 (18:58):
I know it's full of goo more or less, it's squishy.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
Somewhat hollow, but also there's goo in there.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Yeah. I do feel like there's a part of me,
like a caveman brain that like wants to pop it
and then throw it on a stove and see like
what it tastes like. Is that wrong?
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Is that bad?
Speaker 1 (19:20):
No, it's not wrong. I don't know that it would,
you know. I did not like try to find out
what it tastes like, either in real life or on
the internet. I don't know that anyone else has tried
to eat it. I would not suggest it, given that
it probably is not good for you. But it does
make me, you know, I also have that curiosity because
it's like, is this gonna cure my tummy problems?
Speaker 2 (19:42):
Is it flesh? Because it's like flesh? Yeah, you know,
it's not like a fish. I get that it's pond
scum that has organized in a slightly more complex, you know, man.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
Immunized pond scum.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Yes, but like it's actually got like some turgid aspect
to it.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
It kind of looks it's like a weird avocado.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
So that's kind of skin. And if skin's in the game,
I might want to put it in my mind.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
Yeah maybe, Well, you know, I just get out there,
find one of these things and give it a little nibble.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
Yeah, yeah, like don't hurt it, but just like no,
you know, tell that you're around and I see you
as uh, I see.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
You, I hear you, and maybe I taste you. Don't
taste these. I don't know if it'll kill you.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
Yeah, I doubt it won't.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
I suspect you could just get sick in the same
way that you would get sick if you drink pond water.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
Right, It's it's just sopping with whatever bacteria it exists.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Yeah, there's, yes, exactly. But we are going to take
a brief break while I, uh, you know, drink so
more of my your go, and when we get back,
we're going to talk about another amazing couple of freshwater
finds who are regal and incredible and definitely not done
(21:15):
looking at all. The beer back all right, So we
are back, and now we're going to talk about something
called the meatcong giant catfish. Oh yeah, I shared some
photos of it with you.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
I did not.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
I didn't exist in the South.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
I'm a Californian boy, so I don't know anything about catfish.
I've never really eaten catfish, which is most of my
relation to this podcast is eating Have I eaten?
Speaker 3 (21:52):
Have I eaten it? And what does it taste like?
But tell me about this catfish.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
I'm excited.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
So this is a one of the biggest freshwater fish
UH in the world and also one of the weirdest
looking ones uh. It is found in the mid Kong
Basin in Southeast Asia, and they can grow to be
nearly ten feet long, which is three meters, and they
(22:18):
can weigh up to six hundred and fifty pounds around
two hundred kilograms. So it sounds terrifying, right, like giant
catfish taller than a full grown man. But then look
at its face. Abe, I want you to look at
its face.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
It's such a pudgy little like. Ah, it looks like
you got smushed. It's like this is the boxer of fishes.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
He's like a little ding dong. Yeah, like the dog.
It's like a pug or a boxer. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Like yeah, it's like face has been squashed.
Speaker 1 (22:48):
Its face is a little dinga space. I love it.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
And its eyes are so low it's are wild.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
So his eyes are first of all, very wide set
eyes on the opposite ends of its head, but then
also very low set, so they're almost like underneath it.
They're like yeah, And so it looks it does look
like a droopy a droopy dog, like the wire exactly.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
I'm this is one of the cutest things I've ever seen.
It's I love you, I love you.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
And it's like kind of big but also downturned. It's
just like, yeah, it's like the droopiest looking like.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
Dog. You O, man, imagine if imagine if this is
your predator, imagine you're hitting by this. That's just a
reality check for whatever you know is.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
I assume I know. This is the thing that is
really cute about them is that they don't have any teeth,
so they.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Are they got all their teeth knocked out from all
the fox that they do.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
Like gum.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
So these are also like you in that they they
have to eat go gurt tubes.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
They do have to slurp up algae. It keeps coming
back to my my, my new sodium alginate go GURTs.
