February 14, 2019 • 42 mins
Growing up Jim Graham never felt at home in his father's house. But it wasn't until he was well into adulthood that a family secret revealed why. For two decades Jim's tenacity led him through the maze of the Catholic Church archives to learn the truth of his origins.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Family Secrets is a production of I Heart Radio. I've
talked to people that were there at those parties and
they said, the priest would Greek stakes are on a
Friday night and grill him. I mean, you're Catholic, at
can't he can't he steak kind of Friday night. But
(00:21):
they're pretty wild parties and these are These might have
been people that joined the priesthood so they wouldn't have
to go to war World or two. Who knows, but
I think they probably met. Then. This is Jim Graham.
Jim is now seventy three years old. He's retired from
a long career as an airline executive, and he lives
with his wife in South Carolina. If you were to
(00:43):
pass by Jim on the street, you might peg him
for an older gentleman living a quiet, simple life. He
has a sweet face, a bit on the reddish side,
and kind eyes that seem ready at any given moment
to laugh or to cry. This is a story of
a secret so immense, so tightly held not only by
(01:06):
a family, but by one of the most powerful institutions
in the world, the Catholic Church. I'm Danny Shapiro, and
this is Family secrets, the secrets that are kept from us,
(01:27):
the secrets we keep from others, and the secrets we
keep from ourselves. I grew up in the suburbs of
Buffalo Williamsville, New York. We lived in a quiet street
about two miles from the downtown center, and I was
raised with my two older sisters, one two years older,
one eight years older. John Graham, my father, lived with
(01:50):
us and his parents who really raised me. My mother
was divorced from John Graham. She lived in New York City,
and she would see us out twice a year at
four consecutive days, and these appointments or visitations were arranged
by attorneys, and the hours of seeing us would be
from ten o'clock morning to seven o'clock at night. And
(02:11):
in the house we lived and I could never talk
about my mother. There are no photographs of my mother.
It was just understood that there would be in all
contact with my mother. The only thing we got from
my mother was a birthday cards and Christmas package. And
how did that feel to you as a as a kid?
I mean, was there an absence in terms of your
mom not being around? Yes, I mean they're my friends.
(02:35):
All had head mothers, and my friends would ask, you, know,
where is your mother? And I think that on the
street when my mother would come by and pick us
up at ten o'clock in the morning, everybody be looking
out the window because they're all kind of anxious to
know who my mother is. She never got out of
the car, so it was always kind of a secret,
not just at school, but on on our street. Um,
(02:56):
and how was your mother during those visits? They were
joyful those visits. You know, the first time get hugged,
I get guessed. This is the nineteen fifties. A father
getting custody of three children unheard of. So what had
his mother done that was so horrible? When Jim asked
his mother why he almost never saw her, she told
(03:17):
him that a powerful divorce attorney had handled the divorce.
But the Grahams weren't a wealthy family, so if you
really thought about it, it didn't make sense. There had
to be another reason why Jim's father was granted custody.
After all, he wasn't exactly the fatherly type. So talk
to me a little bit about drawn Graham, the figure
(03:39):
that he was for you as a boy as you
were growing up. He was didn't spend much most time
with me at all. He left early in the morning,
came home late at night. He ran a gas station.
UM six five days out of the year he would
meet with us at regular dinner time. He came well
later and his mother would serve him, you know, a
steak almost every night. Later ever threw a ball with me.
(04:01):
Um never said a nice thing to me, never never
motivated me, never asked anything about my games that I
played baseball or basketball, Who want or you know how
I did. It was kind of like a no contact
sport unless something serious came up and I had to
ask permission for something. And then when I wanted to
go to college, go to Prade Institute Commercial Artist, and
(04:22):
I had good grades. My very good grades are about
B B plus plus. They had all a's and art.
He said, I'm not going to co sign alone. If
you flunk out, I'm stuck with the bill. So it was.
It was just a very strange upbringing. So Jim goes
to college in Buffalo and one day he comes home
to find that his grandmother and his aunt have opened
his private mail a letter from his girlfriend. This invasion
(04:46):
of his privacy is the last straw in a miserable childhood.
He throws his books and belongings into the back of
his car and drives to New York City. I knew
that my mother had She mentioned she lived near Iraq
idle Held Airport. That's what it was called, nose Day.
So I filed the science addle where airport was just
how Kennedy Airport. And I couldn't believe how big that
the airport was. It was bigger than Buffalo, New York
(05:07):
could seemed. So I pulled over and found her a number,
and information called her and she said, where are you
calling from. I said, I'm here at old Airport. I
thought you lived near the airport, so she said just
stay there, we'll come find you. Well, I mean, she
was just well, she was shocked that I was there
in the first place, and asked if I had told
the Grahams that I was down here, and I said
I hadn't. She said, well, you know, when we get home,
(05:29):
you better give them a call that comes. I'm sure
they're concerned about where you are. And then she was just,
you know, very joyous to have me, and she was
showing me off to the neighbors right away. The next morning,
and it was she was just was in her element
that she had a child to describe to people. So
Jim is eighteen years old and living with his mother
(05:51):
for the very first time. His mom is now remarried
to a New York City cop. Jim gets a job
working as a mail boy at LaGuardia Airport. It and
he stays with his mom and stepped dad for a
while until he gets on his feet, and then a
lot happens. Jim works his way up through American Airlines
and is promoted each year. He's drafted into the army
(06:12):
and as a two year stint, when he returns home,
he meets his future wife. Then I met my wife,
who was a stewardess with American Alliance Better at Gate eight.
We got buried, and it was interesting. When my sisters
get married, they invited one parent to the wedding night
the other because John Graham and my mother hadn't seen
each other in twenty some years. But I didn't feel
(06:32):
it was right to bring my wife into a dysfunctional family.
I went to my mother and said, will you come
to our wedding? And she said did your father come?
And I said no, So I went to my father,
I said, you will come to my wedding and she's
He said, as your mother coming and I said no.
So they both ended up at the wedding um and
we're surprised you see each other after twenty some years.
(06:52):
The reception was at my Melody's parents house, and we
had the receiving line in the living room, and then
the reception was outside under tents in the backyard, and
I put my father in the receiving line and my
mother went through it and shook his hand, and she
didn't realize it was him until like two people later.
And both entourises lent to different parts of the backyard
(07:13):
under the tent, and they had never had a conversation,
but I could see them peeking at each other, peering
over the other guests. I've noticed that when it comes
to family secrets, often without even knowing there is a secret,
people become hell bent on not repeating history. I know
that was true for me, especially when I was starting
(07:34):
a family of my own. I didn't know that there
was a massive secret hanging in the air, or I
should say I didn't consciously know it. But I was
clear on one thing in my family, the one I
was making everything was going to be out in the open.
That's what strikes me most about what Jim does here.
He wants his new wife to meet both his parents
(07:57):
at his wedding like a normal family. And another thing
I've noticed, when there are secrets, cracks begin to appear.
No matter how seamless the facade may seem to be,
at some point or another, there are hints, clues, a word,
a phrase, a gesture that allows us to see that
(08:18):
there's something lurking beneath the surface. John Graham was on
an airplane with me several years before he died. It
was a pass that I gave him because when you
were with the airlines and can give your parents passes,
and I said, when you go out to Hawaii to
visit my sisters and they're grand one had a grandchild.
So I put him on that airplane. And I was
(08:39):
working that airplane. I was a representative for Americans selling
the return flight. I was a salesman at board basically,
and I'm in a suit and talking to the passengers.
And I put him up for his class, and I
told us Stewarts just to take care of me. He's
my father, and he'd never been on an aeroplane before,
I don't believe. And so after the second meal that
he had, he called me up there when I was
kind of finished talking to the passengers. He said, we'd
(09:00):
just sit down with with me for a minute. He
was in the lounge opposite the galley at that point.
And again, you know, I always thought of him as
the the j Clebato type guy, but here he's older,
weakened a little bit by diabetes, maybe hard condition, and
he said, I just want to apologize for the way
I treated you, and he cried profusely. We're going to
(09:28):
pause for a moment. John Graham dies when Jim is
in his mid thirties, and one night, many years after
John Graham's death, Jim, who is by now, is up
late drinking scotch with a cousin and he talks about
the difference in the ways the two of them were raised.
(09:50):
Jim speaks openly about his father, his temper, his neglect,
and his cousin goes back and tells his father, Jim's uncle,
and Jim's uncle gets very angry that Jim has been
speaking ill of his dear departed brother, and so Jim's
uncle otto let's lose with a piece of huge information.
