In this edition of How I Trended Your Mother, Jack and Miles discuss The White House joining TikTok (to zero fanfare), JD Vance & friends getting booed at Shake Shack, prices going up for the nearly EoL PS5, an ICE Goon/U.S. Concentration Camp update and much more!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello the Internet, and welcome to this episode of How
I Trended Your Mother? Let me see a vanadium silver trended?
Couldn't it be trend How I trend your Mother? Is like,
but I guess sense. Yeah, but it just feels dirty.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
It feels like a verb.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Yeah, well, met is a verb.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Oh yeah, you got me there.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
I got you there. I'm gonna have to question your
police work there, Miles. Met is a verb. One more thing?
What but yeah, it adds like something to it, like
how I trended your mother? I don't know what it is. Yeah, yeah,
vanadium silver? You sick? Oh? But thank you for the
(00:47):
run of sitcom based trending titles. Yeah, anything to distract
from the news, you know. Uh, it's a pleasure. What's
going on? Wow? What's up? So I'm going off? Oh man,
I'm in the office. Uh TV show? Yeah? Man, he
bragged the office right now. Man, I'm in the office, dude,
(01:09):
really that's people don't know this, But I'm in the office.
What's Dwight Like, I'm back at the HQ at work,
coming coming into the HQ on a daily basis while
I'm in New York temporarily, And uh, I forgot how
humiliating it is to go to the bathroom at work.
Oh yeah, just shoulder to shoulder, shoulder to shoulder, taking
(01:32):
a take into your boss, taking a dump in the
urinal shoulders, shoulder. You're also peeing out of the hole
in your in your penis right now? I'm sorry? Is
that the small talk talk.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
I went with was Jack, I told you I gave
you a bunch of one to do in the bathroom
and not go over Well, uh, you got pissed running
through your urethra right now.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Also, straight line, hey, straight shooter over here, take.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Up all right, someone's got a split stream.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Ah.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Player, Uh, you're a player. I'm the CEO.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
I really would ask that you leave me alone. Stop, stop,
let go of my hand. We should before we started.
I don't care if you're scared. This is not the
place to grab a stranger's hand.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
I think I've told that story when I when I worked,
I had a I had a boss who like had
you know, he had flow issues because he's like an
older guy. Yeah, and peeing next to him, like there
are a few for whatever reason, like our bladders were
synced up, and I would it would be like one
of those things where like you'd like, sometimes I would
see him go in the bathroom like I'm going it
(02:42):
at the same time. I'm going at the same time,
and other.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Times like experiencing hell secondhand.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Yeah, because other times we'd be like right there and
it'd be too late for me to do it. You
you turn him like, hey, what's up, Miles, And I'm like, oh, yeah, nothing, man.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
You're literally going towards the bathroom.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
See yeah, and I can't say, ah, wait, sorry, my
computer's on five.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
I gotta go back.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
And then he was doing he was having.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Straight up green Mile Tom Hanks. I have heard some
elderly men go through some shit. Yeah, it's like go
through labor and look, I'm no shade to that. I
just don't like to be reminded of my own mortality. Yeah,
that's just like I'm gonna be there fucking soon, old
as fuck.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Hey, man, you get you get it all checked out? Man, Thanks,
You're all healthy.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
All right, Miles. Let's get into a little bit of
what's going on with the zeitgeist. So apparently America's TikTok
band is going to expire early September, So what better
time for the White House to join TikTok. There is
an official White House TikTok account featuring things like a
video of Trump telling followers, I am your voice just
(03:50):
really man.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Uh, And you're never gonna guess what the comments are
like on these videos, These comments that like, because it's
not being run by uh, you know, Trump or farms, let.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Me guess you are so strong you have you're so strong.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Those arms must be like Christmas hams.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
You have hams like Christmas arms.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Comes in, big guy, big old guy, hears in his eyes, sir,
mister president, sir tired. All right, I'm just gonna read
some of the comments. Wendy, where's the damn Epstein files?
Donald Carston and marge where are the filesy March five questions?
(04:37):
Oh damn, they got cars and Marge on there. Tory Renee,
So about those Epstein files. Yeah, it's God over and over.
They won't let up, you hear tell of these town halls.
