August 21, 2020 • 26 mins
Ever wonder what the Royal family's preferred way to eat fruit is? Or why the British Monarchy insists on weighing dinner guests before a meal? Or what type of humor makes the Windsors the happiest (spoiler: it's plane humor.) Join Will, Gabe and Mango as we serve up a boatload of royally silly facts.
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Part Time Genius, the production of I Heart Radio.
I Guess what Will? What's that? So? I was looking
up facts about the Queen this week, and one of
the things I always forget is how fussy royals can
be about titles. So if the Queen were properly introduced
to you, her title would actually read Elizabeth the Second,
(00:26):
by the grace of God, of the United Kingdom, of
Great Britain and Northern Ireland, and of her other realms
and territories, Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith.
I feel like that's kind of a mouthful, yeah, I mean,
it's a little clunky for a business card. And it's
funny because in all of that word salad, you'll notice
she doesn't actually use her last name. And that's partially
(00:47):
because the family has changed names over the years and
sort of picked up windsor because of the castle they own,
But you know, it could also be Mount Badden, because
that's Prince Philip's last name. It's a whole thing anyway. Now,
she's kind of like Madonna or Prince and she doesn't
need a last name to get by. But the other
thing I noticed is that even though she has quite
a lot of titles there. It's actually a much more
(01:07):
tasteful version compared to some other rulers. How do you mean?
So for comparison, I pulled the dictator idia means title
and you know dictators are not known for their subtlety,
and uh, this is how he insisted on being addressed.
It goes His Excellency President for Life Field Marshal all
Hajji dr DA mean data V C D s O
(01:30):
M c cb E, Lord of all the Beasts of
the Earth and Fishes of the Seas, and conqueror of
the British Empire in Africa in general and Uganda in particular.
It's it's just a little more ostentatious. Plus the Queen,
you know, actually technically owns all the swans and fish
and dolphins off the coast of her lands, but she's
left that off her title. She totally should have kept
(01:52):
that one in there. I don't know I would have
included that if I owns. That is why you're not
queen anyway. Speaking of titles, today's show is all about
nine regal facts about British royals. It includes from the
weird ways they eat dessert to the unusual religions they've
inspired to the long lost American cousins who are trying
to get a piece of that throne. Why don't we
(02:12):
dive in hei their podcast listeners, Welcome to Part Time Genius.
(02:37):
I'm Will Pearson and it's always I'm joined by my
good friend man Guesto Ticketer and on the other side
of my computer screen wearing a lovely velvet hat. Honestly,
I go, I feel like this would look right at
home in the Queen's collection. I mean it, it is
really really fancy. But that's our friend, the producer Lowell.
This is it is quite the half. You know. Actually,
(02:57):
I was thinking about this, what clar pastel? Would you say?
That is? Maga? Do you think it's like Robin's egg
blue or what? What? What would be your guest Robin's
egg That's what I've been thinking. Robin zag blue, maybe
a c foam. I I don't know. You're clearly better
at colors. Yeah, it's definitely robin zeg blue. But it
looks great whatever the exact color is. And of course
(03:18):
we've got our buddy Gabe in the third seed here
hatless unfortunately, but we're excited to have him back in
studio or whatever this is. Well, I'm thrilled to be here, guys,
thanks for having me back. I missed the memo on
the hats, but still good to be there. Always good
to see if so today we're talking about British royals,
and partially because Mango and I were talking a few
(03:40):
weeks back about how long the Queen has rained. Now
apparently it was Her Majesty's ninety four birthday at the
start of COVID, but she was just twenty six years
old when she ascended the throne. So she's been on
the throne for sixty eight years, which is just insane
and in fact, most British people straight up weren't a
lot when Elizabeth the Second ascended the throne. The UK's
(04:03):
Office of Statistics did a report on this back in
I think it was two thousand seventeen, and according to
the data of current citizens have never known a monarch
besides the current Queen, which is just wild to think about.
But more than that, look at who she's outlasted. Fourteen
British Prime ministers have come and gone in that time,
(04:23):
and thirteen different US presidents. I mean, that is insane
and and maybe she'll see fourteen, depending on how our
November election goes, which you know, it feels like so
many lifetimes, I mean her her reign. I looked this
up actually starts with Truman in office. But uh uh,
maybe we'll let Gabe lead off. Today gave what is
(04:45):
the most important fact you have about the queen? So
I don't know if this qualifies as important per se,
but it is one of my favorites, and it's the
fact that Queen Elizabeth the Second was once the proud
owner of no fewer than six big mouth billy bass.
Can you guys believe it? I love I I really
love that. That's where you're starting. And I actually knew
(05:06):
that she had one billy bass, but I don't think
I realized she had six. But maybe remind the listeners
out there what a billy basses? Yeah? Sure, I mean
it's ridiculous for starters, and I guess for those of
you who somehow don't remember, the big mouth Billy bass
was a novelty wall mounted fish and uh you you
(05:28):
put it on your wall like a trophy, and it
had some sort of you know, light sensor in or
motion sensor, so when you walked by. It would turn
its head off the mountain and face you, and then
it would start singing in a really ridiculous, soulful voice.
I love that you just explained what this was for,
but I don't know how you could take me to
(05:52):
the river and it was one of those things. I
think it was the quickest thing that went from funny
to so unfunny by the second time that you saw it.
