October 10, 2024 • 36 mins
Becca and Tanya are ready to answer listener emails… for better or for worse.
Things get serious this week! What do you do if you’re not in love with your spouse anymore? How do you figure out if you want kids or not?
Plus, we try to figure out what life would be like if Roby and Becca lived together! But what about Tanya and Hayley??
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Hello, everybody, we are scrubbing in.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
H dub dub in the tub tub tub.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
It's dear Bonya, dear b A n y a.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
B A n my a b A and my and Banya.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
What's her name? Oh that's cute.
Speaker 4 (00:29):
I'm gonna say we should think of like a jingle
for rub Banya, like here's our dear Banya.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
That was good.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Yeah, but that was a that was a form like
we just stole.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
That, I know, but it like worked perfectly.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Yeahs amount of letters. Yeah, well that'll be interim.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
B A n y A. Well, how does it start?
Speaker 5 (00:47):
How does it a?
Speaker 1 (00:50):
There was a scrubber with the question and she wrote
it into the email.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
B A y b A n y A b.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
A and and Bonya was her name. Oh, there was
a scrubber who had a question. Anonymous was her name?
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Anyway, a way and Bonya was her name.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
It's pretty good.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
I think there's potential. It rolls it cooksa, we got it.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
The chorus.
Speaker 4 (01:20):
There's no notes. The versus in her tweaks, Yeah, minor
tweaks here and there.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
We'll cook on it. We'll cook it.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Is that your new thing?
Speaker 1 (01:29):
Yeah, everybody's talking about it, they said on Survivor the
other day.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
I was like, we'll cook it.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Well, cook, I'll let you.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
We'll let you cook, like, let you do your thing,
all right, So let us cook.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Let us cook.
Speaker 4 (01:41):
It's timed for dear Bonya, and we're ready to cook
and give advice.
Speaker 5 (01:45):
I think this one's anonymous. I have an older cousin
who's my best, best best friend. I was made of honor.
We talked twenty four seven. I spent a lot of
time third wheeling. She and her husband, whom I also
love him. She recently told me a secret. They are
in an open relationship. She's had a boyfriend of six months,
and her husband's very much aware of it and supports it.
She goes on dates with him, she has sex with him,
(02:06):
She tells him, I love you. You can imagine my
shock and confusion as she was telling me this.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Now.
Speaker 5 (02:10):
Number one, this isn't traditional, so that's what shocked me.
And two, how's this been going on for six months
without me knowing? She told me she was terrified to
tell me because she knew was a unique situation. So
I tried my best to be supportive and understanding, but
I feel awkward around them because I know the secret
and no one else knows amongst their friends and family.
How can I act normal around them? Moving forward? What
do I say to her when she brings up her
(02:31):
new boyfriend? I feel like I'm being so awkward when
I want to be supportive of her and their choices,
even if it's something I wouldn't be comfortable with.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
Help, you know, the help feels very help.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
I suck at dating, you know, it really is. Yeah,
and so that's a different post.
Speaker 5 (02:50):
I stop doing that. Okay, fair enough, it's kind of
my thing, but I'll stop in that way. You know,
it's like my catchphrase. But doing that, I agree with you.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Go good, everything good.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
We work together too much.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
I'm like, I literally would never have known that.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
Yeah, that's how they do all theirs. It's actually not
called that anymore though.
Speaker 5 (03:17):
No, it's been a few different titles since then. Yeah,
now it's Suckers okay, and they're not currently in production.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
Oh wow, okay, all right, Well anyway, anyway.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
So here's my thing.
Speaker 4 (03:29):
I think you're totally valid at being surprised and shocked
by this and also know like being like, how did
I not know about this for six months? And I
also understand being a little awkward around it, like navigating it.
But I think what's what it is is when you
when something new comes around, there can be that awkward
adjustment period, but this is their relationship.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
You love them.
Speaker 4 (03:52):
Me personally, I could never do that, be in an
open relationship and have that, but that's them, that's not
it's not my life, it's not your life. And so
I think that if they're happy and they're sharing it
with you, I think it's just it's almost like you're
learning something new and you don't know how to be
around it, but you're doing your best, and I think
at it at some point you'll adjust to being comfortable
(04:13):
with it because it'll just be like, it is what
it is.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
I'm just curious what you feel awkward about, because.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
I think it's just.
Speaker 4 (04:22):
Values and like thinking you know someone and then probably
feeling like I would never think she would be into this, right.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
And I guess maybe you're awkward because you don't know
like what to ask, like do you ask like how
are things with your husband?
Speaker 3 (04:33):
Or do you ask how are things with your boyfriend.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Just how are things How are things with you?
Speaker 1 (04:37):
Right?
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Yeah? I would that, I was going to say, I
would be asking all the questions.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
Yeah, I would be asking all the questions.
Speaker 4 (04:44):
Like how did y'all come to terms with this? Like
what was the conversation? Like did you need to did.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
You agree to this before you got married? Or was
this post marriage?
Speaker 2 (04:53):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (04:53):
Great, there's so many questions. I think you just open
up if you because you probably feel awkward because you
have questions that you'd aren't sure you can ask, and
I think you are in a position where you're she
probably would be happy to answer your questions and share
with you, because she's probably just been keeping it inside
and not having it.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Tan to talk to her.
Speaker 5 (05:09):
Because she talked about it. She put all of this
out of the table for you. You also put everything out
of the table that you're feeling, all the confusion, all
the questions you have, all the if you're uncomfortable with it,
say I gotta tell you, I'm not comfortable with this,
but I'm going to try because I love you and
i'm your best friend and we're gonna and I want
to be there for you. It's the things you said
to us right here. I think you got to tell
her a lot of this stuff.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Yeah, and like, I'm wondering if maybe, if there's a
little bit of you, like, do other people envy their relationship,
because I'm wondering if like maybe like other friends, like, oh,
I really wish that our marriage was like Sally and Ben's.
You know, like they seem like they haven't really figured
out and then you know this like big secret.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
Yeah, that's probably annoying.
Speaker 5 (05:47):
That's probably annoying.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
Fun too, No, they're like they're so in love and
happy and yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
They're both doing other people at the same time. So
you don't want that.
Speaker 4 (05:58):
I think, And honestly, I think the fact that it
took her six months to tell you probably means that
she felt awkward about sharing it with you. So the
fact that she did that, I think shows how much
she loves you and trusts you, and I think that
you can share the same honesty.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
Back to Hrling, Mark said.
Speaker 5 (06:13):
Yeah, Anonymous, I'm twenty seven, married to my husband for
three years now. We've been together since we're fifteen. He's
my best friend since elementary school. He's the best human
I know. One large problem. I am a lesbian. My
husband has known that I'm attracted to women since college,
but I didn't come to terms with being attracted only
to women until a couple of years ago. I've known
(06:34):
I was attracted to women since around ninth grade, but
I grew up in a conservative small town. I knew
that would never be an option for me, so I
kind of posted far down. As I've gotten older, I
care less what those people think, and I want to
experience a connection deeper than just a strong friendship. I
feel for my husband, but I also can't stand the
thought of losing him in my life, as well as
his family, who I love so much. He knows I'm
(06:55):
a lesbian, but he still seems to think that one
day I'll wake up and be attracted to him. But
I can't blame him, because I too wish it was
that easy. One day, I feel like I can settle
and be happy enough with our friendship in the life
we have already built in other days, I can't imagine
staying in a relationship without that passion and deeper connection.
But I'm terrified of hurting those around me, and I
feel so selfish and the advice or input is appreciated.
(07:18):
Ps Becca's journey to acceptance has been such a big
part of me coming to terms with my own sexuality
and realizing that the people who truly love me just
want me to be happy.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
Nice.
Speaker 4 (07:30):
Oh this is complicated. There's a part of me that's like,
we worry so much about being selfish and in terms
of what other people will say or hurting other people.
But I just wonder if it's also selfish to stay
in something where your husband isn't getting the affection or
attention sexually from his partner.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
To throw this out there, though, I do think that
there are people that are in marriages that are just
kind of like roommates.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
I think there's a sexuality base or not correct, That's
what I'm saying. So it's like, this isn't the worst
case scenario, Like you know, it's just not.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
You're saying, like just to stay in the marriage, and.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
No, I'm saying for him, Oh yeah, like.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Oh like he's he's probably just content with how it is.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Yeah, I'm saying, take the sexuality out out of it.
There are marriages and there are relationships out there people
who just coexist together. They just like live life together
and they like don't really have sex and they just
like they're kind of like, really.
Speaker 4 (08:29):
If you're craving the relationship, having a sexual relationship with
someone that you're attracted to and want.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
That way right then and that's not for you, right Yeah.
Speaker 4 (08:40):
So I'm just saying like, sometimes there I there's always
this like back and forth of what's selfish, you know,
like staying in something that you and your partner are
getting the type of partnership you want from the marriage,
or is selfish choosing yourself and hurting other people in
the process.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
I just think like, in ten years, are you going
to wake up and kick yourself for not trying to
explore and find a relationship that ignites all of that
in you.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
That's what it was for me with I mean, not
a very different situation, but when coming to term, when
Haley and I came out with reading A Love and
a Lot you did reading Seven Husbands of eve Oney,
yougo was because a big part of that was she
looked at the end of her life. She got to
the end of her life and it was like all
these thoughts of what could have been if she had
(09:31):
just let herself love who she wanted to love.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Yeah, and it's so powerful.