Also not going so hot for the Republicans and politicized.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
At least get booed off the stage twice.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
When one show. Yeah, so apparently there's still interest. There's
still interest in these dang Epstein files. I don't know
what these fucking people are on about. D I died,
he died, He's dead. Okay, we showed you a lightly
edited video, a likely edited video where the part that
(05:20):
we edited out had a weird orange blob going through it.
So just like, what, just forget it.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Okay, the weird orange blob was another hit man, hitman,
an inmate we allowed to be a hit man in there. Okay, Sorry,
what do you want?
Speaker 1 (05:35):
What do you want? What do you want?
Speaker 2 (05:37):
I like how their whole thing is sort of like
how when you've been humiliated in middle school and you're like, Mom,
I can't go to school tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
They're gonna they're gonna keep.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
Talking about it, and you're like fine, and then you
go Monday they still talking about it. Yeah, you can't.
You can't sit this one out Congress, but I mean
they'll try, they'll try. It's kind of a bad time, though,
for Congress to be in a recess, because damn, could
you use could use some Democrats speaking out about all
this shit that's happening right now, especially in DC. Yeah,
and fucking gestures do everywhere.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
I'm sure Corey Booker's got some bars for when it comes.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Back probably probably taking z bars right now.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Uh, we did see similar news. I guess this is
all part of the same thing. Uh, jd Vance, Jit Evans,
Pete Haig Seth, teenage mutant, Ninja, Goebles, gurbls, Ye, Garbles,
and Ninjas all showed up at Union Station to buy
(06:39):
shake shack for the troops that they have stationed there
to arrest people for the color of their skin. And uh,
for some reason, they got booed and because they're like
not good at this, I guess, uh, they like vision visibly,
(07:00):
like react is like the photo op, so they're like
doing a photo op. They're like standing out front proudly
with the troops behind them, and as people booed them,
they are like making a face like, Hey, what the hell.
We're doing a good.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Thing for them, We're buying them shake shacks.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
This is just them walking through.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
Couch Buddy's Like, that's prove.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Looking up on the fucking That was just that was
the up close stuff. Here's here's into the road.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Here's the one where there's more booze.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Just a fucking Stephen Miller is in a fu Con
Taan suit to this dickhead. If you're not gonna let
Obama get away with it. I'm not letting you get
away with it, Miller.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
I can do it because I'm disgusting. Okay, what do
you think the fucking vibes are like? When they inevitably
get into like the quiet of their protected bulletproof car
and have to like, clearly they've just been heckled to
high hell, people be like, well's the pussy boy go
fuck a couchy loser, And then they gotta be like
(08:30):
it's a bunch of haters or something. Huh yeah, right,
and they're like, oh, totally, dude.
Speaker 4 (08:35):
These people are just so fucking they don't know what
they're angry about. They don't even know exactly. Hey, it's
part of the job, you know. I'm sure that always
happens to other politicians who aren't committing crimes against humanity
right now, exactly exactly.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
There's also another there was a moment too, where Steven
Miller is just like he's asked about like, damn, you know,
it sounds like the people of DC are fucking angry
and are resisting and protesting, and Steven Miller had to
do this whole fucking like sort of everything's fine. Those
people are just like old hippies who like don't know
any this is this is so fucking sad, Like this
(09:11):
dude is such a fucking loser. This is him trying
to be like it's not an l this just it's
it's everything doing will. And these people are like outside
fucking agitators.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
They have no families, they're raising the city. They have
no one that they're sending to school in the city,
they have no jobs in the city, they have no
connections in this community at all. But they're the ones
who've been advocating for the one.
Speaker 4 (09:32):
Percent, criminals, the killers, the rapists, their drug dealers.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
And I'm glad they're here today because me, Pete and
the Vice President all gonna leave here and aspired by them.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
We're gonna add thousands more resources to this city to
get dimitals and they get members out of here and
if those networks, and we're gonna prove that a city
can serve for the law abided citizens who live there.
We're not gonna let the communists.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Destroy a great arch in the city, let alone the
nation's capital.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
And let's just also dress another thing. All these demonstrators
that you've seen out here in recent days, all of
these elderly white hippies, they're not part of the city.
It never happened. He can huh.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
So you're not shook at all.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
By the way. You go home, and I'm gonna do
even better stuff because you were mean to me. Look
what you made me do.
