August 6, 2024 • 28 mins
The 36th President of the United States is often recalled as a complex, flawed individual responsible for profoundly important legislation. However, he was also a notorious telephone fanatic, installing loads of phones in both the White House and his Texas ranch. Here's the kicker: He recorded almost everything. Tune in as the guys see a... pretty strange behind-the-scenes portrait of President Lyndon Johnson in today's Classic episode.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Get guys.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
I often think about how I've said this on error
in different shows. I often think about how various historical
figures would react to social media or the ubiquity of
communication devices. And in this classic episode, I learned that
I would never want Lyndon Johnson to have my phone number.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Na man, like you ever had you ever got? I mean,
you know, this day and age, a phone call is
almost an active aggression, you know, or it's like we
try to keep it to text, but I don't know.
You ever have the unfortunate situation where someone called you
and you realize because of the echo or something, or
just you hear a little PLoP. Are you? Are you
on the toilet? Bro? Like, what are you doing to me?
(00:44):
That's not cool? What's that tinkling sound?
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Nah?
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Man, that's not okay. We actually recently talked about Louis
the fourteenth and his you know, lack of bathing or
personal hygiene. He often and those in his court at
Versailles take meetings while on the commode. They didn't have
a telephone, but you know who did was Lyndon Johnson,
and he had one in his boudoir and would often
(01:10):
take calls while dropping a deuce.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
And he installed telephones in multiple locations in the White House,
which already had phones, by the way, and in his
branch in Texas. Also adding to the creepy vibe, our
buddy Lindy recorded pretty much every phone call he had,
including the ones where he is trying to brag about
(01:36):
the size of his Australia while he's getting the tailor
to redo his pals mis Johnson.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Yeah, no, I'm not mistaken. I haven't listened back to
this one as of yet, but I think we have
a clip in it that is a delight. And he's
talking about making room for his his bunghole around his
but he uses the term bunghole, which I've never heard
outside of Beavis and butt Head until this particular exploration.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
And we'll also learn about his notable sidekick.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
That's right, Jumbo, let's roll the footage.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Ridiculous History is a production of iHeartRadio.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
O man, oh man.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Okay, So let's start today with the very crass, a
crass intro to the subject of our show. Let's set
the tone, all right, Yeah, agreed. So, once upon a time,
there's this guy who urinates on a secret service man
who is shielding this guy from public view.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Go on.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
The secret Service man is horrified because you know he's
in the Secret Service, and therefore we're gonna go out
on a limon say. He's not used to people peing
on him. The person the subject of today's podcast, when
he sees this shocked expression of horror on this guy's face,
he only says, that's all right, son, it's my prerogative.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
It's my prerogative.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Hello, everybody, thank you for tuning in.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
My name is Ben, my name is Nol. And the
shoe pesser in question is none other than Lyndon Baines Johnson,
the thirty sixth President of these fair United States and
notorious shoe here.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Yes, yes, Out of all the presidents, he is the
most notorious when it comes to the high crime of
shoe pen or at least the eccentric behavior. This is
the president who took the oath of office on November two,
twenty second, nineteen sixty three, almost immediately following the assassination
of President Kennedy.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
It's true, and on that day, when he assumed his
new job as president and took residence in the White House,
he immediately set to overhauling the telephone system in the
White House in a very very big and dare we
say ridiculous way?
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Oh we dare we do? Dare my friend? Because this
was just baffling. So the first thing he did was
that he had phones installed everywhere, beneath dining tables, coffee tables,
in tables and bathrooms, on windows sills. And you can
find in the oral history for the LBJ Presidential Library
(04:47):
by James Jones, the argument that the president led the
construction of a wired mobile phone network using phones as
call relay points, just so wherever he went in the
building he would never have to get off the phone
unless he wanted to.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Yeah, he was a notorious multitasker. He would often take
several calls at the same time. I'm trying to picture that.
It's like, did he have handlers that would pass him
the phone and then say, excuse me, the President needs
a minute, and then he would get another one, and
then he would have another one passed back to him.
I'm confused. We do, however, know that he was a
big fan of the power move and he apparently liked
(05:22):
to use the phone as a tool. It was even
said as a weapon. Because he could bully people very
easily on the phone, Like he was so comfortable with
it that he had it down pat and could essentially
get people to do what he wanted by speaking to
them in a certain way. And the beauty of this
is you don't have to depend on our word for this.
(05:44):
Because he also recorded like every conversation that he had,
which I think there are nine thousand tapes around that
you can actually get your hands on, and he had
them transcribed, and in his evening reading materials for the day,
his handlers would slip him the transcripts so he could
go over the day's business. And it wasn't all pure paranoia,
right Ben. I mean, it was to kind of show
(06:06):
that he had gotten things done. But also he could
call people out on things, couldn't he.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Right, Yeah, And he used this method often if there
was someone in the press that he felt had misquoted
him in an interview, he would go back and check
the transcripts. If there were another member of Congress or
another politician who was waffling or backing away from something
they had agreed to on the interview, Johnson had no
compunction whatsoever about going public with it. But there's another
(06:35):
thing you could find here, nine thousand tapes. That's a
lot of tape. He would signal to his secretary with
like a little wave of his hands his finger in
a let's roll circle to turn on the recorders, but
his staff sometimes forgot to turn them off. So you
can also hear him having these very strange, mundane conversations.
(06:57):
There's one where he's trying to get a guy to
come cut his hair for free as the president. And actually,
can we play a clip of this casey and I
talk to you.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
Now about getting in the paper and getting it advertised.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
I give you my solemn word.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
I'm a poor man. I don't make much money, but
I got a wife and a couple of daughters, and
full five people had run around with me, and I
like the way you make them look. This is your country,
and I won't see what you want to do about it.
