June 23, 2010 • 32 mins
Prenuptial agreements aren't just the province of celebrities and wealthy people. In this episode, Molly and Cristen take a critical look at prenups and their stipulations and discuss some practical reasons for considering such an "unromantic" agreement.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Brought to you by the reinvented two thousand twelve Camray.
It's ready. Are you welcome to stump Mom? Never told you?
From house top works dot com. Hi, welcome to the podcast.
This is Molly and I'm Kristen Chris to me, have
a pretty good relationship, don't you think, Yeah, i'd say so.
(00:23):
Do you ever worried that one day we'll get a
huge fight and then it'll be really difficult to do
the podcast? No, now that you bring it up, I
might keep me up at night. But but if we
break up, who gets the podcast? Oh? Well, you know
I would get the podcast, Molly, because uh see comes
before M in the alphabet, and therefore I'm you know,
(00:47):
I'm first, so I'm entitled to two grabs at the podcast.
You're gonna take the whole podcast, but you leave me
the blog? Well yeah, you leave me the Twitter account.
Can I have all our online accounts? Sure? And you'll
take the podcast. So you know, we really should have
dealt with this issue way before we started the podcast. Well,
the thing is, though, Molly, if we break up, I
(01:09):
think how Stuff Works gets our podcasts. That's true, But
you know, if we want to consider our podcast as
a metaphor for the things that we've accumulated together for
our spiritual marriage, for our spiritual marriage exactly. Um, then
I think what it brings us to our topic of
the day, which is prenup agreements. You know, if if
if Kristy and I make this business venture together, which
(01:32):
in some ways is what marriage is, the joining of
two accounts. Yeah, I bring I bring my knowledge, you
bring your knowledge. Together. We make a knowledge baby of
our podcasts. I love where this is going. Keep going. Uh. Then,
you know, before before we entered into this agreement, we
might should have hammered out some some details if if
you know, if I write a book stuff Mom never
(01:53):
told you, do I have to give you half the proceeds.
I will. But Kristen, I don't think we'll ever have
a huge fight ever ever, And um, let's make a
pact right now, Molly on live not live podcast air.
But you know what that's also brings the topic of
prenup because I bet a lot of people don't think
they need a prenup when they get married because they're like,
(02:15):
we're never gonna fight. Yeah, I mean the people that
come to mind right now that's in the News Alan
to Purgore. They were married for years. I don't know
if they had a prenup or not. I haven't done
any any research into that, but you know, you think
you think of that, it's like a really long term couple.
Why would they need to just sign a prenup? What
do you know? Forty years down the line and they
both have plenty of assets and who knows what will happen.
(02:37):
I mean, it seems like it's a pretty amicable breakup.
But but when you consider other celebrities, which is what
we're gonna do now, we are going to see why
prenups are so vital right because we often think of
we associate prenups, at least with the rich and famous.
For instance, one one prenup agreement that kind of gave
me a little bit of joy was I found out
(02:58):
from Radar Online that Sandra Bullock and Jesse James have
a prenup that specifies that he gets no money in
a divorce if he cheats during the marriage. Jesse, you
might would have thought about that before you cheated with
seven women allegedly. I do want to note that Radar
Online is not normally a source for our podcast, but
(03:19):
when we must, when we must research celebrities, Molly, you
have to do what you have to do. Let's turn
to Esquire, which had spotlighted seven celebrities and their pre nups. Uh,
it was it's touched off by the whole Tiger would
situation because apparently when he originally got married, his deal
limited Ellen his wife to twenty million if the marriage
(03:41):
lasted ten years, and given all his endorsement deals and
his winnings, that's that's chump change. You know, that was
a good way to protect his assets from his wife.
But uh, you know, after the after the year that
the Tigers had apparently coined Esquire, he is revising the
deal to eighty million to keep her to stay for
(04:03):
seven more years. So we think about it sometimes in
terms of putting a price tag on the marriage, but
in reality, it's more about protecting your assets before the marriage.
Right now, on the other side of the spectrum, we
have Steven Spielberg and Amy Irving, who were married in
Night five. They got divorced four years later, and Spielberg
(04:25):
and Irving just allegedly scribbled down a pre nup on
a cocktail napkin, and uh, when the judge throughout the
Napkin and the divorce, h Irving wound up with a
hundred million dollar payout. Yes, Spielberg meet some pretty good
movies between eighty five and eighty nine. Yeah, I mean
the thing is like you're talking about chump change. I mean,
under a million at this point is chump changed to him?
(04:46):
But maybe in you know, he was like, oh, maybe
the cocktail napkin idea wasn't so great. Might have actually
wanted to see a lawyer about that. Um. Sometimes when
you've been burned by enough marriages, you know to get
a pre nup. And that us the case of Elizabeth
Taylor and Larry Fortensky, because Elizba Taylor made made sure
she had a prenup before she married for the eighth time,
(05:08):
and so he only got a million dollar settlement when
they split five years later. And let's talk about one
that always seems to make the TABLOIDI magazines, Tom Cruise
and Katie Holmes deal o Tom cat. Yeah. So, according
to Esquire, for every year she's married to the couch jumper,
she only gets three million from him, despite no matter
what movies he makes during the course of their marriage.
(05:28):
Just bite, you know, if he makes the next it
makes top gun to only Molly, only three mill I'm
in Hollywood Land right now, in Hollywood, that's only three million,
you know, because if he does make another blockbuster, it's
gonna get a nice, nice chunk of change. But if
she makes it to year eleven, then California's community property
(05:52):
law goes into effect, and then she can make half
of whatever he made during the marriage. Right Because, as
we'll talk about in a minute, dofferent states have different
laws pertaining to pre nups, not surprisingly, and different countries
also view prenups differently. But Molly, we're talking about the
rich and famous and uh, ourselves and ourselves. Um, so
(06:14):
maybe we need to dial this down a little bit
and bring it bring it back to reality because chances are, um,
our listeners, as much as I love each and every
one of you, you're probably not among the rich and famous.
And if you are, then me an email. Um. But yeah,
let's talk I mean, let's talk about like in reality,
what what is the prem up and tail? And should
(06:35):
people even think about it? If I am not pulling
in millions of dollars every year, is it something that
I should even consider? And I would argue that the
thing I'm going to argue over the course of the
podcast Christen is yes, yes, Molly is very pro prenup,
but I am very appropriate up. And I'm not even
someone who's going to come to a marriage with a
ton of money that I know of. Um. But the
(06:55):
fact matter is celebrities and they're and they're crazy Hollywood
money are not the ones who invent a pre nups,
despite the fact that that's who we associate with them. Now. Yeah,
historical records show that pre nups stretched all the way
back to ancient Egypt, especially with the wealthy families of
the day, they kind of broker these marriages. The parents
would broker marriages, and obviously they want to protect um
(07:17):
the assets. And then fast forward a little bit to
the nineteenth century. We um women were covered under what's
called coveragure laws and essentially, when a woman would get married,
all of her property would be automatically transferred to her husband.
