November 30, 2023 • 22 mins
Anney and Samantha chat about their holidays, and the stress of decorating. Anney shares a harrowing tale of Christmas tree transport.
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to Steff.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
I've never told you a production of iHeartRadio, and welcome
to another happy hour. This is one of those rare
occasions where I feel like we're like reaching across time
because we're recording it the day it comes out, which
(00:27):
is not usually the case. SOMETI Well, okay, but I
would say, like percentage wise, it's not usually the case me.
But one of the reasons that is is because we
just got back from the holidays, which is the topic
of this happy hour. But first, if you choose to drink,
(00:48):
please do so responsibly. Samantha, what are you sipping on?
Speaker 3 (00:53):
I'm drinking on some cold water.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
It is cold, Yeah it is.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
My feet are freezing, he would think it is on.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
Oh really, yes, yes, nice, Okay, I've got my red wine. Nice.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Because this is I wouldn't call this like an unhappy hour,
but it is kind of complaining love it. But before
we get into that, I did want to ask Samantha,
how was your holiday. We did get to actually hang
out in person recently, but it was we didn't get
to talk too much. It was lovely, but we didn't
get to really go into it right.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
It was funny actually. So we went to South Carolina
for with our partner's family. They are delight. His uncle
who actually lives in North Georgia, oh about probably twenty
minutes outside of Delannaga, he joined and it was really
nice to meet him and they were very nice and
kind and we had great food, very stuffed. Immediately after
(01:53):
Thanksgiving lunch because we had it around two, we took
a nap. I took an hour nap immediately. It was
sol bye, but it was really nice. The weather was
well like there was a couple of rainy days but
not too bad. And then we had good food out
and about some really good barbecue that was like, I think,
the best barbecue I've had in a while. Oh yes,
(02:16):
it was delicious and we had the best time on
the foods. So yeah, nothing is like an eventful which
we love.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Yeah, oh yeah, that's all you can which we love.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Mine was pretty good too. Mine was more uneventful than
I thought I would be, but it was.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
There were some events.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
I want to start by saying, I got my car washed,
which is a big deal because that my car just
sits there and it looked really bad when I got
it washed I drove home. It was fine because I
know I talked about how nervous I was about that.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
It was okay.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
My little brother didn't come because yes, two of my
siblings are not talking to each.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
Other holidays if someone's not talking to somebody.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Exactly, and we did call him and it was fine.
But because of that, we cooked a lot less food
this year, which was nice, but it got eaten and
I didn't have any leftovers zero wow. Yeah, which is
like the goal. But then my mom was like, well,
we need to cook more at it. I said, no,
this was the point we wanted to not so yeah, anyway,
(03:26):
we'll see how that goes. But the main thing I
wanted to talk about today, which we've talked about previously
in our episode. I think we're going to rerun this
soon on emotional labor around the holidays, is that I
have always missed my friend's friends Giving.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
I never go.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
I've always wanted to go, but I don't go because
I helped my mom with all of the decorations and
we do that the weekend of Thanksgiving, and so this
year I was really it was kind of strategic. I
knew there was gonna be drama. In the family that
I was like, I'm really gonna go. I'm leaving on Saturday,
is what I said. I'm on Saturday. So we're gonna
(04:08):
go and get all the decorations done that morning.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
And to be clear, I love hanging out with my mob.
It has nothing to do with that.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Well, she's great, but she kept saying, you know, we
don't have to do it, I'll do it myself. And
I kept saying it's impossible. You cannot do this by yourself.
And so that morning she was putting it off and
She's like, no, I just kind of want to hang
out with you and talk with you as long as
we can.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
And I was like, we're getting this Christmas tree. We're
doing it.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
And she wanted to go to this place that's a
bit further than when we normally, god say, like a
fifteen minute drive. And I don't know if you know
this about me, listeners, I am very paranoid about the
transporting of the Christmas tree. I'm very scared it will
fall off. It is a tense time. I don't enjoy it.
I was already tense, is what I'm saying. I'm going
(05:04):
into the situation tinse and the guy at the farm
was falling is around and he was trying to be helpful,
but he was making me more tense because he was
like falling us around and he's like, what, hey, are
you looking for?
Speaker 1 (05:15):
What with? And I was like, I just know it
when I believe me.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
I tried to Christmas there.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
He was really trustful, except.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
The man is not a part of your family.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
No, no.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
And so finally we picked the tree and I'm trying
to rush, but not rush because I don't.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
Want it anyway.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
I'm on this deadline because I'm trying to get to
the friends giving right pick the tree. He ties it
to the roof and I'm I'm like watching him do it.
And I've always thought there must be some kind of training.
