CZM Rewind: The Cum Conspiracy Episode

From milking machines to testicle tanning, the gang tells four stories of semen based conspiracy theories and quack science spreading across the online conservative right.

Original Air Date: 3.15.23

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Al Zone Media. Ho Ho Ho, Mary Christmas. Robert Evans here,
and we had been planning to make a new Come
episode to give you all a white Christmas this year.
But you know what I didn't wind up wanting to
do right during the holidays when we didn't have to work,
is spend hours researching some other weird Come conspiracies on

(00:24):
the internet. So we're just going to play the old
Come episode for you as a rerun. I know that's
not the most effortful version of our job that I
could have done this year, but also it's been a
real shitty year for everybody. So let's just listen to
an old Come episode and pretend we gave you a
Newcome episode. Merry Christmas, everybody.

Speaker 2 (00:47):
Dearly beloved, Welcome to it could happen here. We are
gathered here today to get through this thing called life.
Electric word life. It's a thing that only happens with
the addition of a couple of ingredients, and one of
those ingredients is the subject of our episode today. Oh yeah,
you guys like that? Everybody really happy with that?

Speaker 3 (01:09):
I love that. Yeah, I'm feeling not at all like
I want to kind of shower. Okay, can you can.

Speaker 4 (01:14):
You can hear the moment where we're all like simultaneously
questioning every single decision we've ever made in our entire lives.

Speaker 2 (01:21):
Now we're all bonded together. So how's everybody doing today?
We've got Miil Wong, Garrison Davis, James Stout, and I
should let people know I wasn't joking about the come thing.
So those of you who are too online will know this.
Those of you who are not online enough, this is
one of the online things that you will want to

(01:43):
know because it's very funny. And the gist of it
is that like four days ago, doctor Jordan B. Peterson
got sent a link to a Twitter account that is
that purports to be spreading like hidden news about the
evils of the Chinese communist regime, and they put out
a video that was a segment from a British milking

(02:05):
fetish pornography video. Now, if you're not aware the milking,
as far as I can tell, I believe it kind
of descended from the long lineage of like rubber fetishists, right,
and there's like a lot of medical fetish stuff it
tied into it. But the idea is that men are
entirely wrapped up on hospital gurney's and giant pumps sucked
the semen out of him.

Speaker 3 (02:26):
So milk the machine is very like milk what you
were used to this.

Speaker 2 (02:33):
This Twitter account put this up, claiming that it was
the Chinese government stealing the semen of young men, and
Jordan Peterson shared it saying it was an unbelievable act
of evil and then everyone had the best day of
their lives. And an hour of two later he deleted it.

Speaker 4 (02:50):
Now I have been continuing, coward, coward, coward.

Speaker 3 (02:56):
Yeah, so strange, so strange that he left the word
a pair of view dukid.

Speaker 2 (03:00):
Yeah, it's wild that he's no longer professor. It's very funny.
We're continuing to give him shit for it online, but
it set us off down an interesting road, and because
some other stuff fell through, we're going to talk about
the wide world of weird right wing come conspiracies. Most
of them are leased, are going to be right wing.
There's a surprising number of semen based conspiracies. Everybody did

(03:24):
research on their own special thing. I wanted to start
by talking about this this Jordan Peterson cum video and
giving kind of some of the some of the background
on it so I was. Last July, the Chinese Human
Sperm Bank of Shanghai announced that it was hosting a
competition for college students to find out whose semen was

(03:46):
was the best in terms of, like, you know, a
number of modal sperm per milli leader, I think is
the way that they judge it. And basically the idea
was that they were trying to find like people with
sperm concentration greater than sixty million per mili leader, and
if they visited a sperm bank a set number of
times in a six month period, they could receive a

(04:07):
prize that was equivalent to about twelve hundred dollars right now.
The reason this is happening is that China, for the
first time, as a result of a number of different policies,
had negative population growth very recently, and this is the
thing that can cause a problem for a country for
a variety of reasons. So the government is trying to
shore up birth rates, and there are a lot of

(04:28):
couples in China that have had issues conceiving, and so
there's a huge amount of demand for sperm in the
country right now. So this is not a weird story.
It is actually a thing that happens all around the
world regularly. But right around the time that this happened,
a little bit after that, it came out that a

(04:50):
Japanese company started selling what is called in the articles
I found an automatic sperm extractor to Chinese sperm banks.
Now this is I'm going to send you all the
link I was king you would oh oh yes, good friends, thanks,

(05:10):
but yes, we're all going to see this. So the
Machines price listing on ali Baba, where it sells for
about five to six thousand dollars, describes it as a
device that quote merges modern digital technology, automatic control technology
and simulation technologies with semen collection and premature ejaculation desensitization
training function. So it has a number of purposes including

(05:33):
guess to help guys stop coming too early. Oh, which,
no shame. It's funny that someone built a machine for it.

Speaker 3 (05:42):
It's extremely funny. I think you can buy on Ali Express.
It's like I personally, I'm not attaching anything. I bought
an Ali Baba to sensitive part to.

Speaker 4 (05:50):
My body makes thousand dollars.

Speaker 2 (05:51):
It's not cheap. Now, the primary these are not being
used for people who are coming too quickly.

Speaker 5 (05:58):
It's just like the worst ever. We're too dtwo this
it is.

Speaker 2 (06:02):
It is weird.

Speaker 3 (06:03):
What's the orientation? Does it stand on the ground and
you just approach it?

Speaker 4 (06:06):
You you have to stand up?

Speaker 3 (06:08):
Yeah, but what if you're a shot king.

Speaker 2 (06:11):
I said, I'm sure they have options. It has like
the rough shape of like HANDHLD massage device, but it's
kind of like formed like almost an art deco robot vagina.
And basically from what I've read, kind of the reasoning
is that, like, hey, we need people to donate sperm.
Some people feel weird about just masturbating in a clinic,

(06:32):
and we hope this is a more pleasant experience for them.
So again this we're laughing because like, look, a machine
designed to capture seamen is kind of a funny thing.
That's okay, no shame on anybody for that. But the
fact that you have both the government trying to encourage
people to donate sperm and this weird machine kind of
created fertile ground for a bunch of right wing weirdos

(06:54):
to start making the ground grounded, I know, fertile ground
to commit to make the completely ungrounded claim that like
the government was trying to steal people' seemen right, And
that is the basis of doctor Jordan B. Peterson's fun
little freak out on the internet. And I will say
you should try to find the videos of the automatic

(07:15):
sperm extractor. This this amazing Japanese machine, because it is funny.
It is fascinating.

Speaker 3 (07:22):
On the account.

Speaker 5 (07:23):
Do they have to like like like change like I
assume they changed.

Speaker 4 (07:28):
Yeah, you can't clean that.

Speaker 3 (07:31):
If you watch the video, there's like a there's a
rub that like h comes out like let's see it.

Speaker 2 (07:38):
The thing that the penis goes in is also the
captured device, so it is removed with the sperm donation
when you take it out. So again this is you know,
funny because come, but there's nothing sinister here. It's just
in the same way that literally everything is. People have
like spun it up into a nonsense thing. But because

(07:59):
of this a full, beautiful story which I hope we've
all gotten to enjoy. I got to do a lot
of work on the some of you. If you live,
if you've worked in agriculture, you're not going to be
surprised that stealing come is a massive industry, like it
is a There is a lot of money to be
made in stealing semen. There's enough money to be made
in stealing semen that there are two different official terms

(08:19):
that I have found for semen theft. The first is
sperm jacking.

