November 23, 2022 • 55 mins
Some of the silliest most adorable animals out there, a furry tank, a rabbit deer, and a fish who smiles! Discover this and more as we answer the age-old question: do you want to vacation on a pile of poop?
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Speaker 1 (00:06):
Welcome to Creature feature production of I Heart Radio. I'm
your host of Many Parasites, Katie Golden. I studied psychology
and evolutionary biology, and today on the show, The Goofy
is look at animals in the animal kingdom who are
actually super dope animals that look like extinct prehistoric muppets,
to weird dear rabbit hybrids to the fish that actually
(00:29):
do smile back. These animals may look like goof it says,
but we love them. Discover this more as we answer
the angel question do you want a vacation on a
pile of poop? Joining me today is comedian Goofy Animal Lover,
also study evolutionary biology and the host of Jeff Has
Cool Friends Jeff May welcome. Hey, it's me. It's me.
(00:53):
It's me. I'm the host of Jeff Has Cool Friends
and forty other podcast There's so many of them I love.
I'm so excited. I'm so excited to talk about Goofy
goofy idiots. I love it so much that I yes,
I asked you to come on the show, and I
asked what you want to talk about? You're like goofy
goofy guys. I like a goof like a good I
(01:14):
like somebody that looks like he'd be like, that's the
kind of animal that I want. Oh yeah, we got
lots of those. In fact, the first one I think
looks more than anything like he would sound like that.
Uh So, what's what is your opinion of rhinos, Jeff?
I like, I think they're pretty chill. I like that
(01:35):
they have real dinosaur energy, even though they're not like
you know, they they're like, let's put a weapon on me. Yeah,
I think that's really fun. A visible weapon on an animal.
I think is is is really fun when you think
about rhinos and you think about like or elephants with
tusks or an our wall or something like that, when
you're like, oh, they got like a got like a
(01:55):
shank on them. I always find that very fascinating that
we just let like we just let like evolutionary biology
leads to the coolest looking things and like why do
they have that? And like oh there's a reason. Yeah, yeah,
I like it when it's just kind of stuck on
to like it and then we just put a horn
right here sticking on. They're like little little tanks. They're
like little little little little living tanks. I think that's
(02:17):
real funn it's super fun. And there are actually multiple
species of rhinos. There are five species, and one of
the much lesser known species is the Sumatra and rhino,
and this is a fascinating little rhino. They are found
in the forests on the island of Sumatra, although they
once had a much wider range, and they are the
(02:39):
smallest of the rhinos and are critically endangered due to
over hunting, poaching, and illegal logging, the usual suspects. Uh. Yeah,
so there are under one hundred Sumatran rhinos that still
exist in the wild. So these are very rare and
we don't know as much about them as we should
if they weren't so endangered. But what we do know
(03:01):
about them is really interesting. Despite being the smallest rhino,
they're still pretty big. They're about one thousand, eight hundred
pounds or eight hunds and are a little under five
ft tall or one and a half meters, So that's
nothing to sneeze at, no, But I would say I
was a little bit bummed because I was like, a
tiny rhino, I just want to it's about a thousand
(03:26):
pounds and I'm like, it would be harder to create
a lit I'm still going to try. I mean the
fact it's like under five ft tall though, and you
could be like, hey, little buddy, you know yeah, real
petting zoo energy out of an animal that size, Yeah,
probably like not. But also I want it to be
you know what I mean? No, if if it was,
if it was a dangerous animal, why would it look
(03:48):
like I should be writing it right now, right exactly? Yes?
That that is the that is the correct way to
view wildlife is if it looks like I should write it,
I should definitely get on it. Just make sure your
life insurance is sort of squared away with that one.
I mean, if you don't try, I don't know why
you're even here. But if you're not even making the attempt,
(04:08):
that is that That is the sort of decision making
a lot of people have when it comes to like bison,
where they're like, you're just a big furry cow, and
then suddenly you're like high fiving Abraham Lincoln in heaven. Yeah, bison, bison,
remember what happened in the late They're not going to
let that go no, so sue much. And Rhinos are
(04:30):
also known as the hairy rhino. Because they are covered
in a fine layer of reddish brown hair, especially on
its ears and on its tail, so they are, you know,
shockingly furry. And I'm expected not to pet this baby.
I mean, I feel like you you could try and
(04:53):
then enjoy your last few moments on earth. We really would,
I really would enjoy the moments like if that that's
there's no better way to go out, right, Yeah, petting
a cute but dangerous animal. Yeah, bliss, you know, And
and then all of a sudden you're like, wow, that
was great. Yeah, you know, you don't have to go
(05:15):
through like a really uncomfortable ride home, like you ever
go on a road trip, and the part where you
have to go home and you're like this is taking
forever and I'm already the high is gone and I'm
just miserable. Now you're not gonna get that if you
had that sweet baby biscuit, And then the next thing
you know, you're in heaven, and in heaven you just
get to keep petting it. It's great. A great way
(05:36):
to save on gas is to get trampled by an
angry rhino mother. Um, yes, absolutely, And with gas prices
this high, I mean, who wouldn't who wouldn't look a
rhino gift rhino in the mouth, So losing money not
petting the rhino is what I'm saying. So they're the
(05:57):
adult rhinos are quite fluffy, but the babies are extremely
hairy and very very silly looking. They don't really look real.
Their horns haven't really grown in yet, and so they
look just like this fuzzy muppet with like a big
nose and fluffy ears. They don't. They look like some
(06:19):
kind of reconstruction of bad taxidermy, reconstruction of like an
extinct wooly rhino baby. But they're real. The Henson energy
off of the baby is unreal. If you look at
a photo of the baby, you're like, that's not a
real animal, right right, You're like, this is a puppet
(06:39):
and it's gonna be in the New Dark Crystal movie.
Look at its face. It's it's so funny because it
has like a it has like the face of a
different animal. It looks like an animal wearing a mask.
I know, yeah, because like the face has less hair
on it, so it's like you stuck sort of a
weird I mean, it's not even really a rhino face
(07:01):
because the horns haven't really developed yet, but it looks
like you stuck something on like a big sort of
koala's body, and it looks like it looks like kind
of like a wild boar wearing like a like a
bootleg Joe camel mask, right, And it's got a little
bit like a little bit of an underbyte going on
(07:23):
in this picture. I don't think it typically has an underbyte,
but this one's chewing on some grass, So this one's
kind of got a little bit of the a what
you do and kind of look going on. So why
do you so? Watching rhino's have hair, One would think
that it's for warmth, but the opposite is actually true.
The rhino uses mud to keep cool and keep pests
(07:44):
off its skin. Have you ever done like a mud mask,
you know, for relaxation beautification purposes. I'm neither relaxed nor beautiful. Never,
I've never been able to get involved in. I mean,
I may have like I've worn, I've worn mud masks.
I guess I've never done a mud bath or anything.
(08:04):
I've never done like full on get in, get in
a big pool of mud type of thing. But I've
definitely tried the mud masks. The thing is like mud masks.
Like when your face, you know, doesn't have a lot
of hair, it's fine, but like if you put it on,
like you know, say, like I put it on a
leg or an arm and there's like some hair there,
even if it's just peach fuzz, you try to get
(08:25):
it off, It's like when it dries, it gets really
stuck through the hairs, and it's not the best situation.
I'm a bearded gent so I would have to say
that maybe this is not the best process for me
to do. If I, if I do put a mask on,
it would have to it would basically look like a
Domino mask. I'd look like the Ultimate Warrior or something
(08:45):
like that. It is kind of fun, like I I
have a mud mask that's sort of like as it dries,
it kind of constricts your face. So I very much
look like a desiccated corpse with it on, and I
it is fun, especially like wandering sneak up on my
husband and just kind of like like I prilly, so yes.
(09:15):
So the the same principle of why when you have
like a dried mud mask on, like a hairy part
of your body kind of hurts if it's not like
if you don't get it completely wet to wash it off.
That's the same reason that these rhinos have this hair.
The mud sticks to their hide really well, sticks and
gets right into that hair, sticks into that hair, and
(09:36):
then it keeps them cool and it prevents pests and
parasites from getting onto their skins. I know the I mean,
these guys really are living the spa lifestyle. They love
to wallow in pools of mud and just relax and
feel beautiful. That makes me think that that's why I
(10:00):
put would put a mud mask on, is to keep
parasites off. It's a smart decision. I think we can
all agree that that's the correct decision. Yeah. Yeah. They
despite their like muddy, scrappy, kind of goofy appearance, looking
like weird prehistoric muppets, they are agile swimmers, climbers and runners,
(10:21):
and they're surprisingly whet footed. They're so compact, you know,
just a little little guys, little turbo dudes. Just they're
little fast tanks. Right. I love them so much. Get
in my arms a little little hairy baby. Oh gosh,
I would love to cuddle this baby before getting absolutely
pulverized by its mother. So they're not particularly social. They
(10:44):
usually only hang out in mother calf pears, or they
may meet to mate. To mark their territory, they'll actually
scrape up a little divt with their hind legs and
then poop and pea in it, so you know, it's
just like here's my calling card. Here's a little little
mini hole with my poop in it. Yeah exactly. They
(11:05):
make a little a little latrine, yeah exactly, and that's like,
this is my area, here's my turlet. Uh. They also
poop and pee excessively in response to threats, so like
if a human approaches them, they're actually pretty skittish of
humans because they are while they are still big and capable,
they're you know, they're scared of humans. They don't want
(11:26):
to deal with you. Um, and so they will uh
start pooping and peeing themselves. And it's thought that the
excessive amounts of poop that like a mother will do
is to distract the predator and allow her calf time
to like hide, because the predators just like, what is
going on, lady, why are you pooping so much? It's
(11:48):
real three stooges energy to how to distract an enemy
to just like kind of go curly and start everywhere
checked out poop but with pop. Yeah. Yeah, you may,
you may think this horn something, but wait till you
see the other end. Yeah, I do feel powerful, Like
when I'm walking my dog, not because my dog is
in any way capable of defending me. She's a tiny
(12:08):
little Chihuahua mutt. But when I pick up her poops,
I now have a poop flail because I have it
a little baggy. Right. And then if there's someone who's
like scaring me, right, you know, you just kind of
like fling your poop flail and there you go, just
distract them there by the time they realize like, wait,
what a minute, what is this? Is this poop? And
(12:29):
then you're gone. You're gone into way chimpanzee by proxy,
you know, like you don't you know, you're still that
primate wanting to throw poop, but you have a controlled
situation exactly intellectual poop throwing. Yeah. Yeah, you're outsourcing the pooping, right,
That's how we do it as more developed beings. Yeah,
(12:51):
that's really what it comes down to, is the outsourcing
is what separates us from the apes. Last cute little
fact about these guys is that they communicate with whistles
and honks. So just just imagine one of these little
little muppets stuck on like a fozzy bare body, like, like,
(13:13):
aren't that's the cutest part. It's so cute because there's
no grunting. When you think rhinoceros, you think grunt, right, Like,
That's like if I say the word grunt, the picture
of a rhinoceros enters my head, and I think that's fair.
