August 14, 2025 • 17 mins
When is too late to start enjoying 'childish' things, especially if you didn't get to enjoy them in your childhood? Samantha and Anney chat about some recent experiences.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. I'm welcome to.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Stuff I never told you, protection of my heart ideo.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
And welcome to another happy hour way in the future,
like and we are from the past now because we
are getting a little ahead because Joey Duty has cursed
us once again, and we are trying to get things
done just in case one of us is out. One
of us being me and mine is not going to
be as interesting as yours. Anie, I don't think all
of my questionnaires seems to be about insurance fraud, so
(00:40):
I'll come back and report. Maybe I'm all have it,
who knows. But anyway, with this happy hour, we're not
being currently sponsored by any other things that we talk about.
Love to change some of those things. I'm sure if
you're doing happy hour activities, do so responsibly. We trust
you to make good choices. Annie, are you sipping on
something anything for this happy hour?
Speaker 2 (01:02):
I have both coffee and wine, which is fun because
it's actually a Friday. We don't normally record on Fridays,
and it's we are trying to get ahead, so there's
been a lot of stress and pressure. Drink responsibly, But yes,
that's what I'm sitting.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
On You know, we're gonna pretend that like it's a
brunch happy hour. Kay, yeah, sure, so that works. I
think it's interesting, it's very I like it anyway. I, however,
will say I'm not drinking because not necessarily because I
don't want to, just because it makes me sleepy. And
now all these articles are coming out about like the
(01:39):
Asian flush if you know what I'm talking about, you know,
and how they're like, hey, this is actually a warning sign.
Your body's trying to shut down because it doesn't like alcohol,
so don't do that. So now I'm hyper like I
kind of always knew that, So consuming happy hour beverages
does do that to me more, and it's been doing
it more and more if I have a cocktail. So
(02:02):
I'm doing less and less, less and less just putting
that out there, But with that, I am doing some
other things that are more and more so Annie, I
will say, as of late, I've realized that I'm kind
of growing more into the lovable, wholesome things, which we
kind of talked about just recently when it came to
(02:22):
like gen z culture. And when I talk about wholesome,
I also think about like childhood joys. So we will
be doing a spoiled Saturday, Hello everybody for k pop
Demon Hunters, and with that comes a lot of feelings
for me. Part of that is kind of this wish
(02:46):
that I had had something like that in my childhood,
wishing that I had that type of representation because of
the importance of seeing that and how significant thing that
kind of calledlture is that embraces my ethnicity and my
culture more so than being shamed, which is still a
(03:06):
part of me. Like when Papop d even Hunters came
out originally, and I'll talk more about this, I was
really kind of reticent because it was a cartoon, and
I'm not a huge fan of cartoons. B Uh. It
did idolize, for the lack of better terms, some of
the things of Korean culture I don't love. But also yeah,
because it also felt really childish as a musical cartoon,
(03:28):
you know, like it literally says kids on the label.
But with that that that there's something to this point
that I'm like, but I really like it, and I've
gotten to the point that I love it, Like I've
watched it a lot. I've watched it on your level
of watching something that you love, Annie, Like that's the
joy that it brings me, the moments that I have
where I'm like, I feel like celebrating this and not
(03:50):
seeing them as a caricature, not seeing them as a sidekick,
you know, a little minor role, but also the joy
of feeling of these poppy songs. So to me, K
pop also seems very childish too, and like it's it's
very cheeky, you know, it's very like easy sounds. You dance,
(04:14):
you dance around, and I love dancing, you know, I
love dancing, but more and more just talking thinking about
the things that I'm now allowing myself to like childish things.
For the lack of better terms, my partner just bought
me awaited Highland Cow, a stuffed animal, and of course
(04:34):
as a kid, I did have stuffed animals, but I
didn't get attached to them. I got attached to one
because it was similar to a toy that was sent
to me when I was first being told that I
was being adopted. It was a yellow Teddy bear and
that was one of the first toys I've ever had,
so growing up in the orphanage, growing up at in
South Korea, I never had toys. Anytime someone bought me
(04:56):
things it was taken away from me and told me
that I had earn it and I never could. I
was never good enough as a kid to earn that.
