April 30, 2024 • 58 mins
During the era of Louis XIV, Julie D'Aubigny became one of the most popular criminals in all of high society. In today's episode, the guys welcome returning guest Ben Thompson, author and creator of Badass of the Week, to learn more about the swordfighter, opera singer, nun-heister and all-time badass known as La Maupin.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ridiculous History is a production of iHeartRadio. Welcome back to
(00:27):
the show, Ridiculous Historians. Thank you, as always so much
for tuning in. Let's hear it for the man, the myth,
the legend, mister Max Williams, are you our super producer
and indeed, Noel part time werewolf? My name is Ben Bullen.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Part time. I guess everyone's a part time Werewolf's the right?
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Yeah, you're not a werewolf all the time. Funny story, dude,
I thought it was so badass when I was a kid.
I thought I have my future career figured out. I
was going to be the first werewolf astronaut on.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Because that is a really cool hodgepodge of stuff that
kids like.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Because then you're always a werewolf, right if the four.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
It's a problem when you transform, you're gonna rip through
your spacesuit and then freeze to death and or implode
in the cold vacuum of space. I will say thank
lets you wear wolf power save you from that, which
I'm not sure how that works. I will say thank
you to the good folks at NASA who did write
a response to a young No, they didn't yet was
(01:28):
it werewolves aren't real?
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Bro go to the school.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
It was very kind. I think I think my mom
framed it, but.
Speaker 4 (01:37):
I loved it.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Though NASA had recalled you bro, I don't know why
that's the voice that I say.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
NASA's response, it'd.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Be badass and speaking I.
Speaker 5 (01:44):
Keep saying that word. It's almost like wanting at something.
It's like we're doing a segue. We are immensely fortunate,
fellow ridiculous historians, to be talking about generally badass things. Also,
we just found out we can say ass on the
air right without having to beep.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
It absolutely, so we can't then, you know what, what
is it all for?
Speaker 1 (02:07):
So so we are no. We are joined with a guest,
a friend of the show, a person we have followed
for quite some time, separately and together, the creator of
bad Ass of the Week, Ben Thompson born in Noddingly, Yorkshire,
(02:28):
England in eighteen forty three.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
That's the one, right, I was.
Speaker 4 (02:33):
So tempted to do like a British accent, which I
can't do, and so I was like, very hello, come
in with that.
Speaker 3 (02:42):
But by the way, Ben Thompson, aren't you sick of
these Brits sounding like better English speakers than we do?
Television shows, and then when you find out that there
Britsy like feel betrayed, like the blige to you all
the stage.
Speaker 4 (02:54):
Oh yeah man, yeah yeah, You're like you're like, what
was this? Like Superman and Batman, like Spider Man, they're
all British.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Now it doesn't.
Speaker 4 (03:05):
Writing is acting in our own accent.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Right on American? I would say, you know.
Speaker 4 (03:10):
They asked, oh, man, whose house I'm blanking? Has the
name right now?
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Betterfry and Laurie about.
Speaker 4 (03:19):
Asking about acting for house, and he was like, yeah,
acting with an American accent is kind of like trying
to act with marbles in your mouth.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
It's like great, it's also amazing jazz pianos. Yeah, just
so you know, Yeah, he is in his own right.
He is, I guess a badass. Well let's give him
his flowers. Then you created Badass of the Week in
two thousand and four, and that's how Nolan and I
(03:49):
originally followed you. You know, we we love your work,
and you have appeared on previous episode of Ridiculous History.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
Kind of wear wolf related talking about werewolves. Yeah, this
is the second time I've heard the astronaut werewolf story.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Actually, yeah, yeah, I always think of you, man, I
always think of you.
Speaker 4 (04:08):
Yeah. No, so this yeah, April two thousand and four,
So this is uh, this month is the twenty year,
twenty year anniversary of the website. It's crazy, twenty years wild, right?
Do you feel old, sir all the time? Every time
I try to get out of bed?
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Jeez? Well we have we have asked you to join
us again because you always have an amazing investigation of
things that we call ridiculous history but also super badass stuff.
And in our previous episode, which everyone should check out
fast forward through the werewolf story.
Speaker 4 (04:46):
Uh, we had a different take on it last time,
so it was exact different. It was a it was
an exciting twist to hear that NASA had written you
back that that was new information they did called did
you brow called you bro?
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Yes, we'll check the letter while we're checking the receipts.
Ben tell us if you could tell Noel Max and
all of us ridiculous historians about Julie.
Speaker 4 (05:21):
Okay, So last time I was here, I was talking
about I talked about the kung fu werewolf, right Ti
Jin He's you know. The story was that he was
like a shaolin master who had some sort of condition
where he grew hair like everywhere, and he looked like
a were wolf. And so the you know, the way
(05:41):
that he's described sometimes is as the Kung Fu were wolf.
That story was like kind of a mess in terms
of being able to you know, place any of this
stuff historically. It's it's a lot of myth and legend
around him. We're pretty sure he was a real guy,
but you know, a lot of the I we wanted
to tell, like the we told the action movie version
(06:02):
of his life, but you know, it was kind of
hard to pin down exact details, even down to like,
you know, when he was born kind of thing. Julie
dobi Is is a bit of a different story here.
So she is, you know, she's not the Kung Fu werewolf.
She is a bisexual opera singing sword fighter from seventeenth
(06:23):
century France. Yes, and all of those things, all of
these things are great. Yes, she she killed her wounded
at least ten men in duels. She performed as like
the lead contralto for the Paris or Paris Opera, which
was like the biggest opera in the world at the time,
and all.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
The phone really quick. I'm just sorry to bother an interrupt,
but a contralto. I have a pretty decent opera background,
both of my parents sang. I don't think I fully
can wrap my head around what vocal range a contralto is.
Speaker 4 (06:51):
I didn't know either, because I have no opera background whatsoever.
But apparently it's deep.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
It's deep. It's almost like a like a female baritone.
Speaker 4 (07:02):
Or something like that. Okay, something like that.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
Sorry, my opera brain just pinged at that one. I'm like, yeah, yeah,
please carry on with you.
Speaker 4 (07:08):
Yes, so deep deep, singing deep with singing voice, probably
doing singing badass stuff. Right. She's she will act as
she will perform as characters like media and all of
these kinds of badass women from mythology as well, which
is cool and uh. She did also wants the kind
of the hook for hers that she wants. Took holy
orders so that she could sneak into a convent and
(07:31):
have sex with a nun.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
And holy orders, Holy orders, by the way, are the
thing in monastic society and gunneries where you have to say,
I give my life to God. I will just be
what like a bride of Jesus Christ in this situation.
(07:52):
And then she did this on purpose, right.
Speaker 4 (07:56):
She became a nun in order to sneak into a
convent and because her girlfriend had been sent to a nunnery,
so she broke in that way.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
And a lot of people are non consensually sent to
nunner ees.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Oh yeah, time because they'd shamed the family or something
like that.
Speaker 4 (08:12):
Right, we'll get to it.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
Have you seen the.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Paul Verhoven movie Benedetta No I do?
Speaker 4 (08:19):
I am a Paul Verehoven generally a Paul Verehoven fan,
but I have never.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
Seen its relatively recent and it is a intensely wild,
highly sexual nun story about like this badass nun who
basically believes that she's being she is Jesus's kind of
concubine basically, and then she has these visions. But there's
also a lot of bisexual, kind of like lesbian stuff
(08:44):
that that goes on in it.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
And it's a very heavily sacrilegious film.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
But it is a wild ride. And what you're describing
here kind of reminds me of some things in that.
Speaker 4 (08:52):
I'm trying to picture this through the lens of starship
troopers and RoboCop.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Very weird art house guy.
Speaker 4 (08:59):
Yeah, yeah, no, I know anyone over they started.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
There is a RoboCop cameo clear in one of the yes, exactly.
Speaker 4 (09:08):
But the thing with her versus Tyjan is a lot
of her stuff is we can document it right there
as there are some details. After she became kind of
a legendary figure in France, so there were a lot
of after her death in like, you know, the late
seventeenth century, there started to be a lot of like
basically erotic fan fiction novels written about her that elaborate
(09:31):
on her story a bit. But we're going to try
to distill out that that information and try to stick
to the story, right, yeah, right.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
So we're talking, we're talking then sixteen hundreds, right.
Speaker 4 (09:43):
Sixteen hundreds. Yeah, she's born in sixteen seventy three.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
Okay, sixteen seventy three. And what were the circumstances of
her you know, upbringing, where she was she royalty? Was
she impoverished? Where does where does Julie come from?
Speaker 4 (10:03):
Okay, so let's get into her backstory. I do want
to say one quote about her before we get going.
There was a French writer named fel Field Guiltier, and
he described her as beautiful, deadly, valiant, and supremely unchased,
which I love, chased, unshased, supremely soxpremelychased.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
This person already has my heart. I'm absolutely crushing on Julie.
Speaker 4 (10:31):
Yeah, this is going to be. This is going to
be that Paul Verehoven movie mixed with I don't know,
maybe the Three Musketeers with uh, with Sue Curry absolutely.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Like Brotherhood of the Wolf or something. You know, Yeah,
let's go, all.
Speaker 4 (10:45):
Right, let's go. So she is born in sixteen seventy three.
She is not royalty, but her father is a guy
named Gaston Dauby Gaston like Beauty and the Beast.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Uh, we were all thinking it.
Speaker 4 (10:59):
Yep. Yeah, he was the Grand Squire of France, which
means that he's the guy that helped train horses for
Louis the fourteenth, the son king. So this is what
the time period were, think like Versailles three. I think
Three Musketeers think that kind of that kind of time period.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
Everyone intensely smelly. Apparently Louis the fourteenth was very averse
to bathing.
Speaker 4 (11:23):
Ever, yeah, huh, yeah, that's interesting.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
Baths his entire life, that's right. Wow, and he probably
just covered himself in oils and Linien Mass and we
did an episode about soap and that was one of
the things where he was convinced that bathing is how
you got sick and died.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
And his baths, those three baths, most of them were
not consensual. Yeah, Cat, you know right, Just so stream
and I think our pal A. J. Jacobs pointed this
out as well. The past smelled different and not in.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
A good way.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
Bro.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
Even when we were talking to Morocco recently, I don't
remember exactly how it came up, and he's like, you know,
back in the seventies, everyone just kind of smelled.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
Like bo all the time. So we've come a long way.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
Imagine if that was the late seventies, imagine what the
sixteen hundred months have been. Like, I'm sorry, we're just
trying to paint a picture here.
Speaker 4 (12:15):
Yeah, yeah, I remember. There was a story about the
Anglo Saxons when they didn't like the Vikings, and one
of the things that they complained about with the Vikings
was that the Vikings would bathe once a week. So
the Anglo Saxon women liked them more than they liked
the Anglo Saxon men.
Speaker 3 (12:29):
They were also the guys and beefcake af it was
their culture war.
Speaker 4 (12:35):
Yeah, these guys bathed once a week and they put
butter in their hair to make it kind of shiny
and look nice.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
Locks. I mean, break signed me up.
Speaker 4 (12:45):
I mean I'd be kind of grumpy. I think if
like an army of Chris Hemsworth showed up and started
and started living in my neighborhood, you guy's gotta go.
You gotta get them.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
We know how things worked out for the French monarchy overall,
but that's kind of like every time we examine a
story in the United States right before the Great Depression,
they didn't see a revolution on the way. This is
pre revolution. The era of King Louis is an era
(13:20):
of absolute monarchy, right.
Speaker 4 (13:22):
Yes, yes, so this is Louis the fourteenth. He is,
like he is Francis the dominant superpower in the world
right now, right, this is an absolute monarchy. They are
a world superpower and they will continue to be for
a while. The French Revolution isn't going to be for
at least another one hundred years, right, it's going to
(13:42):
be you know, I think Louis the sixteenth is the
one that is overseeing that. So fourteenth, this is like
a golden age of French history.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
Right, Yeah, sixteen pushed it too far. Fourteen five just
a smelly guy.
Speaker 4 (13:55):
Just such a weird thing to think about, because when
you picture him, you know, I always you picture he
like all these portraits of him and stuff. He's always
very elaborately dressed. You always picture him with like five servants,
like putting cloaks on him and whatever. But I never
bade I don't know that. I just learned that today.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Well three times, three times you bathe, okay, but not
all all those baths were consensual. Yeah, So if we
go back, as he said, there's this halcyon era France,
the global superpower, an absolute monarchy. The king is for
(14:30):
most people in Western Europe, the king is the closest
thing to God right on earth.
Speaker 4 (14:36):
Yeah. I mean literally, if you insult him, it is
like insulting God right like he is he is. I mean,
the deal with with the absolute monarchy was that, like,
God wants me to rule over you, and if you
have a problem with that, you have a problem with God.
And this is at a time when everybody is extremely
religious and extremely like you know, devoted to not getting
(14:57):
their heads cut off by crazy kings.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
I'm still into that. I am super into I don't.
I think my head and my neck get along really well.
I don't know about you, guys. I'd like to keep
that combo going.
Speaker 3 (15:10):
Although I am curious if you do, in fact keep
seeing the world for a few minutes from like a
rolling type viewpoints.
Speaker 4 (15:17):
I've heard that so when they like when they would
decapitate with the guillotine and like hold grab grabbed the
head by the hair and hold it up in front
of the crowd, and the crowd was cheering. I you know,
there is some evidence that you can continue to see
for a few moments after your head is severed.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
I mean, in some particularly macabre like representations of that
in film, you do even see the face kind of
eyes move still and like the face kind of twitchy.
