November 4, 2021 • 40 mins
The Battle of Varolampi Pond has another, less formal name: the Sausage War. Don't let the funny moniker fool you -- the 1939 conflict between Finland and Russia remains one of the most brutal moments of the Winter War. Tune in to learn how horrific conditions and the threat of starvation led the outnumbered Finnish forces to a temporary victory against the massive Red Army.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ridiculous History is a production of I Heart Radio. Welcome
(00:27):
back Ridiculous Historians. As always, thank you so much for
tuning in. Today, we're talking about the dogs of War,
the hot Dogs War, sausage War. There's the one and
only super producer, Max Williams. I'm ben No, I think
this title stood out to both of us. Huh well, yeah,
(00:48):
I mean you know what they say say war is
the verst Yes they do hot dog. They don't really
say that hot diggity dog. Yeah, you know. And I'm
telling you we title stood out to both of us.
Uh three. We thought it would be a light what oh,
(01:08):
a sausage war. That sounds delightful, like maybe there'll be
some rivals. Chefs are getting a recipe as to how
much fenneled their sausage should be stuffed in our Which
types of case things do you use? No, No, we
should have read a little deeper before we tackle this one.
It was in fact about a quite bloody conflict in
the Soviet Union and Finland. Yes, a absolute blood bath.
(01:30):
On November thirty nine, thirty nine, half a million Soviet
soldiers swarmed North. They were armed to the teeth, they
had tanks, they have machine guns. This was part of
what's known as the Winter War. But the Russian enemy
in this case wasn't the Third Reich, even though it's
ninety nine, wasn't Third Reich. Instead, it was Finland and
(01:53):
Never seeming like they say at Hamilton's, they were outnumbered, outmanned, outgunned.
I can't remember exactly all that song goes, but you
know what I'm talking about. I sort of dove never.
You know, I've never gotten Hamilton's. I'm gonna come out
there and say a hot take. I don't get Hambleton's.
I don't get all the hype. Uh. Well, the hype
can ruin a good thing, you know, I really can't.
(02:16):
I never. I never was able to make it all
the way through. And the Disney Plus version of it
is beautifully filmed. It's verily, really well done. I just
I don't know's I find it a little cringe. I'm
not gonna lie. I find Lin Manuel Miranda a little cringe. Uh.
Let let us know what you think about Hamilton's. Um.
But yeah, outgunned indeed and taken by surprise. Uh you
(02:38):
would think Finland would have to give up to Stalin.
I mean Stalin is just no. Is this iron fisted,
you know, military powerhouse in Finland. You don't even think
that they have guns. I would just assume they have
like pointy sticks or something. But they had some guns.
They just didn't have as many as the Soviets. But
for one shining moment, uh, it would seem that this
(03:02):
might be a David and Goliath type situation, with Finland
as the tiny little David with the sling, and Russia
being the giant who maybe is going to be toppled
by just stick tuitiveness and gumption of the little guy
and the little guy in this situation, or at least
the rock in that sling the sausage. Yeah, true story.
So nine journey back there with those folks. Europe collectively
(03:28):
is worried about Germany and their war mongering, but a
conflict between the USSR and Finland is also in the wind.
In fact, it seems unavoidable. Stalin himself reportedly resented Finland
because once upon a time it was Russian territory and
(03:49):
it had always fought back against attempts to assimilate the
country into Russian culture. And you know, of course you
just have to take a casual glance at the app
Russia geographically is much much larger than Finland. But in
Stalin's mind and to a lot of a lot of
(04:09):
other people in Russia at the time, the loss of
Finland was a terrible example of the diminishment of the
Russian Empire, you know what I mean. They thought of
the days when Finland was part of Russia as the
glory days of the Empire. So they took the loss.
At least Stalin took the loss very personally. Yeah, it
(04:31):
seems like Stalin took most things pretty personally. If you've
seen the movie The Death of Stalin. He was a
very petty man um who would let no slight go unpunished, right,
It was sort of his whole vibe. So, behind the scenes,
the Soviet Union of Nazi Germany had kind of colluded
or at least made this agreement not to interfere with
(04:52):
each other's territorial you know, goals in certain parts of Europe. Anyway,
um in the Soviet Union and finn Land had signed
this non aggression packed in two Stalin started flexing uh
and making that beef very public and demanding that Finland
seed that territory. Um just a couple of years after
(05:13):
they had signed this don aggression packed and you could
definitely argue that him uh mounting this kind of public
campaign is certainly aggressive, the kind of aggressive that George
Bush would would say, we will not let stand um.
So when Hitler finally invaded Poland in nineteen thirty nine,
that's when Stalin saw his chance to get in there
(05:37):
and and then take back what he thought was rightfully
his Yeah, because the world's eyes are on Germany and Poland,
so Stalin, as he said, sees an opportunity. November nine,
Soviet forces bomb Helsinki and they launched their invasion. The
international community is of course not supportive of this, but
(06:03):
it seems like their their hands are tied. Soviet victory
seems inevitable. The Finnish forces are outnumbered three to one.
This war looks like it's not just gonna be a
victory for the Soviet forces, but it looks like it's
going to be a very short war. This assault, like
we said, they're they're over six hundred thousands Soviet troops,
(06:25):
thousands of tanks, planes, heavy artillery. The Finnish army is
less than half the size of the invading army and
they only have a few tanks. They don't really have
a ton of planes, and they're they're also to be
to be blunt. They're low on bullets, Like even if
they had more guns, would they have the ammunition to
(06:49):
put in them. That's a big problem. They're outnumbered, they're outgunned.
They are subjected to massive garages of artillery attacks. In
in cases pointed out by War on the Rocks dot Com,
over three hundred thousand artillery shells fell on finished positions
in the space of a day. Oh my god, how
(07:11):
could you come back from that? And according to many
you know, written accounts from the time, the sound of
those munitions hitting could be heard over a hundred miles
away in hell Sinki. It was so cacophonous. And there's
just so many of them. Third, three hundred thousand shells,
and we're talking like big old these are like, you know,
mortar shells right then, like mortar rounds. Yeah, these artillery
(07:33):
these are these are not fireworks, you know what I mean.
They're doing serious, serious damage. And then right after these,
right after these shock and awe attacks, the Soviet troops
try to storm the Finnish bunkers but what like, just
to give you a sense of the destruction, folks, when
the Soviets would get into these bunkers, they would see
(07:56):
the Finnish defenders, the occupants of the bunkers dead from
the sheer concussive force of these artillery blast That's right.
It reminds me of the story we did about the
Hunley where you know, many of the crew of the
Hunley was found um, peacefully dead. Uh, and that turned
(08:17):
out to be largely because they were killed by shock waves.
Underwater shock waves from those minds, I believe is what
it was undersea mine. So I mean just just literally
those kinds of vibrations, even if it's not a direct hit,
can like liquefy your insides practically. Yep. Shout out to
Rachel Lance. It's so crazy that we know the world's
foremost authority on underwater explosions. That's a feather in my cap.
(08:40):
I don't know about you, man, but I I sometimes
think about that and I need a little you know,
we'll pick me up, a little pick me up. Absolutely,
that's a very very cool episode. Um okay, so dead
eerily silent again. According to War on the Rock dot Com,
Finish troops laying you know, placidly in their bunkers does
(09:01):
not seem like the type of turnaround victory or the
you know, the type of like underdog story that we promised.
So how do we get there. Let's introduce Group tal Vela. Uh.
