April 24, 2023 • 50 mins
Hayley is off on tour and Becca has lost her mojo. She opens up about her struggle to find things she loves to do when she’s home alone, and it sparks a conversation about independence after you find someone you love.
Becca shares her wild story on the Texas highways, and why you can (sometimes) rely on the kindness of strangers.
Plus, Tanya gets vulnerable about a moment recently that brought her back to the early days of her career, and she reveals the mindset that helped her overcome those obstacles!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Tanya Ready, Ready, Baca ready, I'm ready Easton Ready Ready,
Hanah Ready. Here we go.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rad An iHeartRadio podcast.
Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in, scrubbing in.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Can you hear me?
Speaker 4 (00:23):
Yes, I've been having some issues with my sounds, but
I'm back to normal.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
Good.
Speaker 4 (00:27):
Yeah, happy to hear it. How you doing, I'm doing okay.
How are you doing?
Speaker 3 (00:31):
I'm doing okay as well.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Why are we both just okay? Should we get into that?
Speaker 4 (00:38):
I'd like to get into why you're just okay?
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Well, I am just okay because I don't know. I've
just had I've been having a couple of hard weeks.
I think that I I mean, I I had a
hard I have a.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
Hard time when Haley's gone.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
But I think that there's deeper rooted stuff that I'm
like navigating, and her being.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Gone just like.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Exacerbates it makes it. I don't think exactly is.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
That right to create?
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Thank you?
Speaker 5 (01:14):
Thank you?
Speaker 2 (01:15):
It magnifies that those feelings of like what I'm navigating,
and it's like deeper stuff that I'm like navigating with
my therapist. But I think the main part is that
there's a part of me and I don't know. Maybe
you guys can help me if y'all have experienced this,
since you're both married and in long term relationships. I
(01:36):
feel like there's a part of me that started that.
My whole life, I have been so independent, like I
have been so okay on my own. I loved being
home alone. I longed for a long distance relationship because
I liked my space.
Speaker 4 (01:53):
Right, that was the most shocking of everything.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Right, So I think somewhere along the way being a
relationship and falling in love for the first time, I
feel like I've lost a little bit of like myself
and my independence and like and so then when Haley's here,
it's great because I have that comfort of my person
being here. But when she leaves what she with her
(02:16):
job that's common, I feel very almost.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
Like what do I do without her? Or like what
do I do with my time?
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Or like what do I you know, Like I almost
am like, wait, what do I love to do by myself?
And like why why did I lose that sense of
like independence? And as it's nothing that she did or
anything to do with her, it's more like me, like
where or why did that happen. So I was curious,
as y'all have, if you ever felt that feeling of
(02:45):
like dependence or codependency or what or no.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Yes, I have, And I do fight that, and I
do find that when my wife is out of town
with the kids, so I'm home alone, and that's happened
more lately because of dance and colleges and all kinds
of crazy stuff. So when I'm home alone for a weekend,
I feel like I'm house sitting. Like I don't feel
like I'm in my own home. I feel like I'm
I'm just you know, I got to keep things in order,
(03:12):
keep things clean. I'm like, oh, there's nobody here and
it's just me, and it feels like I'm in somebody
else's house. Yeah, And when they're there, it feels like home,
you know, And so they're gone and so it feels weird.
But I do fight that, and I do get into
the stuff that I enjoy, uh huh, like watching baseball
or you know, I go on long hikes and stuff like.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
That, like things that you want to do when they're
normally there.
Speaker 4 (03:32):
But I think becca yours is unique in the fact that, like, yes,
people leave for like a few days or a week, right,
it's not You're not having to fill months of your time, right, yeah,
weeks and weeks, you know, Like I think in normal relationship,
well I would say normal in typical relationships, somebody leaves
for maybe a few days, even a.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
Week, even a week.
Speaker 4 (03:51):
Yeah, but you're what you're going through I think is
unique to you because of the circumstance.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
It's a very unique situation. But yeah, do you have
do you feel that when you're not with Alison?
Speaker 5 (04:04):
Like I am without Alison very infrequently. She comes with
me on work trips.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
It's true.
