December 17, 2024 • 40 mins
After going off the grid for the better part of a year, Jonathan Strickland AKA The Quizster returns at the end of 2024, with several bones to pick. As he regales -- and/or tortures -- Ben, Noel and Max with a new quiz and an (apparently) in-depth exploration of vikings, the guys do their best to solve his devious puzzles. Spoiler: this one ends on a cliffhanger.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ridiculous History is a production of iHeartRadio. Welcome back to
(00:27):
the show Ridiculous Historians, as always, who want to thank
our super producer, mister Max Williams.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Bah humbug.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Yes, it's funny. You're nol Brown. I've been bullying.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
I had.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
I had a great conversation about the word humbug because
get this, I watched for some reason, three versions of
a Christmas Carol of the Dickens story in a row.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
Why would you have done this to yourself, Ben, because
you know I get in situations.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Are you Are you okay?
Speaker 3 (01:06):
Oh gosh, you didn't even let us get through our
Scrooge discussion.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Man, Scrooge, Scrooge.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
Oh, I love that he used to be cool.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Oh man, he and I man, we had such good times.
Speaker 4 (01:22):
That is That is.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
The big secret we wanted to reveal to you folks,
long time Ridiculous Historians. You know that we have a
nemeses on this show. Well we have several. There's Cheryl Crow.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Sure, well, I thought we made up with Cheryl Yeah. Yeah,
we have a ceasefire with Cheryl Crow.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
We also have finally returning after quite some time here
at the end of the year, we have the man,
the myth legend Jonathan Strickland aka the Twister and Noel.
You and I have spent a lot of time over
twenty twenty four talking about his return.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Yes, is this like twin Peaks the return? That's a
fire walk with me.
Speaker 4 (02:10):
Alone.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
More is a bit of a red Room type figure.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
He's sort of like a demonic force that exists between worlds.
Speaker 4 (02:19):
All I have to say is wow, Bob Wow.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Carm Embozia.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Indeed, sir, Yeah, that gum you like is going to
come back in style, never left, never left, still here,
and so has the quizter, never left, always here in.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Spirit at the King.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Yeah, at the end of the year, we decided, well,
I say decided, we came to you hats in hands
and asked if you would grace us or curse us
with your presence.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
Which one's the spooky ghost in a Christmas Carol? Is
that Christmas Future? Yeah, you're a bit of a ghost
of Christmas future type figure.
Speaker 4 (02:57):
Jacob Marley is pretty darn spooky. He's the one who
tells Scrooge he'll be cast in chains for all eternity,
dead by dawn.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (03:08):
Also also ghosts of Christmas present has the two really
freaky children ignorance and why yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
Oh jeez, you're going from the original source material.
Speaker 5 (03:17):
I'm thinking more Scrooged kind of interprets Scrooge is a classic.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
I'm saving Scrooge towards the end of the year.
Speaker 4 (03:24):
Which did you watch?
Speaker 1 (03:25):
By the way, this is There was one from nineteen
thirty eight, which was way closer to the Dickensian source material. Uh,
there was one from the seventies, and I'm sure there's
an actor that I should know by name there. But
and then there was one from like a I wanted
(03:45):
to get a taste, you guys. I wanted a flight
of Christmas carols, so I tried one from the mid nineties.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
I'll tell you what a good one is that I
kind of forgot about as a Muppet Christmas Carol Michael
it is so straight.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
So is he ever emits the Muppets. It really works.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
They have two Jacob Marley's and I hate that Marley
and Marley. It's just oh, I hate it with all
But they.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Have a whole musical numbers. It's good.
Speaker 4 (04:12):
Yes, I know. I watched the burlesque numbers set to
it just the other day.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Do you also hate fun and Christmas parties? Presence?
Speaker 4 (04:21):
Have you not met me?
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Yeah, it's been a minute, all right, So where any
ben where any.
Speaker 4 (04:28):
Of the musicals you watched, or any of the Scrooges
you watch musicals? That's what I need to know.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Ah, the.
Speaker 4 (04:36):
Oddly enough No, So the nineteenth That's why I was asking,
because I was thinking the nineteen seventy one seventies one
could possibly have been Scrooge the Musical, which is my
favorite interpretation of a Christmas Gerald.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
Now, is that based on the stage production of a
Christmas Carol that's so popular around the holidays?
Speaker 4 (04:56):
I believe it's it's independent of any of the I
know that there had been staged versions that use some
of the same songs from Scrooge the Musical.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
That's the one I'm having a hard time remembering whether
the Christmas Carol that I know from my youth that
always would come around every year, was it a.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
Musical or was it just a dialogue driven.
Speaker 4 (05:15):
The one I love had Obi Wan Kenobi as Jacob Marley.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
All Right, do the song?
Speaker 4 (05:21):
Oh what the song?
Speaker 3 (05:22):
I like?
Speaker 4 (05:23):
The song is the don give very much? Thank give
very much. That's the nicest thing than anyone's ever done
for me. That's the that's the big one.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
I did not know you were gonna say.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
It's the song done at the end. The song is
done at the end where all the people have come
together to celebrate Scrooge's death. It's when he's seeing the
future of but Scrooge. Scrooge hasn't figured out that he's dead.
In this future. He thinks everyone really likes him. So
it's this juxtaposition of just sixth.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
Sense kind of situation.
Speaker 4 (06:03):
It's so it's so beautiful. It's such a joyous song
about someone having kicked the bucket. Not that I can
draw any corollaries to things that are happening right now,
but certainly I've seen it.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
Is this when is tiny Tim also deceased in the scenarium?
Speaker 4 (06:20):
Yes, in that version, Yes, tiny tiny Tip is six.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
Feet under in that he succumbed to the condition.
Speaker 4 (06:27):
Yes, he died. He died from congenital tininess.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Oh yeah, it's a it's a tragedy, and it may
seem a small tragedy, but it is supporting.
Speaker 4 (06:39):
It's a it's a it's a very short tragedy.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Yes, yes, And this is a short lived bit you
could tell folks we have some big end of the
year energy. We're playing fast and loose with this uh
as furious fast and furiously loose, which is how my
doctor describes never mind.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
So we are we're gonna love coologists.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
I reckon, I don't know if he's a real doctor.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
You know.
Speaker 4 (07:08):
Can we just tokyo drift into the quiz put please?
Speaker 3 (07:11):
This is the thing we got to fill time, John, This.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Is the setup.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
So long time ridiculous historians, you will know that for
many years now, uh apropos of whatever episodes we cover,
our nemeses, the the Quist will come to the show
and then will subject us to a series of torturous
(07:36):
mind experiments.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Noel, you remember.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
These, well, something of a mind freak that that that
that Quist.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
So Jonathan aka the quizter. Uh you have been, as
Noel said, uh, lurking in the shadows all these many episodes,
and at some point there was something that in some
episode we did that in fired you to yet again
begin our old greatest of games.
Speaker 4 (08:04):
Well, let me explain a little bit here. I was
the reason why you've not heard from me and so
long is that twenty twenty four has been sort of
a year of reflection and self discovery and self actualization,
if you will. I went on a sojourn to really
reflect and think hard about this animosity that has grown
(08:28):
between us, and perhaps wonder if, mayhaps there'll be a
way to settle things and have us all become friends.
And as I thought about this, I then perused your
episodes and something, something caught my attention that filled me
(08:48):
with such strange.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
Oh, such this is such intense loathing, some might say
unadulterated loathing. Be any number of episodes, yes, but there's
one in particular that got me. And it's not the
one we're going to quiz you about yet. No, that
(09:11):
that I have to save.
Speaker 4 (09:12):
I'm saving.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
This.
Speaker 4 (09:16):
This is more about Vikings, about Vikings and kitty cats.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Right, we did. That was a fun episode. Turns out
the Viking kiddies didn't have braided you know.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
Beards and little little little helmets, little hoarded helmets.
Speaker 4 (09:34):
Yes, I have. I have some Viking quizzes for you. Right,
A quiz A quiz?
Speaker 3 (09:41):
Oh you're going to say blood, I'm going to well,
I also have I also have a long story about
Vikings that I'll tell you after the.
Speaker 4 (09:48):
Quiz, and that's just going to be a present from me.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
All right, all right, But but then season, once we
do that, we can have our little chit chat and
our little discussion, and we could have our little tete tete.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
That's the most important part of the game, what is
going on?
