Star Wars: The Prequels! (Episodes I, II, & III)

It's the Star Wars Prequels episode from our Midwest tour earlier this year! We cover The Phantom Menace (1999), Attack of the Clones (2002), and Revenge of the Sith (2005), recorded live in Chicago! Check out original videos we screened during the show on YouTube at @bechdelcast / linktr.ee/bechdelcast

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
On the Bechdcast, the questions asked if movies have women
in them, are all their discussions just boyfriends and husbands
or do they have individualism? It's the patriarchy, Zephyn Beast
start changing with the Bechdelcast.

Speaker 2 (00:16):
Do do Do Do Do Do Do Do Do Do
Do Do Do Do Do Do Do Do do do do.
It's our Star Wars prequel episode.

Speaker 3 (00:28):
Wow, okay, okay, and that we did it.

Speaker 4 (00:30):
We did it. Welcome to beat Boop, Beet Boop.

Speaker 5 (00:34):
It is our Star Wars Important Caveat prequels episode. Yes,
if you are listening to this episode, maybe you remember
us talking about our tour that we took last fall
where we covered all three Star Wars prequels in a
live stage show looking absolutely fabulous, I might add, looking

(00:55):
really real, conic good. Or maybe you were lucky enough
to get to attend and hang out with us afterwards.
But we are releasing this to the main feed today
because frankly, we don't release live episodes often, but this
was so much work to get ready for that we
kind of refuse to not have it publicly available, because

(01:20):
my god, was this a lot of prep?

Speaker 2 (01:22):
It sure was, so this is the audio from our
Chicago show, and during our live shows, we tend to
do a lot of like multi media things, so we'll
do slide shows, we'll do videos, and so some of
those things are too visually oriented to include in just

(01:42):
an audio podcast. So there are a few things that
we cut from this episode that just don't translate to
the audio medium, such as a video at the end
of the episode where we do a super cut of
all the times women interact in the entire Star Wars
Prequels trilogy. And there's also videos that we screened during

(02:04):
the live show that you will hear the audio four
in the episode, which are the three recap videos that
I edited. They're each about five minutes long. The point is,
if you want to watch these, we have put them
on the Bechdel Cast YouTube channel, which we basically don't

(02:26):
use for anything except for things like this, So the
link for that is on our link tree. So if
you want to watch any of those videos as sort
of like a supplementary material for this episode, they live
on our YouTube. But most of the episode is intact,
So most of what we did in the live show

(02:48):
is here in this audio episode, and we had a
blast doing this tour. So for everyone who came out,
thank you so much, and.

Speaker 5 (02:59):
To all of the venues that hosted us in all
four cities, we are very grateful and just had a
great experience. And if we did not make it to
your town, if you don't live in these very specific
for Midwestern towns, for this tour, we have.

Speaker 4 (03:15):
We have designs. We have designs.

Speaker 5 (03:17):
In the coming year, it's our ten year anniversary, so
we intend to hit the road again.

Speaker 2 (03:23):
Stay tuned, Stay tuned, and in the meantime, enjoy this
live show episode of the Star Wars prequels.

Speaker 3 (03:36):
Hi, Welcome to the Bechtel Cast. Guys, how are you hello?
We're so excited to be here.

Speaker 2 (03:44):
We finally came to Chicago. Sorry, it took us so
many years.

Speaker 5 (03:48):
Yes, but thank you for being persistent and aggressive.

Speaker 3 (03:54):
We're so, so so excited to be here.

Speaker 5 (03:57):
It's been a long time coming. We just came from
Indianapoli is now we're here. We've got we've got well,
let's let's sort of introduce Yeah, got here obviously. Okay,
let's let's just like do a litmus test for what
a pack of fucking doors you are?

Speaker 3 (04:14):
Do we know who this little King is here, Bob Frank,
thank you. Yes that was a call on response. I
guess I wasn't clear. This is this is my favorite
Star Wars character.

Speaker 2 (04:28):
Got wrong?

Speaker 3 (04:30):
I mean, yeah, I am right.

Speaker 5 (04:32):
Unfortunately, I think twelve of these toys were ever sold.
But his whole thing is he's a little guy. Yeah,
and he goes, hey, I.

Speaker 2 (04:43):
Love who do you have there, Caitlin, Well, I mean,
and you're gonna demonstrate this better than me. But this
so this is a padme Amidala ever heard of her?
This belongs to Jamie as well. I don't own any dolls,
no offense.

Speaker 5 (05:01):
Okay, awesome, who are you anyone I've ever dated?

Speaker 3 (05:07):
Jesus? Okay, let me. I got this baby on eBay
for one dollar. Not wanted.

Speaker 5 (05:17):
But I misunderstood the premise of the doll because it
looks like you get two dolls, but it turns out
you get one doll with an extra head.

Speaker 3 (05:34):
So unpleasant.

Speaker 5 (05:35):
I wonder why he was trying to get rid of it.
It's so scary. It's not a good thing to just
like have in your luggage. It feels like you're chased. Anyways, Okay,
welcome to the Bechtel Cast.

Speaker 2 (05:50):
Thank you for being here. We're here to talk about
the Star Wars prequels.

Speaker 5 (05:56):
Okay, but before we get there, we're cure, is there
anyone here? I mean, we'll give it up if you're
a regular listener of the show. Okay, that's that's just
free applause. But give it up if you were dragged
here by a loved one.

Speaker 3 (06:18):
Interesting. Okay, well, look in.

Speaker 5 (06:25):
Because we have a lot to get through tonight. This
is an important historical summit in which in which we
bravely discussed these movies no one has ever talked about before,
and certainly not to death.

Speaker 2 (06:42):
Certainly not who has who has done their homework and
watched the movies?

Speaker 6 (06:50):
Yes, okay, because.

Speaker 3 (06:52):
What a weird cheer, polarized.

Speaker 5 (06:57):
I feel like some of you were kind of booing
them but also confirming that you saw them.

Speaker 2 (07:03):
Who has never seen the Star Wars prequels?

Speaker 1 (07:07):
Oh wow?

Speaker 3 (07:08):
Okay, sweet summer children, there I.

Speaker 2 (07:12):
Was you once.

Speaker 5 (07:16):
Well, we're going to take you through all three movies,
and we're gonna sort of decide once and for all
if they're any good. And actually we kind of like
at our first show yesterday, we kind of were like
getting into it.

Speaker 3 (07:29):
We feel differently, we feel differently you.

Speaker 2 (07:33):
And what I mean, yes, yes, yes, So well, Jamie,
what's your relationship with Star Wars, the prequels, et cetera.

Speaker 3 (07:40):
I don't care about them. I don't care about them.
I was.

Speaker 5 (07:46):
I grew up a loser, but not this kind of loser.
I guess the easiest way to put it. This was
not my culture. I did not grow I didn't. I
don't think I saw any of the original movies from
the s and eighties until I was like, well into college.
I did see, though, I mean, I think I'm sure
this is the case for a lot of people here,

(08:06):
Like the prequels were what I associated with Star.

Speaker 3 (08:09):
Wars primarily, and I was like, not for me if
I didn't. I had never seen Phantom.

Speaker 5 (08:16):
Menace, but I do remember when I saw The Clone
Wars at a drive in with my family when I
was little.

Speaker 3 (08:24):
It was like one of the first movies I remember.

Speaker 5 (08:26):
Watching as a kid and being like, Wow, I don't
like this, which.

Speaker 3 (08:32):
Is such a weird feeling.

Speaker 5 (08:33):
As a kid, it would not occur to you to
not like anything, right it was, but yeah, I was like, wow,
this is a bummer. But I kind of came around
for episode three, because I was like in middle school
by that point, and they were doing this really if
you remember, like a really kind of aggressive, like hot
topic ification.

Speaker 3 (08:53):
Of Darth Vader.

Speaker 5 (08:55):
Like they were like, he's got the broody haircut, like, dude,
girls a fuck Darth Vader to me, and I was
a horny twelve.

Speaker 3 (09:05):
Year old, I was like, yeah, sure, I guess I
want to fuck Darth Vader.

Speaker 5 (09:09):
So I like had a little Darth Vader purse, my
little fascism purse that I had, and I was like, yeah,
I want to fuck this mean fascist like that was
what they were, and they still kind of do that
to this day over a hot topic.

Speaker 3 (09:26):
So yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 5 (09:27):
They grew on me, I will say, Like, going back
to watch them to prepare for this, I got way
more into the particulars of the Star Wars universe than
I ever thought I would need or want to. Yeah,
and now I have become the fucking dork I once feared.

Speaker 2 (09:45):
Well, fear leads to anger, Anger leads to hate, Hate
leads to suffering.

Speaker 5 (09:51):
That's and that is what it feels like, Terry.

Speaker 3 (09:55):
Now, I actually I am on team Prequels. Good team
pre uh Shakespearean whoa Team my favorite thing in the world.