Speaker 5 (04:13):
Yeah, it's great. Yeah, and I love it so, but
I also I like being alone and I get and
I get a lot of that time.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (04:22):
Still, you know, like so, I don't know, I'm just
thinking in your situation, it seems like you just swung
the other the pendulum just went the other way, right.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Right, Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 5 (04:35):
Is it like a defense mechanism thing, like you're you know,
now that you have this thing, you're afraid of losing it,
even though you were fine without it before.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
That's what That's what.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
That's also what I've been thinking about, is like so
before we before I met Hayley, and then when we met,
she was on tour, so like that was all we
knew for a little bit. And then I feel like
with the pandemic and like all these things happening in between,
like the time we met and now there was time
where we were like always together and we got used
(05:07):
to being together. And then I also think there is
something to the fear of like, Okay, I see my future,
Like I officially feel like I'm I finally let myself
feel like Okay, I see my future with this person,
and the fear of losing that almost feels heavier.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
So it feels like, oh, I need to like protect myself,
you know.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
But anyways, it feels like there's a sense of like
independence lost and like me needing to find because obviously
I'm gonna miss her. Like I don't think that there's
anything I could do. I don't think there's any growth
or self help I could do that would eliminate the
feeling of missing her while she's gone. But I do
think there's a sense of being able to find and
do those things that I loved doing alone, like why
(05:51):
with my friends.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Because now it seems like whatever you come up with
doing you're like, oh, I'd rather do that.
Speaker 3 (05:56):
Right, No, that's the thing. But like, I but is
that what it's supposed to be.
Speaker 4 (06:04):
Like but not necessarily like don't you like you like
to like binge TV shows?
Speaker 3 (06:08):
Not really? I kind of amount of that phase in
my life.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Oh really, Yeah, I get bored, but you know I
have a thing for like weekly airing shows.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
You know, I prefer that anyways.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
Even that I'm like, I'd rather be doing it with Haley,
Like I think I.
Speaker 4 (06:25):
Like you like sitting home and enjoying TV.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
No, I'm out of that really.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Yeah, but I think that I blame TikTok for that
because I think that I'm more short term entertainment on
TikTok is just gone.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
It's gone forever.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Well not forever, but as long as I have TikTok,
it's gonna be preferred to like sticking around for like
a love island. But my whole point is that I
feel like it's such a conflicting thing to open your
heart to love and give yourself to a relationship and
(07:02):
be so content with someone and then also be able
to have that independence of being like I know, like
in my head, I know I'm okay, I was okay
before I met Haley. I can be okay while she's
gone and miss her and support her and also take
care of myself. But instead I'm like crippled with anxiety
and like am not sleeping and mentally unwell.
Speaker 4 (07:26):
But it's not I don't think you fear you're gonna
lose her. I just you just miss her.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Yeah yeah, yeah, but I think subconscious there's something in
my head that's like you could lose her, which you could.
I mean you could lose everyone, yeah, right, but I
think there's been loss in other areas in my life
where I feel like it's like I didn't think I
would lose certain things from people, So in my mind
(07:54):
I feel like, well, she could do the same to me.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
So I almost am like on this like defensive.
Speaker 4 (07:59):
Yeah, I go to on that dark path too.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
Yeah, I mean how do you feel?
Speaker 2 (08:02):
I mean, do you feel like if if Robbie went
out of town for like months at a time, that
you would feel like yourself?
Speaker 4 (08:10):
I would hate it. I don't. I prefer him being everywhere.
I really do.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Yeah, me too, it's so frustrating, it's not.
Speaker 4 (08:19):
But I would not like break up with him because
he needed to. Like what I'm saying, I would.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
Not like this is not really even about Hailey. This
is more about me, like self introspection, being like.
Speaker 3 (08:32):
Becca, what do you love? What do you want to do?
Speaker 2 (08:34):
What do you want to accomplish? Like what do you
want to do without needing Haley to be there with you?
Speaker 4 (08:41):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (08:41):
You know because in my mind, I'm like, oh, like
go travel places, and I'm like, but I don't want
to travel somewhere that I've never been without her.
