Brian Kiley on The Man Who Would Be King

Chuck's pal, Conan writer Brian Kiley, sits in today for a great conversation about comedy writing and his movie crush, The Man Who Would Be King.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Movie Crush, a production of I Heart Radio.

(00:28):
Hey everybody, and welcome to Movie Crush Friday Interview edition.
And this week, my friends, we have an old pal
of mine from the entertainment industry, Mr Brian Kylie Brian. Uh.
Here's the story of Brian that he is and has
forever for twenty seven years, been a writer for Conan
O'Brien writes the monologues, those great, great jokes in the monologues,

(00:53):
and he's been with Conan for a long long time.
And Brian got in touch with me, uh jeez, quite
a few years ago now as a stuff you should
know listener and just reached out and said, hey, me
and actually some of the other guys in the writer's
room are are big fans of the show, and we
think you and Josh are great and just wanted to

(01:13):
touch base when you're ever out here. Would love to
go to lunch or something. And that sort of struck
a new um kind of email slash online Facebook friendship
with Brian. I was finally able to meet Brian and
a few of the other guys in person a few
years ago when he invited me to the set of

(01:35):
Conan and out to lunch on the back lot and
showed me backstage and towards the offices and has always
just been so kind to me, and UM, I kind
of joke to him on the episode, UM that he
always treated me like a professional peer, even though I
certainly didn't deserve it, because Brian and anyone in that

(01:57):
writer's room to me, I just hold on such a
pettus soll Um. Conan was always after Letterman, you know,
the Letterman years, my favorite late night show and um
still still remain so today. So always so much respect
for those guys. And Brian has always been such a
good guy to me, really one of the nicest guys
in show business. And a stand up as well, really

(02:18):
funny stand up, and we we talk a lot about
that and have a really good conversation about writing jokes,
and he's very open, unlike a lot of comics about
the process and and doing stand up and and writing
great setups and punch lines over and over a year
after year for himself and for Conan. So we had
a great conversation. His movie Crush was the nineteen seventy

(02:40):
five action adventure from John Houston, the Man who would
be King movie that I had not seen before that
I liked very much. So here we go, everyone with
the great Brian Kylie on the man who would be
king how you doing. I'm okay, how's your little girl?

(03:01):
She is great? Uh, you know, I mean you know
the deal. And in fact, you gave me some good
advice early on, which was, um, the things that you
just sort of think you'll remember, you won't, and to
like write down as much as you can. That's the
only advice I ever give young parents, because there's so
much No one is funnier than a five year old. Yeah,

(03:24):
you know, you know, I've been around comedians and comedy
writers for years. Still five year olds are hilarious every day.
Well it's funny because we, uh, I'm trying to teach
her about like the rules of comedy and stuff and
the rule of threes. And from the very beginning when
we would go to the playground, I would do this

(03:46):
silly bit where I would on the swing, I would
act like I was texting someone or on my phone,
and she would kick it out of my hands and she,
you know, it's like at that age is just again
again again. And I said, I'm only going to do
it if you call it the phone bit. And so
from the time she was like three years old, she
calls everything a bit to the phone bit. Oh my god,
that's so fantastic. And then with the again again again thing. Um,

(04:11):
I had to teach her about a bit having legs.
I was like, that bit doesn't have legs. What does
that mean. I was like, well, some some bits you
can do over and over and over and it's still funny.
It's some you do it two or three times and
then it's not so funny anymore. And that means it
didn't have legs. So now the thing is, come on, daddy,
that bit has legs. That's so funny. Oh my god.

(04:35):
Now your kids are both long gone now right, yeah,
I mean my daughter is actually home right now, but
she's she's going to grad school, so she'll she'll be
going back. You know, she missed out. She graduated in May,
but she didn't get to have a graduation and all
that stuff. Man. So um, but she'll be going back

(04:56):
for the last semester to get out for masters in
a couple of weeks of And my son actually is
going to be going to law school, so he's moving
home for a couple of months until he is what
he's gotten into a few but he doesn't know what
you when he's going to yet, so wow, that's great
until that sort out. So yeah, but both what kind

(05:16):
of lawsy interested in? I actually think he wants to
get into politics, so I know, I know, I think
he's really interested in that, so be interesting to see.
I don't know. I mean, that's you know, it's funny
because I came out of college and went into comedy,
so I have no moral high ground to stay with
my kids. You know, you're gonna be practical or what

(05:38):
you know. So yeah, yeah, that was actually I mean
that Segway is kind of into our first Um. And
by the way, the recording is going to be fine,
he said, okay, great, great, so this is the show.
We're doing the show now we are. I am curious,
so I know you're from the Boston area. Where were
you actually born and raised? I was born and raised

(05:58):
in Newton, mass which is just outside of Boston. It's
actually touching Boston. Um, and uh yeah, I'm from on
the middle of five kids and a big Irish Catholic family.
And then I went to college. I went to Boston

(06:19):
College and then I started doing comedy in in Boston
when I was in college, and then I came out
and just did stand up to Then uh, I got
hired to Conan. Wow, so you started stand up in
I mean, what would this have been the mid eighties earlier? Yeah,
early eighties. I yeah, I graduated in eighty three, so

(06:39):
I started, I guess eighty two or something at two
and then, um, I started getting some actual gigs my
senior year. It would be for like thirty dollars to
go to New Hampshire or something, and you know and
do ten or fifteen and you know, I had still
little time. I only had like ten minutes or whatever.
You know, you build it up, and then um, I

(07:02):
just came out of college and it was I kind
of luckily the comedy boom kind of happened right when
I was graduating. So I came out and there were
all these gigs and I was able to make a living.
I mean a meager living, but I was able to
make my living. And then, um, I was on the
road probably about one week a month, so most of

(07:25):
the time I was there. There was enough work in
Boston because you could go there were colleges, your clubs.
There were one night ers. You know, you might drive
to Maine one night and do a show and drive
back that night, and then the next day you're doing
a college in Vermont, or the next night you're in
Connecticut at a at a just a bar or whatever,
you know. Just but there was a ton of gigs

(07:47):
in New England in those days. So that's cool. I
think I remember listening to the Mayrin episode. Did you
guys overlap there in Boston? Yeah, we actually did open
mics together, and then and then I when I was
twenty five, I was hosting Open Mike and we had
like Louis c K would come as a new comic

(08:08):
right stuff like that, you know. So yeah, so I
with Louis c K and Dane Cook and Mark Mayry,
like I saw, you know, Joe Rogan and all these people.
Bill Burr. Yeah. Now, what what was your family like?
Were they funny? Were you always uh like amidst laughter? Uh?