Speaker 4 (15:41):
I think it's right.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
I don't know, but yeah, not worth it just to
find out.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
If around and find out, But it is something I
think about often, perhaps weirdly often.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
Yeah, we're what a weird disclaimer? Uh, I'm glad we
made it. No, folks, don't cut people's head off.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Don't do it.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
I know everybody gets in situations. But the best way
to be an executioner. The best way to handle a
guillotine is not to use one.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Uh, the French don't even use them anymore.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
We'll see. So so okay, So Julie's father.
Speaker 4 (16:25):
Is yes, so Gaston Domi. He is the secretary to
the Grand Squire of France. Now, secretary, you have certain
ideas of what that means. But for this guy, he's
kind of like the assistant. He was not a nobleman,
but he's kind of juiced in with the nobles. His
job is to train aristocrats to ride horses and sword fight.
(16:49):
So that's like a thing that all the great courtiers
need to know, like the noble family is, they need
to train their kids that. So this is what. He's
a fighting instructor, and he's a horseback riding instructor another
whatever other things that were considered mainly at the time,
which I think dancing is one of them, right, I
think he was also a dance instructor.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
What this guy, This guy rides horses, he breaks dances,
Are you kidding? Okay?
Speaker 4 (17:15):
French love the pop and lock, right, They're all about
that still, I think. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Also, like the street performers, the robot kind of situation.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
Yeah, I think it all stems from mime, which I
believe is a is a is a treasured French art form.
Speaker 4 (17:32):
Yeah, they're never gonna live that mime thing down. Are they.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Ful of mimes?
Speaker 3 (17:37):
I think it's a really delightful uh skill set. Like
people are so mean to mimes. Yeah, well the blows
are way weirder.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
The mimes have never had a chance to respond in
an interview.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
It's funny, Ben, because they're always stuck in a box.
You know, I can't get out. How do I get
out of this part?
Speaker 1 (17:57):
So? Okay, so is this guy? So this guy is
basically what we would call not royalty but pretty well
to do.
Speaker 4 (18:06):
Yeah, yeah, he's he's doing good. Like he's not he
doesn't have the bloodline, but he's friends with all these
guys and you know, and he's training. He's training not
only aristocrats, he's training members of the King's personal bodyguard, right, uh,
riding horses, fighting, you know? There is he like?
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Is he like that thing in military films where there's
a hard nosed non commissioned officer, like a sergeant level
kind of guy.
Speaker 4 (18:36):
Something like that. I mean, I honestly just picture Gaston
from Beauty and the beasts, just like whipping a bunch
of eggs, whipping a bunch of friends aristocrats into shape.
Like I kind of picture him in that same vein
as Gaston from the from the right. Yes. Yeah, But
one thing that he does is, uh he trains his daughter.
(18:57):
And he has a daughter, this is only his child,
and he trains her in the same the same arts, right,
this is what he does. He trains swordfighting, he trains
horseback riding. She could. She's with me, like, we're gonna,
We're gonna do this together. These are skills that, in
(19:19):
sixteen seventy three are not often taught to women. But
Julie picks it up right away. That's going pretty well.
She's kind of one of the guys. She's fighting, she's
riding horseback, all this stuff. But then around the time
she's like sixteen, she starts having an affair with her
dad's boss, the Count de Armagac, the Grand Squire of France,
(19:42):
and so Gueston's like, okay, that's a bit of a
problem for me.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Uh.
Speaker 4 (19:47):
So he does he does what what you would do
if you were a dad in this situation in seventeenth
century France. He marries her off to calm her down.
He marries her to a nice older French clerk named
Monsieur Mopin, and he was like, okay, well you're you're
married to Monsieur Mopan. Now you go live with him.
That should that should calm him everything down.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
I don't know, man, Julia doesn't seem like the type
to settle down.
Speaker 4 (20:11):
Yeah yeah, she uh, she was went to his house.
She could have the noble woman's life now because she
was married into nobility. There's like a little manner outside
of Paris, Julie Dobie, she could like, you know, just
settle down, relax. This is not her and we are
gonna see her character very soon. But she is not
(20:31):
interested in any of this stuff.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
She is she is.
Speaker 4 (20:36):
Fierce, determined, strong, good at fighting, good at horseback riding,
better than the other boys. And she's not going to
just kind of settle down and marry this kind of
I just picture this kind of boring older French clerk.
He will not be in the story any longer. She
leaves and she a French clerk. Yeah, that is the
end of that is the end of Monsieur Pan's participation.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
Is this guy's like a milk toast sort of dude,
And yeah, yeah, is he out of town a lot?
Is that what happens?
Speaker 4 (21:08):
No, she's out of town a lot. She bails, she
runs away, right, she leaves him.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Yeah, let's focus on her. She's way more interesting.
Speaker 4 (21:14):
Yeah, yeah, he's he's Yeah, milk toast is a great,
great word for him. She takes off, and she will
refer to herself as La Monpin, like, you know, Madame Monpin,
the just because I think sometimes like being a married
woman allows her to get away with some things that
she might not have been able to.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
Being connected with nobility in that way probably got you
in some doors, right, agency in a patriarchy as well, right.
Speaker 4 (21:40):
Exactly right. So she takes off, she keeps the name,
and that's about it. She starts sleeping with a wandering
sword fighter named Saran and starts wandering, uh, wondering the
Marseille region, traveling.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
With the wanderings, Ben hold On. A wandering sword fighter.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
Is that kind of like a mercenary sort of a
cell sword or he is.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Looking for a fight.
Speaker 3 (22:01):
He's just always out there, like just grumpily wandering around
looking for someone to cross blades with.
Speaker 4 (22:07):
Yeah, well, so this will be a thing. I mean
we see this in feudal Japan as well. So like
one thing, like when we were talking about musashi and stuff. Right,
so one of the things that's happening is, you know,
France at this time is the dominant power in Europe.
They have huge swaths of land. They're not at a
war right now. So there's a lot of guys who
are good at fighting with nothing to do. So what
(22:28):
they do is they travel around and they fight each other.
But but you were talking about the people who dance
in public squares. These guys would put on fighting demonstrations
in public squares, non lethal like you know tuanted rape.
But yeah, you fight this other guy. People bet money
on it or you put in money. Yeah, exactly right,
you put in money. They put in money like like
(22:48):
traveling boxing match right, Like, uh.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
So they're cool if you could bet on the joust
at the ren fair.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
Got a feeling it's a little bit of a predetermined
outcome in those situations.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
So hey, you can bet on anything that's true.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
I like to bet on myself.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
I like to bet. I like to bet that this
story is going to some unexpected places. But Ben, every
time you bring us a badass. It is so cinematic, right,
and as you said, this is different from our Japanese
werewolf taijin because there is documentation. So up to this
(23:25):
point we know this, Uh, we know that Mopan, Madame Mopan,
has taken up with a wandering swordsman. That's true. It's
not a euphemism, to be clear, right, to be a
funny one. But but okay, so she's out with this
guy busking.
Speaker 4 (23:46):
Busking, and she starts participating, right, So that's the that's
the what ends up happening with her. She's traveling, puts
on these fighting demonstrations, and she's like, she puts them
on with him, so they'll fight together. They'll fight each other,
they'll fight anybody from the crowd. Come on up here,
we've got an I'll bet whatever that I can beat
you in a sword fight.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
All the dudes were like convinced they could take out
this a woman.
Speaker 4 (24:09):
Yeah I can, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
They're like a woman with a sword, scandalous.
Speaker 4 (24:17):
Yes, And so well that is going okay, they're making money, right,
It's it's interesting, right, it's more interesting than the typical
public fighting demonstration, like, oh, this is a woman, she's
wearing pants. What is this strussed like a man, but
it's a woman what and so uh okay, yeah, so
they uh, they put on these fighting demonstrations and that's
(24:40):
going pretty well, except at some point Saran pisses somebody off,
probably on account of one of these demonstrations. They end
up fighting. Uh, he ends up fighting a real duel
with the guy behind a monastery, and Sarn kills the
guy with the sword in the sword fight. Okay, so yeah,
(25:01):
that's bad, but it's not necessarily the murder. It's not
a murder charge because it's it was it was a
fair duel. The problem is that at this point dueling
is illegal in France. Was supposed to duel, okay, and
you think about like the Musketeers. Everybody's duel. Everybody's sword
fighting all the time. But and it was common, right,
you have all these warriors with nothing, no war to fight,
so they're all fighting each other. Everybody's defending each other's
(25:23):
honor and all of that stuff, slapping with the white gloves.
But dueling was made illegal by Louis the fourteenth because
he was tired of all these French aristocrats killing each
other behind monasteries. He was like, we're wasting a lot
of good guys here with this stuff. Can we please
stop dueling?
Speaker 1 (25:39):
What would economists call it a diminishing return?
Speaker 4 (25:43):
Yes, yes, you know, I'd rather have this guy available
if I need him for a war than have him
die trying to defend his stupid honor over Yeah. Okay,
so maybe this is not such a bad thing for Surround,
except that Surround actually ends up getting a warrant out
for his arrest. And this is actually like a lot
(26:04):
of people, even though dueling was outlawed, a lot of
people were still dueling. So surrounds a little surprised until
he realizes that the warrant for his arrest was signed
by the Conte Armagnac, the Grand Squire of France, Julie
sex Lover.
Speaker 1 (26:18):
Whoa, and at the time that was totally legal.
Speaker 4 (26:25):
Yeah, he wasn't wanted for murder. He was wanted for
illegal dueling. Oh wow, oh man, Yeah, and so they
were going to arrest him, So him and Mopann have
to go on the run together. Of course romantic, yes,
So they keep traveling around putting on sword fighting exhibitions,
but they've got to like move every couple of days,
put it on a different place because they got to
make money and stuff. But yeah, and eventually, like Julie
(26:49):
starts becoming a bit of an attraction because, like I said,
she's a singer and she eventually starts singing while she's
doing the sword fighting.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Like talking, making out of little songs on the fly.
Speaker 4 (27:01):
Yes, yes, like freestyle rapping like rap battle sword fight. Right.
So picture like like a like a bar like Gaston
would hang out at, like wood paneled, you know, rowdy
people drinking all this stuff.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Out of giant mugs, yes.
Speaker 4 (27:17):
Slashing beer all over the floor. And then a woman
in man's clothing gets on the stage with a sword
and the big boots, the big hat, the musketeer kind
of hat, dressed like the Count of Money, Cristo or something,
and she starts singing like operatic contralto deep voice, and
she's holding the sword and she's challenging people in the
crowd to come up and fight her.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
And like, hey, hoot, I want to be there. I'm
picture to see this right, oh wow.
Speaker 4 (27:43):
Yeah. People will throw money on the stage because they're
they're happy with the show, or people will throw money
on the stage to be like you know, this is
what I'm going to bet that I can beat you
in a sword fight, right, and she will get up
there and the guy, you know, and this is like,
this is seventeenth century France, Like everybody knows how to
sword fight here. It's not like a random weird thing
that like this is this is everybody here knows how
(28:05):
to fight with the sword, because that's all you got, right,
you have a sword and you have one of those
flintlock one shot pistols.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Right right, which is what is that going to do?
Speaker 4 (28:12):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (28:13):
That's like your opener or your closer, right, Yeah, everybody's.
Speaker 4 (28:16):
Trained in how to fight with the sword. So these
guys get up on the stage and she starts kind
of like dueling with them and singing about them, making
fun of them and how they're dressed and how bad
they are at sword fighting.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
She's doing an eight mile exactly.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
I was really half joking when I said that, but.
Speaker 4 (28:33):
This is totally true.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Yeah, that's incredible.
Speaker 4 (28:36):
She would try to time the disarm with the song,
so like kind of like end with the note and
and the disarm at once.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
So so she's like she's playing with them a little bit.
She's parrying maybe. Yeah, she gets to her like her
closing note.
Speaker 3 (28:54):
That's the thing, right, In order to prolong it with
that level of precision, you have to be like a
cat playing with a mouse that's half dead, you know,
or just sort of like going with it.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
Right.
Speaker 4 (29:04):
Yeah, I picture like neo at the end of the matrix. Right, Like.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
A particular word comes to mind already, y'all, and I
think you know what it is. It's it's badass. But please, yeah,
I know it's just gonna get better.
Speaker 4 (29:16):
Yeah, Okay. Well, she's doing all this and she's kind
of gaining the celebrity. And one interesting thing that's happening
for her is after these demonstrations, you know, everybody likes
her and all the men are fawning over her or
whatever because she's very beautiful. She has these this auburn hair,
these piercing blue eyes. She's you know, very attractive to everybody.
But there are women at these bars that come up
(29:39):
to her and like they almost they think some like
she's dressed like a man. This is doing some weird
things for them, And so she starts getting a lot
of attention from women, and she realized that she really
likes it, which is.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Forgive me, forgive me, sir, you are the handsomest man
I've ever seen.
Speaker 4 (29:55):
Yes, right, that sort of thing.
Speaker 3 (29:57):
So she had been sort of by curious up to
this point, but now she's getting some legitimate attention and
she's starting to realize that maybe this is sort of
her She likes it.
Speaker 4 (30:06):
Yeah, this is also illegal, like dueling. This is it's
also illegal to take up with a woman if you
are a woman in France at this time, but.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
But not necessarily a man with a man, right or no?
Is that also illegal?
Speaker 4 (30:17):
I think that's also illegal.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
Unless you are an aristocrat, right.
Speaker 4 (30:22):
Yeah, and you can do whatever you want.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
It's sort of like alcohol in Saudi Arabia now.