Speaker 4 (08:49):
It is interesting because I think the only time I
experienced this was a week Robbie took the Robbie went
skiing with the kids, and I stayed home. I can't
remember why exactly I stayed.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
Back, but you were working on your book.
Speaker 4 (09:00):
Oh yeah, I chose not to go on the trip.
And that was the longest I haven't been with him
in a while. And I just filled my time like
I filled that time like it was wake up, work out,
come home, shower, Uh, do book stuff, do more book stuff,
do more book stuff, clean the house, organized closets, Like
there's all these things I feel like that I always
(09:21):
I have on my to do list, and I just
started doing them. Yeah, that's kind of what I did
for that week. I just so I should write a book. Well,
not necessarily that, but like, if there's something you want
to do around your house, organize lause it, or if
there's something you want to do in your backyard, or
if there's something like anything, get to the to do list. Now.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Yeah, that's good advice, But I also.
Speaker 4 (09:41):
Don't think what I did was necessarily healthy. I like
filled every every hour of my day with stuff.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
I mean, yeah, my ideal situation would be to have
most of it filled, but then be at a place
where I'm okay, at home alone with my thoughts. That
hasn't been the safe space for me lately, so I
would like to get back to that because I was
so comfortable alone.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
I was too comfortable alone.
Speaker 4 (10:09):
But I feel like you can't reverse it.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
That's what I'm saying. You can't. Once you experience that,
you can't. So to those who haven't fallen in love yet,
I don't enjoy yet.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
Well, what works for me is a routine, and that
works for me every day. You know, I'm a creature
of routine. Yeah, when my family's gone for the weekend,
I have every minute of every day planned.
Speaker 4 (10:28):
Out right, but I do the same not alone with
my healthy either.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Okay, well maybe, but that's another thing is that with
my job, my job is not like a routine type job,
like my days are always different.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
I get to choose a lot like how I spend
my time.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
And I think, even though my job is amazing and
I'm so grateful for the freedom to do whatever i want,
sometimes it's almost like overwhelming to me because I'm like,
I don't have something distracting.
Speaker 3 (10:59):
Me at all time.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
Times of like, yeah, it's a distractions.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
I don't think that's a negative thing, be distracted.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
You know what, Well, clearly I don't either. Could I
do it, but I do think there's a part of
it that's not healthy. Maybe you could do all your
doctor's appointments.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
I did do my checkup because there's I do need
to do a dentist's siest, your.
Speaker 4 (11:23):
Regular doctor to get your blood work.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
To do all that. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Actually, I was looking into maybe getting my blood work
checked out because I can't. Maybe there's like a hormonal
balance happening without me noticing that.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Is I think that is good advice, just to get
stuff downe that you need to get an oil change.
You know, there's just stuff that you.
Speaker 4 (11:40):
Got to do, and all the stuff that you put
in the back burner of like your to do list,
because they're not like, yeah, what's the word I'm looking for? Timely? Yeah, sure,
time sensitive? Just get those done, all right?
Speaker 2 (11:51):
So I'll do those next week. What about the next
three weeks?
Speaker 5 (11:55):
Is there anything you like to do that Hayley doesn't No, because,
like I just realized, I've never been in my home
that I live in now we live there for almost
six years. I've never been there alone. Wow, Like Allison's
been with Every single night I've spent that house has
been with Allison. She hasn't been out of town with Like,
she hasn't gone somewhere overnight without me in years. I
(12:16):
go out of time for work all the time. But
when she's gone, I eat garbage, Baby, I just eat
straight up garbage. And that's what I look forward to.
And she knows about this. I look forward to it.
Like if she's having like dinner with a friend, I'm like, oh,
rand table pizza, here we go. That's literally the only
thing that is the only thing, yeah, that I look
forward to doing. You can't do You can't just eat
garbage all the time.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
I don't know what I.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Would I do eat garbage all the time?
Speaker 4 (12:39):
You want what you want to start learning how to cook?
You could start cooking more.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Y Yeah, hmm, yeah, there's there's a lot of things.
