August 11, 2025 • 11 mins
Tea Dating Advice App is an app aimed only towards women that has caused a lot of legal conversations and anger amongst men. We talk the legalities, the recent data breaches and women's safety.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hey, this is Anny and Samantha. Welcome stuff.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
I never told you. Production of iHeartRadio and our Monday
mini of Today is kind of current. So as we're recording,
it is August seventh, twenty twenty five, and we have
(00:27):
done a lot of past episodes that are related to this,
especially around online dating and the bumble fumble, perhaps specifically
quick content warning, we're going to be touching on sexual assault,
but nothing too in depth. But okay, we are talking
about what is going on with the dating advice app
(00:47):
called Tea, and it's ongoing, so that's why I put
in the date. So Tea Dating Advice is an app
that became available in twenty twenty three, but really skyrocketed
in July two five. It became the most downloaded free
app in the App Store. At its most basic, it
is an app that is only for women. More on
(01:10):
that later, and a place where women can post about
potential bad dates or bad dates that they have been
on already with men. It is similar to things we've
talked about before about like Facebook pages dedicated to exposing
cheating men. The company calls it a quote dating safety tool,
and the app promised to donate ten percent of its
(01:33):
revenue to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. So essentially, yes,
it was women spilling tea on bad actor men in
the dating scene in a very heteronormative sense. The app
uses AI data from selfies to ensure that the users
are women. Once that's verified, the users can post pictures
of men, typically from other dating sites, apps, or social
(01:55):
media platforms. The app then puts the photos through background checks,
runs them against databases on public sex offenders, and also
checks per signs of catfishing. It has a chat function
and green flag red flag rating system. Okay, so we're
going to get into this, but the app raised a
(02:15):
lot of questions about legality and it made a lot
of men angry when it comes.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
To legal issues.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Obviously not a lawyer, but here are here's a rundown
because there are a lot of legal questions about an
app that includes pictures and other information that people themselves
didn't post on it. However, in the digital landscape we
live in, if you posted a picture on Instagram, for instance,
it's sort of a fair game. Even if you didn't
consent to it being posted on Team it's still your picture.
(02:43):
You own it, but you gave the platform the right
to distribute it. That makes it tricky to use this
argument as a legal defense, like I didn't put it
up there, it shouldn't be there.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
It's kind of out there.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
On top of that, someone may have posted a photo
of you that you're in that you don't know really
control that. Another piece of this are like legal arguments
around defamation, which is fairly complicated. The basic definition of
defamation is when someone puts out false information that damages
someone's reputation and they do it knowingly. There are a
(03:16):
couple of other stipulations. It has to be made public
to at least one person, has to be presented as
fact even though it's untrue as opposed to opinion. The
person behind the statement must be at fault, and the
result of the whole thing was financial or emotional distress.
Oh I say it that way because a certain current
(03:38):
president use this argument even though everyone was like, you
should not have been able to but okay, As you
can imagine, in a lot of ways, this can be
difficult to prove in court if you're not the president
in this case, though generally these women are expressing their opinions,
not as facts, and that's not defamation. Intent to harm
(03:59):
is difficult to prove in this case too, because the
women could argue that they're trying to protect others from
men's bad behavior. Some things are legally protected, like social
security numbers or medical or financial information. It's a bit
more complicated than that, but that's a separate episode. On
top of this, dosing or sharing personal information, including addresses,
(04:20):
with intent to cause fear, harassment, or harm is illegal
in many states. Well it is enforced.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
One thing, but it is illegal.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
There are also a couple of anti cyberstocking laws that
can come into play, but they're inconsistent or we're having
this conversation other issues a lot of this whole thing.
It reminds me of our self defense episode we did
about women paying for self defense classes to protect themselves
from sexual assaults when you know, ideally we would be
(04:52):
addressing the root issue.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Of the sexual assault.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
We have so much data and much of it is
underreported about the statistic around violence against women and in
terms of an intimate partner even specifically and dating and
online dating, and they are not good. We've talked before
about how we had systems as women for going on dates,
like you would tell your friends where you were going.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
You might have a friend. I know you had one,
like sitting in the corner, like behind me, behind you,
Like we have these plans to go on dates. We
have these safety procedures.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
And the reason the app grew in popularity was it
was when a lot of women started sharing that they
learned about domestic or sexual violence and potential dates that
they'd had in the past. A recent study out of
the US and Australia found that ten percent of reported
rapes can be traced to dating apps. Most of the
victims are women, again, very underreported, Yet there are no
(05:52):
allowed calls to shut those apps down these other dating apps,
like there were from men about Tea they were mad. Also,
plenty of other apps are coming out with safety functions.
