Icon #5: Santa Claus w/ Blake Wexler

Hello, The Internet!™, and welcome to this spinoff episode of The Daily Zeitgeist we’re calling The Iconograph: a show about icons.

In this episode, Jack and Miles are joined by comedian Blake Wexler to talk about the only man in history that people actually WANT to invade their homes in the middle of the night:

Santa Claus!

They'll explore his origins and evolution, where he got his iconic fit, and the true existential terror of being Santa Claus!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello the Internet, and welcome to this iconograph episode of
Didi Zeitgeist.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
Ah.

Speaker 1 (00:09):
Instead of looking at oh you just found out about this,
Instead of looking at the zeitgeist through current events once
a week, we're looking at the zeitgeist through the lens
of the powerful pop cultural hore cruxes that are our icons.
We've done Einstein, We've done Arkle, We've done Miss Piggy
with Jamie Loftus, Arnold Schwartzenegger with John Gabris. Uh. We

(00:30):
use these characters and celebrities to create meaning, to build identity,
to insert some pagan black magic into our Jesus the
holiday celebrations, to learn that obesity can actually make you immortal,
and to give old men something to do around the
holidays when they'd otherwise be watching Fox News.

Speaker 2 (00:48):
That's right.

Speaker 1 (00:48):
In episode five, we're talking Sanny Clause, maybe the most
recognizable figure on the planet. In this context, I am
now wondering, is is this our most famous figure?

Speaker 2 (01:02):
Visual?

Speaker 1 (01:03):
Yeah, very recognizable, and he's got a recognizable voice.

Speaker 2 (01:07):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:08):
Today's dossier was prepared by Dave Ruse. Stick around till
the end for my final thoughts and my no no notebook.
Dun't this time. My final thoughts are a mind fuck
thought experiment about the time space continuum from Santa's point
of view. That's a stick around for that, and I'm
thrilled to be joined as always by my co host

(01:28):
mister Miles Gray.

Speaker 2 (01:31):
Oh yeah, that's how people laugh. Really, I mean, whoever came?
What a time that was?

Speaker 1 (01:40):
Oh my god, did you it? Fro The fuck is
wrong with that guy?

Speaker 2 (01:44):
What Fred just laid down in the both dude? Oh
my god, run that back? Yeah one more time? Oh
got it? Oh got it?

Speaker 1 (01:53):
And in our third seat, a brilliant comedian writer actor
coiner of the phrase plumpers to describe his jack thighs
auto Crek keeps trying to change it to plumbers because
it knows that the word that he created should not exist.
Please welcome the brilliant, the hilarious. The riding of recumbent
bicycle in short shorts.

Speaker 3 (02:11):
It's Blake Wexlean. This is Blake Wexler aka jiggle legs.
Jiggle legs. My plumpers cause dismay. Little shorts is where
they thrive. A metric ton is what they weigh. Oh behay,

(02:31):
Oh we're not doing Bostin powers that's next week. Blake
Ah damn it, Okay, the runner up for the most recognizable,
the second.

Speaker 1 (02:42):
Second most famous per on the and Jesus. Yeah yeah,
I do want to just open up with that question.
Is Santa Claus the most famous figure on the planet?

Speaker 2 (02:54):
Do you have an answer to this question?

Speaker 1 (02:56):
Do I think it is? I think it's Santa. I
mean we Jesus we've talked about before, or like Jesus,
very recognizable, but like you, he doesn't have a recognizable laugh,
he doesn't like his voice could be anything. It's just
really I think beard is helpful for iconism, for icon
status because you can just throw one on and everyone's like,

(03:19):
it's Jesus or it's Sanna. I think the only other
pop culture icon that challenges Santa is Mickey Mouse in
terms of recognizability. But unlike Mickey, Santa's open source. You
won't get sued for dressing up his hammer, have to
like tiny fuppets, a version called like Marky Morse or

(03:41):
some shit. And then, also, unlike Mickey, he almost never
looks the same. He's it's it is truly iconography. Like
he he's like AI art before AI art, like his
face changes in every depiction that you see of him.
But his signifiers are so iconic that like it doesn't matter.

(04:04):
You know what his facial structure looks like.

Speaker 2 (04:07):
He can be.

Speaker 1 (04:09):
You know the old guy from Jurassic Park who played
Santa and Miracle on thirty fourth Street, Miracle.

Speaker 2 (04:16):
On four four screw.

Speaker 1 (04:17):
Yeah, he can be the fucking Grinch in a clearly
in a bad Santa costumes man.

Speaker 2 (04:27):
Not now, no, no, no, not on this day.

Speaker 1 (04:31):
He could be your school's assistant principle. I actually talked
to a Sanna. We took our kids to see Sanna,
and he like, I was talking to him off the clock,
and he's the assistant principal at a local elementary school
and he's never once been clocked because he's wearing and
he not not like a fake white beard, Like he

(04:53):
has a beard coming out of his face. And I
was like you, so, do you shave that when you're
not doing Santa. He's like, no, I have it the
whole time.

Speaker 2 (05:02):
Yeah. Wait. Also talking to I was talking to him
off the clock, were like hanging out in the parking
lot vapig or something.

Speaker 1 (05:10):
Yeah, sound was rolling dice in the back back behind
the grove and he came through something on a smoke break.

Speaker 2 (05:18):
Some bitch, oh Santa.

Speaker 1 (05:23):
But yeah, this guy is a normal, big white beard
and his normal day to day like the type of
person you'd be like, all right, Santa Claus, right.

Speaker 2 (05:31):
Right, right, that's amazing. He's hiding in plain sight.

Speaker 1 (05:33):
Like the mystique is that powerful, you know?

Speaker 4 (05:36):
Yeah, I mean when you when you know when you're
going to visit Santa, like as a kid, your brain
shuts off completely. And I've only done it twice and
they were both disasters as a kid, so it's but
I wanted it to work so badly.

Speaker 1 (05:52):
You still visited Santa twice as a kid and they
were both disasters.

Speaker 4 (05:56):
Yeah, like one as yeah, yeah, yeah, I fucking stabbed
the first guy real bad.

Speaker 2 (06:03):
I set the second one on fire.

Speaker 4 (06:04):
No, Like the first time was just so petrified, Yeah,
this fucking guy. I was like ready, you know what
I mean, I was, it was built in my head,
got got up there and I was like, get me
the fuck away from this freak.

Speaker 2 (06:15):
Was sort of like my energy sided like on a dime.
It changed.

Speaker 4 (06:20):
And then the second time, I think it was like
around the time when I knew it was bullshit and
I just did it because I thought everyone else was
doing it, and I just I think I debased myself.

Speaker 2 (06:29):
I think was a disaster.

Speaker 1 (06:31):
Character Wise, I feel like he's somewhat consistent Santa, but
not always like I was looking back through, you know. Stereotypically,
he's jolly basically like an old jolly, drunk guy. But
then in the Santa Claus, which I worked for the
first time for this You're welcome. Wow, he's like the

(06:52):
most divorced man of all time.

Speaker 2 (06:55):
Well Tim Allen, Yeah, but also just yeah, okay, Art.

Speaker 1 (07:00):
Says, the most divorce man of all time. And then
the second he starts growing the beard, he starts caring
about toys and little kids. It's like a weird physical transition.
He like gets fat and immediately like can't do his
job without being like the.

Speaker 2 (07:13):
Kids deserve better.

Speaker 1 (07:16):
Did you watch the stop motion Rudolph growing Up?

Speaker 2 (07:19):
I've seen it before.

Speaker 1 (07:20):
Yeah, he is such an asshole in that he's so mean.

Speaker 2 (07:25):
He's kind of a mean old man, right, Yeah, he's.

Speaker 1 (07:27):
Like really mean like that. There's this one part where
the elves are like so worried about performing this song
that they wrote for Santa, and Santa is just like
all right, I'm busy, so you better make it quick.
And then they sing it for him and like the
lead Elf is like conducting him, like looking over his

(07:47):
shoulder in terror, and.

Speaker 2 (07:50):
Is he smiling?

Speaker 1 (07:52):
And then at the end he's like did you like it?
And he's like it needs work. I have to go, Wow,
whose dad was that? I know that part?

Speaker 2 (08:01):
Jesus.

Speaker 1 (08:01):
He also like Rudolph's like noses treated like a birth
defect and like it's the Spartans from three hundred. He
like tells his dad that he's like, you better hide
that away. Nobody wants to see that shit around here.
Like he puts a nose covering on Rudolph and everyone
went it like falls off and everyone's like, oh, get

(08:23):
the fuck out of here. And Santa tells his dad
he should be ashamed of himself and not like covering
it up. But like, I think for letting him live,
I think that's the implication. But yeah, I think Elf
kind of has that. Like there are different genres of San.
I'd say Elf is in the harried, stressed out by

(08:47):
the job genre of Santa's right right, right, yeah, trying
to play it really, could you imagine if you were
San i'd be fucking stressed.

