July 12, 2025 • 22 mins
Going to the gynecologist can be a vulnerable experience, and can really hinge on the gynecologist. We talk about some gendered differences and preferences when it comes to going to the gynecologist in this classic episode.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hey, this is Sanny and Samantha.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
A Hope of stuff I never told you Protection by
Heart Radio, and today we're bringing back a classic As
I am trying to find a primary care provider. Something
you alerted to alerted me to, Samantha, was about how
(00:29):
you can use an obgyn as your primary care provider.
And this whole process is taking me longer than I
thought it would because I do want a woman and
we did talk about that in our episode about guidecology
and women and gender, and it's just been a whole
thing to go through this and to find the person
(00:51):
because you wanted to be the person you're comfortable with,
right And I haven't had much luck to be honest
with you, but I'm still hopeful and determined. I have
somebody I think is the one, but I'm through systematic issues,
(01:13):
technological issues. I'm having trouble getting getting in touch with them,
but hopefully so close. Yeah, get it close. But in
the meantime, please enjoy this classic episode. Hey, this is
(01:33):
Anny and Samantha. I'm at my stuff. I've never told
your production of iHeartRadio.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
And welcome to another Monday mini where I just talk
about personal things.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Excellent, Get wait for that any I don't know, am I.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
That's a great question. Beforehand, I am going to put
this trigger warn I am going to talk about sexual
abuse a little bit, and we're going to just talk
about like you know, rus, vagina, all those things. So
if you don't want that to be talked about in public,
or you don't want to have it out loud, you
might want to pass by this one indoor, save it
for a private moment or in your air pods. I
don't know any of those things, because you know this week.
(02:20):
Last week, I realized that my IUD is overdue. So
essentially I've hit my five year mark with the Kylina
and I am not being sponsored by any of these
right now. Just FYI, we've had many episodes about iud's
on here. Well, you've talked about it personally. I've talked
about it personally. I know previous hosts Carolina and Kristen
talked about it. Caroline talked about her experience and they
(02:40):
actually shared my experience too, which was hilarious because we
had very different reactions to it. My first experience with
ID was so simple that I went running that same
day because I did it did not bother me. I
still had a lot to do with like your pain,
your period pains in general, and I grew up with
really bad period pains. So when getting that IUD, I
(03:00):
was like, uh, okay, cool. I will say when I
got my IUD in, my guy to colleges, who is
a woman, played it off really easily, was like, yeah,
you'll be fine, because I was like, I heard these
following things in which co host Caroline at the time
talked about it on here that she threw up and
she saw spots and she had this really painful experience
(03:22):
versus myself, who I was like, yeah, that's fine, okay.
She literally was like, you want to take some ibuprofen.
Here's a little local anesthetic and done. And it pinched,
and I moved on getting it removed because right as
the Trump administration came in, it was kind of on
the edge of like, this is the time I was
supposed to get it taken out, and she was like, well,
you know, technically the ID I had previously the morena
(03:46):
couldn't last up to seven years, so she's like, you
could wait, and I was like, but it's the Trump administration,
and I don't know what's going to happen and what's
going to be no longer allowed or banned. So I
was like, let's go ahead and change. It's five years,
let's go ahead and change it. And so I got
my new one. So I've now hit my five year mark.
Since then, Yeah, it was around that time it was happening.
Things were happening. Rovy Wade was looking really precarious. We
(04:08):
were all like, oh my god, Oh my god. So
I got it changed, and now I've hit my five
year mark, and I'm like, okay, let's go back, and
I've kept essentially the same guycologist. I really liked her.
She was a younger, non white person as mycologists. Again,
like I said, her reactions to like, oh you'll be fine,
these are the things. And that was when I was
(04:31):
initially back and getting a new one. It pulled. It hurt.
Actually getting it changed out hurt a lot more than
either one. Getting used to it hurt a lot more
because it cou'd be like six months to get used
to it. So like, getting past those marks were a
big deal. And I understand like people like I don't
want to do this, and I get that. Getting past
that has been amazing because I've not had a period
(04:51):
in like ten years, and I am not unhappy about it.
Every now and again, I get the phantom pains PMS
period pains that I'm like, oh, oh, why is this?
Because it's not accompanied by actual period blood or blood,
I don't realize what it is, but I'm like, oh,
but these are the symptoms. I do remember this, and
recently it's gotten a little worse, and I'm wondering it's
(05:12):
because I'm at the end of this IUD period, I
like expiration, and so I'm starting to feel a little
more pains. Isn't still no bleeding, So I'm thinking okay.