Oh So my therapist told me, she was like, I
want you to write down a list of a hundred
things you want.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
And my mind felt like overwhelmed.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
But I've been thinking about it and she's like, it
can be any like, it can be even if it
feels unatateed like crazy, I want to mansion with a
big yard.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
Like she's like, just write it down.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
Well, do mansion one big yard too, because you've got
a hundred to fill out, separate.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Fresh grab But I think, like the more I'm like
realizing those things where I think, like, oh, what do
I want? Because at first I felt I was like
a hundred things that I want, But I think I'm
gonna be able to do it.
Speaker 4 (13:23):
And also a thing too. You can create structure in
your day depending on all these things that you want
to get done. So let's say you have doctor's appointments.
Let's write down all the doctors appointments and let's start
sprinkling those in, right, then you can create your day
around each of those. Cooking you want to start cooking,
let's find recipes and start plotting out your weeks with
what you're gonna do. You have to grocery shop, so
that also takes time mm hmm. Then perhaps you want
(13:46):
to start working out a little bit more. You can
plan your workouts according to like that structure of your
doctor's appointments and your meal preps.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Yeah, so just just getting some things on a schedule.
Speaker 4 (13:56):
Yeah, I do think schedule a schedule would do you well?
Speaker 3 (14:01):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, do me right.
Speaker 4 (14:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
So yeah, that's a little bit about me and uh
why I've just been okay, I think that there's a
little element of like wanting to get my mojo back.
Speaker 4 (14:18):
I get it, you know, I understand what you're saying
because I also too, I find myself getting in that place.
Speaker 3 (14:22):
Of complacency, not.
Speaker 4 (14:25):
Complacency, dependency, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, dependency. And
it's like because I feel the same way I love
I love Robbie being everywhere like I love him doing
everything with me, And there is there's that little like
thing in the back of the ear of my head
that's like fearful of that for some reason, like why,
like why can't I just do I can do stuff
(14:46):
alone And it doesn't mean like I can, but I
don't want to. Yes, And I find myself getting freaked
out about that too. But I'm not dependent on him,
but there is some sort of something there.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
I don't necessarily, I do feel like I've become more
dependent on Hailey than I ever thought I would be
in a relationship. But I think it's more that there's
other stuff going on and coming up for me that
I'm navigating outside of my relationship with Haley, and she's
my comfort person, so she's not here to just sit
(15:21):
with me on the couch even if we're not doing
anything important, you know. So I think it's a little
bit of that as well. But it's fine, We're gonna
we'll be fine. I'll be fine. I just am like,
I don't want this month to be Like, do you have.
Speaker 5 (15:39):
Plans to go see her on tour? You're like, yeah, I.
Speaker 3 (15:44):
Think i'll probably.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
I mean, we try not to go longer than two
weeks without seeing each other. So I think the Denver
show where my little sister lives in Denver, so I
was gonna try to go that one. I think that's
like right at two weeks from when she leaves, so
that'll be good, and then.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
Maybe like another one.
Speaker 5 (16:00):
That's okay, it's good to have something to look forward to.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
So anyways, teas and peas, not some prayers.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
And or you telling me to take a break. I
know what that man.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Okay, we'll be right back with my Tanya's just okay,
(16:46):
all right, Well, we spent the whole first half of
the episode talking about my mental health issues.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
So what's going on with you?
Speaker 4 (16:54):
Yeah, I had some mental health issues myself this week.
I'd like to preface it by saying that I am
my liutial end of my liudial phase pre menstrual phase,
so that I'm really low energy, like I could I
could literally fall asleep right now, okay, and I'm emotional,
like really emotional.
Speaker 3 (17:11):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (17:12):
So last week there was this thread in the Facebook
group that was like going on and on and on
about the premise of it was wanting to hear more
from Becca. But as I continue to read through the thread,
there was all this like really triggering words about me
and how my personality is too much and I'm too
(17:33):
overbearing and I'm to this and that like takes me
back to the days of my work. I don't maybe
you should believe his name.