I think most of you are now going to do
that forever. This guy doing little whistles a little dolphin
(13:37):
or hanks like a little goose. Yeah, I mean I
think that, Like it's I don't know exactly what they
sound like. I think they're quite rare, so it's kind
of difficult to get get those sounds. But I would
imagine it's similar to other species of rhinos who also
have surprisingly squeaky honks, especially the calves. Do do you
(14:00):
have a favorite wild animal sound? I have so many
favorite wild animal sounds that I have a whole game
that you get to play at the end of the
podcast or it's called Guess Who's Squawking? And I will
present you with an animal sound and you'll have to
guess who's making that sound. Um, I'll say one of
my favorite sounds our baby rhinos. We've done that one
(14:23):
and it is so cute. Oh play that right now?
Why not? Okay, I'm not mad about that. Okay, So
(14:45):
that's a baby rhino. I think these are these are
white rhinos. Um, that's very cute, it's extremely cute. I
would I would humbly request that one of the animals
you do not have for me as a fisher cat.
Oh yeah, the that as a New England boy. Let
me tell you there's a reason we thought they were
(15:06):
witches in the woods. Yeah. They sound like screaming like
demons babies. They sound they sound like someone's doing something
awful to a baby in the woods at at midnight,
like there's there's no way past it. Your first interaction
with a fisher cat sound is the most horrifying thing
you'll ever hear. In fact, let's listen to it right now. No, no,
(15:34):
thank you. And sometimes they're even more like pitched like
more like like higher pitched, and that really sells the
baby the demon baby or like satanic ritual going on.
They're also a fearless animal. Oh yeah, they'll take down
things bigger than them. They are not afraid of people.
(15:56):
Like if you if you see a fisher cat, it's
just basically looks at you and it's like you're looking
at it's really so fishers are They aren't really cats?
They're like, yeah, the in the musla family, But yeah,
they they are. They're not that huge, but they look
(16:17):
sort of you know, they've they've got somewhat cat like
they look like a rack along raccoon but sort of
a rusty color all over. And yeah, they are absolutely
little demons. It's the Northeast version of like a badger
or like a little wolverine or something. Yeah, yeah, I
know they're scary. It's a real, real, real demonic an.
(16:39):
It's funny because we live on a planet where a
rhino is a lot less threatening like a rhino species
like the Sumatran rhino, I think, is a lot less
threatening than something called a fisher cat, which sounds like
it should be cute and adorable, and a rhino sounds
like it should be scary. But the Sumatran rhino is
this cute, fuzzy little squeaker and the fisher cat is
(17:02):
like a demonic uh force of like scream, makes a
screaming baby sound and can kill things larger than itself.
Did you ever see a Trilogy of Terror, that old
horror trilogy with the little um, the little statue that
(17:22):
runs around trying to kill the woman. It's like pretty
famous little um tribal statue that she imports and it
ends up being like haunted or something and it attacks her.
That's what a fisher Cat is. So those of you
that are familiar with Trilogy of Terror, you know exactly
what I'm talking about. The fisher Cat is the animal
version of that little guy. Not like these cute little
(17:45):
baby rhinos here. No I know they put them in
my pocket. They will not fit. But unless you have
cargo pants from the nineties, yeah, I'm gonna put them
in my Jinkos and your Jinko They may be Nudjenko,
I think they may. You got any rhinos and those Jenkos? Look, man,
I'm just here to have a good time or my
kick wear. If you're listening to Incubus, I'm not causing
(18:10):
any troubles. Jinko jeans really changed the illegal smuggling term game,
Like I just made it so much easier. It's the
hoop skirt of dirt bags. Jeff, you mentioned you wanted
to talk about the cappy bara, but we're not gonna
(18:32):
because I have before so figured so sad, too bad.
But instead we're going to talk about this thing, and
I just want you to look at it here, Am, Well,
how would you describe this little feller? He he looks
capybara adjacent. Um, he looks like a geez How do
(18:55):
I describe him? He looks like a capybara and a
rabbit made about beetle. Yeah to me, like a deer
and a rabbit hybrid thing. Yeah, yeah, real Like he's
got little legs that don't seem to fit the body.
The legs should be stubborier now the legs are way
too long for its a little portly. Yeah. It looks
(19:16):
like a little sausage on toothpicks. Yeah. Very Um, you know,
a very sleek animal, a very It also looks like
if you squint, it looks like a dog. Yeah. I would.
I would definitely be hoodwinked into like getting like, hey,
here's a dog up for adoption, and I'd be like, yes,
(19:37):
sold to me. If if someone was like, yeah, this
is a bovine terrier you'd be like, oh, yeah, I
see it. I see what that is. Yeah, it's an
nubtail arndale bovine terrier. And it's like yeah, absolutely, it
sure is. Let's put him. Let's put him in Westminster
and see how it class. So what is it? Well,
(19:57):
it's found in Argentina and arid slants, shrub and desert areas.
It is actually a large rodent. It like the cappy bara.
It weighs around thirty five pounds or sixteen ms and
are about one and a half feet or forty tall
at the shoulder. Uh and yes, does this mean that
(20:21):
I can create it like a baby? You could cradle
it like a baby, although you might get kicked in
the face like a little bit. Jeff is willing to
die to pet acute wild animal, and I can't say
I approve, because, like I think that would annoy the
wild animals. However, you got to admire the commitment. I
(20:44):
would say, I'm not necessarily willing to die, but I
can take a shot to the face right or twice
was a boxer. I've taken a lot of punches for
the face. So a little thirty five pound, precious, little
little rodent kitty in my hands. Oh, I mean yeah,
and I obviously don't want to bother them, but I
feel like I could win them over and enjoy the time.
Maybe you could become friends. Yeah, so they are. There's
(21:08):
a good reason that you are seeing a lot of
cappy bar in these guys because they are in the
cavvy families, so they are related to both guinea pigs
and cappy barras. So these are like, these are like
cappy barras, but sort of the runway version, where they've
got the really long legs, they've got the stiletta's their
work in the runway, whereas cappy baras are much more sausage. Like.
(21:34):
These are like sausage but on sort of stilts. Yeah,
they're they're elevated, like when you see those houses on
the shore and you're just like, oh, yeah, this this
one's built for hurricane season. That's why. So they don't
have hoofs, but their feet are kind of small and
hoof like, and so their movement is kind of interesting.
(21:54):
They can hop like a rabbit, they can gallop, or
they can stopped, so stopping or pronking, which I guess
our real words is hopping on all fours at once,
which is typically something done by deer or antelope. That's
good stuff. That's good stuff right there. Yet they have
um their their feet kind of look like German shepherd feet. Yeah,
(22:15):
a little danky thanky little feats. And then the just
the fact that they pronk, which again I guess is
a real word where they're just like you've seen that,
like we're deer or antelope do the little thing where
it's like do do do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do do? Do?
You know, just like the little dancer. Um. I would
(22:37):
like to say that that is the official movement of
the goofy bastard, so that that does land. Yeah, yeah,
like there should be bouncy sounds edited into all nature
documentaries about this animal. So I don't usually quote Wikipedia
on the show, but I do love this line from
(22:58):
the Wikipedia on these guys quote its tail is short,
depressed and hairless, which you know which one among us aren't.
As a member of the Los Angeles comedy scene, I
am familiar with many versions of that tail in person form.
But yeah, it's tail is very strange. So you look
at its butt and you think that, like, what is
(23:20):
that thing kind of sticking out like, is it a
little poopoo? Like, what is that? It looks like a
little poop No, that's his tail. Oh yeah, it looks
like he's he's got a turtle head going on right there.
But in reality, that's his little that's his little tail.
Like when you think about like what tails are used for,
I'm like, that doesn't seem useful. Yeah, I think it's
(23:43):
like kind of on its way out right. It's like, yeah,
it's sort of like, you know, we don't really need this.
I think it does. Probably they probably it helps them
in terms of like scent marking, so they still have it,
but they don't need much of it. You know. It
(24:03):
doesn't need to be furry, and so it's just this
little nub to rub their stench on things. Yeah, just
a little dabble. Do you look at I mean it
is it is funny that that its tail is the
tail version of it as an animal, just like this
little goofy, stubby looking thing sticking out of a goofy
(24:25):
stubby looking things. Little sausage coming out of a sausage.
It's just sausage and sausage and sausage. So real. Putting
a hat on a hat energy here with this guy
putting a sausage on the sausage. So they are herbivores
and they basically live in hippie communes. They form these
lifelong monogamous relationships, with the males being much more clingy
(24:46):
than the females. They will follow the females around, marking
them with pe like, they'll pe on the females be
like you're you're my wife, and then they'll leave more
markings in her path, sort of creating this like zone
around the female where he's just like constantly peeing and
leaving scent markings. He's like heralding her. But instead of
(25:07):
tossing romantic rose petals, uh, he's pooping around. I mean,
they don't have like jobs, so they can't buy rose petals, right,
so I guess you gotta work with what you have.
You know. It's very sweet that he uses all his
p for that, you know. Yeah, I guess in a
way it is. Um, here's more romance for you. Males
(25:29):
will pee on the females, but and then the female
will pee in the male's face, so you know, whatever
floats their boat. Honestly, we don't want shame here on
creature features. Here, like this is one of those situations
where you're like, you, guys, this is what Yeah, you
know what, I don't have to do it. Consent is key,
(25:50):
so which which seems to me like this is a
very consensual situation. I think so yes. Um. So they
will often live with other couples in communal warrants. So yeah,
this like big hippie dippy colony where there is often
this like they just have all the young kind of
inside this giant burrow living together. Typically, mothers will really
(26:15):
only nurse their own offspring, but sometimes, uh, someone else's
kid is going to like sneak in a sip of milk.
There's always that always happens, you know, you make sandwiches
for your kid, and then like the neighbor kid comes
over and is all sticky and asking for a sandwich,
and what are you gonna do? Not feed the kid?
Not feed the kid. Well, some of these some of
the females will decide not to do that and actually
(26:37):
shove the baby away that's not their own, which is
really funny. But sometimes they don't. It kind of depends
on their mood. It depends on how cool they are.
The cool the cool mom, the cool giant rodent. Mom. Um,
you're just walking around engaging in water sports and beating
up other people's kids, right, and you know, but it
(26:58):
is kind of cool. They all live in this communal
warren and it does help keep them safer, you know,
their safety and numbers. Um. And then you know, last
fun cute fact about these little guys is they will
eat their own poop to redigest nutrients, just like other calvies.
