September 13, 2021 • 19 mins
Anney and Samantha dive into their complicated relationships around food and what they might mean.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. I'm not come to
stuff I've never told your production of iHeart Radio. So
before we get into this one, a quick trigger warning
about eating disorders or any like just bad relationship around food,
(00:26):
because I kind of wanted to look back into my
relationship with food as I guess through this pandemic and
through this podcast, I'm going to be revisiting issues like
this and trying to get to the bottom of them,
which I appreciate you all giving me the space and
giving me the year, But yes, I would avoid this one.
(00:50):
If you've got a rough relationship with food, or even
if you know, like today is not your day, maybe
maybe avoid it. So I wanted to talk about this
because I know I've discussed in previous podcasts that I
don't really get hungry, that have kind of destroyed that
(01:15):
part of myself, and it's just been sticking out to
me lately because through a variety of reasons, I have
been fortunate enough to hang out with people and a
lot of times food is involved in that, and I
have found that I have really struggled with eating, like
(01:41):
it's the saddest It's like trying to force yourself to
eat something and you feel like vomiting that it's just
there's nothing in it that's pleasurable, there's no want to
eat something, and I just feel like I'm forcing myself
to do something that makes me feel sick. And there
(02:02):
are a lot of things that are going into this
that have complicated it, and one is, you know, I
happened to be on a feminist podcast and a food podcast.
So I've just had to ask myself a lot of
questions about this and about how I'll speak about it,
(02:23):
because I want to be truthful and open, but I
also don't want to play into things that have in
particular been weaponized against women when we're talking about dieting,
when we're talking about eating. And so I remember when
I first started doing this show, I was embarrassed or
(02:48):
like I just felt like I couldn't even talk about it,
Like I couldn't even talk about whatever struggles I had
with dieting or with my body image and weight and
what have you, because I didn't want to set a
bad example. But at the same time, I was having
those and am having those struggles. So navigating that line
(03:09):
of what is responsible, what is the safe thing, what
is your obligation or not obligation, because I also am
a big believer that you have to take care of
yourself and look out for Why you are talking about
something on our podcast that people can listen to and
(03:31):
consume in their own way or are internalizing their own way, perhaps,
But I just I know that a lot of people
are struggling with this as we've been kind of inside
and haven't been able to go out, and their concerns
about grocery shopping and what people eat. And then for me,
(03:53):
like in specific, it really plays into my upcoming Happy
Hour episode, my inability to like know what I want
and no one to say no or feel like I
can say no. But it's just it's the saddest, It's
what It's a very sad experience to be eating something
and to just have really through life experiences and through
(04:14):
media you've consumed and through all of these messages you've
you've internalized, have completely ruined your relationship with food because
I don't enjoy it. It makes me feel sick occasionally,
Like if it's like a soup, I really like a
good soup. But like it's just laughing because you said that,
(04:40):
mainly laughing because I know, yes, you do love soup,
and the level of love for soup is quite large,
into the point that I assume for every lunch, yes,
you're drinking soup. Kind of I would be, I mean.
And that's the thing too, is like there are food
that I love. So this is confusing even to me,
(05:02):
and this is something I've been trying to give myself
space with and understand that it's just natural. But it's
like I have an alarm and I eat at two
times per day and I set the alarm. It's like
you're going to eat. So it's not a hunger based thing.
But I do have I do have foods that I
love and that I want and then I crave. It's
just in general, my experience is not that it's the
(05:25):
Almost the reason I crave those foods is because I
don't let myself have them or I just don't have
them very often. It feels like a special experience, and
therefore I can enjoy that. But it's almost again, it's
not about the food. It's about not it's about limiting
what you can have and having all of these boundaries
(05:46):
around it and all of this guilt around it. So
it's almost like the reason I enjoy it is more
I don't let myself normally enjoy it, which I know
is like things in general. Life in general, Like a
vacation is good because you're not normally doing whatever you're
doing on vacation, but it is complicated when it is
(06:07):
something that is so unhealthy and has been so toxic
for me for so long and for a lot of
women and for a lot of people. I think listening
you understand this where it should be something that isn't
fraught with this all of these negative emotions where I'm
just like dry heaving trying to convince myself to eat
(06:29):
because I know that that's another thing. It's like this
is a feminist show, and I want to be a
healthy woman who takes care of herself and eats food,
so I like make myself do it. But it's just
like this awful, the miserable experience most of the time.