Speaker 6 (17:43):
We can believe his name just because you know, yeah,
but this triggering feeling of when I started out in
my career of this important person at the company who
would say these things about me and my personality.
Speaker 4 (17:56):
And it was like really really damaging to me when
I started, because it was just so hurtful, you know,
because it's like about you and it's about me, and
so it really kind of like brought me back to
that place and I went so dark. Whatever day, I
can't remember what day it was that I was reading
it all, and I was like, I don't want to
do the podcast on Monday. I like, just because I
don't really care about internet trolls, but like this Facebook
(18:19):
group is like those are my people, you know what
I mean? Like that, so that I think that's why
I took it so hard anyway, So I was like,
I text me back. I was like, I don't do
the podcast on Monday, and like all this stuff, and
like Robbie sat down and gave me this speech and
it was like so sweet, and he was like he
could use like a Kobe Bryant analogy, not familiar with
(18:44):
like his work, but the analogy made sense because he
was like he was like trying to explain to me
the overarching theme of it, which was wanting Becka to
share more and open up more. And he was like
Kobe Bryant and used to get a lot of heat
in his day because the people would criticize him that
(19:07):
he was always shooting the ball, like he was always
shooting the ball and he wasn't passing. Are you familiar
with this?
Speaker 2 (19:12):
Okay?
Speaker 4 (19:12):
And so because he was getting so much heat for it,
he did not shoot any balls for like a long
period of time. He would just pass past, constantly passed
to his teammates. And he was doing this interview, which
I guess is what Robbie was talking about, and he
says he regrets so much that portion of his career
that he listened to what other people thought and just
passed the ball and he didn't do what was instinctually
(19:35):
like right for him or whatever. And he was saying
how he really regretted that, and he was like, don't
he's like show up, do the podcast, like don't do
don't be different, don't dim anything, just be you. And
it made me so it was like such a sweet
analogy because like, hey, I don't it really like actually
resonated with me. I never thought i'd resonate with like
(19:56):
a sports analogy. You are your sports, yeah, sortinly, yeah,
but more hockey than anything.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
Oh yeah, basketball for me.
Speaker 4 (20:05):
Yeah it was for a minute, but girls basketball, right right,
But yeah, I don't know. So it was like that
pep talk, and I guess that's what I can relate
Twitter saying that Hayley is like your comfort because I
really was like really really sad that day, Like I
was having like an emotional rollercoaster, and at the end
of the day, he like gives me this pep talk
and like it didn't necessarily make me, you know, I
wasn't like yeah, but it really did make me, like
(20:29):
comforted me in such a way. And I was like,
he's right, I just need to like take the note
and just like move forward and keep doing keep doing me.
So anyways, that was that, and then I just kind
of chilled, like I kind of just wanted to just
like chill and I was like not, Yeah, I was
just kind of bummed over the weekend.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
Yeah, I think that sometimes, like especially before I shared
my relationship. Well, first of all, I'm sorry that you
had to read those things, because like, regardless.
Speaker 3 (20:58):
Of who you are or what.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Where it's coming from, words hurt, especially when it's from
such a special place. Like I said, it's not like
these are like random internet trolls.
Speaker 4 (21:13):
But I do understand because I feel like there was
a point where and I don't remember when, but I
remember when you first started, when you were dating Haley,
and you were really kind of coming into a shell
and you didn't want to share anything, and I remember
I tried to overcompensate, so I was just like blabbing,
like I was just like because I was trying to
like I knew what you were going through, yes, And
so I think I just stuck in that mentality of
(21:35):
just like blah blah, you know what I mean, And
I did. I did notice it a while ago. I
was like, I do need to like chill a little bit.
I get overexcited, and like, I do get it. So
I did get that point a while ago.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
But this was just like I think, also, our personalities
are very different in the sense that I am an
overthinker with everything I share. So when I'm telling a story,
if I feel like there's no interest or like there's
not really any follow up, I just will stop talking,
like I don't even think about twice about it.