Speaker 2 (08:55):
There's an idea.

Speaker 1 (08:56):
Do you know the Trenton sign like that you see
off of like off my SAP thing.

Speaker 2 (09:02):
It's my favorite not just signed thing.

Speaker 1 (09:04):
Yeah, Amtrak. When you're riding the Amtrak, you go through
the city of Trenton, New Jersey, and there's a big
sign that says Trenton makes the world takes. And that's
the energy that I get from that genre of Santa
just say yeah, uh, you's gotta bring toys to everyone,
nobody cares about Santa, which I feel like that's a

(09:25):
very evolved American version of Santa, where it's just like
harried boss who's got like too much shit going on.

Speaker 4 (09:34):
Right, and also probably like as stand like I think
people are projecting like the stress of providing parents onto
the Santa character too in that version.

Speaker 1 (09:44):
Hating your kids onto that Santa, like this guy's too nice.
But I did want to ask up top, like who
is the most iconic Santa to you? I asked my
kid to like close his eyes and like picture Santas
like a red red clothes, big jelly beard white or
big jelly belly white beard. And I was like, Okay,

(10:06):
but where did you, like, where is that image from?
He's like white Beard, big jelly belly, like he couldn't
couldn't like figure out where he was getting it from.

Speaker 2 (10:17):
Mmmm, I don't have. I don't think I have. I
know it's weird, like this one podcasting. Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know, but I don't know.

Speaker 1 (10:27):
I think I don't know what we're talking about.

Speaker 2 (10:29):
I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking.

Speaker 3 (10:31):
I know. Yeah, it is hard because there's so many.
Obviously it's not Tim Allen, and it could be there's
like fifty Coca Cola ones, you know, so it's hard
to pick one of those.

Speaker 2 (10:41):
It's probably something. It's probably not a person.

Speaker 4 (10:43):
For me, it's probably some like print printed image of
Santa that probably sticks out in my mind the most.

Speaker 1 (10:50):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think I think that's right. Like,
but it just like nobody has been played by more
people than Santa Claus like Batman and Bond don't have
on him, which it's a pretty easy role to play,
Like it doesn't really force you to stretch your chops
too much because he's just like happy. And then the

(11:10):
suit does as we as I saw with that, like
it says a principle like that does most of the work.
You don't, you don't have to be doing shit.

Speaker 2 (11:19):
But yeah, yeah, I think there are.

Speaker 4 (11:22):
I definitely remember Santa's that we like took me out
of the magic of it, even though I never really
believed it as a kid. I remember seeing like if
someone's in like a janky Santa costume, I was like,
this is fucking bullshit. This is stupid, and you stink,
like your boots are like little spats you're wearing over
your sneakers. They're not even real fucking boots. Your belt

(11:42):
buckles plastic like that. It's weird when I see the
lack of attention to detail on a costume, because I
think the costume does so much for the fucking character
that the second it's like phoned in or whatever, I'm
I'm like, yeah, you're not you ain't.

Speaker 2 (11:57):
You're not him. Bro.

Speaker 1 (11:58):
I think that Tim Allen movie is actually like a
good metaphor for like what happens to certain old men,
like as they get older, they're just like, this is
my ship now I am. I am Santa Claus. The
guy I was talking to like, he was like, yeah,
I like give all the money to charity, except like,
you know, a big chunk of it, I invest back

(12:19):
into the suit, and I'm just like getting a new suit,
like improving my suit every year. Like he's just really
into the magic of it, which which is really cool.
But like it does become a calling for certain old guys,
which I think is fucking great.

Speaker 2 (12:36):
Like, honest, there's way worse calling.

Speaker 3 (12:39):
At least there's some positivity that, yeah, it was really
a coin Tim Allen's case, both Yeah, but I did
come into this this show with an agenda. Two miles
point is that as a Philadelphia Eagles fan, we have
been trashed for decades for throwing snowballs at and booing Sanna,

(13:03):
and I want to set that record straight. It wasn't
a an immaculate Sanna like we're talking about, you know,
like like a great suit. So this person did not
reinvest their money into this suit. He was booed and
was pelted by ice because he looked like shit, and
that's why he was being booed. It was the worst

(13:24):
costume you'll ever see. And it's kind of like Bigfoot
or Lockness Monster footage of actually seeing the old clip
where it was in the seventies or eighties and everyone
just went nuts because he just looked like I was
wearing like a red crew neck and just some floppy
ass hat.

Speaker 2 (13:39):
Was like gaunt. Yeah, you know, like.

Speaker 1 (13:42):
Everybody there with him was like, what's wrong with Santa?

Speaker 3 (13:46):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (13:46):
It was. It was like, now I have to explain
this drunk on my way home. I'll drive.

Speaker 1 (13:50):
It's just ever literally had boone hanging out of his
back pocket, track marks on the arm. Hey man, I'm
here for the in a gig scratch and hell yeah, sure.

Speaker 3 (14:04):
Let him out butt them in veteran stadium. But I
do want to say there wasn't like, it wasn't a
heartless thing. It was it was correcting a behavior that
you corrective.

Speaker 4 (14:12):
It was takes you out of it. It takes you out.
I don't know why, but yeah, I get it. It's
like because if he if he looked like Santa.

Speaker 3 (14:18):
He'd fucking command the respect for sure standing ovation.

Speaker 4 (14:22):
That's a fucking usurper, and I think that's what people
are reacting to, and I think that's an appropriate.

Speaker 1 (14:27):
That also the case when you threw batteries at the
Easter Bunny. Was that what wasn't that a thing that
also happened in Philadelphia sporting about so.

Speaker 3 (14:34):
That Bunny was actually a guy in a bunny costume. Okay,
that's why we were pissed. We were promised Bunny.

Speaker 2 (14:43):
Yeah. Click, put the money into the suit, asshole. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (14:49):
So, I think the most iconic Santa the one that, like,
if I if my brain is forced to pick just
one Santa, it's probably the Coca Cola Santa, which I
think the this is where the long standing myth comes from.
The Coca Cola invented Santa Claus. We just had a
guest to like say that matter of factly on an episode,

(15:09):
and well, fucking fool. Okay, no, but everybody thinks that
we'll get into it. Santa has been around for centuries
before Coca Cola. They did do. They contributed a lot
to like kind of crystallizing what we think of as Santa,
but like all of the details were there before Coke.

(15:31):
They started using Santa for Christmas advertising campaigns in the
nineteen twenties, It's like, not quite there yet. And then
the guy who in their early nineteen thirties really like
turned it into the one that we know today is
this guy Hayden Sunny Sunblom aka Adolph Hitler.

Speaker 5 (15:53):
No, just this guy, just an artist who block worked
for a Chicago marketing firm.

Speaker 1 (16:03):
He also created the Quaker Oats Guy. So this is again.
We talked about Bonnie Erickson in our Miss Piggy episode Blake.
We talked about this woman Bonnie Erickson, who made designed
Miss Piggy and also the Philly fanatic.

Speaker 2 (16:18):
God. That's awesome, the two greatest things I've ever been.

Speaker 3 (16:21):
Yeah, exactly, so cool, Bonnie Erickson, you said, yeah, write
the episode.

Speaker 1 (16:28):
I'm a fan of all you guys, don't know why
to the episode. I'm gonna write down Bonnie Ericson. Bonnie Ericson,
all right. I was gonna test with this Quaker Oats
guy was on my list. I was like, who should
we cover first? The Quaker Oats Guy. I find that
guy really like he's frozen in my mind. And there
was like earlier versions of the Quaker Oats guy who
looks like shit, his like suits like brown and he's like, oh,

(16:52):
looks like overweight and terrible. And then he gave us
the one that we know today and say he kind
of did similar thing with Coca Cola. Came in, drew
it he is Swedish and he kind of copied himself,
gave it the rosy cheek, big belly, and a lot

(17:15):
of the really iconic images that are like still sold
and collected as pop art are his work. There's one
where like Sannah's like big belly's out and he's holding
up a coke. There's one where he's opening a refrigerator
and like a kid is catching him, like raiding the refrigerator.

(17:36):
And this one brings up a big question that comes
up a lot across the history of Sanna. How tall
do you think Sanna is?

Speaker 2 (17:44):
Oh? Damn, oh god?

Speaker 1 (17:47):
Five ten interesting?

Speaker 2 (17:51):
Very tall.

Speaker 1 (17:52):
My seven year old thought he was six' three he
actually he first he said probably two feet taller than.
You was like he's eight feet. Tall, Yeah he's like, no,
no, no like the top of that window right. There he
just wanted me to leave him. ALONE i don't, know
what is this for your? Podcast?

Speaker 2 (18:12):
Yeah literally newer than you the WAY i kick your,
ass if that's you're.

Speaker 1 (18:17):
Asking but in some of these, drawings like the kid
comes up to his, shoulder he's fucking. Tiny it's like
A Jake gillenhall situation where like he's very famous but
we have no idea how tall he, is you, know
six feet? Tall, okay uh, huh, yeah sure he.