Speaker 4 (09:36):
And I do think there is a complication, you know,
when you commit your life to someone in a marriage,
But I also think we have one life, and your
husband knows, and I think it might just be having
a very honest conversation about where you are with your
feelings and your sexuality and not wanting to have regrets
for yourself and for him, and you know, communicating to
(10:01):
him that you love his friendship. And that's the part
of you that's staying. That's the part of you that's
made this hard, and there might be some awkward moments
navigating that, but I just think I think staying somewhere
where you're always wanting more or questioning what is out there.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
And I think clearly you are. You wouldn't be writing
us if you weren't questioning it.
Speaker 5 (10:27):
And the fact that he knows everything, I think we
need to take advantage of that. Yeah, And I also
take him so far.
Speaker 4 (10:32):
There's also like she's not going I'm wondering if I'm
attracted to women. It's like I've known since I was
in ninth grade, I'm a lesbian. Like, there's no uncertainty here.
Speaker 5 (10:41):
I think you guys need to sit down and have
a really difficult, very emotional conversation about your future, because
does he want to be in this knowing that you're
never going to be attracted to him. If you ever
sleep with him, it'll be as a favor more than anything.
You're never going to enjoy that act. So is that
what you want for your life? But making also clear
(11:02):
to him that you love him and you don't want
to lose him, And is there anything we can figure
out here together to move forward? And maybe that's breaking up,
Maybe that's seeing other people. Maybe it's the open relationship
like we had in the last email. Maybe it's somehow
transitioning into friendship. I don't know.
Speaker 4 (11:17):
Is there a world I don't know this, but like
if you separate, you know, if you take a separation
and it's like we we date other people, you know.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Like divorce, there's more this.
Speaker 4 (11:30):
Yeah, but it's a clear understanding of what's happening, because
you might it might be a grass is greener. You
might go out and have that and be like, I
still have a stronger connection with this man.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
That I married. I don't know. Yeah, but I think
that you need you need that, you need that.
Speaker 4 (11:45):
And I think you've acknowledged it within yourself, which is
a huge part of this, and you he knows this.
I think Mark's right. You sit down and have a
really hard conversation about it, and we are rooting for you.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
Yes, we are all right.
Speaker 5 (12:01):
I'm gonna tease the next one. Oh, we tease this
one because it's a better tease. Okay, A Day one
scrubber says she no longer loves her husband. Next.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
All right, we're back.
Speaker 5 (12:31):
These are really interesting emails this week.
Speaker 4 (12:34):
Yeah, like, we're really sorry that y'all are going through
like really hard times, really, but we appreciate that you
trust us.
Speaker 5 (12:41):
This is another tough one. Day one scrubber. My husband
and I have been married for eleven years, together for sixteen.
Now that's the situation. Side note from me. Seems like
after sixteen years together, you're solid, you're good, you know
what's going on. Right. Not the case here, She says,
I've realized that I'm just not in love with him anymore,
and I don't know what to do. Our life is great.
(13:02):
We have three beautiful children. We are great partners and teammates,
taking care of the house and the kids and all
of their thousands of activities. I love him wholeheartedly as
a human and the person he is. I admire him,
I respect him. We are intimate several times a week.
We spend tons of time together the as a family.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
That's great.
Speaker 5 (13:18):
I feel like I'm living a lie. I put on
a happy face, but I just don't feel like I
am in love with my husband anymore, and I just
don't know what to do about it. He basically gives
me the ick way more than I'd like to admit.
I often think about divorce and I feel like I'd
be okay with it, honestly, But then I think about
people who stay in much worse relationships for longer and
wonder if I'm just being selfish. I have felt this
(13:41):
way for almost two and a half years now. I
feel like a cop out having these thoughts, But I
also feel like our relationship has run its course and
she'd be okay to move on. I'm not even sure
what I'm looking for here, but any advice or thought
to be appreciated. I love this podcast so much, Sincerely,
a day one scrubber.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
Let me tell you something. If there's anything that the
show nobody wants, this has taught me, it's that the
itck can be reversed.
Speaker 4 (14:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
This to me, I'm just gonna say it, this sounds
like a lovely situation. You've gotten the ick, you've had
it for two point five years.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Two point five years is a long time.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Not but have you actively day one scrubber tried to
reverse the ick? Have we talked to a therapist? Have
you sat down with your husband? Have you worked on
trying to reverse that? Because what if you can reverse
the dick and then you have such a beautiful you
have sixteen more years left. I don't think this is
I don't think this is I don't think it's over.
Speaker 4 (14:45):
If I had the ick for two point five years
and then someone was saying I have sixteen years left,
that sounds daunting.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
However, reverse it.
Speaker 4 (14:54):
However, I do think that if you haven't done everything
you can, I feel like you have a good thing.
And I'm just saying like in terms of like, it
seems like y'all have a good partnership, you.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
Have kids together, sex all the time.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
But it doesn't sound like she is like I think
she's She.
Speaker 5 (15:14):
Said we're intimate several times a week.
Speaker 4 (15:15):
She doesn't say from someone, then.
Speaker 5 (15:20):
Well, I think it would have slowed down, wouldn't it
If she's that grossed out, people please her and is like,
this is I'm the only one of us that's been
in a relationship this long. Oh my god, twenty seven years.
I guarantee you. I give my wife the from time
to time. I guarantee it. It's been a long time together.
And this is the comparison I've made before on this show.
(15:40):
There's Mark and Amy, there's Mom and dad. Mom and
Dad bicker, they don't get along all the time. The
drivers are the crazy. Mark and Amy are super in love,
and you go back and forth between the two. I
think you two are really stuck in mom and dad mode,
and you need to find time to get to you
and him as the couple you were that you fell
in love with once upon a time. I agree with
Tanya that I think this could be salvage. I think
(16:00):
you're maybe focusing on some of his more negative qualities
and maybe you've lost sight of some of the ones
that you fell in love with.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
You.
Speaker 3 (16:06):
Yeah, because like.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
When you do get the ick, you fixate on that ick,
and like everything that they subsequently do post ick makes
you feel even ickier. So I feel like you're just
like spiraling in the ick and like you're not seeing
the forest in the trees.
Speaker 4 (16:18):
Maybe being in the ick indefinitely is being in the
spiral of the ick is.
Speaker 3 (16:24):
Dark for two point five years.
Speaker 4 (16:27):
It's like being in the eye of the hurricane for Yeah,
and he's a good dude.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Here's my thing.
Speaker 5 (16:32):
Clearly he's a good dude.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
I think. I agree.
Speaker 4 (16:34):
I think it's like they're stuck in this mop parent
mode and it's like, what were the things about him
when y'all started dating?
Speaker 2 (16:40):
Maybe y'all go on dates.
Speaker 4 (16:41):
Maybe what is I guess it's like some IX can
be reversed, like what are the ickxs? Is that personality X?
Is it what he looks like? Physical IX? Like?
Speaker 3 (16:50):
What is a new wardrobe he's wearing?
Speaker 4 (16:52):
Yeah, Like are there things where you could step in
and go like, hey, maybe if you styled your hair
this way, just like things that maybe are.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
Simple and even voice it like that be like, oh
my gosh, this new colonial wearing is giving me the
ick coupled with these weird socks that you're wearing to
bed at night, coupled with like.
Speaker 5 (17:11):
When you eat, it's that stuff. I guarantee it's that stuff.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Whatever tell them be like they're giving me the ick,
and I need you to be mindful of it, and
like we need to I need to get back to
like wanting you to blind.
Speaker 4 (17:20):
That's fair, needs you to be mindful of the absolute
ick you're getting me. Yeah, I do think talking to
a therapist would be like great, because I think maybe
you can have your own time to say what you
need to say, put it out in the open, figure
out where there's that misconnection, and then maybe go in
like romantic dates, do things that y'all did before you
(17:41):
had kids.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
But I think the reason why it's lasted two point
five years is because you've been keeping this to yourself.
Clearly you're not sharing this. I think if you do
open up, I don't I would not say the door
that you thought about divorce, but like I would open
up about the ick and like all of these things
and just say like this is actually very serious and
it's been like making me spiral and I kept it
to myself.
Speaker 3 (18:00):
I really want to be open.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
I love you and I love our life, and so
I want to like figure this out. And I think
if he's receptive to it, I think you can find
a path to forward and if he rejects it and
he gets very like negative and like down, then you
have another path to go down.
Speaker 4 (18:15):
Well, I think it's natural for a human if Haley
is like, hey, you're really giving me the ick for
two point five years, like my feelings would be her
and I'd be like I would probably have a defensive reaction.
So I think there is a very specific way it
needs to be delivered. And that's why I think if
you did it with a therapist or a counselor there
could be a someone to navigate the conversation.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
We all know delivery is not mine strength. My strength.
