December 21, 2020 • 19 mins
Where did the pressure to kiss someone at midnight on New Year's come from? Are resolutions harmful or hurtful? What do onesies have to do with it? Everything, it turns out.
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha, and welcome to stuff.
Moon never told you protection of I heart radio. So
Samantha and I we've been pretty upfront with our feelings
about New Year's as we approached the edge and the beginning.
(00:28):
We are not its biggest fans of the party aspect
of it. I guess all of the trappings of New
Year's um and we have a tradition, a recent tradition,
of wearing onesies and contacting each other. I wear the
Spider Man one. Oh, that's right. When we are you
(00:49):
did you did wear that Spider Man one? I forgot
about it, that's right. I did? Did like skyped or
FaceTime and uh yeah, we did it. Yeah. And I
got mac and cheese over to me two different times
that night. Yes, And then we got it the next day,
didn't we. Yeah, I had three orders of mac and cheese.
(01:10):
I was proud of you. That's I mean. It was
one of my best New Year's even I've never ever had.
And that's the truth. It was a good one. I
think it was a good one too. And I definitely
just stayed at home. Yeah, that's my latest tradition in
the last two years is just to sit at home's
three years maybe, Yeah, I think for me as well.
And I do want to say I've had good New
(01:32):
Year's ease um and I've had good New Year's days
um and I've I've done like the huge party thing
and had a good time. But I feel like it's
very very hit and miss for me here miss um
and just it became I wasn't having enough hits and
I was having a lot of mrs run Yeah. And
(01:54):
I think part of that for me being cheap was
like a I don't want to drive because if I drink,
we're all. I don't want to endanger anyone. As well
as the fact that yes, police are out on the
you know streets ready to go on New Year's and
then be the fees to get uber or left too.
I can't, like, I just I definitely couldn't. So I
(02:14):
was like, I'll just stay home. Yeah, so that's been
my thing, but yeah, the next day has been delightful
several times now. Cut a few friends of mine will
get together and go to a restaurant to get the
black peas collars and bread for sure. Yeah, yeah, that's
I always make sure to have that. I've had many
a fun waffle house next day. Well for some of
(02:36):
us it wasn't so fun, but I had a good time. Yeah, um,
I think. Yeah, the last few years, especially in the
last four years, the party at our our crew because
we're getting older, our crew, my crew, I guess we're
getting older, and a lot of people have families now
and all that, so it's just kind of like a
little less and less. Yeah, and and so in this
(02:57):
many we want to talk about the pressures of New Years,
particularly for women. But it was funny how many articles
I found about people who really don't like New Years saying, like,
you know, that doesn't start until midnight, Like you've got
to really face yourself. And then it's so expensive, like
there's like a coverage charge to get in, and it's crowded,
and then you get to pay for the drinks and
then the food is not very good and you're just
not gonna feel very well the next day. And it's
(03:19):
like kind of all about drinking and if you don't
want to drink, and there's solved that, and then you're
putting all this pressure on your stuff with this resolution, right,
this is gonna be my year or whatever, as if
the last year was useless. It kind of was so well,
I mean in this particular case, right, but to be fair,
last year, we thought that year was going to be useless. Yeah,
(03:40):
and so we were really excited about this year. It's
kind of like this year has taught me that no,
it's okay, it may be worse. Yeah. Yeah. Well and
it was the New decade too, so we were all like,
not only is it a new year, it's a new decade,
it's a new beginning. And then they're like, where's sweatpants?
And stay inside? Right, Okay, I work from home, never
leave again. So I think a lot of people are
(04:02):
going to be celebrating New Year's are away. I mean,
I don't know about the onesie aspect of it, but
still missing out. It was, I mean, it was pretty nice.
And that video is still up on my Instagram and
it's like a minute long and very embarrassing, so if
you want to find that, it's up there. Um. So
when it comes to pressures of this holiday, I do
feel like there is a pressure to go out, um
(04:24):
and to dress up and and something g literally and
sparkly have a hell of a party, like this is
the party to say goodbye to this whole year, not
everything that happened and in that year, good or bad.