(08:29):
My older brother was funny, and I think he was
kind of my role model. And and I would I
would do bits um just to make him laugh, you know. Um.
I wouldn't say my parents were funny, but I didn't
know that they I don't know that they that was

(08:51):
a priority. You know. I feel like you and I,
I think we were always trying to make our kids laugh.
I don't think. I don't think my parents had never
occurred to them I should try to make my kids
like kind of kind of the same. And they weren't
overly serious. It just it never occurred to them. Probably. No,
I think it's a generational thing of yah, you know, um, yes,

(09:15):
So I think, you know, it's funny because my younger
brother went to Harvard and he was the smart one,
and I think early on I was like, oh, my
little brother smarter than me, so I had to kind
of carve my own niche. You know what, how did
your parents feel about your career? Well, I think that
they they always knew I was this comedy nerd and

(09:39):
then I love comedy. And I think that even as
a little kid, like they'd have company over and I'd
have some jokes for them, like from a joke board
or or whatever, you know what I mean. And I
think they were kind of like, I don't. I think
they were kind of resigned to it in a way
of like, but I mean I could make them laugh,
which which helped Um, but I don't think that they

(10:02):
were like, oh, we can't wait till our kid goes
into comedy. Right were you were you listening to like
comedy albums growing up and stuff? Was something was going
to had your eye on? Yeah? I was, And there
was just when I was a teenager, there was this
guy named Kenny Mayer in Brookline, mass which actually kons
from who had this radio show and it was from

(10:23):
like like eleven to midnight or midnight to one am.
But I remember I wasn't I was supposed to be asleep,
and I would be listening in my radio when my
little transistor or whatever, and he would play whole whole
comedy albums, could play like half of an album and
I have some commercials and then play another half of
another album or whatever. So I would stay up secretly

(10:45):
and be listening to Bill Cosby albums or Bob new
Heart albums or whatever. Um, and I just love that stuff,
you know. Yeah, I mean I did the same. I
mean I think I had a George Carlin album and
of course Bill Cosby himself was just sort of a
life changing record for me. Um, Like I'd never had

(11:07):
a comedy album that I listened to over and over
and over and memorized, and I remember when I finally
saw it was years later when I saw the actual
performance on HBO. It really freaked me out as something
I had listened to dozens of times and pictured in
my head as a certain way, and I remember actually
seeing it was was weird. That's so interesting. And you

(11:29):
know I saw him. I got to see him perform
live when I was in my early twenties, and you
could just see almost like the technical skills that he had,
you know, and he did this whole bit about how
how your memory as you get older it goes from
your head down really basically to your ass. And he'd say,

(11:51):
he go, he had leave the room, you go in
the other room, could remember what he went in. Therefore
came back and as soon as he sat down it
would occur to him, all that's what I was looking for,
you know, so that he was able to weave that
into his set. But you know, he could walk around
talk about something else and what was I gonna talk
about and sitting in the stool and go, oh, now
I remember, and it was such an ingenious callback, you know. Yeah,

(12:15):
But it's also that thing of you know, like I
love Boody Allen and I loved Bill Cosby and it's
so hard you know, you kind of have to keep
that to Yeah, it's both very problematic individuals. Yeah, um yeah,
and that sucks, you know because Bill Bill Cosby himself

(12:36):
was a big part of my childhood and you know,
I can't listen to it now without thinking like, what
a what a creep he is? Absolutely, and it's it's
so disappointing because you know, so for so many of us,
we had him on such a pedestal, you know, and
it's like wait what you know, Yeah, when your heroes
are exposed like that, it's, um, it's tough. Yeah, especially

(13:01):
it wasn't when it wasn't someone got drunk and did one.
But it's like, no, this is a forty years series
of awful. You know, it's not hard to make up
your mind about how you feel about that. So you
met Conan, like, we'll tell me that story. Okay, well

(13:22):
this is this is a little bit insane. So uh, Conan.
I grew up in Newton and Conan grew uprom Brookline,
which are adjacent towns. And we actually did the Google
maps one day and he grew up exactly four miles
from me, and we went to the same Sunday school
when we were a little kid. Oh yeah, So I

(13:43):
was in his brother Luke's class and he was in
my brother Dan's class. Luke and I would sit it
was like a Monday afternoon, you know, and and we
were taught by nuns. And before the nun would come in,
Luke and I would talk about the football games the
day before, which is it's just hilarious because would be
doing the same thing now, you know, like fifty years later.

(14:04):
It would be like I would be having the same
conversations that we had then, you know. Yeah, so I
knew who Conan was. And then my brother went to
Harvard within the same class as Conan, so he would
when I was in college, he would show me, he go,
remember that guy Conan O'Brien, And he would show me
the Harvard lampoons that Conan was the editor and the

(14:25):
president or whatever he was, and I read these really
funny things and from uh so, and then when he
started working on SNL and The Simpsons, I kind of
followed his career at some extent. And it's the kind
of thing, is I hadn't seen him since we were
little kids, so I would have walked by him on
the street and not known who he was. But I

(14:46):
knew his name, and I was aware of his success
and stuff. So when they announced Conan's gonna take over
for Letterman, I was kind of like, oh, I kind
of know that guy, you know. And then some friends
of mine got hired at Conan h my friends tom
Agna and Chuck clar and Louis c. K for all
Boston Comics, and then um, somebody got fired and they

(15:08):
were looking for somebody to write his monologue, and I
used to. At that time. I was writing a lot
of topical jokes in my act. So I joke in
the paper every day. It's funny because there's no internet.
I feel like I'm a hundred years sol. But I
got through the newspaper and I would write jokes from
that and I would do them that night on stage.
And so I was so used to writing topical jokes,

(15:33):
so I wrote some new ones, but I also put
some jokes from my act to look at some new
I just sent them a packet of like fifty jokes
and then they called said, yeah, okay, you start tomorrow.
And the show was so shaky then, you know, Um,
so I had these thirteen week contracts and there will

(15:57):
constantly you'll be reading the New York Post and your
daily news and maybe rumors of who's going to take
over for Conan, like was going to be fired and
they get to take over. And then, um, the show
just kind of slowly built and slowly built. And then
when we started getting uh Emmy nominations, that kind of
gave us some credibility. Um, but it was a long

(16:22):
time before we felt kind of secure, like, oh, I
think we're okay here, you know. Um. But yeah, and
then so as in March, I'll be there twenty seven years. Wow,
that is unbelievable. Man. I was an early adopter. I
mean I was a Letterman guy growing up. I mean

(16:43):
as a kid, I watched Carson, of course, because that's
just what you did, and he was, you know, just unbelievable.
And I learned so much about um comedy, I think
from watching Carson. And then I have an older brother,
you know, a few years older, so that's usually the entre.
Like he goes to college and says, oh, you gotta
start watching David Letterman, and then he said, Oh, there's

(17:05):
this new guy, Conan O'Brien. You gotta watch. It's really great.
It's right up your alley. And so I started watching Conan.
I mean, what, what was the first year he's So
he started in September of ninety three, and then I
started in March of Yeah, I mean I was. I
was in college then, and I can't say that I
started in ninety three, but I bet you anything it

(17:26):
was ninety four. It was pretty early, and it was
just sort of perfect being the age that I was
then in college, I felt like Conan was the late
night host for my generation and really just sort of
as much as I love Letterman, still he was still
a little bit above my generation. Um and Conan just

(17:49):
I don't know, man, there was always that connection, and
I think it's amazing. I think it speaks to your
talent and also to his loyalty. I know he's a
pretty loyal guy. He really a great guy. And it's
so funny because so many times I would have a
meeting and it'd start the meeting and everyone's in there,
all the red and he'd have a five minute conversation

(18:10):
with me first about some Boston sports thing like Okay,
what happened last night? Whatever? Everyone else is like these guys. Uh,
but yeah, he's a great like I think people would
love to know about what a day is like. Uh,

(18:30):
you know, sort of in the in the prime of
the show what is the what is the day like?
For a monologue writer for and I guess it was
it was you and Rob Kuttner sort of as a
team for a while, right, Yeah. He well, he didn't
start until we were out in l A. So he
wasn't parad of the New York shows, but he came
out here and he's a joke machine, that guy. Yeah,
so funny. What what used to in the old days?