I've learned there isn't. And I pointed at one and
I was like, oh, that one doesn't look and he
was like, no, it's it's like.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
Okay, okay.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
And so.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
I am very concerned about this tree. We get in
the car. I'm watching out of the windows in the mirrors.
I see the car, Samantha, the car the tree slowly
move and I'm I'm panicking. I'm like washing it, like
oh no, it's coming off, and all of the cars
(06:26):
behind us were way way back, and eventually it was
like sideways on the roof and I said, very calmly,
I think to my mom, you're gonna have to pull over.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
It's coming off.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
And so she pulls over and I tied the tree.
It had completely come undone, the whole thing, like it
was barely hanging on. I'm glad we didn't lose the twine.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
I don't know what we would have done. So I tied.
I did this whole thing.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
I was up on the roof and tying and looping
and all this stuff which I don't been I had
always assumed I couldn't do and been afraid I would
be asked. And my mom, joking said, everyone probably thinks
we're just two stupid women who don't know how to
tie a Christmas tree.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
And it was the dude.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
Dumb right, She's right, but.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
It was him, and we were I mean, people were
definitely like, WHOA, what's going on with them?
Speaker 3 (07:21):
The dude mess it up?
Speaker 1 (07:23):
He up?
Speaker 2 (07:24):
And I actually like, I don't think this is true
at all, But I had a paranoid brain moment was
like did he purposely do that? Or did anyone else
experience this, because that could have been really dangerous. Anyway,
I tied it. I tied it way better than good.
We got home perfectly fine, although I was I was
keyed up.
Speaker 3 (07:45):
We may start building other things. I'll chuck my own
tree down. Do you think that?
Speaker 2 (08:02):
Well, it's funny because the title of this outline says,
I don't need no man to put up this Christmas tree.
And I talked about this in I believe in their
Emotional Labor episode where for a while my dad just
wasn't around during the holidays, and I kind of, like
spitefully also out of necessity, took it on myself to
(08:22):
be like all of the things he used to do,
I can do it. I don't need him. And one
of them was the Christmas tree. He used to do that,
or at least he would like with the pudding up
of it, he would do it. So I did have
many thoughts like that's a mythic, yes indeed, But I
carried it in by myself. My mom and I put
(08:44):
it up by ourselves. It's like eight to ten boxes,
some of them really heavy. We brought down the stairs,
and I mean, I'm not like looking for an award
for this, but she could not have done that by herself.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
But she could not have done right.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
And it was exhausting, Like I hit my head in
the attic, I had this huge headache.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
I was sore, so I miss friends.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Giving is ultimately what happened because I felt I did.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
Not make it. I didn't make it, but I did try.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
I was like, but it's just like it really does
take a lot to, as they say in heavy quotes,
make the magic happen. But yeah, I mean, we're also
very lucky that we can do this, Like I can't
go up the stairs and carry these boxes.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
I can do these things. But it was it's no joke.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
And I I'm now like, I'll just I'm gonna check
all of these Christmas tree tiles.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
Last year, a dude said he was okay, and he
was not.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
It was like it looked to me like it was
clearly coming undone. Like normally I wouldn't have even pointed
it out because I'm too like polite, and I was like,
I don't want to offend him, but it looked like
it was coming undone.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
But he's like, h it was.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
It was sideways on dock mil the car nope, I.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
Stay away from people with trees, not like on there smart. No,
It's kind of like the ladders that you see, Like
I'm like, I don't believe you, or anything in the
back of a truck. Yeah, I don't believe you, and
when trying to get away from you as quickly as possible.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
An entire generation traumatized by final destination.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
I told you that one of my friend's uncle actually
had a ladder he went into his car that fell off,
flew off a van. Yeah, and he's not okay, Like
he's okay anyway. But yeah, so I actually know someone.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
I know someone that pull came off and it impaled
the seat extra luckily no one was in his.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
See that that is a vital destination. You're like, ah, yeah,
that was That's going to happen to me. But yeah,
so those nightmare we get those.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Yes, it just made me think about because I told
my mom I and I kind of feel bad because
she clearly wanted to relax, and I was like, we
have it takes us about four.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Hours to do all this stuff. We've gotta go. But
then I was so stressed from the tree almost coming off.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
I was like sitting trying and get my heart to
slow down. So yeah, it was just another instance of
like this is this is hard work, and people really
don't necessarily get any credit for it, right, I sometimes do.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
I had a long conversation with my partner's mother, who
is very Southern's. She was raised in Georgia Belye as
well Gainesville, so close to the Nick of the Woods.
But we were talking about the Southern living and how
it traumatized her generation of women, and talking about and
that could be a whole com like maybe it should
(11:48):
be a whole magazine influences of our boomer parents who
really felt that they failed if they did not have
a Martha Stewart level of home. And they were talking
about the decoration and how she talked about how she
regretted ever thinking that was away and cannot believe she
was wasted so much of her life trying to meet that.