Then if her husband dies or divorces her, all of
her assets could just magically disappear. Now, once the Married
(07:38):
Women's Property Act of eighteen forty eight was instituted, UM,
then that kind of gave her a little more leeway
with with her property that she brought into the marriage.
But prenups were pretty common to protect a woman's inheritance
or whatever kind of family assets that that she would have.
For a man as well, they are very popular, especially
in royal families. Again, you wouldn't want, you know, your
(08:00):
kingdom accidentally going to your in laws, so I do too,
So it was it was really just a way to
protect these major assets. But what we learned in our
research is that now even people who don't have the
most major assets, who are not Rockefellers or or Kings
of England, might want to consider prenups. So let's talk
(08:21):
a little bit about what the agreement actually says if
it's not trying to protect you know, your your jewels.
So even if you're not a royal, if you're not
a Rockefeller, let's talk about what might be in your
prenup and why you might need one. Yeah, I mean,
just in the simplest terms, a prenup shal agreement, as
a contract between two people who were about to would
(08:43):
spells out exactly how their assets will be distributed in
the event of divorce or death. Now, this is where
people start to get and see right away about pre
nups because you're basically before you get married, planning for divorce.
And so people will say this is so unromantic. This
is just you know, you're you'll never make it if
(09:04):
you're planning to divorce. And to this, I say, Kristen,
before we continue, just keep this in mind. No one
ever plans for a plane to crash, but we still
go over where the flotation devices are. So that's what
I'm going to say. The people who think it's not romantic, Yeah,
is you got a plan for divorce? And some people
(09:25):
are some people are going into this very level headed
and saying, you know, one in two marriages is going
to end in divorce. Let's be sensible about this now
when we're still in love. Even if you think it's
un romantic, Barris out because you still listen to when
the mask is going to fall from the airplane, even
though it probably never will. Well. And one thing that
I think people get confused about when it comes to
pre nups is that lawyers will advise that you lay
(09:49):
out prenups before you even get engaged. It's not something
we see it portrayed in movies and TV a lot
of times is something that someone has to sign like
right before they get married, and they're in the wedding
dress and they're trying to decide where they sign the
prenup um and and that's not going to happen because legally,
the closer that it happens to the wedding, the less
(10:10):
uh recourse that person will have in the case of divorce.
Because if the judge says, like sees it, oh, you
the bride signed this prenup like two days before the wedding,
that's coercion and she's going to get more than is
laid down this prenup. Yeah, So to you to really
make this agreement, it's got to be done sort of
with a clear head, not with a wedding head um.
(10:33):
And you've gotta you've gotta be pretty honest with your
finances well, and you need two separate attorneys. Also, you
don't need the same attorney. As much as you you
love your your honey, get a lawyer. And I'm sure
that's part of the reason why some people don't think
they're eligible for prenups, because a who can afford two
lawyers right now? But it's just it's insurance against anything.
(10:56):
If you do need two lawyers down the road, you're
gonna wish you'd had one earlier. Very true, And just
to give you an idea of some things you might
want to think about in terms of whether you should
get a pre nup, bank rt dot com recommends you
think about the old prenuptial agreement in case you have,
say any assets such as a home, stock, or retirement funds,
(11:17):
if you own any or part of a business, if
you have or will be receiving an inheritance, if you
have kids or grandchildren from previous marriage. Uh, if one
of you is wealthier than the other, because Molly, I
know when you become filthy rich, you know, you're you're
gonna have to lock that that uptight um. And then
(11:37):
if one of you will be supporting the other through
through college. Because once again, Molly, when you get filthy rich,
you know, and I know you like the you know,
the younger guys. So there we go. But again, Kristen,
my my pro prenup pet is saying, maybe I get
filthy rich while I'm married, So you've also got to
protect your future too. Yeah, because let's talk a little
(12:00):
it about those state laws we mentioned earlier, because depending
on where you live, pre nup is definitely going to
be a good idea. For instance, if let's say, like
many celebrities, you live in California, which is a community
property state, you get divorced, and the law says everything
(12:22):
accumulated during the marriage will be divided equally, just split
down the middle. So if you get married in California
and afterwards, you know, saying, get discovered an ice cream
shop and I become a huge actress exactly, and then
you know your your your honey is just you know,
a carpenter or something. Uh, then he's gonna get half
(12:43):
of all of your riches, your poster not even do
all that work. I know, I know, I can't believe
he's even trying to get your money anyway, But it happens.
It does happen. But there are nine community property states
where that will happen, and that's Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada,
Exicode Tech. It's really un necessary for me to say
all these so aside from California, there are eight other
(13:06):
community property states. Now. The rest of them, for the
most part, are called equitable distribution states, in which assets
are divvied up according to what the court deemed fair,
and the judge might take into account things like the
length of the marriage, whether or not you have kids,
the couple's age, health, job skills, and other factors. But
(13:27):
that is unless you have an air tight prenup. Yeah,
because if let's use the actress example, if that carpenter
husband goes into court and says, oh, I constructed all
the sets for her movies, thus I am half responsible
for her success Or if he says, you know, because
of your your celebrity party lifestyle, you're an unfit mother
(13:48):
and he's gonna have to take care of the seven
children that you have now produced, then he might get
a little more. So it's it can definitely happen. Sort
of a life you can't even amatim for yourself could
suddenly materialize and then what are you gonna do? But
you know, we've talked a little bit about um, making
sure that a prenup is not coerced, making sure that
(14:09):
each person has a lawyer. What does it say in
the prenup. Let's talk about when you sit down to
have that conversation, everything you've got to put on the table.
And I do mean everything, And that is something we
talked about another podcast, is that you really just don't
want to talk about money with someone you're in love with.
It's so unromantic. But you've got to get financially naked,
(14:30):
even if you haven't gotten physically naked with the person.
You've got to lay it all out their credit card debt.
That's the other thing a prenup can protect you from.
Let's say that my hypothetical carpenter husband gets a drug
habit and then because you can't do with my success obviously,
and then uh runs up a credit card bill when
he's buying TVs to sell for his drug camit. That
(14:52):
was a very elaborate example. I don't need to get
stuck with that debt. So it's also protecting you against
maybe the bad things that at UH someone's bringing into
the relationship, maybe maybe credit card debt, student loans um,
that private island you own, you probably should havemit mentioning
that because later, if the divorce judge finds it, that's
(15:13):
gonna be a big, big trouble mark for you. Yeah,
so you're supposed to lay everything out and in that process,
especially if you're doing this around the time of an engagement.