Speaker 4 (08:27):
How could it get better? How could it get better
than that?

Speaker 2 (08:31):
It gets better because the second the second is spurgling.

Speaker 4 (08:41):
These are like professionals who like come up with these terms.

Speaker 2 (08:44):
Huh, these are it's a marketing genius. There actually is.
I did find in my research there is one actual
Chinese based sperm conspiracy. It's just not a very sinister one.
There's this Chinese businessman, Jesse jabet Zoo who stole there.

(09:05):
There's this I think it was a Canadian company. No,
it was a US company who had So this is
for like bull semen. And one of the things that
you want for bull semen is you don't want if
you're inceminating cows, you want all of the babies to
be female generally, right, because bulls are not very with
outside a certain specific If you're like trying to make

(09:26):
more breeders or whatever. If you're in industrial agriculture, you
don't want any of the boys, right. You just want
to keep making those sweet, sweet lady cows that are,
you know, more useful to you in a financial sense.
So there's a US company that developed a method of
before insemination looking through the sperm and like sorting out
the sperm that will make female cows. And that is

(09:50):
apparently hard to do. I mean, it sounds like it
would be hard to do, right. And this this uh,
this Chinese businessman was like reverse engineering there. It's kind
of actually basically the same story as Jurassic Park. And anyway,
this guy has has gotten sued for a bunch of money.

Speaker 3 (10:05):
He got checked.

Speaker 5 (10:09):
I hope it works out just as well as Jurassic Park.

Speaker 2 (10:14):
Yeah, it's very funny. I will say there's a couple
of really wild lines from this the CBC story I found.
I'm just gonna read one to you. Zoo's activities could
best be described as machiavellian. At various points, he outlined
a plan to make X Y that's the American company
quote feel all the time, the sort of damocles is
on their heads and brag the law is strong, but

(10:36):
the outlaws are ten times stronger.

Speaker 4 (10:38):
Okay this taste.

Speaker 2 (10:41):
Look Jesse Jabez, my hero, the sperm Bandit incredible sperm Jacker,
one of the bests in the business.

Speaker 3 (10:50):
This man lives on an island with his cow raptors.

Speaker 2 (10:53):
What a hero. There was also a case of a
Japanese man who illegally took wagyu cattle sperm too China
to try to give them sperm, and like the Chinese
government immediately caught him and was like, no, this is
actually incredibly dangerous, Like you're not allowed to just take
animal breeding material into the country without because you know,
there's a wide variety of reasons that that could be

(11:14):
in horribly So he got in a shipload of trouble. Yeah, anyway,
that's my that's my sperm stories. Everybody, thank you for yeah,
thank you, thank you for spurgling my knowledge. Garrison, we're
back and James is here to talk to us about
the kind of sperm jacking that you do when you

(11:36):
don't jack. I'm talking about jacking your own sperm by
keeping it inside of you seman retention, Yeah, it's how
is that, James beautiful?

Speaker 4 (11:46):
Unscripted?

Speaker 2 (11:47):
Did you just.

Speaker 6 (11:49):
Write?

Speaker 2 (11:50):
Didn't need to write that, Garrison, So.

Speaker 3 (11:53):
On the back of his hand. He had a brain
wave at two in the morning and he got that down.

Speaker 2 (11:56):
Those are the kind of things you can do when
you've been podcasting as long as I.

Speaker 3 (12:02):
Am space for several years.

Speaker 2 (12:04):
I've been in those soggy trenches for a long time.

Speaker 3 (12:09):
Yeah all right, we are, after all, at work, so
let me continue. So I'm going to talk about what
happens when you keep your home inside you. Uh yeah,
this is the thing.

Speaker 4 (12:22):
What are we doing today?

Speaker 3 (12:26):
This is this is critical journalisten. We are making content.
Talking of content. Let's talk about the content of some
Reddit posters. So the what's called the semen retention movement,
and this will this will shock many of you began

(12:46):
on Reddit dot com. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah,
like so many one.

Speaker 2 (12:54):
I feel like.

Speaker 3 (12:57):
Reddit.

Speaker 2 (12:58):
I feel like if you type that into your phone,
it would have finished the sentence the same.

Speaker 4 (13:04):
What is auto directitude to Reddit?

Speaker 3 (13:06):
Believe me, we're going to go there, Garrison, because when
you google sperm retention, you do indeed find some stuff
on Reddit. And so now they've spun off from Reddit, right,
they now have their own organization, which is No Fat
dot Com and No Fat dot Com is a community
centered sexual health platform. I'm I'm using I'm allowing them
to define themselves here, I guess designed to help people

(13:28):
overcome poorn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior, which is is
not necessarily really like like the this isn't the like
not all seamen retention, as we're going to learn, is
basically helping people become addiction to porn, but so far
as that is a thing that that people actually have.
And if someone was accusing Robert of being addicted to

(13:48):
porn on on his timeline this weekend.

Speaker 2 (13:52):
That would be because he Ratio and Jordan Peterson with
the Yeah, the pornography video that he mistaking the post
that's direction. Yeah, yeah, I just want him to respond
so I could ask him, Jordan, tell me in your
own words, what you thought was happening in that video.

Speaker 3 (14:10):
I really hope he thinks it's like milking, Like they
have RFID collars and they get fed based on their
production level. That would be great.

Speaker 2 (14:16):
Yeah, and what did you you're a medical doctor, did
you think that cum actually worked that way? You could
just stick a sucker anyway.

Speaker 3 (14:26):
Yeah, just get it out. Okay. So, after after this
movement began, I read it dot com. It quickly pivoted
to kind of offering all kinds of weird physical and
mental health benefits and that's where it was adopted by friends.
In the podcast The Proud Boys, luckily, we do have
a bit of insight into why and into the exact

(14:47):
nature of the no fat fascism that the Proud Boys
practice thanks to Kyle Cheney, who's a Politico reporter who
was reporting on the trial of one of the Proud
Boys accused of traditional on January sixth, called Zach Rell
their trial for reasons that I'm not exactly clear on
the Proud Boy I guess it's like the handbook, like

(15:08):
that the kind of Proud Boy bibles introduced and uh,
into the into the record, somebody, yeah in there, Yep,
it's in the court record, buddy, because because one of
the lawyers decided that it was pertinent to the case.
So a Proud Boy may not ejaculate alone more than
once in every thirty days. That means he must abstained
from pordography during that time. And if he needs to ejaculate,

(15:30):
this is really weird, it must be within one yard
of a woman.

Speaker 2 (15:35):
Fascinatingly, specifically, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 (15:37):
Right, and I like that they've they've gone with imperial
measurements with her consent, so that's nice. The woman may
not be a prostitute, so that that's the proud pois nature.
There no fat fairstuism. But I think I think the
way of understanding why some people practice this perhaps best
is to is to go on to reddit dot com.
So I found a post by Reddit user u slash

(15:59):
monk one night one eight one seven h seems like
a nice guy, and there are four hundred, four hundred
and eighty up votes on. What I did was I
went to semen retention and I looked at you know,
sorted by popular posts, found this one from a bunch
of numbers. And so this guy has nine years of

(16:20):
experience with semen retention. So I'm just going to read
I'm presuming oh boy.

Speaker 2 (16:24):
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, him and some months off the
coast of fucking lind spar.

