Bonus: Dani’s Listening, Episode 2

In this new bonus series, “Dani’s Listening”, Dani connects with listeners by responding to those who’ve called in to share their family secrets.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Family Secrets is a production of I Heart Radio. This
episode contains references to childhood abuse and addiction. Listener discretion
is advised. Danny's Listening is a bonus series brought to

(00:21):
you by Family Secrets. Hi, Danny, My twin sister introduced
me to your podcast in the fall of and when
I heard your about this line, I thought I would

(00:42):
give a call. I guess the longest running secret in
our family was that my twin was the victim of
childhood sexual abuse at the hands of the father of
a family friend when we were young. Pretty yeah, and
the route for life my twins alcoholism was not a secret.

(01:07):
Was also not a secret that she was on medically
assisted treatment for an opioid addiction, but it was a
secret that she was administering her self be text for
medically assisted treatment. She was administering it and ervenously, and
in December of she injected as strain of bacteria accidentally

(01:31):
and developed endocarditis, and she died in February. I guess
this seems important because I think a lot about how
it deals with compounded secrets, multiple layers, one on top
of the other, and so yeah, that's the story of

(01:53):
my twin and short, and would be open to any
of your thoughts on grief and healing and how to
find purpose between the two. And thanks so much for listening.
By Hi, it's Danny. First of all, I'm so sorry

(02:14):
for your loss. To lose a twin must be its
very own particular form of devastation, and to lose your
twin during the pandemic must have intensified all the feelings
of isolation and grief. You mentioned compounded secrets, one layer
on top of another. This is so often the case

(02:35):
when it comes to family secrets. It seems almost like
an invisible edifice gets built bit by bit and hiding things,
not talking about things, shoving them under the rug, as
in your twins childhood. Sexual abuse then leads to more
and more secrecy. It all feels connected, the abuse, the addiction,

(02:56):
and then finally the scope of the addiction. You asked
whether I have any thoughts on grief, healing and finding
a purpose. My life's work, both as a writer and
as creator of this podcast has really been all about this.
I don't know that we ever exactly heal from grief,
as much as that grief morphs over time and becomes

(03:18):
more manageable, something we carry with us that flares up
in all sorts of moments, but also becomes absorbed into
the shape of our ongoing lives. For me, healing and
purpose go hand in hand. Loss can feel so meaningless,
but finding a way to make meaning of loss is transformative.

(03:39):
Is there something you could do to honor your sister's memory?
Do some kind of work around abuse or addiction. Nothing
gets us out of our own heads as much as
being of use and helping another human. I'm so glad
you called, and again I'm so sorry, but you sound
clear and very strong, and you will find your way through.

(03:59):
I'll be thinking of you. If you have a family
secret story you'd like to share on Danny's Listening, please
call eight eight eight Secret zero. That's eight eight eight
S E C R E T and the number zero