Speaker 5 (10:06):
Ultimately, this is a movie about men being bitches and yeah.

Speaker 3 (10:12):
And I and I celebrate that.

Speaker 7 (10:14):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (10:14):
Caitlin, Caitlin, what's the what's your history with the prequels?
I don't like having a Mary.

Speaker 2 (10:23):
It's so creepy. It's gonna get me. I grew up
with the original trilogy. I have been watching them ever
since I can remember. Return of the Jedi is my
favorite because I love ewoks. Okay, I was like, oh,
Empire Strikes Bag is the best one. Shut up, it
doesn't have ewoks. And I was thirteen when Phantom Menace

(10:49):
came out. I probably didn't see it until I was
maybe fourteen or what. I don't know. I don't think
I saw in theaters because I was like, what is this?
They look bad, they look like shit, what's all this? CG.
I'm my Star Wars. I don't want to I don't
need it. I got around to seeing it. I was
a teenager, which meant I had like just enough taste
to be like, well, that fucking sucked. And I think

(11:12):
I saw the other two in theaters. But I was
a hater. I was contributing to the hate and the backlash,
and then I didn't see them for I don't know,
fifteen years.

Speaker 5 (11:23):
I'm curious, is and was anyone here like a part
of the original prequels hate Squad?

Speaker 3 (11:32):
Yeah, okay, you've made yourself.

Speaker 2 (11:33):
It's okay.

Speaker 3 (11:35):
You guys are pretty harsh.

Speaker 2 (11:37):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (11:38):
No, they're well.

Speaker 2 (11:40):
And then I watched them again to prep for this tour,
and I still think they suck.

Speaker 3 (11:43):
They're bad. But it was like there was like a
like a blood feud over this.

Speaker 5 (11:51):
Like weird old I mean not to defend George Lucas,
but he's a weird old man. And there was a
million Internet users being like, we have to kill we
have to kill this weird old man. And then he
spighted you all by somehow making an even worse trilogy
later on.

Speaker 3 (12:10):
But if you hang into le end Babu Frick gets
there so.

Speaker 5 (12:14):
That I remember, we saw episode nine together, and I
don't think I had like I had maybe seen the
first one. I hadn't seen the last Jedi. I was like,
let's see, let's vibe. Everyone was booing, everyone was upset,
and I left. I was just like, who is that
little guy?

Speaker 3 (12:33):
Let me become his only fan.

Speaker 2 (12:37):
Amazing. Yeah, so we have a nice variety of opinion.

Speaker 5 (12:43):
Yes, there is no wrong opinion about these movies except
whatever one you share with us at the merch table later.
But in order to we got a lot of ground
to cover. Okay, we're gonna be talking about all three movies,
and so normally this is where we would have Caitlyn's
face this.

Speaker 3 (13:00):
Recap, and we do have it, but it's a.

Speaker 2 (13:02):
Little it's a little different. So I was like, if
I recap all three movies, it'll take the entire show.
So instead, I really pared down the stories of these
movies and I did a little video edit recap. Uh,
so we're gonna we're just gonna kind of go episode
by episodes. So we're just gonna start with episode one,

(13:24):
never heard of it, and uh, we're gonna watch the
recap q Jar Jar Okay. So the backstory is this evil,
greedy entity in the galaxy called the Trade Federation is
enforcing an embargo against the planet of Naboo. So two

(13:46):
Jedi knights, Qui Gungjin and Obi Wan Kenobi are sent
to try to convince the Trade Federation to stop the blockade.
Lord Sidius, who is definitely not Palpatine.

Speaker 3 (14:00):
The Trade Federation.

Speaker 2 (14:01):
Leaders to kill the Jedi kill but Qui Gon and
Obi Wan fight off their attackers and escape to Naboo,
where they run into jar Jar banks. Meanwhile, Queen Amidala
is trying to stave off an attack by the Trade Federation,
but the Federation invades Naboo and captures the Queen and

(14:23):
her council, but Qui Gon, Obi Wan, and jar Jar
show up to rescue them and convince them to accompany
the Jedi to the planet of Coroissant. They board a
ship are two detwo is there and they head toward Coroissant,
but their ship is attacked and damaged, so they have
to land on the nearby planet of Tatuine. Qui Gon,

(14:45):
Jarjar and the Queen's handmaiden, who is definitely not also
actually the Queen, laid into a village to try to
get the parts they need to repair their ship. There
they meet Anakin skywalker, who is enslaved by this guy Watto,
who will agree to give Qui Gon the ship parts

(15:06):
he needs if Anakin wins an upcoming pod race and
hands over the prize money to Watto. But first this
small child hits on this adult wom.

Speaker 1 (15:20):
An angel.

Speaker 5 (15:21):
They're the most beautiful creatures like you.

Speaker 2 (15:24):
Also, these two meet and fall in love, you know
Wordsidius sends his apprentice Darth Maul to track down Queen
Amidala to kill her or make her sign a treaty.
I don't really know. Then there's about forty minutes of
pod racing shit as his treedom, Qui Gon wants to

(15:48):
take Anakin with them, feeling the force is strong with him.
Anakin has a shitload of Midi Chlorians. So Anakin says
goodbye to his mother, Shmi Skywalker and joins Qui Gon
in Obi Wan. Then Qui Gon, Anakin and friends arrive

(16:09):
on Coruscant, where they're greeted by Senator Palpatine, who is
using Queen Amidala to weasel his way into being elected
as the new Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Senate. Meanwhile,
Qui Gon tells the Jedi Council Yoda and Mace Windu
and this guy and as guys there. But Queen wants

(16:30):
to train Anakin to become a Jedi, but the council
is like, oh, he's too old, and he freaks us out,
and we felt like that he feels emotions, so everyone
returns to Naboo. We learn that Padme is Queen amidala Oo.

Speaker 3 (16:46):
Sir, I'm Queen amidala.

Speaker 2 (16:50):
Jar Jar Binks and the other Gungans battle the Trade
Federation and their droids who are attacking Naboo. Anakin ends
up in space and he blows up the big Trade
federationship all by himself because he's so good at his
Midi Chlorians or whatever, and it allows the Gungans to
win the battle on Naboo. Meanwhile, Qui Gon and Obi

(17:13):
Wan fight Darth Maul, but oh geez, Darth Vall kills
Qui Gon, so obi Wan chops Darth Maul in half
about it, and then obi Wan promises to train Anakin
to become a Jedi is the chosen one, which Yoda
and mace Windu are not happy about because they still

(17:33):
think Anakin is a little freak. They also mention that
there are always two Siths at a time, and now
that one is gone, another one will take his place.

Speaker 3 (17:46):
But who will it be? You ever get this recas
truly so much uh weird Jedi.

Speaker 5 (18:01):
White supremacy in the first one. Okay, where do we start.
I mean, we already talked about how these movies were
originally received. Everyone like probably one of the most anticipated
movies ever.

Speaker 3 (18:13):
And then generally everyone fucking hated it.

Speaker 8 (18:17):
Then if you were an adult, yeah, And then my
favorite sort of back and forth that I've noticed is
that whenever someone's like this movie fucking sucks, George Lucas
is like, well it's for children, and it's like, well,
it's ninety percent senic meetings.

Speaker 3 (18:33):
So I don't believe you mean that. I think you
thought it was good.

Speaker 5 (18:41):
But there's a lot to talk about in this first
one that like kind of disappears in the second and
third movies because it was so poorly received, Like the
big one.

Speaker 3 (18:51):
One of the big ones is the Midichlorians thing.

Speaker 2 (18:54):
Which is basically just like space eugenics.

Speaker 5 (18:58):
Yeah, yeah, like you have the most Jedi blood. It
feels weird, it feels uh and and people didn't like it,
and so I don't think it ever comes up again.

Speaker 3 (19:09):
They're just they're like, he has the most Next.

Speaker 5 (19:15):
I think the other biggest remembered like hated aspect of
episode one is tragically and incorrectly charged ar Binks.

Speaker 2 (19:25):
Yes, soever, we are a pro Jargear podcast. He did
nothing wrong.

Speaker 5 (19:34):
I really appreciate how like jar Jar Binks does has
sort of had like the scorned woman of the nineties
things where people were like, we were so hard on him,
whatever you do. Meanwhile, all he was trying to do
was appoints a dictator.

Speaker 2 (19:53):
But he didn't do it on purpose.

Speaker 3 (19:54):
Oh he's just a dufus.

Speaker 5 (19:58):
But there is a lot to talk about about with
jar Jar and like how that character has been interpreted
and sort of reclaimed or not reclaimed over the years,
and it tends to like split along these two.

Speaker 3 (20:10):
Stories that are like different but both important.

Speaker 5 (20:13):
The first is that there has been a lot of
talk and analysis, rightfully so, of how jar Jar's character
plays into both really harmful racial stereotypes specifically around black
Americans or just black people in general, and then as
well as really colonial stereotypes and kind of like the

(20:35):
noble savage he you know, the first two guys he meets, he's.

