August 28, 2025 • 21 mins
Making new friends, and maintaining existing friendships, these days is tricky. We chat about some of the reasons why.
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I want your stuff. I've never told you production by
her radio.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
And welcome to another happy hour. Eventually we're coming back to.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
The Sex and the City rewatches, y'all.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
We are kind of just I think if you've been
around with the show, you know the timing that this
is where we're scramble because there's too many things happening,
because soon enough we're about to go into like holiday content.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
But for now, this is one of those Samantha has
questions Happy hours.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
But before we start, know that if we're talking about
anything specific branded, we're not currently sponsored by them.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
One day maybe who knows, maybe they care. Whatever.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
If you are doing anything happy hour ish, do so responsibly.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
We trust you do. Be good to yourself. Annie, are
you doing anything happy hour ish?
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Unfortunately? No?
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Oh no, all right, next time you sid anything, just water.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
It's like warm water.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
You gotta keep out that voice. Yeah, I'm also on
my bubbly water. We're slowly coming back up like we
got too much to do. We don't even have time
to enjoy happy hour. I think that's honestly.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Where we are.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
But with that, I have some thoughts and I think
this is gonna end up being an actual episode episode
because it's a pretty big subject. So I have already
told y'all my love of trying to find hobbies and such.
One of the things I do love is dancing. I've
always loved dancing, and honestly, this is one of my
main forms of social interaction.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
I have.
Speaker 3 (01:44):
Been a part of groups for years. Like so, our
little gym has a few of the instructors that I
love and I feel like connect with and we have
similar styles and I get to exercise for a full
hour and just really go all out, kind of reminiscent
of like cheerleading days. Yeah, I was a cheerleader where
I actually got to do routines and choreograph and be
(02:07):
really loud and just fun.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
So I think I have flown a little too.
Speaker 3 (02:12):
High in this socialization because I usually separated. Now some
of my Zumba friends zoom and like Cardio jam friends
what the classes are called I talked to outside of
I have made friends, actual friends friends with but like
it takes a minute to get to that point, but
it does feel like a very separate group of friends.
You know, I have my work friends. I have my
(02:32):
old work friends, I have my school friends and I
have my zup of friends, which actually came together for
one of my birthday parties and that was really awkward
for me.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Yeah, and you and I have talked about this before
because you asked me, do you like bring in your
your separate groups of friends, and I was like, generally no,
unless there's a big event. Yeah, just because I feel
like I have to manage if they'll like each other,
they'll get along.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
It makes me anxious. It makes me anxious if someone
seems like they're unhappy, they're not going to like each other.
All these things, those things like being like the host,
that neasy approval from people that I love or care about,
it makes me really anxious. So with that, yeah, like
I have a Zumba sad friends because like I had
one instructor leave and go to a fancy, fancy club
that I can't afford to go to.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
I'm like, OK, I can't do that.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
I found another group of people who I really love
and it's actually very heavily Asian and Latino base and
I love that. But it's different, Like there's a pretty
big black community in there, but it's a lot more
like international, like very big. So with that that they
have kind of started the oh you're fun, your outgoing,
because when I'm out, I'm out what I sound like,
(03:39):
I'm such like to the point they were like, are
you from New York? Your your personality reminds your confidence
reminds of me of New York, which I'm like, I
don't know what that means, but I'm all about hyping
people up. But to that point that people are like,
you need to hunt hang out with us. We have
a WhatsApp chat, join that group, I'm like, no, I'm
not doing that. And they're like, here's my number. Talk
to me like I actually exchange numbers quite a bit,
(04:02):
and I'm like, I don't. Actually, it takes me a
long time to get to this point. And with that,
I think this is my constant problem over my over
anxious mind that makes me hate everything, like the expectations
of it, because I'm like, I'm not this person that
you see here in real life, you know what I mean. Like,
(04:22):
I'm not this hype person where I'm like dancing with you,
having fun, telling you go get it, you're doing so great,
all these things. That's not my real personality, if that
makes sense, And I've always said I am an introvert
at heart with extrovert talents, as in, I can network, yes,
(04:43):
but it literally grinds me into the ground.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
It feels like work.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
So with all of this, I started really thinking about
the friendships and this group, this specific group that I
have joined, is very like I said international. When I
say international, though, like they are trying to make friends
because they probably have either recently moved here or have
a language barrier, like a giant array of people. And
I know that they feel a connection with me because
(05:11):
I am so like vocal and encouraging and like I
love dancing. I want you to love dancing. You have
good energy, I have good energy. We're gonna vibe together
type of thing. At the same time that I'm like,
but I really don't want to be your friend.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
And then this made me.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
Think about like, but am I missing out on these
good friendships on some like are these good things happening?
