November 16, 2024 • 36 mins
Born in Corsica, Napoleon Bonaparte rose from obscurity during the French Revolution, crowning himself Emperor of France in 1804. This brilliant, ruthless tactician changed the course of French history. Despite his meteoric rise and bloodied fall, Bonaparte still needed to grab lunch once in a while. That's when the rabbits got him.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back to our classic episode. Fellow Ridiculous historians. Ooh,
this is a favorite of ours. We finally took that
Napoleon guy down a peg man.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
This is the classicist of classic Ridiculous History episodes. Napoleon
Bonaparte was in fact attacked by Bunni's Need we say more?
I think not.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
We should say that we referenced this episode all the time.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Yeah, it's been a minute, but there was a time
where this was like peak ridiculous History. I don't think
we need to set it up too much more. Ben agreed.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Noel Let's Dive in Ridiculous History is a production of
iHeartRadio on Shore, Friends and Neighbors, Ridiculous Historians, longtime listeners
(01:07):
and new listeners alike. Welcome to the show. My name
is Ben, my name is Noel oh and and we
want to, of course give a shout out to our
super producer, Casey Pegram.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Only today he is but here in spirit.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
That is true, Noel, that is true. Today is our
first episode while our longtime friend is adventuring abroad.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Didn't feel right.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
I think we're in good hands because we're not alone
in this endeavor. We are joined by one of Casey's
longtime friends, our super producer, Paul Decant.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
I like to think, you know, we're all friends here.
We hang out with Paul.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Yeah. Oh, Paul is solid gold hit.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Yes, indeed he is.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
And listeners, you may recogniz him from some other shows
we have done, including stuff they don't want you to
know where he earned the Moniker mission control only.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
This is the first time we've personified him with a
sound effect, so hopefully we can we can bring that back.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Yeah, hopefully so. And you know, Paul, I'm really glad
you're here for this one. I think you are going
to enjoy this show. Let's let's lay it out very quickly.
Maybe we go in with a little bit of biography
because today our episode has a couple of primary characters.
(02:38):
I'm gonna go ahead and say, the protagonist for today's
show is Napoleon Bonaparte.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Do you think so? I guess so. I guess he's
the protagonist. Yeah, he's sort of a He's a bit
of an antagonist in the big picture story, sure, but
in today's story, he is the one what gets a thrashing.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
He's sort of an elmer character in this one.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
To be honest, it really is. He's quite quite cartoonish, indeed, and.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
We are talking of course about that Napoleon. The Napoleon,
not Dynamite, but Bonaparte, who was born in August of
seventeen sixty nine, the fifteenth and passed away in May
of eighteen twenty one.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
I did not know this. He was actually born in
Corsica and you know which which was actually suceeded to France.
But he grew up in more of an Italian culture
and then moved to mainland France and learned the French
language and went to military academy, rose quickly in the ranks,
(03:40):
and as we know, spoiler alert became one of the
greatest conquerors in military history. And also, you know, one
of the shortest guys in military history. Also always had
his hand tucked into his hoodie.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
Yeah, we've got a pretty fascinating article from our parent website,
HowStuffWorks dot Com by Laurie L. Dove, who recognized from
a couple of other shows.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
We give her a sound effect, like like a cooing
dove or something. Hmm.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
You know, I'm gonna write to her, Yeah, see what
what kind of because hopefully she doesn't hate doves?
Speaker 2 (04:14):
That's true.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
We want to see what kind of bird she likes.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Okay, fair enough.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
She wrote this article called was Napoleon really short? And
at the time of his death he measured five feet
two inches in French units. In modern measurement units, that's
the equivalent of five feet six and a half inches
or one hundred and sixty nine centimeters.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
It's, you know, it's just below average.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
It's not, you know, it's it's roughly average for person
that time. It's definitely on the shorter end of the spectrum.
But this played into some propaganda for sure, and people
would say, you know, that's where the Napoleon complex comes from.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
It's also one of these things where when you think
of a military tough guy, you know, you kind of
want to think of like a hulking, big burly dude,
and the notion of him being a little more slight
is a little bit counterintuitive, you know, right, and.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
It makes people think perhaps he's a bit bantam or
you know, cocky for lack of a better phrase. There's
a funny thing though, because he did not help his
situation in terms of his perceived height. He surrounded himself
with very tall soldiers. He exaggerated the effect because when
(05:31):
he's around all, like, if you were to hang around
the Chicago Bulls or something, just hang out during the
day as you do, you would look short because they're tall.
They're giants, so it's a compared interest. And he also,
regardless of his height, he was notorious for having a belligerent,
(05:56):
mean spirited personality. He was that militaristic person than you
are describing. Yeah, I mean, basically was a dictator.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
He overthrew the French government, which was a revolutionary government
that was installed after the end of the French Revolution.
That his primary concern was just kind of big upping
revolutionary figures and folks that helped overthrow the Bourbons the monarchy.
But they're not such a great efficient government, a lot
(06:26):
of corruption, a lot of problems. And Napoleon was already
off winning big military victories during this time and basically
set up a coup and knocked those boys right out
of the frame.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Yes, yeah, he had at a time a tenuous scrip
on power because, as you said, he was pursuing military
goals in Egypt. I believe in Italy he was already
traveling abroad. But today we can look back on Napoleon
through any nonumber of lenses, and we chose to look
(07:04):
at a story that is I would say, well, first off,
it's funny.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Yeah, it's ridiculous, apocryphal. Perhaps perhaps it's smacks of legend exaggeration,
at least I think so too, But it's it's a
lot of fun. And it involves Napoleon being swarmed, dare
we say, overtaken by acute little bunny rabbits.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
A force of rabbits doing what many armies could not.
And as the Internet memes are so fond of telling us,
the thing about Napoleon is that he attacked, but he
also protect.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
I don't know this one, Ben.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
You don't know this. No, I'm going to send it
to you. It's don't worry about it.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
Can we post it on Ridiculous Historians? Yes we can
our Facebook community.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Yes. Check out our Facebook community page Ridiculous History, and
you'll get to meet your fellow listeners. You can even
see kids pictures of the quistor himself, which was a
bit of a coup for us. Indeed, so we first
need to set the scene for this hilarious misadventure. You
(08:16):
see Napoleon being a brilliant military mind understood the importance
of not just military conflicts, but of larger diplomatic actions,
and he was involved in the negotiations of treaties. One
incredibly important one was the series of agreements to agreements
(08:37):
known collectively as the Treaties of Tilsit.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
Yeah, he had wiped the floor with Austria, Russia and Prussia,
and basically the Russian Czar Alexander the First just tapped
out and said, look, this is embarrassing. You have outnumbered us,
outgunned us, outmanned us, and outclassed us. Seen in I'm
not quoting, I'm paraphrasing here. Sure, but he said, let's
(09:03):
talk Napoleon. And so he, along with the Prussian King
Frederick William, got Napoleon to agree to parlay. Right, is
that the right term?