Speaker 3 (18:33):
Is, said that's What Charlie tall is one of the
worst TRAGEDIES i think of our, time where he's someone
who you would, think personality wise would be quite, short
and that's why you like might act that. Way but,
yeah when he was taller Than, OBAMA i almost as
a tortured.

Speaker 1 (18:49):
LEATHER i almost didn't vote for. HIM a long look
At kamala And.

Speaker 3 (18:56):
BIDEN i had to pinch my nose on the. Ballot,
Bucks it's, like, listen put me in this. Position this
guy also a sunny Some. Blanc Sun blomb was a
prolific pin up, artist which was a skill set back
when people jacked off to drawings of naked, women And

(19:18):
playboy in nineteen seventy two commissioned a Special christmas cover
that was basically a naked woman in A santa costume
like with the front.

Speaker 1 (19:28):
Open when how DO i type?

Speaker 2 (19:32):
This in the final why are.

Speaker 1 (19:34):
You sifting through? Files december nineteen seventy, Two enjoy Our
Gala christmas issue not a new humor By Woody allen's right.

Speaker 2 (19:47):
There on the first is the first subtitle right.

Speaker 1 (19:50):
There, yeah they even wrote, it And coke font The
Grote gala And Coke Ralph.

Speaker 2 (19:57):
Nader even gets a little piece in there.

Speaker 1 (19:58):
There you know here you Got nada in, there you got,
girl you got Producer Robert evans also in, there just so.
Perfectly nineteen. Seventies, wow and that we drew this, Year
gonna warned Jack.

Speaker 4 (20:14):
Off yeah that you're, Like oh, man you've seen the
nineteen seventy. Two you see The December playboy with that
hot garring on?

Speaker 2 (20:22):
It what the fuck is? This my? God she she
forgot her dress was. Open they. Didn't she had no
idea that they got her in a bad time for,
her great for. Us. Wow that artist must have really
caught her at a weird. Time she must have been
posing like that for. Hours, wow what was going through her?

Speaker 1 (20:41):
Mind so the guy who gave us Modern sanna a
bit of a. Pervert but, Yeah so in, reality Modern
sanna is a common nation of Medieval catholic miracle, stories

(21:03):
Pegging european folklore and some good old Fashioned american myth
making that had nothing to do With coca. Cola so
let's get into. It it goes Back Santa claus was
a fourth Century greek bishop from a city Called, myra
which is modern Day. Turkey his parents died and left
him a lot of. Money Original nepo baby sold all

(21:26):
his possessions and gave his money to the. Poor died
around three point forty, three was buried In, myra and
then his grave became a popular pilgrimage site because his
cryp issued a miraculous liquid called manna that was believed
to have healing. Properties and then in ten eighty, Seven
italian sailors Stole Saint nicholas's bones From myra and relocated

(21:48):
them to a new crypt where the relics kept producing healing.
GO i just love how boring life was back. Then
all we're organizing a raid to dig up the magic
bones that produced the medicine out of the.

Speaker 2 (22:03):
Walls goog, Bones, Google.

Speaker 1 (22:07):
Is there any like modern day take on. That they're, like,
yeah they were eating mold that was. Collected question it multified, Insects,
LIKE i don't know what it could have.

Speaker 4 (22:16):
Been that's you're going to get. Sick you're gonna get
sick if you keep eating this. Ship we got to
steal the. Bones we need it for.

Speaker 2 (22:28):
Ourselves what's happen.

Speaker 1 (22:30):
On that grave over. There it is a little bit
of a hot pot, there, like not that much is
known about. Him he's similar To, jesus and that like
a lot of the stuff that was written about him
was written hundreds of years after his. Death and there's
also Other Saint nicholas's so that ship got lumped in.

(22:52):
There but then there are like a bunch of miracle
stories about This Saint nicholas that you can see the
beginnings of The santa. Myth there's one where rich guy
falls on hard. Times he has three beautiful daughters approaching
marrying age without money for their. Dowries they're never gonna get.

(23:15):
Married oh you know what that, Means they're gonna be
forced into. Prostitution. Uh and then in the middle of the,
Night Saint nick tossed a bag of gold coins through
the poor family's, window not as a, proposition don't get
get your head out of the, gutter landed in a
stocking left out to dry by the. Fireplace presumably he

(23:39):
was like, Lebron, yeah and then she got. Married he
did the same for the other three, daughters and that
is the First santa origin story is basically like the
setup for a dirty joke where it's like this farmer
has three daughters and they're all, hot and he's, like

(24:00):
IF i don't know some, money SOON i have to
letting people bang.

Speaker 4 (24:04):
Them but the Fuck and Then Saint nick is just
throwing fucking coins out into a sock.

Speaker 2 (24:10):
Magically.

Speaker 1 (24:10):
Yeah just how people beat each other in, JAIL i
believe so, yeah times of. Change, sorry white collar. Jail
that's what they. Do they put gold in a. Sock
the CEOs beat each. Other how cool would that? Be,
well we're pretty. Close one place THAT i feel like
we see The coca colaization Of Santa is in the

(24:33):
edit because like some of the early legends are pretty fucked.
Up there's one From france that is apparently still very
popular that they like still read to young, children scarring
them for. Life in the, story three young kids wander
off to play lose track of. Time they're hungry and
tired and far from. Home they spot a light in

(24:55):
a butcher shop and ask the man for food and.
Shelter the, BUTCHER i feel like the butchers are never
good guys in these old, stories invites them in and
chops the kids into pieces and seals them. Up in
a large pickle barrel seven years, Past Saint nicholas shows
up and is, like give me the, kids and he's,

(25:18):
like what are you talking, About Saint? Nick and he
gets them to rise from the pickle barrels and then
that that's like a Foundational christmas story and. Story he
raised them from the, dead raises them from the. Dead
they were just jack they were just chopped the fuck.

(25:39):
Up so that's What i'm, saying, Man but you don't
know what pickled. Mincemeat and and Then Saint nick just
pulls up and he's, like.

Speaker 2 (25:45):
Rise little goblin. Motherfuckers, yeah that's. Demonic that's. Demonic i'm.

Speaker 1 (25:50):
Sorry an earlier version of the story the kids were
traveling university students that he drugged and, killed which, actually,
yeah that one sounds like it's like more based in,
fact you, know from the. Seventies, YEAH i, know, Right,
Okay so thank god for studio, notes otherwise we'd be you,
know hampering traveling university. Students but, YEAH i feel like

(26:13):
this is one of those things that like when it
gets taken To, america they're, like that's a little dark.
Man oh, no let's get that out of.

Speaker 4 (26:22):
Here and also we don't like stories where there's like
and that's why you got to be a good, Person like,
right it's like what The american ethos is, like and
that's why you had.

Speaker 1 (26:33):
To steal it from that weaker. Person and they're punks
and it's funny like.

Speaker 4 (26:38):
That like even for something Like, christmas it's there's never
like you gotta be, careful you, know at the end
of the, day you never know what's going to.

Speaker 2 (26:44):
Happen it's like that fucker didn't bring me WHAT i. Wanted,
yeah you must consume that.

Speaker 1 (26:50):
Is the backstory of one of the people who doesn't
believe In santa and The santa clauses that he, Does
like the kids don't get the gift they. Wanted See
santa's NOT i was, like, hey what fuck up?

Speaker 4 (27:02):
It Actually jesus went down for that. One that's WHEN
i was, like this is a. Scam because at My
christian school they said to pray for some shit that
you wanted and that didn't. HAPPEN i, said this is a.

Speaker 2 (27:12):
Scam Then santa was up next AND i, said let's
see what you, got.

Speaker 1 (27:16):
Asshole, Nothing so fuck them both to ri ended up
by nineteen ninety, One.

Speaker 3 (27:21):
WELL i thought your problem was that When santa didn't
give you your, gift his, Boss jesus didn't step. In.

Speaker 1 (27:28):
Right, Hey i'm not going to in the middle.

Speaker 2 (27:29):
Manager, yeah, Yeah i'm going to go above his. Head
jesus fixed. It let me tell you, Something Jesus.

Speaker 1 (27:35):
Christ so In, france where this story again huge fucking
explains a lot About, france the Evil butcher transformed over
time to the dark figure of uh something pera, flotard
which translates to Father whipper Or Father flag and there

(27:56):
in Many european, Countries Saint nick is a company by
a helper who punishes the naughty children like there's we'll
get Into crampis a little bit. Later some of the
Early american celebrations in like More germanic, communities had some
like fucking terrifying.

Speaker 3 (28:14):
Pictures are you sure we all have more Own father
Flog it's the sickest.

Speaker 2 (28:21):
Name i've ever. Holiday Snm, god the leather daddy you
know out there.