Why not. Yeah, you know what, this is not a
(27:21):
This is not an animal that is burdened by the
shame of Christianity, No very much. Now what this guy
they know what they're doing, now I would yeah, I
would say shame um or discussed. Are not things known
to this this fun little sausage on stilts. Yeah. Yeah,
it's just a little a little bold, live your own
(27:42):
life kind of a situation. Right. It's like, you know,
they live, they live in a commune. They hang out,
the males, you know, poop around, the females, um on
each other, on each other. They're just living their best
lives freely. That's really sweet away from judgment. If they're
(28:05):
if they're because they're clearly if Look, you've got to
be into it to take it to the face, right,
like you know, like I understand, like, oh yeah, you
got me on the butt, stop it, you know, like
I can understand that, But like then was it like
all right? Turn around? He's like this is what I
signed up for, and in that situation, you're like, okay,
this is like ravenous consent. Yeah. I think it's interesting
(28:26):
that the ping also works as a way of the
female communicating to the male because like the a lot
of the one very specific message, well the actually the
message for like some of the p like when the
female ps on a male's face is like I am
not reproductively receptive right now, So there's no point um
(28:47):
And so he's like okay, and then you know that's that.
It's like it's like, hey, you know what you you
you you shot your shot, but no, it's just it's
just P And he's like, all right, I've dealt with
similar things emotionally not physically, but you know what, the
energy is still there. What would be a like a
(29:07):
spray of pet of the face emotionally, I mean I
think the good the stereotypically sitcom answer to that would
be I have a headache, right right, like the timing
like or in general sort of relationship stuff. It's just like, well,
the timing is just not right, you know, Yeah, you
get that, but with less less urine, like not les urine.
(29:28):
But again, communication is key, whether it's with words or urine. Yeah,
that's good. I mean, look, urine is the words of
the body. So we've all been there. Sure I'm gonna say,
I'm gonna say yes, fine, yes, and this one straight
through I'm going to do that. Yes. Um So I
(29:52):
would say, though, unless you are Patagonian Mara, I would
potentially use your words rather than your pepe unless it's
in snow. Unless it's like in snow and you're actually
writing words in snow with with P, then I think
that's like, you know, it's like, hey, left for the
(30:13):
grocery store, uh, soups in the oven. Then you kind
of run out of P though, you know what I mean. Yeah,
that's one thing I miss about living in New England
is not having to pay for all those notebooks, right yeah,
I mean it's a useful thing, right, Like, especially when
you're on the trail you don't have a pen and
paper and you're like bears a head and you pee
(30:35):
that right in there, yeah, which is going to intract
the bears, right, and so they'll definitely be ahead. Yeah. Yeah,
there's a there's a real, real cause and effects situation
happening in one of those situations right right, it's like,
look at this bear and then you know it'll come,
because it'll come. I'm gonna I'm gonna cuddle that bear
before I go though, right, it'll see a bear's ears.
(30:59):
I'm gonna touch a Yeah, it's like you see in
the in the snow, like a pea message. That's like,
I'm going to cuddle this bit. And you don't know
if it's because you ran out a pea, or if
the bear got you, or if you were too busy cuddling. Right,
that's the third unlikely option. You know what, you don't
(31:20):
know until you try. Um, that's true, and you know
for then a very short amount of time, but at
least you know it's fair. I feel like you're really
doubting my ability to pet the bear. But no, no, no,
I'm not doubting. I'm not doubting your ability to pet
the bear. I'm just saying that that's probably you'll probably
(31:41):
get a pet in and then that'll be about it
for for the rest of your life. So we're gonna
leave our beautiful harry rhinos and our wonderful giant long
legged been rodents, and we're going to go into the
(32:02):
ocean and look at the world's most photogenic fish, the
parrot fish. I just take a look, Jeff and enjoy,
just really look at look at this goofball. Look at him,
look like cheese. And for the camera, there's real ted
lasso energy to this to this animal here. Oh, this
(32:25):
guy is good. And I know he's a fish. I
get it. I understand how fish sprains work, but it
really does look like he wants to be my friend.
They look super happy. I've never seen a fish look
more psyched to be a fish. They're like, I'm a fish.
Heck yeah, I mean water. Yes, this is the fish
version of like aquaca right, like, yeah, exactly. It definitely
(32:50):
has that quacca look for sure. And the thing that
helps it with the smile is it has teeth. It
looks like it has people teeth. It looks like a
character like a Dream Works characters something, except like less uncanny,
like it actually looks more convincing to me, as like
because it's well yes, but I mean it has because
(33:10):
it's not an animated movie. But it's human expression is
more like it feels more human, I guess, or or
less Uncanny Valley than like the animated versions. Yeah. His
his Pixar looking idiot face is uh, it's it's it's
layered with primary colors, which is real fun. I'm guessing
(33:33):
that's why they call it the parrot fish, right, yeah,
well this one. So there are many species of parrot fish.
This one I think is the Mediterranean parrot fish. It's gorgeous.
It's red, yellow, and blue. Um. There are other species
as well. Uh, and all the species of parrot fish
typically have these goofy smiles. So there are like blue ones,
(33:53):
there's blue and orange, blue and yellow. They're all quite beautiful.
And addition that, like they're parrot fish because in addition
to their beautiful tropical colors, they also have those teeth
which are like beaks. Oh that's good stuff. And also
because pirates would put them on their shoulders, that it
was it didn't go as well, this thing flopping around
(34:16):
in the water. Yeah, me, parrots seems to be having
a problem. I have a fabily of the help you
gona go visit this guy. They're Mediterranean, right, Yeah, I could.
I could go and say hi, be like hey, just
like swim out there, get get in somewhere in the
Mediterranean and find out. Yeah, but where where are these
(34:39):
were these goofy little tools at and then you haven't
bringing it like, oh look at me so fun. Yeah,
he looks very like he's got the I mean we
talked earlier about the DreamWorks thing, you know, the like
DreamWorks smirk. How like all the characters always have that
little like sideways smirk into the camera. It's like I'm
a bit of a stinker kind of look like that's
(35:00):
what he's getting here, Like I'm a little bit of
a stinker. Um. Yeah. This is voiced by mal blank
Energy in the space. Yeah. So. Parrot fish are a
family of around ninety fish species. Um. They're mainly found
in the Indo Pacific in coral reefs, coasts and seagrass forests. Uh.
(35:21):
Their name obviously comes from the fact that they have
a beak and they're these bright colors, although to me
it looks less like a beak and more like this
like big buck tooth smile. Yeah, they use these teeth
to scrape algae and the living tissue, which is called
polyps off of coral. So coral are these really hard
(35:43):
structures that contain these symbiotic algae and also the living
tissue of the coral. And so the parrot fish wants
to eat this stuff, and to do that they have
to grind up coral. And so that seems like that'd
be pretty hard on your teeth. Like, if we try
to basically eat a big bowl of coral, it would
(36:06):
destroy our teeth. And so they have to have pretty
special teeth for this, and their teeth are actually a
bunch of tiny teeth. They have over a thousand teeth
lined up in vertical stacks which continually grow and get replaced.
Oh same, yeah, so how is that? How is that?
(36:28):
Did you have like braces or like a lot of
the braces cost in visile line? Maybe? Yeah? Yeah, no,
I'm actually, you know, funny enough, I'm actually missing two teeth.
I have less teeth than one would expect. I see, well,
you know, less teeth the floss, right, that that is true,
And just these big aping cavities I call it, they're
(36:49):
not I don't call them church teeth, but like if
you look slightly past my smile, you could see be like, oh,
I got like two teeth in there. Well you know,
I mean again, I think that it's more streamlined, fewer
teeth to floss. Um. But if you're not wrong, if
I do get like huge chunks of stuff stuck in there,
(37:11):
like I should flost this out, do you have one
of those syringes of water that you can kind of
like jet in there, spray it out. Just get a
water pick for this one huge gap and yeah, it's
very funny. Yeah, I mean, like I mean, I I
had the I had the like, um, the sort of
water syringe for when I got my wisdom teeth out,
(37:32):
because I got all four out at once, um, and
there was a lot of holes in my mouth and
a shocking amount of food gets in there. Yeah, one
would think, yeah, I have still have my wisdom teeth.
I still have those, um, but I did after years
of whatever sports that you do, your teeth sometimes just
(37:55):
and so I was like, well, I guess just pull
them out. And they're like, do you want an implant?
It's only ten dollars. I'm like, oh, you don't know
what job I have. It's only your firstborn son. Yeah. Meanwhile,
these guys are doing great. Yeah, they could really be
boxers because like their teeth are constantly growing, so when
one falls out, like there's more to replace them. So
(38:18):
they have like the beaver energy of like having to
like use them or or or they just go through
your face basically. I mean, I don't I don't know
of any of them that where that happens. But it's
because their only way of eating is using them, so
like that is their only option is to eat the
(38:40):
coral and use them. Um. But yeah, no, I mean,
like they do grow and so like, but instead of
it being one solid tooth growing, it's like these like
stacks of teeth growing upwards vertically. Um, that's way more terrifying. Yeah, yeah,
I guess so. I mean, if you're afraid of a
(39:00):
thousand teeth in one smiling mouth, but hey, you know
it's like venom teeth. It's more smile per square inch
in my opinion, So that is fair. But like it's
funny because you look at it and yeah that he
looks like he's wearing clown teeth. You know, it looks
like he's wearing like and then you look closely and
you see that it's just a thousand tiny daggers, and
(39:22):
you're like, this is way different than what I was expecting.
It's a lot of smile. So the teeth are harder
than copper, and a square inch of parrot fish teeth
can withstand over five tons of pressure. Microscopic viewings of
the teeth show that each tooth has a dense chain
mail like pattern that gives it such resilience. So this
(39:43):
is how they can chew through coral without really breaking
a sweat um. They are responsible for creating a huge
amount of sand. So when they eat this coral, they
grind it up. They eat I just the polyps and algae,
but they don't digest the like coral skeleton. And so
(40:07):
after that's ground up, Uh, they don't, they don't really
eat it. So sand is a byproduct. So one parrot
fish can chew its way through enough coral to create
around a thousand or four d and fifty of sand annually.
That's it's not not a lot of sand. That's a
lot of sand. Because didn't they didn't they say there's
(40:29):
like a sand Uh, we're going through like a sand
deficit right now. Yeah, I think there's it's like there's
some things where like sand beaches are becoming less sandy.
I don't think there's necessarily a sand deficit in the ocean,
but definitely for beaches. No, like for like, for like
American manufacturing and building, it's becoming like the concept of
(40:56):
sand is becoming endangered. I guess that's interesting. Yeah know,
I don't know too much about like industrial sand running out,
but I guess that would stand a reason. If you
have less sand on beaches, then you have less sand
to collect as industry. Yeah, because I mean, I guess
you know, there's a lot of us on here, and
(41:16):
there's eight billion of us needing glass and brick and
all these different things, and apparently sand is a huge
ingredient that we never think about. These guys are just
making it right, And I mean it's interesting because like
they are because they rely on coral reefs. Like if
we are destroying coral reefs through uh climate change, industry pollution,
(41:40):
then like you know, it's kind of this vicious cycle
of like we're taking sand out and then also taking
out the animals that make the sand. So that's bad.
I mean, honestly, we could probably do the planet better.
