January 12, 2023 • 26 mins
Raise a glass to a new year and more of our Sex and the City watch party episodes! We come out swinging with conversations around cheating and queer spaces.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to stephone
never told your production to iHeart Radio, and welcome we
are back, y'all, were finally back to do another episode
of live watching, live, streaming, recording. What is it? What
(00:29):
is this reacting? I guess viewing one of those things.
I mean currently this is as being live because we're
here anyway while you're listening, we're back to viewing and
watching Sex and the City again. Annie coming into seeing
(00:49):
these episodes for the first time. That's part of the
delight of this because I did love and I do
love Sex in the City. It meant a lot to
me in my early twenties mid twenties. Of course it
was already out but watching it for myself and trying
to be one of those city girls, and I was not.
I was not. Just Sten. We've put that out there,
but welcome back, and we are doing it as a
(01:11):
part of our happy hour as we do so before
we start, Yes, we are not currently sponsored by whatever
we're talking about as our beverages. That might change because
things change and as change, and it's according to when
you listen to this, as we know, and if you
are drinking or whatever you're partaking in, do it responsibly.
(01:33):
You know what I mean, Be responsible? Um Anny, what
you sipping on? Well, I'm drinking my red wine number
box and uh we did record this this episode the
day after our last happy hour that's already out where
you were like, I'm sending you that link to the
red red Wine song and I did listen to it,
(01:55):
and I feel complete in some ways, So thank you
for that. You will. But yeah, I'm had time to
go helped and get anything else. I really pressed how
long this box wine has lasted? Well, there might have
been two bucks to Wineckery Rickery. I'm gonna be honest.
(02:19):
I'm gonna start the new year honest. Okay, Okay, I
like it. Yes, Well, I am sipping on an actual
kind of like a lesser of I guess recipe for
kind of like a Cosmo, but not really a Cosmo.
We actually ended up getting ginger well with cranberry um,
the fancy kind, and I'm like, oh, I want to
(02:41):
drink that, and so I added some gin. My partner
who's like, I want to add this, added some bidders
to it. So I feel like it's an homage, but
it's definitely um, the lesser version of a Cosmo. Yeah,
you know, kind there, but it's very tasty. Just so
(03:02):
you know, I'm delighted by it. So that is what
I am sitting on. But yes, we are back to
viewing Sex in the City, and y'all we are still
doing the audience participation. We've been seizing it. I swear
we're not trying to lead you on or guest like you.
As we have said at the end of this year
at the beginning of this year is always chaotic, uh,
(03:23):
and I'm sure it is for y'all as well. So
we've kind of rearranged some things. So for the finality,
we would do want to have a listener participation and
we've got your names if you already added it. If
you haven't and you're interested, you don't even have to
know anything about Sex in the City. Just join us.
We just have a good time. We write any we do.
(03:45):
And honestly, everybody who's entered, I'm like, maybe we should
just have them all on eventually. Maybe maybe we should
just one and one and one. People are like, I'm down,
let's do this. I'm down. Several people are I love
this episode. I love it so all of you all
die hard. I'm thank you for sticking with us. And
we're further behind than I thought. Annie. I thought we
(04:08):
were really close to the finale and we are not. Yeah,
we are. We are quite a bit of ways. Um.
A lot of times we do these in person and
bulk this one we're kind of we're doing differently, and
we're doing via the magic of the internet. So if
it's got to be interesting, Lag, that's why, you know. Um,
(04:29):
But I think because of that, when we do them,
it feels like we've done like seventeen even though we
only did three. Yeah, so yeah, we're a bit further
back than we thought we were. Several times there are
ninety four episodes to go, and well not to go
in total, and some yes yes, and apparently the second
(04:50):
season is coming around and just like that, so oh
my god, but yes, I digress. Let's get into it
as we do, Annie, can you it's been so long.
Can you do a summary of the past episodes of
season two? I will give it a shot shot. Okay,
(05:13):
So a lot of the themes in this season have
been Gary and Biggs broke up at the end of
season one, and so a lot of it has been
her navigating newly being single but still kind of having
feelings for this person and running into him and trying
to deal with what that is. I know, we have
(05:34):
the funeral episode recently, I think that was the last one,
and there was discussion around like kind of the social
scene and and funeral fashion and Charlotte being falling for
this guy and then realizing he kind of uses his
widow to get women, or that's what it's seemed like
(05:58):
the implication. Yeah, so I feel like there's been a
lot of Samantha getting kind of blocked out of the
social scene, and then I guess who it was leading
Ardo to Capiro was supposed to be there but it wasn't.
And then this is the season where Miranda kept getting
questioned about like, oh, you're by yourself. Oh you're trying
(06:22):
to get a place by yourself. What's going on here?