When do you want me to come? Well, as depends
first on how much it'll cost me.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Okay, so a notorious multitasker, shoe pier and cheapskate.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Well, he liked he liked a deal. But it's interesting
to us in a time when phones were known thing,
but they weren't as ubiquitous as they are today. It's
strange to us that his mission was to make every
place where he spent any sustained amount of time essentially
one big telephone office. And this didn't stop at the
(07:55):
White House, did it.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Now he was a native Texan, as you can probably
hear from his drawl, but he had a ranch house,
like a really sweet, sprawling ranch house in Austin, Texas.
So on this property he had a giant oak tree
wired with a telephone jack and a thirty five foot cord.
And that wasn't it. I mean he had I think
(08:17):
he was probably the first president or maybe human that
had a phone installed next to a hammock. So you
know he was getting his R and R. But if
an important call came down, he was going to take it.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
And you have to wonder was he a hammock swinger
or was he just laying there because you'd wonder about
the cord. He also had at least fifteen local and
long distance lines at this ranch, which became known as
the Texas White House. Do we mention that part yet?
Speaker 4 (08:46):
No?
Speaker 2 (08:46):
Oh, yeah, the Texas White House. And he had seventy
two handsets. Here's one that I thought of when we
earlier mentioned his notorious multitasking. One of these handsets was
built to handle twenty four calls at one and it's
a single handset to was this conference calling? Was he
switching back and forth? Was it just a cool gadget
(09:08):
that he felt a man of his station deserved.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Well, He certainly was an innovator, at least in unreasonable
requests that led to technological advancements, because before we had
anything approaching cellular phone service, he had phone operators go
with him on air Force one so that he could
stay in contact with the Texas switchboard. And just to
give you a sense of his daily telephone call workload,
(09:33):
it's estimated that he took somewhere in the neighborhood of
between forty and one hundred calls a day, and that
includes like ones that he took at the same time. Again,
I'm picturing him with one phone on one ear and
one on the other, like a cartoonish absurd thing. I
don't know, but it didn't stop on the phone. He
was a maximizer. He liked to make the most of
(09:55):
every single second, and he did not like to stop talking.
There are tails in addition to to urinating on secret servicemen,
where he would force people to follow him into the
bathroom while he dropped trow and or adduce and continued
talking to this reporter and or head of state even right, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
The Johnson treatments. He would get in people's faces as well.
He would follow them into the bathroom and harangue them
while they were while they were peeing. But uh, Noel,
absolutely right. He was also fond of making people follow
him into the bathroom and lecturing them, continuing in his
lecture rather while he was using the restroom, and if
he were defecating, he would just leave the door open
(10:40):
so he could still stare at them. That's uh, it
was just cartoonish. I mean, what kind of like Austin
Powers Mike Myers sort of joke as that.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
You know, that's a little creepy if you ask me.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
And he was, you know, very much a very much
a creep and a philanderer. He also you can snippets
of him. We didn't think he was being recorded talking
about stuff like this on the phone. He was notorious
for cheating on his wife, Ladybird as she was popularly called,
and we came to find that his staff was also
(11:14):
involved in this, because again, he's always wired, right, He's
always about building these contraptions, these phone networks. He built
something else.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
He's talking about the buzzer.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Oh yeah, you know the one. What's happening with the buzzer?
What's the buzz about the buzzer?
Speaker 4 (11:27):
No?
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Yeah, so it's you know, it was a button that
he had his staff install in the Oval office so
that his handlers and secret service protectors could give it
a good buzz. It would be connected to his office
if his wife was cited, because he was notorious for
(11:49):
hiring pretty young things to work in and around him
in his office, and you know, more than a few
rumors about him possibly getting a little attention on the
side when old Ladybird was not around, right right, you know,
buzz buzz buzz. We know Lady Bird's been sighted, you know,
(12:10):
pants on, I guess.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Which fits unfortunately with his character. While we're doing the
crass Johnson facts, we should admit that he was probably
out of I don't want to say he was the
most likely out of all presidents, but he's definitely in
the top five presidents most likely to send someone a
dick pic because he was fond of showing both men
(12:33):
and women. His genitals is Johnson. He named it also, yeah,
he apparently named it Jumbo.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Okay, yeah, so at least by his own admission, well
endowed fella.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
I just why would this guy be allowed in public restrooms?
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Why would he be allowed in public He seems like
a nightmare. And speaking of pants, yes, yes, yes, I'd
love to hear another clip. This one is a conversation
between President Johnson and his tailor, where he describes to
him the tailor, some particulars about the measurements for these
(13:15):
custom slacks. He needs some extra room in certain areas,
shall we say.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
Misser Joager Joe is your father, the one that makes clothes.
You're altogether. You all made me some real light weight slacks.
Now I need about six pairs for some aware. I
want him half inch larger in the waist than the
(13:43):
where before, except I want two or three inches of
stuff left back in there so I can take him up.
I bury ten or fifteen pounds a month, all right,
So leave me at least two and a half freat
inch in the back rock and let him outter take
them up.
Speaker 4 (13:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:00):
Now, another thing that crutch down where your nuts hang
is always a little too tight. So when you make
them up, give me a ach that I can let
out there, because they cut me. It's just like riding
the wire fence. These are almost the best that I've
had anywhere in the United States. But when I gained
(14:20):
a little weight, they cut me under there that you
never do have much margin there. But see if you
can't leave me about it? An age from the ware
the separate pms around under my back to my bunghole,
so I can read it out there if I need to.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
Ah, yes, the old Johnson bunghole. Yes, it's true.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
That is indeed the thirty sixth president of these fine
United States.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Hey, you know what we've got going on today? It's
not too far off right.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
Oh my gosh, what if Johnson had Twitter?