(10:11):
He tells his son that Jim is not a Graham,
that John Graham is not Jim's father at all. This
would be enough of a bombshell, but the real bombshell
is Jim's father. His biological father is a Catholic priest.
Jim's mother had an affair with a Catholic priest. Well,
(10:35):
he he leaks the fact that I'm not a Graham,
that my father was a priest to his son. His
son leaks the information to my wife, and my wife
for a few weeks didn't tell me because you didn't
know if his truly so she kind of went through
the Graham family to get some validation. And the aunt
that lived with us said, don't tell him. And what
(10:59):
did she? She told me. It was over dinner in
San Francisco to a nice restaurant. I was out there
on business. I ordered about it on the rocks for
my drink, and normy Melody would drink glass wine, but
she ordered the same thing, so I knew something was up.
So during that dinner conversation, she said, they're going to
tell you something new you've never heard before. And she
(11:22):
said that they told me that your father was not
John Graham, your father was Father Sullivan, Thomas Sullivan, a
Catholic priest. Did you believe her? Did you believe it? Oh? Yes,
you did instantly. I mean because because then I looked
at my history, my childhood and all those issues that
works very strange, just made sense. I could just see,
I see everything fallen into place. It was I was
(11:44):
shocked because you normally think these things happened to other people.
You read about it in a book, you're seeing a movie,
doesn't happen to ordinary people. So for a moment I
was shocked, but then I could see it did happen
because the strange background I had it all added up. Yeah.
It's another thing that I feel like I hear a
lot and I understand pretty well. Is that that feeling
(12:06):
of like suddenly it's it's such an unlikely, impossible thing,
and yet it's like the lights blink on a's like, oh,
that's that makes sense. Sure, Even though it's so shocking,
it's both shocking and makes sense at the same time.
So that conversation I had with John Graham in the airplane,
that was one of the first things I thought of.
Jim calls his aunt Katherine and uncle Otto and asks
(12:27):
for a meeting. He wants to talk with them about
his real history. They're not too pleased about this. After all,
Uncle Otto is still mad at Jim from aligning his brother,
plus they really just don't want to talk about Jim's
real history. It was there was no warm greeting. We've
walked and I walked into the kitchen. We're sitting around
(12:48):
oak table, and it was now in his eighties and
Katherine's and her eighties, and it was very awkward. I
wasn't offered a cup of coffee, a coke or anything,
so I just asked where the glasses were and I
put myself us water out of the faucet, sat down,
and it was just very very quiet. And then finally
Catherine said I have something here for and she pulled
a m obituary on a newsletter on the table and
(13:11):
she said, this man maybe your father. We don't know
only the principles now and they're all dead. So I'm looking.
I'm looking at a photograph of of a priest with
you know, the obituary written with all his background and
he had receding hair. It was an older picture of
a priest, but it might looked at his eyes. It
(13:32):
looked at his nose, he looked at his mouth. I
looked at his chin. Looked just like me. The newsletter
the obituary came from is called the Opline World. The
Ablins are a Catholic order founded in France in eighteen
forty three. Primarily missionaries, they came to North America through
(13:52):
Canada and eventually found their way down to Buffalo. There's
the name of an editor on the newsletter as well.
Jim looks up that editor and finds an address and
phone number in Tewksbury, Massachusetts. I think the fact that
they said, you know, these are the principles, only they
know when they're dead, I think that was a talking point,
probably given to them at the church. That's how they
(14:13):
should handle it, as if that would then be a
completely closed door exactly. This reminds me of a moment
in my own story where I went to see this
eighty something you're old rabbi who knew my family knew
my dad told him the whole story of what I
knew at that point, and he just turned to me
and he said, what story would ease your heart? And
(14:34):
I said, the true one, and he just looked at
me and he said, you'll never know. And I remember thinking,
you don't know who you're dealing with. And I don't
think they knew who they're dealing with here. So the
Graham's shut you down, and you have the editor or
you know, some some kind of lead, right and interesting case.
(14:56):
You're not a journalist, but you you sounds like you've
become one. I have. So, so I called the number
and I asked an appointment to see the editor. And
I just mentioned that my family was friendly with the
father Sullivan and Buffalo years ago, and I just you know,
they're always talked about him. I just want to come
up and just see what he knew about him. So
UM made the appointment and he when it made the appoinment,
(15:17):
he said, we'll call us a couple of days before,
just to reconfirm. So when I reconfirmed, he was had
a different attitude. He was kind of saying, well, we're
not gonna be able to go to lunch and I
can only meet you at ten o'clock. And he knows
I live in oys debate and before and a half
hour drive to Tewkesbury, so to be a very short mean,
he was trying to discourage me. I said, well, I'll
be there. Father. When it comes to secrets, timing is everything.
(15:42):
What if Jim's uncle Otto had let slip his long
held knowledge that Jim was the secret child of Father
Tom Sullivan while Father Sullivan was still living. What do
you suppose would have happened then? Or did that slip
happen only because Uncle Otto and Aunt Catherine knew that
the priest was dead. There's no way of knowing, But
(16:04):
I do find the timing interesting, especially since Father Tom
Sullivan had only died a few months earlier. We stayed
with friends in Branford, Connecticut, the night before, and then
we drove up the next morning and my wife was
with me, and we met Father ready, and uh, he
was very businesslike, and I just kind of felt uncomfortable
(16:24):
that I'm not going to get much out of this
this meeting. But he asked him about a father Selvan,
and he said he was a great orator, he was
a great reader. He's a writer, he was an academic.
Or the other priests up here they might be watching
the Boston Red Sox. You know, he was always walking
the halls and reading a time magazine or something for
the Jesuits. So he said nice things about him, and
(16:45):
then I said, are there any personal effects that he
might have that are still here? And he said, we're
all old, we don't we don't keep things, so there's
there's nothing here to show you. And he said that
there wouldn't be any reason for you to talk to
any other priests about him either, So he was just,
you know, trying to move the meeting along. And um
I asked if he had any relatives that might be alive,
(17:06):
and he said, he's from Lowell, but I don't I
don't think there's anybody alive. I don't recall anybody coming
to see him when he was in the infirmary, and
so I knew I wasn't getting any farther with him,
so I gave my business card and I looked at
him closely in the eyes, with a little bit of
a smile, and I said, you know, Father Ready, if
there's something you didn't tell me here today, and you
think you should, please give me a call. Once they're
(17:27):
back in the car driving away from the church, Jim's wife,
Melody asks him why he didn't tell Father Ready that
he's Tom Sullivan's son, but Jim just didn't feel comfortable.
He wasn't the right one. He says, there'll be another one.
They start heading home. On the next exit after Tewkesbury
(17:48):
is Lowell, which is where Jim has just learned his
father is from. So they pull off the exit. I
told you Jim as a born journalist, either that or
private eye. They go to the first church and ask
if anyone knew of a father Sullivan in town and
his fate would have it. The first person he asks
does know of father Sullivan, And so Jim and Melody
(18:09):
are directed to the Immaculate Conception Church. It was March
and there was snow in the ground, about a foot
of snow on the ground, but the sun was out
brilliant to its beautiful, beautiful day. So we drove to
the rectory and walked in and there was a secretary there,
and he asked if Father's savage his name was mentioned,
if he was available, and she said he's around here
(18:31):
in someplace. So she called a couple of numbers, and
while she was doing that, at the door behind us
and I could just see a silhouette because there was
a son and the snow in the background, it could
just see a silver an older priest with a hat
and a cape. And as he came close to me
then I could see his face, but very irish looking.
And the secretary said, this family is just looking to
hear know a little bit more about a father Sullivan.
(18:52):
And so he took us into a little anti room
right off the dusk from the secretary, and he said
basically the same thing as father. Ready. You know fatherrself
was great order, he's a writer's readers want and so forth.
He could you give a powerful sermon? And then I said,
out there any relatives left? And he said, let's go
out and ask the secretary. So we went out there
and she said, no, I think they're all dead. Y
(19:12):
all came here, was saying the choir. He had his mother,
three ants, and his uncle. They would come here with
his Sunday in a big black put But I think
they're all dead. And then he said to my wife,
he said there was a buffalo connection though, and you
might be interested in would you like to hear about that?
We said sure, so we walked on a longer hall.
He sat down behind a large desk like a bishop's desk.
(19:34):
We said on the other side, and he pointed up
my wife for you an attorney, and she said no.
He pointed at me, our u an attorney. I said no.