Speaker 4 (30:27):
Right, Yes, nobody sees you but the bartender.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
It's fine, right, So okay, so this this life as
essentially a dangerous notable performer with fans. She is getting
a lot of notoriety, right, it's sort of a Maverick character.
Speaker 4 (30:52):
Yes, yes, she is kind of you know, becoming one
of the most popular of these people who do this. Now,
Mopan has a bit of a problem. So it's sixteen
ninety three now and Sarahan is still wanted, so they
still got to kind of pick up and move every
couple of days. He's still wanted for dueling, and at
this point they've up the charge to murder because they
(31:12):
can't for their annoyed that he's leaving, they can't find him.
And also the other problem is that my Pan's getting
attention from women. She likes it. Saran is a wanted
murderer and she most importantly, she has gotten to the
point where she can beat him at sword fighting whenever
she wants. So this guy has outlived his usefulness. He's gone.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
She ditches him, heartbreaker. How are you not making films? Bed,
because I am like seeing the structural acts right here.
Speaker 3 (31:42):
Oh yeah, and zero shades you professionally been But how
has this not already been made into a film?
Speaker 2 (31:48):
It's just got all of the beats, right.
Speaker 4 (31:50):
That's the thing. So this is a popular story in France,
and like I said, like you know, at the beginning,
this was her story. They made operas about it, they've
made plays about it all in French. They've written, like
I said, erotic novels like fan fiction basically about her. Yeah, exactly,
she comes to this, you know, adventuring like female James Bond.
(32:12):
There's a series of books written about her, you know,
after her death. But it's all in French. It's a
popular story, but it's just not There's not much about
it in English, and I feel like there should be.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
Yeah, agreed to agree.
Speaker 4 (32:23):
I don't know. I can't explain why nobody has paid
me money to write this movie. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
Well, luckily for us, this is ridiculous history. And my
pals Noel Max and I are our start a little
thing we call the Ridiculous Cinematic Universe.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Yeah, the first. No one's ever attempted anything like this.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
But ever, ever, this is one hundred percent originally so
so okay, there's this moment though which which we're at
here kind of a fulcrum and it is such a
such a troupe in stories. Right, you're talking about the
student becoming teacher.
Speaker 4 (33:00):
Yeah. Yeah, she had learned from her dad and then
she had learned from Saran and now she beats him,
she leaves him and she starts sleeping.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
Hey wait wait, wait, so she like she she sword
fights with him. They have the duel. Let's picture it.
Speaker 4 (33:16):
This is exactly how I would write this, right, and
if we were going to do the cinematic universe version
of this.
Speaker 1 (33:20):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, So Ben set the scene
as you see it, because I'm seeing like, is it
is it on a cliff, you.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Know, real set piece kind of vibe, you.
Speaker 4 (33:32):
Know, yeah, yeah, the big duel. He's like, you know,
I taught you everything, you know? And she they're fighting
and she puts him, she has to defeat him in
sword fighting and then kind of walk away like well.
Speaker 3 (33:44):
Of course it ends with her having the blade to
his throat, and of course as he's done on the
ground at the edge of the cliff, and then submits
to her. Finally, you see that he realizes that the
student has become the teacher and he can't even be mad.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
He's almost proud, you know.
Speaker 1 (34:01):
Right, you can see we have a shot of his
eyes and then like.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
An hour wafting and then you go, you go take
him on the world.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
Girl, She says, I will give you your life, but
you no longer possess my respect.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
We're going to workshop this.
Speaker 3 (34:19):
I think we're going in slightly differently.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
It's a wonderful perfect I think it's coher. But okay,
so she leaves now she is now she is something
quite controversial in France at the time, a woman with
her own agency fights better than the dudes.
Speaker 4 (34:39):
Who is also a lesbian, who is also living in
Marseille with another woman. She is living really.
Speaker 2 (34:46):
Openly right, like she doesn't really give an f you.
Speaker 4 (34:49):
Know, yeah, she is. She is sleeping with the daughter
of a wealthy merchant in Marseille. She's this like beautiful
young blonde woman named Cecilia Cecilia Portigali. Uh. And that's
going great. They're they're they're crushing it.
Speaker 3 (35:03):
And of course we think of France as being pretty
early on the sexual liberation bandwagon, but this is even
before that. And it's honestly probably because of figures like
this that it became more widely.
Speaker 4 (35:15):
Accepted, I think, so I think something to that, right, Yeah.
Monsieur Portigali is a is a well respected seventeenth century
Frenchman and his lovely daughter is now having a tourd
affair with a wondering swordsman.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
Aka mister Portugal, which sounds like a I don't know,
like a cartoon villain or something, or like a boss,
a mob boss.
Speaker 1 (35:36):
Mister Portugal is one hundred percent the name of a
nineties backpack wrapper from Williamsburg. I love that. Yeah yeah,
aka mister Portugal. You know you might have heard amongst
Wu Tang see.
Speaker 4 (35:51):
I was gonna go with like like a like a
gin Blossoms vibe like band.
Speaker 3 (35:58):
Yeah, I think, also consuing it with Portugal The.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
Man the Man, which is a great band. Honest. Oh
they're fine, all right, talk about.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
Different No, no, no, they're good, they're good. I just
I don't get all the hype. Sometimes I like a
couple of their songs quite a lot.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
Don't let the hype ruin things.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
It's hard to let the hype ruin things.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
Don't let the hype ruin things. Be rom person, have
your own agency, just like love the Pod.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
I do try. It's hard. It's hard to be this
badass and like self possessed.
Speaker 3 (36:28):
So at this point, now she's off on her own,
living her best life with ruffling some feathers along the way.
Speaker 4 (36:35):
Yeah yeah, yeah. And so mister Portugal does a thing
that he has available to him. Uh, you know, Gaston
married mopan Off to stop the affair that he didn't like.
Mister Portugal sends Cecilia to a nunnery to solve his problem.
You get thee to a nunnery.
Speaker 1 (36:57):
And to be clear, this is both ridiculous and evil.
Like a candy cigarette. It was common at this time.
It was common at this time for families to send
daughters that they found problematic off to a convent.
Speaker 4 (37:17):
Right yeah, I mean she's she's a lesbian. This is
against God. You need to go find God. You're going
to be a nun now, this is going to solve
all of our problems. You won't like, you won't just
you know, you won't make me look bad in front
of my friends in Marseille anymore. So he forces her
to become a nun, which is a thing that happened
to women in the seventeenth century. So what does Julie
(37:38):
Domini do? She is we have seen a very fiery person,
a person who does not like to be told what
to do, or when she should do it, or who
she should do it with. So this is the bit
from the from the Top where she goes to Avion,
goes to the convent that cecil has been basically imprisoned
at and tells them that she wants to become a nun.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
Because you could just volunteer. I mean, they needed folks,
right like you still can't.
Speaker 1 (38:04):
Yeah, I mean we can't.
Speaker 3 (38:06):
No, no, but I mean they didn't necessarily there wasn't
a test or anything. They didn't check your religious bona fides, like.
Speaker 4 (38:14):
Check that she was married, because you're not really supposed
to be a nun if you're married.
Speaker 3 (38:17):
Yeah, maybe that's bad on them, but in general, I think,
you know, you're supposed to just take them at face value, like, yes, okay,
this person's giving their life to God. Awesome, comrade.
Speaker 4 (38:28):
We're gonna find that Mopana is very good at finding
finding lovers, both man and woman. She's very good at
convincing people to do things that you wouldn't expect her
to be able to convince them to do.
Speaker 1 (38:38):
Oh she has riz.
Speaker 4 (38:39):
She has riz. Yeah, I learned that recently. Eighteen charisma.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
Yeah. Nice.
Speaker 4 (38:46):
Yes, So she convinces the convent to accept her. I
don't know whether that's, you know, a nice sized bag
of gold or like a really decent SOB story, but
she's made a nun at the same convent where Cecilia is.
And in this, in the in the cinematic version of this,
I'm picturing Cecilia like being sad in the cloister and
then then then the nun shows up and like pulls
(39:08):
the pulls the hood back. Well, what are you doing here?
Speaker 1 (39:15):
You know, Max, thank you so much for the music.
I know you just put in this because that is
the moment, the big reveal. Right, but uh, Ben, riddle
me this does does our protagonist stay a nune for
the rest of her life?
Speaker 2 (39:35):
No, dn Uta thought.
Speaker 4 (39:45):
She escapes and breaks out Cecilia in a in a
way that is pretty crazy. Like I like, this is
like we're getting into one of the crazier parts of
the story, if you can believe it. So here's what happens.
They start making they're they're hooking up in the in
the convent, which I imagine is not very easy to do
when you're surrounded by you know, nuns who are frown
(40:07):
on that sort of thing. And uh, they start planning
an escape. And so here's what they do. It doesn't
take them very long, uh to plan to plan their escape.
So one day one of the older nuns passes away
and the convent has a big funeral for her. So
usually do we waits a couple of days after the
(40:28):
funeral and sneaks out at night and digs up the
dead nun and puts her in Cecilia's bed, then sets
it on fire Jesus and then in the in the
flame and the confusion, the two of them flee the
convent under the cover of flame and darkness. And when
(40:50):
the nuns go to find where the fire started, oh
it's in Cecilia's room. Oh there's a burned up dead
body in Cecilia's room. Oh. I don't know what happened,
but she must have died. Yeah, so she helps classical ruse.
Speaker 1 (41:02):
The old switcher room you get in situations.
Speaker 4 (41:05):
Yeah, dug up a dead body to fake Cecilia's death
and escaped.
Speaker 1 (41:12):
Okay, first off, objectively ghoulish, but also quite successful.
Speaker 4 (41:17):
Yeah yeah, it worked. It worked. And you know, this
is one of those stories that you would think would
come from like the erotic fan fiction. But we know
this happened because Mopan will be arrested for this crime
and there's public record of her of her arrest on.
So they find out that it's not Cecilia. They figure right,
(41:39):
they figure out what happened.
Speaker 3 (41:41):
I mean, it seems this is this is a golden
era for being able to perpetrate these types of switcheroos
because a testing.
Speaker 2 (41:48):
There's there's no there's really no photography.
Speaker 3 (41:50):
Well there's photography, but it would be like kind of like, no,
there's no photography. No, it would be it would be
painted at the very would cut.
Speaker 4 (42:00):
Maybe the body just didn't burn, like the plan was solid,
but maybe.
Speaker 2 (42:03):
The body just didn't burn beyond it was.
Speaker 4 (42:05):
And she's gone and Mopan's gone, or.
Speaker 1 (42:09):
Maybe people found that a grave had been detegrated.
Speaker 2 (42:15):
Very well, good, it's a good point.
Speaker 1 (42:16):
So okay, So the law is once again after her,
right uh, and.
Speaker 4 (42:24):
This time they catch her. So they catch her, they
put her, they take her to court, and for the
crime of like for what she did, they sentenced her
to death by burning at the steak.
Speaker 2 (42:37):
Which what, Yeah, that's a little extreme.
Speaker 3 (42:40):
Is that Is that something that's only reserved for like
women who are perceived as being like beyond like like
just so wicked and harlatty or something like that.
Speaker 1 (42:50):
This dude's at the steak. I blame Big Firewood because
I think that was I think that was a part
of it. You know.
Speaker 4 (42:58):
Here's the weird thing about that, though, is in the
court documents they refer to her as monsieur Mopin. They've
referred to her as a man in the court documents,
because because while digging up the dead nun and setting
the convent on fire and all that stuff is pretty scandalous,
the lesbian relationship was super scandalous. So, Monsieur Mupan, it's
(43:23):
said to death by burning at the stake.
Speaker 1 (43:25):
Who similar to Joan of arc Right.
Speaker 4 (43:28):
Yeah, yeah, I mean this is I mean I think
this is what they did to witches, right, and so
maybe it was like the fact that this happened to
a holy person in a holy place. You know, maybe
there's something to that.
Speaker 1 (43:37):
Oh yeah, yeah, it's a crime against God on several counts.
Speaker 4 (43:42):
Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what does Mupan do? She flees,
She gets away, She flees into the countryside.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (43:54):
Yet she continues doing her sword fighting and singing exhibitions.
So she's popping up, up and down. She's traveling down
the Lua River and performing once or once a night
at these various taverns and bars, and then getting out
of town before the law realizes where she's at.
Speaker 1 (44:12):
This is amazing because she's rolling up to women and
men perhaps after an exhibition and saying saying, I like
your vibe. I've only got one night in town. I'm
on the run, you see.
Speaker 4 (44:25):
Yes, that's a lot of person.
Speaker 3 (44:27):
Would she have been traveling under a different name or
using a stage name.
Speaker 4 (44:34):
It seems likely because for we know that she was
doing this sort of thing, she uses her own name
at a club in Paris three months after she has
escaped her death sentence, so we it's it's safe to
assume she is traveling under assumed names around this time
and moving around because she's traveled a big distance from
(44:54):
Avignon to Paris, and she's she's making money somehow, and
it seems likely she's doing that, And because she was
performing at this club in her name, it's kind of
a it seems likely well.
Speaker 3 (45:06):
And and again, despite me being maybe about two hundred
years early on the photography tip, this would have been
a time when you really could elude the law for
extended periods of time just by using a clever disguise
and an assumed name, and just by being crafty, because
there just weren't the same kinds of like surveillance state
(45:27):
kind of.
Speaker 4 (45:27):
Situations picturing like a like a Dungeons and Dragons wanted
poster right, Like, yeah, I call.