Speaker 5 (18:41):
I think it'd be okay with divorce, But I think
that's a grass is always greener situation.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
I think it's going to say too. I think you're
going to get out there and you're going.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
To be like accentral out there, and.
Speaker 5 (18:49):
Then the kids are with him on the weekends and
you're alone, and then you're seeing someone else starts being
the mom to the kids when you're not around. You're
not going to like any of that stuff, but she does.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
Then you've made the right decision.
Speaker 5 (19:01):
Yeah, if that sounds fine to you, Yeah, go for it,
all right. This is from Taylor, longtime scrubber here still
watching Gray's Anatomy and on season three of a current rewatch.
The question of having kids has been weighing on me recently,
and I feel like you always have some good perspectives
and advice for me. I'm thirty three years old, i
got married earlier this year, and I've always said I
wanted kids, But now as it gets closer to becoming
(19:23):
a reality, I'm questioning it. I'm not an overly baby
loving person. If someone has a baby, I don't need
to hold it necessarily. I'd rather be petting the dog
at a party than interacting with a child. Will this
make me a bad mom? Well? I like my own child.
Do I have to love babies to want a baby?
How do you have children and balance a career. I've
spent so much of my left getting an education undergraduate PhD.
(19:46):
I feel like I'm just getting into the groove of
my career. I grew up at the stay at home
mom and it was amazing. But how do I give
up my career? Or what if my having kids makes
me want to give up my career? Did I waste
all that time at school? I'm also the breadwinner at this,
so finance is weigh on me too, Tanya, you are
very excited to have a baby. Do you worry about
balancing your career that you also love? Becca, I don't
(20:08):
remember where you stand on it for when you want
to have kids, baby you can relate since you don't
seem baby as baby enthusiastic as Tanya Mark. How did
you and your wife decide when to have kids?
Speaker 3 (20:18):
That's Taylor, It's lots of unpack here.
Speaker 4 (20:22):
I don't I have read actually from Scrubbers in the
Facebook group like this. I remember i Scrubber posted. I
literally have felt like being a mom was my absolute purpose.
All I wanted to do is be a mom, have kids.
I've loved babies. I'm maternal, and I'm having the hardest
time feeling like I am a good mom. And I
(20:44):
think that no matter where you stand on where you
if you love babies, if you love interacting with kids,
I don't think that that's going to make you a
good mom or a bad mom. I think when you
have a child, it's going to be an obsessive love
that you've never experienced. That's the one thing that's consistent
when I ask people about kids is like it's a
love like you've never had before. I'm very specific as
(21:08):
what dogs I like, Like I'm very choosy, like I
love all dogs. I love animals, but I'm very like
which one am I going to interact with.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
I'm obsessed with Phoebe. Phoebe's like can do no wrong.
Speaker 4 (21:18):
And I know I would be the same way with
a child, but I also have my reservations about it.
I'm very like torn on if or when I want
to have kids, but I have a very natural maternal instinct.
I love babies, Like if someone has a baby on
a plane, it takes everything in me not to be
like interact, wanting to interact.
Speaker 3 (21:40):
With the baby.
Speaker 4 (21:42):
I love them. Yeah, and I love kids, and I know, like, honestly,
Haley and I have talked about this that if we
had kids, I think that she would get jealous because
of the amount of attention I would get. I think
it would be a very intense, really like love for me.
Speaker 3 (21:58):
Yeah, Like I feel very strongly are you crying?
Speaker 2 (22:02):
No, you can?
Speaker 5 (22:04):
I really helpful of the podcast right now.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
Emotional.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
It's so interesting because I feel like I can totally
relate to what you're saying. I've always I've known that
I've always wanted to have kids from birth, Like I
don't know, like I was. It was always something that
I knew was in me, Like I just have always been.
Like I love like I am like kind of a
homemaker in a weird way, not really like I don't
(22:32):
like cook and clean and like in that way.
Speaker 3 (22:34):
But I love like home. I love having like a
cozy home. I love that.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
Like that making sense, Okay, However, the thing about the
career is such an interesting thing because I feel like
it's such a mind because I've talked to women in
this specific industry, in the entertainment industry that have had
children and going on maternity leave and and like, you
(23:00):
go into this vortex of keeping this like child alive
and like being so out of your day to day,
and especially in the entertainment industry, it's very cutthroat.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
You're always made to.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
Feel like you need to watch your back and you
need to say yes to everything because if you don't like,
your job can get snagged in two seconds. And so
we're always made to feel, especially as women, that we
are replaceable, interchangeable, disposable. And so when you go on
maternity leave and then you come back. It's just like
(23:32):
it's so hard. It's really really hard. And I don't
think enough women that work in the entertainment industry especially,
and imagine it's like this in every industry. This is
the only thing that I know because that's what I'm in.
But it's very hard, and I think it stops a
lot of women from having kids because they're scared to
step away from their positions. So it is definitely something
(23:53):
that I've thought about, but it doesn't it's that doesn't
outweigh me wanting to have a baby, you know, like
I would never not have a baby because I'm fearful
of my job, and so that's kind of where I
stand on that. But it is interesting because I do
feel like I have conversations with Robbie about it all
the time because I'm like, it does shift the dynamic
because that's you know, like the kids that we have
(24:16):
now are ten and twelve. We don't have to shower that,
you know, we just have to like think, you know
what I mean, Like it's just a totally different dynamic.
And so when like I just feel like it's gonna
shift things a lot, and I'm like trying to like
prepare for it as much as possible ahead of time,
because I just feel like it is a big shift.
Speaker 5 (24:32):
Yeah, to answer the question to me, we you know,
we're traditional, I guess you know, we kind of. I
think Amy was a little lukewarmon kids, a little unsure.
I guess I should say when we first got marricause
she was very young. But then it just she she
approached me. I remember her saying it's time to start trying.
It was like, oh, I hadn't even really thought about that. Okay, yeah, great,
(24:53):
let's let's do that. Because it was always so oft
in the future somewhere and then and then we were
very fortunate. We had two wonderful daughters. And like saying,
like Becka alluded to, you think you have a pretty
good idea right now what love feels like, but you
really don't. You have no idea what love feels like
until you're holding that child in your arm. So I
think you would like your child. I think you'd be
a great mom, and nothing that you've told us and
(25:13):
indicates otherwise. But it's such a personal decision and I
don't think anybody should be pressured into it because it's
twenty twenty four, and they're both sides of that coin.
If you want your career and your child, you can
have that. The other side of the coin is if
you don't want to do this, you don't have to
do this, and it's just fine.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
So I also think not wanting to hold other people's
babies is not an indication, not at all that you
shouldn't be a mom, because I mean, I like babies,
but like, I don't need to hold every baby.
Speaker 5 (25:41):
My thing was always there's no upside to me holding
a baby. There's only tragic downside. So I'm just gonna
leave it be.
Speaker 4 (25:46):
See, I'm the opposite babies. I'm like, any baby, hit me,
any baby. It's when they get to be a kid
that I'm like, I'm very selective.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
That's my issue.
Speaker 4 (25:55):
I'm like, I would have it have to be my
own because I'd be like kids can be like the
germs and stuff.
Speaker 3 (26:02):
No, no, no, germs were hard for me. Yeah, germs
were hard.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
The germs the like wow, from living in a museum
and the apartment museum where nothing gets touched, everything is
clean and its place, to having two children that like, yeah,
are constantly having some sickness back and forth and bringing
it from school and.
Speaker 3 (26:22):
Yeah, it's it's it's it's a it's a shift.
Speaker 4 (26:26):
But I'm very with you on Taylor. I'm very with
you because I thought my whole life I would be
married with kids by twenty five. My life has gone
in a very direct different direction in like the best way.
But I think that it's hard because there is an
age pressure that you have to consider and it's so annoying.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
But it is men just like ejaculate whenever it's fine
and women.
Speaker 4 (26:54):
Men just like get to like have pleasure and then
it's like okay, yeah, anyways.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
You're right, even like during the whole IVF process. I again,
I'm not going to speak out of out of because
I haven't done it myself, but from what I have heard,
it's very hard on the woman. You have to do
so much, You're putting so much in your body, and
the man just like pleasures himself.
Speaker 3 (27:14):
Into a cup.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
Like what Yeah, that's for another that's another fun for
another day, another book.
Speaker 5 (27:26):
Uh, before before we go to break, we have another
thought starter. Oh we like to end the Dear BONDI
is with a thought starter and we have one for
us coming up involves a Wife Swap. All right, this
(27:53):
is from Courtney. This is fun. If you remember the
reality show from the way back when Wife Swap, two
couples with swap partners for a week or so lived together.
If Tanya and Becca swapt partners for a week, obviously
in a non romantic, non sexual way, Robbie lived with Tanya,
Haley live with Sorry, Robbie live with Becca, Haley live
with Tanya. What do they think it would be like?
(28:13):
What would they do together? What would they eat for meals?
What would annoy them about the other person? What would
they fight about? What would they enjoy? Basically, how do
they think it would go if they had to live
with each other's partner for a week straight? Thank you
for so many laughs over the years.