So I would see the toys like being hidden away
from me, letting me know that if I didn't earn
my keep as a four or five year old, that
I was not allowed to have these things. So I
had one attachment to this bear because in South Korea
(05:17):
when my family, my adopted family, sent me a little
care package, Hey, welcome to the family. Essentially it was
a little cute yellow bear. So excited it got stolen
immediately because we didn't have toys, and the orphanages like
obviously I don't say I say this, and like what
you think of orphanages. Yeah, yeah, that's about right. So
(05:38):
with that, I didn't get to have these toys and
it got stolen before I left for the US, and
I was very sad about that. But when I came
into the US, I had a little baby shower for me,
and I say a baby shower. I was eight seven eight,
so really awkward, but a I'm gonna take my toys,
and someone gave me the same bear, except the different color.
It was blue, And because I had no imagination. I
(05:58):
named it Blooper. I still have it, actually I carry
her about. But I still don't have like sentimental attachments
outside of that. I've never had many, like toys that
I love, like I have memories of also like now
more and more of But it felt like I was
faking my childhood. I was trying to fake being a
child half the time because I didn't enjoy all those things.
(06:20):
It didn't bring me as much joy. Like this is
why I don't get attached to hobbies as often. You
will see, I don't get attached to like like I'm
sentimental because it reminds me sentimentality is the remembering, but
not necessarily always the connection. So like now that I'm older,
there are things that I'm like, oh, this is amazing.
I love that. Oh this is amazing, but I feel
like I can't have that because I'm too old for this. Also, again,
(06:43):
like some of these childish things that I love, like
the dancing, I don't want to be seen as a
mid forty year old. You'd like, you're pretty good for
a forty something year old. I'm like no, but I
like to, you know, be patted on the back because
I'm so old and I shouldn't be able to move
type of compliments. So there are so many things because
in my mind, I'm like, I love to dance. I
(07:05):
love so our Zooma classes has great choreography. The people
that I get from or really have good imagination and
understand like exercising and all these things, and it makes
me sweat and I feel like I'm actually doing something
active and joyful because it's so fun, like it's to
me all these things, and I see like videos of
hip hop and numbers, I'm like, I wonder if I
could do that. I don't even try because my theory
(07:26):
of if I'm not immediately the best at it, I'm
not doing it at all stops me. But also because
I feel like I'm getting too old, So would I
be that cringe person pretending to dance that, you know,
if I were to start a hip hop class. I
have looked up hip hop classes. I've taken a few,
and I'm like, I really enjoy it. But there's still
(07:47):
something stopping me because now that I am allowing myself
to like things that are I guess that are considered
more young, I guess not childish. I feel like I'm
too old to enjoy it. I feel like it has
now gotten to the point that it's either a regression.
I'm like, eh, this might be some trauma that I
need to readdress, or that is cringe. As the young
(08:09):
uns tell me on the tiktoks. No one has ever
said that to my face. I want that to be noted, but.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Maybe behind your back, right.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Right right, I just I just want that to be
said because also again, like that Highland cow, and it's
actually brought me a lot of joy. My partner was
really sweet because he also knows that, like, it doesn't
make sense. Why would I buy this. I didn't even
think that I wanted it. I have bought it for
other people I can reasonably like for you have research
things that I would think, like I love that you
(08:42):
love it, and I love that you by enjoying it,
and I want to keep doing it, but I feel
like I can't do it, you know. And same thing
with like sending people, Like a good friend of mine
went through a lot of trauma just recently and I
sent her awaited cow including like pet loss not a cow.
I think ours is a unicorn. I could not remember.
I need to go back look anyway, she you talked
(09:03):
about how much she loved hers, and she's also similar
to me where we both like were grown, we're not
doing this, but then when someone gifted it to us,
it was like, oh, I really love this. I kind
of want to. You know, there's this level of wanting
to find and be into that again, Like when I
talk about K pop, even a hunter, I know this
(09:26):
is geared for young ones twelve, fourteen, fifteen, I've seen
twenty year even twenty year olds. I'm like, that's cool.