Speaker 3 (20:39):
Like, oh, I'm your servant forever now, you know.

Speaker 5 (20:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (20:44):
Yeah. And the actor who played him amed best He
He and George Lucas both were very defensive of this
character at the time. They're like, no, there's no racism here,
What are you talking.

Speaker 3 (20:58):
About, George Lucas.

Speaker 5 (21:00):
I've watched all the in my over preparing because I'm
obsessed with homework, I watched all the behind the scene
footage of all the movies, and in the first uh like,
so much of the first BTS footage is George Lucas
like looking to camera and being like, jar j Arr
is gonna change everything.

Speaker 2 (21:20):
He's not. It wasn't wrong, he could not.

Speaker 3 (21:23):
Be, could not be reading their room worse. And then
it's just like a comment.

Speaker 5 (21:26):
Yeah, like conversations with him and Ahmed Best where Ahmed's
like and this is where jar Jar really sort of
starts to take his own narrative and George is like, yes,
jar Jar is the best character I've ever written Han
solo like, But unfortunately uh yeah, I mean both the
actor and the writer has uh have have still to

(21:49):
this day remained jar Jar defenders in spite of there
I mean, there's been a lot of writing and criticism
of the stereotypes present in the character, but the proud
like is that it's not. I mean, George Lucas did
get blowback for Jargear, but the kind of like abuse
that Ahmed Best had to deal with for years. Yeah,

(22:13):
like it changed the shape of his life. There was
a podcast a couple of years ago called The Redemption
of jar Jar binks.

Speaker 3 (22:22):
Very much something I would listen to.

Speaker 5 (22:23):
Yeah, but it's sort of from Ahmed Best perspective of
like how painful that was, how he was like sent
death threats, how he you know, it really hurt his
mental healthy at suicidal ideation, Like.

Speaker 3 (22:36):
All of this really really awful stuff.

Speaker 5 (22:39):
Because not only was the fans not liking the character
being pushed all on him, the rightful criticism of the
racial stereotypes was being you know, put on Ahmed Best as.

Speaker 3 (22:50):
If he had written the character himself.

Speaker 5 (22:52):
Yeah, and so he sort of ended up taking all
of this slack for it, and it took, you know,
years to work through it.

Speaker 3 (22:59):
And it's still I mean, like he and George Lucas
are still friends.

Speaker 5 (23:03):
I guess he's in The Mandalorian he like plays a character.
But yeah, I mean I feel like the jar Jar
saga sort of encapsulates how poorly, poorly conceived and poorly
received Episode one was.

Speaker 2 (23:18):
Definitely in addition to that character, there's a lot of
There's been a lot of other criticism about the oh God,
who are these people? The Nermuoidian characters right, basically like
the leaders of the trade Federation that we see. They
have been criticized for being racist caricatures of East Asian people.

(23:43):
The newt gun Ray guy, that's a character. You know him, right.
He is played by a white man named Silas Carson
from England, and so he's not doing his English accent certainly.

Speaker 3 (24:00):
And nor is the actor playing Watto.

Speaker 2 (24:04):
Nope. So that is a character that has been criticized
for being playing into anti Semitic and anti Arab stereotypes.
And that is voiced by a Welsh guy named Andy So.

Speaker 5 (24:23):
And we prefer Wata when played by Griffin Newman personally. Yes,
so yeah, there are I mean, and these are these
persist throughout the movies, but there there's a weird amount
concentrated in the first movie, right that is sort of
like dialed back on because I guess apparently like jar
Jar was originally supposed to be a huge character in

(24:44):
all three movies and then everyone hated jar Jar and
they were like, never mind, We're just gonna have him
appoint a dictator and then disappear and then go.

Speaker 2 (24:54):
To Padme's funeral spoilers.

Speaker 3 (24:57):
Oh my god, it's so fun every watch I went.

Speaker 5 (25:00):
I saw the re release of episode three, and it's
so funny when you're at this like really intense like
moment at the end of the saga and it just
cuts to jar Jar crying, so fuck.

Speaker 3 (25:14):
Invited you there?

Speaker 5 (25:15):
He's I love Jarger and Padme's friendship. It's complicated. It's
a complicated friendship.

Speaker 3 (25:22):
People won't understand.

Speaker 2 (25:24):
I would also say for the human characters who are
predominantly white throughout all of the movies, there are there's
only a very small handful of like main characters who
we would able to be able to like maybe identify
their name and recognize them when we see them a
second time kind of thing. And it's pretty much just

(25:45):
Mace Windu played by Samuel L. Jackson, of course, And
you're like, George Lucas, how could you direct sam Jackson
to do such a bad performance? Like what are you doing?

Speaker 5 (25:56):
Sir?

Speaker 2 (25:56):
But he does suck in this movie.

Speaker 3 (25:58):
Uh.

Speaker 5 (26:00):
And then, as you pointed out in the recap, I
don't understand why did he Why did he have to
be eight and her be like sixteen?

Speaker 1 (26:11):
Why?

Speaker 3 (26:12):
What was the reason we he's a starver. He's a
weird guy. That's weird.

Speaker 2 (26:19):
I was thinking about the dude, and I was like, well,
maybe it's because like they find the young lings when
they're small children and then train them up to be Jedi.

Speaker 3 (26:29):
But why couldn't she be that young then?

Speaker 5 (26:31):
Like what was the reason that she had to be
twice his size?

Speaker 2 (26:38):
Also because like Lule Skywalker trains to be a Jedi
and he's like whatever. Eighteen nineteen.

Speaker 5 (26:45):
I do like the scene where they bring the kid
Anakin into the Jedi Council and they're like old, nasty,
fucked up looking crusty like, and it's like a kid.

Speaker 2 (27:01):
And then they're like, oh, you missed your mummy, you bitch.

Speaker 3 (27:06):
We'll get over it. You're in the CIA now. It's
so fucked up.

Speaker 5 (27:15):
But my favorite, my favorite reaction too, because even though
people were weirded out by this like age gap, it
was not even in like the top ten issues people
had at the time, but someone who did, Okay, this
is my favorite quote about this dynamic is what George
Lucas's ex wife had.

Speaker 3 (27:34):
To say, which is so fune.

Speaker 5 (27:38):
Okay, so Marshall Lucas, yeah, she she is his ex
wife but also crucially she edited the first Star Wars movie.

Speaker 3 (27:47):
She worked on the original trilogy. Sure, yeah, woman in
the job there in the seventies. It happened, but they it.

Speaker 5 (28:00):
Up sometime between the original trilogy and the prequels, and
she of course.

Speaker 9 (28:04):
Went to see what that old dusty bitch George was
up to when the first one came out, and she
said the following, Okay, so this is from an article
said George Lucas's ex wife cried tears of sadness at
Phantom Menace.

Speaker 3 (28:26):
She says, George is in his heart and soul a
good guy.

Speaker 5 (28:30):
I wish already, like doesn't your body just sees you
feel like you're a Thanksgiving I wish you would have
directed other kinds of movies. But when I went to

(28:50):
see episode one, I remember going out to the parking lot,
sitting in my car and crying. I cried because I
didn't think it was very good. And I thought he
had such a rich vein to mine, a rich palette
to tell stories with. He had all those characters, and
I thought it was weird that the story was about

(29:12):
this little boy who looked like he was about six,
But then later on he's supposed to get with this
princess who looked like she.

Speaker 3 (29:19):
Was twenty end of quote. I good for her, Yeah,
good for her.

Speaker 5 (29:26):
I wish I could roast my exes on the global
stage like that.

Speaker 3 (29:31):
That's thrilling, and she's right, she's right to say it.

Speaker 2 (29:34):
So Anakin is nine canonically in the first movie, Padme
is I think fourteen. Then it's then it's although Natalie
Portman was sixteen or seventeen when these movies were being filmed,
so she's even older.

Speaker 3 (29:51):
And it's like, just it is very.

Speaker 2 (29:54):
Much a bizarre choice that taints a whole thing.

Speaker 5 (29:59):
Choice anything else in episode one you wanted to touch on.

Speaker 2 (30:04):
I mean, I just want to mention Natalie Portman and
her ties to Israel because she was born there, she
has dual citizenship between there and the US. She was
raised in the US. She is like, very like the
liberal Zionism thing, which is you're still just a Zionist.

(30:28):
She has been critical of Israel in the past, but
still like defends its right to exist. And so she's
a Zionist, and we say, fuck her, fuck all Zionists.

Speaker 5 (30:39):
So best of luck with that mental illness she has. Yeah,
I think the last thing other than fucking mally Portman Zionism.

Speaker 3 (30:50):
Yeah, like s girls girl scroll.

Speaker 7 (30:53):
Uh.

Speaker 5 (30:53):
So I think that one character we really didn't get
to talk about who a lot of people remember very
fondly from the first episode.