They slurp algae from rocks and other surfaces with their big, dumb,
toothless mouths uh. And that's how it's just they're so
(24:39):
what an existence, right, You're huge problem, possibly the largest
fresh water fish out there, and you're just slurping up
pond scum with your dumb mouth and your eyes that
are like sagging down.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
Like I love it's so much you might think, yeah,
and you and you become giant. Yeah, that's that's the
best part too, is that, like I want I want
to get a bunch of them and put them in
my bed and to sleep on them.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
I know.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
It's they're very cute.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
They would make a cute like body pillow.
Speaker 3 (25:23):
You know exactly. And they're enormous. They're I love that,
Like just like the pond.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
There's one photo that you sent me of a bunch
of gentlemen holding it and the pond that.
Speaker 3 (25:38):
There's in is like waist high. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
So if I'm to understand exactly what's going on in
this photo, they assumably found that thing that shark inside
whatever body of water they're in. Yeah, I'm sure it's
a lake or something like that, and I'm obscured, but
it just feels wrong, like it feels like something that
(26:04):
large should not exist in a body of water that
is only like you waist high, right, Yeah, like that's
what's like. Big fishes like whales and sharks exist in
you know, the.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
Totality of depths of the ocean. Yeah, but this is
just in sort of like slow moving rivers, lakes, you.
Speaker 3 (26:28):
Know, so it just gets tired. It doesn't like to
move a lot.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
Yeah, that's what.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
That's another thing I love about it is it's just
like I'm just what's that I'm going to suck on
that rock?
Speaker 1 (26:41):
Yeah? Right, it was around sucking on rocks and getting
picked up by people trying to take photos. They grow
really fast though. They actually can grow over seventy pounds
or thirty kilograms per year. Whoa, and they can live
to be over fifty years old.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
Ash so awesome.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
It's really sad though, because they are critically endangered because
of the habitat loss overfishing. It's illegal now to fish them.
But also just look like I can't imagine. Maybe I
guess like if I have to feed my family, but
I'd feel so bad looking at that face, being like
all right, I gotta kill you know me?
Speaker 2 (27:22):
You're good?
Speaker 1 (27:22):
You can feel me. You just like so sad.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
It's just, you know, the boon of lazy fishermen everywhere.
I know you could probably just like it feels like
a fish that is moving so slowly that you can
just grab it, Like you don't need a tool to
kill this thing, which that makes that makes some sense
of why it's endangered. It saddens me greatly because I
(27:51):
wonder what a wonderful existence just kind of slurping around
like a big dumb dumb dummy. I love you. I'm
in love with this little low eyed it's just drag.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
Its face is incredible. I do have it in this
show notes it's face or if you want to google
a may Kung giant catfish. The face is. It's very photogenic.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
It's like what if what if your forehead was a mouth?
Speaker 1 (28:23):
The thing is if you flip the face. Actually, it
makes more sense if you like rote. I'm actually gonna
do that for myself. I'm going to rotate it. If
I can't, d oh, it looks like it's smiling upside down.
Wait in your document. I'm going to rotate this for you.
Hang on, please, it's the bottom one with the like
(28:45):
National Geographic logo on it. Don't tell me. I just
flipped that around, like look at it.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
Hit me.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
It looks like it makes more sense now. It's like
like the eye looks more normally play.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
Right, Yeah, exactly. Like I know we're not here to
pass judgment on Mother Nature and her concoctions, but like
I'm in between, like you really screwed up Mother Nature.
And also no notes, you know, like I love the
diversity that you create, but like you really fumbled this one.
(29:25):
You really got it backward for no reason I love.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
I couldn't find like a specific reason why it's eyes
are like that. I would assume though, because it just
slurps the algae that it's just like look down for
the algae.
Speaker 3 (29:39):
Yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
It's like almost all stimulaly, you know, like eyes and
you know, like silly as you mentioned earlier, and just
like it's always just reaching like trees reach for the sun.
Speaker 3 (29:54):
Yeah, it's always just.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Yeah, nutrition, nutritive goo.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
It's fascinating.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
Now on to our other big boy. Like this is
the other largest freshwater fish. It is the giant freshwater stingray.