I'm like, I love all of the tiktoks that I
see of grown as people doing the numbers. It brings
me so much joy because there is that love of like,
oh those are things that I couldn't do as a kid.
Like I was already working at fourteen thirteen, fourteen years
(09:47):
old because I wanted to get a car. I was
trying to be responsible, I was trying to grow up.
I knew that if I go to college, I would
have to pay for it myself. I still have student
debt based on that. Like my debt went from one
it has gone and into like ten times what I
had originally borrowed, even though I've been paying it for
fifteen years. I've probably put in so much money, but
(10:09):
it has not This only increased, the debt has only increased.
So things like that, I was like, Oh, this is
this is what growing up was. And now that we're
considered grown, feels like I don't think it's too late
because I'm still going to do it, but it feels
like I'm faking my childhood a little bit, you know, mh.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
Like even now. Yeah, yeah, I have a kind of different,
perhaps obviously different insecurity around it because I have had
(10:51):
these things that I love and I've i have to say,
I've never bought like everyone who's given me is stuff
to animal. They've always been given to me, but I've
always left them right. But I have my insecurity is that,
like you know, right now I'm getting ready to go
to Dragon Con that I I just there's there's a
worry in me that it's like you're too old for
(11:12):
this now. Yeah, you're too old for this now, But
I love it so much that I don't want to
give it up exactly.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
I Mean that's the thing on all of this is
when we were children, when we would have been like
this would have been the perfect time or like understanding
of like, this is the timing for it. We didn't
have the money, our parents didn't have the money, we
didn't have the time, we didn't have the energy. I
don't have the energy now. But you don't like doing
things like that. I mean, I would have probably really
(11:40):
enjoyed Dragon Con at twenty something, but that's this expensive Annie.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Oh yeah, and it's exhausting.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
It is very It is exhausting. The energy I would
have had would have been in my twenties, so I
would have said. But also I had the lower self esteem.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Yeah, that's another issue that I read it through a
lot too.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
There's like that. And also so I was also thinking
about this because I used to love to write. My
imagination was real dark. My my stories were real dark.
But it feels like it's kind of gone away because
we live in such dark times. Yeah, that it's no
longer just stories, you know, Like there's so much to that.
So the timing of all of this feels like grieving.
(12:25):
I guess this is the best way to put it.
And there's so much. Again, I don't think I'm old.
I look at myself and there's moments and I'm like, yeah,
I've lost this, this and this and this and these
are the things that are happening to the things and now,
my god, there it is. My knees don't bend all
the way. This is not good. But at the same time,
I'm like, but I am a dink, I don't have
a kid, I do have dual income household. We are
(12:48):
joyful and can travel. But and we can. It's more
accessible now than it ever was. And the traveling part
is not the problem, honestly, obviously. It's the enjoying of
other things that may be typically my age would have
never done. We should be at home with our kids,
worrying about school and clothes, you know, all these things,
(13:10):
and not that that takes away from it. And I
don't think there's judgment in that, as in fact, I
think it's become more and more accepted. We know, actually
it's become more and more accepted for my type of lifestyle.
But again there's that back and forth. Am I too old?
Is this too much for me? Like? Even the way
we dress, even what we like like again, like me
(13:30):
coming into k pop. A part of that has to
do with my trauma and fear of being seen as
too Korean when I'm not Korean enough, Like it just
happened in the last ten years, and then in the
last five years I've really enjoyed it and try to
embrace it. I'm finally coming to the point of embracing
my Korean adoptee status and trying to link up with
Korean adopted status, when for so long that was a
(13:51):
trigger to be like, no, I can't be like them,
I'm not like them type of conversation, which is absurd
because at the same time I was trying to seek
community a lot of this and I'm not the only one.
The same thing is like thinking about my adoption, birth
parent adventures, still talking about doing podcasts. I don't know
(14:12):
what I want to do. I think it's almost too
late all these things. But like I did discover some
more information about my birth parents and they're fairly younger,
a lot younger than I thought they would be. Actually
they're about five to six younger than my actual adoptive parents,
which threw me. And I now know my mother's last
(14:34):
name family name, which is not the same as mine.