Speaker 3 (09:17):
Parlay?
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Yeah? Yeah, they held parley. They they met in the
town of Tilsit in eighteen oh seven in July after
his victory at Friedlands.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
Yes, and that would have been modern day Sovetsk, Russia.
And what happened was, in order to meet on sort
of relatively neutral territory, Napoleon and his crew built a
crudely fashioned rafts that they floated up on the banks
of the River Niemen, where they met the Prussian and
(09:53):
Russian envoys. Well, it was actually you know, the king
and the sar along with their what do you call
it a kacher? Yeah, sure, and they decided to negotiate peace.
Alexander the First said that this piece would be just
good for the world. It's just what everyone wants, it's
what everyone needs. Although it seemed pretty self serving.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Right, and there were winners and losers in these negotiations.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
And saw Alexander the First was quoted in saying that
this piece would quote ensure the happiness and tranquility of
the world. It's a bold way of looking at it,
although it seemed a little more self serving since they
more or less had no choice because Napoleon had taken
them to the mattresses.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Right he, Alexander at least needed a way to spin
it as a win for his government and his people.
That happens today with treaties in every situation. Additionally, Napoleon
was on the cusp of establishing hegemony to absolute control
of a.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Region, total dominance, and that was his primary concern, was
spreading French control across the world.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
And you know, eventually. I mean he would say French,
but he was really thinking Napoleonic control exactly. He was
a dictator, right. So here's what happened in the treaty.
Alexander one accepted the reduction of Prussia from eighty nine
one twenty square miles to forty six thousand and thirty
(11:24):
two square miles or one hundred nineteen two hundred and
twenty three square kilometers for everybody outside of Namibia the
United States.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
M mem Mark, Well, what did King Frederick William have
to say about this? And everything I've read? He sure
seems like he was second banana to Alexander the first.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Was he even there? I think he was there, He
was just in the room. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Here's the thing too, that that barge or raft that
we mentioned that the Napoleon and his crew floated up
to the banks with had these giant white tents built
on top of them where he could kind of have
his camp. I guess that was sort of a mobile
fl voting camp. And on each side of the tent
were an initial. On one side was n for Napoleon,
(12:05):
on the other side was a for Alexander. But the
Prussians were a little bit salty about the fact that
their king didn't get an initial and sort of set
the tone, didn't they.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
Yeah, but Alexander one was I think the operative force
on the other side of the negotiations, so I named
the reduction of Prussian Lands. But that wasn't all. They
also had to create a duchy of Warsaw for Napoleon's ally,
the King of Saxony, past the Duchy past the duchy right,
(12:38):
and the establishment of the Kingdom of Westphalia in northern Germany.
This solidified his hegemony because Westphalia was also harshly composed
of former Prussian lands, and Prussia itself was going to
be occupied by French troops until the French government had
(12:58):
received one hundred and twenty million francs.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Oh and speaking of keeping it in the family or
making it all about Napoleon rather than France, Westphalia was
established largely to give his brother Jerome something to rule over.
Jerome was the Jerome, the first of Westphalia, so.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
You might not hear as much about as you would Napole.
Jerome Old Jerome also in the story. In addition to
these publicly acknowledged aspects of the treaties, there were secret provisions.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
Oh I don't know about this, many Yeah, yeah, yeah, there.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
Were secret provisions. Napoleon agreed to help Russia liberate eastern Turkey.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Oh okay, yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
If Turkey rejected French mediation in its conflict with Russia,
then secretly the two powers agreed that France would say, Okay,
you don't want me to make peace with you, guys,
I'm going to help Russia eat you with eastern half.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
That sounds intense.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
And then Alexander in return promised to join the Continental
system against British trade if Britain rejected Russian mediation in
its conflict with France.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
This is all just so sexy, Ben.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
I'm glad. I'm glad you mentioned that because they because
these two guys got along famously, and you and I
found a strange turn that their relationship took because you see,
the public was aware of these negotiations between Alexander the
(14:34):
First and Napoleon. Oh yeah, and the public really took
this and ran with it.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
They shipped them. Do you guys know about shipping? It's
like a fanfic.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Right where somewhere a fan or a community of fans
wants to characters to be involved in a specific type
of relationship.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Yeah, specifically a bit of a steamy relationship. And here's
what we do know about the relationship between Alexander and Napoleon.
Like you said, Ben, they got along famously. Apparently they
spent a lot of time together dining during these negotiations
that lasted for several days, they would be hanging out
alone together, laid into the evening. They were seen hugging
(15:17):
each other and holding hands. They exchanged handkerchiefs and even
a cravats. What is that like a like a little tie.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
Yeah. Yeah, it's like a kind of decorative neck, like
an ascot. Yes, similar the thing that Freddie would wear
and Scooby Doo. Yes similar. Okay, similar. It goes around
your deck.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
So here's the thing. Alexander and Napoleon really dug each other.
In fact, there's a quote from Napoleon from a letter
that he wrote home to his wife Josephine, where he said,
if Alexander had been a woman, I would have made
him my mistress. So this fanfic thing really started to
take off, where you've got all these images of these
(15:56):
two dudes embracing each other. There's even a few of
them kissing, and it really took the public's imagination by storm.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Right, it did, and this was the letter was written
in eighteen oh seven, same year of the negotiations, and
as far as we can tell, the letter seems sincere. Additionally,
Napoleon described Alexander in a quote as especially handsome, like
a hero with all the graces of an amiable Parisian.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
This is awesome, it.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
Seems, it seems awesome. And one thing we do know
is that Napoleon, at least in this will they won't
they relationship, Napoleon was in it to win it. He
genuinely believed this, but other experts and historians think that
(16:50):
perhaps this was a misstep on his part. In a
PBS examination of this, historian's note that this was quote
Napoleon's biggest missa. He thought he actually did charm Alexander.
What Napoleon didn't understand was that Alexander would never stick
to their agreement. But for Napoleon, the tilted peace seemed
(17:10):
to be his finest moment for him and his empire.
He came back to Paris in eighteen oh seven to
a huge celebration, and as you mentioned earlier, nol some
very strange and specific art in a way. This thread,
or this thought about Napoleon's relationship to Alexander continues in
(17:32):
the modern day, with some historians, such as Frank M.
Richardson even speculating that he was what we would consider bisexual.
Speaker 4 (17:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
I think that's kind of not given a whole lot
of sand by the Napoleon historian community at large. But
there is a book written by that gentleman called Napoleon
the Bisexual Emperor.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
Yeah. And we say this because we love this idea
of these great state powers becoming buddy buddy, and you know,
I hope they at least got along. Even though it
sounds like many historians think Alexander the First was playing Napoleon,
(18:16):
I hope there was a spark that, oh my god,
I'm shipping them right.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
Yeah, I'm doing it. I want some actual Napoleon Alexander
fanfic to surface. We need to look into that and
see if any of that exists. But here's the thing.