But with all of that comes the horror in my
mind of like, what if it's traveled. What is one
of those things that has gone into the wrong place.
It's gone into my uterus, and I'm really, really this
is going to be bad trying to get it out.
(05:33):
What if I'm pregnant and it's an ectopic pregnancy, And
because of the laws in the state of Georgia, I'm
because they won't let me do what I need to
do and think they're going to like replant it or something,
which is a misconception and not possible. I know, I'm
speaking to the like I'm speaking to our audience, so
they know I know. But just just in case people
(05:54):
were confused, that's not a thing. But all of that
is saying is like, it's time for me to go.
Last time, when I went to see my gotten to colleges,
she had an intern, someone in med school that was
shadowing her. It ended up being a man, and I
didn't love that. But because I don't know how to
(06:15):
voice anything, and as secure as I seem and as
like bold as I seem, I'm very insecure and I
don't want to rock the boat. So he came in
with her and she's like, is this okay? And I
was like, oh yeah, okay, And I again was not
a huge fan of this. But he did some of
the examinations and he was fine. But for many of
(06:39):
us who have gone through trauma with men, didn't love this.
I like, it's like see it in the back of
my head of like, oh my god, this is awful.
I did not want this. Next go round, I ended
up going seeing the kind of cologists my regular one
was not available, so I saw a different woman. But
they initially tried to give me a man, and I
was like, no, no, no, that's the one thing I
don't want. Please don't give me man. I had a
(07:00):
different young woman. She was fantastic. It didn't have any issues.
She was confused because I essentially used my gynecologist as
my primary care position, because I'm like, oh, I didn't
realize I could do that. Okay, this makes it easier
because I don't want to go to ten different appointments
for all the different things. I went in with her
for a wellness check. Everything was fine this time around.
I was also ready to go, and they were like,
(07:22):
can you come in today? We have a doctor soul
and so I was like wait because the name was
like generic enough that sometimes it's used for women. I
know this, and I was like, is that a man?
Like I had to officially ask. She's like yes, and
I was like, okay, no, I would rather be like
I'm uncomfortable with that. I'd rather a woman. I'd rather
this person that I've known. She's not available for a
while because she's now popular and very very booked, and
(07:43):
she's like, well, the next available appointment is in two months,
three months, And I was like, good god, what I'm like, Okay, well,
just so you know, I need a new IUD. I'm
having some weird symptoms. I'm a little worried and like
all these things. She's like, Okay, well we'll put you
in for cancelations, YadA, YadA, YadA, and which made me
really think about the fact that there's a chunk of
us and this is historically and factually understood that women
(08:05):
typically prefer to have other women physicians for gynocologists, that's
been the statistics as in fact, here's what health careers
dot Com says, is impossible to ignore the fact that
many women want a woman practitioner. Says one doctor that
that's because they feel most of the female physicians are
more empathetic. Sometimes it is for comfort levels, since patients
(08:27):
are in a vulnerable position during a pelvic exam. Lastly,
an exam may be gentler since most women have smaller
hands than their male counterparts. The preference for a female
isn't just anecdotal, As a twenty sixteen review in Obstetrics
and Gynecology notes, the authors look at twenty three studies
including fourteen, seven hundred and thirty six patients and determine
(08:47):
that quote the majority of women surveyed, fifty point two
percent preferred female over a male. Obgyn eight point four
preferred a male, and surprisingly forty one point three had
no preference. So very very very small number of women
are like, yes, I would rather have a man. Of course,
this continues. There's no discounting the woman woman potential for
(09:08):
a warmer exchange in the office, and there's no question
that it as better communication between doctor and patience. It
goes on to say, with this one woman doctor, she's
enjoyed those patient relationships and knows they flourish because women
are smart, talented, thorough and empathetic to patients. Again, we
had that earlier. Manny Man needed any broad about patients
going to women doctors are more likely to live. Yeah,
(09:32):
it's likely to die in general and obgyn no exception.
I think probably more so. And it goes on to
talk about how specifically like what their conversations are like,
(09:55):
and what it looks like to have a woman kind
of being like a mother figure or a sister figure
being able to talk to you because they know how
this feels. Although there is a reminder because there's also
been horror stories where women doctors do associate their own
experience and displaces them onto their patients, and their experience
may be completely different. So they may, like me, not
had that much pain, and so assume everybody's like that,
(10:18):
which is not true, which is cannot be true, and
there's different levels of pain also also like with things
like indiemetriosis and all those other unknown even ailments that
happened that people have dismissed for years that they are
not often talked about enough. Again, we also talked about
the amount of time that a person spends with a doctor.