The Finnish four Core was given the job of securing Finland,
(09:26):
specifically the northern shore of Lake Ladoga. They had two
full divisions, they had battalions assigned to it. In the
opening days of the Winter War, the corps actually wasn't
doing very well and the leaders allowed their units to
give up a lot of ground, which of course led
to a rapidly deteriorating wartime situation. There's a character we
(09:50):
want to introduce, Colonel Pavo tal Vela. He was a
it was a veteran of something that we're going to
treat very seriously. The despite being children in the nineteen
nineteen as expedition, which was very very much like he
(10:12):
went very deep, proved the deaths. Yes, it's an expedition
deep into a region. Uh, it's a penetrative mission. Uh.
It's been a long week, folks, But this is a
real story. The news expedition and we're um, we're we're adults.
But so this Colonel Telvella, after his extensive but imperfect
(10:37):
uh you know, experiences with uh, he had also written
a thesis about combat operations in the Why did you
have to say again? I was almost recovered. Hey, but
(11:04):
I'm okay. Now I am wiping these tears away from
my eyes. Uh. And I'm going to power power on
sally Forth as Day's say. Um. He held him a
meeting with another very important man, the marshal by the
name of Karl Mannerheim. It was concerned that if the
situation continued to escalate, they were likely going to end
(11:27):
up losing their advantage to the front that they had
and then ultimately the war. So the Soviet eighth Army,
it was already on its way to uh vartill yah
ver vertil Ya. I'm gonna call it. It's get them
loud over the a and the second a UM. And
that was a very important strategic railway junction that would
(11:47):
open up the way um to the Karelian Isthmus, which
is another very very important strategic location, and then they
would have access to the main defense line. Yeah, that's
that's the idea and it's a pretty solid argument, at
least Mannerheim thinks. So he's convinced, and so Tavella says, look,
here's what you need to do. You need to send
(12:10):
some folks over to relieve some of the pressure here.
So Mannerheim sends the infantry Regiment sixteen known as the
j R. Sixteen under the command of a friend of
Tavela is a guy named Lieutenant Colonel aro Peji, and
gets his regiment from the railway to the front lines.
(12:30):
Tavella is giving the command of a special group called
Group tal Vela, and they get a pretty hardcore cinematic order.
They're told to stop the Soviet advance by any means necessary.
Do you think he named the group after himself or
it was bestowed upon them by some higher up unclear, unclear,
(12:51):
but I would like to think that somebody else just
called it that. It seems a little humility come on.
And so he's got there there, you know, presumably like
they've got a special set of skills, right um, They're
ordered to get out there, get a get ahead of
this problem, stop the Soviet advance using whatever, you know,
(13:12):
special set of skills they were, you know, gifted with
and together Talvella and Parjari um were able to kind of,
you know, rally the troops. The Finnish forces. At this point,
we're kind of like down a little down trodden. Um.
They were not feeling like they had much of a chance,
and the Soviets were still advancing at a at a
(13:32):
pretty significant clip. Um. So Parjari decided to conduct the
kind of behind the lines raid against the Soviet forces
that we're coming closer and closer to the area. So
Peji in his ragtag band of you know Ninja's just
gets even more ninja like with what I'm got to
(13:54):
tell you. They actually ski uh their snow ninjas. They
ski through the forests of North Karelia um under the
cover of night. Um. There is also there's a like
a diversionary attack by that other company UM j R
sixteen uh, the Infantry Regiment sixteen. And after a few
hours of skiing, the raiding party came across a regiment
(14:16):
of Soviet soldiers who were asleep uh in a valley
by um Kevi Zalmi Visali. Yeah, here's what they did.
They were these are guerilla tactics. They are launching surprise
attacks and then they're immediately relocating so that the Soviet forces,
which still outnumber them, are unable to muster up some
(14:39):
kind of counter attack. So these guys are are doing
drive bys on skis. Basically they're firing, they're skiing away,
and then they're confusing the enemy. The raid was massively successful.
The only casualty actually was Pejari himself, who had a
mild heart attack on the return. Juror me. So this
(15:02):
raid was huge for the morale of the Finnish forces
and it was incredibly demoralizing for Soviet forces. But even
though this made the Finns fill a little bit better,
most observers still thought this was just delaying the inevitable
and that Soviet forces would win the war, except that
(15:24):
is for a crucial misstep that they made on their side.
The forces who took over the border in November ninety nine,
they weren't in great shape because they lost a lot
of leadership due to Stalin's famous paranoia. You know, he's
known for purging his political rivals and even people who
(15:48):
thought they were friends with him. Between nine and nineteen
thirty nine, over thirty thousand high ranking officers have been
at the very least fired. A lot of them were
arrested or executed, and Stalin's supporters were put in their places,
regardless of what their qualifications might be. This is pretty
(16:09):
bad news because these new officers are green, they don't
really know what they're doing. Their bureaucrats, they're not soldiers, right,
And also just that you know that kind of climate,
and we've all been there, worked for a company or
whatever where you're always kind of like paranoid about what
your boss is gonna do. Maybe much of your colleagues
has gotten fired, and you're kind of living in constant fear.
It's terrible for morale. Um. So all these rank and
(16:32):
file troops in the Soviet Armies were just kind of
like just ill at ease, and like you said, the
new officers that were installed, we're just not very experienced.
They didn't really know how to command troops on the ground.
And this in fact backfired in Finland where many of
the Red Army troops were not used to that type
(16:54):
of climate um and the more green d of like leadership. Now,
they weren't used to you know, training for winter kind
of conditions or anything like that, and so they also
weren't particularly able to properly keep their troops fed and
clothed and you know, guarded against the elements. So they're
(17:19):
you know, seemingly less formidable foe than the Finish. While
they definitely had a disadvantage in terms of like power,
firepower and and manpower. Uh, they were definitely better fed
and much more used to the climate. And then these uh,
you know, wintry conditions. So there are even tales of
food shortages that got so bad that cannibalism was taking
(17:42):
place among the Russian rank and file. Yeah, and this
isn't for everyone, folks, but it's widely understood that the
catabalism did actually occur. That claim is supported by actual
Finish photographs from the time period. So this is this
is a war of extremes. It's one of the coldest
(18:02):
winters on record. Uh. The Finnish forces have the home
turf advantage because they live in this area, you know
what I mean, They're used to the brutal climate. Daylight
is only lasting a few hours, temperatures are regularly going
way below freezing. This means that if you have any
exposed flesh and you're out in the wild, you can
(18:24):
immediately get frostbite bodies. Yeah, bodies will freeze in minutes.
You could probably use dead bodies for a barrier if
you want it, because they would become that hard. Uh.
The radios aren't always working because the raging blizzards, you
can't do a lot of aerial reconnaissance. Uh. And also
(18:44):
in these winter storms make firing artillery tricky. So the
Fins see this and recognize it as an advantage. That's
pretty neat. Man, if you think about it, you think
about the desert and like the tundra as being like
could be like, you know, no pun intended polar opposites.
But if you look at the types of clothing that
(19:05):
the Finnished soldiers war they were, they they really resemble
the types of clothing Bedouins are folks who you know,
make their home or travel a lot in the desert
where they're called snow capes, and they're like literally these
kind of loose fitting, kind of like cloths that go
over their head almost like a turban, and then over
their body and apparently was something that helped them adapt
(19:26):
to the climate. And they also used reindeer. And again
we've already talked about how the Finnish troops were skiing.
They were used to this terrain and they could take
advantage of it and actually make it work for them,
especially when it came to the element of surprise. Yeah,
and keep in mind that when we're talking about the
Russian and Cranian soldiers not being familiar with the area
(19:46):
or the climate, very few of those individuals could even
use snowshoes, so skiing is kind of out of the
question for them. Also, those khaki uniforms stick out from
a long way away, which is a not not a
good look if you're on the Soviet side. So these
Finnish ski troopers were able to take were able to
(20:09):
gauge in multiple strategies, and they were able to come
from multiple directions, you know as snow bank or what
have you. The infantry and armored units of the Soviets
have to stay on these really narrow forest roads and
they're long columns. Because they're marching in a line, right
or they're rolling into tanks in a line, they can
(20:30):
be ambushed and they can be cut apart by something
that the Finns called Malti tactics m O t t I.