It is actually the largest stingray in the world. And
it's just like hanging out and hiding around in fresh water.
It is It certainly has the largest diameter of any
freshwater fish. It is found in Southeast Asia. They are
(30:27):
related to marine rays. But yeah, these are huge. They
grow over seven feet in diameter, which is over two meters,
and they can weigh over six hundred and fifty pounds,
which is around three hundred kilograms. Yeah, it's huge.
Speaker 3 (30:43):
Get out, Get out of fresh water. Yeah, get in
the ocean.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
What are you doing like to me like that, this
is way too big to exist, Like like this is
in rivers, I assume, yeah, yeah, this is like and
fresh Amazon or you know this is actually so this
is found in Southeast Asia, so not in them, yeah,
but in like in.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
Like rivers, slow moving rivers and like lakes. Uh, and
so yeah it is uh. It actually looks like like
it's kind of brown, so it kind of looks like
a giant alien pancake.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
It's the the photo that you have is terrifying because like, so,
you know, let's break down the biology. I understand exactly
what's going on in every part of this organism. It's
got the fan part, you know, like sting ray, you know,
get the floppy bits but then there's a center mass
(31:42):
that is basically a torso like a human torso it
looks like kind of ribsolved.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
It does kind of look like a pancake, a monster pancake,
like eight a human and like digested it. And then
there's just like a human like rib cage in there
that's like actually the top part of the the the array,
and it's like there that may those like lines may
actually be some bones because these are bony fish and uh,
(32:16):
but yeah, the underside is where you would find like
its mouth and stuff like it's it actually has like
near its mouth and electroreceptor kind of area where it
can detect the electrical signals of its prey, which would
be like fresh water crustaceans and stuff. So it is
(32:37):
it is very strange, very very strange animal. It's covered
in mucous so we've got another slime boy on our hands.
This is a very slimy episode. And they also have
they are a sting ray, so they do have a
fifteen inch toxic stinger that is strong enough and media
(32:58):
enough to punch through human bone, human bone, human bone.
It can pierce your bones.
Speaker 3 (33:06):
What is that for? What are you taken down?
Speaker 2 (33:08):
Buddy.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
It is defensive, but also to take down it's prey
like freshwater crabs, and it is it seems.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
Like overkill for freshwater crabs. I'm sorry, perhaps a little bit.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
But you know what is interesting is that apparently they
are not very aggressive. So even though they have a
stinger that could probably just skewer us, right, I think
it could just impale a person. I don't think. I
don't think they're known to really do that because they're
pretty chill. They don't really want to mess with us.
(33:42):
They're like politely inquisitive apparently, which is really cute. They are.
Sometimes fishermen do go after them, and if they do,
like hook one of these, then they will fight back.
And it's wild because they're so big they can pull
like a small fishing boat under water, which just sounds like,
(34:03):
why would you tussle with this giant murder pancake that
can like drag you into this murkt absolutely like sediment
filled water. That is like my worst nightmare.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
I I am like in awe that a part of
its process isn't to just envelope you like a bruto
and just be like and that's it.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
Kind of yeah, it does look kind of like the
alien from Nope, right, like just like a big murder
pancake sky whale.
Speaker 2 (34:35):
Yeah, it's like this flat. It's again amazing way to
go fresh water. I did not think that you packed
so many, you know, like demons. Yeah, frankly, this is
a demon.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
I do kind of want to like lie on top
of it, like use it as sort of just like
a cushion.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
I mean, yeah, it's another body pillow.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
Little Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:00):
Right.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
We have a lot of like nap friendly animals on
this episode, like the giant catfish that's like a body pillow,
the Brozone Briozon, which is kind of like I feel
like I could rest my head on that. It's like
an air airplane. Nice airplane pillow. This one like sort
of a yoga around Matt.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
Yeah, I feel like I wrap myself in it as
long as I had control, because it feels too muscly.