Speaker 1 (28:32):
Now BUT i do feel like the dark side of
The santa, Me LIKE i have kids who are right
in the wheelhouse of The santa thing right, now And
i've always been like all, right like the dark side
seems excessive to, me like we we don't need, that
but like we do this tradition where like an el
one Of santa's elves like visits one of our closets

(28:54):
Between thanksgiving And christmas and like leaves one gift for
each of them just to like it's like an appetite For.
Christmas nikabad is the is the elf shout out akabad
like a long conversation with, them and uh two.

Speaker 2 (29:11):
And a half hours in.

Speaker 1 (29:14):
And then a lot of grievances. Aired but immediately after
my seven year old got his, presence he was like
and so like he can't take this, anymore, Right like
If i'm, bad he can't take this, Anymore like this
is mine, now? Right it is he coming back to

(29:35):
rob the. House and he's also like been coming home from,
school like all the kids in his second grade class
are obsessed With. Crampis like he's coming home with like
all these questions about like where The alps are and
like how Does crampis Attack france from The? Alps like
are The alps in In? France or like how does
he get?

Speaker 2 (29:54):
There how does he get past The magino? Line?

Speaker 1 (29:59):
Exactly that's exact actly what he, Asked but HE i
think he believes In crampis more Than Santa.

Speaker 2 (30:04):
Claus maybe that's, wait and so what is? That what is?
So what does that even? Mean? Cramps?

Speaker 1 (30:11):
YEAH i think so he's, LIKE i, mean my parents
wouldn't make Up. Crampis you, know they'd probably tell me
he wasn't, real So.

Speaker 2 (30:20):
I'd put it into. You so what are you gonna let?
Him you're gonna let him be terrorized By grampus or?

Speaker 1 (30:23):
What, No i've told Him crampis isn't, Real BUT i
think he doesn't believe me say. That BUT i do
feel like this is probably where we get The grinch.
FROM i feel like Of American christmas, icons The grinch
is the. Most he's the biggest, riser to use a

(30:46):
term from, sports, like he's he's really coming. In, yeah
really got spring, ability great stretch, ability great.

Speaker 3 (30:56):
Measurables he's, Tall he's Like inch is definitely taller Than
santa like significantly, Right.

Speaker 1 (31:02):
Yeah you thinks?

Speaker 5 (31:03):
So.

Speaker 4 (31:04):
YEAH i think of him as like a tall parasite
with legs like tell, me, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (31:09):
Yeah, yeah he's Got he's gonna die of a heart,
attacks and not just because his heart is three sizes too.
Small he's just got that, build big, gut skinny. Legs,
yeah BUT i feel like that's because we need a
Dark santa like helper or, something and that's where that's
where The grinch like comes. In we need a bad.

(31:30):
Guy he needs some teeth for whatever. Reason when The
grinch should come, on it like ruined it Because i'm,
like this is not fucking this is Not. Christmas this
is ruining. It AND i DON'T i don't want any
part of. IT i want to have a nice ending
to the. Year and now my fucking loves the Fucking,
grinch The Benedict cumberbatch one, whatever the animated Lumber. Grinch, yeah,

(31:51):
ye The illumination. One, yeah, yeah, yeah exactly exactly that.

Speaker 4 (31:56):
One he that when he The Jim carrey, one he
saw like for a second AND i was like What he's,
like who are these?

Speaker 1 (32:01):
Peoples thank? You against? Another Any christmas? Thing the key
party in. There but, YEAH i also like the ultimate
dark act that a holiday figure can, do which is,
like you, know property theft is like a pork, pate,
yeah por.

Speaker 2 (32:20):
Pirate.

Speaker 3 (32:21):
Yeah the sneaker collabse Around christmas about or the themes
around The grinch are often really cool, looking you, know
like where they release like a New kobe that that's
Like neon green with like. Retin it's, like this is so,
sick and then if you buy, it it's like where
WOULD i ever wear?

Speaker 2 (32:38):
This like this is so? Ugly you actually have?

Speaker 4 (32:42):
It it only works in the context of me Being
Kobe bryant playing On Christmas day on.

Speaker 2 (32:48):
In a professional basketball. Game, otherwise what the fuck? Is
you never?

Speaker 1 (32:52):
Know you never?

Speaker 2 (32:52):
Know you never never? Know you never, Know, DAD i
might Become Kobe bryant On Christmas? Day? Fine fine mobile.

Speaker 1 (33:00):
Them are there Any santa based, Shoes like has anybody
ever rocked with like bright red pat and leather shoes
with like the fur around the. PIPING i don't know about.

Speaker 4 (33:11):
It oh that would BE i feel like that would
definitely be something you've seen like THE, Nfl, YEAH nba
or Like Meta.

Speaker 3 (33:17):
World peace would be the only GUY i can, picture you,
know going like putting a little bell on his, toes
like running around because do you remember he had those
sneakers called The Panda's friend where it was he they
were an actual stuffed animal he basically put on his.

Speaker 2 (33:32):
Shoes jack you.

Speaker 4 (33:33):
Played in THE nba And china because didn't he change
his name to Like panda something to.

Speaker 3 (33:42):
Think he may have changed his name to The panta's.
Friend it was there was like a whole. THING i remember,
it like that's. SERIOUS i think that. Happened who cares
about my name?

Speaker 4 (33:51):
Anymore, yeah his name was his name Was panda's Friend.

Speaker 3 (33:59):
Treasure what that's a guy who turned his narrative. Around
that guy was a grinch In detroit when he entered
the stands and he became totally turned it.

Speaker 2 (34:06):
Around now He's panda his.

Speaker 4 (34:07):
Friend, yeah closest we've seen a whimsical, sneaker ALTHOUGH i
feel like these younger players now are more into like
super out there.

Speaker 1 (34:15):
Sneak kyrie did like a didn't he do a cereal
based one they've all?

Speaker 2 (34:20):
Had yeah was a big. One, yeah.

Speaker 1 (34:25):
Yep santa doesn't Really LIKE i feel like he's two,
Mainstream like wouldn't be cool to have A santa? Sneaker you?

Speaker 2 (34:33):
Want you want The?

Speaker 4 (34:34):
Grinch, No and there's no edge To santa, too you
know WHAT i? Mean, like, man he needs The. GRINCH
i think he needs to go into business with The. Grinch,
Oh like they need to team Up so that's kind
of like just.

Speaker 1 (34:46):
Like our mind. Craves LIKE i didn't introduce Fucking crampis
to my. Kid he just like was, like all, right
tell me about tell me everything about with.

Speaker 4 (34:57):
Me, YEAH i didn't know about. Crampis still like, College,
YEAH i think it's.

Speaker 1 (35:01):
BECOMING i think dark alternatives To santa are invading the
culture and the. Iconography, right same sex, marriage just say, it.

Speaker 4 (35:10):
Jack to, it let's not talk around.

Speaker 2 (35:15):
It that's WHY i never heard Of crampus WHEN i
was a.

Speaker 1 (35:19):
Kid fifteenth Century Saint nicholas is starting to. Spread, Germany
Nederland's Saint Nicholas day for a while was celebrated On
december sixth BECAUSE i was his like Hatron Saint. DAY
i feel like that was a much bigger. Deal back
in the, day was, like you know Who's Saint day it?
Is they just needed, something you, know well they had

(35:41):
on fucking. Board i've been sucking on this grave for
three days in a. ROW i haven't gotten.

Speaker 2 (35:48):
It just hits different ever since we stole the bones From.

Speaker 1 (35:50):
Turkey but, yeah this is the first time that like
kids would wake up to little gifts like sweets and
dolls and they had to make up an excuse for
How Saint nicholas was getting into the house so he
could like pass through, doors and for the first time
he started talking about sliding down. Chimneys but his outfit

(36:10):
was still pretty fucked. Up at this. Point he wore
a pope. Hat wore that fucked that is. Weird he
started wearing the red, robes but he was wearing a pope, hat,
WHICH i the pope pat is just the funniest fashion
choice of all. Time it is just Like i'm a
humble servant Of. God and then the hat is like

(36:31):
three feet tall just, so but like, This i'm taller than.

Speaker 2 (36:38):
Everyone it's an.

Speaker 3 (36:40):
ANTENNA i couldn't Hear god if my hat wasn't so,
high so his voice could pierce the hat and then
go into my.

Speaker 2 (36:47):
Head all, right.

Speaker 1 (36:48):
Enter The, protestants AND i feel like The origin Of
santa's one of the only stories Where catholics come off
looking good by. Comparison So protestant leaders Like Martin luther are,
like get rid of that. Shit No catholic, saints no,
worshiping like it was just a thing where you brought

(37:10):
presents to Baby jesus on his. Birthday Chris, kringle by the,
way An anglicized version of Christ. Kindle so his nickname
is basically just a translation of Baby, jesus which is
why we sing Baby, JESUS i can't wait.

Speaker 2 (37:27):
Every Christmas eve in my. Household that's what it, En
that's what it. Meant it was Baby.