And those are just high expectations, and I feel you're
setting yourself up for a letdown inevitably. Yeah, I definitely
would agree with that. There's so many things that you're
supposed to be doing, and it's such a couple of year,
(04:46):
like like a couple of year, a couple of time
of year where if you're not with someone, it's very obvious,
overtly obvious. Yeah, And and so that's one of the
things is the kits, Like there's this pressure to kiss
at midnight, and you know, you start getting to count
down and your you're surreptitiously looking around for people to see,
(05:08):
Like as a single lady anyway, I'm like, well, who
do do I want to kiss? Anybody? Like? Why am
I just going to stand there awkwardly? At how weird
is this going to be if I don't find someone?
Um And in general, like this hasn't been a huge
problem for me, but one year I was at UM
a friend of ours, a friend and co worker, Matt Frederick,
(05:29):
who's like the sweetest person on the planet. He was
having a huge New Year's party and it was like
I was running out kissing books or something because I
made out with this guy and he was like, oh wow,
that was so good. And then this other guy was
there and he was like, oh, I need a kiss too,
And then it became like this talk of the party
of like how I kissed every guy and I was
like what interesting? Yes, yes, um. And then one time
(05:54):
I made out with one of my lady friends, like
I don't know, made out, we kissed um, and a
bunch of dudes yelled at basically for depriving them of
a kiss kissing partner. And I was like, I don't
know you and I don't owe you anything, and why
is this a thing at all? Right, Okay, I don't
you have the weirdest experiences to me because that has
never been a thing for me. I've never been told
I owe them a kiss. And maybe I just have
(06:15):
that bitch face that we've talked about before where I'm like, no,
why are you trying to talk to me? Are you
trying to touch me? What is wrong with you? To
be fair, though, oftentimes with the parties that I go
to again are very coupling parties, so I am the
one single person outside that, so there's rarely the opportunity.
I don't I don't remember going out out. So I
(06:35):
remember last year you into a party or the twenty
Roaring Twenties party, which I didn't know what the team.
I couldn't figure out why the team was that, Like
I'm like, roaring, why are you wearing uh jazz stuff?
I don't understand. I'm like, oh, the twenties, I get it.
Like it took me a long time to figure that out. Um,
But yeah, I definitely never been around that typically. Like
(06:58):
I said, I'm with friends, so we all each other
and maybe giving each other each other kisses on the cheek,
which now speaking on it with COVID nineteen sounds awful
and disgusting, and why I know it does. But yeah,
my sister also made it very clear to me that
it was a couple of traditions, because I've said this before.
(07:19):
All of my siblings started bringing uh like partners or
people home at the age of fourteen fifteen, Like it
was weird to me, and I never did that. I
recently they met the first partner this year. Like my parents,
I've never brought anyone home before this year, and I'm
forty allt um but like my sister would have her
(07:41):
boyfriends and if any other couples were there, and she
would tell everyone to go into a specific corner of
the house. It was very specific and then loudly count down.
And it was typically me because I was the one
watching the TV and it was single, so I could
sit there and count down for them so they can
all in their special spot. She was very bossy make
(08:01):
a get of a kiss for the for the New
Year's and I was like, what is happening? But I
remember this distinctly because she made sure that it happened
every year and that she was fifteen sixteen when I
when I moved in, so it was like, that's how
that went down. So that's what I remember of that.
Of course, I also remember watching Dick Clark and the
(08:22):
ball drop I did one year ago for the peach drop,
and I was so miserable I vowed never to do
it again. Yeah yeah, I mean it gets cold and
crowded and it and you don't see but this tiny
little piece that barely drops. You don't even know what happened.
You're like, what, yeah, and you're stuck in the same
you know, So apparently this whole kissing at midnight being
(08:46):
on New Years came from well, didn't come from, but
it was popularized to buy When Harry Met Sally, which
I watched for the first time last night, by the way,
and yes, that does happen. Um, so that came out
or The Godfather Part two, which I haven't seen, so
I can't verify that. Yeah, that's when the Fredo kiss.
Oh well, I don't know what that means, but I
(09:06):
know Fredos like useless, right, you broke my heart? Fred Ough,
that's that line. That's the fred O kiss. I think,
I think if I'm correct, because like they do a countdown. Yeah,
I've heard it's a miserable one, like the Harry and
Sally one is like, yeah, it's sad, okay yea yeah. Well,
so you've got two different versions of it there. The
first recorded instance in the US goes back to you.