I mean it that novelty war then pretty quickly. But
did Billy Beast sing any other songs? I was actually
trying to remember. Yeah, just one other, which was don't
worry be Happy. That's right, I remember this actually now
(06:16):
that you say that, that's really funny. So so tell
us how did this end up in like her Majesty's hand, Like,
how did she fall in love with it? Yeah? Good questions. So,
I mean, I guess the Princess Royal is the one
to blame for this. She uh introduced them to the
Queen back into thousand and uh. It was reported to
the Queen Elizabeth fell in love with her big mouth
(06:38):
Billy Bass immediately, and soon after she had six of
her own installed at Balmoral Castle, including one that she
actually had mounted on top of the grand piano. And
I mean we also know, thankfully that the Queen was
given a Rocky the Singing Lobster for her birthday that
(06:59):
year too, so quite a menagerie. What is Rocky the
Singing Lobster. Rocky was like Billie's crustacean cousin, I guess
you could say, so basically same deal, singing lobster. His
repertoire included rock the boat and uh that do a
did He song, which I know you guys. Yeah. And
(07:19):
the best part is the Queen apparently loved to sting
along with them. I know we've talked about how annoying
this thing was, but for some weird reason, this actually
makes me like her more. I mean, it's just such
a great fact. I also kind of like to imagine
that she sets them all off at once, like Rocky
the Lobster, all six billies, and then she just basking
all this chaos, Like it's just so fun to imagine.
(07:43):
I I want to go back for a second, because
I think you said she was once the proud owner
of six billies, Like, does that mean she's ditched her
collection over the years or what what's happened to them? Yeah,
I guess we can't say for sure, right, but it
has been twenty years, so I'm thinking the odds are that,
you know, her big mouth Billy's eventually wound up in
(08:03):
the trash with you know, everybody else's. There is a
chance the fish and Rocky are still with her, though,
why is that? Well, there are a lot of rules
about giving gifts to the Royal family, and one of
them is that they don't actually own the gifts you
give them. They can wear them or use them, but
the actual items are considered part of the royal collection.
(08:26):
So since Rocky the Lobster was a birthday present, the
Queen was technically holding him in trust, so getting rid
of him wouldn't really be her call. To make I
feel like this fact just keeps getting better, Like I
love the Queen may be forced to own a singing
lobster and perpetuity this is it's just too good game. Well,
(08:47):
I mean, from what I read, she has a great
sense of humor, which makes sense with the story, and
apparently she's pretty good at impressions too, so one of
her former chaplains told the Associated Press that quote the
Queen imitating the landing of a concord jet is one
of the funniest things you could ever see. Sounds right
(09:08):
to me, right, and it doesn't sound dated at all.
I honestly loved the idea of the queen doing comedy
side and it's like completely relatable jokes from the eighties
about riding the concord and like what happens when your
butler brings that you're the wrong type of caviar or something. Um. So,
(09:28):
speaking of things that would be fun to watch, here's
something I just learned. The Royal family has an elaborate
protocol for when they eat fruit at formal events. So
this is according to a chef who worked at Buckingham
Palace for years, no food served at a royal banquet
should ever be eaten by hand, including apples, bananas, and grapes.
Actually this is weird, but it was just recently. I
(09:48):
was thinking about that episode of Seinfeld where George starts
eating candy bars with cutlery and then people start eating
Eminem's with a spoon. Do you remember this episode? Yeah,
I totally do. I Mean the weird thing is there's
a particular way every fruit should be cut and eaten
according to the Royals, like um with a pair. The
Royal ways to slice off the top and then use
(10:10):
a teaspoon to eat it like a boiled egg, which
is ridiculous. Or for bananas, you cut off both ends
of the banana and then you slice the peel down
the middle, from end to end, and then you spread
the peel apart with your utensils and like slice the
fruit into tiny circles you can fork into your mouth.
It is really really easy, guys. I don't know why
we're not all eating fruit like that. No, no, that
(10:30):
that's that's actually how how I mind bananas. I don't
even understand how you'd eat them any other way? Is
there another way? So I have to tell you, guys
about this weird tradition that I was reading about. Every year,
the Royal family gathers for a big Christmas dinner at
their estate in Norfolk, and if a family member wants
to eat that night, they have to indulge the Queen
(10:50):
in this odd activity first. And it's gonna sound weird,
but the Queen asked each guest to weigh themselves twice
during the evening, both before and after the dinner. But
it's like, you're right, that does sound weird, and I mean,
what are they like using like super fragile Victorian dining
chairs or something like why aren't they weighing themselves? Actually,
(11:12):
I think the chairs are pretty sturdy. I'm just guessing
that they are. But according to Cosmo, the tradition goes
all the way back to King Edward the Seven. So
in the early nineteen hundreds there's been a lot of
famine and as a result, the king was concerned about
the health of his guests and whether or not they
were getting enough to eat on Christmas. So every year
he would drag out a pair of antique scales and
(11:34):
have each guest weighed before and after dinner, just to
make sure they've been fed well. And obviously food shortages
haven't been you know, much of an issue during the
Queen's reign. But she apparently loves this weird tradition. I mean,
she just gets weirder and weirder, which is great, but
she still insists that her family step on those same
old scales each Christmas, which I guess is a small
(11:55):
price to pay for what's probably an amazing spread. That's
a good point, and honestly, you know, whatever's on the menu,
it goes without saying that most people need an invite
if you want to dine at the royal table. But
there's actually one person for whom that rule does not apply,
or at least that's what he thought. Because back in
(12:17):
two there was a British painter named Michael Fagan and
he successfully broke into Buckingham Palace not once, but twice.
And during his first break in, Fagan managed to evade
security and he climbed up a drain pipe and went
into the palace through an unlocked window. He then proceeded
to make himself at home for the next half hour.
(12:40):
So he helped himself to some cheddar cheese and crackers.