Speaker 4 (22:02):
And that's and I think I know too much, and
so I get debilitated because I don't want to like,
I know what you're saying, but I know the listeners
don't know what you're saying. So then I don't want
to ask it because I don't want to put you
in that position because I feel like you're not sharing
it for a reason.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
And then sometimes, you know, sometimes there's conversations where I'm like, oh,
I want to talk about this, and if there's no
interest from it, it is, you know, the conversation kind
of dies. But I also think there's a personality just
like we're opposites.
Speaker 3 (22:28):
And there was a long time where I didn't share
a lot.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
There was a lot of that I didn't feel safe
or like I wasn't ready to share. So I think
you did have to take the lead on a lot
of the conversations because I wasn't talking, you know, So
I think I I I know where I can also
speak up more and stand up and even if like
(22:51):
it comes down to me having a conversation something that
I do want to talk about further than what I say,
be able to be like wait, wait, wait, I want
to go back to that you know yeah, and just
be able to speak up more because sometimes, I mean,
I come from a big family.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
I was always kind of the more quiet, reserved one.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
I've always been that way, so I think sometimes it's
natural for me to just like go inward and you
know yeah, And I think that you're able to pick
up the slack a lot of the times when I'm
in that position. So listen, you're amazing. The reason why
our podcast is amazing is because of our dynamic. And
I don't ever want you to feel shut down because
(23:27):
there's a hard time or no, I'm way too fragile
for it too.
Speaker 4 (23:33):
I too, I'm so preperiod it's like coming any second now.
Speaker 3 (23:37):
But it's true.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
I mean, I think what we have is so special
and I think that if it's a place where we
find more of a balance and that that also comes
for me too. So I never want you to feel
shut down or feel like you're too much because people
love you for your personality and your excitement and your passion.
So don't ever like feel like you have to dim
(23:59):
who you are, shut down or you, or like I
don't want to do the podcast because this podcast is
what it is because of you.
Speaker 3 (24:08):
It wasn't like I don't want to do it today.
Speaker 4 (24:10):
Yeah, yeah, I get it.
Speaker 3 (24:12):
I probably wouldn't have.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
I probably would have been like I'm out week three. Ye.
So but I think it's important we address it because
I think, you know, sometimes I do think sometimes, And
I didn't read a lot of the comments because I
got I honestly felt upset for you and knew that
(24:37):
it was hard for you. But I think the original
post I didn't feel like it was like hateful or anything.
I think it was more just like, hey, we want
to Becca, you know from Becca. But that's also on
me again, So I'll start talking more and if y'all
don't like my stories, then you can tell tell me
on the.
Speaker 4 (24:54):
Facebook group.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
Did you that the day that this happened, I actually
posted this meme It's like a double toilet, and I
tagged you and Robbie and said, like, this feels like
Tanya's dream or something.
Speaker 3 (25:11):
I have the idea for Tanya and Robbie.
Speaker 4 (25:14):
I would love this, not because of the pooping stuff,
but like just in general, I feel like having two
toilets is so beneficial, Like we only have two toilets
in the whole house, and there's four of us, and
sometimes we come home, like we all have to go
to the bathroom, but.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
You don't want to connected toilets like to fine, have
separate toilets the.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
Way that those are a positioned to so fuck, like
you're just doing your own thing.
Speaker 4 (25:38):
I would use this, I would, I would use this.
I'd buy this tomorrow.
Speaker 3 (25:42):
No, because I don't.
Speaker 4 (25:44):
This is your yearine smell after which is how often
I mean.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
Well, then we did discuss Robbie can't smell, so he's yeah.
Speaker 4 (25:55):
It's really such a blessing from the Lord.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
I didn't talk.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
About this, and this was a big thing that happened
while I was gone. But this is mostly a story
for Mark just to get his reaction. So I rented
a car while I was in I was like in
Dallas and then Shreveport, Louisiana, which is my hometown, and
I was on my way home to Dallas and not home.
(26:20):
I was on my way back to Dallas and I
was staying with a friend and I had to return
my rental car to the airport and then uber to
my friend's house. It was just like I did a
lot to do and I I was on the phone
with Haley and we were having kind of like a
serious conversation, and she was in Europe, so like the
time difference.