(18:53):
I mean it's still it's shipped a little bit. But
and the old days, I'd come into work and they'd
be a stack of newspapers on my desk and you
go through and you just look for the premises and
you just try to find stuff that Conan will joke about,
you know, if if there's a plane crash or something,
when you know, sometimes the big story is some kind

(19:13):
of tragedy that we're not going to do anything without that.
It's usually about Okay, what's the president doing today? What
is is there some celebrity in the news, there's there's
some you know. I think in the early days there
was a we did a lot of celebrity stuff, but
I think it's less less of that now for whatever reason.
But um, you'd find areas that you go, okay, you

(19:37):
know what, there's something funny about this, and and so
you kind of write down the topics that you thought
were good to explore, and and sometimes it would be
like an obscure story. But he he didn't like to
focus on those. He wanted he wanted us to talk
about the big stories for the most part. Pick out
the stories. And I'd write a bunch of jokes, and

(19:58):
then I'd get together with the other guys, the other
monolig writers, and would kind of pool our jokes, and like,
how many jokes when you say a bunch of jokes
would each of you on a daily basis, Right on
every day, I'd write about forty. Wow, but it's amazing.
I'd tried about forty and he would do two of them.

(20:19):
So bad jokes, not bad jokes though, you know. It's
like that's why these I mean, that's why these shows
are so great. It is because they pull together you
know hundreds of jokes and tell you know twelve of them. Yeah, no,
that's true, and and and some sometimes you have to
get the bad ones out first to kind of get
the juices, you know. Um, so in the morning until

(20:43):
like eleven or eleven thirty or so, I'd probably write
about fifteen or twenty and then would pull them with
the other guys and um, we'd um read through them,
and it might be like sometimes someone else's joke might
t you're a different idea for you. You might oh
and so that way, what if we did this instead
or whatever? And then we'd give him the jokes, uh,

(21:05):
and then he would mark the ones he'd liked and
say more on this or more on that, and then
we'd write some new ones, and then we'd go down
to meet with them, and he had read through the
new ones and pick up the ones elect and then
he'd read the ones he liked from the first match
and see if they still hold up, and pretty much
that was kind of so maybe there's ten or twelve

(21:28):
from there, and then he's like, okay, So we'd put
all those on qute cards and then uh, you know it,
say it's the president's birthday or something he'd be like, oh,
we don't have a good joke on this, we might
go back and try to have some last minute hail
Mary is there. Yeah, And then we get in the
qute card meeting and have all the jokes that he

(21:49):
liked earlier on que cards and then a couple of
new ones, and then he reads through them with Andy
and our our head writer and and our producer, and
we're all there and we pick out the jokes at
work and then we picked the order and then he
goes and does them. So's and there are times there's
a few times where you know, now with this show,

(22:11):
we go out at four thirty in New York, it
was five thirty, but there were times that the last
minute to come up with something, but they'd like and
it was it was like home ranked in the bottom
of the ninth or something, you know, like like, well,
at the very last second, we got that one in there,
and then he went out and did it five minutes later.
And it actually is nice to having that kind of

(22:33):
immediacy of you know, you write it and then he
goes out and does it that that you know, that
afternoon or you know a few minutes later or whatever.
I imagine the monotony is pretty intense, and being a

(22:57):
joke machine, there's a lot of pressure to be funny
every day. And we all have bad days as humans
and days where we feel terrible or where you have
personal things in your life, Like how hard is it
to cast that aside and trudge on? That's a that's
a very good question. You know. It's funny because I

(23:17):
never got migraines until I started working there. Yeah, and
usually people start getting migraines when they were in their
teens or their twenties, and I wasn't. It wasn't for me.
It was like in the late nine I would say,
I was in my late thirties when I started getting migraines.
And yeah, you do have those days. I do think
sometimes you do have stuff in your personal life or whatever,

(23:40):
but sometimes it can actually be a nice escape actually,
you know, Yeah, I mean that definitely happens. There are
times when you're tired, your brain is tired, and you're like,
I just don't have it. You know. That happens sometimes too,
but um, you know, but then sometimes you like it
took you know, sometimes you're like, oh, it took me

(24:01):
a while to get going like my morning match was terrible,
and then you know, and that's sometimes I've had my
morning batch is terrible, in the afternoon's terrible, and then
the third match it's like, oh I finally kind of
came alive there and saved it at the last minute.
You know. So sometimes you get that little adrenaline boost
or something like that. Um, but you know, luckily, I'm

(24:22):
you know, you have other people to work on two,
so hopefully you know other Yeah, absolutely, yeah, I mean
it's a job where you can't. I you're not allowed
to have writer's block. Um, you kind of probably not
allowed to like Collins sick if you don't feel great.
I mean you have to you have to be that
joke joke factory. That's just an amazing thing to do

(24:43):
for twenty seven years. Well it's funny because now it's
just it's just Laura Kilmartin and me writing the monologue.
And she's great. He is great, and she's so funny.
But it is the thing of you know, we can't
have a bad day. You know, one of us is
a bad day. It's a lot of pressure on the
other one, you know. Um, but before we've had three
or four or even six monologue writers. So as the shows,

(25:05):
you know, this shows kind of changed and that's only
half hour and we have the writers and all that stuff.
But um, yeah, I mean there are those times we're
like h And also sometimes what you're looking at in
the news is is bleak. You know. I remember when
I was first there, the first month or two, everything

(25:28):
was fine, and then we had the Oklahoma City bombing. Yeah,
and I think Jackie Onassis died at like the same well,
like right at the same time, and like every story,
you're like, oh, we can't touch any of this stuff.
And you know how they have in the USA today
they had a little state by state So Conan would

(25:49):
come out and be like, hey, did you hear about
this controller in St. Palm And what are you talking about? Noe,
no one's heard about the right No one cares, you know,
but we couldn't talk about the big stuff. Yeah, I
mean that's interesting. You gotta you gotta drill down and
find the nuggets in there when the national news is

(26:11):
so bleak, especially lately, you know, I mean we're recording
this in real time, you know, a handful of days
after the capital riots and cheese. Sometimes it's just hard
to find humor anywhere. Oh my god. Yeah, and especially
when someone's killed or something that it's like, you know, um,
I remember when I was first there, we had some

(26:33):
joke about a guy fell into a vat of cheese,
and it was the joke was like he's getting better
with age, but you know, the guy was seriously hurt,
so we couldn't do a joke. But like a month later,
ConA would be like, like, we'll be having a bad
day and ConA would be like, how's that guy in

(26:54):
the cheese doing right? Right? Well, I'm sure in that
writer's room, you know, you bat around all manner of
inappropriate jokes and just sometimes you just have to get
those out. And also sometimes you know, sometimes shockingly that
you said one as a joke for the room and
it's on the show. You're like, wait, he picked that.

(27:15):
He picked that? When I was I was actually kidding,
you know, um uh. We said this thing called staring contest.
Do you remember seeing those where Conan and Andy would
have staring contest? Oh yeah, yeah, that was one of
my favorite. Oh my god, it was so great and
whoever would break so behind Conan he would have these

(27:35):
things to come out to distract Andy to get him
to break, so it would be all these sight gangs.
And it was an amazing bit because it was a
silent bit for like five minutes on National TV, and
it was really funny. Luisy k came up with that.
So I was home, I think, on a paternity leave,
and I was submitting jokes remotely, and I submitted a

(27:57):
bunch of sight gangs, and I had one that I
was just kidding. Was us to make the room laugh?
I don't know this is too inappropriate for your show here,
but it was a quarterback going under center and then
pulling out a gerbil and I swear I was just kidding.
And then that night that was the closer and no

(28:20):
one was more shocked than me. Hey, I gotta turn
off my fridge real quick. Holder hit this world up.
You know, it's so funny because I was so hoping
that I would get to throw or commercial for me
Andy's we could do that. Uh. You know, that's one

(28:42):
of the things I always appreciated about your stand up two,
which I love, which is and I've told you this before,
but you know, there are all kinds of different ways
to do comedy and and I think when the I
hate the labels, but alternative comedy comes around and these
weird storytelling storytelling bits, which can all be great, but
I always appreciated just your dedication to the craft of

(29:04):
the joke and writing a joke with a setup and
a punchline. You get in, you get out, and it's
just so clean and uh, I mean, there's this. It's
just such an art form. It's really hard to write
a joke and you've written tens of thousands of them,
probably hundreds of thousands of them over the years. It's

(29:26):
just amazing. Well, I do think it's I think early on,
I you know, I tried sort of Seinfeld esque sort
of observational things. I tried to impression. I tried to
do impressions. I was the worst impression is in the
World's like what was I think? Did you do? I
tried to do like Peter Falk or whatever. So bad. Um.