Speaker 5 (10:24):
Now now I'm gonna have to go home and eat
a fucking entire one gallon jug of Best Foods mayonnaise
in front of my wife and put my whole fucking
marriage at risk again because she says it's quote unquote
disgusting that all I eat is quote mayonnaise.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
And it's just the people don't know how how difficult
it is to keep people safe. All right, Just shut up,
fucking go away.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
It's a fucking hero, that's what they get in there,
and they're like, that's the yeah, price of being a
fucking hero for white supremacy. Donald Trump is also I
had a similar question after that. There's this headline about
him being worried about getting into heaven. Did you hear
(11:06):
see that?
Speaker 2 (11:07):
I saw it, and then when I clicked on it
and then saw what he said, I was like that nice.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Truly, I seem like he's that worried about it. Yeah,
but people are yeah, making a big deal about this
headline where says Donald Trump has sparked fresh health concerns
after confessing he's worried about not getting into heaven. I
just think, first of all, there's a lot of interest
around his health because I don't think I think everybody
gets the sense we're not getting out of this thing
electorally with Donald Trump, and not the way I'm saying it. Yeah,
(11:37):
and yeah, when you listen to but like, if you
listen to how he's saying it, it sounds like he's
just being like, I want to try to get to
Heaven if possible. I'm hearing that I'm not doing very well.
I'm really at the bottom of the totem pole. He
he But if I can get to heaven, this will
be one of the reasons that this being the you know,
his attempt to stop the worrying you.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
He's stopping so many wars, Jack, and he stops like
fucking like seven hundred wars.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
Maybe so many wars. Do you have any idea how
many wars he stopped? Everybody be like, what the fuck
is he?
Speaker 2 (12:10):
He did?
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Just say?
Speaker 2 (12:10):
Him and net and Yahoo are war heroes. I mean,
he's definitely pumping up his own dick to try and
be like, I'm a man of peace. So I don't know,
maybe subconsciously clearly he's like, why are they talking about?
Why do you have to hide my ankles? Like, oh, nothing,
mister President, It's just everything's fine.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
What's wrong with me? Jealous?
Speaker 2 (12:28):
And again, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
He is nothing if not litigious, and he's trying to
like prelitigate his heaven or hell.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
Uh oh, you know, like he's when Saint Peter's like,
here's the thing, guy, I actually can't prove that I
never actually did any of that. Suff well I can
because I'm omniscient.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
I'm Saint Peter. And guess what hell going to hell?
Do you think?
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Saint Peter does it like that? He's like you heaven you.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Yeah, we just turn it up on a little stink
on it.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Yeah, playing double bass on the drum kit.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
I think this is like a fantasy, but like stories
like this, I think give people hope. Well, first of all,
there's the fantasy that I hope everybody's abandoned a long
time ago, that like Trump will have his like Scrooge
like Christmas morning moment where he'll be like, I've seen
the errors of my ways. Like you get a ham,
you get a ham? Right, he does love Christmas hams
(13:27):
when they're on the arms of men that are coming
up to him with tears in their eyes. But I mean,
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
I mean, dementia can alter someone's personality. So yeah, maybe
in that sense we a function of his cognitive decline
rather than like a moral panic.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
I do hope he gets like the end of like
the act of killing or the end of the jinx thing,
where like you see these people who've committed crimes and
who are having to deal with the fact that they've
committed them, but like it's all being held down by
their unconscious and suddenly they just have like intense gastro
intestinal distress. Yeah, there's like it's not that, it's not that,
(14:10):
it's it's I it's something weird. I guess. Anyways, let's
take a quick break. We'll be right back, and we're back.
And so PlayStation five, which came out in twenty twenty,
(14:35):
is that right, Yeah, Yeah, a long time ago, I
had just announced that the prices are going way up.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
I wonder why it's in the US Vice article is
talking about how it's being caused by.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
Economic difficulties, but they don't mention the tariffs at all.
Similar to many global businesses, we continue to navigate a
challenging economic environment. As a result, we compromise the cult
decision to increase the recommended retail price per PlayStation five,
which is weird because, like Fortune, the headline is Sony
will pass on tariff costs to US consumers by hiking
(15:15):
PlayStation five prices.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
CNN at least did the thing they did today is
your last data buy a PlayStation five before Sony increases prices.