(10:39):
I will say my initial doctor, she was great, but
then the second time along, even though she didn't remember me,
it was much quicker, and maybe because she had like
a fuller plate, the newer doctor that had gone to
the young woman. She was young and fairly new practicing,
so she was a lot more like detailed with me,
also a lot more confused on some of the things
I requested. I was like, oh, this is interesting, but
(11:02):
all this to say, like this was a back and
forth in my head, like is there a reason beyond
like what I assume? Again for me specifically, yes, mine
is a trauma reaction. And I don't think I ever
told any of my doctors this, and this is where
I'm like, just so yo, no, I have a vivid
memory slash dream like one of the things that I remember. Again,
(11:25):
it may have been a dream, but it's it's associated
with something because this was a young childhood where I
was getting examed as a five year old in a
room full of men. And when I say exammed, I'm
talking about like a literal gynecological exam. Why would that
happen for a five year old? There's a lot of questions.
I just have a vivid, vivid picture of being surrounded
(11:46):
by men in a room while I was being exammed.
So like all these things, that is such a vivid
and wild picture for me that scares the living daylights
out of me, even to this age, because I'm like,
these are some of the reasons I have repressed memories.
I don't remember a lot from my childhood. I just
know I have a lot of fear when it came
to men in general and then growing up, so like
(12:09):
all of that to say, for me, there was a
reason like no, I don't I don't want a man,
And of course with that there's this a level of like,
but there is a bias obviously from me because of
that trauma response. And it's not their fault and it's
not my fault. And there have been articles upon articles
(12:30):
honestly saying please choose a man, and these are from
obviously men. In fact, one article written by doctor Laway saying,
who is a Singaporean opgu I n H. It's like,
these are the six reasons you should, you know, come
to a man, like he specifically says this, and then
(12:52):
one says they can be easy to talk to. So
I'm like, okay, so are women maybe more so? I
don't know. And then the next one was males can
understand female anatomy too, and I was like, oh okay, okay, okay,
so sure. The next one was like they are equally experienced,
(13:14):
and that could be true, like when it comes to
like medical practices and learning, they all go through the
same training, they all go through the same uh education.
But once again that that personal experience can be different
as well as we understand that. The narrative is that
men often try to go higher up very quickly, so
sometimes don't have that personal understanding. It says men could
(13:35):
be easy to talk to. They said it again. I
just realized the really so like, there's actually five reasons,
and then then he just added one more to it
to give you six. They are caring in humorous and
they they broke the common stereotype. And I'm like, no,
that's not actually true because in the different article they
talk about how God and colleges explain why there's so
(13:56):
many men in the profession, and so like, so many
maybe in comparison to they're not saying that it's more men,
but they're saying there's a lot of men. Stanford summary
of the study noted that females typically requested females us,
possibly due to the expectation of kindness and combession, but
then after initial awkwardness, female patients do seem to want
male doctors, and in that article it says at this point,
(14:17):
the data shows that men tend to prefer gynecology, while
female trainees lean towards obstetrics, which focuses on pregnancy, childbirth,
and the postpartum period. This could also be down to
gender based hurdles. Gynecology is a slightly more surgical specialty
compared to obstetrics, and surgery has always been a slightly
more male dominated area, which comes with its own challenges.
A doctor says surgical training can be pretty intense with
(14:40):
really long days, which can be tricky if you're trying
to juggle training with having a family and working part time.
Isn't always easy. The same doctor as that women can
also still face sexism in the workplace, though that it's changing,
and acknowledge that the issue she has raises also face
women outside the medical profession. So yes, Obviously, that conversation
is the that sexism still exists even in a field
(15:01):
that specialized for uterses. So I find that interesting in
that conversation because in another article they do talk about
how oftentimes even in the higher ups in this field
is still men, so it is still dominated by men
even though there's lesser of them in this field. All
of those conversations come into play. I found several articles
(15:30):
that I'm not going to get too much into it
about trauma informed care for obg y ns and what
is noted, they do talk about clinical indicators of possible
past sexual trauma in the way they say not able
to feel fetal movement, some women have numbed the part
of the body, so apparently that could be a sign
chronic pelvic pain missed prenatal appointments, panic with vaginal exams,
(15:54):
extreme anxiety disassociation. So all of those things could be signed,
but also all those things could be coming because you
were like, this is about my vagina and this is awkward,
and I don't know what to do because it's so
it's so taboo in general, Like vaginas are so taboo
in general, and people are ashamed of it. They have
this shame culture of what it is, to the point
(16:14):
that many people don't go to the guy in college
just in general when they desperately, when everybody desperately should
do it, and they do tell practitioners, you know, what
they can do to minimize those types of pain about like,
you know, they should be mindful of the imbalance of power, yes,
in this the doctor type power. And then with that,
of course, came article upon article about different abuse cases
(16:36):
that happened that are all generally men. I didn't see
any statistics that show that there were more cases of
abuse in uh OBGYN than any other practice. I didn't
see that, But the ones that I did see were
all men, Like it was a male practitioner. And that's
again that small inkling of like could this happen to
(16:57):
me because there was like some of the witness statements
were I thought this was part of the exam, and
then realizing later that it was actually really sexual and
you're like, wait what. And again though I have definitely
I know mail ob g i Ns, and they've talked
about how like it's just the body part, just like
any other things, and they have no connection to it,
and you have to disassociate because this is not sexual
(17:17):
to them at all, which is what you want to hear.
