May 4, 2023 • 42 mins
As the old saying goes, it's good to be king -- unfortunately, it can also be pretty dangerous. In today's episode, Ben, Noel and Max explore strange royal deaths, from a mysterious accident/assassination to a fatal chair, a drunken boat ride and more.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ridiculous History is a production of iHeartRadio. Welcome back to
(00:27):
the show Ridiculous Historians. Thank you, as always so much
for tuning in. Let's give a shout out to our
very own podcast Royalty superproducer mister Max Williams.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Huzza, tell you.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Tickety boo indeed, and shout out, of course to mister
Noel Brown, they call.
Speaker 4 (00:48):
Me Ben, and shout out to our UK listeners who
are cringing so hard right now.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
We see you, we see you. I don't think you know.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
I think it's all all well and good in terms
of gosh, what was I listening to earlier? I was
listening to U or there was a film where I
was watching a British actor doing a purposely bad American accent.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Oh, totally.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
We are the ones with the accents, so we're very
conscious of that. We're we're returning to a subject of
continual fascination. You're on Ridiculous History, which is ridiculous royal deaths. Now,
you don't have to have listened to the earlier episodes.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
There's some refs, there's some callback reps.
Speaker 4 (01:33):
This is sort of an update, or at least an
escalation you know, but I think that one of the
reasons that it's so fascinating to look into these ridiculous
royal deaths because there were just so many more interesting
ways to die back then, you know, nowadays it's all
kind of vanilla for the most part, you know, but
like you know, heart attack in this old age, but
not in the days of your when anything could kill you.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Yeah, And as of November eighth last year, there were
officially eight billion plus people alive, and just from the statistics,
the brutal numbers Game of reality, we know that there
have been a lot of very strange deaths. We're focusing
(02:17):
on royals because people in those upper echelons of society
tend to have more documentation around about their lives. Also
there they're, you know, a relatively small percentage of the
overall population. And let's see, we're gonna just give you
a sense of this how did Max put it? In
(02:41):
this episode, We're gonna see an example of man versus ocean,
man versus arrow, and versus share my favorite man versus chair.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
You know, no.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Spoilers, but one one walks.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Away the victor in that one.
Speaker 4 (02:57):
Yeah, it's like it might not be well it's gonna
be you think, is it?
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Who think it is? It is?
Speaker 4 (03:02):
But yeah, like I said, there's just there were a
lot more options for for hilarious demises, you know, back
in the days.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Or the heyday, the glory days of royalty.
Speaker 4 (03:12):
Now it's you know a little more than a big
old paycheck and fancy digs and you know, the occasional parade.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
And then you know, there's a coronation coming up the
United Kingdom now and this okay, let's let's get into it.
Maybe we'll do something on the history of coronations in
the future in a timely manner. Perhaps no promises, but
we can promise you. Our first story is a doozy.
(03:41):
There's a guy named William the second, which I feel
like is a weird Why does it feel distinguished to
be the third? But kind of like juniory to be
the second?
Speaker 4 (03:52):
You know, it's a really good question because they don't
really indicate stature necessarily, it's literally just order of birth.
But you're right, something about the third really does just
feel a little more substantial. But yeah, so we've got
William the first, which also, you know, the first.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Is always the best, you know, because you're like the Og.
Speaker 4 (04:14):
The Og William aka the Conqueror, as his name might imply,
he was killed during battle, but his body was actually
shoved into a coffin too small, A coffin too small.
And we've talked about this in the last episode. He exploded,
(04:35):
mm hmm, yeah, maybe a little maybe a little more
grand than that, but that's the idea. It all starts
from a pop and then kind of escalates out from there.
Speaker 5 (04:44):
Right from the research, it wasn't the sound that was
the most starch. It was the smell. It had been
a number of days since he had died.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Yeah, because of the lamp rays that he was stuffed with.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
No, he's not the lamprey guy.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
That's Henry the First.
Speaker 4 (04:58):
Oh, and I got confused every sincle because I thought
this, this is the guy that was stuffed full of lampreys.
But this was just literally a case of, like I said,
a coffin too small.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Don't cut corners on the funeral, don't save shillings on
the coffin.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
It's not worth it, you know.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
But yet we also I love that you mentioned lamprey Guy,
which is our street name for King Henry the First.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Another first, you know, both of these fellas did not
die with the most or at least their ends were
not surrounded with the most dignity worthy of their stature
as the first.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Yeah, William the first King, Henry the first part of
a family line that just had a tough time towards
the end. And I believe it was Henry the first
heir to the throne, King William the second who went
out in a bit of a conspiracy. Okay, if you
(05:55):
know this guy, if you're like in the inner circle,
you don't always call him William two. He also goes
by William Rufus, like you said, Nold. He's a son
of William one, the Conqueror. Our buddy Willie Rufus is
King of England from ten eighty seven to eleven hundred.
He does some big stuff. He makes some moves, you know,
he keeps Normandy and England politically tied together. But in
(06:22):
the in the process of doing this, he gets a
kind of nasty reputation. People say he's super corrupt, he's brutal,
he's a tyrant with an iron fist. And Rufus also
gets the name the Red not because he's super blood thirsty.
Here like King Joffrey about it. He's got a ruddy complexion.
Speaker 4 (06:43):
Yeah, that's kind of like a bit of a of
a backhanded nickname, wouldn't you say? I mean, the Conqueror
sounds intense and cool, you know, But the Red that's
like sort of that joke in the wire about like
snot boogie. You know how one day you have a
running nose, the next thing you know, you're snop boogey
for the rest of your life. But you'd think a
king would have a little more say over their nickname.
(07:04):
But then I guess you don't really give yourself a nickname.
This is the nickname history gives you, or the people
give you. So sort of a double edged sword there.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
Yeah, and so, as was feudal custom at the time,
the eldest surviving son usually comes out on top in
inheritance games. So William the Conqueror bequeaths the Duchy of
Normandy to his eldest kid, Robert to Curtose, and Rufus
the Ruddy aka Rufus the Red gets kind of a
(07:34):
door prize England, England is this consolation prize?
Speaker 4 (07:38):
But wait, but is it in England better than the
Duchy of Normandy? You know, in terms of risk pieces. Wow,
that's fascinating.
Speaker 5 (07:47):
So funny story is William the Conqueror was from Normandy,
he was French, so it's just like that was the
prize right there. And also another funny story when he
died riding his horse into battle, he was to go
fight Robert the Second, his son.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Very big succession vibes.
Speaker 4 (08:06):
Well, you know, we obviously love these topics and talking
about the royal deaths and you know, royal stuff in general.
But I can never get good at, like, you know,
navigating all of the names and the succession and it
just gets so like makes your head spin.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
It's like it's like that fantastic Gabriel Garcia Marquez novel
One hundred Years of Solitude. A lot of people have
the same name the issue, you know what I mean.
That's why we need these street names. Oh which Willie
you're talking about talking about the Conqueror or the other guys.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Or the Ready or the rufous one. Yeah, exactly. So
let's get to the death. M hmm.
Speaker 4 (08:45):
We're thirsty for blood. So it's August second, eleven hundred.
William Rufus was asleep in a hunting lodge. His hunting
lodge at New Forest. They had himself a bit of
a spooky even a real nightmare.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
And we're getting a lot of this from Dominic Sandbrook
writing over a history extra. Let's just give you the quote. So,
according to one chronicler of the time, writes, Dominic, our
buddy Rufus dreamt that he was let blood by a surgeon,
and that the stream reaching to heaven clouded the light
(09:23):
and intercepted the day.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
This is super trippy.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
No bleeding was considered a legit medical operation at the time, right,
thought to relieve your humors, balance out, you know, your
colics and so on.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
It's so goth, dude, that is so goth. His blood
went to the sky. Yeah, I mean the sun. Well,
the nightmare is extra god. But just the practice of
bleeding is so metal, you know what I mean. Like,
it's so medical.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
Maladies and treatments of the past are so in fascinating.
Imagine you walk into the doctor's office and the doctor says, oh, buddy,
I tell you what your problem is. You got too
much blood. Yeah, let's let's balance out those humors.
Speaker 4 (10:11):
So yeah, this dream, uh, he's having the old common
daily blooding and he just starts gushing, you know, like
a geyser fourth to the heavens. But Ben and Maxim,
I need a little help unpacking the last part of
this account. Uh the idea that the geyser of blood
clouded the light and intercepted the day.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Yeah, eclipsed. Okay, it clips like, you know, like a
volcanic eruption can Yeah for sure.