And by the way, her house is immaculate and had
(12:11):
cute Christmas decorations before I walked in, Like I was
like looking around, what right, but way more decorations than
we had, Like I'd given up completely with Christmas, but
like she still has things Christmas lights everywhere, little Christmas
trees here and they are very cute, like not over
the top though, But my mother and I've talked about
this before, has a whole like Elftown and a Christmas
(12:33):
town on her mantle where the fakes snow and when
I mean fake snow everywhere. But then she just changed
over her false stuff, which has like vines and leaves everywhere,
and I'm like, what in the hell is this? They're gorgeous,
not gonna lie. But at the same time, like the
amount of words that she talks about and how much
she is in pain after the fact, like this is
(12:56):
not worth it. But the fact that things like Southern Living,
which before social media told us what anything was bad,
they had these magazines telling them this was what they
needed to do, and I feel like they did way
more work because I think at this point many of us,
not all of us, many of us are like, uh no,
we're not doing that. Yeah, yeah, you do it yourself.
I've seen I've seen the price that that told we
(13:17):
told this, Yeah, thank you. So I feel like that's
gonna be a conversation with we should have. But yeah,
my she she and my mother are probably around the
same age, and she was talking about how she really
regretted believing the Southern Living magazine lifestyle.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
Ooh, that is a good point. That's really interesting.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
We should talk about that because I do you want
to specify? Are we don't do that much like it?
It does take us three to four hours, but we
don't do like that Southern living style. And my mom
is definitely like, over the years, kind of backed off
(13:57):
of like she doesn't do stuff for like a lot
of the other holidays anymore where she used to, and
like half of the Christmas stuff doesn't even come down anymore,
so she's backed off. I just put up like a
tree with my Star Wars ornaments in my lights, and
that's it. So I also, I did say this in
the emotional Labor episode, but it's worth repeating. I don't
(14:20):
think anyone else in my family would care if we
didn't do it right, like the They might be kind
of sad that the I don't know, like the lights
aren't there, but they would they're not. It's more of
we both kind we like it of the changing of
decorations or to the lights. I like the lights, but
(14:41):
I don't want it to make it sound like that.
That's why there's sort of a strange thing of you know,
they don't really help, but they also don't really care.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
Like that, I will say the hypocritical part of me
is if I went home and it wasn't decorated, I'd
be like, mom, where's all that stuff? Because like I
have the fun. Yeah, I was a spoiled child when
it comes to seeing like beautiful decorations. Again, I also
knew the price it took, and of course I was
happy that she was taking care of herself, but also
would be concerned like are you okay?
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Right? Right?
Speaker 2 (15:14):
And I'm the same way, And I feel like if
I came home and my mom hadn't done anything, I
would feel sad.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
I would feel worried, like you, But.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
I would also feel kind of sad because I would
think it was because she didn't have anyone who could her.
Speaker 3 (15:30):
Who could help her, she was hurting, or she's getting older,
and all of that makes me very.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
Yeah yeah, yeah, but I also don't. Sometimes I worry
that I'm pushing her more.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
Right.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
The other part was like, how are we helping her?
Are we helping her? Right? So last year trying to
help my mom, my sister who would talked about the
oldest sibling. Oldest daughter specifically does a lot of the
(16:04):
grunt work in helping parents. Took care of presents, so
essentially not necessarily like wrapping it because my mother loves
rapping and she is again Southern living level, like professional
level of rapping, but like she would just I would
send what I would want and my sister would go
through it and do it for me, which was really
silly because it's why didn't I do that on my own,
(16:26):
because I am an adult know how to order things
I don't know, But like, she took it, and then
today this year she was like, she's like, I'm not
doing this anymore. You do it. And I was like, oh,
of course I would have done that originally, but it
just kind of made sense because you always do take over.
But she was doing that to help my mom. But
then it got too much for her because she has
(16:46):
her own family. I'm like, oh, yeah, that makes perfect
I can do it. But it was one of those
weird moments of like, oh, yeah, I naturally just allowed
my oldest sister to take over, and she said it
for you. She's like, I'm not doing this anymore, but.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
At least she said that you know.