But at the same time, things have happened where you're like, hmm,
but is it. And then there was one small article
and I realized this publication was an extremely white, right
winged teen magazine, which I've talked about before, and I
believe we talked about them and our Christianity episode. But
their title is mail obe g y Ns are some
(17:41):
of the most prolific predators in society, and they're flying
under the radar. So I don't want to play into
that either because I would say probably more like church
priests and preachers. But okay, we'll just leave it there.
But in that that us that conversation like that does
(18:01):
also maybe that's a part of what's in my brain
that's the bias, that's like that fear could be true.
I think about that. Dentists too though, because I've heard
horror stories about dentists. You'll love having good time. This
has everything to do with my trauma. But again it
comes back to like I'm interested in why men chose
(18:21):
these professions more so than anything else. Not that they can't,
and not that any profession is not. It should be
wide open and should have open opportunities and equal opportunities,
and we've always said that, but it does fascinate me
about why do men want to be in gynecology? Is
it for the money? Is it easy? Because like we've
(18:43):
talked about how like social work and teaching, it is
mainly women nominated fields and then we have but when
a man does come in, they're get celebrated a little
more so they're more like celebrity. And it is at
that same level like, oh, you're doing something unique and
not like you really care about women in this field,
(19:03):
or you really care about children, which is such a
feminine thing, or any of those level that I wonder
if that's part of the appeal. But yeah, I just
went down this rabbit hole of like, how often do
we see this? How do we I guess, combat it
or ease our nerves? And should I give this? Should
I have given this man a chance? Because I'm like,
(19:24):
now I have to wait three months? Also, can we
talk about the healthyer system that like I am, I
have these symptoms, I'm a little worried, and they're like, well,
if anything bad happens, go to the er or our
urgent care, which is like ten times the amount of
what you have to pay.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
Yeah, our systems, it really is.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
They're trying to kill people with uterses and marginalized people. Anyway, Yeah,
that's another episode.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
I will say. I know I've told the story before,
so I won't do it again. But I was traumatized
by my first right is it too? A gynecologist and
he was a huge broad man, so it was a man.
It was a man, huge, and I was fifteen and
he didn't really tell me anything. And then he told
(20:08):
me he was going to call my dad and tell
him I'm pregnant. And if you ever listened to Thirteen
Days of Halloween, the first story I have on there
Red Velvet is based on the trauma I went through
after I wrote it.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
In high school. I felt like he should have been reported.
Is there a statute of limitations on that he?
Speaker 2 (20:32):
He legitimately traumatized me. And when that whole Trump thing
was happening, I wanted to get an IUD even though
like it was aming sex. But I was just like
just in case. But I said, I knew I was
gonna I'm too, I was gonna need some kind of
drugs or something. Yeah, I was going to panic. So
I never did it. But that's I mean, that's the
extent of what we're talking about and why it's important,
(20:57):
because yeah, you shouldn't be afraid to get healthcare right,
just look after yourself, right.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
But here we are, Here we are, and I'll tell
you in two months and everything's okay. Three months so well.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
On that grim note, we have heard from so many listeners. Unfortunately,
we love hearing from you, but it's unfortunate how many
of how many of you have had experiences like this.
We appreciate you taking the time to share them because
we do think this is really important to talk about.
So if you would like to contact us about any
of this or any resources or information you can, you
(21:39):
can email us a Stuffania Mom stuff at iHeartMedia dot com.
You can find us on Twitter, at most of a
podcast or Instagram and TikTok at stuff When Ever told You.
We're also on YouTube and onto public, and we have
a book you can get wherever you get here books.
Thanks as always too, our super producer Christine, our executive
ducer Maya, and our contributor Joey. Thank you and thanks
to you for listening Stuff I Ever Told You production
(22:00):
of I Heart Radio for podcasts or my heart Radio.