Speaker 3 (16:31):
I cannot be healthy. No, I don't think it is.
There is I will get to this evidence that you
shouldn't do this. Uh So, in his nine years of experience,
he has experienced the following things. Semen, when retained in
our bodies, has healing, rejuvenating effects. Loss of semen has
the opposite effects. This may not be scientifically proven, but

(16:52):
it's proven by experience. That's a red flag. That's interesting
getting Reddit medical advice. While attempting any task that demands
high physical, mental, or intellectual abilities, if we are semen
retention powered, we would actually enjoy the task, which would
otherwise seem dull. This is called sexual energy transmutation in
layman's terms.

Speaker 4 (17:12):
Oh no, wait, that's the laymen's the non laymen term.

Speaker 3 (17:19):
It's got even more. I have no idea spermozoic fucking fission.
So for peak performance, it's always necessary to be powered
by seamen. It would be best to use semen only
for regeneration purposes, since nature originally intended it for regeneration,
and not use it for sexual purposes apart from the
create a child. If not serving that purpose, Master whatever

(17:42):
teach techniques are useful in not letting the seed out
while having sex. At the end of the day, don't
let your seed out like a worthless thing. There's more so,
just contain yourself great, great, which is exactly the reason
why core religions are based on celibacy, because opposite of
regeneration is degeneration, which will cause a man to fall

(18:02):
into a lower state controlled by his lower nature, rather
than when he's subduing it. We should let seemen retention
be part of our lives, not something that is done
for superpowers. For superpowers are, in my experience, the sudden
ecstasy that we feel once we transition from the degenerated
to the regenerated state, and that will stabilize after some time,
similar to how a flight maintains stable altitude after take off.

Speaker 4 (18:24):
Very very similar.

Speaker 3 (18:26):
Actually, yeah, that's that's what you can hear when the
when the engine are spinning up. It's just a do track,
really hard not to nut and it makes that noise.

Speaker 5 (18:36):
So excited for the next Marvel film where the where
the superhero.

Speaker 2 (18:43):
Come so he can get tiny no fat man.

Speaker 3 (18:48):
So yeah he didn't. I should add that This person
confesses to having lapsed at some point in the nine years.

Speaker 2 (18:56):
Yeah it's Armstrong was on steroids. It's just disappointing.

Speaker 3 (19:03):
No one would have seen it coming. See what I
did there? Okay. So this person then urges other posters
on the semia retention subreddit to not use streaks to
outperform others or look better about ourselves or bring others down.
The battle with lust is a lifelong fight, and the
more we get better at finding victories. Yeah yeah, buddy,
there at finding victories over internal battles, the better we

(19:27):
become as high valued men.

Speaker 2 (19:29):
Hell yeah, see, I've often wished that, you know, if
the if the pandemic hadn't been a thing, and I
could force you all to work in a central location,
I could have like a wall of murals where I
put under each of your faces a quote from an
episode that you've participated in, and James that that would
be your quote. The battle gets us is a lifelong struggle.

Speaker 3 (19:56):
Yeah that, I'll get some T shirts knocked up, but
we can do a fun rate.

Speaker 5 (19:59):
Would we eventually get the and mediate officers? You have
a portrait hanging on the wall if you one quote underneath.

Speaker 3 (20:04):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, on a plaque with a yeah, let
me get the cash we when we take over the
Meta offices three weeks from now. Yeah. There is a
marketing company that has been emailing me for about six
months telling me how cheap it is to buy a
billboard by the side of a road and send a
message to a loved one. So maybe great, maybe doing

(20:29):
bangarray Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, well there will be until
I put my positive messages about the controlling lust and
holding semen inside our bodies true and return men to
their former glory. So a lot of the a lot
of the reddit posts rely on a couple of different studies, right,
and one of these studies measured participates. A lot of

(20:50):
what they're doing is a claiming to increase testosterone right
right at the bat. Testosterone does have Aslan's armstrong can
tell you some performance enhancing benefits, so yeah, you know,
increases your muscle growth, your your coverage from exercise, all
that stuff. One of the studies measured participate testosterone levels
at baseline before masturbation and then in ten minute intervals

(21:13):
after masturbation, right, And then they were asked to abstain
for three weeks, and they came back and they did
the process again. Testosterone was higher in the baseline measurement
at the end of the three weeks of abstinence, right,
But the sample size was pretty small, and there's some
theorizing that the boost was actually caused by the anticipated

(21:33):
masturbation that they were about to do. At the second
it was so ready to go, yeah, yeah, he's gun, Yeah,
you're just ready to pop. After three weeks, the second
study looked at a forty five percent intre so after
a few days seven days of abstinence, But even the
study showed this was a temporary peak that returned to

(21:54):
normal even with continuing abstinence. So there's just these two studies.
They're pretty they happened a long time ago. We'll post
them all in the show notes if you guys want
to read more about novap science. But we should just
point out that there is in fact a multitude of
evidence this is a bad idea that having sex is
actually good for you. Having sex will toward trying not

(22:17):
to ejaculate. It's probably not good for you, probably not
good for your relationship either. One would surmise there.

Speaker 2 (22:26):
Are into that whatever, yeah.

Speaker 3 (22:28):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Well if that's your thing, you do
you do you. There was a study that investigated the
motivation for semen and retention among semen and retainers, and
a lot of it it seemed like people were people
who felt that like either sex or masturbation was unhealthy
or wrong or sinful. And there is evidence to show

(22:49):
that like feeling like guilty about yourself or like living
with stress and self learning like that is bad for you, right,
and that will reduce your test after a level there's
also some evidence suggested not ejacul I think can give
you prostate issues.

Speaker 2 (23:06):
Yes, yeah, there's and this is like pretty debatable, like
most things that people talk about in regards to coming
and health, Like you can find some studies, like the
studies on testosterone. Some of them are kind of sketchy. Anyway. Yeah,
don't think O come or come either way. You know,

(23:28):
it's whatever. But if you do have a chance to
fuck one of those Ali Baba robots, I recommend it.
Let's talk about cum demons.

Speaker 5 (23:39):
Hell yeah, wait, okay, okay, hard hard pivot here from us.

Speaker 4 (23:45):
So okay, we we are not going as far afield
from the no fat people as as as as you
would think. Okay, but all right, now, the year is
twenty twenty. Everyone on Earth has collectively gone insane. Uh,
this is this is this is the summer. This is
the summer of twenty twenty. So this is the part

(24:05):
of twenty twenty where fun stuff is happening. This is
like late July, Garrison, That's when we met.

Speaker 5 (24:11):
So yeah, we were getting just incredibly poisoned.

Speaker 2 (24:16):
Yeah, yeah, we sure were. That'll be fun in like
twenty years.

Speaker 4 (24:22):
Well, well, while life or death struggle for the sort
of the life for death, struggle for the fate of
the United States and whether or not people are going
to be conducing murdered by the cops is being waged
in the streets.

Speaker 2 (24:33):
Uh, Donald Trump.

Speaker 4 (24:34):
But Donald J. Trump, Donald Donald J.

Speaker 2 (24:36):
Trump.

Speaker 4 (24:37):
Wow, Donald Trump Junior. That one that's that's that's the
Trump little Trump here.

Speaker 2 (24:41):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (24:42):
Trump, we're you know, looking for looking looking for their
their their their cure to COVID nineteen on Twitter and okay,
so as we probably all remember, right, the thing that
they found was hydroxid. Okay, so one of the first
ones that they found before before I've remat him.

Speaker 2 (24:57):
This is this is before we found so much shit?

Speaker 3 (24:58):
Yeah, was it inside with them all along? May?