Speaker 1 (14:53):
I can't imagine. My favorite part is where he says,
you know, Dann, where the nuts hang, And he does
have he does have e a compelling accent. He was
known as a gifted vocal communicator despite the aggression. It's
interesting because he came from a poverty stricken community. He
grew up impoverished with oral storytelling background, and he always
(15:18):
knew that he wanted to be a politician, right because
after they lost the family farm, his father became a
politician instead. But he never lost this focus, the central
focus on the power of communication. And although he recorded
(15:39):
so much of his phone correspondence, he still adhered to
rules once articulated by Earl Long, who was Louisiana's three
time governor, and it reads the following, don't write anything
you can phone. Don't phone anything you can talk face
to face. Don't talk anything you can smile. Don't smile,
(16:00):
you can wink, don't wink anything you can nod. So,
because of his reliance on the telephone, despite the energy
he put into, you know, having face to face communication
over written correspondence, these recordings become better sources than documents
(16:20):
for tracing what he actually did. And you can see
sort of the let's say, the edges of the unrecorded
conversations he had, Oh yeah, where he was dragging people
into the bathroom. Oh no. It's a highly highly teachable
moment of being really able to see the way a
very powerful man like this actually conducted business because apparently
(16:41):
in a lot of his public addresses he was a
lot more stiff and more formal, and you know, we're
dinging this guy for a lot of things that are
very ding worthy, right so, rightly so. But you know,
he also had some problematic policies. It wasn't he wasn't
just you know, not the best president because of you know,
his tendencies to flash and urinate on people. He also
(17:05):
had some real problematic attitudes towards the US involvement in Vietnam.
Isn't that right, Ben?
Speaker 2 (17:10):
Yeah, It's commonly seen by historians as a huge misstep
for his administration, perhaps indeed the chief misstep, and that
would be the escalation of the war in Vietnam. You
can read an article about this on CNN called how
LBJ Wrecked his presidency. That should just give you a
taste of where people are coming from here by Julian Zelzer.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
I love that name. Those are two z's very strong name. Zelizer.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
It's interesting because again in these recordings, we find that offstage,
when he wasn't grand standing to the public, he was
conflicted and deeply so, about what the hell they should do.
He calls it a mess. He can't see a way
out of it.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Sure, and and the guy was not without his strong points.
He did sign the Civil Rights Act of nineteen sixty four,
which was the US labor law that outlawed discrimination based
on religion, sexual orientation, origin of birth, or race. So
you know, that's a pretty big step. So got to
give credit where credit is due, I guess. And you
(18:15):
do hear some of his more tender side, I guess
in some of these phone calls as well. Obviously was
a very big caricature of a personality. But in this
call where he's talking to Jacqueline Kennedy after the assassination
of John F. Kennedy, he's very kind to her.
Speaker 4 (18:33):
In other words, the.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
Government would be represented by Bobby and Peddy and Chief
Justice and Rush. They're going to be over there anyway
that he wants to go with you with be whoever
you want to take in your own party, And if
you'd like to do that, you just let me know
and I'll have it all set up for you and
(18:54):
it'll be at your disposal whenever you own it, for
whatever time you own it. Was n No, it's not
at all. It's very important to us, very important to
the country, and you you just let me know how
you feel that if you have a chance to think
about it. You know, I'm saying anything.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
Thing I ever heard of.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
And additionally, under his administration he passed one of the
most important and influential acts in recent history, and as
the Voting Rights Act in nineteen sixty five. We have
a clip there as well.
Speaker 4 (19:37):
There is no constitutional issue here. The command of the
Constitution is plain. There is no moral issue. It is wrong,
deadly wrong to deny any of your fellow Americans right
(20:00):
to vote in this country.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
And there you're kind of getting that slightly more stilted
speechy written part of his personality. And it's really interesting
to have the opportunity to kind of weigh those two
sides with these candid recordings of his phone calls versus
his public persona, because as far as we know, other
than Nixon and I don't think anyone's getting their hands
on those tapes anytime soon. Not a lot of presidents
(20:28):
did this, and they certainly are not accessible to the
public in this way. So good on Johnson.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
I do want to say, there's a great quotation by
Nixon which reads, people sat by language was bad. But Jesus,
so you're sort of heard LB dre there you go.
So I hope you like that bootleg Nixon.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
That was good. You you had the mumble Josh right burn.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
Ra for some reason we were doing it that it
reminds me of the old school, Uh Tim Curry anywise, Yeah,
when he's making when he's like scaring the kids, you
have Prince albarda.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
Con rop rop rop. He's kind of Nixon.
Speaker 4 (21:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Now there's another thing that you and I talked about
off air that I've always seen as a very clear
indication of Johnson's character, and that's his favorite car prank.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
This is a good one.
Speaker 4 (21:22):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
There's a fantastic article from our buddies over at Mental
Floss called LBJ the President who marked his Territory. I
think we know what that refers to. But yeah, he
would do this thing where he would take visitors to
his Texas ranch for a little car ride, and he'd
drive him down a big old hill towards a lake
and act like he was losing control of the car
and yeah, all the brakes are out, we're going in,
We're going in. And then what happened?