Speaker 2 (45:34):
Her kind of a rogue. Would she be a bit roguish.
Speaker 4 (45:36):
She's very much she's a bit swashbucklery.
Speaker 1 (45:39):
Also, I'm just gonna say a lot of people perhaps, yeah,
bar she dual class, she dual classic. She's doing the
multi class.
Speaker 3 (45:47):
She probably could dual wield, you know, from time to
time if she needed. Seems like a pinch.
Speaker 1 (45:51):
Yeah, I bet her dexterity was crazy too, because we
can tell she can fight.
Speaker 4 (45:55):
Yeah, and she's using a rapier, which is a dexterity base.
Speaker 2 (45:58):
We've already established her charisma score through.
Speaker 1 (46:00):
The roof ch okay, uh, everybody, welcome to Ridiculous History
presents Dungeons and Dragons Dungeons and Dragon five history.
Speaker 4 (46:10):
I will definitely DM for you guys if you want. Yeah,
hell yeah.
Speaker 3 (46:15):
After this, I'm going to resume my brand new game
of Fallout four, which, while it's not Dungeons and Dragons,
it has a similar structure.
Speaker 4 (46:23):
Similar vibe. Yeah, you get the idea. That's like the
show is awesome.
Speaker 1 (46:26):
So hey, wait, have you played boulders Gate three then?
Speaker 4 (46:30):
So I have not. I have purchased it, I have downloaded,
I have installed it, but I was working on I'm
finishing off this one book that I'm working on, and
my ideal is like I cannot open that application until
my man completed. That will be my reward. I will
take it. I will take two weeks off and I
will play the game. But it's a black hole. Once
I open it, I'm done. Right, that's the end of
it for me. So I don't want to know anything
(46:51):
about it. I've never sure. I haven't played it, but
everybody I know it's great. I know I know I
need to play it, but I'm ready. I need one
more week to finish this book off and then diving
into it.
Speaker 1 (47:03):
We believe in you.
Speaker 3 (47:04):
We know you can do it, and we look forward
to hearing how you enjoy the game when you get
to reward.
Speaker 1 (47:09):
Yourself and for everyone playing along at home. As you
doubtlessly know, our pal Ben Thompson has a podcast called
bad Ass of the Week. You may be thinking what
happens to Julie. There is an entire show about it,
much more in depth. We have not even Ben, would
you say that we have not yet begun to spar
(47:33):
with this barred well.
Speaker 4 (47:35):
I mean, I guess here's what I'll say, because you
know right now she's currently wanted for one sentenced to death.
She's gonna kill at least seven more people. And we
haven't even gotten to the bit where like she starts
to star for the Paris Opera, she has to deal
with this murder conviction thing. First, she goes to the
(47:56):
court of Versailles and kills the guy on Louis the
fourteenth front. Somebody takes uh. She's making out with some
woman in Versailles in front of Louis the fourteenth, and
these three guys take exception to it, ask her to
go outside, uh, and she leaves all three of them
bleeding in front of Versailles.
Speaker 1 (48:15):
Nola and I were talking about this affair, and Nola
you were saying to Ben, what's like one of the
craziest moments.
Speaker 2 (48:22):
Well, that's the thing.
Speaker 3 (48:23):
I mean, you know, it's hard to encapsulate the entire
life of a human being, especially one who is so
roguish and barredly and badasses this one, you know, into
a single podcast. So we were kind of looking for, like,
give us a big, splashy moment, you know, to take
us out on and then people can you know, read
more about this incredible character on your site and listen
on your podcast.
Speaker 2 (48:42):
But yeah, take us home.
Speaker 4 (48:44):
Yeah, so okay, well I guess I'll tell that story.
So she's she has managed to expunge her record. She
gets back, like she gets the death sentence waived by
Louis the fourteenth. Personally, what yes, yeah.
Speaker 1 (48:58):
He's the king. It's an absolute breaks.
Speaker 4 (49:00):
Into the Conte Armagnac's castle, like her former lover breaks
into his castle, like is sitting in his in his
dressing room when he comes home and is like, hey,
I need a favor, and he writes a letter to
Louis the fourteenth, who publicly pardons her for her crimes.
Then she goes to Versailles. Later, a bunch of other
stuff happens. She joins the parasop rush, becomes this big
(49:21):
rock star basically in Paris. She goes to Versailles for
a royal ball, right, like think like Cinderella kind of deal.
Marie Antoinette vibes, right, She's it's not Marie Antoinette time
period yet, but that's the vibe. Big hair, yeah, big hair.
She's there dressed as a man with the sword on
her on her belt. She's a famous actress.
Speaker 1 (49:42):
Right.
Speaker 4 (49:43):
She is dancing with every girl there and making out
with most of them just.
Speaker 3 (49:47):
Like staggering, you know, jumping behind and making a real
spectacle exactly.
Speaker 4 (49:53):
And these three guys, these three guys were all suitors
of the one girl that Julie was making out with.
But the way they didn't say that they're they're jealous
that they got shown up by a girl. That you
say that, like, oh, we this is what you're doing
is disrespectful to Louis the fourteenth, And we need to
take you outside and teach you a lesson. She says, okay, fine,
and she takes them outside, duels them each in succession,
(50:17):
leaves all three guys bleeding and wounded on the sidewalk
in front of like a crowd of people.
Speaker 1 (50:23):
This is so weird. I'm picturing I'm picturing spaghetti westerns,
you know, yeah, I'm picturing all a little more code
like you can you can fight me together, but one
at a time, if your orn is so important.
Speaker 3 (50:38):
And a lot of the imagery of this and you go,
we're back to werewolves again really makes me think of
the absurdly wonderful weird oh genre mashup film The Brotherhood.
Speaker 2 (50:47):
Of the Wolf.
Speaker 3 (50:48):
I love that kind of like French ninjas fighting this
mysterious beast of gold.
Speaker 1 (50:55):
Is that what it was?
Speaker 2 (50:57):
Just? I don't know.
Speaker 3 (50:57):
Wandering swordsmen, all of this kind of tree really gives
me Brotherhood of the Wolf.
Speaker 4 (51:02):
Five Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she she, she, she wounds
all three of these guys, puts the sword back, goes
back inside. Yeah, that woman again. She's arrested again, of course,
because and you stooal three dudes in front of Louis
fourteenths castle.
Speaker 1 (51:19):
Is also like the sexiest thing you could do when
you're meeting someone.
Speaker 2 (51:27):
I like you.
Speaker 1 (51:27):
I think we've got a real connection. Hang on, I
gotta step outside for a second.
Speaker 4 (51:33):
Just let me just deal with this real quick. I'll
be right whatever. Ye hold my champagne, right.
Speaker 1 (51:41):
Yeah, ship and uh with this, we know there is
much much more to the story. And I think that's
one of the things we appreciate so much about Badass
of the Week. We cannot let you go, Ben without
following up on one thing you slid in in a
super cool way. You've got a book, huh you got yeah?
(52:05):
Book coming.
Speaker 4 (52:06):
I've been working on I've been working I'm actually I'm
trying to finish off three things that I've been working
on for like multiple years now.
Speaker 1 (52:13):
So I have the feeling.
Speaker 4 (52:15):
Yeah, so I just finished we were talking about Dungeons
and dragons. So I have been writing D and D
adventures like D and D modules. Yeah. My friend Brian Snowdy,
he's an original like Alpha Magic artist. He's an original
D and D like the illustrator, and so he's doing
all the art for him and I'm writing them. So
those are You can check those out on the website
(52:37):
Badass ofdweek dot com.
Speaker 3 (52:38):
Ben Bowlin is a legitimate D and D tabletop player.
I am exclusively in the video game realm, but I'm
really trying to break out one day.
Speaker 4 (52:46):
I'll send it to you like that. And that's the
way I can DM without even actually having a schedule.
Speaker 1 (52:53):
You guys, what if we did this is max keep
it on air. It might be embarrassing, But what if
we did just like one time, a D and D
campaign episode of ridiculous history. We could do like.
Speaker 3 (53:05):
Can't you do kind of you can change you can
make it themed, right, can't you like have the big
bad kind of be like some historical villain?
Speaker 1 (53:13):
You know, sure, because you're you do a one off
kind of contained thing.
Speaker 3 (53:17):
And I like this idea a lot. I think we
should we should backpocket this. What else are you working on, Ben, So?
Speaker 4 (53:23):
Yes, I'm doing the D and D Adventures and then
so there's a five five books in that series. I
just finished those off. I'm working on a book for
so I do Badass, But I also have like a
series I do for a younger audience called Guts and Glory.
It's for like middle school, high school age, and so
I'm working on a book. I'm putting the finishing touches
(53:43):
on a book now called Putin versus Lensky, which is
kind of a lead up to the Ukraine War. I
don't deal with the Ukraine War, but it's like why
are they fighting and how long have they been? Because
those two countries have been fighting each other since like
the Viking times, and it's so complex and complex. Yeah, yeah,
it's super complex and nuance. There's a lot of stuff
happening there, and so I try to very I try
(54:05):
to spell out the history of why these countries are
fighting right now.
Speaker 3 (54:09):
I think that's an incredibly valuable thing for young people
because it's so easy growing up with just kind of
like a very vague sense of these kinds of things
if you got it in school at all, you know.
Speaker 4 (54:19):
Even like even in the US, there was kind of
a vibe of like when the Ukraine War started, there
was like a general consensus across the US of like,
isn't Ukraine and Russia like the same thing? You know,
Like were you guys just all Soviets? It was all
like the same, right, But we were.
Speaker 3 (54:32):
Just talking about Sheshnia. They have banned music of a
certain beats per minute range in order to be more
in keeping of the Chechnian folk tradition of folk music.
And I did not realize that she Shechnia was a
Russian you know, I guess vassal state kind of. But
they had also waged war against Russia several times in
(54:53):
the past. So all of that that the theater of
that part of the world is mega nuance, like you said,
And I think.
Speaker 4 (54:59):
It's really interesting because that was the public message that
was being put out by the Soviet Union is yes,
if you asked, if you asked, like a you know,
we asked Russia, they would say, yes, we are all
the same thing. This is our internal problem to leave it.
And the Ukrainians would be like, no, actually, we're like
a whole other thing. We got our whole language everything,
We got a.
Speaker 1 (55:14):
Solid and crimea and like the gifting of it.
Speaker 4 (55:18):
Uh, now there's a whole thing there. So I'm gonna
I'm doing a I'm doing a book on that for
kids to kind of give them a primer on it.
And then I'm also trying to finish off this novel
I've been working on for one hundred years over year,
but not at least like four years of working on
this thing. So I'm just trying to polish that off too.
Speaker 1 (55:36):
Time is different when you're when you're writing.
Speaker 4 (55:38):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, because this is like a personal project.
Uh you know, this is the novel is the thing
that gets put on hold every time paying work shows up,
you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (55:48):
Yeah? Yeah, And also, uh gosh, no, I'm hearing all
this stuff from a fellow bin out here changing the world.
And man, one time, you know this, one time I
fell asleep trying and put on a pair of pants.
Speaker 2 (56:03):
You had that one leg in there. The other one
was just too much for it.
Speaker 1 (56:08):
It was too much. We cannot wait to hear your
opinions about Badass of the Week, folks. Ben Thompson, thank you.
So much for classing up our show. Here where where
can people find you and interrupt your work on your novel?
Speaker 4 (56:25):
So you can find me at Badass of Theweek dot com.
There's links to everything on their Facebook, Twitter, all that Instagram,
all that stuff. And like you said, there is a
full episode on Julie dow on Badass and so if
you want to check out Badass of the Week podcast
that's anywhere you can get podcasts, you can check that
episode out because they think it's a really good one
(56:46):
and people will enjoy it. If you liked you heard
so far, it's kind of just more of that.
Speaker 1 (56:51):
We just got to the We we got some teases
right for the turn, but we we just sort of
set up the beginning so to She just wanted.
Speaker 4 (57:00):
For death to get this the second time. We wanted Wow,
you know, and the toylet.
Speaker 3 (57:04):
The idea of making this a two parter. But honestly,
like I think it would benefit you the listener. Yes,
you to get this version of the story, this part
of the story, and now pivot ye directly get ye
not to a Nunnery, but to the Badass of the
Week podcast feed and or website to get the rest
of this incredible, stirring, swashbuckling tale.
Speaker 1 (57:24):
You specifically you, thanks as always to our super producer,
mister Max Williams, Jonathan Strickland, ak the Wuister A J.
Speaker 3 (57:32):
Bahamas Jacobs oh Man, We're actually I don't know if
he listens to every episode, but.
Speaker 2 (57:37):
We know for a fact that he listens to some.
Speaker 4 (57:39):
I was just on the puzzler like like like a
week ago.
Speaker 3 (57:44):
Bahamas was an inexplicable nickname that Ben has gifted AJ.
And we love the mystery of it, and it's going
to continue. Whenever he writes us, he always describes it
coming to us from his own personal Bahamas wherever that
might be, even if it's in like Saint Louis.
Speaker 2 (57:57):
But we're gonna we're gonna be se I'm pretty soon
in person. I don't know.
Speaker 3 (58:02):
Maybe we just dropped that as a little tease easter
egg for him if he happens to hear it. We're
making a special trip just to see AJ for a
very special book event for his new book, A Year
of Living Constitutionally, which we're very excited to be a
part of.
Speaker 1 (58:16):
Thanks also to Eve's Jeff Goat, Christopher Hasiotis, Casey Pegram
since we are in a Francophone episode of French history
episode and no thanks to you man.