Speaker 1 (37:34):
Jesus, Yeah Chris kringle Is, Christie Christian, kindle.

Speaker 2 (37:38):
Christ, Kindle, okay.

Speaker 1 (37:39):
But, Yeah protestants were kept trying to put out The christmas.
Thing they were just like fucking, like this is so.
Bad everybody's so happy and they're having. Fun they keep
fucking each other and so waking out.

Speaker 2 (37:56):
There they're looking at the window of their. Hut these
fuckers always Time martin writes a feces about, This i'm
on ninety, eight.

Speaker 6 (38:06):
Motherfucker just, Wait i'm got one more loaded for your fucking.

Speaker 7 (38:09):
Ass, so, so in trying to kill The Saint nicholas,
thing they rebrand hit like they're like this fucking this
ship won't go, away like all our people are still
wearing the big fake fake white beard and.

Speaker 1 (38:26):
Stuff so they rebrand him his Father. Christmas In, germany
he's known as why Not schmann Or Christmas man and
looked exactly Like Saint, nicholas and then, yeah so basically
he gets like written out of the, show and then
his absence makes everybody miss, him and he becomes stronger

(38:47):
and becomes like The Marvel avengers version of A christmas
superhero at The oh.

Speaker 4 (38:51):
Wow so they did The, okay they banned cereal flavored
vapes for the. Teams, yeah exactly and more.

Speaker 2 (39:00):
Popular, woh, Okay.

Speaker 1 (39:02):
Okay The puritans come along in the mid sixteen hundreds
try to Ban christmas, altogether and they thought the whole
celebration reeked Of. Catholicism this Stinks catholic.

Speaker 2 (39:18):
Time, yeah it reeks OF i say that.

Speaker 1 (39:23):
Every Every, christmas this whole thing in my house goes.

Speaker 2 (39:27):
Thirty like this.

Speaker 1 (39:29):
Reeks, yeah you can always count on The protestants to
make The catholics look good for the only time in.
History for late final, yeah late seventeen, hundreds early eighteen.
Hundreds it comes over THE us people From, England, Germany
netherlands bring Their christmas traditions with. Them you get like
a whole mixture Of Father, Christmas Christkindle center clause that

(39:54):
kind of coalesces into the figure we Call Santa claus
and Specifically New York city becomes a big focal point of.
This like in the late seventeen hundreds early eighteen, Hundreds
New york At christmas time was like a little fucked
up because everybody got so drunk and the holiday was
an excuse to get drunk and Harassed, catholics according to the.

(40:18):
Dossier and so we get The Christmas ride of eighteen
oh six where mobs are drunk and Anti, catholic Anti
irish sailors and Journeyman butcher's Attacked Saint peter's. Church local
irishman defended the, church and a police, Officer Christian, lunswanger was,
killed making him the FIRST nypd officer killed in the

(40:40):
line of duty at that. Time and So Washington irving
and Other New york area writers are trying to like
do a, remake create a new identity For New york
At christmas time because it was like at that time
famous for being a place to go like Kill catholic
flicks for, sport and so they uh mind the legends

(41:06):
of like the First dutch, colonists you create this Thing
history Of New york written by this pen Name suddnimenous
Author Dedrich, knickerbocker and this is where we get the Phrase,
knickerbocker which is like how we get the name of
the basketball team to this. Day but that, story that

(41:26):
book like has A Saint nick part that people think and.
Like in that, one we get the first time where
he's like riding a flying wagon there's no reindeer, yet
and then climbs down chimneys leaves gifts for. Children so he,
basically like popular fiction at the, time starts taking these
traditions and making them like part of the popular, consciousness.

Speaker 4 (41:49):
All as a distraction to be Like New York, city
let's not talk about all that shit that happens At
christmas with the Anti Catholic, Right, yeah there's a fucking
guy who flies in a. Way yeah look up, there
look about. That that cool.

Speaker 1 (42:04):
Cool said something, guys and, yeah it was. Amazing so
Was The Night Before christmas is the most Famous Santa claus.
Poem some people say it's the most Famous american poem
of all, time which fucking sucks For. America but it
turns out there's an even, earlier anonymous, poem and we'll
get to why it was anonymous in a, bit but

(42:25):
it's Called Old Santa clause With Much, delight published in
eighteen twenty one and illustrated children's, book and it basically
Invents santa's reindeer delivering the gifts On Christmas, eve the
sleigh flying over chimney. Tops and when they like it
became so, influential they were, like, wait why don't we
know who wrote? This and he says that the person

(42:48):
who wrote it was from the Far, north near The arctic,
lands and that he had like brought this back and
it was basically like an indigenous person had like written this.
Poem and then because they had like indigenous, ancestry he was,
like we're just gonna call this one anonymous.

Speaker 8 (43:08):
Essentially oh, wow of course completely all its fucking why,
wait so that's sort of like we're like attributing to
the north whole ish to that's all sort of.

Speaker 2 (43:20):
Like from The.

Speaker 1 (43:21):
North that's why the reindeer get written into.

Speaker 6 (43:23):
It, wait like we're like indigenous people up. There, No,
no it's like way way norther than, That.

Speaker 1 (43:30):
No even northern Than he's probably never even met. Indigenous,
hey why.

Speaker 2 (43:34):
Is your hair so? Beautiful? Man why is your hair so? Beautiful?
Hey what the? Fun what is this about LIKE i,
said some guy fucking told me from the.

Speaker 1 (43:42):
North but uh the guy as in talking about like
the guy who wrote. It he said that his mother
told him stories where he had heard that reindeers could,
fly and his mother being An indian of the. Area
uh SO i.

Speaker 2 (44:00):
Got a little shout out.

Speaker 4 (44:04):
That like all this like xenophobia is generating all This
christmas ship like they're they were killing like beating Up Irish,
catholics killing, them.

Speaker 2 (44:14):
And they're, like we need a fucking new story for this.
City and THEN i was, like, uh.

Speaker 6 (44:18):
This indigenous, Thing it's, like what WHAT i mean?

Speaker 2 (44:22):
Wrong North north is WHAT i? Better Better.

Speaker 1 (44:29):
Viking guy or? SOMETHING i don't.

Speaker 2 (44:31):
Know, yeah for, sure for sure he was A. Viking
probably definitely definitely had like blue. Eyes i'm.

Speaker 1 (44:35):
Sure, okay, okay, yeah, Okay oh Fucking. American it's like
crazy to. Me they're like those are the pressures, excited
like like you, know lightly forming this entire.

Speaker 2 (44:47):
Story, yeah he's got little slay, helpers.

Speaker 1 (44:51):
Helpers, yeah he's in a slave seems like you're gonna say, Slave,
no it's not a, wagon unlay unpaid. Assistance there's also
a theory that goes that because that the, tribe the
indigenous tribe that they kind of stole this flying reindeer thing. From,

(45:16):
also like the reindeer eat a bunch of magic, mushrooms
and so do the shamans in, there and the magic
mushrooms are like bright red and, white and they have
a tradition where the shaman would come to your, house
come down the, chimney eat magic, mushrooms go to the
underworld that you feed. Him you give him, food cool,

(45:38):
Cool he eats the magic, mushrooms goes down into the,
underworld brings back gifts from the. Underworld so it sounds
like the whole thing could be like basically lifted a
whole lot from this like mushroom trip tradition in a Shamanic.

Speaker 4 (45:55):
And i'm sure like these gifts are like metaphorical to
like wisdom not shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1 (46:02):
Waystation but, yeah a shaman from the near The North,
pole drives a reindeer pulled, sleigh enters through the, chimney
eats red and white, shrooms goes on a, trip brings
back gifts from the. Underworld like it feels feels very.
Similar so, yeah, Wow so how do we get milk into.
This it was all covered in the, milk, right, yeah

(46:25):
And coca. Cola but if you want to speaking Of coca,
cola if you want to find who really Designed, santa
it's Probably Thomas. Nast like in terms of like what
we think of when we Picture, santa it's this, guy,
uh the most famous newspaper cartoonist of the nineteenth century

(46:46):
and so obviously a household. Name But Thomas nast coined
the use of the elephant and the donkey for The
republican And democratic, parties and one of the first cartoons
that he ever did Of santa is he's bringing gifts
to the un in soldiers and he has a puppet
Of Jefferson davis with a noose around his, neck Like
sants's fucking.

Speaker 4 (47:06):
A all, right we're, back, yeah, Okay, santa all, right.

Speaker 1 (47:11):
All right, said but these are ones where he kind
of draws him as an elf, again back to the height.
THING i feel like Tall santa is more and more
of a new, invention and like back in the early
days they were, like, no he's an elf, too he's.
Tiny but he drew images Of santa in his workshop
located at The North, pole had an account book in

(47:36):
which he kept his list of naughty And nice, children
and it's the first time that you see. Him like
there are a lot of paintings where it's, Like, OKAY
i see like this guy has a white, beard but
prior to, this it's like he kind of looks like
an opium, atic like he has he has a, pipe
but it's really, long and he looks kind of gaunt
and fucked. Up looks a little like The Philadelphia Eagles Santa.