Alexander did give Napoleon something pretty sweet. Aside from you know,
giving up a whole crap ton of his land, he
(18:42):
had the church, the Russian Orthodox Church, withdraw this notion
of Napoleon as being the Antichrist. In eighteen oh six
there had been a public proclamation an anathemization of Napoleon
as being the Antichrist, and that largely had to do
with I didn't know this ben Napoleon in his earlier years,
(19:03):
those battles we were talking about in Egypt and Italy,
he saw the plight of the Jewish people and was
quite a friend to them, and it took a lot
of steps to essentially free them from some of the
restrictions placed on them in that society. And that did
not go over well in certain parts of Europe, because
(19:26):
there was a lot of anti Semitism.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Yeah, widespread discrimination, active pogroms in the ghettos the area.
Yeah yeah, yeah, discrimination terms of housing, which jobs you
could have, where you could live. And so he got
this ranking or he got this probrium heaped on him
because he was doing a decent thing, right, which.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Again I think of him as being kind of this
megalomaniacal dictator dude. And you know, it turns out he
did do some pretty forward thinking stuff.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
Yeah, And he wasn't all doom and gloom and blood
and treasure. He liked to celebrate. He liked to unwind.
He liked to have a good time, especially after he
felt he had earned some time off. He's a work hard,
play hard type of due.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
Have we finally made it to the subject of today's episode.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
We have finally made it to the summer of eighteen
o seven. After signing the Treaties of Tilsit and perhaps
having some more than friendly feelings toward his buddy Alexander
this r he decided to celebrate the signing by going
off and having some rabbit hunting. He said, that's what
(20:38):
I want to do. I want to relax. I want
to shoot some rabbits, and he pointed at his chief
of staff. I'm speculating a little bit here, but I
like to imagine him pointing to his chief of staff. Oh,
you know what, let's have a Casey on the case here, Hey, Casey,
how do you pronounce alexand Berthier?
Speaker 4 (21:04):
Oh wow, hey guys, I don't know how you found me.
I've got like a different SIM card, phone number and
stuff over here, not exactly looking to be contacted. But anyway,
since you did manage to get a hold of me,
you pronounced it as such. Alexand Deltier. Now, if you
(21:26):
excuse me, I'm I'm writing the metro right now. I'm
going to miss my stop. So do we favor and
lose this number?
Speaker 2 (21:32):
All right?
Speaker 1 (21:33):
Thought?
Speaker 4 (21:33):
Do you want to get back?
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Ah? Man, I'm sorry, we should have just let you chill.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Sorry, dude, that's been Casey on the case. Oh, we're
gonna be in the doghouse for that one.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
We should probably let him do his thing. Yeah, but
hopefully he'll still send us one of those sweet audio
postcards we keep teasing.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
So as we're speculating her, as as I'm dat dreaming
this moment, he points at Alexander Bertier and says, rabbits,
get it done. I'm hunting them.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Yeah, be very very quiet.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
Perhaps, Yeah, there we go, kind of going back to
Elmer Fudd idea. And also for people who want to
grasp of Napoleon's personality at this moment, think about those
interviews you've read about the way Prince the Musician would
interact with people.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
Yes, it's like get me three girafts in a mountain
lion stat.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Yeah, and it's not malevol and it's just I asked
for it because it therefore it will happen.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Have you seen have you seen that bit in the
new John Mulaney stand up where he's talking about Mick
Jagger and he's like, no, yeah, give me a coke,
and then the coke just appears in his hand like
that funny not funny, No, that's that. Yeah, that's probably
how Napoleon talked. He also said, yeah, he's also worth pointing, vigorous,
vehemently pointed. So, yeah, he gets this guy, his chief
(23:00):
of staff, his major domo is number one dude, to
fetch him some rabbits and not being one to half
ass anything. I guess this guy reportedly got quite a
lot of these little creatures, did me, Ben.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
Yes, Louis Alexandra at bit yate guts not like a
dozen rabbits, but somewhere between hundreds and more than a thousand.
It's tough to find a specific number. Yeah, but we
do know the ballpark, and the ballpark is at least
several hundreds of rabbits. And the reason he did this, this,
(23:37):
this is my thinking. Tell me what you think about this.
The reason he did this is because he was, as
you said, real, go get her. He's chief of staff.
The worst thing that could happen is for him to
get you know, a dozen rabbits and for Napoleon not
to be able to find any, because they're just gonna
let them loose in the woods.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
Oh totally.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
They're not gonna hold them by the neck and have Napoleon,
you know, bop them on the head.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
There's a pretty fantastic account of what happened next from
the Liverpool Herald from April sixth of nineteen oh one,
and it references one of Napoleon's generals, t Bau. Yeah, yeah,
I'm liking that. Yeah, and he did not apparently think
too highly of Berthier. He harbored a quote hearty contempt
(24:19):
for Berthier, who he regarded as a toady. I love toady,
sort of a kiss ass. Yeah, a kiss ass and
a carpet knight. I don't know that one, but I
can picture it.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
I wonder if it's like paper tiger maybe, or maybe
it means someone who is a knight in title but
has very little knowledge of actual fighting.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
I'm liking that one.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
Bag.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
So the marshall I'm going to quote from this article.
The Marshal, in the early days of the Empire invited
his master to a rabbit shoot on his estate, and
bought a thousand of these animals to furnish sport. But
how can I tell it or be believed? Says Baron
Thibau in his memoir which have just been published. All
those rabbits, which should have tried in vain, even by
(24:58):
scattering themselves to escape the shop which the August hand
destined for them, suddenly collected first in knots, then in
a body. Instead of having recourse to a useless fight,
they all faced about, and in an instant the whole
phalanx flung itself upon Napoleon. Can you translate that nineteen
hundred Z newspaper speak, ben sure?
Speaker 1 (25:20):
The idea was that the rabbits would scatter from a
threat in all directions, that's what they were expecting, and
that they would be pursued by Napoleon and company and
then ultimately either eradicate all the rabbits were enough to
satiate Napoleon's recreational bloodlust. However, what happened instead was that
the rabbits, being tame and farm raised, did not associate
(25:45):
humans with predation. They associated humans with food. So how
was the fatal flaw so there's a huge mass of
rabbits and they are in a new environment. They see
a human being, they assume that human being can only
be there to feed them. And I found a really
(26:06):
interesting look at rabbit aggression. What makes for an aggressive rabbit?
And there are two tick marks that speak to this situation.
One is that a change in a rabbit's environment or
routine can cause them to display aggression, and they're very
(26:27):
routine oriented. The second is, of course, if they're hungry,
or if they are unaltered, meaning not spade or neutered.
And of course at this time these were unaltered rabbits.
Unaltered rabbits unaltered that is the uh, that is the
(26:47):
polite term.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
Here's how, you know, how I picture this whole thing
going down there like this amazing clip from Monty Python
in the Holy Grail Bill.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
That rabbit's got a fish a street a mile wide.