That's a it's a term for a measure of firewood,
so they were chopping them down like wood. Is what
what that name refers to? Interesting, there's actually uh scholarly
(20:52):
paper on MASSI tactics and finished military historiography since World
War Two. That is the very sexy title of it
from the University of Eastern Finland by Posse to nine
men if you want to read a little bit more
about this uh particular historical tactic. But um, again I
keep referring to them as snow ninja's because this is
(21:14):
not what they were. They were able to move very
silently with these reindeer, who also need to be able
to move silently to stay away from predators. Um. They
were transporting their heavier kind of artillery on these very
silently moving, well adapted reindeer, whereas the Soviets were still
using motorized vehicles so they could hear them coming a
mile away. Um. I have to mention that the Soviets
(21:37):
were starting to really show uh their fatigue and malnourishments,
so they were like super like on edge all the time.
And a lot of these attacks took place during the nights,
which lasts longer. You know. We know that in like
Alaska and an arcticustin like that. I mean, it stays
dark sometimes for you know, like weeks out of the
year sometimes, right, yeah, yeah, and daylight is all going
(22:00):
to be a few hours long at this time of year.
The attacks are also occurring at night because Soviet campfires
are the there might as well be advertisements saying, come
attack us if you're a finished sniper. Uh So, the
Red Army soldiers start to really get beaten down in
terms of morale, but it's having physical effects as well.
(22:23):
A lot of them are severely sleep deprived, and one
of their most effective strategies on the Finished side was
what War on the Rocks described as weaponization of the
enemy's hunger. So to have soldiers, you have to be
able to feed them, especially if they're in if they're
(22:44):
conducting such strenuous exercises in such a demanding environment during
the winter war, the like, if we were all Soviet soldiers,
our daily ration would be like a hunk of bread
and maybe some tea. On the other side, the Fins
have everything hooked up. They've got these preserved meats, they've
(23:06):
got this very nutrient rich, if not super appetizing gruel,
and they have these sled driven cooking units that are
just zipping back and forth bringing home the bacon or
in this case, the sausage. Yeah, and we know historically
um sausage has been very important staple during war times
(23:26):
or just during more lean times, because they last longer.
You know, you can hang them up, you can pre
cook them, or keep them freeze dried, or there's there's
any number of ways to keep them from spoiling, because
it's the way that they're you know, cased and all
that stuff, so very very important uh staple. But the
Red Army persisted because you know, you don't say no
to Papistalin, do you y. It's generally thought not to
(23:48):
be a good idea. So the Soviets are rightly terrified
and they're getting close to starving. If we fast forward
to December ten, we see that a Soviet battalion, the
(24:10):
ninth Rifle Division, staged a surprise attack on finished troops
near a village in the east. And this would have
been a very easy victory for the Soviets, but because
they were starving, they lost their minds. When they ran
into the cooking tents for the Finnished soldiers, they smelled
(24:32):
sausage stew, and this was a purposely fat, heavy meal
that was meant to keep the fins fighting despite the
freezing conditions. So they stopped their attack. They like dropped
the whole thing, and they said, Okay, let's get something,
which is pretty understandable, you know, if all you've been
eaten is is not great bread and then maybe some tea.
(24:54):
I'm not saying it was the right thing to do,
but I definitely would have stopped for a for a
food truck, absolute kidding, especially like a delicious sausage truck
and a bowl full of gruel. Gruel. Now, and look,
I think gruel gets a bad rap. You know. I
really was a big fan of cream of wheat when
I was a small child. I think I would probably
(25:15):
still enjoy it this day. And I also enjoy pronouncing
the hard ancient wheat um. But uh, that's essentially what
gruel is. It's just like some sort of you know, pablum,
like uh, you know, I guess it could be served warm.
We could live on that. But yeah, you know, you
can get to get some sausage. That's what I'm saying.
It's I feel like it's a negative connotation it's like,
(25:37):
let's just call it something else, let's call it cream
of wheat. But they could not resist that delicious smell,
and it would have suck out, you know, you know,
it would have been carried from far away in those
freezing cold conditions. They never would have They never had
a chance. So it was too much for them. They
did pause their attack. They got that finished sausage, and
(25:59):
the Finnish defenders took advantage of that. Lieutenant Colonel r
O Pejari, the hero of our story, was happened to
be passing through the area at the time and he
saw this wave of Fins that were like acting all panicky, Right,
why are they panicking? Then, Oh, they're panicking because there's
this sneak attack that's happening that's only been stopped because
(26:22):
the attackers are starving, and now they're just gorging themselves
on sausage, like jamming it in their mouths, you know,
jamming it in their pockets, hiding it wherever they can
uh because they don't know if this opportunity will come again.
We can emphasize nothing literally starving gets together like a
(26:43):
last minute group. He gets about a hundred cooks clerks
and some gunners, and they are able to basically sneak
up on this exhausted rifle regiment just after midnight on
December eleven, and it this is incredibly brutal. This is
a blood bath. It's one of the few times, um
(27:06):
at least according to historian William Trotter, it's one of
the only times that bayonet fighting was recorded during the
Winter War. Uh. They use the Finns use a particular
thing called a puko knife. You heard of these, I haven't.
I just looked it up. And it's just a nasty
little knife, super sharp, like a like a dear bone
(27:26):
handle kind of thing, and a short blade, real good
for a shankin stabbing. Uh. And you could definitely slice
the throat with a very very sharp edge, and they
did just that. Throats were slashed, people were gunned down, presumably,
you know, while steaming pots of uh of sausage soups
spilled out everywhere. It sounds like a real horror shown. Yeah, yeah, definitely,
(27:51):
because if you see those blades that they were using,
and things like Trunchean's as well, there's not a lot
of range to those. This was very close orders bloody combat.
It only lasts a few minutes, and as put in
Finland at war dot Com, Soviets tried to scatter, but
some of those soldiers ended up dying with their mouths
(28:12):
in their pockets full of sausage. So that is the
very undelightful reason this has been called the sausage War.
It's not what I think any of us were hoping for.
We were thinking, hey, if it is like a food fight,
or there's something funny, or someone like slaps Joseph Stalin
with a sausage and picturing a rat a two E
(28:33):
type situation, you know, some sort of delightful you know,
feud between an upstairs downstairs kind of story, you know
for the ages with a happy ending where everyone eats together.
Uh no, no, no, and and and imagine, I always,
I think it's always so dramatic when they do this
in the film. But I mean, presumably the snow would
have just been stained with blood. Oh yeah, absolutely when
(28:56):
dawn would come for a few short hours. It would
be a nightmarish scene. So after the immediate fighting, some
Finnished soldiers are scouting around for escape ease and they're
using a lamp to stun their prey and then another
guy fires a submachine gun. The Finns lost about twenty people.
(29:20):
The Red Army lost over a hundred, and that's just
the bodies they found and counted. This terrified the Russian Batalians.
Very few people had survived, and it shows both the
disorganization of the Red Army and just how adept the
Finnish forces were even outnumbered and honestly how ruthless they
(29:40):
were when it when it came time to rumble. It's funny.
I just think of the I think of the Finnished
people is very like placid and you know, just like
like chill. But that is my own inexperience with the
Finnished people. Uh, and I will make that mistake again
if I am forced to face off in battle with
one of them. Yeah. Actually, uh. Finland has a reputation
(30:03):
for being incredibly effective in times of war. As a
matter of fact, this is something some of our ridiculous
historians were already thinking of the world's deadliest snipers from Finland.