It can be a good barometer to of of from
a practical sense, knowing whether or not this this person
is going to be a good partner. Um. But there
are some things, Molly, that a prenup cannot cover. Now,
when we were talking before this, you were like, I
(15:34):
want to get I want to get a pimped up
preen up, and it's gonna lay out so many stipulations. Well,
there's some really silly prenups that say things like, uh,
the two must have sex twice a week, and it
only gonna say like certain positions you have to use,
like wife cannot gain more than ten pounds, yeah over
twenty years, or she forfeits ten million dollars. So it's
(15:54):
you can get really crazy prenups. But tell us why
that's not a good idea. Well, if you in fact
get divorced and then you bring the zany pren up
to the judge and you say, I mean, look at us,
she gained fifty pounds and we weren't having you know,
sex eight times a week like I stipulated. But you
just gonna say that that's frivolous, that's frivolous. It's a
(16:16):
frivolous prenup, and even if you did have really serious
money consideration, still within there the whole thing runs the
risk of being thrown out UM. And a few more
things that you probably are not gonna be able to
get get covered in a prenup. It can't cover anything illegal, Christen,
So you can't put a stipulation in there that your
your wife loses money if she doesn't buy drugs for
(16:37):
you UM. And that's why some of those UM sex
clauses get thrown out because it looks too much like
prostitution UM. But infidelity clause is still okay because it's
you know, that's not illegal to ask that your husband
not cheat on your UM. The other thing that a
prenup can't have, it's a provision that goes against public policy.
(16:57):
So if you have children, you can't really am around
a lot about UM child support in the case of
a divorce, because courts consider child custody and the welfare
of children a matter of public policy. So let's say
that you, UM, you know you're gonna have children, and
you know that you know in the case of divorce,
the husband's gonna pay for them. The wife can't say
(17:19):
I wave all child support. That's a matter of public policy.
That's not the decision of a prenuptial agreement. Now, one
thing I think we got to keep in mind too
with prenuptial agreements is that while yes, they do cover
um couple's assets in case of a divorce, but it
also covers your assets in case of death. But the will,
someone's will and the prenup have a pretty interesting relationship. Basically,
(17:42):
your spouse's will cannot supersede the prenup if the will
is stingier. So, I mean, you're in a win win
situation if you have a really good prenup and then
someone you know and then your spouse dies, like if
if you get less. I know this sounds awful, so
sound awf of mom, I'm always giving me these these
(18:03):
horror eyes of horror. This is why people think pre
nups aren't sexy, because you basically have to say, what
happens if my spouse dies? Yeah, and but what's the
deal if But basically, if if the will gives you
less than the pre nup, the premu prenup is gonna
win out or vice versa. If the will gives you more,
and then uh, then all right, you get what's in
the will and the and the prenup goes away. Now,
(18:25):
one thing that's becoming more popular lately to add into
prenups are healthcare clauses. And this was found in US
News and World Report, and it says that with healthcare
cause continuing to rise, UM, people are getting married for
health insurance and they're adding a clause in their prenups
saying that, hey, if we get divorced, I still get
(18:45):
health insurance, which I think, you know, like we said,
you've got to put it all out on the table,
all the things arranged this marriage, all the things the
other person might benefit from. And yes, when you're in
the thrones of romance, you kind of think, I just
you know, what's yours is mine. And one other interest
thing that people putting their prenups um is a sunset clause.
And that's what we were talking a little bit about
(19:06):
with Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise is if you make
it a certain amount of marriage, certain a number of years,
then the prenups just null and void because people figure out,
if you can make it to ten years, you'll make it.
That was only to protect against hasty marriages. You know,
a marriage of a year suddenly walking away with you know,
half of someone else's things. Um, I have to say
(19:27):
to inject my personal opinion, I don't like that idea.
I think they need to be ironclad the whole duration
of the marriage. I mean, you are about as pro
prenup as they come. Well, I gotta say they are well,
I mean like you, like you mentioned the beginning, think
of Alan Tipper. They probably thought, oh, we'll be fine
after twenty years, and here they are at forty years
getting a divorce. Well, and it's I think it's also
worth noting to the lawyers advised couples with prenups to
(19:49):
review their prenups every few years. Maybe they want to
adjust something. Maybe you know, they want to loosen something
up or tighten up another part. I mean, why not.
It's a legal binding document kind of like your will. Um,
and and it's worth taking a look at. Uh. But
the thing is too that we we often associate, like
you said, prenups with just being completely unromantic. Well, it's
(20:13):
almost saying I don't trust you to be fair to
me when we're getting a divorce. But the thing is,
though prenups have become like the public perception towards prenups
at least has improved a lot in recent years. And
I think that it's kind of due to the recession,
because people have just turned into scrooges and want to
make sure that they're they're safe. But we found a
recent article in USA Today that cited a Harris survey
(20:37):
that found that UM, more than one third of adults
thirty six percent to be exact, said prenups make smart
financial sense, and that's up from twenty percent in two
thousand two. But while a third of people have a
favorable view of prenups, far fewer actually have them. According
to UH the same Hairs survey, only three percent of
(20:58):
people with a spouse or beyonce have a prenup, but
that's also up from one percent in two thousand two.
But then let's fast forward to divorce. A lot of
people wish that they had had one who didn't UM.
Among people who got a divorce, fifteen percent say that
they regret not having a prenup and their most recent marriage,
(21:18):
according again to the Harris poll. And interestingly, men are
more like within women to have this regret, and that's
nineteen percent versus twelve percent, and then nearly forty percent
of Americans also say they would have asked their significant
other to sign a prenup if they remarried. So it's
kind of like hindsight seems like a lot of people
(21:39):
have gotten burned by this, uh this prenups well, and
if you are guing remarried and have children, they say
that's an ideal situation for a prenup because you need
to make sure that your own children are protected, um
in the case of another divorce. And we actually read
one article about blended families and prenuptial agreements and I
got to say, Christ and that might be a topic
(21:59):
for a whole another podcast, just because the finances of
a blended family are so tricky. But if you just
want to think about it from a prenup perspective, if
you've got two children, you want to make sure your
assets are going to your two children as opposed to
someone you may not bitterly hate. But but the thing
about bitter hate is it can happen. And when people
say prenups are unromantic, I feel like it's it's almost
(22:23):
better to think about how you're going to exit a
marriage when you're most in love, because then you're more
likely to be fair and generous with someone, Whereas, you know,
if you are divorcing because of let's say infidelity, you
either want to take someone for all they've got or
if you're on the other side, you want to cut
them off completely. Whereas if you really did love someone,
(22:43):
you wouldn't want that for them, You'd want it to
be fair in some way. So again, as Kristen said,
I am I am very pro prenup because it just
I think, far from being unromantic, it's more romantic to
share everything you have in terms of listing it out
and then also saying, well, what's gonna be fair to
you and fair to me in the case this airplane
(23:04):
crashes well, and I think that it also reflects something
that women need to think about more than ever when
they're entering into a marriage, as opposed to say, fifty
years ago when it was Destination housewife. You know, we
are career women. We do acquire assets, we do have
four oh one case, and I think that we, you know,
(23:25):
it is worth thinking about those more practical sides of things, um,
you know, in addition to the dress and the cake
and the venue. Because if you think I'm giving half
of my book collection to you future husband. You are
wrong staying with me now, Molly? But what about all right?
This is the extreme though, in my opinion, you read
(23:46):
about this New York post dating prenups, I love them.
There's no freenup you can throw at me that I'm
not gonna love. You. Tell people a little bit about
what dating prenups are. Sure you found this arcle in
New York Post about these cup moose who are just
living together or dating, but drawing up these same sort
of contracts, because think of all the things you can
accumulate in the course of dating. You might get a dog,
(24:09):
you might get gym memberships, you might get a certain
favorite bar. Some people are going so far as to
say if we break up, I get that bar, yeah.