Speaker 4 (10:44):
Okay, so this is like doomsday apocalyptic type vibes.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
The world is ending because this guy's dying. No ego
on this guy the.
Speaker 4 (10:51):
Interpret that's really that's good. But there was another account
as well, right Ben, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Yeah, uh nol, I think you and I enjoyed this
because speaking of metal, William has a dream that I
think a lot of people have had in the past
where he meets the actual Facts devil and has always
shout out to front of the show vocal Bob for
teaching me the phrase actual facts. It just works so well.
(11:17):
The devil has some stuff to say to him, right,
that's right.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
Well, he says that he's gonna He says, I'll be
seeing you real soon, buddy. This doesn't bode well, and
uh oh, William Rufus just wakes with a shriek to
servants to bring forth a light because he was really
concerned he needed some light in the space because he was,
you know, felt like he was being covered in darkness
and perhaps beckoned by the dark Lord himself.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, okay, we've got to exercise some
empathy here. You know, everybody, I would imagine, at some
point in their lives has had a dream that is
so real and so disturbing that you wake up and
you don't want to go back to sleep, and you
still sort of feel in between realities, you know, And
(12:03):
if you have a partner that you sleep in the
same bed with, you might even wake them up and say, oh,
this is crazy. I can't and you'll sound like a
crazy person. Oh yeah, because you'll be like there were
golf balls, but they were also eyes that turned into teeth,
and I had to like sell the teeth so I
could that one get out of jails after my teeth
(12:25):
fell out of my mouth as well.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
It's a combo, but usually.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
Thankfully, that kind of fugue state and that fear it
doesn't last super long. And that was the case with
William right, Like he got better vibe.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
That's just feeling better. And you know it's funny too, Ben,
you mentioned that I looked.
Speaker 4 (12:42):
I sometimes when I wake up in the morning, in
that kind of liminal space, I will have some kind
of mourning anxiety, and I google that and it is very,
very common because of levels of cortisol in the mornings
that are like higher, you know, the stress hormone. It's
something about if people are disposed to having like generalized anxiety.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Not to dox.
Speaker 4 (13:03):
Myself here, but I think that's a pretty common diagnosis
for you know, many Americans, so I'm not alone there,
but yeah, in the morning, those levels can be elevated.
So perhaps William Rufus also had a little bit of
generalized anxiety.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Which I would imagine a lot of people did back
then too.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
Yeah, man, you don't know when you're gonna run into
a wolf or a bear, or the devil himself or
the devil. You don't know what your blood is gonna
go against the laws of gravity and blot out the sky.
You get into situations.
Speaker 4 (13:35):
But again, after that, you know, time had passed that
direct feeling of anxiety, whether cortisol related or not. He
was feeling a little bit better, and he decided he
wanted to go about his day. It was very beautiful
that day, you know, in the old hunting lodge, and
I guess so he was there obviously on a hunting expedition.
This is like a getaway vacation thing. He was gonna
(13:57):
let some nightmare ruin his day. You know, he was
a big boy. He was going to sally Forth.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
And as they're getting ready for afternoon of hunting and merriment,
one of the royal armorers gives the King six arrows.
William keeps for the arrows for himself and he hands
the other two to a pal of his, one of
his hunting partners, a nobleman named Walter Terrell, Lord of
(14:27):
You'll have to help me with the pronunciation here. Would
it be po POI?
Speaker 2 (14:31):
Maybe poa pa? Yes?
Speaker 4 (14:33):
Pa am not one hundred percent sure. Terrell, by the way,
a name lifted by Old George R. R. Martin in The
Songs of Ice and Fire. No, there was a very
wealthy kind of more of a traditional British royal family
that was depicted in that series and in the in
the TV series.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
The Terrell's spelled differently here. But yeah, you're onto something
if you want to read the real life account of
George R. R. Martin Song of Ice and Fire. Check
out the historical event known as the War of the
Roses Wars of the Roses. So this guy Walt has
street cred. He's got a reputation as being really good
(15:12):
with a bow and arrow. So according to this story,
they say, Rufus, who is in the mix here, says
what translates to good arrows for a good shot, And
all right, Willie divides up his hunting party. Most of
his entourage remains with his younger brother Henry, who Max
(15:32):
you healthily pointed out his lamprey dude on our show.
And the king himself rides off with his buddy Walt,
deep into the forest. And this is where the conspiracy
kicks in. There's a bit of a mystery, thank you.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (15:55):
And as usually is the case with these sorts of
historical events that are shrouded in mystery, there are multiple accounts,
and I think probably the most conspiratorial and kind of
famous version comes from a William of Malmsbury Malmsbury, and
he writes this, the sun was now declining when the
(16:18):
King drawing his bow and letting fly and arrow slightly
wounded a stag which passed before him, and keenly gazing
followed it, still running a long time with his eyes,
holding up his hand to keep off the power of
the sun's rays. Ben should he should keep it going.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
At this point Walter tried to transfix another stag, but
oh gracious God, unknowingly and without power to prevent it,
he pierced the King's breast with a fatal arrow.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
Poetry.
Speaker 4 (16:50):
Ah, I love these types of accounts that are just
so you know, rich with drama.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
A Dick Cheney moment, Oh can I see?
Speaker 6 (16:58):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (17:00):
Remember that's right, the whole Dick Chenny thing where he
he was, you know, wearing his I guess you know,
when you're hunting in modern day, you're not wearing cool armor.
You're wearing some dorky kind of orange vest. And even
despite that, Dick Cheney mistook one of his hunting buddies
as a stag or whatever beast they were hunting, right,
(17:20):
that's the official version.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
And for a long time, you know, late night shows
made a meal of this and heavily implied that Cheney
had apparently been drinking and purposely like shot at the guy.
But but nothing was ever proven again, it's a mystery.
And so here's here's the thing. We establish Our buddy
(17:44):
Walt here is known for having good aim. He is,
according to the story, he's not a guy who was
likely to miss, right, especially in such a catastrophic way.
So a lot of people at the time, the town criers,
the other people at the court and so on, they
were kind of skeptical.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
This is a way.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Yeah, you're you're basically like what we're gonna call a
sniper in a few centuries. How could you have suddenly
been so bad at shooting that you shoot the king
in the chest.
Speaker 4 (18:17):
It's a it's a reasonable question, Ben, It is a
reasonable question. I think it is. And you know, without
even taking into consideration any political motives of like reporting
it in the slanted way or whatever. It's a little fishy, right,
especially given the fellow's reputation Terrell, so fingers immediately pointed
in Terrell's direction, the thinking being that the King's brother, Henry,
(18:41):
who was around but not so close that he was
considered a suspect right, may have put Terrell up to it.
Speaker 6 (18:49):
Yeah, yeah, it it doesn't smell great, right, This would
make an investigator suspicious in the world of modern law enforce.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
But we do know what happened next. William's entourage, the
party that had split off earlier, they find the body.
And when they find the body, like in one version
of the dream, blood is pouring from the wound. They yeah,
they carry him in a cart. You know, they're trying
(19:21):
to do their version of triage like staunch the bleeding
and so on, but he's really leaking and there's a
trail of blood behind the cart as a result. Henry
you mentioned just a second ago, is doing some crazy reasoning.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
Right.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
He's in a think fast situation and he's thinking, Okay,
my older brother, the Duke of Normandy, Robert is coming
back from the first crusade. If I act quickly, if
I nimble and swift, we have to have a king
so that king can be me. If I get crowned
before Robert gets word of the death and before he
(20:00):
it's back.
Speaker 4 (20:00):
So yeah, I've got a quick question. Let's take it
back to your analogy of the show succession. You know,
there are things like temporary CEOs, interim CEOs, so if
you're you know, in an emergency situation while the actual
air is out of the picture, but returning, wouldn't that
supersede your you know, kind of clutch crowning there?
Speaker 2 (20:23):
Yeah, well, you.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
Know, I believe it was a little Kim who pointed
out the importance of money, power and respect, right, and
he is going through that or order of operations. You're right,
it is sticky. If things are happening appropriately, then there
should be some interim ruler. Robert should be notified right
(20:45):
as soon as he gets back from the crusade, and
things should continue. If you want to flip the script,
like young Henry here, what you do is try to
take over the royal treasury. There at the money, and
then you get the power, and then you get the respect.