Like so I did get an invite specifically because I
was in the front. Again, I have socialized so hard,
and they think I'm teaching things, like they think I
can teach and coordinate things, and I'm like, uh, I
can show you what I'm doing you can follow along
(05:49):
type of thing. But with that that means they also
think again that I'm really fun to go out with
and hang out with and a party person. So I
got invited to a birthday party to someone that I
barely new, and I was going back and forth and say,
really she was asking me to come on, but you
really really need to come all these things, and it
was like she sent me a text with the EVI
it was very sweet, and.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
I was like, oh, okay, I should go. I should go.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
Like my partner's telling me I should go because I've
been by myself, and again, this is my only socialization, y'all.
I have not gone out much at all, and I'm
starting to feel that. But like I went back and forth,
I was like, Okay, I'm gonna go.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
I'm gonna go.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
I'm gonna go, And then it came I was like, no,
I'm not going, not gonna go. It turned out to
be like there was gonna be a group of twenty people,
two people I kind in you and the rest not really.
And then I was like, we're going to a restaurant
that has belly dancing and I don't even know that
is to an area that I don't love going to
anyway with probably a and if you know Atlanta, it's
probably gonna cost twenty dollars to park anywhere, yep. Yeah,
(06:42):
And it's already gonna be thirty minutes outside of with
another fifteen minutes of traffic, and then a lot of
these a lot of restaurants now won't let you split
the check, and that that one of those things was
those focuses are like what if there's twenty of us
and they were like, you can't split the check, And I'm.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
Like, I don't trust y'all. I don't know who you are.
I don't want to buy you a people's don't you.
Speaker 4 (07:00):
Know, Like, yeah, nothing happened, Like I think these are
really good people, but like there's so many horror stories
and like making friends and as we're getting older that
I'm like, do I even want again?
Speaker 3 (07:19):
I'm having a hard enough time And I've talked about
this before keeping up of friendships that I have. Now
like I don't see them more than like once every
two months, and I already feel kind of bad about
that in general, So I'm like.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
What is this? But at the same time, if.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
Like I don't know if my partner and I were
to not be together and I am alone all the time,
what am I going to do? I have other friends
who are in relationships with families. It would be beneficial
to have more friends, as well as the fact that
I do want to make like friends outside of just work.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Not just you any of course I'm not gonna make you,
but you know.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
What I mean, like something that's beyond to get that
like life first understanding, because like it's been one of
the cool things that where these classes has brought in
guests even because they're like fascinating things that they do.
I'm like, wow, that's so cool. Let's talk about it.
Because that's not in my field, that's not something that
I have in common. And again that just went down to,
(08:16):
all right, what does friendship look like today? Especially trying
to create friendships now, And that made me think about how.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Older as we get older.
Speaker 3 (08:26):
Because of this group of Zuma people, most of them
are over thirty, if not forties, Like it goes as
high as eighty. There's an eighty year old woman in there.
She went me ninety and she is killing it. Like
I'm like, what the hell? This is amazing? So like
we have a wide range. But it did make me
think wonder, like, what does that look like for them?
What does these friendships look like for us as we
(08:48):
get older? What does friendship look like for us? As
to COVID, what does friendship look go for us? As
for gen zers? And of course I had to look
into a little bit of it, and it does talk
about for like how it is harder for an older
person than they give you a whole lot of advice.
But here's what a psychology today said. As we transition
into adulthood, our social circles naturally shrink as we prioritize
(09:10):
other responsibilities such as work, family, and personal pursuits. This
narrowing of social networks can limit the opportunities for meeting
new people and forming meaningful connections. For many, the demands
of adulthood, such as career obligations, family responsibilities, and personal commitments,
leave little time and energy for socializing. Unlike in childhood,
where free time is abundant, in social interactions are woven
(09:33):
into the fabric of daily life, adults often have to
actively carve out time for social activities amidst their busy schedules.
Research shows it takes about fifty hours of contact to
form a friendship and closer to two hundred to form
a close friendship, and this was the twenty nineteen study.
This amount of time and energy can make the prospect
of making friends seem overwhelming, leading many to prioritizing existing
(09:56):
relationships or forego social opportunities altogether, something just me, two
hundred hours is a lot of time. And also my
personality type is I can't just be acquaintances. I'm gonna
need to know about you.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
That's true, you are that way.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
I can't help it that the intensity that which a
lot of people find intimidating.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
That's my personality type and I can't I don't know
how to retract that any.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
Yeah, I could see that, I mean. And the funny
thing is I feel like I'm slightly the opposite of
you because I can make friends easy.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
That's why I was gonna ask you, like, do you
make friends easily?