His name, I want to say, Simo Semo hi Ha
or something like that. H a y h a whom
all outs over the a's Uh. He has at least
(30:26):
five hundred confirmed kills during this Winter war. Jesus I
know his nickname was the White Death. So they're very
much a Max please beat me here. They're very much
on a around and find out vibe, thank you, thanks,
very effective. You're you're the You're like a Finnish sniper
(30:50):
of beeping. There it is there, it is so uh
with Max as our winter soldier, let's continue the story here.
The Finnish forces realized how effective this is, how like
critical the food situation is on the Soviet side, so
they decide to weaponize it by ordering everybody to target
(31:12):
Soviet field kitchens. So start removing the food or removing
the access to it. Uh. This they finally found their weakness.
Soviets need food, which is what Checkers is referencing when
they say you gotta eat, you gotta actually yeah, so
so this becomes kind of the breaking point. But still
(31:35):
sausage is not enough to stop the invasion. After more
than a hundred days of war, Finland is finally overwhelmed
just because Stalin was throwing bodies at the problem. They
just couldn't compete with the sheer magnitude of the firepower.
And it's It's a pretty popular example for people who
(31:55):
are students of military strategy because Finland doesn't have a
big popular lation at the time. It's considered kind of
weak and isolated diplomatically, but it made the war so
costly for Russia in terms of in terms of sheer
blood and loss of human life. So wait, a manute,
are you saying that Stalin let his own ego and
(32:16):
megalomania stand in the way of an effective war? Well,
you know, uh, there there are a lot of things
that could be said about Joseph m and not all
of them are good, to put it lightly, but this, uh,
this kill ratio is still one of the most extreme
in the history of modern warfare. Uh. I think experts
(32:40):
now estimate that Finland maybe lost twenty five thousands soldiers,
but the Soviets lost somewhere around two hundred thousand and
the ones and many of those who didn't die were
crippled for life due to frostbite. Yeah, that frost bite
is absolutely no joke. Um. Finland did eventually fall to Stalin,
(33:03):
though um despice this very formidable underdog moment. Unfortunately, they
were forced to seed massive pieces of their territory. But
the army was so effective and scene is so effective
that they were able to keep their independence. Uh, and
we're spared the same fate as many of the other
(33:25):
Baltic states. So good on Finland, Right, it's pretty cool. Yeah, Yeah,
it's it's a brutal story. But war is a brutal
industry and it's just the worst. Yeah. And this conflict
led to a lot of consequences for members of the
(33:45):
Soviet military, and it actually led to some reforms that
were sorely needed. But that is the story of the
Sausage War. No, it's such a brutal story that I
don't don't think we should just end it there. Um,
maybe we can give maybe we can get a taste
(34:06):
of something lighter. I've got a little story for you, guys.
I went through a period where I was looking at
apartments in other countries, especially when I realized that we
can work remotely, and I got really into looking at
finished apartments because they have they have all these cool
innovations that you just don't see an apartments in the US.
(34:29):
And one thing that struck me as weird is that
like every apartment building is just sort of expected to
have a sauna it's that much of the culture. It
truly is. Uh. Sauna culture is huge there. Um ben,
have you heard of a thing called a shower beer? Yeah, yeah,
exactly what it sounds like. It's something that I was
(34:50):
turned onto not very long ago. You have a nice
refreshing beer while you're taking a hot shower. Um. Well,
in Finland's they don't have shower bears. They have sauna sausages.
True story, it's so true. So uh, it's a cultural
institution people like. It's such a part of Finnish culture
that once upon a time, Finnished mothers would give birth
(35:11):
in the sauna. It was the cleanest space in the home.
There are three point three million saunas for population of
about five point five million people, meaning that almost every
household has one. And like you said, no people also
cook sausage in the saunas, has right, the traditional makara
(35:33):
sausage they use, you know how the traditional wet sauna
would be a pile of hot stones that you then
you know, pour water over in the water quickly evaporates
and creates the hot steam. Uh. So, one way of
cooking the sausage is to actually literally lay it over
the sauna stones, which are known as kaius is. I
(35:55):
thinkna forgive me if I'm mispronouncing that. There are also
little kind of little gadgets you can get. You can
also wrap them in foil so they're not going directly
on the presumably uh you know, body fluid covered stones
not you know, just they're just like sweat, let's call it.
There's gonna be some sweat on those stones, so you
wrap it foil. But there are some other innovations that
(36:17):
are may be a little more modern, right yeah, yeah,
like a soap stone holder that is specifically designed to
let you cook sausage inside your sauna. Also, I want
to give our pal Gay Bluzier at Arbitrary Ridiculous History
Award for finding finding this article called the five most
(36:39):
popular Finnish Sausages. This is the kind of stuff that
I lose time reading late at night. But if you
scroll down, um, you'll see that musta makara is the
not only the most popular of the Finnish sausages, but
it's also you guys know, I'm an adventurous eater. I
(36:59):
try it, but it doesn't look super great. It is
a blood sausage, so you're the sauna. Yeah yeah, you're
eating your pigs blood, pork meat, and fat along with
crushed dry um. It looks a little bit like poop. Uh,
just a bit, but you know, no knocking it. Maybe
(37:22):
it tastes amazing. I'm just saying it might not be
for everyone. You know, It's funny. It actually does seem
as though makara is specifically a type of sausage. It's
meant to be consumed in the sauna. Yeah. Yeah, you
can eat it outside of outside of the sauna. You
certainly can't, but it does seem to be a bit
of a flex um. You gotta have your sausage when
(37:44):
you're in your sauna. Sausage, guys, I love a sausage.
Sausage yeah, like you know, just like cheap a sausage
you are now, but like you had like real sausage.
Oh yeah, it's like the best two. I was just
in Paris briefly, um, and I had this local sausage
over out of like creamy mashed potatoes with gravy, and
it was the best sauce I've ever had in my life.
It was just like, you know, something about the level
(38:06):
of like fennel and like the spices and things. It
was just like freaking awesome. So yeah, it all depends.
French cuisine tends to use fresh ingredients too, so I
think that makes a huge difference. That's what I noticed, um,
last time I was in Paris. But yeah, maybe sausage
in a gravy. I'm down with that. Biscuits and gravy,
you know. And then, if you'll recall the episode you
(38:28):
and I were on of Richard Blaze's Food Court. I
argued for sausage, you argued for bacon. If I'm not mistaken,
I arranged Supreme in that judgment is a kangaroo court
and do not respect this jurisdiction. Um, I guess like
to do the court right here because I'm on old
side right now. My argument was the sausage is more versatile,
(38:49):
and I think that was mainly what what you guys are,
the Soviets and I and the Fins in this situation.
So watch out. Now we're gonna, we're gon We're gonna,
we're gonna in it diplomatically and peacefully. Budget right, we
won't we won't uh stab each other just yet. Uh.
And there's more than enough sausage and bacon to go around,
(39:11):
but Richard Blaze's show Food Court is a tremendous amount
of funds, so give it a listen if you get
a chance. He's a super nice, brilliant and objectively funny dude.
Is He's just a joy to hang out with. In
the meantime, I think we're going to haul it a day.
We've done. Am I a bad person for admitting that
(39:33):
this conversation has made me hungry? You guys again, I
peep by on the curtain. I have not had time
to go consume my leftover Chinese food yet, so that
is happening immediately. No, I mean the bloodshed part maybe
a little bit, but uh, the sausage, I mean we
ended done the sausage. The sausage, yes, and uh and
we hope you enjoyed this episode, folks. Thanks as always
(39:56):
to our one and only super producer, Mr Max Maximili Williams.