Like all of these things, I talked about this with
my name about like could I change my name back?
But is it too late? Am I too old for
these new things? And I am trying to figure this
out in such a way that doesn't seem constructive, because again,
there are things and moments that the inner dialogue just
(14:55):
battles with. You'll hear the joy I'm gonna I've already
kind of tear up because I'm excited about talking about
why the significance of a movie like K Pop Demon
Hunter becoming mainstream in the US and in the Western culture,
why that's so significant for me, and wishing that I
can I had this as a kid, because I feel
like I missed the timing to really love this, to
(15:18):
really love this, to be able to dress up like
actually what it costs you idea? I dressed up as
Mulan and that's not my culture at all, and I
did a really bad job because I found a robe
and put my hair in a bun. Anyway, so so
many things that I feel like I've missed out, and
so many things that I'm trying to trying to come
to terms with enjoying that feels like I should have
(15:42):
done this thirty years ago. You know, this is not
a happy hour? Is this a rambling thought of growing old?
In an identity that never formulated in my life is
formulating now. I guess am I the only one friends
who is really getting to this point or really try
to enjoy childhood things now that childhood has passed.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
I don't think so. I also think this kind of
sounds like what Raquel Willis talked about when you're queer,
come out much later in life and then it feels
kind of different, feels almost like a rebirth or something. Yeah. Yeah, well, listeners,
let us know. If you have any thoughts about this.
(16:28):
You can email us at Hello at stuff Whenever Told
You dot com. You can find us on blue Skype
Moms a podcast, or on Instagram and TikTok at stuff
on Never Told You for also on YouTube, and we
have a book you can get wherever you get your books.
Thanks as always too, our super produced Christina are executiveroducer
My and your contribut Joey.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Thank you and thanks to you for listening stuff on
Ever Told You?
Speaker 2 (16:45):
Respection of my Heart Radio. For more podcasts from my
Heart Radio, you can check out the heart Radio app
Apple Podcasts wherever you listen to your favorite show
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. I'm welcome to.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Stuff I never told you, protection of my heart ideo.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
And welcome to another happy hour way in the future,
like and we are from the past now because we
are getting a little ahead because Joey Duty has cursed
us once again, and we are trying to get things
done just in case one of us is out. One
of us being me and mine is not going to
be as interesting as yours. Anie, I don't think all
of my questionnaires seems to be about insurance fraud, so
(00:40):
I'll come back and report. Maybe I'm all have it,
who knows. But anyway, with this happy hour, we're not
being currently sponsored by any other things that we talk about.
Love to change some of those things. I'm sure if
you're doing happy hour activities, do so responsibly. We trust
you to make good choices. Annie, are you sipping on
something anything for this happy hour?
Speaker 2 (01:02):
I have both coffee and wine, which is fun because
it's actually a Friday. We don't normally record on Fridays,
and it's we are trying to get ahead, so there's
been a lot of stress and pressure. Drink responsibly, But yes,
that's what I'm sitting.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
On You know, we're gonna pretend that like it's a
brunch happy hour. Kay, yeah, sure, so that works. I
think it's interesting, it's very I like it anyway. I, however,
will say I'm not drinking because not necessarily because I
don't want to, just because it makes me sleepy. And
now all these articles are coming out about like the
(01:39):
Asian flush if you know what I'm talking about, you know,
and how they're like, hey, this is actually a warning sign.