So I said to him, then you know, Father, He said, yeah,
I know. I said, how do you know? He said,
you looked just like At the end of their conversation,
(19:55):
Father Savage suggests to Jim that he'd just got on
with the rest of his life. He's still relatively young,
he has good genes. Father Savage actually tells him this,
and then he says, forget the injustices of the past.
Forgetting the injustices of the past, especially when those injustices
have shaped your entire life, well that's just not going
(20:19):
to happen. Jim comes back to visit Father Savage about
a month and a half later. This time he comes
alone and unannounced. Jim and Father Savage sit around a
small round table, and Jim asks for details. He had
heard that money had been put aside for his education.
He wondered where that money went, since certainly it had
(20:41):
never been used for that purpose, and Father Savage he
denies ever having told Jim anything about his father flat
out lies about it, even though I'm not really up
on my Catholic doctrine, I've got to assume that lying
is considered a sin. And Jim is pretty sure that
whoever a Father's savages bosses told him to shut it down,
(21:03):
that if Jim came back, they should deny everything. It's
kind of natural that they're gonna not tell me what
really would happen, just like a caught him off guard
that day. So Jim begins to knock on doors, lots
of doors. He does research on the opelite world and
finds classmates of his father's. They all referred to him
(21:25):
as father Tom Sullivan, not your father. They're well trained, careful.
Jim also follows the money trail. He's able to read
the wills of father Sullivan's immediate family. They were an
affluent family who owned real estate and lowell, but since
father Sullivan had taken a vow of poverty, he couldn't
(21:46):
receive the assets. And just to be clear, it isn't money.
Jim is after. It's information, it's history, it's justice. But
like a good detective, he's following the money because the
money might just get him there. Jim eventually discovers the
woman who ended up air to the Sullivan assets. She
(22:08):
was a nurse who had taken care of Thomas Sullivan's
mother and aunts when they fell ill, and in the
absence of any other heirs, they left the money to her.
He drives to her house and knocks on the front door.
She lets him in, almost as if she had been
waiting for him. So um again, I set him out
here for the assets. I'm here for the information. And
(22:30):
there must have been somebody that knew my father's story,
knew about me. There had to be somebody, and she
said him, it's funny you should ask. There was a
nun that would come here with him every now and then,
and they were very close, and she gave me the
name sister Mary. Uh So, when I got back to
New York the next day, I got on the phone
(22:51):
and I called up the order that she was with.
Jim is able to track down sister Mary, and he
and Melody make yet another drive to New England, this
time to Boston to take her out to dinner. My
wife said, what are you going to ask her first?
When you see her at the door, and they s
I'm gonna ask her if I remind her of anybody.
I rang the doorbell, and I could hear the steps
coming down to the landing, and she opened the window,
(23:14):
opened the glass door, and they said, sister, do I
remind you of anybody? And she just shrugged her shoulders.
I'll be right back. So she walked up the stairs
very slowly, came back down. And now she had a
bag that she was carrying with her and ad didn't
to a purse. And we drove to the restaurant. Was
very quiet in the car and we I asked for
a table in the corner, which was so we would
be out of the way of the traffic and noise.
(23:35):
And we're sitting down there. It's very awkward. Not much
as being said. And she says, the mission state in
my orders to tell the truth, and that's what I'm
gonna do today. So she said, I read about you
in your father's journal, and she was the first one
to use the term your father. She said he was
(23:58):
going through an operation and he thought you might not
get out of it. So he said, here's the keys
to my desk of a journal there and you can
read it, but destroyed after you read it. So she said,
that's right. I learned about you. And she told me
again great things about my father's relationship that they had.
So we we had a very emotional meeting. She kept
looking at my hands. She just was seeing the similarities
(24:20):
between you and your father. So after that, I won't
be able to read this video. Can she usubmit this card?
Jim hands me a card with a big heart and
a smiley face on it that looks like it's just
bursting with joy. On the inside of the card, it says,
you put a smile in my heart. Thanks so much.
(24:42):
Just beautiful handwriting. Can I read it aloud? Okay, Dear Jim,
your letter and the picture came today. I can hardly
find the words to tell you what is in my heart.
Ever since Saturday, all I can see is your beautiful,
(25:05):
smiling face when I opened to the door. You have
no idea how you affected me. You are the very
image of your father. As I told you, I was
in the hospital when he died. I never really grieved
until I saw you. After you and Melody left, and
I didn't want you to leave. I had a good
(25:26):
cry Monday. I cried all the way home from work.
It was so kind of Melody to call me from Connecticut.
Someday I'll explain it all more fully to you. When
you told me your story, you're suffering ached in my heart.
I hope your struggle with the pain of unknowing is
eased a bit after forty years of silence. I felt relieved.
(25:51):
The diaries started with the novitt How do you say
that word? How jewish? Girl? The diaries started with the
novitiate day is poignant and painful, but even more so
after you were born Today. I worked on the history
even before your letter came. I went to the po
to mail a tape Doctor Maureen made for me. The
(26:15):
homily will interest you. I don't want to be a pest,
so if I am, just shut me off. If you can,
love and prayers um and it signed sister sister. Well
this made me cry. What an extraordinary woman still alive today.
(26:42):
We're going to pause for a moment for a word
from our sponsor. Jim's research takes him to the archives
of the Obelite's Order in Washington, d C. Where he
meets a father O'Donnell from Buffalo. O'donnald is the first,
and it should be said, the only priest who shows
(27:05):
Jim kindness and compassion. Father O'Donnell gives Jim access to
the archives and then they go up to the cafeteria
for lunch. He introduced me as father Sullivan's nephew. I
never mentioned I was related to father Sullivan, but I
knew what he was doing because Father Savage said, you
looked just like him, and these older priests were probably
my father's agent, probably knew him. So I think he
(27:27):
just did that to kind of cover himself. Uh. So
we went downstairs later to the archives again, there weren't
he priests around, and I said, Father Donald liked to
tell you something. I'm not a father Sullivan's nephew. I'm
his son. So with that there was no change of expression.
And he reached in his head of Eisenhower jacket on
and he had something um documents and there in a
(27:49):
pouch and he gave them to me and he said,
these are are documents, uh that you may want to have.
And there was somewhere written in the Latin, some written
in English. I'm going to give you these, and there
are others that were purged. The documents that he gave
me talked about Father Selvan having a relationship with a woman.
(28:09):
Didn't mention her name but a woman. So later during
that conversation, we're in his office and uh, I saw
a rack shelf and there are a lot of crucifix
is just kind of on piles, just laying there, and
I said, um, what are those? And he said, well,
some of the families don't come back and get the
personal effects of the priests that passed away, so there's
(28:31):
some crucifixes left over from those that are deceased. But
he said, if you want to go through them and
find one that says a T. S. Slivan on it,
you can have it. That's so I did. I think
(28:53):
about the way it must have been back in the
mid when Tom Sullivan and Jim's mother first met. Jim
described his mom as tall, a redhead, pretty. She was
always beautifully dressed and had a friendly way about her,
smiling all the time. There were more women than men
at home back in Buffalo during World War Two, the
(29:15):
men were away and the women were around building aircrafts.
In Lackawanna, New York, Jim's mom liked parties. She was
famous for throwing Friday night parties once a month, and
so she invited priests and professors from the local seminary
to fill in for the absent husbands. They'd come over
and grill steaks and have cocktails. The parties were wild,
(29:37):
fueled by the pent up tensions of the time. It's
easy enough to imagine the way the young priest and
the young housewife might have fallen for each other and
decided to run off and make a new life. So
at this point, you know, right, you know, um, you
know who your father was. So then what happens? I
(29:59):
wrote home where the Order is headquartered? And I waited
till I could see that the head of the Order,
they called him the General Superior, was from Buffalo. He
was installed, so I figured he speaks English. Formerly there
was I think an Italian Superior General, and I thought
it might be awkward to send him a letter. He
may not, you know, read it the same way I didn't.
(30:21):
And knowing that this man was from Buffalo, he would
know some of the priests that I had dealt with.
So I sent him a letter to say that a
very respectful um that you know I met with these
various priests, and um, I believe in Father Sullivan's son.