Thanks of course to Alex Williams who composed our track,
and uh, thanks to our number one sausage Jonathan Strickland
A k this quister. We could do better than number
one Sausage? What should we do? I guess I'll see
you next time, Folks, for more podcasts for my heart Radio,
(40:24):
visit the i heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever
you listen to your favorite shows.
Ridiculous History is a production of I Heart Radio. Welcome
(00:27):
back Ridiculous Historians. As always, thank you so much for
tuning in. Today, we're talking about the dogs of War,
the hot Dogs War, sausage War. There's the one and
only super producer, Max Williams. I'm ben No, I think
this title stood out to both of us. Huh well, yeah,
(00:48):
I mean you know what they say say war is
the verst Yes they do hot dog. They don't really
say that hot diggity dog. Yeah, you know. And I'm
telling you we title stood out to both of us.
Uh three. We thought it would be a light what oh,
(01:08):
a sausage war. That sounds delightful, like maybe there'll be
some rivals. Chefs are getting a recipe as to how
much fenneled their sausage should be stuffed in our Which
types of case things do you use? No, No, we
should have read a little deeper before we tackle this one.
It was in fact about a quite bloody conflict in
the Soviet Union and Finland. Yes, a absolute blood bath.
(01:30):
On November thirty nine, thirty nine, half a million Soviet
soldiers swarmed North. They were armed to the teeth, they
had tanks, they have machine guns. This was part of
what's known as the Winter War. But the Russian enemy
in this case wasn't the Third Reich, even though it's
ninety nine, wasn't Third Reich. Instead, it was Finland and
(01:53):
Never seeming like they say at Hamilton's, they were outnumbered, outmanned, outgunned.
I can't remember exactly all that song goes, but you
know what I'm talking about. I sort of dove never.
You know, I've never gotten Hamilton's. I'm gonna come out
there and say a hot take. I don't get Hambleton's.
I don't get all the hype. Uh. Well, the hype
can ruin a good thing, you know, I really can't.
(02:16):
I never. I never was able to make it all
the way through. And the Disney Plus version of it
is beautifully filmed. It's verily, really well done. I just
I don't know's I find it a little cringe. I'm
not gonna lie. I find Lin Manuel Miranda a little cringe. Uh.
Let let us know what you think about Hamilton's. Um.
But yeah, outgunned indeed and taken by surprise. Uh you
(02:38):
would think Finland would have to give up to Stalin.
I mean Stalin is just no. Is this iron fisted,
you know, military powerhouse in Finland. You don't even think
that they have guns. I would just assume they have
like pointy sticks or something. But they had some guns.
They just didn't have as many as the Soviets. But
for one shining moment, uh, it would seem that this
(03:02):
might be a David and Goliath type situation, with Finland
as the tiny little David with the sling, and Russia
being the giant who maybe is going to be toppled
by just stick tuitiveness and gumption of the little guy
and the little guy in this situation, or at least
the rock in that sling the sausage. Yeah, true story.
So nine journey back there with those folks. Europe collectively
(03:28):
is worried about Germany and their war mongering, but a
conflict between the USSR and Finland is also in the wind.
In fact, it seems unavoidable. Stalin himself reportedly resented Finland
because once upon a time it was Russian territory and
(03:49):
it had always fought back against attempts to assimilate the
country into Russian culture. And you know, of course you
just have to take a casual glance at the app
Russia geographically is much much larger than Finland. But in
Stalin's mind and to a lot of a lot of
(04:09):
other people in Russia at the time, the loss of
Finland was a terrible example of the diminishment of the
Russian Empire, you know what I mean. They thought of
the days when Finland was part of Russia as the
glory days of the Empire. So they took the loss.
At least Stalin took the loss very personally. Yeah, it
(04:31):
seems like Stalin took most things pretty personally. If you've
seen the movie The Death of Stalin. He was a
very petty man um who would let no slight go unpunished, right,
It was sort of his whole vibe. So, behind the scenes,
the Soviet Union of Nazi Germany had kind of colluded
or at least made this agreement not to interfere with
(04:52):
each other's territorial you know, goals in certain parts of Europe. Anyway,
um in the Soviet Union and finn Land had signed
this non aggression packed in two Stalin started flexing uh
and making that beef very public and demanding that Finland
seed that territory. Um just a couple of years after
(05:13):
they had signed this don aggression packed and you could
definitely argue that him uh mounting this kind of public
campaign is certainly aggressive, the kind of aggressive that George
Bush would would say, we will not let stand um.
So when Hitler finally invaded Poland in nineteen thirty nine,
that's when Stalin saw his chance to get in there
(05:37):
and and then take back what he thought was rightfully
his Yeah, because the world's eyes are on Germany and Poland,
so Stalin, as he said, sees an opportunity. November nine,
Soviet forces bomb Helsinki and they launched their invasion. The
international community is of course not supportive of this, but
(06:03):
it seems like their their hands are tied. Soviet victory
seems inevitable. The Finnish forces are outnumbered three to one.
This war looks like it's not just gonna be a
victory for the Soviet forces, but it looks like it's
going to be a very short war. This assault, like
we said, they're they're over six hundred thousands Soviet troops,
(06:25):
thousands of tanks, planes, heavy artillery. The Finnish army is
less than half the size of the invading army and
they only have a few tanks. They don't really have
a ton of planes, and they're they're also to be
to be blunt. They're low on bullets, Like even if
they had more guns, would they have the ammunition to
(06:49):
put in them. That's a big problem. They're outnumbered, they're outgunned.
They are subjected to massive garages of artillery attacks. In
in cases pointed out by War on the Rocks dot Com,
over three hundred thousand artillery shells fell on finished positions
in the space of a day. Oh my god, how
(07:11):
could you come back from that? And according to many
you know, written accounts from the time, the sound of
those munitions hitting could be heard over a hundred miles
away in hell Sinki. It was so cacophonous. And there's
just so many of them. Third, three hundred thousand shells,
and we're talking like big old these are like, you know,
mortar shells right then, like mortar rounds. Yeah, these artillery
(07:33):
these are these are not fireworks, you know what I mean.
They're doing serious, serious damage. And then right after these,
right after these shock and awe attacks, the Soviet troops
try to storm the Finnish bunkers but what like, just
to give you a sense of the destruction, folks, when
the Soviets would get into these bunkers, they would see
(07:56):
the Finnish defenders, the occupants of the bunkers dead from
the sheer concussive force of these artillery blast That's right.
It reminds me of the story we did about the
Hunley where you know, many of the crew of the
Hunley was found um, peacefully dead. Uh, and that turned
(08:17):
out to be largely because they were killed by shock waves.
Underwater shock waves from those minds, I believe is what
it was undersea mine. So I mean just just literally
those kinds of vibrations, even if it's not a direct hit,
can like liquefy your insides practically. Yep. Shout out to
Rachel Lance. It's so crazy that we know the world's
foremost authority on underwater explosions. That's a feather in my cap.
(08:40):
I don't know about you, man, but I I sometimes
think about that and I need a little you know,
we'll pick me up, a little pick me up. Absolutely,
that's a very very cool episode. Um okay, so dead
eerily silent again. According to War on the Rock dot Com,
Finish troops laying you know, placidly in their bunkers does
(09:01):
not seem like the type of turnaround victory or the
you know, the type of like underdog story that we promised.
So how do we get there. Let's introduce Group tal Vela. Uh.
The Finnish four Core was given the job of securing Finland,
(09:26):
specifically the northern shore of Lake Ladoga. They had two
full divisions, they had battalions assigned to it. In the
opening days of the Winter War, the corps actually wasn't
doing very well and the leaders allowed their units to
give up a lot of ground, which of course led
to a rapidly deteriorating wartime situation. There's a character we
(09:50):
want to introduce, Colonel Pavo tal Vela. He was a
it was a veteran of something that we're going to
treat very seriously. The despite being children in the nineteen
nineteen as expedition, which was very very much like he
(10:12):
went very deep, proved the deaths. Yes, it's an expedition
deep into a region. Uh, it's a penetrative mission. Uh.