I'm just going to go out on the limb and
say that, Yeah, a bit of a controversial take, but
(42:04):
I too agree that maybe we should be like a
little little less bad when it comes to like, you know,
the earth, like maybe kill I don't know, a couple
fewer species per year. Yeah, I do like the laziest
versions of that where I'm just like I mostly don't
(42:24):
eat meat, or like I drive a previous prime that
can plug in every once in a while, Like they're
all like very very small, tiny little baby steps that
in the long term, I'm like, I'm probably not doing anything,
but whatever. Well, I mean I think that if everyone
ate less meat, that would have a huge impact, right,
if we all reduced our meat consumption, that would have
(42:45):
a gigantic impact. Obviously, most a like a disproportionate amount
of the contributors to climate change aren't individual people but industry. Um.
But still, I mean I still think like if you, like,
if you and even if you don't become vegetarian, like
I'm not a vegetarian, but if you just like eat
(43:05):
a little bit less meat, uh, you know, like maybe
eat more vegetarian meals, cut down your meat consumption, you
know that that really helps when when you do it
on a massive scale. So, you know, I think that's
nothing to sneeze at. Yeah, I mean it's it is
one of those things I would say, is this an
edible fish? The parrot fish? You know, I don't know.
(43:28):
Is that something where they can you really like, eat
something that smiles at you. I guess the goldfish snack
cracker proved that, yes you can. Yeah. I would also
say that, yes, but humans will eat everything. Yeah, Like
that's one of those things where like, wow, this thing
is a really cute smile. I bet it's going to
be delicious. Yeah. I think about how many foods we
(43:49):
eat that are based off of that. We have cartoons
based off of you know. Yeah, apparently, yes, people do
eat parrot fish, which you know, I guess, uh. I
guess anything that is beautiful in nature, I guess also
tastes good. I guess you don't want sand, everyone, you
don't want sand. But yeah, so the sand that they
(44:09):
create by eating the coral is not It's not just
like crumbs that they like spit out. They poop it out.
It goes all the way through the parrot fish. So
a lot of these beaches where it has this beautiful
white sand. Uh, this is uh poop, parrot fish poop
in part, So think about that next time you eat
a nice heaping glass of sand. That's poop you're eating.
(44:31):
So maybe you should stop doing that. That's poop you're
vacationing on. Um. But yeah, I mean that just makes
me want to stand on it more, I guess. Uh so, yeah,
because you feel closer to the smiling fish, right and
like I'm I'm enjoying your warm, dried poops. So I'm
gonna I'm gonna take my little baby rhino and my
(44:52):
little weird rat and we are going to just vacation
on the parrot poop, parrot fish poop. Excuse me, all
smoke in your Jinko jeans, So in my Jinko jeans
that probably are are covered in in weird rodent piss.
I mean you deserve it at that mud. If you're
trying to like smuggle a Patagonian Mara in your Jinko jeans,
(45:15):
it's going to be covered in poop and pea. And
you know that's that's sort of it's karmic retribution. We
like to call that a small price to pay. I
will sacrifice my jinko jeans of this one moment where
immediately let them out and the rhinoceros gores me right
(45:35):
today for forcing friendship on a wild animal that has
no idea what is going on. So um. Yeah. Even
though the parrot fish do chew on coral, they are
actually good for coral reefs, so think of them as
coral gardeners. By trimming some of the excess algae from
the coral, the coral polyps are actually able to grow
(45:56):
back stronger. So they're like pruning the oral essentially. Uh
and yeah, they these amazing, beautiful, smiling fish. They're like
maintaining our coral reefs, making us nice sand. They're wonderful,
wonderful little guys. And they get to look like a
sweet little idiot while they do it. They really do.
That's really the best part. They look like such a
(46:18):
good dude. You may you see him and you're like
hey fish, and he's like hey man, HOI Like there's
a goofy energy to this fish is how they sound.
I love that, Like, I mean, it's really not a fluke.
Like you look at so many pictures of parrot fish,
they're all they're all smiling. There's like what They can
also do a closed melth smile, which is really funny
(46:39):
because of the shape of their beak, it kind of
forces their lips upwards, so they kind of they look
like they're doing this like doofy little clothes mouth like,
you know, I'm a little shy, but I'm still smiling
a very coquettish smile from this u from this very
very sweet fish, like oh, stop stop photographing me. But
(46:59):
they love it. They love it. Go on with that.
You have people that painting it on the side of
their World War two fighter planes, painting it's one little
it's one little sweet looking fish with fish. Yeah, we
can wink wink um. They're so cute. I'd love it
if they flirted with me. But I think they're only
(47:19):
interested in coral, only interested in my coral jewelry. I've
been dealing from the ocean. So um. Before we go,
like I mentioned earlier, we gotta play a little game,
and that game is called Guess Who's Squawking? It's the
Mystery Animal sound game. Every week I play a mystery
(47:42):
animal sound in you the listener, and hey, you the guests,
try to guess who is squawking. Last week's hint was this.
As a fellow introverted redhead, I sympathize this sometimes wanting
personal space. All right, Jeff, can you guess who is squawking?
(48:09):
Is that an orangutan? You are correct? Congratulations also to
antib Craig K and Grant W who are the fastest
to guess correctly the orangutan. So, yes, this is the
call of a male orangutan. Um bonus points. What do
you think he is trying to say? Well, uh, I
(48:34):
think he's probably saying back off. This is my territory. Yes,
that is absolutely correct. So. Orangutans are found in the
rainforests of Boreo and Sumatra. Despite their large size, they
spend most of their time in trees, in nests that
they actually build themselves. The construction of their nests is
intricate and requires advanced intelligence as well as learning from
(48:58):
their parents. There is evidence that different groups of orangutans
build nests using different techniques, indicating that they actually have
these different learned cultures. Orangutans are relatively solitary but also
flexible in socializing. They'll establish their own home range, but
(49:18):
they can typically visit other ranges without too much trouble,
and they may interact with other oriutans, but if they
feel that their range is being threatened or someone is
invading their personal space, they'll issue what is called a
kiss squeak, which they suck air through their lips um
and make this kind of like sound uh. And then
(49:39):
they will do this like rolling call, which is the
latter part of what you hear the woo woo woo
to tell you to back off. And that's exactly what
this orangutan is doing. And if you're a person, he
will tear your arms. Yeah, I mean they are. They
will defend themselves. I wouldn't say they're that aggress but
(50:00):
they are definitely capable. They're extremely strong and very capable. Yes,
very capable. I have a friend who um worked with
orientans at a nature preserve um and like they were,
they were friendly with the rescuers, but once one of
them kind of grabbed her arm because he wanted to
(50:21):
like basically get her to go in a direction he
wanted to go. And it was like she could tell
he was going to like break her arm on accident,
and so she had to like kind of yell, yelp
you know, in pain, and like when the orient and
saw that he was like hurting her, he looked like
shocked and really sorry. But yeah, I can easily break
(50:42):
your arm without even realizing it. So you do not
want to piss them off and have them tried to
break your arm, because that would you know, it'd be
like an orangutane. Really, I have friends with the the
doctor Z. Dr zais a good friend of mine. Uh.
(51:03):
I mean, the joke is we don't break k fame.
But if you ever watch Hanging with Doctor Z, it's
a great show. It's really fun. Doctor doctor, Doctor's is,
Doctor's is, Doctor's Doctor's is. Oh, Doctor's is doctor. If
you haven't seen Hanging with Doctor Z, I think you'd
really like it. By the way, I'll definitely check it out.
(51:24):
It's a little thing. It sounds like my jam so
onto this week's Mr Animal sound. The hint is that
this is not quite a gobbler m hm hm oh,
jeff Hinny, guess who was making that sound? Um? First off,
(51:44):
the fact that's like I know a right perfect for me. Um,
I'm actually going to I feel like my the hint
is influencing my my choice. But I would my my
guests off of the hint would be a Turkey vulture.
Interesting guests Well, you will find out next week on
(52:07):
the next episode of Creature Feature. Jeff, thank you so
much for joining me today. Where can people find you?
Thank you for having me UM. I'm across several social
media's as well as long as they still exist upon publication.
We've got to diversify your investments. Boy, don't do we UM.
I'm at hey there, Jeff ro h e y t
(52:29):
h e r e j e f f r oh
and UM. As Katie mentioned earlier, I am a podcaster
by sort of by definition, so you can hear me
on Jeff has Cool Friends, UM, which is available for
free everywhere but early at picture on dot com slash
Jeff may where you could hear that in monthly shows
like a Fine with Kim Crawl, as well as Nerd
with Dre Alvarez. You also might know me from Tom
(52:50):
and Jeff watch Batman on the game Fully Unemployed Network
with Tom Ryman. You may know me from Unpopular Opinion
and you Don't Even Like Sports, which is a sports
podcast for people that hate sports, and those are both
with Adam Todd Brown. I don't know if you can
notice the theme of my co hosts here Katie. Um,
but it's people you worked with. That's interesting. Huh yeah,
(53:13):
weird how that happens? Weird that works. You're also you
can also see you on Netflix, um, not winning any money.
You can see me on on the game show Bullshit
on Netflix, uh, where I had quite an interesting filming
and and did quite well, and then they edited out
(53:34):
the victory. But I still get some fun moments on that,
so I'm in episodes two and three. But it was
a lot of fun. And I also throw a live
comedy show the second Friday of every month at a
place called Blast from the Past on Magnolia and Burbank.
The name of the show is called mint on Card.
If you're a toy nerd, you understand that it's a
lot of fun, very free second Friday of every month,
(53:55):
so great. And to my Italian friends, that's in Los Angeles,
so it's not far away at all. Um, you can
make it. Yeah, it's barely a hemisphere away, right exactly?
If if what's his name, da Vinci can do it?
I forgot who the guy at Gallilate, No, who's the one?
(54:15):
Oh yeah, the murdering one Christopher Columbus. If he can
do it, anyone can't because he sucked. He was he
sure did. I think I think it's I think somebody
on the Internet should mention that something. I think the
Internet should address that Christopher wasn't a good guy. I'm
the first one. Actually, yeah, I'm certainly I'm certainly not like, yeah, man,
(54:37):
we know at this point, right, no, no, no, no,
I'm the first to point it out. Thank you guys
so much for listen. If you think you know the
answer to the Mystery Animals sound game, you can write
at Creature feature Pot at gmail dot com. Um. You know,
I don't even know what is going to happen to
social media, but you know I'm a future feature pot
on Instagram. I'm Creature feet pad on quote unquote Twitter. Um,
(55:02):
that's E E. T. Not fet that is something very different. Um,
but yeah, thank you guys so much for listening. If
you're enjoying the show and you read a rating and
you leave a rating or review, I immensely appreciate it.
I read them all really appreciate it. Thanks to the
Space Cosslics for their super awesome song Xluminate Creature feature
(55:22):
is a production of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts
like the one you just heard, visit the I heart
Radio app Apple Podcasts, or Hey guess what? Where have
you listen to your favorite shows? I don't judge you.
