Monday Mini: When Media Makes You Cry

Good media can truly move us, and allow us space for catharsis and experience shared vulnerability. Science indicates there a lot of pros to this - and some cons.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hey, this is Andy and Samantha and all my stuff.
I never told you prodection, iHeart radio. Welcome to another undemony.
Or Samantha's already laughing at me because I'm demonstrating what

(00:27):
I'm talking about right now, which is crying about media.
If you need a hint, we just did our last
of us to reaction to episode two. So here I am.
I have talked about this before, but I thought I
would look into it. I'm just see you know what

(00:52):
is going on here? Is it good? Is a bad?
All of those things. So one of the main reasons
that people cry at media is often because you have
a relationship with a fictional character. This is a parasocial

(01:14):
relationship or a one directional relationship because you know they're fictional.
They don't know anything about you. But the thing is,
people who have looked into this say, actually, the brain
can't really differentiate between that all the time. You might
still feel it as if it was a real relationship,

(01:38):
and in some cases it can be. You know, I've
talked before about I've gone through these traumatic things and
here was this piece of media that helped me get
through it. So you can really form a connection. I
also think, like for me personally, I think a lot
of people too, you might assign someone a fictional character like, oh,

(01:59):
that reminds me of this person that I know in
real life, or something like that, so you can form
a connection in that way. We are going to get
into it later. I think a lot of us know
this can have unhealthy side effects, but it can have
a lot of really healthy ones, including like boosting your
self esteem, not feeling as lonely, or maybe feeling like belonging,

(02:22):
especially if you're in maybe a small town and there
aren't people who necessarily you connect to for one reason
or the other. They can be really beneficial and that way,
and then they become really important to you, so if
you lose them, it can be really painful. And to

(02:43):
that end, there have been studies about what happens when
that relationship comes to an end for one reason or another,
Because it doesn't have to be a death. It could
be like maybe they take the character in a way
you really don't like or really don't connect to you anymore,
but it is usually a death, and then you feel

(03:05):
this really strong emotional response and you know, especially like
you can have these relationships with a character for a
long time, depending on the media or depending on how
you engaged with it, and that can be outside of
you know, if you're doing even like things like fan

(03:26):
fiction or something like that, you can have a really
strong relationship with a character. And so that's why when
they die or when they change in a way that
it is just irreconcilable to you. It can be really painful.

(03:47):
And you might turn to something like fan fiction and
write that ending differently, but no one else, everyone else
knows them as dead, and you do too, Like, just
because I wrote that fan fiction doesn't mean they're still alive.
Eventually the person's gonna forget them, but no one's gonna
write fan fiction about them anymore. This is a real
concern that I have. This also involves something called the

(04:11):
paradox of tragedy, which I thought was really interesting. It's
basically like, we don't like tragedy in real life. A
lot of us don't like crying, but some of us
really do enjoy the vulnerability and shared emotion of a
fictional tragedy, and a lot of people think necessity with

(04:32):
the whole idea. The ancient Greek idea of catharsis of
getting together to witness something tragic and that releases maybe
something you've had pent up. And as we've discussed before,
some research does suggest that we feel better after crying.
Some theorize that something called meta emotions is involved. Basically,
we're glad that we can feel empathy or something like

(04:54):
that towards other people, even if they're fictional. Other studies
suggest that empathy and reading fictional characters can increase emotional intelligence,
so like reading them emotionally, it can help you read
people in real life emotionally. So empathy is one of

(05:16):
the five key parts of emotional intelligence, along with self awareness,
self regulation, motivation, and social skills. So high emotional intelligence
is associated with a lot of positive things, including better leadership,
better relationships, better conflict resolution, things like that a good
story also triggers oxytocin which I know a lot of

(05:38):
us think of as like, you know, the happiness, but
it actually like if a good story is triggering that
in a case of a sad story, that can be
going on, and it then enhances your sad emotions, especially
around compassion and empathy. On top of that, in some
ways it can feel like a safer release, even in
dark time so that's something I really relate to. It

(06:00):
can be way easier for me to cry for a
fictional character than someone I actually know. And it doesn't
mean I didn't care for that person I actually know.
I'm probably crying for them through the fictional character. It's
just I think it's a you know, you're trying to
protect yourself type thing. Since crying is stereotypically seen as
a more feminine thing, we have often painted it as

(06:22):
a weakness, but it can be a sign of strength.
Obviously there are some exceptions, but in general, good movie
or t be sure game, it's good to let it out.
I mean, as I mentioned, there are downsides if people
care more about fictional characters over real people, even people
they don't know, or neglect your life because the media.

(06:44):
Those are bad things, as is if you can't shake
the sadness of it and it starts to impact your life.
This kind of made me crack up because they're like
if you're still over a week later, still dealing with it,
and I was like, oh, years, we're talking, but it's
not as bad as it was. I also found this

(07:09):
and this is not what we're talking about today, but
I did find it related to this conversation. There's this
newish thing of people posting videos of themselves crying on
social media, and there's a lot of theories about why
that is. Wanting connection, wanting pain to be witnessed, wanting
to feel validated, being performative, wanting more clicks. There's a
lot of conversation about it. But that can happen and

(07:30):
is happening in a lot of instances when a fictional
character dies or something painful happens in something popular. And
this is where I did look up. I've mentioned this before,
but I really want a fandom therapist. But I realized
this is a thing, but it refers to a therapist
using fandom to conduct therapy, which is not what I'm

(07:50):
talking about. I need someone I can be like, do
you remember in Star Wars in this episode where this
happened and people reacted this way. I need to get
into it. But there is there is a directory I
found that I cannot vouch for, but it's supposed to
be like if I if you want somebody who knows

(08:10):
a lot about this fandom. So I don't know. Maybe
I should, I should start. I should be the change
I want to see a lot of stuff is written
about the power of fandom for therapy, So there is
there are There's been science and research into this. It
is a thing. So if you have experienced this, you

(08:32):
are not alone. I'm going through it right now. I'm sorry,
my voice is a little, a little snotty. Well, listeners,
let me know. If you have any thoughts about this.
You can email us at hellous Stuffhenever Told You dot com.
You can find us on Blue Sky at mom Stuff
podcast are on Instagram and to talk at stuff when

(08:53):
Never Told You for us on YouTube. We have a
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get where you get your books. Thanks, It's always too
our super roduced to Christine Next producer my enerconcopter Joey,
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