He'll do you a cheat, mate, monkey Scott's I'm warning you.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
What's he doing? Nibble a bum, he's got sheet.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
Shot, he can leap about, look at a bone.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
Oh man. So I really like to picture, uh, this
being at least somewhere in the vein of how things
went down, because these rabbits were just swarming Napoleon and
his men. They were climbing up Napoleon's legs on his coat,
and he had groups of men who were called beaters,
and they were hitting a the rabbits with like writing
crops right.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
Right, yeah, as you said, Noel, The rabbits were all
over them, expecting their daily cabbage, which they had not
received at the time, and they followed Napoleon and co.
And eventually Napoleon ran away to his carriage.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Just like in Runaway than the python clips. It's exactly
like that, because you know, they thought they would be
safe in the carriage, right, it's got doors, But no,
apparently the rabbits were just like coming at them trying
to like get into the carriage, come hell or high water.
They were leaping, flinging themselves into the carriage. So they
literally had to drive away escape this torrent of bunnies.
Speaker 4 (28:42):
Right.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
The bullwhips that were cracking didn't stop the rabbits getting
hit with a crop, a riding crop didn't stop them
or sticks from these beaters, And according to historian David Chandler,
with a finer understanding of Napoleonic strategy, the most of
his generals. The rabbit hord divided into two wings and
poured around the flanks of the party heading for the
(29:04):
imperial coach. Then some of the reportedly leapt into the carriage,
and the attack only stopped as the coach was rolling away.
Can you imagine what it was like to be Berthier
at this moment.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
I bet he was feeling pretty silly.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
The luncheon was ruined, that's.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
For sure, I know, because you know the fatal flaw
he talked about. He should have gotten wild rabbits. They
would have given chase properly. They would have made for
a delightful, if bloodthirsty afternoon of you know, organized violence.
But instead it was an absolute ship show.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
Yeah it was. He had, as reports at the time
we're describing it, he had purchased rabbits from the hutch
rather than the warren, so from a farm rather than
from the wild. And for all his military acumen, for
all his international reputation, to these rabbits, Napoleon was little
(30:12):
more than a reticent purveyor of lettuce. We just wasn't
giving up the goods.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
Yeah, long, because he had none to give up. They
weren't there to feed the bunnies. It wasn't a petting zoo.
This was, you know, a murder party.
Speaker 1 (30:23):
I should correct the slaying there that I fell into.
It was actually cabbage that they probably thought he was purveying.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
Oh yeah, I guess that was the food of choice
for domesticated bunnies.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
For the discerning rabbit.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
Indeed, Oh man, you could be a cabbage spokesperson.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
It's the gray poupon of It's the equivalent of gray
pupon for rabbits.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
Cabbage gets no love, you know why, right?
Speaker 1 (30:46):
No, because when you cook it, some people just hate
the smell. But the secret is caraway seeds. Is that right? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (30:52):
To give that a shot.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
Has nothing to do with Napoleon.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
I think it's fine.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
But this is so fast seating to us because you know,
the image that we have of Napoleon is not that
of someone who would turn tail and run. But maybe
maybe it's just so surprising and so unexpected. And there's
(31:18):
again so many rabbits that he ran because of the
surrealism of it, you know, rather than fearing for his life.
Surely he didn't fear for his life. It's just really
unusual and freakish, and.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
This is pretty cool. The whole Treatise of Tilsit thing
allied France with Russia. But like you mentioned earlier, it
was kind of considered to be a bit of a
blunder on Napoleon's part because it was not particularly likely
that Czar Nicholas the First was going to maintain that
(31:51):
peace accord. And as we know, everything kind of fell apart,
and then Napoleon had to try to take back Russia
in eighteen twelve in a calamitous invasion where he got
his backside handed to him, and writer Nicholas Caramuzine wrote
of Napoleon that he arrived like a tiger, but bolted
(32:15):
like a rabbit.
Speaker 4 (32:16):
Ah.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
So now now we can connect the dots right, ridiculous historians,
we can see what they were alluding to. The Napoleonic
Empire pretty shortly after that collapsed. In time swam from
eighteen fourteen to eighteen fifteen, we saw the empire fall
and saw Alexander acquired most of the duchy that we mentioned,
(32:41):
and it went on to survive for years and years
and years under Russian rule. As to the so called
Congress Kingdom of Poland.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
That's the nature of the duchy Man pass it and
then you got to get it passed back eventually. But yeah,
for all of Napoleon's conquests and military stratage, jeez, he
kind of ended up right back where he started in
terms of dominion, right. And then he actually was ultimately
exiled to the island of Elba. And then if he
(33:09):
came back briefly and ruled for like this thing called
one hundred Days Campaign and then got kicked out again,
or he died in exile on another island and at
the age of Ian I think fifty one. Yeah, not
that old, not that old the guy.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
The United Kingdom kept him on the island of Saint Helena,
that's the one which was a little less than two
thousand kilometers from the west coast of Africa. And while
he was in exile, he wrote a book about one
of his biggest heroes, Julius Caesar. And then he eventually
passed away, but he did reconcile with the Catholic Church. Today,
(33:48):
people still debate what the cause of his death was.
A lot of people think it would have been stomach
cancer because his father had passed away from the same ailment.
That's ending it on a little bit of a downer note.
But I like to think on the positive side that
a lot of those buddies got away and maybe lived happy,
in full lives.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
Yeah, but wouldn't they be like an invasive species. Wouldn't
they have just totally jacked up the ecosystem.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
Well, rabbits are naturally occurring part of that ecosystem, but
you're right in that massive number, with the way their
reproduction works, if they were not hunted, they would eventually
cause population collapse by the sheer amount of food they consume.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
Yeah, because like three thousand rabbits, okay, let's be conservative,
let's call it one thousand rabbits multiplying, you know, like rabbits, huh,
could pretty quickly overtake the scene, right, And you know,
it didn't sound to me like they had much time
to get any shots off at these little guys before
they you know, turntail and ducked into their carriage. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
Yeah, But to paraphrase the old saying, every rabbit has
their day, and that afternoon, maybe as many as three
thousand rabbits had their day in the sun in a
very strange way. Perhaps they were speaking truth to power.
Probably not, but you know, it's nice to think about
(35:09):
if we write it as a screenplay, Clearly we're gonna
go a little watershipped down and the rabbits can talk.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
Oh yeah, well we better get right to work on that, ben,
So we will leave you their ridiculous historians. Thank you
so much for joining us for today's episode. We would
like to thank guest superproducer Paul Mission Control Decands.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
We'd also like to think, of course, Casey Pegram and
Alexander Williams, who can post our track. We would like
to think our researcher Christopher Hasiotis as well as Lori L.
Dove for busting the myth about Napoleon's heights. But most importantly,
(35:48):
we would like to thank you for tuning in and
stay tuned for next time because we've got something cool
coming up.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
Sure do what they call a tent pole episode.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
So that's all for today, folks, bonjours, au revoir, boncois, whatever.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
You got taking ease today. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio,
visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen
to your favorite shows.