Just you know, continuing with the questions that a lot
of us can relate to in one way or the
other of relationships and what they mean or what does
it mean if you don't have relationship and how do
people view you? Yeah, yeah, very good. I like it
(06:45):
very good. All right, now I'm going to give you
the title and to try to make a guess on
what you think this episode is about, as we do,
and then I will rate you with nonsensical ratings at
the end. Maybe a great maybe number, maybe stars. I
don't know. So the title of this episode is the
Cheating Curve. Okay, well, I feel like every time I
(07:14):
do this, I don't really have any specifics, but I
would say, um that it's like kind of talking about
the versions of cheating, like which is worse, Like cheating
after you've been dating, like only for a long time
and maybe the other person doesn't view that is cheating
the situation, cheating when you've been in a long term relationship,
which is I guess gradations of which is worse in
(07:37):
cheating and what what some people define is cheating on
what some others might not define as cheating. M M.
And they go to a club, because I say that
every time they go to the club, Okay, I feel
like I've like salvaged getting nothing right when they go
(07:59):
to a clus that one they go to a club
and they go out and drink. Yeah, that's a nice prediction.
All right, let's begin any how about close you got
Let's do it or didn't get With Samantha, Miranda and
(08:28):
Charlotte all suitably occupied, I figured there was no better
time to make my escape. Carrie's being shady and runs away.
Did she lie? But I didn't dare tell any of
my friends where I was going, Oh, don't do plenty
to me. Oh yeah, she's being sexy and in the picture,
(08:55):
oh don't do it. You know they had that ending
the ball that damn Bolden. The bowling is what gets you.
It gets you every time. Watch out, excuse me, Rowles.
We're just kissing. So Charlotte's that's the gas lighting right there.
(09:20):
We're like, we're just kissing. I'll see you in there
as it's not a big deal. Yeah, she walked in
on him with another woman kissing, and he said, yeah,
I'm just kissing whatever, just kissing. Uh so I was
kind of right kissing cheating. Correct, Men's cheat for the
(09:43):
same reason the dogs licked their balls, because they can't.
Men cheat for the same reason as dogs licked their balls.
Such a line, and it's such a line, Well that
sounds very empowering that you're forgetting one important detail. God,
I hope so women cheat. Yeah, it is completely different
because we don't go women cheat, it's completely different. I
(10:05):
don't think that's completely different. But also, is there an
implication when women cheat versus when men cheat, Like, is
there two different standards of acceptance slash non acceptance slash.
One's ah and the other one is the one woman?
What did the wife do or whomember the cheating? Yeah,
we've talked about that before, asked for the men or
(10:27):
men they're the victims, right are It's in their nature
just like this conversation. Yeah, I can't help it. The
fact is, the act of cheating is defined by the
act of getting caught. One doesn't exist without the other.
It's defined by the act of getting caught. Samantha says,
(10:48):
it's not me characters, it's the same question. If you
hear a treat fall in the woods, the same thing,
that's the same question, right. Yeah, that's an interesting mind
set because that implies like, if you're happy and they're cheating,
then it doesn't matter, right, But I feel like there's
still the like there's still lying involved in that, a
(11:09):
lot of lying, and there was mistrust and there is
a break of commitment and all of that. Yeah, it's
like that's the difference between like a consensual polyamorous relationship
versus Right, so how do you feel? Oh, you got
me all wet? I mean sweaty. I'm mean sweaty. That's
(11:36):
such an odd caricature, Like it's a cliche hooking up
at the gym with your trainer, right, Yeah, Yeah, it's
one of those professions where it is it can be
awkward and kind of like somebody's touching your body. Because
in that case as a personal trainer, I don't know,
it's just odd. Does that really need to be on?
(12:10):
Just really? Turns are not enough? Would you be okay
with your partner needing to have porn on during your
intimate moment? Not all the time? I think we could
discuss it, uh, but you would need like the fact
that he sprung it on her. I would not be
cool with that, especially depending on what it is, because
a lot of them is not great for women, right,
(12:32):
and like what it entails, like I would be open
to it every now and then, Right, I think that's
the answer. Was like it could be an interesting way
of shaking things up and doing things and yeah, is inappropriate.
Of course we've talked about it with bridget even and
we've talked about it about the layer of whether or
not this porn is actually consensual, is it safe, the
(12:55):
level of all of that and what's being allowed and
was for the what may be revenge porn? Like like,
there's so much to that that we don't know. It
does feel really sticky. Yeah, oh sorry, sorry, sorry accidental.
I felt horrible. I had never lied to Miranda before,
(13:21):
but I was embarrassed to admit that I was seeing
big again. Do you feel about friends lying to you?