I know Uber just released their like request a woman
driver function, which I have mixed feelings about because I've
also gotten in a car. I didn't request it, but
(06:14):
it wasn't the woman. At the picture of the driver,
it was a bad and he was like, oh, no,
it's my wife and she's sick. And I was like, oh,
that's scary, okay, So I can see that being an
issue of this whole thing.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
And then you know.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
I'm sure some of you are asking, like, how do
we use AI to confirm someone's gender these days? We've
also talked about documented racism and facial recognition software, so
does that play into this whole thing? And some men
have reported getting past it. I don't know that it
was ever like proven that they did or if they
were just saying that, but some men have said.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Like, yeah, I got pasted it.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
There's also the whole conversation about vigilante justice and the
digital age and targeting the wrong people. So I know it,
and at least one case, like somebody got piled on
and it was not the person in question that they
went for the wrong person, which happens in all kinds
of online spaces. There's also the conversation about people with
criminal records not being worth love because you know, people
(07:24):
can change, and also we don't know what they did,
you might not get that information. The app's founder, Sean Cook,
reportedly created this app after watching his mom get catfished
and dating people with criminal records, and this seems to
suggest he thinks only men can do this, which is
not true. While yes, we do have statistics that show
(07:47):
women are more at risk. It's not great to not
acknowledge women can be perpetrators as well. And yes, I
did get a little hung up on the creator. The
founder is a man.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
Yeah, but yeah, it's a pretty hetsis app, using slang
from the black drag community as well. Expelling the tea
is sort of there, so that's kind of a thing.
But yeah, as I said, men have claimed that they've
gotten past the verification system by posting self pies of
women or AI generated images of themselves as women. It's
(08:21):
true that the chat option can sometimes lead to like
mean spirited commentary, including on men's looks, and that sucks,
but that's just been like existing online for women forever.
So I'm sort of if you're mad about that, let's
work on changing the whole thing, right, Yeah, And then
there's the promising young men argument had to pop up. Basically,
(08:44):
it could ruin a man's life, so it should be illegal.
People were more angry about that than the reality of
what women face.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Eh. And then there is the safety of the data,
which the app did promise is going to be safe.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
Is it safe to use this app? So?
Speaker 2 (09:04):
On July twenty fifth, twenty twenty five, users at four
chan which is pretty famously misogynistic, breached Tea's database, including users' IDs,
their driver's licenses and stuff like that and other information.
They also claimed to make a map of t user's
locations and were generally celebratory douchebags about it. Interestingly, they
(09:25):
were screaming that the app encouraged doxing, so they doxed
the users. This is like such a sadly ironic. They
proved why it exists, they like they were mad it
was there, and then proved why it was anyway.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Then there was a second.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Breach, revealing users dms around things like cheating and abortion,
which is unfortunately dangerous information in our current timeline. But yeah,
like I said, it's sad because it reinforces the issue
that t was attempting to address. Like, these men got
so angry that they docked all these women and put
(10:08):
them in danger, which is why they went to Tea,
not to feel that. Plenty of women did report feeling
even less safe after, you know, obviously after their data
had been breached, or even if it hadn't, which makes
complete sense. But it is clear that the popularity of
Tea signals that women want a safer dating app. And
(10:34):
I desperately want that too, because every time my friends
tell me about experiences they've had on those apps, I'm
just horrified and I'm like, I don't understand how this
is even worth it?
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Right, Yeah, and the same age, why are you cheating?
Just break up or why are you murdering? Just just
get diforced?
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Yeah thinks fine, yeah, heavy sigh, heavy sigh. But as
I said, this is an ongoing thing. There's still a
lot happening, So listeners, if you know more about this,
if you were involved anyway, and you don't mind sharing
(11:22):
with us, please let us know. You can email us
at Hello at Stuffwenever told You dot com. You can
find us on blue Sky at mom Stuff podcast, or
on Instagram and TikTok at Stuff I Never Told You.