Speaker 2 (10:43):
Yes? But after COVID, there were a lot of people
who I just didn't keep up contact with, Like if
I if not for COVID, we would have. But then
COVID happened, and so it was like, I'm not really
big I don't talk to you on the phone. I
hate talking on the phone. I don't really like this
(11:04):
kind of zoom thing we're doing. I appreciate that this
is something we have to do now, but I it's
just not my thing. So there's a lot of people
that I made friendships with that I thought we were
we were really good friends, and then COVID happened, and
now we're like maybe twice a year I hear from them,
(11:25):
So I don't have It's not like the strong bond
of you know, two hundred hours or whatever. But I'm
really good at making the friend and if it's easy.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Keeping the friends right, but once.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
It's like, oh no, I got to talk to you
on the phone.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
I think the last time I made a really friend
connection was through Zoomba or the cardio jam class. And
it's been a minute since we've hung out, but we
do hang out actively outside of and that was in
the last it's pretty COVID, So last seven years, I'm
trying to think of friendships even in like outside of you,
(12:05):
because you probably came around the same time as he did.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Honestly, not to think about it. I don't think I
have done that because it just feels again.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
I can't do anything like friendships on an easy scale.
I need a deep scale and like acquaintances and like
I would say like you're, you know, friend of friends,
and then I'll be like they're my friend too, Like
we were connected.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
But we don't.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
We're not connected right well, Like there's so many things
to that, and I feel like there are certain people
that we could connect, but it's going to take work,
and because those responsibilities, it takes a lot, Like you
don't have that time half the time. And yeah, with
the pandemic, it only got worse. And I was thinking
about this should have been a joey question about gen
(12:49):
zers and how they've been doing because it kind of
came out at the young adult time of like trying
to figure out how to make friends when the time
was we were all in lockdown.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
This was from a BBC article.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
They write experts say that overall social circles have shrunk
after a lonely couple of years during the pandemic, and
in some cases were never established at all. This means
some young people are seeking new ways of making friends,
so they're finding new ways to do this, particularly social
media reared. Gen z are now using new platforms to
build sustainable close connections in a way that generations before
(13:25):
them didn't. Simply young workers are getting more creative about
the ways in which they meet people. So I do
find that fascinating, but also feel like when we used
to make fun of you know, we I guess like
a generation would make fun of people being online all
the time, be like your internet friends, yeah, because like
my generation, like internet friends was literally like aim, yeah
(13:49):
friends type of young jets, like those are your internet
friends that you never actually really knew your pin pals
that weren't pin pals, Like that's what we were thinking of,
but in this level of like where they had to
use that as a way to finding best friends and
friendships out in that or being in real life friends
connecting with people because they you know, so on social media,
y'all get it along great, and then you're like, let's
(14:11):
take this in real life type of conversation. So I
do find that interesting, Like how do you connect if
it's if it's this difficult for someone who once upon
a time knew how to make friends. I had too
many friends to this point, like I don't want friends
in real life, and I kind of use social media
also as a way of like, I'm not lonely.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
I'm fine. I see people, I see the trends.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Yeah. Well, and I'm sure we're gonna in our whole
episode that will do about this. I'm sure we'll talk
about it more. But I kind of hesitate when I
(14:56):
see headlines like this. But there's been a lot of
headlines about loneliness, rewires your brain and the horrific ways,
oh my goodness me and all these things. And I
think a lot of us did experience loneliness in some
fashion during the pandemic. So I can like imagine gen
(15:19):
Z when you're that's the time and you're going out
to the world and kind of finding yourself, and then
instead it's like, no, stay in, go online. Yeah. And
also like I used to get asked this lot because
I had friends who really wanted to date, and they'd
(15:39):
be like, what do I do? What do I do?
I'm laughing because I'm the worst person to ask, but
it would be go to. My advice I used to
give was go to a club of something you'd like,
Go do events that you like, and hopefully you'll meet
someone who has a shared interest. And I think even
for friends. That's a good but then the pandemic comes in. Yeah,
(16:05):
unless you find an online space for that. I'm glad
that that exists, but I don't think it's the same right.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
Interestingly, we just had a conversation y'all listeners last week
because we're recording this and This in the future, where
each was talking about her exploring craft groups and art
groups and meeting new friends and her new quest to
do this. And I'm like, oh my god, this is
perfect ting talk to me about this, because I've seen
(16:35):
this as a new route of like socialization. People are
doing more and more of those types of things where
it's wholesome activities that they may do typically what would
be thought of as being alone activity but coming together
to make friends.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
And I love that.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
But then also I did think I was thinking about
this too, that I feel like the pandemic and again
this we had a whole conversation about the loneliness epademic
and about men's lowliness, and it turned out to be
everyone and it's not just men's loowness. They just like
to pin that to make them seem like they're a
victim somehow.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
But anyway, all that to say.