I mean, obviously it's a fish.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
Yeah. I think it would defend itself if it felt
like you were like doing something and didn't like And
it does have that fifteen inch long toxic stinger that
I did mention that can punch through bones. So maybe
not a great idea. Maybe not a great idea.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
But I feel like this is like you said that,
they're not really that uh you know, aggressive aggressive, So
like I feel like this is a familiar in a
D and D campaign.
Speaker 1 (35:56):
Yeah, maybe we could be friends.
Speaker 2 (35:58):
Yeah, I feel like I'm like me and you. I'll
feed you some something. And you're obviously a spawn from Satan,
but that's fine. You and me are going to be
best pals, and I'm gonna use you as a blanket
and also hug you in your terrifying rib cage.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
That's so sweet. We're going to take a quick break
and when we get back, we're going to talk about
one more very weird animal that you can find in
fresh water.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
So you'll be right back.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
So now we're talking about toe biters biting them toes.
Uh oh yeah. So these are giant water bugs. Hooray.
So giant water bugs are giant bugs that you find
in water. They usually grow around an inch to two
inches long. There are some species that can grow up
(36:51):
to four and a half inches long, which is eleven
and a half centimeters. They are found all over the
world in fresh water habitats, and there are many species
in this family. The family is called bellow stone Matidae,
and most of them are these like flat, brown, oval
(37:12):
shaped bugs. They're just like these kind of beatly looking
bugs with their flat and they've got really meaty legs.
So all of them are weird and kind of scary looking.
But let's just talk about the absolute most weirdo ones,
like the most upsetting thing that you could find brushing
(37:35):
against your foot. So sorry, So yes, yeah, I'm.
Speaker 2 (37:43):
Looking at a photo that you've sent me, and you
mentioned the meaty legs like that was the you know,
that was the headliner. Yes, and I'm not going to
disagree with you, but like, let's talk about what is
its body?
Speaker 1 (38:02):
It's it's the bulblessness of it, right, the pustules that
you're worried.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
About, the pustules like you're you're you're gonna you're gonna
sit there and act like that's not full of spiders,
because like I I won't allow you to do that.
Speaker 1 (38:20):
Can you get can you guess what these like? Uh?
What he's looking at is like these many protrusions like
almost like the like the like the inside of a pomegranate,
but it's on this bugs back and they're kind of oblong.
Uh so what what do you think those are?
Speaker 2 (38:44):
So they obviously detach and invade the earth in a row.
In emeric film, they shoot themselves into the White House
and take over with duplicates of the President. I have
no clue what those things do. I assume that there's
(39:06):
some because they're running in a series. Because it's like,
you know, much like the you know, shell of a
turtle or the scales of an armadillo. I assume it's
some kind of protection. Maybe there's a sensory involvement in there.
Are you like you tell me you're the expert.
Speaker 1 (39:29):
You're much closer with the like they'll like go into
the President and I don't know what they launched, like
give birth to a bunch of little presidents like they
are these are eggs. These are eggs stuck to the
back of this thing.
Speaker 3 (39:42):
They're just taking a ride exactly.
Speaker 1 (39:44):
And when you say therefore protection, it's actually the inverse.
The beetle or the not beetle, the giant water bug
is the one protecting the egg. So uh, the so
the way this works, I love this. This is some
great parental care from these giant water bugs. And also
we love a society where both the sexes take care
(40:08):
of the young because the female will lay her eggs
on top of the male's back, and actually she has
like a secretion that glues these eggs to his back,
and he'll litter do that, and so the male carries
these eggs on his back and then he's able to
protect them from predators who would otherwise just like get
(40:28):
a free lunch by slurping up these eggs. But now
you've got this giant water bug going around with his
eggs on his back. And if you're gonna try to
pluck one of these eggs off of them like a grape,
he's gonna bite you. And they can bite really hard
and it hurts apparently really bad.
Speaker 2 (40:46):
Okay, good, good for it. Yeah, you know I love that.
So mom just kind of packs off.