(29:46):
But I think early on I was realized it's like, oh,
you know what, I'm not good at this, and this
is what I'm good at. Let me just do that.
And because I kept trying to write longer bits, it's
you know, if I do forty five minutes if I like,
do your head and show that's a hundred and thirty
five jokes. That's a lot of jokes too. And when
I had my Comedy Central half hour special, you know

(30:09):
they have it on the they have um teleprompter, So
put all my stuff on bullet points and the teleprompter
and they go, you've got nine jokes. That's a record. Well,
I was gonna talk about just the simple nuts and
bolts of just memorizing and act that long with that
many jokes is astounding. It's you know, it's funny. I mean,

(30:31):
when you're doing it all the time, you just you're
just so used to it, you know. But there are
times absolutely where, especially coming out to l A. You
always every show you're doing short sets, and so when
they go, okay, we want you to headline this day,
and before it was like, oh, I haven't done forty
five minutes like three years, you know, and I've just

(30:51):
been all day writing up my set and going through
you know, when it's yeah, there are times like oh
I forgot that trunk or what right? I try to
keep stuff like okay, here are my high school jokes
and here are my jokes. Got to keep Thoms together
because otherwise, um, you get lost. But also you have
to keep in the same order. Like if you do
two or three shows in a night, by the third show,

(31:14):
you're like, did I do this joker? You know? So
that's got to be scary as hell. It's and you
do see comics repeat a joke, and there is that
feeling of have I done this joke before? And then
when they laugh, you're like, okay, I few, I didn't write, man,
But yeah, that is a terrifying feeling. Oh, I imagine

(31:35):
one of your favorite jokes of mine and I can't.
I'm hoping you can remember it. But and I know
it's like saying to do one of your hundreds of
thousands of jokes. But it was a joke about, um,
your wife having sex with your wife and a fireman.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, there was the chuck about we

(31:56):
we tried to spice things up. We tried some role playing, right,
so I dressed up as a firefighter and my wife
dressed up as someone who didn't really feel like having
sex with a firefighter. That's it. Oh man, I'm glad

(32:17):
you remembered it because I couldn't. That's one favorite jokes
I told that joke to friends, giving you credit of
course for years after I heard it. Uh, there's just
something about it, man, it just kills me because it
takes you know, I think that's one of the best
kinds of jokes, and that it takes you in a

(32:38):
different direction from where you start in such a brief
amount of time. Uh, there's that little bit of misdirection
that Uh, and it's a surprise. The punch line is
a surprise. You think it's going one way and it's
a three cent it's joke and it takes you in
another direction. It's just it's brilliant. Man. I love it.
I would never retire that joke from act if I

(33:00):
were you, That's one of the great jokes. Uh. Do
you walk around every day like is it hard to
turn off that switch? Or are you constantly is that
annoyingly les? Yeah? My loved ones hate me. I mean
it's yeah, it's there's constantly that is this something or

(33:24):
is this funny? And not on purpose? Like you just
out doing your life and then something strikes you and
you're kind of like and I used to keep a
little notepad and I would kind of jomp something down,
and now I just had my phone and I just
put something in the phone if I you know, I
have that ever note, put something if I think of
a joke. But yeah, I mean still it's I still

(33:46):
have that thing of I love when I come up
with a new joke that I'm excited about that I
can't wait to try. Yeah, I see certain comics where
they have not changed their act at all in twenty
years or something. You think, and even if it kills
it's like, isn't that boring to just like, you know,

(34:08):
if I do a hundred jocks, there's times with it
my whole set, I can't wait till the one new
joke in the middle, you know, right, And that's the
fun part of And so many times you're wrong. You think, oh,
way do they hear this? And then it's like, oh,
well they heard it. How disappointing is that when you
have a joke that you really love one of your babies,
it just doesn't fly. It's you know, especially one that

(34:32):
you're excited about. And sometimes a joke can be it's
too much of a reach for it. It's like it's
you think it's clever, but it's a little too contrived
or something or it's too obscure. And also sometimes it's
a thing of you do a joke a hundred times
and it works ninety nine and is that one time
it doesn't and you want to go, wait, what what's
wrong with you? People you know want to say, yeah,

(34:54):
I mean, is the audience always right? Do you walk
out of there sometimes saying like nah, that that ship
was funny and they didn't get it. Most of the
time they're right, But there are those exceptions where you go, now,
I've done that joke five times and it's always worked.
That's not me, that's on you, you know. Yeah. Um so,
I mean there are you can get a dumb crowd,

(35:17):
or you can get you know whatever, were the too
drunk or whatever. But for the most part, there's most
of the time I think, oh, waited to hear this,
and if it doesn't work, I'll look back on it
three months later and go, yeah, they were right, that
wasn't that wasn't very well. You just briefly mentioned people
getting too drunk. What I know, every comic has their

(35:38):
own Heckler sort of defense plan. How did you handle
that over the years? What was your move? Uh? Yeah,
I would I um, I would try to ignore as
much as I could, because sometimes what happened is you
come out. I would always record my sets, and the
old days now record them on my phone, but the
old days I would record them on a tape recorder.

(35:59):
And sometimes somebody the front row says something and nobody
else can hear it, and so you lash up. Is
suddenly the audience is kind of like, why is he
just suddenly lashing on this guy? Right? You know? So
I've kind of learned that if but if if it's
something that everybody is aware of, um, and something my
friend Barry Kirmen's taught me of try to point out

(36:22):
in what way they're being a jerk, you know, Um,
so if you can kind of flip it on them.
But um, I think I got I think I get
less heckled now just because I'm older. I think there's
a certain like it's almost like I think sometimes they're like,
I don't want to be heckling my dad. Like if

(36:46):
we're both and they're heckling, it's one thing. But if
they're twenty five and you know, and they see me like,
I think there's a little bit of Yeah, I guess,
but I think a little bit of respect for my
age or whatever you well in your career, Like imagine,
like people know who you are when they go to
see you, and what kind of an asshole is going

(37:06):
to heckle the guy who's been writing like some of
the greatest monologues in the past twenty seven years. You
have to be a real shphead. Occasionally there is a
real shifhead. But yeah, um, but I do think you um,
And I also think I work in better rooms now too.
I think you know, when you're in the beginning, you're
in every dive and every you know, and also sometimes

(37:28):
your rooms where they didn't come for comedy, they don't
want comedy, they're out of bar, and okay, we're forcing
the show on you. And there sometimes where it's like
I think I'm the rude one. This is a couple
that's on a date. I'm like, no, sorry, I'm here.
You can't talk now, you know? Wow, man, that is
so cool. I mean, I love this insight. Uh. I

(37:50):
haven't had a bunch of stand ups. I mean I've
had a handful, but um, I don't know. It feels
like people don't talk about it that much and always
that you're kind of open to talking about things I
have just said. I love I mean, it's one of
the things I do. Love stand up and I love
talking about it because it's you never really master it
in a way, you know, it's it's always a challenge.

