New Horizons with Demi Burnett

We love a good Demi in the Scrubbing In O.R. but this is our first time hanging out with Demi “Not Lovato” Burnett! She tells us about quarantine with her new boyfriend and how they already dropped the “L” word! And she shares some amazing secrets to improving your self-esteem.

 

Plus Red Star might have heard something extremely personal about Tanya… on the radio.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Scrubbing in with that Actilly and Tan your rad and
I Heart Radio and two time People's Choice Award winning podcast.
Oh right, everybody, we're scrubbing Hi everybody, Oh, good morning,
and happy birthday to Mamaad. Happy birthday, mam Aad. It's

(00:24):
also three fifteen, it's not the morning. Did I say
good morning? Yeah? He said good morning. That just goes
to show you the day that has been having. And
but also you're used to that when you're on a microphone,
you're saying good morning to Ryan decissity to the listeners.
And technically we just recently switched up our time frame,
so we're normally in the morning to yah, late morning, afternoon, everybody,

(00:49):
good afternoon, everybody. We're scrubbing in. Um. Before we get
into our typical podcast, I wanted to address some things
that happened this weekend, and it's honestly a very sensitive topic,
so I UM, I just want to be careful in
what I'm saying, but I do want to address broadly speaking,

(01:11):
the Facebook group, I've gotten some messages regarding UM Hannah
Brown and her you know, singing the inward in a
song over the weekend in an Instagram live and um,
there were a lot of messages I got about what
went down in the face Facebook group for scrubbing in,
about people of color not feeling like it's a safe

(01:34):
place for them to express their opinions, or they felt
like they were attacked for having an opinion, And I
didn't see any of the original posts, but I just
wanted to reiterate that we are so pleased and so
happy to brag about our Facebook group and our listeners
because of their kindness and how they treat each other

(01:55):
and how y'all treat each other. And I don't want
the Facebook group to only be a safe place for
certain people. I want it to be safe for everybody.
And I want to be able if you're going to
post something that might be controversial or that's a conversation,
I want people to be able to respectfully disagree. Um.

(02:16):
And I want you to be aware that just because
you might not be personally offended by something that offends
somebody else, it doesn't mean it's not offensive. Um. Like,
we all have things that trigger us and that might
affect us in different ways, but it doesn't mean you
get to dismiss someone else's feelings. So I just want
us to be kind to each other, and I think

(02:38):
this is such an opportunity for us to learn and
have conversations with each other. UM. I don't think that
Hannah Brown is a malicious person. I don't think it
was done with malicious intent. Um. But this should be
and I assume will be a huge growing experience and
learning experience for her. UM. I think that what Rachel

(02:59):
lindsay post said was very eloquent. I learned from it,
and sometimes you kind of have to check yourself um,
because I think when we feel defensive about something, sometimes
it means that we kind of need to look inside
and kind of figure out what why we're defensive about
it and just like really be kind to each other.

(03:21):
I I don't think there was any justification in what happened,
but I don't think she did it in like way
of meaning to hurt people. But I do think that
it's wrong. And I also want to reiterate that our
Facebook group will not tolerate any racism or um like

(03:48):
attacking one another, because we are proud that we are
all kind to each other, but we're not just kind
to the people who agree to us, or who look
like us, or who think the same way as us.
It should be universe perstally a kind page. And I
don't know if I'm seeking for everyone, but that's just
how I feel, and I wanted to say it. No
I think, I mean, I completely agree with you. I'm

(04:09):
going to be totally honest. I like took a step
back just from social media over the weekend, so I
was like completely oblivious as to like what was going
on in the Facebook group and or even the news
story that happened that caused all all of the commotions.
So I like I needed to take a minute to
kind of like assess what was going on. Because I
also think too, I think that our Facebook group is

(04:29):
like a place where everybody needs, like that's where we
go for like positivity and kindness and love and encouragement.
So the fact that there was any negativity in any
bad mouthing or people, I'm still not a hund of
percent sure what was going on, but I also agree
with you that like that's not this is that's not
the place for that UM. As far as what happened

(04:50):
with Hannah, I have zero tolerance for that word UM
and I don't think it's okay. And I do think
she realizes she made a mistake because she did apologize.
So yes, do I think she had malicious intent? No,
But I also think that that you know, I have
a zero tolerance tolerance policy when it comes to things
like that. And I think when you're a public figure,
it is important to know that you know your your

(05:11):
words carry weight and um, that's just what comes along
with a territory and it's a responsibility. And I think
it's also really important for people just to know and understand,
you know, may be careless, it can't just be oops. Yeah,
because it's you know, you don't know, we don't know.
Like I am a white woman, I do not know

(05:31):
how that feels, and that's not right. Yeah. And the
thing is is that I hate cancel culture. I think
it's one of the most toxic things of our generation
and what happens right now when someone makes a mistake
because it limits the opportunity to grow and to learn.
And so, by no means do I think that Hannah

(05:53):
Brown needs to be canceled. I don't think anyone deserves
to be canceled. I think that people deserve to be
at ducated and to have a chance to learn and
grow from it. UM, but I just specifically want to
say like and then we can move on. But UM,
our Facebook group should be a safe place for everybody.
You should be able to have an opinion and have

(06:14):
a conversation even if you disagree, and UM, I would
rather have I'm I'm much more concerned about the quality
of the members of the group in the quantity. So
we're not going to tolerate anyone who comes in and
attacks each other just for different opinions. So I just
wanted to put that out there. And UM, I know

(06:36):
it's like it's such a um sensitive topic and I
don't want to say anything wrong, and I want to
just make sure that y'all know where we stand on it.
And UM, if you need more information or you haven't
watched Rachel's post, I think that's a really good video.
I I thought she said some really great things and
like I said, I learned from it. So just take

(06:58):
the time to, like check your heart where you stand
on that, and before you get defensive or react to
someone who you disagree with, UM, try to find it
when you're responding or trying to learn from it from
a place of kindness and love for each other. And
that's kind of all we ask from you as our
listeners and moving forward. Yeah, I mean quality over quantity

(07:21):
for sure. If you guys are in that Facebook group
being nasty, I'm about to cut you. Yeah, um, so
bye bye. That's right. Um. And obviously we have admins
who are in there, like making decisions on what is
appropriate and she they do their best to make sure

(07:45):
that things are made in that things in the Facebook
groups stay positive in that direction. But I do want
you to know that, Um, it's okay to disagree with
each other, and it's okay to do it thanctfully and
in kindness and love. It doesn't mean that you have
to agree with every personal in there, because I've seen

(08:06):
a lot of debates that are really well handled. So
just keep that in mind for sure. And I think,
I mean, we've said things on the podcast that offend
people too. I feel like I say things that offend
I mean, it's obviously there's a brand spectrum of you know,
things that people take offense to. So I understand that
this is obviously much more severe. But it's like, you know,
we all we all make mistakes and h that's all

(08:30):
I have to say about that. Yeah, it's um, I don't.
I think I'm about ster my period because I feel
like I felt like, really emotional about it, and I
typed out this long thing and then I sent it
to y'all to make sure I wasn't like over you know,
over stepping or whatever. But um, I just wanted to

(08:51):
address that. I didn't want to not say anything, and UM,
I just want I just there's room for growth for
all of us, So just keep that in mine. I'm
about to get my period too. I thought I had
to work out this morning, and I thought it came
during a workout, and I was like, what could be

(09:12):
worse than I thought? I thought I got my period
this weekend when we had our social distance picnic because
I had some stuff on my rear end and I
literally panic because I'm like, what am I gonna do?
We're out in the woods, We're in the middle of nowhere,
with like no bathroom in sight, no people in sight.
Um but I just ended up sitting in some sort

(09:33):
of maple, which was kind of weird because I felt
like you put towels down everywhere, so I don't really
did I'm like, how did I end up with maple
on my rear end? Well, it was really fun. We
did like a social distancing picnic double date and we
drove up in separate cars to the forest and it