Speaker 2 (58:28):
To you as well. We'll see you next time, folks.
Speaker 3 (58:37):
For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Ridiculous History is a production of iHeartRadio. Welcome back to
(00:27):
the show, Ridiculous Historians. Thank you, as always so much
for tuning in. Let's hear it for the man, the myth,
the legend, mister Max Williams, are you our super producer
and indeed, Noel part time werewolf? My name is Ben Bullen.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Part time. I guess everyone's a part time Werewolf's the right?
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Yeah, you're not a werewolf all the time. Funny story, dude,
I thought it was so badass when I was a kid.
I thought I have my future career figured out. I
was going to be the first werewolf astronaut on.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Because that is a really cool hodgepodge of stuff that
kids like.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Because then you're always a werewolf, right if the four.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
It's a problem when you transform, you're gonna rip through
your spacesuit and then freeze to death and or implode
in the cold vacuum of space. I will say thank
lets you wear wolf power save you from that, which
I'm not sure how that works. I will say thank
you to the good folks at NASA who did write
a response to a young No, they didn't yet was
(01:28):
it werewolves aren't real?
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Bro go to the school.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
It was very kind. I think I think my mom
framed it, but.
Speaker 4 (01:37):
I loved it.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Though NASA had recalled you bro, I don't know why
that's the voice that I say.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
NASA's response, it'd.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Be badass and speaking I.
Speaker 5 (01:44):
Keep saying that word. It's almost like wanting at something.
It's like we're doing a segue. We are immensely fortunate,
fellow ridiculous historians, to be talking about generally badass things. Also,
we just found out we can say ass on the
air right without having to beep.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
It absolutely, so we can't then, you know what, what
is it all for?
Speaker 1 (02:07):
So so we are no. We are joined with a guest,
a friend of the show, a person we have followed
for quite some time, separately and together, the creator of
bad Ass of the Week, Ben Thompson born in Noddingly, Yorkshire,
(02:28):
England in eighteen forty three.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
That's the one, right, I was.
Speaker 4 (02:33):
So tempted to do like a British accent, which I
can't do, and so I was like, very hello, come
in with that.
Speaker 3 (02:42):
But by the way, Ben Thompson, aren't you sick of
these Brits sounding like better English speakers than we do?
Television shows, and then when you find out that there
Britsy like feel betrayed, like the blige to you all
the stage.
Speaker 4 (02:54):
Oh yeah man, yeah yeah, You're like you're like, what
was this? Like Superman and Batman, like Spider Man, they're
all British.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Now it doesn't.
Speaker 4 (03:05):
Writing is acting in our own accent.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Right on American? I would say, you know.
Speaker 4 (03:10):
They asked, oh, man, whose house I'm blanking? Has the
name right now?
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Betterfry and Laurie about.
Speaker 4 (03:19):
Asking about acting for house, and he was like, yeah,
acting with an American accent is kind of like trying
to act with marbles in your mouth.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
It's like great, it's also amazing jazz pianos. Yeah, just
so you know, Yeah, he is in his own right.
He is, I guess a badass. Well let's give him
his flowers. Then you created Badass of the Week in
two thousand and four, and that's how Nolan and I
(03:49):
originally followed you. You know, we we love your work,
and you have appeared on previous episode of Ridiculous History.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
Kind of wear wolf related talking about werewolves. Yeah, this
is the second time I've heard the astronaut werewolf story.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Actually, yeah, yeah, I always think of you, man, I
always think of you.
Speaker 4 (04:08):
Yeah. No, so this yeah, April two thousand and four,
So this is uh, this month is the twenty year,
twenty year anniversary of the website. It's crazy, twenty years wild, right?
Do you feel old, sir all the time? Every time
I try to get out of bed?
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Jeez? Well we have we have asked you to join
us again because you always have an amazing investigation of
things that we call ridiculous history but also super badass stuff.
And in our previous episode, which everyone should check out
fast forward through the werewolf story.
Speaker 4 (04:46):
Uh, we had a different take on it last time,
so it was exact different. It was a it was
an exciting twist to hear that NASA had written you
back that that was new information they did called did
you brow called you bro?
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Yes, we'll check the letter while we're checking the receipts.
Ben tell us if you could tell Noel Max and
all of us ridiculous historians about Julie.
Speaker 4 (05:21):
Okay, So last time I was here, I was talking
about I talked about the kung fu werewolf, right Ti
Jin He's you know. The story was that he was
like a shaolin master who had some sort of condition
where he grew hair like everywhere, and he looked like
a were wolf. And so the you know, the way
(05:41):
that he's described sometimes is as the Kung Fu were wolf.
That story was like kind of a mess in terms
of being able to you know, place any of this
stuff historically. It's it's a lot of myth and legend
around him. We're pretty sure he was a real guy,
but you know, a lot of the I we wanted
to tell, like the we told the action movie version
(06:02):
of his life, but you know, it was kind of
hard to pin down exact details, even down to like,
you know, when he was born kind of thing. Julie
dobi Is is a bit of a different story here.
So she is, you know, she's not the Kung Fu werewolf.
She is a bisexual opera singing sword fighter from seventeenth
(06:23):
century France. Yes, and all of those things, all of
these things are great. Yes, she she killed her wounded
at least ten men in duels. She performed as like
the lead contralto for the Paris or Paris Opera, which
was like the biggest opera in the world at the time,
and all.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
The phone really quick. I'm just sorry to bother an interrupt,
but a contralto. I have a pretty decent opera background,
both of my parents sang. I don't think I fully
can wrap my head around what vocal range a contralto is.
Speaker 4 (06:51):
I didn't know either, because I have no opera background whatsoever.
But apparently it's deep.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
It's deep. It's almost like a like a female baritone.
Speaker 4 (07:02):
Or something like that. Okay, something like that.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
Sorry, my opera brain just pinged at that one. I'm like, yeah, yeah,
please carry on with you.
Speaker 4 (07:08):
Yes, so deep deep, singing deep with singing voice, probably
doing singing badass stuff. Right. She's she will act as
she will perform as characters like media and all of
these kinds of badass women from mythology as well, which
is cool and uh. She did also wants the kind
of the hook for hers that she wants. Took holy
orders so that she could sneak into a convent and
(07:31):
have sex with a nun.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
And holy orders, Holy orders, by the way, are the
thing in monastic society and gunneries where you have to say,
I give my life to God. I will just be
what like a bride of Jesus Christ in this situation.
(07:52):
And then she did this on purpose, right.
Speaker 4 (07:56):
She became a nun in order to sneak into a
convent and because her girlfriend had been sent to a nunnery,
so she broke in that way.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
And a lot of people are non consensually sent to
nunner ees.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Oh yeah, time because they'd shamed the family or something
like that.
Speaker 4 (08:12):
Right, we'll get to it.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
Have you seen the.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Paul Verhoven movie Benedetta No I do?
Speaker 4 (08:19):
I am a Paul Verehoven generally a Paul Verehoven fan,
but I have never.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
Seen its relatively recent and it is a intensely wild,
highly sexual nun story about like this badass nun who
basically believes that she's being she is Jesus's kind of
concubine basically, and then she has these visions. But there's
also a lot of bisexual, kind of like lesbian stuff
(08:44):
that that goes on in it.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
And it's a very heavily sacrilegious film.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
But it is a wild ride. And what you're describing
here kind of reminds me of some things in that.
Speaker 4 (08:52):
I'm trying to picture this through the lens of starship
troopers and RoboCop.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Very weird art house guy.
Speaker 4 (08:59):
Yeah, yeah, no, I know anyone over they started.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
There is a RoboCop cameo clear in one of the yes, exactly.
Speaker 4 (09:08):
But the thing with her versus Tyjan is a lot
of her stuff is we can document it right there
as there are some details. After she became kind of
a legendary figure in France, so there were a lot
of after her death in like, you know, the late
seventeenth century, there started to be a lot of like
basically erotic fan fiction novels written about her that elaborate
(09:31):
on her story a bit. But we're going to try
to distill out that that information and try to stick
to the story, right, yeah, right.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
So we're talking, we're talking then sixteen hundreds, right.
Speaker 4 (09:43):
Sixteen hundreds. Yeah, she's born in sixteen seventy three.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
Okay, sixteen seventy three. And what were the circumstances of
her you know, upbringing, where she was she royalty? Was
she impoverished? Where does where does Julie come from?
Speaker 4 (10:03):
Okay, so let's get into her backstory. I do want
to say one quote about her before we get going.
There was a French writer named fel Field Guiltier, and
he described her as beautiful, deadly, valiant, and supremely unchased,
which I love, chased, unshased, supremely soxpremelychased.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
This person already has my heart. I'm absolutely crushing on Julie.
Speaker 4 (10:31):
Yeah, this is going to be. This is going to
be that Paul Verehoven movie mixed with I don't know,
maybe the Three Musketeers with uh, with Sue Curry absolutely.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Like Brotherhood of the Wolf or something. You know, Yeah,
let's go, all.
Speaker 4 (10:45):
Right, let's go. So she is born in sixteen seventy three.
She is not royalty, but her father is a guy
named Gaston Dauby Gaston like Beauty and the Beast.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Uh, we were all thinking it.
Speaker 4 (10:59):
Yep. Yeah, he was the Grand Squire of France, which
means that he's the guy that helped train horses for
Louis the fourteenth, the son king. So this is what
the time period were, think like Versailles three. I think
Three Musketeers think that kind of that kind of time period.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
Everyone intensely smelly. Apparently Louis the fourteenth was very averse
to bathing.
Speaker 4 (11:23):
Ever, yeah, huh, yeah, that's interesting.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
Baths his entire life, that's right. Wow, and he probably
just covered himself in oils and Linien Mass and we
did an episode about soap and that was one of
the things where he was convinced that bathing is how
you got sick and died.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
And his baths, those three baths, most of them were
not consensual. Yeah, Cat, you know right, Just so stream
and I think our pal A. J. Jacobs pointed this
out as well. The past smelled different and not in.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
A good way.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
Bro.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
Even when we were talking to Morocco recently, I don't
remember exactly how it came up, and he's like, you know,
back in the seventies, everyone just kind of smelled.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
Like bo all the time. So we've come a long way.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
Imagine if that was the late seventies, imagine what the
sixteen hundred months have been. Like, I'm sorry, we're just
trying to paint a picture here.
Speaker 4 (12:15):
Yeah, yeah, I remember. There was a story about the
Anglo Saxons when they didn't like the Vikings, and one
of the things that they complained about with the Vikings
was that the Vikings would bathe once a week. So
the Anglo Saxon women liked them more than they liked
the Anglo Saxon men.
Speaker 3 (12:29):
They were also the guys and beefcake af it was
their culture war.
Speaker 4 (12:35):
Yeah, these guys bathed once a week and they put
butter in their hair to make it kind of shiny
and look nice.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
Locks. I mean, break signed me up.
Speaker 4 (12:45):
I mean I'd be kind of grumpy. I think if
like an army of Chris Hemsworth showed up and started
and started living in my neighborhood, you guy's gotta go.
You gotta get them.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
We know how things worked out for the French monarchy overall,
but that's kind of like every time we examine a
story in the United States right before the Great Depression,
they didn't see a revolution on the way. This is
pre revolution. The era of King Louis is an era
(13:20):
of absolute monarchy, right.
Speaker 4 (13:22):
Yes, yes, so this is Louis the fourteenth. He is,
like he is Francis the dominant superpower in the world
right now, right, this is an absolute monarchy. They are
a world superpower and they will continue to be for
a while. The French Revolution isn't going to be for
at least another one hundred years, right, it's going to
(13:42):
be you know, I think Louis the sixteenth is the
one that is overseeing that. So fourteenth, this is like
a golden age of French history.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
Right, Yeah, sixteen pushed it too far. Fourteen five just
a smelly guy.
Speaker 4 (13:55):
Just such a weird thing to think about, because when
you picture him, you know, I always you picture he
like all these portraits of him and stuff. He's always
very elaborately dressed. You always picture him with like five servants,
like putting cloaks on him and whatever. But I never
bade I don't know that. I just learned that today.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Well three times, three times you bathe, okay, but not
all all those baths were consensual. Yeah, So if we
go back, as he said, there's this halcyon era France,
the global superpower, an absolute monarchy. The king is for
(14:30):
most people in Western Europe, the king is the closest
thing to God right on earth.
Speaker 4 (14:36):
Yeah. I mean literally, if you insult him, it is
like insulting God right like he is he is. I mean,
the deal with with the absolute monarchy was that, like,
God wants me to rule over you, and if you
have a problem with that, you have a problem with God.
And this is at a time when everybody is extremely
religious and extremely like you know, devoted to not getting
(14:57):
their heads cut off by crazy kings.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
I'm still into that. I am super into I don't.
I think my head and my neck get along really well.
I don't know about you, guys. I'd like to keep
that combo going.
Speaker 3 (15:10):
Although I am curious if you do, in fact keep
seeing the world for a few minutes from like a
rolling type viewpoints.
Speaker 4 (15:17):
I've heard that so when they like when they would
decapitate with the guillotine and like hold grab grabbed the
head by the hair and hold it up in front
of the crowd, and the crowd was cheering. I you know,
there is some evidence that you can continue to see
for a few moments after your head is severed.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
I mean, in some particularly macabre like representations of that
in film, you do even see the face kind of
eyes move still and like the face kind of twitchy.