(09:27):
A New York Times article from eighteen sixty three quote,
New Year's Eve is a great time among the Germans,
who as symbol around the domestic fireside in their public halls,
their clubhouses, their theaters, their concert houses, and their beer nerves.
Beer nerves or minor beer sellers to pass the waning
hours of the Old Year with music, song, the drama,
and the forest, good cheer and merriment. As the cockstring
(09:48):
out the hour of midnight, all this festivity pauses for
a moment to listen, and as the last joke dies
into silence, all big and little, old and young, male
and female, pushing to each other's arms and hearty kisses
go around like roll of labial musketry with the exclamation
prost new yard, Hail the New Year. Gentlemen and ladies
in the bloom of youth heartily approved this custom, and
(10:09):
their venerable predecessors likewise seemed to reliship if we're only
for the sake of old lang sign so uh, I
don't know. It sounds like maybe people just wanted to
kiss and it became a thing. I've certainly we did
an episode on New Year's traditions on saber, and there
are a lot of like things like that, but most
(10:32):
of them are alcohol based and sharing drinks with people.
I'm not sure. Also, I want to put in here
it's a real downer, but rates of sexual assault in
general are higher that night in the US. That makes yeah,
And I will say another part to our tradition, which
I wish would go away, and I know people have
been trying to revamp it, and I do love that,
do you do you? But the resolutions for sure, because
(10:54):
typically it comes with the connotations of weight loss, I mean,
which is completely tied into the single lady thing because
we know our only value is to attract men very heteronormative,
aren't we um And we can only do that by
being really thin and really beautiful, whatever that seems. And
I think it's really interesting because right now there's a
(11:14):
big conversation about fat phobia and the responsibility of a
fat celebrity or those who identify being fat, because the
Lizzo had this whole thing, and it's interesting to see
what's happening in that conversation. But yeah, it definitely comes
with the season two because you're seeing family. I'm freaking
out because I've definitely gained weight, uh since seeing my family.
So I don't love going to see my family because
(11:36):
my brothers are going to make a comment Garnt, even
though they're twice my size, They're still gonna make comment
and it makes me nervous and anxious. But that's part
of this whole holiday thing. That's just awful because you
you know, relish or maybe you've been a little bit
gluttonous whatever, because it is the holiday season and now
you feel guilt Thanks New Years. Um, and then to
(11:57):
find a partner. Thing, Like I said, my family is
the epitome of you are not of worth unless you
have a partner. Again, one holiday tradition I used to
have was going home and having my mother cry about
how she was gonna how I was gonna be alone
and die alone. So that was always a fun part
of my Christmas traditions. Um. And you know what, because
(12:19):
I was so caught up in that, I aim a
little superstitious. I definitely believe in like power of things
and you know, karma and stuff. But there's a tradition
that if you were pink underwear that you'll find love.
And so one time I did that, I don't feel
like it worked. A while ago. We're supposed to wear
(12:40):
it on New Year's so there's supposed colors that you're
supposed to wear to bring money, to bring luck, and
pink underwear. I think it was one of those things.
And I don't own that. I was like when and
made it to a special trip to target, gotta find
that partner this year. Yeah. Yeah, And we've talked before
about that whole which it's gonna be interesting. And since
we've been in pandemic with been inside and people are
(13:01):
talking about like I've lost the whole year of my
dating life essentially. But there is that big push on
dating apps at the new year where everybody's like joining
and trying to find someone. So there's that the yeah,
um and yeah, this whole resolution thing, there's so many
pressures that specific are specific to women, like be more organized,
(13:25):
to take kids to X y Z things, make memories,
make healthier foods, have it all, um. And that's not
to say that men don't have those kinds of resolutions, um,
and that they're inherently bad or unhealthy, but the pressure
to make them is more traditionally on women, I think,
and we know women often face higher expectations on they
put them on themselves, other people put them on them
(13:47):
and there's more burnout because of that, especially coming out
of the holidays. Social media can exacerbate all of this,
we know that for sure. Um, it's a lot of
pressure and likely women in particularly wind off color where
already doing more than white people. Than men. So this
pressure to do more is just like I feel like
you're kind of dismissing what intentionally you're not what you've
(14:08):
already been doing, and then you're adding more and it's
it's just too much. It's too much. It's a whole
doesn't like self esteem thing, and and sent the mentality
to it that it doesn't hit traditional mill that are
normative ideas anyway. So it's kind of like I'm going
to read more, I'm gonna do this more, you know,
thinking that you have to be better somehow, and if
(14:30):
you're better somehow, other people will notice and therefore it
makes you better exactly. Yeah. Yeah, And I've if it
just feelers so much tied up into that of like
I'm not good enough. There's nothing wrong with having goals.