(09:57):
remind you I didn't tell you this, but Red Star
was like, oh, Becca, she's she's a she's an aggressive driver.
And I was like, oh, she's going too fast for
you and he's like no, He's like, but I don't
think she's the best of being a caravan leader. I
said that in the car. Literally, I go, I'm really
I just realized I'm really bad at being the leader

(10:18):
when someone's following me because I'm like, I like to
go fast, I like to cut it in three way
and back is like shore. I was like, thank god,
I'm not driving. I did admit that. So that's funny
that he said that because I said that out well too,
so I'm aware. Um, that's why I wanted to just
give you all the address and be like, go, you know,

(10:40):
do your own thing, we'll be there. That you didn't
because I had no service. I literally didn't have cell
service all day Saturday, and it was divine. I know.
It's the best. It's so nice to feel like just
not it's impossible to get in touch with people or
for them to get in touch with you. And who
know the was the Los Angeles Forest. Okay, So the

(11:03):
funny part is it burns every year. It's called Los
Angeles Forest. Every it's called and it's called Angels National Forest,
and it burns every fall, and we do shows about it.
We we we we take calls. We have entire shows
dedicated to the burning of the Angelis National Forest. But

(11:24):
you've never heard of the Angelis National Forest. I guess no,
I've heard of it, but I guess I didn't know
that it was like here. That makes sense, Like I
thought it was like a big bearer, but I guess
that's like on our way. Well, I mean it was
a good hour and twenty minutes. It wasn't here. Pretty
close for being a forest, I mean like arrowheads pretty

(11:45):
much the same distance. But anyways, the funny part is
that we've been watching the new season of Dead to
Me and at one point they referenced the Angels National
Forest of being like where people there's tons of like
buried bodies there, And the whole time we were like,

(12:05):
do you think that's true? But we couldn't google it
because there's no service. That's something I'm gonna look up
after this podcast actually. Um, but yeah, we went up
there and we had a picnic and we played corn
hole and it was just really really lovely. It's a

(12:25):
great day. It was a great it was a great day. Um.
Jana had a really nice moment that I would like
to hear more about when she was in her car
with Red Star listening to the stream of Kiss FM.
By the way, I don't know why you weren't gone
one of two point seven. You should be, but you're
listening on satellite, which is the stream. And so when

(12:47):
you listen to the stream, sometimes they put radio bits
from the morning show highlights, if you will, instead of commercials,
because the commercials don't get on the stream. And so
one of the bits that they chose to replay was
when she was talking about how she's falling in love
with Red Star and hasn't told him yet. No. Oh yeah.

(13:09):
So we're like finishing up this picnic and um, we're
listening to f M. First of all, I didn't realize
it was a stream, but it was obviously not morning
show hours at all, and all of a sudden I
hear myself saying, uh, um, yeah, but it's just not
the right time to tell him that. And I literally,
I literally start panicking. So I just started splurting out

(13:33):
words loudly so that he can't hear what's happening. And
I was just like, what's going on? Why is this
airing right now? What's happening? Why is this thirty seconds?
Is this going on longer? What? Like? I just started
spinning out words so that he can't hear it. I'm
I can't say anything else. Then all of a sudden,
I stopped talking and it's still going and then he
hears sis Andy say, I mean, I've only met the

(13:55):
guy a handful of times and on zoom and I'm
falling for him. And I literally was just like, how
long is this going to go on? What are we
listening to? I just started like panicking. Why not change
the station? You wouldn't let me, trust me tried, he
wouldn't let me, and I was just like, this has
to be some sort of joke. And then he literally

(14:15):
goes tells his ny the feelings mutual. I was like, oh, whoa,
that is so stressful, so stressful, but part of me
wonders if he has it on the stream consistently. Has
he maybe already heard that? I think he only listens

(14:37):
to kiss when I'm in the car. Why that is
a nice to just be like solidarity, like I support you.
I don't know, no, I mean that's cool. But if
if his girlfriend's on the radio regularly, he would listen
to that and he would tune in. And if you're
in commercials, he's going to tune in to hear you. Right.
Maybe maybe I'm wrong, maybe he does listen to the
Kiss of It more, but I just like, of all times,

(15:01):
and like our commute was not oh so did y'all
say it? Yeah? Where are we on that? Still still
keeping it somsy over here? But it was nice to
like it was nice like I'm at that stage in
the relationship where I want him to be like meeting
my friends. So it was nice to be able to

(15:21):
like have him, you know, like I bond with you.
Mm hmm. Yeah. It was really fun. We had a
really great time. It was a really great day. I
was so exhausted the next day, like yesterday, I I've
watched so much ninety Day Fiancee. Wow. Same. We went
to bed at eight thirty. I was like, oh yeah,

(15:45):
we did not do that. But we worked tired yesterday
and it was like a real lazy day. So and
I do have to say I made some treats for
the picnic that I gave to Becca and five P
and they were a hit. So they really gave nine

(16:06):
a massive stomach ache I got. Yeah. Yeah, I think
too many are consumed. Oh too many. So I'm like
very into these oat Mill balls where um, it's just
oats and banana with cinnamon and then you can put
whatever you want them. So I put like dark chocolate

(16:27):
chips and blueberries. Oh that sounds pretty good, Alison. My
wife is obsessed with them and I she's been adding
blueberries too. I actually just polished off a bag right
before we started the past. Wait, I'm so bombed about
the stomach ache. No, I thought, no, No, it's because
bananas and oats can cause like uh like gas or whatever,

(16:48):
like you can cause your stomach to hurt. So I think, uh,
there was a lot of pressure from you to keep
trying then, So I think it was just over assumption. Yea,
literally the whole time, like mouth open, like do you

(17:11):
like them? Have another? Have another? These ones are blueberry,
These ones are blueberry and chocolate chip. These ones are
just chocolate chip. Yeah, but they were delicious, much much
better than the almond pulp crackers, I must say, and
honestly better than your cookies. The cookies I had to like, really,

(17:36):
you know, after the almond pulp crackers, the cookies tastes
a really good. But then when I actually had one on,
just like in my own time, I was like, pretty,
I'm like, I think I'm just like baker now, Like
I'm just like baking cookies for people I made. Uh.
I sent Red Star home with cashew milk for his parents,

(17:57):
Like I haven't even met his parents yet, and I'm like,
here takes some cash you milk to your Yeah, I'm stressed.
What better way some homemade cashew milk? Are you still
dating that weird cash you milk girl? She like sends

(18:17):
the crackers, the pulp crackers with them. She's like, this
is the this is the right recipe. M man Uh.
Speaking of those crackers, we all got to see you
to try those for the first time because that was
our live show and this is our first show since
the live show is really we want to address about
that live show before. What do you mean what what

(18:38):
do you say? I Uh, I have never felt had
to like stay composed like that while I was so
internally stressed. And the fact that what we were so
internally stressed about ended up being the most hilarious part
of the podcast. It's just it was amazing, honestly. Also,

(19:00):
I think it just goes to show you that, like,
like I had a full blown breakdown before we even
did the live show, like crying, sobbing because of like
I'm just having tech issues every other day. And then
like during the podcast, I think I had like another breakdown,
not crying, but like that everybody heard, but you guys
didn't see, and everybody was like laughing, And I was like,

(19:22):
you know what, sometimes when we think that we put
so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect, and it's
like we've never done this before. Nobody's really done this before,
so like, how can we expect that there's not going
to be problems? I mean, watching the videos on social
media after, I was like hysterically laughing. So thankful that

(19:43):
people found the humor in it and just laughed with
us because it was not how we intended for things
to go. No, truly grateful. My favorite part was when
Easton came in and we were so over the tech
issues that I have grown once we were like five,
I had like one little glitch and we're like, yeah, no, nope,

(20:10):
I got the big hook came out. It was like
we were just so over it and we're like, sorry,
so we love you, but this ain't gonna work for us.
So and then we finished that show, we were like,
oh man, who knows if that's anything? And then we
and then social media is just going crazy with everyone's
saying this is the funniest thing we've ever seen. Our listeners,

(20:32):
they are loyal to a fault because so forgiving, very forgiving.
But then I thought about it too, and I was like,
if I were tuned in to watch something like that,
like a live podcast or something of that sort, Like
I think if I was tuning in to watch a
concert and that happened, I'd be annoyed. But I think
if I was tuning into something like a live podcast

(20:53):
or something that had the same effect, I would probably
find that funny myself. I mean, it was. The thing
is is that I don't know if Mark Mark I
could not see so when I saw you afterwards in
your face was all up in the camera and you
were just like red in the face, screaming our names.