And I'm really trying to work on why that is
(06:50):
and untangling all of the factors behind that when you
should just be able to like eat something and enjoy it.
But I mean that also comes into play with our
conversations around if you use words and marketing like guilty
(07:14):
pleasures and all of all of this that we're constantly
bombarded with, just all of the time. But I think
one of the frustrating things for me, and I would
imagine for a lot of people who have been trying to,
you know, be more mindful about why they do things
during the pandemic is I really thought if I took
(07:38):
off social pressures societal pressures, I would be able to
work on these things and I could naively solve them.
I thought I could fix this, and that has not
been the case at all. In fact, I probably did
better when people were there and they were like, I
(08:01):
want to eat this, will you share it with me?
And I would because they want to do it, But
it has nothing to do with what I want to do.
I mean, have you ever thought maybe it's just that
you're not I've met many of people who just doesn't
care about eating, right, Yeah, I've thought about that. I
have a friend who is like that. But I feel
like the fact that I'm like dry heaving when I
(08:24):
eat is it's just a sign that something else is
a miss and that I don't like. People make jokes
about it. They're like, you know, she never has any
food around. She doesn't she won't eat unless we eat,
which is all true, and I I don't know. I mean,
maybe it is a bigger issue of just I don't
(08:46):
unless someone is directing me, I don't think about myself,
or I don't think to take care of myself in
that way because the alarm system I had to set
up because otherwise there's just be no eating. And it
used to be like a clinical thing where I'm like, oh,
I will eat because I have to eat to run,
(09:08):
and now I can't run or I don't feel comfortable running,
so that's been removed. I don't know. I I think
it's just really frustrating because I thought I do like food,
and I I really enjoy a lot of the aspects
(09:28):
of it. But it's it makes me feel upset that
I've been trying to work on this and it feels
like I'm just going backwards, and that I'm being disingenuous
by not talking about it with people, and that I
don't know what to say when people say similar things
to me, because I'm like, I don't think this is healthy,
but I'm also doing the same thing. You're right, but
(09:53):
I feel like I can't tell you off because I'm
doing it too. In general, everyone has an unhealthy relationship
(10:15):
with food, whether it is being obsessive about it, whether
it's over indulging, under indulging, or being flippant about it,
whether it's because you know, there's also that conversation of
there's people starving in the world, why aren't you eating?
And also so being over indulgent is what I mean
by that, like being I feel all the time that
(10:36):
I'm wasteful my level, Like I find your stuff interesting
because yeah, it's you've let me know about some of
the issues. It's not a typical issues. And I don't
know if it has something to do with whether or
not because we've talked about whether or not maybe whether
or not you are on the spectrum and that has
(10:57):
something to play with it, Whether you have a level
of c D and that has something to do with it,
whether it's your trauma based control and that has something
to do with it. There's a big level of narratives
that we don't have in what you are going through
because right now you're trying to unravel the trauma, just trauma,
(11:18):
and then the lack of interest in food could have
everything to do with that, could have nothing to do
with that, could have something to do with that. That's
very general, I know, for anything, But I feel like
there is this deeper level of control conversations as well
as trigger conversations that's in here. And I'm not trying
to unlatch you and I'm trying to stop, but like
(11:40):
there's this whole deeper level of it's not just body issue. Obviously,
there's a psychological level of conversations because you do love
food and appreciate food to a certain extent, but it
is almost robotic to the point of I feel like
I have to and if I have to choose something,
I'm going to choose this, which is a different level.