He admired a few portraits. He even sat on the
Queen's throne and like down to half a bottle of wine. Yeah,
and at some point he just decided, you know, it's
time to leave, and he did and so he just
like got away with us. Yeah, that's right. It. The
(13:00):
success made Fagan a little cocky because a few months
later he couldn't help but return for a second visit.
So once again he scaled the fourteen foot high wall
outside the palace and then he climbed up a drain
pipe and right in through the window. And it was
early morning this time, and by seven fifteen Fagan had
found his way to the queen's own bedroom, and so
(13:23):
he later described the scene saying, quote, I walked past
her bed and it looks too small to be the queen,
so I go over and draw the curtain back just
to make sure. Suddenly and suddenly she sat up and said,
what are you doing here? And at that point, Fagan says,
the queen jumped out of bed, bolted out of the room.
(13:45):
Quote her little bear feet running across the floor, which
sounds terrifying for the queen, but also like cute, like
she seems really fast. From that description, I can't believe
the poler security is so lax though, Like I'm guessing
we know the story because because he eventually got caught. Yeah,
(14:06):
that's right, he got caught that time. But the capture
probably didn't go as you'd expect. According to Fagan, a
footman came to the queen's bedroom and escorted him to
a pantry, where he was given some whiskey and told
to wait for the police to arrive. But here's the
weirdest part. Fagin's trespassing was considered a civil wrong rather
(14:26):
than a criminal offense. And that's because in England, for
breaking and entering to be a crime, you have to
prove that the perpetrator did so with the intent to
do something else illegal, like you broke in to kill
someone or to steal something. But in this case, there
was no evidence that Fagan had entered the palace with
the intention of harming or stealing anything, so technically he
(14:50):
hadn't committed a crime. We actually, you said he stole cheese,
And why if somebody breaks in my house and steals
cheese for have some, You can't steal my cheese. Then
you say he stole it. Yeah right, yeah, And and
Fagan actually was charged with theft because of that, But
he didn't break into Buckingham Palace with the goal of
(15:12):
stealing wine and cheese. That was a spur the moment
kind of thing, so it couldn't like retroactively make his
trespassing a crime. So in the end, the theft charges
were dropped and instead of jail time, Fagan was ordered
to undergo psychiatric evaluation, which I'm fair enough, and uh,
I should note that even though it took another twenty
(15:34):
five years. The law was eventually changed in two thousand seven.
So so now it is a crime to break into
Buckingham Palace, guys. So okay, that's a good it's a
good service note for our our listeners out there. All right,
we've got four facts left to go. Let's take a
quick break and then we'll get right back to it.
(16:05):
Welcome back to Part Time Genius, where we're sharing some
of our favorite facts about British royalty. And uh will
I I think maybe you're up next. I feel like
I'm so distracted this whole episode by the all the
billy bass facts like I feel like Gay actually used
like three or four facts in one, which I think
is cheating, but either way, it was jealous good stuff.
(16:26):
So all right, Well, I thought we'd give the Queen
a break for a minute and and talk instead about
her husband, Prince Philip. And as we all know, members
of the royal family draw a lot of attention from
the public, and some people can be a little I
don't know, you might say intense about their admiration for
the royals. You've probably noticed this before, but as far
as I know, Prince Philip is the only royal who's
(16:47):
inspired an actual cult devoted to their worship. So it's pretty, uh,
pretty interesting. But I think we talked a little bit
about cargo colts on the show before, so I won't
get too deep into those. But basically, a cargo cult
is a tribal society that becomes fixated on the material
goods or cargo of another culture. So, for instance, during
(17:08):
World War Two, hundreds of thousands of American and Japanese
soldiers visited islands in the Pacific, and they left behind
all kinds of mass produced goods, like everything from radios
to can openers to candy and coca cola, and the
islanders had no concept of how these items were made
or how they functioned, so they started to believe that
(17:29):
this stuff must have been divinely made, like gifts from
the gods or something. So pretty soon entire religions sprang
up around these centered on this idea that if you
worship the leader of these other societies, then your community
would be rewarded with more of these divine gifts. And
so how did Prince Philip get mixed up in that,
Like one of the tribes just started worship again one day, yeah,
(17:52):
and believe it or not. They still do. So most
cargo cults lost faith during the post war years when
these frequent cargo shipments started to dry up. But the
so called Prince Philip movement is actually still going strong
today in the South Pacific island of Tanna. So members
of this island's cast On tribe became convinced of Prince
Philip's divinity after seeing his portrait in the nineteen sixties. So,
(18:15):
according to them, the Prince was the fulfillment of an
ancient prophecy that the son of a mountain spirit would
take the form of a pale skinned man who would
marry a powerful woman and one day visit the Tanna Island.
So you look at Prince Philip and it's like chack, chack, chack,
he's all of these he's pale skin and he's married
to the queen. And in nineteen seventy four, his royal
(18:37):
yacht actually visited the island, and so that cemented Prince
Philip's status as the cults one true messiah. And they
have been worshiping this guy ever since. And because I
know you're wondering, yes, Prince Philip is aware of all
of this, and the tribe has corresponded with Buckingham Palace
over the years, and even sent Prince Philip a traditional
(18:57):
pig hunting club as a token of their esteem. And
it's not a one way street either, So according to
the Telegraph, Prince Philip returned the gesture by sending the
tribe a portrait of himself holding the pig club. I mean,
I suppose he's just being nice, but also what a
weird gift, especially when he could actually do things for
them that would actually help them out. So my next
(19:20):
fact is about shampoo. Prior to the late eighteenth century,
the Western world used to be pretty bad at hair washing.