(21:15):
It was I mean, honestly, what I saw on social
media was hilarious afterwards. Yeah, it was like an SNL.
My friend wrote me and she was like, this is
like an SNL skit right back when I just chit
chatting about life and my kids, right right going, hello, Becca,

(21:37):
That's what Red Star watched all those and he was
like the fact that that was your natural reaction is
so funny because he's like, you could have literally been
like freaking out, like cursing, because like he's like, you
didn't know people could see you in the beginning, you
know what I mean, so like fully freaking out. So
the fact that you were just like this poor little
puppy that I couldn't get into the cage, Yeah, I

(22:01):
mean it was really, really, really funny. So thank you
all for appreciating the chaos. I mean, I got so
many more. I got so many messages wanting another live
virtual podcast, and it felt really much like a metaphor
of my life, like I couldn't quite couldn't quite get
in there. It's a disaster that people find really amusing. Yeah, Yeah,

(22:23):
that's kind of right. Yeah, that's funny. I like that
it's just a total mess and people can't stop watching
and find it really entertaining. Yeah, great description. All right,
tell us about today's guest. Um so our guests on
today's podcast. We did um our interview with her last week,
so this is prerecorded, but we have that last week. Yeah,

(22:48):
no sense of time. But anyways, we got to talk
with Demi Burnett and I was so excited because I
have not met her or gotten to talk to her
since we've gotten to know her as a Bachelor Nation,
and so it's really really fun to talk her. I'm
excited for you all to hear this interview because she's

(23:10):
she's so chill like on TV. I feel like her
personality so like and she was just so chill and
easy to talk to and um such a great interview.
So we'll be right back with her. All right, everybody,

(23:37):
we have a very special guest. We have Demmi Burnett
in the o R today. Thanks for having me. Yeah,
we were just talking about before we uh started that
we have never met in all the random circles that
happened around the Bachelor world. It's surprising, I know, It's

(24:00):
actually really interesting because I feel like I've met so
many people at so many events so randomly, but I've
never met you. I know. I sometimes I just feel
like a little outsider of the Bachelor because it's been
so long since I've been on it, if that makes sense,
you know, like eventually you kind of start feeling like

(24:20):
I already already feel that way and it's only been
a year. Senior class res freshman class. Literally, well, I'm
like in college class versus cares about me anymore. I
have the I have the best story because so I
was talking to um my boyfriend about this interview tonight

(24:42):
that we're doing right now, and I was like, be
quiet when you walk in because we're gonna be doing
an interview for the podcast. And he's like, oh, who's
it with? And I said Demi Burnett and he was like, oh.
He goes, I met her Chris Harrison's um Seagram's Escape
Rose launch and I was like, you did, and I
was like, I've never met her, so I definitely didn't
introduce you, and he goes, yeah. I went up to

(25:03):
her and I was like, I'm a big fan, nice
to meet you. So funny, My god, believe were you
there too. I was totally there, but apparently he went
rogue without me and just like went up to you
and was said, how he's such a fan, and so
he's like so excited that we're interviewing you tonight because
he loves you. Oh that's so awesome. I appreciate that.

(25:27):
And I was a little bit of a blur, you know,
I was drinking all Chris Harrison's new seagroom drinks. I
was too, and I was like, did I Maybe I
was too drunk and I don't remember meeting her, but no,
He's like, no, I just went up to her and
said hi, that he was a fan. And I'm like,
it's just so funny because my boyfriend's just not really
phased by much and like he's not really phased by
much Hollywood stuff, but he's a massive fan of the Bachelor,

(25:48):
and so it's so interesting. It's so interesting. It's so funny.
My dad was never a fan, like he never watched
The Bachelor, he didn't know, and then whenever I got
on it, now he's like a sue b fan of it.
And I always get like messages from people and they're like, um,
like my husband hates The Bachelor, like doesn't watch it,
or my boyfriend like doesn't ever watch it with me.
But whenever you come on the screen, they always get

(26:11):
really excited because they love you. And I'm like, what's
up with dad's and boyfriends loving me? I think because
you're just like unapologetically yourself. I'm keeping it entertaining, that's
for sure. Yeah. I was gonna say, like, what, So
you're in a new relate. I guess it's I mean,
I feel like it's been a while, but time is moving,
so I can't really tell the moving right now, but um,

(26:36):
you're in a relationship now and so. But people from
The Bachelor love you and they want more of you.
So is it like, do you join Wells as a bartender?
Like what are you done with the Bachelor franchise? I would.
I would do whatever they would ask me to do
if it was something like that, Like, of course Wells
has the best job out there. Are you kidding me?
He's not going through any emotional trauma. He's just making drinks. Yeah,

(26:58):
listening to the emotional trauma just and I love like
helping people with that kind of stuff, like relationship advice
and stuff like that. And like, I'm not afraid to
tell somebody like, all right, you're being you're being a
little much. You need to like have a different perspective.
Let me show you that. So I would totally do
something like that. I don't know, you know, if they
would ever want me to, but if they did, I
think it'd be a good opportunity. I mean, yeah, I

(27:20):
think the Bachelor fan base would be thrilled with that,
because you know, it's funny when you see someone who
you want to see find love on TV again, you
see them in a normal relationship like outside of Bachelor world,
It's like, how do I get my fix of that
person if they're not on my TV screen? They need me,

(27:41):
they need me. How long have you been with your boyfriend? Um?
So May fourth was our three month Okay, yeah, so
see in my head I thought it had been like
six months that you are together. So just that gives
me a good time of good idea of how time

(28:01):
is moving in my head. Yeah. Well, during the quarantine,
it feels like it's been six months. Are you all living?
Are y'all like quarantining together right now? Yes, we have
been quarantined together the whole time I went to my
apartment for one night. Oh my gosh. So wait, okay,
so you get into a relationship and then a month
in the pandemic happens in your quarantine pretty much right, Yeah,

(28:25):
how did them? Was there an adjustment period or was
it just like easy going? So we had like the
day that we met. Ever since that day, we hadn't
spent any time apart. We had been together like every night,
like I would you know, go home during the day
or something, and we'd be like, we probably shouldn't be
together every night, and then nighttime would come around and
I was like, I miss you, Like we need to
be together right now. Uh. So we were kind of

(28:46):
already in the groove of that, and then the quarantine
happened and we just kind of like we're together and
we were just like, all right, we're doing this, and um,
it's been really good. Though there has been you know,
a lot more like bickers stupid things like that. Then
they're probably normally would be because we don't get space
away from each other. But uh, you know, I'll like

(29:07):
go to my apartment for a little bit, or like
I have a friend who she's been quarantined this whole
time and so have I, and so now that a
lot of the rules are kind of getting a little laxed. Um,
I'll go and spend some time with her or something
and then come back here later on. It's definitely growing
our relationships so much, and it's it's pretty insane though,
Like I think about it, like from an outside perspective,

(29:29):
and it's like, what, you just got into a relationship
and you've been together NonStop for three months. That doesn't
sound healthy. I mean, honestly, sometimes that's just how when
you meet someone that you want to be with all
the time. This is honestly an ideal situation because, especially
in the beginning, that's all you want to do. That's

(29:49):
the only person you want to see. It's like you
almost have to. I had to really make myself hang out,
like make time for my friends, because I'm like, these
people are as important I need to give them the time.
But all I wanted to do was be the person
I newly started dating. So I totally get that. I
would have loved having quarantine during the beginning of the relationship.