You can check out the heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Hey, this is Sanny and Samantha.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
A Hope of stuff I never told you Protection by
Heart Radio, and today we're bringing back a classic As
I am trying to find a primary care provider. Something
you alerted to alerted me to, Samantha, was about how
(00:29):
you can use an obgyn as your primary care provider.
And this whole process is taking me longer than I
thought it would because I do want a woman and
we did talk about that in our episode about guidecology
and women and gender, and it's just been a whole
thing to go through this and to find the person
(00:51):
because you wanted to be the person you're comfortable with,
right And I haven't had much luck to be honest
with you, but I'm still hopeful and determined. I have
somebody I think is the one, but I'm through systematic issues,
(01:13):
technological issues. I'm having trouble getting getting in touch with them,
but hopefully so close. Yeah, get it close. But in
the meantime, please enjoy this classic episode. Hey, this is
(01:33):
Anny and Samantha. I'm at my stuff. I've never told
your production of iHeartRadio.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
And welcome to another Monday mini where I just talk
about personal things.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Excellent, Get wait for that any I don't know, am I.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
That's a great question. Beforehand, I am going to put
this trigger warn I am going to talk about sexual
abuse a little bit, and we're going to just talk
about like you know, rus, vagina, all those things. So
if you don't want that to be talked about in public,
or you don't want to have it out loud, you
might want to pass by this one indoor, save it
for a private moment or in your air pods. I
don't know any of those things, because you know this week.
(02:20):
Last week, I realized that my IUD is overdue. So
essentially I've hit my five year mark with the Kylina
and I am not being sponsored by any of these
right now. Just FYI, we've had many episodes about iud's
on here. Well, you've talked about it personally. I've talked
about it personally. I know previous hosts Carolina and Kristen
talked about it. Caroline talked about her experience and they
(02:40):
actually shared my experience too, which was hilarious because we
had very different reactions to it. My first experience with
ID was so simple that I went running that same
day because I did it did not bother me. I
still had a lot to do with like your pain,
your period pains in general, and I grew up with
really bad period pains. So when getting that IUD, I
(03:00):
was like, uh, okay, cool. I will say when I
got my IUD in, my guy to colleges, who is
a woman, played it off really easily, was like, yeah,
you'll be fine, because I was like, I heard these
following things in which co host Caroline at the time
talked about it on here that she threw up and
she saw spots and she had this really painful experience
(03:22):
versus myself, who I was like, yeah, that's fine, okay.
She literally was like, you want to take some ibuprofen.
Here's a little local anesthetic and done. And it pinched,
and I moved on getting it removed because right as
the Trump administration came in, it was kind of on
the edge of like, this is the time I was
supposed to get it taken out, and she was like, well,
you know, technically the ID I had previously the morena
(03:46):
couldn't last up to seven years, so she's like, you
could wait, and I was like, but it's the Trump administration,
and I don't know what's going to happen and what's
going to be no longer allowed or banned. So I
was like, let's go ahead and change. It's five years,
let's go ahead and change it. And so I got
my new one. So I've now hit my five year mark.
Since then, Yeah, it was around that time it was happening.
Things were happening. Rovy Wade was looking really precarious. We
(04:08):
were all like, oh my god, Oh my god. So
I got it changed, and now I've hit my five
year mark, and I'm like, okay, let's go back, and
I've kept essentially the same guycologist. I really liked her.
She was a younger, non white person as mycologists. Again,
like I said, her reactions to like, oh you'll be fine,
these are the things. And that was when I was
(04:31):
initially back and getting a new one. It pulled. It hurt.
Actually getting it changed out hurt a lot more than
either one. Getting used to it hurt a lot more
because it cou'd be like six months to get used
to it. So like, getting past those marks were a
big deal. And I understand like people like I don't
want to do this, and I get that. Getting past
that has been amazing because I've not had a period
(04:51):
in like ten years, and I am not unhappy about it.
Every now and again, I get the phantom pains PMS
period pains that I'm like, oh, oh, why is this?
Because it's not accompanied by actual period blood or blood,
I don't realize what it is, but I'm like, oh,
but these are the symptoms. I do remember this, and
recently it's gotten a little worse, and I'm wondering it's
(05:12):
because I'm at the end of this IUD period, I
like expiration, and so I'm starting to feel a little
more pains. Isn't still no bleeding, So I'm thinking okay.
But with all of that comes the horror in my
mind of like, what if it's traveled. What is one
of those things that has gone into the wrong place.