That's what he's thinking, and that's what the Little Kim's
story is all about. It's about this royal death.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
No.
Speaker 4 (21:04):
I think that's a really great piece of modern wisdom
to add some context here, because if he's got the
money and he's on the throne, then it becomes a
matter of the Duke of Normandy exercising his claim and
potentially starting a war, because if his brother's already entrenched
and has already got the seat and has access to
all the funds, technically he's in charge, so he can
(21:27):
exercise the authority that comes along with that position against
his own brother.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
And he reaches Winchester that very night, in seventy two hours,
he is officially crowned king. So the question that remains,
which has yet to be solved conclusively, is whether this
royal death was an accident, an unfortunate slip of the bowstring,
or whether it was a planned hit and assassination. Either way,
(21:56):
it's really strange. There's the dream the guy had before,
which is on the nose, depend on the version, and
then there's there's another thing. We'll just maybe we end
it here. There's an even weirder version that of course
can't be proven. That says the arrow that Waltz shot
bounced off a tree and then impaled William. So maybe
(22:19):
it was an accident, maybe it was an assassination. Either way,
it changed the course of history.
Speaker 4 (22:27):
One hundred percent. And we see seemingly arbitrary events like
this changing the course of history all the time. But
I will say, you know, to give a little bit
of you know, maybe points to the conspiracy angle. It
makes sense that the guy who called the hit would
want to be seen as having been part of the
punting party, and then his frantic ride back to you know,
(22:48):
be crowned was more him doing his duty, right.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Yeah, I mean.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
And also when you are a powerful person, there are
people who would inevitably see a benefit in your untimely demise.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
But you don't always have.
Speaker 1 (23:06):
To worry about the other people in the mix. Sometimes
you can't trust the furniture around you. Shout out to Bella,
the first of Hungary.
Speaker 4 (23:15):
Yeah, heavy weighs the head that wears the crown and
potentially gets crushed by the throne, not figuratively, right, this
is a wild This is a wild one.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Yeah, all right.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
So Bella is the equivalent of a silver spoon kid
born into Hungarian royalty. His father Prince Vazoul, which is
such an awesome name name. Yeah, his father had been
a nephew of the Hungarian King Stephen I. Stephen the
First did not have a direct issue I meaning he
(23:50):
didn't have children of his own, and.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
So the king.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
Bypasses Prince Vazoul and aims another nephew heir.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
To the throne. Vazul doesn't like this.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
He felt like he was he should have been next
in line, so he rebels he tries to you know,
he's got to be starting something, and it doesn't work.
He is captured and as punishment, he is blinded in
ten thirty one, which just seems brutal to me. So
Bella has a guilt by association thing going on. His
(24:26):
dad tried to overthrow the Hungarian regime, so Bella and
his siblings leave Hungary quick fasten, in a hurry. In
ten forty six they return, and they return because Bella's
eldest brother did succeed in regime change. His eldest brother
(24:48):
deposed the king, seized the crown. And now we have
to get this is weird. We kind of have a
weird day job at times because Noel, Now we have
to get into Hungarian royal customs of the eleventh century.
Speaker 4 (25:03):
Yeah, I mean, it's again, it's just sort of like
customs of succession. A lot of these things are you know,
very culturally based. It's not always you know, the eldest son.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
Or whatever it might be.
Speaker 4 (25:14):
In Hungarian custom, the crown is actually passed from brother
to brother based on seniority, and Bella was actually made
a duke and named the air.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
So this is again a custom and the thing is
when you are at the top of an absolute monarchy,
you get to decide what the customs are. So while
they were away from Hungary, Bella's brother changed the rules
(25:47):
and says, I'm gonna nearitytypool. I'm I'm gonna name my
son the official heir. My son's only four years old,
but I don't know. He looks pretty smart to me.
How tough can it be to run a country. He'll
get the neck of it by the time he's you know, six,
maybe eight. So Bella doesn't like this.
Speaker 4 (26:08):
Now.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Bella's like, I should be king after you, old man,
And so he gets together an army in Poland and
then goes into Hungary and says, we're going to keep
to the customs. It's the right thing to do, not
just because it's super awesome for me.
Speaker 4 (26:27):
And there was a melee and the brother, who was
currently sitting on the throne was killed. Bella then, you know,
took his place on the throne and he was crowned.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
And after he became king, there was an uprising. There
was a culture war, basically, and a large contingent of
people in the area said we're fed up with Christianity.
Christianity still kind of had new car smell in this
part of the world, because Christianity had only become the
(27:05):
official state religion a couple of decades earlier, and a
lot of people were vibing with it. They wanted a
return to paganism, returned to their pre Christian beliefs. And
Bella said, I hear you, And he raised an army
and he brutally crushed this rebellion. And then ten sixty
three he fights off a German invasion that's sent basically
(27:29):
by the Holy Roman Emperor, and he says, look, from
now on, Hungary is independent from foreign domination, be it
political or religious. But amidst all these opponents and all
this intrigue, there was one assassin he just didn't see coming.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
You never see it coming.
Speaker 4 (27:50):
Well maybe maybe you have a split second of reaction time,
but you know, no one ever suspects the very seat
that you find yourself seated in. M you know, the symbol,
the very symbol of your power. I mean, you got
the crown too, but the throne is a big one,
and it was a big throne, and it wasn't I guess,
I guess it needed a little maintenance.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
It hadn't been anchored properly or or whatever.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
Yeah, so it's we don't want to be too like
gleefully ghoulish year. But it is kind of funny because
a lot of time has passed. It's September. It's a
nice September day. It's ten sixty three. Bellow one is
in his summer palace in a town called Domos. He's
(28:35):
got all his all his top team with him, all
his senior guys, you know, his entourage, his officials, his
hangars on. They're gathered before him. He's walking up, he's
about the old court. I'm walking like the king in
Hamilton now and he so imagine high pomp and circumstance,
(28:55):
max the most ridiculous eleventh century music we have. And
then he sits down and what happens next?
Speaker 4 (29:04):
Yeah, I mean the whole chair basically just collapsed in
on him, and he did, you know, he was injured
pretty badly, but he was not able to be treated,
you know, in a timely enough manner.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
And he did die a bit later.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
And the throne never went to jail, never saw a
day in court. And even now, furniture cannot be prosecuted.
It's a huge miscarriage of justice.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
It is, it is.
Speaker 4 (29:32):
Indeed, I said, I'm just trying to understand because maybe
you can help us with this. How do you get
so horrifically injured just by falling through a chair? Like
I think we've all maybe miscalculated slightly and and and
you know fallen off No maybe just me. No one's
fallen off a chair before or.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
Fall off chairs. Okay, I broke a chair at Joe
McCormick's house. I did.
Speaker 4 (29:56):
I've done that too, especially if they're like some some
of those like outside chairs.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
There the elements right right for me.
Speaker 3 (30:03):
So, guys, I think I know how to explain it.
Speaker 5 (30:05):
There was one time this back when I was like
in high school, I had a few friends over and
my buddy Josh was sitting in this like you know,
like like poolside chairs that laid out and stuff you see,
had it in there, and but it was a little
higher up. It was a weird chair. It was like
higher up do you expect? But the middle of it collapsed.
He basically went like that with sandwich, sandwich, And that's
(30:26):
what I'm kind of expecting this to do.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
But you know, it's like you know it.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
Right the headboard.
Speaker 4 (30:31):
Let's call it really high, really adorned. You know, it's
made of wood, but perhaps adorned with metal or other
you know, precious stones or whatever it might be. But yeah,
it could have been very tall, and that could have
collapsed in on him, and with the pressure on that fulkrum,
it could have kind of broken his back maybe or something.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
I mean, again, we don't have exact details here.
Speaker 5 (30:51):
I'm working off the assumption that he also might have
got impaled somewhere.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Right.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
Yeah, it's so these things are super heavy. It's actually
a little unfair for us to call it a chair
and not to make them look bad. But the whether
it be shoddy design or whether it be a lack
of maintenance. When heavy furniture falls, it can kill you.
People do die when furniture falls on them.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
But if it happens in the forest and no one's around,
does it still make a noise?
Speaker 1 (31:20):
You'd have to ask You'd have to ask our buddy
Walt with the arrows. Yes, if you shoot a king
in the forest and it's just you and the king,
is it an accident or an assassination?
Speaker 2 (31:32):
Right?
Speaker 1 (31:32):
So we are going to end today's episode on a
bit of a psa right straight from the twelfth century.