(30:13):
It's so funny though, because like I get what you're
what you're saying, but normally I'll go like two weeks
spending so much time with the person I'm newly interested in,
and then I will be like so sick of them
and I'm like, oh, like you're gonna drive me crazy,
like I'm not even interested in you anymore, and all
this stuff. But with him, he like just keeps it
so fun and like it's such a different feeling than
I've ever had, and it's like I just always want

(30:35):
to be with him. Tanya is in a newer relationship too,
and so we've talked a lot about like going from
getting to know each other too. We're kind of together
a lot more because of what's happening. I think it's
definitely like ex expedited. Is that the right word. Yeah? Expedited. Yeah,

(30:57):
it's expedited our relationship, I think in so many ways
because I think before the pandemic hit, like he would
stay here, you know, maybe on the weekends if that. Um.
Because I'm also very like cautious too about like my
time and my energy because in a past relationship, I've
like thrown all my like just my complete self into
the relationship and I lost like my friends and I

(31:17):
lost that kind of my identity. So I just never
want to go back there. So I've been very careful
about the time I give to him. But now essentially
it's like we lived together half the time and it's
so nice. And when did y'all start dating? We started
dating in November, but we like made it official like
three months ago, kind of the same time frame. Wait

(31:38):
do you oh my god? Yes, of course, how far?
It wasn't far, I'll tell you that. So what happened
was was like I met him and then I was
with him like every night, every you know, most of
days and stuff. And it was just for a couple
of days you know that I've known him. And I
had a trip to New York um for New York

(32:00):
Fashion Week, and I was like, do you want to
go to New York with me? And at first he
was kind of like whoa, And then he was like
I think I have something to do, but then he
didn't have it ended up like getting canceled whatever he
had to do, and he was like should we do this?
Should we go to New York together? And I was like, yes,
please come with me. And so like I got him
a ticket to New York and the first class like

(32:21):
laying down like you know, super Bugy and we had
the best time together and I mean, I don't know,
it was just perfect. And then we were still spending
every day together. So it's probably like a few weeks
in and it was like, like he said it first,
but it was like, I don't know if this is
too much, but like I really more than like you.

(32:42):
Oh that's cute. Yeah, he was like scared to say
the word, but he said the sentiment yeah, And I
was like, I don't even really love you. Did you
feel were you because y'all are pretty You're pretty public
and open, you know, like pd A on Instagram and stuff,
did you feel hesitant to do that after having such

(33:04):
a public relationship and then breakup or were you kind
of like this in my life if you taken or
leave it, you know, I want to share it. Yeah.
I think that in the past, I've been um, like obviously,
I've been really public with things, but it's made me
uncomfortable being like still public with relationships because I've just
I don't know, I wanted like selfishly, like wanted to

(33:26):
be like my Instagram's about me and all this stuff,
and uh, getting into this relationship with somebody who I
really truly love, like in a way I've never loved
anyone before. I want to show him off and I
want to like show all that stuff. It's just really different.
That's that's really yeah. Does he what does he think

(33:46):
about like all the Bachelor and your fandom and every
I mean, because you have like a very intense loyal
group of fans who I mean they when I look
at your post and I've read the comments, they're also
supportive of every thing you do, which is really cool
because you know what's people are, so they just feel
like they can say anything and do anything on Instagram

(34:09):
and kind of disregard feelings. But your fans are pretty
like they just want you to be happy. So is
he does he like it? Or is he kind of
like well this is crazy? Um? Well, like, first I
want to say that I love my fans too, because
they like go and attack all the haters and stuff,
like I don't even have to defend myself because they
just hop in there and they're like shut up, like

(34:29):
she's doing this this, I'm like, thank you guys robbing
my back. Um, It's like having like a bunch of
really loyal friends that won't let anyone mess with you. Um,
but in regards to like how he feels about all
of it, Like, I mean, I think he thinks it's cool,
but he's really focused on himself and like you know,
getting to where he wants to be and whatnot. So, um,
we don't really talk about it that much. I don't

(34:51):
really know. I mean, probably thinks it's cool. Like who
doesn't think it's cool? Like, you know, you got fans,
you got a whole lot of people that love you,
like it's awesome, here's exit good. I mean, yeah, you
hope for that when you have that many people, um
ready to defend you. You know, it feels really good
for you. But I always wonder, like dating someone, if

(35:14):
it's like intimidating to think, okay, if something goes wrong
or if something goes public, that all these people they'll
turn into heartbeat you know. Yeah, I don't know. He
has such an interesting personality, like he's such like a
star himself, Like he's this huge personality. He's so easy
to love. He's the kind of guy that, like, you

(35:37):
you know, whenever before I was on the Bachelor and stuff,
I always said, like I'm going to be a star,
Like I know something's going to happen. I have a
feeling I know who I am whenever I walk into
a room. And he doesn't say that, but like he
has that essence like you can just like everyone knows
like slitters like a star, even you know, without all
the fame or whatever, Like he's going to be something amazing.

(35:57):
And so I feel like I don't know, he's just
not intimidated. Maybe it just like excites him, like he's like, oh,
it's so cool, Like you have fans, yeah, Like he's like,
I'm I mean, I feel like he has that. I
feel like he has that that fan base already and
it can only grow, you know. Um, we we like

(36:18):
talked all about this. How did y'all meet? Um? Through Katie?
So Katie one day said like, do you want to
go to lunch with me and my friends? And I
was like, yeah, sure, And I had no idea, Like
I had heard of Slater before, but I had never
seen him or looked at his Instagram or anything, like
you know, I thought Katie would have told me he
was hot, but she didn't. And so I just like

(36:39):
went to go get in the car, like dressed like
a total dirt and I opened the car door and
I was like, oh my god, what. I was like,
it's over for me, Like this is it? He's so cute.
And so then we like spent the whole day together
and everything, and yeah, it was it was awesome. It
was a fun day. We went to Hot Topic, m

(37:01):
the road back right, it was awesome. I was like,
you like hot Topic too, soul mates. Was it like
love first sight? Oh? It was like absolutely like that.
And like honestly, I was like talking to somebody else
at the time and it just completely went out the
window whenever I met him, and like I've would never

(37:22):
be that person. But I was like, this is like
rocking my world. Like he was just like look at
me and smile at me, and I was like, oh
my gosh, I'm so happy for you. It's such a
good feeling to find that with someone, you know, like
you think you you meet people on you date and
you're like this is as good as it gets, but

(37:44):
then you meet someone and it really like changes everything
for you. It's the most different thing that I've ever experienced.
Like I've thought I've like I don't know, I thought
I knew what love was, but I really didn't at all,
Like it's I've never felt anything like this, Like I
get really anoid really easily, and like, yeah, he annoys me,
but not to the point where it's like I don't

(38:04):
want to look at you. It's like you're annoying me.
And I love that I can tell you you're annoying
me and you continue to do it because you're not
scared of me, right, yeah, yeah, he likes He's like,
you don't intimidate me exactly, and like I intimidate so
many people, so it's so cool to see somebody's like
not intimidated and it's like, look, this is me. I'm
gonna be me, and do you like it or not? Um? Wait,

(38:30):
So we taught I love that. We our podcast we
love talking about, you know, relationships in love, and we
always get so many of our listeners that are dating
and it's hard and they're like, when will I ever
find someone? So we love hearing the stories of how
people people meet and what was different and how they knew.
So now that we've talked about that, let's talk about

(38:51):
you and what you're doing. Because coming out of the
Bachelor is such a strange thing because all of a
sudden you've masked this massive loyal following and then you're
like getting to do all this really cool stuff and
then it's kind of like, Okay, now what do I
do with all this? You know, like what direction do