I literally you can listen wherever you want and I
won't be mad. I promise see you next Wednesday. Bye.
Welcome to Creature feature production of I Heart Radio. I'm
your host of Many Parasites, Katie Golden. I studied psychology
and evolutionary biology, and today on the show, The Goofy
is look at animals in the animal kingdom who are
actually super dope animals that look like extinct prehistoric muppets,
to weird dear rabbit hybrids to the fish that actually
(00:29):
do smile back. These animals may look like goof it says,
but we love them. Discover this more as we answer
the angel question do you want a vacation on a
pile of poop? Joining me today is comedian Goofy Animal Lover,
also study evolutionary biology and the host of Jeff Has
Cool Friends Jeff May welcome. Hey, it's me. It's me.
(00:53):
It's me. I'm the host of Jeff Has Cool Friends
and forty other podcast There's so many of them I love.
I'm so excited. I'm so excited to talk about Goofy
goofy idiots. I love it so much that I yes,
I asked you to come on the show, and I
asked what you want to talk about? You're like goofy
goofy guys. I like a goof like a good I
(01:14):
like somebody that looks like he'd be like, that's the
kind of animal that I want. Oh yeah, we got
lots of those. In fact, the first one I think
looks more than anything like he would sound like that.
Uh So, what's what is your opinion of rhinos, Jeff?
I like, I think they're pretty chill. I like that
(01:35):
they have real dinosaur energy, even though they're not like
you know, they they're like, let's put a weapon on me. Yeah,
I think that's really fun. A visible weapon on an animal.
I think is is is really fun when you think
about rhinos and you think about like or elephants with
tusks or an our wall or something like that, when
you're like, oh, they got like a got like a
(01:55):
shank on them. I always find that very fascinating that
we just let like we just let like evolutionary biology
leads to the coolest looking things and like why do
they have that? And like oh there's a reason. Yeah, yeah,
I like it when it's just kind of stuck on
to like it and then we just put a horn
right here sticking on. They're like little little tanks. They're
like little little little little living tanks. I think that's
(02:17):
real funn it's super fun. And there are actually multiple
species of rhinos. There are five species, and one of
the much lesser known species is the Sumatra and rhino,
and this is a fascinating little rhino. They are found
in the forests on the island of Sumatra, although they
once had a much wider range, and they are the
(02:39):
smallest of the rhinos and are critically endangered due to
over hunting, poaching, and illegal logging, the usual suspects. Uh. Yeah,
so there are under one hundred Sumatran rhinos that still
exist in the wild. So these are very rare and
we don't know as much about them as we should
if they weren't so endangered. But what we do know
(03:01):
about them is really interesting. Despite being the smallest rhino,
they're still pretty big. They're about one thousand, eight hundred
pounds or eight hunds and are a little under five
ft tall or one and a half meters, So that's
nothing to sneeze at, no, But I would say I
was a little bit bummed because I was like, a
tiny rhino, I just want to it's about a thousand
(03:26):
pounds and I'm like, it would be harder to create
a lit I'm still going to try. I mean the
fact it's like under five ft tall though, and you
could be like, hey, little buddy, you know yeah, real
petting zoo energy out of an animal that size, Yeah,
probably like not. But also I want it to be
you know what I mean? No, if if it was,
if it was a dangerous animal, why would it look
(03:48):
like I should be writing it right now, right exactly? Yes?
That that is the that is the correct way to
view wildlife is if it looks like I should write it,
I should definitely get on it. Just make sure your
life insurance is sort of squared away with that one.
I mean, if you don't try, I don't know why
you're even here. But if you're not even making the attempt,
(04:08):
that is that That is the sort of decision making
a lot of people have when it comes to like bison,
where they're like, you're just a big furry cow, and
then suddenly you're like high fiving Abraham Lincoln in heaven. Yeah, bison, bison,
remember what happened in the late They're not going to
let that go no, so sue much. And Rhinos are
(04:30):
also known as the hairy rhino. Because they are covered
in a fine layer of reddish brown hair, especially on
its ears and on its tail, so they are, you know,
shockingly furry. And I'm expected not to pet this baby.
I mean, I feel like you you could try and
(04:53):
then enjoy your last few moments on earth. We really would,
I really would enjoy the moments like if that that's
there's no better way to go out, right, Yeah, petting
a cute but dangerous animal. Yeah, bliss, you know, And
and then all of a sudden you're like, wow, that
was great. Yeah, you know, you don't have to go
(05:15):
through like a really uncomfortable ride home, like you ever
go on a road trip, and the part where you
have to go home and you're like this is taking
forever and I'm already the high is gone and I'm
just miserable. Now you're not gonna get that if you
had that sweet baby biscuit, And then the next thing
you know, you're in heaven, and in heaven you just
get to keep petting it. It's great. A great way
(05:36):
to save on gas is to get trampled by an
angry rhino mother. Um, yes, absolutely, And with gas prices
this high, I mean, who wouldn't who wouldn't look a
rhino gift rhino in the mouth, So losing money not
petting the rhino is what I'm saying. So they're the
(05:57):
adult rhinos are quite fluffy, but the babies are extremely
hairy and very very silly looking. They don't really look real.
Their horns haven't really grown in yet, and so they
look just like this fuzzy muppet with like a big
nose and fluffy ears. They don't. They look like some
(06:19):
kind of reconstruction of bad taxidermy, reconstruction of like an
extinct wooly rhino baby. But they're real. The Henson energy
off of the baby is unreal. If you look at
a photo of the baby, you're like, that's not a
real animal, right right, You're like, this is a puppet
(06:39):
and it's gonna be in the New Dark Crystal movie.
Look at its face. It's it's so funny because it
has like a it has like the face of a
different animal. It looks like an animal wearing a mask.
I know, yeah, because like the face has less hair
on it, so it's like you stuck sort of a
weird I mean, it's not even really a rhino face
(07:01):
because the horns haven't really developed yet, but it looks
like you stuck something on like a big sort of
koala's body, and it looks like it looks like kind
of like a wild boar wearing like a like a
bootleg Joe camel mask, right, And it's got a little
bit like a little bit of an underbyte going on
(07:23):
in this picture. I don't think it typically has an underbyte,
but this one's chewing on some grass, So this one's
kind of got a little bit of the a what
you do and kind of look going on. So why
do you so? Watching rhino's have hair, One would think
that it's for warmth, but the opposite is actually true.
The rhino uses mud to keep cool and keep pests
(07:44):
off its skin. Have you ever done like a mud mask,
you know, for relaxation beautification purposes. I'm neither relaxed nor beautiful. Never,
I've never been able to get involved in. I mean,
I may have like I've worn, I've worn mud masks.
I guess I've never done a mud bath or anything.
(08:04):
I've never done like full on get in, get in
a big pool of mud type of thing. But I've
definitely tried the mud masks. The thing is like mud masks.
Like when your face, you know, doesn't have a lot
of hair, it's fine, but like if you put it on,
like you know, say, like I put it on a
leg or an arm and there's like some hair there,
even if it's just peach fuzz, you try to get
(08:25):
it off, It's like when it dries, it gets really
stuck through the hairs, and it's not the best situation.
I'm a bearded gent so I would have to say
that maybe this is not the best process for me
to do. If I, if I do put a mask on,
it would have to it would basically look like a
Domino mask. I'd look like the Ultimate Warrior or something
(08:45):
like that. It is kind of fun, like I I
have a mud mask that's sort of like as it dries,
it kind of constricts your face. So I very much
look like a desiccated corpse with it on, and I
it is fun, especially like wandering sneak up on my
husband and just kind of like like I prilly, so yes.
(09:15):
So the the same principle of why when you have
like a dried mud mask on, like a hairy part
of your body kind of hurts if it's not like
if you don't get it completely wet to wash it off.
That's the same reason that these rhinos have this hair.
The mud sticks to their hide really well, sticks and
gets right into that hair, sticks into that hair, and
(09:36):
then it keeps them cool and it prevents pests and
parasites from getting onto their skins. I know the I mean,
these guys really are living the spa lifestyle. They love
to wallow in pools of mud and just relax and
feel beautiful. That makes me think that that's why I
(10:00):
put would put a mud mask on, is to keep
parasites off. It's a smart decision. I think we can
all agree that that's the correct decision. Yeah. Yeah. They
despite their like muddy, scrappy, kind of goofy appearance, looking
like weird prehistoric muppets, they are agile swimmers, climbers and runners,
(10:21):
and they're surprisingly whet footed. They're so compact, you know,
just a little little guys, little turbo dudes. Just they're
little fast tanks. Right. I love them so much. Get
in my arms a little little hairy baby. Oh gosh,
I would love to cuddle this baby before getting absolutely
pulverized by its mother. So they're not particularly social. They
(10:44):
usually only hang out in mother calf pears, or they
may meet to mate. To mark their territory, they'll actually
scrape up a little divt with their hind legs and
then poop and pea in it, so you know, it's
just like here's my calling card. Here's a little little
mini hole with my poop in it. Yeah exactly. They
(11:05):
make a little a little latrine, yeah exactly, and that's like,
this is my area, here's my turlet. Uh. They also
poop and pee excessively in response to threats, so like
if a human approaches them, they're actually pretty skittish of
humans because they are while they are still big and capable,
they're you know, they're scared of humans. They don't want
(11:26):
to deal with you. Um, and so they will uh
start pooping and peeing themselves. And it's thought that the
excessive amounts of poop that like a mother will do
is to distract the predator and allow her calf time
to like hide, because the predators just like, what is
going on, lady, why are you pooping so much? It's
(11:48):
real three stooges energy to how to distract an enemy
to just like kind of go curly and start everywhere
checked out poop but with pop. Yeah. Yeah, you may,
you may think this horn something, but wait till you
see the other end. Yeah, I do feel powerful, Like
when I'm walking my dog, not because my dog is
in any way capable of defending me. She's a tiny
(12:08):
little Chihuahua mutt. But when I pick up her poops,
I now have a poop flail because I have it
a little baggy. Right. And then if there's someone who's
like scaring me, right, you know, you just kind of
like fling your poop flail and there you go, just
distract them there by the time they realize like, wait,
what a minute, what is this? Is this poop? And
(12:29):
then you're gone. You're gone into way chimpanzee by proxy,
you know, like you don't you know, you're still that
primate wanting to throw poop, but you have a controlled
situation exactly intellectual poop throwing. Yeah. Yeah, you're outsourcing the pooping, right,
That's how we do it as more developed beings. Yeah,
(12:51):
that's really what it comes down to, is the outsourcing
is what separates us from the apes. Last cute little
fact about these guys is that they communicate with whistles
and honks. So just just imagine one of these little
little muppets stuck on like a fozzy bare body, like, like,
(13:13):
aren't that's the cutest part. It's so cute because there's
no grunting. When you think rhinoceros, you think grunt, right, Like,
That's like if I say the word grunt, the picture
of a rhinoceros enters my head, and I think that's fair.