Most people use soap to do the job, if they
used anything at all, But that started to change when
an Indian man named shake Dean Mohammed introduced London's high
society to this old cultural practice from India. For centuries,
Indians used to have these cleansing scout massages using special
(19:42):
oils called chumpy. In fact, in India, when you get
a haircut off in the barbera will massage your head
at the end of the haircut as as just a
part of the haircut. So when Mohammed started offering this
treatment at his luxury spa in Brighton. It actually didn't
take that long for Londoners to see the appeals. Soon
the classiest folks in town were lining up at Mohammed's
spa to treat themselves to this head massage and the
(20:06):
name got ankle sized from chumpy to shampoo. But here's
the interesting part. So Mohammed started building his shampoos as
a cure all like he claimed to cancure anything from
gout to the sprained ankle, And then it started picking
up even more steam. But the truth is, all of
this probably would have been just another passing fad if
it hadn't been for the royal family. As these medical
(20:27):
shampoo's got more and more popular, King George the Fourth
wanted to see what the hubbub was about and invited
Mohammed to the palace to massage his royal head and
the treatment was such a hit with his majesty that
he actually appointed Mohammed to be the official shampooing surgeon
to the king. And when George the Fourth was succeeded
by his brother, King William the Fourth, Mohammed became his
(20:48):
shampoo surgeon too. And from they're all people from like
all sorts of social classes started following the King's lead
and scrubbing up with shampoo, and it quickly became the
world's go to way to clean your hair. All right, well,
my next spect is about a British king who was
less concerned with keeping himself clean than he was in
just keeping himself alive. And uh, that's Henry the Eighth,
(21:10):
who is mostly remembered today for, you know, being a
bully who executed his enemies, not to mention two of
his six wives. And you know something that's less widely
known about him, though, is that he was also a
major hypochondriac. He had his royal physicians examine him almost daily,
and any hint of illness at his court would reportedly
(21:31):
send him into a panic. But the king wasn't only
worried about getting sick. He was also deathly afraid of
being poisoned. And we've all heard about how kings have
food tasters to test their meals for them to make
sure it hasn't been tampered with. Well, Henry the Eighth
took this precaution and extended it to his bedroom too.
He had this idea that one of his servants might
(21:54):
coat his bed sheets with some kind of toxin while
making his bed each morning. So to prove that they
hadn't done that, the king made them kiss every part
of the sheets, pillows, and blankets that they touched. That
that was just part of his daily morning routine, like
watch the servants make out with the bedding, and also
(22:16):
just seems like really time consuming and I'm curious that
why why stop at the Lenen's. I mean, couldn't somebody
just as easily smear poison on his clothes or something? Yeah,
and he thought of that too. According to historians, the
king was also very concerned that his enemies might try
to poison his clothes or even those of his son,
so he had his servants test every item of clothing
(22:39):
before he put it on. So the servants would rub
their skin against every part of each piece of fabric,
and for his son, Prince Edward, they would just put
the clothes on a boy of Edward's size and wait
to see if anything happened to him. So kind of
a jerk move. But the paranoia didn't stop there either,
because even the cushion on Edward's chamber pot was reportedly
(23:01):
tested before he used it each time, so I'm almost
a little afraid to ask, how did how did he
test it? Yeah, I mean, mercifully, we don't know, Like
his history doesn't record that one. But you know, hopefully
they weren't kissing it like they were the sheets. But
I mean, you can't really rule anything out with this guy. Yeah, alright, Well,
(23:21):
speaking of scandals, I'm hoping my third fact isn't too
controversial because it isn't about a British royal per se.
But it does feature a guy who claims to be
British Royalty. In fact, he claims to be the rightful
King of England. His name is Alan Evans, and he's
a resident of wheat Ridge, Colorado. He lives in Colorado. Yeah,
(23:44):
you got that right. The story didn't say in the
news for that long, but back in two thousand and seventeen,
Evans took out a huge ad in the Times of
London claiming to be a descendant of royal Welsh line
from the third century. And that adds too wordy here
to to read the whole thing, but I do want
to share my favorite part. It says, take heed and
rejoice all citizens of this great nation called Great Britain,
(24:06):
for the legend was not a myth, but was indeed
true and more than a mere Tolkien story, that the
men of the West are now returning and now is
the time of the return of the king. So I
like this already, but I'm a little confused. What did
this guy think was gonna happen? Like the queen is
just going to hand over the keys to sucking Palace
and like let her eat his cheese, and like, what's
(24:28):
going on? I mean, if it's convincing enough, I guess.
But according to the ad, he was giving legal notice
of his plan to claim his quote royal historic estate
in thirty days, along with all the land, assets and
titles due to him. However, he did not intend to
claim the throne right away due to his you know,
deepest respect for the queen, and so I guess he
(24:49):
wants to postpone his reign until after she's passed away,
which I say, that's kind of a classy move. So
what happened after he gave her this notice? You're gonna
be shocked. But but nothing happened, and so Buckingham Palace
never responded and Evans had to settle for being self
appointed King of wheat Ridge. It's almost as good. Yeah,
(25:11):
it's almost as good. Um, but we did a guy's
nine pretty good royal facts and and I I think
it's time to crown a winner. So for my part,
I like that Will managed to sneak a little America
undo our episode. But you know, gives big mouth Billy
bassa run there, really take it over. Yeah, you good
with giving him the trophy? No, I'm definitely good with that.
(25:33):
I don't think there was any question. I think there
would have been a revolt among our listeners if we've
given it to anybody else this week. All right, well,
thanks guys. I couldn't have done it, of course without
Prince Philip praised be his name. All right, well that's
gonna do it for today's Part Time Genius from Mangush,
Gabe Lowell and myself. Thanks so much for listening, and
please stay safe and if you need to pick me
(25:54):
up this week, remember it's always tiera clock somewhere definitely
m M. Part Time Genius is a production of I
Heart Radio. For more podcasts from my Heart Radio, visit
(26:16):
the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you
listen to your favorite shows. H
Welcome to Part Time Genius, the production of I Heart Radio.