It's been a long week, folks, But this is a
real story. The news expedition and we're um, we're we're adults.
But so this Colonel Telvella, after his extensive but imperfect
(10:37):
uh you know, experiences with uh, he had also written
a thesis about combat operations in the Why did you
have to say again? I was almost recovered. Hey, but
(11:04):
I'm okay. Now I am wiping these tears away from
my eyes. Uh. And I'm going to power power on
sally Forth as Day's say. Um. He held him a
meeting with another very important man, the marshal by the
name of Karl Mannerheim. It was concerned that if the
situation continued to escalate, they were likely going to end
(11:27):
up losing their advantage to the front that they had
and then ultimately the war. So the Soviet eighth Army,
it was already on its way to uh vartill yah
ver vertil Ya. I'm gonna call it. It's get them
loud over the a and the second a UM. And
that was a very important strategic railway junction that would
(11:47):
open up the way um to the Karelian Isthmus, which
is another very very important strategic location, and then they
would have access to the main defense line. Yeah, that's
that's the idea and it's a pretty solid argument, at
least Mannerheim thinks. So he's convinced, and so Tavella says, look,
here's what you need to do. You need to send
(12:10):
some folks over to relieve some of the pressure here.
So Mannerheim sends the infantry Regiment sixteen known as the
j R. Sixteen under the command of a friend of
Tavela is a guy named Lieutenant Colonel aro Peji, and
gets his regiment from the railway to the front lines.
(12:30):
Tavella is giving the command of a special group called
Group tal Vela, and they get a pretty hardcore cinematic order.
They're told to stop the Soviet advance by any means necessary.
Do you think he named the group after himself or
it was bestowed upon them by some higher up unclear, unclear,
(12:51):
but I would like to think that somebody else just
called it that. It seems a little humility come on.
And so he's got there there, you know, presumably like
they've got a special set of skills, right um, They're
ordered to get out there, get a get ahead of
this problem, stop the Soviet advance using whatever, you know,
(13:12):
special set of skills they were, you know, gifted with
and together Talvella and Parjari um were able to kind of,
you know, rally the troops. The Finnish forces. At this point,
we're kind of like down a little down trodden. Um.
They were not feeling like they had much of a chance,
and the Soviets were still advancing at a at a
(13:32):
pretty significant clip. Um. So Parjari decided to conduct the
kind of behind the lines raid against the Soviet forces
that we're coming closer and closer to the area. So
Peji in his ragtag band of you know Ninja's just
gets even more ninja like with what I'm got to
(13:54):
tell you. They actually ski uh their snow ninjas. They
ski through the forests of North Karelia um under the
cover of night. Um. There is also there's a like
a diversionary attack by that other company UM j R
sixteen uh, the Infantry Regiment sixteen. And after a few
hours of skiing, the raiding party came across a regiment
(14:16):
of Soviet soldiers who were asleep uh in a valley
by um Kevi Zalmi Visali. Yeah, here's what they did.
They were these are guerilla tactics. They are launching surprise
attacks and then they're immediately relocating so that the Soviet forces,
which still outnumber them, are unable to muster up some
(14:39):
kind of counter attack. So these guys are are doing
drive bys on skis. Basically they're firing, they're skiing away,
and then they're confusing the enemy. The raid was massively successful.
The only casualty actually was Pejari himself, who had a
mild heart attack on the return. Juror me. So this
(15:02):
raid was huge for the morale of the Finnish forces
and it was incredibly demoralizing for Soviet forces. But even
though this made the Finns fill a little bit better,
most observers still thought this was just delaying the inevitable
and that Soviet forces would win the war, except that
(15:24):
is for a crucial misstep that they made on their side.
The forces who took over the border in November ninety nine,
they weren't in great shape because they lost a lot
of leadership due to Stalin's famous paranoia. You know, he's
known for purging his political rivals and even people who
(15:48):
thought they were friends with him. Between nine and nineteen
thirty nine, over thirty thousand high ranking officers have been
at the very least fired. A lot of them were
arrested or executed, and Stalin's supporters were put in their places,
regardless of what their qualifications might be. This is pretty
(16:09):
bad news because these new officers are green, they don't
really know what they're doing. Their bureaucrats, they're not soldiers, right,
And also just that you know that kind of climate,
and we've all been there, worked for a company or
whatever where you're always kind of like paranoid about what
your boss is gonna do. Maybe much of your colleagues
has gotten fired, and you're kind of living in constant fear.
It's terrible for morale. Um. So all these rank and
(16:32):
file troops in the Soviet Armies were just kind of
like just ill at ease, and like you said, the
new officers that were installed, we're just not very experienced.
They didn't really know how to command troops on the ground.
And this in fact backfired in Finland where many of
the Red Army troops were not used to that type
(16:54):
of climate um and the more green d of like leadership. Now,
they weren't used to you know, training for winter kind
of conditions or anything like that, and so they also
weren't particularly able to properly keep their troops fed and
clothed and you know, guarded against the elements. So they're
(17:19):
you know, seemingly less formidable foe than the Finish. While
they definitely had a disadvantage in terms of like power,
firepower and and manpower. Uh, they were definitely better fed
and much more used to the climate. And then these uh,
you know, wintry conditions. So there are even tales of
food shortages that got so bad that cannibalism was taking
(17:42):
place among the Russian rank and file. Yeah, and this
isn't for everyone, folks, but it's widely understood that the
catabalism did actually occur. That claim is supported by actual
Finish photographs from the time period. So this is this
is a war of extremes. It's one of the coldest
(18:02):
winters on record. Uh. The Finnish forces have the home
turf advantage because they live in this area, you know
what I mean, They're used to the brutal climate. Daylight
is only lasting a few hours, temperatures are regularly going
way below freezing. This means that if you have any
exposed flesh and you're out in the wild, you can
(18:24):
immediately get frostbite bodies. Yeah, bodies will freeze in minutes.
You could probably use dead bodies for a barrier if
you want it, because they would become that hard. Uh.
The radios aren't always working because the raging blizzards, you
can't do a lot of aerial reconnaissance. Uh. And also
(18:44):
in these winter storms make firing artillery tricky. So the
Fins see this and recognize it as an advantage. That's
pretty neat. Man, if you think about it, you think
about the desert and like the tundra as being like
could be like, you know, no pun intended polar opposites.
But if you look at the types of clothing that
(19:05):
the Finnished soldiers war they were, they they really resemble
the types of clothing Bedouins are folks who you know,
make their home or travel a lot in the desert
where they're called snow capes, and they're like literally these
kind of loose fitting, kind of like cloths that go
over their head almost like a turban, and then over
their body and apparently was something that helped them adapt
(19:26):
to the climate. And they also used reindeer. And again
we've already talked about how the Finnish troops were skiing.
They were used to this terrain and they could take
advantage of it and actually make it work for them,
especially when it came to the element of surprise. Yeah,
and keep in mind that when we're talking about the
Russian and Cranian soldiers not being familiar with the area
(19:46):
or the climate, very few of those individuals could even
use snowshoes, so skiing is kind of out of the
question for them. Also, those khaki uniforms stick out from
a long way away, which is a not not a
good look if you're on the Soviet side. So these
Finnish ski troopers were able to take were able to
(20:09):
gauge in multiple strategies, and they were able to come
from multiple directions, you know as snow bank or what
have you. The infantry and armored units of the Soviets
have to stay on these really narrow forest roads and
they're long columns. Because they're marching in a line, right
or they're rolling into tanks in a line, they can
(20:30):
be ambushed and they can be cut apart by something
that the Finns called Malti tactics m O t t I.