Goals are great, but I think a lot of people
approach it from this mentality of I'm not enough for
whatever reason. Um, And I've I've made the b more
(14:54):
social resolution a k A. Meet someone, I've done I've
done the things I made the weight loss one. Well,
times i've done more be more fun, which, oh my god,
that that year, um, being more productive. And then sometimes
I make I make resolutions like the year I made
the b more social, I also made a resolution that
was rest more so. I'm just I'm trying to get
(15:17):
better at that part of it. UM. And speaking of
we do have advice, UM, and one of the pieces
of advice we found a lot was try and separate
what you actually want from what you expect. UM. Gabriel Odingen. Odingen,
the author of Rethinking Positive Thinking, advises that w O
O P whoop, wish outcome obstacles, plan for setting reasonable
(15:40):
expectations for New Year's UM for resolution as well. UM.
And my therapist, I think I've said it before on
the show, is actually recommending people don't set resolutions in
or that they're kind to yourself where they're taking to
account all these stressors and things like don't don't put
something on yourself and there's so much, so much already
(16:00):
going on, uh, and recognizing what you've accomplished. I think
there's so many things like doing having a marker and
having a boundaries. Those are okay, like having a start
marker like this is the time frame I want to
do this. That's okay, But when you start like beating
yourself up about it, which happens too often. That's that's
the problem. Yeah, yeah, um, And I was reading as
(16:24):
part of this research. I found a bunch of people's
resolutions they were making, like right, hit, Oh we didn't
know it was coming. It's like a weird time capsule.
It's like, oh jeez. I still think about the fact
at the beginning of this year we were planning to
go to Portugal. I think, I, yeah, we're going to
(16:47):
go to Portugal. I would not have seen Star Wars
a hundred more times since then, like it's wild. We
even had huge plans from a huge but bigger plans
for my birthday and I got watched away, literally literally
washed away. Thank you Hurricane Sally. Um And yeah, I
know it's kind of tiresome phrase to hear. But of
course this year is going to be different. Um, no
(17:08):
big parties. I'm doing my traditional meal, as we said,
I'm having some champagne, probably watching Star Wars and oh yeah,
I will be using I'll be wearing my onesie. I
mean at this point my giant comfy comforter. So I
don't think I've made this announcement except on Twitter. My
partner for part of my Christmas present gave me this
(17:29):
giant one size and I'm putting air quotes on. It
fits all comfy hoodie so it's literally a portable comforter
um and I love it. And I look like a
giant tip person and I love it. Like literally. I
made a joke about the fact that if I just
crouched down, it's just become a big gray ball encompasses
me so like depth, like like it just completely and
(17:52):
I love it. So that might be my onesie for
the year. I'll just put Google Guys or like a
headband on that. That's like smed I like that. I like, yeah,
but that's gonna be my New Year's because yeah, this
girl's gonna be staying in I say, game night maybe
with a few friends and just texting everybody a gift
us a happy New Year's That will be my I
(18:13):
like it. Get that gift ready to go. Yeah, I'm good,
I've got it perfect. Well, listeners, we would not love
to know what you're doing for New Year's um any
pressures you felt. If you have a onesie, you can
email us our emails Stuff Medio mom Stuff at ihart
meo dot com. You can also find us on Instagram,
(18:33):
and Stuff I've Never Told You or on Twitter at
mom Stuff Podcast. Thanks as always to our super producer
Andrew Howard. Thanks and thanks to you for listening Stuff
I've Never Told You subjection of I Heart Radio. For
more podcast from I Heard Radio, you can visit the
I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast wherever you listen to
your favorite shows.