I Guess what Will? What's that? So? I was looking
up facts about the Queen this week, and one of
the things I always forget is how fussy royals can
be about titles. So if the Queen were properly introduced
to you, her title would actually read Elizabeth the Second,
(00:26):
by the grace of God, of the United Kingdom, of
Great Britain and Northern Ireland, and of her other realms
and territories, Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith.
I feel like that's kind of a mouthful, yeah, I mean,
it's a little clunky for a business card. And it's
funny because in all of that word salad, you'll notice
she doesn't actually use her last name. And that's partially
(00:47):
because the family has changed names over the years and
sort of picked up windsor because of the castle they own,
But you know, it could also be Mount Badden, because
that's Prince Philip's last name. It's a whole thing anyway. Now,
she's kind of like Madonna or Prince and she doesn't
need a last name to get by. But the other
thing I noticed is that even though she has quite
a lot of titles there. It's actually a much more
(01:07):
tasteful version compared to some other rulers. How do you mean?
So for comparison, I pulled the dictator idia means title
and you know dictators are not known for their subtlety,
and uh, this is how he insisted on being addressed.
It goes His Excellency President for Life Field Marshal all
Hajji dr DA mean data V C D s O
(01:30):
M c cb E, Lord of all the Beasts of
the Earth and Fishes of the Seas, and conqueror of
the British Empire in Africa in general and Uganda in particular.
It's it's just a little more ostentatious. Plus the Queen,
you know, actually technically owns all the swans and fish
and dolphins off the coast of her lands, but she's
left that off her title. She totally should have kept
(01:52):
that one in there. I don't know I would have
included that if I owns. That is why you're not
queen anyway. Speaking of titles, today's show is all about
nine regal facts about British royals. It includes from the
weird ways they eat dessert to the unusual religions they've
inspired to the long lost American cousins who are trying
to get a piece of that throne. Why don't we
(02:12):
dive in hei their podcast listeners, Welcome to Part Time Genius.
(02:37):
I'm Will Pearson and it's always I'm joined by my
good friend man Guesto Ticketer and on the other side
of my computer screen wearing a lovely velvet hat. Honestly,
I go, I feel like this would look right at
home in the Queen's collection. I mean it, it is
really really fancy. But that's our friend, the producer Lowell.
This is it is quite the half. You know. Actually,
(02:57):
I was thinking about this, what clar pastel? Would you say?
That is? Maga? Do you think it's like Robin's egg
blue or what? What? What would be your guest Robin's
egg That's what I've been thinking. Robin zag blue, maybe
a c foam. I I don't know. You're clearly better
at colors. Yeah, it's definitely robin zeg blue. But it
looks great whatever the exact color is. And of course
(03:18):
we've got our buddy Gabe in the third seed here
hatless unfortunately, but we're excited to have him back in
studio or whatever this is. Well, I'm thrilled to be here, guys,
thanks for having me back. I missed the memo on
the hats, but still good to be there. Always good
to see if so today we're talking about British royals,
and partially because Mango and I were talking a few
(03:40):
weeks back about how long the Queen has rained. Now
apparently it was Her Majesty's ninety four birthday at the
start of COVID, but she was just twenty six years
old when she ascended the throne. So she's been on
the throne for sixty eight years, which is just insane
and in fact, most British people straight up weren't a
lot when Elizabeth the Second ascended the throne. The UK's
(04:03):
Office of Statistics did a report on this back in
I think it was two thousand seventeen, and according to
the data of current citizens have never known a monarch
besides the current Queen, which is just wild to think about.
But more than that, look at who she's outlasted. Fourteen
British Prime ministers have come and gone in that time,
(04:23):
and thirteen different US presidents. I mean, that is insane
and and maybe she'll see fourteen, depending on how our
November election goes, which you know, it feels like so
many lifetimes, I mean her her reign. I looked this
up actually starts with Truman in office. But uh uh,
maybe we'll let Gabe lead off. Today gave what is
(04:45):
the most important fact you have about the queen? So
I don't know if this qualifies as important per se,
but it is one of my favorites, and it's the
fact that Queen Elizabeth the Second was once the proud
owner of no fewer than six big mouth billy bass.
Can you guys believe it? I love I I really
love that. That's where you're starting. And I actually knew
(05:06):
that she had one billy bass, but I don't think
I realized she had six. But maybe remind the listeners
out there what a billy basses? Yeah? Sure, I mean
it's ridiculous for starters, and I guess for those of
you who somehow don't remember, the big mouth Billy bass
was a novelty wall mounted fish and uh you you
(05:28):
put it on your wall like a trophy, and it
had some sort of you know, light sensor in or
motion sensor, so when you walked by. It would turn
its head off the mountain and face you, and then
it would start singing in a really ridiculous, soulful voice.
I love that you just explained what this was for,
but I don't know how you could take me to
(05:52):
the river and it was one of those things. I
think it was the quickest thing that went from funny
to so unfunny by the second time that you saw it.