(12:02):
And I say this as a chubby girl who has
had an eating disorder and a really unhealthy level of food,
because I will go without eating purposefully, because I am
that girl who went without eating for days and passed
out because I tried to lose five pounds, because I
was told as this person I was not fitting in
and as a girl in the ancient culture that I
(12:23):
definitely did not fit in. And if I was in
Korea to this day, I would be chastised to no
end for being darker skinned for being thick. I've been
told that many times. So I have a traumatic level
of physical appearance, like that way I feel about myself
about size. I'm obsessive about weight to the point that
i will stop eating altogether, and I'll overly excessively weigh myself,
(12:45):
count calories, all of those things to the point that
I'm like, okay, I'm looking at diet pills. I have
to stop. And I've been I've been like that since
I was succeeding trying to fit to my white family,
where my sister was a size zero until she was
eight team and I became size hit in fifth grade.
So like that's definitely a conversation. And also my moods
(13:09):
hit the way I eat. So if I'm depressed, I
don't eat, and I know that, and I know, like,
holy so maybe i should be depressed so I can
lose some weight. And I'm so sorry. I'm not acting like,
you know, any type of mental health is that flippant,
But in my mind, that to me works and it's
so unhealthy. So you and I come in a very
(13:30):
different standpoint, and I finally gotten to the point that
I'm like, yeah, I'm thick. I'm just gonna live with it.
I don't want to get some rid of some of
these things. And as long as I can, like keep walking,
I'm cool and I'm healthy. I'm cool, and I say
that in all those realms, but realizing diep hills and
realizing and don't get me wrong, I'm still looking. I'm
still looking at apps. I'm still looking at anything to
help me to lose weight and trying to figure that out,
(13:53):
trying to go back to my other size, because y'all,
I definitely, you know, leaned into the pandemic. I'm yeah,
I give up, I'm depressed conversation, but yeah, when it
comes to what you're talking about, it it's a different
level because I I see, like, okay, and I know
this because I've been with you, and like I have
to stop trying to get her to eat because she's
about to have a panic attack. And I, being as
(14:14):
southern as I am, yes, and I said that I
want to feed people like that is how I welcome
you into my home. And I think your friend Marissa
figure that out quickly. I'm Marissa, That's what I do.
I'm like, yeah, I know you said you are not hungry,
but I made more things, so you need to eat this,
which is an absolute Southern Mama way to be, but
(14:35):
it is it's a whole different level, like, Okay, I
have to be conscientious that this is going to cause
you to have a panic attack, like not even just
not because you're not trying to eat, but there's something
that's stopping you from enjoying or want to enjoy or
wanting to be a part of this in typical realms
in general. But also there's also that robotic bit of
(14:56):
you that's like, but I have to finish it. It's
here now, I can't waste it. It's such a separate
and very like wow type of dichotomy to see that
survival that you will not waste anything on top of,
but I don't actually want it. Yeah, yeah, And I
think that that does go back to a lot of
(15:17):
the like after I feel like I've just lost touch
with my body completely, Like I don't recognize things that
should just be natural, like hunger or sleep, which is
a big part of trauma, and that is something that
I have been working on in therapy. But that's why
it becomes like almost a panic level for me, is
(15:41):
there's no thing that's like stop. It's just I have
to finish this and it's here, and there's no part
of me that's like, what do you want? It's like
I can't hear that part. And also it is kind
of interesting because I am an extrovert and food is
a part of that. I want to try new things,
(16:03):
and I'm very excited to try new things. But again
it's less about like the food and more like, oh,
this is new and I won't have this again or
I might not ever make this myself, and so I
have to have to partake. So I don't know. I
think it is a big part of it being disconnected
from my body and trying to do that like body work,
(16:24):
of like listening to yourself, or trying to rebuild those
those avenues of just basic human existence and survival. But
it's I mean, food is usually such a communal and
happy thing, and it upsets me that for so many
of us, and for so many women in particular, it
(16:45):
has been it's just a mind field of of things. Now,
I will say, as a bigger girl, I made sure
to leave food on my plates so I didn't get
judged and being filled. Oh yeah, you definitely ain't all
that hum Oh yeah, people make comments like that all
the time, and I'm always so shocked. I have a
(17:07):
friend who used to make me go first to help
myself up, and she would always get less than what
I had just got. And yeah, that was the thing.