Or your parents. I mean, like, think of how much
you know a boyfriend or a girlfriend can get to
know your parents, your family, your friends. Who gets the friends?
CHRISTI friends? But can you really put that on a
piece of paper? And if you're just dating for crying
(24:32):
out loud, you know, I mean, it's not just really
putting the cart before the horse. Well, I think some
dating is different than the other day I do think
that when you're moving in together, if you haven't had
a serious conversation about finances and what living together is
going to be like. You know, there was one couple
in the article that basically laid out and an unofficial
contract that just the two of them honored who was
going to make the bed and who was going to
(24:52):
take out the trash. Yeah, a lot of these these
dating prenups are not legal binding contracts. It's more like
kind of like the Steven Spielberg Amy Irving thing. It's
it's more of a cop something we came up in
a bar when we decided to move in together exactly.
But you know, if you if you do if you
buy a dog together, if you buy you know, electronic
equipment that caused lots of money to our interview. If
(25:13):
you know, if someone gave up their apartment to move
into someone else's house and then the relationship ends, what
are you gonna do for for living arrangements? You know,
just even those divisions of property that you don't really
even own. Um, it's just I think that's just part
of a practical conversation you've got to have before you
move in with someone. Well, my, my favorite anecdote from
(25:34):
this New York Post article was of a relationship blogger
and a comedian who created I mean, it was kind
of just a silly dating prenup, but I think they
did take it pretty seriously because it included creative rights
over their shattered relationship. Because you know, as on this podcast,
every now and then, we tend to share personal stories
(25:54):
and you know, if you're if you're in that that realm,
you know, I mean, dating and and breaking up and
all of that is such good fodder. So many times
like it can be really hurtful. Yeah. I mean, Kristin
never signed an agreement that I couldn't write a book
about her later. Yeah, and I'm going to call it
the thrifty homeschooler who wanted to abolish marriage. She didn't
(26:16):
sign an agreement, and that's not true. Um, But yeah,
I mean I think it's I mean, that's kind of
on the sillier side of things. I mean, I think
that we can kind of, you know, get out into
the fringes at this point, right. But I do see
your your point, Molly, that these kind of dating prenups,
as kind of serious as they might seem, could be
(26:39):
a good tool to reevaluate your relationships, see how much
you really care about this person and understand exactly what
two people coming together in a relationship really entails. And
I don't. I just again, I I have a hard time.
And if you have the other opinion, feel free to
write in and tell me why why I'm wrong. But
I just don't see that as unromantic. I feel like
(27:00):
most people who are successful relationships will admit that romance
is something that you work at. So I don't think
that sharing with the other person, you know, what you're
bringing into relationship, uh, is unromantic. I think that that's
an evidence of the work that you're gonna do. If
you say, just in dating, you know, preen up, I'm
going to take out the trash. That's what I'm going
to bring to this relationship. Well, it's kind of like
what you said, you know, if when you when you
(27:21):
go into a dating relationship or a marital relationship or
just some kind of partnership with someone else in a
romantic sense, I mean, you're expected to be truthful to
that person. You're expected to be emotionally honest, sexually honest, um,
and why not be fiscally honest? As well exactly fiscally naked. Yeah,
(27:43):
just this important as emotional nakedness. And that's the title
of my next bent. And I really hope that we
hear from a lot of you guys, I mean, flood
flood the Facebook page, send us emails, because I am
very curious to know about people's thoughts on this prenup situation,
because I think it's kind of it's a little controver. Well,
you know this, this whole um episode was suggested by
(28:03):
one of our listeners, Alicia and Missouri Yes, who got
married and didn't have a prenup, although it was discussed,
and I believe that the husband had a business so
there was that that sort of asset and they decided
against it. So maybe people are having this discussion and
deciding against it. Maybe far more people have prenups than
we know. The USA to Day article pointed out that
(28:23):
because it kind of falls halfway under a state law
and halfway under family law, it's sort of impossible to
know exactly how many are out there. But if you
have them, why did you get them, If you talked
about and decide against it, why did you do that?
And if you think that they are the most unromantic,
horrifying things in the world. Let us know about that too, Mom,
stuff at how stuff works dot com. And Mom, would
(28:44):
you like me to kick things off with an email
as I usually do? Umah, let's keep it as usual. Christen. Yeah,
I'm not gonna throw a curveball this week, Molly, because
I don't want you to podcast divorce me and then
take every thing I own. Um So, I've got an
(29:05):
email here from Claire and I think it's kind of
addressed to me, she says. She says, I have just
one teeny tiny favor to ask, please, and that's in
all caps. Claire's not getting around. Please stop with the
phony British accents that seemed to pop up in every
single podcast. Please, it's my only request. So, Claire, I'm
(29:33):
I'm really sorry that that you find my accents so greating.
But and I was talking to Molly about this earlier.
The thing it's it's not it's not premeditated when I
slip into a weird voice. It's an unfortunate habit that
happens outside of the studio at all. It just kind
of does possesses me. I'll be in meetings and Chris
and all of a sudden have an accent. But I
that's what I love about Christian in meetings, I hope maybe,
(29:55):
And it kind of falls along the lines of a
bad habit I've acquired of singing my wood. It's you know,
I just don't even mean to so um. So it's
a good reminder that our shows aren't scripted. It's all
off the cuff. So that's also why there are still
a lot of ums. And you knows, and uh, but
I will try maybe maybe I'll just keep in mind no,
no British accent, but I love your British accent. The
(30:18):
clear doesn't. And who's going to podcast divorce you? I
guess she could do. She could, all right, So thank
you Claire, and and uh, apologies to anyone who hates
any vocal tis. There's one last one, alright. Letts to
a reading list, because those aren't controversial. This is a
reading list from Karen And like many of her our
(30:39):
listeners and probably people who aren't even our listeners, and
people just around the world, she is working on Stieg
Larsen's Millennium trilogy, started with Girl with the Deck, Dragon
Tattoo and the the last book just came out here
in the US The Girl who Kicked the Hornet's Nest,
So she's on that last book. She writes that she
just finished clown Girl by Monica Drake and writes intriguingly,
I will never look at clowns that say way again.
(31:00):
Oh God, I don't think that books for me. It's
sounds terrifying. Man. She also read Valley of the Dolls
by Jacqueline Suzanne. She also reads a lot of music
bios like Bowie and Biography and Paul McCartney A Life.
She was trying to read the James Bond series but
finds the male characters used towards women in other races.
It's hard to read sometimes. Um, and those are a
(31:22):
few of her suggestions. So thank you all for writing in.
As always, it's Mom stuff at how stuff works dot
com during the week, you should follow us on Twitter
and become a fans on Facebook. Really, we just want
you in our lives. And on top of that, you
can read our blog during the week It's stuff Mom
(31:42):
never told you, and the website you can find it
at is how stuff works dot com. For more on
this and thousands of other topics. Is that how Stuff
works dot Com. Want more how stuff works, check out
our blogs on the house, stuff works dot com. Home
Pitch brought to you by the reinvented two thousand twelve camera.