Speaker 4 (10:04):
And then after that, well then after that spoiler alert
for your dear listeners, I'm going to tease the reason
why I have come back, but I'm gonna save that
for episode two. So just letting people know now that
they're not going to get it in this one. It's
just not happening.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
I'm sorry, so real mythology dump forget.
Speaker 4 (10:24):
Yeah, no, I had some time. I woke up pretty
early today, so I just kind of threw this together.
Here we go. As always for those who are unfamiliar
with the quiz, it is, of course the cringiest segment
in all of podcasting. We established that years ago, and.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
To be fair, it's been a hot menace as we've
done it. So we're really going to bring the cringe
on these two episodes, by the way.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Yes, with a much needed refresher.
Speaker 4 (10:47):
Yes. So this first one, I am giving you four scenarios.
Really in this case, it's it's four stories about Norse mythology,
but one of them is one I made up. The
other three are actual, let's call them paraphrased variations of
(11:12):
Norse mythology, because obviously we get the word saga from them.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
I'm not going to be able to go through the
whole thing. So that's what this has been thus far.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
This is what makes it so cringey is that the setup,
the setup makes the payoff completely pointless.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Oh, this is just like I love a shaggy dog story.
Speaker 4 (11:32):
Obviously, Well you're going to love the second half, all right.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
So this is just ten minutes it all right? Game, Yeah,
I'll give you the four scenarios. You will have three
minutes to deliberate amongst yourselves to decide which one of
them is.
Speaker 4 (11:46):
The one I made up. Three of them are real,
one is fake. I keep saying this because one of
you know, keeps forgetting the rules. And then if you
have a question and you want some clarification that maybe
I'll be able to give you because I did this
this morning, you will have to preface your question with
the phrase I sure am thor.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
That's gonna be hard to do. That's that's a real
tongue twister.
Speaker 4 (12:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Yeah, it's a big l s am thor, Sure, I
can't do it.
Speaker 4 (12:19):
An no answers for Noel, you go, here we go,
here we go.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
Here's scenario number one. Of all the gods in the
Norse pantheon, and only one was known to carve pow. Yes,
Ula was the god of snow and the patron saint
of skiers.
Speaker 4 (12:40):
There's a ski resort in Colorado called Breckinridge that celebrates
Uller every year. The Norse folks weren't overly concerned with
writing stuff down, so Ula doesn't show up often in
written accounts of Norse literature, but his name does pop
up in different places on maps throughout the Scandinavian region.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
I sure, am Thorn.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
No, you have to wait till the end of all
of them, Noel, see, I forgot that. It's only after
I get through all four all right.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
I was just gonna say the carved pow.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
Yeah you did aund it's fresh snow pow.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Oh you just like Apheim.
Speaker 4 (13:18):
Listen, I did.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
I did a restless ones with the guy who runs
Veil resorts.
Speaker 4 (13:22):
I know all about carving poud now, anyway.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
I'm not Achalana society to know what them he named Drop.
Speaker 4 (13:29):
So in some versions of Norse mythology, he was sort
of the winter version of Odin. He would actually take
over the ruling of Asgard and the colder months, while
Odin would go off summering someplace warm, probably Florida. In
other versions, Uller is son of Sith and step son
to thor. Now.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
The general theory is that once he held a very
important place in Norse mythology, but over time other deities
became more prominent and his role was diminish.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
He was so like how Steve Verrkle took over family Man.
Speaker 4 (14:03):
Very much like that. What an odd thing to say
with with no context whatsoever.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
He was a very popular character, as much beloved.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
But eventually faded into obscurity. Anyway, He's got his own
line of weed. He was Ula, not Steve Verkle. Uller
was said to be an amazing skier as well as Archer. Oh,
and that ski resort in Colorado does crazy stuff to
celebrate Ula, like folks get together and they make a
bonfire out of old skis and stuff like that. That
(14:35):
scenario one, All right, we got three more to get through.
Do we want any more commentary from.
Speaker 4 (14:41):
That carry scenario two. Leif Ormson is a mythical king
in Norse mythology who was said to have conquered many
lands in what is now Sweden. Leif had the luxury
of growing old, and he wished to see that his
power would pass down to his three daughters. So Leif
(15:02):
promised each daughter one third of his kingdom if they
showed him reverence. Two of the three daughters did as
their father asked, eager to seize their own kingdoms. The
third daughter refused and told her father that to demand
a display of love and respect in return for power
was to be a bad king. Leif was so insulted
(15:22):
he banished his third daughter and divided his kingdom into
two parts, giving him to his two other daughters. Then
Leif discovered, to his horror that once he had given
away all his power, his two previously dutiful daughters now
dismissed him. He became homeless, wandering the two kingdoms that
once belonged to him, until finally he finds the corpse
(15:45):
of his youngest daughter. She had apparently died not long
after being exiled. His story was told again and again
as an example of a bad king a warning to
other leaders, and many centuries later, laywright by the name
of William Shakespeare would take this story and then adapt
it to become an English tragedy called King Lear Scenario
(16:12):
Number three. Niall's Saga is an epic Can you do
that again?
Speaker 2 (16:17):
That was some real funk you put on that.
Speaker 4 (16:22):
In J A L L. Just listen. Listen your Scandinavian
folks out there. I know, I know I'm not saying
it right, But luckily you can leave the voice, y'all.
You can leave the voicemail to them, not to me.
Niall's Saga is an epic tale that follows many stories,
(16:42):
in fact, so many stories that y'all himself doesn't even
show up until the second one. He and his buddy
Gunner begin the tale by going after a debt owed
by characters from the first story, but those are just details.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Really.
Speaker 4 (16:56):
The entire saga is one of male fragility and ego,
in that the saga features story after story of some
dude taking offense for some slight, sometimes the slightest of slights,
and how that inevitably escalates into a catastrophic confrontation in
(17:17):
which lots of people ultimately perish. Also, Gunner's wife and
y'all's wife hate each other, and regularly they each beguile
and coax dubious people into killing members of the other
person's household, which leaves Gunner and y'all to continuously meet
up and figure out who owes money to whom For
(17:39):
the rare guild. Y'all keeps trying to lawyer his way
out of stuff, but folks keep doing dumb things like
accidentally wounding one another, which necessitates vengeance, which inevitably ends
with someone killing someone else, until at one point y'all
and ten other members of his household die by being
(17:59):
burnt earned alive in their own house. Surprisingly, the story
continues from there, with y'all's one surviving son exacting even
more revenge while everyone else just tries to figure out
how they can stop killing each other. For just five minutes.
It's a pretty sweet story, and finally, scenario number four.
(18:24):
Voland is another mythical figure in nurse stories. He was
an artisan and jewelry maker who, along with his two brothers,
met some pretty rad ladies down by the lake shore.
One day. Everybody paired up and sort of got hitched.
But then nine years later, the three women up and
leave the brothers. Voland's two bros head out to find
(18:47):
out where their wives went, but Volan decides to stay
behind and make a pair of arm rings some jewelry
for his own wife. Unfortunately, since this means that Voland
was on his own, a greedy kidnapped him in order
to force him to make stuff for the king's family.
He also cuts Volan's hamstrings, so that volanay.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Oh, god, that's the most Oh, that's the crewst cut
of all. Oh, just wait, just wait, like a festus gripped.
Speaker 4 (19:16):
Volan then turns the table on this wicked king by
tempting the king's two sons to visit with Voland only
then Volan kills the two princes, extrudes their eyes and
their teeth, turns those into jewelry, and then gives those
back to the king. Oh and then he apparently is what.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
The spin doctor song is about.
Speaker 4 (19:40):
Oh yes, two princes, yes, uh, and just go ahead
now and then he apparently he apparently flies away somehow.
How is not entirely clear, although some versions of the
tale say he forged a pair of wings for himself. Also,
some versions say that the woman he married was actually
a valkyrie and that was the and that she had
(20:00):
to leave, she had to go back to.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Wick some divine intervention. I I I do have to
put for it, though.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
These scenarios are so elaborate that I think it's a
little unfair that we can't ask questions uh in media arrests.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
But I'm just gonna put that.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
I agree, I agree, there's nothing fair about it. Okay, okay,
go on, Yeah, No, that's it.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
That's it.