The skinnier girls behind I would watch what they would
do and try to do less than them. I did
that too. I would get comments being told, you don't
you you get plenty of food at home. Don't you
(17:27):
have had that? And I've had the yeah, you don't
let anything go to waste that had had that. So
as a teenager, I would never finish any mills. Yeah,
and I still have that complication. I don't like eating
giant place of food or eating at all. It feels
like that's a bad thing, even though again that wastefulness
(17:50):
is still there too. It's so complicated. Yeah, all these
like social things around food as well. That's a a
whole interesting situation when it comes to helping up around
a bunch of people. When you feel this usually like
an insecurity or like you might be judging, you will
get those comments about how much you did eat, And
(18:13):
then you can also lean into it too hard, which
I did when I was like nine where I'd be like, oh, yeah,
I'm going to get two plates, like forget that and
did I want the second plate? But I did it?
But yeah, I get it's like more my relationship I
feel like with food is more about like I can't
connect with my body, and it's all about other people
(18:35):
and how they see me and what they think and
what they want. So that is something that I'm working on,
but I just wanted to to talk about it here
and hopefully, I mean it sounds weird to say, hopefully,
so if you can relate, because I guess I hope
you don't, but I bet some of you can, and
hopefully it makes you feel less less alone about what
(18:56):
you're going through. As always, listeners, we would love to
hear from you. Our email is stuff Media mom Stuff
at iHeart media dot com. You can find us on
Twitter at mom Stuff podcast or on Instagram and Stuff
One Never Told You. Thanks as always to our super producer, Christina.
Thank you, Christina. Thanks to you for listening Stuff under
Told You his production to I Heeart Radio. For more
podcast on iHeart Radio, visit your heart radio app Apple podcast.
(19:18):
I'll wherever you listen to your favorite shows
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. I'm not come to
stuff I've never told your production of iHeart Radio. So
before we get into this one, a quick trigger warning
about eating disorders or any like just bad relationship around food,
(00:26):
because I kind of wanted to look back into my
relationship with food as I guess through this pandemic and
through this podcast, I'm going to be revisiting issues like
this and trying to get to the bottom of them,
which I appreciate you all giving me the space and
giving me the year, But yes, I would avoid this one.
(00:50):
If you've got a rough relationship with food, or even
if you know, like today is not your day, maybe
maybe avoid it. So I wanted to talk about this
because I know I've discussed in previous podcasts that I
don't really get hungry, that have kind of destroyed that
(01:15):
part of myself, and it's just been sticking out to
me lately because through a variety of reasons, I have
been fortunate enough to hang out with people and a
lot of times food is involved in that, and I
have found that I have really struggled with eating, like
(01:41):
it's the saddest It's like trying to force yourself to
eat something and you feel like vomiting that it's just
there's nothing in it that's pleasurable, there's no want to
eat something, and I just feel like I'm forcing myself
to do something that makes me feel sick. And there
(02:02):
are a lot of things that are going into this
that have complicated it, and one is, you know, I
happened to be on a feminist podcast and a food podcast.