Speaker 4 (15:41):
I think it's right.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
I don't know, but yeah, not worth it just to
find out.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
If around and find out, But it is something I
think about often, perhaps weirdly often.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
Yeah, we're what a weird disclaimer? Uh, I'm glad we
made it. No, folks, don't cut people's head off.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Don't do it.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
I know everybody gets in situations. But the best way
to be an executioner. The best way to handle a
guillotine is not to use one.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Uh, the French don't even use them anymore.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
We'll see. So so okay, So Julie's father.
Speaker 4 (16:25):
Is yes, so Gaston Domi. He is the secretary to
the Grand Squire of France. Now, secretary, you have certain
ideas of what that means. But for this guy, he's
kind of like the assistant. He was not a nobleman,
but he's kind of juiced in with the nobles. His
job is to train aristocrats to ride horses and sword fight.
(16:49):
So that's like a thing that all the great courtiers
need to know, like the noble family is, they need
to train their kids that. So this is what. He's
a fighting instructor, and he's a horseback riding instructor another
whatever other things that were considered mainly at the time,
which I think dancing is one of them, right, I
think he was also a dance instructor.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
What this guy, This guy rides horses, he breaks dances,
Are you kidding? Okay?
Speaker 4 (17:15):
French love the pop and lock, right, They're all about
that still, I think. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Also, like the street performers, the robot kind of situation.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
Yeah, I think it all stems from mime, which I
believe is a is a is a treasured French art form.
Speaker 4 (17:32):
Yeah, they're never gonna live that mime thing down. Are they.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Ful of mimes?
Speaker 3 (17:37):
I think it's a really delightful uh skill set. Like
people are so mean to mimes. Yeah, well the blows
are way weirder.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
The mimes have never had a chance to respond in
an interview.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
It's funny, Ben, because they're always stuck in a box.
You know, I can't get out. How do I get
out of this part?
Speaker 1 (17:57):
So? Okay, so is this guy? So this guy is
basically what we would call not royalty but pretty well
to do.
Speaker 4 (18:06):
Yeah, yeah, he's he's doing good. Like he's not he
doesn't have the bloodline, but he's friends with all these
guys and you know, and he's training. He's training not
only aristocrats, he's training members of the King's personal bodyguard, right, uh,
riding horses, fighting, you know? There is he like?
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Is he like that thing in military films where there's
a hard nosed non commissioned officer, like a sergeant level
kind of guy.
Speaker 4 (18:36):
Something like that. I mean, I honestly just picture Gaston
from Beauty and the beasts, just like whipping a bunch
of eggs, whipping a bunch of friends aristocrats into shape.
Like I kind of picture him in that same vein
as Gaston from the from the right. Yes. Yeah, But
one thing that he does is, uh he trains his daughter.
(18:57):
And he has a daughter, this is only his child,
and he trains her in the same the same arts, right,
this is what he does. He trains swordfighting, he trains
horseback riding. She could. She's with me, like, we're gonna,
We're gonna do this together. These are skills that, in
(19:19):
sixteen seventy three are not often taught to women. But
Julie picks it up right away. That's going pretty well.
She's kind of one of the guys. She's fighting, she's
riding horseback, all this stuff. But then around the time
she's like sixteen, she starts having an affair with her
dad's boss, the Count de Armagac, the Grand Squire of France,
(19:42):
and so Gueston's like, okay, that's a bit of a
problem for me.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Uh.
Speaker 4 (19:47):
So he does he does what what you would do
if you were a dad in this situation in seventeenth
century France. He marries her off to calm her down.
He marries her to a nice older French clerk named
Monsieur Mopin, and he was like, okay, well you're you're
married to Monsieur Mopan. Now you go live with him.
That should that should calm him everything down.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
I don't know, man, Julia doesn't seem like the type
to settle down.
Speaker 4 (20:11):
Yeah yeah, she uh, she was went to his house.
She could have the noble woman's life now because she
was married into nobility. There's like a little manner outside
of Paris, Julie Dobie, she could like, you know, just
settle down, relax. This is not her and we are
gonna see her character very soon. But she is not
(20:31):
interested in any of this stuff.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
She is she is.
Speaker 4 (20:36):
Fierce, determined, strong, good at fighting, good at horseback riding,
better than the other boys. And she's not going to
just kind of settle down and marry this kind of
I just picture this kind of boring older French clerk.
He will not be in the story any longer. She
leaves and she a French clerk. Yeah, that is the
end of that is the end of Monsieur Pan's participation.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
Is this guy's like a milk toast sort of dude,
And yeah, yeah, is he out of town a lot?
Is that what happens?
Speaker 4 (21:08):
No, she's out of town a lot. She bails, she
runs away, right, she leaves him.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Yeah, let's focus on her. She's way more interesting.
Speaker 4 (21:14):
Yeah, yeah, he's he's Yeah, milk toast is a great,
great word for him. She takes off, and she will
refer to herself as La Monpin, like, you know, Madame Monpin,
the just because I think sometimes like being a married
woman allows her to get away with some things that
she might not have been able to.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
Being connected with nobility in that way probably got you
in some doors, right, agency in a patriarchy as well, right.
Speaker 4 (21:40):
Exactly right. So she takes off, she keeps the name,
and that's about it. She starts sleeping with a wandering
sword fighter named Saran and starts wandering, uh, wondering the
Marseille region, traveling.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
With the wanderings, Ben hold On. A wandering sword fighter.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
Is that kind of like a mercenary sort of a
cell sword or he is.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Looking for a fight.
Speaker 3 (22:01):
He's just always out there, like just grumpily wandering around
looking for someone to cross blades with.
Speaker 4 (22:07):
Yeah, well, so this will be a thing. I mean
we see this in feudal Japan as well. So like
one thing, like when we were talking about musashi and stuff. Right,
so one of the things that's happening is, you know,
France at this time is the dominant power in Europe.
They have huge swaths of land. They're not at a
war right now. So there's a lot of guys who
are good at fighting with nothing to do. So what
(22:28):
they do is they travel around and they fight each other.
But but you were talking about the people who dance
in public squares. These guys would put on fighting demonstrations
in public squares, non lethal like you know tuanted rape.
But yeah, you fight this other guy. People bet money
on it or you put in money. Yeah, exactly right,
you put in money. They put in money like like
(22:48):
traveling boxing match right, Like, uh.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
So they're cool if you could bet on the joust
at the ren fair.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
Got a feeling it's a little bit of a predetermined
outcome in those situations.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
So hey, you can bet on anything that's true.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
I like to bet on myself.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
I like to bet. I like to bet that this
story is going to some unexpected places. But Ben, every
time you bring us a badass. It is so cinematic, right,
and as you said, this is different from our Japanese
werewolf taijin because there is documentation. So up to this
(23:25):
point we know this, Uh, we know that Mopan, Madame Mopan,
has taken up with a wandering swordsman. That's true. It's
not a euphemism, to be clear, right, to be a
funny one. But but okay, so she's out with this
guy busking.
Speaker 4 (23:46):
Busking, and she starts participating, right, So that's the that's
the what ends up happening with her. She's traveling, puts
on these fighting demonstrations, and she's like, she puts them
on with him, so they'll fight together. They'll fight each other,
they'll fight anybody from the crowd. Come on up here,
we've got an I'll bet whatever that I can beat
you in a sword fight.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
All the dudes were like convinced they could take out
this a woman.
Speaker 4 (24:09):
Yeah I can, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
They're like a woman with a sword, scandalous.
Speaker 4 (24:17):
Yes, And so well that is going okay, they're making money, right,
It's it's interesting, right, it's more interesting than the typical
public fighting demonstration, like, oh, this is a woman, she's
wearing pants. What is this strussed like a man, but
it's a woman what and so uh okay, yeah, so
they uh, they put on these fighting demonstrations and that's
(24:40):
going pretty well, except at some point Saran pisses somebody off,
probably on account of one of these demonstrations. They end
up fighting. Uh, he ends up fighting a real duel
with the guy behind a monastery, and Sarn kills the
guy with the sword in the sword fight. Okay, so yeah,
(25:01):
that's bad, but it's not necessarily the murder. It's not
a murder charge because it's it was it was a
fair duel. The problem is that at this point dueling
is illegal in France. Was supposed to duel, okay, and
you think about like the Musketeers. Everybody's duel. Everybody's sword
fighting all the time. But and it was common, right,
you have all these warriors with nothing, no war to fight,
so they're all fighting each other. Everybody's defending each other's
(25:23):
honor and all of that stuff, slapping with the white gloves.
But dueling was made illegal by Louis the fourteenth because
he was tired of all these French aristocrats killing each
other behind monasteries. He was like, we're wasting a lot
of good guys here with this stuff. Can we please
stop dueling?
Speaker 1 (25:39):
What would economists call it a diminishing return?
Speaker 4 (25:43):
Yes, yes, you know, I'd rather have this guy available
if I need him for a war than have him
die trying to defend his stupid honor over Yeah. Okay,
so maybe this is not such a bad thing for Surround,
except that Surround actually ends up getting a warrant out
for his arrest. And this is actually like a lot
(26:04):
of people, even though dueling was outlawed, a lot of
people were still dueling. So surrounds a little surprised until
he realizes that the warrant for his arrest was signed
by the Conte Armagnac, the Grand Squire of France, Julie
sex Lover.
Speaker 1 (26:18):
Whoa, and at the time that was totally legal.
Speaker 4 (26:25):
Yeah, he wasn't wanted for murder. He was wanted for
illegal dueling. Oh wow, oh man, Yeah, and so they
were going to arrest him, So him and Mopann have
to go on the run together. Of course romantic, yes,
So they keep traveling around putting on sword fighting exhibitions,
but they've got to like move every couple of days,
put it on a different place because they got to
make money and stuff. But yeah, and eventually, like Julie
(26:49):
starts becoming a bit of an attraction because, like I said,
she's a singer and she eventually starts singing while she's
doing the sword fighting.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Like talking, making out of little songs on the fly.
Speaker 4 (27:01):
Yes, yes, like freestyle rapping like rap battle sword fight. Right.
So picture like like a like a bar like Gaston
would hang out at, like wood paneled, you know, rowdy
people drinking all this stuff.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Out of giant mugs, yes.
Speaker 4 (27:17):
Slashing beer all over the floor. And then a woman
in man's clothing gets on the stage with a sword
and the big boots, the big hat, the musketeer kind
of hat, dressed like the Count of Money, Cristo or something,
and she starts singing like operatic contralto deep voice, and
she's holding the sword and she's challenging people in the
crowd to come up and fight her.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
And like, hey, hoot, I want to be there. I'm
picture to see this right, oh wow.
Speaker 4 (27:43):
Yeah. People will throw money on the stage because they're
they're happy with the show, or people will throw money
on the stage to be like you know, this is
what I'm going to bet that I can beat you
in a sword fight, right, and she will get up
there and the guy, you know, and this is like,
this is seventeenth century France, Like everybody knows how to
sword fight here. It's not like a random weird thing
that like this is this is everybody here knows how
(28:05):
to fight with the sword, because that's all you got, right,
you have a sword and you have one of those
flintlock one shot pistols.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Right right, which is what is that going to do?
Speaker 4 (28:12):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (28:13):
That's like your opener or your closer, right, Yeah, everybody's.
Speaker 4 (28:16):
Trained in how to fight with the sword. So these
guys get up on the stage and she starts kind
of like dueling with them and singing about them, making
fun of them and how they're dressed and how bad
they are at sword fighting.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
She's doing an eight mile exactly.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
I was really half joking when I said that, but.
Speaker 4 (28:33):
This is totally true.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Yeah, that's incredible.
Speaker 4 (28:36):
She would try to time the disarm with the song,
so like kind of like end with the note and
and the disarm at once.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
So so she's like she's playing with them a little bit.
She's parrying maybe. Yeah, she gets to her like her
closing note.
Speaker 3 (28:54):
That's the thing, right, In order to prolong it with
that level of precision, you have to be like a
cat playing with a mouse that's half dead, you know,
or just sort of like going with it.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
Right.
Speaker 4 (29:04):
Yeah, I picture like neo at the end of the matrix. Right, Like.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
A particular word comes to mind already, y'all, and I
think you know what it is. It's it's badass. But please, yeah,
I know it's just gonna get better.
Speaker 4 (29:16):
Yeah, Okay. Well, she's doing all this and she's kind
of gaining the celebrity. And one interesting thing that's happening
for her is after these demonstrations, you know, everybody likes
her and all the men are fawning over her or
whatever because she's very beautiful. She has these this auburn hair,
these piercing blue eyes. She's you know, very attractive to everybody.
But there are women at these bars that come up
(29:39):
to her and like they almost they think some like
she's dressed like a man. This is doing some weird
things for them, And so she starts getting a lot
of attention from women, and she realized that she really
likes it, which is.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Forgive me, forgive me, sir, you are the handsomest man
I've ever seen.
Speaker 4 (29:55):
Yes, right, that sort of thing.
Speaker 3 (29:57):
So she had been sort of by curious up to
this point, but now she's getting some legitimate attention and
she's starting to realize that maybe this is sort of
her She likes it.
Speaker 4 (30:06):
Yeah, this is also illegal, like dueling. This is it's
also illegal to take up with a woman if you
are a woman in France at this time, but.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
But not necessarily a man with a man, right or no?
Is that also illegal?
Speaker 4 (30:17):
I think that's also illegal.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
Unless you are an aristocrat, right.
Speaker 4 (30:22):
Yeah, and you can do whatever you want.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
It's sort of like alcohol in Saudi Arabia now.
Speaker 4 (30:27):
Right, Yes, nobody sees you but the bartender.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
It's fine, right, So okay, so this this life as
essentially a dangerous notable performer with fans. She is getting
a lot of notoriety, right, it's sort of a Maverick character.