Here it's a PSA against operating a vehicle while inebriated.
(31:57):
I don't want to sound all like Dad about it,
you know, or like a driving instructor in high school.
But this story, this, this story is one to remember.
We're going to introduce you to William the Atheling, which
so it sounds so Skyrim, you know, it sounds like
a it sounds like a character class in Skyrim.
Speaker 4 (32:22):
The Atheling also referred to as Adeline, which I think
just accounts for a language, you know, the translation or
whatever you know from I think Gaelic. But yeah, this
is the heir and legitimate son, the only legitimate song
with the claim of the throne of King Henry the
First of England. And he was ding ding ding. The
(32:44):
Lamprey guy had too many, you know, of his sly, slippery,
slimy delicacy friends and did not farewell.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
Especially considered everybody was constantly pointing out that he was
allergic to him. Anyways, to check out King Henry's story, Yeah,
very unfortunate family. Eighthleen, by the way, is an interesting
name for this guy, or Adeline, as you said, because
it means it literally means Anglo Saxon, prince or noble,
(33:13):
so he's he's like William the Prince anyway. He's Duke
of Normandy in his own right because his father fought
these battles in France that forced the Norman barons to
recognize William as their duke. And William the eighth Leen,
(33:34):
as you can tell by his nickname, was pretty spoiled
as a kid, and folks thought he was such a
brat that he was going to be quote destined to
be food for the fire.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
U Oh, that's like Luca Brassi sleeps with the fishes.
We don't know.
Speaker 1 (33:55):
We will never know what his royal or geopolitical career
would have been like, because he died in an accident
when he was pretty young, and his death led to
absolute pandemonium in the country.
Speaker 2 (34:11):
That's right.
Speaker 4 (34:12):
In November of eleven twenty, after he made a visit
to France on royal business, there was a fleet of
ships that was being put together to ferry King Henry
and his court across the English Channel back to England.
He was seventeen years old at the time, and he
(34:33):
was meant to board the White Ship, which was like
the flagship of the English Navy, right, it was you know,
the most up to dates, you know, shiny and new
and very fast comparatively, you know, for the time.
Speaker 3 (34:50):
It's like taking daz Camaro out exactly.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
Yeah, yeah, it's like taking the Camaro out if the
Camaro is the fastest jet in the country. So this
is a huge level of opulence. Willie is only seventeen
and he he turns it into a party. He gets
(35:15):
down with the bros. They get stupid drunk with the
crew of this ship. It's one of those things where
they the way I picture it, they're about to leave.
The Captain's like, all right, where it's time to go
on the white ship? All aboard, and then William the
athleen is going, no, no, one more round, Let's all
(35:37):
have another round you first, mate, grab a drink with me,
tell me about the life of a peasant. And then
after they get very very like multiple sheets to the wind.
The Prince and his gang we're talking about three hundred
people now get on the ship and they're gonna sail
(35:57):
across at night.
Speaker 4 (35:59):
Yeah, I mean this is the same actually, the equivalent
of like you know, drunk fishing, you know, but like
with much higher consequences. They're like, you know, taking the
pontoon boat out on the lake, you know, with a
you know, but more like a yacht situation, let's call it.
And just you know, everyone's drunk, including the captain, right, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
And King Henry had already sailed across several hours earlier,
so these guys are super drunk. They're hyping each other up,
these these very very wealthy people, and an actual ship's
crew decide they're gonna make a race of it. We
don't know exactly how that went out. William the Athleen
(36:39):
was the type of dude who would maybe command people
to race. Anyway, they're all on board. They say, we're gonna,
we're gonna lap the King. We're gonna catch up, and
we're gonna we're gonna beat him to England. This is
the white ship, it is the fastest, and they decide
they're going to go for it, and they're rowing their
(37:00):
keaster's off and they're all just housing wine, and the
drunk Prince and his friends are doing moral support, cheerleading,
you know, row faster faster, yeah, frasher faster.
Speaker 6 (37:12):
And.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
Unfortunately the crew, which did pick up a lot of speed,
they spend so much time focusing on speed that they
didn't have a lookout. You definitely need a sober lookout.
Speaker 4 (37:27):
Yeah, you do, make a designated lookout. Sin them becomes
a bit of a Titanic situation. They run aground on
a particularly nasty rock that splits the hall and they.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
You know, eventually sink.
Speaker 1 (37:43):
Hundreds of people die as a result, and one of
the people who dies is the Prince William the Athleen
is the only legitimate male child. A succession war begins,
a crisis of the state eight. King Henry doesn't have
another son, and so he tries to get his daughter
(38:05):
to be the official heir, his daughter Matilda. The Barons
sort of agree, but you know, they're being insincere. They're
waiting for Henry to die.
Speaker 3 (38:15):
Which he did when he decided to eat a bunch
of eels.
Speaker 2 (38:18):
Oh yeah, right, it's all full circle circle of life.
So that he does die.
Speaker 4 (38:23):
In eleven thirty five, and the barons flip flopped and
decided instead of backing Matilda to back his nephew, you know,
because of the whole him being a man thing and Missostrate. Yeah,
it was pretty big at the time. Yeah, for sure,
Stephen of bloih bloyse bloh b l o I s
I'm gonna say bloy, but it might be blah blaws bloss.
Speaker 2 (38:48):
That's a very odd name. Let us yeah, blow eye.
Who knows.
Speaker 4 (38:52):
I'm sure there's a way, but we're gonna just go
with all of those potential options. And he did, in
fact succeed and claiming the crown because he was the
eldest male relative of the of the king Blueaw.
Speaker 2 (39:09):
Can you believe it? It's Blueaw? Is it really? Uh? Huh? Yeah,
well done.
Speaker 4 (39:14):
The more the more he know. But you know, we
talked about Mozilda kind of being in the game or
in play, and so Mazilda was like, no, that's not cool.
I will I challenge you.
Speaker 1 (39:27):
You guys, Dad said, this is the uh is the energy.
But uh but also yeah, Matilda sees this clear enormous opportunity.
This is of course you're going to fight for this.
It is good to be in charge, right, And this
conflict between Stephen and Matilda leads to almost twenty years
(39:51):
of civil war. It's now collectively known as the anarchy.
It only ends when they reach a compromise, Stephen being
recognized this king says Okay, Matilda, your son will be my.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
Heir, and yeah, compromise, Yeah, could have been worse.
Speaker 1 (40:11):
I mean sure, yeah, there's that. And so uh Matilda's
son ascends to the throne eventually and is crowned Henry
the Second when Stephen dies in eleven fifty three and
founds a dynasty which would go on to rule England
for centuries, all because of an ill advised drunken boat race.
Speaker 2 (40:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (40:35):
I mean, you know, the dull drunken boat race thing
really does feel very succession, very on brand for just
kind of modern debauchery. Like I said, it just the
idea of like absolutely we've seen The've seen the film
Triangle of Sadness, Ben I have, Yeah, yeah, yeah, just
you know, drunken, opulent boat Shenanigans abound on that in
(40:56):
that particular film. Highly recommend it. I I haven't seen it.
It's a lot.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
It's kind of fun also to have a cocktail on
a boat, you know, I'm not above it, but never
when you are driving.
Speaker 2 (41:09):
Never when you are driving or piloting the boat.
Speaker 1 (41:12):
Right, you sit in the back, watch the sunset, you know,
maybe see a dolphin, sip a cocktail and stay away
from the helm.
Speaker 4 (41:21):
Definitely do unlock yourself in a cabin and start spouting
communist manifesto shenanigans over the intercom.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Maybe read the room, you know, read the boat.
Speaker 1 (41:31):
And with this we are going to call it a
day on another episode of Ridiculous Royal Deaths. Shout out
to our super producer, mister Max Williams. Shout out to
our resident opponent Jonathan Strickland, who once back in the day,
(41:53):
believe it or not, years.
Speaker 2 (41:55):
Ago, would appear on our show.
Speaker 4 (41:57):
It's true and I do believe that will come in
time when he will appear again. This would have been
a good opportunity.
Speaker 2 (42:04):
He loves, he loves royalties, he likes he likes doing
arch voices too.
Speaker 4 (42:07):
He's a big fan, but also hughes Thanks Chris for
uciotis here in spirit he was Jeff co man Max Williams,
who did the research on this episode and also is
our super producer, extraordinary.
Speaker 1 (42:19):
And shout out to any Royalty present or future who
is tuning in today.