So I've just had to ask myself a lot of
questions about this and about how I'll speak about it,
(02:23):
because I want to be truthful and open, but I
also don't want to play into things that have in
particular been weaponized against women when we're talking about dieting,
when we're talking about eating. And so I remember when
I first started doing this show, I was embarrassed or
(02:48):
like I just felt like I couldn't even talk about it,
Like I couldn't even talk about whatever struggles I had
with dieting or with my body image and weight and
what have you, because I didn't want to set a
bad example. But at the same time, I was having
those and am having those struggles. So navigating that line
(03:09):
of what is responsible, what is the safe thing, what
is your obligation or not obligation, because I also am
a big believer that you have to take care of
yourself and look out for Why you are talking about
something on our podcast that people can listen to and
(03:31):
consume in their own way or are internalizing their own way, perhaps,
But I just I know that a lot of people
are struggling with this as we've been kind of inside
and haven't been able to go out, and their concerns
about grocery shopping and what people eat. And then for me,
(03:53):
like in specific, it really plays into my upcoming Happy
Hour episode, my inability to like know what I want
and no one to say no or feel like I
can say no. But it's just it's the saddest, It's
what It's a very sad experience to be eating something
and to just have really through life experiences and through
(04:14):
media you've consumed and through all of these messages you've
you've internalized, have completely ruined your relationship with food because
I don't enjoy it. It makes me feel sick occasionally,
Like if it's like a soup, I really like a
good soup. But like it's just laughing because you said that,
(04:40):
mainly laughing because I know, yes, you do love soup,
and the level of love for soup is quite large,
into the point that I assume for every lunch, yes,
you're drinking soup. Kind of I would be, I mean.
And that's the thing too, is like there are food
that I love. So this is confusing even to me,
(05:02):
and this is something I've been trying to give myself
space with and understand that it's just natural. But it's
like I have an alarm and I eat at two
times per day and I set the alarm. It's like
you're going to eat. So it's not a hunger based thing.
But I do have I do have foods that I
love and that I want and then I crave. It's
just in general, my experience is not that it's the
(05:25):
Almost the reason I crave those foods is because I
don't let myself have them or I just don't have
them very often. It feels like a special experience, and
therefore I can enjoy that. But it's almost again, it's
not about the food. It's about not it's about limiting
what you can have and having all of these boundaries
(05:46):
around it and all of this guilt around it. So
it's almost like the reason I enjoy it is more
I don't let myself normally enjoy it, which I know
is like things in general. Life in general, Like a
vacation is good because you're not normally doing whatever you're
doing on vacation, but it is complicated when it is
(06:07):
something that is so unhealthy and has been so toxic
for me for so long and for a lot of
women and for a lot of people. I think listening
you understand this where it should be something that isn't
fraught with this all of these negative emotions where I'm
just like dry heaving trying to convince myself to eat
(06:29):
because I know that that's another thing. It's like this
is a feminist show, and I want to be a
healthy woman who takes care of herself and eats food,
so I like make myself do it. But it's just
like this awful, the miserable experience most of the time.
And I'm really trying to work on why that is
(06:50):
and untangling all of the factors behind that when you
should just be able to like eat something and enjoy it.
But I mean that also comes into play with our
conversations around if you use words and marketing like guilty
(07:14):
pleasures and all of all of this that we're constantly
bombarded with, just all of the time. But I think
one of the frustrating things for me, and I would
imagine for a lot of people who have been trying to,
you know, be more mindful about why they do things
during the pandemic is I really thought if I took
(07:38):
off social pressures societal pressures, I would be able to
work on these things and I could naively solve them.
I thought I could fix this, and that has not
been the case at all. In fact, I probably did
better when people were there and they were like, I
(08:01):
want to eat this, will you share it with me?
And I would because they want to do it, But
it has nothing to do with what I want to do.
I mean, have you ever thought maybe it's just that
you're not I've met many of people who just doesn't
care about eating, right, Yeah, I've thought about that. I
have a friend who is like that. But I feel
like the fact that I'm like dry heaving when I
(08:24):
eat is it's just a sign that something else is
a miss and that I don't like. People make jokes
about it. They're like, you know, she never has any
food around. She doesn't she won't eat unless we eat,
which is all true, and I I don't know. I mean,
maybe it is a bigger issue of just I don't
(08:46):
unless someone is directing me, I don't think about myself,
or I don't think to take care of myself in
that way because the alarm system I had to set
up because otherwise there's just be no eating. And it
used to be like a clinical thing where I'm like, oh,
I will eat because I have to eat to run,
(09:08):
and now I can't run or I don't feel comfortable running,
so that's been removed. I don't know. I I think
it's just really frustrating because I thought I do like food,
and I I really enjoy a lot of the aspects
(09:28):
of it. But it's it makes me feel upset that
I've been trying to work on this and it feels
like I'm just going backwards, and that I'm being disingenuous
by not talking about it with people, and that I
don't know what to say when people say similar things
to me, because I'm like, I don't think this is healthy,
but I'm also doing the same thing. You're right, but
(09:53):
I feel like I can't tell you off because I'm
doing it too. In general, everyone has an unhealthy relationship
(10:15):
with food, whether it is being obsessive about it, whether
it's over indulging, under indulging, or being flippant about it,
whether it's because you know, there's also that conversation of
there's people starving in the world, why aren't you eating?