Speaker 3 (17:06):
Is like there was a lot of loss, not physically
for sure, but like in friendships, like when pandemic happened
people there were hours reading articles about people talking about
the fact that they refused to mask when I'm not
my health is compromised. I need you to wear a mask,
or we have to social distance, or we need to
do these things if you got to put this in practice,
and that really ruins some friendships because of that kind
(17:27):
of politicized conversation as well as politics, Like immediately, like
the bottom line was if you voted this way, we're
not friends. And I think that's more of a leftist
view of like if you voted for Trump, we're not
talking to you, you're not a friend, because there's felt
a complete disregard for anything about a person of who
(17:50):
is a marginalized person in general, Like you really care
so little about me that you don't think this is
a big deal and because it doesn't bother you, I
already know you're not reliable. That's kind of that thought process,
and I can't trust you. I can't trust you. So
there's so much to that that that really shook up
friendships in itself and kind of put a boundary of
(18:11):
pretty hard boundary. I mean, we were going to talk
about dating, and I kind of put that in aside
burner because the world is, you know, burning in flames.
But like that's that conversation too, of like, oh no,
that we got a hard no if you voted this way,
even if you think it's a mistake, I don't trust you.
And then about the fact that people have lied because
(18:33):
they realized it does cause that big boundary mm hmmm,
which I think is funny. But you know, with all
of that, it is interesting, like as because I feel
guilty now. I feel guilty that I didn't make it
and I haven't been back to that class yet, so
I hope, like I feel.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
Like I need to make it up.
Speaker 3 (18:49):
But it's the odd part of this is even with
this could be just my anxiety and general because even
with a large crowd like people that I do love
and know so well, I don't want to be in
a large crowd.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
I would rather be me and you. Yeah, maybe I'm being.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
Selfish, but also because trying to interact with people because
you don't get along with everyone. I'm not gonna gonna
get along with all of your friends. You're not gonna
get along with all my friends, and that's okay, that's okay,
So let's just not make everybody uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
Yeah, yeah, I mean I agree generally, I prefer smaller,
smaller things to bigger things. And I I told Samantha this,
but I recently had I was hanging out with a
bunch of friends and they took me to a place
that really overstimulated me, and I just I couldn't concentrate
on anything. I was like trying to listen in over here,
(19:41):
and I'm trying to listen in over here, and I'm
like making sure everything's okay over here. So I feel
like that if you have anything like that where you
get over stimulated, if you get in a big group
of people you're not sure how they're gonna mesh together,
it makes sense to me.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
Yeah, But wondering for our listeners, have you been making friends?
Is that a goal that you may had, because I
think also in our episode, we're gonna talk about the
fact that because of the changes in family and like
what was the normal family, women are making more and
more friends, probably most likely and more diverse friends. Because
(20:20):
at once upon a time, my mother had no friends
but her sister, I think and now she's finally doing things,
but because she grew up in an era of I
am a wife, I am a mother, and this is
my main goals. My daughter is my best friend type
of conversation that my husband is my best friend. Type
of conversation that they let go of those friendships. And
(20:41):
I think that's obviously changed big time. And I'm interested
in when we researched this, what that looks like, especially
again now with people having less children as well as
people choosing to not have children at all or waiting longer,
waiting longer.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
Yes, and also the generationals. It's gen Z versus our parents,
generation versus our generation. Yeah, so, listeners, we haven't researched
this episode yet, so please let us know if there's
anything you want us to look into, or if you
have any thoughts about it. You can email us at
Hello at stuffannevertold you dot com. You can find us
(21:18):
on blue Sky at mom Stuff podcast orangish Gram and
TikTok at Stuff I've Never Told You. We're also on
YouTube and we have a place you can get merch
Cotton Bureau to check that out. We also have a
book you can get wherever you get your books. Thanks
as always to our super producer Christina, our executive producer
My and your contributor Joey. Thank you, and thanks to
you for listening. Stuff Long Ever Told You is production
(21:39):
by Heart Radio. For more podcasts from my heart Radio,
you can check out the heart Radio app Apple Podcasts
wherever you listen to your favorite show,
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I want your stuff. I've never told you production by
her radio.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
And welcome to another happy hour. Eventually we're coming back to.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
The Sex and the City rewatches, y'all.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
We are kind of just I think if you've been
around with the show, you know the timing that this
is where we're scramble because there's too many things happening,
because soon enough we're about to go into like holiday content.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
But for now, this is one of those Samantha has
questions Happy hours.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
But before we start, know that if we're talking about
anything specific branded, we're not currently sponsored by them.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
One day maybe who knows, maybe they care. Whatever.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
If you are doing anything happy hour ish, do so responsibly.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
We trust you do. Be good to yourself. Annie, are
you doing anything happy hour ish?