I think most of you are now going to do
that forever. This guy doing little whistles a little dolphin
(13:37):
or hanks like a little goose. Yeah, I mean I
think that, Like it's I don't know exactly what they
sound like. I think they're quite rare, so it's kind
of difficult to get get those sounds. But I would
imagine it's similar to other species of rhinos who also
have surprisingly squeaky honks, especially the calves. Do do you
(14:00):
have a favorite wild animal sound? I have so many
favorite wild animal sounds that I have a whole game
that you get to play at the end of the
podcast or it's called Guess Who's Squawking? And I will
present you with an animal sound and you'll have to
guess who's making that sound. Um, I'll say one of
my favorite sounds our baby rhinos. We've done that one
(14:23):
and it is so cute. Oh play that right now?
Why not? Okay, I'm not mad about that. Okay, So
(14:45):
that's a baby rhino. I think these are these are
white rhinos. Um, that's very cute, it's extremely cute. I
would I would humbly request that one of the animals
you do not have for me as a fisher cat.
Oh yeah, the that as a New England boy. Let
me tell you there's a reason we thought they were
(15:06):
witches in the woods. Yeah. They sound like screaming like
demons babies. They sound they sound like someone's doing something
awful to a baby in the woods at at midnight,
like there's there's no way past it. Your first interaction
with a fisher cat sound is the most horrifying thing
you'll ever hear. In fact, let's listen to it right now. No, no,
(15:34):
thank you. And sometimes they're even more like pitched like
more like like higher pitched, and that really sells the
baby the demon baby or like satanic ritual going on.
They're also a fearless animal. Oh yeah, they'll take down
things bigger than them. They are not afraid of people.
(15:56):
Like if you if you see a fisher cat, it's
just basically looks at you and it's like you're looking
at it's really so fishers are They aren't really cats?
They're like, yeah, the in the musla family, But yeah,
they they are. They're not that huge, but they look
(16:17):
sort of you know, they've they've got somewhat cat like
they look like a rack along raccoon but sort of
a rusty color all over. And yeah, they are absolutely
little demons. It's the Northeast version of like a badger
or like a little wolverine or something. Yeah, yeah, I
know they're scary. It's a real, real, real demonic an.
(16:39):
It's funny because we live on a planet where a
rhino is a lot less threatening like a rhino species
like the Sumatran rhino, I think, is a lot less
threatening than something called a fisher cat, which sounds like
it should be cute and adorable, and a rhino sounds
like it should be scary. But the Sumatran rhino is
this cute, fuzzy little squeaker and the fisher cat is
(17:02):
like a demonic uh force of like scream, makes a
screaming baby sound and can kill things larger than itself.
Did you ever see a Trilogy of Terror, that old
horror trilogy with the little um, the little statue that
(17:22):
runs around trying to kill the woman. It's like pretty
famous little um tribal statue that she imports and it
ends up being like haunted or something and it attacks her.
That's what a fisher Cat is. So those of you
that are familiar with Trilogy of Terror, you know exactly
what I'm talking about. The fisher Cat is the animal
version of that little guy. Not like these cute little
(17:45):
baby rhinos here. No I know they put them in
my pocket. They will not fit. But unless you have
cargo pants from the nineties, yeah, I'm gonna put them
in my Jinkos and your Jinko They may be Nudjenko,
I think they may. You got any rhinos and those Jenkos? Look, man,
I'm just here to have a good time or my
kick wear. If you're listening to Incubus, I'm not causing
(18:10):
any troubles. Jinko jeans really changed the illegal smuggling term game,
Like I just made it so much easier. It's the
hoop skirt of dirt bags. Jeff, you mentioned you wanted
to talk about the cappy bara, but we're not gonna
(18:32):
because I have before so figured so sad, too bad.
But instead we're going to talk about this thing, and
I just want you to look at it here, Am, Well,
how would you describe this little feller? He he looks
capybara adjacent. Um, he looks like a geez How do
(18:55):
I describe him? He looks like a capybara and a
rabbit made about beetle. Yeah to me, like a deer
and a rabbit hybrid thing. Yeah, yeah, real Like he's
got little legs that don't seem to fit the body.
The legs should be stubborier now the legs are way
too long for its a little portly. Yeah. It looks
(19:16):
like a little sausage on toothpicks. Yeah. Very Um, you know,
a very sleek animal, a very It also looks like
if you squint, it looks like a dog. Yeah. I would.
I would definitely be hoodwinked into like getting like, hey,
here's a dog up for adoption, and I'd be like, yes,
(19:37):
sold to me. If if someone was like, yeah, this
is a bovine terrier you'd be like, oh, yeah, I
see it. I see what that is. Yeah, it's an
nubtail arndale bovine terrier. And it's like yeah, absolutely, it
sure is. Let's put him. Let's put him in Westminster
and see how it class. So what is it? Well,
(19:57):
it's found in Argentina and arid slants, shrub and desert areas.
It is actually a large rodent. It like the cappy bara.
It weighs around thirty five pounds or sixteen ms and
are about one and a half feet or forty tall
at the shoulder. Uh and yes, does this mean that
(20:21):
I can create it like a baby? You could cradle
it like a baby, although you might get kicked in
the face like a little bit. Jeff is willing to
die to pet acute wild animal, and I can't say
I approve, because, like I think that would annoy the
wild animals. However, you got to admire the commitment. I
(20:44):
would say, I'm not necessarily willing to die, but I
can take a shot to the face right or twice
was a boxer. I've taken a lot of punches for
the face. So a little thirty five pound, precious, little
little rodent kitty in my hands. Oh, I mean yeah,
and I obviously don't want to bother them, but I
feel like I could win them over and enjoy the time.
Maybe you could become friends. Yeah, so they are. There's
(21:08):
a good reason that you are seeing a lot of
cappy bar in these guys because they are in the
cavvy families, so they are related to both guinea pigs
and cappy barras. So these are like, these are like
cappy barras, but sort of the runway version, where they've
got the really long legs, they've got the stiletta's their
work in the runway, whereas cappy baras are much more sausage. Like.
(21:34):
These are like sausage but on sort of stilts. Yeah,
they're they're elevated, like when you see those houses on
the shore and you're just like, oh, yeah, this this
one's built for hurricane season. That's why. So they don't
have hoofs, but their feet are kind of small and
hoof like, and so their movement is kind of interesting.
(21:54):
They can hop like a rabbit, they can gallop, or
they can stopped, so stopping or pronking, which I guess
our real words is hopping on all fours at once,
which is typically something done by deer or antelope. That's
good stuff. That's good stuff right there. Yet they have
um their their feet kind of look like German shepherd feet. Yeah,
(22:15):
a little danky thanky little feats. And then the just
the fact that they pronk, which again I guess is
a real word where they're just like you've seen that,
like we're deer or antelope do the little thing where
it's like do do do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do do? Do?
You know, just like the little dancer. Um. I would
(22:37):
like to say that that is the official movement of
the goofy bastard, so that that does land. Yeah, yeah,
like there should be bouncy sounds edited into all nature
documentaries about this animal. So I don't usually quote Wikipedia
on the show, but I do love this line from
(22:58):
the Wikipedia on these guys quote its tail is short,
depressed and hairless, which you know which one among us aren't.
As a member of the Los Angeles comedy scene, I
am familiar with many versions of that tail in person form.
But yeah, it's tail is very strange. So you look
at its butt and you think that, like, what is
(23:20):
that thing kind of sticking out like, is it a
little poopoo? Like, what is that? It looks like a
little poop No, that's his tail. Oh yeah, it looks
like he's he's got a turtle head going on right there.
But in reality, that's his little that's his little tail.
Like when you think about like what tails are used for,
I'm like, that doesn't seem useful. Yeah, I think it's
(23:43):
like kind of on its way out right. It's like, yeah,
it's sort of like, you know, we don't really need this.
I think it does. Probably they probably it helps them
in terms of like scent marking, so they still have it,
but they don't need much of it. You know. It
(24:03):
doesn't need to be furry, and so it's just this
little nub to rub their stench on things. Yeah, just
a little dabble. Do you look at I mean it
is it is funny that that its tail is the
tail version of it as an animal, just like this
little goofy, stubby looking thing sticking out of a goofy
(24:25):
stubby looking things. Little sausage coming out of a sausage.
It's just sausage and sausage and sausage. So real. Putting
a hat on a hat energy here with this guy
putting a sausage on the sausage. So they are herbivores
and they basically live in hippie communes. They form these
lifelong monogamous relationships, with the males being much more clingy
(24:46):
than the females. They will follow the females around, marking
them with pe like, they'll pe on the females be
like you're you're my wife, and then they'll leave more
markings in her path, sort of creating this like zone
around the female where he's just like constantly peeing and
leaving scent markings. He's like heralding her. But instead of
(25:07):
tossing romantic rose petals, uh, he's pooping around. I mean,
they don't have like jobs, so they can't buy rose petals, right,
so I guess you gotta work with what you have.
You know. It's very sweet that he uses all his
p for that, you know. Yeah, I guess in a
way it is. Um, here's more romance for you. Males
(25:29):
will pee on the females, but and then the female
will pee in the male's face, so you know, whatever
floats their boat. Honestly, we don't want shame here on
creature features. Here, like this is one of those situations
where you're like, you, guys, this is what Yeah, you
know what, I don't have to do it. Consent is key,
(25:50):
so which which seems to me like this is a
very consensual situation. I think so yes. Um. So they
will often live with other couples in communal warrants. So yeah,
this like big hippie dippy colony where there is often
this like they just have all the young kind of
inside this giant burrow living together. Typically, mothers will really
(26:15):
only nurse their own offspring, but sometimes, uh, someone else's
kid is going to like sneak in a sip of milk.
There's always that always happens, you know, you make sandwiches
for your kid, and then like the neighbor kid comes
over and is all sticky and asking for a sandwich,
and what are you gonna do? Not feed the kid?
Not feed the kid. Well, some of these some of
the females will decide not to do that and actually
(26:37):
shove the baby away that's not their own, which is
really funny. But sometimes they don't. It kind of depends
on their mood. It depends on how cool they are.
The cool the cool mom, the cool giant rodent. Mom. Um,
you're just walking around engaging in water sports and beating
up other people's kids, right, and you know, but it
(26:58):
is kind of cool. They all live in this communal
warren and it does help keep them safer, you know,
their safety and numbers. Um. And then you know, last
fun cute fact about these little guys is they will
eat their own poop to redigest nutrients, just like other calvies.