Speaker 4 (20:24):
I'm done.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
So four sonarios, Yes, that's how numbers. We've missed you
a little bit. Uh so Ula and skiing, uh Leif
and the three daughters and homeless and discovering the daughters
uh n y'all and Gunner, which Noel, I think Gunner
is a super cool name. I'm like tough, yeah yeah,
(20:53):
and uh then voland the artisan all right.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
So strewds that is one extrud teeth? Is that just
the same as pulling them? So we have to we
have to I didn't say the phrase. Sorry, carry on.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
We have to play by the rules of the game. No,
You're totally fine, because we have to return to our
grandfather clock that we spent way too much money on
in the beginning of this show and start to it off.
I hope, so, I hope we did. Uh, this is
where we can justify it to accounting. I'm going to
(21:30):
run and start the timer three to one.
Speaker 4 (21:33):
Look at him, scoot go.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Good job man. All right, thank you man. We're gonna
cut those hamstrings, right.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
Okay, So, first off, we know a little bit about
the quizters mo O in our forensics Snool used to
before I screwed.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
Up and pointed it out.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Often the longest answer would be the one he made up.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
They were all equally long. The third one was the
long Okay, you're taking taking count?
Speaker 3 (22:01):
I see because the quista likes his own words so
much that he spends more time on the fake one
that on the real ones.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
I get. At least he acknowledges it.
Speaker 4 (22:14):
That's what I enjoy. It's true.
Speaker 3 (22:15):
No, no, I yeah, maybe this is a silly this
is a question for you, but I don't think I
have to say the passphrase. But did they really ski
an ancient Norse times? I mean, I know they were
they sledded, but skiing seems like a little bit more
of a relatively modern twist on that.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
They had to get across the snow somehow, so I
would imagine shoes, snow shoes for sure, but for speed,
you're looking for sleds.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
They weren't cutting the pow carving, carving, they weren't ripping,
ripping the the shreds.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
I sure am Thorpe has been okay, okay, So for
voland the artists, Yeah, going somewhere with this though, is
uh Is it possible that voland the Artisan occurs in
other sagas or just in this.
Speaker 4 (23:14):
Way completely completely possible. Yes, The one I was specifically
referencing is a poem that I think is around twenty
stands as long. But a lot of these different stories
appear in variations in different accounts, but the one I
was specifically pulling from, which is why I say in
some versions the woman that he encounters technically referenced as
(23:39):
a Swan maiden may have been a vaal kili.
Speaker 3 (23:42):
I think down's real. I don't know why, no, no, no,
that's too soon.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
It's too soon. We got to stretch this out.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
I was just a little biased because of the slant
rhyme between Bolan and voland I thought, but that's too obvious.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
That makes me think I don't think he would make
that kind of.
Speaker 4 (24:00):
Him to do that.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
You're right, also true, see all right, you weren't so diabolical,
but then it wouldn't be as fun.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
But again, it's this is what I love about it.
It's like we're in the Princess bride poison situation.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
All right, dude, here's what I'm meaning to go with.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
Uh, Noel, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna think number one.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
What do you think you think number one is real?
Speaker 1 (24:21):
Ula and skiing justice once again?
Speaker 4 (24:24):
Face once again, there's one fake one.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
That's the faith one. You think the skiing is the fake?
Speaker 3 (24:30):
Oh well, that's I agree because I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
Sorry, guys. It's it's a little early here. It's actually
not that early. That's what this ten forty five. It's
early ish. It's always early somewhere. It's true.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
I did immediately question the idea of skiing in that era.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
You want to lock it in. I think we ought
to lock it in.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
All right, cool, because we just read out of time,
So three two one locked in?
Speaker 3 (25:00):
There's still time, yes, timbalt Bach, there's still in the background.
He could be maniacally laughing because we got it right.
Speaker 4 (25:08):
Nope, it's so wrong. Uler is in fact the patron
saint of skiers. But there's a patron saint of skiers, yes,
and his name is Uler.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
You also a patron saint of douchebags.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
Well, I'm I'm really kind of positioning myself for consideration.
No shade on any skiers out there. I think I
think it's a Venn diagram. Not all skiers are douchebags,
but a skiers.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
Vases of puzzles. All right, Wait, which is the which.
Speaker 4 (25:42):
Is the Yes, I can tell you which of the
scenarios this is the fake one. It's the second one,
Leif Ormsen, the one that's supposedly inspired King Lear. Now
King Lear is based off an eighth century before Common
era leddy king of England who probably didn't exist. But
(26:04):
Shakespeare did lift one story from Norse mythology or Norse
storytelling to inspire one of his plays. It just wasn't
King Lear.
Speaker 3 (26:15):
It was happlet you always leave a bit of the
truth within your.
Speaker 4 (26:19):
Diabolical, hateful lies. Yep, that's well, you know, that's the game.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
That is that is the game.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
Wow, now I feel you know what. I feel like
one of those people at a casino who maybe is
getting too into gambling because we lost this one, but
I want to go again, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (26:38):
Oh, definitely double we will we will go again.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
I mean that's the story though.
Speaker 4 (26:45):
Yes, yes, So this is something that a tale I
have told innumerable times, a tale about history and the Vikings,
because I believe most people are aware of the Vikings.
The Vikings have a reputation that I think is largely
unearned or at least at the very least misunderstood, perhaps, yes,
(27:09):
or due to cultural and linguistic divides.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Are you going to tell us they are actually a
bunch of sweethearts?
Speaker 4 (27:17):
Listen? Vikings used to do no choice. Vikings used to
have this this strategy right they They had a whole
name for it. It was recreational agricultural industrial development sojourns,
which is a lot to say. So they used raids
for short.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
To stop it.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
This morning, you're a monster, the Vikings dem The Vikings
would go on these raids where they would look for
peoples that were worse off than themselves and then find
ways to improve their well being.
Speaker 4 (27:49):
But because there were often these linguistic and cultural divides.
Often those efforts were misinterpreted as acts of aggression. Allow
me to give you an exact There was this one
Viking captain sailing with his crew aboard their long ship.
They're rowing away when they see a small island on
(28:10):
the horizon, and as they grow closer, they notice that
there is a village on this island, which has very
few distinguishing features apart from a rather large hill toward
the roughly the center of the island, where there is
one prominent hut at the very top. And the Vikings
look out at this this little island, and the captain says, oh,
(28:33):
these people here, they're really struggling. You can tell they're
having a difficult time. Perhaps is time for us to
have one of our raids. And all the Vikings and
the ship agree. The Viking captain says, well, where shall
we start. Well, first of all, look at the crops
of this tiny village. They're barely producing in a grain
at all. What we should do is burn the crops
(28:57):
and use the ashes to fertilize the ground that next
year's harvest can be All the greater and the Vikings
all agree this is an excellent idea, so.
Speaker 3 (29:07):
They just set upon them and burn their crops. Age.
Speaker 4 (29:12):
Listen, we've all made some rather rash decisions while trying
to help people in need. So yes, the Vikings land
their ship, they pour out, they begin to burn the crops. Well,
on that hill, next to the very prominent hut, is
also this enormous bell. And next to the bell sits
the village chieftain, who looks down and sees all these
(29:34):
hairy men pouring out of a boat and burning all
his crops, and so he immediately rings the bell three times.
What this does is summons all the warriors of the
village up to the top of the hill, and he says,
these men are here to burn all our food. Chase
them away, And the warriors, brandishing weapons, scream and run
down the hill. And the Vikings don't want any trouble,
(29:56):
so they get back into their ship and pull away
to safety. And the Viking capt as, oh, these poor
poor fools, I have attempted to improve their lot in life,
and yet we have been chased away. So we show
away and get our new supplies and come back and
see how they're doing in the future. So they do,
(30:21):
they leave and a year passes. Well, in that next year,
the same Viking captain rows this ship all the way
up to the island. They take a look and they
see that the crops in fact have grown back, and
they look far better than they did before. But the
Viking captain says, oh, there's still so much that could
be done. Look at the homes these people live in.
They're barely keeping the elements out. What we should do
(30:44):
is very vigorously disassemble these homes and then use the
material to build houses in the Viking fashion, where they
will keep them warm and safe. And the Vikings all agree.