Your body's trying to shut down because it doesn't like alcohol,
so don't do that. So now I'm hyper like I
kind of always knew that, So consuming happy hour beverages
does do that to me more, and it's been doing
it more and more if I have a cocktail. So
(02:02):
I'm doing less and less, less and less just putting
that out there, But with that, I am doing some
other things that are more and more so Annie, I
will say, as of late, I've realized that I'm kind
of growing more into the lovable, wholesome things, which we
kind of talked about just recently when it came to
(02:22):
like gen z culture. And when I talk about wholesome,
I also think about like childhood joys. So we will
be doing a spoiled Saturday, Hello everybody for k pop
Demon Hunters, and with that comes a lot of feelings
for me. Part of that is kind of this wish
(02:46):
that I had had something like that in my childhood,
wishing that I had that type of representation because of
the importance of seeing that and how significant thing that
kind of calledlture is that embraces my ethnicity and my
culture more so than being shamed, which is still a
(03:06):
part of me. Like when Papop d even Hunters came
out originally, and I'll talk more about this, I was
really kind of reticent because it was a cartoon, and
I'm not a huge fan of cartoons. B Uh. It
did idolize, for the lack of better terms, some of
the things of Korean culture I don't love. But also yeah,
because it also felt really childish as a musical cartoon,
(03:28):
you know, like it literally says kids on the label.
But with that that that there's something to this point
that I'm like, but I really like it, and I've
gotten to the point that I love it, Like I've
watched it a lot. I've watched it on your level
of watching something that you love, Annie, Like that's the
joy that it brings me, the moments that I have
where I'm like, I feel like celebrating this and not
(03:50):
seeing them as a caricature, not seeing them as a sidekick,
you know, a little minor role, but also the joy
of feeling of these poppy songs. So to me, K
pop also seems very childish too, and like it's it's
very cheeky, you know, it's very like easy sounds. You dance,
(04:14):
you dance around, and I love dancing, you know, I
love dancing, but more and more just talking thinking about
the things that I'm now allowing myself to like childish things.
For the lack of better terms, my partner just bought
me awaited Highland Cow, a stuffed animal, and of course
(04:34):
as a kid, I did have stuffed animals, but I
didn't get attached to them. I got attached to one
because it was similar to a toy that was sent
to me when I was first being told that I
was being adopted. It was a yellow Teddy bear and
that was one of the first toys I've ever had,
so growing up in the orphanage, growing up at in
South Korea, I never had toys. Anytime someone bought me
(04:56):
things it was taken away from me and told me
that I had earn it and I never could. I
was never good enough as a kid to earn that.
So I would see the toys like being hidden away
from me, letting me know that if I didn't earn
my keep as a four or five year old, that
I was not allowed to have these things. So I
had one attachment to this bear because in South Korea
(05:17):
when my family, my adopted family, sent me a little
care package, Hey, welcome to the family. Essentially it was
a little cute yellow bear. So excited it got stolen
immediately because we didn't have toys, and the orphanages like
obviously I don't say I say this, and like what
you think of orphanages. Yeah, yeah, that's about right. So
(05:38):
with that, I didn't get to have these toys and
it got stolen before I left for the US, and
I was very sad about that. But when I came
into the US, I had a little baby shower for me,
and I say a baby shower. I was eight seven eight,
so really awkward, but a I'm gonna take my toys,
and someone gave me the same bear, except the different color.
It was blue, And because I had no imagination. I
(05:58):
named it Blooper. I still have it, actually I carry
her about. But I still don't have like sentimental attachments
outside of that. I've never had many, like toys that
I love, like I have memories of also like now
more and more of But it felt like I was
faking my childhood. I was trying to fake being a
child half the time because I didn't enjoy all those things.
(06:20):
It didn't bring me as much joy. Like this is
why I don't get attached to hobbies as often. You
will see, I don't get attached to like like I'm
sentimental because it reminds me sentimentality is the remembering, but
not necessarily always the connection. So like now that I'm older,
there are things that I'm like, oh, this is amazing.
I love that. Oh this is amazing, but I feel
like I can't have that because I'm too old for this. Also, again,
(06:43):
like some of these childish things that I love, like
the dancing, I don't want to be seen as a
mid forty year old. You'd like, you're pretty good for
a forty something year old. I'm like no, but I
like to, you know, be patted on the back because
I'm so old and I shouldn't be able to move
type of compliments. So there are so many things because
in my mind, I'm like, I love to dance. I
(07:05):
love so our Zooma classes has great choreography. The people
that I get from or really have good imagination and
understand like exercising and all these things, and it makes
me sweat and I feel like I'm actually doing something
active and joyful because it's so fun, like it's to
me all these things, and I see like videos of
hip hop and numbers, I'm like, I wonder if I
could do that. I don't even try because my theory
(07:26):
of if I'm not immediately the best at it, I'm
not doing it at all stops me. But also because
I feel like I'm getting too old, So would I
be that cringe person pretending to dance that, you know,
if I were to start a hip hop class. I
have looked up hip hop classes. I've taken a few,
and I'm like, I really enjoy it. But there's still
(07:47):
something stopping me because now that I am allowing myself
to like things that are I guess that are considered
more young, I guess not childish. I feel like I'm
too old to enjoy it. I feel like it has
now gotten to the point that it's either a regression.