Speaker 1 (40:54):
Hell yeah, we love to see it. We love to
see it.
Speaker 2 (40:58):
Love to see it.
Speaker 3 (40:59):
Man, I wish flip the patriarchal.
Speaker 1 (41:01):
I mean, that's more or less my plan. If I
have a kid, I'm just gonna stick that baby on
a baby bjorn, put it on my husband and be
like all right, good luck, bye bye.
Speaker 2 (41:12):
I'm gonna see the world. And by the world, I
mean like yeah, four to eight feet that is our palm.
Speaker 1 (41:19):
Yeah, but just imagine that with like fifty babies and
fifty baby bjorns and you're just covered in babies and
it's like, all right, you see ya.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
I love that, Like the organism doesn't like I know
that we're talking about invertebrates, so like we're not like
it's not like a you know, pregnancy, but usually, like
I don't know, like usually animals have some form of
like protect the baby. This one is just like I
know you said, the males will bite, you know, if
(41:50):
like someone is trying to pluck these eggs out, but
they're so exposed. It's almost like, take my children before
you attack me. I will form a shield of my children.
It really does feel like because that's where the predators
are coming from, is the top right, This is a
bottom dweller. Yeah, it's low to ground, even I assume underwater.
Speaker 1 (42:16):
When I explain this other species, I think you'll get
a better understanding of why animals might avoid trying to
do that. So, like I said, a lot of these
species are known as toe biters because they will bite
you really hard, which can be incredibly painful. It's not
necessarily dangerous unless you happen to be a little little
(42:42):
fish or turtle, because these bugs actually can eat fish
and small turtles and snakes, because they're so so good
at biting in a way that is really disturbing. So
many awesome, many species of giant water bugs are oracious predators.
So kirk Kirkaldia dei roli, found in freshwater habitats and
(43:09):
rice fields in Asia, have been documented to hunt and
eat fish, small turtles, snakes. I saw some things about
like maybe even eating like baby birds, like baby ducklings,
but I think it's probably God, I don't know that.
I think that it's probably like they are in the water,
so it's anything that they can grab that happens to
(43:31):
be in the water. So their front legs are very beefy,
and they basically like put their prey in like a
half nelson, uh, And then they have this hard proboscus
that they stab into their prey. And the proboscis is
like it's like this mouth, this sharp mouth.
Speaker 2 (43:51):
Tube mouth spears.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
It's a mouth spear, perfect, thank you, And it injects
enzymes that break down the flesh of their prey. And
apparently it also has like a paralytic paralytic compound that
is apparently incredibly painful. Like it's not, like I said,
it's not generally harmful to humans in terms of it's
(44:16):
not gonna like put you in the hospital. But this
venom and this bite is like super super painful. But
what it does for its smaller prey like a fish,
is it renders them immobile and then they're just pumping
it full of digestive juices that like turns it into
a slurpe, and then the beatle just sucks it up.
(44:37):
So you know, I think that might be why having
the babies on its back is a good strategy, because
most animals are probably gonna learn, like to avoid this
horrifying thing.
Speaker 2 (44:52):
That way to go again, mother nature. You just little
bite sized, candy sized versions of brutality running around the pond.
Don't even care about predators. They're like, yeah, eat me.
I'm gonna put the most attractive part of my animal
(45:15):
right on my back because I am a murder toad.
That is what a fascinating little organism.
Speaker 1 (45:24):
Yeah, it's a it's pretty creepy, but also like great,
it's a great dad. It's dad of the month.
Speaker 2 (45:31):
It's a great dad.
Speaker 3 (45:32):
Yeah, I guess is number one.
Speaker 2 (45:36):
Dad got got a little spear there to protect the
children's Yeah, yeah, I love that. It also puts you
in a half Nelson, you.
Speaker 1 (45:45):
Know, it really does.
Speaker 2 (45:47):
It wants you, It wants you to tap out, yeah,
before it destroys.