So they land their ship and they exit and they
begin to disassemble the homes with great favor. Well, the
AKA like pillage and just destroy. Listen one person's pillage
(31:06):
and destroys another person's home renault.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
So the village the technical phrases they reverse IKEA, yeah, yeah,
I was thinking that.
Speaker 4 (31:15):
Well, I mean, if you've ever read any of those instructions,
by the time you get to stage seven, you're ready
to tear stuff apart. So the village chieftain looks down
and he says, oh, the harry men are back, and
now they're tearing apart all of our homes. So he
rings the bell three times, So summon's all the warriors
of the village, and the chieftain says, you must chase
these men away, for soon we will have no place
(31:37):
to sleep. So the warriors, brandishing their weapons, scream and
run down the hill, and the Viking's, not wanting any trouble,
withdraw to their ship and head back out to the
safety of the sea. The Viking captains are these people
were just trying to help, they shout exactly, But of
course no one speaks Viking on the island. So the
(31:58):
captain says, we tried twice to help them, but we
shall not give up. These people clearly need our help,
and we will make certain that they improve their conditions.
But first we should resupply again. So another year passes
while the Vikings are gone. When they return, they see
that indeed the village has reconstructed their homes, but they
look far more sturdy and easily defendable now, and the
(32:22):
crops are looking even better than before. But well, the
Viking captain says, look at the children of this village.
They seem so sickly, those poor children. What clearly needs
to happen is some circulation of the gene pool, because
these are very forward thinking Vikings. And so the Vikings
land their ship and they set up what is known
(32:42):
as the first speed dating session.
Speaker 3 (32:48):
Oh wow, they are speed dating at an incredible pace.
When the village speed raping speed rating dating, I know
that the connection isn't great dating.
Speaker 4 (33:00):
So the village chieftain looks down. He says, ah, he
rings the bell three times, summoning up all the warriors.
But at this point they've got the gist of it.
They run down, brandishing their weapons, and the Vikings withdraw
get into their ship and sail off into the safety
of the sea. And the Viking captain says, ah, well,
thrice we have tried thrice we have been turned away.
(33:23):
The next morrow, upon the high tide, we shall sail
away forever. And all the Vikings are very sad say
same right. So then the village chieftain that night is
thinking about what evils have fallen his village over the
past three years, and he thinks, oh, those we are
bedeviled by these, these invaders. They burned our crops down
(33:46):
a few years ago. Of course there they look better
than they ever have, even in my youth, we didn't
have crops as nice as they are now. And then
they tore apart all our houses. And although my house
now is so much nicer than it was before they
showed up. And let's just assueration requires destructions, yes, and
let's assume that he had some grasp about the children. Anyway,
(34:07):
he decided, we've chased these people off, but perhaps they
weren't actually trying to hurt us at all. Perhaps they
were trying to help us. But now that we have
turned them away three times, how can we say that
we actually understand what they were trying to do? And
he comes up with an idea. He gathers all the
families of the village and he asks them to make
their specialty, which, for reasons I do not know, so
(34:30):
don't bother asking me. On this particular island in the
North Scandinavian Seas was peach pies. And so all night
the families bake and bake and bake and bake and bake.
The next mornings the Vikings wake up. I am free
mad at you. The next morning, as the Vikings wake up,
they look out at the beach and they are shocked
(34:51):
to see they can't see a square inch of sand,
not a square itch, because the entire beach is covered
by these peach pies. And they look out and they say, ah,
this is a sign, a sign that they welcome us back.
So they land their boat, crushing some pies in the process.
It could not be helped. And they get out and
they begin to celebrate with the people of the village.
When they hear it, the bell, it rings three times.
(35:14):
They look and they see all the warriors up at
the top of the hill, and they freeze in place.
But then the warriors do something amazing. They lift the
bell out of its harness. They carry it all the
way down the hill, and they throw it into the ocean.
And that was the very first celebration of the no
bell peach pies.
Speaker 2 (35:35):
You were fired. This was a mistake. You used it
up in my mouth a little bit.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
You begged me to come on here, say the bunch
live World War time.
Speaker 4 (35:47):
Say yes, the first celebration of the no bell peach
pie from pie.
Speaker 3 (35:52):
I was going to pose it that it was the
actual origin story of the very first Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
Yeah, I like that too, I love I love the pun.
You're right, we did. We did invite you on here.
I think with that, No, we got a hot hand here,
what'd you call it? When we were in Vegas? We
got it like a good table.
Speaker 2 (36:13):
Oh, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (36:14):
I didn't have that in life.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
As evidenced by this charade.
Speaker 3 (36:20):
I think I have sapped the will to live from
nol Hey, I mean so, yes, you just so. None
of that was true. None of that was true, Jonathan,
I believed you. I believe that the vikings were actually misunderstood, benevolent,
you know, generous, lovely genus.
Speaker 4 (36:37):
Right, the whole recreational, agricultural, industrial development sojourns wasn't a
dead giveaway.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
Oh come on, that's like fortification under consent to the King.
Speaker 3 (36:47):
I can't tell you how many times I've told that story,
because literally I started telling it in nineteen ninety nine.
Speaker 1 (36:55):
Oh wow, it was a good year, biscuits, Prince was
blowing off.
Speaker 4 (37:00):
Twenty five twenty five years. I've been telling that story.
Speaker 1 (37:04):
Well, the good news. It felt like years hearing you
tell me that was a short news. It never got better,
so we could say points for consistency. Jonathan aka quister,
thank you so much for hanging out with us.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
Really, that's very heavil, very diplomatic. I appreciate what you're doing.
I see it's okay, nol.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
Obviously I don't mean it because the.
Speaker 2 (37:30):
Thing you say, but.
Speaker 5 (37:31):
The here's the that was what they call on a
side in Shakespeare.
Speaker 2 (37:36):
There it is, here's the thing.
Speaker 1 (37:38):
We are going to continue this dangerous great game because
it must we well, you and I can't just have
the guy come back and immediately taken hell without trying
one more.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
Time and we just spend time for the holidays.
Speaker 4 (37:53):
Two things, One is that I do reveal and our
next episode what got me so angry that I had
to come back.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
And two, it wasn't the It wasn't the Viking Kiddies
episode was angry. That was just caught a straight explain.
Speaker 4 (38:12):
Really good. No, I will, yeah, I will.
Speaker 3 (38:15):
I will reveal what got me so angry in the
next episode. Also, this is this should entice you know.
The next quiz only has three scenarios, Thank the sweet
Lord of life.
Speaker 6 (38:29):
And I say, when you reveal whatever this this thing
is that's made you despise us even further, I promise
that I will pretend to care.
Speaker 2 (38:41):
And I make no such promises.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
I don't save stuff for the swim back anytime I'm
in a fight. Thank you so much to our our
dearly beloved uh acknowledge to exist, Nemesis the Quiztun.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
Soon to be dearly departed. I've run it out, my
plans say it comes fruitions.
Speaker 1 (39:04):
Big thanks for our super producer mister Max Williams Alex Williams,
who composed this track.
Speaker 5 (39:10):
Who else though, guess Jonathan Strickland the Quizzler, Jacobs the Puzzler.
Hey j Bahamas Jacobs, you know you have sort of
a benevolent counterpart now, Jonathan, I don't think we've talked
about benevolent. Yeah, well you're the quizt and we've got
the Puzzler, who's a really lovely fellow, just.
Speaker 2 (39:27):
A Cuban hug man. Gesh had a couture.
Speaker 3 (39:30):
If you guys were in the same room together, a
rift in time and space would open up.
Speaker 1 (39:34):
It like cross all Streams and Ghostbusters, and we can't
wait for you guys to hang out.
Speaker 2 (39:39):
You actually would have.
Speaker 1 (39:40):
A really good time with together, uh Rachel Big Spinach
Lance And of course everybody's tuned in. Please join us
later on in the week where we'll see if we
can get even with one of our favorite villains.
Speaker 2 (39:54):
In the meantime, they'll thanks to you, Bud, thanks to
you as well.
Speaker 3 (39:57):
Not super hopeful getting even, but going to give it
our holiday best.