Speaker 2 (21:43):
And then they would indeed hit the water and they
would float and he would continue steering the vehicle because
you see, it was not an ordinary car. It was
a type of amphibious vehicle called in and thip car.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
And it was apparently the only one manufactured for civilian
use ever. And it's funny. I actually a couple of
weekends ago, I went with my daughter to a place
here around Atlanta called Stone Mountain, and they have this
thing called Ride the Ducks where you get to take
a ride in this thing called a duck boat, and
it looks like a van, but it's like a boat
(22:17):
and you ride it just like this. You literally, he
does the same thing. Even the driver was his name
was Professor Hollywood, and he was wearing these real kooky
starglasses and telling us all these great tales about movies
that were shot around Stone Mountain and stuff. And about
the time he and a group of school kids encountered
Dwayne the Rock Johnson who came out of his Hey,
a different Johnson, but yeah, he hauls ass for this
(22:39):
lake and you just go right in, make a big
old splash, and then before you know it, you're floating along,
you know, the Lazy River. Pretty cool, but we knew
it was we knew we knew it was coming, though,
so not mean spirited in the way that the Johnson
was Hollywood.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
Didn't pull a fast food on you, Professor Hollywood, Professor Hollywood.
He didn't go to Hollywood Academy for nothing.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Hollywood University.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
Yeah, yes, yes, they're in Hollywood, California, or one of
the many other towns in the United States named Hollywood. Indeed,
so we're giving a brief overview of a contradictory character.
And it's clear that his administration enacted some incredibly profound, important,
(23:26):
and beneficial legislation for the American public. But also it's
clear that most historians agree there were numerous missteps along
the way, both in his political and in his private life.
One thing that we found interesting here is that a
(23:47):
lot of people don't talk about the emphasis he had
on technology as an early adopter. I mean, what he
was doing really was a pioneering work, for sure.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
Like I said, all based on some sort of outlandish requests.
But what is technology if not trying to fill a
need that may seem outlandish at the time but will
ultimately become the law of the land when people realize,
you know, how could we ever have done without this?
You know, I mean not to say that I have
fifty telephones installed in my house, but you know the
(24:20):
fact that you can be untethered. He was essentially trying
to create the circumstances that we have with a cell phone,
but with the limitations of being wired in. He wanted
to never be any less than arms reach away from
the phone. And it makes me think of our old office,
Ben in Buckhead. It used to be the former headquarters
of La Face Wrecords True Stories. You know about a
(24:42):
baby Face more known as a producer and songwriter for
like Madonna and stuff. I think he had a couple
of hits on his own. Oh yeah, but there was
this weird bathroom. I'll let you tell it, Ben, it's
your story with It's this weird bathroom that always kind
of struck us a little odd, right.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
Yes, yes, So in the old office that our company
used to well in had a strange executive suite all
its own. A little bit less than half of the
entire office space was taken up by what we believe
was Babyface's office himself, and it had an executive washroom.
(25:16):
This washroom had a very very low commode that was
directly opposite a full length wall mirror, so that it
was unavoidable to if you were sitting on the commode,
it was unavoidable to not see yourself and directly to
the right of this commode, if you picture yourself sitting
here again very low to the ground. There was a
(25:37):
red telephone, a red landline telephone like.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
Batman style, like would it glow? Do you think you know?
I hope? So it rang once and I never answered it.
No way.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Yeah, I was outside of the restroom. I didn't like
to hang out in there. It was kind of creepy.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
Are you messing with me? No?
Speaker 2 (25:52):
It rang damn, So we have to wonder who has
the phone number to the leface bathroom.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Let us know. You can write to us at ridiculous
at HowStuffWorks dot com. You can check out our new
Facebook group, the Ridiculous Historians. You want to be a moderator,
you like that kind of stuff, shoot us an email
at that aforementioned address and we will look at your
credentials and see if you've got the stuff. We will.
We will go through your transcripts. You probably do. You
probably just the desire is enough.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
Well, if you're listening to this show, you have impeccable
taste and thank you so much for listening. It's pretty
clear that the three of us find President Johnson a
fascinating character. We'd like to hear some of your Johnson
President Johnson trivia as well. We'd also like to thank
Julia Layton, our regular contributor, who wrote an article about
(26:45):
lbj's phone usage for how stuff works, And of course
we can't say it enough. Super Producer Casey pegram, I'm.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
Gonna hang on.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
I'm going to lean back and make eye contact with him.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
Thank you. You're great. That was a really tender moment
you just had with Superproducer Casey. And just just to
throw out there too, we call him super producer Casey,
but what that entails is he edits the show. He
also does all the cool sound design, any of the
little bumpers and all that stuff. That's him And of
course he's a contributor vocally. We're gonna try to twist
his arm and make him do that a little more often,
(27:19):
but well, we'll see how that shapes up.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
Yeah, it's a foot in the door a little bit
at a time.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
He also gives us great life advice, oh big time.
He's like sort of a life coach slash super producer
we'd also like to thank our composer Alex Williams, who
wrote our theme and uh, I don't thank you again,
Ben for just being you and such a handsome devil.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
Hey, thank you, you know what. Thanks to both of
us for not going around peing on people. Neither of
us are perfect, but we'll always.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
Have that, I think so. So.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
You can find us on Facebook. You can find us
on Instagram. You can find us on Twitter. My trusted
co host has disclosed the email address. You can visit
our website, ridiculoush hisstoryshow dot com and check out every
episode we have ever done.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
Hey, if you haven't already done it, do us a
solid if you like to show write us a review
on Apple Podcast, something really nice and spiffy to make
us feel good about ourselves and help that algorithm so
people discover the show because if you like doing it,
and we want to keep doing it.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
And stay tuned next time. When Nola and I get
into an eggnog.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
Ryot, is that like a zoot Suit ryot?
Speaker 4 (28:20):
You know?
Speaker 2 (28:20):
The backbeat's a little bit different. Where should I say
a whisk? Do we use whisps with eggnog?