Speaker 1 (45:52):
And yeah, good, good, good for these little guys. Love
them not so little. Actually some of them grow over
four inches long.
Speaker 2 (46:02):
So you know if I saw that that, like, if
I saw that in my house, like a four inch
size one of these, I would not try to save it.
Speaker 1 (46:14):
Yeah, I mean, if you live in a bog, I
feel like you kind of because like that's probably the
only time you'd see it in your house. Of if
you live in a pond, like your house is just
inside of the pond. Uh.
Speaker 3 (46:29):
But yeah, I live in la Am I right.
Speaker 2 (46:33):
I don't know why I'm making like, yeah, Heathcliff jokes
on your podcast.
Speaker 1 (46:37):
It's fine. There's some kind of political joke there to
be made about the swamp.
Speaker 3 (46:45):
And draining it, meaning it for the toe biters.
Speaker 1 (46:48):
But then the toe biters are going to come get you,
and something about medicare. I don't know. I'm so tired. Listen,
let's do a little game. I like to call gets
to squawk on the Mystery Animal sound game. Every week
I play mister Animal Saund and you the listener, and
you the guests, try to guess who is making that sound.
It can be any animal in the world. And just
(47:11):
to remind you, animals include everything folks like insects, spiders, birds, bugs, frogs, cats, dogs, donkeys, uh, snakes, everything,
So it could be any of those things. I keep
going monkeys, squirrels.
Speaker 2 (47:31):
You're killing it.
Speaker 1 (47:32):
Okay, I named every animal that exists, so you're a
thank you. I'm so glad someone recognizes it.
Speaker 2 (47:41):
I'm yeah, I am amazed.
Speaker 1 (47:44):
Yeah. The hint for last well, actually the week before
last week, mister animal Sam is this. Uh these little
guys are free living exterminators. All right, Abe, did you
hear that little like kick?
Speaker 2 (48:01):
Yep, the cackle, Nature's little cackle, like try to defy me?
Is like, what that organism? So you're saying to the cackle,
I mean it honestly sounds mammalian, like it's doesn't sound
(48:22):
like a bug to me. I feel like I'm gonna
get dunked on in a second, because like I don't
like pride myself on knowing you know, like sounds of
organisms and being like to play this game. I don't
think I'm particularly good at this game, but like, that
sounds like a rodent to me.
Speaker 1 (48:42):
Maybe you know, this game is designed not for education,
not for fun, but just to make you feel bad,
to make you feel.
Speaker 2 (48:51):
Bad, just for you to feel superior on your guests
for just a brief second of happiness.
Speaker 1 (48:57):
Actually, no, fool, this is not a rodent. No, I
mean it does really sound like it sounds like a chipmunk, right,
it sounds like like some kind of rodent, maybe a chipmunk,
maybe a squirrel. But no, this is actually the call
of the common house gecko. This is a gecko making
this little call.
Speaker 2 (49:17):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (49:17):
Yeah. There are a small brown, kind of pale brown
gecko found in Asia and Oceania.
Speaker 2 (49:24):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (49:25):
They like to hang around human homes, thus the name
house gecko. And they eat have bugs for you, bell
eat cockroaches, termites, wasps, moths, flies, crickets. So honestly, seems
like a mutually beneficial situation. I would much rather have
one of these little cute guys there. They're just a
cute little gecko, and I'd much rather have one of
(49:47):
those going around than like termites and cockroaches. So hey,
oh yeah, for sure, they're like the best roommate that
you could have, Like they're killing bugs.
Speaker 2 (49:57):
For you and the las fun all the time, Like yeah,
they're the court jesture and like I feel like it's
the cat. Yeah, they're like.
Speaker 1 (50:10):
This episode is like I think this episode is like
just tailor made for bog witches. So I hope you've
all all all my witches out there. I hope you've
enjoyed this. H onto this week's mystery animal. Sound. The
hint is this you're not gonna find this hen on
a farm. Uh, and it'll make this call till it's
(50:31):
red in the face. All right, any guesses abe?