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Unfortunately? No?
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Oh no, all right, next time you sid anything, just water.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
It's like warm water.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
You gotta keep out that voice. Yeah, I'm also on
my bubbly water. We're slowly coming back up like we
got too much to do. We don't even have time
to enjoy happy hour. I think that's honestly.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Where we are.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
But with that, I have some thoughts and I think
this is gonna end up being an actual episode episode
because it's a pretty big subject. So I have already
told y'all my love of trying to find hobbies and such.
One of the things I do love is dancing. I've
always loved dancing, and honestly, this is one of my
main forms of social interaction.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
I have.
Speaker 3 (01:44):
Been a part of groups for years. Like so, our
little gym has a few of the instructors that I
love and I feel like connect with and we have
similar styles and I get to exercise for a full
hour and just really go all out, kind of reminiscent
of like cheerleading days. Yeah, I was a cheerleader where
I actually got to do routines and choreograph and be
(02:07):
really loud and just fun.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
So I think I have flown a little too.
Speaker 3 (02:12):
High in this socialization because I usually separated. Now some
of my Zumba friends zoom and like Cardio jam friends
what the classes are called I talked to outside of
I have made friends, actual friends friends with but like
it takes a minute to get to that point, but
it does feel like a very separate group of friends.
You know, I have my work friends. I have my
(02:32):
old work friends, I have my school friends and I
have my zup of friends, which actually came together for
one of my birthday parties and that was really awkward
for me.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Yeah, and you and I have talked about this before
because you asked me, do you like bring in your
your separate groups of friends, and I was like, generally no,
unless there's a big event. Yeah, just because I feel
like I have to manage if they'll like each other,
they'll get along.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
It makes me anxious. It makes me anxious if someone
seems like they're unhappy, they're not going to like each other.
All these things, those things like being like the host,
that neasy approval from people that I love or care about,
it makes me really anxious. So with that, yeah, like
I have a Zumba sad friends because like I had
one instructor leave and go to a fancy, fancy club
that I can't afford to go to.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
I'm like, OK, I can't do that.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
I found another group of people who I really love
and it's actually very heavily Asian and Latino base and
I love that. But it's different, Like there's a pretty
big black community in there, but it's a lot more
like international, like very big. So with that that they
have kind of started the oh you're fun, your outgoing,
because when I'm out, I'm out what I sound like,
(03:39):
I'm such like to the point they were like, are
you from New York? Your your personality reminds your confidence
reminds of me of New York, which I'm like, I
don't know what that means, but I'm all about hyping
people up. But to that point that people are like,
you need to hunt hang out with us. We have
a WhatsApp chat, join that group, I'm like, no, I'm
not doing that. And they're like, here's my number. Talk
to me like I actually exchange numbers quite a bit,
(04:02):
and I'm like, I don't. Actually, it takes me a
long time to get to this point. And with that,
I think this is my constant problem over my over
anxious mind that makes me hate everything, like the expectations
of it, because I'm like, I'm not this person that
you see here in real life, you know what I mean. Like,
(04:22):
I'm not this hype person where I'm like dancing with you,
having fun, telling you go get it, you're doing so great,
all these things. That's not my real personality, if that
makes sense, And I've always said I am an introvert
at heart with extrovert talents, as in, I can network, yes,
(04:43):
but it literally grinds me into the ground.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
It feels like work.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
So with all of this, I started really thinking about
the friendships and this group, this specific group that I
have joined, is very like I said international. When I
say international, though, like they are trying to make friends
because they probably have either recently moved here or have
a language barrier, like a giant array of people. And
I know that they feel a connection with me because
(05:11):
I am so like vocal and encouraging and like I
love dancing. I want you to love dancing. You have
good energy, I have good energy. We're gonna vibe together
type of thing. At the same time that I'm like,
but I really don't want to be your friend.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
And then this made me.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
Think about like, but am I missing out on these
good friendships on some like are these good things happening?