Speaker 4 (40:05):
Got a one out of three chance.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
I mean, we'll see you next time.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
Find for more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Ridiculous History is a production of iHeartRadio. Welcome back to
(00:27):
the show Ridiculous Historians, as always, who want to thank
our super producer, mister Max Williams.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Bah humbug.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Yes, it's funny. You're nol Brown. I've been bullying.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
I had.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
I had a great conversation about the word humbug because
get this, I watched for some reason, three versions of
a Christmas Carol of the Dickens story in a row.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
Why would you have done this to yourself, Ben, because
you know I get in situations.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Are you Are you okay?
Speaker 3 (01:06):
Oh gosh, you didn't even let us get through our
Scrooge discussion.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Man, Scrooge, Scrooge.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
Oh, I love that he used to be cool.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Oh man, he and I man, we had such good times.
Speaker 4 (01:22):
That is That is.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
The big secret we wanted to reveal to you folks,
long time Ridiculous Historians. You know that we have a
nemeses on this show. Well we have several. There's Cheryl Crow.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Sure, well, I thought we made up with Cheryl Yeah. Yeah,
we have a ceasefire with Cheryl Crow.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
We also have finally returning after quite some time here
at the end of the year, we have the man,
the myth legend Jonathan Strickland aka the Twister and Noel.
You and I have spent a lot of time over
twenty twenty four talking about his return.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Yes, is this like twin Peaks the return? That's a
fire walk with me.
Speaker 4 (02:10):
Alone.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
More is a bit of a red Room type figure.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
He's sort of like a demonic force that exists between worlds.
Speaker 4 (02:19):
All I have to say is wow, Bob Wow.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Carm Embozia.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Indeed, sir, Yeah, that gum you like is going to
come back in style, never left, never left, still here,
and so has the quizter, never left, always here in.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Spirit at the King.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Yeah, at the end of the year, we decided, well,
I say decided, we came to you hats in hands
and asked if you would grace us or curse us
with your presence.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
Which one's the spooky ghost in a Christmas Carol? Is
that Christmas Future? Yeah, you're a bit of a ghost
of Christmas future type figure.
Speaker 4 (02:57):
Jacob Marley is pretty darn spooky. He's the one who
tells Scrooge he'll be cast in chains for all eternity,
dead by dawn.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (03:08):
Also also ghosts of Christmas present has the two really
freaky children ignorance and why yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
Oh jeez, you're going from the original source material.
Speaker 5 (03:17):
I'm thinking more Scrooged kind of interprets Scrooge is a classic.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
I'm saving Scrooge towards the end of the year.
Speaker 4 (03:24):
Which did you watch?
Speaker 1 (03:25):
By the way, this is There was one from nineteen
thirty eight, which was way closer to the Dickensian source material. Uh,
there was one from the seventies, and I'm sure there's
an actor that I should know by name there. But
and then there was one from like a I wanted
(03:45):
to get a taste, you guys. I wanted a flight
of Christmas carols, so I tried one from the mid nineties.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
I'll tell you what a good one is that I
kind of forgot about as a Muppet Christmas Carol Michael
it is so straight.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
So is he ever emits the Muppets. It really works.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
They have two Jacob Marley's and I hate that Marley
and Marley. It's just oh, I hate it with all
But they.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Have a whole musical numbers. It's good.
Speaker 4 (04:12):
Yes, I know. I watched the burlesque numbers set to
it just the other day.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Do you also hate fun and Christmas parties? Presence?
Speaker 4 (04:21):
Have you not met me?
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Yeah, it's been a minute, all right, So where any
ben where any.
Speaker 4 (04:28):
Of the musicals you watched, or any of the Scrooges
you watch musicals? That's what I need to know.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Ah, the.
Speaker 4 (04:36):
Oddly enough No, So the nineteenth That's why I was asking,
because I was thinking the nineteen seventy one seventies one
could possibly have been Scrooge the Musical, which is my
favorite interpretation of a Christmas Gerald.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
Now, is that based on the stage production of a
Christmas Carol that's so popular around the holidays?
Speaker 4 (04:56):
I believe it's it's independent of any of the I
know that there had been staged versions that use some
of the same songs from Scrooge the Musical.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
That's the one I'm having a hard time remembering whether
the Christmas Carol that I know from my youth that
always would come around every year, was it a.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
Musical or was it just a dialogue driven.
Speaker 4 (05:15):
The one I love had Obi Wan Kenobi as Jacob Marley.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
All Right, do the song?
Speaker 4 (05:21):
Oh what the song?
Speaker 3 (05:22):
I like?
Speaker 4 (05:23):
The song is the don give very much? Thank give
very much. That's the nicest thing than anyone's ever done
for me. That's the that's the big one.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
I did not know you were gonna say.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
It's the song done at the end. The song is
done at the end where all the people have come
together to celebrate Scrooge's death. It's when he's seeing the
future of but Scrooge. Scrooge hasn't figured out that he's dead.
In this future. He thinks everyone really likes him. So
it's this juxtaposition of just sixth.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
Sense kind of situation.
Speaker 4 (06:03):
It's so it's so beautiful. It's such a joyous song
about someone having kicked the bucket. Not that I can
draw any corollaries to things that are happening right now,
but certainly I've seen it.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
Is this when is tiny Tim also deceased in the scenarium?
Speaker 4 (06:20):
Yes, in that version, Yes, tiny tiny Tip is six.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
Feet under in that he succumbed to the condition.
Speaker 4 (06:27):
Yes, he died. He died from congenital tininess.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Oh yeah, it's a it's a tragedy, and it may
seem a small tragedy, but it is supporting.
Speaker 4 (06:39):
It's a it's a it's a very short tragedy.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Yes, yes, And this is a short lived bit you
could tell folks we have some big end of the
year energy. We're playing fast and loose with this uh
as furious fast and furiously loose, which is how my
doctor describes never mind.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
So we are we're gonna love coologists.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
I reckon, I don't know if he's a real doctor.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
You know.
Speaker 4 (07:08):
Can we just tokyo drift into the quiz put please?
Speaker 3 (07:11):
This is the thing we got to fill time, John, This.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Is the setup.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
So long time ridiculous historians, you will know that for
many years now, uh apropos of whatever episodes we cover,
our nemeses, the the Quist will come to the show
and then will subject us to a series of torturous
(07:36):
mind experiments.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Noel, you remember.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
These, well, something of a mind freak that that that
that Quist.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
So Jonathan aka the quizter. Uh you have been, as
Noel said, uh, lurking in the shadows all these many episodes,
and at some point there was something that in some
episode we did that in fired you to yet again
begin our old greatest of games.
Speaker 4 (08:04):
Well, let me explain a little bit here. I was
the reason why you've not heard from me and so
long is that twenty twenty four has been sort of
a year of reflection and self discovery and self actualization,
if you will. I went on a sojourn to really
reflect and think hard about this animosity that has grown
(08:28):
between us, and perhaps wonder if, mayhaps there'll be a
way to settle things and have us all become friends.
And as I thought about this, I then perused your
episodes and something, something caught my attention that filled me
(08:48):
with such strange.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
Oh, such this is such intense loathing, some might say
unadulterated loathing. Be any number of episodes, yes, but there's
one in particular that got me. And it's not the
one we're going to quiz you about yet. No, that
(09:11):
that I have to save.
Speaker 4 (09:12):
I'm saving.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
This.
Speaker 4 (09:16):
This is more about Vikings, about Vikings and kitty cats.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Right, we did. That was a fun episode. Turns out
the Viking kiddies didn't have braided you know.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
Beards and little little little helmets, little hoarded helmets.
Speaker 4 (09:34):
Yes, I have. I have some Viking quizzes for you. Right,
A quiz A quiz?
Speaker 3 (09:41):
Oh you're going to say blood, I'm going to well,
I also have I also have a long story about
Vikings that I'll tell you after the.
Speaker 4 (09:48):
Quiz, and that's just going to be a present from me.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
All right, all right, But but then season, once we
do that, we can have our little chit chat and
our little discussion, and we could have our little tete tete.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
That's the most important part of the game, what is
going on?
Speaker 4 (10:04):
And then after that, well then after that spoiler alert
for your dear listeners, I'm going to tease the reason
why I have come back, but I'm gonna save that
for episode two. So just letting people know now that
they're not going to get it in this one. It's
just not happening.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
I'm sorry, so real mythology dump forget.
Speaker 4 (10:24):
Yeah, no, I had some time. I woke up pretty
early today, so I just kind of threw this together.