I'm like, eh, this might be some trauma that I
need to readdress, or that is cringe. As the young
(08:09):
uns tell me on the tiktoks. No one has ever
said that to my face. I want that to be noted, but.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Maybe behind your back, right.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Right right, I just I just want that to be
said because also again, like that Highland cow, and it's
actually brought me a lot of joy. My partner was
really sweet because he also knows that, like, it doesn't
make sense. Why would I buy this. I didn't even
think that I wanted it. I have bought it for
other people I can reasonably like for you have research
things that I would think, like I love that you
(08:42):
love it, and I love that you by enjoying it,
and I want to keep doing it, but I feel
like I can't do it, you know. And same thing
with like sending people, Like a good friend of mine
went through a lot of trauma just recently and I
sent her awaited cow including like pet loss not a cow.
I think ours is a unicorn. I could not remember.
I need to go back look anyway, she you talked
(09:03):
about how much she loved hers, and she's also similar
to me where we both like were grown, we're not
doing this, but then when someone gifted it to us,
it was like, oh, I really love this. I kind
of want to. You know, there's this level of wanting
to find and be into that again, Like when I
talk about K pop, even a hunter, I know this
(09:26):
is geared for young ones twelve, fourteen, fifteen, I've seen
twenty year even twenty year olds. I'm like, that's cool.
I'm like, I love all of the tiktoks that I
see of grown as people doing the numbers. It brings
me so much joy because there is that love of like,
oh those are things that I couldn't do as a kid.
Like I was already working at fourteen thirteen, fourteen years
(09:47):
old because I wanted to get a car. I was
trying to be responsible, I was trying to grow up.
I knew that if I go to college, I would
have to pay for it myself. I still have student
debt based on that. Like my debt went from one
it has gone and into like ten times what I
had originally borrowed, even though I've been paying it for
fifteen years. I've probably put in so much money, but
(10:09):
it has not This only increased, the debt has only increased.
So things like that, I was like, Oh, this is
this is what growing up was. And now that we're
considered grown, feels like I don't think it's too late
because I'm still going to do it, but it feels
like I'm faking my childhood a little bit, you know, mh.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
Like even now. Yeah, yeah, I have a kind of different,
perhaps obviously different insecurity around it because I have had
(10:51):
these things that I love and I've i have to say,
I've never bought like everyone who's given me is stuff
to animal. They've always been given to me, but I've
always left them right. But I have my insecurity is that,
like you know, right now I'm getting ready to go
to Dragon Con that I I just there's there's a
worry in me that it's like you're too old for
(11:12):
this now. Yeah, you're too old for this now, But
I love it so much that I don't want to
give it up exactly.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
I Mean that's the thing on all of this is
when we were children, when we would have been like
this would have been the perfect time or like understanding
of like, this is the timing for it. We didn't
have the money, our parents didn't have the money, we
didn't have the time, we didn't have the energy. I
don't have the energy now. But you don't like doing
things like that. I mean, I would have probably really
(11:40):
enjoyed Dragon Con at twenty something, but that's this expensive Annie.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Oh yeah, and it's exhausting.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
It is very It is exhausting. The energy I would
have had would have been in my twenties, so I
would have said. But also I had the lower self esteem.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Yeah, that's another issue that I read it through a
lot too.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
There's like that. And also so I was also thinking
about this because I used to love to write. My
imagination was real dark. My my stories were real dark.