Speaker 3 (17:03):
Yeah, I'm glad she got it. Like, I'm glad she
was able to acknowledge and I don't want to do
this for this year. Right, our family did increase. We
have six new members of our family this year, so
like I think that part was like no.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Right, yeah, yeah, And I feel like I do think
my mom is like I'm a people pleaser, but she
is a people pleaser. Yeah, so we didn't We had
a conversation about it this year, but she has, like
I do try to convince her, like you do not
need to do all of that.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
That's fine, but we don't need that. We don't want that.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
But it is a strange spot where she kept saying
like I can do it by myself, and maybe what
she meant was we're not going to do it, but
I kept being like, no, you can't do it by yourself.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
For doing it now.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
So it's sort of one of those strange spots of
like I don't know how much of it is she
was trying to be nice to me and didn't want
me to work, or maybe she was like maybe we
just won't do it, and then we didn't want to
tell me you're right, right, So it was interesting. I'm
glad we did it. I'm sad I miss friendsgiving. One
(18:11):
of these years, I will make it.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
I tried so hard.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
Our our friends gift muss as we talked about what
is happening this Saturday?
Speaker 1 (18:21):
Oh nice, I hope the terrible? Oh nice? Yes, I
feel like there was just a big joke about that.
Speaker 3 (18:29):
But I am that person drinks and I'm gonna take
them both rolled in drinks.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
There you go.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
That's great, honestly, honestly, I well, I don't have to
hear about that. I feel like this year I did
tell at least some of my friends about it's not
easy for me to do friends gifts right after, like
if we did it a later date, but the schedules
didn't because we did have a later anyway it did.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
It didn't work out, But maybe next year one more time.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
Yes, I do want to give a quick, very quick
update because I said I was nervous. I hadn't talked
to my mom about that book. I we didn't really
talk about it, but everyone mentioned it in sort of
a strange, very kind way. But I was like, now,
I think they were all just like, we don't want
to discuss it. If she doesn't want to discuss it,
but they were all like, it's really good.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
We really liked it.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
Your brother too, Yeah, yeah they yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
And then my mom got me to sign some of them.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
And she's giving them like her therapist as a book
cal and they're doing it for their book.
Speaker 3 (19:36):
What. No, that's that's a way to advocate though. Everybody
buy the book.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
Yes. I was like, wow, that's really sweet.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
I y very interesting. Mom's respected to being like, yeah,
that's my daughter. She's talking about this and this is
what she's talking about in the trauma of coming out, like.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
I know, but she's She's seemed pretty confident that they
would like it.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
Yeah, I do know. Her therapist is very liberal. She
would have to be to work with my mom. Okay.
Speaker 3 (20:06):
I find that vaccinating because also when I went to
my partner's family's mother's house, she had two copies because
I had sent her one and she bought one, and
the uncle, who was very conservative, apparently had said some things.
I was like, obviously very conservative.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
I was like, you wrote it.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
Like my partner, he's amazing, Like he he shouts very
loudly about my book, and I'm like, oh, thank you,
says something to him, and he picks it up and
starts reading it, and I'm like, we all just sat
there and he read it for a good five minutes
and then he puts it that he's like interesting. So
I don't know what already read it either, though probably
(20:44):
for the day. Looking for a Christmas gift, you should
buy this book.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Oh absolutely absolutely I did. I do want to come
back and talk. Maybe we can do this in another
happy hour Monday, Mini. I do want to talk about
the because I had my brother's fiance. His grandfather came
and he he's very nice, but he likes to do
the thing where he'll be like, are you gonna tell
(21:08):
me women don't like cooking in the kitchen? And I'm like,
but he always addresses it to me because he knows,
like I'm a feminist, right right right, And then his
granddaughter is always like stop it. But it's just a
very interesting He's never like really upset me. He said
some things where I'm like, whoa, But it is an
(21:30):
interesting thing when they're like, come on right, feminist, right
right right?
Speaker 3 (21:36):
You know this is gonna piss me off, or at
least like I'm gonna give you a look or to
play it off and be nice, which is all awkward.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 3 (21:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
I was generally just like, Okay, it's just laugh and
move on.
Speaker 3 (21:51):
With my brother. He does that to me a lot,
and I'm just like, and then I just insult him.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Yeah, well that's another another way to do it.
Speaker 3 (22:02):
Well.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
Cheers ever, Just yeah, let us know. I would love
to hear from listeners about any of your friends giving
memories or traditions or any of your thoughts about any
of this, because I know we talked about that in
our recent Monday Mini. It'd be great to read some
of those. So yeah, if you would like to contact us,
you can. Our email is Stuff Media, mom Stuff at
iHeartMedia dot com, combind us on Twitter at mom Stop podcast,
(22:26):
or on Instagram and TikTok at stuff I've Never told you.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
We have a Tea Polk store, and yes we do
have a book.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
If you're looking for gifts, yes you can get it
wherever you get your books. Thanks as always to our
super produced Christina, our executive producer Maya, and our contributor Joey.