And also so being over indulgent is what I mean
by that, like being I feel all the time that
(10:36):
I'm wasteful my level, Like I find your stuff interesting
because yeah, it's you've let me know about some of
the issues. It's not a typical issues. And I don't
know if it has something to do with whether or
not because we've talked about whether or not maybe whether
or not you are on the spectrum and that has
(10:57):
something to play with it, Whether you have a level
of c D and that has something to do with it,
whether it's your trauma based control and that has something
to do with it. There's a big level of narratives
that we don't have in what you are going through
because right now you're trying to unravel the trauma, just trauma,
(11:18):
and then the lack of interest in food could have
everything to do with that, could have nothing to do
with that, could have something to do with that. That's
very general, I know, for anything, But I feel like
there is this deeper level of control conversations as well
as trigger conversations that's in here. And I'm not trying
to unlatch you and I'm trying to stop, but like
(11:40):
there's this whole deeper level of it's not just body issue. Obviously,
there's a psychological level of conversations because you do love
food and appreciate food to a certain extent, but it
is almost robotic to the point of I feel like
I have to and if I have to choose something,
I'm going to choose this, which is a different level.
(12:02):
And I say this as a chubby girl who has
had an eating disorder and a really unhealthy level of food,
because I will go without eating purposefully, because I am
that girl who went without eating for days and passed
out because I tried to lose five pounds, because I
was told as this person I was not fitting in
and as a girl in the ancient culture that I
(12:23):
definitely did not fit in. And if I was in
Korea to this day, I would be chastised to no
end for being darker skinned for being thick. I've been
told that many times. So I have a traumatic level
of physical appearance, like that way I feel about myself
about size. I'm obsessive about weight to the point that
i will stop eating altogether, and I'll overly excessively weigh myself,
(12:45):
count calories, all of those things to the point that
I'm like, okay, I'm looking at diet pills. I have
to stop. And I've been I've been like that since
I was succeeding trying to fit to my white family,
where my sister was a size zero until she was
eight team and I became size hit in fifth grade.
So like that's definitely a conversation. And also my moods
(13:09):
hit the way I eat. So if I'm depressed, I
don't eat, and I know that, and I know, like,
holy so maybe i should be depressed so I can
lose some weight. And I'm so sorry. I'm not acting like,
you know, any type of mental health is that flippant,
But in my mind, that to me works and it's
so unhealthy. So you and I come in a very
(13:30):
different standpoint, and I finally gotten to the point that
I'm like, yeah, I'm thick. I'm just gonna live with it.
I don't want to get some rid of some of
these things. And as long as I can, like keep walking,
I'm cool and I'm healthy. I'm cool, and I say
that in all those realms, but realizing diep hills and
realizing and don't get me wrong, I'm still looking. I'm
still looking at apps. I'm still looking at anything to
help me to lose weight and trying to figure that out,
(13:53):
trying to go back to my other size, because y'all,
I definitely, you know, leaned into the pandemic. I'm yeah,
I give up, I'm depressed conversation, but yeah, when it
comes to what you're talking about, it it's a different
level because I I see, like, okay, and I know
this because I've been with you, and like I have
to stop trying to get her to eat because she's
about to have a panic attack. And I, being as
(14:14):
southern as I am, yes, and I said that I
want to feed people like that is how I welcome
you into my home. And I think your friend Marissa
figure that out quickly. I'm Marissa, That's what I do.