I mean it that novelty war then pretty quickly. But
did Billy Beast sing any other songs? I was actually
trying to remember. Yeah, just one other, which was don't
worry be Happy. That's right, I remember this actually now
(06:16):
that you say that, that's really funny. So so tell
us how did this end up in like her Majesty's hand, Like,
how did she fall in love with it? Yeah? Good questions. So,
I mean, I guess the Princess Royal is the one
to blame for this. She uh introduced them to the
Queen back into thousand and uh. It was reported to
the Queen Elizabeth fell in love with her big mouth
(06:38):
Billy Bass immediately, and soon after she had six of
her own installed at Balmoral Castle, including one that she
actually had mounted on top of the grand piano. And
I mean we also know, thankfully that the Queen was
given a Rocky the Singing Lobster for her birthday that
(06:59):
year too, so quite a menagerie. What is Rocky the
Singing Lobster. Rocky was like Billie's crustacean cousin, I guess
you could say, so basically same deal, singing lobster. His
repertoire included rock the boat and uh that do a
did He song, which I know you guys. Yeah. And
(07:19):
the best part is the Queen apparently loved to sting
along with them. I know we've talked about how annoying
this thing was, but for some weird reason, this actually
makes me like her more. I mean, it's just such
a great fact. I also kind of like to imagine
that she sets them all off at once, like Rocky
the Lobster, all six billies, and then she just basking
all this chaos, Like it's just so fun to imagine.
(07:43):
I I want to go back for a second, because
I think you said she was once the proud owner
of six billies, Like, does that mean she's ditched her
collection over the years or what what's happened to them? Yeah,
I guess we can't say for sure, right, but it
has been twenty years, so I'm thinking the odds are that,
you know, her big mouth Billy's eventually wound up in
(08:03):
the trash with you know, everybody else's. There is a
chance the fish and Rocky are still with her, though,
why is that? Well, there are a lot of rules
about giving gifts to the Royal family, and one of
them is that they don't actually own the gifts you
give them. They can wear them or use them, but
the actual items are considered part of the royal collection.
(08:26):
So since Rocky the Lobster was a birthday present, the
Queen was technically holding him in trust, so getting rid
of him wouldn't really be her call. To make I
feel like this fact just keeps getting better, Like I
love the Queen may be forced to own a singing
lobster and perpetuity this is it's just too good game. Well,
(08:47):
I mean, from what I read, she has a great
sense of humor, which makes sense with the story, and
apparently she's pretty good at impressions too, so one of
her former chaplains told the Associated Press that quote the
Queen imitating the landing of a concord jet is one
of the funniest things you could ever see. Sounds right
(09:08):
to me, right, and it doesn't sound dated at all.
I honestly loved the idea of the queen doing comedy
side and it's like completely relatable jokes from the eighties
about riding the concord and like what happens when your
butler brings that you're the wrong type of caviar or something. Um. So,
(09:28):
speaking of things that would be fun to watch, here's
something I just learned. The Royal family has an elaborate
protocol for when they eat fruit at formal events. So
this is according to a chef who worked at Buckingham
Palace for years, no food served at a royal banquet
should ever be eaten by hand, including apples, bananas, and grapes.
Actually this is weird, but it was just recently. I
(09:48):
was thinking about that episode of Seinfeld where George starts
eating candy bars with cutlery and then people start eating
Eminem's with a spoon. Do you remember this episode? Yeah,
I totally do. I Mean the weird thing is there's
a particular way every fruit should be cut and eaten
according to the Royals, like um with a pair. The
Royal ways to slice off the top and then use
(10:10):
a teaspoon to eat it like a boiled egg, which
is ridiculous. Or for bananas, you cut off both ends
of the banana and then you slice the peel down
the middle, from end to end, and then you spread
the peel apart with your utensils and like slice the
fruit into tiny circles you can fork into your mouth.
It is really really easy, guys. I don't know why
we're not all eating fruit like that. No, no, that
(10:30):
that's that's actually how how I mind bananas. I don't
even understand how you'd eat them any other way? Is
there another way? So I have to tell you, guys
about this weird tradition that I was reading about. Every year,
the Royal family gathers for a big Christmas dinner at
their estate in Norfolk, and if a family member wants
to eat that night, they have to indulge the Queen
(10:50):
in this odd activity first. And it's gonna sound weird,
but the Queen asked each guest to weigh themselves twice
during the evening, both before and after the dinner. But
it's like, you're right, that does sound weird, and I mean,
what are they like using like super fragile Victorian dining
chairs or something like why aren't they weighing themselves? Actually,
(11:12):
I think the chairs are pretty sturdy. I'm just guessing
that they are. But according to Cosmo, the tradition goes
all the way back to King Edward the Seven. So
in the early nineteen hundreds there's been a lot of
famine and as a result, the king was concerned about
the health of his guests and whether or not they
were getting enough to eat on Christmas. So every year
he would drag out a pair of antique scales and
(11:34):
have each guest weighed before and after dinner, just to
make sure they've been fed well. And obviously food shortages
haven't been you know, much of an issue during the
Queen's reign. But she apparently loves this weird tradition. I mean,
she just gets weirder and weirder, which is great, but
she still insists that her family step on those same
old scales each Christmas, which I guess is a small
(11:55):
price to pay for what's probably an amazing spread. That's
a good point, and honestly, you know, whatever's on the menu,
it goes without saying that most people need an invite
if you want to dine at the royal table. But
there's actually one person for whom that rule does not apply,
or at least that's what he thought. Because back in
(12:17):
two there was a British painter named Michael Fagan and
he successfully broke into Buckingham Palace not once, but twice.
And during his first break in, Fagan managed to evade
security and he climbed up a drain pipe and went
into the palace through an unlocked window. He then proceeded
to make himself at home for the next half hour.
(12:40):
So he helped himself to some cheddar cheese and crackers.
He admired a few portraits. He even sat on the
Queen's throne and like down to half a bottle of wine. Yeah,
and at some point he just decided, you know, it's
time to leave, and he did and so he just
like got away with us. Yeah, that's right. It. The
(13:00):
success made Fagan a little cocky because a few months
later he couldn't help but return for a second visit.