Thank you, and thanks to you for listening Stuff I
Never told you. Use production of iHeart Radio for more podcasts
or my heart Radio. You can check out the heart
Radio Apple podcasts, or if you listened to your favorite shows,
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to Steff.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
I've never told you a production of iHeartRadio, and welcome
to another happy hour. This is one of those rare
occasions where I feel like we're like reaching across time
because we're recording it the day it comes out, which
(00:27):
is not usually the case. SOMETI Well, okay, but I
would say, like percentage wise, it's not usually the case me.
But one of the reasons that is is because we
just got back from the holidays, which is the topic
of this happy hour. But first, if you choose to drink,
(00:48):
please do so responsibly. Samantha, what are you sipping on?
Speaker 3 (00:53):
I'm drinking on some cold water.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
It is cold, Yeah it is.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
My feet are freezing, he would think it is on.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
Oh really, yes, yes, nice, Okay, I've got my red wine. Nice.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Because this is I wouldn't call this like an unhappy hour,
but it is kind of complaining love it. But before
we get into that, I did want to ask Samantha,
how was your holiday. We did get to actually hang
out in person recently, but it was we didn't get
to talk too much. It was lovely, but we didn't
get to really go into it right.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
It was funny actually. So we went to South Carolina
for with our partner's family. They are delight. His uncle
who actually lives in North Georgia, oh about probably twenty
minutes outside of Delannaga, he joined and it was really
nice to meet him and they were very nice and
kind and we had great food, very stuffed. Immediately after
(01:53):
Thanksgiving lunch because we had it around two, we took
a nap. I took an hour nap immediately. It was
sol bye, but it was really nice. The weather was
well like there was a couple of rainy days but
not too bad. And then we had good food out
and about some really good barbecue that was like, I think,
the best barbecue I've had in a while. Oh yes,
(02:16):
it was delicious and we had the best time on
the foods. So yeah, nothing is like an eventful which
we love.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Yeah, oh yeah, that's all you can which we love.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Mine was pretty good too. Mine was more uneventful than
I thought I would be, but it was.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
There were some events.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
I want to start by saying, I got my car washed,
which is a big deal because that my car just
sits there and it looked really bad when I got
it washed I drove home. It was fine because I
know I talked about how nervous I was about that.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
It was okay.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
My little brother didn't come because yes, two of my
siblings are not talking to each.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
Other holidays if someone's not talking to somebody.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Exactly, and we did call him and it was fine.
But because of that, we cooked a lot less food
this year, which was nice, but it got eaten and
I didn't have any leftovers zero wow. Yeah, which is
like the goal. But then my mom was like, well,
we need to cook more at it. I said, no,
this was the point we wanted to not so yeah, anyway,
(03:26):
we'll see how that goes. But the main thing I
wanted to talk about today, which we've talked about previously
in our episode. I think we're going to rerun this
soon on emotional labor around the holidays, is that I
have always missed my friend's friends Giving.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
I never go.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
I've always wanted to go, but I don't go because
I helped my mom with all of the decorations and
we do that the weekend of Thanksgiving, and so this
year I was really it was kind of strategic. I
knew there was gonna be drama. In the family that
I was like, I'm really gonna go. I'm leaving on Saturday,
is what I said. I'm on Saturday. So we're gonna
(04:08):
go and get all the decorations done that morning.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
And to be clear, I love hanging out with my mob.
It has nothing to do with that.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Well, she's great, but she kept saying, you know, we
don't have to do it, I'll do it myself. And
I kept saying it's impossible. You cannot do this by yourself.
And so that morning she was putting it off and
She's like, no, I just kind of want to hang
out with you and talk with you as long as
we can.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
And I was like, we're getting this Christmas tree. We're
doing it.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
And she wanted to go to this place that's a
bit further than when we normally, god say, like a
fifteen minute drive. And I don't know if you know
this about me, listeners, I am very paranoid about the
transporting of the Christmas tree. I'm very scared it will
fall off. It is a tense time. I don't enjoy it.
I was already tense, is what I'm saying. I'm going
(05:04):
into the situation tinse and the guy at the farm
was falling is around and he was trying to be helpful,
but he was making me more tense because he was
like falling us around and he's like, what, hey, are
you looking for?
Speaker 1 (05:15):
What with? And I was like, I just know it
when I believe me.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
I tried to Christmas there.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
He was really trustful, except.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
The man is not a part of your family.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
No, no.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
And so finally we picked the tree and I'm trying
to rush, but not rush because I don't.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
Want it anyway.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
I'm on this deadline because I'm trying to get to
the friends giving right pick the tree. He ties it
to the roof and I'm I'm like watching him do it.
And I've always thought there must be some kind of training.
I've learned there isn't. And I pointed at one and
I was like, oh, that one doesn't look and he
was like, no, it's it's like.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
Okay, okay.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
And so.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
I am very concerned about this tree. We get in
the car. I'm watching out of the windows in the mirrors.