(47:56):
Claus but this is the guy who like kind of
gives this big jolly white beardage red with white fur
Piping Santa.

Speaker 4 (48:05):
Claus this Is, yeah he's definitely the pipe is he
is piping it up and like every one of the
he's a.

Speaker 1 (48:12):
Big like smoking a pipe is a big part of
his iconography that's gone away because Of Woke. Whoa you gotta, ask,
like what what was in that?

Speaker 2 (48:23):
Pipe?

Speaker 1 (48:23):
Man it seems Like santa was into some real or
whatever smoking.

Speaker 2 (48:28):
Krills, baby don't worry about, it. KRILLS i haven't heard that.

Speaker 6 (48:33):
Term, So, chris you want your president or?

Speaker 2 (48:37):
What? MAN i got a lot of, tables, MAN.

Speaker 1 (48:41):
I wonder why he's so.

Speaker 4 (48:42):
HAPPY i, mean and his eyes, too like he's the
eyes are very like definitely what's in the. Pipe it's not,
last it's not sort of like stoic pipe smoker man.

Speaker 1 (48:53):
Image it's like you want this little dude all? Right,

(49:13):
well LIKE i was, saying When santa came To, america
he shed a lot of the darker aspects of The
Saint nicholas. Story In, france as mentioned, earlier he's accompanied
by a punisher trickster figure who meets out beatings to
all the bad. Kids and like THAT'S i, mean that
is essentially like the way that people like The grinch

(49:35):
traditions That i've seen people doing in viral. Videos it's
like the parents come in and like steal the, present
stressed as The. Grinch like that feels like that's what
they're trying to. Do that's what they're trying to, recreate
even though they probably don't know about. It crampis most famous,
one hailing From germany And Alpine. Austria half, man half.
Goat he actually Predates Saint nicholas. ORIGINATES i like. That

(50:01):
they were, like, yeah, Oh Saint, nicholas you like that. Part,
see we have this tradition. Mainly our main part of
the tradition is where you know this crampest guy comes. In,
uh crampus means claw and he comes in and he
scratches your ship up and eats children who are bad
and like some of the images are so fucking. Horrifying

(50:23):
it's just like him pulling children who are out of
like a basket that they're hiding in with like a
giant fucking. Tongue, yeah oh my, god, dude this.

Speaker 2 (50:37):
These are really. Dark, yeah he's really trying that. Tongue
put that.

Speaker 1 (50:42):
Away this one right, There, yeah there's another.

Speaker 2 (50:45):
One this child is in. Chains he's like ripping the
kid's ears, off, well licking his. Hair why is he licking?

Speaker 3 (50:53):
EVERYBODY i don't like how he's got one hoof and
one naughty, foot you, know, uh oh what's?

Speaker 2 (51:01):
This what exactly are? You? Crampis this is, yeah he's, yeah.

Speaker 1 (51:07):
He's always got one foot and one.

Speaker 2 (51:09):
Hoof what is that?

Speaker 3 (51:10):
About how did this is probably probably actually don't answer,
this But i'm gonna ask. It how did goats become
like satanic like? Iconography does?

Speaker 2 (51:20):
That anyone know? That off the top of their? Heads
and have you ever.

Speaker 1 (51:23):
Hunt out with a? Goat they're fucking their their eyes
are really fucking. Creepy they are a little. Devil, yeah
it's the clothing, puff, Right that's what it. Is, biblically
it's like things have clothing, hoss don't they isn't THAT
i don't. Think but they got big. Asses uh oh my,

(51:43):
god they just got so.

Speaker 2 (51:45):
Horny, sorry sorry for Jacket. Santa for, me it's a
it's a, horus but.

Speaker 1 (51:50):
Like this this is still like in the eighteen hundred's.
Uh crampos cartan Or crampis cards became a popular fixture
Of christmas In, germany depicting a cloth than, hooved four
Tongued crampis spiriting bad children down To hell with the
cheery message Gruslan, Krampus greetings From, crampus.

Speaker 4 (52:09):
Oh, ship And i'm taking you down To, hell white.
Bastard is Your like are the kids at your kids?
School are they like, hell, Yeah, Crampis or they're, like.

Speaker 2 (52:19):
Fuck, Dude, crampis, man what are you doing at your
house to guard? Interested and it's it's a kid anti.

Speaker 1 (52:26):
Clause, yeah because one kid who will always be, like,
Yeah i've seen that. Movie here's how it, ends and
then like he like makes up the ending and then
LIKE i love that. Guy, YEAH i love. That that's
a cool's. Underrated he actually fumed my. Ass he was, like,
Yeah i've seen. Me i've seen an endgame AND i
had never made it through. Endgame and so my kids came.
Home they were, LIKE i know How Tony stark. Dies,

(52:49):
uh what's? It what's the big purple bag of. House,
Yeah he's, LIKE i know How Tony stark. Dies Then
panos chokes him and crushes his suit into his neck
and like breaks all the bones in his. NECK i was,
like that's so fucked, Up like what a dark. THING

(53:09):
i was, like you guys aren't allowed to watch.

Speaker 9 (53:12):
Exactly i'm gonna. Puke, yes that in fact wasn't.

Speaker 2 (53:32):
Ship i'm so.

Speaker 1 (53:33):
Upset there are other parts Of germany where he's more
of a trick. Trickster Bell's nickel visits the home Of
german kids a few weeks Before christmas to determine who's
been naughty and who's been, nice and Then german immigrants
Brought bell's nickel traditions Into Central, pennsylvania where there's some
just amazing photos from the early days of Like Saint

(53:56):
Nicholas and then have you ever seen like those Old halloween?
Pictures where it's, like what the fuck kind of like
dark ship is?

Speaker 2 (54:04):
This this is way worse THAN i thought it was gonna. Be,
yeah this is really, well the fuck are these? Freaks
this is really.

Speaker 1 (54:14):
Bad that's What santa used to look like there in the,
middle like little one on The.

Speaker 2 (54:18):
Oh, yeah hell, dude this is fucking.

Speaker 1 (54:21):
Terrifying it is one of the scary it's scarier like
picture those like Old halloween costumes where it's, like what
what the fuck were people? Into, Yeah i'm, like are
the other are these dudes in blackface or?

Speaker 2 (54:35):
Something get into?

Speaker 1 (54:37):
That no discussion is complete without a mention Of Black,
pete where his.

Speaker 2 (54:46):
In The.

Speaker 1 (54:46):
Netherlands his original role was to hand out streets to
good kids and carry off the naughty kids in his oversized.
Sack he's one Of santa's. Helpers over the next, century
black people was a celebrated part of Center clause traditions
and then other. Lends he was always depicted by white
actors in blackface with large red lips and afro, wigs
gold hoop earrings And moorish, costume and this has been

(55:11):
a big controversy in The. Netherlands is like people have
been like, guys this is this is just, blackface and
like the people are, like, no, no he's actually blackened
by the soot from the, chimney but his clothes. Aren't
just sounds like you just made that base. Spot, yeah, yeah,

(55:33):
yeah where's his soot? FROM i don't, know, man you
got to ask. Him, YEAH i don't know what he's thinking.

Speaker 2 (55:38):
About.

Speaker 1 (55:38):
Yeah But dutch people of color report being called black
pete pretty much from, birth and The Center claus season
is particularly. Traumatic so there was a twenty twelve nationwide
campaign called Swarti pete is racism that succeeded in raising
awareness of.

Speaker 2 (55:55):
It but it also there's like the same thing like In.

Speaker 4 (55:59):
SPAIN i know, THAT i think with one of The Wise,
men where it's like a huge, thing like everybody's getting
like everybody's getting in on.

Speaker 2 (56:08):
It they're, like, hey, man where's your fucking where's your bulk?
Bizarre where's your bulk? Bizarre? Blackface? Yikes, no this is
just this is Just.

Speaker 1 (56:16):
Christmas this isn't? Racist are you?

Speaker 2 (56:20):
Serious Like i'm doing this Because i'm so.

Speaker 4 (56:22):
Happy it's like the happiest time of year right, Now
i'm so filled with joy right, now this is this
isn't racist at.

Speaker 2 (56:28):
All come, on come.

Speaker 1 (56:29):
On but, Yeah Thomas nast gets a lot of the.
Credit it's like those those two, guys the guy who
designed The Quaker oats, guy And thomas nasked the guy
gave us the donkey and the. Elephant it Was Coca
cola hired The Quaker oats guy to kind of create the.
Image but IT'S i don't, know you can, stop people

(56:51):
can stop saying that Like Coca cola Invented Santa.

Speaker 4 (56:54):
Claus what it is is probably more just like at
that point with mass, media that piction so early on
from a company like that sort of cemented that depiction
Of Santa.