Speaker 4 (25:01):
No, this is this is this is chloric clean the
thing that was probable. I hope they weren't full of
the doctor.

Speaker 3 (25:07):
I thought it was.

Speaker 2 (25:08):
No.

Speaker 4 (25:08):
No, Well, we'll get to that where there there's a
The road is long, but it ends with cum demons.
We first must walk the road. So the road here
is Donald Donald Trump Junior posts a tweet saying like this,
saying this is necessary watching about this video from this

(25:30):
doctor named doctor Stella Emmanuet. Now Okay, who is this person?
She she is part of Ah okay, I say part
of She runs this thing called Firepower Ministries, which, so
you're going great.

Speaker 2 (25:48):
She's also part of I know, broadly Yeah, okay, cool.

Speaker 4 (25:53):
She's also part of America's frontline doctors who are yeah yeah, yeah,
I've forgotten. Yeah, these dip ships, Oh my god. Okay,
So this is this is very very very much in
the same vein as architecture nine to eleven truth. They
found a bunch of people who technically have medical degrees
or like nurses who were like no, no, vaccines are

(26:16):
bad and hydroxychloric clean quadratrichlor clean is we'll covid cork
with that one. Yeah, it's it's, it's been. It's it's
been a long day. I I've slept for eight hours,
but in like several distinct parts of the day that
were not continuous. It's been. Things are going things are
going great.

Speaker 3 (26:36):
Matter if you've taken some horse medicine first.

Speaker 4 (26:38):
Quite possibly, I mean it's not like you could have
gone worse.

Speaker 3 (26:41):
I get.

Speaker 4 (26:44):
All right, right, So so that this person's from the
very sketchy doctors who are trying to sell like a
bunch of random ship to to cure COVID And.

Speaker 2 (26:56):
Okay, so who actually is this person?

Speaker 4 (26:59):
She is from a ruined and doctor Stella meant Immanue
was caught up in uh the unbelievably sort of like
I mean right, like yes, objectively right wing, also very
very weird wave of Pentecostalism and charismatic Christianity that's been
sweeping across that part of Africa and as part of

(27:21):
sort of a you know, sort of like a very
sort of long range of coordinated effort by by right
wing Christian missionaries. So okay, so for for for people
who don't know your Christianity very well, the Pentecostals and
the charismatic Christians are like firmly in the very very
weird camp of Christians. Like these are these are people

(27:43):
who do faith healing. One of the very common sort
of Pentecostal things is this belief that like like you
just you talk to God, like God's in your head
and you just have conversations with him. Now unfortunately for
like all of us, and and this is you know
what a thing that is a non insignificant contributing factor
to why the last I don't know ten years have
been so bat shit is that like this this originally

(28:04):
was kind of an isolated Pentecostal thing and like the
broader evangelicals were like, no, no, no, God only talks to
me like your pastor, Like he's probably not like you're
you're not like having a conversation in your head with
but like change that's changed. Yeah, this shit has this
ship has fucking taken over everywhere. It's really bad. And
these people believe a lot of very very weird stuff.

(28:26):
So well, I mean, okay, so like you know, she
she has like some of the sort of standard like
really really hardline like David iike shit, Like she believes
that the world's being run by aliens and like reptiles,
and like the vaccine has like alien DNA in it
to like take over your data. You know. It's just
like sort of kind of Facebook moments Alex Jones. Shit,

(28:48):
yeah right, okay, but okay, I'm gonna read this quote
from will Sumner. This is a quote from one of
her for her sermons, They which is, demons are responsible
for serious guy int ecological problems. And Manuel said, we
call them all kinds of names, and tremeseus and travisus,
we call them molar pregnancies, we call them fibroids, we

(29:10):
call them cysts, but most of them were evil deposits
from spirit husband.

Speaker 2 (29:19):
God.

Speaker 3 (29:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (29:20):
No, they are responsible for miscarriages, impotence, men that can't
get it up. So all right, immediately we we have
like we have there are several kinds of coum demons
here that we're dealing with. So there are like there, there's, there's,
there's okay. So a lot of this is drawn from
what is a very like a genu widely unbelievably dubious

(29:42):
piece of theology. So when I was reading musicching this, right,
I saw, I saw, I saw someone there was there
was like a religious scholar who was writing this. He
was like, oh, I immediately recognized the theology of this.
This is from this is from Genesis six.

Speaker 2 (29:57):
So okay.

Speaker 4 (29:57):
So I was like, okay, what what the fuck are
they talking about? So I I went back and I
read Okay, So I went back and I read the Genesis,
and I'm going to read the two this is.

Speaker 2 (30:06):
This is from Genesis chapter six.

Speaker 4 (30:07):
Verses one and two, and I am just going to
read these two sentences and I'm going to see if
you two can produce cum demons from this, Okay, happy, I.

Speaker 2 (30:17):
Mean I could produce cum demons from almost anything.

Speaker 3 (30:22):
That is the power with the right machinery.

Speaker 2 (30:27):
You know what, I think we know exactly what the
right machinery is.

Speaker 4 (30:31):
Look, we know that we can produce com demons mechanically.
Our challenge here is to produce them theologically. Okay, try
I will, I will use all of all of my knowledge.

Speaker 2 (30:42):
We must, we must find a way to evacuate the
vast deference of the soul.

Speaker 4 (30:49):
Okay, So I'm using I'm using the King James translation,
because that's the translation that all these psychos use. And
it came to pass when men began to multiply on
the face of the earth and were born onto them,
that the sons of God saw the daughters of man
that they were fair, and they took them wives of
all which they chose.

Speaker 5 (31:08):
Okay, so I I do know where they're I I
do know what what they are doing. So the sons
of God, those would be what like fallen angels that
have been procreating with women.

Speaker 2 (31:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 7 (31:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (31:20):
This this ties into like the Book of Enoch stuff,
which was made a little bit like after Genesis, but
kind of like retconned a lot of like the creation story,
so I can see where they're they're pulling cum demons from.
But it is it is a bit of a stretch.

Speaker 2 (31:36):
Yeah, they're kind of you could say cum demons in
the way that like god seed. Yeah, you could see it. Yeah,
it's that's it is a stretch.

Speaker 4 (31:43):
Now, Okay, my, my, my, my analysis because I I
think I I think they're pulling this out of their ass,
and I think they're pulling this out.

Speaker 3 (31:50):
Of their as.

Speaker 4 (31:53):
It's also about cum demons.

Speaker 5 (31:55):
So yeah, okay, I I I I have it is
well known for people who follow me on Twitter.

Speaker 4 (32:03):
I have an immense and powerful disrespect for theology. But
what what part of the sons of God? What what
part of that gets you to demons and not like
because again, isn't the whole point of Christianity that we
are all God's children? Like is this not a thing
that they tell you in every single fucking So how

(32:23):
do you read that and not think they're talking about
people and immediately jump to come de bit like, here's
what's going on?

Speaker 5 (32:31):
I could I could explain this because this is the
King's James version, So this was made in a post
Book of Enoch world around the around the alleged birth
of Jesus, the Book of Enoch got very popular, and
this this introduced the idea of a fallen angel. The
fallow fallen angel isn't really in the Bible at all,
it's only it's only in like non biblical Abrahamic texts.