Speaker 3 (31:04):
Yes, is Darth Maul so true?

Speaker 5 (31:06):
Yeah, Darth maum certified hoty. I think we can all agree.

Speaker 2 (31:11):
I think we might even have some like photographic evidence.

Speaker 4 (31:14):
Yes, what do we think?

Speaker 3 (31:19):
Do we think that the pattern continues?

Speaker 5 (31:25):
I will say I was looking for this and I
this was like the by far the tamest.

Speaker 3 (31:30):
Image I found.

Speaker 5 (31:32):
But I just I found it so inspiring Kitalen that
it made me want to write a short story. Oh,
inspired by Darth Maul being hot?

Speaker 3 (31:40):
Would you mind if I if I read it? Please,
I insist, Please hold my bab ou friend.

Speaker 2 (31:48):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (31:49):
Also, I bought this outfit and it's like for porn.

Speaker 2 (31:52):
I think.

Speaker 5 (31:54):
I just put on a second shirt because I was like, oh,
this is a padme outfit designed.

Speaker 3 (31:58):
For your nipples to be showing.

Speaker 5 (31:59):
Okay, Okay, this is some erotic fanfeiction I wrote about
Darth Maul that takes place immediately after he.

Speaker 3 (32:08):
Is cut in half a shop. If I may.

Speaker 5 (32:16):
Darth Maul was having a terrible day. One moment, he
was fighting a twink.

Speaker 3 (32:22):
And a twunk on the edge of a precarious tower. God,
how many times has he brought up installing a railing?
How many times?

Speaker 5 (32:31):
And the next moment he was at the bottom of
the pit and he had a tummy ache. Darth Maul
pounded his fist on the marble floor before anyone.

Speaker 3 (32:41):
Got to know me. It was such a cool villina.
He looked down at his body to assess the damage.
How bad could it? Oh?

Speaker 5 (32:53):
Oh, my god? Darth Maul was in fact cut in half.
His lower quadrant lay in a heap beside him, his
toes still twitching. He tried to get a better look
at his top half and saw his little mall spine
poking out like a chicken drumstick. This is the worst
day ever. Mal hauled himself up using his arms. Looks

(33:17):
like all those days lifting with Darth Fuckius getting off
and took stock of the situation.

Speaker 3 (33:25):
He hadn't really meant to kill Liam Neeson, he was
such a big fan of his.

Speaker 5 (33:31):
No one would believe that, though, and Mal felt himself
once again consumed by his imposter syndrome. Huh I can't
do anything right, he said, frowning like the emoticon. But
just then the echo of a familiar voice came from
above where he'd just fallen from.

Speaker 3 (33:51):
It was obi Wan's voice.

Speaker 5 (33:53):
I'm so sorry, Liam Neeson, obi Wan whined from above,
not only because you died, but because the man who
killed you.

Speaker 3 (34:01):
Well. Mal couldn't help, but hope. Could it be true?
I have a huge crush on him?

Speaker 5 (34:10):
Obi Wan ran away, leaving Liam Neeson's corpse to rot.

Speaker 3 (34:16):
Mal shook his head.

Speaker 2 (34:17):
He knew it.

Speaker 5 (34:18):
He'd been having casual hookups all over the galaxy for years,
but that one night with obi.

Speaker 3 (34:23):
Wan last spring that meant something to him.

Speaker 5 (34:27):
He knew obi Wan felt the duel, but for nine
months he'd pined. He pulled out his phone and read
through he and obi Wan's last text, screw you, obi
Wan had written a week ago, I have a Tommy ache.

Speaker 3 (34:43):
Maul replied, okay, obi Wan replied, Mal reacted.

Speaker 5 (34:48):
With Aminion's gift. Obi Wan had gone silent. Then yesterday morning,
Mal tried again. Please don't be mad, he texted, are
you seriously going to fight us?

Speaker 3 (34:58):
Obi asked.

Speaker 5 (35:00):
Paul had written his whole text out, but never had
the courage to send it.

Speaker 3 (35:03):
The unread text said, no, I have feelings for you.

Speaker 5 (35:08):
I debated telling you for a while, but I was
scared and honestly thought it might ruin our friendship.

Speaker 3 (35:13):
But I have to be honest. Still, Mall couldn't help.

Speaker 5 (35:17):
But remember how obi Wan looked at him, his thick
arms with the however you would describe the pattern, his
tight little horns.

Speaker 3 (35:31):
Obi Wan would have been so lucky.

Speaker 5 (35:34):
It didn't matter that Mal was in two pieces and
somehow survived. For the purposes of the porn I'm writing.

Speaker 3 (35:41):
He looked fucking good.

Speaker 5 (35:44):
Beside him, Mal's bottom half twitched. He'd worry about getting
his two hands surgically reattached later. At least his legs
were still.

Speaker 3 (35:53):
Oh my god, it was not Mal's leg that had tweeted.
It was.

Speaker 5 (36:01):
He dragged his top half over to be sure, rearranging
the robes. It was Mal's turgid cock. He'd be It's
always good to have the chance to use the word turgid.
He'd be lying if he said he hadn't thought about
it before. If the scyth were so powerful, why couldn't

(36:23):
they suck themselves off?

Speaker 3 (36:27):
Wouldn't that be the first thing you'd do with that
kind of power.

Speaker 5 (36:32):
But no, Darth Sidius had said the scyth could never
suck themselves off.

Speaker 3 (36:36):
It was a threat to productivity. Not today.

Speaker 5 (36:42):
Ma looked at his rock hard peepee, which kind of
corkscrewed like a ducks.

Speaker 3 (36:50):
He looked upon his menacing pukes.

Speaker 5 (36:55):
Sure things hadn't worked out with obi Wan, but look
at what obi Wan was missing out on. Maul's leg
beckoned his top half over and for a moment he
wondered about the ethics of consent, then remembered.

Speaker 3 (37:09):
And chuckled to himself. He did it. He sucked off
his bottom half, and he felt both of his hams
surge with pleasure.

Speaker 5 (37:20):
He sucked his turgid, two cork screwed peepee, and then
he kept going. He sucked his own toes, admiring his
sharp little toenails, his thick, diabolical thighs, locked his own
head in place, and.

Speaker 3 (37:40):
Until his tight little horns drew blood.

Speaker 5 (37:44):
Far from above, Emperor Palpatine watched the whole scene on the.

Speaker 3 (37:51):
On the Galactic Ring can good day. He murmured, really
your anger.

Speaker 5 (38:04):
Even in the throes of passion, Maul still couldn't help
but get a little silly.

Speaker 3 (38:08):
Don't come yet, Darth Maul. I don't know I'm gonna come.

Speaker 5 (38:13):
He tried to hold it back, but his top half
could feel his bottom half getting perilously close. When suddenly,
Maul felt a sharp pain at the bottom of his
top half, the part he couldn't quite see. Oh my god,
he said, trying to focus, but his bottom half seemed
to feel the pain too. The sharp pain contracted again again,

(38:35):
and Mal couldn't help but think of Obi Wan that
night nine months ago. Another sharp pain, and Mal's tummy turned.
Was that what this tummy ache was?

Speaker 4 (38:52):
Could it be?

Speaker 3 (38:54):
It could? Darth Maul was in labor and the baby
was coming fast.

Speaker 5 (39:01):
Mal's top half fell to the floor in pain, leaving
his bottom to writhe in agony. The contraction subsided for
a moment, and Maul looked at how tenderly his bottom
half was delivering the baby. Maybe just one more suck,
Darth Maul sat on his own face and took his

(39:21):
peepee in his mouth, even though the baby was coming fast.
After mere moments, Mall's bottom half couldn't hold back.

Speaker 6 (39:29):
He busted evil come everywhere, red and delicious, Mal was
so enamored with the taste of his own seed that
he could barely focus on delivering the baby.

Speaker 3 (39:46):
The baby, his an obi Wan Kenobi's baby.

Speaker 5 (39:51):
As Mal choked and sputtered on his own delicious evil come,
as his own thighs choked, his mean little neck lo
face flashed before his eyes.

Speaker 3 (40:02):
How could Obi Wan have ever let this all go?

Speaker 5 (40:06):
Fortified by the yummy bad boys Seamen, Mall's bottom half
dismounted as Mall's top half collapsed in birth pain again,
it was almost time. The bottom half couldn't speak, so
he farted supportively as.

Speaker 3 (40:22):
The top half pushed.

Speaker 5 (40:24):
I will never tell Obi Wan about you, Darth Mole,
yelled at the sky. I will send you to a
planet far away where he can never find you. The
last thing Male heard was the sound of his own child.
He and Obi Wan's child, eh well wanted.

Speaker 2 (40:58):
What I didn't catch this at the show last night
is that it's Darth Maul's top half birthing the baby
out of his severed out of the bottom large opening.

