Monday Mini: The Value of Solitude

The concept of alone time has long been framed as a cause for concern, but research shows that intentional solitude actually has a lot of perks.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome stuff. Never
told you a protective iHeartRadio, and welcome to our last
Monday Mini of twenty twenty five. I hope that everyone

(00:25):
is doing well, whatever you're doing, taking some relaxation time
and perhaps some alone time, which is what we're talking
about today. So recently, Bridget Samantha and I were talking
about the holidays and it came up about the benefits
of spending some time alone during this time of year

(00:49):
and in general, or just taking time for yourself and
why that's a good thing, because while spending time with
people is wonderful and generally what the holidays are about,
it can be a lot. It can be a lot,
and especially if you know it's like you finally get
time off, this time off that you had to work

(01:10):
over time to get off, to take off, but then
it's all the stress of hanging out with people, which
again can be wonderful, is wonderful, lovely, but also that's
your time off that it's not necessarily relaxing. So I
wanted to talk about some of the positives of alone

(01:31):
time before I get started. We're going to talk a
bit more about this, but this is different from chronic loneliness,
And to anyone who is lonely around this time, we
see you. What we're focusing on today. This is an
intentional choice of having this alone time. So traditionally there
has been a lot of handrying about being alone, especially

(01:54):
if you're single, and perhaps until recently, especially if you're
a woman. Over the years, there have been articles about
people eating alone at restaurants, Oh no, are going to
the movies alone? What does it mean? And there has
been a lot of research around the negative health outcomes
of chronic loneliness. But again, we are not talking about
chronic loneliness, even though people often conflate them and come

(02:18):
to the conclusion that being alone equals bad. And in fact,
I was just listening to a song where a lot
of songs have that kind of idea of like I'm
so alone horrible. Yes, yes, so it's reinforced in a
lot of our pop culture. To specify, chronic loneliness is

(02:39):
a perceived social isolation or lack of meaningful companionship that
can happen whether you are physically alone or not. You
can feel lonely in a group of people or in
a relationship with a partner, who doesn't treat you well.
So it doesn't mean that you're not interacting with people.
It means you just feel inside lonely. Intentional loneliness, or

(03:02):
solitude as it's often called, has plenty of benefits on
the other hand, and there are plenty of things we
typically do alone, like reading a book or crafting or
going on a run. Even doing something in solitude for
a short time, it can help you recharge, and it
can help you with emotional regulation. It boots creativity and

(03:22):
allows for self reflection. Being alone doesn't mean you lost
your social connections either, like they don't just go away
because you're alone, and that internal connection can actually be
boosted by solitude because then you're like, oh, I've had
this time, now I want to go hang out with
this person. That being said, for a lot of people,
this is something that they avoid at all costs of

(03:43):
being alone, and that can lead to poor outcomes, like
remaining in an unfulfilled or unhealthy relationship to avoid being alone,
or attending event after event with people when you're completely exhausted.
This is how I used to be, or at least
I would be exhausted, but go to anything I was
invited to because I didn't want to be alone with

(04:04):
my thoughts. I was anxious if I had to sit
with my thoughts, and I would get this anxiety like
an itch in my skin. So I used to I
would tell people, if I send you a late night
text making plans, that means I am anxious. That is
what is happening right then. According to experts, some of

(04:25):
this is because we do fear chronic loneliness because we
know it is bad for you and, according to some research,
is a killer. So if you turn down plans once,
what if you never get invited again and you are
forever alone? And for women, being alone has long been
painted as something wrong or deviant, strange and sad. No one,

(04:49):
no men wants to be with her, so something must
be wrong with her. That's just tragic. This is especially
hard to escape dream holidays. We all know this, So
you go home and they're like, who are you with now?
What's going on there? Solitude can be a lot of
different things, and experts suggest finding the one that works

(05:09):
for you. So my biggest one is probably writing, our reading.
I do live alone, so it's not necessarily hard for
me to find this time. But even when I'm around
people for extended periods of time. I try to make
time to go do that. And like I said, I
feel even though I live alone, I'm very connected to
other people, Like I see you, even if it's digitally

(05:31):
or we text all the time. I like, I feel
like I'm connected to other people, so it's I don't
feel lonely. Some big examples I read are things like
bringing a book to a coffee shop or going to
a movie solo. I do that a lot. Listening to
a podcast maybe so. Now. Of course, as women doing
things like hiking alone, which is something I also like

(05:52):
to do, does come with more safety concerns, which is
something we unfortunately have to keep in mind and can
keep us from these health benefits. Another thing, women with
kids or someone that they're caring for really have to
fight for this solitude like it's not and you see
that in a lot of media too, of like please
leave me alone. I'm in the bathroom, Like just give

(06:14):
me one second. Another thing I was struck by when
I was reading about this is that stereotype of a
dude in his man cave playing games hours on end,
hours on end, while the woman in this stereotypical hetero relationship,
begging him for his help because I would classify gaming
as something I enjoy in solitude. I play it with

(06:35):
people too, but I like to play games by myself.
But again, as discussed in previous episodes, women have less
leisure time because of carrying so much care and domestic work,
amongst other things. And I guess I'm just like, make
sure your solitude doesn't hurt someone you care about, or

(06:55):
I can see it being weaponized. I suppose a lot
of these activities can be pretty sure, like fifteen minutes
of meditation. It doesn't have to be something very long,
and in fact, you should probably keep an eye on that.
It's about balance. It's about recognizing I need this time
to myself to do something and then all spend time

(07:18):
with people too. Like, it's just finding that balance for yourself,
but being choosing that solitude and choosing those things that
give you which scientifically research like do help you recharge
and actually do help you with your relationships and do
help with creativity. That's not a bad thing. I feel
like it's been painted as a bad thing for so long.

(07:41):
It's not. It's okay. Yeah, yeah, So during these holidays.
If you find yourself thinking I need I need some
alone time, we're telling you that you should take it,
bake that time. If you can enjoy, enjoy it, enjoy it.
It can be hard if you get in your head

(08:01):
about it, like if you have all this other stuff
to do, right, it can be hard. But if it's important,
get coloring book. Yeah, yes, I did look through your
coloring book when I was Duck and Peaches and it's
very good. I wanted you to color maybe next time,
maybe next tamp. So happy holidays, everyone, are just happy

(08:25):
end of the year. I hope you get some relaxation. Also,
I wanted to shout out Raquel Willis, a friend of
the Show's been on the show for being featured in
Time Magazines twenty twenty five Women of the Year, which
was another I almost did that topic. But Raquel is fantastic, unstoppable.
She is unstoppable. Love her, amazing, amazing. So, listeners, we

(08:47):
would love to hear from you your thoughts about this
or anything else we should do of the new year.
You can email us at Hello at Steffondever Told You
dot com. You can find us on Blue Sky Momstuff
podcast or on Instagram and TikTok at Stuff I Never
Told You. We're also on YouTube. We have some merchandise
accomp Bureau, and we have a book you can get
wherever you get your books. Thanks as always to our
super produced Christine and our executive producer and contributor Joey.

(09:07):
Thank you and thanks to you for listening Stuff Never
Told You His friction by Heart Radio. For more podcast
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