PLAYING-IT-SAFE

In part 1 of my conversation with Monica Basco, Ph.D., Exploring the intersection of perfectionism, procrastination, and performance, we discussed the following topics:

• Perfectionism and high-achieving behaviors
• Understanding the impact of high goals
• The role of confidence in goal setting
• The intersection of perfectionism and procrastination

In this second part of our conversation, Monica kindly shared her transition fr...

Drop your standards! Let go of your perfectionistic tendencies!

If I were paid a dollar every time I heard this message, I would have a large bank account by now.

When you’re pursuing a top performance – from athletic to intellectual to artistic ones – it’s fundamental that you distinguish those common principles that improve your performance and your well-being altogether.

In this episode, Brad Stulberg and I discussed re...

Perfectionism isn’t a personality quirk. It’s a pattern of reinforced behaviors that can seep into every aspect of your life.

You may set certain standards for yourself, certain rules about how things are supposed to be or how you are supposed to behave; while you may meet those standards for a while, they eventually - and inevitably - fall short. Then, you feel crushed. Then, you criticize yourself. And then, to drown out the n...

Today’s episode takes off with discussing fears of driving. This is the starting point to discuss a key process within acceptance commitment therapy: values-based exposures.

In this episode, you will learn the principles to approach your fears, worries, and anxieties in a flexible way and in the service of your values.

Brian Thompson, Ph.D. and I covered different ACT skills such as defusion, values, willingness and what you ...

Ever catch yourself engaging in incessant mind chatter in a high-stakes situation? The kind that fills your head with self-doubt, comparisons, and anticipations of failure? You're not alone. We all do it. But what if there was a way to overcome these self-limiting beliefs and embrace life's challenges with confidence? 

I had a chance to talk to Dr. Mitchell Greene, Ph.D. regarding performance anxiety, managing self-doubt, a...

Picture this scenario: you encounter an ambiguous and uncertain situation, and then, of course, you quickly try to solve it. You anticipate all types of scenarios and try to prepare for each one of them, without realizing you are worrying and consumed with anxiety.

Worry is primarily a thought-based process, and that’s what makes it tricky. Unpacking worry thoughts and distinguishing the unhelpful from the helpful ones are cruci...

We all experience anxiety in some form, in some way, and in some shape. Because anxiety, fears, and worries can be so uncomfortable, we quickly play-it-safe. And when you’re prone to deeply caring for what you do - as high-achievers, strivers, and perfectionists - then the fears of being a failure or not being good enough are amplified.

In this conversation, Annick Seys and I discussed the many layers in which these fears show u...

Do you find yourself anxiously anticipating rejection in everyday situations?

The fear of being rejected or judged leads to a hyper-awareness of others' facial expressions, opinions, or anticipation of rejection. It’s like you’re expecting others will reject you and interpret a situation using those lenses. This interplay between rejection sensitivity and anxiety influences how you navigate your relationships.

Understanding t...

Self-compassion is the willingness to respond to your pain and suffering in the same way a good friend of yours might–with warmth, patience, and understanding. That sounds easy, right? But you know it isn’t.

For many, self-criticism is a classic playing-it-safe move. It’s like your mind is a champion at criticizing you in response to those moments in which you feel anxious about something that has happened or could happen.

Wh...

It was a true pleasure to discover the work and passion of Sonya Looney; her enthusiasm, laughs, and insights are contagious!

There are many golden nuggets in this conversation about skillfully managing comparison thoughts, rumination, self-doubt, shame, values-based strategies, and much more. 

Key Takeaways

• The mindset of an athlete
• The upsides and downsides of over-preparing and over-working
• How to skillfully mana...

This is part 2 of my conversation with Dr. Matthew McKay, Ph.D. In part 1, we discussed the foundations of how Dr. McKay thinks of process-based therapy. Today, we discuss, in particular, different mechanisms of action:

• What is attentional training
• How to look at your values when getting stressed
• How to practice acceptance 
• How to handle uncertainty
• How reassurance-seeking shows up in our day-to-day life

(*) Show no...

If anxiety is a part of our day to day life, if we hold on to the framework that to be human is to be anxious, how did anxiety ever become a problem? How do you go from worrying about not being good enough to chronic states of worry? How do you go from feeling uncomfortable taking the elevator to developing an elevator phobia?

What maintains a psychological struggle? And what are the skills – the core skills – that you can learn...

Do you remember last week when your mind was criticizing you and asking you to play-it-safe?

Using Acceptance and Commitment Skills, you are always invited to bring awareness to your internal experiences, especially when you are feeling stuck in a habit or unhelpful behavioral patterns such as overthinking, procrastinating, or others. You are also invited to figure out your values and take action toward what truly matters to you...

When was the last time you had a social mishap in a conversation? Do you remember how it feels to say the wrong thing at the wrong time?

If you’re a shy person or are struggling with social anxiety or social perfectionism, you are holding onto the beliefs that you must sound smart, interesting, or funny; that there should never be awkward silences in conversations; that you shouldn’t stumble over words; that you should never mis...

Our minds are amazing at many, many things. Our minds are capable of remembering the birthday of the ones we love, calculating a budget for our next trip, thinking about our next writing project, and coming up with questions for a podcast. Our minds are also capable of ruminating, dwelling, coming up with strange thoughts, announcing all types of bad scenarios, and many more …why are our minds both so awesome and so challenging to ...

When was the last time you had an aha moment in which your next steps were clear? Do you remember how it is to be in the midst of a difficult situation, and then, have clarity of what you need to do?

If you pay attention to your experiences, you may notice those aha moments in which your choices are clear - you will be able to clearly see what you are longing for or the changes you need to make in your life.

Without that awar...

In this second part of my conversation with Andrew Nalband, we discussed in detail how he manages all the noise that shows up in his head, what has worked, and what hasn’t when dealing with a tendency to do things right and perfectly.

Key Takeaways

• Why meditation/mindfulness practices matter
• The influence of cell phones on our thinking
• The difference between cognitive restructuring and acceptance
• A key question to ask yourse...

There is nothing wrong with striving to do things right and perfectly. It depends on how often you do it, when you do it, and how it works in your life in the long run.

What is unhealthy is demanding perfectionism, which involves demanding that you are perfect and do things perfectly, otherwise, you may think of yourself as unworthy, not good enough, or a screw-up. Those particular patterns of perfectionistic actions can generat...

Stress is nearly unavoidable in our daily lives. Unexpected things can happen to all of us, and often, we may choose to play-it-safe by working harder and harder, doing more and more.

I am sharing today an interview with Espree Devora. Espree has been recently featured in INC Magazine as one of the top 30 women in tech to follow and is known as “The Girl Who Gets it Done.”

Key Takeaways:

• How to find your own rhythms to...