Here we go. As always for those who are unfamiliar
with the quiz, it is, of course the cringiest segment
in all of podcasting. We established that years ago, and.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
To be fair, it's been a hot menace as we've
done it. So we're really going to bring the cringe
on these two episodes, by the way.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Yes, with a much needed refresher.
Speaker 4 (10:47):
Yes. So this first one, I am giving you four scenarios.
Really in this case, it's it's four stories about Norse mythology,
but one of them is one I made up. The
other three are actual, let's call them paraphrased variations of
(11:12):
Norse mythology, because obviously we get the word saga from them.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
I'm not going to be able to go through the
whole thing. So that's what this has been thus far.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
This is what makes it so cringey is that the setup,
the setup makes the payoff completely pointless.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Oh, this is just like I love a shaggy dog story.
Speaker 4 (11:32):
Obviously, Well you're going to love the second half, all right.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
So this is just ten minutes it all right? Game, Yeah,
I'll give you the four scenarios. You will have three
minutes to deliberate amongst yourselves to decide which one of
them is.
Speaker 4 (11:46):
The one I made up. Three of them are real,
one is fake. I keep saying this because one of
you know, keeps forgetting the rules. And then if you
have a question and you want some clarification that maybe
I'll be able to give you because I did this
this morning, you will have to preface your question with
the phrase I sure am thor.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
That's gonna be hard to do. That's that's a real
tongue twister.
Speaker 4 (12:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Yeah, it's a big l s am thor, Sure, I
can't do it.
Speaker 4 (12:19):
An no answers for Noel, you go, here we go,
here we go.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
Here's scenario number one. Of all the gods in the
Norse pantheon, and only one was known to carve pow. Yes,
Ula was the god of snow and the patron saint
of skiers.
Speaker 4 (12:40):
There's a ski resort in Colorado called Breckinridge that celebrates
Uller every year. The Norse folks weren't overly concerned with
writing stuff down, so Ula doesn't show up often in
written accounts of Norse literature, but his name does pop
up in different places on maps throughout the Scandinavian region.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
I sure, am Thorn.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
No, you have to wait till the end of all
of them, Noel, see, I forgot that. It's only after
I get through all four all right.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
I was just gonna say the carved pow.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
Yeah you did aund it's fresh snow pow.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Oh you just like Apheim.
Speaker 4 (13:18):
Listen, I did.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
I did a restless ones with the guy who runs
Veil resorts.
Speaker 4 (13:22):
I know all about carving poud now, anyway.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
I'm not Achalana society to know what them he named Drop.
Speaker 4 (13:29):
So in some versions of Norse mythology, he was sort
of the winter version of Odin. He would actually take
over the ruling of Asgard and the colder months, while
Odin would go off summering someplace warm, probably Florida. In
other versions, Uller is son of Sith and step son
to thor. Now.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
The general theory is that once he held a very
important place in Norse mythology, but over time other deities
became more prominent and his role was diminish.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
He was so like how Steve Verrkle took over family Man.
Speaker 4 (14:03):
Very much like that. What an odd thing to say
with with no context whatsoever.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
He was a very popular character, as much beloved.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
But eventually faded into obscurity. Anyway, He's got his own
line of weed. He was Ula, not Steve Verkle. Uller
was said to be an amazing skier as well as Archer. Oh,
and that ski resort in Colorado does crazy stuff to
celebrate Ula, like folks get together and they make a
bonfire out of old skis and stuff like that. That
(14:35):
scenario one, All right, we got three more to get through.
Do we want any more commentary from.
Speaker 4 (14:41):
That carry scenario two. Leif Ormson is a mythical king
in Norse mythology who was said to have conquered many
lands in what is now Sweden. Leif had the luxury
of growing old, and he wished to see that his
power would pass down to his three daughters. So Leif
(15:02):
promised each daughter one third of his kingdom if they
showed him reverence. Two of the three daughters did as
their father asked, eager to seize their own kingdoms. The
third daughter refused and told her father that to demand
a display of love and respect in return for power
was to be a bad king. Leif was so insulted
(15:22):
he banished his third daughter and divided his kingdom into
two parts, giving him to his two other daughters. Then
Leif discovered, to his horror that once he had given
away all his power, his two previously dutiful daughters now
dismissed him. He became homeless, wandering the two kingdoms that
once belonged to him, until finally he finds the corpse
(15:45):
of his youngest daughter. She had apparently died not long
after being exiled. His story was told again and again
as an example of a bad king a warning to
other leaders, and many centuries later, laywright by the name
of William Shakespeare would take this story and then adapt
it to become an English tragedy called King Lear Scenario
(16:12):
Number three. Niall's Saga is an epic Can you do
that again?
Speaker 2 (16:17):
That was some real funk you put on that.
Speaker 4 (16:22):
In J A L L. Just listen. Listen your Scandinavian
folks out there. I know, I know I'm not saying
it right, But luckily you can leave the voice, y'all.
You can leave the voicemail to them, not to me.
Niall's Saga is an epic tale that follows many stories,
(16:42):
in fact, so many stories that y'all himself doesn't even
show up until the second one. He and his buddy
Gunner begin the tale by going after a debt owed
by characters from the first story, but those are just details.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Really.
Speaker 4 (16:56):
The entire saga is one of male fragility and ego,
in that the saga features story after story of some
dude taking offense for some slight, sometimes the slightest of slights,
and how that inevitably escalates into a catastrophic confrontation in
(17:17):
which lots of people ultimately perish. Also, Gunner's wife and
y'all's wife hate each other, and regularly they each beguile
and coax dubious people into killing members of the other
person's household, which leaves Gunner and y'all to continuously meet
up and figure out who owes money to whom For
(17:39):
the rare guild. Y'all keeps trying to lawyer his way
out of stuff, but folks keep doing dumb things like
accidentally wounding one another, which necessitates vengeance, which inevitably ends
with someone killing someone else, until at one point y'all
and ten other members of his household die by being
(17:59):
burnt earned alive in their own house. Surprisingly, the story
continues from there, with y'all's one surviving son exacting even
more revenge while everyone else just tries to figure out
how they can stop killing each other. For just five minutes.
It's a pretty sweet story, and finally, scenario number four.
(18:24):
Voland is another mythical figure in nurse stories. He was
an artisan and jewelry maker who, along with his two brothers,
met some pretty rad ladies down by the lake shore.
One day. Everybody paired up and sort of got hitched.
But then nine years later, the three women up and
leave the brothers. Voland's two bros head out to find
(18:47):
out where their wives went, but Volan decides to stay
behind and make a pair of arm rings some jewelry
for his own wife. Unfortunately, since this means that Voland
was on his own, a greedy kidnapped him in order
to force him to make stuff for the king's family.
He also cuts Volan's hamstrings, so that volanay.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Oh, god, that's the most Oh, that's the crewst cut
of all. Oh, just wait, just wait, like a festus gripped.
Speaker 4 (19:16):
Volan then turns the table on this wicked king by
tempting the king's two sons to visit with Voland only
then Volan kills the two princes, extrudes their eyes and
their teeth, turns those into jewelry, and then gives those
back to the king. Oh and then he apparently is what.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
The spin doctor song is about.
Speaker 4 (19:40):
Oh yes, two princes, yes, uh, and just go ahead
now and then he apparently he apparently flies away somehow.
How is not entirely clear, although some versions of the
tale say he forged a pair of wings for himself. Also,
some versions say that the woman he married was actually
a valkyrie and that was the and that she had
(20:00):
to leave, she had to go back to.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Wick some divine intervention. I I I do have to
put for it, though.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
These scenarios are so elaborate that I think it's a
little unfair that we can't ask questions uh in media arrests.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
But I'm just gonna put that.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
I agree, I agree, there's nothing fair about it. Okay, okay,
go on, Yeah, No, that's it.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
That's it.
Speaker 4 (20:24):
I'm done.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
So four sonarios, Yes, that's how numbers. We've missed you
a little bit. Uh so Ula and skiing, uh Leif
and the three daughters and homeless and discovering the daughters
uh n y'all and Gunner, which Noel, I think Gunner
is a super cool name. I'm like tough, yeah yeah,
(20:53):
and uh then voland the artisan all right.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
So strewds that is one extrud teeth? Is that just
the same as pulling them? So we have to we
have to I didn't say the phrase. Sorry, carry on.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
We have to play by the rules of the game. No,
You're totally fine, because we have to return to our
grandfather clock that we spent way too much money on
in the beginning of this show and start to it off.