Not great? I have an example where I was like,
I know you're lying to me. I'm not gonna confront
you about it was about a guy, but I'm gonna
give you some time to like come to terms and
after a certain time has passed, and there was nothing
(13:42):
really wrong with that relationship as far as I know,
I just didn't tell me about it. Interesting. Yeah, so
I'm like, I try to be forgiving in like early stages,
but it gets like a long time and right, yep,
and there better be a conversation about it later. Friendships, Okay,
(14:07):
Sam is hooking up with the gym guy who actually
said he's never hooked up with anybody before. Just remember
that and then to Samantha surprise and delight. So I
kept right on shaving. And apparently he likes to shave
women's legs. I've never met anyone that wanted to do that. Also,
that would worry me too, Vies, that's not where it goes.
(14:35):
But yes, sure, I Look, we've got this physical, chemical
kind of connection that's hard to shake. So lay off. Okay,
So now it's going to be a casual sex thing. Baby,
Well that's gonna work. Even I am not that naive,
not I'm really not the most sy movie anymore. She
(14:57):
doesn't like being confronted Harry Harry kind of So who
is the villain in the scenario? Is it the friends
or is it Carrie. There's a lot of those questions
up in the air, like was it always carry being
the villain? You know? I think that then I get
it on both sides a little. I think that it's
(15:19):
fair that they're like he was a jerk to you,
why are you with him? And her kind of being like, oh,
it's chemical, and then filling the fences of them walking away, right,
But I can get her being carried knowing that that's
the response, right. I mean, we like we came to
an agreement with several of the friends that were close
(15:40):
to if you have a concern about the person's partner,
you have one opportunity to let them know, and then
you gotta you accept and support. Like that was kind
of like, just make sure they know, but if you
push it, you're gonna push them away and put them
in the situation. So you get the chance, but taking
the chance and moving on. It's an odd thing, but
(16:01):
I'm like, at least we know the type of thing.
Like I said, I actually recently had a conversation like this.
I wasn't really involved, but some of my other friends were,
and I watched it at play out and the friend
was like, yeah, I know it's not great that he
does this and this and this, but I like him.
And then we were all kind of like, but you
just said it's not great. Yeah, yeah, you just told us. Why, Well,
(16:45):
there it is. You get two and a half stars
before yeah yeah, yeah yeah, because he definitely you definitely
got some some of that in I know that we didn't.
You didn't, in fact, her in the friendship cheating, And
that's a good conversation to off because is it cheating
to sneak around and not tell your friends about the relationship,
(17:05):
especially when it was an ex that no one likes,
right right. The cheating with the porn is that cheating
because there have been conversations of women saying that they
felt like that was cheating someone who watches porn a lot. Yeah,
I mean that's the thing the d TR like, um
(17:26):
having that communication and sometimes, honestly, you figure those things
out through arguments, are through those things because you don't
think to talk about them. But it is true that, um,
it's important to have those conversation if you think this
is going to be a serious thing, or if it's
something important to you. Hey, I realized that this, I'm
(17:48):
not comfortable with this or whatever it is. Those conversations
are really key. Yeah, we heart communications here. But then
there's the other part with Charlotte hanging with the power lesbians,
and that coming back to the conversation is what are
the boundaries that assists straight woman should have or should
(18:10):
be required to have when it comes to lesbian relationships
and friendships. Yeah, I mean, like you said, I think
we should come back and talk about that. It's so
funny to me every time we watch one of these
I'm like, oh, Wow. I could talk about this forever,
because I know I have said in previous episodes kind
of what Charlotte said, I hope in a much less
offensive way. But like, I feel safer with women, but
(18:33):
I have dated women, but that is a part of it.
It's like, oh, all of this, like male gaze or
male expectations, all that stuff is removed. Um. And that's
not to say that lesbian, queer whatever relationships are perfect
by any means, but I've expressed that too, But it's
not like it's not like I was like a straight
(18:54):
woman going in like I just get handlmen anymore, which
is kind of what she did, Yeah, which I know
is kind of a joke and I understand it, but
like actually doing it, it's a conversation we need to have,
and I know that's sort of I feel like there's
a similar dynamic with the you know, gay best friend
male Russian trope. With women, it's like you feel like, oh,
(19:17):
there's no sexual tension, but I still have like this
sort of male presence. And I also would say, and
this might be just anecdotal, but I feel like when
straight women, I don't know, I don't want to I
feel like people feel more comfortable to touch like gay
men are gay women in those spaces than it's like acceptable,
(19:40):
like even if it's just like kind of a hand
on the shoulder or whatever, you know, right, consent always
just right. So yeah, yeah. And then again part of
the episode that we want to talk about and revisit
as straight says people in gay safe spaces, which is
not to say that it's not okay for them and
it's not welcoming. It typically is, but like having like
(20:03):
that conversation of uh, when a bachelorette party goes to
a gage ship club, Um, what is it? And then
the party being too wild and think they have the
privilege to touch up on people and get up on
stage on people, um, and then pretty much goes to
the same if women visit uh women's shop clubs, and
they do that too because they're like, no, no, I'm
like gay, It's fine type of conversation uh. And then
(20:25):
overtaking that space and then taking away from safe spaces
and then the queer bars where the queer people going
to meet other queer people and then being slapped in
the face with them saying oh I'm straight, um, and
feeling like you're in unsafe places where you're traumatized by
being rejected as not a part of that society type
of thing. So there's a lot of conversations and that
(20:46):
of course this was all jokey and fun and the
like the power of lesbians were the one power and
like had you know, had their own crew, which is amazing.