Speaker 3 (28:28):
Who should we start with? Me and Haley?
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Yeah, Haley seems to work a lot, so I think
i'd be lonely. Yeah, like I need her for every meal.
Speaker 4 (28:42):
We're both pretty like needy for conversations and stuff. So
I think when she got home she would really have
a lot of y'all eat like she would be happy
to eat, like healthy.
Speaker 3 (28:52):
Food meals we would have together for you, Sure.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
I would have some home cooked meals and.
Speaker 3 (28:58):
Enjoy watching the same shows.
Speaker 4 (29:03):
I don't think so, Like she doesn't like Love Island.
She would probably like Survivor, though, I think she'd be
into Survivor.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
Okay, so I think I don't be pretty.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Yeah, I think her messiness would annoy me a little bit.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
Yes, I agree, So you'd fight about that.
Speaker 5 (29:20):
We probably find about the kind of messiness of their
clothes left around and shoes, Like Tiny's complaining about Robbie
leaving your shoes.
Speaker 4 (29:26):
Yeah, Like she leaves her shoes at the like there's
like three and if there's one pair, she's like, oh,
those are the shoes on word of Mars, I'm like whatever.
But when there's three pairs, I'm like, well, which which
three are you? Which of the three? What about the
other two?
Speaker 5 (29:40):
And where where does she leave the ones for tomorrow?
By the door?
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Yeah? Right by the door.
Speaker 5 (29:44):
And sometimes there's three by the door. Yeah yeah wow.
Speaker 4 (29:47):
And like sometimes it's like boots so they're not small
little wow.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
You know.
Speaker 2 (29:50):
Yeah, I'm messy too.
Speaker 4 (29:53):
I mean I I say stuff sometimes where it's like
if people are my biggest thing is if people are
coming over, she's the one who invited them. I'm like,
then let's pick up the space because I want it
to be presentable if someone's coming over. I get stressed
if someone comes over, like unannounced and like the house
is a mess, But I also am fine living who's.
Speaker 5 (30:13):
Coming over and announced? These days? Is that a thing
that happens because it used to be a thing that happened, generation.
Speaker 4 (30:21):
Happens sometimes be surprised. Okay, So yeah, I think that
would be fine. She might be like Tanya, like won't stop.
Speaker 3 (30:29):
Talking, but like Haley won't stop talking.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
Yeah, I could go either way. I think Robbie and
I would be I think we have a great time.
Speaker 5 (30:38):
I feel like we guys might want to consider this, honestly.
Speaker 2 (30:42):
Ball the basketball.
Speaker 3 (30:44):
Yeah, he would enjoy it. He would enjoy the activities
that you've partake in.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
No, he grills. Girl, may have some shrimp and steak.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
You'd be fine, like a king, Yeah I do.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
I will say that is one trade at time.
Speaker 4 (31:00):
Would get a little dicey because I feel like he
will go to sleep early and I'm a little more
of a night out. But that's okay. I'm chilling down
on the couch.
Speaker 3 (31:10):
So yeah, I.
Speaker 4 (31:11):
Could go play football with the boys. Like, yeah, I
feel like we'd be great. Let me know if you
want to.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
Is there anything you get annoyed. I know he's pretty clean.
He might get annoyed about your with your like not cleanly.
Speaker 2 (31:25):
I'd be on my best behavior.
Speaker 3 (31:27):
Okay, okay, well that's good.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
Yeah, but he.
Speaker 5 (31:29):
Does leave his shoes everywhere. She brought this up.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
That's my thing.
Speaker 4 (31:32):
Though I'm more messy, like I do the dishes. I
might clean in the sense that, like I wipe down
the counters every time, like it's more just stuff, you know.
Speaker 1 (31:41):
I realized with that I need to be more appreciative
of how far we have come with Robbie and myself,
you know, come a long way from day one, where
I will never forget the first time I entered his
home and it was like a weekend that he had
the kids, and there were dishes literally piled all over,
(32:04):
Like there was not one piece of the kitchen counter
that you could see because there was just dishes. And
I will never forget that.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
Yeah, that's jarring.
Speaker 3 (32:13):
Yes, it was jarring.
Speaker 5 (32:14):
And we have come a long way because it was
basically a bachelor pad at that point.
Speaker 3 (32:19):
Yeah, and it's so funny.
Speaker 1 (32:20):
I remember the first weekend I like went on a
trip without him, and I left him at home with
the kids one weekend and I was like, I'm just
going to say this because I don't want to come
home on Sunday and like be angry. I'm very anxious
that you're just going to leave all the dishes in
the sink because you know, like I think he does
it because I'm around and we help. You know, we
both pitch in and we both do it. But if
I'm not around, I can just see it all stack.
Speaker 5 (32:42):
And he has a dishwasher, I assume.
Speaker 3 (32:43):
Yes, we don't really use it though, Ah.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
I know, I know, I know have a thing dish
washers thing too.
Speaker 3 (32:52):
Yeah, I don't think it gets it clean as.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
Clean hand clean.
Speaker 5 (32:55):
Oh that's interesting.
Speaker 3 (32:56):
It's not as clean as my hand.
Speaker 5 (32:58):
You don't know that. And then and if they tested it,
it's probably not the case.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
I'm pretty thorough with my cleaning me too.
Speaker 1 (33:05):
I'd rather a really nice clean thing that I'm going
to eat out of than like it running through some water.
Speaker 5 (33:12):
I don't think it's just running through water. I think
there's a process and there's a heat involved that kills
a lot of bacteria that you're not going to.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
Get to Yeah, it would be easier on me if
I just throw it in the dishwasher.
Speaker 3 (33:20):
But las I do be scrubbing, scrubbing, be scrubbing too.
Speaker 5 (33:26):
That's interesting.
Speaker 3 (33:28):
Many ways.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
So I did I express that to him, And when
I came home, and he would like send me pictures
out the weekend of like all the dishes done this weekend.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
No, this was I can't remember what this was.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
He would send me pictures of like the dishes and
the clean section of the same there.
Speaker 3 (33:43):
Yeah, so I've come, we have come a very long way.
Speaker 1 (33:45):
And if there are some shoes scattered around the bedroom,
it's our bedroom.
Speaker 3 (33:50):
Who's going in there besides the two of us?
Speaker 1 (33:52):
You know?
Speaker 2 (33:52):
Oh yeah, the bedroom. I'm like, what you can do?
Leave whatever?
Speaker 4 (33:57):
I got home and I had stuff everywhere from trying
to pack for Vegas and then needing to unpack from Vegas.
And I was like, she had her three shoes by
the door, and I'm like, how can I tell her
or say anything about these three shoes when the room
looks like a disaster.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
So what I do is he leaves any clothing anywhere,
it just goes immediately in the dirty laundry, it just
goes in the dirty laundry, and I'll be like, where
is my where's my black sweater that was on the
chair that I'm taking to dinner tonight.
Speaker 3 (34:25):
I'm like, was it unfolded in your closet? Then it's
in the hamper. It wasn't dirty.
Speaker 5 (34:31):
But what about that stuff, the stuff that's that's clean
but not dirt. It's worn but not dirty.
Speaker 3 (34:36):
So to me, if it's been worn, it's dirty.
Speaker 5 (34:39):
One time, it's not dirty, Yes it is.
Speaker 3 (34:41):
It's outside of my house.
Speaker 4 (34:43):
If it's a sweater like blazer, that's one thing, right.
If it's a hoodie, it's dirty.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
Dirty if it goes outside these walls of my home
and it touches the air dirty.
Speaker 5 (34:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
If Haley's weren't it all day for work? It's dirty?
Speaker 5 (34:58):
Yes, sure, all day. But I might just throw on
a hoodie to go out, you know, I don't run
an errand or something. If it's cold out and that's it.
Speaker 3 (35:05):
Yeah, then it goes in the hamper.
Speaker 5 (35:06):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
Yeah, I'm the same.
Speaker 3 (35:09):
Yeah. He has like a resting chair where it's like
before bed every night. Oh yeah, okay, oh my gosh.
I would not allow the filth of the day.
Speaker 4 (35:18):
And can't there are people who do that, all right,
all right, Oh, like I feel like we would have
an easy transition.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
Yeah, Like I don't think it would be a shock.
Speaker 3 (35:36):
It would be hard for me not to have the meals, honestly.
Speaker 4 (35:39):
Yeah, because Haley Haley, when she cooks, it's really good.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
She just doesn't do it a lot.
Speaker 3 (35:44):
Yeah, like Robbie can just like whip up stay like
he can.
Speaker 2 (35:48):
Just whipped me coming back, just like.
Speaker 3 (35:52):
It's really nice.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
It's something I didn't know I needed in a partner. Like,
never once in my checklist of finding a partner did
I put like needs to cook or good with meats
and shrimps.
Speaker 3 (36:00):
And it is a blessing.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
Yeah, it's a good it's a good gift.
Speaker 3 (36:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
All right, Well that's all for now.