I see the car, Samantha, the car the tree slowly
move and I'm I'm panicking. I'm like washing it, like
oh no, it's coming off, and all of the cars
(06:26):
behind us were way way back, and eventually it was
like sideways on the roof and I said, very calmly,
I think to my mom, you're gonna have to pull over.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
It's coming off.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
And so she pulls over and I tied the tree.
It had completely come undone, the whole thing, like it
was barely hanging on. I'm glad we didn't lose the twine.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
I don't know what we would have done. So I tied.
I did this whole thing.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
I was up on the roof and tying and looping
and all this stuff which I don't been I had
always assumed I couldn't do and been afraid I would
be asked. And my mom, joking said, everyone probably thinks
we're just two stupid women who don't know how to
tie a Christmas tree.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
And it was the dude.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
Dumb right, She's right, but.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
It was him, and we were I mean, people were
definitely like, WHOA, what's going on with them?
Speaker 3 (07:21):
The dude mess it up?
Speaker 1 (07:23):
He up?
Speaker 2 (07:24):
And I actually like, I don't think this is true
at all, But I had a paranoid brain moment was
like did he purposely do that? Or did anyone else
experience this, because that could have been really dangerous. Anyway,
I tied it. I tied it way better than good.
We got home perfectly fine, although I was I was
keyed up.
Speaker 3 (07:45):
We may start building other things. I'll chuck my own
tree down. Do you think that?
Speaker 2 (08:02):
Well, it's funny because the title of this outline says,
I don't need no man to put up this Christmas tree.
And I talked about this in I believe in their
Emotional Labor episode where for a while my dad just
wasn't around during the holidays, and I kind of, like
spitefully also out of necessity, took it on myself to
(08:22):
be like all of the things he used to do,
I can do it. I don't need him. And one
of them was the Christmas tree. He used to do that,
or at least he would like with the pudding up
of it, he would do it. So I did have
many thoughts like that's a mythic, yes indeed, But I
carried it in by myself. My mom and I put
(08:44):
it up by ourselves. It's like eight to ten boxes,
some of them really heavy. We brought down the stairs,
and I mean, I'm not like looking for an award
for this, but she could not have done that by herself.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
But she could not have done right.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
And it was exhausting, Like I hit my head in
the attic, I had this huge headache.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
I was sore, so I miss friends.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Giving is ultimately what happened because I felt I did.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
Not make it. I didn't make it, but I did try.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
I was like, but it's just like it really does
take a lot to, as they say in heavy quotes,
make the magic happen. But yeah, I mean, we're also
very lucky that we can do this, Like I can't
go up the stairs and carry these boxes.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
I can do these things. But it was it's no joke.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
And I I'm now like, I'll just I'm gonna check
all of these Christmas tree tiles.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
Last year, a dude said he was okay, and he
was not.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
It was like it looked to me like it was
clearly coming undone. Like normally I wouldn't have even pointed
it out because I'm too like polite, and I was like,
I don't want to offend him, but it looked like
it was coming undone.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
But he's like, h it was.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
It was sideways on dock mil the car nope, I.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
Stay away from people with trees, not like on there smart. No,
It's kind of like the ladders that you see, Like
I'm like, I don't believe you, or anything in the
back of a truck. Yeah, I don't believe you, and
when trying to get away from you as quickly as possible.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
An entire generation traumatized by final destination.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
I told you that one of my friend's uncle actually
had a ladder he went into his car that fell off,
flew off a van. Yeah, and he's not okay, Like
he's okay anyway. But yeah, so I actually know someone.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
I know someone that pull came off and it impaled
the seat extra luckily no one was in his.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
See that that is a vital destination. You're like, ah, yeah,
that was That's going to happen to me. But yeah,
so those nightmare we get those.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Yes, it just made me think about because I told
my mom I and I kind of feel bad because
she clearly wanted to relax, and I was like, we
have it takes us about four.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Hours to do all this stuff. We've gotta go. But
then I was so stressed from the tree almost coming off.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
I was like sitting trying and get my heart to
slow down. So yeah, it was just another instance of
like this is this is hard work, and people really
don't necessarily get any credit for it, right, I sometimes do.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
I had a long conversation with my partner's mother, who
is very Southern's. She was raised in Georgia Belye as
well Gainesville, so close to the Nick of the Woods.
But we were talking about the Southern living and how
it traumatized her generation of women, and talking about and
that could be a whole com like maybe it should
(11:48):
be a whole magazine influences of our boomer parents who
really felt that they failed if they did not have
a Martha Stewart level of home. And they were talking
about the decoration and how she talked about how she
regretted ever thinking that was away and cannot believe she
was wasted so much of her life trying to meet that.