We also on YouTube and we have a buck you
can get wherever you get your books. Thanks as always
to a super're just Christina or executive puer My and
the contributor Joey.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Thank you, and.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Thanks to you for listening Stuff I've Never Told You
inspection by Heart Radio. For more podcasts from my heart Radio,
you can check out the heart Radio app, Apple podcast
wherever you listen to your favorite shows,
Hey, this is Anny and Samantha. Welcome stuff.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
I never told you. Production of iHeartRadio and our Monday
mini of Today is kind of current. So as we're recording,
it is August seventh, twenty twenty five, and we have
(00:27):
done a lot of past episodes that are related to this,
especially around online dating and the bumble fumble, perhaps specifically
quick content warning, we're going to be touching on sexual assault,
but nothing too in depth. But okay, we are talking
about what is going on with the dating advice app
(00:47):
called Tea, and it's ongoing, so that's why I put
in the date. So Tea Dating Advice is an app
that became available in twenty twenty three, but really skyrocketed
in July two five. It became the most downloaded free
app in the App Store. At its most basic, it
is an app that is only for women. More on
(01:10):
that later, and a place where women can post about
potential bad dates or bad dates that they have been
on already with men. It is similar to things we've
talked about before about like Facebook pages dedicated to exposing
cheating men. The company calls it a quote dating safety tool,
and the app promised to donate ten percent of its
(01:33):
revenue to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. So essentially, yes,
it was women spilling tea on bad actor men in
the dating scene in a very heteronormative sense. The app
uses AI data from selfies to ensure that the users
are women. Once that's verified, the users can post pictures
of men, typically from other dating sites, apps, or social
(01:55):
media platforms. The app then puts the photos through background checks,
runs them against databases on public sex offenders, and also
checks per signs of catfishing. It has a chat function
and green flag red flag rating system. Okay, so we're
going to get into this, but the app raised a
(02:15):
lot of questions about legality and it made a lot
of men angry when it comes.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
To legal issues.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Obviously not a lawyer, but here are here's a rundown
because there are a lot of legal questions about an
app that includes pictures and other information that people themselves
didn't post on it. However, in the digital landscape we
live in, if you posted a picture on Instagram, for instance,
it's sort of a fair game. Even if you didn't
consent to it being posted on Team it's still your picture.
(02:43):
You own it, but you gave the platform the right
to distribute it. That makes it tricky to use this
argument as a legal defense, like I didn't put it
up there, it shouldn't be there.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
It's kind of out there.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
On top of that, someone may have posted a photo
of you that you're in that you don't know really
control that. Another piece of this are like legal arguments
around defamation, which is fairly complicated. The basic definition of
defamation is when someone puts out false information that damages
someone's reputation and they do it knowingly. There are a
(03:16):
couple of other stipulations. It has to be made public
to at least one person, has to be presented as
fact even though it's untrue as opposed to opinion. The
person behind the statement must be at fault, and the
result of the whole thing was financial or emotional distress.
Oh I say it that way because a certain current
(03:38):
president use this argument even though everyone was like, you
should not have been able to but okay, As you
can imagine, in a lot of ways, this can be
difficult to prove in court if you're not the president
in this case, though generally these women are expressing their opinions,
not as facts, and that's not defamation. Intent to harm
(03:59):
is difficult to prove in this case too, because the
women could argue that they're trying to protect others from
men's bad behavior. Some things are legally protected, like social
security numbers or medical or financial information. It's a bit
more complicated than that, but that's a separate episode. On
top of this, dosing or sharing personal information, including addresses,
(04:20):
with intent to cause fear, harassment, or harm is illegal
in many states. Well it is enforced.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
One thing, but it is illegal.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
There are also a couple of anti cyberstocking laws that
can come into play, but they're inconsistent or we're having
this conversation other issues a lot of this whole thing.
It reminds me of our self defense episode we did
about women paying for self defense classes to protect themselves
from sexual assaults when you know, ideally we would be
(04:52):
addressing the root issue.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Of the sexual assault.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
We have so much data and much of it is
underreported about the statistic around violence against women and in
terms of an intimate partner even specifically and dating and
online dating, and they are not good. We've talked before
about how we had systems as women for going on dates,
like you would tell your friends where you were going.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
You might have a friend. I know you had one,
like sitting in the corner, like behind me, behind you,
Like we have these plans to go on dates. We
have these safety procedures.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
And the reason the app grew in popularity was it
was when a lot of women started sharing that they
learned about domestic or sexual violence and potential dates that
they'd had in the past. A recent study out of
the US and Australia found that ten percent of reported
rapes can be traced to dating apps. Most of the
victims are women, again, very underreported, Yet there are no
(05:52):
allowed calls to shut those apps down these other dating apps,
like there were from men about Tea they were mad. Also,
plenty of other apps are coming out with safety functions.