(39:13):
I want to go? Um? So you just launched your podcast,
and I just wanted you to tell us about that,
because we obviously really excited we hear about new podcast. Thanks. Yeah,
it is really crazy coming out of the Bachelor world
and just being like what do I do? Like, what
should I do? Uh? You know, I'm I'm from a
small Texas town, never experienced anything like this, never even

(39:37):
went to l A before the Bachelor or anything. First
time I went was whenever they flew me out for
like the finalist weekend. Um. And it's very overwhelming and
really scary and exciting and all these emotions. And so
I'm doing the podcast because I feel, like, you know,
I'm It's something that I like to do. I like

(40:00):
to talk. I like to try to help people whenever
I can. I want to, like, you know, encourage people
to be more confident with themselves and be more real
about things and be okay with who they are and
not you know, try to be more like other people.
Because you know, you get on Instagram and you see
people like with all these amazing photos and you're like,
oh my gosh, like they're living their best life. Why
am I not living that life? And it's like, okay,

(40:21):
like let's be real, let's all facade. Like somebody had
to sit there and take like fifty photos of that
girl sitting in a chair, like you know what I mean,
like and a chair, yeah, like sitting in yeah. And
so I just felt like with the podcast, I would
have a good outlet to just be more open and
you know, because I can't do like an Instagram Live

(40:42):
every day and stuff like that, and I wanna I
want to hear back from other people. I want to
talk about what people want to talk about. I want
to like make people feel better about themselves because I
know whenever I have like you know, felt low, or
I felt like um, not offidite and secure all those things,
I wish I would have had someone that could have

(41:03):
like genuinely boosted me. Because people, you know, they kind
of just like nonchalantly and kind of shallow like oh no,
you're great whatever, and it's like no, like I need
to hear more. So like I want to give more
to people, and I want to entertain people. I love entertaining,
I love making people laugh. I just love people. And
so I was like, you know what, what better way
to connect with my audience than through a podcast? Like

(41:26):
and I want to make it about them and what
they want, what they need. And of course I'm always
in my little tyrants and stuff, but I really want
to make it about everyone else. I love that what if, Like,
I'm sure you get a lot of people to ask
this because you have such a big personality and you
you are so confident and you know who you are,

(41:47):
and um, when people when girls, especially like I feel
like the Bachelor audience is getting younger and younger. So
it's a lot of young girls that are like actively
following you with their eyes on you, you know, everything
you do when they when they message you like how
are you so confident? How do how do I get

(42:10):
that kind of confidence? What advice do you give? Like?
What do you tell these girls that are constantly searching
for that? Um? I'm pretty bad at like honestly reading
all of the d m s and stuff, just because
I'm like a really present person. But whenever I do,
like have time, and I'll go back, like you know,
I'll go to the d M requests or the Twitter
replies and like you know, our messages or whatever and

(42:31):
reply to them. I'll I usually just say, like, honestly,
in the beginning of like finding yourself and finding confidence,
which it's not gonna you're not gonna feel confident every day.
I don't. I feel insecure still too. It's not like
that went away. It's just about, like I say, like
the first step is faking it till you make it,
Like tell yourself that you are the coolest person in

(42:52):
the world and act that way, and then the more
that you do that, you will actually become that because
you like you, yeah, you faked it, and then you
realize that, oh wait, I am really awesome. You faked
it till you made it, So that's yeah, it's kind
of like habitual, like telling yourself that you look beautiful,
like actively exact complimenting yourself instead of I mean, I'm

(43:15):
the worst. I look in the mirror, you know, you
look in the mirror and it's like I don't like
how these clothes better, how my body looks, or how
my skin looks, and it's just everyone has this day.
I actively like do that. Like I literally sometimes if
I'm feeling like salzy about my body, like I will
literally get naked and stand in front of a mirror
and like tell myself, like I love that part of

(43:36):
my body and like why I love it? Like it's
like super weird and I do weird things. I think
like I do think saying things out loud and like
being proactive in that way does totally make a difference,
because it's like all mental, you know what I mean,
Like it really is. I think words and thoughts are
very powerful. They are, and it's all about like I
if I'm being I look in the mirror and I
feel negative about something and I'm like thinking all these

(43:58):
negative things. I'll be like, stop positivity. You need to
be positive. You have to train your brain and like
get those thoughts out of your head no matter how
much they like eat it you. And I think that's
a really good point too, because like I look in
the mirror and I do the same thing everyone does.
We're women. We have body dysmorphia, and so you know,
I'm like looking at my stomach and I'm like wow,
like I would look so much butterified, like abs and
you know, I didn't have this little pooch and all

(44:19):
this stuff, and I'm like, you know what, that stomach
right there is digesting all of my food. That stomach
is working hard every day for me. It's it's keeping
me alive. It's doing its best. Don't sit here and
criticize it, like, you know, like just be grateful. It's
so weird. It's like I try to. I try to

(44:41):
think about it. I think about it often because you know,
I just think it's like, yeah, we're inundated with photos
and things like that, and especially during this time because
I think everybody's just like eating more because we're at
home more and sitting more and just sitting, yeah, just
sitting and that, and it's just like it is. It's
it's it's so easy to be negative, especially like we're

(45:01):
our own worst critic. And it's so funny because I
can like build up my friends all the time, like
you're so beautiful, like you're crazy, you're so this or
so that, and then we talked to ourselves and we're
so mean to ourselves. And I'm always just like yeah,
like it's like how do I get rid of this?
And how do I, you know, get rid of that,
and it's like it's just me. It's so hard to do.
But like every now and then, like I'll you know,

(45:22):
walk by a mirror something and i won't think I'm
looking at myself, you know, I'll just like glance in
a mirror and I'll like not register immediately that that's me,
And I'm like, hey, you're you're not as ugly as
you think you are right now, like you actually look
like a human being, and that's awesome. It's like don't yeah,
like you said, like we can't be so hard on ourselves.

(45:43):
I have the same thing for a while with my vagina,
Like I thought my vagina was so ugly and like
it didn't look like it was supposed to look like
like I've been there. And then when I like saw
what other people's vaginas looked like, I was like, oh
my gosh, they all look so different. Minds not ugly,
mind just like cute. It's because it's fine, it's cute.

(46:03):
And I watched like she's thirteen, I watched too many
like porn vaginas, and I was like, dear God, like
why does it mine look that perfect? And then I
was like, Okay, everyone's looks different, and like every single
girl at some point has had that thought of like
why why does mine look like? Yea, even like my boobs,

(46:24):
Like I'm like you, we see all these photos of
people in bikinis and their boobs are all perked up,
and I'm like, mine just looked like what do I
kind of like I'm trying to think of the fruit
that they look like. I did this thing where I
stare at them for so long and I'm like just
looking at my boobies and I'm like, my right one
is so much bigger, and I'm like I look like
a freak of nature. But I've been staring in the

(46:46):
mirror for like ten minutes just looking at my tips,
and I'm like do people notice this too? Like does
everyone notice that my tips are two different sizes? And
it's like no, nobody notices. Nobody. Then, like my boobs,
I'm sure look fine to the common eye, but like
like I look at them and I'm like, it looks
like common em My boyfriend loves them and there's no complaints.

(47:08):
When I look at them, I see like the saggy
fruit and I can't put my finger on what I see,
but it's just like I'm so curious of what fruit
you're talking Like, Okay, they look like they're plump, they're
plump on top, and then they kind of get like
smaller and like like that, do you know what I'm
talking about? Like that type of boom that's just like
oh like um, like a squash, yellow squash. I can't

(47:34):
like a yellow. It's like an upside down squash. Yeah,
like a big and then it just yea, things out
are good, wonderful. I love titties. Yeah, I don't imagine
that most people, no one notices any of the things

(47:57):
that we criticize ourselves about them for. Since like I've
been I've been with men, I've been with women, and
like every woman I've been with, they've all had different boobs,
and I've never thought differently of them because like they
didn't have these perfect porn star boobs, you know what
I mean. Like I was like I loved, I loved
every single set of titties I've ever seen, like for

(48:18):
their own unique thing. There's no discriminating, No, there's not.
And it's like we get in our heads so hard
because we don't look like you know, this vision that
we have made up in our heads it's like perfect
and it's like no true. But I honestly, I think
like there's something that like I talk a lot about
um imposter syndrome and how I never feel good enough,

(48:40):
and it's crazy to me the amount of people that
reach out about the exact same feeling that they have,
and I think it all stems from these tiny little
insecurities that we have that all add up to this
like big overarching feeling that we have about ourselves. And
it's like we just have to, like I mean, take
it one step at a time and like peel it
back and really just kind of realized that like nobody's perfect.