Speaker 1 (57:06):
Claus, yeah if you want a better, explanation it was
like some northern Shamanic uh tribal cultures that eight mushrooms
and like imagined flying reindeer and a guy coming down their.
Chimney you know that is.

Speaker 4 (57:20):
That is the most like you want to know WHAT
i just heard on a podcast asked Responsible right there you.

Speaker 6 (57:28):
Go it Ain't Coca cola, Guy they stole it from indigenous.

Speaker 2 (57:35):
People and then podcast person has entered the. Chat that's.

Speaker 1 (57:40):
Right tell that to The Santa claus that shows up
at your Work christmas. Party, hey, hey get over, here, Man,
hey you on the.

Speaker 2 (57:46):
Clock this guy is looking. There let me tell you
some stories about how racists.

Speaker 1 (57:53):
Holidays, YEAH i mean there's all sorts of different like
is he? Immortal is? He is it more of a
game of throne situation where you kill him to become?
Him it's hard to. SAY i prefer to think that
it's you, know a Different sanda each year after like
a battle has been fought in accordance with The Jamie loftis.

Speaker 2 (58:13):
Tradition, blake were you A santa kid at?

Speaker 7 (58:16):
All?

Speaker 2 (58:17):
Ever? Oh yeah you? Were, yeah of, Course, YEAH i
was all.

Speaker 3 (58:20):
IN i remember WHEN i WHEN i found out it
was it was VERY i THINK i handled it pretty.

Speaker 2 (58:25):
Well handled it pretty.

Speaker 3 (58:27):
WELL i think considering my volatility as a, CHILD i
would SAY i handled it pretty.

Speaker 1 (58:35):
WELL i flipped a. TABLE i was just for like an.
Afternoon it was like why would They my older sister told.
ME i was, like why would they lie to?

Speaker 2 (58:46):
Us that's?

Speaker 4 (58:47):
Crazy oh, RIGHT i see. That the trust with your
parents even more than The Sandy's like.

Speaker 3 (58:52):
What, YEAH i mean there's a LOT i lost someone
LIKE i felt LIKE i lost a, brother like basically
was like WHAT i.

Speaker 1 (58:59):
Felt, damn you had a really close relationship With. Santa
he was so. Sorry, Yeah i'm so, Sorry. BRO i didn't. Know,
OKAY i didn't. Know that's, sweet but thank, you h thank,
you thank.

Speaker 4 (59:10):
You was there a person in like a relative that
really kept reinforcing it or like it was full court
press from everyone.

Speaker 2 (59:16):
Like that was MY i, mean my dad.

Speaker 3 (59:18):
Didn't my Dad's, jewish so didn't give a ship it
IS U and you're, like why does.

Speaker 1 (59:24):
Dad always make the jack off hand motion every time
mom talks About Santa?

Speaker 3 (59:28):
Claus why is it always waving unfilled out divorce papers
at my mom WHENEVER i.

Speaker 4 (59:34):
Was itching his fingers together going Eatle.

Speaker 1 (59:36):
DICK i had a thing in here about Whether santa
has a big dick or. Not BUT i.

Speaker 2 (59:42):
DON'T i don't think we need to get into. IT
i think we have.

Speaker 1 (59:45):
Time but Some santas have big dick, energy you, know big.

Speaker 2 (59:50):
Time, yeah, yeah, WOW i think of, MAN i. DON'T
i don't EVEN i would think you.

Speaker 1 (59:54):
Have like, generally my first assumption is little. Dick oh
sorry what? Yeah child would probably be the right. Answer
it would be like.

Speaker 4 (01:00:02):
It would Be rudolph's nose down there for, Me like
it's not even a. Penis it's just like that is. Correct, yeah, yeah,
yeah there's nothing there having.

Speaker 1 (01:00:12):
A cherry nose and cherry yeah, yeah, exactly just old cherry.

Speaker 2 (01:00:17):
Dick that is a.

Speaker 1 (01:00:21):
Thing there's like a lot of questions, now like people are,
like do you or don't, You like does The santa
myth harm? Children child psychologists say, yes but what the
fuck do they?

Speaker 2 (01:00:35):
Know? Books book, idiots? Idiots wait why for what?

Speaker 4 (01:00:41):
Reason just because of like parental trust or is it
the like the expectation of gifts, thing BECAUSE i know
that's a huge thing too when you're like.

Speaker 1 (01:00:47):
What it bring you isn't? Real maybe the first developmental
loss that are child, experiences but it's also like a
chance for them to figure some ship.

Speaker 4 (01:00:55):
Out you know you're arguing with child psychologists right. Now,
yeah but like it's also like you got to figure
some ship. Out, wait but is it that? Bad like
do people REALLY i guess in that? Sense what it's
it's an unnecessary trauma for a childhood or yeah it's.

Speaker 1 (01:01:14):
Not Like i'll tell you cut answer on. It, yeah,
yeah it was, traumatic they. Say the kids who experienced
the biggest letdown were ones whose parents really built up
The santa myth and came up with like elaborate hoaxes
to perpetuate, it.

Speaker 4 (01:01:27):
Right because you're, just, yeah you're just fucking gaslighting your
kids and whatever the.

Speaker 2 (01:01:31):
Fuck SO i forgot about.

Speaker 3 (01:01:33):
This my dad, would, uh so we don't cut this part.
Out but we had carpeting in our, home SO i
can please cut that.

Speaker 10 (01:01:40):
Out so my dad would step in like baby powder
somehow and leave tracks that would be inferred to Be santa's.

Speaker 2 (01:01:54):
Footprints footprints snow? Footprints did?

Speaker 1 (01:01:57):
He and then you think that you didn't know how snow?

Speaker 3 (01:01:59):
WORKED i am now thinking About my dad was also
a massive, Cokehead so get.

Speaker 2 (01:02:07):
Back into a drug.

Speaker 1 (01:02:07):
Lab you gotta line up a couple of rails For
santa to keep them going through the.

Speaker 2 (01:02:11):
Night he would.

Speaker 3 (01:02:15):
Have footprints Like santa footprints around the house and then
our stairs the carpeting. MATTERS i, remember it was so the.
Powder there's so much, powder it was, Slippery and the
first year they did, THAT i just fucking flew. DOWN
i tripped and fell down the. Stairs and then my parents,
forgot like three hundred and sixty four days, Later so
THEN i tripped and fell down the stairs again like

(01:02:38):
years in a row On christmas and it was like
hobbled that.

Speaker 1 (01:02:41):
Morning so they Like santa cracked ship through the house
like he tracked like white. Powder, yeah did they do
a creepy thing where like his footprints stopped at your?
Bedside santa was watching you for a.

Speaker 2 (01:02:56):
While many just watching the. Sleep oh my. Dresser or
there was a gun with a single bullet in. It
what the hell is? This why'd you have this jamison
in your? Room what is going on?

Speaker 1 (01:03:09):
Here naughty?

Speaker 2 (01:03:10):
Question Mark? Bullake, yeah, wait this Is santa's old high school.
Yearbook it was captain of the basketball. Team.

Speaker 1 (01:03:19):
Tears they say the best advice is to follow the child's.
Lead when a kid hits a certain stage of cognitive
development and start asking questions about what's. Real then you
can like kind of be, like what what do you?
Think some people Think santa is more of a magical
idea than a real. Person by these. Mushrooms there you,

(01:03:41):
Go there you.

Speaker 2 (01:03:41):
Go Now i'm gonna put the light show on And
i'll be right.

Speaker 1 (01:03:45):
Back, blake thank you so much for joining.

Speaker 2 (01:03:49):
US i thank.

Speaker 1 (01:03:50):
You i'm so, Glad Like miles AND i were, there
like where we were like Does blake know That sanna
is not? Real and So i'm glad that that we
didn't take that from very different.

Speaker 2 (01:04:01):
Recording if we had to pretend like this is a historical, figure.

Speaker 3 (01:04:04):
It would have been pretty. Tough, YEAH i would have
been very. Aggressive wow so he's?

Speaker 2 (01:04:08):
Old huh? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (01:04:10):
Wow so when are we going to get to what
he's up to these? Days on the line figures doesn't reminded.

Speaker 1 (01:04:17):
Me we like to close out by asking the, question
We're santa a real? Figure would he have been On
Jeffrey epstein's flight?

Speaker 3 (01:04:27):
Logs he'd have his, own so he wouldn't because he
has a, Sleigh SO i know it's kind of a cop,
out but he would.

Speaker 2 (01:04:33):
Be on The santa.

Speaker 1 (01:04:34):
Logues that was our answer For erkele has his own jet,
pack so like he wouldn't need To, like, yes he
is sciencey and, horny which seems to be the main,
indicators like that somebody like a famous scientist who's like
a little uncomfortably horny like would be on, There but
he has a jet, pack so why would he need

(01:04:54):
to be in a similar? THING i also feel like
he doesn't THAT i say no on this. ONE i.