Like so I did get an invite specifically because I
was in the front. Again, I have socialized so hard,
and they think I'm teaching things, like they think I
can teach and coordinate things, and I'm like, uh, I
can show you what I'm doing you can follow along
(05:49):
type of thing. But with that that means they also
think again that I'm really fun to go out with
and hang out with and a party person. So I
got invited to a birthday party to someone that I
barely new, and I was going back and forth and say,
really she was asking me to come on, but you
really really need to come all these things, and it
was like she sent me a text with the EVI
it was very sweet, and.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
I was like, oh, okay, I should go. I should go.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
Like my partner's telling me I should go because I've
been by myself, and again, this is my only socialization, y'all.
I have not gone out much at all, and I'm
starting to feel that. But like I went back and forth,
I was like, Okay, I'm gonna go.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
I'm gonna go.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
I'm gonna go, And then it came I was like, no,
I'm not going, not gonna go. It turned out to
be like there was gonna be a group of twenty people,
two people I kind in you and the rest not really.
And then I was like, we're going to a restaurant
that has belly dancing and I don't even know that
is to an area that I don't love going to
anyway with probably a and if you know Atlanta, it's
probably gonna cost twenty dollars to park anywhere, yep. Yeah,
(06:42):
And it's already gonna be thirty minutes outside of with
another fifteen minutes of traffic, and then a lot of
these a lot of restaurants now won't let you split
the check, and that that one of those things was
those focuses are like what if there's twenty of us
and they were like, you can't split the check, And I'm.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
Like, I don't trust y'all. I don't know who you are.
I don't want to buy you a people's don't you.
Speaker 4 (07:00):
Know, Like, yeah, nothing happened, Like I think these are
really good people, but like there's so many horror stories
and like making friends and as we're getting older that
I'm like, do I even want again?
Speaker 3 (07:19):
I'm having a hard enough time And I've talked about
this before keeping up of friendships that I have. Now
like I don't see them more than like once every
two months, and I already feel kind of bad about
that in general, So I'm like.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
What is this? But at the same time, if.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
Like I don't know if my partner and I were
to not be together and I am alone all the time,
what am I going to do? I have other friends
who are in relationships with families. It would be beneficial
to have more friends, as well as the fact that
I do want to make like friends outside of just work.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Not just you any of course I'm not gonna make you,
but you know.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
What I mean, like something that's beyond to get that
like life first understanding, because like it's been one of
the cool things that where these classes has brought in
guests even because they're like fascinating things that they do.
I'm like, wow, that's so cool. Let's talk about it.
Because that's not in my field, that's not something that
I have in common. And again that just went down to,
(08:16):
all right, what does friendship look like today? Especially trying
to create friendships now, And that made me think about how.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Older as we get older.
Speaker 3 (08:26):
Because of this group of Zuma people, most of them
are over thirty, if not forties, Like it goes as
high as eighty. There's an eighty year old woman in there.
She went me ninety and she is killing it. Like
I'm like, what the hell? This is amazing? So like
we have a wide range. But it did make me
think wonder, like, what does that look like for them?
What does these friendships look like for us as we
(08:48):
get older? What does friendship look like for us? As
to COVID, what does friendship look go for us? As
for gen zers? And of course I had to look
into a little bit of it, and it does talk
about for like how it is harder for an older
person than they give you a whole lot of advice.
But here's what a psychology today said. As we transition
into adulthood, our social circles naturally shrink as we prioritize
(09:10):
other responsibilities such as work, family, and personal pursuits. This
narrowing of social networks can limit the opportunities for meeting
new people and forming meaningful connections. For many, the demands
of adulthood, such as career obligations, family responsibilities, and personal commitments,
leave little time and energy for socializing. Unlike in childhood,
where free time is abundant, in social interactions are woven
(09:33):
into the fabric of daily life, adults often have to
actively carve out time for social activities amidst their busy schedules.
Research shows it takes about fifty hours of contact to
form a friendship and closer to two hundred to form
a close friendship, and this was the twenty nineteen study.
This amount of time and energy can make the prospect
of making friends seem overwhelming, leading many to prioritizing existing
(09:56):
relationships or forego social opportunities altogether, something just me, two
hundred hours is a lot of time. And also my
personality type is I can't just be acquaintances. I'm gonna
need to know about you.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
That's true, you are that way.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
I can't help it that the intensity that which a
lot of people find intimidating.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
That's my personality type and I can't I don't know
how to retract that any.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
Yeah, I could see that, I mean. And the funny
thing is I feel like I'm slightly the opposite of
you because I can make friends easy.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
That's why I was gonna ask you, like, do you
make friends easily?