And then as you read it in the first paragraph,
they're like, yeah, the fucking tariff bro.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Yeah. But I mean there's also word that vegetable prices
have had the highest spike in costs in the past
month since the nineteen forties.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Yeah, they said, wholesale prices, so what the fucking stores
buy it? A spiked thirty eight percent.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
Thirty eight percent, which the last time that happened was
I'm assuming it was the nineteen forties. I'm assuming those
because the fields were emptied because of a different authoritarian
you know, were in Europe. Uh Dan Krout, Yeah, FDR that,
thank you, and thank you also that there's some good
(16:09):
stats coming out on on ice and you know all
what they're doing. What one stat just came out that
seventy one percent of the people that I says arrested
have no criminal record.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
Oh yeah, that's people held steady since like that's kind
of their batting average for the season, Yeah, which is
seventy percent absolute whiffs. And because again it's not even
about it's not even about what they're saying it's about
it's just to merely fucking antagonize and intimidate people. Yeah, yikes,
(16:41):
yees seventy one percent. Wow, Okay, And then that's why
that clip where Steven Miller's like they want the drug dealers,
the gang members, It's like, bro, you're not even getting
these people, so it's.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Not sure even what you're trying to do. And then
also another is the uh they've announced another alliterative concentration
camp name in Nebraska. They're going to open a Nebraska
concentration camp. They're calling Cornhusker Clink after Alligator Alcatraz deportation Depot.
(17:16):
And I didn't hear this one. The speedway slammer in Indiana.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Why again, this nation is being ran by someone's racist
uncle with all these fucking uncle Jim called the speedway slam.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Yeah, it's just dead jokes, but like sub dead joke level,
like what else do you have?
Speaker 2 (17:36):
What else can you do? Like, okay, do you have
clink slammer.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
Jail?
Speaker 2 (17:43):
What are they going to do next? What are they
going to do next? Who knows? Who knows?
Speaker 1 (17:49):
They like, I guess they could have called it like
alligator Auschwitz.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
They're probably just going to be like, yeah, it's just
like and this one's bergen Belsen, this is sobibor this
is Auschwitz, right, because now it's just we we're not
good at We're not just going to take from the Nazis.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
It's kind of what we do sort of a whole thing.
But then we like give them, we used to give
them cute nicknames, but we're we're so tired and our
dear leader's brain is leaking out of all.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Those fucking places too, Like all the reports about Alligator
Alcatraz are like these places are slapped together in that
fucking white supremacist panic and are just absolutely have people
put people are putting people in absolutely atrocious living conditions
like tuberculosis outbreaks and.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
Ship TV outbreaks for the first time. And yeah, the
numbers are unprecedented historically.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
But why are they booing Steven Miller?
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Yeah, at least at least where we can boo them,
we can tell them to get fucked on, kicktok and
as we'll talk about tomorrow, we can ship posts and
you know when we're Gavin Newsom is going to get
their attention. Tell you, yeah, dude, Rock doesn't seem too happy.
Get them, Get them Son, get them. Yeah. So Gavin
(19:05):
Newsom posted an image that I'm forced to assume is
real where uh Gavin Newsom? Well, so there's been a
couple AI slots. One has Gavin Newsom being prayed over
by Tucker Carlson, Kid Rock and a winged angel version
(19:27):
of hul Cogan, and then there's all. He also posted
a picture of Kid Rock as Uncle Sam, saying Kid
Rock wants you to support Gavin Newsom and Kid Rock
seems seems unhappy, so well, support Gavin new scum'll ever
get out of me is from from these nuts.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
Oh that's pretty good. So you use your testicular fortitude
to support this candidate. You're putting your balls.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
On the line. Nuts is that.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
This guy's a fucking an idiot, you know who LARPs
as like some working class person, So like, yeah, these
nuts and then he's gonna go fucking cry and his
big greasy pillow about his pillow must be so greasy.
It's a greasy it looks like a KFCA.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
It would if he didn't like have a full time
staff that was there switching it out every every.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
Night for oh actually everyone, Yeah, they take out his expressions.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
Yeah, may I remove the royal wig? Kid?
Speaker 2 (20:26):
You may?
Speaker 1 (20:28):
My name is my name. I wear wigs. I'm gonna
get that going. That is what's happening to that. We're
back tomorrow with the whole last episode of the show.
Until then, be kind to each other, be kind to yourself,
get your vaccines ways okay, and get your flu shots.
(20:48):
Waisto can don't do nothing about white Supreme. We will
talk to you all tomorrow by piece.