It's gone into my uterus, and I'm really, really this
is going to be bad trying to get it out.
(05:33):
What if I'm pregnant and it's an ectopic pregnancy, And
because of the laws in the state of Georgia, I'm
because they won't let me do what I need to
do and think they're going to like replant it or something,
which is a misconception and not possible. I know, I'm
speaking to the like I'm speaking to our audience, so
they know I know. But just just in case people
(05:54):
were confused, that's not a thing. But all of that
is saying is like, it's time for me to go.
Last time, when I went to see my gotten to colleges,
she had an intern, someone in med school that was
shadowing her. It ended up being a man, and I
didn't love that. But because I don't know how to
(06:15):
voice anything, and as secure as I seem and as
like bold as I seem, I'm very insecure and I
don't want to rock the boat. So he came in
with her and she's like, is this okay? And I
was like, oh yeah, okay, And I again was not
a huge fan of this. But he did some of
the examinations and he was fine. But for many of
(06:39):
us who have gone through trauma with men, didn't love this.
I like, it's like see it in the back of
my head of like, oh my god, this is awful.
I did not want this. Next go round, I ended
up going seeing the kind of cologists my regular one
was not available, so I saw a different woman. But
they initially tried to give me a man, and I
was like, no, no, no, that's the one thing I
don't want. Please don't give me man. I had a
(07:00):
different young woman. She was fantastic. It didn't have any issues.
She was confused because I essentially used my gynecologist as
my primary care position, because I'm like, oh, I didn't
realize I could do that. Okay, this makes it easier
because I don't want to go to ten different appointments
for all the different things. I went in with her
for a wellness check. Everything was fine this time around.
I was also ready to go, and they were like,
(07:22):
can you come in today? We have a doctor soul
and so I was like wait because the name was
like generic enough that sometimes it's used for women. I
know this, and I was like, is that a man?
Like I had to officially ask. She's like yes, and
I was like, okay, no, I would rather be like
I'm uncomfortable with that. I'd rather a woman. I'd rather
this person that I've known. She's not available for a
while because she's now popular and very very booked, and
(07:43):
she's like, well, the next available appointment is in two months,
three months, And I was like, good god, what I'm like, Okay, well,
just so you know, I need a new IUD. I'm
having some weird symptoms. I'm a little worried and like
all these things. She's like, Okay, well we'll put you
in for cancelations, YadA, YadA, YadA, and which made me
really think about the fact that there's a chunk of
us and this is historically and factually understood that women
(08:05):
typically prefer to have other women physicians for gynocologists, that's
been the statistics as in fact, here's what health careers
dot Com says, is impossible to ignore the fact that
many women want a woman practitioner. Says one doctor that
that's because they feel most of the female physicians are
more empathetic. Sometimes it is for comfort levels, since patients
(08:27):
are in a vulnerable position during a pelvic exam. Lastly,
an exam may be gentler since most women have smaller
hands than their male counterparts. The preference for a female
isn't just anecdotal, As a twenty sixteen review in Obstetrics
and Gynecology notes, the authors look at twenty three studies
including fourteen, seven hundred and thirty six patients and determine
(08:47):
that quote the majority of women surveyed, fifty point two
percent preferred female over a male. Obgyn eight point four
preferred a male, and surprisingly forty one point three had
no preference. So very very very small number of women
are like, yes, I would rather have a man. Of course,
this continues. There's no discounting the woman woman potential for
(09:08):
a warmer exchange in the office, and there's no question
that it as better communication between doctor and patience. It
goes on to say, with this one woman doctor, she's
enjoyed those patient relationships and knows they flourish because women
are smart, talented, thorough and empathetic to patients. Again, we
had that earlier. Manny Man needed any broad about patients
going to women doctors are more likely to live. Yeah,
(09:32):
it's likely to die in general and obgyn no exception.
I think probably more so. And it goes on to
talk about how specifically like what their conversations are like,
(09:55):
and what it looks like to have a woman kind
of being like a mother figure or a sister figure
being able to talk to you because they know how
this feels. Although there is a reminder because there's also
been horror stories where women doctors do associate their own
experience and displaces them onto their patients, and their experience
may be completely different. So they may, like me, not
had that much pain, and so assume everybody's like that,
(10:18):
which is not true, which is cannot be true, and
there's different levels of pain also also like with things
like indiemetriosis and all those other unknown even ailments that
happened that people have dismissed for years that they are
not often talked about enough. Again, we also talked about
the amount of time that a person spends with a doctor.