Why not. Yeah, you know what, this is not a
(27:21):
This is not an animal that is burdened by the
shame of Christianity, No very much. Now what this guy
they know what they're doing, now I would yeah, I
would say shame um or discussed. Are not things known
to this this fun little sausage on stilts. Yeah. Yeah,
it's just a little a little bold, live your own
(27:42):
life kind of a situation. Right. It's like, you know,
they live, they live in a commune. They hang out,
the males, you know, poop around, the females, um on
each other, on each other. They're just living their best
lives freely. That's really sweet away from judgment. If they're
(28:05):
if they're because they're clearly if Look, you've got to
be into it to take it to the face, right,
like you know, like I understand, like, oh yeah, you
got me on the butt, stop it, you know, like
I can understand that, But like then was it like
all right? Turn around? He's like this is what I
signed up for, and in that situation, you're like, okay,
this is like ravenous consent. Yeah. I think it's interesting
(28:26):
that the ping also works as a way of the
female communicating to the male because like the a lot
of the one very specific message, well the actually the
message for like some of the p like when the
female ps on a male's face is like I am
not reproductively receptive right now, So there's no point um
(28:47):
And so he's like okay, and then you know that's that.
It's like it's like, hey, you know what you you
you you shot your shot, but no, it's just it's
just P And he's like, all right, I've dealt with
similar things emotionally not physically, but you know what, the
energy is still there. What would be a like a
(29:07):
spray of pet of the face emotionally, I mean I
think the good the stereotypically sitcom answer to that would
be I have a headache, right right, like the timing
like or in general sort of relationship stuff. It's just like, well,
the timing is just not right, you know, Yeah, you
get that, but with less less urine, like not les urine.
(29:28):
But again, communication is key, whether it's with words or urine. Yeah,
that's good. I mean, look, urine is the words of
the body. So we've all been there. Sure I'm gonna say,
I'm gonna say yes, fine, yes, and this one straight
through I'm going to do that. Yes. Um So I
(29:52):
would say, though, unless you are Patagonian Mara, I would
potentially use your words rather than your pepe unless it's
in snow. Unless it's like in snow and you're actually
writing words in snow with with P, then I think
that's like, you know, it's like, hey, left for the
(30:13):
grocery store, uh, soups in the oven. Then you kind
of run out of P though, you know what I mean. Yeah,
that's one thing I miss about living in New England
is not having to pay for all those notebooks, right yeah,
I mean it's a useful thing, right, Like, especially when
you're on the trail you don't have a pen and
paper and you're like bears a head and you pee
(30:35):
that right in there, yeah, which is going to intract
the bears, right, and so they'll definitely be ahead. Yeah. Yeah,
there's a there's a real, real cause and effects situation
happening in one of those situations right right, it's like,
look at this bear and then you know it'll come,
because it'll come. I'm gonna I'm gonna cuddle that bear
before I go though, right, it'll see a bear's ears.
(30:59):
I'm gonna touch a Yeah, it's like you see in
the in the snow, like a pea message. That's like,
I'm going to cuddle this bit. And you don't know
if it's because you ran out a pea, or if
the bear got you, or if you were too busy cuddling. Right,
that's the third unlikely option. You know what, you don't
(31:20):
know until you try. Um, that's true, and you know
for then a very short amount of time, but at
least you know it's fair. I feel like you're really
doubting my ability to pet the bear. But no, no, no,
I'm not doubting. I'm not doubting your ability to pet
the bear. I'm just saying that that's probably you'll probably
(31:41):
get a pet in and then that'll be about it
for for the rest of your life. So we're gonna
leave our beautiful harry rhinos and our wonderful giant long
legged been rodents, and we're going to go into the
(32:02):
ocean and look at the world's most photogenic fish, the
parrot fish. I just take a look, Jeff and enjoy,
just really look at look at this goofball. Look at him,
look like cheese. And for the camera, there's real ted
lasso energy to this to this animal here. Oh, this
(32:25):
guy is good. And I know he's a fish. I
get it. I understand how fish sprains work, but it
really does look like he wants to be my friend.
They look super happy. I've never seen a fish look
more psyched to be a fish. They're like, I'm a fish.
Heck yeah, I mean water. Yes, this is the fish
version of like aquaca right, like, yeah, exactly. It definitely
(32:50):
has that quacca look for sure. And the thing that
helps it with the smile is it has teeth. It
looks like it has people teeth. It looks like a
character like a Dream Works characters something, except like less uncanny,
like it actually looks more convincing to me, as like
because it's well yes, but I mean it has because
(33:10):
it's not an animated movie. But it's human expression is
more like it feels more human, I guess, or or
less Uncanny Valley than like the animated versions. Yeah. His
his Pixar looking idiot face is uh, it's it's it's
layered with primary colors, which is real fun. I'm guessing
(33:33):
that's why they call it the parrot fish, right, yeah,
well this one. So there are many species of parrot fish.
This one I think is the Mediterranean parrot fish. It's gorgeous.
It's red, yellow, and blue. Um. There are other species
as well. Uh, and all the species of parrot fish
typically have these goofy smiles. So there are like blue ones,
(33:53):
there's blue and orange, blue and yellow. They're all quite beautiful.
And addition that, like they're parrot fish because in addition
to their beautiful tropical colors, they also have those teeth
which are like beaks. Oh that's good stuff. And also
because pirates would put them on their shoulders, that it
was it didn't go as well, this thing flopping around
(34:16):
in the water. Yeah, me, parrots seems to be having
a problem. I have a fabily of the help you
gona go visit this guy. They're Mediterranean, right, Yeah, I could.
I could go and say hi, be like hey, just
like swim out there, get get in somewhere in the
Mediterranean and find out. Yeah, but where where are these
(34:39):
were these goofy little tools at and then you haven't
bringing it like, oh look at me so fun. Yeah,
he looks very like he's got the I mean we
talked earlier about the DreamWorks thing, you know, the like
DreamWorks smirk. How like all the characters always have that
little like sideways smirk into the camera. It's like I'm
a bit of a stinker kind of look like that's
(35:00):
what he's getting here, Like I'm a little bit of
a stinker. Um. Yeah. This is voiced by mal blank
Energy in the space. Yeah. So. Parrot fish are a
family of around ninety fish species. Um. They're mainly found
in the Indo Pacific in coral reefs, coasts and seagrass forests. Uh.
(35:21):
Their name obviously comes from the fact that they have
a beak and they're these bright colors, although to me
it looks less like a beak and more like this
like big buck tooth smile. Yeah, they use these teeth
to scrape algae and the living tissue, which is called
polyps off of coral. So coral are these really hard
(35:43):
structures that contain these symbiotic algae and also the living
tissue of the coral. And so the parrot fish wants
to eat this stuff, and to do that they have
to grind up coral. And so that seems like that'd
be pretty hard on your teeth. Like, if we try
to basically eat a big bowl of coral, it would
(36:06):
destroy our teeth. And so they have to have pretty
special teeth for this, and their teeth are actually a
bunch of tiny teeth. They have over a thousand teeth
lined up in vertical stacks which continually grow and get replaced.
Oh same, yeah, so how is that? How is that?
(36:28):
Did you have like braces or like a lot of
the braces cost in visile line? Maybe? Yeah? Yeah, no,
I'm actually, you know, funny enough, I'm actually missing two teeth.
I have less teeth than one would expect. I see, well,
you know, less teeth the floss, right, that that is true,
And just these big aping cavities I call it, they're
(36:49):
not I don't call them church teeth, but like if
you look slightly past my smile, you could see be like, oh,
I got like two teeth in there. Well you know,
I mean again, I think that it's more streamlined, fewer
teeth to floss. Um. But if you're not wrong, if
I do get like huge chunks of stuff stuck in there,
(37:11):
like I should flost this out, do you have one
of those syringes of water that you can kind of
like jet in there, spray it out. Just get a
water pick for this one huge gap and yeah, it's
very funny. Yeah, I mean, like I mean, I I
had the I had the like, um, the sort of
water syringe for when I got my wisdom teeth out,
(37:32):
because I got all four out at once, um, and
there was a lot of holes in my mouth and
a shocking amount of food gets in there. Yeah, one
would think, yeah, I have still have my wisdom teeth.
I still have those, um, but I did after years
of whatever sports that you do, your teeth sometimes just
(37:55):
and so I was like, well, I guess just pull
them out. And they're like, do you want an implant?
It's only ten dollars. I'm like, oh, you don't know
what job I have. It's only your firstborn son. Yeah. Meanwhile,
these guys are doing great. Yeah, they could really be
boxers because like their teeth are constantly growing, so when
one falls out, like there's more to replace them. So
(38:18):
they have like the beaver energy of like having to
like use them or or or they just go through
your face basically. I mean, I don't I don't know
of any of them that where that happens. But it's
because their only way of eating is using them, so
like that is their only option is to eat the
(38:40):
coral and use them. Um. But yeah, no, I mean,
like they do grow and so like, but instead of
it being one solid tooth growing, it's like these like
stacks of teeth growing upwards vertically. Um, that's way more terrifying. Yeah, yeah,
I guess so. I mean, if you're afraid of a
(39:00):
thousand teeth in one smiling mouth, but hey, you know
it's like venom teeth. It's more smile per square inch
in my opinion, So that is fair. But like it's
funny because you look at it and yeah that he
looks like he's wearing clown teeth. You know, it looks
like he's wearing like and then you look closely and
you see that it's just a thousand tiny daggers, and
(39:22):
you're like, this is way different than what I was expecting.
It's a lot of smile. So the teeth are harder
than copper, and a square inch of parrot fish teeth
can withstand over five tons of pressure. Microscopic viewings of
the teeth show that each tooth has a dense chain
mail like pattern that gives it such resilience. So this
(39:43):
is how they can chew through coral without really breaking
a sweat um. They are responsible for creating a huge
amount of sand. So when they eat this coral, they
grind it up. They eat I just the polyps and algae,
but they don't digest the like coral skeleton. And so
(40:07):
after that's ground up, Uh, they don't, they don't really
eat it. So sand is a byproduct. So one parrot
fish can chew its way through enough coral to create
around a thousand or four d and fifty of sand annually.
That's it's not not a lot of sand. That's a
lot of sand. Because didn't they didn't they say there's
(40:29):
like a sand Uh, we're going through like a sand
deficit right now. Yeah, I think there's it's like there's
some things where like sand beaches are becoming less sandy.
I don't think there's necessarily a sand deficit in the ocean,
but definitely for beaches. No, like for like, for like
American manufacturing and building, it's becoming like the concept of
(40:56):
sand is becoming endangered. I guess that's interesting. Yeah know,
I don't know too much about like industrial sand running out,
but I guess that would stand a reason. If you
have less sand on beaches, then you have less sand
to collect as industry. Yeah, because I mean, I guess
you know, there's a lot of us on here, and
(41:16):
there's eight billion of us needing glass and brick and
all these different things, and apparently sand is a huge
ingredient that we never think about. These guys are just
making it right, And I mean it's interesting because like
they are because they rely on coral reefs. Like if
we are destroying coral reefs through uh climate change, industry pollution,
(41:40):
then like you know, it's kind of this vicious cycle
of like we're taking sand out and then also taking
out the animals that make the sand. So that's bad.
I mean, honestly, we could probably do the planet better.