But yeah, it does bringing to the bigger scope of
the let's talk about this. Let's talk about why this
becomes problematic and this becomes an issue, and how we
should be aware of that and that, um when just
(21:09):
because we want to do something, and especially if you're
doing it as like I want to go to see
something novel, right, it is really offensive. Yeah. Yeah, I
think there's a lot too to revisit there, because I mean,
it's if you are aware of those things and you're
(21:30):
very cognizant, that's great, but it is I mean, even
if it's like just the you know, you thought, hey,
everybody here is queer, and I don't have to worry
that like I'll be they'll be like, oh no, I'm straight,
because it's hard to find other queer people sometimes all
the time. So you know, I definitely that's something we
should return to, and I think also there's been kind
(21:53):
of a people using like saying like, oh, I'm kind
of queer because I had this one experienced one. Right,
I'm not like, I'm not judging anybody experiences change, but
some people use that in a way that I'm like,
you should not, right. There's definitely moments of like, are
you doing this because you want to be seen as
(22:13):
this and you want along in this, but you actually
don't because like and not to judge because I don't
know the individual. And I will respect anyone who says that,
who comes out and says whatever, and I'm like, okay,
cool for myself, even though I have conversations like this
person is super attractive, this woman is super like whatever,
and I'm like, man, holy like all these things, and
(22:34):
I do I generally compliment women more than I do men. Again,
kind of that safety. Maybe I don't know um and
genuinely appreciate all of that aesthetic, but I still would
identify a straight because like, when it comes to relationships,
not because I've not had one, it's just not something
that comes to my mind to to have one, as
if like that's what I'm interested in. Who knows that
(22:56):
might change when I'm mean a type of person, a
specific person that I'm attracted to. But like at this point,
I'm like, I think it's a little showy, like a
little um performative slash like attention sinking essentially because like
you want to add one more thing to yourself and
and for those who are truly a part of that community,
is a slap in the face because they've had to
(23:17):
fight to get to that point, you know what I mean,
Like that's um and to be to come out even um,
whether it is being bisexual, whether it is being a sexual,
like all of these things are a thing that they
had to fight their own battles for their their demons
of uh accepting themselves and not talking about the even
(23:39):
like outside world of it. That it feels like it
would be a slap in the face to say, well,
I think this woman when WO wants to attract us,
So I'm gonna say I'm whatever. Um, that seems really
offensive to right, And this is a very nuanced conversation
because you never want to be like, well you are
(24:00):
not queer, and that there are issues of that within
the queer community, right of like, oh I don't feel
comfortable saying I'm queer because I'm afraid that I will
be judged within the community. But specifically kind of what
Charlotte was doing is what we're talking about, like oh,
well I'm not, but I feel like I am because
I like you all as friends or like that kind
(24:21):
of thing. Or we've even seen politicians recently like be like,
oh yeah, I'm queer and that people are like are you,
But he's like that they just want the like attention
for it, And that's again we I would never want
to denigrate someone else's experience because I think there's plenty.
I know there's plenty of people who are queer and
(24:43):
never been in a relationship one way or the other.
Who knows, but no, as they identify, and I absolutely
applaud that. And I have nothing to say to you know,
take away from that. But for you know, any of
the Sanders. We know there are bad players in all
of these conversations, unfortunately, and that's what we have to
(25:05):
be aware of. Yeah, I mean it's a huge conversation. Um,
so we'll have to come back to that one. We
got a real serious but Annie, good job, two and
a half stars. I can't wait to continue on with
these series. Um, and yeah, we should be back on
(25:25):
track y'all unless we have a lot of technical issues.
Are disruption of just life um with these series, join us,
let us know what you think, Let us know if
you have some thoughts about the specific conversations this specific
episode or even future episodes or just us talking about it,
whether you like stop it. We didn't even really get
(25:48):
into the whole. We kind of talked that in the
amazone for the whole like cheating scale but rules that's um, okay, well,
yeah this is These are always so fun. We hope
you're enjoying them. And uh we're gonna we're gonna do
our listener come on episode soon ish, so uh yeah,
(26:13):
keep entering. If you want to enter, you can do
so at our email, which is definitely your mom stuff
at i heeart media dot com. You can find us
on Twitter at month Stuff podcast or Instagram at Stuff
I've Never Told You. Thanks as always to our super
producer Christina. Thank you, Christina, and thanks to you for
listening too. Never told you this prodicction of I Heart Radio.