Speaker 2 (10:43):
Yes? But after COVID, there were a lot of people
who I just didn't keep up contact with, Like if
I if not for COVID, we would have. But then
COVID happened, and so it was like, I'm not really
big I don't talk to you on the phone. I
hate talking on the phone. I don't really like this
(11:04):
kind of zoom thing we're doing. I appreciate that this
is something we have to do now, but I it's
just not my thing. So there's a lot of people
that I made friendships with that I thought we were
we were really good friends, and then COVID happened, and
now we're like maybe twice a year I hear from them,
(11:25):
So I don't have It's not like the strong bond
of you know, two hundred hours or whatever. But I'm
really good at making the friend and if it's easy.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Keeping the friends right, but once.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
It's like, oh no, I got to talk to you
on the phone.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
I think the last time I made a really friend
connection was through Zoomba or the cardio jam class. And
it's been a minute since we've hung out, but we
do hang out actively outside of and that was in
the last it's pretty COVID, So last seven years, I'm
trying to think of friendships even in like outside of you,
(12:05):
because you probably came around the same time as he did.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Honestly, not to think about it. I don't think I
have done that because it just feels again.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
I can't do anything like friendships on an easy scale.
I need a deep scale and like acquaintances and like
I would say like you're, you know, friend of friends,
and then I'll be like they're my friend too, Like
we were connected.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
But we don't.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
We're not connected right well, Like there's so many things
to that, and I feel like there are certain people
that we could connect, but it's going to take work,
and because those responsibilities, it takes a lot, Like you
don't have that time half the time. And yeah, with
the pandemic, it only got worse. And I was thinking
about this should have been a joey question about gen
(12:49):
zers and how they've been doing because it kind of
came out at the young adult time of like trying
to figure out how to make friends when the time
was we were all in lockdown.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
This was from a BBC article.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
They write experts say that overall social circles have shrunk
after a lonely couple of years during the pandemic, and
in some cases were never established at all. This means
some young people are seeking new ways of making friends,
so they're finding new ways to do this, particularly social
media reared. Gen z are now using new platforms to
build sustainable close connections in a way that generations before
(13:25):
them didn't. Simply young workers are getting more creative about
the ways in which they meet people. So I do
find that fascinating, but also feel like when we used
to make fun of you know, we I guess like
a generation would make fun of people being online all
the time, be like your internet friends, yeah, because like
my generation, like internet friends was literally like aim, yeah
(13:49):
friends type of young jets, like those are your internet
friends that you never actually really knew your pin pals
that weren't pin pals, Like that's what we were thinking of,
but in this level of like where they had to
use that as a way to finding best friends and
friendships out in that or being in real life friends
connecting with people because they you know, so on social media,
y'all get it along great, and then you're like, let's
(14:11):
take this in real life type of conversation. So I
do find that interesting, Like how do you connect if
it's if it's this difficult for someone who once upon
a time knew how to make friends. I had too
many friends to this point, like I don't want friends
in real life, and I kind of use social media
also as a way of like, I'm not lonely.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
I'm fine. I see people, I see the trends.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Yeah. Well, and I'm sure we're gonna in our whole
episode that will do about this. I'm sure we'll talk
about it more. But I kind of hesitate when I
(14:56):
see headlines like this. But there's been a lot of
headlines about loneliness, rewires your brain and the horrific ways,
oh my goodness me and all these things. And I
think a lot of us did experience loneliness in some
fashion during the pandemic. So I can like imagine gen
(15:19):
Z when you're that's the time and you're going out
to the world and kind of finding yourself, and then
instead it's like, no, stay in, go online. Yeah. And
also like I used to get asked this lot because
I had friends who really wanted to date, and they'd
(15:39):
be like, what do I do? What do I do?
I'm laughing because I'm the worst person to ask, but
it would be go to. My advice I used to
give was go to a club of something you'd like,
Go do events that you like, and hopefully you'll meet
someone who has a shared interest. And I think even
for friends. That's a good but then the pandemic comes in. Yeah,
(16:05):
unless you find an online space for that. I'm glad
that that exists, but I don't think it's the same right.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
Interestingly, we just had a conversation y'all listeners last week
because we're recording this and This in the future, where
each was talking about her exploring craft groups and art
groups and meeting new friends and her new quest to
do this. And I'm like, oh my god, this is
perfect ting talk to me about this, because I've seen
(16:35):
this as a new route of like socialization. People are
doing more and more of those types of things where
it's wholesome activities that they may do typically what would
be thought of as being alone activity but coming together
to make friends.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
And I love that.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
But then also I did think I was thinking about
this too, that I feel like the pandemic and again
this we had a whole conversation about the loneliness epademic
and about men's lowliness, and it turned out to be
everyone and it's not just men's loowness. They just like
to pin that to make them seem like they're a
victim somehow.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
But anyway, all that to say.