I hope, so, I hope we did. Uh, this is
where we can justify it to accounting. I'm going to
(21:30):
run and start the timer three to one.
Speaker 4 (21:33):
Look at him, scoot go.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Good job man. All right, thank you man. We're gonna
cut those hamstrings, right.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
Okay, So, first off, we know a little bit about
the quizters mo O in our forensics Snool used to
before I screwed.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
Up and pointed it out.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Often the longest answer would be the one he made up.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
They were all equally long. The third one was the
long Okay, you're taking taking count?
Speaker 3 (22:01):
I see because the quista likes his own words so
much that he spends more time on the fake one
that on the real ones.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
I get. At least he acknowledges it.
Speaker 4 (22:14):
That's what I enjoy. It's true.
Speaker 3 (22:15):
No, no, I yeah, maybe this is a silly this
is a question for you, but I don't think I
have to say the passphrase. But did they really ski
an ancient Norse times? I mean, I know they were
they sledded, but skiing seems like a little bit more
of a relatively modern twist on that.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
They had to get across the snow somehow, so I
would imagine shoes, snow shoes for sure, but for speed,
you're looking for sleds.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
They weren't cutting the pow carving, carving, they weren't ripping,
ripping the the shreds.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
I sure am Thorpe has been okay, okay, So for
voland the artists, Yeah, going somewhere with this though, is
uh Is it possible that voland the Artisan occurs in
other sagas or just in this.
Speaker 4 (23:14):
Way completely completely possible. Yes, The one I was specifically
referencing is a poem that I think is around twenty
stands as long. But a lot of these different stories
appear in variations in different accounts, but the one I
was specifically pulling from, which is why I say in
some versions the woman that he encounters technically referenced as
(23:39):
a Swan maiden may have been a vaal kili.
Speaker 3 (23:42):
I think down's real. I don't know why, no, no, no,
that's too soon.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
It's too soon. We got to stretch this out.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
I was just a little biased because of the slant
rhyme between Bolan and voland I thought, but that's too obvious.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
That makes me think I don't think he would make
that kind of.
Speaker 4 (24:00):
Him to do that.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
You're right, also true, see all right, you weren't so diabolical,
but then it wouldn't be as fun.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
But again, it's this is what I love about it.
It's like we're in the Princess bride poison situation.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
All right, dude, here's what I'm meaning to go with.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
Uh, Noel, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna think number one.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
What do you think you think number one is real?
Speaker 1 (24:21):
Ula and skiing justice once again?
Speaker 4 (24:24):
Face once again, there's one fake one.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
That's the faith one. You think the skiing is the fake?
Speaker 3 (24:30):
Oh well, that's I agree because I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
Sorry, guys. It's it's a little early here. It's actually
not that early. That's what this ten forty five. It's
early ish. It's always early somewhere. It's true.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
I did immediately question the idea of skiing in that era.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
You want to lock it in. I think we ought
to lock it in.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
All right, cool, because we just read out of time,
So three two one locked in?
Speaker 3 (25:00):
There's still time, yes, timbalt Bach, there's still in the background.
He could be maniacally laughing because we got it right.
Speaker 4 (25:08):
Nope, it's so wrong. Uler is in fact the patron
saint of skiers. But there's a patron saint of skiers, yes,
and his name is Uler.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
You also a patron saint of douchebags.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
Well, I'm I'm really kind of positioning myself for consideration.
No shade on any skiers out there. I think I
think it's a Venn diagram. Not all skiers are douchebags,
but a skiers.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
Vases of puzzles. All right, Wait, which is the which.
Speaker 4 (25:42):
Is the Yes, I can tell you which of the
scenarios this is the fake one. It's the second one,
Leif Ormsen, the one that's supposedly inspired King Lear. Now
King Lear is based off an eighth century before Common
era leddy king of England who probably didn't exist. But
(26:04):
Shakespeare did lift one story from Norse mythology or Norse
storytelling to inspire one of his plays. It just wasn't
King Lear.
Speaker 3 (26:15):
It was happlet you always leave a bit of the
truth within your.
Speaker 4 (26:19):
Diabolical, hateful lies. Yep, that's well, you know, that's the game.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
That is that is the game.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
Wow, now I feel you know what. I feel like
one of those people at a casino who maybe is
getting too into gambling because we lost this one, but
I want to go again, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (26:38):
Oh, definitely double we will we will go again.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
I mean that's the story though.
Speaker 4 (26:45):
Yes, yes, So this is something that a tale I
have told innumerable times, a tale about history and the Vikings,
because I believe most people are aware of the Vikings.
The Vikings have a reputation that I think is largely
unearned or at least at the very least misunderstood, perhaps, yes,
(27:09):
or due to cultural and linguistic divides.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Are you going to tell us they are actually a
bunch of sweethearts?
Speaker 4 (27:17):
Listen? Vikings used to do no choice. Vikings used to
have this this strategy right they They had a whole
name for it. It was recreational agricultural industrial development sojourns,
which is a lot to say. So they used raids
for short.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
To stop it.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
This morning, you're a monster, the Vikings dem The Vikings
would go on these raids where they would look for
peoples that were worse off than themselves and then find
ways to improve their well being.
Speaker 4 (27:49):
But because there were often these linguistic and cultural divides.
Often those efforts were misinterpreted as acts of aggression. Allow
me to give you an exact There was this one
Viking captain sailing with his crew aboard their long ship.
They're rowing away when they see a small island on
(28:10):
the horizon, and as they grow closer, they notice that
there is a village on this island, which has very
few distinguishing features apart from a rather large hill toward
the roughly the center of the island, where there is
one prominent hut at the very top. And the Vikings
look out at this this little island, and the captain says, oh,
(28:33):
these people here, they're really struggling. You can tell they're
having a difficult time. Perhaps is time for us to
have one of our raids. And all the Vikings and
the ship agree. The Viking captain says, well, where shall
we start. Well, first of all, look at the crops
of this tiny village. They're barely producing in a grain
at all. What we should do is burn the crops
(28:57):
and use the ashes to fertilize the ground that next
year's harvest can be All the greater and the Vikings
all agree this is an excellent idea, so.
Speaker 3 (29:07):
They just set upon them and burn their crops. Age.
Speaker 4 (29:12):
Listen, we've all made some rather rash decisions while trying
to help people in need. So yes, the Vikings land
their ship, they pour out, they begin to burn the crops. Well,
on that hill, next to the very prominent hut, is
also this enormous bell. And next to the bell sits
the village chieftain, who looks down and sees all these
(29:34):
hairy men pouring out of a boat and burning all
his crops, and so he immediately rings the bell three times.
What this does is summons all the warriors of the
village up to the top of the hill, and he says,
these men are here to burn all our food. Chase
them away, And the warriors, brandishing weapons, scream and run
down the hill. And the Vikings don't want any trouble,
(29:56):
so they get back into their ship and pull away
to safety. And the Viking capt as, oh, these poor
poor fools, I have attempted to improve their lot in life,
and yet we have been chased away. So we show
away and get our new supplies and come back and
see how they're doing in the future. So they do,
(30:21):
they leave and a year passes. Well, in that next year,
the same Viking captain rows this ship all the way
up to the island. They take a look and they
see that the crops in fact have grown back, and
they look far better than they did before. But the
Viking captain says, oh, there's still so much that could
be done. Look at the homes these people live in.
They're barely keeping the elements out. What we should do
(30:44):
is very vigorously disassemble these homes and then use the
material to build houses in the Viking fashion, where they
will keep them warm and safe. And the Vikings all agree.
So they land their ship and they exit and they
begin to disassemble the homes with great favor. Well, the
AKA like pillage and just destroy. Listen one person's pillage
(31:06):
and destroys another person's home renault.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
So the village the technical phrases they reverse IKEA, yeah, yeah,
I was thinking that.