Welcome back to our classic episode. Fellow Ridiculous historians. Ooh,
this is a favorite of ours. We finally took that
Napoleon guy down a peg man.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
This is the classicist of classic Ridiculous History episodes. Napoleon
Bonaparte was in fact attacked by Bunni's Need we say more?
I think not.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
We should say that we referenced this episode all the time.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Yeah, it's been a minute, but there was a time
where this was like peak ridiculous History. I don't think
we need to set it up too much more. Ben agreed.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Noel Let's Dive in Ridiculous History is a production of
iHeartRadio on Shore, Friends and Neighbors, Ridiculous Historians, longtime listeners
(01:07):
and new listeners alike. Welcome to the show. My name
is Ben, my name is Noel oh and and we
want to, of course give a shout out to our
super producer, Casey Pegram.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Only today he is but here in spirit.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
That is true, Noel, that is true. Today is our
first episode while our longtime friend is adventuring abroad.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Didn't feel right.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
I think we're in good hands because we're not alone
in this endeavor. We are joined by one of Casey's
longtime friends, our super producer, Paul Decant.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
I like to think, you know, we're all friends here.
We hang out with Paul.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Yeah. Oh, Paul is solid gold hit.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Yes, indeed he is.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
And listeners, you may recogniz him from some other shows
we have done, including stuff they don't want you to
know where he earned the Moniker mission control only.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
This is the first time we've personified him with a
sound effect, so hopefully we can we can bring that back.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Yeah, hopefully so. And you know, Paul, I'm really glad
you're here for this one. I think you are going
to enjoy this show. Let's let's lay it out very quickly.
Maybe we go in with a little bit of biography
because today our episode has a couple of primary characters.
(02:38):
I'm gonna go ahead and say, the protagonist for today's
show is Napoleon Bonaparte.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Do you think so? I guess so. I guess he's
the protagonist. Yeah, he's sort of a He's a bit
of an antagonist in the big picture story, sure, but
in today's story, he is the one what gets a thrashing.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
He's sort of an elmer character in this one.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
To be honest, it really is. He's quite quite cartoonish, indeed, and.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
We are talking of course about that Napoleon. The Napoleon,
not Dynamite, but Bonaparte, who was born in August of
seventeen sixty nine, the fifteenth and passed away in May
of eighteen twenty one.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
I did not know this. He was actually born in
Corsica and you know which which was actually suceeded to France.
But he grew up in more of an Italian culture
and then moved to mainland France and learned the French
language and went to military academy, rose quickly in the ranks,
(03:40):
and as we know, spoiler alert became one of the
greatest conquerors in military history. And also, you know, one
of the shortest guys in military history. Also always had
his hand tucked into his hoodie.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
Yeah, we've got a pretty fascinating article from our parent website,
HowStuffWorks dot Com by Laurie L. Dove, who recognized from
a couple of other shows.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
We give her a sound effect, like like a cooing
dove or something. Hmm.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
You know, I'm gonna write to her, Yeah, see what
what kind of because hopefully she doesn't hate doves?
Speaker 2 (04:14):
That's true.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
We want to see what kind of bird she likes.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Okay, fair enough.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
She wrote this article called was Napoleon really short? And
at the time of his death he measured five feet
two inches in French units. In modern measurement units, that's
the equivalent of five feet six and a half inches
or one hundred and sixty nine centimeters.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
It's, you know, it's just below average.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
It's not, you know, it's it's roughly average for person
that time. It's definitely on the shorter end of the spectrum.
But this played into some propaganda for sure, and people
would say, you know, that's where the Napoleon complex comes from.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
It's also one of these things where when you think
of a military tough guy, you know, you kind of
want to think of like a hulking, big burly dude,
and the notion of him being a little more slight
is a little bit counterintuitive, you know, right, and.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
It makes people think perhaps he's a bit bantam or
you know, cocky for lack of a better phrase. There's
a funny thing though, because he did not help his
situation in terms of his perceived height. He surrounded himself
with very tall soldiers. He exaggerated the effect because when
(05:31):
he's around all, like, if you were to hang around
the Chicago Bulls or something, just hang out during the
day as you do, you would look short because they're tall.
They're giants, so it's a compared interest. And he also,
regardless of his height, he was notorious for having a belligerent,
(05:56):
mean spirited personality. He was that militaristic person than you
are describing. Yeah, I mean, basically was a dictator.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
He overthrew the French government, which was a revolutionary government
that was installed after the end of the French Revolution.
That his primary concern was just kind of big upping
revolutionary figures and folks that helped overthrow the Bourbons the monarchy.
But they're not such a great efficient government, a lot
(06:26):
of corruption, a lot of problems. And Napoleon was already
off winning big military victories during this time and basically
set up a coup and knocked those boys right out
of the frame.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Yes, yeah, he had at a time a tenuous scrip
on power because, as you said, he was pursuing military
goals in Egypt. I believe in Italy he was already
traveling abroad. But today we can look back on Napoleon
through any nonumber of lenses, and we chose to look
(07:04):
at a story that is I would say, well, first off,
it's funny.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Yeah, it's ridiculous, apocryphal. Perhaps perhaps it's smacks of legend exaggeration,
at least I think so too, But it's it's a
lot of fun. And it involves Napoleon being swarmed, dare
we say, overtaken by acute little bunny rabbits.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
A force of rabbits doing what many armies could not.
And as the Internet memes are so fond of telling us,
the thing about Napoleon is that he attacked, but he
also protect.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
I don't know this one, Ben.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
You don't know this. No, I'm going to send it
to you. It's don't worry about it.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
Can we post it on Ridiculous Historians? Yes we can
our Facebook community.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Yes. Check out our Facebook community page Ridiculous History, and
you'll get to meet your fellow listeners. You can even
see kids pictures of the quistor himself, which was a
bit of a coup for us. Indeed, so we first
need to set the scene for this hilarious misadventure. You
(08:16):
see Napoleon being a brilliant military mind understood the importance
of not just military conflicts, but of larger diplomatic actions,
and he was involved in the negotiations of treaties. One
incredibly important one was the series of agreements to agreements
(08:37):
known collectively as the Treaties of Tilsit.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
Yeah, he had wiped the floor with Austria, Russia and Prussia,
and basically the Russian Czar Alexander the First just tapped
out and said, look, this is embarrassing. You have outnumbered us,
outgunned us, outmanned us, and outclassed us. Seen in I'm
not quoting, I'm paraphrasing here. Sure, but he said, let's
(09:03):
talk Napoleon. And so he, along with the Prussian King
Frederick William, got Napoleon to agree to parlay. Right, is
that the right term?
Speaker 3 (09:17):
Parlay?
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Yeah? Yeah, they held parley. They they met in the
town of Tilsit in eighteen oh seven in July after
his victory at Friedlands.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
Yes, and that would have been modern day Sovetsk, Russia.