(49:03):
We all look and feel and smell and like everything
just looks different and like, I don't know, it's so weird.
I'm having like these really weird life epiphanies during quarantine.
I love that for you, but it's so true because
we're so hard on ourselves. But if you think about it,
there's like nothing like whenever you like love somebody, like
even if it's your friend or a significant other and

(49:24):
you love them, you never would pick them apart because
like those things don't matter to you, because what matters
is like the relationship you have with them and like
the love you have for them, And it's like, why
do I think that the whole world is out to
get me? And everyone is thinking about how like my
body is not perfect and things like that, and it's
like they're not thinking it either, Like they're your friend,
your boyfriend, your girlfriend, whoever. They love you for you,

(49:46):
so quit tripping. Yeah, it's true. I had to quote
like I thought I how to like realization a few
months ago, and I was like, no one's ever changed
my life because of how they looked physically, Like I
just you know, people love you because of how you
make them feel. Really, I mean, so that's su true.

(50:09):
Wait are you on TikTok? I am, but I'm not.
I don't TikTok often. I should do it more, but
I am on TikTok. Do you enjoy it? Do you
find it difficult? Do you feel old? Um? I find
TikTok annoying and like it's hard to keep up with.
And it's like, here's the thing I hate. I hate
all this stage stuff. Like you know, lately, I've been

(50:33):
seeing a lot of these things where somebody will go
up to a random a random person and be like, hey,
throw their iPad across the mall, and then they'll be
like what happened And then they like bring out a
new iPad out of their backpack and I'm like, okay,
you're an idiot, like that didn't. This is all a fake.
You know that person like you staged this. I need
some good, authentic quality videos here. But then sometimes I

(50:58):
can find myself on there. Don't really get on there much.
I probably get on maybe like once every couple of
weeks just to look and I can get in a
hole like I'm like, yeah, I'm I'll be TikToker. And
everyone always wants to make TikTok's too. Now that's exhausting,
you know. You want to just chat with somebody or like,
you know, my boyfriend want to hang out or something,
and he's like, like a dick talk, and I'm like,

(51:20):
that's the last thing I want to do. I don't
want to practice for three hours to make a dick talk.
I know it's so much, it's so much work. I've
been trying to do it, but I'm like, this isn't
I'm doing it because I feel like I need to,
but I'm not really having fun because it's a lot
of well, what is the point in doing it if
it's not fun for the cloud? And it would be fun,

(51:42):
but I'm not there. I'm trying to get these kids
to follow me. I'm trying to keep up my cloud.
I'm trying to stay relevant, and like I am, the
kids on there, they did not watch The Bachelor when
I was on there, so I don't really stand a chance.
So really, I just I just won't give up. But wait,

(52:04):
I also saw that you have spent a lot of
time playing Nintendo Switch. Oh yeah, it's right next to me.
What do you do? Do you do Mario Kart? I
do play Mario Kart. I play with Slater's brother sometimes,
but mainly I play Animal Crossing. I'm full blown addicted
and I can't stop. Yeah. I haven't gotten into Animal Crossing,

(52:24):
but I do some. I do some good work on
Mario Kart. Oh you have a switch? Okay, after this,
you have to send me your friend code. You should
get into Animal Crossing. And if you're into that kind
of thing. Like, I don't know what your video game
vibe is, but it's really really nice. I didn't ever
really have a video game vibe before, Like, you know
playing I play Donkey Kong and stuff growing up, but

(52:47):
Mario Kart. Tanya checks out at this conversation because she does,
I will I will never have a I will never
have a video game bybe That'll be like like if
I run out of like play rooms, to mean books,
to read, TV shows, to watch manicures, to do things
to pluck, then I might play have you things to plug? Right?

(53:10):
What are you plucking beside your brows? One time I
had to pluck my bikini line because I couldn't get
into my waxing appointment. I've heard about people doing that before.
M Becca, I need to know. Did you ever play SIMS? No?
I didn't, But Animal Crossings is it's similar to SIMS, right,
yeah kind of? It kind of is. Like That's why

(53:31):
I was wondering if you had played it, because if
you like SIMS and you'd really like Animal Crossing, yeah
I didn't, But I mean my friends who are into
Animal Crossing are like in it. It's like really really dangerous.
I'm like so addicted and like it's all I think about.
And if I'm not playing it on my switch, I'm
reading about it on a subreddit and I'm reading I'm
like getting inspiration from all this stuff. I'm reading articles

(53:52):
about animal crossing like it's gotten out of hand. Wow,
that's yeah, you're pretty the articles in the subre it,
so that's you've really committed. I'm in deep. Yeah. Um, well,
can you tell people where they can listen to your podcast?
It launched on April, and you've had Slater, you have

(54:13):
an episode of Slater, and you have um an episode
with Ashley and Jared. Yeah. I want to say I Connett,
but have been That's right. I know. I never know
what to say. I could, you know, I couldn't even
Actually I couldn't say her last name for like the
first year I knew her. I was like, as we
I I something'll always I really like I like them

(54:37):
both a lot. Um. Yeah, So you can listen to
my podcast on Spotify and on Apple podcasts and on
podcast one an on podcast one, so everyone check it out.
Thank you Jimmy for taking time to hang out with us,
and hopefully we'll meet in person one day. I know, right,
Oh no, it's over. I'm so sad. I was having
a great time, but like I was having a girl's night,
I had more to talk about. Animal cross and come on, lady, ease,

(55:00):
let's chat. No, I'm just kidding. All right, thanks so much,
Thank you so much, Thank you guys. Have a great night. Um.

(55:21):
I really love her and I need to get her
Nintendo Switch. I'd play some games. Yeah, so just Tanya,
it's an urgent matter. We need to get time to
play a video games. I know she would love it
after she got into it. No, I want to play Taboo.
I still I am so exct we didn't play that

(55:41):
at our picnic. Really fun? Can you social differance taboo?
Because you have to look over their shoulder and buzz them.
Oh you do. I don't really know how to play. Yeah,
you have to look at the same card. Yeah, it
would be was more appropriate I guess for social distancing. Um,
so mark email. We have some emails you want to answer.

(56:03):
And then we have a guest Zoom, who was supposed
to be part of our virtual live podcast, but there
was a miscommunication. If you can't even believe that that
could happen in that live show. Um, somebody remember that
when when we brought in somebody and I said, hi,
your name is Caitlyn, As she goes, no, my Emily

(56:25):
is like, okay, Well, Caitlin was supposed to Caitlin was
supposed to be part of that and she didn't get
to be. So we're gonna we're in say hi, yes, hello,
hey guys. We're so dumb this whole time. No black

(56:45):
for a while, it's just a black screen. Oh hi hi.
Sorry that the virtue of the live virtual podcast moment
didn't work out. But here we are. We made it happen.
I can't believe that I have the best husband in
the world. He made things happen. Yes, yes, husband, that's pretty.