Speaker 2 (42:25):
Let's see you next time, folks.
Speaker 4 (42:33):
For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows,
Ridiculous History is a production of iHeartRadio. Welcome back to
(00:27):
the show Ridiculous Historians. Thank you, as always so much
for tuning in. Let's give a shout out to our
very own podcast Royalty superproducer mister Max Williams.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Huzza, tell you.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Tickety boo indeed, and shout out, of course to mister
Noel Brown, they call.
Speaker 4 (00:48):
Me Ben, and shout out to our UK listeners who
are cringing so hard right now.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
We see you, we see you. I don't think you know.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
I think it's all all well and good in terms
of gosh, what was I listening to earlier? I was
listening to U or there was a film where I
was watching a British actor doing a purposely bad American accent.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Oh, totally.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
We are the ones with the accents, so we're very
conscious of that. We're we're returning to a subject of
continual fascination. You're on Ridiculous History, which is ridiculous royal deaths. Now,
you don't have to have listened to the earlier episodes.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
There's some refs, there's some callback reps.
Speaker 4 (01:33):
This is sort of an update, or at least an
escalation you know, but I think that one of the
reasons that it's so fascinating to look into these ridiculous
royal deaths because there were just so many more interesting
ways to die back then, you know, nowadays it's all
kind of vanilla for the most part, you know, but
like you know, heart attack in this old age, but
not in the days of your when anything could kill you.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Yeah, And as of November eighth last year, there were
officially eight billion plus people alive, and just from the statistics,
the brutal numbers Game of reality, we know that there
have been a lot of very strange deaths. We're focusing
(02:17):
on royals because people in those upper echelons of society
tend to have more documentation around about their lives. Also
there they're, you know, a relatively small percentage of the
overall population. And let's see, we're gonna just give you
a sense of this how did Max put it? In
(02:41):
this episode, We're gonna see an example of man versus ocean,
man versus arrow, and versus share my favorite man versus chair.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
You know, no.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Spoilers, but one one walks.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Away the victor in that one.
Speaker 4 (02:57):
Yeah, it's like it might not be well it's gonna
be you think, is it?
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Who think it is? It is?
Speaker 4 (03:02):
But yeah, like I said, there's just there were a
lot more options for for hilarious demises, you know, back
in the days.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Or the heyday, the glory days of royalty.
Speaker 4 (03:12):
Now it's you know a little more than a big
old paycheck and fancy digs and you know, the occasional parade.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
And then you know, there's a coronation coming up the
United Kingdom now and this okay, let's let's get into it.
Maybe we'll do something on the history of coronations in
the future in a timely manner. Perhaps no promises, but
we can promise you. Our first story is a doozy.
(03:41):
There's a guy named William the second, which I feel
like is a weird Why does it feel distinguished to
be the third? But kind of like juniory to be
the second?
Speaker 4 (03:52):
You know, it's a really good question because they don't
really indicate stature necessarily, it's literally just order of birth.
But you're right, something about the third really does just
feel a little more substantial. But yeah, so we've got
William the first, which also, you know, the first.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Is always the best, you know, because you're like the Og.
Speaker 4 (04:14):
The Og William aka the Conqueror, as his name might imply,
he was killed during battle, but his body was actually
shoved into a coffin too small, A coffin too small.
And we've talked about this in the last episode. He exploded,
(04:35):
mm hmm, yeah, maybe a little maybe a little more
grand than that, but that's the idea. It all starts
from a pop and then kind of escalates out from there.
Speaker 5 (04:44):
Right from the research, it wasn't the sound that was
the most starch. It was the smell. It had been
a number of days since he had died.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Yeah, because of the lamp rays that he was stuffed with.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
No, he's not the lamprey guy.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
That's Henry the First.
Speaker 4 (04:58):
Oh, and I got confused every sincle because I thought
this, this is the guy that was stuffed full of lampreys.
But this was just literally a case of, like I said,
a coffin too small.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Don't cut corners on the funeral, don't save shillings on
the coffin.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
It's not worth it, you know.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
But yet we also I love that you mentioned lamprey Guy,
which is our street name for King Henry the First.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Another first, you know, both of these fellas did not
die with the most or at least their ends were
not surrounded with the most dignity worthy of their stature
as the first.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Yeah, William the first King, Henry the first part of
a family line that just had a tough time towards
the end. And I believe it was Henry the first
heir to the throne, King William the second who went
out in a bit of a conspiracy. Okay, if you
(05:55):
know this guy, if you're like in the inner circle,
you don't always call him William two. He also goes
by William Rufus, like you said, Nold. He's a son
of William one, the Conqueror. Our buddy Willie Rufus is
King of England from ten eighty seven to eleven hundred.
He does some big stuff. He makes some moves, you know,
he keeps Normandy and England politically tied together. But in
(06:22):
the in the process of doing this, he gets a
kind of nasty reputation. People say he's super corrupt, he's brutal,
he's a tyrant with an iron fist. And Rufus also
gets the name the Red not because he's super blood thirsty.
Here like King Joffrey about it. He's got a ruddy complexion.
Speaker 4 (06:43):
Yeah, that's kind of like a bit of a of
a backhanded nickname, wouldn't you say? I mean, the Conqueror
sounds intense and cool, you know, But the Red that's
like sort of that joke in the wire about like
snot boogie. You know how one day you have a
running nose, the next thing you know, you're snop boogey
for the rest of your life. But you'd think a
king would have a little more say over their nickname.
(07:04):
But then I guess you don't really give yourself a nickname.
This is the nickname history gives you, or the people
give you. So sort of a double edged sword there.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
Yeah, and so, as was feudal custom at the time,
the eldest surviving son usually comes out on top in
inheritance games. So William the Conqueror bequeaths the Duchy of
Normandy to his eldest kid, Robert to Curtose, and Rufus
the Ruddy aka Rufus the Red gets kind of a
(07:34):
door prize England, England is this consolation prize?
Speaker 4 (07:38):
But wait, but is it in England better than the
Duchy of Normandy? You know, in terms of risk pieces. Wow,
that's fascinating.
Speaker 5 (07:47):
So funny story is William the Conqueror was from Normandy,
he was French, so it's just like that was the
prize right there. And also another funny story when he
died riding his horse into battle, he was to go
fight Robert the Second, his son.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Very big succession vibes.
Speaker 4 (08:06):
Well, you know, we obviously love these topics and talking
about the royal deaths and you know, royal stuff in general.
But I can never get good at, like, you know,
navigating all of the names and the succession and it
just gets so like makes your head spin.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
It's like it's like that fantastic Gabriel Garcia Marquez novel
One hundred Years of Solitude. A lot of people have
the same name the issue, you know what I mean.
That's why we need these street names. Oh which Willie
you're talking about talking about the Conqueror or the other guys.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Or the Ready or the rufous one. Yeah, exactly. So
let's get to the death. M hmm.
Speaker 4 (08:45):
We're thirsty for blood. So it's August second, eleven hundred.
William Rufus was asleep in a hunting lodge. His hunting
lodge at New Forest. They had himself a bit of
a spooky even a real nightmare.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
And we're getting a lot of this from Dominic Sandbrook
writing over a history extra. Let's just give you the quote. So,
according to one chronicler of the time, writes, Dominic, our
buddy Rufus dreamt that he was let blood by a surgeon,
and that the stream reaching to heaven clouded the light
(09:23):
and intercepted the day.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
This is super trippy.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
No bleeding was considered a legit medical operation at the time, right,
thought to relieve your humors, balance out, you know, your
colics and so on.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
It's so goth, dude, that is so goth. His blood
went to the sky. Yeah, I mean the sun. Well,
the nightmare is extra god. But just the practice of
bleeding is so metal, you know what I mean. Like,
it's so medical.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
Maladies and treatments of the past are so in fascinating.
Imagine you walk into the doctor's office and the doctor says, oh, buddy,
I tell you what your problem is. You got too
much blood. Yeah, let's let's balance out those humors.
Speaker 4 (10:11):
So yeah, this dream, uh, he's having the old common
daily blooding and he just starts gushing, you know, like
a geyser fourth to the heavens. But Ben and Maxim,
I need a little help unpacking the last part of
this account. Uh the idea that the geyser of blood
clouded the light and intercepted the day.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Yeah, eclipsed. Okay, it clips like, you know, like a
volcanic eruption can Yeah for sure.
Speaker 4 (10:44):
Okay, so this is like doomsday apocalyptic type vibes.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
The world is ending because this guy's dying. No ego
on this guy the.