That's a it's a term for a measure of firewood,
so they were chopping them down like wood. Is what
what that name refers to? Interesting, there's actually uh scholarly
(20:52):
paper on MASSI tactics and finished military historiography since World
War Two. That is the very sexy title of it
from the University of Eastern Finland by Posse to nine
men if you want to read a little bit more
about this uh particular historical tactic. But um, again I
keep referring to them as snow ninja's because this is
(21:14):
not what they were. They were able to move very
silently with these reindeer, who also need to be able
to move silently to stay away from predators. Um. They
were transporting their heavier kind of artillery on these very
silently moving, well adapted reindeer, whereas the Soviets were still
using motorized vehicles so they could hear them coming a
mile away. Um. I have to mention that the Soviets
(21:37):
were starting to really show uh their fatigue and malnourishments,
so they were like super like on edge all the time.
And a lot of these attacks took place during the nights,
which lasts longer. You know. We know that in like
Alaska and an arcticustin like that. I mean, it stays
dark sometimes for you know, like weeks out of the
year sometimes, right, yeah, yeah, and daylight is all going
(22:00):
to be a few hours long at this time of year.
The attacks are also occurring at night because Soviet campfires
are the there might as well be advertisements saying, come
attack us if you're a finished sniper. Uh So, the
Red Army soldiers start to really get beaten down in
terms of morale, but it's having physical effects as well.
(22:23):
A lot of them are severely sleep deprived, and one
of their most effective strategies on the Finished side was
what War on the Rocks described as weaponization of the
enemy's hunger. So to have soldiers, you have to be
able to feed them, especially if they're in if they're
(22:44):
conducting such strenuous exercises in such a demanding environment during
the winter war, the like, if we were all Soviet soldiers,
our daily ration would be like a hunk of bread
and maybe some tea. On the other side, the Fins
have everything hooked up. They've got these preserved meats, they've
(23:06):
got this very nutrient rich, if not super appetizing gruel,
and they have these sled driven cooking units that are
just zipping back and forth bringing home the bacon or
in this case, the sausage. Yeah, and we know historically
um sausage has been very important staple during war times
(23:26):
or just during more lean times, because they last longer.
You know, you can hang them up, you can pre
cook them, or keep them freeze dried, or there's there's
any number of ways to keep them from spoiling, because
it's the way that they're you know, cased and all
that stuff, so very very important uh staple. But the
Red Army persisted because you know, you don't say no
to Papistalin, do you y. It's generally thought not to
(23:48):
be a good idea. So the Soviets are rightly terrified
and they're getting close to starving. If we fast forward
to December ten, we see that a Soviet battalion, the
(24:10):
ninth Rifle Division, staged a surprise attack on finished troops
near a village in the east. And this would have
been a very easy victory for the Soviets, but because
they were starving, they lost their minds. When they ran
into the cooking tents for the Finnished soldiers, they smelled
(24:32):
sausage stew, and this was a purposely fat, heavy meal
that was meant to keep the fins fighting despite the
freezing conditions. So they stopped their attack. They like dropped
the whole thing, and they said, Okay, let's get something,
which is pretty understandable, you know, if all you've been
eaten is is not great bread and then maybe some tea.
(24:54):
I'm not saying it was the right thing to do,
but I definitely would have stopped for a for a
food truck, absolute kidding, especially like a delicious sausage truck
and a bowl full of gruel. Gruel. Now, and look,
I think gruel gets a bad rap. You know. I
really was a big fan of cream of wheat when
I was a small child. I think I would probably
(25:15):
still enjoy it this day. And I also enjoy pronouncing
the hard ancient wheat um. But uh, that's essentially what
gruel is. It's just like some sort of you know, pablum,
like uh, you know, I guess it could be served warm.
We could live on that. But yeah, you know, you
can get to get some sausage. That's what I'm saying.
It's I feel like it's a negative connotation it's like,
(25:37):
let's just call it something else, let's call it cream
of wheat. But they could not resist that delicious smell,
and it would have suck out, you know, you know,
it would have been carried from far away in those
freezing cold conditions. They never would have They never had
a chance. So it was too much for them. They
did pause their attack. They got that finished sausage, and
(25:59):
the Finnish defenders took advantage of that. Lieutenant Colonel r
O Pejari, the hero of our story, was happened to
be passing through the area at the time and he
saw this wave of Fins that were like acting all panicky, Right,
why are they panicking? Then, Oh, they're panicking because there's
this sneak attack that's happening that's only been stopped because
(26:22):
the attackers are starving, and now they're just gorging themselves
on sausage, like jamming it in their mouths, you know,
jamming it in their pockets, hiding it wherever they can
uh because they don't know if this opportunity will come again.
We can emphasize nothing literally starving gets together like a
(26:43):
last minute group. He gets about a hundred cooks clerks
and some gunners, and they are able to basically sneak
up on this exhausted rifle regiment just after midnight on
December eleven, and it this is incredibly brutal. This is
a blood bath. It's one of the few times, um
(27:06):
at least according to historian William Trotter, it's one of
the only times that bayonet fighting was recorded during the
Winter War. Uh. They use the Finns use a particular
thing called a puko knife. You heard of these, I haven't.
I just looked it up. And it's just a nasty
little knife, super sharp, like a like a dear bone
(27:26):
handle kind of thing, and a short blade, real good
for a shankin stabbing. Uh. And you could definitely slice
the throat with a very very sharp edge, and they
did just that. Throats were slashed, people were gunned down, presumably,
you know, while steaming pots of uh of sausage soups
spilled out everywhere. It sounds like a real horror shown. Yeah, yeah, definitely,
(27:51):
because if you see those blades that they were using,
and things like Trunchean's as well, there's not a lot
of range to those. This was very close orders bloody combat.
It only lasts a few minutes, and as put in
Finland at war dot Com, Soviets tried to scatter, but
some of those soldiers ended up dying with their mouths
(28:12):
in their pockets full of sausage. So that is the
very undelightful reason this has been called the sausage War.
It's not what I think any of us were hoping for.
We were thinking, hey, if it is like a food fight,
or there's something funny, or someone like slaps Joseph Stalin
with a sausage and picturing a rat a two E
(28:33):
type situation, you know, some sort of delightful you know,
feud between an upstairs downstairs kind of story, you know
for the ages with a happy ending where everyone eats together.
Uh no, no, no, and and and imagine, I always,
I think it's always so dramatic when they do this
in the film. But I mean, presumably the snow would
have just been stained with blood. Oh yeah, absolutely when
(28:56):
dawn would come for a few short hours. It would
be a nightmarish scene. So after the immediate fighting, some
Finnished soldiers are scouting around for escape ease and they're
using a lamp to stun their prey and then another
guy fires a submachine gun. The Finns lost about twenty people.
(29:20):
The Red Army lost over a hundred, and that's just
the bodies they found and counted. This terrified the Russian Batalians.
Very few people had survived, and it shows both the
disorganization of the Red Army and just how adept the
Finnish forces were even outnumbered and honestly how ruthless they
(29:40):
were when it when it came time to rumble. It's funny.
I just think of the I think of the Finnished
people is very like placid and you know, just like
like chill. But that is my own inexperience with the
Finnished people. Uh, and I will make that mistake again
if I am forced to face off in battle with
one of them. Yeah. Actually, uh. Finland has a reputation
(30:03):
for being incredibly effective in times of war. As a
matter of fact, this is something some of our ridiculous
historians were already thinking of the world's deadliest snipers from Finland.