Speaker 1 (28:24):
I haven't nogged a little less saxophone. Maybe oh yeah,
yeah yeah, okay cool, goodbye everyone. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio,
visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen
(28:45):
to your favorite shows.
Get guys.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
I often think about how I've said this on error
in different shows. I often think about how various historical
figures would react to social media or the ubiquity of
communication devices. And in this classic episode, I learned that
I would never want Lyndon Johnson to have my phone number.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Na man, like you ever had you ever got? I mean,
you know, this day and age, a phone call is
almost an active aggression, you know, or it's like we
try to keep it to text, but I don't know.
You ever have the unfortunate situation where someone called you
and you realize because of the echo or something, or
just you hear a little PLoP. Are you? Are you
on the toilet? Bro? Like, what are you doing to me?
(00:44):
That's not cool? What's that tinkling sound?
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Nah?
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Man, that's not okay. We actually recently talked about Louis
the fourteenth and his you know, lack of bathing or
personal hygiene. He often and those in his court at
Versailles take meetings while on the commode. They didn't have
a telephone, but you know who did was Lyndon Johnson,
and he had one in his boudoir and would often
(01:10):
take calls while dropping a deuce.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
And he installed telephones in multiple locations in the White House,
which already had phones, by the way, and in his
branch in Texas. Also adding to the creepy vibe, our
buddy Lindy recorded pretty much every phone call he had,
including the ones where he is trying to brag about
(01:36):
the size of his Australia while he's getting the tailor
to redo his pals mis Johnson.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Yeah, no, I'm not mistaken. I haven't listened back to
this one as of yet, but I think we have
a clip in it that is a delight. And he's
talking about making room for his his bunghole around his
but he uses the term bunghole, which I've never heard
outside of Beavis and butt Head until this particular exploration.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
And we'll also learn about his notable sidekick.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
That's right, Jumbo, let's roll the footage.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Ridiculous History is a production of iHeartRadio.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
O man, oh man.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Okay, So let's start today with the very crass, a
crass intro to the subject of our show. Let's set
the tone, all right, Yeah, agreed. So, once upon a time,
there's this guy who urinates on a secret service man
who is shielding this guy from public view.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Go on.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
The secret Service man is horrified because you know he's
in the Secret Service, and therefore we're gonna go out
on a limon say. He's not used to people peing
on him. The person the subject of today's podcast, when
he sees this shocked expression of horror on this guy's face,
he only says, that's all right, son, it's my prerogative.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
It's my prerogative.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Hello, everybody, thank you for tuning in.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
My name is Ben, my name is Nol. And the
shoe pesser in question is none other than Lyndon Baines Johnson,
the thirty sixth President of these fair United States and
notorious shoe here.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Yes, yes, Out of all the presidents, he is the
most notorious when it comes to the high crime of
shoe pen or at least the eccentric behavior. This is
the president who took the oath of office on November two,
twenty second, nineteen sixty three, almost immediately following the assassination
of President Kennedy.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
It's true, and on that day, when he assumed his
new job as president and took residence in the White House,
he immediately set to overhauling the telephone system in the
White House in a very very big and dare we
say ridiculous way?
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Oh we dare we do? Dare my friend? Because this
was just baffling. So the first thing he did was
that he had phones installed everywhere, beneath dining tables, coffee tables,
in tables and bathrooms, on windows sills. And you can
find in the oral history for the LBJ Presidential Library
(04:47):
by James Jones, the argument that the president led the
construction of a wired mobile phone network using phones as
call relay points, just so wherever he went in the
building he would never have to get off the phone
unless he wanted to.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Yeah, he was a notorious multitasker. He would often take
several calls at the same time. I'm trying to picture that.
It's like, did he have handlers that would pass him
the phone and then say, excuse me, the President needs
a minute, and then he would get another one, and
then he would have another one passed back to him.
I'm confused. We do, however, know that he was a
big fan of the power move and he apparently liked
(05:22):
to use the phone as a tool. It was even
said as a weapon. Because he could bully people very
easily on the phone, Like he was so comfortable with
it that he had it down pat and could essentially
get people to do what he wanted by speaking to
them in a certain way. And the beauty of this
is you don't have to depend on our word for this.
(05:44):
Because he also recorded like every conversation that he had,
which I think there are nine thousand tapes around that
you can actually get your hands on, and he had
them transcribed, and in his evening reading materials for the day,
his handlers would slip him the transcripts so he could
go over the day's business. And it wasn't all pure paranoia,
right Ben. I mean, it was to kind of show
(06:06):
that he had gotten things done. But also he could
call people out on things, couldn't he.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Right, Yeah, And he used this method often if there
was someone in the press that he felt had misquoted
him in an interview, he would go back and check
the transcripts. If there were another member of Congress or
another politician who was waffling or backing away from something
they had agreed to on the interview, Johnson had no
compunction whatsoever about going public with it. But there's another
(06:35):
thing you could find here, nine thousand tapes. That's a
lot of tape. He would signal to his secretary with
like a little wave of his hands his finger in
a let's roll circle to turn on the recorders, but
his staff sometimes forgot to turn them off. So you
can also hear him having these very strange, mundane conversations.
(06:57):
There's one where he's trying to get a guy to
come cut his hair for free as the president. And actually,
can we play a clip of this casey and I
talk to you.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
Now about getting in the paper and getting it advertised.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
I give you my solemn word.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
I'm a poor man. I don't make much money, but
I got a wife and a couple of daughters, and
full five people had run around with me, and I
like the way you make them look. This is your country,
and I won't see what you want to do about it.