Speaker 4 (10:51):
Interpret that's really that's good. But there was another account
as well, right Ben, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Yeah, uh nol, I think you and I enjoyed this
because speaking of metal, William has a dream that I
think a lot of people have had in the past
where he meets the actual Facts devil and has always
shout out to front of the show vocal Bob for
teaching me the phrase actual facts. It just works so well.
(11:17):
The devil has some stuff to say to him, right,
that's right.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
Well, he says that he's gonna He says, I'll be
seeing you real soon, buddy. This doesn't bode well, and
uh oh, William Rufus just wakes with a shriek to
servants to bring forth a light because he was really
concerned he needed some light in the space because he was,
you know, felt like he was being covered in darkness
and perhaps beckoned by the dark Lord himself.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, okay, we've got to exercise some
empathy here. You know, everybody, I would imagine, at some
point in their lives has had a dream that is
so real and so disturbing that you wake up and
you don't want to go back to sleep, and you
still sort of feel in between realities, you know, And
(12:03):
if you have a partner that you sleep in the
same bed with, you might even wake them up and say, oh,
this is crazy. I can't and you'll sound like a
crazy person. Oh yeah, because you'll be like there were
golf balls, but they were also eyes that turned into teeth,
and I had to like sell the teeth so I
could that one get out of jails after my teeth
(12:25):
fell out of my mouth as well.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
It's a combo, but usually.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
Thankfully, that kind of fugue state and that fear it
doesn't last super long. And that was the case with
William right, Like he got better vibe.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
That's just feeling better. And you know it's funny too, Ben,
you mentioned that I looked.
Speaker 4 (12:42):
I sometimes when I wake up in the morning, in
that kind of liminal space, I will have some kind
of mourning anxiety, and I google that and it is very,
very common because of levels of cortisol in the mornings
that are like higher, you know, the stress hormone. It's
something about if people are disposed to having like generalized anxiety.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Not to dox.
Speaker 4 (13:03):
Myself here, but I think that's a pretty common diagnosis
for you know, many Americans, so I'm not alone there,
but yeah, in the morning, those levels can be elevated.
So perhaps William Rufus also had a little bit of
generalized anxiety.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Which I would imagine a lot of people did back
then too.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
Yeah, man, you don't know when you're gonna run into
a wolf or a bear, or the devil himself or
the devil. You don't know what your blood is gonna
go against the laws of gravity and blot out the sky.
You get into situations.
Speaker 4 (13:35):
But again, after that, you know, time had passed that
direct feeling of anxiety, whether cortisol related or not. He
was feeling a little bit better, and he decided he
wanted to go about his day. It was very beautiful
that day, you know, in the old hunting lodge, and
I guess so he was there obviously on a hunting expedition.
This is like a getaway vacation thing. He was gonna
(13:57):
let some nightmare ruin his day. You know, he was
a big boy. He was going to sally Forth.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
And as they're getting ready for afternoon of hunting and merriment,
one of the royal armorers gives the King six arrows.
William keeps for the arrows for himself and he hands
the other two to a pal of his, one of
his hunting partners, a nobleman named Walter Terrell, Lord of
(14:27):
You'll have to help me with the pronunciation here. Would
it be po POI?
Speaker 2 (14:31):
Maybe poa pa? Yes?
Speaker 4 (14:33):
Pa am not one hundred percent sure. Terrell, by the way,
a name lifted by Old George R. R. Martin in The
Songs of Ice and Fire. No, there was a very
wealthy kind of more of a traditional British royal family
that was depicted in that series and in the in
the TV series.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
The Terrell's spelled differently here. But yeah, you're onto something
if you want to read the real life account of
George R. R. Martin Song of Ice and Fire. Check
out the historical event known as the War of the
Roses Wars of the Roses. So this guy Walt has
street cred. He's got a reputation as being really good
(15:12):
with a bow and arrow. So according to this story,
they say, Rufus, who is in the mix here, says
what translates to good arrows for a good shot, And
all right, Willie divides up his hunting party. Most of
his entourage remains with his younger brother Henry, who Max
(15:32):
you healthily pointed out his lamprey dude on our show.
And the king himself rides off with his buddy Walt,
deep into the forest. And this is where the conspiracy
kicks in. There's a bit of a mystery, thank you.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (15:55):
And as usually is the case with these sorts of
historical events that are shrouded in mystery, there are multiple accounts,
and I think probably the most conspiratorial and kind of
famous version comes from a William of Malmsbury Malmsbury, and
he writes this, the sun was now declining when the
(16:18):
King drawing his bow and letting fly and arrow slightly
wounded a stag which passed before him, and keenly gazing
followed it, still running a long time with his eyes,
holding up his hand to keep off the power of
the sun's rays. Ben should he should keep it going.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
At this point Walter tried to transfix another stag, but
oh gracious God, unknowingly and without power to prevent it,
he pierced the King's breast with a fatal arrow.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
Poetry.
Speaker 4 (16:50):
Ah, I love these types of accounts that are just
so you know, rich with drama.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
A Dick Cheney moment, Oh can I see?
Speaker 6 (16:58):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (17:00):
Remember that's right, the whole Dick Chenny thing where he
he was, you know, wearing his I guess you know,
when you're hunting in modern day, you're not wearing cool armor.
You're wearing some dorky kind of orange vest. And even
despite that, Dick Cheney mistook one of his hunting buddies
as a stag or whatever beast they were hunting, right,
(17:20):
that's the official version.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
And for a long time, you know, late night shows
made a meal of this and heavily implied that Cheney
had apparently been drinking and purposely like shot at the guy.
But but nothing was ever proven again, it's a mystery.
And so here's here's the thing. We establish Our buddy
(17:44):
Walt here is known for having good aim. He is,
according to the story, he's not a guy who was
likely to miss, right, especially in such a catastrophic way.
So a lot of people at the time, the town criers,
the other people at the court and so on, they
were kind of skeptical.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
This is a way.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Yeah, you're you're basically like what we're gonna call a
sniper in a few centuries. How could you have suddenly
been so bad at shooting that you shoot the king
in the chest.
Speaker 4 (18:17):
It's a it's a reasonable question, Ben, It is a
reasonable question. I think it is. And you know, without
even taking into consideration any political motives of like reporting
it in the slanted way or whatever. It's a little fishy, right,
especially given the fellow's reputation Terrell, so fingers immediately pointed
in Terrell's direction, the thinking being that the King's brother, Henry,
(18:41):
who was around but not so close that he was
considered a suspect right, may have put Terrell up to it.
Speaker 6 (18:49):
Yeah, yeah, it it doesn't smell great, right, This would
make an investigator suspicious in the world of modern law enforce.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
But we do know what happened next. William's entourage, the
party that had split off earlier, they find the body.
And when they find the body, like in one version
of the dream, blood is pouring from the wound. They yeah,
they carry him in a cart. You know, they're trying
(19:21):
to do their version of triage like staunch the bleeding
and so on, but he's really leaking and there's a
trail of blood behind the cart as a result. Henry
you mentioned just a second ago, is doing some crazy reasoning.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
Right.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
He's in a think fast situation and he's thinking, Okay,
my older brother, the Duke of Normandy, Robert is coming
back from the first crusade. If I act quickly, if
I nimble and swift, we have to have a king
so that king can be me. If I get crowned
before Robert gets word of the death and before he
(20:00):
it's back.
Speaker 4 (20:00):
So yeah, I've got a quick question. Let's take it
back to your analogy of the show succession. You know,
there are things like temporary CEOs, interim CEOs, so if
you're you know, in an emergency situation while the actual
air is out of the picture, but returning, wouldn't that
supersede your you know, kind of clutch crowning there?
Speaker 2 (20:23):
Yeah, well, you.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
Know, I believe it was a little Kim who pointed
out the importance of money, power and respect, right, and
he is going through that or order of operations. You're right,
it is sticky. If things are happening appropriately, then there
should be some interim ruler. Robert should be notified right
(20:45):
as soon as he gets back from the crusade, and
things should continue. If you want to flip the script,
like young Henry here, what you do is try to
take over the royal treasury. There at the money, and
then you get the power, and then you get the respect.
That's what he's thinking, and that's what the Little Kim's
story is all about. It's about this royal death.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
No.