For more podcast in my Heart Radio, you can check
out the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcast wherever you listen
(26:35):
to your favorite shows,
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to stephone
never told your production to iHeart Radio, and welcome we
are back, y'all, were finally back to do another episode
of live watching, live, streaming, recording. What is it? What
(00:29):
is this reacting? I guess viewing one of those things.
I mean currently this is as being live because we're
here anyway while you're listening, we're back to viewing and
watching Sex and the City again. Annie coming into seeing
(00:49):
these episodes for the first time. That's part of the
delight of this because I did love and I do
love Sex in the City. It meant a lot to
me in my early twenties mid twenties. Of course it
was already out but watching it for myself and trying
to be one of those city girls, and I was not.
I was not. Just Sten. We've put that out there,
but welcome back, and we are doing it as a
(01:11):
part of our happy hour as we do so before
we start, Yes, we are not currently sponsored by whatever
we're talking about as our beverages. That might change because
things change and as change, and it's according to when
you listen to this, as we know, and if you
are drinking or whatever you're partaking in, do it responsibly.
(01:33):
You know what I mean, Be responsible? Um Anny, what
you sipping on? Well, I'm drinking my red wine number
box and uh we did record this this episode the
day after our last happy hour that's already out where
you were like, I'm sending you that link to the
red red Wine song and I did listen to it,
(01:55):
and I feel complete in some ways, So thank you
for that. You will. But yeah, I'm had time to
go helped and get anything else. I really pressed how
long this box wine has lasted? Well, there might have
been two bucks to Wineckery Rickery. I'm gonna be honest.
(02:19):
I'm gonna start the new year honest. Okay, Okay, I
like it. Yes, Well, I am sipping on an actual
kind of like a lesser of I guess recipe for
kind of like a Cosmo, but not really a Cosmo.
We actually ended up getting ginger well with cranberry um,
the fancy kind, and I'm like, oh, I want to
(02:41):
drink that, and so I added some gin. My partner
who's like, I want to add this, added some bidders
to it. So I feel like it's an homage, but
it's definitely um, the lesser version of a Cosmo. Yeah,
you know, kind there, but it's very tasty. Just so
(03:02):
you know, I'm delighted by it. So that is what
I am sitting on. But yes, we are back to
viewing Sex in the City, and y'all we are still
doing the audience participation. We've been seizing it. I swear
we're not trying to lead you on or guest like you.
As we have said at the end of this year
at the beginning of this year is always chaotic, uh,
(03:23):
and I'm sure it is for y'all as well. So
we've kind of rearranged some things. So for the finality,
we would do want to have a listener participation and
we've got your names if you already added it. If
you haven't and you're interested, you don't even have to
know anything about Sex in the City. Just join us.
We just have a good time. We write any we do.
(03:45):
And honestly, everybody who's entered, I'm like, maybe we should
just have them all on eventually. Maybe maybe we should
just one and one and one. People are like, I'm down,
let's do this. I'm down. Several people are I love
this episode. I love it so all of you all
die hard. I'm thank you for sticking with us. And
we're further behind than I thought. Annie. I thought we
(04:08):
were really close to the finale and we are not. Yeah,
we are. We are quite a bit of ways. Um.
A lot of times we do these in person and
bulk this one we're kind of we're doing differently, and
we're doing via the magic of the internet. So if
it's got to be interesting, Lag, that's why, you know. Um,
(04:29):
But I think because of that, when we do them,
it feels like we've done like seventeen even though we
only did three. Yeah, so yeah, we're a bit further
back than we thought we were. Several times there are
ninety four episodes to go, and well not to go
in total, and some yes yes, and apparently the second
(04:50):
season is coming around and just like that, so oh
my god, but yes, I digress. Let's get into it
as we do, Annie, can you it's been so long.
Can you do a summary of the past episodes of
season two? I will give it a shot shot. Okay,
(05:13):
So a lot of the themes in this season have
been Gary and Biggs broke up at the end of
season one, and so a lot of it has been
her navigating newly being single but still kind of having
feelings for this person and running into him and trying
to deal with what that is. I know, we have
(05:34):
the funeral episode recently, I think that was the last one,
and there was discussion around like kind of the social
scene and and funeral fashion and Charlotte being falling for
this guy and then realizing he kind of uses his
widow to get women, or that's what it's seemed like
(05:58):
the implication. Yeah, so I feel like there's been a
lot of Samantha getting kind of blocked out of the
social scene, and then I guess who it was leading
Ardo to Capiro was supposed to be there but it wasn't.
And then this is the season where Miranda kept getting
questioned about like, oh, you're by yourself. Oh you're trying
(06:22):
to get a place by yourself. What's going on here?