When do you want me to come? Well, as depends
first on how much it'll cost me.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Okay, so a notorious multitasker, shoe pier and cheapskate.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Well, he liked he liked a deal. But it's interesting
to us in a time when phones were known thing,
but they weren't as ubiquitous as they are today. It's
strange to us that his mission was to make every
place where he spent any sustained amount of time essentially
one big telephone office. And this didn't stop at the
(07:55):
White House, did it.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Now he was a native Texan, as you can probably
hear from his drawl, but he had a ranch house,
like a really sweet, sprawling ranch house in Austin, Texas.
So on this property he had a giant oak tree
wired with a telephone jack and a thirty five foot cord.
And that wasn't it. I mean he had I think
(08:17):
he was probably the first president or maybe human that
had a phone installed next to a hammock. So you
know he was getting his R and R. But if
an important call came down, he was going to take it.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
And you have to wonder was he a hammock swinger
or was he just laying there because you'd wonder about
the cord. He also had at least fifteen local and
long distance lines at this ranch, which became known as
the Texas White House. Do we mention that part yet?
Speaker 4 (08:46):
No?
Speaker 2 (08:46):
Oh, yeah, the Texas White House. And he had seventy
two handsets. Here's one that I thought of when we
earlier mentioned his notorious multitasking. One of these handsets was
built to handle twenty four calls at one and it's
a single handset to was this conference calling? Was he
switching back and forth? Was it just a cool gadget
(09:08):
that he felt a man of his station deserved.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Well, He certainly was an innovator, at least in unreasonable
requests that led to technological advancements, because before we had
anything approaching cellular phone service, he had phone operators go
with him on air Force one so that he could
stay in contact with the Texas switchboard. And just to
give you a sense of his daily telephone call workload,
(09:33):
it's estimated that he took somewhere in the neighborhood of
between forty and one hundred calls a day, and that
includes like ones that he took at the same time. Again,
I'm picturing him with one phone on one ear and
one on the other, like a cartoonish absurd thing. I
don't know, but it didn't stop on the phone. He
was a maximizer. He liked to make the most of
(09:55):
every single second, and he did not like to stop talking.
There are tails in addition to to urinating on secret servicemen,
where he would force people to follow him into the
bathroom while he dropped trow and or adduce and continued
talking to this reporter and or head of state even right, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
The Johnson treatments. He would get in people's faces as well.
He would follow them into the bathroom and harangue them
while they were while they were peeing. But uh, Noel,
absolutely right. He was also fond of making people follow
him into the bathroom and lecturing them, continuing in his
lecture rather while he was using the restroom, and if
he were defecating, he would just leave the door open
(10:40):
so he could still stare at them. That's uh, it
was just cartoonish. I mean, what kind of like Austin
Powers Mike Myers sort of joke as that.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
You know, that's a little creepy if you ask me.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
And he was, you know, very much a very much
a creep and a philanderer. He also you can snippets
of him. We didn't think he was being recorded talking
about stuff like this on the phone. He was notorious
for cheating on his wife, Ladybird as she was popularly called,
and we came to find that his staff was also
(11:14):
involved in this, because again, he's always wired, right, He's
always about building these contraptions, these phone networks. He built
something else.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
He's talking about the buzzer.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Oh yeah, you know the one. What's happening with the buzzer?
What's the buzz about the buzzer?
Speaker 4 (11:27):
No?
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Yeah, so it's you know, it was a button that
he had his staff install in the Oval office so
that his handlers and secret service protectors could give it
a good buzz. It would be connected to his office
if his wife was cited, because he was notorious for
(11:49):
hiring pretty young things to work in and around him
in his office, and you know, more than a few
rumors about him possibly getting a little attention on the
side when old Ladybird was not around, right right, you know,
buzz buzz buzz. We know Lady Bird's been sighted, you know,
(12:10):
pants on, I guess.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Which fits unfortunately with his character. While we're doing the
crass Johnson facts, we should admit that he was probably
out of I don't want to say he was the
most likely out of all presidents, but he's definitely in
the top five presidents most likely to send someone a
dick pic because he was fond of showing both men
(12:33):
and women. His genitals is Johnson. He named it also, yeah,
he apparently named it Jumbo.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Okay, yeah, so at least by his own admission, well
endowed fella.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
I just why would this guy be allowed in public restrooms?
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Why would he be allowed in public He seems like
a nightmare. And speaking of pants, yes, yes, yes, I'd
love to hear another clip. This one is a conversation
between President Johnson and his tailor, where he describes to
him the tailor, some particulars about the measurements for these
(13:15):
custom slacks. He needs some extra room in certain areas,
shall we say.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
Misser Joager Joe is your father, the one that makes clothes.
You're altogether. You all made me some real light weight slacks.
Now I need about six pairs for some aware. I
want him half inch larger in the waist than the
(13:43):
where before, except I want two or three inches of
stuff left back in there so I can take him up.
I bury ten or fifteen pounds a month, all right,
So leave me at least two and a half freat
inch in the back rock and let him outter take
them up.
Speaker 4 (13:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:00):
Now, another thing that crutch down where your nuts hang
is always a little too tight. So when you make
them up, give me a ach that I can let
out there, because they cut me. It's just like riding
the wire fence. These are almost the best that I've
had anywhere in the United States. But when I gained
(14:20):
a little weight, they cut me under there that you
never do have much margin there. But see if you
can't leave me about it? An age from the ware
the separate pms around under my back to my bunghole,
so I can read it out there if I need to.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
Ah, yes, the old Johnson bunghole. Yes, it's true.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
That is indeed the thirty sixth president of these fine
United States.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Hey, you know what we've got going on today? It's
not too far off right.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
Oh my gosh, what if Johnson had Twitter?