(32:51):
So this, this idea then kind of got planted into
a lot of like Catholic mythology as well. So when
they're there, cause they have a distinction between like this,
like the sons of like the sons of God versus
what was the what was the thing they used to
refer to the daughters. The sons are the daughters of
men exactly, So the daughters are human, where the the

(33:14):
the sons are like came from God. So that is
some type of fallen angel that has been cast down
to earth. Like there they are doing a specific thing.
But it's it's it's it's a result of a whole
bunch of like mistranslations and a whole bunch of various
various like Christian and Gnostic texts that been that have
been misinterpreted for thousands of years by the Catholic Church.
And it creates a really weird theology that is indistinguishable

(33:36):
from like Castlevania.

Speaker 4 (33:38):
So I'm blame I blame Martin lu This is Martin
Luther's fault, like like the.

Speaker 2 (33:45):
Here's the thing, here's the thing.

Speaker 3 (33:47):
Keep it in high Latins, understand.

Speaker 4 (33:51):
This, this is this is this is what Martin Luther.
I was specifically because okay, so this was already happen
the cath the Church was already doing this right, but
Martin Luther had a chance to fix this ship. And
she was like, do you know what I'm gonna do
and say, is that I am going to I am
going to turn against the peasant revolts and I'm going
to do a lot. I'm going to bring about a
level of anti Semitism that is going to allow me
to outflank the Inquisition on the right. She could have

(34:15):
been fixing this bullshit, no anti Semitism. Woo, I gotta
keep my patron lords and down he was.

Speaker 2 (34:22):
He was German like, there's only so much you can ask,
that's true.

Speaker 5 (34:27):
Yeah, well, I'm happy that we can all go to
sleep at night worrying about the sons of God implanting semen.

Speaker 4 (34:36):
That that's that's come demon type pie one, right, that
is okay, So though those are those are the demons
that like they they have they have sex with women
and they produce nephelim from or sometimes also nephlin.

Speaker 5 (34:49):
There's there's a lot of sort of conflicting sort of theology.
All that stuff comes from the Book of Enoch. All
that stuff is non canon to the modern Bible, but
it's where it's where it comes from.

Speaker 2 (34:57):
Fucking Council of Nicia, Okay.

Speaker 4 (35:01):
But there's also there's also a second there's also the
second kind of cum demon, right, which is these are
the these are well okay, so succubi and incuby are
based here we go, I do it. I was it
was counting down the the other kind of of demon.
So you have your incuby, right, who are another type
of sex demon. The incuby fuck men so they can

(35:22):
steal their semen and they're they're they're you know, there's
stents are reasons that. There's another thing that she talks about,
which is that there are witches who have like astral
spirit sex with men in their sleep. And if you're
like having a sex dream, it's because you're having actual
spirit sex.

Speaker 2 (35:38):
No no, yeah, I mean, like I like Bill Murray,
I've I've experienced that. Oh no, that was Bill Murray. Sorry,
my mistake.

Speaker 4 (35:47):
Wait, yes, okay, okay, the cloud, the fog is clearing.
I've I've had I've had sex with too many sex demons.
It's it's a real issue.

Speaker 2 (35:56):
Okay.

Speaker 4 (35:57):
So so all right, So we have the sex demons
who are like trying to pregnant. You have the sex
tamans we're trying to steal your com We also have
the actual we have the actual projecting projecting witches, right,
and the actual projecting witches are trying to steal people's
come as part of an Illuminati plot to create like
an even more powerful witch. And the even more powerful
witch is going to use gay marriage and children's toys

(36:17):
to like destroy the fabric of Western civilization and thus
bring about sort of jen general new world order, et cetera.
Have heard this, honestly, Witch meetings, Yeah, that is not.

Speaker 2 (36:29):
As far from the backstory to Warhammer forty thousand as
it should be.

Speaker 4 (36:34):
That's very sadly true.

Speaker 3 (36:36):
I didn't want Warhammer forty thousands coming to our com
episode if I'm honied.

Speaker 2 (36:41):
No, No, it's I mean look, there's a lot of
people who are interested in both Semen Retention and Warhammer
forty thousand.

Speaker 4 (36:51):
That's a tight venda ram.

Speaker 2 (36:53):
Yeah, yeah, they all play ultra marines. That was a
that's yeah, pretty good Warhammer forty thousand jokes of those
of you who play.

Speaker 4 (37:01):
I also I also learned a couple of days ago
that I one of the many crimes of the Emperor
forty k was passing off in a miry Bikara quote
is his own.

Speaker 2 (37:10):
Oh yeah, that that is that was That was a
good bit. That was a really good bit. It's little
pieces like that that let you know that Dan Abnett's
pretty bass. That was my favorite part of the book.

Speaker 3 (37:25):
So funny, that's like, that's literally canon.

Speaker 5 (37:29):
I do have like three pages written on.

Speaker 4 (37:33):
Yeah, little bit. That's that's that's the end of the
same stems go off.

Speaker 5 (37:38):
Well, okay, I The one thing I'll add on is
that one of the more funny modern versions of these,
if you go on the Beta Drill subreddit, the Recreational
Petrol subreddit, you can fight who try to take enough
beda drill to have sex with the hat man, which
is another another form of trying to sum a shadow People.

Speaker 2 (38:00):
Maybe you have to you have to explain your terms
for people here. Yeah, I'm the man is a tall,
thin man wearing a hat who appears when you take
hallucinogenic doses of benadrill because you can't afford better drugs
because you're seventeen.

Speaker 3 (38:15):
Yes, we're younger.

Speaker 2 (38:17):
And there's some people the hat man.

Speaker 5 (38:19):
Some people find the hat man extremely attractive or some
of like the female shadow people variants, and they try
to they have I have read multiple reports of people
explaining their sexual experiences with shadow people.

Speaker 4 (38:32):
Anyways, the President of the United States and his son
were promoting this, so this is great.

Speaker 3 (38:38):
This website, by the way, absolute adventures on here. I'm
just reading about how to use Christ's blood as a weapon. Amazing.

Speaker 2 (38:46):
Oh that's good.

Speaker 3 (38:47):
Yeah, yeah, that problems he yeah.

Speaker 4 (38:50):
Do you know who won't steal your seamen?

Speaker 5 (38:52):
Everybody?

Speaker 2 (38:53):
We can't promise that.

Speaker 4 (38:54):
I can.

Speaker 5 (38:55):
I can promise any advertiser on this show I've personally
approved to make sure they will not come into your
bedroom and still your semen.

Speaker 3 (39:02):
Wow, how do you how does the approval precis work?

Speaker 5 (39:05):
Out of interest, I cannot divulge privately, Garrison for we
are we are going to close off by talking about
a sperm and testosterone, to two of our favorite topics
for this episode. For some reason, about about a year ago,

(39:27):
a trailer on Fox News dropped for a new batch
of Tucker Carlson originals titled The End of Men. It
opens with the text that reads, in the current year,
the cycle continues.

Speaker 8 (39:45):
Once a society collapses, then you're in hard times. Well,
hot iron sharpens iron, as they say, and those hard
times inevitably produce men who are tough, men, who are resourceful,
men who are strong enough to survive, and then they
go on to re establish order, and so the cycle

(40:06):
begins again.

Speaker 5 (40:12):
Now, there's a few funny things about this video, from
the ripped shirtless dudes milking cows to wrestling each other
and shooting bottles of canola oil. There's had a hundreche
that are shooting like ten bottles of canola oil.

Speaker 4 (40:27):
For some reason, maybe.

Speaker 3 (40:30):
Then Mussolini's like, they're into the Mussolini's death.

Speaker 5 (40:33):
He was bye by far the most bizarre.