Speaker 4 (36:06):
If y'all ever want to send in bonio questions, message
us on Instagram at scrubbing in pod or email us
at scrubbing In at iHeartMedia dot com.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
We love you so much, love you, bye bye,
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Hello, everybody, we are scrubbing in.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
H dub dub in the tub tub tub.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
It's dear Bonya, dear b A n y a.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
B A n my a b A and my and Banya.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
What's her name? Oh that's cute.
Speaker 4 (00:29):
I'm gonna say we should think of like a jingle
for rub Banya, like here's our dear Banya.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
That was good.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Yeah, but that was a that was a form like
we just stole.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
That, I know, but it like worked perfectly.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Yeahs amount of letters. Yeah, well that'll be interim.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
B A n y A. Well, how does it start?
Speaker 5 (00:47):
How does it a?
Speaker 1 (00:50):
There was a scrubber with the question and she wrote
it into the email.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
B A y b A n y A b.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
A and and Bonya was her name. Oh, there was
a scrubber who had a question. Anonymous was her name?
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Anyway, a way and Bonya was her name.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
It's pretty good.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
I think there's potential. It rolls it cooksa, we got it.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
The chorus.
Speaker 4 (01:20):
There's no notes. The versus in her tweaks, Yeah, minor
tweaks here and there.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
We'll cook on it. We'll cook it.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Is that your new thing?
Speaker 1 (01:29):
Yeah, everybody's talking about it, they said on Survivor the
other day.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
I was like, we'll cook it.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Well, cook, I'll let you.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
We'll let you cook, like, let you do your thing,
all right, So let us cook.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Let us cook.
Speaker 4 (01:41):
It's timed for dear Bonya, and we're ready to cook
and give advice.
Speaker 5 (01:45):
I think this one's anonymous. I have an older cousin
who's my best, best best friend. I was made of honor.
We talked twenty four seven. I spent a lot of
time third wheeling. She and her husband, whom I also
love him. She recently told me a secret. They are
in an open relationship. She's had a boyfriend of six months,
and her husband's very much aware of it and supports it.
She goes on dates with him, she has sex with him,
(02:06):
She tells him, I love you. You can imagine my
shock and confusion as she was telling me this.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Now.
Speaker 5 (02:10):
Number one, this isn't traditional, so that's what shocked me.
And two, how's this been going on for six months
without me knowing? She told me she was terrified to
tell me because she knew was a unique situation. So
I tried my best to be supportive and understanding, but
I feel awkward around them because I know the secret
and no one else knows amongst their friends and family.
How can I act normal around them? Moving forward? What
do I say to her when she brings up her
(02:31):
new boyfriend? I feel like I'm being so awkward when
I want to be supportive of her and their choices,
even if it's something I wouldn't be comfortable with.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
Help, you know, the help feels very help.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
I suck at dating, you know, it really is. Yeah,
and so that's a different post.
Speaker 5 (02:50):
I stop doing that. Okay, fair enough, it's kind of
my thing, but I'll stop in that way. You know,
it's like my catchphrase. But doing that, I agree with you.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Go good, everything good.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
We work together too much.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
I'm like, I literally would never have known that.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
Yeah, that's how they do all theirs. It's actually not
called that anymore though.
Speaker 5 (03:17):
No, it's been a few different titles since then. Yeah,
now it's Suckers okay, and they're not currently in production.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
Oh wow, okay, all right, Well anyway, anyway.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
So here's my thing.
Speaker 4 (03:29):
I think you're totally valid at being surprised and shocked
by this and also know like being like, how did
I not know about this for six months? And I
also understand being a little awkward around it, like navigating it.
But I think what's what it is is when you
when something new comes around, there can be that awkward
adjustment period, but this is their relationship.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
You love them.
Speaker 4 (03:52):
Me personally, I could never do that, be in an
open relationship and have that, but that's them, that's not
it's not my life, it's not your life. And so
I think that if they're happy and they're sharing it
with you, I think it's just it's almost like you're
learning something new and you don't know how to be
around it, but you're doing your best, and I think
at it at some point you'll adjust to being comfortable
(04:13):
with it because it'll just be like, it is what
it is.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
I'm just curious what you feel awkward about, because.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
I think it's just.
Speaker 4 (04:22):
Values and like thinking you know someone and then probably
feeling like I would never think she would be into this, right.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
And I guess maybe you're awkward because you don't know
like what to ask, like do you ask like how
are things with your husband?
Speaker 3 (04:33):
Or do you ask how are things with your boyfriend.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Just how are things How are things with you?
Speaker 1 (04:37):
Right?
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Yeah? I would that, I was going to say, I
would be asking all the questions.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
Yeah, I would be asking all the questions.
Speaker 4 (04:44):
Like how did y'all come to terms with this? Like
what was the conversation? Like did you need to did.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
You agree to this before you got married? Or was
this post marriage?
Speaker 2 (04:53):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (04:53):
Great, there's so many questions. I think you just open
up if you because you probably feel awkward because you
have questions that you'd aren't sure you can ask, and
I think you are in a position where you're she
probably would be happy to answer your questions and share
with you, because she's probably just been keeping it inside
and not having it.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Tan to talk to her.
Speaker 5 (05:09):
Because she talked about it. She put all of this
out of the table for you. You also put everything out
of the table that you're feeling, all the confusion, all
the questions you have, all the if you're uncomfortable with it,
say I gotta tell you, I'm not comfortable with this,
but I'm going to try because I love you and
i'm your best friend and we're gonna and I want
to be there for you. It's the things you said
to us right here. I think you got to tell
her a lot of this stuff.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Yeah, and like, I'm wondering if maybe, if there's a
little bit of you, like, do other people envy their relationship,
because I'm wondering if like maybe like other friends, like, oh,
I really wish that our marriage was like Sally and Ben's.
You know, like they seem like they haven't really figured
out and then you know this like big secret.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
Yeah, that's probably annoying.
Speaker 5 (05:47):
That's probably annoying.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
Fun too, No, they're like they're so in love and
happy and yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
They're both doing other people at the same time. So
you don't want that.
Speaker 4 (05:58):
I think, And honestly, I think the fact that it
took her six months to tell you probably means that
she felt awkward about sharing it with you. So the
fact that she did that, I think shows how much
she loves you and trusts you, and I think that
you can share the same honesty.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
Back to Hrling, Mark said.
Speaker 5 (06:13):
Yeah, Anonymous, I'm twenty seven, married to my husband for
three years now. We've been together since we're fifteen. He's
my best friend since elementary school. He's the best human
I know. One large problem. I am a lesbian. My
husband has known that I'm attracted to women since college,
but I didn't come to terms with being attracted only
to women until a couple of years ago. I've known
(06:34):
I was attracted to women since around ninth grade, but
I grew up in a conservative small town. I knew
that would never be an option for me, so I
kind of posted far down. As I've gotten older, I
care less what those people think, and I want to
experience a connection deeper than just a strong friendship. I
feel for my husband, but I also can't stand the
thought of losing him in my life, as well as
his family, who I love so much. He knows I'm
(06:55):
a lesbian, but he still seems to think that one
day I'll wake up and be attracted to him. But
I can't blame him, because I too wish it was
that easy. One day, I feel like I can settle
and be happy enough with our friendship in the life
we have already built in other days, I can't imagine
staying in a relationship without that passion and deeper connection.
But I'm terrified of hurting those around me, and I
feel so selfish and the advice or input is appreciated.
(07:18):
Ps Becca's journey to acceptance has been such a big
part of me coming to terms with my own sexuality
and realizing that the people who truly love me just
want me to be happy.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
Nice.
Speaker 4 (07:30):
Oh this is complicated. There's a part of me that's like,
we worry so much about being selfish and in terms
of what other people will say or hurting other people.
But I just wonder if it's also selfish to stay
in something where your husband isn't getting the affection or
attention sexually from his partner.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
To throw this out there, though, I do think that
there are people that are in marriages that are just
kind of like roommates.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
I think there's a sexuality base or not correct, That's
what I'm saying. So it's like, this isn't the worst
case scenario, Like you know, it's just not.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
You're saying, like just to stay in the marriage, and.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
No, I'm saying for him, Oh yeah, like.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Oh like he's he's probably just content with how it is.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Yeah, I'm saying, take the sexuality out out of it.
There are marriages and there are relationships out there people
who just coexist together. They just like live life together
and they like don't really have sex and they just
like they're kind of like, really.
Speaker 4 (08:29):
If you're craving the relationship, having a sexual relationship with
someone that you're attracted to and want.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
That way right then and that's not for you, right Yeah.
Speaker 4 (08:40):
So I'm just saying like, sometimes there I there's always
this like back and forth of what's selfish, you know,
like staying in something that you and your partner are
getting the type of partnership you want from the marriage,
or is selfish choosing yourself and hurting other people in
the process.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
I just think like, in ten years, are you going
to wake up and kick yourself for not trying to
explore and find a relationship that ignites all of that
in you.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
That's what it was for me with I mean, not
a very different situation, but when coming to term, when
Haley and I came out with reading A Love and
a Lot you did reading Seven Husbands of eve Oney,
yougo was because a big part of that was she
looked at the end of her life. She got to
the end of her life and it was like all
these thoughts of what could have been if she had
(09:31):
just let herself love who she wanted to love.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Yeah, and it's so powerful.