Speaker 3 (50:47):
So at the end there was that like multiple of them.
Speaker 1 (50:52):
Yeah, yeah, it was.
Speaker 2 (50:53):
Because there was like a like a paused chirp that
was kind of happened.
Speaker 1 (50:57):
Yeah, I think there was more. I think there was
more than one.
Speaker 2 (51:00):
And the second part and then it found it sounded
like it found a friend.
Speaker 3 (51:04):
Yeah, gosh, I mean that does sound like.
Speaker 2 (51:07):
A bird because the repetition, but like I also want
to say.
Speaker 1 (51:14):
Frog, yeah heard or a frog. I'll give you, I'll
give it.
Speaker 2 (51:19):
Uh, I'll go frog Frog.
Speaker 1 (51:22):
All right, very interesting gifts. I will another little hint,
just a freebel throw, and is that since this episode
has been very very swampy, uh, that is that it
is on theme, on brand with the rest of this episode. Well,
I but I will reveal the answer on next week's
episode of Creature Feature. Abe, thank you so much for
(51:43):
joining me today and marchhen it up with me this.
I really I just love weird stuff you find in water.
Speaker 2 (51:54):
Me too. I love Mother Nature and the ability that
she has to, you know, just blow my mind with
dumb animals that I want to apparently put in my
bed and sleep with. Yeah, that seemed to be both
of our ten throughout this episode.
Speaker 1 (52:14):
Super cute. If there was like a plush version of it,
I would buy that. It probably costs like five hundred dollars.
I buy it though. Where can people find you?
Speaker 2 (52:24):
You know, if you like, you know, just my conversational
stylings and you can go over to patreon dot com
slash small means I co founded this little tiny I
guess you call it a network of podcasting. Yeah, they are,
(52:47):
and we talk about more or less pop culture, movies,
video games and such like that. I'm there with my
friends Michael Swam and Adam Ganzer, who are you know
if you remember all of us from Cracked Fame which Katie, Yeah,
who knows. But that's where I reside. And we're also
(53:11):
making a movie. We're filmmakers, and we've been making a
movie for a long time now. We're still in the
you know, pre production phases. And it's a movie about
a coming of age film where a teenager finds out
that his dad is a gay furry and it's semi
(53:34):
autobiographical based off Michael's life. It's a movie that we've
wanted to make for a long time because we find
the topic fascinating and how communities and fandoms are influential
and positive in people's life.
Speaker 3 (53:50):
And so that's kind of like what we're up to.
Speaker 2 (53:52):
And that's kind of the vibes if you go over there.
But please check us out at small Beans.
Speaker 1 (53:58):
That sounds excellent. I'm a I'm extremely excited for this movie.
I've heard about it and I think it sounds super interesting.
And I know movie making is a long process, but
come on, guys, yeah it get it.
Speaker 2 (54:10):
I know, I know it's we have had a series
of strikes and yeah.
Speaker 1 (54:18):
I'm not going I'm not criticizing you. I'm just impatient
because I want to.
Speaker 2 (54:22):
See it, you and me both. Yeah, but that's but
thank you for being a fan.
Speaker 1 (54:29):
I will remain steadfast and patient and when it comes out,
I'm definitely watching it. Thank you so much, thank you
so much for joining me, and thank you so much
for you guys out there, the ones listening to this
right now. For listening, if you leave a rating review
helps me a lot. Just listening helps me, and I
(54:49):
appreciate you guys enjoying listening about bogs and like gross
water muck because that's great and you're great. And thanks
to the Space Classics for their super awesome song. Ex Alumina.
Creature features a production of iHeart Radio. For more podcasts
like the one you has heard, visit the iHeartRadio app
Apple podcast. All right, guess what or if you listen
(55:11):
to your favorite shows. I'm not your mother, and I
can't tell you what to do, but I can tell
you this one thing. Having sodium alginate goo shots does
sometimes help you tummy with its problems. See you next Wednesday,
Creature Feature News
Host
Katie Goldin
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