Speaker 2 (40:37):
I suspect they're shooting the canola because it's like a
seed oil thing. They think that like seed oil, it's
a right wing thing. Oils are like sucking out your testosterone.

Speaker 5 (40:46):
Anyway, It's something very silly, but by far the most
bizarre thing in this trailer is a shot of a
naked man with outstretched arms like Jesus on the crossa style,
standing in front of a lake at dusk, a white
machine shining a glowing red light on his dick.

Speaker 9 (41:05):
What and.

Speaker 5 (41:07):
Again, powerful image at the climax of the music from
two thousand and one in Space Odyssey.

Speaker 4 (41:13):
Uh, there's this.

Speaker 5 (41:14):
There's this man facing balls first in front of this
large red light at the end of this trailer.

Speaker 2 (41:20):
I it should never have been any cause on our
podcast or on Fox News for anyone to save the
line after the end of the climax of the music
from two thousand and one a Space Odyssey.

Speaker 4 (41:34):
Oh that's the thing we're objecting to from this episode.

Speaker 2 (41:37):
That's the line.

Speaker 3 (41:38):
Yeah, yeah, because it shouldn't have climax. It lost its
power in that moment.

Speaker 4 (41:44):
Considering both like the no, no one.

Speaker 2 (41:46):
Second, James, that was a very good joke.

Speaker 3 (41:48):
Thank you, thank you, thank you for seeing me, buddy. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (41:54):
So considering both like the text at the beginning and
then some of the narration that we just heard the trailer.
They're kind of this weird like KLi Yuga thing, right,
that is that is a bit of a bit of
what's going on here because.

Speaker 2 (42:06):
Kali Yuga again. You can listen to our episodes on
Savitri Devi for a little more information about this. But
it's like this weird right wing un like quasi apocalyptic
concept that evolved during an intermix between some of the
early Nazis and some of the people who are currently
behind the present leader of India. It's it's way too

(42:27):
esoteric weird to get into, but it's one of the
things that like the old.

Speaker 4 (42:31):
Yeah, it's the real fun like it.

Speaker 5 (42:34):
We're not going to get into it too much, but
I think the previous unset.

Speaker 2 (42:38):
That wound up adjacent to at Tucker Carlson episode because
it's some like weird esoteric Nazi wizard shit.

Speaker 5 (42:46):
Yes, And that previous November, Joe Rogan posted a KLi
Yuga meme which went viral. It's it's about how hard
times creates strong men, which create good times, which lead
to weak men, which create hard times. It's a fucking
silly yeah. His his the accompanying text on the Instagram
post that that Rogan did said, civilizations move in predictable cycles.

(43:09):
We are in the Kali Yuga, the age of conflict.
All of the chaos we're seeing right now is predicted
in Hinduism thousands of years ago. Rogan was probably just
like parroting something that he heard from one of his
many fascy or new ag friends, which, considering Rogan's social circle,
that could very well just be the same person.

Speaker 2 (43:29):
Yes, yeah, yeah, one of his fucking sparring buddies is
either friends with the Nazi or just stumbled upon a
fucking the wrong podcast and then told him that when
they were smoking weed. And you know, yes, I mean
that's honestly to It's problematic because of his platform, but
that's how I learned everything about esoterica. That I learned
when I was in my twenties was some I was

(43:50):
smoking weed with some sketchy dude who was going place
I shouldn't have been on the internet.

Speaker 5 (43:55):
So a few months after Rogan posted this meme, we
have Tucker Carlson making this whole mini series surrounding this
Hard Times Creates Strong Men kind of trend. It's taking
cues from the online manosphere, and Tucker posited that weak
unmanly men are leading to the collapse of civilization and

(44:15):
a hardening of men is necessary to save it, according
to According to Tucker, one of the threats to manhood
is a quote unquote total collapse in testosterone levels amongst
men in recent years. And the solution goes beyond just
your typical like anti soy crusading that Tucker has done
in the past. Now, Tucker has turned to the cutting

(44:38):
edge science of bromiopathic medicine as.

Speaker 4 (44:42):
Advocates damn it, as advocated.

Speaker 5 (44:50):
For by a quote unquote fitness professional named Andrew McGovern
who touts that infrared light and testical tanning is this
DIESX mod for plummeting tea levels and men.

Speaker 10 (45:02):
So obviously half the viewers right now are like, what
that's crotestical taking.

Speaker 2 (45:06):
That's crazy.

Speaker 10 (45:08):
But my view is Okay, testosterol levels crash and nobody
says anything about it. That's crazy. So why is it
crazy to seek solutions?

Speaker 3 (45:17):
It's not crazy to seek solutions.

Speaker 6 (45:18):
And I think I was recently exposed to a term
called bromeopathy, and I think there's a lot of people
out there right now that are don't trust the mainstream information.

Speaker 5 (45:30):
This TV special is constantly referred to as a documentary,
So surely you would expect Tucker to try and like
interview scientists or like anyone with expertise on this topic.

Speaker 4 (45:43):
Of course, not actually not the way to anyone series.

Speaker 5 (45:48):
Andrew McGovern are, our bromeopathic hero works as a personal
trader at Lifetime Fitness in Columbus, Ohio, and he hasn't
even been a trader for very about a decade ago.
About a decade ago, he was the manager of an

(46:08):
Abercrombie and Fitch store in Miami.

Speaker 2 (46:10):
Oh perfect, Yes you don't know, Okay, now my descriptions
from it. He works at the Abercrombie and Finish store.

Speaker 4 (46:20):
Wait, but in Miami.

Speaker 2 (46:25):
Hey, if you want to get trim that's where you
get trimmed.

Speaker 8 (46:27):
Yeah, that.

Speaker 3 (46:30):
Type of dude. He's emerging here.

Speaker 5 (46:32):
As of twenty seventeen, he was the director of operations
for Petland retail stores.

Speaker 2 (46:41):
He's getting funnier.

Speaker 3 (46:42):
But this guy's resume is amusing.

Speaker 5 (46:46):
But Tucker, being a competent journalist, did not just interview
one person. However, Kid Rock was brought on to be
the sole voice of reasons.

Speaker 2 (46:55):
You know, Garrison, you left, But kid Rock is the
other person I've gotten for scription drugs from.

Speaker 3 (47:00):
So Real Bastion in the platonic cave of men stands
Kid Rock and a guy from Apacrombie and Fitch. We
must only beat our shadows.

Speaker 2 (47:10):
Dude, stop testical tanning.

Speaker 7 (47:12):
Come on, I mean, I haven't heard anything, Bobby. I'm
starting a punk rock band and it's called testical tanning.

Speaker 2 (47:22):
That's the end of it.

Speaker 10 (47:23):
I mean, don't you think at this point, when so
many of the therapies, the paths they've told us to take,
have turned out to be dead ends that have really
hurt people, why wouldn't open minded people seek new solutions.

Speaker 4 (47:36):
I don't know what the hell is going on in
this world. I'm not even sure if I understood that question.

Speaker 2 (47:40):
But some days I just want to stop this planet.
Let me off.

Speaker 5 (47:44):
Like Kid Rock was not did not buy into testical
tanning the same way Tucker seems to.

Speaker 2 (47:50):
How oh god is That's what I said?

Speaker 4 (47:55):
I said he was brought out to be the sole reason.

Speaker 3 (47:58):
But we thought you were joking because it's Kid Rock.

Speaker 2 (48:00):
You were joking. Believe you.

Speaker 4 (48:02):
No, he's the only person that doesn't buy it.