Speaker 4 (20:53):
The Daily Zite Guys is executive produced by Catherine Law,
co produced by bae Wayge.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Co produced by Victor Wright
Speaker 2 (21:01):
Co written by j M McNabb, and edited and engineered
by Brian Jeffries.
Hello the Internet, and welcome to this episode of How
I Trended Your Mother? Let me see a vanadium silver trended?
Couldn't it be trend How I trend your Mother? Is like,
but I guess sense. Yeah, but it just feels dirty.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
It feels like a verb.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Yeah, well, met is a verb.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Oh yeah, you got me there.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
I got you there. I'm gonna have to question your
police work there, Miles. Met is a verb. One more thing?
What but yeah, it adds like something to it, like
how I trended your mother? I don't know what it is. Yeah, yeah,
vanadium silver? You sick? Oh? But thank you for the
(00:47):
run of sitcom based trending titles. Yeah, anything to distract
from the news, you know. Uh, it's a pleasure. What's
going on? Wow? What's up? So I'm going off? Oh man,
I'm in the office. Uh TV show? Yeah? Man, he
bragged the office right now. Man, I'm in the office, dude,
(01:09):
really that's people don't know this, But I'm in the office.
What's Dwight Like, I'm back at the HQ at work,
coming coming into the HQ on a daily basis while
I'm in New York temporarily, And uh, I forgot how
humiliating it is to go to the bathroom at work.
Oh yeah, just shoulder to shoulder, shoulder to shoulder, taking
(01:32):
a take into your boss, taking a dump in the
urinal shoulders, shoulder. You're also peeing out of the hole
in your in your penis right now? I'm sorry? Is
that the small talk talk.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
I went with was Jack, I told you I gave
you a bunch of one to do in the bathroom
and not go over Well, uh, you got pissed running
through your urethra right now.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Also, straight line, hey, straight shooter over here, take.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Up all right, someone's got a split stream.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Ah.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Player, Uh, you're a player. I'm the CEO.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
I really would ask that you leave me alone. Stop, stop,
let go of my hand. We should before we started.
I don't care if you're scared. This is not the
place to grab a stranger's hand.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
I think I've told that story when I when I worked,
I had a I had a boss who like had
you know, he had flow issues because he's like an
older guy. Yeah, and peeing next to him, like there
are a few for whatever reason, like our bladders were
synced up, and I would it would be like one
of those things where like you'd like, sometimes I would
see him go in the bathroom like I'm going it
(02:42):
at the same time. I'm going at the same time,
and other.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Times like experiencing hell secondhand.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Yeah, because other times we'd be like right there and
it'd be too late for me to do it. You
you turn him like, hey, what's up, Miles, And I'm like, oh, yeah, nothing, man.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
You're literally going towards the bathroom.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
See yeah, and I can't say, ah, wait, sorry, my
computer's on five.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
I gotta go back.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
And then he was doing he was having.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Straight up green Mile Tom Hanks. I have heard some
elderly men go through some shit. Yeah, it's like go
through labor and look, I'm no shade to that. I
just don't like to be reminded of my own mortality. Yeah,
that's just like I'm gonna be there fucking soon, old
as fuck.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Hey, man, you get you get it all checked out? Man, Thanks,
You're all healthy.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
All right, Miles. Let's get into a little bit of
what's going on with the zeitgeist. So apparently America's TikTok
band is going to expire early September, So what better
time for the White House to join TikTok. There is
an official White House TikTok account featuring things like a
video of Trump telling followers, I am your voice just
(03:50):
really man.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Uh, And you're never gonna guess what the comments are
like on these videos, These comments that like, because it's
not being run by uh, you know, Trump or farms, let.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Me guess you are so strong you have you're so strong.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Those arms must be like Christmas hams.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
You have hams like Christmas arms.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Comes in, big guy, big old guy, hears in his eyes, sir,
mister president, sir tired. All right, I'm just gonna read
some of the comments. Wendy, where's the damn Epstein files?
Donald Carston and marge where are the filesy March five questions?
(04:37):
Oh damn, they got cars and Marge on there. Tory Renee,
So about those Epstein files. Yeah, it's God over and over.
They won't let up, you hear tell of these town halls.
Also not going so hot for the Republicans and politicized.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
At least get booed off the stage twice.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
When one show. Yeah, so apparently there's still interest. There's
still interest in these dang Epstein files. I don't know
what these fucking people are on about. D I died,
he died, He's dead. Okay, we showed you a lightly
edited video, a likely edited video where the part that
(05:20):
we edited out had a weird orange blob going through it.