(32:08):
It's ready, are you
Brought to you by the reinvented two thousand twelve Camray.
It's ready. Are you welcome to stump Mom? Never told you?
From house top works dot com. Hi, welcome to the podcast.
This is Molly and I'm Kristen Chris to me, have
a pretty good relationship, don't you think, Yeah, i'd say so.
(00:23):
Do you ever worried that one day we'll get a
huge fight and then it'll be really difficult to do
the podcast? No, now that you bring it up, I
might keep me up at night. But but if we
break up, who gets the podcast? Oh? Well, you know
I would get the podcast, Molly, because uh see comes
before M in the alphabet, and therefore I'm you know,
(00:47):
I'm first, so I'm entitled to two grabs at the podcast.
You're gonna take the whole podcast, but you leave me
the blog? Well yeah, you leave me the Twitter account.
Can I have all our online accounts? Sure? And you'll
take the podcast. So you know, we really should have
dealt with this issue way before we started the podcast. Well,
the thing is, though, Molly, if we break up, I
(01:09):
think how Stuff Works gets our podcasts. That's true, But
you know, if we want to consider our podcast as
a metaphor for the things that we've accumulated together for
our spiritual marriage, for our spiritual marriage exactly. Um, then
I think what it brings us to our topic of
the day, which is prenup agreements. You know, if if
if Kristy and I make this business venture together, which
(01:32):
in some ways is what marriage is, the joining of
two accounts. Yeah, I bring I bring my knowledge, you
bring your knowledge. Together. We make a knowledge baby of
our podcasts. I love where this is going. Keep going. Uh. Then,
you know, before before we entered into this agreement, we
might should have hammered out some some details if if
you know, if I write a book stuff Mom never
(01:53):
told you, do I have to give you half the proceeds.
I will. But Kristen, I don't think we'll ever have
a huge fight ever ever, And um, let's make a
pact right now, Molly on live not live podcast air.
But you know what that's also brings the topic of
prenup because I bet a lot of people don't think
they need a prenup when they get married because they're like,
(02:15):
we're never gonna fight. Yeah, I mean the people that
come to mind right now that's in the News Alan
to Purgore. They were married for years. I don't know
if they had a prenup or not. I haven't done
any any research into that, but you know, you think
you think of that, it's like a really long term couple.
Why would they need to just sign a prenup? What
do you know? Forty years down the line and they
both have plenty of assets and who knows what will happen.
(02:37):
I mean, it seems like it's a pretty amicable breakup.
But but when you consider other celebrities, which is what
we're gonna do now, we are going to see why
prenups are so vital right because we often think of
we associate prenups, at least with the rich and famous.
For instance, one one prenup agreement that kind of gave
me a little bit of joy was I found out
(02:58):
from Radar Online that Sandra Bullock and Jesse James have
a prenup that specifies that he gets no money in
a divorce if he cheats during the marriage. Jesse, you
might would have thought about that before you cheated with
seven women allegedly. I do want to note that Radar
Online is not normally a source for our podcast, but
(03:19):
when we must, when we must research celebrities, Molly, you
have to do what you have to do. Let's turn
to Esquire, which had spotlighted seven celebrities and their pre nups. Uh,
it was it's touched off by the whole Tiger would
situation because apparently when he originally got married, his deal
limited Ellen his wife to twenty million if the marriage
(03:41):
lasted ten years, and given all his endorsement deals and
his winnings, that's that's chump change. You know, that was
a good way to protect his assets from his wife.
But uh, you know, after the after the year that
the Tigers had apparently coined Esquire, he is revising the
deal to eighty million to keep her to stay for
(04:03):
seven more years. So we think about it sometimes in
terms of putting a price tag on the marriage, but
in reality, it's more about protecting your assets before the marriage.
Right now, on the other side of the spectrum, we
have Steven Spielberg and Amy Irving, who were married in
Night five. They got divorced four years later, and Spielberg
(04:25):
and Irving just allegedly scribbled down a pre nup on
a cocktail napkin, and uh, when the judge throughout the
Napkin and the divorce, h Irving wound up with a
hundred million dollar payout. Yes, Spielberg meet some pretty good
movies between eighty five and eighty nine. Yeah, I mean
the thing is like you're talking about chump change. I mean,
under a million at this point is chump changed to him?
(04:46):
But maybe in you know, he was like, oh, maybe
the cocktail napkin idea wasn't so great. Might have actually
wanted to see a lawyer about that. Um. Sometimes when
you've been burned by enough marriages, you know to get
a pre nup. And that us the case of Elizabeth
Taylor and Larry Fortensky, because Elizba Taylor made made sure
she had a prenup before she married for the eighth time,
(05:08):
and so he only got a million dollar settlement when
they split five years later. And let's talk about one
that always seems to make the TABLOIDI magazines, Tom Cruise
and Katie Holmes deal o Tom cat. Yeah. So, according
to Esquire, for every year she's married to the couch jumper,
she only gets three million from him, despite no matter
what movies he makes during the course of their marriage.
(05:28):
Just bite, you know, if he makes the next it
makes top gun to only Molly, only three mill I'm
in Hollywood Land right now, in Hollywood, that's only three million,
you know, because if he does make another blockbuster, it's
gonna get a nice, nice chunk of change. But if
she makes it to year eleven, then California's community property
(05:52):
law goes into effect, and then she can make half
of whatever he made during the marriage. Right Because, as
we'll talk about in a minute, dofferent states have different
laws pertaining to pre nups, not surprisingly, and different countries
also view prenups differently. But Molly, we're talking about the
rich and famous and uh, ourselves and ourselves. Um, so
(06:14):
maybe we need to dial this down a little bit
and bring it bring it back to reality because chances are, um,
our listeners, as much as I love each and every
one of you, you're probably not among the rich and famous.
And if you are, then me an email. Um. But yeah,
let's talk I mean, let's talk about like in reality,
what what is the prem up and tail? And should
(06:35):
people even think about it? If I am not pulling
in millions of dollars every year, is it something that
I should even consider? And I would argue that the
thing I'm going to argue over the course of the
podcast Christen is yes, yes, Molly is very pro prenup,
but I am very appropriate up. And I'm not even
someone who's going to come to a marriage with a
ton of money that I know of. Um. But the
(06:55):
fact matter is celebrities and they're and they're crazy Hollywood
money are not the ones who invent a pre nups,
despite the fact that that's who we associate with them. Now. Yeah,
historical records show that pre nups stretched all the way
back to ancient Egypt, especially with the wealthy families of
the day, they kind of broker these marriages. The parents
would broker marriages, and obviously they want to protect um
(07:17):
the assets. And then fast forward a little bit to
the nineteenth century. We um women were covered under what's
called coveragure laws and essentially, when a woman would get married,
all of her property would be automatically transferred to her husband.
Then if her husband dies or divorces her, all of
her assets could just magically disappear. Now, once the Married
(07:38):
Women's Property Act of eighteen forty eight was instituted, UM,
then that kind of gave her a little more leeway
with with her property that she brought into the marriage.