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha, and welcome to stuff.
Moon never told you protection of I heart radio. So
Samantha and I we've been pretty upfront with our feelings
about New Year's as we approached the edge and the beginning.
(00:28):
We are not its biggest fans of the party aspect
of it. I guess all of the trappings of New
Year's um and we have a tradition, a recent tradition,
of wearing onesies and contacting each other. I wear the
Spider Man one. Oh, that's right. When we are you
(00:49):
did you did wear that Spider Man one? I forgot
about it, that's right. I did? Did like skyped or
FaceTime and uh yeah, we did it. Yeah. And I
got mac and cheese over to me two different times
that night. Yes, And then we got it the next day,
didn't we. Yeah, I had three orders of mac and cheese.
(01:10):
I was proud of you. That's I mean. It was
one of my best New Year's even I've never ever had.
And that's the truth. It was a good one. I
think it was a good one too. And I definitely
just stayed at home. Yeah, that's my latest tradition in
the last two years is just to sit at home's
three years maybe, Yeah, I think for me as well.
And I do want to say I've had good New
(01:32):
Year's ease um and I've had good New Year's days
um and I've I've done like the huge party thing
and had a good time. But I feel like it's
very very hit and miss for me here miss um
and just it became I wasn't having enough hits and
I was having a lot of mrs run Yeah. And
(01:54):
I think part of that for me being cheap was
like a I don't want to drive because if I drink,
we're all. I don't want to endanger anyone. As well
as the fact that yes, police are out on the
you know streets ready to go on New Year's and
then be the fees to get uber or left too.
I can't, like, I just I definitely couldn't. So I
(02:14):
was like, I'll just stay home. Yeah, so that's been
my thing, but yeah, the next day has been delightful
several times now. Cut a few friends of mine will
get together and go to a restaurant to get the
black peas collars and bread for sure. Yeah, yeah, that's
I always make sure to have that. I've had many
a fun waffle house next day. Well for some of
(02:36):
us it wasn't so fun, but I had a good time. Yeah, um,
I think. Yeah, the last few years, especially in the
last four years, the party at our our crew because
we're getting older, our crew, my crew, I guess we're
getting older, and a lot of people have families now
and all that, so it's just kind of like a
little less and less. Yeah, and and so in this
(02:57):
many we want to talk about the pressures of New Years,
particularly for women. But it was funny how many articles
I found about people who really don't like New Years saying, like,
you know, that doesn't start until midnight, Like you've got
to really face yourself. And then it's so expensive, like
there's like a coverage charge to get in, and it's crowded,
and then you get to pay for the drinks and
then the food is not very good and you're just
not gonna feel very well the next day. And it's
(03:19):
like kind of all about drinking and if you don't
want to drink, and there's solved that, and then you're
putting all this pressure on your stuff with this resolution, right,
this is gonna be my year or whatever, as if
the last year was useless. It kind of was so well,
I mean in this particular case, right, but to be fair,
last year, we thought that year was going to be useless. Yeah,
(03:40):
and so we were really excited about this year. It's
kind of like this year has taught me that no,
it's okay, it may be worse. Yeah. Yeah. Well and
it was the New decade too, so we were all like,
not only is it a new year, it's a new decade,
it's a new beginning. And then they're like, where's sweatpants?
And stay inside? Right, Okay, I work from home, never
leave again. So I think a lot of people are
(04:02):
going to be celebrating New Year's are away. I mean,
I don't know about the onesie aspect of it, but
still missing out. It was, I mean, it was pretty nice.
And that video is still up on my Instagram and
it's like a minute long and very embarrassing, so if
you want to find that, it's up there. Um. So
when it comes to pressures of this holiday, I do
feel like there is a pressure to go out, um
(04:24):
and to dress up and and something g literally and
sparkly have a hell of a party, like this is
the party to say goodbye to this whole year, not
everything that happened and in that year, good or bad.