Speaker 4 (21:04):
I think that's a really great piece of modern wisdom
to add some context here, because if he's got the
money and he's on the throne, then it becomes a
matter of the Duke of Normandy exercising his claim and
potentially starting a war, because if his brother's already entrenched
and has already got the seat and has access to
all the funds, technically he's in charge, so he can
(21:27):
exercise the authority that comes along with that position against
his own brother.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
And he reaches Winchester that very night, in seventy two hours,
he is officially crowned king. So the question that remains,
which has yet to be solved conclusively, is whether this
royal death was an accident, an unfortunate slip of the bowstring,
or whether it was a planned hit and assassination. Either way,
(21:56):
it's really strange. There's the dream the guy had before,
which is on the nose, depend on the version, and
then there's there's another thing. We'll just maybe we end
it here. There's an even weirder version that of course
can't be proven. That says the arrow that Waltz shot
bounced off a tree and then impaled William. So maybe
(22:19):
it was an accident, maybe it was an assassination. Either way,
it changed the course of history.
Speaker 4 (22:27):
One hundred percent. And we see seemingly arbitrary events like
this changing the course of history all the time. But
I will say, you know, to give a little bit
of you know, maybe points to the conspiracy angle. It
makes sense that the guy who called the hit would
want to be seen as having been part of the
punting party, and then his frantic ride back to you know,
(22:48):
be crowned was more him doing his duty, right.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Yeah, I mean.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
And also when you are a powerful person, there are
people who would inevitably see a benefit in your untimely demise.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
But you don't always have.
Speaker 1 (23:06):
To worry about the other people in the mix. Sometimes
you can't trust the furniture around you. Shout out to Bella,
the first of Hungary.
Speaker 4 (23:15):
Yeah, heavy weighs the head that wears the crown and
potentially gets crushed by the throne, not figuratively, right, this
is a wild This is a wild one.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Yeah, all right.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
So Bella is the equivalent of a silver spoon kid
born into Hungarian royalty. His father Prince Vazoul, which is
such an awesome name name. Yeah, his father had been
a nephew of the Hungarian King Stephen I. Stephen the
First did not have a direct issue I meaning he
(23:50):
didn't have children of his own, and.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
So the king.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
Bypasses Prince Vazoul and aims another nephew heir.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
To the throne. Vazul doesn't like this.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
He felt like he was he should have been next
in line, so he rebels he tries to you know,
he's got to be starting something, and it doesn't work.
He is captured and as punishment, he is blinded in
ten thirty one, which just seems brutal to me. So
Bella has a guilt by association thing going on. His
(24:26):
dad tried to overthrow the Hungarian regime, so Bella and
his siblings leave Hungary quick fasten, in a hurry. In
ten forty six they return, and they return because Bella's
eldest brother did succeed in regime change. His eldest brother
(24:48):
deposed the king, seized the crown. And now we have
to get this is weird. We kind of have a
weird day job at times because Noel, Now we have
to get into Hungarian royal customs of the eleventh century.
Speaker 4 (25:03):
Yeah, I mean, it's again, it's just sort of like
customs of succession. A lot of these things are you know,
very culturally based. It's not always you know, the eldest son.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
Or whatever it might be.
Speaker 4 (25:14):
In Hungarian custom, the crown is actually passed from brother
to brother based on seniority, and Bella was actually made
a duke and named the air.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
So this is again a custom and the thing is
when you are at the top of an absolute monarchy,
you get to decide what the customs are. So while
they were away from Hungary, Bella's brother changed the rules
(25:47):
and says, I'm gonna nearitytypool. I'm I'm gonna name my
son the official heir. My son's only four years old,
but I don't know. He looks pretty smart to me.
How tough can it be to run a country. He'll
get the neck of it by the time he's you know, six,
maybe eight. So Bella doesn't like this.
Speaker 4 (26:08):
Now.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Bella's like, I should be king after you, old man,
And so he gets together an army in Poland and
then goes into Hungary and says, we're going to keep
to the customs. It's the right thing to do, not
just because it's super awesome for me.
Speaker 4 (26:27):
And there was a melee and the brother, who was
currently sitting on the throne was killed. Bella then, you know,
took his place on the throne and he was crowned.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
And after he became king, there was an uprising. There
was a culture war, basically, and a large contingent of
people in the area said we're fed up with Christianity.
Christianity still kind of had new car smell in this
part of the world, because Christianity had only become the
(27:05):
official state religion a couple of decades earlier, and a
lot of people were vibing with it. They wanted a
return to paganism, returned to their pre Christian beliefs. And
Bella said, I hear you, And he raised an army
and he brutally crushed this rebellion. And then ten sixty
three he fights off a German invasion that's sent basically
(27:29):
by the Holy Roman Emperor, and he says, look, from
now on, Hungary is independent from foreign domination, be it
political or religious. But amidst all these opponents and all
this intrigue, there was one assassin he just didn't see coming.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
You never see it coming.
Speaker 4 (27:50):
Well maybe maybe you have a split second of reaction time,
but you know, no one ever suspects the very seat
that you find yourself seated in. M you know, the symbol,
the very symbol of your power. I mean, you got
the crown too, but the throne is a big one,
and it was a big throne, and it wasn't I guess,
I guess it needed a little maintenance.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
It hadn't been anchored properly or or whatever.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
Yeah, so it's we don't want to be too like
gleefully ghoulish year. But it is kind of funny because
a lot of time has passed. It's September. It's a
nice September day. It's ten sixty three. Bellow one is
in his summer palace in a town called Domos. He's
(28:35):
got all his all his top team with him, all
his senior guys, you know, his entourage, his officials, his
hangars on. They're gathered before him. He's walking up, he's
about the old court. I'm walking like the king in
Hamilton now and he so imagine high pomp and circumstance,
(28:55):
max the most ridiculous eleventh century music we have. And
then he sits down and what happens next?
Speaker 4 (29:04):
Yeah, I mean the whole chair basically just collapsed in
on him, and he did, you know, he was injured
pretty badly, but he was not able to be treated,
you know, in a timely enough manner.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
And he did die a bit later.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
And the throne never went to jail, never saw a
day in court. And even now, furniture cannot be prosecuted.
It's a huge miscarriage of justice.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
It is, it is.
Speaker 4 (29:32):
Indeed, I said, I'm just trying to understand because maybe
you can help us with this. How do you get
so horrifically injured just by falling through a chair? Like
I think we've all maybe miscalculated slightly and and and
you know fallen off No maybe just me. No one's
fallen off a chair before or.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
Fall off chairs. Okay, I broke a chair at Joe
McCormick's house. I did.
Speaker 4 (29:56):
I've done that too, especially if they're like some some
of those like outside chairs.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
There the elements right right for me.
Speaker 3 (30:03):
So, guys, I think I know how to explain it.
Speaker 5 (30:05):
There was one time this back when I was like
in high school, I had a few friends over and
my buddy Josh was sitting in this like you know,
like like poolside chairs that laid out and stuff you see,
had it in there, and but it was a little
higher up. It was a weird chair. It was like
higher up do you expect? But the middle of it collapsed.
He basically went like that with sandwich, sandwich, And that's
(30:26):
what I'm kind of expecting this to do.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
But you know, it's like you know it.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
Right the headboard.
Speaker 4 (30:31):
Let's call it really high, really adorned. You know, it's
made of wood, but perhaps adorned with metal or other
you know, precious stones or whatever it might be. But yeah,
it could have been very tall, and that could have
collapsed in on him, and with the pressure on that fulkrum,
it could have kind of broken his back maybe or something.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
I mean, again, we don't have exact details here.
Speaker 5 (30:51):
I'm working off the assumption that he also might have
got impaled somewhere.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Right.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
Yeah, it's so these things are super heavy. It's actually
a little unfair for us to call it a chair
and not to make them look bad. But the whether
it be shoddy design or whether it be a lack
of maintenance. When heavy furniture falls, it can kill you.
People do die when furniture falls on them.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
But if it happens in the forest and no one's around,
does it still make a noise?
Speaker 1 (31:20):
You'd have to ask You'd have to ask our buddy
Walt with the arrows. Yes, if you shoot a king
in the forest and it's just you and the king,
is it an accident or an assassination?
Speaker 2 (31:32):
Right?
Speaker 1 (31:32):
So we are going to end today's episode on a
bit of a psa right straight from the twelfth century.
Here it's a PSA against operating a vehicle while inebriated.
(31:57):
I don't want to sound all like Dad about it,
you know, or like a driving instructor in high school.
But this story, this, this story is one to remember.