But it feels like it's kind of gone away because
we live in such dark times. Yeah, that it's no
longer just stories, you know, Like there's so much to that.
So the timing of all of this feels like grieving.
(12:25):
I guess this is the best way to put it.
And there's so much. Again, I don't think I'm old.
I look at myself and there's moments and I'm like, yeah,
I've lost this, this and this and this and these
are the things that are happening to the things and now,
my god, there it is. My knees don't bend all
the way. This is not good. But at the same time,
I'm like, but I am a dink, I don't have
a kid, I do have dual income household. We are
(12:48):
joyful and can travel. But and we can. It's more
accessible now than it ever was. And the traveling part
is not the problem, honestly, obviously. It's the enjoying of
other things that may be typically my age would have
never done. We should be at home with our kids,
worrying about school and clothes, you know, all these things,
(13:10):
and not that that takes away from it. And I
don't think there's judgment in that, as in fact, I
think it's become more and more accepted. We know, actually
it's become more and more accepted for my type of lifestyle.
But again there's that back and forth. Am I too old?
Is this too much for me? Like? Even the way
we dress, even what we like like again, like me
(13:30):
coming into k pop. A part of that has to
do with my trauma and fear of being seen as
too Korean when I'm not Korean enough, Like it just
happened in the last ten years, and then in the
last five years I've really enjoyed it and try to
embrace it. I'm finally coming to the point of embracing
my Korean adoptee status and trying to link up with
Korean adopted status, when for so long that was a
(13:51):
trigger to be like, no, I can't be like them,
I'm not like them type of conversation, which is absurd
because at the same time I was trying to seek
community a lot of this and I'm not the only one.
The same thing is like thinking about my adoption, birth
parent adventures, still talking about doing podcasts. I don't know
(14:12):
what I want to do. I think it's almost too
late all these things. But like I did discover some
more information about my birth parents and they're fairly younger,
a lot younger than I thought they would be. Actually
they're about five to six younger than my actual adoptive parents,
which threw me. And I now know my mother's last
(14:34):
name family name, which is not the same as mine.
Like all of these things, I talked about this with
my name about like could I change my name back?
But is it too late? Am I too old for
these new things? And I am trying to figure this
out in such a way that doesn't seem constructive, because again,
there are things and moments that the inner dialogue just
(14:55):
battles with. You'll hear the joy I'm gonna I've already
kind of tear up because I'm excited about talking about
why the significance of a movie like K Pop Demon
Hunter becoming mainstream in the US and in the Western culture,
why that's so significant for me, and wishing that I
can I had this as a kid, because I feel
like I missed the timing to really love this, to
(15:18):
really love this, to be able to dress up like
actually what it costs you idea? I dressed up as
Mulan and that's not my culture at all, and I
did a really bad job because I found a robe
and put my hair in a bun. Anyway, so so
many things that I feel like I've missed out, and
so many things that I'm trying to trying to come
to terms with enjoying that feels like I should have
(15:42):
done this thirty years ago. You know, this is not
a happy hour? Is this a rambling thought of growing old?
In an identity that never formulated in my life is
formulating now. I guess am I the only one friends
who is really getting to this point or really try
to enjoy childhood things now that childhood has passed.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
I don't think so. I also think this kind of
sounds like what Raquel Willis talked about when you're queer,
come out much later in life and then it feels
kind of different, feels almost like a rebirth or something. Yeah. Yeah, well, listeners,
let us know. If you have any thoughts about this.
(16:28):
You can email us at Hello at stuff Whenever Told
You dot com. You can find us on blue Skype
Moms a podcast, or on Instagram and TikTok at stuff
on Never Told You for also on YouTube, and we
have a book you can get wherever you get your books.
Thanks as always too, our super produced Christina are executiveroducer
My and your contribut Joey.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Thank you and thanks to you for listening stuff on
Ever Told You?
Speaker 2 (16:45):
Respection of my Heart Radio. For more podcasts from my
Heart Radio, you can check out the heart Radio app
Apple Podcasts wherever you listen to your favorite show
Stuff Mom Never Told You News
Hosts And Creators
Anney Reese
Samantha McVey
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!