Speaker 5 (41:11):
Yeah, so, yeah, that is what's happening. I sort of
just to take you into my process. I had two
ideas and then I did them both.

Speaker 2 (41:22):
Yes, I love that. I love that that was terrific
around them.

Speaker 3 (41:32):
That took a lot out of me.

Speaker 2 (41:35):
But I do think that we I think we're ready
now for to examine episode two.

Speaker 3 (41:42):
And so we're going to cross your legs, change your pants.
We're getting back to business.

Speaker 2 (41:50):
Yeah. So here is my video recap of episode two.
About ten years have passed since the first movie. There
about to be a vote in the Galactic Senate to
create an Army of the Republic to help the Jedi
deal with a recent separatist movement. The movie opens with

(42:11):
an assassination attempt that's made on Padme, who is now
a senator, but she survives, and Obi Wan and Anakin
are tasked with keeping her safe, and Anakin is so
happy and horny to see Padme again. Then someone tries
to kill her again, but Anakin saves Padme and chases

(42:32):
down the assassin, who's a woman. Okay, feminism. Then the
Jedi Council instructs Anakin to accompany Padme to her home
planet of Naboo, where she will be extra safe. And
they're kind of vibing, and they vibe some more.

Speaker 3 (42:50):
I don't like sand It's coarse rough and irritated, and
he gets out everyone.

Speaker 2 (42:58):
And they even kiss on the lists. But then now.

Speaker 3 (43:06):
He should have done that.

Speaker 2 (43:08):
Meanwhile, a clue from the assassin leads obi Wan to
the mysterious planet of Camino, where he learns from this
guy that a now dead Jedi Knight had already commissioned
an army of clones to be created to fight for
the Republic, and where like okay, I guess back on Naboo,

(43:30):
Anakin casually mentions that he loves dictatorships nice. Then they
returned to Vibing. Anakin tells Padme that he loves her.
She says it's not possible for them to be together.

Speaker 3 (43:45):
I'm a senator.

Speaker 2 (43:47):
Then Anakin has a premonition slash dream about his mother
being in danger, so he and Padme go to his
home planet of Tattooine to try to find his mother
and discovers that she has been captured. She dies in
his arms, which makes him so angry that he commits

(44:08):
several murders and now he wants to become powerful enough
to do this.

Speaker 3 (44:15):
I will even learn to stop people from dying.

Speaker 2 (44:18):
Okay. Meanwhile, obi Wan ends up at a droid factory
where he's captured by some bad guys. This dude is there,
Count Dooku, the leader of the separatist movement who has
been building a huge droid army to fight the Republic.
So Palpatine is like, well, if someone grants me extra power,

(44:41):
I can approve the use of this clone Army to
fight Douku's droid army. And Jar Jar Binks, who is
sort of a senator, now does that and gives Palpatine
supreme power and everyone is like, yes, exactly, we love this. Meanwhile,
Anakin and Padme have received word that Obi Wan is

(45:04):
in trouble, so they head off to save him. They
get trapped in the droid factory for a while. Pad
May is really good at not getting squished, but then
they're captured and Padme finally professes her love for Anakin.
I love you, and then they kiss on the lips again.

(45:27):
Then they're put into a gladiator style arena along with
Obi Wan to be executed by these big beasts. But
they manage to survive and fight off the droid Army
with the help of some other Jedi who show up.
Then the Clone Army appears, who I guess are the

(45:48):
good guys to battle the Droids who are the bad guys.
Then Count Dooku escapes, so Anakin and Obi Wan go
after him. Once past is launched out of the climax
of the movie, of course, and the Jedi fight Douku,
Anakin's arm gets chopped off. Yoda shows up, but Douku

(46:12):
escapes again and links up with his daddy boyfriend Darth Sedius,
and the movie ends with Anakin and Padme getting married
in secret and making out.

Speaker 3 (46:26):
All right, they really do launch her right out at
the climax.

Speaker 5 (46:34):
Oh boy, it's brutal. We've noticed this for years. But
she she rolls out of a plane.

Speaker 2 (46:41):
Out of nowhere, and then Anakin's like, we have to
go back and get her, and obi Wan is.

Speaker 5 (46:45):
Like, fuck her going on, and He's like, you're right,
that's what God would want me to continue to be
in the CIA instead.

Speaker 3 (46:56):
I mean, this one is the boring one.

Speaker 5 (46:58):
This one is like, I think generally considered, is this
anyone's favorite of the three?

Speaker 10 (47:04):
Wow?

Speaker 3 (47:05):
Weird?

Speaker 2 (47:06):
Weird exactly, And I love how adamant you' were.

Speaker 3 (47:10):
Yes, that was brave of you to say, yeah, this one.

Speaker 5 (47:15):
I mean, this one isn't so focused on the relationship
and then a bunch of senator stuff. So I mean,
you've got me and this one dying the most gnarly death,
and now it's so brutal, and then you have like
Anakin and Badme and their relationship is just baffling. By

(47:38):
the end of this movie, like I get, like, I
guess I do like that the Jedi have to have
like rat tails.

Speaker 2 (47:46):
When this is the one with the worst haircuts. Everyone
has a really bad haircut. Obi one looks like shit,
no offense, but.

Speaker 5 (47:55):
Their relationship is like, I mean, like you sort of
get while it's like they're reconnecting app or the bone
chilling initiation in episode one, she's like, oh you turned
out hot, Sure we can hang out. Many of us
have been through a situation like that. You're like, I'm
just shocked that you don't look nine. I don't know,
but like by the end, he has said I think

(48:20):
dictatorships are worth a shot, and he's killed like women
and children, yes, after he finds out that his mother
was taken prisoner by them, and that scene between them
is so bizarre where he's like, I killed forty people
and she replies by saying everyone gets mad sometimes.

Speaker 3 (48:44):
And I just want her to walk me through that.

Speaker 5 (48:49):
For what Because they've been dating for like two weeks tops, like,
she this is the time to step.

Speaker 2 (48:56):
Back, and most of that time is just Anakin like
being really creeply pining after her. And he said, I
wrote down a few choice quotes from him. Yeah, he says,
I've thought about her every day for the past ten years.
He says, she covered the cameras. I don't think she

(49:17):
liked me watching her.

Speaker 3 (49:19):
Yeah, I like, I don't won where. He says, she's
not like other senators.

Speaker 2 (49:24):
Yeah, but he also negs her job constantly. Pad Ma says,
don't look at me like that after he's leering at her,
and he says why and Padme says, because it makes
me uncomfortable. Anakin says, now that I'm with you again,

(49:46):
I'm in agony the thoughts of not being with you.

Speaker 3 (49:50):
I can't breathe.

Speaker 2 (49:51):
I'm haunted by the kids that should have never happened.

Speaker 3 (49:54):
You are my very soul, tormenting. He's so like MySpace
coded that he communicates with others.

Speaker 4 (50:08):
I don't know this.

Speaker 5 (50:09):
I think that this relationship is the best Like Anakin
at this age specifically is the best possible use of
the bouschemmy test all right, which if you don't listen
to the show, is a character that we're supposed to
think is hot.

Speaker 3 (50:22):
And cool and sexy and like la la la if
you replace him with current Steve buscemi is.

Speaker 4 (50:31):
But yes, he.

Speaker 5 (50:35):
Is the behavior Creepy and Anakin talked of. I mean,
it's creepy when hating Christiansen does it too, unfortunately.

Speaker 3 (50:43):
But yeah, the relationship is very, very bizarre.

Speaker 8 (50:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (50:47):
He also spends most of the time complaining to Padme
about Obi wan Kenobi. He's like he doesn't.

Speaker 3 (50:52):
Notice what a freaking gene usfully you know.

Speaker 5 (50:56):
Which this is like ties into and this like peaks
in episode three of Men Being Bitches, where I mean,
I feel like I've known. I mean, this happens to
people of all genders, but especially when a man gets
hyper fixated on another man and you're somehow catching the
stray constantly about like why doesn't Chris think I'm cool?

(51:18):
I don't fucking know, Chris isn't cool. I don't know
why are we talking about this?

Speaker 3 (51:24):
I don't know. It's just it's weird. It's weird.

Speaker 2 (51:28):
I think.

Speaker 5 (51:28):
One of my favorite moments because in the first two movies,
I think Padme is relatively active, more active than a
lot of women in sci fi action were at this time.

Speaker 3 (51:40):
So there's qualifiers.

Speaker 5 (51:42):
But she does She and her handmaidens fight in the
first movie.

Speaker 3 (51:47):
She is actively fighting through some.

Speaker 5 (51:51):
Of the second movie until she's launched out of a plane,
but she does fight in the big Jedi battle thing.

Speaker 3 (51:57):
But the thing that happens that's.

Speaker 5 (51:59):
Very two thousand too, is the reason that this is
a porn costume, which is that she's wearing a full
costume and then some CGI monster passes and rips it
right here, and she's like, oh no, they God, I've
been doing sit.