Speaker 1 (14:53):
I can't imagine. My favorite part is where he says,
you know, Dann, where the nuts hang, And he does
have he does have e a compelling accent. He was
known as a gifted vocal communicator despite the aggression. It's
interesting because he came from a poverty stricken community. He
grew up impoverished with oral storytelling background, and he always
(15:18):
knew that he wanted to be a politician, right because
after they lost the family farm, his father became a
politician instead. But he never lost this focus, the central
focus on the power of communication. And although he recorded
(15:39):
so much of his phone correspondence, he still adhered to
rules once articulated by Earl Long, who was Louisiana's three
time governor, and it reads the following, don't write anything
you can phone. Don't phone anything you can talk face
to face. Don't talk anything you can smile. Don't smile,
(16:00):
you can wink, don't wink anything you can nod. So,
because of his reliance on the telephone, despite the energy
he put into, you know, having face to face communication
over written correspondence, these recordings become better sources than documents
(16:20):
for tracing what he actually did. And you can see
sort of the let's say, the edges of the unrecorded
conversations he had, Oh yeah, where he was dragging people
into the bathroom. Oh no. It's a highly highly teachable
moment of being really able to see the way a
very powerful man like this actually conducted business because apparently
(16:41):
in a lot of his public addresses he was a
lot more stiff and more formal, and you know, we're
dinging this guy for a lot of things that are
very ding worthy, right so, rightly so. But you know,
he also had some problematic policies. It wasn't he wasn't
just you know, not the best president because of you know,
his tendencies to flash and urinate on people. He also
(17:05):
had some real problematic attitudes towards the US involvement in Vietnam.
Isn't that right, Ben?
Speaker 2 (17:10):
Yeah, It's commonly seen by historians as a huge misstep
for his administration, perhaps indeed the chief misstep, and that
would be the escalation of the war in Vietnam. You
can read an article about this on CNN called how
LBJ Wrecked his presidency. That should just give you a
taste of where people are coming from here by Julian Zelzer.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
I love that name. Those are two z's very strong name. Zelizer.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
It's interesting because again in these recordings, we find that offstage,
when he wasn't grand standing to the public, he was
conflicted and deeply so, about what the hell they should do.
He calls it a mess. He can't see a way
out of it.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Sure, and and the guy was not without his strong points.
He did sign the Civil Rights Act of nineteen sixty four,
which was the US labor law that outlawed discrimination based
on religion, sexual orientation, origin of birth, or race. So
you know, that's a pretty big step. So got to
give credit where credit is due, I guess. And you
(18:15):
do hear some of his more tender side, I guess
in some of these phone calls as well. Obviously was
a very big caricature of a personality. But in this
call where he's talking to Jacqueline Kennedy after the assassination
of John F. Kennedy, he's very kind to her.
Speaker 4 (18:33):
In other words, the.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
Government would be represented by Bobby and Peddy and Chief
Justice and Rush. They're going to be over there anyway
that he wants to go with you with be whoever
you want to take in your own party, And if
you'd like to do that, you just let me know
and I'll have it all set up for you and
(18:54):
it'll be at your disposal whenever you own it, for
whatever time you own it. Was n No, it's not
at all. It's very important to us, very important to
the country, and you you just let me know how
you feel that if you have a chance to think
about it. You know, I'm saying anything.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
Thing I ever heard of.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
And additionally, under his administration he passed one of the
most important and influential acts in recent history, and as
the Voting Rights Act in nineteen sixty five. We have
a clip there as well.
Speaker 4 (19:37):
There is no constitutional issue here. The command of the
Constitution is plain. There is no moral issue. It is wrong,
deadly wrong to deny any of your fellow Americans right
(20:00):
to vote in this country.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
And there you're kind of getting that slightly more stilted
speechy written part of his personality. And it's really interesting
to have the opportunity to kind of weigh those two
sides with these candid recordings of his phone calls versus
his public persona, because as far as we know, other
than Nixon and I don't think anyone's getting their hands
on those tapes anytime soon. Not a lot of presidents
(20:28):
did this, and they certainly are not accessible to the
public in this way. So good on Johnson.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
I do want to say, there's a great quotation by
Nixon which reads, people sat by language was bad. But Jesus,
so you're sort of heard LB dre there you go.
So I hope you like that bootleg Nixon.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
That was good. You you had the mumble Josh right burn.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
Ra for some reason we were doing it that it
reminds me of the old school, Uh Tim Curry anywise, Yeah,
when he's making when he's like scaring the kids, you
have Prince albarda.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
Con rop rop rop. He's kind of Nixon.
Speaker 4 (21:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Now there's another thing that you and I talked about
off air that I've always seen as a very clear
indication of Johnson's character, and that's his favorite car prank.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
This is a good one.
Speaker 4 (21:22):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
There's a fantastic article from our buddies over at Mental
Floss called LBJ the President who marked his Territory. I
think we know what that refers to. But yeah, he
would do this thing where he would take visitors to
his Texas ranch for a little car ride, and he'd
drive him down a big old hill towards a lake
and act like he was losing control of the car
and yeah, all the brakes are out, we're going in,
We're going in. And then what happened?
Speaker 2 (21:43):
And then they would indeed hit the water and they
would float and he would continue steering the vehicle because
you see, it was not an ordinary car. It was
a type of amphibious vehicle called in and thip car.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
And it was apparently the only one manufactured for civilian
use ever. And it's funny. I actually a couple of
weekends ago, I went with my daughter to a place
here around Atlanta called Stone Mountain, and they have this
thing called Ride the Ducks where you get to take
a ride in this thing called a duck boat, and
it looks like a van, but it's like a boat
(22:17):
and you ride it just like this. You literally, he
does the same thing. Even the driver was his name
was Professor Hollywood, and he was wearing these real kooky
starglasses and telling us all these great tales about movies
that were shot around Stone Mountain and stuff. And about
the time he and a group of school kids encountered
Dwayne the Rock Johnson who came out of his Hey,
a different Johnson, but yeah, he hauls ass for this
(22:39):
lake and you just go right in, make a big
old splash, and then before you know it, you're floating along,
you know, the Lazy River. Pretty cool, but we knew
it was we knew we knew it was coming, though,
so not mean spirited in the way that the Johnson
was Hollywood.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
Didn't pull a fast food on you, Professor Hollywood, Professor Hollywood.