(57:09):
That's a girth the word. No, it's not. They're married,
I know, but that's a big word. Yeah, it's the
right word. How long have you been married? Do you
want tomorrow? I knew you were newly weds. Well they

(57:32):
look like they're in high school. That's why you knew that. Ye. Wait,
where do you all live? North Carolina? Oh? Nice? There's
a tropical storm coming there right or happening. That's actually
funny because we're actually at his aunt's beach house right now,
and we weren't sure about coming because our weather app

(57:52):
said tropical storm. But we sat out all day. It
was super hot, it's not raining we have I don't know,
interesting they're lying. I'm just kidding. Um wait, so yeah,
y'all are y'all? Um? Is it? What? What is everything

(58:13):
like in North Carolina right now? Are rules strict? What
is Are the beaches crowded? What's the de leo? Um?
The beach wasn't crowded at all, but like restaurants are
still closed? Um? What else even is there? I still
work because I'm a grass so unfortunately I haven't gotten quarantine.

(58:36):
But yeah, what you haven't gotten to quarantine? No? I know,
but it's almost like having the opportunity to still work
and make money. It's actually like ye blessing right now
for sure. Yeah, it's been really good. Yeah. Wait, we're

(58:57):
really thankful for that. How did you meet? What's your story?
So we met in college actually, um, I was a
senior when he was a freshman, and so he liked me,
and I had no idea. I mean people, we were
like really good friends who hang out all the time,
and so people would always ask me if i'd be

(59:18):
interest said, and I'm like, heck no, he's a freshman.
Like I'm cooler than that. You know, I'm not going
to day, the younger guy, and then we just we're
best friends for I don't know, probably like a semester
and a half. And then finally he asked me out,
and yeah, so there as a story. So you liked
whom you just were like, I can't be a senior

(59:41):
who dates a freshman. I think so, yeah, I just
my ego wouldn't let me admit that. I like the
societal expectations and pressure. I know it. I'm into it.
Love me a younger guy, me out. That's a girthy word.

(01:00:03):
Don plus a younger guy who can who can rock
a friend's hoodie? You gotta like that? Yeah, I love
best show ever, dream guy, I will fig out. He
when when we were dating, I had him voting for

(01:00:24):
the People's Choice toward every day, I was like, thank you.
I know it's really our votes that put you all through.
So you're welcome. Yeah. I had a feeling when when
I saw y'all, it was like, oh, they're the reason
we want the People's Choice. You're welcome. I really appreciate you.

(01:00:47):
Thank you for Wow, that's glory. Um, Wait, what did
you all think about the live virtual podcast? He really
like you were dying like I would crying, lasting so
hard that Tanya kept trying and did get a hold
of you guys. It was it wasn't planned or anything,

(01:01:10):
but I know afterwards, like we were so stressed out,
and then the response was so positive that we're like,
if we try to do another one, do we need
to incorporate disaster for it to be successful, because like
the perfectionist in me was like, really, just I didn't
sleep well that night, Like I had to take a
bath and like really come down from that. Like it

(01:01:30):
was like I was really round up. Yeah, it was
pretty stressful until we until we were able to realize
that people had fun. Yeah, totally, because when I saw
the start of seeing the comment was like, oh people,
we liked it. That's great. Now we loved it. We
watched every second of it. It was a real range

(01:01:52):
of emotions and emotional roller coasters. Some may say that
that is Tanya's life, though it is an emotional little creaster.
We're here for um. Well, thank you all so much.
I'm glad we have to finally talk to y'all. Even
though it wasn't as planned, I'm glad it worked out

(01:02:13):
and y'all be safe at the beach, watch out for
the potential tropical storm. And congrats on your newly wedding.
Thank you your new weddedness. Congrat wedded bliss. Oh that's
what she said. Okay, thank you, thank you, welcome Bye, guys,

(01:02:35):
all right bye, it's wrong with me in quarantine. I
can't even speak. No change. I have not detected any
kind of change there. Yeah, I mean, it's just like
your phrases that you always say nothing good luck on
your wedding weddings there by the way, it's so cute

(01:02:55):
those two. I know, they're so cute. I love a
guy that watches shows that I like, you know, I mean,
friends is pretty universal, I feel like on both sides.
But it's so fun when like he was wearing a sweatshirt.
That's ultimate fan. I can't wait for the day till
I sit down to watch episode one of season one

(01:03:17):
of Gray's Nammy with Red Star. It's gonna be a
beautiful day. Oh, I don't be a really big moment
for yall. Relationship might be the knife that I'll say
the L word to each other might be probably not,
But um, okay, do we want to do some emails
that we got? Yes? Yes, indeed, this is an anonymous

(01:03:40):
email er. I grew up in a very conservative Christian family,
and I've been secretly dating my best friend for two years.
We're both female. I'm thirty one, she's twenty eight. I
know my family and some friends would not be supportive
of this. I hate living a lie, but I'm so
scared to tell everyone any advice. We've been living together
for five years, but my family thinks we just roommates.
This is kind of what we covered a couple of

(01:04:01):
weeks ago with that documentary. We were talking about how
it's so difficult that you have to live you have
to hide these things from people. But it's a tough
situation because it sounds like you don't have a choice
in a lot of ways. Yeah. Um, it's so interesting.
I'm reading this book by Glennon Doyle and she the

(01:04:23):
book is called Untamed, and her story is that she
was like a Christian blogger and author who was married
with kids and then um. One of her books was
about rebuilding her marriage to her husband after he was unfaithful,
and during her book tour, she fell in love with
a woman that she met at one of the like

(01:04:44):
I guess a conference or something, but it's she's a
soccer player, Abby Wombox, she's like famous, but she fell
in love with her and made the decision to continue
that relationship and in her marriage with her husband, which
was already like not you know, she was trying her best,
but um, And she was talking about how when they

(01:05:05):
first got together, a lot of her family members, her
mom specifically, was really fearful of what people would think.
And I think a lot of times that's especially parents,
that's their fear is like what are their kids going
to go through from society and what people think? And
it's not even it's more it's out of a place
of love, but it's a place of fear too. It's

(01:05:27):
and and obviously there's some people who are just homophobic
and hateful and they're gonna have their stance forever. But
I think a lot of times, when it's family and
friends who love you, it comes from a place of
fear of what are people going to think and how
are you going to be treated in this world? And anyways,
Glennon was saying that she was her mom was really

(01:05:48):
worried about that, and Abby was like, listen, we're on
this island and we love each other and we celebrate
our love and our kids. Um, celebrate our love, and
we're not going to let fear or hate or people
who don't understand our relationship come onto our island like
they're not allowed to be here. And so I think

(01:06:10):
you're as long as you feel that it's safe for
it to be yours in private, I think that's okay.
But if there are people in your life who you
trust that you can share it with, that you know
will support you and love you through it, then I
say invite them onto your island and let them be
there to support you. Um, because you'll be surprised by people,

(01:06:31):
and you have to give people the chance to surprise you. UM.
So I'm really sorry. It's a really tough thing to
go through. And after watching that documentary, it was really
eye opening because this wasn't a time where people literally
got thrown in jail or were murdered for who they love.

(01:06:51):
And luckily we've come a long way. But I totally
get coming from a conservative Christian family, So I mean,
I don't even honestly like, I I don't even know
how to explain how I would feel in that situation,
because I think if if I was ever made to feel,

(01:07:12):
you know, like I couldn't share, um, especially with my family,
the person that I love and want to be with,
I just feel like that's such a that's such a
hard and difficult place to be in. And so I
think that you just kind of have to listen to
your heart and go with what feels the best for you.
Um But just know that, like there's so many people
that I've walked this walk before you, and they've gotten

(01:07:34):
through it, and they've been able to like open up
to their family and open up to their friends and
like live this life of feeling free. And I think
there's something so important about feeling that sense of freedom
for yourself. Um. So, just know that, like a lot
of people have walked that same journey as you, and
they've gotten on the other side. So it's like the
storm only lasts for so long, Like there's sunlight at

(01:07:54):
the end of the day. Yeah. I was also going
to say, there's so many people, Like if your friends
and family they don't support you, and they don't support
you in love with who you're who you love, there
are so many people who have their arms open and
are ready to support you and love you. Like, there
are such a huge community in the LGBTQ community and