His name, I want to say, Simo Semo hi Ha
or something like that. H a y h a whom
all outs over the a's Uh. He has at least
(30:26):
five hundred confirmed kills during this Winter war. Jesus I
know his nickname was the White Death. So they're very
much a Max please beat me here. They're very much
on a around and find out vibe, thank you, thanks,
very effective. You're you're the You're like a Finnish sniper
(30:50):
of beeping. There it is there, it is so uh
with Max as our winter soldier, let's continue the story here.
The Finnish forces realized how effective this is, how like
critical the food situation is on the Soviet side, so
they decide to weaponize it by ordering everybody to target
(31:12):
Soviet field kitchens. So start removing the food or removing
the access to it. Uh. This they finally found their weakness.
Soviets need food, which is what Checkers is referencing when
they say you gotta eat, you gotta actually yeah, so
so this becomes kind of the breaking point. But still
(31:35):
sausage is not enough to stop the invasion. After more
than a hundred days of war, Finland is finally overwhelmed
just because Stalin was throwing bodies at the problem. They
just couldn't compete with the sheer magnitude of the firepower.
And it's It's a pretty popular example for people who
(31:55):
are students of military strategy because Finland doesn't have a
big popular lation at the time. It's considered kind of
weak and isolated diplomatically, but it made the war so
costly for Russia in terms of in terms of sheer
blood and loss of human life. So wait, a manute,
are you saying that Stalin let his own ego and
(32:16):
megalomania stand in the way of an effective war? Well,
you know, uh, there there are a lot of things
that could be said about Joseph m and not all
of them are good, to put it lightly, but this, uh,
this kill ratio is still one of the most extreme
in the history of modern warfare. Uh. I think experts
(32:40):
now estimate that Finland maybe lost twenty five thousands soldiers,
but the Soviets lost somewhere around two hundred thousand and
the ones and many of those who didn't die were
crippled for life due to frostbite. Yeah, that frost bite
is absolutely no joke. Um. Finland did eventually fall to Stalin,
(33:03):
though um despice this very formidable underdog moment. Unfortunately, they
were forced to seed massive pieces of their territory. But
the army was so effective and scene is so effective
that they were able to keep their independence. Uh, and
we're spared the same fate as many of the other
(33:25):
Baltic states. So good on Finland, Right, it's pretty cool. Yeah, Yeah,
it's it's a brutal story. But war is a brutal
industry and it's just the worst. Yeah. And this conflict
led to a lot of consequences for members of the
(33:45):
Soviet military, and it actually led to some reforms that
were sorely needed. But that is the story of the
Sausage War. No, it's such a brutal story that I
don't don't think we should just end it there. Um,
maybe we can give maybe we can get a taste
(34:06):
of something lighter. I've got a little story for you, guys.
I went through a period where I was looking at
apartments in other countries, especially when I realized that we
can work remotely, and I got really into looking at
finished apartments because they have they have all these cool
innovations that you just don't see an apartments in the US.
(34:29):
And one thing that struck me as weird is that
like every apartment building is just sort of expected to
have a sauna it's that much of the culture. It
truly is. Uh. Sauna culture is huge there. Um ben,
have you heard of a thing called a shower beer? Yeah, yeah,
exactly what it sounds like. It's something that I was
(34:50):
turned onto not very long ago. You have a nice
refreshing beer while you're taking a hot shower. Um. Well,
in Finland's they don't have shower bears. They have sauna sausages.
True story, it's so true. So uh, it's a cultural
institution people like. It's such a part of Finnish culture
that once upon a time, Finnished mothers would give birth
(35:11):
in the sauna. It was the cleanest space in the home.
There are three point three million saunas for population of
about five point five million people, meaning that almost every
household has one. And like you said, no people also
cook sausage in the saunas, has right, the traditional makara
(35:33):
sausage they use, you know how the traditional wet sauna
would be a pile of hot stones that you then
you know, pour water over in the water quickly evaporates
and creates the hot steam. Uh. So, one way of
cooking the sausage is to actually literally lay it over
the sauna stones, which are known as kaius is. I
(35:55):
thinkna forgive me if I'm mispronouncing that. There are also
little kind of little gadgets you can get. You can
also wrap them in foil so they're not going directly
on the presumably uh you know, body fluid covered stones
not you know, just they're just like sweat, let's call it.
There's gonna be some sweat on those stones, so you
wrap it foil. But there are some other innovations that
(36:17):
are may be a little more modern, right yeah, yeah,
like a soap stone holder that is specifically designed to
let you cook sausage inside your sauna. Also, I want
to give our pal Gay Bluzier at Arbitrary Ridiculous History
Award for finding finding this article called the five most
(36:39):
popular Finnish Sausages. This is the kind of stuff that
I lose time reading late at night. But if you
scroll down, um, you'll see that musta makara is the
not only the most popular of the Finnish sausages, but
it's also you guys know, I'm an adventurous eater. I
(36:59):
try it, but it doesn't look super great. It is
a blood sausage, so you're the sauna. Yeah yeah, you're
eating your pigs blood, pork meat, and fat along with
crushed dry um. It looks a little bit like poop. Uh,
just a bit, but you know, no knocking it. Maybe
(37:22):
it tastes amazing. I'm just saying it might not be
for everyone. You know, It's funny. It actually does seem
as though makara is specifically a type of sausage. It's
meant to be consumed in the sauna. Yeah. Yeah, you
can eat it outside of outside of the sauna. You
certainly can't, but it does seem to be a bit
of a flex um. You gotta have your sausage when
(37:44):
you're in your sauna. Sausage, guys, I love a sausage.
Sausage yeah, like you know, just like cheap a sausage
you are now, but like you had like real sausage.
Oh yeah, it's like the best two. I was just
in Paris briefly, um, and I had this local sausage
over out of like creamy mashed potatoes with gravy, and
it was the best sauce I've ever had in my life.
It was just like, you know, something about the level
(38:06):
of like fennel and like the spices and things. It
was just like freaking awesome. So yeah, it all depends.
French cuisine tends to use fresh ingredients too, so I
think that makes a huge difference. That's what I noticed, um,
last time I was in Paris. But yeah, maybe sausage
in a gravy. I'm down with that. Biscuits and gravy,
you know. And then, if you'll recall the episode you
(38:28):
and I were on of Richard Blaze's Food Court. I
argued for sausage, you argued for bacon. If I'm not mistaken,
I arranged Supreme in that judgment is a kangaroo court
and do not respect this jurisdiction. Um, I guess like
to do the court right here because I'm on old
side right now. My argument was the sausage is more versatile,
(38:49):
and I think that was mainly what what you guys are,
the Soviets and I and the Fins in this situation.
So watch out. Now we're gonna, we're gon We're gonna,
we're gonna in it diplomatically and peacefully. Budget right, we
won't we won't uh stab each other just yet. Uh.
And there's more than enough sausage and bacon to go around,
(39:11):
but Richard Blaze's show Food Court is a tremendous amount
of funds, so give it a listen if you get
a chance. He's a super nice, brilliant and objectively funny dude.
Is He's just a joy to hang out with. In
the meantime, I think we're going to haul it a day.
We've done. Am I a bad person for admitting that
(39:33):
this conversation has made me hungry? You guys again, I
peep by on the curtain. I have not had time
to go consume my leftover Chinese food yet, so that
is happening immediately. No, I mean the bloodshed part maybe
a little bit, but uh, the sausage, I mean we
ended done the sausage. The sausage, yes, and uh and
we hope you enjoyed this episode, folks. Thanks as always
(39:56):
to our one and only super producer, Mr Max Maximili Williams.
Thanks of course to Alex Williams who composed our track,
and uh, thanks to our number one sausage Jonathan Strickland
A k this quister. We could do better than number
one Sausage? What should we do? I guess I'll see
you next time, Folks, for more podcasts for my heart Radio,
(40:24):
visit the i heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever
you listen to your favorite shows.
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Noel Brown
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