Bonus: Thanksgiving Thoughts from Dani

Dani shares her thoughts, a personal story and well wishes this Thanksgiving.

Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Family Secrets is a production of I Heart Radio. Hey,
they are Family Secrets listeners. It's Danny here with some
thoughts to share with you on Thanksgiving, because Thanksgiving and
family secrets go together like well, like turkey and stuffing,

(00:24):
sweet potatoes and marshmallows, cranberry sauce, and I'll stop there.
I don't even like cranberry sauce. I think it's safe
to say that Thanksgiving stirs up a lot of stuff
from many of us. I mean, why do you think
there are so many movies and so many novels that
are dysfunctional family stories said at the Thanksgiving table or

(00:44):
over Thanksgiving weekend. I know a few people who don't
feel anything but joy as the holiday's approach. People who
have easy, blessed, open, completely unconditionally loving relationships with all
their relatives. People who bound out of bed on Thanksgiving
morning in their homes where family members who have already
gathered from far and wide are in the kitchen, coffee

(01:07):
mugs in hand, dressing the turkey, pre heating the oven
to four fifty, playing scrabble or what have you. And
I'm happy for these people, I really am. But many
of us have slightly more complicated situations. For some of us,
there's loss. For instance, my husband's father died two years
ago just after Thanksgiving, and let's just say he had

(01:28):
a very large presence. So when we gathered today, there
will be a sense of absence, of loss, of things
left unseid and undone. When my mother was living, the
holiday was incredibly fraught for me. I was her only child,
and I felt I had to be with her, though
I really didn't want to be. One year, my husband

(01:50):
and I hosted a huge friends giving just so there
would be enough people at the table to absorb my
mother's toxicity. Seventeen people around the table at our small
apartment in the York City. After the holiday, our friends
escorted my mother the few blocks back to her building.
I was doing the dishes when the phone rang. It
was my mother and she was at the hospital. She

(02:12):
had fallen on the sidewalk just outside her apartment building
and was in the emergency room. She was still in
her fancy designer dress when we rushed to the e
r and when I walked in, I swear she looked
almost triumphant. She had gotten all the attention after all.
She looked at me gestured to her dress and asked,

(02:33):
is there blood on my unaro? Then she said, you
can't use that? Well here, I am sorry, but I'm
using it. It's just too good. This year, I've heard
so many family secrets. People listen to this podcast or
read my memoir Inheritance, and they tell me there's I've

(02:56):
heard from people who have discovered secrets were kept from them,
and I've heard from the secret keepers. I've heard from
people who feel liberated, ashamed, confused, people who are grieving,
are still in shock, or don't know what to do
with what they've learned. In one of my bonus episodes
last season, I spoke with the author and therapist Laurie Gottlieb,

(03:18):
and I asked her the question, do you think there's
ever a good reason to keep a secret? And Laurie's
answer was ultimately no, that no matter how difficult, shocking,
or painful, ultimately we're better off knowing. I think I
agree with this, because one way or another, were shaped
by the secrets we keep or the secrets that are

(03:40):
kept from us, whether we're aware of it or not.
I do think, though, that there's a time and a
place for secrets to be revealed, and so I'd like
to humbly suggest that perhaps Thanksgiving isn't the time or
place emotions are running high. There's all the cultural and
societal pressure, all the Instagram posts of glowing candles and

(04:03):
brisk outdoor walks and perfect pumpkin pies, and many of
us find ourselves on edge. Whatever is going on inside
of us, it tends to be heightened, like the dial
inside of us that regulates our emotions got turned up
a few notches. So, my friends, right now, as you're
listening to this, stop for a moment. Just stop. Take

(04:25):
a breath, Take a deep breath. You can do this
wherever you're listening, in a car, in bed, in your kitchen,
while you're sticking that turkey in the oven, or facing
a sink full of dishes, while your family is all
around you. You can feel yourself breathing in, breathing out.
Get in touch with your own body, your own self,

(04:47):
your own heart. You've got this, And don't forget the
reasons all these people tend to push our buttons, trigger us,
make us feel all the feels. It's because there are family,
and whether we like them or not, we love them.
They're hours and also don't forget what this holiday is
really supposed to be about, giving thanks. I am thankful

(05:12):
to all of you. I never dreamt i'd create a podcast,
much less one that has found so many devoted listeners.
So here's to you. As I work on season three,
which will launch in early February, I'm incredibly grateful that
I get to do this work and have the privilege
of hearing so many of your stories. Speaking of which,

(05:33):
if you'd like to call in and record your story
for possible bonus episode of Listeners Stories, please call one
eight eight Secret zero. That's one eight secret and the
number zero. We would love to hear from you. Happy
holidays all, mm hmmmm. For more podcasts for my Heart Radio,

(06:07):
visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever
you listen to your favorite shows.