So just like, what, just forget it.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Okay, the weird orange blob was another hit man, hitman,
an inmate we allowed to be a hit man in there. Okay, Sorry,
what do you want?
Speaker 1 (05:35):
What do you want? What do you want?
Speaker 2 (05:37):
I like how their whole thing is sort of like
how when you've been humiliated in middle school and you're like, Mom,
I can't go to school tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
They're gonna they're gonna keep.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
Talking about it, and you're like fine, and then you
go Monday they still talking about it. Yeah, you can't.
You can't sit this one out Congress, but I mean
they'll try, they'll try. It's kind of a bad time, though,
for Congress to be in a recess, because damn, could
you use could use some Democrats speaking out about all
this shit that's happening right now, especially in DC. Yeah,
and fucking gestures do everywhere.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
I'm sure Corey Booker's got some bars for when it comes.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Back probably probably taking z bars right now.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Uh, we did see similar news. I guess this is
all part of the same thing. Uh, jd Vance, Jit Evans,
Pete Haig Seth, teenage mutant, Ninja, Goebles, gurbls, Ye, Garbles,
and Ninjas all showed up at Union Station to buy
(06:39):
shake shack for the troops that they have stationed there
to arrest people for the color of their skin. And uh,
for some reason, they got booed and because they're like
not good at this, I guess, uh, they like vision visibly,
(07:00):
like react is like the photo op, so they're like
doing a photo op. They're like standing out front proudly
with the troops behind them, and as people booed them,
they are like making a face like, Hey, what the hell.
We're doing a good.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Thing for them, We're buying them shake shacks.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
This is just them walking through.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
Couch Buddy's Like, that's prove.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Looking up on the fucking That was just that was
the up close stuff. Here's here's into the road.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Here's the one where there's more booze.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Just a fucking Stephen Miller is in a fu Con
Taan suit to this dickhead. If you're not gonna let
Obama get away with it. I'm not letting you get
away with it, Miller.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
I can do it because I'm disgusting. Okay, what do
you think the fucking vibes are like? When they inevitably
get into like the quiet of their protected bulletproof car
and have to like, clearly they've just been heckled to
high hell, people be like, well's the pussy boy go
fuck a couchy loser, And then they gotta be like
(08:30):
it's a bunch of haters or something. Huh yeah, right,
and they're like, oh, totally, dude.
Speaker 4 (08:35):
These people are just so fucking they don't know what
they're angry about. They don't even know exactly. Hey, it's
part of the job, you know. I'm sure that always
happens to other politicians who aren't committing crimes against humanity
right now, exactly exactly.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
There's also another there was a moment too, where Steven
Miller is just like he's asked about like, damn, you know,
it sounds like the people of DC are fucking angry
and are resisting and protesting, and Steven Miller had to
do this whole fucking like sort of everything's fine. Those
people are just like old hippies who like don't know
any this is this is so fucking sad, Like this
(09:11):
dude is such a fucking loser. This is him trying
to be like it's not an l this just it's
it's everything doing will. And these people are like outside
fucking agitators.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
They have no families, they're raising the city. They have
no one that they're sending to school in the city,
they have no jobs in the city, they have no
connections in this community at all. But they're the ones
who've been advocating for the one.
Speaker 4 (09:32):
Percent, criminals, the killers, the rapists, their drug dealers.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
And I'm glad they're here today because me, Pete and
the Vice President all gonna leave here and aspired by them.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
We're gonna add thousands more resources to this city to
get dimitals and they get members out of here and
if those networks, and we're gonna prove that a city
can serve for the law abided citizens who live there.
We're not gonna let the communists.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Destroy a great arch in the city, let alone the
nation's capital.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
And let's just also dress another thing. All these demonstrators
that you've seen out here in recent days, all of
these elderly white hippies, they're not part of the city.
It never happened. He can huh.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
So you're not shook at all.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
By the way. You go home, and I'm gonna do
even better stuff because you were mean to me. Look
what you made me do.
Speaker 5 (10:24):
Now now I'm gonna have to go home and eat
a fucking entire one gallon jug of Best Foods mayonnaise
in front of my wife and put my whole fucking
marriage at risk again because she says it's quote unquote
disgusting that all I eat is quote mayonnaise.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
And it's just the people don't know how how difficult
it is to keep people safe. All right, Just shut up,
fucking go away.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
It's a fucking hero, that's what they get in there,
and they're like, that's the yeah, price of being a
fucking hero for white supremacy. Donald Trump is also I
had a similar question after that. There's this headline about
him being worried about getting into heaven. Did you hear
(11:06):
see that?