They gave me some backgrounds of Father Sullivan. They never
said your father, but I'd like the church that confirmed
that he is my father. So I got a letter
(30:43):
back about two weeks later, just a short one, probably
prepared by a cannon lawyer, basically said, we have no
records of father Sullivan, father and a child. So I
wrote another letter to the same superior general, gave him
more detail about my research. Very respectful again, but I
just said that you know, I know I have filed
from files from father. O'donaldy said of the war a
(31:06):
perch um. But you must have still have those records
to know about those those those records. Because you're from Buffalo,
you know the same people id you and this is
your chance when you you became a preacher, I having
never realized you'd be a leader of the major order,
but this is your chance to do something vadic like
there's that Vatican true, to be transparent, to be truthful
kind of letter back basically the same thing from a
(31:28):
candle lawyer and we have no records. Were you at
that point feeling like now I've got a closed door. Yes,
And if you go to Rome and you get those responses,
you know twice. How did you feel about this superior
general who then who wrote back to you twice with
the boiler plate response. I just I just felt that
it's hard to believe um that they resist, you know
(31:50):
so strongly, you know, when you pour your heart out
in the letter, and he knows all the people that
I met with, it's just hard to believe that there
they're going to stone value that way. It's reality was reality.
So at that point, did you feel like dead end?
I was just thinking, you know, what's my next move?
(32:11):
And I didn't give up. A friend of Jim's tells
him to go see the Academy Award winning movies Spotlight,
in which a team of reporters at the Boston Globe
uncovers a horrifying pattern of sexual abuse in the Archdiocese
of Boston. Jim knows he needs help now. He writes
to the reporter, Mike Rosendez, and hear's back from him
(32:33):
within hours. Rasendez begins working on a story not just
about Jim's case, but about a series of secret children
of Catholic priests, an article that ends up on the
front page of the Boston Globe. There's nothing like a
front page story in a national newspaper to make people
who haven't wanted to pay attention. Suddenly pay attention. Jim
(32:54):
is supposed to meet with Boston Cardinal Shawn O'Malley, but
at the last minute, Jim is invited to the meeting. Still,
the cardinal promises to call the leader of the Obelite's
Order in the United States and let him speak with
Jim and find a resolution. Finally, it seems that there's
light for Jim. At the end of a very long
(33:15):
and dark tunnel. I got a call from a father's studard.
And the first thing he said to me, he said,
you know, cardinal'malley asked me to call you. And when
I was installed last year as the head of the order, here, ah,
I heard about this thing lingering out here, your story,
this thing lingering after that's way phrases, And he said,
(33:37):
you may think your father's sold him's son, but you
can't prove it right away. And he repeated that he
badgered me. There was nothing pastoral about the conversation. So
I told him about you know, some of the interviews
I had with other priests said you looked just like
and so on and so forth. But he then he
followed up, what you can't prove it and so when
(33:59):
you call Father Dan donnal, he gave me my father's crucifix.
I believe he thinks and Father's Sullivan's son. Never said so,
but I believe that you think so. He said, he
can't prove it. I said, just call him. He hung
up at me, and he did call him. He called
me back about an hour later, said, I apologize for
hanging up in you. He said, I spoke to Father o'donald.
He does believe your father Sullivan's son, but you can't
prove it. And he can't prove it. And here's where
(34:24):
Jim's extraordinary tenacity and doggedness, that sense of you don't
know who you're dealing with, comes in. He sends a
letter to Father Studhar and says there is one way
to prove that Father Sullivan is his father, if the
church allows him to exhume the body. And I thought
(34:45):
about doing this before in the past, but I thought
it would be just grandstanding because they're never gonna let
me do that. Two weeks later, I get a letter
from them. They said, you can do that if you
do it at your own expense and no photographs are taken.
There's no press on the property. I just couldn't believe it.
Why do you think that they gave you permission to
(35:06):
do that? I think it was a poker game, and
they're just going to offer Jim Graham something so they
can at least say that, you know, they're they're open
to it. But I never thought I don't think they
ever thought I would do it. It wasn't an easy
thing to do. Did you pretty much know from that
moment that you received the permission to do it, that
you would do it? Or was I said I had
to do it. You know, it's a poker game, so
(35:27):
you have to you have to follow through. But I
wasn't expecting to get that kind of a letter, and I,
you know, it's not a process that that I wanted
to go through because because I already know he's my father,
but at this point I have to prove it to
the church. So were you actually present when he was exhumed?
(35:49):
We were supposed to be present by the terms that
I had asked for. But what happened at the last
second is where at the cemetery that morning and I'm
walking up the hill to where my father's a grave
is at the two Experience Private cemetery and we're walking
with the forensic anthropologist who is going to be doing
the work. There was a big blue tarp covering the
area and there was a back home. We could see
(36:10):
the top of the bacco was sticking up from the
blue tarp. And the administrator for the obelized not a priest,
came down and he said that I know you wanted
to be grave side, but the excavators won't let you
do that. That's in their policy. They don't want family
sitting in grave side when they're digging a grave. Anything
could happen. It could be a wooden casket we didn't know,
and it might collapse, and they didn't want families, you know,
(36:31):
seeing that kind of a situation. So I said, I
have no problem with that. So I just said a
hundred yards away in a park bench with my wife
while the exclamation was going on. He was supposed to
take about an hour and a half, but a lot
of things went wrong. It took over three hours. It
was a hot human day. Um, it was a difficult day.
As the anthropologist came down the hill after she did
(36:52):
her work. Her name is Dr Henry Myers from Massachusetts,
renowned up there for the work that she does. She
had a big smile on her face and she said,
I saw in the photographs of your father that you
gave me. That's your father, because he's pretty well reserved
after twenty five years. So we sent the d n
A specimens off to a high profile lab that does
(37:14):
f b I work in the Washington, d C. Area.
Took over over two months aget the results. But the
results were ninety nine point nine and I'm his son.
How did that feel getting that tangible result? Actually we
did it up in Massachusetts, and uh, I was with
(37:34):
the anthropologists. I didn't want her to tell me on
the phone, so I drove up there and I wanted
to tell me a person. And it was emotional. I
didn't think it would be because I knew it was
going to be, but it was still emotional. I find
a pretty extraordinary to that. You know that as a
forensic anthropologist, her job is to look at the d NA,
right and that when she came from the grave site
(37:55):
and then she had that smile on her face. She
was saying to you, that's your father, which is so unscientific.
She wasn't going to look at DNA to be the
only thing speaking. So what was the response of the
Catholic Church once faced with the absolute evidence proof that
(38:15):
you were indeed Father Sullivan's son. Silence? I never heard
of them because they knew. What can they say? I
asked Jim about peace, about closure? What does it feel
like to have been able to put all the pieces
(38:37):
of his childhood together until they make sense, even if
it's a kind of painful sense. And what of Father Sullivan,
Jim's father? What must it have been like to have
given up a child? I think the piece I have
is that I followed through. I didn't give up. I
still liked him to say, to confess to what they
(38:57):
did to us in the four niece. When they separated us,
they took my father back into the to the order,
and he was spent sixteen years in Essex, New York,
in a camp, rehabilitation camp that the Outlites had for
wayward priests. Sixteen years in a camp, a rehabilitation camp
(39:20):
for wayward priests. What was the church trying to rehabilitate
in Tom Sullivan? What exactly was so wrong with falling
in love with a woman having a child with her?
I know, I know divorce was rare in those days,
but it wasn't impossible. Why was it so essential to
the church to break this man's spirit and to separate
(39:43):
him from his son. They took me from my mother's
custody and put me in John Graham's family to look
like John Graham's son. John Graham lied in a a
deposition in an action for divorce between my mother and him.
When the judge said, is at your son? He said, yes,
(40:04):
so it is very well organized the scheme, the conspiracy
back in ninety seven to ensure that I would never
know my father as a priest. When you think of
the idea that you would never have known, are you
glad you know? Oh, definitely, because it sells all those mysteries.
(40:31):
Earlier in our conversation, when Jim and I were sitting
across from each other in the small sound proof recording
studio in Atlanta, he reached into his briefcase and pulled
out a crucifix, inching it across the table. It was
bronze and black, heavy in the hand, with the lettering T. S.
Sullivan there. It was an heirloom, a birthright, a piece
(40:56):
of evidence. That's extraordinary. What did that feel like finding
that it's like, it's like a part of it. I'd
(41:17):
like to thank my guest Jim Graham for sharing his
family secret and recounting his twenty five year journey to
revealing the truth. You can find out more about his
story on his Twitter account at Jim Graham, That's Jim
Graham and then the numbers four or five. Family Secrets
is an iHeart Media production. Dylan Fagan is a supervising producer,
(41:39):
Andrew Howard and Tristan McNeil are the audio engineers, and
Julie Douglas is the executive producer. If you have a
family secret you'd like to share, you can get in
touch with us at listener mail at Family Secrets Podcast
dot com, and you can also find us on Instagram
at Danny Writer, and Facebook at Family Secrets Pod, and
(42:00):
Twitter at fam Secrets Pot ats fam Secrets Pot. For
more about my book Inheritance, visit Danny Shapiro dot com
Family Secrets is a production of I Heart Radio. I've
talked to people that were there at those parties and
they said, the priest would Greek stakes are on a
Friday night and grill him. I mean, you're Catholic, at
can't he can't he steak kind of Friday night. But
(00:21):
they're pretty wild parties and these are These might have
been people that joined the priesthood so they wouldn't have
to go to war World or two. Who knows, but
I think they probably met. Then. This is Jim Graham.