And those are just high expectations, and I feel you're
setting yourself up for a letdown inevitably. Yeah, I definitely
would agree with that. There's so many things that you're
supposed to be doing, and it's such a couple of year,
(04:46):
like like a couple of year, a couple of time
of year where if you're not with someone, it's very obvious,
overtly obvious. Yeah, And and so that's one of the
things is the kits, Like there's this pressure to kiss
at midnight, and you know, you start getting to count
down and your you're surreptitiously looking around for people to see,
(05:08):
Like as a single lady anyway, I'm like, well, who
do do I want to kiss? Anybody? Like? Why am
I just going to stand there awkwardly? At how weird
is this going to be if I don't find someone?
Um And in general, like this hasn't been a huge
problem for me, but one year I was at UM
a friend of ours, a friend and co worker, Matt Frederick,
(05:29):
who's like the sweetest person on the planet. He was
having a huge New Year's party and it was like
I was running out kissing books or something because I
made out with this guy and he was like, oh wow,
that was so good. And then this other guy was
there and he was like, oh, I need a kiss too,
And then it became like this talk of the party
of like how I kissed every guy and I was
like what interesting? Yes, yes, um. And then one time
(05:54):
I made out with one of my lady friends, like
I don't know, made out, we kissed um, and a
bunch of dudes yelled at basically for depriving them of
a kiss kissing partner. And I was like, I don't
know you and I don't owe you anything, and why
is this a thing at all? Right, Okay, I don't
you have the weirdest experiences to me because that has
never been a thing for me. I've never been told
I owe them a kiss. And maybe I just have
(06:15):
that bitch face that we've talked about before where I'm like, no,
why are you trying to talk to me? Are you
trying to touch me? What is wrong with you? To
be fair, though, oftentimes with the parties that I go
to again are very coupling parties, so I am the
one single person outside that, so there's rarely the opportunity.
I don't I don't remember going out out. So I
(06:35):
remember last year you into a party or the twenty
Roaring Twenties party, which I didn't know what the team.
I couldn't figure out why the team was that, Like
I'm like, roaring, why are you wearing uh jazz stuff?
I don't understand. I'm like, oh, the twenties, I get it.
Like it took me a long time to figure that out. Um,
But yeah, I definitely never been around that typically. Like
(06:58):
I said, I'm with friends, so we all each other
and maybe giving each other each other kisses on the cheek,
which now speaking on it with COVID nineteen sounds awful
and disgusting, and why I know it does. But yeah,
my sister also made it very clear to me that
it was a couple of traditions, because I've said this before.
(07:19):
All of my siblings started bringing uh like partners or
people home at the age of fourteen fifteen, Like it
was weird to me, and I never did that. I
recently they met the first partner this year. Like my parents,
I've never brought anyone home before this year, and I'm
forty allt um but like my sister would have her
(07:41):
boyfriends and if any other couples were there, and she
would tell everyone to go into a specific corner of
the house. It was very specific and then loudly count down.
And it was typically me because I was the one
watching the TV and it was single, so I could
sit there and count down for them so they can
all in their special spot. She was very bossy make
(08:01):
a get of a kiss for the for the New
Year's and I was like, what is happening? But I
remember this distinctly because she made sure that it happened
every year and that she was fifteen sixteen when I
when I moved in, so it was like, that's how
that went down. So that's what I remember of that.
Of course, I also remember watching Dick Clark and the
(08:22):
ball drop I did one year ago for the peach drop,
and I was so miserable I vowed never to do
it again. Yeah yeah, I mean it gets cold and
crowded and it and you don't see but this tiny
little piece that barely drops. You don't even know what happened.
You're like, what, yeah, and you're stuck in the same
you know, So apparently this whole kissing at midnight being
(08:46):
on New Years came from well, didn't come from, but
it was popularized to buy When Harry Met Sally, which
I watched for the first time last night, by the way,
and yes, that does happen. Um, so that came out
or The Godfather Part two, which I haven't seen, so
I can't verify that. Yeah, that's when the Fredo kiss.
Oh well, I don't know what that means, but I
(09:06):
know Fredos like useless, right, you broke my heart? Fred Ough,
that's that line. That's the fred O kiss. I think,
I think if I'm correct, because like they do a countdown. Yeah,
I've heard it's a miserable one, like the Harry and
Sally one is like, yeah, it's sad, okay yea yeah. Well,
so you've got two different versions of it there. The
first recorded instance in the US goes back to you.