And what happened was, in order to meet on sort
of relatively neutral territory, Napoleon and his crew built a
crudely fashioned rafts that they floated up on the banks
of the River Niemen, where they met the Prussian and
(09:53):
Russian envoys. Well, it was actually you know, the king
and the sar along with their what do you call
it a kacher? Yeah, sure, and they decided to negotiate peace.
Alexander the First said that this piece would be just
good for the world. It's just what everyone wants, it's
what everyone needs. Although it seemed pretty self serving.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Right, and there were winners and losers in these negotiations.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
And saw Alexander the First was quoted in saying that
this piece would quote ensure the happiness and tranquility of
the world. It's a bold way of looking at it,
although it seemed a little more self serving since they
more or less had no choice because Napoleon had taken
them to the mattresses.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Right he, Alexander at least needed a way to spin
it as a win for his government and his people.
That happens today with treaties in every situation. Additionally, Napoleon
was on the cusp of establishing hegemony to absolute control
of a.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Region, total dominance, and that was his primary concern, was
spreading French control across the world.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
And you know, eventually. I mean he would say French,
but he was really thinking Napoleonic control exactly. He was
a dictator, right. So here's what happened in the treaty.
Alexander one accepted the reduction of Prussia from eighty nine
one twenty square miles to forty six thousand and thirty
(11:24):
two square miles or one hundred nineteen two hundred and
twenty three square kilometers for everybody outside of Namibia the
United States.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
M mem Mark, Well, what did King Frederick William have
to say about this? And everything I've read? He sure
seems like he was second banana to Alexander the first.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Was he even there? I think he was there, He
was just in the room. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Here's the thing too, that that barge or raft that
we mentioned that the Napoleon and his crew floated up
to the banks with had these giant white tents built
on top of them where he could kind of have
his camp. I guess that was sort of a mobile
fl voting camp. And on each side of the tent
were an initial. On one side was n for Napoleon,
(12:05):
on the other side was a for Alexander. But the
Prussians were a little bit salty about the fact that
their king didn't get an initial and sort of set
the tone, didn't they.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
Yeah, but Alexander one was I think the operative force
on the other side of the negotiations, so I named
the reduction of Prussian Lands. But that wasn't all. They
also had to create a duchy of Warsaw for Napoleon's ally,
the King of Saxony, past the Duchy past the duchy right,
(12:38):
and the establishment of the Kingdom of Westphalia in northern Germany.
This solidified his hegemony because Westphalia was also harshly composed
of former Prussian lands, and Prussia itself was going to
be occupied by French troops until the French government had
(12:58):
received one hundred and twenty million francs.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Oh and speaking of keeping it in the family or
making it all about Napoleon rather than France, Westphalia was
established largely to give his brother Jerome something to rule over.
Jerome was the Jerome, the first of Westphalia, so.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
You might not hear as much about as you would Napole.
Jerome Old Jerome also in the story. In addition to
these publicly acknowledged aspects of the treaties, there were secret provisions.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
Oh I don't know about this, many Yeah, yeah, yeah, there.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
Were secret provisions. Napoleon agreed to help Russia liberate eastern Turkey.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Oh okay, yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
If Turkey rejected French mediation in its conflict with Russia,
then secretly the two powers agreed that France would say, Okay,
you don't want me to make peace with you, guys,
I'm going to help Russia eat you with eastern half.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
That sounds intense.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
And then Alexander in return promised to join the Continental
system against British trade if Britain rejected Russian mediation in
its conflict with France.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
This is all just so sexy, Ben.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
I'm glad. I'm glad you mentioned that because they because
these two guys got along famously, and you and I
found a strange turn that their relationship took because you see,
the public was aware of these negotiations between Alexander the
(14:34):
First and Napoleon. Oh yeah, and the public really took
this and ran with it.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
They shipped them. Do you guys know about shipping? It's
like a fanfic.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Right where somewhere a fan or a community of fans
wants to characters to be involved in a specific type
of relationship.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Yeah, specifically a bit of a steamy relationship. And here's
what we do know about the relationship between Alexander and Napoleon.
Like you said, Ben, they got along famously. Apparently they
spent a lot of time together dining during these negotiations
that lasted for several days, they would be hanging out
alone together, laid into the evening. They were seen hugging
(15:17):
each other and holding hands. They exchanged handkerchiefs and even
a cravats. What is that like a like a little tie.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
Yeah. Yeah, it's like a kind of decorative neck, like
an ascot. Yes, similar the thing that Freddie would wear
and Scooby Doo. Yes similar. Okay, similar. It goes around
your deck.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
So here's the thing. Alexander and Napoleon really dug each other.
In fact, there's a quote from Napoleon from a letter
that he wrote home to his wife Josephine, where he said,
if Alexander had been a woman, I would have made
him my mistress. So this fanfic thing really started to
take off, where you've got all these images of these
(15:56):
two dudes embracing each other. There's even a few of
them kissing, and it really took the public's imagination by storm.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Right, it did, and this was the letter was written
in eighteen oh seven, same year of the negotiations, and
as far as we can tell, the letter seems sincere. Additionally,
Napoleon described Alexander in a quote as especially handsome, like
a hero with all the graces of an amiable Parisian.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
This is awesome, it.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
Seems, it seems awesome. And one thing we do know
is that Napoleon, at least in this will they won't
they relationship, Napoleon was in it to win it. He
genuinely believed this, but other experts and historians think that
(16:50):
perhaps this was a misstep on his part. In a
PBS examination of this, historian's note that this was quote
Napoleon's biggest missa. He thought he actually did charm Alexander.
What Napoleon didn't understand was that Alexander would never stick
to their agreement. But for Napoleon, the tilted peace seemed
(17:10):
to be his finest moment for him and his empire.
He came back to Paris in eighteen oh seven to
a huge celebration, and as you mentioned earlier, nol some
very strange and specific art in a way. This thread,
or this thought about Napoleon's relationship to Alexander continues in
(17:32):
the modern day, with some historians, such as Frank M.
Richardson even speculating that he was what we would consider bisexual.
Speaker 4 (17:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
I think that's kind of not given a whole lot
of sand by the Napoleon historian community at large. But
there is a book written by that gentleman called Napoleon
the Bisexual Emperor.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
Yeah. And we say this because we love this idea
of these great state powers becoming buddy buddy, and you know,
I hope they at least got along. Even though it
sounds like many historians think Alexander the First was playing Napoleon,
(18:16):
I hope there was a spark that, oh my god,
I'm shipping them right.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
Yeah, I'm doing it. I want some actual Napoleon Alexander
fanfic to surface. We need to look into that and
see if any of that exists. But here's the thing.