Jim is now seventy three years old. He's retired from
a long career as an airline executive, and he lives
with his wife in South Carolina. If you were to
(00:43):
pass by Jim on the street, you might peg him
for an older gentleman living a quiet, simple life. He
has a sweet face, a bit on the reddish side,
and kind eyes that seem ready at any given moment
to laugh or to cry. This is a story of
a secret so immense, so tightly held not only by
(01:06):
a family, but by one of the most powerful institutions
in the world, the Catholic Church. I'm Danny Shapiro, and
this is Family secrets, the secrets that are kept from us,
(01:27):
the secrets we keep from others, and the secrets we
keep from ourselves. I grew up in the suburbs of
Buffalo Williamsville, New York. We lived in a quiet street
about two miles from the downtown center, and I was
raised with my two older sisters, one two years older,
one eight years older. John Graham, my father, lived with
(01:50):
us and his parents who really raised me. My mother
was divorced from John Graham. She lived in New York City,
and she would see us out twice a year at
four consecutive days, and these appointments or visitations were arranged
by attorneys, and the hours of seeing us would be
from ten o'clock morning to seven o'clock at night. And
(02:11):
in the house we lived and I could never talk
about my mother. There are no photographs of my mother.
It was just understood that there would be in all
contact with my mother. The only thing we got from
my mother was a birthday cards and Christmas package. And
how did that feel to you as a as a kid?
I mean, was there an absence in terms of your
mom not being around? Yes, I mean they're my friends.
(02:35):
All had head mothers, and my friends would ask, you, know,
where is your mother? And I think that on the
street when my mother would come by and pick us
up at ten o'clock in the morning, everybody be looking
out the window because they're all kind of anxious to
know who my mother is. She never got out of
the car, so it was always kind of a secret,
not just at school, but on on our street. Um,
(02:56):
and how was your mother during those visits? They were
joyful those visits. You know, the first time get hugged,
I get guessed. This is the nineteen fifties. A father
getting custody of three children unheard of. So what had
his mother done that was so horrible? When Jim asked
his mother why he almost never saw her, she told
(03:17):
him that a powerful divorce attorney had handled the divorce.
But the Grahams weren't a wealthy family, so if you
really thought about it, it didn't make sense. There had
to be another reason why Jim's father was granted custody.
After all, he wasn't exactly the fatherly type. So talk
to me a little bit about drawn Graham, the figure
(03:39):
that he was for you as a boy as you
were growing up. He was didn't spend much most time
with me at all. He left early in the morning,
came home late at night. He ran a gas station.
UM six five days out of the year he would
meet with us at regular dinner time. He came well
later and his mother would serve him, you know, a
steak almost every night. Later ever threw a ball with me.
(04:01):
Um never said a nice thing to me, never never
motivated me, never asked anything about my games that I
played baseball or basketball, Who want or you know how
I did. It was kind of like a no contact
sport unless something serious came up and I had to
ask permission for something. And then when I wanted to
go to college, go to Prade Institute Commercial Artist, and
(04:22):
I had good grades. My very good grades are about
B B plus plus. They had all a's and art.
He said, I'm not going to co sign alone. If
you flunk out, I'm stuck with the bill. So it was.
It was just a very strange upbringing. So Jim goes
to college in Buffalo and one day he comes home
to find that his grandmother and his aunt have opened
his private mail a letter from his girlfriend. This invasion
(04:46):
of his privacy is the last straw in a miserable childhood.
He throws his books and belongings into the back of
his car and drives to New York City. I knew
that my mother had She mentioned she lived near Iraq
idle Held Airport. That's what it was called, nose Day.
So I filed the science addle where airport was just
how Kennedy Airport. And I couldn't believe how big that
the airport was. It was bigger than Buffalo, New York
(05:07):
could seemed. So I pulled over and found her a number,
and information called her and she said, where are you
calling from. I said, I'm here at old Airport. I
thought you lived near the airport, so she said just
stay there, we'll come find you. Well, I mean, she
was just well, she was shocked that I was there
in the first place, and asked if I had told
the Grahams that I was down here, and I said
I hadn't. She said, well, you know, when we get home,
(05:29):
you better give them a call that comes. I'm sure
they're concerned about where you are. And then she was just,
you know, very joyous to have me, and she was
showing me off to the neighbors right away. The next morning,
and it was she was just was in her element
that she had a child to describe to people. So
Jim is eighteen years old and living with his mother
(05:51):
for the very first time. His mom is now remarried
to a New York City cop. Jim gets a job
working as a mail boy at LaGuardia Airport. It and
he stays with his mom and stepped dad for a
while until he gets on his feet, and then a
lot happens. Jim works his way up through American Airlines
and is promoted each year. He's drafted into the army
(06:12):
and as a two year stint, when he returns home,
he meets his future wife. Then I met my wife,
who was a stewardess with American Alliance Better at Gate eight.
We got buried, and it was interesting. When my sisters
get married, they invited one parent to the wedding night
the other because John Graham and my mother hadn't seen
each other in twenty some years. But I didn't feel
(06:32):
it was right to bring my wife into a dysfunctional family.
I went to my mother and said, will you come
to our wedding? And she said did your father come?
And I said no, So I went to my father,
I said, you will come to my wedding and she's
He said, as your mother coming and I said no.
So they both ended up at the wedding um and
we're surprised you see each other after twenty some years.
(06:52):
The reception was at my Melody's parents house, and we
had the receiving line in the living room, and then
the reception was outside under tents in the backyard, and
I put my father in the receiving line and my
mother went through it and shook his hand, and she
didn't realize it was him until like two people later.
And both entourises lent to different parts of the backyard
(07:13):
under the tent, and they had never had a conversation,
but I could see them peeking at each other, peering
over the other guests. I've noticed that when it comes
to family secrets, often without even knowing there is a secret,
people become hell bent on not repeating history. I know
that was true for me, especially when I was starting
(07:34):
a family of my own. I didn't know that there
was a massive secret hanging in the air, or I
should say I didn't consciously know it. But I was
clear on one thing in my family, the one I
was making everything was going to be out in the open.
That's what strikes me most about what Jim does here.
He wants his new wife to meet both his parents
(07:57):
at his wedding like a normal family. And another thing
I've noticed, when there are secrets, cracks begin to appear.
No matter how seamless the facade may seem to be,
at some point or another, there are hints, clues, a word,
a phrase, a gesture that allows us to see that
(08:18):
there's something lurking beneath the surface. John Graham was on
an airplane with me several years before he died. It
was a pass that I gave him because when you
were with the airlines and can give your parents passes,
and I said, when you go out to Hawaii to
visit my sisters and they're grand one had a grandchild.
So I put him on that airplane. And I was
(08:39):
working that airplane. I was a representative for Americans selling
the return flight. I was a salesman at board basically,
and I'm in a suit and talking to the passengers.
And I put him up for his class, and I
told us Stewarts just to take care of me. He's
my father, and he'd never been on an aeroplane before,
I don't believe. And so after the second meal that
he had, he called me up there when I was
kind of finished talking to the passengers. He said, we'd
(09:00):
just sit down with with me for a minute. He
was in the lounge opposite the galley at that point.
And again, you know, I always thought of him as
the the j Clebato type guy, but here he's older,
weakened a little bit by diabetes, maybe hard condition, and
he said, I just want to apologize for the way
I treated you, and he cried profusely. We're going to
(09:28):
pause for a moment. John Graham dies when Jim is
in his mid thirties, and one night, many years after
John Graham's death, Jim, who is by now, is up
late drinking scotch with a cousin and he talks about
the difference in the ways the two of them were raised.
(09:50):
Jim speaks openly about his father, his temper, his neglect,
and his cousin goes back and tells his father, Jim's uncle,
and Jim's uncle gets very angry that Jim has been
speaking ill of his dear departed brother, and so Jim's
uncle otto let's lose with a piece of huge information.
(10:11):
He tells his son that Jim is not a Graham,
that John Graham is not Jim's father at all. This
would be enough of a bombshell, but the real bombshell
is Jim's father. His biological father is a Catholic priest.