(38:12):
It's it's that the challenge never ends. Really. Yeah, and
and just on a personal level, like you started, I
think you've got in touch with me many years ago
because you listen to stuff you should know, and um,
some of the other guys, Rob Kuttner, who is originally
from Atlanta when your monologue writing partners listened and Dan
Cronin from the show listened, and all of a sudden, like,

(38:36):
I'm this guy who never had a job in show
business and sort of lucked into this weird career and
I'm getting, uh, I'm getting these heroes of mine that
work on the show, that all those all of a sudden,
you're getting in touch with me saying you like my
work and it always just meant so much to me.

(38:57):
How you in particular, Uh, And I don't know if
you've got the book that I've seen, Yeah, yesterday, And
part of the inscription was, you know, thank you for
always pretending like we were professional peers that always meant
so much to me and was such a big boost
for me and how I felt about Um, did I
deserve to even do this job? Please? I mean the

(39:19):
amount of hours you guys have logged, it's I mean,
how many thousands now, I mean it's incredible over four
episodes for stuff you should know, and it's it's such
a great show because it's it's funny, but it's also you.
I've learned so much and it's entertained, you know, and
it's never dry, it's it's and you guys have a

(39:39):
great chemistry. I don't know, Um, I love it. I
think it's it's really been my favorite podcast for years.
So thanks man. I mean, it always meant so much
to me that you uh kind of treated me with
such kindness and when I went to l at that
time and uh you invited me out for lunch and
gave me the backstage tour in uh, I mean, I

(40:01):
was like a kid in a candy store. You know.
It was just amazing, So big thanks, my friend. Absolutely,
all right, Do you want to talk a little bit
about the man who would be king? Sure should not.
Did you get to see in I did, of course, Um,
This is the first time I've actually seen this movie
from nine directed by the great John Houston, Um written

(40:23):
by John Houston, and I think Gladys Hill from the
Rudyard Kipling uh novella was like a short novel. Um,
Where did this movie come into your life? And why
is why is this your movie? Crush? My friend Barry Crimmins,
who was sort of my mentor, my comedy mentor, he

(40:44):
he showed it to me, and I guess I was
in my early twenties, and I remember my older brother
had mentioned it to me. When you know, there's so
many movies. You know, my older brother is seven years
older and my older sisters nine and a half years older.
So when I was, you know, twelve and thirty ten
or whatever, they were going to see these movies in
the seventies that had all this cashe in my mind

(41:04):
of like, oh, I'd like to see that, you know,
but I couldn't go or whatever. And then a lot
of them, as I've gotten older and watched them, you know,
at Blockbuster or Netflix or whatever, I'm like, ah, that
movie wasn't very good. I've been waiting forty years to
one that movie it was, you know, and somebody don't
hold up, but this, this was this really holds up

(41:28):
because it's it's such an ingenious story where I read
the short story, the novella or whatever it was this
week to kind of this. But um, the movie is
very true to the to the I mean, the movie
is very true to the story. And um, the way

(41:48):
he plants these seeds that they all pay off is
is so remarkable to me. And I also love my
favorite thing. You know, I used to watch you know,
when I watch Batman as a little kid, and when
you watch James, there's always this elaborate way they're going
to be killed and whatever, and then they get out

(42:09):
of it, and it's always whenever. So many movies where
the heroes in danger and the way they get out
of it is so sort of they just shoot somebody
in the hand or whenever they beat them up or whatever.
It's so lame. And this one in particular, where you
can have spoilers, you're right. It's a where they're they're

(42:34):
crossing the mountains and then is that the giant crevice
and they can't get across and they're gonna die, and
they just sit there and they start talking, telling their
old stories and they start laughing and they laughed so
hard that they caused the avalanche. And I just thought
that was the most ingenious way of getting over an obstacle,

(42:56):
in the way of getting out of the situation I've
seen in any TV show or any movie. I just
thought that was so brilliant, you know. Yeah. Um, just
to sort of overview for the listeners if you haven't
seen it, it's about to former English soldiers who basically
are turned into a con artist, like a con artist
team a couple of grifters. Danny Dravat in uh one

(43:20):
of the great names of all time. Peachy Carnahan is
Michael Caine's character, and Sean Connery just like peaque handsome
Sean Connery in this movie and he Uh. They decide
to leave India and basically go to the Middle East
and grift these um and this is I guess, uh,

(43:44):
late eight hundreds, and they decided to a plan for
them would be to go and sort of grift these
people in the Middle East who they see as as
savages into thinking they are kings and eventually gods and
and in looting them and leaving and uh, it's it's
kind of this crazy plan that that kind of works

(44:08):
until like the very end. It's pretty remarkable, it really is.
And the way it's so it's so plausibly done, and
the way that they keep every scenario where they get
in danger, there's such an ingenious way that they get
out of it and win. Yeah, it's it's just so
cleverly done. That's what I That's what I love about it. Um.

(44:28):
And they're such great actors, you know, oh man, I
mean what appairing. I know that earlier Houston tried to
develop it with Bogart and Gable. Yeah, Clark Gable is
the Sean Connery role and then Bogart is Michael Caine's role.
But when you see these guys, I mean, their chemistry
is great. Um. It's not the movie that I thought

(44:49):
it was. I I think I thought it was a
bit more of a Lawrence of Arabia type of thing.
I didn't know how funny it was gonna be. Um,
But I think he he hit just the right tone.
I think if it were remade today, it would be
way bloodier and also way more um played for laughs
kind of been the wrong way. It would be like

(45:11):
Owen Wilson in the Rock or something, and probably a
lot of dumb jokes. But I think they hit the
comedy just right in this movie. I always felt this
way that really good dramas because they set the tension
up so well that that the comedy always pays off
because you're not expecting it and they've created this tension
and you're nervous, and then it's like it's such your release,

(45:33):
you know, And also you're not looking for a joke there,
you know. Yeah, but I did think that has a
bunch of funny lines in it. Yeah, that's I just
love the the elaborateness of it and how cleverly it's.
It's it's constructed, you know. Yeah, and it's a movie
even though it's um At times it feels like it's
going to an inevitable conclusion. But for a lot of

(45:56):
the movie, you're kind of guessing what's going to happen
to these eyes? And is there Like for a while
I was wondering, is there any treasure? Like I kind
of thought the conclusion was going to be they go
and they do sort of install themselves as a king
and his I guess, sort of right hand man. But
there's not gonna be any treasure and it'll be all

(46:17):
for not but there is treasure, uh, and they discover that.
That's one of the funny bits is when Sean Connery
holds up that ruby and he's like, look at the
shows of this ruby, and then Michael Caine holds one
up it's like three times as big. It's just it's
a great little sight gag, especially for those guys who
are like pickpockets and whatever. Suddenly they're in the wealthiest
room that it's there. You know, it's so great, beyond

(46:40):
their wildest beings. Um, it's so awesome. Well, and it
looks amazing, like uh, I know, we sound like old
guys to say like they don't make them like this anymore,
but they truly don't. When you see these these scenes
with three hundred extras and fifty camels and thirty goats
and all the costuming, he's just so real and everything

(47:03):
would be c G I now or whatever, and yeah,
there it is. He like the excuse there are how
there's a Yeah, it's incredible. It did remind me of
Lawrence of Arabia a little bit, except just for that
big sort of sweeping you know, this is John Houston.
It's in technicolor, and it's just it's it's just a
real movie. It feels like something not made in n

(47:26):
I know, I'm actually surprised it didn't get more acclaimed
awards wise or whatever. But yeah, and there's this, you know,
Michael Caine is great, and there's all these little side
stret So there's a story. He told he was in
some movie, some terrible movie in the seventies and it
might have been The Swarm or something like that. I'm

(47:46):
not sure which movie was, but they asked him about
it and he said, you know, I haven't seen the film.
I hear it's dreadful, but I have seen the house
that had paid for and it's beautiful. I mean, he's
just such a legend and he's uh and this is
sort of peaque Michael Caine as well, um in the

(48:08):
mid seventies, so funny, and that that just he he's
an actor, who uh. I know, he had a harder
time getting work at first because of his accent, and
he was always sort of told to be to put
on a bit more of the posh English accent, but
that no one has a better speaking voice than Michael Caine.