He didn't go to Hollywood Academy for nothing.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Hollywood University.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
Yeah, yes, yes, they're in Hollywood, California, or one of
the many other towns in the United States named Hollywood. Indeed,
so we're giving a brief overview of a contradictory character.
And it's clear that his administration enacted some incredibly profound, important,
(23:26):
and beneficial legislation for the American public. But also it's
clear that most historians agree there were numerous missteps along
the way, both in his political and in his private life.
One thing that we found interesting here is that a
(23:47):
lot of people don't talk about the emphasis he had
on technology as an early adopter. I mean, what he
was doing really was a pioneering work, for sure.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
Like I said, all based on some sort of outlandish requests.
But what is technology if not trying to fill a
need that may seem outlandish at the time but will
ultimately become the law of the land when people realize,
you know, how could we ever have done without this?
You know, I mean not to say that I have
fifty telephones installed in my house, but you know the
(24:20):
fact that you can be untethered. He was essentially trying
to create the circumstances that we have with a cell phone,
but with the limitations of being wired in. He wanted
to never be any less than arms reach away from
the phone. And it makes me think of our old office,
Ben in Buckhead. It used to be the former headquarters
of La Face Wrecords True Stories. You know about a
(24:42):
baby Face more known as a producer and songwriter for
like Madonna and stuff. I think he had a couple
of hits on his own. Oh yeah, but there was
this weird bathroom. I'll let you tell it, Ben, it's
your story with It's this weird bathroom that always kind
of struck us a little odd, right.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
Yes, yes, So in the old office that our company
used to well in had a strange executive suite all
its own. A little bit less than half of the
entire office space was taken up by what we believe
was Babyface's office himself, and it had an executive washroom.
(25:16):
This washroom had a very very low commode that was
directly opposite a full length wall mirror, so that it
was unavoidable to if you were sitting on the commode,
it was unavoidable to not see yourself and directly to
the right of this commode, if you picture yourself sitting
here again very low to the ground. There was a
(25:37):
red telephone, a red landline telephone like.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
Batman style, like would it glow? Do you think you know?
I hope? So it rang once and I never answered it.
No way.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Yeah, I was outside of the restroom. I didn't like
to hang out in there. It was kind of creepy.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
Are you messing with me? No?
Speaker 2 (25:52):
It rang damn, So we have to wonder who has
the phone number to the leface bathroom.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Let us know. You can write to us at ridiculous
at HowStuffWorks dot com. You can check out our new
Facebook group, the Ridiculous Historians. You want to be a moderator,
you like that kind of stuff, shoot us an email
at that aforementioned address and we will look at your
credentials and see if you've got the stuff. We will.
We will go through your transcripts. You probably do. You
probably just the desire is enough.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
Well, if you're listening to this show, you have impeccable
taste and thank you so much for listening. It's pretty
clear that the three of us find President Johnson a
fascinating character. We'd like to hear some of your Johnson
President Johnson trivia as well. We'd also like to thank
Julia Layton, our regular contributor, who wrote an article about
(26:45):
lbj's phone usage for how stuff works, And of course
we can't say it enough. Super Producer Casey pegram, I'm.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
Gonna hang on.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
I'm going to lean back and make eye contact with him.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
Thank you. You're great. That was a really tender moment
you just had with Superproducer Casey. And just just to
throw out there too, we call him super producer Casey,
but what that entails is he edits the show. He
also does all the cool sound design, any of the
little bumpers and all that stuff. That's him And of
course he's a contributor vocally. We're gonna try to twist
his arm and make him do that a little more often,
(27:19):
but well, we'll see how that shapes up.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
Yeah, it's a foot in the door a little bit
at a time.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
He also gives us great life advice, oh big time.
He's like sort of a life coach slash super producer
we'd also like to thank our composer Alex Williams, who
wrote our theme and uh, I don't thank you again,
Ben for just being you and such a handsome devil.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
Hey, thank you, you know what. Thanks to both of
us for not going around peing on people. Neither of
us are perfect, but we'll always.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
Have that, I think so. So.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
You can find us on Facebook. You can find us
on Instagram. You can find us on Twitter. My trusted
co host has disclosed the email address. You can visit
our website, ridiculoush hisstoryshow dot com and check out every
episode we have ever done.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
Hey, if you haven't already done it, do us a
solid if you like to show write us a review
on Apple Podcast, something really nice and spiffy to make
us feel good about ourselves and help that algorithm so
people discover the show because if you like doing it,
and we want to keep doing it.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
And stay tuned next time. When Nola and I get
into an eggnog.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
Ryot, is that like a zoot Suit ryot?
Speaker 4 (28:20):
You know?
Speaker 2 (28:20):
The backbeat's a little bit different. Where should I say
a whisk? Do we use whisps with eggnog?
Speaker 1 (28:24):
I haven't nogged a little less saxophone. Maybe oh yeah,
yeah yeah, okay cool, goodbye everyone. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio,
visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen
(28:45):
to your favorite shows.
Ridiculous History News
Hosts And Creators
Ben Bowlin
Noel Brown
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