Speaker 3 (52:16):
Ups like it's it's so creepy. Old man wrote this line,
but I don't know.

Speaker 5 (52:24):
Yeah, it's like there, it's it's not the worst movie
for women, but it is the worst movie to watch.

Speaker 2 (52:32):
Right.

Speaker 5 (52:45):
All Right, We've got one more movie to talk about,
and then we can finally decide are these movies feminist masterpieces?

Speaker 2 (52:55):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (52:56):
Start to start making your talies. We're gonna figure it out.
Let's check out episode three.

Speaker 2 (53:02):
Yes, Count Dooku is waging war against the Republic. The
droid leader General Grievous has kidnapped Palpatine, who the Jedi
and everyone else still think is a good guy. So
Anakin and Obi Wan go on a rescue mission to
save Palpatine, but first they have to battle Dooku, who's

(53:23):
a Sith Lord now I guess, and Anakin chops his
freaking head off, but General Grievous gets away, so the
hunt for him continues. Anakin reunites with Padme, who tells
him I think she meant to say, I'm gregnand then
Anakin has another premonition dream thing that Padme dies during childbirth,

(53:49):
so he's distraught about that. Anakin is also growing frustrated
with the Jedi Council for not making him a Jedi
Master and for their distrit trust in Anakin's best buddy, Palpatine.
Then obi Wan heads off to find and destroy General Grievous.

(54:09):
They fight for a while with various weapons, and obi
Wan eventually defeats Grievous. Meanwhile, Palpatine is like, hey, Anakin,
maybe you should use the dark side of the Force
to prevent your wife from dying. I don't know, just
a thought, and Anakin is like, wait a minute, you're

(54:31):
the sith Lord we've been looking for. So mace Windu
goes to arrest Palpatine, but now Anakin is having second thoughts.
Maybe the dark Side isn't so bad, so he lets
Palpatine kill mace Windu. Then Palpatine, who looks like this now,
takes on Anakin as his syth apprentice and tells Anakin

(54:56):
they better kill all the Jedi, including children. Ah and
then Palpatine has his clone army execute most of the
other Jedi, though Yoda survives, as does Obi Wan. Meanwhile,
Anakin travels to a lava planet to kill the remaining

(55:17):
leaders of the separatist movement. Obi Wan and Padme realize
that Anakin has turned to the dark Side, so they
show up and try to talk some sense into him,
but Anakin is like no, thank you pass, so he
and obi Wan have a very long lightsaber battle. Then

(55:38):
this happens.

Speaker 7 (55:48):
Chosen One, it would said that you would destroy this
and not join them.

Speaker 2 (56:02):
Oh no, and Obi Wan is like bye and leaves
Anakin to die, but then Palpatine shows up to save him.
Anakin gets medical attention and becomes the familiar Darth Vader
that we all know and love and He's like, where
is Padme? But Padme is busy dying during childbirth, just

(56:26):
like in Anakin's premonition. But the twin babies Luke and
Lea ever heard of them, are born, and Yoda and
Obi Wan make arrangements for who will take care of
the babies, and it all sets up the original Star
Wars trilogy.

Speaker 3 (56:42):
We the end, We our time for Kaylin's vacas. That's
it forever. I thank you, all right, Well you got
Padme getting launched out of.

Speaker 5 (56:59):
The last This movie was a gregious what if. I okay,
there's this movie.

Speaker 3 (57:05):
I do like.

Speaker 5 (57:07):
I think this movie is the most fun because it's
the most men being bitchy.

Speaker 3 (57:16):
It's the longest.

Speaker 5 (57:17):
I love how they're screaming like Shakespearean sentences to each
other across lava pits. There's a great line from Anakin
where he's like, uh where uh?

Speaker 3 (57:28):
Obi Wan is like, oh the Jedi, Like the Jedi
are good?

Speaker 5 (57:32):
This is they're evil, and then Anakin shouts from forty
yards away. In my opinion, it is the Jedi, we
are evil, and we're like, got it cool? Just in
case you had any doubt of where he was at.
But no, I mean the fact that that whole scene
starts by uh Anakin choking and throwing his very pregnant

(57:57):
wife on the ground. Obi Wan is there and they're
just like, well, time to walk around each other traumatically.

Speaker 3 (58:06):
She's good, she's good. Don't worry about it.

Speaker 2 (58:09):
Yeah, it's not the best.

Speaker 3 (58:11):
Uh we do.

Speaker 2 (58:13):
Well, look at that colorful commentary from me, As you said,
the men being bitchy to each other is awesome. Actually,
I love to watch it. We uh, we've got bitchy Anakin,
We've got bitchy Palpatine is a huge bitch in this
Yoda Doo bitch.

Speaker 5 (58:33):
It's so weird because it's like, if you grew up
with the with the original movies, you're like, oh, this
funny muppet who has superpowers, But in the prequels, I
was like, Yoda is a stern, bitchy nine hundred year
old who thinks children are.

Speaker 3 (58:47):
Old and should stop whining for their mommies.

Speaker 2 (58:52):
Like, yeah, well that's the thing. Like, and this has
been discussed. There's actually a great pop culture detective video
essay about this, but basically, the like Jedi obsession with
like emotional repression, and since most of the Jedi who
we meet, our men were like, yikes, this never ends.

Speaker 3 (59:12):
Well, yeah, I feel like, yeah, the two sides. I
think it's like intentionally done. But the two sides of
this conflict.

Speaker 5 (59:19):
They're either like men should compartmentalize their feelings to a
degree that is unreasonable, or they should use their emotions
to commit violence against others, and there's just no one
that has the happy medium. They're like, this is these
are the two states. These are the two genders of

(59:39):
man feelings. And it doesn't work out too great. As
for our friend Padme, she really gets the short end
of the stick in this one. I think it for
in like eighty percent of the scene she's in, she's
just pregnant.

Speaker 3 (59:54):
And crying at her apartment.

Speaker 5 (59:56):
Yes, it's so frustrating watching this because at the end,
her like big last scene before she goes to the
Lava planet, she's like in the Senate and she says
that like whatever weird, Like like she's like, oh, we
had democracy now we don't like oh oh no, shoot,

(01:00:16):
which that maybe that line would hit harder if you
saw a single scene.

Speaker 3 (01:00:19):
Of her going to work, like ostensibly she hasn't been
to work.

Speaker 5 (01:00:24):
I was like, yeah, maybe democracy wouldn't have fallen if
you clocked in one once or twice.

Speaker 2 (01:00:30):
Yeah, well I made a little just kind of like
just reflection on what what did women do during these movies?
It's not that much so you did, so don't buckle
in because it won't take long, Padme. Like you said,
she does fight in a couple of battles, especially the
kind of like climactic third act battle of the first

(01:00:53):
movie and the second movie before she gets inevitably launched
out of it. But there's that scene in like the
Gladiator where she like saves herself and I was like, what,
I can't believe that they let her do that?

Speaker 3 (01:01:06):
Oh they did. They were like, as long as she's wearing.

Speaker 2 (01:01:08):
A crop top. He yes, yes, yes, yes. She does
a couple senate things. What are they? We're not sure exactly.
And then there's a lot of fridging in this movie,
first with like Anakin's mother, Me gets fridged in the

(01:01:30):
second movie and.

Speaker 5 (01:01:31):
That, and if you don't know what that means, it's
basically a woman character uh being killed off to advance
the plot of the male protagonists, which is what happens
to every woman in this movie.

Speaker 3 (01:01:45):
And they have the fact.

Speaker 5 (01:01:46):
That Anakin has like what it seems like sometimes his
only connection to the force is that he has a
bad dream topless when a lady's about to die, I
feel like.

Speaker 2 (01:01:56):
His one force power.

Speaker 3 (01:01:58):
Wow, this is a pretty pretty useful.

Speaker 2 (01:02:02):
The women who I know they might die, I don't know,
wakes up all sexy.

Speaker 5 (01:02:08):
You too, Yeah, mom, Yeah, so that happens.

Speaker 2 (01:02:17):
Shmi dies in the second movie to kind of like
start to contribute to his arc to become Darth Vader.
And then it really takes full form with Padme being
fridged at the end where they're like the droid is like,
we don't know why she's dying.

Speaker 3 (01:02:34):
Oh my god, I love that she just lost the
will to live.

Speaker 5 (01:02:40):
The medical yeah, the medical professional, I mean this is
somehow times how anyone who is in this is Man.

Speaker 3 (01:02:46):
Is treated at the doctor.

Speaker 5 (01:02:48):
But they're like they like, you know, strong, they strung out,
and they're like, well, she's perfectly healthy, but she's dying.

Speaker 3 (01:02:55):
So you better get in there.

Speaker 5 (01:02:58):
And they're like, we haven't tried anything, and we're not going.

Speaker 2 (01:03:02):
To to be fair if I did as much like
ignoring of red flags as Padme does to Anakin, and
like and then saw in front of my eyes him
becoming a sith lord. I would also die. I'd be like, Wow, she's.