Speaker 4 (09:36):
And I do think there is a complication, you know,
when you commit your life to someone in a marriage,
But I also think we have one life, and your
husband knows, and I think it might just be having
a very honest conversation about where you are with your
feelings and your sexuality and not wanting to have regrets
for yourself and for him, and you know, communicating to
(10:01):
him that you love his friendship. And that's the part
of you that's staying. That's the part of you that's
made this hard, and there might be some awkward moments
navigating that, but I just think I think staying somewhere
where you're always wanting more or questioning what is out there.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
And I think clearly you are. You wouldn't be writing
us if you weren't questioning it.
Speaker 5 (10:27):
And the fact that he knows everything, I think we
need to take advantage of that. Yeah, And I also
take him so far.
Speaker 4 (10:32):
There's also like she's not going I'm wondering if I'm
attracted to women. It's like I've known since I was
in ninth grade, I'm a lesbian. Like, there's no uncertainty here.
Speaker 5 (10:41):
I think you guys need to sit down and have
a really difficult, very emotional conversation about your future, because
does he want to be in this knowing that you're
never going to be attracted to him. If you ever
sleep with him, it'll be as a favor more than anything.
You're never going to enjoy that act. So is that
what you want for your life? But making also clear
(11:02):
to him that you love him and you don't want
to lose him, And is there anything we can figure
out here together to move forward? And maybe that's breaking up,
Maybe that's seeing other people. Maybe it's the open relationship
like we had in the last email. Maybe it's somehow
transitioning into friendship. I don't know.
Speaker 4 (11:17):
Is there a world I don't know this, but like
if you separate, you know, if you take a separation
and it's like we we date other people, you know.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Like divorce, there's more this.
Speaker 4 (11:30):
Yeah, but it's a clear understanding of what's happening, because
you might it might be a grass is greener. You
might go out and have that and be like, I
still have a stronger connection with this man.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
That I married. I don't know. Yeah, but I think
that you need you need that, you need that.
Speaker 4 (11:45):
And I think you've acknowledged it within yourself, which is
a huge part of this, and you he knows this.
I think Mark's right. You sit down and have a
really hard conversation about it, and we are rooting for you.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
Yes, we are all right.
Speaker 5 (12:01):
I'm gonna tease the next one. Oh, we tease this
one because it's a better tease. Okay, A Day one
scrubber says she no longer loves her husband. Next.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
All right, we're back.
Speaker 5 (12:31):
These are really interesting emails this week.
Speaker 4 (12:34):
Yeah, like, we're really sorry that y'all are going through
like really hard times, really, but we appreciate that you
trust us.
Speaker 5 (12:41):
This is another tough one. Day one scrubber. My husband
and I have been married for eleven years, together for sixteen.
Now that's the situation. Side note from me. Seems like
after sixteen years together, you're solid, you're good, you know
what's going on. Right. Not the case here, She says,
I've realized that I'm just not in love with him anymore,
and I don't know what to do. Our life is great.
(13:02):
We have three beautiful children. We are great partners and teammates,
taking care of the house and the kids and all
of their thousands of activities. I love him wholeheartedly as
a human and the person he is. I admire him,
I respect him. We are intimate several times a week.
We spend tons of time together the as a family.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
That's great.
Speaker 5 (13:18):
I feel like I'm living a lie. I put on
a happy face, but I just don't feel like I
am in love with my husband anymore, and I just
don't know what to do about it. He basically gives
me the ick way more than I'd like to admit.
I often think about divorce and I feel like I'd
be okay with it, honestly, But then I think about
people who stay in much worse relationships for longer and
wonder if I'm just being selfish. I have felt this
(13:41):
way for almost two and a half years now. I
feel like a cop out having these thoughts, But I
also feel like our relationship has run its course and
she'd be okay to move on. I'm not even sure
what I'm looking for here, but any advice or thought
to be appreciated. I love this podcast so much, Sincerely,
a day one scrubber.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
Let me tell you something. If there's anything that the
show nobody wants, this has taught me, it's that the
itck can be reversed.
Speaker 4 (14:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
This to me, I'm just gonna say it, this sounds
like a lovely situation. You've gotten the ick, you've had
it for two point five years.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Two point five years is a long time.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Not but have you actively day one scrubber tried to
reverse the ick? Have we talked to a therapist? Have
you sat down with your husband? Have you worked on
trying to reverse that? Because what if you can reverse
the dick and then you have such a beautiful you
have sixteen more years left. I don't think this is
I don't think this is I don't think it's over.
Speaker 4 (14:45):
If I had the ick for two point five years
and then someone was saying I have sixteen years left,
that sounds daunting.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
However, reverse it.
Speaker 4 (14:54):
However, I do think that if you haven't done everything
you can, I feel like you have a good thing.
And I'm just saying like in terms of like, it
seems like y'all have a good partnership, you.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
Have kids together, sex all the time.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
But it doesn't sound like she is like I think
she's She.
Speaker 5 (15:14):
Said we're intimate several times a week.
Speaker 4 (15:15):
She doesn't say from someone, then.
Speaker 5 (15:20):
Well, I think it would have slowed down, wouldn't it
If she's that grossed out, people please her and is like,
this is I'm the only one of us that's been
in a relationship this long. Oh my god, twenty seven years.
I guarantee you. I give my wife the from time
to time. I guarantee it. It's been a long time together.
And this is the comparison I've made before on this show.
(15:40):
There's Mark and Amy, there's Mom and dad. Mom and
Dad bicker, they don't get along all the time. The
drivers are the crazy. Mark and Amy are super in love,
and you go back and forth between the two. I
think you two are really stuck in mom and dad mode,
and you need to find time to get to you
and him as the couple you were that you fell
in love with once upon a time. I agree with
Tanya that I think this could be salvage. I think
(16:00):
you're maybe focusing on some of his more negative qualities
and maybe you've lost sight of some of the ones
that you fell in love with.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
You.
Speaker 3 (16:06):
Yeah, because like.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
When you do get the ick, you fixate on that ick,
and like everything that they subsequently do post ick makes
you feel even ickier. So I feel like you're just
like spiraling in the ick and like you're not seeing
the forest in the trees.
Speaker 4 (16:18):
Maybe being in the ick indefinitely is being in the
spiral of the ick is.
Speaker 3 (16:24):
Dark for two point five years.
Speaker 4 (16:27):
It's like being in the eye of the hurricane for Yeah,
and he's a good dude.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Here's my thing.
Speaker 5 (16:32):
Clearly he's a good dude.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
I think. I agree.
Speaker 4 (16:34):
I think it's like they're stuck in this mop parent
mode and it's like, what were the things about him
when y'all started dating?
Speaker 2 (16:40):
Maybe y'all go on dates.
Speaker 4 (16:41):
Maybe what is I guess it's like some IX can
be reversed, like what are the ickxs? Is that personality X?
Is it what he looks like? Physical IX? Like?
Speaker 3 (16:50):
What is a new wardrobe he's wearing?
Speaker 4 (16:52):
Yeah, Like are there things where you could step in
and go like, hey, maybe if you styled your hair
this way, just like things that maybe are.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
Simple and even voice it like that be like, oh
my gosh, this new colonial wearing is giving me the
ick coupled with these weird socks that you're wearing to
bed at night, coupled with like.
Speaker 5 (17:11):
When you eat, it's that stuff. I guarantee it's that stuff.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Whatever tell them be like they're giving me the ick,
and I need you to be mindful of it, and
like we need to I need to get back to
like wanting you to blind.
Speaker 4 (17:20):
That's fair, needs you to be mindful of the absolute
ick you're getting me. Yeah, I do think talking to
a therapist would be like great, because I think maybe
you can have your own time to say what you
need to say, put it out in the open, figure
out where there's that misconnection, and then maybe go in
like romantic dates, do things that y'all did before you
(17:41):
had kids.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
But I think the reason why it's lasted two point
five years is because you've been keeping this to yourself.
Clearly you're not sharing this. I think if you do
open up, I don't I would not say the door
that you thought about divorce, but like I would open
up about the ick and like all of these things
and just say like this is actually very serious and
it's been like making me spiral and I kept it
to myself.
Speaker 3 (18:00):
I really want to be open.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
I love you and I love our life, and so
I want to like figure this out. And I think
if he's receptive to it, I think you can find
a path to forward and if he rejects it and
he gets very like negative and like down, then you
have another path to go down.
Speaker 4 (18:15):
Well, I think it's natural for a human if Haley
is like, hey, you're really giving me the ick for
two point five years, like my feelings would be her
and I'd be like I would probably have a defensive reaction.
So I think there is a very specific way it
needs to be delivered. And that's why I think if
you did it with a therapist or a counselor there
could be a someone to navigate the conversation.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
We all know delivery is not mine strength. My strength.
Speaker 5 (18:41):
I think it'd be okay with divorce, But I think
that's a grass is always greener situation.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
I think it's going to say too. I think you're
going to get out there and you're going.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
To be like accentral out there, and.