Speaker 2 (01:05:02):
CAN'T i.

Speaker 1 (01:05:03):
Can't that's My christmas present to you. GUYS i need
would not be on the flight. Line, No, however people
with weird dicks do hang around that, guy AND i
do believe it is a reindeer nose that lights. Up
it is always the last, person like the last person you.
Expect but in the case Of Bill. Clinton but, no,

(01:05:24):
No but for that, reason it is not actually a
it's not a.

Speaker 4 (01:05:28):
Phallus it's just how he's anatomically built as like a
mythical monster. Person, yeah because he's his Technical in my,
mind he's a. Monster he's not a. HUMAN i, mean
he has the human, features but he is scientifically a.
Monster so, NO i think he is not because he's a.

Speaker 2 (01:05:44):
Monster.

Speaker 3 (01:05:44):
Right this is an answer that's going to really hurt
me to, Say but this is my, real honest. Answer
is that do you think a man who has access
to every children's home in the world needs to go
to that?

Speaker 2 (01:05:56):
Island? Wow?

Speaker 1 (01:05:58):
Wow and and we'll leave you with. That mary wrote
That we'll be right back ruminate on that. Blake where
can people find?

Speaker 2 (01:06:07):
You follow?

Speaker 1 (01:06:08):
You tell you how they feel about that last. COMMENT
i know how you feel about. IT i think we.

Speaker 3 (01:06:14):
ALL i don't feel no one's going to feel good about.
It you can find me At Blake lexler and all social.
Media some fun shows coming. UP i was just In,
chicago whole. AUDIENCE i was just Telling Jack zeigang people
And fla which was a which was a thrill for.
Me snarful that made these amazing shirts that said The
Philadelphia plumpers and old Retro eagles writing and then like

(01:06:37):
a little eagle chicken with big fat.

Speaker 2 (01:06:40):
Lines which is. Amazing so thank You. Snarf it was
great BEING.

Speaker 3 (01:06:43):
Starfula and then also if you want to see me
Live New, York Zeit, gang this is the biggest show
In New york of the year for.

Speaker 2 (01:06:50):
Me january series huh, OH i Think New Year's, Eve Times.

Speaker 3 (01:06:56):
Square, yeah IF i wanted to ruin my life and
career in that, order perform The year's Of rock and Even,
Yeah i'm gonna be in the ball and there's gonna be.
Uncontrolled they're gonna throw me off a. Roof, well there's
a naked guy in the. Ball he died of. Exposure
he's not asking for. Help he just seems content with

(01:07:18):
this being his. Demise his.

Speaker 1 (01:07:20):
Legs holy, shit good lord d multiple.

Speaker 2 (01:07:24):
Torsos so.

Speaker 3 (01:07:25):
Sure january, Sixteenth i'm gonna be At Little field In brooklyn,
again biggest, show biggest show of the new year for.
Me and Then march, Fifth i'm coming down To atlanta
to headline for the first.

Speaker 2 (01:07:37):
Time and uh, yeah that'll be a. Go So march,
fifth you have yours around, days amaze your. Assignments thank.

Speaker 1 (01:07:44):
You Miles where could people find?

Speaker 2 (01:07:46):
You i'll think it stuff find me everywhere at miles Of.

Speaker 1 (01:07:49):
Gray all, right, yep how we find? Me A Jack
underscore O brian On, Twitter jack obi one On Blue.
Sky i'll be back after this to give you my
No no notebook dom And i'll talk to you. Then all.
Right that Was. SANTA i think standing, here five episodes

(01:08:15):
into Our iconograph series of, EPISODES i Think santa's got
to be the most iconic person we've.

Speaker 2 (01:08:23):
Covered he's at The he's at the top of the.

Speaker 1 (01:08:26):
ICONOGRAPH i learned a lot during the course of these five.
EPISODES i Think Miss piggy is probably the biggest. Mover
had no idea how massive The Muppet show ratings were
when that was, On like hundreds of millions of. Homes
we're watching that. Show So Miss piggy is going way
higher THAN i expected at the. OUTSET i think she's
probably coming in maybe tied at number two With. Einstein But,

(01:08:50):
santa you, know so iconic that when you put on
the three main accoutrement of his, iconography the, beard the,
suit the, hat people like can't even see. You you
could be their assistant principle and they just like can't
perceive you as anything other Than. Santa my final thought On,

(01:09:14):
santa one piece Of santa lore THAT i meant to
hit is the time space continuum as it relates To. Santa,
obviously he's a, mystical magical. Being the various movies have
a lot of different ways of dealing with the fact
that he has to deliver so many presents on a single.
Night my dad's version Of, santa he told me that

(01:09:38):
his older, brother like one, night Heardless Leigh, bells snuck
down Saw santa and he was moving at a blinding,
speed but then stopped for a, second turned, around gave
his older Brother barry a little, wink and then turned
around and you, know delivered the presence and was. Gone
and that's usually the main way that we deal with

(01:10:00):
this time. Continuum conundrum is. Fast he's moving at light.
Speed people have noted online that he has about thirty
one to thirty four hours in which to deliver presents
due to time. ZONES i don't know how that's exactly,
possible BUT i think they're trying to buy him a
little extra time. There but everyone acknowledges he'd have to

(01:10:24):
be moving at essentially light speed to get to all
two billion homes with children on the. Planet but that's
all from our, perspective. RIGHT i want to take a
page here From einstein's. Book einstein's first breakthrough on his
way to the theory of, relativity thanks to reading a
bunch of sci fi when he was a, kid was
to imagine himself riding a beam of light as a.

(01:10:47):
Child AND i want to do that same thought experiment.
Here what is it like to be writing that beam
of light of light speed travel With Santa claus On christmas?
Night is it like for? Him and usually when you
see him in the house in one of these, movies

(01:11:07):
he's not just a flash that like blows through the.

Speaker 2 (01:11:10):
House he's A he's.

Speaker 1 (01:11:11):
A guy moving around delivering. Presence and sometimes he's like
going fast and then slowing down and going fast like
In My dad's. Story the Movie The Santa claus explains
this by implying that there's something where the fabric of
time space changes inside that house while he's in. There

(01:11:31):
one house at a, time time slows down As santa
moves through, it delivering. Presence and it's sort of like
a bullet time. Thing where as he's going through your,
house if you looked, outside there would just be you,
know everything would be frozen because your house is moving
at an incredible. Speed but If santa is spending a

(01:11:52):
let's let's be generous and say a minute of his
time to place the, presence eat the cookies again generously.
Fast but he's doing all of that in one. Minute
but he's doing that two billion times Every Christmas eve
Into christmas, morning A christmas. Night From santa's, Perspective In,

(01:12:13):
santa bullet time in the time space continuum would have
to last three, thousand eight hundred and five. Years that
is two billion times one minute would be three than
eight hundred and five. Years AND i don't know any
other way to imagine it from his, perspective even if

(01:12:35):
he's like a blinding flash to, us to, him he
has to move around through the room and get the
presence out and set the toys up and eat the.
Cookies for you gotta think at least a minute now
if you won't grant me, that if you want to say,
no it's just a second for him, somehow like he
has like hyper computer, brain and like even to, him

(01:12:55):
it's perceived as a one second. Flash even then that,
night the process of hitting all two billion homes would
last sixty three. Years so just From santa's, perspective every
time he leaves The North pole to deliver, presence he's

(01:13:15):
saying goodbye to his, home to his, wife to his,
bed to his, elves or somewhere between sixty three years
and three, thousand eight hundred and five years at a,
minimum just. Perceptually. Existentially when he gets back, home he's

(01:13:36):
Like Ken watsonabi's character at the beginning Of. Inception he's
been gone forever for Missus, clause it's been a. Night for,
him it's been an. Eternity and that time off in,
between that time Between christmases where he's off and not
delivering presence perceptually from his point of, view must be

(01:13:57):
a blink in. Between just it turns of eternal, night
just breaking and entering into people's homes over and over
with no, sunlight just Twinkling christmas. Lights i'm just, saying
it's no wonder he's a bit cranky On, christmas even
That rudolph stop motion right before he's about to just

(01:14:18):
once again enter the existential eternal night Of, CHRISTMAS a
true existential nightmare THAT i hope you pass on to
the children in your life This. CHRISTMAS i hope you
have a, warm wonderful holiday with your. Family we're back
WITH i think one more week of regular episodes this,
week and then we're going to take off from iconograph

(01:14:42):
episodes over the. Holiday but over the, HOLIDAY i think
we have our best lineup of holiday and year end
episodes ever in the history of The Daily, zeikeist and
will also be counting down the top ten episodes of the,
year your ten favorite episodes according to how much listen
to them and like them and share. Them that's going

(01:15:03):
to do it for The Santa iconograph episode. Five hope
you're enjoying this new. Format if you, are please share.
Them Happy holidays, Everyone bye, bye