(48:28):
Oh my god, I love that scene. Is it road Trip?
What's that scene with those two guys have the dueling
Michael Caine. Oh, I don't know. It's a great He's
two British guys again and one guy does that Michael Caine.
He does look really good Michael Caine, and the other
guy's like no, no, no, and then he does his
Michael Caine and you're like, okay, you win. It's better. Yeah,

(48:50):
it's even better. It's so good. I'm blanking on. Um.
Their their names, but it's so good. Um. But I
was so the woman that Sean Connery tries to marry
in the movie. So that's Michael Caine's real life. What right?

(49:10):
I saw that afterwards? Shakira Kane Kirakane, so I looked
up in Wikipedia. So he had seen her on a
Maxwell House coffee commercial and he got her number from
her agent and he called her like ten days in
a row and she's like no, no, no, whatever, and

(49:30):
then she agreed to go on a date with him
or whatever. But can you imagine that you see someone
on a commercial and you're like, you know, like I
had the power to just say I want to date her.
I tried that years ago with flow from progressive and
didn't work out. I got nowhere. I don't know what
to tell, but I was just meaning that I thought

(49:51):
that was such a cool thing of like, really, you
can do that and they're still married. I mean they've
been married since three or something like, Yeah, unbelievable. Yeah,
that's very cool. I wondered, Um, actually I looked her
up to because I wondered if they had met on
this movie, but um, they had met previous. And you know,
I guess she got the part because it was Michael

(50:11):
Caine's wife and she was beautiful, right, and yeah, and
she had the good look the look for that that
you know, because it's funny because I remember seeing around
the world in Eighty Days and at one point they're
in India and David Niven meets this Indian princess and
it's Shirley McClain and you're like, wait, I love Shirley McClain.

(50:33):
However I don't. She hasn't seen that Indian to me,
I don't know. Yeah, I mean those are the days
when they would, you know, appropriate whatever they wanted. Yeah. Yeah,
So but it was it's kind of cool that it
his his wife had this memorable part, you know, oh totally.
And then that wedding scene too was so creepy. I mean,

(50:56):
this movie does have some intense moments. Then I think
it's sort of interesting to balance out sort of the
lighter comedic parts with some really I mean, that's a
very intense scene, that wedding scene. The movie is really

(51:19):
very grounded, Like those guys seem very real. Their friendship
seems like they've been friends forever and they've been through
everything together. And um, it's such a plausible movie for
for considering what what the stakes are and what's happening.
You know. Um, that's what I love about it. You

(51:40):
you totally you go, okay, I'm with you for this ride.
Because some always were like okay, come on, you know,
but this is like, all right, I'm on board here,
you know. Yeah. I mean it's kind of a buddy
comedy adventure movie. Um, what was your take on The
one thing I didn't quite get my head around was
this the contract they signed to not woman eyes or

(52:03):
to not drink, Like, what what was your take on that?
Why they did that? Oh? I My take was that,
you know, they were these sort of m delinquent soldiers
for so long yeah. You know. My take was that
they were constantly drinking and constantly womanizing, and I think
that they had been I got the impression that they've

(52:24):
been so much trouble and for years and years, so
they're like, Okay, we're finally going to cut it out
and do this right this right? Yeah, okay, Yeah. I
think that's a good read. That's the way I looked
at it. Yeah. Uh. And you know Christopher Plumbers in
those early scenes as Rudyard Kipling and that great set
up at the beginning when Michael Caine comes in unrecognizable

(52:48):
as Michael Caine, but you hear the voice and you're like, well,
of course it's Michael Caine. But he's got that great
line though he's kind of grotesque looking, and Christopher Plumber
looks at him and then kind of looks away, and
he goes keep looking at me. It helps, It helps
to keep my soul from flying off. It's like such
a great line. Yes, yes, and it's this And reading

(53:08):
the novella, there was a lot of things you go, oh,
this is this went right into the movie. It's usually
they take a lot of liberties with these things. But
I mean, there's beautiful lines that are just in the movie,
but there's also beautiful lines that they took from the
story that's like, yeah, why why would you lose that?
You know? Yeah, yeah, that's cool. But that is a
very lyrical thing because it's great. I love that. Yeah,

(53:31):
and I thought I thought it was also cool how
they I mean, there's never any thought given to to
this not working, uh, this crazy idea against all odds,
even making it to where they're trying to go, which
is sort of I guess near what would be Afghanistan today,
through the you know, through the mountains in the winter,

(53:51):
and like can they even get there? And their attitude
is just so casual about the whole thing. And he's
got that other great line when Chris for plumbers Kipling
is telling him kind of the story of Alexander the
Great is the last like white man who had been there,
uh and left, and he said Alexander the Great, Well,
if a Greek can do it, we can do it.

(54:14):
And I love the idea that it seems like he
had never heard of Alexio the Great. No, Yeah, it
definitely that kind of came across. I love the setting
to there's something about I think being a kid raised
on Raiders of the Lost Dark, and uh, there was
this great war movie called The Gallipoli with Mel Gibson

(54:36):
from when I was a kid that I watched on
HBO a hundred times. There's something about the setting in
this period of India and these these bazaars that they
would walk through in these markets that, uh, I just
it has so much energy, I think, And it was
one of the things that I loved about Raiders so much.
This this land where you're a kid from Georgia, like

(54:57):
it just seems so fantastical and interest. And the movie
opens with that with just like three or four minutes
of just life there at this bizarre and it just
it has to be real footage, right, just of you
know people, you know, a guy putting the scorpion on
his tongue and all that, and you're like, oh my god,
you know these things that um there's a great um

(55:21):
frans Copa story I think it's called like the Hunger
Artist or something, where this guy is out where he
doesn't he's on a like a hunger strike, and people
are following. People would gather to look at the guy
as he's in public, like just sitting there, not eating
for fort like each day to build up, and it

(55:43):
gets to forty days and and and then people lose
interest and start drifting away. And it's like, well, is
it not eating for fifty days more more of an
accomplishment than not on But the people like, we're bored
with this, so then they've kind of feeled away. Mh. Well.

(56:03):
The character of Billy Fish is pretty great. He is
the I guess sort of soldier who serves as translator
in the movie, played by said Joffrey uh And one
of the more fun characters is sort of the third
leg of of this of this duo who meets his

(56:24):
I guess kind of tragic end. But he's such a
fun character in the movie. I think he's so great,
and I think I think he was like an Indian
soldier or something who got captured and then um ended
up just staying there. And so he you know, speaks
perfect English and he had, you know, has affection for
these British guys when they show up, and yeah, I

(56:48):
don't think they could have done it without without him
explaining what's going on or explaining this is the local
chieftain that you wanted, you know, getting good with or
take over his thing or what over. He kind of
guided them along the way. Um, he was a great character.
I was that actor and other things that I would know.