Jim's mother had an affair with a Catholic priest. Well,
(10:35):
he he leaks the fact that I'm not a Graham,
that my father was a priest to his son. His
son leaks the information to my wife, and my wife
for a few weeks didn't tell me because you didn't
know if his truly so she kind of went through
the Graham family to get some validation. And the aunt
that lived with us said, don't tell him. And what
(10:59):
did she? She told me. It was over dinner in
San Francisco to a nice restaurant. I was out there
on business. I ordered about it on the rocks for
my drink, and normy Melody would drink glass wine, but
she ordered the same thing, so I knew something was up.
So during that dinner conversation, she said, they're going to
tell you something new you've never heard before. And she
(11:22):
said that they told me that your father was not
John Graham, your father was Father Sullivan, Thomas Sullivan, a
Catholic priest. Did you believe her? Did you believe it? Oh? Yes,
you did instantly. I mean because because then I looked
at my history, my childhood and all those issues that
works very strange, just made sense. I could just see,
I see everything fallen into place. It was I was
(11:44):
shocked because you normally think these things happened to other people.
You read about it in a book, you're seeing a movie,
doesn't happen to ordinary people. So for a moment I
was shocked, but then I could see it did happen
because the strange background I had it all added up. Yeah.
It's another thing that I feel like I hear a
lot and I understand pretty well. Is that that feeling
(12:06):
of like suddenly it's it's such an unlikely, impossible thing,
and yet it's like the lights blink on a's like, oh,
that's that makes sense. Sure, Even though it's so shocking,
it's both shocking and makes sense at the same time.
So that conversation I had with John Graham in the airplane,
that was one of the first things I thought of.
Jim calls his aunt Katherine and uncle Otto and asks
(12:27):
for a meeting. He wants to talk with them about
his real history. They're not too pleased about this. After all,
Uncle Otto is still mad at Jim from aligning his brother,
plus they really just don't want to talk about Jim's
real history. It was there was no warm greeting. We've
walked and I walked into the kitchen. We're sitting around
(12:48):
oak table, and it was now in his eighties and
Katherine's and her eighties, and it was very awkward. I
wasn't offered a cup of coffee, a coke or anything,
so I just asked where the glasses were and I
put myself us water out of the faucet, sat down,
and it was just very very quiet. And then finally
Catherine said I have something here for and she pulled
a m obituary on a newsletter on the table and
(13:11):
she said, this man maybe your father. We don't know
only the principles now and they're all dead. So I'm looking.
I'm looking at a photograph of of a priest with
you know, the obituary written with all his background and
he had receding hair. It was an older picture of
a priest, but it might looked at his eyes. It
(13:32):
looked at his nose, he looked at his mouth. I
looked at his chin. Looked just like me. The newsletter
the obituary came from is called the Opline World. The
Ablins are a Catholic order founded in France in eighteen
forty three. Primarily missionaries, they came to North America through
(13:52):
Canada and eventually found their way down to Buffalo. There's
the name of an editor on the newsletter as well.
Jim looks up that editor and finds an address and
phone number in Tewksbury, Massachusetts. I think the fact that
they said, you know, these are the principles, only they
know when they're dead, I think that was a talking point,
probably given to them at the church. That's how they
(14:13):
should handle it, as if that would then be a
completely closed door exactly. This reminds me of a moment
in my own story where I went to see this
eighty something you're old rabbi who knew my family knew
my dad told him the whole story of what I
knew at that point, and he just turned to me
and he said, what story would ease your heart? And
(14:34):
I said, the true one, and he just looked at
me and he said, you'll never know. And I remember thinking,
you don't know who you're dealing with. And I don't
think they knew who they're dealing with here. So the
Graham's shut you down, and you have the editor or
you know, some some kind of lead, right and interesting case.
(14:56):
You're not a journalist, but you you sounds like you've
become one. I have. So, so I called the number
and I asked an appointment to see the editor. And
I just mentioned that my family was friendly with the
father Sullivan and Buffalo years ago, and I just you know,
they're always talked about him. I just want to come
up and just see what he knew about him. So
UM made the appointment and he when it made the appoinment,
(15:17):
he said, we'll call us a couple of days before,
just to reconfirm. So when I reconfirmed, he was had
a different attitude. He was kind of saying, well, we're
not gonna be able to go to lunch and I
can only meet you at ten o'clock. And he knows
I live in oys debate and before and a half
hour drive to Tewkesbury, so to be a very short mean,
he was trying to discourage me. I said, well, I'll
be there. Father. When it comes to secrets, timing is everything.
(15:42):
What if Jim's uncle Otto had let slip his long
held knowledge that Jim was the secret child of Father
Tom Sullivan while Father Sullivan was still living. What do
you suppose would have happened then? Or did that slip
happen only because Uncle Otto and Aunt Catherine knew that
the priest was dead. There's no way of knowing, But
(16:04):
I do find the timing interesting, especially since Father Tom
Sullivan had only died a few months earlier. We stayed
with friends in Branford, Connecticut, the night before, and then
we drove up the next morning and my wife was
with me, and we met Father ready, and uh, he
was very businesslike, and I just kind of felt uncomfortable
(16:24):
that I'm not going to get much out of this
this meeting. But he asked him about a father Selvan,
and he said he was a great orator, he was
a great reader. He's a writer, he was an academic.
Or the other priests up here they might be watching
the Boston Red Sox. You know, he was always walking
the halls and reading a time magazine or something for
the Jesuits. So he said nice things about him, and
(16:45):
then I said, are there any personal effects that he
might have that are still here? And he said, we're
all old, we don't we don't keep things, so there's
there's nothing here to show you. And he said that
there wouldn't be any reason for you to talk to
any other priests about him either, So he was just,
you know, trying to move the meeting along. And um
I asked if he had any relatives that might be alive,
(17:06):
and he said, he's from Lowell, but I don't I
don't think there's anybody alive. I don't recall anybody coming
to see him when he was in the infirmary, and
so I knew I wasn't getting any farther with him,
so I gave my business card and I looked at
him closely in the eyes, with a little bit of
a smile, and I said, you know, Father Ready, if
there's something you didn't tell me here today, and you
think you should, please give me a call. Once they're
(17:27):
back in the car driving away from the church, Jim's wife,
Melody asks him why he didn't tell Father Ready that
he's Tom Sullivan's son, but Jim just didn't feel comfortable.
He wasn't the right one. He says, there'll be another one.
They start heading home. On the next exit after Tewkesbury
(17:48):
is Lowell, which is where Jim has just learned his
father is from. So they pull off the exit. I
told you Jim as a born journalist, either that or
private eye. They go to the first church and ask
if anyone knew of a father Sullivan in town and
his fate would have it. The first person he asks
does know of father Sullivan, And so Jim and Melody
(18:09):
are directed to the Immaculate Conception Church. It was March
and there was snow in the ground, about a foot
of snow on the ground, but the sun was out
brilliant to its beautiful, beautiful day. So we drove to
the rectory and walked in and there was a secretary there,
and he asked if Father's savage his name was mentioned,
if he was available, and she said he's around here
(18:31):
in someplace. So she called a couple of numbers, and
while she was doing that, at the door behind us
and I could just see a silhouette because there was
a son and the snow in the background, it could
just see a silver an older priest with a hat
and a cape. And as he came close to me
then I could see his face, but very irish looking.
And the secretary said, this family is just looking to
hear know a little bit more about a father Sullivan.
(18:52):
And so he took us into a little anti room
right off the dusk from the secretary, and he said
basically the same thing as father. Ready. You know fatherrself
was great order, he's a writer's readers want and so forth.
He could you give a powerful sermon? And then I said,
out there any relatives left? And he said, let's go
out and ask the secretary. So we went out there
and she said, no, I think they're all dead. Y
(19:12):
all came here, was saying the choir. He had his mother,
three ants, and his uncle. They would come here with
his Sunday in a big black put But I think
they're all dead. And then he said to my wife,
he said there was a buffalo connection though, and you
might be interested in would you like to hear about that?
We said sure, so we walked on a longer hall.
He sat down behind a large desk like a bishop's desk.
(19:34):
We said on the other side, and he pointed up
my wife for you an attorney, and she said no.
He pointed at me, our u an attorney. I said no.
So I said to him, then you know, Father, He said, yeah,
I know. I said, how do you know? He said,
you looked just like At the end of their conversation,
(19:55):
Father Savage suggests to Jim that he'd just got on
with the rest of his life. He's still relatively young,
he has good genes. Father Savage actually tells him this,
and then he says, forget the injustices of the past.