Speaker 3 (01:03:21):
Dying of embarrassment. She's like, my husband's being so embarrassing.
I'm gonna get out of here.

Speaker 5 (01:03:30):
I'm going to join the forest because I mean, look,
many such cases that happens.

Speaker 2 (01:03:36):
It happens.

Speaker 5 (01:03:37):
So yeah, that's I mean, there is Okay, maybe this
this duvetails into something that that I'd like to discuss.

Speaker 2 (01:03:45):
Indeed, Yeah, the only other thing I was gonna say
about it is just like, other than those few examples
we just listed, women are basically inconsequential to the movies.
You have, like a couple women jedies. What are their names?
Who are they? What have they done? We have no
idea thing with like a woman fighter pilot. Sometimes there's
like women in the Senate or doing political thing. But again,

(01:04:08):
like we just don't. We know nothing. We know nothing
about any of them. We know nothing.

Speaker 5 (01:04:13):
But what if I told you I spent the last
couple of weeks reading twenty five comic books, four novels,
a million Wikipedia pages, and generally wasted a lot of
my one human life reading all the one thing. Okay,

(01:04:33):
so this is like kind of like it's cheating when
there's like feminist retconning of an obviously not feminist franchise.

Speaker 3 (01:04:42):
But I like to watch them try.

Speaker 5 (01:04:44):
So I wanted to share with you, Caitlin Dorante and
you audience, an argument for Padme being a good character.

Speaker 3 (01:04:53):
Maybe let's go go Okay, we could do that.

Speaker 5 (01:05:06):
Let it play'd at our show yesterday, that sound cute
was playing whenever it was starting in the middle of sentences,
way before it was supposed.

Speaker 2 (01:05:21):
To happen, and then it was supposed to happen.

Speaker 5 (01:05:24):
Okay, So I'll be as quick as I can, but
I do need to justify all five thousand hours I
spent reading every single ancillary piece of Padme content, and
there's a lot of it.

Speaker 3 (01:05:37):
Okay, So let's go to the next slide. I am
the Padme defender.

Speaker 5 (01:05:41):
I am a white woman with brown hair, so it
is therefore my duty to attempt So let's first look
at the next slide with the women we get in
the movie, and then I'll talk to you about what
we found. Right, our first lady is Padme, a queen
who becomes a senator, who later becomes a fridge wife.

Speaker 3 (01:06:00):
And a baby machine. She dies for plot reasons.

Speaker 5 (01:06:03):
Next Shmi, an enslaved woman who immaculately conceives bad Jesus
and then becomes a friged mommy. The Handmaidens. There's a
bunch of them and they all look like padme on purpose. Look,
there's one's head right over there. We don't get to see.
We see them die.

Speaker 3 (01:06:22):
More often than we see them speak. Next zam Wessele
question mark.

Speaker 2 (01:06:28):
We know, we know her, we love her.

Speaker 3 (01:06:30):
In the middle of uh trying to find five women,
I really started.

Speaker 5 (01:06:34):
To struggle, which is why, which is why I'm ending here?

Speaker 7 (01:06:38):
Uh?

Speaker 4 (01:06:38):
Or her?

Speaker 3 (01:06:41):
Who's that? I don't know?

Speaker 5 (01:06:44):
But maybe she was really important at one time on
her planet of origin.

Speaker 3 (01:06:48):
We'll never know.

Speaker 5 (01:06:49):
And with that I wanted to go to other people
that I would describe as her. On the next line, her,
let's so, let's let's just take a moment for for
her and what about in her?

Speaker 3 (01:07:05):
Remember her? And her? Who could forget her? She's a
little bullerry, but we love her? What about her?

Speaker 10 (01:07:14):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (01:07:15):
Also I think she's from a deleted scene. Her her,
she's pretty bright.

Speaker 5 (01:07:19):
Her, she's the hot her, the same She's Oh no,
I really.

Speaker 2 (01:07:29):
Okay?

Speaker 5 (01:07:30):
Well, that's that's if you go to the She's actually
pretty important if you go to the if you click again, yeah,
she's important if you're a dork, I found out.

Speaker 3 (01:07:41):
And then and then finally there's her, and so in
a way, there's a lot of women. It's a rich tapestry.

Speaker 5 (01:07:48):
So I wanted to as I was looking through all
of this behind the scenes footage, I wanted to see
what did George Lucas or Natalie Portman have to say
about the feminist masterpiece that they were part dissipating him.

Speaker 3 (01:08:01):
And I have the information. Let's go to the video.
This is my sext up version.

Speaker 10 (01:08:08):
I guess of the queen got over the hump of eighteen,
so I'm allowed to show tummy now.

Speaker 5 (01:08:14):
I guess, okay, we can stop the clip there where
we can stop there, and then Samuel la Jackson's like,
the love story is really good. So that is all
I was able to find in a discussion of women
at all in four and a half hours of behind
the scene footage and featuring the phrase the hump of

(01:08:34):
eighteen bone chilling that What's even worse, though, is in
a movie that Caitlin you sent yourself features at least
a half hour a piece of ships taking off and landing.
There were actually scenes filmed for Padme in which things
happened to her.

Speaker 3 (01:08:54):
It drives me up a wall. Okay, In episode two,
all really quick, we have a whole.

Speaker 5 (01:09:00):
Scene where we meet her family, we meet her sister,
We understand her political motivation. She worked with refugee children
when she was a kid, That's why she wanted to
be a senator.

Speaker 3 (01:09:10):
And then in episode three.

Speaker 5 (01:09:12):
Even though we really only ever see her pregnant and
crying in an apartment, there was a whole story there.
Originally that was replaced with ships taking off and landing.
Fortunately those we just.

Speaker 3 (01:09:24):
Couldn't cut it.

Speaker 5 (01:09:25):
But there is this whole story where Padme in the
world of Star Wars, and I wouldn't have known any
of this information with a gun to my head ten
days ago.

Speaker 3 (01:09:33):
But she is known as the mother of.

Speaker 5 (01:09:36):
The Resistance, right or the rebellion, because in this movie,
she originally confronts Palpatine, tries to at least lightly push
back on fascism, and actually does do stuff at work.

Speaker 3 (01:09:51):
We just ended up thinking, you know, George Lucas decided
it was pointless.

Speaker 5 (01:09:54):
But you do see a couple of boring Senate meetings
in which she is saying fascism should we not?

Speaker 3 (01:10:00):
Here's one I can't believe it has come to this.
Chencer Palpatine is one of my oldest advisors. He served
as my ambassador when I was Queen.

Speaker 5 (01:10:11):
Senator, I fear you underestimate the amount of corruption that
has taken.

Speaker 3 (01:10:15):
Hold in the Senate.

Speaker 5 (01:10:16):
Okay, And the next clip we meet another senator who
I wish we got in the movies.

Speaker 3 (01:10:24):
I like to call him the Australian guy. We cannot
let this turn into another war. Absolutely, that is the
last thing we want.

Speaker 8 (01:10:33):
We are hoping to form an alliance in the Senate
to stop the Chancellor from further subverting the Constitution.

Speaker 3 (01:10:39):
That's all I know.

Speaker 1 (01:10:41):
A Jedi.

Speaker 3 (01:10:41):
I feel we should consult.

Speaker 2 (01:10:43):
There would be dangerous.

Speaker 3 (01:10:45):
We don't know how the Jedi fit into all this.

Speaker 1 (01:10:48):
I only wish to discuss this with one one I trust.

Speaker 5 (01:10:52):
Going against the Chancellor without the support of the Jedi
is risky.

Speaker 3 (01:10:56):
The Jedi are not any happier with the situation than
we are.

Speaker 5 (01:11:00):
Patient, Senator, we have so many senators on our side.

Speaker 1 (01:11:04):
Surely that will supplice.

Speaker 3 (01:11:06):
Okay.

Speaker 5 (01:11:06):
I want to stop it there, hell, And the final
scene I wanted to share is uh when she confronts
Palpatine directly, and don't worry, the Australian guy is there too.

Speaker 3 (01:11:26):
You are pursuing a diplomatic solution.

Speaker 5 (01:11:28):
To the war, then you must trust me to do
the right things, Senator.

Speaker 1 (01:11:34):
That is why I am here.

Speaker 10 (01:11:35):
Surely I said you can stop there, okay, So really
quickly into the Padme verse, I want to talk about
the handmaidens.

Speaker 5 (01:11:47):
They are the interchangeable doubles, so some of them are
also played by very famous actors.

Speaker 3 (01:11:51):
First we have Sabe.

Speaker 5 (01:11:53):
Played by Kura Knightley. Canonically, Sabe is Padme's best friend.
She eventually quits the job with Padme and goes on
to liberate slaves on Tattooine, where Anakin is from. And
then when Padme dies, she joined She infiltrates Darth Vader's
posse and pretends to be Padme's ghost. So she's really

(01:12:19):
she's a cool character. Let's mix some the naming convention up,
shall we just kidding? Robbie Robbie, she is sort of
the fashion girl of the group.