Speaker 3 (17:06):
Is like there was a lot of loss, not physically
for sure, but like in friendships, like when pandemic happened
people there were hours reading articles about people talking about
the fact that they refused to mask when I'm not
my health is compromised. I need you to wear a mask,
or we have to social distance, or we need to
do these things if you got to put this in practice,
and that really ruins some friendships because of that kind
(17:27):
of politicized conversation as well as politics, Like immediately, like
the bottom line was if you voted this way, we're
not friends. And I think that's more of a leftist
view of like if you voted for Trump, we're not
talking to you, you're not a friend, because there's felt
a complete disregard for anything about a person of who
(17:50):
is a marginalized person in general, Like you really care
so little about me that you don't think this is
a big deal and because it doesn't bother you, I
already know you're not reliable. That's kind of that thought process,
and I can't trust you. I can't trust you. So
there's so much to that that that really shook up
friendships in itself and kind of put a boundary of
(18:11):
pretty hard boundary. I mean, we were going to talk
about dating, and I kind of put that in aside
burner because the world is, you know, burning in flames.
But like that's that conversation too, of like, oh no,
that we got a hard no if you voted this way,
even if you think it's a mistake, I don't trust you.
And then about the fact that people have lied because
(18:33):
they realized it does cause that big boundary mm hmmm,
which I think is funny. But you know, with all
of that, it is interesting, like as because I feel
guilty now. I feel guilty that I didn't make it
and I haven't been back to that class yet, so
I hope, like I feel.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
Like I need to make it up.
Speaker 3 (18:49):
But it's the odd part of this is even with
this could be just my anxiety and general because even
with a large crowd like people that I do love
and know so well, I don't want to be in
a large crowd.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
I would rather be me and you. Yeah, maybe I'm being.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
Selfish, but also because trying to interact with people because
you don't get along with everyone. I'm not gonna gonna
get along with all of your friends. You're not gonna
get along with all my friends, and that's okay, that's okay,
So let's just not make everybody uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
Yeah, yeah, I mean I agree generally, I prefer smaller,
smaller things to bigger things. And I I told Samantha this,
but I recently had I was hanging out with a
bunch of friends and they took me to a place
that really overstimulated me, and I just I couldn't concentrate
on anything. I was like trying to listen in over here,
(19:41):
and I'm trying to listen in over here, and I'm
like making sure everything's okay over here. So I feel
like that if you have anything like that where you
get over stimulated, if you get in a big group
of people you're not sure how they're gonna mesh together,
it makes sense to me.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
Yeah, But wondering for our listeners, have you been making friends?
Is that a goal that you may had, because I
think also in our episode, we're gonna talk about the
fact that because of the changes in family and like
what was the normal family, women are making more and
more friends, probably most likely and more diverse friends. Because
(20:20):
at once upon a time, my mother had no friends
but her sister, I think and now she's finally doing things,
but because she grew up in an era of I
am a wife, I am a mother, and this is
my main goals. My daughter is my best friend type
of conversation that my husband is my best friend. Type
of conversation that they let go of those friendships. And
(20:41):
I think that's obviously changed big time. And I'm interested
in when we researched this, what that looks like, especially
again now with people having less children as well as
people choosing to not have children at all or waiting longer,
waiting longer.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
Yes, and also the generationals. It's gen Z versus our parents,
generation versus our generation. Yeah, so, listeners, we haven't researched
this episode yet, so please let us know if there's
anything you want us to look into, or if you
have any thoughts about it. You can email us at
Hello at stuffannevertold you dot com. You can find us
(21:18):
on blue Sky at mom Stuff podcast orangish Gram and
TikTok at Stuff I've Never Told You. We're also on
YouTube and we have a place you can get merch
Cotton Bureau to check that out. We also have a
book you can get wherever you get your books. Thanks
as always to our super producer Christina, our executive producer
My and your contributor Joey. Thank you, and thanks to
you for listening. Stuff Long Ever Told You is production
(21:39):
by Heart Radio. For more podcasts from my heart Radio,
you can check out the heart Radio app Apple Podcasts
wherever you listen to your favorite show,
Stuff Mom Never Told You News
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Anney Reese
Samantha McVey
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