(10:39):
I will say my initial doctor, she was great, but
then the second time along, even though she didn't remember me,
it was much quicker, and maybe because she had like
a fuller plate, the newer doctor that had gone to
the young woman. She was young and fairly new practicing,
so she was a lot more like detailed with me,
also a lot more confused on some of the things
I requested. I was like, oh, this is interesting, but
(11:02):
all this to say, like this was a back and
forth in my head, like is there a reason beyond
like what I assume? Again for me specifically, yes, mine
is a trauma reaction. And I don't think I ever
told any of my doctors this, and this is where
I'm like, just so yo, no, I have a vivid
memory slash dream like one of the things that I remember. Again,
(11:25):
it may have been a dream, but it's it's associated
with something because this was a young childhood where I
was getting examed as a five year old in a
room full of men. And when I say exammed, I'm
talking about like a literal gynecological exam. Why would that
happen for a five year old? There's a lot of questions.
I just have a vivid, vivid picture of being surrounded
(11:46):
by men in a room while I was being exammed.
So like all these things, that is such a vivid
and wild picture for me that scares the living daylights
out of me, even to this age, because I'm like,
these are some of the reasons I have repressed memories.
I don't remember a lot from my childhood. I just
know I have a lot of fear when it came
to men in general and then growing up, so like
(12:09):
all of that to say, for me, there was a
reason like no, I don't I don't want a man,
And of course with that there's this a level of like,
but there is a bias obviously from me because of
that trauma response. And it's not their fault and it's
not my fault. And there have been articles upon articles
(12:30):
honestly saying please choose a man, and these are from
obviously men. In fact, one article written by doctor Laway saying,
who is a Singaporean opgu I n H. It's like,
these are the six reasons you should, you know, come
to a man, like he specifically says this, and then
(12:52):
one says they can be easy to talk to. So
I'm like, okay, so are women maybe more so? I
don't know. And then the next one was males can
understand female anatomy too, and I was like, oh okay, okay, okay,
so sure. The next one was like they are equally experienced,
(13:14):
and that could be true, like when it comes to
like medical practices and learning, they all go through the
same training, they all go through the same uh education.
But once again that that personal experience can be different
as well as we understand that. The narrative is that
men often try to go higher up very quickly, so
sometimes don't have that personal understanding. It says men could
(13:35):
be easy to talk to. They said it again. I
just realized the really so like, there's actually five reasons,
and then then he just added one more to it
to give you six. They are caring in humorous and
they they broke the common stereotype. And I'm like, no,
that's not actually true because in the different article they
talk about how God and colleges explain why there's so
(13:56):
many men in the profession, and so like, so many
maybe in comparison to they're not saying that it's more men,
but they're saying there's a lot of men. Stanford summary
of the study noted that females typically requested females us,
possibly due to the expectation of kindness and combession, but
then after initial awkwardness, female patients do seem to want
male doctors, and in that article it says at this point,
(14:17):
the data shows that men tend to prefer gynecology, while
female trainees lean towards obstetrics, which focuses on pregnancy, childbirth,
and the postpartum period. This could also be down to
gender based hurdles. Gynecology is a slightly more surgical specialty
compared to obstetrics, and surgery has always been a slightly
more male dominated area, which comes with its own challenges.
A doctor says surgical training can be pretty intense with
(14:40):
really long days, which can be tricky if you're trying
to juggle training with having a family and working part time.
Isn't always easy. The same doctor as that women can
also still face sexism in the workplace, though that it's changing,
and acknowledge that the issue she has raises also face
women outside the medical profession. So yes, Obviously, that conversation
is the that sexism still exists even in a field
(15:01):
that specialized for uterses. So I find that interesting in
that conversation because in another article they do talk about
how oftentimes even in the higher ups in this field
is still men, so it is still dominated by men
even though there's lesser of them in this field. All
of those conversations come into play. I found several articles
(15:30):
that I'm not going to get too much into it
about trauma informed care for obg y ns and what
is noted, they do talk about clinical indicators of possible
past sexual trauma in the way they say not able
to feel fetal movement, some women have numbed the part
of the body, so apparently that could be a sign
chronic pelvic pain missed prenatal appointments, panic with vaginal exams,
(15:54):
extreme anxiety disassociation. So all of those things could be signed,
but also all those things could be coming because you
were like, this is about my vagina and this is awkward,
and I don't know what to do because it's so
it's so taboo in general, Like vaginas are so taboo
in general, and people are ashamed of it. They have
this shame culture of what it is, to the point
(16:14):
that many people don't go to the guy in college
just in general when they desperately, when everybody desperately should
do it, and they do tell practitioners, you know, what
they can do to minimize those types of pain about like,
you know, they should be mindful of the imbalance of power, yes,
in this the doctor type power. And then with that,
of course, came article upon article about different abuse cases
(16:36):
that happened that are all generally men. I didn't see
any statistics that show that there were more cases of
abuse in uh OBGYN than any other practice. I didn't
see that, But the ones that I did see were
all men, Like it was a male practitioner. And that's
again that small inkling of like could this happen to
(16:57):
me because there was like some of the witness statements
were I thought this was part of the exam, and
then realizing later that it was actually really sexual and
you're like, wait what. And again though I have definitely
I know mail ob g i Ns, and they've talked
about how like it's just the body part, just like
any other things, and they have no connection to it,
and you have to disassociate because this is not sexual
(17:17):
to them at all, which is what you want to hear.