Just you know, continuing with the questions that a lot
of us can relate to in one way or the
other of relationships and what they mean or what does
it mean if you don't have relationship and how do
people view you? Yeah, yeah, very good. I like it
(06:45):
very good. All right, now I'm going to give you
the title and to try to make a guess on
what you think this episode is about, as we do,
and then I will rate you with nonsensical ratings at
the end. Maybe a great maybe number, maybe stars. I
don't know. So the title of this episode is the
Cheating Curve. Okay, well, I feel like every time I
(07:14):
do this, I don't really have any specifics, but I
would say, um that it's like kind of talking about
the versions of cheating, like which is worse, Like cheating
after you've been dating, like only for a long time
and maybe the other person doesn't view that is cheating
the situation, cheating when you've been in a long term relationship,
which is I guess gradations of which is worse in
(07:37):
cheating and what what some people define is cheating on
what some others might not define as cheating. M M.
And they go to a club, because I say that
every time they go to the club, Okay, I feel
like I've like salvaged getting nothing right when they go
(07:59):
to a clus that one they go to a club
and they go out and drink. Yeah, that's a nice prediction.
All right, let's begin any how about close you got
Let's do it or didn't get With Samantha, Miranda and
(08:28):
Charlotte all suitably occupied, I figured there was no better
time to make my escape. Carrie's being shady and runs away.
Did she lie? But I didn't dare tell any of
my friends where I was going, Oh, don't do plenty
to me. Oh yeah, she's being sexy and in the picture,
(08:55):
oh don't do it. You know they had that ending
the ball that damn Bolden. The bowling is what gets you.
It gets you every time. Watch out, excuse me, Rowles.
We're just kissing. So Charlotte's that's the gas lighting right there.
(09:20):
We're like, we're just kissing. I'll see you in there
as it's not a big deal. Yeah, she walked in
on him with another woman kissing, and he said, yeah,
I'm just kissing whatever, just kissing. Uh so I was
kind of right kissing cheating. Correct, Men's cheat for the
(09:43):
same reason the dogs licked their balls, because they can't.
Men cheat for the same reason as dogs licked their balls.
Such a line, and it's such a line, Well that
sounds very empowering that you're forgetting one important detail. God,
I hope so women cheat. Yeah, it is completely different
because we don't go women cheat, it's completely different. I
(10:05):
don't think that's completely different. But also, is there an
implication when women cheat versus when men cheat, Like, is
there two different standards of acceptance slash non acceptance slash.
One's ah and the other one is the one woman?
What did the wife do or whomember the cheating? Yeah,
we've talked about that before, asked for the men or
(10:27):
men they're the victims, right are It's in their nature
just like this conversation. Yeah, I can't help it. The
fact is, the act of cheating is defined by the
act of getting caught. One doesn't exist without the other.
It's defined by the act of getting caught. Samantha says,
(10:48):
it's not me characters, it's the same question. If you
hear a treat fall in the woods, the same thing,
that's the same question, right. Yeah, that's an interesting mind
set because that implies like, if you're happy and they're cheating,
then it doesn't matter, right, But I feel like there's
still the like there's still lying involved in that, a
(11:09):
lot of lying, and there was mistrust and there is
a break of commitment and all of that. Yeah, it's
like that's the difference between like a consensual polyamorous relationship
versus Right, so how do you feel? Oh, you got
me all wet? I mean sweaty. I'm mean sweaty. That's
(11:36):
such an odd caricature, Like it's a cliche hooking up
at the gym with your trainer, right, Yeah, Yeah, it's
one of those professions where it is it can be
awkward and kind of like somebody's touching your body. Because
in that case as a personal trainer, I don't know,
it's just odd. Does that really need to be on?
(12:10):
Just really? Turns are not enough? Would you be okay
with your partner needing to have porn on during your
intimate moment? Not all the time? I think we could
discuss it, uh, but you would need like the fact
that he sprung it on her. I would not be
cool with that, especially depending on what it is, because
a lot of them is not great for women, right,
(12:32):
and like what it entails, like I would be open
to it every now and then, Right, I think that's
the answer. Was like it could be an interesting way
of shaking things up and doing things and yeah, is inappropriate.
Of course we've talked about it with bridget even and
we've talked about it about the layer of whether or
not this porn is actually consensual, is it safe, the
(12:55):
level of all of that and what's being allowed and
was for the what may be revenge porn? Like like,
there's so much to that that we don't know. It
does feel really sticky. Yeah, oh sorry, sorry, sorry accidental.
I felt horrible. I had never lied to Miranda before,
(13:21):
but I was embarrassed to admit that I was seeing
big again. Do you feel about friends lying to you?