Alexander did give Napoleon something pretty sweet. Aside from you know,
giving up a whole crap ton of his land, he
(18:42):
had the church, the Russian Orthodox Church, withdraw this notion
of Napoleon as being the Antichrist. In eighteen oh six
there had been a public proclamation an anathemization of Napoleon
as being the Antichrist, and that largely had to do
with I didn't know this ben Napoleon in his earlier years,
(19:03):
those battles we were talking about in Egypt and Italy,
he saw the plight of the Jewish people and was
quite a friend to them, and it took a lot
of steps to essentially free them from some of the
restrictions placed on them in that society. And that did
not go over well in certain parts of Europe, because
(19:26):
there was a lot of anti Semitism.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Yeah, widespread discrimination, active pogroms in the ghettos the area.
Yeah yeah, yeah, discrimination terms of housing, which jobs you
could have, where you could live. And so he got
this ranking or he got this probrium heaped on him
because he was doing a decent thing, right, which.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Again I think of him as being kind of this
megalomaniacal dictator dude. And you know, it turns out he
did do some pretty forward thinking stuff.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
Yeah, And he wasn't all doom and gloom and blood
and treasure. He liked to celebrate. He liked to unwind.
He liked to have a good time, especially after he
felt he had earned some time off. He's a work hard,
play hard type of due.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
Have we finally made it to the subject of today's episode.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
We have finally made it to the summer of eighteen
o seven. After signing the Treaties of Tilsit and perhaps
having some more than friendly feelings toward his buddy Alexander
this r he decided to celebrate the signing by going
off and having some rabbit hunting. He said, that's what
(20:38):
I want to do. I want to relax. I want
to shoot some rabbits, and he pointed at his chief
of staff. I'm speculating a little bit here, but I
like to imagine him pointing to his chief of staff. Oh,
you know what, let's have a Casey on the case here, Hey, Casey,
how do you pronounce alexand Berthier?
Speaker 4 (21:04):
Oh wow, hey guys, I don't know how you found me.
I've got like a different SIM card, phone number and
stuff over here, not exactly looking to be contacted. But anyway,
since you did manage to get a hold of me,
you pronounced it as such. Alexand Deltier. Now, if you
(21:26):
excuse me, I'm I'm writing the metro right now. I'm
going to miss my stop. So do we favor and
lose this number?
Speaker 2 (21:32):
All right?
Speaker 1 (21:33):
Thought?
Speaker 4 (21:33):
Do you want to get back?
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Ah? Man, I'm sorry, we should have just let you chill.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Sorry, dude, that's been Casey on the case. Oh, we're
gonna be in the doghouse for that one.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
We should probably let him do his thing. Yeah, but
hopefully he'll still send us one of those sweet audio
postcards we keep teasing.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
So as we're speculating her, as as I'm dat dreaming
this moment, he points at Alexander Bertier and says, rabbits,
get it done. I'm hunting them.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Yeah, be very very quiet.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
Perhaps, Yeah, there we go, kind of going back to
Elmer Fudd idea. And also for people who want to
grasp of Napoleon's personality at this moment, think about those
interviews you've read about the way Prince the Musician would
interact with people.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
Yes, it's like get me three girafts in a mountain
lion stat.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Yeah, and it's not malevol and it's just I asked
for it because it therefore it will happen.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Have you seen have you seen that bit in the
new John Mulaney stand up where he's talking about Mick
Jagger and he's like, no, yeah, give me a coke,
and then the coke just appears in his hand like
that funny not funny, No, that's that. Yeah, that's probably
how Napoleon talked. He also said, yeah, he's also worth pointing, vigorous,
vehemently pointed. So, yeah, he gets this guy, his chief
(23:00):
of staff, his major domo is number one dude, to
fetch him some rabbits and not being one to half
ass anything. I guess this guy reportedly got quite a
lot of these little creatures, did me, Ben.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
Yes, Louis Alexandra at bit yate guts not like a
dozen rabbits, but somewhere between hundreds and more than a thousand.
It's tough to find a specific number. Yeah, but we
do know the ballpark, and the ballpark is at least
several hundreds of rabbits. And the reason he did this, this,
(23:37):
this is my thinking. Tell me what you think about this.
The reason he did this is because he was, as
you said, real, go get her. He's chief of staff.
The worst thing that could happen is for him to
get you know, a dozen rabbits and for Napoleon not
to be able to find any, because they're just gonna
let them loose in the woods.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
Oh totally.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
They're not gonna hold them by the neck and have Napoleon,
you know, bop them on the head.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
There's a pretty fantastic account of what happened next from
the Liverpool Herald from April sixth of nineteen oh one,
and it references one of Napoleon's generals, t Bau. Yeah, yeah,
I'm liking that. Yeah, and he did not apparently think
too highly of Berthier. He harbored a quote hearty contempt
(24:19):
for Berthier, who he regarded as a toady. I love toady,
sort of a kiss ass. Yeah, a kiss ass and
a carpet knight. I don't know that one, but I
can picture it.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
I wonder if it's like paper tiger maybe, or maybe
it means someone who is a knight in title but
has very little knowledge of actual fighting.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
I'm liking that one.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
Bag.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
So the marshall I'm going to quote from this article.
The Marshal, in the early days of the Empire invited
his master to a rabbit shoot on his estate, and
bought a thousand of these animals to furnish sport. But
how can I tell it or be believed? Says Baron
Thibau in his memoir which have just been published. All
those rabbits, which should have tried in vain, even by
(24:58):
scattering themselves to escape the shop which the August hand
destined for them, suddenly collected first in knots, then in
a body. Instead of having recourse to a useless fight,
they all faced about, and in an instant the whole
phalanx flung itself upon Napoleon. Can you translate that nineteen
hundred Z newspaper speak, ben sure?
Speaker 1 (25:20):
The idea was that the rabbits would scatter from a
threat in all directions, that's what they were expecting, and
that they would be pursued by Napoleon and company and
then ultimately either eradicate all the rabbits were enough to
satiate Napoleon's recreational bloodlust. However, what happened instead was that
the rabbits, being tame and farm raised, did not associate
(25:45):
humans with predation. They associated humans with food. So how
was the fatal flaw so there's a huge mass of
rabbits and they are in a new environment. They see
a human being, they assume that human being can only
be there to feed them. And I found a really
(26:06):
interesting look at rabbit aggression. What makes for an aggressive rabbit?
And there are two tick marks that speak to this situation.
One is that a change in a rabbit's environment or
routine can cause them to display aggression, and they're very
(26:27):
routine oriented. The second is, of course, if they're hungry,
or if they are unaltered, meaning not spade or neutered.
And of course at this time these were unaltered rabbits.
Unaltered rabbits unaltered that is the uh, that is the
(26:47):
polite term.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
Here's how, you know, how I picture this whole thing
going down there like this amazing clip from Monty Python
in the Holy Grail Bill.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
That rabbit's got a fish a street a mile wide.