I'm just going to go out on the limb and
say that, Yeah, a bit of a controversial take, but
(42:04):
I too agree that maybe we should be like a
little little less bad when it comes to like, you know,
the earth, like maybe kill I don't know, a couple
fewer species per year. Yeah, I do like the laziest
versions of that where I'm just like I mostly don't
(42:24):
eat meat, or like I drive a previous prime that
can plug in every once in a while, Like they're
all like very very small, tiny little baby steps that
in the long term, I'm like, I'm probably not doing anything,
but whatever. Well, I mean I think that if everyone
ate less meat, that would have a huge impact, right,
if we all reduced our meat consumption, that would have
(42:45):
a gigantic impact. Obviously, most a like a disproportionate amount
of the contributors to climate change aren't individual people but industry. Um.
But still, I mean I still think like if you, like,
if you and even if you don't become vegetarian, like
I'm not a vegetarian, but if you just like eat
(43:05):
a little bit less meat, uh, you know, like maybe
eat more vegetarian meals, cut down your meat consumption, you
know that that really helps when when you do it
on a massive scale. So, you know, I think that's
nothing to sneeze at. Yeah, I mean it's it is
one of those things I would say, is this an
edible fish? The parrot fish? You know, I don't know.
(43:28):
Is that something where they can you really like, eat
something that smiles at you. I guess the goldfish snack
cracker proved that, yes you can. Yeah. I would also
say that, yes, but humans will eat everything. Yeah, Like
that's one of those things where like, wow, this thing
is a really cute smile. I bet it's going to
be delicious. Yeah. I think about how many foods we
(43:49):
eat that are based off of that. We have cartoons
based off of you know. Yeah, apparently, yes, people do
eat parrot fish, which you know, I guess, uh. I
guess anything that is beautiful in nature, I guess also
tastes good. I guess you don't want sand, everyone, you
don't want sand. But yeah, so the sand that they
(44:09):
create by eating the coral is not It's not just
like crumbs that they like spit out. They poop it out.
It goes all the way through the parrot fish. So
a lot of these beaches where it has this beautiful
white sand. Uh, this is uh poop, parrot fish poop
in part, So think about that next time you eat
a nice heaping glass of sand. That's poop you're eating.
(44:31):
So maybe you should stop doing that. That's poop you're
vacationing on. Um. But yeah, I mean that just makes
me want to stand on it more, I guess. Uh so, yeah,
because you feel closer to the smiling fish, right and
like I'm I'm enjoying your warm, dried poops. So I'm
gonna I'm gonna take my little baby rhino and my
(44:52):
little weird rat and we are going to just vacation
on the parrot poop, parrot fish poop. Excuse me, all
smoke in your Jinko jeans, So in my Jinko jeans
that probably are are covered in in weird rodent piss.
I mean you deserve it at that mud. If you're
trying to like smuggle a Patagonian Mara in your Jinko jeans,
(45:15):
it's going to be covered in poop and pea. And
you know that's that's sort of it's karmic retribution. We
like to call that a small price to pay. I
will sacrifice my jinko jeans of this one moment where
immediately let them out and the rhinoceros gores me right
(45:35):
today for forcing friendship on a wild animal that has
no idea what is going on. So um. Yeah. Even
though the parrot fish do chew on coral, they are
actually good for coral reefs, so think of them as
coral gardeners. By trimming some of the excess algae from
the coral, the coral polyps are actually able to grow
(45:56):
back stronger. So they're like pruning the oral essentially. Uh
and yeah, they these amazing, beautiful, smiling fish. They're like
maintaining our coral reefs, making us nice sand. They're wonderful,
wonderful little guys. And they get to look like a
sweet little idiot while they do it. They really do.
That's really the best part. They look like such a
(46:18):
good dude. You may you see him and you're like
hey fish, and he's like hey man, HOI Like there's
a goofy energy to this fish is how they sound.
I love that, Like, I mean, it's really not a fluke.
Like you look at so many pictures of parrot fish,
they're all they're all smiling. There's like what They can
also do a closed melth smile, which is really funny
(46:39):
because of the shape of their beak, it kind of
forces their lips upwards, so they kind of they look
like they're doing this like doofy little clothes mouth like,
you know, I'm a little shy, but I'm still smiling
a very coquettish smile from this u from this very
very sweet fish, like oh, stop stop photographing me. But
(46:59):
they love it. They love it. Go on with that.
You have people that painting it on the side of
their World War two fighter planes, painting it's one little
it's one little sweet looking fish with fish. Yeah, we
can wink wink um. They're so cute. I'd love it
if they flirted with me. But I think they're only
(47:19):
interested in coral, only interested in my coral jewelry. I've
been dealing from the ocean. So um. Before we go,
like I mentioned earlier, we gotta play a little game,
and that game is called Guess Who's Squawking? It's the
Mystery Animal sound game. Every week I play a mystery
(47:42):
animal sound in you the listener, and hey, you the guests,
try to guess who is squawking. Last week's hint was this.
As a fellow introverted redhead, I sympathize this sometimes wanting
personal space. All right, Jeff, can you guess who is squawking?
(48:09):
Is that an orangutan? You are correct? Congratulations also to
antib Craig K and Grant W who are the fastest
to guess correctly the orangutan. So, yes, this is the
call of a male orangutan. Um bonus points. What do
you think he is trying to say? Well, uh, I
(48:34):
think he's probably saying back off. This is my territory. Yes,
that is absolutely correct. So. Orangutans are found in the
rainforests of Boreo and Sumatra. Despite their large size, they
spend most of their time in trees, in nests that
they actually build themselves. The construction of their nests is
intricate and requires advanced intelligence as well as learning from
(48:58):
their parents. There is evidence that different groups of orangutans
build nests using different techniques, indicating that they actually have
these different learned cultures. Orangutans are relatively solitary but also
flexible in socializing. They'll establish their own home range, but
(49:18):
they can typically visit other ranges without too much trouble,
and they may interact with other oriutans, but if they
feel that their range is being threatened or someone is
invading their personal space, they'll issue what is called a
kiss squeak, which they suck air through their lips um
and make this kind of like sound uh. And then
(49:39):
they will do this like rolling call, which is the
latter part of what you hear the woo woo woo
to tell you to back off. And that's exactly what
this orangutan is doing. And if you're a person, he
will tear your arms. Yeah, I mean they are. They
will defend themselves. I wouldn't say they're that aggress but
(50:00):
they are definitely capable. They're extremely strong and very capable. Yes,
very capable. I have a friend who um worked with
orientans at a nature preserve um and like they were,
they were friendly with the rescuers, but once one of
them kind of grabbed her arm because he wanted to
(50:21):
like basically get her to go in a direction he
wanted to go. And it was like she could tell
he was going to like break her arm on accident,
and so she had to like kind of yell, yelp
you know, in pain, and like when the orient and
saw that he was like hurting her, he looked like
shocked and really sorry. But yeah, I can easily break
(50:42):
your arm without even realizing it. So you do not
want to piss them off and have them tried to
break your arm, because that would you know, it'd be
like an orangutane. Really, I have friends with the the
doctor Z. Dr zais a good friend of mine. Uh.
(51:03):
I mean, the joke is we don't break k fame.
But if you ever watch Hanging with Doctor Z, it's
a great show. It's really fun. Doctor doctor, Doctor's is,
Doctor's is, Doctor's Doctor's is. Oh, Doctor's is doctor. If
you haven't seen Hanging with Doctor Z, I think you'd
really like it. By the way, I'll definitely check it out.
(51:24):
It's a little thing. It sounds like my jam so
onto this week's Mr Animal sound. The hint is that
this is not quite a gobbler m hm hm oh,
jeff Hinny, guess who was making that sound? Um? First off,
(51:44):
the fact that's like I know a right perfect for me. Um,
I'm actually going to I feel like my the hint
is influencing my my choice. But I would my my
guests off of the hint would be a Turkey vulture.
Interesting guests Well, you will find out next week on
(52:07):
the next episode of Creature Feature. Jeff, thank you so
much for joining me today. Where can people find you?
Thank you for having me UM. I'm across several social
media's as well as long as they still exist upon publication.
We've got to diversify your investments. Boy, don't do we UM.
I'm at hey there, Jeff ro h e y t
(52:29):
h e r e j e f f r oh
and UM. As Katie mentioned earlier, I am a podcaster
by sort of by definition, so you can hear me
on Jeff has Cool Friends, UM, which is available for
free everywhere but early at picture on dot com slash
Jeff may where you could hear that in monthly shows
like a Fine with Kim Crawl, as well as Nerd
with Dre Alvarez. You also might know me from Tom
(52:50):
and Jeff watch Batman on the game Fully Unemployed Network
with Tom Ryman. You may know me from Unpopular Opinion
and you Don't Even Like Sports, which is a sports
podcast for people that hate sports, and those are both
with Adam Todd Brown. I don't know if you can
notice the theme of my co hosts here Katie. Um,
but it's people you worked with. That's interesting. Huh yeah,
(53:13):
weird how that happens? Weird that works. You're also you
can also see you on Netflix, um, not winning any money.
You can see me on on the game show Bullshit
on Netflix, uh, where I had quite an interesting filming
and and did quite well, and then they edited out
(53:34):
the victory. But I still get some fun moments on that,
so I'm in episodes two and three. But it was
a lot of fun. And I also throw a live
comedy show the second Friday of every month at a
place called Blast from the Past on Magnolia and Burbank.
The name of the show is called mint on Card.
If you're a toy nerd, you understand that it's a
lot of fun, very free second Friday of every month,
(53:55):
so great. And to my Italian friends, that's in Los Angeles,
so it's not far away at all. Um, you can
make it. Yeah, it's barely a hemisphere away, right exactly?
If if what's his name, da Vinci can do it?
I forgot who the guy at Gallilate, No, who's the one?
(54:15):
Oh yeah, the murdering one Christopher Columbus. If he can
do it, anyone can't because he sucked. He was he
sure did. I think I think it's I think somebody
on the Internet should mention that something. I think the
Internet should address that Christopher wasn't a good guy. I'm
the first one. Actually, yeah, I'm certainly I'm certainly not like, yeah, man,
(54:37):
we know at this point, right, no, no, no, no,
I'm the first to point it out. Thank you guys
so much for listen. If you think you know the
answer to the Mystery Animals sound game, you can write
at Creature feature Pot at gmail dot com. Um. You know,
I don't even know what is going to happen to
social media, but you know I'm a future feature pot
on Instagram. I'm Creature feet pad on quote unquote Twitter. Um,
(55:02):
that's E E. T. Not fet that is something very different. Um,
but yeah, thank you guys so much for listening. If
you're enjoying the show and you read a rating and
you leave a rating or review, I immensely appreciate it.
I read them all really appreciate it. Thanks to the
Space Cosslics for their super awesome song Xluminate Creature feature
(55:22):
is a production of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts
like the one you just heard, visit the I heart
Radio app Apple Podcasts, or Hey guess what? Where have
you listen to your favorite shows? I don't judge you.
I literally you can listen wherever you want and I
won't be mad. I promise see you next Wednesday. Bye.
Creature Feature News
Host
Katie Goldin
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