Speaker 3 (48:07):
Kid Rock. It stands with science.

Speaker 2 (48:09):
It is indeed Sweet Home, Alabama all summer long.

Speaker 5 (48:13):
Tucker was not the first person to advocate for testicular
tanning as the solution to an allegedly problematic dip in
testosterone levels. Dating back to twenty fifteen, you can find
articles online such as quote former MLB player Gabe Kapler
says men who want to get stronger should tan their
testicles from Complex and quote I put a giant red

(48:34):
light on my balls to triple white testostero levels from
a Men's Health twenty seventeen.

Speaker 3 (48:39):
Is that written by Ben Greenfield Benny Johnce because he
normally pops up with these things, which one the Men's
Health one. Let me let me see a guy who
injected dick to make it bigger. I have it in
my show notes here.

Speaker 5 (48:51):
This was written by someone named Ben Greenfield.

Speaker 2 (48:59):
This balland one James So proud of you today, Buddy.

Speaker 4 (49:03):
I'm so happy we have you on our team.

Speaker 2 (49:06):
Jez, are you taking Are you taking performance enhancing drugs?
For this podcast?

Speaker 3 (49:12):
Sadly, Robert, I'm not, but this is so funny. We
have stepped into a gold mine of contact with Ben Greenfield,
the guy who injected his own dick with stem cells
to make it bigger.

Speaker 4 (49:24):
That's so funny.

Speaker 3 (49:27):
I urge you. I compel you. If you have any
free time in your day, just google Ben Greenfield penis.
There will be several articles. It's supposed to be reptable outlets.
It will just fucking make you unwell.

Speaker 4 (49:39):
Well, that's that is great to hear it.

Speaker 5 (49:41):
But despite not being the first person to talk about
testicular tanning, Tucker was certainly the most impactful. After the
airing of the End of Men, Testicular tanning showed a
seven thousand increase in relative search interest on Google and
thirty five thousand increase in tweets on the topic. Now,

(50:01):
surely some of these things are stuff like what are
making fun of it?

Speaker 2 (50:05):
Right some tweeks, I'm sure.

Speaker 5 (50:07):
A lot Also a lot of it's also people who
are just talking about it genuinely. To quote a study
published in JMIR, a dermatology publication, quote, the promotion of
testicular tanning generated significant public interest in an evidence lacking
and potentially dangerous health trend. Dermatologists and other healthcare professionals
should be aware of these new viral health trends to

(50:29):
best consultations and combat health misinformation. Unquote so like in
terms of actual data, A twenty seventeen meta analysis of
studies on sperm counts found that in North America, Europe, Australia,
and New Zealand, men's sperm counts have declined by about
fifty percent between nineteen seventy three and twenty eleven. Now,

(50:50):
these results have not been enough to really cause broad
concern unless you're like a right wing influencer for men,
because there doesn't really seem to be an equal drop
in testostere level compared.

Speaker 2 (51:01):
To problems mankind has had on the whole. Not enough
semen comshat, it's not one of the.

Speaker 5 (51:08):
Yes and like compared to previous decades. There is this
maybe like a twenty percent decrease in total testosterone levels
amongst adolescent and young adult males, but that's highly fluxtual
and it's impacted heavily by diet.

Speaker 4 (51:20):
It's It's suspected that.

Speaker 5 (51:22):
Pollution and environmental degradation are also suspected of being contributing factors,
with plastics like a thighlight being known to interfere with
the production of hormones like distosterone. But this this area
of research is still heavily contested, but still that has
not stopped fitness YouTubers and conservative influencers from tying this

(51:43):
to like the soy boy feminization of men and drumming
up panic to grow their social media followings, sell their
supplements and advertise affiliate products. The krem Dela Creme of
red lights for testicular tanning is the Juve Light, a
light that is a light therapy panel company which sells

(52:04):
these LEDs. They're they're like this, They're like this upscale
wellness brand. The smallest model they have costs over one
thousand dollars, with the full body ones going for around
ten grand.

Speaker 3 (52:17):
This is when you know it's a grift. If someone
is telling you that they need to sell you sunlight,
they are having a fucking laugh.

Speaker 5 (52:25):
Our friend Ben Greenfield advocates a quote that advocates that
you spend the big bucks on drew lest you quote
fry your balls to a crisp with a cheap knockoff.

Speaker 2 (52:39):
You wouldn't want to do that, would you?

Speaker 11 (52:42):
Like?

Speaker 3 (52:42):
This is unwild?

Speaker 5 (52:43):
Yeah, it seems like it's maybe a bad idea.

Speaker 2 (52:45):
I can teach you how to how to how to
cook your balls safely without spending any money at all.
Get a pair of double A batteries, take them right
out of your out of your your your your your
remote control. You stick the active in bottle of water,
and then you put your hand on your testicles and
it'll complete the circuit and power your testicles up with electricity,

(53:09):
which you can then ejaculate instead of come.

Speaker 5 (53:11):
They'll probably give you superpowers too.

Speaker 2 (53:14):
Almost certainly, Garrison.

Speaker 4 (53:15):
Legally, this is not a recommendation to do this. If
you do this, that shit's not on us. You did
that your infliction.

Speaker 3 (53:23):
Please do not connect batteries to you.

Speaker 5 (53:24):
Dick to quote that JMIR study evaluating the public's interest
into secular tanning quote. The interest in this topic may
be partially explained by the men's attention and advertising men's
sexual health and hormone replacement or homone enhancing therapies receive
in the US. Although subsequent media coverage largely disfavored testicular
tanning due to lacking evidence and potential dangers, other health

(53:46):
influencers came to defend and encourage the practice of testicular tanning,
specifically by using UV light as an unquote. As an example,
here is a clip from fitness YouTuber Elliott Hulsey's Strength
Camp with one point seven million followers.

Speaker 11 (54:03):
Blast your balls with sunshine to increase testosterone. Now you
can drop your draws and let your balls get kissed
by the sun. Or you can try one of these
light panels to roast my nuts and be more manly.
Nineteen thirty nine study suggests the UV light exposure to
your testicles increases testosterone by two hundred percent. If you

(54:24):
want to join me in this experiment, you can find
one of these bad.

Speaker 2 (54:26):
Boys Joseyhealth dot com.

Speaker 11 (54:28):
Then just go to personal labs dot com, get your
blood tested, get your testosterone. Then after eight to twelve weeks,
check it again and find out if the nut rusting
really works.

Speaker 5 (54:38):
So this whole idea goes back to this one nineteen
thirty nine Studies eighteen thirty nine.

Speaker 3 (54:45):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Now let's get let's you get shied
to nineteen thirty nine.

Speaker 11 (54:49):
Man.

Speaker 5 (54:49):
And if there's one thing I trust, it's science from
nineteen thirty nine.

Speaker 3 (54:54):
Yep, got any comments on or on race in this study.

Speaker 5 (54:58):
So this study was public in the journal ender Chronology,
and it found that frequent UV irritation to the genitals
increased urinary and rosterone, a metabolite of distosterone, increases levels
by nearly two hundred percent quote unquote. Now you'll be
shocked to learn that there may be problems with this study.

(55:19):
Guess how many test subjects were included in this In
this study, I'm gonna be generous and say eight, So
miass eight. James V.

Speaker 3 (55:27):
Greenfailed just one? One?

Speaker 5 (55:29):
You say one, Robert, how many? How many do you
think are in the study?

Speaker 2 (55:33):
Geez, I think like seven was sacred to the Nazis,
So I'm going to say.