Forgetting the injustices of the past, especially when those injustices
have shaped your entire life, well that's just not going
(20:19):
to happen. Jim comes back to visit Father Savage about
a month and a half later. This time he comes
alone and unannounced. Jim and Father Savage sit around a
small round table, and Jim asks for details. He had
heard that money had been put aside for his education.
He wondered where that money went, since certainly it had
(20:41):
never been used for that purpose, and Father Savage he
denies ever having told Jim anything about his father flat
out lies about it, even though I'm not really up
on my Catholic doctrine, I've got to assume that lying
is considered a sin. And Jim is pretty sure that
whoever a Father's savages bosses told him to shut it down,
(21:03):
that if Jim came back, they should deny everything. It's
kind of natural that they're gonna not tell me what
really would happen, just like a caught him off guard
that day. So Jim begins to knock on doors, lots
of doors. He does research on the opelite world and
finds classmates of his father's. They all referred to him
(21:25):
as father Tom Sullivan, not your father. They're well trained, careful.
Jim also follows the money trail. He's able to read
the wills of father Sullivan's immediate family. They were an
affluent family who owned real estate and lowell, but since
father Sullivan had taken a vow of poverty, he couldn't
(21:46):
receive the assets. And just to be clear, it isn't money.
Jim is after. It's information, it's history, it's justice. But
like a good detective, he's following the money because the
money might just get him there. Jim eventually discovers the
woman who ended up air to the Sullivan assets. She
(22:08):
was a nurse who had taken care of Thomas Sullivan's
mother and aunts when they fell ill, and in the
absence of any other heirs, they left the money to her.
He drives to her house and knocks on the front door.
She lets him in, almost as if she had been
waiting for him. So um again, I set him out
here for the assets. I'm here for the information. And
(22:30):
there must have been somebody that knew my father's story,
knew about me. There had to be somebody, and she
said him, it's funny you should ask. There was a
nun that would come here with him every now and then,
and they were very close, and she gave me the
name sister Mary. Uh So, when I got back to
New York the next day, I got on the phone
(22:51):
and I called up the order that she was with.
Jim is able to track down sister Mary, and he
and Melody make yet another drive to New England, this
time to Boston to take her out to dinner. My
wife said, what are you going to ask her first?
When you see her at the door, and they s
I'm gonna ask her if I remind her of anybody.
I rang the doorbell, and I could hear the steps
coming down to the landing, and she opened the window,
(23:14):
opened the glass door, and they said, sister, do I
remind you of anybody? And she just shrugged her shoulders.
I'll be right back. So she walked up the stairs
very slowly, came back down. And now she had a
bag that she was carrying with her and ad didn't
to a purse. And we drove to the restaurant. Was
very quiet in the car and we I asked for
a table in the corner, which was so we would
be out of the way of the traffic and noise.
(23:35):
And we're sitting down there. It's very awkward. Not much
as being said. And she says, the mission state in
my orders to tell the truth, and that's what I'm
gonna do today. So she said, I read about you
in your father's journal, and she was the first one
to use the term your father. She said he was
(23:58):
going through an operation and he thought you might not
get out of it. So he said, here's the keys
to my desk of a journal there and you can
read it, but destroyed after you read it. So she said,
that's right. I learned about you. And she told me
again great things about my father's relationship that they had.
So we we had a very emotional meeting. She kept
looking at my hands. She just was seeing the similarities
(24:20):
between you and your father. So after that, I won't
be able to read this video. Can she usubmit this card?
Jim hands me a card with a big heart and
a smiley face on it that looks like it's just
bursting with joy. On the inside of the card, it says,
you put a smile in my heart. Thanks so much.
(24:42):
Just beautiful handwriting. Can I read it aloud? Okay, Dear Jim,
your letter and the picture came today. I can hardly
find the words to tell you what is in my heart.
Ever since Saturday, all I can see is your beautiful,
(25:05):
smiling face when I opened to the door. You have
no idea how you affected me. You are the very
image of your father. As I told you, I was
in the hospital when he died. I never really grieved
until I saw you. After you and Melody left, and
I didn't want you to leave. I had a good
(25:26):
cry Monday. I cried all the way home from work.
It was so kind of Melody to call me from Connecticut.
Someday I'll explain it all more fully to you. When
you told me your story, you're suffering ached in my heart.
I hope your struggle with the pain of unknowing is
eased a bit after forty years of silence. I felt relieved.
(25:51):
The diaries started with the novitt How do you say
that word? How jewish? Girl? The diaries started with the
novitiate day is poignant and painful, but even more so
after you were born Today. I worked on the history
even before your letter came. I went to the po
to mail a tape Doctor Maureen made for me. The
(26:15):
homily will interest you. I don't want to be a pest,
so if I am, just shut me off. If you can,
love and prayers um and it signed sister sister. Well
this made me cry. What an extraordinary woman still alive today.
(26:42):
We're going to pause for a moment for a word
from our sponsor. Jim's research takes him to the archives
of the Obelite's Order in Washington, d C. Where he
meets a father O'Donnell from Buffalo. O'donnald is the first,
and it should be said, the only priest who shows
(27:05):
Jim kindness and compassion. Father O'Donnell gives Jim access to
the archives and then they go up to the cafeteria
for lunch. He introduced me as father Sullivan's nephew. I
never mentioned I was related to father Sullivan, but I
knew what he was doing because Father Savage said, you
looked just like him, and these older priests were probably
my father's agent, probably knew him. So I think he
(27:27):
just did that to kind of cover himself. Uh. So
we went downstairs later to the archives again, there weren't
he priests around, and I said, Father Donald liked to
tell you something. I'm not a father Sullivan's nephew. I'm
his son. So with that there was no change of expression.
And he reached in his head of Eisenhower jacket on
and he had something um documents and there in a
(27:49):
pouch and he gave them to me and he said,
these are are documents, uh that you may want to have.
And there was somewhere written in the Latin, some written
in English. I'm going to give you these, and there
are others that were purged. The documents that he gave
me talked about Father Selvan having a relationship with a woman.
(28:09):
Didn't mention her name but a woman. So later during
that conversation, we're in his office and uh, I saw
a rack shelf and there are a lot of crucifix
is just kind of on piles, just laying there, and
I said, um, what are those? And he said, well,
some of the families don't come back and get the
personal effects of the priests that passed away, so there's
(28:31):
some crucifixes left over from those that are deceased. But
he said, if you want to go through them and
find one that says a T. S. Slivan on it,
you can have it. That's so I did. I think
(28:53):
about the way it must have been back in the
mid when Tom Sullivan and Jim's mother first met. Jim
described his mom as tall, a redhead, pretty. She was
always beautifully dressed and had a friendly way about her,
smiling all the time. There were more women than men
at home back in Buffalo during World War Two, the
(29:15):
men were away and the women were around building aircrafts.
In Lackawanna, New York, Jim's mom liked parties. She was
famous for throwing Friday night parties once a month, and
so she invited priests and professors from the local seminary
to fill in for the absent husbands. They'd come over
and grill steaks and have cocktails. The parties were wild,
(29:37):
fueled by the pent up tensions of the time. It's
easy enough to imagine the way the young priest and
the young housewife might have fallen for each other and
decided to run off and make a new life. So
at this point, you know, right, you know, um, you
know who your father was. So then what happens? I
(29:59):
wrote home where the Order is headquartered? And I waited
till I could see that the head of the Order,
they called him the General Superior, was from Buffalo. He
was installed, so I figured he speaks English. Formerly there
was I think an Italian Superior General, and I thought
it might be awkward to send him a letter. He
may not, you know, read it the same way I didn't.
(30:21):
And knowing that this man was from Buffalo, he would
know some of the priests that I had dealt with.
So I sent him a letter to say that a
very respectful um that you know I met with these
various priests, and um, I believe in Father Sullivan's son.
They gave me some backgrounds of Father Sullivan. They never
said your father, but I'd like the church that confirmed
that he is my father. So I got a letter
(30:43):
back about two weeks later, just a short one, probably
prepared by a cannon lawyer, basically said, we have no
records of father Sullivan, father and a child. So I
wrote another letter to the same superior general, gave him
more detail about my research. Very respectful again, but I
just said that you know, I know I have filed
from files from father. O'donaldy said of the war a
(31:06):
perch um. But you must have still have those records
to know about those those those records. Because you're from Buffalo,
you know the same people id you and this is
your chance when you you became a preacher, I having
never realized you'd be a leader of the major order,
but this is your chance to do something vadic like
there's that Vatican true, to be transparent, to be truthful
kind of letter back basically the same thing from a
(31:28):
candle lawyer and we have no records. Were you at
that point feeling like now I've got a closed door. Yes,
And if you go to Rome and you get those responses,
you know twice. How did you feel about this superior
general who then who wrote back to you twice with
the boiler plate response. I just I just felt that
it's hard to believe um that they resist, you know
(31:50):
so strongly, you know, when you pour your heart out
in the letter, and he knows all the people that
I met with, it's just hard to believe that there
they're going to stone value that way. It's reality was reality.