(57:09):
I don't know. Man, he looks sort of familiar. Let
me see, I'm kind of looking now. Of course, he's
probably one of these guys who was in hundreds of movies.
I'm looking now. He was in My Beautiful Laundrette, he
was in Gandhi. Uh, and I'm sure a whole host
of movies from India. Uh. He's probably like their biggest actor,

(57:31):
like in history or something in Bollywood. Um. He's got
one of the great lines too, when he meets them
sort of early on and they meet Utah, the local
sort of tribal leader or king, and he says, uh,
he said, I often tell Utah about Englishman's giving names
to dogs and taking hats off at the women giving

(57:54):
names to dogs. That's such a great line, like, and
I love that. It's such a cool thing of because
they're going and looking at their customs, like what are
these people doing and the idea of it of flipping
it and being like why would you name a dog
and why would you own? That kind of thing is
so great of them looking at British customs is crazy,
you know, yeah, I mean it also it does touch

(58:16):
a little bit on some more uh some deeper pools
of thought about cultural relativism without really kind of getting
to self serious. But there, you know, there there is
this sort of theme that runs through the whole thing
about these white men coming to a Middle Eastern country

(58:36):
who they think are savages, imposing their will on them.
Everything from uh peac trying to train these soldiers in
the British way and a scene that ends up being
very funny the one to three just trying to get
them to march and to these things too, then sort
of accepting them and working with what they have rather

(58:57):
than trying to make them British soldiers. That's interesting, the
statement it makes off and on. That's true. And so
I think that the those people, they they kind of
won them over in a way. They they you know,
I felt like I felt like both Sean Connery and
Michael Kaine's character really kind of had affection for these
people towards the end, you know, oh for sure. I

(59:19):
mean that's the whole sort of hook of that third
act is when it comes time to split with the
Gold they have that four months left until the spring thaw,
I guess, and you kind of see it coming that
Sean Connery is bought in and he likes being king.
He likes being king, and he's like, hey, I'm like,

(59:41):
I feel like he's got like a he feels like
he's the father to these people or something in a way,
and and doesn't want to leave them, you know, wants
to marry one of their women and stay there. And um, yes,
it is. There is sort of a maturation on them
their in a way, I think from where they start out,

(01:00:02):
you know. Yeah, I mean there's that great scene where he's, uh,
he's sort of playing judge and settling disputes between local tribes,
and it's sort of in that moment I think where
he really turns and and feels like, you know, there's
a better way that you should be doing things, that
is more fair, more equitable. Um, but it doesn't feel

(01:00:26):
like forcing the Western way on these people. It feels
more like, hey, you'd be smarter if you sort of
did these things in a and your tribe would be
better for it, right, right. And that's such a funny
thing where there's you know, the guy's wife there's a
rule of wife sleeps with If you sleep with someone

(01:00:47):
else's wife, you have to give the guy five goats
or whatever. Yeah, so he would on his wife out, yeah,
and never sleep with these guys. And now he's got
like forty ghosts because he's pimping his wife, you know.
And he's like, yeah, you know. That's and the way
that Sean Parney is like wait, wait, he's taking a
good law and twisting it around. And then he makes

(01:01:08):
the guy's wife sleep with excellent number of guys to
pay off the debt or whatever. Um, it's really funny. Um. Well,
and that's when he starts taking it seriously and you
sort of see the switch when and I think Houston
played it totally correct. I think if it were made today,
it would be way more of a sinister feeling of

(01:01:31):
like when he asked Peach to start like, I think
you should start bowing when I come in, just to
sort of, you know, keep up appearances. And and Michael
Caine sort of gives him that side. I like, he's
really buying into this. And when he talks about destiny,
it was his destiny. I think Houston hit the right
tone there. And today that would be way melodramatic and

(01:01:52):
even sinister. Yes, yes, absolutely, and yes, and I think
that beast some more. It would be more heavy handed
where they're that are that racism that they come in
with or is something? And I think, you know, I
think this really it's the subtlety of the film. I
really like, you know, yeah, that's a really good point.

(01:02:16):
I mean, you've got two of the bigger actors of
the day. And uh and I did see I read
Pauline Kale's review from six is really really great, super
long review, and she kind of makes that same point
you do, with the subtlety and how John Houston feels
content to just sort of sit back and let let
it happen rather than try and force too many things

(01:02:39):
to happen, right, right, And and it is an adventure story,
and it is the kind of thing of the fact
that they are these ordinary guys. Yeah, and they're gonna
go try to take over, and they've got this big plan.
You know, it's it's such a cool adventure that you
you know, yeah, I mean, he's he refers to himself.

(01:03:00):
I can't remember the king's name. Uh, I can't remember
the name, but it's you know, very sort of regal,
sort of Middle Eastern name uh. And I think it's
very key that there their names are Danny and Peachy,
uh and not like Richard and James, because every time
you started to start to buy into this thing, Michael

(01:03:20):
Caine comes in with that Cockney accent and calls him
Dan Danny, and he gets called Peache in return, and
it's sort of this constant reminder to them and to
the audience I think of who these guys are. Yes,
And I love when you know, in the beginning, before
they go, before they leave in their adventure, they get
caught and they get in trouble and the local official

(01:03:41):
calls them detriments or whatever, right right, you know, and
then um, they was saying we decided to leave the country,
and it's like, well, and the Kipling characters like, I'm
pretty sure you were asked, right. There's such a great
comic duo that the one part where you know they're

(01:04:01):
not supposed to be womanizing, and the naked temptress comes
in and disrobes in front of Peachy and he's just
sort of babbling about like, you know, not supposed to
be doing this, and then Sean Connery comes In Danny
comes in and immediately puts an into it and Michael
Caine's line is, Danny, thank god you arrived. But by

(01:04:27):
all accounts, they do stay. I guess cell of it.
I mean, they don't break that contract it seems like,
and it does seem and they don't drink, and you
get the feeling that these guys this is like a
big departure for these guys of what they past, you know, well,
and their success follows because they do succeed and kind

(01:04:47):
of most everything they do um and you actually get
sort of sad when you know they're gonna split up
in and Peach is like, I'm leaving and Danny says
I'm not, and uh he tries to talk him into it,
but you you know that it can it's not going
to end well. At that point, I think, well, I

(01:05:08):
also have I I love British actors, you know, I
feel like they're they're always seem to be classically trained,
and there so many of our American actors are sort
of personality actors, you know what I mean, Like like
I love Bruce Willis, but he's Bruce Willis in every
movie and he's just kind of being Bruce Willis, you
know what I mean. And these guys that they really

(01:05:30):
they know they're craft so well, Um, I don't know,
I always I just think they're great, you know. Yeah,
and boy Connery was just there's one of the lines
from pollin Kale which you should you probably appreciate, is uh.
She talks about his lack of hairpiece, which I guess

(01:05:51):
he wore a lot back then. She says, Connery plays
this role without his usual hairpieces and undisguised and bare domed.
He seems larger, more free. If baldness ever needed redeeming,
he's done it for all time. Well, I'm sure that
part of my me going, wait, you can be a
leading man as a bald guy. This this is the
greatest movie I've ever seen. Well Connery, Bruce Willis, you

(01:06:15):
know there was a famous story when he was a
young man where he somebody recommended him to Hitchcock to star,
and was it, Martie, there's some Hitchcock movie that you know.
So somebody recommended him to Hitchcock. And the two guys
are in the meeting, and the guys like, oh here
he comes now. And Hitchcock looks out the window and

(01:06:35):
sees Connie walking down the street and goes, yeah, he'll
do and you know, he's so charismatic, this handsome, but
I just loved it. It's just just seeing him walk
down the street. Gop. Okay, yeah, let's put this guy
in my movie. You know, let's let him say. Of course, well,
he just had that gravity toss and uh absolutely, it

(01:06:57):
was so sad. I mean we lost him just just
last to your right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was such
a big loss. He had such graviy toss. And in
this movie, you know, he's clearly going to be the one.
He takes that arrow in that first battle, which becomes
sort of they event eventually give him a golden air.
It becomes sort of his riding crop that he carries
around or a scepter, and they really fall into their roles.