Speaker 3 (01:12:30):
She designs those cool hot topic robes. Who else do we.

Speaker 5 (01:12:33):
Have Yana, of course, a canonically gay character who marries Sach.

Speaker 4 (01:12:40):
Isn't that fun?

Speaker 3 (01:12:41):
Good for them? Two identical women.

Speaker 5 (01:12:44):
Married great and then finally played by Rose Byrne, we
have Dorme who joins Padme when she is a senator.
Now you might be looking at saj and be like,
that's a familiar face.

Speaker 3 (01:12:56):
Who the hell is that? Well, that is Sophia Cole.
That is, in fact, Sofia Coppola. If if you go
again she is that is her in the Phantom Menace.
And if you're wondering, does she remember doing that? No,
she doesn't. She doesn't remember. She had to be reminded.

Speaker 5 (01:13:19):
Like we were saying, there are we see the Handmaidens
die more frequently than we see them do stuff on screen.
So I just wanted to talk about the two who die. Uh,
those are Corda and Verse. Corde gets a nice death moment.
Padme is like, oh girl, sorry, right. Meanwhile, there is
another one who dies. Padme does not seem concerned about it.

(01:13:41):
I don't know what she did. All right, Let's pivot
to talk about Shmi really quickly. I want to just
say Shmi was almost played by Bijork. That would have
been cool Army of Shmi.

Speaker 3 (01:13:56):
B York joke. So Shmi's character is also feminis redconned
in these books.

Speaker 5 (01:14:02):
We turned her into and the next slide a woman
in stem because there is exactly one shot where Shmi
is near a computer chip, and so this poor author was.

Speaker 3 (01:14:14):
Like, okay, okay, we can do this.

Speaker 5 (01:14:17):
And in the in the expanded Universe, she develops technology
that ends up disabling tracking devices and freeing enslaved people.

Speaker 3 (01:14:26):
In the movie, she just dies.

Speaker 5 (01:14:28):
The last thing is Sabe. So, like I was saying,
she's pad that's her pretending to be Padme's ghost, and
she almost kills Darth Vader, but then she's like, I
think he's kind of nice. That's sort of where that ends.
There's other weird Padme stuff. There's this comic book where
Padme is with jar Jar and there's a lot of

(01:14:48):
jokes about her looking at his butt.

Speaker 3 (01:14:50):
In conclusion.

Speaker 5 (01:14:52):
In conclusion, look, the people are still thy thinking about
these women for a reason, and for those there, there
are feminist retcon stories everywhere.

Speaker 3 (01:15:07):
For those with eyes to see.

Speaker 5 (01:15:09):
And so I wanted to share my discoveries and argue
that Padme is a good character.

Speaker 3 (01:15:16):
Actually concluded done. Wow, God, so have I convinced you?

Speaker 2 (01:15:27):
No?

Speaker 8 (01:15:29):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (01:15:29):
Good? Four thousand hours well spent.

Speaker 2 (01:15:32):
I mean it's nice that there's all that extra ancillary
like material about her, But as far as we'll we
get in the movies, which is what most people have consumed.

Speaker 5 (01:15:43):
Yeah, it's it's much and I feel like that's what
happens in almost like every single big franchise is like.

Speaker 3 (01:15:50):
It's very very bland and vanilla.

Speaker 5 (01:15:53):
And then any of the stuff that is inclusive of
not white guys is like a comic book that twelve
people have red. Right, It's just so they can be like, well, no,
you have to really dig, you know. So anyways, Yeah,
she is a feminist legend and we miss her.

Speaker 3 (01:16:10):
We miss her so much. All right, it's too bad
she died due to complications of will.

Speaker 2 (01:16:15):
To live, losing the will to live.

Speaker 5 (01:16:19):
But the most important, I mean the question, not the
one of the least important question we talk about in
this show is do these movies pass the Bechdel That
is such a good question.

Speaker 2 (01:16:29):
I now here's what I have done. I've edited another
little video and this is a super cut. Oh there's
no it's.

Speaker 3 (01:16:40):
Good to keep going. Another Haunted soundcum.

Speaker 2 (01:16:44):
So basically I did a supercut of not even all
the times the movie passes the Bechdel test. These are
just the moments in these movies, all three of them,
where women interact, and so let's take a look at
what that looks like.

Speaker 3 (01:16:57):
See.

Speaker 2 (01:16:58):
So this is where we're the live show portion of
the episode. If you do want to watch that video
of the super cut of all the times women interact
in the Prequels trilogy, again, that's on our YouTube channel.
You can find the link to that at link tree
slash Bechdel Test. Either way, we concluded that the entire

(01:17:21):
trilogy does not pass the Bechdel test, and even if
it does kind of technically pass, it still basically doesn't,
at least not spiritually. So if you can believe it,
a Star Wars movie doesn't pass the Bechdel test. However,
our nipple scale where we rate the movie or the
trilogy on a scale of zero to five nipples, examining

(01:17:43):
it through an intersectional feminist lens. Based on everything you
heard us talk about in the live show, I'm going
to go ahead and give this a half nipple. Yeah,
I don't think it deserves any more than that.

Speaker 5 (01:17:55):
I'm also going to give it a half nipple in
spite of the fact, as I talked about in the
you know, all the things I like about the prequels
are not text to the Prequels.

Speaker 4 (01:18:06):
So shout out to the various authors.

Speaker 5 (01:18:10):
That have in the you know, two decades since these
movies came out, fleshed characters out that people were interested in.

Speaker 4 (01:18:18):
George Lucas did not do that.

Speaker 5 (01:18:20):
And you I don't believe that he would have ever
intended that.

Speaker 4 (01:18:25):
So sorry, Peapa, It's going to.

Speaker 11 (01:18:26):
Be a half nitbowl.

Speaker 2 (01:18:28):
Yeah, exactly. And then we ended the live show with
a I would say very well choreographed lightsaber battle between
the two of us. It was special effects, amazing technology
high and by that visualized stunning. We looked great. We

(01:18:49):
had lightsabers and we found out that they went beer
and everything. So if you if you were there, you
can attest that it was earth shaking.

Speaker 4 (01:19:01):
It was beautiful.

Speaker 2 (01:19:03):
It was in earth shaking, naboo shaking, tattooine shaking.

Speaker 5 (01:19:08):
I could go on, namboo is never the same after
what we did, which is just another reason to come
to our live shows when we come to your town,
which we very may well next year and absolutely with
that in mind, if you are a fan of the
show and want more of the show and are not
currently a member of our Patreon aka Matreon, we do

(01:19:29):
tend to release tickets and show dates a little earlier
over on the Matreon to give matrons a first shot
at getting tickets as well as often we will release
discount codes as well as if you come to our
merch table, which we run by ourselves diihy ever heard
of it. Matrons get bonus buttons at our merch tables,

(01:19:51):
So come and get some cool stuff that's at patreon
dot com slash bectel cast. Five bucks a month is
going to get you two bonus episodes, access to our
two hundred episode back catalog, and you know, access to
the community announcements and the community in general.

Speaker 2 (01:20:08):
Indeed, and thank you again to everyone who came out
to the live shows on this tour. Thank you again
to the venues for having us. So shouts out to
the Fountain Square Theater in Indianapolis as well as Let's
Fest because our Indianapolis show was a part of Let's

(01:20:28):
Fest comedy festival, so thank you to them for having us.
Thanks to the Den Theater in Chicago, the Burr Oak
in Madison, and the Dudley Riggs Theater in Minneapolis. And
with that, should we go have another lightsaber battle where
we almost kiss, which is what happened on stage this time.

Speaker 4 (01:20:51):
Let's do it.

Speaker 5 (01:20:52):
The cerbating allegations were not beating them.

Speaker 2 (01:20:57):
Bye bye.

Speaker 11 (01:21:02):
The Bechtel Cast is a production of iHeartMedia, hosted and
produced by Me, Jamie Loftus and.

Speaker 2 (01:21:08):
Me Caitlyn Durrante. The podcast is also produced by Sophie Lichtermann.

Speaker 11 (01:21:12):
And edited by Caitlyn Durrante. Ever heard of them? That's
me and our logo and merch and all of our
artwork in fact are designed by Jamie Loftis, Ever heard
of her?

Speaker 2 (01:21:23):
Oh My God?

Speaker 4 (01:21:25):
And our theme song, by the way, was composed by Mike.

Speaker 2 (01:21:27):
Kaplan with vocals by Katherine Voskrasinski.

Speaker 11 (01:21:31):
Iconic and a special thanks to the one and only
Aristotle Acevedo.

Speaker 2 (01:21:36):
For more information about the podcast, please visit linktree slash
Bechtel Cast