Speaker 3 (26:39):
It was like, I if I pull.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
Over and get gas when my gas like came on,
I'm gonna have to hang up. And we're kind of
like in this serious conversation and I'm like, I know
how long I have and I'll wait till I see
like a safe gas station exit. You know. Well, I'm
I swear this happened faster than my car goes.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
Because it's incredible.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
So my car starts to just shut down and I'm
like oh no, no, no, no, no, no no, And
Haley's like what And I'm like I'm running out of
gas and she's like, well, just like pull over, wait
till you get to nextit, like get in the right
lane and just pull off when you see an nextit.
I'm like no, Like, my the car is stopping and
she's like, are you kidding?
Speaker 3 (27:24):
She's like where are you.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
And I'm like, I'm on the Interstate and she's like, well,
what are you gonna do? So I like veered off
and there was like there was this weird road in
between the interstate and then the service road and it
just happened to be right where I needed it to be,
and so I pull off and so I'm not in
like the crazy busy part, but I'm for sure out
(27:45):
of gas. Like the car just stops and so I'm like, Haley,
I'm gonna have to I'll talk to you tomorrow go
to sleep. And she's like I'm not what are you
gonna do? And I'm like She goes call Triple A
and I'm like, I don't have Triple A. So at
that time, my friend Laura, who's been my best friend
since high school. She lives in Louisiana, in my hometown.
(28:06):
She texted me and asked how my sister's baby shower
was and I was like it was great. Do you
have Triple A. She's like why, and I go, well,
I might have run out of gas.
Speaker 3 (28:20):
Yeah, and she goes where are you.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
And I was like, I'm in the middle of nowhere,
Texas And she goes, I'm in Tyler, Texas. Will you
send me your location and let me see how far
you are from me? So I send her my location.
She's like, I'm thirty minutes for me. I'm coming to
get you. Wow, And that is crazy. What are the chances?
She was there for her nephew's soccer tournament. And so
(28:43):
I'm just like sitting in my car waiting for her
to show up. She comes, I get in the car
with her and we're like lat you know. She like, no,
She's known me for a long time, Like this is
very own brand for me. And we go and we
get by like a five gallon gas can, fill it
up and I go to put it in the car
(29:04):
and it's spilling everywhere, Like I have gas on my arm,
my leg.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
I'm like, flammable and.
Speaker 4 (29:12):
Flammable is that the word flammable?
Speaker 3 (29:15):
Flammable, isn't it?
Speaker 4 (29:16):
Flammable is correct? So flammable on it today? You really are.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
A few minutes ago you said exacerbated, but since then
you said debilitated, which is also strong.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
So I can't get the gas into the car and
Laura can't. I'm reading the instructions on the gas and
we're doing everything. It says, and I can't get it
to go. So I'm just like spilling gas everywhere. I'm
panicked it it's pitch black now, and I happen to
be parked right outside of a neighborhood.
Speaker 3 (29:46):
So I'm like, I see a house. We should go
knock on their door. We need to, we need to.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
Like the gas isn't getting in.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
The table won't go, It's just spilling out everywhere, and
I'm like, we can't run out, like I need this
gas because I just got to get into the car,
like I'm gonna find a good old Texas countryman in
one of those neighborhoods.
Speaker 1 (30:05):
You know, everyone is going to the wrong house is
getting shot.
Speaker 3 (30:08):
Well this happened after my this decision.
Speaker 2 (30:12):
So we go up and these like spotlights come on
in the house and I'm like, Laura, I don't think
we should do this one, and she's like, yeah, it's fine,
it's fine. So we walk up and she's like I
think I see someone, and she's like, I don't know
why they're not coming to the door. And then this
like big dog starts barking, so I'm like, we gotta go,
we gotta go. So we walk out and we're walking.
These houses are space like, this is not la like.
(30:34):
These houses have a lot of acreage. So we're walking
to the next one.
Speaker 3 (30:38):
Knock. No one answers.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
I'm like, I genuinely don't know what we're gonna do
at this point. So we're walking down this pitch black road.