Speaker 4 (31:15):
Well, I mean, if you've ever read any of those instructions,
by the time you get to stage seven, you're ready
to tear stuff apart. So the village chieftain looks down
and he says, oh, the harry men are back, and
now they're tearing apart all of our homes. So he
rings the bell three times, So summon's all the warriors
of the village, and the chieftain says, you must chase
these men away, for soon we will have no place
(31:37):
to sleep. So the warriors, brandishing their weapons, scream and
run down the hill, and the Viking's, not wanting any trouble,
withdraw to their ship and head back out to the
safety of the sea. The Viking captains are these people
were just trying to help, they shout exactly, But of
course no one speaks Viking on the island. So the
(31:58):
captain says, we tried twice to help them, but we
shall not give up. These people clearly need our help,
and we will make certain that they improve their conditions.
But first we should resupply again. So another year passes
while the Vikings are gone. When they return, they see
that indeed the village has reconstructed their homes, but they
look far more sturdy and easily defendable now, and the
(32:22):
crops are looking even better than before. But well, the
Viking captain says, look at the children of this village.
They seem so sickly, those poor children. What clearly needs
to happen is some circulation of the gene pool, because
these are very forward thinking Vikings. And so the Vikings
land their ship and they set up what is known
(32:42):
as the first speed dating session.
Speaker 3 (32:48):
Oh wow, they are speed dating at an incredible pace.
When the village speed raping speed rating dating, I know
that the connection isn't great dating.
Speaker 4 (33:00):
So the village chieftain looks down. He says, ah, he
rings the bell three times, summoning up all the warriors.
But at this point they've got the gist of it.
They run down, brandishing their weapons, and the Vikings withdraw
get into their ship and sail off into the safety
of the sea. And the Viking captain says, ah, well,
thrice we have tried thrice we have been turned away.
(33:23):
The next morrow, upon the high tide, we shall sail
away forever. And all the Vikings are very sad say
same right. So then the village chieftain that night is
thinking about what evils have fallen his village over the
past three years, and he thinks, oh, those we are
bedeviled by these, these invaders. They burned our crops down
(33:46):
a few years ago. Of course there they look better
than they ever have, even in my youth, we didn't
have crops as nice as they are now. And then
they tore apart all our houses. And although my house
now is so much nicer than it was before they
showed up. And let's just assueration requires destructions, yes, and
let's assume that he had some grasp about the children. Anyway,
(34:07):
he decided, we've chased these people off, but perhaps they
weren't actually trying to hurt us at all. Perhaps they
were trying to help us. But now that we have
turned them away three times, how can we say that
we actually understand what they were trying to do? And
he comes up with an idea. He gathers all the
families of the village and he asks them to make
their specialty, which, for reasons I do not know, so
(34:30):
don't bother asking me. On this particular island in the
North Scandinavian Seas was peach pies. And so all night
the families bake and bake and bake and bake and bake.
The next mornings the Vikings wake up. I am free
mad at you. The next morning, as the Vikings wake up,
they look out at the beach and they are shocked
(34:51):
to see they can't see a square inch of sand,
not a square itch, because the entire beach is covered
by these peach pies. And they look out and they say, ah,
this is a sign, a sign that they welcome us back.
So they land their boat, crushing some pies in the process.
It could not be helped. And they get out and
they begin to celebrate with the people of the village.
When they hear it, the bell, it rings three times.
(35:14):
They look and they see all the warriors up at
the top of the hill, and they freeze in place.
But then the warriors do something amazing. They lift the
bell out of its harness. They carry it all the
way down the hill, and they throw it into the ocean.
And that was the very first celebration of the no
bell peach pies.
Speaker 2 (35:35):
You were fired. This was a mistake. You used it
up in my mouth a little bit.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
You begged me to come on here, say the bunch
live World War time.
Speaker 4 (35:47):
Say yes, the first celebration of the no bell peach
pie from pie.
Speaker 3 (35:52):
I was going to pose it that it was the
actual origin story of the very first Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
Yeah, I like that too, I love I love the pun.
You're right, we did. We did invite you on here.
I think with that, No, we got a hot hand here,
what'd you call it? When we were in Vegas? We
got it like a good table.
Speaker 2 (36:13):
Oh, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (36:14):
I didn't have that in life.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
As evidenced by this charade.
Speaker 3 (36:20):
I think I have sapped the will to live from
nol Hey, I mean so, yes, you just so. None
of that was true. None of that was true, Jonathan,
I believed you. I believe that the vikings were actually misunderstood, benevolent,
you know, generous, lovely genus.
Speaker 4 (36:37):
Right, the whole recreational, agricultural, industrial development sojourns wasn't a
dead giveaway.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
Oh come on, that's like fortification under consent to the King.
Speaker 3 (36:47):
I can't tell you how many times I've told that story,
because literally I started telling it in nineteen ninety nine.
Speaker 1 (36:55):
Oh wow, it was a good year, biscuits, Prince was
blowing off.
Speaker 4 (37:00):
Twenty five twenty five years. I've been telling that story.
Speaker 1 (37:04):
Well, the good news. It felt like years hearing you
tell me that was a short news. It never got better,
so we could say points for consistency. Jonathan aka quister,
thank you so much for hanging out with us.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
Really, that's very heavil, very diplomatic. I appreciate what you're doing.
I see it's okay, nol.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
Obviously I don't mean it because the.
Speaker 2 (37:30):
Thing you say, but.
Speaker 5 (37:31):
The here's the that was what they call on a
side in Shakespeare.
Speaker 2 (37:36):
There it is, here's the thing.
Speaker 1 (37:38):
We are going to continue this dangerous great game because
it must we well, you and I can't just have
the guy come back and immediately taken hell without trying
one more.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
Time and we just spend time for the holidays.
Speaker 4 (37:53):
Two things, One is that I do reveal and our
next episode what got me so angry that I had
to come back.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
And two, it wasn't the It wasn't the Viking Kiddies
episode was angry. That was just caught a straight explain.
Speaker 4 (38:12):
Really good. No, I will, yeah, I will.
Speaker 3 (38:15):
I will reveal what got me so angry in the
next episode. Also, this is this should entice you know.
The next quiz only has three scenarios, Thank the sweet
Lord of life.
Speaker 6 (38:29):
And I say, when you reveal whatever this this thing
is that's made you despise us even further, I promise
that I will pretend to care.
Speaker 2 (38:41):
And I make no such promises.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
I don't save stuff for the swim back anytime I'm
in a fight. Thank you so much to our our
dearly beloved uh acknowledge to exist, Nemesis the Quiztun.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
Soon to be dearly departed. I've run it out, my
plans say it comes fruitions.
Speaker 1 (39:04):
Big thanks for our super producer mister Max Williams Alex Williams,
who composed this track.
Speaker 5 (39:10):
Who else though, guess Jonathan Strickland the Quizzler, Jacobs the Puzzler.
Hey j Bahamas Jacobs, you know you have sort of
a benevolent counterpart now, Jonathan, I don't think we've talked
about benevolent. Yeah, well you're the quizt and we've got
the Puzzler, who's a really lovely fellow, just.
Speaker 2 (39:27):
A Cuban hug man. Gesh had a couture.
Speaker 3 (39:30):
If you guys were in the same room together, a
rift in time and space would open up.
Speaker 1 (39:34):
It like cross all Streams and Ghostbusters, and we can't
wait for you guys to hang out.
Speaker 2 (39:39):
You actually would have.
Speaker 1 (39:40):
A really good time with together, uh Rachel Big Spinach
Lance And of course everybody's tuned in. Please join us
later on in the week where we'll see if we
can get even with one of our favorite villains.
Speaker 2 (39:54):
In the meantime, they'll thanks to you, Bud, thanks to
you as well.
Speaker 3 (39:57):
Not super hopeful getting even, but going to give it
our holiday best.
Speaker 4 (40:05):
Got a one out of three chance.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
I mean, we'll see you next time.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
Find for more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app,
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Ridiculous History News
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Ben Bowlin
Noel Brown
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Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations.
Monster: BTK
'Monster: BTK', the newest installment in the 'Monster' franchise, reveals the true story of the Wichita, Kansas serial killer who murdered at least 10 people between 1974 and 1991. Known by the moniker, BTK – Bind Torture Kill, his notoriety was bolstered by the taunting letters he sent to police, and the chilling phone calls he made to media outlets. BTK's identity was finally revealed in 2005 to the shock of his family, his community, and the world. He was the serial killer next door. From Tenderfoot TV & iHeartPodcasts, this is 'Monster: BTK'.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.