I'm like, yeah, I know you said you are not hungry,
but I made more things, so you need to eat this,
which is an absolute Southern Mama way to be, but
(14:35):
it is it's a whole different level, like, Okay, I
have to be conscientious that this is going to cause
you to have a panic attack, like not even just
not because you're not trying to eat, but there's something
that's stopping you from enjoying or want to enjoy or
wanting to be a part of this in typical realms
in general. But also there's also that robotic bit of
(14:56):
you that's like, but I have to finish it. It's
here now, I can't waste it. It's such a separate
and very like wow type of dichotomy to see that
survival that you will not waste anything on top of,
but I don't actually want it. Yeah, yeah, And I
think that that does go back to a lot of
(15:17):
the like after I feel like I've just lost touch
with my body completely, Like I don't recognize things that
should just be natural, like hunger or sleep, which is
a big part of trauma, and that is something that
I have been working on in therapy. But that's why
it becomes like almost a panic level for me, is
(15:41):
there's no thing that's like stop. It's just I have
to finish this and it's here, and there's no part
of me that's like, what do you want? It's like
I can't hear that part. And also it is kind
of interesting because I am an extrovert and food is
a part of that. I want to try new things,
(16:03):
and I'm very excited to try new things. But again
it's less about like the food and more like, oh,
this is new and I won't have this again or
I might not ever make this myself, and so I
have to have to partake. So I don't know. I
think it is a big part of it being disconnected
from my body and trying to do that like body work,
(16:24):
of like listening to yourself, or trying to rebuild those
those avenues of just basic human existence and survival. But
it's I mean, food is usually such a communal and
happy thing, and it upsets me that for so many
of us, and for so many women in particular, it
(16:45):
has been it's just a mind field of of things. Now,
I will say, as a bigger girl, I made sure
to leave food on my plates so I didn't get
judged and being filled. Oh yeah, you definitely ain't all
that hum Oh yeah, people make comments like that all
the time, and I'm always so shocked. I have a
(17:07):
friend who used to make me go first to help
myself up, and she would always get less than what
I had just got. And yeah, that was the thing.
The skinnier girls behind I would watch what they would
do and try to do less than them. I did
that too. I would get comments being told, you don't
you you get plenty of food at home. Don't you
(17:27):
have had that? And I've had the yeah, you don't
let anything go to waste that had had that. So
as a teenager, I would never finish any mills. Yeah,
and I still have that complication. I don't like eating
giant place of food or eating at all. It feels
like that's a bad thing, even though again that wastefulness
(17:50):
is still there too. It's so complicated. Yeah, all these
like social things around food as well. That's a a
whole interesting situation when it comes to helping up around
a bunch of people. When you feel this usually like
an insecurity or like you might be judging, you will
get those comments about how much you did eat, And
(18:13):
then you can also lean into it too hard, which
I did when I was like nine where I'd be like, oh, yeah,
I'm going to get two plates, like forget that and
did I want the second plate? But I did it?
But yeah, I get it's like more my relationship I
feel like with food is more about like I can't
connect with my body, and it's all about other people
(18:35):
and how they see me and what they think and
what they want. So that is something that I'm working on,
but I just wanted to to talk about it here
and hopefully, I mean it sounds weird to say, hopefully,
so if you can relate, because I guess I hope
you don't, but I bet some of you can, and
hopefully it makes you feel less less alone about what
(18:56):
you're going through. As always, listeners, we would love to
hear from you. Our email is stuff Media mom Stuff
at iHeart media dot com. You can find us on
Twitter at mom Stuff podcast or on Instagram and Stuff
One Never Told You. Thanks as always to our super producer, Christina.
Thank you, Christina. Thanks to you for listening Stuff under
Told You his production to I Heeart Radio. For more
podcast on iHeart Radio, visit your heart radio app Apple podcast.
(19:18):
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