Speaker 5 (18:49):
Then the kids are with him on the weekends and
you're alone, and then you're seeing someone else starts being
the mom to the kids when you're not around. You're
not going to like any of that stuff, but she does.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
Then you've made the right decision.
Speaker 5 (19:01):
Yeah, if that sounds fine to you, Yeah, go for it,
all right. This is from Taylor, longtime scrubber here still
watching Gray's Anatomy and on season three of a current rewatch.
The question of having kids has been weighing on me recently,
and I feel like you always have some good perspectives
and advice for me. I'm thirty three years old, i
got married earlier this year, and I've always said I
wanted kids, But now as it gets closer to becoming
(19:23):
a reality, I'm questioning it. I'm not an overly baby
loving person. If someone has a baby, I don't need
to hold it necessarily. I'd rather be petting the dog
at a party than interacting with a child. Will this
make me a bad mom? Well? I like my own child.
Do I have to love babies to want a baby?
How do you have children and balance a career. I've
spent so much of my left getting an education undergraduate PhD.
(19:46):
I feel like I'm just getting into the groove of
my career. I grew up at the stay at home
mom and it was amazing. But how do I give
up my career? Or what if my having kids makes
me want to give up my career? Did I waste
all that time at school? I'm also the breadwinner at this,
so finance is weigh on me too, Tanya, you are
very excited to have a baby. Do you worry about
balancing your career that you also love? Becca, I don't
(20:08):
remember where you stand on it for when you want
to have kids, baby you can relate since you don't
seem baby as baby enthusiastic as Tanya Mark. How did
you and your wife decide when to have kids?
Speaker 3 (20:18):
That's Taylor, It's lots of unpack here.
Speaker 4 (20:22):
I don't I have read actually from Scrubbers in the
Facebook group like this. I remember i Scrubber posted. I
literally have felt like being a mom was my absolute purpose.
All I wanted to do is be a mom, have kids.
I've loved babies. I'm maternal, and I'm having the hardest
time feeling like I am a good mom. And I
(20:44):
think that no matter where you stand on where you
if you love babies, if you love interacting with kids,
I don't think that that's going to make you a
good mom or a bad mom. I think when you
have a child, it's going to be an obsessive love
that you've never experienced. That's the one thing that's consistent
when I ask people about kids is like it's a
love like you've never had before. I'm very specific as
(21:08):
what dogs I like, Like I'm very choosy, like I
love all dogs. I love animals, but I'm very like
which one am I going to interact with.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
I'm obsessed with Phoebe. Phoebe's like can do no wrong.
Speaker 4 (21:18):
And I know I would be the same way with
a child, but I also have my reservations about it.
I'm very like torn on if or when I want
to have kids, but I have a very natural maternal instinct.
I love babies, Like if someone has a baby on
a plane, it takes everything in me not to be
like interact, wanting to interact.
Speaker 3 (21:40):
With the baby.
Speaker 4 (21:42):
I love them. Yeah, and I love kids, and I know, like, honestly,
Haley and I have talked about this that if we
had kids, I think that she would get jealous because
of the amount of attention I would get. I think
it would be a very intense, really like love for me.
Speaker 3 (21:58):
Yeah, Like I feel very strongly are you crying?
Speaker 2 (22:02):
No, you can?
Speaker 5 (22:04):
I really helpful of the podcast right now.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
Emotional.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
It's so interesting because I feel like I can totally
relate to what you're saying. I've always I've known that
I've always wanted to have kids from birth, Like I
don't know, like I was. It was always something that
I knew was in me, Like I just have always been.
Like I love like I am like kind of a
homemaker in a weird way, not really like I don't
(22:32):
like cook and clean and like in that way.
Speaker 3 (22:34):
But I love like home. I love having like a
cozy home. I love that.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
Like that making sense, Okay, However, the thing about the
career is such an interesting thing because I feel like
it's such a mind because I've talked to women in
this specific industry, in the entertainment industry that have had
children and going on maternity leave and and like, you
(23:00):
go into this vortex of keeping this like child alive
and like being so out of your day to day,
and especially in the entertainment industry, it's very cutthroat.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
You're always made to.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
Feel like you need to watch your back and you
need to say yes to everything because if you don't like,
your job can get snagged in two seconds. And so
we're always made to feel, especially as women, that we
are replaceable, interchangeable, disposable. And so when you go on
maternity leave and then you come back. It's just like
(23:32):
it's so hard. It's really really hard. And I don't
think enough women that work in the entertainment industry especially,
and imagine it's like this in every industry. This is
the only thing that I know because that's what I'm in.
But it's very hard, and I think it stops a
lot of women from having kids because they're scared to
step away from their positions. So it is definitely something
(23:53):
that I've thought about, but it doesn't it's that doesn't
outweigh me wanting to have a baby, you know, like
I would never not have a baby because I'm fearful
of my job, and so that's kind of where I
stand on that. But it is interesting because I do
feel like I have conversations with Robbie about it all
the time because I'm like, it does shift the dynamic
because that's you know, like the kids that we have
(24:16):
now are ten and twelve. We don't have to shower that,
you know, we just have to like think, you know
what I mean, Like it's just a totally different dynamic.
And so when like I just feel like it's gonna
shift things a lot, and I'm like trying to like
prepare for it as much as possible ahead of time,
because I just feel like it is a big shift.
Speaker 5 (24:32):
Yeah, to answer the question to me, we you know,
we're traditional, I guess you know, we kind of. I
think Amy was a little lukewarmon kids, a little unsure.
I guess I should say when we first got marricause
she was very young. But then it just she she
approached me. I remember her saying it's time to start trying.
It was like, oh, I hadn't even really thought about that. Okay, yeah, great,
(24:53):
let's let's do that. Because it was always so oft
in the future somewhere and then and then we were
very fortunate. We had two wonderful daughters. And like saying,
like Becka alluded to, you think you have a pretty
good idea right now what love feels like, but you
really don't. You have no idea what love feels like
until you're holding that child in your arm. So I
think you would like your child. I think you'd be
a great mom, and nothing that you've told us and
(25:13):
indicates otherwise. But it's such a personal decision and I
don't think anybody should be pressured into it because it's
twenty twenty four, and they're both sides of that coin.
If you want your career and your child, you can
have that. The other side of the coin is if
you don't want to do this, you don't have to
do this, and it's just fine.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
So I also think not wanting to hold other people's
babies is not an indication, not at all that you
shouldn't be a mom, because I mean, I like babies,
but like, I don't need to hold every baby.
Speaker 5 (25:41):
My thing was always there's no upside to me holding
a baby. There's only tragic downside. So I'm just gonna
leave it be.
Speaker 4 (25:46):
See, I'm the opposite babies. I'm like, any baby, hit me,
any baby. It's when they get to be a kid
that I'm like, I'm very selective.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
That's my issue.
Speaker 4 (25:55):
I'm like, I would have it have to be my
own because I'd be like kids can be like the
germs and stuff.
Speaker 3 (26:02):
No, no, no, germs were hard for me. Yeah, germs
were hard.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
The germs the like wow, from living in a museum
and the apartment museum where nothing gets touched, everything is
clean and its place, to having two children that like, yeah,
are constantly having some sickness back and forth and bringing
it from school and.
Speaker 3 (26:22):
Yeah, it's it's it's it's a it's a shift.
Speaker 4 (26:26):
But I'm very with you on Taylor. I'm very with
you because I thought my whole life I would be
married with kids by twenty five. My life has gone
in a very direct different direction in like the best way.
But I think that it's hard because there is an
age pressure that you have to consider and it's so annoying.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
But it is men just like ejaculate whenever it's fine
and women.
Speaker 4 (26:54):
Men just like get to like have pleasure and then
it's like okay, yeah, anyways.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
You're right, even like during the whole IVF process. I again,
I'm not going to speak out of out of because
I haven't done it myself, but from what I have heard,
it's very hard on the woman. You have to do
so much, You're putting so much in your body, and
the man just like pleasures himself.
Speaker 3 (27:14):
Into a cup.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
Like what Yeah, that's for another that's another fun for
another day, another book.
Speaker 5 (27:26):
Uh, before before we go to break, we have another
thought starter. Oh we like to end the Dear BONDI
is with a thought starter and we have one for
us coming up involves a Wife Swap. All right, this
(27:53):
is from Courtney. This is fun. If you remember the
reality show from the way back when Wife Swap, two
couples with swap partners for a week or so lived together.
If Tanya and Becca swapt partners for a week, obviously
in a non romantic, non sexual way, Robbie lived with Tanya,
Haley live with Sorry, Robbie live with Becca, Haley live
with Tanya. What do they think it would be like?
(28:13):
What would they do together? What would they eat for meals?
What would annoy them about the other person? What would
they fight about? What would they enjoy? Basically, how do
they think it would go if they had to live
with each other's partner for a week straight? Thank you
for so many laughs over the years.
Speaker 3 (28:28):
Who should we start with? Me and Haley?
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Yeah, Haley seems to work a lot, so I think
i'd be lonely. Yeah, like I need her for every meal.