Speaker 2 (11:07):
I saw it, and then when I clicked on it
and then saw what he said, I was like that nice.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Truly, I seem like he's that worried about it. Yeah,
but people are yeah, making a big deal about this
headline where says Donald Trump has sparked fresh health concerns
after confessing he's worried about not getting into heaven. I
just think, first of all, there's a lot of interest
around his health because I don't think I think everybody
gets the sense we're not getting out of this thing
electorally with Donald Trump, and not the way I'm saying it. Yeah,
(11:37):
and yeah, when you listen to but like, if you
listen to how he's saying it, it sounds like he's
just being like, I want to try to get to
Heaven if possible. I'm hearing that I'm not doing very well.
I'm really at the bottom of the totem pole. He
he But if I can get to heaven, this will
be one of the reasons that this being the you know,
his attempt to stop the worrying you.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
He's stopping so many wars, Jack, and he stops like
fucking like seven hundred wars.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
Maybe so many wars. Do you have any idea how
many wars he stopped? Everybody be like, what the fuck
is he?
Speaker 2 (12:10):
He did?
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Just say?
Speaker 2 (12:10):
Him and net and Yahoo are war heroes. I mean,
he's definitely pumping up his own dick to try and
be like, I'm a man of peace. So I don't know,
maybe subconsciously clearly he's like, why are they talking about?
Why do you have to hide my ankles? Like, oh, nothing,
mister President, It's just everything's fine.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
What's wrong with me? Jealous?
Speaker 2 (12:28):
And again, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
He is nothing if not litigious, and he's trying to
like prelitigate his heaven or hell.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
Uh oh, you know, like he's when Saint Peter's like,
here's the thing, guy, I actually can't prove that I
never actually did any of that. Suff well I can
because I'm omniscient.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
I'm Saint Peter. And guess what hell going to hell?
Do you think?
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Saint Peter does it like that? He's like you heaven you.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Yeah, we just turn it up on a little stink
on it.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Yeah, playing double bass on the drum kit.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
I think this is like a fantasy, but like stories
like this, I think give people hope. Well, first of all,
there's the fantasy that I hope everybody's abandoned a long
time ago, that like Trump will have his like Scrooge
like Christmas morning moment where he'll be like, I've seen
the errors of my ways. Like you get a ham,
you get a ham? Right, he does love Christmas hams
(13:27):
when they're on the arms of men that are coming
up to him with tears in their eyes. But I mean,
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
I mean, dementia can alter someone's personality. So yeah, maybe
in that sense we a function of his cognitive decline
rather than like a moral panic.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
I do hope he gets like the end of like
the act of killing or the end of the jinx thing,
where like you see these people who've committed crimes and
who are having to deal with the fact that they've
committed them, but like it's all being held down by
their unconscious and suddenly they just have like intense gastro
intestinal distress. Yeah, there's like it's not that, it's not that,
(14:10):
it's it's I it's something weird. I guess. Anyways, let's
take a quick break. We'll be right back, and we're back.
And so PlayStation five, which came out in twenty twenty,
(14:35):
is that right, Yeah, Yeah, a long time ago, I
had just announced that the prices are going way up.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
I wonder why it's in the US Vice article is
talking about how it's being caused by.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
Economic difficulties, but they don't mention the tariffs at all.
Similar to many global businesses, we continue to navigate a
challenging economic environment. As a result, we compromise the cult
decision to increase the recommended retail price per PlayStation five,
which is weird because, like Fortune, the headline is Sony
will pass on tariff costs to US consumers by hiking
(15:15):
PlayStation five prices.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
CNN at least did the thing they did today is
your last data buy a PlayStation five before Sony increases prices.