Speaker 4 (30:52):
Yes, yes, she is kind of you know, becoming one
of the most popular of these people who do this. Now,
Mopan has a bit of a problem. So it's sixteen
ninety three now and Sarahan is still wanted, so they
still got to kind of pick up and move every
couple of days. He's still wanted for dueling, and at
this point they've up the charge to murder because they
(31:12):
can't for their annoyed that he's leaving, they can't find him.
And also the other problem is that my Pan's getting
attention from women. She likes it. Saran is a wanted
murderer and she most importantly, she has gotten to the
point where she can beat him at sword fighting whenever
she wants. So this guy has outlived his usefulness. He's gone.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
She ditches him, heartbreaker. How are you not making films? Bed,
because I am like seeing the structural acts right here.
Speaker 3 (31:42):
Oh yeah, and zero shades you professionally been But how
has this not already been made into a film?
Speaker 2 (31:48):
It's just got all of the beats, right.
Speaker 4 (31:50):
That's the thing. So this is a popular story in France,
and like I said, like you know, at the beginning,
this was her story. They made operas about it, they've
made plays about it all in French. They've written, like
I said, erotic novels like fan fiction basically about her. Yeah, exactly,
she comes to this, you know, adventuring like female James Bond.
(32:12):
There's a series of books written about her, you know,
after her death. But it's all in French. It's a
popular story, but it's just not There's not much about
it in English, and I feel like there should be.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
Yeah, agreed to agree.
Speaker 4 (32:23):
I don't know. I can't explain why nobody has paid
me money to write this movie. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
Well, luckily for us, this is ridiculous history. And my
pals Noel Max and I are our start a little
thing we call the Ridiculous Cinematic Universe.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Yeah, the first. No one's ever attempted anything like this.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
But ever, ever, this is one hundred percent originally so
so okay, there's this moment though which which we're at
here kind of a fulcrum and it is such a
such a troupe in stories. Right, you're talking about the
student becoming teacher.
Speaker 4 (33:00):
Yeah. Yeah, she had learned from her dad and then
she had learned from Saran and now she beats him,
she leaves him and she starts sleeping.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
Hey wait wait, wait, so she like she she sword
fights with him. They have the duel. Let's picture it.
Speaker 4 (33:16):
This is exactly how I would write this, right, and
if we were going to do the cinematic universe version
of this.
Speaker 1 (33:20):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, So Ben set the scene
as you see it, because I'm seeing like, is it
is it on a cliff, you.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Know, real set piece kind of vibe, you.
Speaker 4 (33:32):
Know, yeah, yeah, the big duel. He's like, you know,
I taught you everything, you know? And she they're fighting
and she puts him, she has to defeat him in
sword fighting and then kind of walk away like well.
Speaker 3 (33:44):
Of course it ends with her having the blade to
his throat, and of course as he's done on the
ground at the edge of the cliff, and then submits
to her. Finally, you see that he realizes that the
student has become the teacher and he can't even be mad.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
He's almost proud, you know.
Speaker 1 (34:01):
Right, you can see we have a shot of his
eyes and then like.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
An hour wafting and then you go, you go take
him on the world.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
Girl, She says, I will give you your life, but
you no longer possess my respect.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
We're going to workshop this.
Speaker 3 (34:19):
I think we're going in slightly differently.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
It's a wonderful perfect I think it's coher. But okay,
so she leaves now she is now she is something
quite controversial in France at the time, a woman with
her own agency fights better than the dudes.
Speaker 4 (34:39):
Who is also a lesbian, who is also living in
Marseille with another woman. She is living really.
Speaker 2 (34:46):
Openly right, like she doesn't really give an f you.
Speaker 4 (34:49):
Know, yeah, she is. She is sleeping with the daughter
of a wealthy merchant in Marseille. She's this like beautiful
young blonde woman named Cecilia Cecilia Portigali. Uh. And that's
going great. They're they're they're crushing it.
Speaker 3 (35:03):
And of course we think of France as being pretty
early on the sexual liberation bandwagon, but this is even
before that. And it's honestly probably because of figures like
this that it became more widely.
Speaker 4 (35:15):
Accepted, I think, so I think something to that, right, Yeah.
Monsieur Portigali is a is a well respected seventeenth century
Frenchman and his lovely daughter is now having a tourd
affair with a wondering swordsman.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
Aka mister Portugal, which sounds like a I don't know,
like a cartoon villain or something, or like a boss,
a mob boss.
Speaker 1 (35:36):
Mister Portugal is one hundred percent the name of a
nineties backpack wrapper from Williamsburg. I love that. Yeah yeah,
aka mister Portugal. You know you might have heard amongst
Wu Tang see.
Speaker 4 (35:51):
I was gonna go with like like a like a
gin Blossoms vibe like band.
Speaker 3 (35:58):
Yeah, I think, also consuing it with Portugal The.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
Man the Man, which is a great band. Honest. Oh
they're fine, all right, talk about.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
Different No, no, no, they're good, they're good. I just
I don't get all the hype. Sometimes I like a
couple of their songs quite a lot.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
Don't let the hype ruin things.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
It's hard to let the hype ruin things.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
Don't let the hype ruin things. Be rom person, have
your own agency, just like love the Pod.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
I do try. It's hard. It's hard to be this
badass and like self possessed.
Speaker 3 (36:28):
So at this point, now she's off on her own,
living her best life with ruffling some feathers along the way.
Speaker 4 (36:35):
Yeah yeah, yeah. And so mister Portugal does a thing
that he has available to him. Uh, you know, Gaston
married mopan Off to stop the affair that he didn't like.
Mister Portugal sends Cecilia to a nunnery to solve his problem.
You get thee to a nunnery.
Speaker 1 (36:57):
And to be clear, this is both ridiculous and evil.
Like a candy cigarette. It was common at this time.
It was common at this time for families to send
daughters that they found problematic off to a convent.
Speaker 4 (37:17):
Right yeah, I mean she's she's a lesbian. This is
against God. You need to go find God. You're going
to be a nun now, this is going to solve
all of our problems. You won't like, you won't just
you know, you won't make me look bad in front
of my friends in Marseille anymore. So he forces her
to become a nun, which is a thing that happened
to women in the seventeenth century. So what does Julie
(37:38):
Domini do? She is we have seen a very fiery person,
a person who does not like to be told what
to do, or when she should do it, or who
she should do it with. So this is the bit
from the from the Top where she goes to Avion,
goes to the convent that cecil has been basically imprisoned
at and tells them that she wants to become a nun.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
Because you could just volunteer. I mean, they needed folks,
right like you still can't.
Speaker 1 (38:04):
Yeah, I mean we can't.
Speaker 3 (38:06):
No, no, but I mean they didn't necessarily there wasn't
a test or anything. They didn't check your religious bona fides, like.
Speaker 4 (38:14):
Check that she was married, because you're not really supposed
to be a nun if you're married.
Speaker 3 (38:17):
Yeah, maybe that's bad on them, but in general, I think,
you know, you're supposed to just take them at face value, like, yes, okay,
this person's giving their life to God. Awesome, comrade.
Speaker 4 (38:28):
We're gonna find that Mopana is very good at finding
finding lovers, both man and woman. She's very good at
convincing people to do things that you wouldn't expect her
to be able to convince them to do.
Speaker 1 (38:38):
Oh she has riz.
Speaker 4 (38:39):
She has riz. Yeah, I learned that recently. Eighteen charisma.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
Yeah. Nice.
Speaker 4 (38:46):
Yes, So she convinces the convent to accept her. I
don't know whether that's, you know, a nice sized bag
of gold or like a really decent SOB story, but
she's made a nun at the same convent where Cecilia is.
And in this, in the in the cinematic version of this,
I'm picturing Cecilia like being sad in the cloister and
then then then the nun shows up and like pulls
(39:08):
the pulls the hood back. Well, what are you doing here?
Speaker 1 (39:15):
You know, Max, thank you so much for the music.
I know you just put in this because that is
the moment, the big reveal. Right, but uh, Ben, riddle
me this does does our protagonist stay a nune for
the rest of her life?
Speaker 2 (39:35):
No, dn Uta thought.
Speaker 4 (39:45):
She escapes and breaks out Cecilia in a in a
way that is pretty crazy. Like I like, this is
like we're getting into one of the crazier parts of
the story, if you can believe it. So here's what happens.
They start making they're they're hooking up in the in
the convent, which I imagine is not very easy to do
when you're surrounded by you know, nuns who are frown
(40:07):
on that sort of thing. And uh, they start planning
an escape. And so here's what they do. It doesn't
take them very long, uh to plan to plan their escape.
So one day one of the older nuns passes away
and the convent has a big funeral for her. So
usually do we waits a couple of days after the
(40:28):
funeral and sneaks out at night and digs up the
dead nun and puts her in Cecilia's bed, then sets
it on fire Jesus and then in the in the
flame and the confusion, the two of them flee the
convent under the cover of flame and darkness. And when
(40:50):
the nuns go to find where the fire started, oh
it's in Cecilia's room. Oh there's a burned up dead
body in Cecilia's room. Oh. I don't know what happened,
but she must have died. Yeah, so she helps classical ruse.
Speaker 1 (41:02):
The old switcher room you get in situations.
Speaker 4 (41:05):
Yeah, dug up a dead body to fake Cecilia's death
and escaped.
Speaker 1 (41:12):
Okay, first off, objectively ghoulish, but also quite successful.
Speaker 4 (41:17):
Yeah yeah, it worked. It worked. And you know, this
is one of those stories that you would think would
come from like the erotic fan fiction. But we know
this happened because Mopan will be arrested for this crime
and there's public record of her of her arrest on.
So they find out that it's not Cecilia. They figure right,
(41:39):
they figure out what happened.
Speaker 3 (41:41):
I mean, it seems this is this is a golden
era for being able to perpetrate these types of switcheroos
because a testing.
Speaker 2 (41:48):
There's there's no there's really no photography.
Speaker 3 (41:50):
Well there's photography, but it would be like kind of like, no,
there's no photography. No, it would be it would be
painted at the very would cut.
Speaker 4 (42:00):
Maybe the body just didn't burn, like the plan was solid,
but maybe.
Speaker 2 (42:03):
The body just didn't burn beyond it was.
Speaker 4 (42:05):
And she's gone and Mopan's gone, or.
Speaker 1 (42:09):
Maybe people found that a grave had been detegrated.
Speaker 2 (42:15):
Very well, good, it's a good point.
Speaker 1 (42:16):
So okay, So the law is once again after her,
right uh, and.
Speaker 4 (42:24):
This time they catch her. So they catch her, they
put her, they take her to court, and for the
crime of like for what she did, they sentenced her
to death by burning at the steak.
Speaker 2 (42:37):
Which what, Yeah, that's a little extreme.
Speaker 3 (42:40):
Is that Is that something that's only reserved for like
women who are perceived as being like beyond like like
just so wicked and harlatty or something like that.
Speaker 1 (42:50):
This dude's at the steak. I blame Big Firewood because
I think that was I think that was a part
of it. You know.
Speaker 4 (42:58):
Here's the weird thing about that, though, is in the
court documents they refer to her as monsieur Mopin. They've
referred to her as a man in the court documents,
because because while digging up the dead nun and setting
the convent on fire and all that stuff is pretty scandalous,
the lesbian relationship was super scandalous. So, Monsieur Mupan, it's
(43:23):
said to death by burning at the stake.
Speaker 1 (43:25):
Who similar to Joan of arc Right.
Speaker 4 (43:28):
Yeah, yeah, I mean this is I mean I think
this is what they did to witches, right, and so
maybe it was like the fact that this happened to
a holy person in a holy place. You know, maybe
there's something to that.
Speaker 1 (43:37):
Oh yeah, yeah, it's a crime against God on several counts.
Speaker 4 (43:42):
Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what does Mupan do? She flees,
She gets away, She flees into the countryside.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (43:54):
Yet she continues doing her sword fighting and singing exhibitions.
So she's popping up, up and down. She's traveling down
the Lua River and performing once or once a night
at these various taverns and bars, and then getting out
of town before the law realizes where she's at.
Speaker 1 (44:12):
This is amazing because she's rolling up to women and
men perhaps after an exhibition and saying saying, I like
your vibe. I've only got one night in town. I'm
on the run, you see.
Speaker 4 (44:25):
Yes, that's a lot of person.
Speaker 3 (44:27):
Would she have been traveling under a different name or
using a stage name.
Speaker 4 (44:34):
It seems likely because for we know that she was
doing this sort of thing, she uses her own name
at a club in Paris three months after she has
escaped her death sentence, so we it's it's safe to
assume she is traveling under assumed names around this time
and moving around because she's traveled a big distance from
(44:54):
Avignon to Paris, and she's she's making money somehow, and
it seems likely she's doing that, And because she was
performing at this club in her name, it's kind of
a it seems likely well.
Speaker 3 (45:06):
And and again, despite me being maybe about two hundred
years early on the photography tip, this would have been
a time when you really could elude the law for
extended periods of time just by using a clever disguise
and an assumed name, and just by being crafty, because
there just weren't the same kinds of like surveillance state
(45:27):
kind of.
Speaker 4 (45:27):
Situations picturing like a like a Dungeons and Dragons wanted
poster right, Like, yeah, I call.
Speaker 2 (45:34):
Her kind of a rogue. Would she be a bit roguish.
Speaker 4 (45:36):
She's very much she's a bit swashbucklery.