So at that point, did you feel like dead end?
I was just thinking, you know, what's my next move?
(32:11):
And I didn't give up. A friend of Jim's tells
him to go see the Academy Award winning movies Spotlight,
in which a team of reporters at the Boston Globe
uncovers a horrifying pattern of sexual abuse in the Archdiocese
of Boston. Jim knows he needs help now. He writes
to the reporter, Mike Rosendez, and hear's back from him
(32:33):
within hours. Rasendez begins working on a story not just
about Jim's case, but about a series of secret children
of Catholic priests, an article that ends up on the
front page of the Boston Globe. There's nothing like a
front page story in a national newspaper to make people
who haven't wanted to pay attention. Suddenly pay attention. Jim
(32:54):
is supposed to meet with Boston Cardinal Shawn O'Malley, but
at the last minute, Jim is invited to the meeting. Still,
the cardinal promises to call the leader of the Obelite's
Order in the United States and let him speak with
Jim and find a resolution. Finally, it seems that there's
light for Jim. At the end of a very long
(33:15):
and dark tunnel. I got a call from a father's studard.
And the first thing he said to me, he said,
you know, cardinal'malley asked me to call you. And when
I was installed last year as the head of the order, here, ah,
I heard about this thing lingering out here, your story,
this thing lingering after that's way phrases, And he said,
(33:37):
you may think your father's sold him's son, but you
can't prove it right away. And he repeated that he
badgered me. There was nothing pastoral about the conversation. So
I told him about you know, some of the interviews
I had with other priests said you looked just like
and so on and so forth. But he then he
followed up, what you can't prove it and so when
(33:59):
you call Father Dan donnal, he gave me my father's crucifix.
I believe he thinks and Father's Sullivan's son. Never said so,
but I believe that you think so. He said, he
can't prove it. I said, just call him. He hung
up at me, and he did call him. He called
me back about an hour later, said, I apologize for
hanging up in you. He said, I spoke to Father o'donald.
He does believe your father Sullivan's son, but you can't
prove it. And he can't prove it. And here's where
(34:24):
Jim's extraordinary tenacity and doggedness, that sense of you don't
know who you're dealing with, comes in. He sends a
letter to Father Studhar and says there is one way
to prove that Father Sullivan is his father, if the
church allows him to exhume the body. And I thought
(34:45):
about doing this before in the past, but I thought
it would be just grandstanding because they're never gonna let
me do that. Two weeks later, I get a letter
from them. They said, you can do that if you
do it at your own expense and no photographs are taken.
There's no press on the property. I just couldn't believe it.
Why do you think that they gave you permission to
(35:06):
do that? I think it was a poker game, and
they're just going to offer Jim Graham something so they
can at least say that, you know, they're they're open
to it. But I never thought I don't think they
ever thought I would do it. It wasn't an easy
thing to do. Did you pretty much know from that
moment that you received the permission to do it, that
you would do it? Or was I said I had
to do it. You know, it's a poker game, so
(35:27):
you have to you have to follow through. But I
wasn't expecting to get that kind of a letter, and I,
you know, it's not a process that that I wanted
to go through because because I already know he's my father,
but at this point I have to prove it to
the church. So were you actually present when he was exhumed?
(35:49):
We were supposed to be present by the terms that
I had asked for. But what happened at the last
second is where at the cemetery that morning and I'm
walking up the hill to where my father's a grave
is at the two Experience Private cemetery and we're walking
with the forensic anthropologist who is going to be doing
the work. There was a big blue tarp covering the
area and there was a back home. We could see
(36:10):
the top of the bacco was sticking up from the
blue tarp. And the administrator for the obelized not a priest,
came down and he said that I know you wanted
to be grave side, but the excavators won't let you
do that. That's in their policy. They don't want family
sitting in grave side when they're digging a grave. Anything
could happen. It could be a wooden casket we didn't know,
and it might collapse, and they didn't want families, you know,
(36:31):
seeing that kind of a situation. So I said, I
have no problem with that. So I just said a
hundred yards away in a park bench with my wife
while the exclamation was going on. He was supposed to
take about an hour and a half, but a lot
of things went wrong. It took over three hours. It
was a hot human day. Um, it was a difficult day.
As the anthropologist came down the hill after she did
(36:52):
her work. Her name is Dr Henry Myers from Massachusetts,
renowned up there for the work that she does. She
had a big smile on her face and she said,
I saw in the photographs of your father that you
gave me. That's your father, because he's pretty well reserved
after twenty five years. So we sent the d n
A specimens off to a high profile lab that does
(37:14):
f b I work in the Washington, d C. Area.
Took over over two months aget the results. But the
results were ninety nine point nine and I'm his son.
How did that feel getting that tangible result? Actually we
did it up in Massachusetts, and uh, I was with
(37:34):
the anthropologists. I didn't want her to tell me on
the phone, so I drove up there and I wanted
to tell me a person. And it was emotional. I
didn't think it would be because I knew it was
going to be, but it was still emotional. I find
a pretty extraordinary to that. You know that as a
forensic anthropologist, her job is to look at the d NA,
right and that when she came from the grave site
(37:55):
and then she had that smile on her face. She
was saying to you, that's your father, which is so unscientific.
She wasn't going to look at DNA to be the
only thing speaking. So what was the response of the
Catholic Church once faced with the absolute evidence proof that
(38:15):
you were indeed Father Sullivan's son. Silence? I never heard
of them because they knew. What can they say? I
asked Jim about peace, about closure? What does it feel
like to have been able to put all the pieces
(38:37):
of his childhood together until they make sense, even if
it's a kind of painful sense. And what of Father Sullivan,
Jim's father? What must it have been like to have
given up a child? I think the piece I have
is that I followed through. I didn't give up. I
still liked him to say, to confess to what they
(38:57):
did to us in the four niece. When they separated us,
they took my father back into the to the order,
and he was spent sixteen years in Essex, New York,
in a camp, rehabilitation camp that the Outlites had for
wayward priests. Sixteen years in a camp, a rehabilitation camp
(39:20):
for wayward priests. What was the church trying to rehabilitate
in Tom Sullivan? What exactly was so wrong with falling
in love with a woman having a child with her?
I know, I know divorce was rare in those days,
but it wasn't impossible. Why was it so essential to
the church to break this man's spirit and to separate
(39:43):
him from his son. They took me from my mother's
custody and put me in John Graham's family to look
like John Graham's son. John Graham lied in a a
deposition in an action for divorce between my mother and him.
When the judge said, is at your son? He said, yes,
(40:04):
so it is very well organized the scheme, the conspiracy
back in ninety seven to ensure that I would never
know my father as a priest. When you think of
the idea that you would never have known, are you
glad you know? Oh, definitely, because it sells all those mysteries.
(40:31):
Earlier in our conversation, when Jim and I were sitting
across from each other in the small sound proof recording
studio in Atlanta, he reached into his briefcase and pulled
out a crucifix, inching it across the table. It was
bronze and black, heavy in the hand, with the lettering T. S.
Sullivan there. It was an heirloom, a birthright, a piece
(40:56):
of evidence. That's extraordinary. What did that feel like finding
that it's like, it's like a part of it. I'd
(41:17):
like to thank my guest Jim Graham for sharing his
family secret and recounting his twenty five year journey to
revealing the truth. You can find out more about his
story on his Twitter account at Jim Graham, That's Jim
Graham and then the numbers four or five. Family Secrets
is an iHeart Media production. Dylan Fagan is a supervising producer,
(41:39):
Andrew Howard and Tristan McNeil are the audio engineers, and
Julie Douglas is the executive producer. If you have a
family secret you'd like to share, you can get in
touch with us at listener mail at Family Secrets Podcast
dot com, and you can also find us on Instagram
at Danny Writer, and Facebook at Family Secrets Pod, and
(42:00):
Twitter at fam Secrets Pot ats fam Secrets Pot. For
more about my book Inheritance, visit Danny Shapiro dot com
Family Secrets News
Host
Dani Shapiro
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