I know Uber just released their like request a woman
driver function, which I have mixed feelings about because I've
also gotten in a car. I didn't request it, but
(06:14):
it wasn't the woman. At the picture of the driver,
it was a bad and he was like, oh, no,
it's my wife and she's sick. And I was like, oh,
that's scary, okay, So I can see that being an
issue of this whole thing.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
And then you know.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
I'm sure some of you are asking, like, how do
we use AI to confirm someone's gender these days? We've
also talked about documented racism and facial recognition software, so
does that play into this whole thing? And some men
have reported getting past it. I don't know that it
was ever like proven that they did or if they
were just saying that, but some men have said.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Like, yeah, I got pasted it.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
There's also the whole conversation about vigilante justice and the
digital age and targeting the wrong people. So I know it,
and at least one case, like somebody got piled on
and it was not the person in question that they
went for the wrong person, which happens in all kinds
of online spaces. There's also the conversation about people with
criminal records not being worth love because you know, people
(07:24):
can change, and also we don't know what they did,
you might not get that information. The app's founder, Sean Cook,
reportedly created this app after watching his mom get catfished
and dating people with criminal records, and this seems to
suggest he thinks only men can do this, which is
not true. While yes, we do have statistics that show
(07:47):
women are more at risk. It's not great to not
acknowledge women can be perpetrators as well. And yes, I
did get a little hung up on the creator. The
founder is a man.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
Yeah, but yeah, it's a pretty hetsis app, using slang
from the black drag community as well. Expelling the tea
is sort of there, so that's kind of a thing.
But yeah, as I said, men have claimed that they've
gotten past the verification system by posting self pies of
women or AI generated images of themselves as women. It's
(08:21):
true that the chat option can sometimes lead to like
mean spirited commentary, including on men's looks, and that sucks,
but that's just been like existing online for women forever.
So I'm sort of if you're mad about that, let's
work on changing the whole thing, right, Yeah, And then
there's the promising young men argument had to pop up. Basically,
(08:44):
it could ruin a man's life, so it should be illegal.
People were more angry about that than the reality of
what women face.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Eh. And then there is the safety of the data,
which the app did promise is going to be safe.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
Is it safe to use this app? So?
Speaker 2 (09:04):
On July twenty fifth, twenty twenty five, users at four
chan which is pretty famously misogynistic, breached Tea's database, including users' IDs,
their driver's licenses and stuff like that and other information.
They also claimed to make a map of t user's
locations and were generally celebratory douchebags about it. Interestingly, they
(09:25):
were screaming that the app encouraged doxing, so they doxed
the users. This is like such a sadly ironic. They
proved why it exists, they like they were mad it
was there, and then proved why it was anyway.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Then there was a second.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Breach, revealing users dms around things like cheating and abortion,
which is unfortunately dangerous information in our current timeline. But yeah,
like I said, it's sad because it reinforces the issue
that t was attempting to address. Like, these men got
so angry that they docked all these women and put
(10:08):
them in danger, which is why they went to Tea,
not to feel that. Plenty of women did report feeling
even less safe after, you know, obviously after their data
had been breached, or even if it hadn't, which makes
complete sense. But it is clear that the popularity of
Tea signals that women want a safer dating app. And
(10:34):
I desperately want that too, because every time my friends
tell me about experiences they've had on those apps, I'm
just horrified and I'm like, I don't understand how this
is even worth it?
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Right, Yeah, and the same age, why are you cheating?
Just break up or why are you murdering? Just just
get diforced?
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Yeah thinks fine, yeah, heavy sigh, heavy sigh. But as
I said, this is an ongoing thing. There's still a
lot happening, So listeners, if you know more about this,
if you were involved anyway, and you don't mind sharing
(11:22):
with us, please let us know. You can email us
at Hello at Stuffwenever told You dot com. You can
find us on blue Sky at mom Stuff podcast, or
on Instagram and TikTok at Stuff I Never Told You.
We also on YouTube and we have a buck you
can get wherever you get your books. Thanks as always
to a super're just Christina or executive puer My and
the contributor Joey.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Thank you, and.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Thanks to you for listening Stuff I've Never Told You
inspection by Heart Radio. For more podcasts from my heart Radio,
you can check out the heart Radio app, Apple podcast
wherever you listen to your favorite shows,
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