Not great? I have an example where I was like,
I know you're lying to me. I'm not gonna confront
you about it was about a guy, but I'm gonna
give you some time to like come to terms and
after a certain time has passed, and there was nothing
(13:42):
really wrong with that relationship as far as I know,
I just didn't tell me about it. Interesting. Yeah, so
I'm like, I try to be forgiving in like early stages,
but it gets like a long time and right, yep,
and there better be a conversation about it later. Friendships, Okay,
(14:07):
Sam is hooking up with the gym guy who actually
said he's never hooked up with anybody before. Just remember
that and then to Samantha surprise and delight. So I
kept right on shaving. And apparently he likes to shave
women's legs. I've never met anyone that wanted to do that. Also,
that would worry me too, Vies, that's not where it goes.
(14:35):
But yes, sure, I Look, we've got this physical, chemical
kind of connection that's hard to shake. So lay off. Okay,
So now it's going to be a casual sex thing. Baby,
Well that's gonna work. Even I am not that naive,
not I'm really not the most sy movie anymore. She
(14:57):
doesn't like being confronted Harry Harry kind of So who
is the villain in the scenario? Is it the friends
or is it Carrie. There's a lot of those questions
up in the air, like was it always carry being
the villain? You know? I think that then I get
it on both sides a little. I think that it's
(15:19):
fair that they're like he was a jerk to you,
why are you with him? And her kind of being like, oh,
it's chemical, and then filling the fences of them walking away, right,
But I can get her being carried knowing that that's
the response, right. I mean, we like we came to
an agreement with several of the friends that were close
(15:40):
to if you have a concern about the person's partner,
you have one opportunity to let them know, and then
you gotta you accept and support. Like that was kind
of like, just make sure they know, but if you
push it, you're gonna push them away and put them
in the situation. So you get the chance, but taking
the chance and moving on. It's an odd thing, but
(16:01):
I'm like, at least we know the type of thing.
Like I said, I actually recently had a conversation like this.
I wasn't really involved, but some of my other friends were,
and I watched it at play out and the friend
was like, yeah, I know it's not great that he
does this and this and this, but I like him.
And then we were all kind of like, but you
just said it's not great. Yeah, yeah, you just told us. Why, Well,
(16:45):
there it is. You get two and a half stars
before yeah yeah, yeah yeah, because he definitely you definitely
got some some of that in I know that we didn't.
You didn't, in fact, her in the friendship cheating, And
that's a good conversation to off because is it cheating
to sneak around and not tell your friends about the relationship,
(17:05):
especially when it was an ex that no one likes,
right right. The cheating with the porn is that cheating
because there have been conversations of women saying that they
felt like that was cheating someone who watches porn a lot. Yeah,
I mean that's the thing the d TR like, um
(17:26):
having that communication and sometimes, honestly, you figure those things
out through arguments, are through those things because you don't
think to talk about them. But it is true that, um,
it's important to have those conversation if you think this
is going to be a serious thing, or if it's
something important to you. Hey, I realized that this, I'm
(17:48):
not comfortable with this or whatever it is. Those conversations
are really key. Yeah, we heart communications here. But then
there's the other part with Charlotte hanging with the power lesbians,
and that coming back to the conversation is what are
the boundaries that assists straight woman should have or should
(18:10):
be required to have when it comes to lesbian relationships
and friendships. Yeah, I mean, like you said, I think
we should come back and talk about that. It's so
funny to me every time we watch one of these
I'm like, oh, Wow. I could talk about this forever,
because I know I have said in previous episodes kind
of what Charlotte said, I hope in a much less
offensive way. But like, I feel safer with women, but
(18:33):
I have dated women, but that is a part of it.
It's like, oh, all of this, like male gaze or
male expectations, all that stuff is removed. Um. And that's
not to say that lesbian, queer whatever relationships are perfect
by any means, but I've expressed that too, But it's
not like it's not like I was like a straight
(18:54):
woman going in like I just get handlmen anymore, which
is kind of what she did, Yeah, which I know
is kind of a joke and I understand it, but
like actually doing it, it's a conversation we need to have,
and I know that's sort of I feel like there's
a similar dynamic with the you know, gay best friend
male Russian trope. With women, it's like you feel like, oh,
(19:17):
there's no sexual tension, but I still have like this
sort of male presence. And I also would say, and
this might be just anecdotal, but I feel like when
straight women, I don't know, I don't want to I
feel like people feel more comfortable to touch like gay
men are gay women in those spaces than it's like acceptable,
(19:40):
like even if it's just like kind of a hand
on the shoulder or whatever, you know, right, consent always
just right. So yeah, yeah. And then again part of
the episode that we want to talk about and revisit
as straight says people in gay safe spaces, which is
not to say that it's not okay for them and
it's not welcoming. It typically is, but like having like
(20:03):
that conversation of uh, when a bachelorette party goes to
a gage ship club, Um, what is it? And then
the party being too wild and think they have the
privilege to touch up on people and get up on
stage on people, um, and then pretty much goes to
the same if women visit uh women's shop clubs, and
they do that too because they're like, no, no, I'm
like gay, It's fine type of conversation uh. And then
(20:25):
overtaking that space and then taking away from safe spaces
and then the queer bars where the queer people going
to meet other queer people and then being slapped in
the face with them saying oh I'm straight, um, and
feeling like you're in unsafe places where you're traumatized by
being rejected as not a part of that society type
of thing. So there's a lot of conversations and that
(20:46):
of course this was all jokey and fun and the
like the power of lesbians were the one power and
like had you know, had their own crew, which is amazing.