(01:07:21):
Like my appeaci is it seems content to slide in
there is the number two because in his mind he's
they're just biding their time until they can get out
of there. But Connery buys into it. It's a really
interesting thing it does, and it's just it's just another
one of their scams, but it's just a bigger one. Yeah,
you know, um, but you did feel like but you

(01:07:43):
do feel like those actors. I don't know if they personally,
they just they just seem to like it, you know
what I mean, Like you believe their friendships so much,
and I don't know if what they were like personally together,
but um, you know, my friend always talks about in
that You've got mail where it's Tom Tom Hanks and

(01:08:04):
um Dave Chappelle are best friends, and it's like they
have three years apart, like talking about you know, yeah,
that was a pretty odd pairing. These two seem like
like it would really break my heart if I read
that behind the scenes Connery and Kane hated each other
or something like that. I agree, I agree, you really
want that thing of no, no, no, they they had

(01:08:26):
this bond or something. You know, I know that at
some point who else was it? It was Peter O'Toole, God,
I want to say Laurence Olivier were also. I know
it was Peter O'Toole and I can't remember the other.
But we're also kind of cast as the two leads
after Gable and bog Art. But I don't know, it

(01:08:49):
just feels like it was meant to be with these guys. Yeah,
I didn't know about these other these other attempts or whatever,
but um, yeah, and this is one I'm so glad
because there are movies that I loved when I was young,
and then I watched now and go, oh my god,
I was a more yea. Um, but I I love

(01:09:09):
it when a movie holds up and you're like, yeah,
you know what this is. Uh, this is still great,
you know, yeah, it definitely holds up. And I think
as you get older, they are probably other things you
can read into it. Lessons about greed and uh, like
I mentioned before, cultural relativism and um, colonialism, you know,

(01:09:30):
being the conquering white men in pith helmets probably would
have been lost on me as a my young twenties.
Absolutely absolutely, But I do think there are certain things
that work on different levels. And there are things that
I didn't think about when I saw in my young
twenties that I think about now. But I could still
appreciate it then and now too, you know, yeah, yeah absolutely.

(01:09:54):
And then that ending, you know, the inevitable conclusion, you know,
you know it's over when he in the wedding scene
he bleeds and they're like, you're not a god. And
he's sort of delusional at that point that he can
sort of keep his rain going in the in the
face of being found out. Um. Hard not to kind

(01:10:14):
of think about what's going on in the news these
days about the delusional king. But Michael Caine is by
his side, is like the jig is up made, like
like we gotta get out of here. And they start
closing in on them, and you know, they have a
handful of guns. But when you have seven guys coming out,
you're with Rocks, You're dead absolutely. And that's also he's

(01:10:34):
the same line is in the story where he goes
the slut bit me and it's like, you know, you're
marrying this virgin whatever. I don't think she's a slut.
I don't know what. No, that was a weird line.
It's like, you're forcing yourself on this woman. She's scared
to death of you because she thinks, uh, sleeping with
a god will kill her. Um, that's Michael Caine's wife.

(01:11:00):
And I was shocked to see that was the line
in the story. I'm like, wow, I didn't know that
word was around back then. Yeah. No, me, neither neither.
And it was completely inappropriately Yeah. Uh shocking amount of
um or a lack of blood and there. You know,
there are a lot of big fight scenes, but you know,

(01:11:21):
like I said, would be way bloodier today and more
sort of gory and in your face. There are a
lot of battle scenes, but you just see sort of
swinging of swords and things. Uh, you don't actually see anyone,
you know. It's a pretty tame movie. Yes, yes, And
it do feel like the battle scenes seem sort of
oddly realistic in terms of what like a primitive battle

(01:11:44):
would have looked like a thousand years ago or something.
You know. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Uh. And that that
bridge scene at the end is just brutal. I mean,
these guys they know it's over. And for a movie
that sort of danced on the lines of comic leaf
all throughout, it has a really heavy ending. Do you know,

(01:12:06):
a man going to his noble death and singing that song.
It's just and like waiting as they chopped that rope
bridge down and yet carry up, you know. And yeah, god,
it was just it was brutal to watch that fall,
that endless fall that he has. It's like it looked
really real. Yeah, yeah, I'm so glad that that you

(01:12:28):
watched it and we got to talk about this. Yeah,
it's great. Um, you know, Peach ending up crucified it.
Coming back around to the explanation of why he looked
the way he did. It was just tough. Man. I
didn't expect it to end on in such a brutal way. Yeah, yeah,
but it was almost like the inevitable ending though. You know, yeah,

(01:12:49):
I think so, uh great movie. Man, It's been on
my list forever. It's uh, you know, every review I
read from back then it was just are stars. I
think you got four Academy Award nominations. Some of the
legends of the business worked on it. The great Edith
Head did the costuming, and um, I think I don't

(01:13:11):
think anyone won the Academy Wear but she was certainly
nominated along with John Houston. I mean the fact that
I know her name and she's a costume design I
was like, you have to a certain you know, foot
level do you have to get at? But she's a
household name, you know, she must have been amazing. Yeah. Well,
I remember when I worked as a p A in
l a um at the Universal Building. I would do

(01:13:32):
a lot of costumer runs and the wardrobe building was
the Edith Head Building, and so that's why I always
knew her name. It was like, you get the Universal
Costumer department is named after you, then your your legend.
Well good stuff, man, thanks for coming on. Oh thanks
so much for having me it so uh, it's I'm

(01:13:55):
honored to be part of this. Yeah. I wish we
could have done it in person, and we we've talked
about it for a long time about when on my
one of my l A trips, but it kind of
got to the point with the lockdown where I was
just like, we just need to get you on here
anyway we can. You can't do anything in person these days.
So I know, I talked to my kids over zoom
and they're living at home, So all right, thanks Brian Kylie.

(01:14:22):
And where can people follow you on Twitter and anything
else you want to? I'm at Kylie Noodles. Conan calls
me Noodles, so that's where that And then I'm on
Instagram at Brian Kylie Comics. Oh cool. I just got
on Instagram semi recently, so well, I'm pretty new to
it to Actually, my daughter is like, what that's not
a post that should be part of your story? Yeah,

(01:14:45):
Emily tells me that stuff too. I don't know the difference,
all right, Thanks Brian, all right, buddy, thank you so much. Okay, everyone,
I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did.
It was great to hook up with Brian. It was
fun to pick his brain about comedy and writing jokes
and what that's like and being a joke machine. Pretty
astounding and a very cool job that he's done exceptionally

(01:15:08):
well for many, many years. One of the best in
the business, if not the best. So big thanks to
Brian for coming on and sharing that insight, for having
such a great talk on the man who would be king,
and for being so kind to me over the year.
So big thanks to Brian, and thanks to you all
for listening. And we will see you next week. Hope
you enjoyed it. Movie Crash is produced and written by

(01:15:29):
Charles Bryant and Meel Brown, edited and engineered by Seth
Nicholas Johnson, and scored by Noel Brown here in our
home studio at Pont City Market, Atlanta, Georgia. For I
Heart Radio. For more podcasts for my Heart Radio, visit
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to your favorite shows,