And by the way, her house is immaculate and had
(12:11):
cute Christmas decorations before I walked in, Like I was
like looking around, what right, but way more decorations than
we had, Like I'd given up completely with Christmas, but
like she still has things Christmas lights everywhere, little Christmas
trees here and they are very cute, like not over
the top though, But my mother and I've talked about
this before, has a whole like Elftown and a Christmas
(12:33):
town on her mantle where the fakes snow and when
I mean fake snow everywhere. But then she just changed
over her false stuff, which has like vines and leaves everywhere,
and I'm like, what in the hell is this? They're gorgeous,
not gonna lie. But at the same time, like the
amount of words that she talks about and how much
she is in pain after the fact, like this is
(12:56):
not worth it. But the fact that things like Southern Living,
which before social media told us what anything was bad,
they had these magazines telling them this was what they
needed to do, and I feel like they did way
more work because I think at this point many of us,
not all of us, many of us are like, uh no,
we're not doing that. Yeah, yeah, you do it yourself.
I've seen I've seen the price that that told we
(13:17):
told this, Yeah, thank you. So I feel like that's
gonna be a conversation with we should have. But yeah,
my she she and my mother are probably around the
same age, and she was talking about how she really
regretted believing the Southern Living magazine lifestyle.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
Ooh, that is a good point. That's really interesting.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
We should talk about that because I do you want
to specify? Are we don't do that much like it?
It does take us three to four hours, but we
don't do like that Southern living style. And my mom
is definitely like, over the years, kind of backed off
(13:57):
of like she doesn't do stuff for like a lot
of the other holidays anymore where she used to, and
like half of the Christmas stuff doesn't even come down anymore,
so she's backed off. I just put up like a
tree with my Star Wars ornaments in my lights, and
that's it. So I also, I did say this in
the emotional Labor episode, but it's worth repeating. I don't
(14:20):
think anyone else in my family would care if we
didn't do it right, like the They might be kind
of sad that the I don't know, like the lights
aren't there, but they would they're not. It's more of
we both kind we like it of the changing of
decorations or to the lights. I like the lights, but
(14:41):
I don't want it to make it sound like that.
That's why there's sort of a strange thing of you know,
they don't really help, but they also don't really care.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
Like that, I will say the hypocritical part of me
is if I went home and it wasn't decorated, I'd
be like, mom, where's all that stuff? Because like I
have the fun. Yeah, I was a spoiled child when
it comes to seeing like beautiful decorations. Again, I also
knew the price it took, and of course I was
happy that she was taking care of herself, but also
would be concerned like are you okay?
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Right? Right?
Speaker 2 (15:14):
And I'm the same way, And I feel like if
I came home and my mom hadn't done anything, I
would feel sad.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
I would feel worried, like you, But.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
I would also feel kind of sad because I would
think it was because she didn't have anyone who could her.
Speaker 3 (15:30):
Who could help her, she was hurting, or she's getting older,
and all of that makes me very.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
Yeah yeah, yeah, but I also don't. Sometimes I worry
that I'm pushing her more.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
Right.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
The other part was like, how are we helping her?
Are we helping her? Right? So last year trying to
help my mom, my sister who would talked about the
oldest sibling. Oldest daughter specifically does a lot of the
(16:04):
grunt work in helping parents. Took care of presents, so
essentially not necessarily like wrapping it because my mother loves
rapping and she is again Southern living level, like professional
level of rapping, but like she would just I would
send what I would want and my sister would go
through it and do it for me, which was really
silly because it's why didn't I do that on my own,
(16:26):
because I am an adult know how to order things
I don't know, But like, she took it, and then
today this year she was like, she's like, I'm not
doing this anymore. You do it. And I was like, oh,
of course I would have done that originally, but it
just kind of made sense because you always do take over.
But she was doing that to help my mom. But
then it got too much for her because she has
(16:46):
her own family. I'm like, oh, yeah, that makes perfect
I can do it. But it was one of those
weird moments of like, oh, yeah, I naturally just allowed
my oldest sister to take over, and she said it
for you. She's like, I'm not doing this anymore, but.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
At least she said that you know.