But at the same time, things have happened where you're like, hmm,
but is it. And then there was one small article
and I realized this publication was an extremely white, right
winged teen magazine, which I've talked about before, and I
believe we talked about them and our Christianity episode. But
their title is mail obe g y Ns are some
(17:41):
of the most prolific predators in society, and they're flying
under the radar. So I don't want to play into
that either because I would say probably more like church
priests and preachers. But okay, we'll just leave it there.
But in that that us that conversation like that does
(18:01):
also maybe that's a part of what's in my brain
that's the bias, that's like that fear could be true.
I think about that. Dentists too though, because I've heard
horror stories about dentists. You'll love having good time. This
has everything to do with my trauma. But again it
comes back to like I'm interested in why men chose
(18:21):
these professions more so than anything else. Not that they can't,
and not that any profession is not. It should be
wide open and should have open opportunities and equal opportunities,
and we've always said that, but it does fascinate me
about why do men want to be in gynecology? Is
it for the money? Is it easy? Because like we've
(18:43):
talked about how like social work and teaching, it is
mainly women nominated fields and then we have but when
a man does come in, they're get celebrated a little
more so they're more like celebrity. And it is at
that same level like, oh, you're doing something unique and
not like you really care about women in this field,
(19:03):
or you really care about children, which is such a
feminine thing, or any of those level that I wonder
if that's part of the appeal. But yeah, I just
went down this rabbit hole of like, how often do
we see this? How do we I guess, combat it
or ease our nerves? And should I give this? Should
I have given this man a chance? Because I'm like,
(19:24):
now I have to wait three months? Also, can we
talk about the healthyer system that like I am, I
have these symptoms, I'm a little worried, and they're like, well,
if anything bad happens, go to the er or our
urgent care, which is like ten times the amount of
what you have to pay.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
Yeah, our systems, it really is.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
They're trying to kill people with uterses and marginalized people. Anyway, Yeah,
that's another episode.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
I will say. I know I've told the story before,
so I won't do it again. But I was traumatized
by my first right is it too? A gynecologist and
he was a huge broad man, so it was a man.
It was a man, huge, and I was fifteen and
he didn't really tell me anything. And then he told
(20:08):
me he was going to call my dad and tell
him I'm pregnant. And if you ever listened to Thirteen
Days of Halloween, the first story I have on there
Red Velvet is based on the trauma I went through
after I wrote it.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
In high school. I felt like he should have been reported.
Is there a statute of limitations on that he?
Speaker 2 (20:32):
He legitimately traumatized me. And when that whole Trump thing
was happening, I wanted to get an IUD even though
like it was aming sex. But I was just like
just in case. But I said, I knew I was
gonna I'm too, I was gonna need some kind of
drugs or something. Yeah, I was going to panic. So
I never did it. But that's I mean, that's the
extent of what we're talking about and why it's important,
(20:57):
because yeah, you shouldn't be afraid to get healthcare right,
just look after yourself, right.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
But here we are, Here we are, and I'll tell
you in two months and everything's okay. Three months so well.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
On that grim note, we have heard from so many listeners. Unfortunately,
we love hearing from you, but it's unfortunate how many
of how many of you have had experiences like this.
We appreciate you taking the time to share them because
we do think this is really important to talk about.
So if you would like to contact us about any
of this or any resources or information you can, you
(21:39):
can email us a Stuffania Mom stuff at iHeartMedia dot com.
You can find us on Twitter, at most of a
podcast or Instagram and TikTok at stuff When Ever told You.
We're also on YouTube and onto public, and we have
a book you can get wherever you get here books.
Thanks as always too, our super producer Christine, our executive
ducer Maya, and our contributor Joey. Thank you and thanks
to you for listening Stuff I Ever Told You production
(22:00):
of I Heart Radio for podcasts or my heart Radio.
You can check out the heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
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