And then as you read it in the first paragraph,
they're like, yeah, the fucking tariff bro.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Yeah. But I mean there's also word that vegetable prices
have had the highest spike in costs in the past
month since the nineteen forties.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Yeah, they said, wholesale prices, so what the fucking stores
buy it? A spiked thirty eight percent.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
Thirty eight percent, which the last time that happened was
I'm assuming it was the nineteen forties. I'm assuming those
because the fields were emptied because of a different authoritarian
you know, were in Europe. Uh Dan Krout, Yeah, FDR that,
thank you, and thank you also that there's some good
(16:09):
stats coming out on on ice and you know all
what they're doing. What one stat just came out that
seventy one percent of the people that I says arrested
have no criminal record.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
Oh yeah, that's people held steady since like that's kind
of their batting average for the season, Yeah, which is
seventy percent absolute whiffs. And because again it's not even
about it's not even about what they're saying it's about
it's just to merely fucking antagonize and intimidate people. Yeah, yikes,
(16:41):
yees seventy one percent. Wow, Okay, And then that's why
that clip where Steven Miller's like they want the drug dealers,
the gang members, It's like, bro, you're not even getting
these people, so it's.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Not sure even what you're trying to do. And then
also another is the uh they've announced another alliterative concentration
camp name in Nebraska. They're going to open a Nebraska
concentration camp. They're calling Cornhusker Clink after Alligator Alcatraz deportation Depot.
(17:16):
And I didn't hear this one. The speedway slammer in Indiana.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Why again, this nation is being ran by someone's racist
uncle with all these fucking uncle Jim called the speedway slam.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Yeah, it's just dead jokes, but like sub dead joke level,
like what else do you have?
Speaker 2 (17:36):
What else can you do? Like, okay, do you have
clink slammer.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
Jail?
Speaker 2 (17:43):
What are they going to do next? What are they
going to do next? Who knows? Who knows?
Speaker 1 (17:49):
They like, I guess they could have called it like
alligator Auschwitz.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
They're probably just going to be like, yeah, it's just
like and this one's bergen Belsen, this is sobibor this
is Auschwitz, right, because now it's just we we're not
good at We're not just going to take from the Nazis.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
It's kind of what we do sort of a whole thing.
But then we like give them, we used to give
them cute nicknames, but we're we're so tired and our
dear leader's brain is leaking out of all.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Those fucking places too, Like all the reports about Alligator
Alcatraz are like these places are slapped together in that
fucking white supremacist panic and are just absolutely have people
put people are putting people in absolutely atrocious living conditions
like tuberculosis outbreaks and.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
Ship TV outbreaks for the first time. And yeah, the
numbers are unprecedented historically.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
But why are they booing Steven Miller?
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Yeah, at least at least where we can boo them,
we can tell them to get fucked on, kicktok and
as we'll talk about tomorrow, we can ship posts and
you know when we're Gavin Newsom is going to get
their attention. Tell you, yeah, dude, Rock doesn't seem too happy.
Get them, Get them Son, get them. Yeah. So Gavin
(19:05):
Newsom posted an image that I'm forced to assume is
real where uh Gavin Newsom? Well, so there's been a
couple AI slots. One has Gavin Newsom being prayed over
by Tucker Carlson, Kid Rock and a winged angel version
(19:27):
of hul Cogan, and then there's all. He also posted
a picture of Kid Rock as Uncle Sam, saying Kid
Rock wants you to support Gavin Newsom and Kid Rock
seems seems unhappy, so well, support Gavin new scum'll ever
get out of me is from from these nuts.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
Oh that's pretty good. So you use your testicular fortitude
to support this candidate. You're putting your balls.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
On the line. Nuts is that.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
This guy's a fucking an idiot, you know who LARPs
as like some working class person, So like, yeah, these
nuts and then he's gonna go fucking cry and his
big greasy pillow about his pillow must be so greasy.
It's a greasy it looks like a KFCA.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
It would if he didn't like have a full time
staff that was there switching it out every every.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
Night for oh actually everyone, Yeah, they take out his expressions.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
Yeah, may I remove the royal wig? Kid?
Speaker 2 (20:26):
You may?
Speaker 1 (20:28):
My name is my name. I wear wigs. I'm gonna
get that going. That is what's happening to that. We're
back tomorrow with the whole last episode of the show.
Until then, be kind to each other, be kind to yourself,
get your vaccines ways okay, and get your flu shots.
(20:48):
Waisto can don't do nothing about white Supreme. We will
talk to you all tomorrow by piece.
Speaker 4 (20:53):
The Daily Zite Guys is executive produced by Catherine Law,
co produced by bae Wayge.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Co produced by Victor Wright
Speaker 2 (21:01):
Co written by j M McNabb, and edited and engineered
by Brian Jeffries.
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