Speaker 3 (17:03):
Yeah, I'm glad she got it. Like, I'm glad she
was able to acknowledge and I don't want to do
this for this year. Right, our family did increase. We
have six new members of our family this year, so
like I think that part was like no.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Right, yeah, yeah, And I feel like I do think
my mom is like I'm a people pleaser, but she
is a people pleaser. Yeah, so we didn't We had
a conversation about it this year, but she has, like
I do try to convince her, like you do not
need to do all of that.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
That's fine, but we don't need that. We don't want that.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
But it is a strange spot where she kept saying
like I can do it by myself, and maybe what
she meant was we're not going to do it, but
I kept being like, no, you can't do it by yourself.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
For doing it now.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
So it's sort of one of those strange spots of
like I don't know how much of it is she
was trying to be nice to me and didn't want
me to work, or maybe she was like maybe we
just won't do it, and then we didn't want to
tell me you're right, right, So it was interesting. I'm
glad we did it. I'm sad I miss friendsgiving. One
(18:11):
of these years, I will make it.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
I tried so hard.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
Our our friends gift muss as we talked about what
is happening this Saturday?
Speaker 1 (18:21):
Oh nice, I hope the terrible? Oh nice? Yes, I
feel like there was just a big joke about that.
Speaker 3 (18:29):
But I am that person drinks and I'm gonna take
them both rolled in drinks.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
There you go.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
That's great, honestly, honestly, I well, I don't have to
hear about that. I feel like this year I did
tell at least some of my friends about it's not
easy for me to do friends gifts right after, like
if we did it a later date, but the schedules
didn't because we did have a later anyway it did.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
It didn't work out, But maybe next year one more time.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
Yes, I do want to give a quick, very quick
update because I said I was nervous. I hadn't talked
to my mom about that book. I we didn't really
talk about it, but everyone mentioned it in sort of
a strange, very kind way. But I was like, now,
I think they were all just like, we don't want
to discuss it. If she doesn't want to discuss it,
but they were all like, it's really good.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
We really liked it.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
Your brother too, Yeah, yeah they yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
And then my mom got me to sign some of them.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
And she's giving them like her therapist as a book
cal and they're doing it for their book.
Speaker 3 (19:36):
What. No, that's that's a way to advocate though. Everybody
buy the book.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
Yes. I was like, wow, that's really sweet.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
I y very interesting. Mom's respected to being like, yeah,
that's my daughter. She's talking about this and this is
what she's talking about in the trauma of coming out, like.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
I know, but she's She's seemed pretty confident that they
would like it.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
Yeah, I do know. Her therapist is very liberal. She
would have to be to work with my mom. Okay.
Speaker 3 (20:06):
I find that vaccinating because also when I went to
my partner's family's mother's house, she had two copies because
I had sent her one and she bought one, and
the uncle, who was very conservative, apparently had said some things.
I was like, obviously very conservative.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
I was like, you wrote it.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
Like my partner, he's amazing, Like he he shouts very
loudly about my book, and I'm like, oh, thank you,
says something to him, and he picks it up and
starts reading it, and I'm like, we all just sat
there and he read it for a good five minutes
and then he puts it that he's like interesting. So
I don't know what already read it either, though probably
(20:44):
for the day. Looking for a Christmas gift, you should
buy this book.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Oh absolutely absolutely I did. I do want to come
back and talk. Maybe we can do this in another
happy hour Monday, Mini. I do want to talk about
the because I had my brother's fiance. His grandfather came
and he he's very nice, but he likes to do
the thing where he'll be like, are you gonna tell
(21:08):
me women don't like cooking in the kitchen? And I'm like,
but he always addresses it to me because he knows,
like I'm a feminist, right right right, And then his
granddaughter is always like stop it. But it's just a
very interesting He's never like really upset me. He said
some things where I'm like, whoa, But it is an
(21:30):
interesting thing when they're like, come on right, feminist, right
right right?
Speaker 3 (21:36):
You know this is gonna piss me off, or at
least like I'm gonna give you a look or to
play it off and be nice, which is all awkward.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 3 (21:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
I was generally just like, Okay, it's just laugh and
move on.
Speaker 3 (21:51):
With my brother. He does that to me a lot,
and I'm just like, and then I just insult him.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Yeah, well that's another another way to do it.
Speaker 3 (22:02):
Well.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
Cheers ever, Just yeah, let us know. I would love
to hear from listeners about any of your friends giving
memories or traditions or any of your thoughts about any
of this, because I know we talked about that in
our recent Monday Mini. It'd be great to read some
of those. So yeah, if you would like to contact us,
you can. Our email is Stuff Media, mom Stuff at
iHeartMedia dot com, combind us on Twitter at mom Stop podcast,
(22:26):
or on Instagram and TikTok at stuff I've Never told you.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
We have a Tea Polk store, and yes we do
have a book.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
If you're looking for gifts, yes you can get it
wherever you get your books. Thanks as always to our
super produced Christina, our executive producer Maya, and our contributor Joey.
Thank you, and thanks to you for listening Stuff I
Never told you. Use production of iHeart Radio for more podcasts
or my heart Radio. You can check out the heart
Radio Apple podcasts, or if you listened to your favorite shows,
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