Speaker 1 (45:39):
Also, I'm just gonna say a lot of people perhaps, yeah,
bar she dual class, she dual classic. She's doing the
multi class.
Speaker 3 (45:47):
She probably could dual wield, you know, from time to
time if she needed. Seems like a pinch.
Speaker 1 (45:51):
Yeah, I bet her dexterity was crazy too, because we
can tell she can fight.
Speaker 4 (45:55):
Yeah, and she's using a rapier, which is a dexterity base.
Speaker 2 (45:58):
We've already established her charisma score through.
Speaker 1 (46:00):
The roof ch okay, uh, everybody, welcome to Ridiculous History
presents Dungeons and Dragons Dungeons and Dragon five history.
Speaker 4 (46:10):
I will definitely DM for you guys if you want. Yeah,
hell yeah.
Speaker 3 (46:15):
After this, I'm going to resume my brand new game
of Fallout four, which, while it's not Dungeons and Dragons,
it has a similar structure.
Speaker 4 (46:23):
Similar vibe. Yeah, you get the idea. That's like the
show is awesome.
Speaker 1 (46:26):
So hey, wait, have you played boulders Gate three then?
Speaker 4 (46:30):
So I have not. I have purchased it, I have downloaded,
I have installed it, but I was working on I'm
finishing off this one book that I'm working on, and
my ideal is like I cannot open that application until
my man completed. That will be my reward. I will
take it. I will take two weeks off and I
will play the game. But it's a black hole. Once
I open it, I'm done. Right, that's the end of
it for me. So I don't want to know anything
(46:51):
about it. I've never sure. I haven't played it, but
everybody I know it's great. I know I know I
need to play it, but I'm ready. I need one
more week to finish this book off and then diving
into it.
Speaker 1 (47:03):
We believe in you.
Speaker 3 (47:04):
We know you can do it, and we look forward
to hearing how you enjoy the game when you get
to reward.
Speaker 1 (47:09):
Yourself and for everyone playing along at home. As you
doubtlessly know, our pal Ben Thompson has a podcast called
bad Ass of the Week. You may be thinking what
happens to Julie. There is an entire show about it,
much more in depth. We have not even Ben, would
you say that we have not yet begun to spar
(47:33):
with this barred well.
Speaker 4 (47:35):
I mean, I guess here's what I'll say, because you
know right now she's currently wanted for one sentenced to death.
She's gonna kill at least seven more people. And we
haven't even gotten to the bit where like she starts
to star for the Paris Opera, she has to deal
with this murder conviction thing. First, she goes to the
(47:56):
court of Versailles and kills the guy on Louis the
fourteenth front. Somebody takes uh. She's making out with some
woman in Versailles in front of Louis the fourteenth, and
these three guys take exception to it, ask her to
go outside, uh, and she leaves all three of them
bleeding in front of Versailles.
Speaker 1 (48:15):
Nola and I were talking about this affair, and Nola
you were saying to Ben, what's like one of the
craziest moments.
Speaker 2 (48:22):
Well, that's the thing.
Speaker 3 (48:23):
I mean, you know, it's hard to encapsulate the entire
life of a human being, especially one who is so
roguish and barredly and badasses this one, you know, into
a single podcast. So we were kind of looking for, like,
give us a big, splashy moment, you know, to take
us out on and then people can you know, read
more about this incredible character on your site and listen
on your podcast.
Speaker 2 (48:42):
But yeah, take us home.
Speaker 4 (48:44):
Yeah, so okay, well I guess I'll tell that story.
So she's she has managed to expunge her record. She
gets back, like she gets the death sentence waived by
Louis the fourteenth. Personally, what yes, yeah.
Speaker 1 (48:58):
He's the king. It's an absolute breaks.
Speaker 4 (49:00):
Into the Conte Armagnac's castle, like her former lover breaks
into his castle, like is sitting in his in his
dressing room when he comes home and is like, hey,
I need a favor, and he writes a letter to
Louis the fourteenth, who publicly pardons her for her crimes.
Then she goes to Versailles. Later, a bunch of other
stuff happens. She joins the parasop rush, becomes this big
(49:21):
rock star basically in Paris. She goes to Versailles for
a royal ball, right, like think like Cinderella kind of deal.
Marie Antoinette vibes, right, She's it's not Marie Antoinette time
period yet, but that's the vibe. Big hair, yeah, big hair.
She's there dressed as a man with the sword on
her on her belt. She's a famous actress.
Speaker 1 (49:42):
Right.
Speaker 4 (49:43):
She is dancing with every girl there and making out
with most of them just.
Speaker 3 (49:47):
Like staggering, you know, jumping behind and making a real
spectacle exactly.
Speaker 4 (49:53):
And these three guys, these three guys were all suitors
of the one girl that Julie was making out with.
But the way they didn't say that they're they're jealous
that they got shown up by a girl. That you
say that, like, oh, we this is what you're doing
is disrespectful to Louis the fourteenth, And we need to
take you outside and teach you a lesson. She says, okay, fine,
and she takes them outside, duels them each in succession,
(50:17):
leaves all three guys bleeding and wounded on the sidewalk
in front of like a crowd of people.
Speaker 1 (50:23):
This is so weird. I'm picturing I'm picturing spaghetti westerns,
you know, yeah, I'm picturing all a little more code
like you can you can fight me together, but one
at a time, if your orn is so important.
Speaker 3 (50:38):
And a lot of the imagery of this and you go,
we're back to werewolves again really makes me think of
the absurdly wonderful weird oh genre mashup film The Brotherhood.
Speaker 2 (50:47):
Of the Wolf.
Speaker 3 (50:48):
I love that kind of like French ninjas fighting this
mysterious beast of gold.
Speaker 1 (50:55):
Is that what it was?
Speaker 2 (50:57):
Just? I don't know.
Speaker 3 (50:57):
Wandering swordsmen, all of this kind of tree really gives
me Brotherhood of the Wolf.
Speaker 4 (51:02):
Five Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she she, she, she wounds
all three of these guys, puts the sword back, goes
back inside. Yeah, that woman again. She's arrested again, of course,
because and you stooal three dudes in front of Louis
fourteenths castle.
Speaker 1 (51:19):
Is also like the sexiest thing you could do when
you're meeting someone.
Speaker 2 (51:27):
I like you.
Speaker 1 (51:27):
I think we've got a real connection. Hang on, I
gotta step outside for a second.
Speaker 4 (51:33):
Just let me just deal with this real quick. I'll
be right whatever. Ye hold my champagne, right.
Speaker 1 (51:41):
Yeah, ship and uh with this, we know there is
much much more to the story. And I think that's
one of the things we appreciate so much about Badass
of the Week. We cannot let you go, Ben without
following up on one thing you slid in in a
super cool way. You've got a book, huh you got yeah?
(52:05):
Book coming.
Speaker 4 (52:06):
I've been working on I've been working I'm actually I'm
trying to finish off three things that I've been working
on for like multiple years now.
Speaker 1 (52:13):
So I have the feeling.
Speaker 4 (52:15):
Yeah, so I just finished we were talking about Dungeons
and dragons. So I have been writing D and D
adventures like D and D modules. Yeah. My friend Brian Snowdy,
he's an original like Alpha Magic artist. He's an original
D and D like the illustrator, and so he's doing
all the art for him and I'm writing them. So
those are You can check those out on the website
(52:37):
Badass ofdweek dot com.
Speaker 3 (52:38):
Ben Bowlin is a legitimate D and D tabletop player.
I am exclusively in the video game realm, but I'm
really trying to break out one day.
Speaker 4 (52:46):
I'll send it to you like that. And that's the
way I can DM without even actually having a schedule.
Speaker 1 (52:53):
You guys, what if we did this is max keep
it on air. It might be embarrassing, But what if
we did just like one time, a D and D
campaign episode of ridiculous history. We could do like.
Speaker 3 (53:05):
Can't you do kind of you can change you can
make it themed, right, can't you like have the big
bad kind of be like some historical villain?
Speaker 1 (53:13):
You know, sure, because you're you do a one off
kind of contained thing.
Speaker 3 (53:17):
And I like this idea a lot. I think we
should we should backpocket this. What else are you working on, Ben, So?
Speaker 4 (53:23):
Yes, I'm doing the D and D Adventures and then
so there's a five five books in that series. I
just finished those off. I'm working on a book for
so I do Badass, But I also have like a
series I do for a younger audience called Guts and Glory.
It's for like middle school, high school age, and so
I'm working on a book. I'm putting the finishing touches
(53:43):
on a book now called Putin versus Lensky, which is
kind of a lead up to the Ukraine War. I
don't deal with the Ukraine War, but it's like why
are they fighting and how long have they been? Because
those two countries have been fighting each other since like
the Viking times, and it's so complex and complex. Yeah, yeah,
it's super complex and nuance. There's a lot of stuff
happening there, and so I try to very I try
(54:05):
to spell out the history of why these countries are
fighting right now.
Speaker 3 (54:09):
I think that's an incredibly valuable thing for young people
because it's so easy growing up with just kind of
like a very vague sense of these kinds of things
if you got it in school at all, you know.
Speaker 4 (54:19):
Even like even in the US, there was kind of
a vibe of like when the Ukraine War started, there
was like a general consensus across the US of like,
isn't Ukraine and Russia like the same thing? You know,
Like were you guys just all Soviets? It was all
like the same, right, But we were.
Speaker 3 (54:32):
Just talking about Sheshnia. They have banned music of a
certain beats per minute range in order to be more
in keeping of the Chechnian folk tradition of folk music.
And I did not realize that she Shechnia was a
Russian you know, I guess vassal state kind of. But
they had also waged war against Russia several times in
(54:53):
the past. So all of that that the theater of
that part of the world is mega nuance, like you said,
And I think.
Speaker 4 (54:59):
It's really interesting because that was the public message that
was being put out by the Soviet Union is yes,
if you asked, if you asked, like a you know,
we asked Russia, they would say, yes, we are all
the same thing. This is our internal problem to leave it.
And the Ukrainians would be like, no, actually, we're like
a whole other thing. We got our whole language everything,
We got a.
Speaker 1 (55:14):
Solid and crimea and like the gifting of it.
Speaker 4 (55:18):
Uh, now there's a whole thing there. So I'm gonna
I'm doing a I'm doing a book on that for
kids to kind of give them a primer on it.
And then I'm also trying to finish off this novel
I've been working on for one hundred years over year,
but not at least like four years of working on
this thing. So I'm just trying to polish that off too.
Speaker 1 (55:36):
Time is different when you're when you're writing.
Speaker 4 (55:38):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, because this is like a personal project.
Uh you know, this is the novel is the thing
that gets put on hold every time paying work shows up,
you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (55:48):
Yeah? Yeah, And also, uh gosh, no, I'm hearing all
this stuff from a fellow bin out here changing the world.
And man, one time, you know this, one time I
fell asleep trying and put on a pair of pants.
Speaker 2 (56:03):
You had that one leg in there. The other one
was just too much for it.
Speaker 1 (56:08):
It was too much. We cannot wait to hear your
opinions about Badass of the Week, folks. Ben Thompson, thank you.
So much for classing up our show. Here where where
can people find you and interrupt your work on your novel?
Speaker 4 (56:25):
So you can find me at Badass of Theweek dot com.
There's links to everything on their Facebook, Twitter, all that Instagram,
all that stuff. And like you said, there is a
full episode on Julie dow on Badass and so if
you want to check out Badass of the Week podcast
that's anywhere you can get podcasts, you can check that
episode out because they think it's a really good one
(56:46):
and people will enjoy it. If you liked you heard
so far, it's kind of just more of that.
Speaker 1 (56:51):
We just got to the We we got some teases
right for the turn, but we we just sort of
set up the beginning so to She just wanted.
Speaker 4 (57:00):
For death to get this the second time. We wanted Wow,
you know, and the toylet.
Speaker 3 (57:04):
The idea of making this a two parter. But honestly,
like I think it would benefit you the listener. Yes,
you to get this version of the story, this part
of the story, and now pivot ye directly get ye
not to a Nunnery, but to the Badass of the
Week podcast feed and or website to get the rest
of this incredible, stirring, swashbuckling tale.
Speaker 1 (57:24):
You specifically you, thanks as always to our super producer,
mister Max Williams, Jonathan Strickland, ak the Wuister A J.
Speaker 3 (57:32):
Bahamas Jacobs oh Man, We're actually I don't know if
he listens to every episode, but.
Speaker 2 (57:37):
We know for a fact that he listens to some.
Speaker 4 (57:39):
I was just on the puzzler like like like a
week ago.
Speaker 3 (57:44):
Bahamas was an inexplicable nickname that Ben has gifted AJ.
And we love the mystery of it, and it's going
to continue. Whenever he writes us, he always describes it
coming to us from his own personal Bahamas wherever that
might be, even if it's in like Saint Louis.
Speaker 2 (57:57):
But we're gonna we're gonna be se I'm pretty soon
in person. I don't know.
Speaker 3 (58:02):
Maybe we just dropped that as a little tease easter
egg for him if he happens to hear it. We're
making a special trip just to see AJ for a
very special book event for his new book, A Year
of Living Constitutionally, which we're very excited to be a
part of.
Speaker 1 (58:16):
Thanks also to Eve's Jeff Goat, Christopher Hasiotis, Casey Pegram
since we are in a Francophone episode of French history
episode and no thanks to you man.
Speaker 2 (58:28):
To you as well. We'll see you next time, folks.
Speaker 3 (58:37):
For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Ridiculous History News
Hosts And Creators
Ben Bowlin
Noel Brown
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