Speaker 4 (28:42):
We're both pretty like needy for conversations and stuff. So
I think when she got home she would really have
a lot of y'all eat like she would be happy
to eat, like healthy.
Speaker 3 (28:52):
Food meals we would have together for you, Sure.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
I would have some home cooked meals and.
Speaker 3 (28:58):
Enjoy watching the same shows.
Speaker 4 (29:03):
I don't think so, Like she doesn't like Love Island.
She would probably like Survivor, though, I think she'd be
into Survivor.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
Okay, so I think I don't be pretty.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Yeah, I think her messiness would annoy me a little bit.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
Yes, I agree, So you'd fight about that.
Speaker 5 (29:20):
We probably find about the kind of messiness of their
clothes left around and shoes, Like Tiny's complaining about Robbie
leaving your shoes.
Speaker 4 (29:26):
Yeah, Like she leaves her shoes at the like there's
like three and if there's one pair, she's like, oh,
those are the shoes on word of Mars, I'm like whatever.
But when there's three pairs, I'm like, well, which which
three are you? Which of the three? What about the
other two?
Speaker 5 (29:40):
And where where does she leave the ones for tomorrow?
By the door?
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Yeah? Right by the door.
Speaker 5 (29:44):
And sometimes there's three by the door. Yeah yeah wow.
Speaker 4 (29:47):
And like sometimes it's like boots so they're not small
little wow.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
You know.
Speaker 2 (29:50):
Yeah, I'm messy too.
Speaker 4 (29:53):
I mean I I say stuff sometimes where it's like
if people are my biggest thing is if people are
coming over, she's the one who invited them. I'm like,
then let's pick up the space because I want it
to be presentable if someone's coming over. I get stressed
if someone comes over, like unannounced and like the house
is a mess, But I also am fine living who's.
Speaker 5 (30:13):
Coming over and announced? These days? Is that a thing
that happens because it used to be a thing that happened, generation.
Speaker 4 (30:21):
Happens sometimes be surprised. Okay, So yeah, I think that
would be fine. She might be like Tanya, like won't stop.
Speaker 3 (30:29):
Talking, but like Haley won't stop talking.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
Yeah, I could go either way. I think Robbie and
I would be I think we have a great time.
Speaker 5 (30:38):
I feel like we guys might want to consider this, honestly.
Speaker 2 (30:42):
Ball the basketball.
Speaker 3 (30:44):
Yeah, he would enjoy it. He would enjoy the activities
that you've partake in.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
No, he grills. Girl, may have some shrimp and steak.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
You'd be fine, like a king, Yeah I do.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
I will say that is one trade at time.
Speaker 4 (31:00):
Would get a little dicey because I feel like he
will go to sleep early and I'm a little more
of a night out. But that's okay. I'm chilling down
on the couch.
Speaker 3 (31:10):
So yeah, I.
Speaker 4 (31:11):
Could go play football with the boys. Like, yeah, I
feel like we'd be great. Let me know if you
want to.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
Is there anything you get annoyed. I know he's pretty clean.
He might get annoyed about your with your like not cleanly.
Speaker 2 (31:25):
I'd be on my best behavior.
Speaker 3 (31:27):
Okay, okay, well that's good.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
Yeah, but he.
Speaker 5 (31:29):
Does leave his shoes everywhere. She brought this up.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
That's my thing.
Speaker 4 (31:32):
Though I'm more messy, like I do the dishes. I
might clean in the sense that, like I wipe down
the counters every time, like it's more just stuff, you know.
Speaker 1 (31:41):
I realized with that I need to be more appreciative
of how far we have come with Robbie and myself,
you know, come a long way from day one, where
I will never forget the first time I entered his
home and it was like a weekend that he had
the kids, and there were dishes literally piled all over,
(32:04):
Like there was not one piece of the kitchen counter
that you could see because there was just dishes. And
I will never forget that.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
Yeah, that's jarring.
Speaker 3 (32:13):
Yes, it was jarring.
Speaker 5 (32:14):
And we have come a long way because it was
basically a bachelor pad at that point.
Speaker 3 (32:19):
Yeah, and it's so funny.
Speaker 1 (32:20):
I remember the first weekend I like went on a
trip without him, and I left him at home with
the kids one weekend and I was like, I'm just
going to say this because I don't want to come
home on Sunday and like be angry. I'm very anxious
that you're just going to leave all the dishes in
the sink because you know, like I think he does
it because I'm around and we help. You know, we
both pitch in and we both do it. But if
I'm not around, I can just see it all stack.
Speaker 5 (32:42):
And he has a dishwasher, I assume.
Speaker 3 (32:43):
Yes, we don't really use it though, Ah.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
I know, I know, I know have a thing dish
washers thing too.
Speaker 3 (32:52):
Yeah, I don't think it gets it clean as.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
Clean hand clean.
Speaker 5 (32:55):
Oh that's interesting.
Speaker 3 (32:56):
It's not as clean as my hand.
Speaker 5 (32:58):
You don't know that. And then and if they tested it,
it's probably not the case.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
I'm pretty thorough with my cleaning me too.
Speaker 1 (33:05):
I'd rather a really nice clean thing that I'm going
to eat out of than like it running through some water.
Speaker 5 (33:12):
I don't think it's just running through water. I think
there's a process and there's a heat involved that kills
a lot of bacteria that you're not going to.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
Get to Yeah, it would be easier on me if
I just throw it in the dishwasher.
Speaker 3 (33:20):
But las I do be scrubbing, scrubbing, be scrubbing too.
Speaker 5 (33:26):
That's interesting.
Speaker 3 (33:28):
Many ways.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
So I did I express that to him, And when
I came home, and he would like send me pictures
out the weekend of like all the dishes done this weekend.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
No, this was I can't remember what this was.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
He would send me pictures of like the dishes and
the clean section of the same there.
Speaker 3 (33:43):
Yeah, so I've come, we have come a very long way.
Speaker 1 (33:45):
And if there are some shoes scattered around the bedroom,
it's our bedroom.
Speaker 3 (33:50):
Who's going in there besides the two of us?
Speaker 1 (33:52):
You know?
Speaker 2 (33:52):
Oh yeah, the bedroom. I'm like, what you can do?
Leave whatever?
Speaker 4 (33:57):
I got home and I had stuff everywhere from trying
to pack for Vegas and then needing to unpack from Vegas.
And I was like, she had her three shoes by
the door, and I'm like, how can I tell her
or say anything about these three shoes when the room
looks like a disaster.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
So what I do is he leaves any clothing anywhere,
it just goes immediately in the dirty laundry, it just
goes in the dirty laundry, and I'll be like, where
is my where's my black sweater that was on the
chair that I'm taking to dinner tonight.
Speaker 3 (34:25):
I'm like, was it unfolded in your closet? Then it's
in the hamper. It wasn't dirty.
Speaker 5 (34:31):
But what about that stuff, the stuff that's that's clean
but not dirt. It's worn but not dirty.
Speaker 3 (34:36):
So to me, if it's been worn, it's dirty.
Speaker 5 (34:39):
One time, it's not dirty, Yes it is.
Speaker 3 (34:41):
It's outside of my house.
Speaker 4 (34:43):
If it's a sweater like blazer, that's one thing, right.
If it's a hoodie, it's dirty.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
Dirty if it goes outside these walls of my home
and it touches the air dirty.
Speaker 5 (34:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
If Haley's weren't it all day for work? It's dirty?
Speaker 5 (34:58):
Yes, sure, all day. But I might just throw on
a hoodie to go out, you know, I don't run
an errand or something. If it's cold out and that's it.
Speaker 3 (35:05):
Yeah, then it goes in the hamper.
Speaker 5 (35:06):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
Yeah, I'm the same.
Speaker 3 (35:09):
Yeah. He has like a resting chair where it's like
before bed every night. Oh yeah, okay, oh my gosh.
I would not allow the filth of the day.
Speaker 4 (35:18):
And can't there are people who do that, all right,
all right, Oh, like I feel like we would have
an easy transition.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
Yeah, Like I don't think it would be a shock.
Speaker 3 (35:36):
It would be hard for me not to have the meals, honestly.
Speaker 4 (35:39):
Yeah, because Haley Haley, when she cooks, it's really good.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
She just doesn't do it a lot.
Speaker 3 (35:44):
Yeah, like Robbie can just like whip up stay like
he can.
Speaker 2 (35:48):
Just whipped me coming back, just like.
Speaker 3 (35:52):
It's really nice.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
It's something I didn't know I needed in a partner. Like,
never once in my checklist of finding a partner did
I put like needs to cook or good with meats
and shrimps.
Speaker 3 (36:00):
And it is a blessing.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
Yeah, it's a good it's a good gift.
Speaker 3 (36:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
All right, Well that's all for now.
Speaker 4 (36:06):
If y'all ever want to send in bonio questions, message
us on Instagram at scrubbing in pod or email us
at scrubbing In at iHeartMedia dot com.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
We love you so much, love you, bye bye,
Hosts And Creators
Tanya Rad
Rebecca Tilley
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