But prenups were pretty common to protect a woman's inheritance
or whatever kind of family assets that that she would have.
For a man as well, they are very popular, especially
in royal families. Again, you wouldn't want, you know, your
(08:00):
kingdom accidentally going to your in laws, so I do too,
So it was it was really just a way to
protect these major assets. But what we learned in our
research is that now even people who don't have the
most major assets, who are not Rockefellers or or Kings
of England, might want to consider prenups. So let's talk
(08:21):
a little bit about what the agreement actually says if
it's not trying to protect you know, your your jewels.
So even if you're not a royal, if you're not
a Rockefeller, let's talk about what might be in your
prenup and why you might need one. Yeah, I mean,
just in the simplest terms, a prenup shal agreement, as
a contract between two people who were about to would
(08:43):
spells out exactly how their assets will be distributed in
the event of divorce or death. Now, this is where
people start to get and see right away about pre
nups because you're basically before you get married, planning for divorce.
And so people will say this is so unromantic. This
is just you know, you're you'll never make it if
(09:04):
you're planning to divorce. And to this, I say, Kristen,
before we continue, just keep this in mind. No one
ever plans for a plane to crash, but we still
go over where the flotation devices are. So that's what
I'm going to say. The people who think it's not romantic, Yeah,
is you got a plan for divorce? And some people
(09:25):
are some people are going into this very level headed
and saying, you know, one in two marriages is going
to end in divorce. Let's be sensible about this now
when we're still in love. Even if you think it's
un romantic, Barris out because you still listen to when
the mask is going to fall from the airplane, even
though it probably never will. Well. And one thing that
I think people get confused about when it comes to
pre nups is that lawyers will advise that you lay
(09:49):
out prenups before you even get engaged. It's not something
we see it portrayed in movies and TV a lot
of times is something that someone has to sign like
right before they get married, and they're in the wedding
dress and they're trying to decide where they sign the
prenup um and and that's not going to happen because legally,
the closer that it happens to the wedding, the less
(10:10):
uh recourse that person will have in the case of divorce.
Because if the judge says, like sees it, oh, you
the bride signed this prenup like two days before the wedding,
that's coercion and she's going to get more than is
laid down this prenup. Yeah, So to you to really
make this agreement, it's got to be done sort of
with a clear head, not with a wedding head um.
(10:33):
And you've gotta you've gotta be pretty honest with your
finances well, and you need two separate attorneys. Also, you
don't need the same attorney. As much as you you
love your your honey, get a lawyer. And I'm sure
that's part of the reason why some people don't think
they're eligible for prenups, because a who can afford two
lawyers right now? But it's just it's insurance against anything.
(10:56):
If you do need two lawyers down the road, you're
gonna wish you'd had one earlier. Very true, And just
to give you an idea of some things you might
want to think about in terms of whether you should
get a pre nup, bank rt dot com recommends you
think about the old prenuptial agreement in case you have,
say any assets such as a home, stock, or retirement funds,
(11:17):
if you own any or part of a business, if
you have or will be receiving an inheritance, if you
have kids or grandchildren from previous marriage. Uh, if one
of you is wealthier than the other, because Molly, I
know when you become filthy rich, you know, you're you're
gonna have to lock that that uptight um. And then
(11:37):
if one of you will be supporting the other through
through college. Because once again, Molly, when you get filthy rich,
you know, and I know you like the you know,
the younger guys. So there we go. But again, Kristen,
my my pro prenup pet is saying, maybe I get
filthy rich while I'm married, So you've also got to
protect your future too. Yeah, because let's talk a little
(12:00):
it about those state laws we mentioned earlier, because depending
on where you live, pre nup is definitely going to
be a good idea. For instance, if let's say, like
many celebrities, you live in California, which is a community
property state, you get divorced, and the law says everything
(12:22):
accumulated during the marriage will be divided equally, just split
down the middle. So if you get married in California
and afterwards, you know, saying, get discovered an ice cream
shop and I become a huge actress exactly, and then
you know your your your honey is just you know,
a carpenter or something. Uh, then he's gonna get half
(12:43):
of all of your riches, your poster not even do
all that work. I know, I know, I can't believe
he's even trying to get your money anyway, But it happens.
It does happen. But there are nine community property states
where that will happen, and that's Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada,
Exicode Tech. It's really un necessary for me to say
all these so aside from California, there are eight other
(13:06):
community property states. Now. The rest of them, for the
most part, are called equitable distribution states, in which assets
are divvied up according to what the court deemed fair,
and the judge might take into account things like the
length of the marriage, whether or not you have kids,
the couple's age, health, job skills, and other factors. But
(13:27):
that is unless you have an air tight prenup. Yeah,
because if let's use the actress example, if that carpenter
husband goes into court and says, oh, I constructed all
the sets for her movies, thus I am half responsible
for her success Or if he says, you know, because
of your your celebrity party lifestyle, you're an unfit mother
(13:48):
and he's gonna have to take care of the seven
children that you have now produced, then he might get
a little more. So it's it can definitely happen. Sort
of a life you can't even amatim for yourself could
suddenly materialize and then what are you gonna do? But
you know, we've talked a little bit about um, making
sure that a prenup is not coerced, making sure that
(14:09):
each person has a lawyer. What does it say in
the prenup. Let's talk about when you sit down to
have that conversation, everything you've got to put on the table.
And I do mean everything, And that is something we
talked about another podcast, is that you really just don't
want to talk about money with someone you're in love with.
It's so unromantic. But you've got to get financially naked,
(14:30):
even if you haven't gotten physically naked with the person.
You've got to lay it all out their credit card debt.
That's the other thing a prenup can protect you from.
Let's say that my hypothetical carpenter husband gets a drug
habit and then because you can't do with my success obviously,
and then uh runs up a credit card bill when
he's buying TVs to sell for his drug camit. That
(14:52):
was a very elaborate example. I don't need to get
stuck with that debt. So it's also protecting you against
maybe the bad things that at UH someone's bringing into
the relationship, maybe maybe credit card debt, student loans um,
that private island you own, you probably should havemit mentioning
that because later, if the divorce judge finds it, that's
(15:13):
gonna be a big, big trouble mark for you. Yeah,
so you're supposed to lay everything out and in that process,
especially if you're doing this around the time of an engagement.