Speaker 5 (55:36):
That five, A grand total of five people are in
the study.

Speaker 2 (55:40):
Wow, I give the too much credit. They had to
pick this sacred discordian number. Bullshit.

Speaker 5 (55:45):
Three of them are fifty four years old and have
manic depressive psychosis.

Speaker 4 (55:52):
The other two are.

Speaker 2 (55:54):
Twenty honestly not a bad Nazi apparently representative sample for
Tucker's audience.

Speaker 3 (56:00):
I was about to say the same thing. This is
actually watches his show.

Speaker 5 (56:04):
The other two or twenty eight and forty five and
have a quote psychopathia with depressive features, which is very
again old timey term.

Speaker 4 (56:14):
Everyone on Twitter, et cetera, et cetera.

Speaker 5 (56:17):
But I think what actually happened is I think they
did this study at an asylum and just found people
with depressive psychosis to do the study on. It's just
these five, these five rand people. No, no individual graft
results were produced. It only showed the quot unquote typical
reaction and there wasn't even a control group for the study.

Speaker 2 (56:39):
Was good silence.

Speaker 5 (56:40):
Who not to mention there's many problems with like measuring
to stosterone in the first place, because it changes broadly
day to day and by age, and it's very kind
of unreliable. To quote the JMIR study again quote beyond
this questionable study, research has shown that exposure to UV
radigation may increase sex steroid hormone levels. However, these studies

(57:02):
either do not include human participants or do not specifically
evaluate u V radiation exposure to the genitals. There is
there is not a single other study since then that
has done anything resembling like peer reviewed science.

Speaker 3 (57:18):
You know what, why.

Speaker 2 (57:19):
Everybody go to go to go fund me help cool
Zone determine whether or not testical tanning works and we'll
get that control group.

Speaker 4 (57:31):
Okay, so what my my other question about this, aren't
aren't all these people getting fucking ball cancer?

Speaker 2 (57:36):
We are?

Speaker 9 (57:36):
We are Okay, we are about to get to that,
because yes, you may think that shining you for lights
on your balls might have some long term problems.

Speaker 3 (57:47):
Yeah, it's great that a lot of South Durants come
back to the episode again.

Speaker 5 (57:51):
So uh Vice interviewed Seth Cohen, a urologist and the
director of the Sexual Dysfunction Program at n y U
Langdon Health.

Speaker 4 (58:00):
Quote.

Speaker 5 (58:00):
I'm not aware of any science or data or any
journal publications proving that red light therapy improves male testosterone
en quote. We change recommendations on medical therapies based on
double blind, placebo controlled randomized trials, large studies with thousands
of patients. That's where you'll find if there's any really
statistical significance between red light therapy and a placebo Could

(58:22):
these men who underwent red light therapy and came out
and felt stronger and more manly, could that have been
a placebo effect? Of course it could unquote. So and
as Mia mentioned, we have not really even gotten into
the potential dangers yet. Close direct heat to your testicles
actually damages sperm count, on top of the risk of

(58:42):
giving yourself ball cancer by blasting concentrated UV light on
your genitals for twenty minutes a day, every day of
the week, which is what is recommended to quote that
study one last time quote. Research shows that excessive exposure
to you V radiation may lead to higher rates of
genital tumor formation and decreased sperm counts, as spermo to

(59:07):
genesis is temperature dependent. Thus, given the current obsession with
optimizing male hormone levels, the high cost of red light therapy,
and misleading information labeling of testicular retanning by prominent influencers,
there may be an increase in men exposing themselves to
UV radiation and developing associated complications unquotes.

Speaker 2 (59:27):
Right, heroic, So guys.

Speaker 5 (59:29):
Almost done here. But man, it's pretty it's pretty funny
that all of the worst people you know are going
to get ball cancery.

Speaker 3 (59:38):
Don't stop them.

Speaker 2 (59:40):
Yeah, I you know, there was a period of time
in my life when I'd said where I will never
which cancer on anybody. But if you are deliberately exposing
your testicles for the sun to the sun and the
hope of getting superpowers because of Nazi science, it's okay.
It's it's okay, Like I'm not going to mourn that.

Speaker 5 (59:58):
To be fair, that I thirty nine study was from
the United States, so.

Speaker 2 (01:00:05):
He's talking about the other Nazi science.

Speaker 5 (01:00:09):
Yes, yeah, yeah, well yeah, And I think I think
a part of this whole narrative of like the total
collapse of men's testosterone levels, as as Tucker puts.

Speaker 4 (01:00:20):
It, wish yeah, so much easier.

Speaker 5 (01:00:24):
But I think this is more about men in power
feeling that their position of assumed superiority is being threatened. Really,
all of our quack science and conspiracy theory stories today
all revolve around this, like subliminal dog whistle. It's no
mistake that Tucker titled his program the End of Men.
In all the stories we're covering today, it is the
fear of emasculation that is the hook used to drum

(01:00:48):
up fear and anger about how liberal feminism is eroding manhood.
It targets some of young men's sexual insecurities while promoting
this like anti woke return to the old ways of
rugged masculine.

Speaker 2 (01:01:00):
Yeah, I might add because I think you're missing one
aspect of it. I think you're identifying what he's signaling
to his listeners and what they get out of it.
But I also think that what he and the other
folks who are kind of in positions of power and
influence in the right get out of this because they're
not they don't believe this, they're not actually motivated by that.

(01:01:20):
Now what this is, and because we do not know
specifically why, like testosterone rates, maybe lower white sperm counts
are definitely lower, but it likely has to do with
a massive variety of industrial pollutants in the environment, and
with the fact that industrial agriculture and the process nature
of a lot of our foods is having a negative

(01:01:42):
impact on all these things, like it's consequences of capitalism, right,
and because the consequences are getting increasingly hard to ignore,
the thing that people like that need to do is
find either a cure for them or another way to
blame or another thing to blame them on.

Speaker 5 (01:01:59):
Right.

Speaker 2 (01:01:59):
And so if the aspect the things that are horribly
unhealthy about the society that we have built is causing
men to suffer consequences in their bodies, the thing to
do on the right is to blame that shit on
the liberals emasculating men. And the solution is whatever kind
of shit we can sell you, right, Like, that's what's

(01:02:19):
going on here, that's the motivation, and it happens outside
of like manshit too, like that's all the right has anymore.
Like their economic theories have been proven disastrously wrong. They
have no actual ability to govern in a meaningful way
other than by causing harm to people. So it's entirely
about taking the consequences of the world that they advocate

(01:02:41):
and blaming them on someone else and selling you snake
oil to deal with it.

Speaker 5 (01:02:46):
Yeah, exactly, And so that is most of the of
the testicular tanning fun that I got into.

Speaker 3 (01:02:54):
We have covered all the things that Bank Greenfield did
to his dacutat in twenty seventeen.

Speaker 2 (01:03:00):
We'll get back on this subject, but it is time
for us to end. This is already over an hour.
So I want to leave you all, all of you,
all of you beautiful. First, I want to thank all
of our beautiful correspondence for their research. And I want
to leave all of you with this simple piece of advice.
If you feel like your testicles aren't getting enough solar radiation,
simply purchase a glass cutter and an old microwave, cut

(01:03:23):
a circular hole in the microwave, and you bag it
while it's on. You'll be okay. That is our legally
binding health advice. That's the end of the episode.

Speaker 12 (01:03:36):
It Could Happen Here is a production of cool Zone Media.
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