(09:27):
A New York Times article from eighteen sixty three quote,
New Year's Eve is a great time among the Germans,
who as symbol around the domestic fireside in their public halls,
their clubhouses, their theaters, their concert houses, and their beer nerves.
Beer nerves or minor beer sellers to pass the waning
hours of the Old Year with music, song, the drama,
and the forest, good cheer and merriment. As the cockstring
(09:48):
out the hour of midnight, all this festivity pauses for
a moment to listen, and as the last joke dies
into silence, all big and little, old and young, male
and female, pushing to each other's arms and hearty kisses
go around like roll of labial musketry with the exclamation
prost new yard, Hail the New Year. Gentlemen and ladies
in the bloom of youth heartily approved this custom, and
(10:09):
their venerable predecessors likewise seemed to reliship if we're only
for the sake of old lang sign so uh, I
don't know. It sounds like maybe people just wanted to
kiss and it became a thing. I've certainly we did
an episode on New Year's traditions on saber, and there
are a lot of like things like that, but most
(10:32):
of them are alcohol based and sharing drinks with people.
I'm not sure. Also, I want to put in here
it's a real downer, but rates of sexual assault in
general are higher that night in the US. That makes yeah,
And I will say another part to our tradition, which
I wish would go away, and I know people have
been trying to revamp it, and I do love that,
do you do you? But the resolutions for sure, because
(10:54):
typically it comes with the connotations of weight loss, I mean,
which is completely tied into the single lady thing because
we know our only value is to attract men very heteronormative,
aren't we um And we can only do that by
being really thin and really beautiful, whatever that seems. And
I think it's really interesting because right now there's a
(11:14):
big conversation about fat phobia and the responsibility of a
fat celebrity or those who identify being fat, because the
Lizzo had this whole thing, and it's interesting to see
what's happening in that conversation. But yeah, it definitely comes
with the season two because you're seeing family. I'm freaking
out because I've definitely gained weight, uh since seeing my family.
So I don't love going to see my family because
(11:36):
my brothers are going to make a comment Garnt, even
though they're twice my size, They're still gonna make comment
and it makes me nervous and anxious. But that's part
of this whole holiday thing. That's just awful because you
you know, relish or maybe you've been a little bit
gluttonous whatever, because it is the holiday season and now
you feel guilt Thanks New Years. Um, and then to
(11:57):
find a partner. Thing, Like I said, my family is
the epitome of you are not of worth unless you
have a partner. Again, one holiday tradition I used to
have was going home and having my mother cry about
how she was gonna how I was gonna be alone
and die alone. So that was always a fun part
of my Christmas traditions. Um. And you know what, because
(12:19):
I was so caught up in that, I aim a
little superstitious. I definitely believe in like power of things
and you know, karma and stuff. But there's a tradition
that if you were pink underwear that you'll find love.
And so one time I did that, I don't feel
like it worked. A while ago. We're supposed to wear
(12:40):
it on New Year's so there's supposed colors that you're
supposed to wear to bring money, to bring luck, and
pink underwear. I think it was one of those things.
And I don't own that. I was like when and
made it to a special trip to target, gotta find
that partner this year. Yeah. Yeah, And we've talked before
about that whole which it's gonna be interesting. And since
we've been in pandemic with been inside and people are
(13:01):
talking about like I've lost the whole year of my
dating life essentially. But there is that big push on
dating apps at the new year where everybody's like joining
and trying to find someone. So there's that the yeah,
um and yeah, this whole resolution thing, there's so many
pressures that specific are specific to women, like be more organized,
(13:25):
to take kids to X y Z things, make memories,
make healthier foods, have it all, um. And that's not
to say that men don't have those kinds of resolutions, um,
and that they're inherently bad or unhealthy, but the pressure
to make them is more traditionally on women, I think,
and we know women often face higher expectations on they
put them on themselves, other people put them on them
(13:47):
and there's more burnout because of that, especially coming out
of the holidays. Social media can exacerbate all of this,
we know that for sure. Um, it's a lot of
pressure and likely women in particularly wind off color where
already doing more than white people. Than men. So this
pressure to do more is just like I feel like
you're kind of dismissing what intentionally you're not what you've
(14:08):
already been doing, and then you're adding more and it's
it's just too much. It's too much. It's a whole
doesn't like self esteem thing, and and sent the mentality
to it that it doesn't hit traditional mill that are
normative ideas anyway. So it's kind of like I'm going
to read more, I'm gonna do this more, you know,
thinking that you have to be better somehow, and if
(14:30):
you're better somehow, other people will notice and therefore it
makes you better exactly. Yeah. Yeah, And I've if it
just feelers so much tied up into that of like
I'm not good enough. There's nothing wrong with having goals.