It can be a good barometer to of of from
a practical sense, knowing whether or not this this person
is going to be a good partner. Um. But there
are some things, Molly, that a prenup cannot cover. Now,
when we were talking before this, you were like, I
(15:34):
want to get I want to get a pimped up
preen up, and it's gonna lay out so many stipulations. Well,
there's some really silly prenups that say things like, uh,
the two must have sex twice a week, and it
only gonna say like certain positions you have to use,
like wife cannot gain more than ten pounds, yeah over
twenty years, or she forfeits ten million dollars. So it's
(15:54):
you can get really crazy prenups. But tell us why
that's not a good idea. Well, if you in fact
get divorced and then you bring the zany pren up
to the judge and you say, I mean, look at us,
she gained fifty pounds and we weren't having you know,
sex eight times a week like I stipulated. But you
just gonna say that that's frivolous, that's frivolous. It's a
(16:16):
frivolous prenup, and even if you did have really serious
money consideration, still within there the whole thing runs the
risk of being thrown out UM. And a few more
things that you probably are not gonna be able to
get get covered in a prenup. It can't cover anything illegal, Christen,
So you can't put a stipulation in there that your
your wife loses money if she doesn't buy drugs for
(16:37):
you UM. And that's why some of those UM sex
clauses get thrown out because it looks too much like
prostitution UM. But infidelity clause is still okay because it's
you know, that's not illegal to ask that your husband
not cheat on your UM. The other thing that a
prenup can't have, it's a provision that goes against public policy.
(16:57):
So if you have children, you can't really am around
a lot about UM child support in the case of
a divorce, because courts consider child custody and the welfare
of children a matter of public policy. So let's say
that you, UM, you know you're gonna have children, and
you know that you know in the case of divorce,
the husband's gonna pay for them. The wife can't say
(17:19):
I wave all child support. That's a matter of public policy.
That's not the decision of a prenuptial agreement. Now, one
thing I think we got to keep in mind too
with prenuptial agreements is that while yes, they do cover
um couple's assets in case of a divorce, but it
also covers your assets in case of death. But the will,
someone's will and the prenup have a pretty interesting relationship. Basically,
(17:42):
your spouse's will cannot supersede the prenup if the will
is stingier. So, I mean, you're in a win win
situation if you have a really good prenup and then
someone you know and then your spouse dies, like if
if you get less. I know this sounds awful, so
sound awf of mom, I'm always giving me these these
(18:03):
horror eyes of horror. This is why people think pre
nups aren't sexy, because you basically have to say, what
happens if my spouse dies? Yeah, and but what's the
deal if But basically, if if the will gives you
less than the pre nup, the premu prenup is gonna
win out or vice versa. If the will gives you more,
and then uh, then all right, you get what's in
the will and the and the prenup goes away. Now,
(18:25):
one thing that's becoming more popular lately to add into
prenups are healthcare clauses. And this was found in US
News and World Report, and it says that with healthcare
cause continuing to rise, UM, people are getting married for
health insurance and they're adding a clause in their prenups
saying that, hey, if we get divorced, I still get
(18:45):
health insurance, which I think, you know, like we said,
you've got to put it all out on the table,
all the things arranged this marriage, all the things the
other person might benefit from. And yes, when you're in
the thrones of romance, you kind of think, I just
you know, what's yours is mine. And one other interest
thing that people putting their prenups um is a sunset clause.
And that's what we were talking a little bit about
(19:06):
with Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise is if you make
it a certain amount of marriage, certain a number of years,
then the prenups just null and void because people figure out,
if you can make it to ten years, you'll make it.
That was only to protect against hasty marriages. You know,
a marriage of a year suddenly walking away with you know,
half of someone else's things. Um, I have to say
(19:27):
to inject my personal opinion, I don't like that idea.
I think they need to be ironclad the whole duration
of the marriage. I mean, you are about as pro
prenup as they come. Well, I gotta say they are well,
I mean like you, like you mentioned the beginning, think
of Alan Tipper. They probably thought, oh, we'll be fine
after twenty years, and here they are at forty years
getting a divorce. Well, and it's I think it's also
worth noting to the lawyers advised couples with prenups to
(19:49):
review their prenups every few years. Maybe they want to
adjust something. Maybe you know, they want to loosen something
up or tighten up another part. I mean, why not.
It's a legal binding document kind of like your will. Um,
and and it's worth taking a look at. Uh. But
the thing is too that we we often associate, like
you said, prenups with just being completely unromantic. Well, it's
(20:13):
almost saying I don't trust you to be fair to
me when we're getting a divorce. But the thing is,
though prenups have become like the public perception towards prenups
at least has improved a lot in recent years. And
I think that it's kind of due to the recession,
because people have just turned into scrooges and want to
make sure that they're they're safe. But we found a
recent article in USA Today that cited a Harris survey
(20:37):
that found that UM, more than one third of adults
thirty six percent to be exact, said prenups make smart
financial sense, and that's up from twenty percent in two
thousand two. But while a third of people have a
favorable view of prenups, far fewer actually have them. According
to UH the same Hairs survey, only three percent of
(20:58):
people with a spouse or beyonce have a prenup, but
that's also up from one percent in two thousand two.
But then let's fast forward to divorce. A lot of
people wish that they had had one who didn't UM.
Among people who got a divorce, fifteen percent say that
they regret not having a prenup and their most recent marriage,
(21:18):
according again to the Harris poll. And interestingly, men are
more like within women to have this regret, and that's
nineteen percent versus twelve percent, and then nearly forty percent
of Americans also say they would have asked their significant
other to sign a prenup if they remarried. So it's
kind of like hindsight seems like a lot of people
(21:39):
have gotten burned by this, uh this prenups well, and
if you are guing remarried and have children, they say
that's an ideal situation for a prenup because you need
to make sure that your own children are protected, um
in the case of another divorce. And we actually read
one article about blended families and prenuptial agreements and I
got to say, Christ and that might be a topic
(21:59):
for a whole another podcast, just because the finances of
a blended family are so tricky. But if you just
want to think about it from a prenup perspective, if
you've got two children, you want to make sure your
assets are going to your two children as opposed to
someone you may not bitterly hate. But but the thing
about bitter hate is it can happen. And when people
say prenups are unromantic, I feel like it's it's almost
(22:23):
better to think about how you're going to exit a
marriage when you're most in love, because then you're more
likely to be fair and generous with someone, Whereas, you know,
if you are divorcing because of let's say infidelity, you
either want to take someone for all they've got or
if you're on the other side, you want to cut
them off completely. Whereas if you really did love someone,
(22:43):
you wouldn't want that for them, You'd want it to
be fair in some way. So again, as Kristen said,
I am I am very pro prenup because it just
I think, far from being unromantic, it's more romantic to
share everything you have in terms of listing it out
and then also saying, well, what's gonna be fair to
you and fair to me in the case this airplane
(23:04):
crashes well, and I think that it also reflects something
that women need to think about more than ever when
they're entering into a marriage, as opposed to say, fifty
years ago when it was Destination housewife. You know, we
are career women. We do acquire assets, we do have
four oh one case, and I think that we, you know,
(23:25):
it is worth thinking about those more practical sides of things, um,
you know, in addition to the dress and the cake
and the venue. Because if you think I'm giving half
of my book collection to you future husband. You are
wrong staying with me now, Molly? But what about all right?
This is the extreme though, in my opinion, you read
(23:46):
about this New York post dating prenups, I love them.
There's no freenup you can throw at me that I'm
not gonna love. You. Tell people a little bit about
what dating prenups are. Sure you found this arcle in
New York Post about these cup moose who are just
living together or dating, but drawing up these same sort
of contracts, because think of all the things you can
accumulate in the course of dating. You might get a dog,
(24:09):
you might get gym memberships, you might get a certain
favorite bar. Some people are going so far as to
say if we break up, I get that bar, yeah.