So once again he scaled the fourteen foot high wall
outside the palace and then he climbed up a drain
pipe and right in through the window. And it was
early morning this time, and by seven fifteen Fagan had
found his way to the queen's own bedroom, and so
(13:23):
he later described the scene saying, quote, I walked past
her bed and it looks too small to be the queen,
so I go over and draw the curtain back just
to make sure. Suddenly and suddenly she sat up and said,
what are you doing here? And at that point, Fagan says,
the queen jumped out of bed, bolted out of the room.
(13:45):
Quote her little bear feet running across the floor, which
sounds terrifying for the queen, but also like cute, like
she seems really fast. From that description, I can't believe
the poler security is so lax though, Like I'm guessing
we know the story because because he eventually got caught. Yeah,
(14:06):
that's right, he got caught that time. But the capture
probably didn't go as you'd expect. According to Fagan, a
footman came to the queen's bedroom and escorted him to
a pantry, where he was given some whiskey and told
to wait for the police to arrive. But here's the
weirdest part. Fagin's trespassing was considered a civil wrong rather
(14:26):
than a criminal offense. And that's because in England, for
breaking and entering to be a crime, you have to
prove that the perpetrator did so with the intent to
do something else illegal, like you broke in to kill
someone or to steal something. But in this case, there
was no evidence that Fagan had entered the palace with
the intention of harming or stealing anything, so technically he
(14:50):
hadn't committed a crime. We actually, you said he stole cheese,
And why if somebody breaks in my house and steals
cheese for have some, You can't steal my cheese. Then
you say he stole it. Yeah right, yeah, And and
Fagan actually was charged with theft because of that, But
he didn't break into Buckingham Palace with the goal of
(15:12):
stealing wine and cheese. That was a spur the moment
kind of thing, so it couldn't like retroactively make his
trespassing a crime. So in the end, the theft charges
were dropped and instead of jail time, Fagan was ordered
to undergo psychiatric evaluation, which I'm fair enough, and uh,
I should note that even though it took another twenty
(15:34):
five years. The law was eventually changed in two thousand seven.
So so now it is a crime to break into
Buckingham Palace, guys. So okay, that's a good it's a
good service note for our our listeners out there. All right,
we've got four facts left to go. Let's take a
quick break and then we'll get right back to it.
(16:05):
Welcome back to Part Time Genius, where we're sharing some
of our favorite facts about British royalty. And uh will
I I think maybe you're up next. I feel like
I'm so distracted this whole episode by the all the
billy bass facts like I feel like Gay actually used
like three or four facts in one, which I think
is cheating, but either way, it was jealous good stuff.
(16:26):
So all right, Well, I thought we'd give the Queen
a break for a minute and and talk instead about
her husband, Prince Philip. And as we all know, members
of the royal family draw a lot of attention from
the public, and some people can be a little I
don't know, you might say intense about their admiration for
the royals. You've probably noticed this before, but as far
as I know, Prince Philip is the only royal who's
(16:47):
inspired an actual cult devoted to their worship. So it's pretty, uh,
pretty interesting. But I think we talked a little bit
about cargo colts on the show before, so I won't
get too deep into those. But basically, a cargo cult
is a tribal society that becomes fixated on the material
goods or cargo of another culture. So, for instance, during
(17:08):
World War Two, hundreds of thousands of American and Japanese
soldiers visited islands in the Pacific, and they left behind
all kinds of mass produced goods, like everything from radios
to can openers to candy and coca cola, and the
islanders had no concept of how these items were made
or how they functioned, so they started to believe that
(17:29):
this stuff must have been divinely made, like gifts from
the gods or something. So pretty soon entire religions sprang
up around these centered on this idea that if you
worship the leader of these other societies, then your community
would be rewarded with more of these divine gifts. And
so how did Prince Philip get mixed up in that,
Like one of the tribes just started worship again one day, yeah,
(17:52):
and believe it or not. They still do. So most
cargo cults lost faith during the post war years when
these frequent cargo shipments started to dry up. But the
so called Prince Philip movement is actually still going strong
today in the South Pacific island of Tanna. So members
of this island's cast On tribe became convinced of Prince
Philip's divinity after seeing his portrait in the nineteen sixties. So,
(18:15):
according to them, the Prince was the fulfillment of an
ancient prophecy that the son of a mountain spirit would
take the form of a pale skinned man who would
marry a powerful woman and one day visit the Tanna Island.
So you look at Prince Philip and it's like chack, chack, chack,
he's all of these he's pale skin and he's married
to the queen. And in nineteen seventy four, his royal
(18:37):
yacht actually visited the island, and so that cemented Prince
Philip's status as the cults one true messiah. And they
have been worshiping this guy ever since. And because I
know you're wondering, yes, Prince Philip is aware of all
of this, and the tribe has corresponded with Buckingham Palace
over the years, and even sent Prince Philip a traditional
(18:57):
pig hunting club as a token of their esteem. And
it's not a one way street either, So according to
the Telegraph, Prince Philip returned the gesture by sending the
tribe a portrait of himself holding the pig club. I mean,
I suppose he's just being nice, but also what a
weird gift, especially when he could actually do things for
them that would actually help them out. So my next
(19:20):
fact is about shampoo. Prior to the late eighteenth century,
the Western world used to be pretty bad at hair washing.