But yeah, it does bringing to the bigger scope of
the let's talk about this. Let's talk about why this
becomes problematic and this becomes an issue, and how we
should be aware of that and that, um when just
(21:09):
because we want to do something, and especially if you're
doing it as like I want to go to see
something novel, right, it is really offensive. Yeah. Yeah, I
think there's a lot too to revisit there, because I mean,
it's if you are aware of those things and you're
(21:30):
very cognizant, that's great, but it is I mean, even
if it's like just the you know, you thought, hey,
everybody here is queer, and I don't have to worry
that like I'll be they'll be like, oh no, I'm straight,
because it's hard to find other queer people sometimes all
the time. So you know, I definitely that's something we
should return to, and I think also there's been kind
(21:53):
of a people using like saying like, oh, I'm kind
of queer because I had this one experienced one. Right,
I'm not like, I'm not judging anybody experiences change, but
some people use that in a way that I'm like,
you should not, right. There's definitely moments of like, are
you doing this because you want to be seen as
(22:13):
this and you want along in this, but you actually
don't because like and not to judge because I don't
know the individual. And I will respect anyone who says that,
who comes out and says whatever, and I'm like, okay,
cool for myself, even though I have conversations like this
person is super attractive, this woman is super like whatever,
and I'm like, man, holy like all these things, and
(22:34):
I do I generally compliment women more than I do men. Again,
kind of that safety. Maybe I don't know um and
genuinely appreciate all of that aesthetic, but I still would
identify a straight because like, when it comes to relationships,
not because I've not had one, it's just not something
that comes to my mind to to have one, as
if like that's what I'm interested in. Who knows that
(22:56):
might change when I'm mean a type of person, a
specific person that I'm attracted to. But like at this point,
I'm like, I think it's a little showy, like a
little um performative slash like attention sinking essentially because like
you want to add one more thing to yourself and
and for those who are truly a part of that community,
is a slap in the face because they've had to
(23:17):
fight to get to that point, you know what I mean,
Like that's um and to be to come out even um,
whether it is being bisexual, whether it is being a sexual,
like all of these things are a thing that they
had to fight their own battles for their their demons
of uh accepting themselves and not talking about the even
(23:39):
like outside world of it. That it feels like it
would be a slap in the face to say, well,
I think this woman when WO wants to attract us,
So I'm gonna say I'm whatever. Um, that seems really
offensive to right, And this is a very nuanced conversation
because you never want to be like, well you are
(24:00):
not queer, and that there are issues of that within
the queer community, right of like, oh I don't feel
comfortable saying I'm queer because I'm afraid that I will
be judged within the community. But specifically kind of what
Charlotte was doing is what we're talking about, like oh,
well I'm not, but I feel like I am because
I like you all as friends or like that kind
(24:21):
of thing. Or we've even seen politicians recently like be like,
oh yeah, I'm queer and that people are like are you,
But he's like that they just want the like attention
for it, And that's again we I would never want
to denigrate someone else's experience because I think there's plenty.
I know there's plenty of people who are queer and
(24:43):
never been in a relationship one way or the other.
Who knows, but no, as they identify, and I absolutely
applaud that. And I have nothing to say to you know,
take away from that. But for you know, any of
the Sanders. We know there are bad players in all
of these conversations, unfortunately, and that's what we have to
(25:05):
be aware of. Yeah, I mean it's a huge conversation. Um,
so we'll have to come back to that one. We
got a real serious but Annie, good job, two and
a half stars. I can't wait to continue on with
these series. Um, and yeah, we should be back on
(25:25):
track y'all unless we have a lot of technical issues.
Are disruption of just life um with these series, join us,
let us know what you think, Let us know if
you have some thoughts about the specific conversations this specific
episode or even future episodes or just us talking about it,
whether you like stop it. We didn't even really get
(25:48):
into the whole. We kind of talked that in the
amazone for the whole like cheating scale but rules that's um, okay, well,
yeah this is These are always so fun. We hope
you're enjoying them. And uh we're gonna we're gonna do
our listener come on episode soon ish, so uh yeah,
(26:13):
keep entering. If you want to enter, you can do
so at our email, which is definitely your mom stuff
at i heeart media dot com. You can find us
on Twitter at month Stuff podcast or Instagram at Stuff
I've Never Told You. Thanks as always to our super
producer Christina. Thank you, Christina, and thanks to you for
listening too. Never told you this prodicction of I Heart Radio.
For more podcast in my Heart Radio, you can check
out the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcast wherever you listen
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