Or your parents. I mean, like, think of how much
you know a boyfriend or a girlfriend can get to
know your parents, your family, your friends. Who gets the friends?
CHRISTI friends? But can you really put that on a
piece of paper? And if you're just dating for crying
(24:32):
out loud, you know, I mean, it's not just really
putting the cart before the horse. Well, I think some
dating is different than the other day I do think
that when you're moving in together, if you haven't had
a serious conversation about finances and what living together is
going to be like. You know, there was one couple
in the article that basically laid out and an unofficial
contract that just the two of them honored who was
going to make the bed and who was going to
(24:52):
take out the trash. Yeah, a lot of these these
dating prenups are not legal binding contracts. It's more like
kind of like the Steven Spielberg Amy Irving thing. It's
it's more of a cop something we came up in
a bar when we decided to move in together exactly.
But you know, if you if you do if you
buy a dog together, if you buy you know, electronic
equipment that caused lots of money to our interview. If
(25:13):
you know, if someone gave up their apartment to move
into someone else's house and then the relationship ends, what
are you gonna do for for living arrangements? You know,
just even those divisions of property that you don't really
even own. Um, it's just I think that's just part
of a practical conversation you've got to have before you
move in with someone. Well, my, my favorite anecdote from
(25:34):
this New York Post article was of a relationship blogger
and a comedian who created I mean, it was kind
of just a silly dating prenup, but I think they
did take it pretty seriously because it included creative rights
over their shattered relationship. Because you know, as on this podcast,
every now and then, we tend to share personal stories
(25:54):
and you know, if you're if you're in that that realm,
you know, I mean, dating and and breaking up and
all of that is such good fodder. So many times
like it can be really hurtful. Yeah. I mean, Kristin
never signed an agreement that I couldn't write a book
about her later. Yeah, and I'm going to call it
the thrifty homeschooler who wanted to abolish marriage. She didn't
(26:16):
sign an agreement, and that's not true. Um, But yeah,
I mean I think it's I mean, that's kind of
on the sillier side of things. I mean, I think
that we can kind of, you know, get out into
the fringes at this point, right. But I do see
your your point, Molly, that these kind of dating prenups,
as kind of serious as they might seem, could be
(26:39):
a good tool to reevaluate your relationships, see how much
you really care about this person and understand exactly what
two people coming together in a relationship really entails. And
I don't. I just again, I I have a hard time.
And if you have the other opinion, feel free to
write in and tell me why why I'm wrong. But
I just don't see that as unromantic. I feel like
(27:00):
most people who are successful relationships will admit that romance
is something that you work at. So I don't think
that sharing with the other person, you know, what you're
bringing into relationship, uh, is unromantic. I think that that's
an evidence of the work that you're gonna do. If
you say, just in dating, you know, preen up, I'm
going to take out the trash. That's what I'm going
to bring to this relationship. Well, it's kind of like
what you said, you know, if when you when you
(27:21):
go into a dating relationship or a marital relationship or
just some kind of partnership with someone else in a
romantic sense, I mean, you're expected to be truthful to
that person. You're expected to be emotionally honest, sexually honest, um,
and why not be fiscally honest? As well exactly fiscally naked. Yeah,
(27:43):
just this important as emotional nakedness. And that's the title
of my next bent. And I really hope that we
hear from a lot of you guys, I mean, flood
flood the Facebook page, send us emails, because I am
very curious to know about people's thoughts on this prenup situation,
because I think it's kind of it's a little controver. Well,
you know this, this whole um episode was suggested by
(28:03):
one of our listeners, Alicia and Missouri Yes, who got
married and didn't have a prenup, although it was discussed,
and I believe that the husband had a business so
there was that that sort of asset and they decided
against it. So maybe people are having this discussion and
deciding against it. Maybe far more people have prenups than
we know. The USA to Day article pointed out that
(28:23):
because it kind of falls halfway under a state law
and halfway under family law, it's sort of impossible to
know exactly how many are out there. But if you
have them, why did you get them, If you talked
about and decide against it, why did you do that?
And if you think that they are the most unromantic,
horrifying things in the world. Let us know about that too, Mom,
stuff at how stuff works dot com. And Mom, would
(28:44):
you like me to kick things off with an email
as I usually do? Umah, let's keep it as usual. Christen. Yeah,
I'm not gonna throw a curveball this week, Molly, because
I don't want you to podcast divorce me and then
take every thing I own. Um So, I've got an
(29:05):
email here from Claire and I think it's kind of
addressed to me, she says. She says, I have just
one teeny tiny favor to ask, please, and that's in
all caps. Claire's not getting around. Please stop with the
phony British accents that seemed to pop up in every
single podcast. Please, it's my only request. So, Claire, I'm
(29:33):
I'm really sorry that that you find my accents so greating.
But and I was talking to Molly about this earlier.
The thing it's it's not it's not premeditated when I
slip into a weird voice. It's an unfortunate habit that
happens outside of the studio at all. It just kind
of does possesses me. I'll be in meetings and Chris
and all of a sudden have an accent. But I
that's what I love about Christian in meetings, I hope maybe,
(29:55):
And it kind of falls along the lines of a
bad habit I've acquired of singing my wood. It's you know,
I just don't even mean to so um. So it's
a good reminder that our shows aren't scripted. It's all
off the cuff. So that's also why there are still
a lot of ums. And you knows, and uh, but
I will try maybe maybe I'll just keep in mind no,
no British accent, but I love your British accent. The
(30:18):
clear doesn't. And who's going to podcast divorce you? I
guess she could do. She could, all right, So thank
you Claire, and and uh, apologies to anyone who hates
any vocal tis. There's one last one, alright. Letts to
a reading list, because those aren't controversial. This is a
reading list from Karen And like many of her our
(30:39):
listeners and probably people who aren't even our listeners, and
people just around the world, she is working on Stieg
Larsen's Millennium trilogy, started with Girl with the Deck, Dragon
Tattoo and the the last book just came out here
in the US The Girl who Kicked the Hornet's Nest,
So she's on that last book. She writes that she
just finished clown Girl by Monica Drake and writes intriguingly,
I will never look at clowns that say way again.
(31:00):
Oh God, I don't think that books for me. It's
sounds terrifying. Man. She also read Valley of the Dolls
by Jacqueline Suzanne. She also reads a lot of music
bios like Bowie and Biography and Paul McCartney A Life.
She was trying to read the James Bond series but
finds the male characters used towards women in other races.
It's hard to read sometimes. Um, and those are a
(31:22):
few of her suggestions. So thank you all for writing in.
As always, it's Mom stuff at how stuff works dot
com during the week, you should follow us on Twitter
and become a fans on Facebook. Really, we just want
you in our lives. And on top of that, you
can read our blog during the week It's stuff Mom
(31:42):
never told you, and the website you can find it
at is how stuff works dot com. For more on
this and thousands of other topics. Is that how Stuff
works dot Com. Want more how stuff works, check out
our blogs on the house, stuff works dot com. Home
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