He'll do you a cheat, mate, monkey Scott's I'm warning you.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
What's he doing? Nibble a bum, he's got sheet.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
Shot, he can leap about, look at a bone.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
Oh man. So I really like to picture, uh, this
being at least somewhere in the vein of how things
went down, because these rabbits were just swarming Napoleon and
his men. They were climbing up Napoleon's legs on his coat,
and he had groups of men who were called beaters,
and they were hitting a the rabbits with like writing
crops right.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
Right, yeah, as you said, Noel, The rabbits were all
over them, expecting their daily cabbage, which they had not
received at the time, and they followed Napoleon and co.
And eventually Napoleon ran away to his carriage.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Just like in Runaway than the python clips. It's exactly
like that, because you know, they thought they would be
safe in the carriage, right, it's got doors, But no,
apparently the rabbits were just like coming at them trying
to like get into the carriage, come hell or high water.
They were leaping, flinging themselves into the carriage. So they
literally had to drive away escape this torrent of bunnies.
Speaker 4 (28:42):
Right.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
The bullwhips that were cracking didn't stop the rabbits getting
hit with a crop, a riding crop didn't stop them
or sticks from these beaters, And according to historian David Chandler,
with a finer understanding of Napoleonic strategy, the most of
his generals. The rabbit hord divided into two wings and
poured around the flanks of the party heading for the
(29:04):
imperial coach. Then some of the reportedly leapt into the carriage,
and the attack only stopped as the coach was rolling away.
Can you imagine what it was like to be Berthier
at this moment.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
I bet he was feeling pretty silly.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
The luncheon was ruined, that's.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
For sure, I know, because you know the fatal flaw
he talked about. He should have gotten wild rabbits. They
would have given chase properly. They would have made for
a delightful, if bloodthirsty afternoon of you know, organized violence.
But instead it was an absolute ship show.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
Yeah it was. He had, as reports at the time
we're describing it, he had purchased rabbits from the hutch
rather than the warren, so from a farm rather than
from the wild. And for all his military acumen, for
all his international reputation, to these rabbits, Napoleon was little
(30:12):
more than a reticent purveyor of lettuce. We just wasn't
giving up the goods.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
Yeah, long, because he had none to give up. They
weren't there to feed the bunnies. It wasn't a petting zoo.
This was, you know, a murder party.
Speaker 1 (30:23):
I should correct the slaying there that I fell into.
It was actually cabbage that they probably thought he was purveying.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
Oh yeah, I guess that was the food of choice
for domesticated bunnies.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
For the discerning rabbit.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
Indeed, Oh man, you could be a cabbage spokesperson.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
It's the gray poupon of It's the equivalent of gray
pupon for rabbits.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
Cabbage gets no love, you know why, right?
Speaker 1 (30:46):
No, because when you cook it, some people just hate
the smell. But the secret is caraway seeds. Is that right? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (30:52):
To give that a shot.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
Has nothing to do with Napoleon.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
I think it's fine.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
But this is so fast seating to us because you know,
the image that we have of Napoleon is not that
of someone who would turn tail and run. But maybe
maybe it's just so surprising and so unexpected. And there's
(31:18):
again so many rabbits that he ran because of the
surrealism of it, you know, rather than fearing for his life.
Surely he didn't fear for his life. It's just really
unusual and freakish, and.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
This is pretty cool. The whole Treatise of Tilsit thing
allied France with Russia. But like you mentioned earlier, it
was kind of considered to be a bit of a
blunder on Napoleon's part because it was not particularly likely
that Czar Nicholas the First was going to maintain that
(31:51):
peace accord. And as we know, everything kind of fell apart,
and then Napoleon had to try to take back Russia
in eighteen twelve in a calamitous invasion where he got
his backside handed to him, and writer Nicholas Caramuzine wrote
of Napoleon that he arrived like a tiger, but bolted
(32:15):
like a rabbit.
Speaker 4 (32:16):
Ah.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
So now now we can connect the dots right, ridiculous historians,
we can see what they were alluding to. The Napoleonic
Empire pretty shortly after that collapsed. In time swam from
eighteen fourteen to eighteen fifteen, we saw the empire fall
and saw Alexander acquired most of the duchy that we mentioned,
(32:41):
and it went on to survive for years and years
and years under Russian rule. As to the so called
Congress Kingdom of Poland.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
That's the nature of the duchy Man pass it and
then you got to get it passed back eventually. But yeah,
for all of Napoleon's conquests and military stratage, jeez, he
kind of ended up right back where he started in
terms of dominion, right. And then he actually was ultimately
exiled to the island of Elba. And then if he
(33:09):
came back briefly and ruled for like this thing called
one hundred Days Campaign and then got kicked out again,
or he died in exile on another island and at
the age of Ian I think fifty one. Yeah, not
that old, not that old the guy.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
The United Kingdom kept him on the island of Saint Helena,
that's the one which was a little less than two
thousand kilometers from the west coast of Africa. And while
he was in exile, he wrote a book about one
of his biggest heroes, Julius Caesar. And then he eventually
passed away, but he did reconcile with the Catholic Church. Today,
(33:48):
people still debate what the cause of his death was.
A lot of people think it would have been stomach
cancer because his father had passed away from the same ailment.
That's ending it on a little bit of a downer note.
But I like to think on the positive side that
a lot of those buddies got away and maybe lived happy,
in full lives.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
Yeah, but wouldn't they be like an invasive species. Wouldn't
they have just totally jacked up the ecosystem.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
Well, rabbits are naturally occurring part of that ecosystem, but
you're right in that massive number, with the way their
reproduction works, if they were not hunted, they would eventually
cause population collapse by the sheer amount of food they consume.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
Yeah, because like three thousand rabbits, okay, let's be conservative,
let's call it one thousand rabbits multiplying, you know, like rabbits, huh,
could pretty quickly overtake the scene, right, And you know,
it didn't sound to me like they had much time
to get any shots off at these little guys before
they you know, turntail and ducked into their carriage. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
Yeah, But to paraphrase the old saying, every rabbit has
their day, and that afternoon, maybe as many as three
thousand rabbits had their day in the sun in a
very strange way. Perhaps they were speaking truth to power.
Probably not, but you know, it's nice to think about
(35:09):
if we write it as a screenplay, Clearly we're gonna
go a little watershipped down and the rabbits can talk.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
Oh yeah, well we better get right to work on that, ben,
So we will leave you their ridiculous historians. Thank you
so much for joining us for today's episode. We would
like to thank guest superproducer Paul Mission Control Decands.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
We'd also like to think, of course, Casey Pegram and
Alexander Williams, who can post our track. We would like
to think our researcher Christopher Hasiotis as well as Lori L.
Dove for busting the myth about Napoleon's heights. But most importantly,
(35:48):
we would like to thank you for tuning in and
stay tuned for next time because we've got something cool
coming up.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
Sure do what they call a tent pole episode.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
So that's all for today, folks, bonjours, au revoir, boncois, whatever.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
You got taking ease today. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio,
visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen
to your favorite shows.
Ridiculous History News
Hosts And Creators
Ben Bowlin
Noel Brown
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