Most people use soap to do the job, if they
used anything at all, But that started to change when
an Indian man named shake Dean Mohammed introduced London's high
society to this old cultural practice from India. For centuries,
Indians used to have these cleansing scout massages using special
(19:42):
oils called chumpy. In fact, in India, when you get
a haircut off in the barbera will massage your head
at the end of the haircut as as just a
part of the haircut. So when Mohammed started offering this
treatment at his luxury spa in Brighton. It actually didn't
take that long for Londoners to see the appeals. Soon
the classiest folks in town were lining up at Mohammed's
spa to treat themselves to this head massage and the
(20:06):
name got ankle sized from chumpy to shampoo. But here's
the interesting part. So Mohammed started building his shampoos as
a cure all like he claimed to cancure anything from
gout to the sprained ankle, And then it started picking
up even more steam. But the truth is, all of
this probably would have been just another passing fad if
it hadn't been for the royal family. As these medical
(20:27):
shampoo's got more and more popular, King George the Fourth
wanted to see what the hubbub was about and invited
Mohammed to the palace to massage his royal head and
the treatment was such a hit with his majesty that
he actually appointed Mohammed to be the official shampooing surgeon
to the king. And when George the Fourth was succeeded
by his brother, King William the Fourth, Mohammed became his
(20:48):
shampoo surgeon too. And from they're all people from like
all sorts of social classes started following the King's lead
and scrubbing up with shampoo, and it quickly became the
world's go to way to clean your hair. All right, well,
my next spect is about a British king who was
less concerned with keeping himself clean than he was in
just keeping himself alive. And uh, that's Henry the Eighth,
(21:10):
who is mostly remembered today for, you know, being a
bully who executed his enemies, not to mention two of
his six wives. And you know something that's less widely
known about him, though, is that he was also a
major hypochondriac. He had his royal physicians examine him almost daily,
and any hint of illness at his court would reportedly
(21:31):
send him into a panic. But the king wasn't only
worried about getting sick. He was also deathly afraid of
being poisoned. And we've all heard about how kings have
food tasters to test their meals for them to make
sure it hasn't been tampered with. Well, Henry the Eighth
took this precaution and extended it to his bedroom too.
He had this idea that one of his servants might
(21:54):
coat his bed sheets with some kind of toxin while
making his bed each morning. So to prove that they
hadn't done that, the king made them kiss every part
of the sheets, pillows, and blankets that they touched. That
that was just part of his daily morning routine, like
watch the servants make out with the bedding, and also
(22:16):
just seems like really time consuming and I'm curious that
why why stop at the Lenen's. I mean, couldn't somebody
just as easily smear poison on his clothes or something? Yeah,
and he thought of that too. According to historians, the
king was also very concerned that his enemies might try
to poison his clothes or even those of his son,
so he had his servants test every item of clothing
(22:39):
before he put it on. So the servants would rub
their skin against every part of each piece of fabric,
and for his son, Prince Edward, they would just put
the clothes on a boy of Edward's size and wait
to see if anything happened to him. So kind of
a jerk move. But the paranoia didn't stop there either,
because even the cushion on Edward's chamber pot was reportedly
(23:01):
tested before he used it each time, so I'm almost
a little afraid to ask, how did how did he
test it? Yeah, I mean, mercifully, we don't know, Like
his history doesn't record that one. But you know, hopefully
they weren't kissing it like they were the sheets. But
I mean, you can't really rule anything out with this guy. Yeah, alright, Well,
(23:21):
speaking of scandals, I'm hoping my third fact isn't too
controversial because it isn't about a British royal per se.
But it does feature a guy who claims to be
British Royalty. In fact, he claims to be the rightful
King of England. His name is Alan Evans, and he's
a resident of wheat Ridge, Colorado. He lives in Colorado. Yeah,
(23:44):
you got that right. The story didn't say in the
news for that long, but back in two thousand and seventeen,
Evans took out a huge ad in the Times of
London claiming to be a descendant of royal Welsh line
from the third century. And that adds too wordy here
to to read the whole thing, but I do want
to share my favorite part. It says, take heed and
rejoice all citizens of this great nation called Great Britain,
(24:06):
for the legend was not a myth, but was indeed
true and more than a mere Tolkien story, that the
men of the West are now returning and now is
the time of the return of the king. So I
like this already, but I'm a little confused. What did
this guy think was gonna happen? Like the queen is
just going to hand over the keys to sucking Palace
and like let her eat his cheese, and like, what's
(24:28):
going on? I mean, if it's convincing enough, I guess.
But according to the ad, he was giving legal notice
of his plan to claim his quote royal historic estate
in thirty days, along with all the land, assets and
titles due to him. However, he did not intend to
claim the throne right away due to his you know,
deepest respect for the queen, and so I guess he
(24:49):
wants to postpone his reign until after she's passed away,
which I say, that's kind of a classy move. So
what happened after he gave her this notice? You're gonna
be shocked. But but nothing happened, and so Buckingham Palace
never responded and Evans had to settle for being self
appointed King of wheat Ridge. It's almost as good. Yeah,
(25:11):
it's almost as good. Um, but we did a guy's
nine pretty good royal facts and and I I think
it's time to crown a winner. So for my part,
I like that Will managed to sneak a little America
undo our episode. But you know, gives big mouth Billy
bassa run there, really take it over. Yeah, you good
with giving him the trophy? No, I'm definitely good with that.
(25:33):
I don't think there was any question. I think there
would have been a revolt among our listeners if we've
given it to anybody else this week. All right, well,
thanks guys. I couldn't have done it, of course without
Prince Philip praised be his name. All right, well that's
gonna do it for today's Part Time Genius from Mangush,
Gabe Lowell and myself. Thanks so much for listening, and
please stay safe and if you need to pick me
(25:54):
up this week, remember it's always tiera clock somewhere definitely
m M. Part Time Genius is a production of I
Heart Radio. For more podcasts from my Heart Radio, visit
(26:16):
the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you
listen to your favorite shows. H
Part-Time Genius News
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Mangesh Hattikudur
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