We're going to introduce you to William the Atheling, which
so it sounds so Skyrim, you know, it sounds like
a it sounds like a character class in Skyrim.
Speaker 4 (32:22):
The Atheling also referred to as Adeline, which I think
just accounts for a language, you know, the translation or
whatever you know from I think Gaelic. But yeah, this
is the heir and legitimate son, the only legitimate song
with the claim of the throne of King Henry the
First of England. And he was ding ding ding. The
(32:44):
Lamprey guy had too many, you know, of his sly, slippery,
slimy delicacy friends and did not farewell.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
Especially considered everybody was constantly pointing out that he was
allergic to him. Anyways, to check out King Henry's story, Yeah,
very unfortunate family. Eighthleen, by the way, is an interesting
name for this guy, or Adeline, as you said, because
it means it literally means Anglo Saxon, prince or noble,
(33:13):
so he's he's like William the Prince anyway. He's Duke
of Normandy in his own right because his father fought
these battles in France that forced the Norman barons to
recognize William as their duke. And William the eighth Leen,
(33:34):
as you can tell by his nickname, was pretty spoiled
as a kid, and folks thought he was such a
brat that he was going to be quote destined to
be food for the fire.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
U Oh, that's like Luca Brassi sleeps with the fishes.
We don't know.
Speaker 1 (33:55):
We will never know what his royal or geopolitical career
would have been like, because he died in an accident
when he was pretty young, and his death led to
absolute pandemonium in the country.
Speaker 2 (34:11):
That's right.
Speaker 4 (34:12):
In November of eleven twenty, after he made a visit
to France on royal business, there was a fleet of
ships that was being put together to ferry King Henry
and his court across the English Channel back to England.
He was seventeen years old at the time, and he
(34:33):
was meant to board the White Ship, which was like
the flagship of the English Navy, right, it was you know,
the most up to dates, you know, shiny and new
and very fast comparatively, you know, for the time.
Speaker 3 (34:50):
It's like taking daz Camaro out exactly.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
Yeah, yeah, it's like taking the Camaro out if the
Camaro is the fastest jet in the country. So this
is a huge level of opulence. Willie is only seventeen
and he he turns it into a party. He gets
(35:15):
down with the bros. They get stupid drunk with the
crew of this ship. It's one of those things where
they the way I picture it, they're about to leave.
The Captain's like, all right, where it's time to go
on the white ship? All aboard, and then William the
athleen is going, no, no, one more round, Let's all
(35:37):
have another round you first, mate, grab a drink with me,
tell me about the life of a peasant. And then
after they get very very like multiple sheets to the wind.
The Prince and his gang we're talking about three hundred
people now get on the ship and they're gonna sail
(35:57):
across at night.
Speaker 4 (35:59):
Yeah, I mean this is the same actually, the equivalent
of like you know, drunk fishing, you know, but like
with much higher consequences. They're like, you know, taking the
pontoon boat out on the lake, you know, with a
you know, but more like a yacht situation, let's call it.
And just you know, everyone's drunk, including the captain, right, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
And King Henry had already sailed across several hours earlier,
so these guys are super drunk. They're hyping each other up,
these these very very wealthy people, and an actual ship's
crew decide they're gonna make a race of it. We
don't know exactly how that went out. William the Athleen
(36:39):
was the type of dude who would maybe command people
to race. Anyway, they're all on board. They say, we're gonna,
we're gonna lap the King. We're gonna catch up, and
we're gonna we're gonna beat him to England. This is
the white ship, it is the fastest, and they decide
they're going to go for it, and they're rowing their
(37:00):
keaster's off and they're all just housing wine, and the
drunk Prince and his friends are doing moral support, cheerleading,
you know, row faster faster, yeah, frasher faster.
Speaker 6 (37:12):
And.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
Unfortunately the crew, which did pick up a lot of speed,
they spend so much time focusing on speed that they
didn't have a lookout. You definitely need a sober lookout.
Speaker 4 (37:27):
Yeah, you do, make a designated lookout. Sin them becomes
a bit of a Titanic situation. They run aground on
a particularly nasty rock that splits the hall and they.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
You know, eventually sink.
Speaker 1 (37:43):
Hundreds of people die as a result, and one of
the people who dies is the Prince William the Athleen
is the only legitimate male child. A succession war begins,
a crisis of the state eight. King Henry doesn't have
another son, and so he tries to get his daughter
(38:05):
to be the official heir, his daughter Matilda. The Barons
sort of agree, but you know, they're being insincere. They're
waiting for Henry to die.
Speaker 3 (38:15):
Which he did when he decided to eat a bunch
of eels.
Speaker 2 (38:18):
Oh yeah, right, it's all full circle circle of life.
So that he does die.
Speaker 4 (38:23):
In eleven thirty five, and the barons flip flopped and
decided instead of backing Matilda to back his nephew, you know,
because of the whole him being a man thing and Missostrate. Yeah,
it was pretty big at the time. Yeah, for sure,
Stephen of bloih bloyse bloh b l o I s
I'm gonna say bloy, but it might be blah blaws bloss.
Speaker 2 (38:48):
That's a very odd name. Let us yeah, blow eye.
Who knows.
Speaker 4 (38:52):
I'm sure there's a way, but we're gonna just go
with all of those potential options. And he did, in
fact succeed and claiming the crown because he was the
eldest male relative of the of the king Blueaw.
Speaker 2 (39:09):
Can you believe it? It's Blueaw? Is it really? Uh? Huh? Yeah,
well done.
Speaker 4 (39:14):
The more the more he know. But you know, we
talked about Mozilda kind of being in the game or
in play, and so Mazilda was like, no, that's not cool.
I will I challenge you.
Speaker 1 (39:27):
You guys, Dad said, this is the uh is the energy.
But uh but also yeah, Matilda sees this clear enormous opportunity.
This is of course you're going to fight for this.
It is good to be in charge, right, And this
conflict between Stephen and Matilda leads to almost twenty years
(39:51):
of civil war. It's now collectively known as the anarchy.
It only ends when they reach a compromise, Stephen being
recognized this king says Okay, Matilda, your son will be my.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
Heir, and yeah, compromise, Yeah, could have been worse.
Speaker 1 (40:11):
I mean sure, yeah, there's that. And so uh Matilda's
son ascends to the throne eventually and is crowned Henry
the Second when Stephen dies in eleven fifty three and
founds a dynasty which would go on to rule England
for centuries, all because of an ill advised drunken boat race.
Speaker 2 (40:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (40:35):
I mean, you know, the dull drunken boat race thing
really does feel very succession, very on brand for just
kind of modern debauchery. Like I said, it just the
idea of like absolutely we've seen The've seen the film
Triangle of Sadness, Ben I have, Yeah, yeah, yeah, just
you know, drunken, opulent boat Shenanigans abound on that in
(40:56):
that particular film. Highly recommend it. I I haven't seen it.
It's a lot.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
It's kind of fun also to have a cocktail on
a boat, you know, I'm not above it, but never
when you are driving.
Speaker 2 (41:09):
Never when you are driving or piloting the boat.
Speaker 1 (41:12):
Right, you sit in the back, watch the sunset, you know,
maybe see a dolphin, sip a cocktail and stay away
from the helm.
Speaker 4 (41:21):
Definitely do unlock yourself in a cabin and start spouting
communist manifesto shenanigans over the intercom.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Maybe read the room, you know, read the boat.
Speaker 1 (41:31):
And with this we are going to call it a
day on another episode of Ridiculous Royal Deaths. Shout out
to our super producer, mister Max Williams. Shout out to
our resident opponent Jonathan Strickland, who once back in the day,
(41:53):
believe it or not, years.
Speaker 2 (41:55):
Ago, would appear on our show.
Speaker 4 (41:57):
It's true and I do believe that will come in
time when he will appear again. This would have been
a good opportunity.
Speaker 2 (42:04):
He loves, he loves royalties, he likes he likes doing
arch voices too.
Speaker 4 (42:07):
He's a big fan, but also hughes Thanks Chris for
uciotis here in spirit he was Jeff co man Max Williams,
who did the research on this episode and also is
our super producer, extraordinary.
Speaker 1 (42:19):
And shout out to any Royalty present or future who
is tuning in today.
Speaker 2 (42:25):
Let's see you next time, folks.
Speaker 4 (42:33):
For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
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Ridiculous History News
Hosts And Creators
Ben Bowlin
Noel Brown
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