(01:08:17):
people who, I would say, if not more, come from
your same background and have the same fears that you do.
And um, I think maybe you reach out to people
who have been in your situation and find a new
community if you're current one doesn't support your life and

(01:08:38):
who you love, right And oh, last thing is that
Kaitlin Bristow post a quote the other day and it
was something along let me see if I can find it.
It was something along the lines of um. It was
because like we're always scared to do things. She said,

(01:08:59):
if you can't beat fear, do it scared. So like
you're probably there's never going to be a moment where
you don't feel scared to tell your parents or your
family or your friends of truth. But you can do
it scared. And like TOMMYA said, there is the other
side to where you are. I gotta say, um, step

(01:09:21):
on the other side of fear. That reminds me of
a quote I've used with my daughters that that being
brave and pretending to be brave are the same thing.
It's so true. Um. So we talked earlier in this
podcast about how we don't all know what it's like
to be you know. I only know what it's like
to be a white, straight dude in society. I have

(01:09:43):
no idea what it's like to be a woman. I
have no idea what it's like to be gay. I
have no idea. But it seems to me you've got
to live your authentic life and be your authentic self
and that may cost you some people, and that sucks,
but that's on them, it's not on you. And maybe
that's naive and naive. It could be a naive way
of looking at it, because I understand that you don't
want to lose those people, and maybe you do feel
like you have to keep your light hidden like that,

(01:10:05):
But I don't want you to do that. So I'm
hoping that you can just kind of do it, and
some people you lose temporarily and they come around again.
People are gone and there's nothing you can do about that.
But I still think you got to live your life.
So yeah, I think, and I think if it's like
just having people in your life, even if it's just
a few who know the truth and who are able

(01:10:27):
to be there for you, I think it's so important
to even just have you know a few people who
know if that's how you have to start out to
feel safe. Like sometimes it starts small, and it doesn't
mean you have to like shout it from the rooftops,
but it means you tell that one first person. And
it's probably like a sense of like the freedom you
get from just telling one person something that you fear

(01:10:50):
opening up about. That's just a snowball effect for sure,
all right, And this one is also anonymous, and this
is a serious issue, she says twenty six. My husband
and I have been married for less than a year.
We've been together for eight years. I have some pretty
bad thyroid issues and now it's diagnosed with Graves disease
six years ago, and it's been a battle. I was
supposed to have my thyroid worked on before COVID nineteen,

(01:11:13):
but now everything is pushed back for at least seven months.
My doctors want me to fix it before we have
a baby, but if I go ahead with a radio
activiodine pill, I can't have a baby for two years. However,
my husband does not take this as seriously as I'd
like him to, and will not stop talking about having
a baby right now. He keeps saying women have babi

(01:11:33):
as while they have worse issues than you, and you'll
be fine. I'm terrified of the possibility of having issues
getting pregnant or staying pregnant because my mom also has
thyroid issues and had three miscarriages. Any advice would be
greatly appreciated. Go Tanny. I know, I can see I'm

(01:11:54):
making a lot of faces right now. I know ahead
and just say that I don't. I don't think I'm
qualified to give advice on this because my first instinct
would be I mean, first of all, it sucks that
you and your husband are on the same page. Um,
that's unfortunate, and I wish that he was more on
like the side of you, because it is like, you

(01:12:14):
know your body and the stuff that you're going through
and the you know, the fact that you're going to
have to carry the baby. So it's like I wish
she was a little more empathetic to your opinion on it.
But that aside, I don't know like what the risk
factors are in terms of an iodine, and like all
I know is that like you could talk to one doctor,
but I would just suggest getting multiple opinions on things

(01:12:36):
because just coming from experience and issues that I've had,
like medically in the past. Some doctors think it's one thing,
and then another doctor thinks that something else, And you
have to be the person that's in charge of your
body and know what's going on UM and you have
to be proactive about it. So I would just suggest
getting multiple opinions from doctors as to like the best
way to proceed, because maybe he is right, maybe your

(01:12:56):
husband there is something to it and it my not
affect it. I don't know. I can't speak to that,
but I would just suggest getting multiple um opinions. I
disagree a little bit with Tanya on this because it
is your body and you're the one that's going to
be having to go through this carrying a baby, and

(01:13:18):
if if things go the way that they did for
your mom and you miscarry, the the emotional and physical
trauma that you go through is going to be very
different than what your husband experiences. And your twenty six
years old. Two years in the long run is not
that long to take care of your body and make

(01:13:41):
sure that you are healthy and stronger to be able
to carry a child. So I don't really think I
think him not taking you seriously and kind of like
dismissing the issues, are saying that people have worse issues
than you, and they have babies, you'll be fine. I
don't really like that because he's not the one that's
going to be having to put his body through that. No,

(01:14:02):
I agree, that's what I said. No, I think you're
saying like, maybe he's right, Like I don't. I don't
really feel like, we don't know, we're not doctors. We
don't know what what the measures are for that, you know, Yeah,
but I feel like it's very how she worded in
the email, seems like he's totally dismissing what her, what
she could potentially go through. I just don't like it

(01:14:25):
because to me, it's like almost it's just I think,
I think you take care of yourself, and I think
the reason you wrote an email because you know what
the right answer is because you want to take care
of yourself and you don't want to feel pressured to
jump into something that you don't feel safe with right now.
I'll say it's lovely that he wants a baby. That's

(01:14:45):
great that a lot of guys are hesitant to become father,
so good for him that he wants that. But I
do think you have to take your doctor's advice over
your husband, who doesn't seem to know much about this,
but to tiny point, if it makes your husband feel better,
maybe a second doctor his opinion would convince him this
isn't the best idea right now. Or maybe a second
doctor might disagree and agree with your husband. So maybe

(01:15:06):
you two agree that we go to a neutral fourth
party and find out what the second opinion says about
this whole thing, because I do think the medical advice
has got to be adhered to. Yeah for sure. Yeah, yeah,
Tony has had Tony, I feel like you've had moments
where you've gotten a second opinion and it's been like
really helpful for you. Yeah. I had one doctor that

(01:15:27):
put me on steroids. I'm like yeah, I'm like, okay,
popping these steroids. And then this other doctor was like
that is not a long term solution for what's happening
to you. Like, I'm sorry, you need to stop that immediately,
like we're going to figure this out. And I was
just like, you know, who do you not like? Who
do you trust? Who do you listen to? It's like, yeah, Y,
you have to really be like in charge and in

(01:15:48):
tune with your own body. It's true. Yeah. Well, I
need to give a shout out before we go. I
need to give it a big hello to Bryn Waltner
and Liz ramire Is. Hey, Brennan, Liz. They live here
in Newberry Park, California, where I live, and Brin's parents
live across the street from me. And she was um
delighted to find out that Mark from the Scrubbing In

(01:16:10):
podcast lives across the street from her parents because she
and Liz, who are roommates, they love you too, and
they love this show. So thank you to them for listening.
I've never met her, but I hopefully I will someday.
Down around the call to Sack. I love that girls,
we love you, we love you. Shout out. Wow, that

(01:16:34):
was good. Give me some oat balls are in your
future if you're lucky, the balls are good. I like
thoat balls, and send me some oat balls. I'll leave
them on this stuff across the street. Totally totally. Um.
All right, well that'll do it for today's podcast. Um,
thank you for listening. We missed you all. It feels

(01:16:56):
like it's been so long since we did a podcast,
but we had the live show so um, have a
great week. Reminder, please be kind and loving and respectful
to each other and um and happy birthday Mom, and
happy birthday Mamaad. We love you guys. She's like listener,

(01:17:16):
Like she listens to these podcasts a minute. They go
up babies, so she will hear it. We love mam Aurad.
No mom should know that much about her own daughter, truly.
It's I feel sad for her at times. Yeah, she
knows a lot. She's like writing as an anonymous like

(01:17:36):
my daughter shares too much, so I do. Yeah, Um, alrighty,
we love you guys, have a great week, and we'll
see you next week, or we'll talk to you next
week and I'll see you y'all next week. By