Goals are great, but I think a lot of people
approach it from this mentality of I'm not enough for
whatever reason. Um, And I've I've made the b more
(14:54):
social resolution a k A. Meet someone, I've done I've
done the things I made the weight loss one. Well,
times i've done more be more fun, which, oh my god,
that that year, um, being more productive. And then sometimes
I make I make resolutions like the year I made
the b more social, I also made a resolution that
was rest more so. I'm just I'm trying to get
(15:17):
better at that part of it. UM. And speaking of
we do have advice, UM, and one of the pieces
of advice we found a lot was try and separate
what you actually want from what you expect. UM. Gabriel Odingen. Odingen,
the author of Rethinking Positive Thinking, advises that w O
O P whoop, wish outcome obstacles, plan for setting reasonable
(15:40):
expectations for New Year's UM for resolution as well. UM.
And my therapist, I think I've said it before on
the show, is actually recommending people don't set resolutions in
or that they're kind to yourself where they're taking to
account all these stressors and things like don't don't put
something on yourself and there's so much, so much already
(16:00):
going on, uh, and recognizing what you've accomplished. I think
there's so many things like doing having a marker and
having a boundaries. Those are okay, like having a start
marker like this is the time frame I want to
do this. That's okay, But when you start like beating
yourself up about it, which happens too often. That's that's
the problem. Yeah, yeah, um, And I was reading as
(16:24):
part of this research. I found a bunch of people's
resolutions they were making, like right, hit, Oh we didn't
know it was coming. It's like a weird time capsule.
It's like, oh jeez. I still think about the fact
at the beginning of this year we were planning to
go to Portugal. I think, I, yeah, we're going to
(16:47):
go to Portugal. I would not have seen Star Wars
a hundred more times since then, like it's wild. We
even had huge plans from a huge but bigger plans
for my birthday and I got watched away, literally literally
washed away. Thank you Hurricane Sally. Um And yeah, I
know it's kind of tiresome phrase to hear. But of
course this year is going to be different. Um, no
(17:08):
big parties. I'm doing my traditional meal, as we said,
I'm having some champagne, probably watching Star Wars and oh yeah,
I will be using I'll be wearing my onesie. I
mean at this point my giant comfy comforter. So I
don't think I've made this announcement except on Twitter. My
partner for part of my Christmas present gave me this
(17:29):
giant one size and I'm putting air quotes on. It
fits all comfy hoodie so it's literally a portable comforter
um and I love it. And I look like a
giant tip person and I love it. Like literally. I
made a joke about the fact that if I just
crouched down, it's just become a big gray ball encompasses
me so like depth, like like it just completely and
(17:52):
I love it. So that might be my onesie for
the year. I'll just put Google Guys or like a
headband on that. That's like smed I like that. I like, yeah,
but that's gonna be my New Year's because yeah, this
girl's gonna be staying in I say, game night maybe
with a few friends and just texting everybody a gift
us a happy New Year's That will be my I
(18:13):
like it. Get that gift ready to go. Yeah, I'm good,
I've got it perfect. Well, listeners, we would not love
to know what you're doing for New Year's um any
pressures you felt. If you have a onesie, you can
email us our emails Stuff Medio mom Stuff at ihart
meo dot com. You can also find us on Instagram,
(18:33):
and Stuff I've Never Told You or on Twitter at
mom Stuff Podcast. Thanks as always to our super producer
Andrew Howard. Thanks and thanks to you for listening Stuff
I've Never Told You subjection of I Heart Radio. For
more podcast from I Heard Radio, you can visit the
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