Speaker 4 (30:46):
I'm guessing Laura did not does not have trouble a you.
Speaker 5 (30:51):
Know, did you?
Speaker 4 (30:53):
Guys ever circle back to the original question.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
That didn't get circled back to. Yeah, No, I didn't
go back to that thought.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
I could have circled back to where you bought the
gas tank maybe and said, hey, how come this isn't working?
What do I need to do? Because they could probably
sell you a spout or something that would get the job.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
Oh, that also could have been something. The guy that
was helping is at the gas station though, could not
even get the thing open like the gas cank go.
So I didn't feel trust like he didn't come across
trustworthy to me. So all of a sudden, we see
lights coming up, like headlights coming up the road, and
I'm like turning, I'm like waving them down.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (31:29):
This guy falls over and he has his daughter in
the car.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
So I was like, Okay, I feel safe, and I'm like,
I'm so sorry I ran out of gas. I'm like,
right at the end of the road, we got a
gas can, but we can't get the gas into the car.
So he's like, okay, I'll come back down and help y'all.
So we like walk back down. He goes to put
it in. It's spilling everywhere. So I'm like, hey, Gray,
I'm not.
Speaker 4 (31:49):
An adot gas can.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
Yeah, or we're both dumb, but I wasn't the only
one dumb in this situation.
Speaker 3 (31:54):
So he's like, I have another gas can. Let me go.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
Just follow me up and then I'll just pour this
one into that and we'll come back down. So he
ends up going by himself, and he comes back down
and brings his wife and she was like, well he
didn't and she like hugs us, and she's like, he
wanted me to come. He didn't want you all to
think he was creepy. And I'm like, where are the
ones waiting? Yeah, And so he brought another gas can
(32:23):
and was able to like fill it up, and then
his daughters come down there having like a sleepover, and
I'm like, okay, girls like this is what you don't do.
Speaker 3 (32:30):
Don't do this, and he saved the day.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
It's the way he had a gas take and that
works fine.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
He had another he had like one with a spouse,
so he was able to like get it whatever. I
had a jeep, come yeah, get it in and uh yeah.
Speaker 5 (32:46):
So he was just a gas can with like just
a cap on it.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
It didn't have the had a spout, but the way
it worked it didn't go deep. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:57):
Yeah, so.
Speaker 4 (32:59):
Gas stations they have like a long spell.
Speaker 3 (33:03):
Yeah yeah, it's long.
Speaker 4 (33:04):
It is long and goes deep. It is long. It's
like probably like over a foot two feet.
Speaker 3 (33:10):
I don't think it's two feet.
Speaker 2 (33:11):
But whatever they're putting the new like way that they're
doing gas Kansas, isn't it. So that was my story,
and that means I've run out of gas like twice
in the past six months, right.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
Which I think should be caused for a certain amount
of introspection. But you're just like, that's me. That's what happens.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
I have a lot of introspection navigating right now. Mark,
So because that's crazy to me.
Speaker 4 (33:36):
When that light comes on, like I don't even let
my car light go on.
Speaker 3 (33:39):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 4 (33:40):
I usually feel it before the light goes on, because
when your light goes on, it means it's time to
get gassed.
Speaker 3 (33:45):
So i'd rather you even let the light come on.
Speaker 4 (33:48):
I usually do a quarter of a tank. When I'm
at quarter, I fill her back up.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
I have dashes on mine, and I got three dashes.
I'm getting that filled up, three dashes.
Speaker 5 (33:56):
I let the light come on. When light comes on,
it's it's let the good times. But I go to
the gas station. I've run, I guess once in my
entire life, and it sucked.
Speaker 1 (34:03):
I hated it.
Speaker 3 (34:03):
Yeah, well no I'm not.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
I'm not having fun when everyone now like, I'm not,
like this is great.
Speaker 3 (34:08):
It's just I thought I had longer and I didn't.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
And none of the one in the family's like, hey
aren't you Becca Tilly from TV's The Bachelor and the
popular podcast and People Choice Aword winning shows scrubbing in.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
No, they didn't say that. No, it'd be nice the podcast.
Speaker 1 (34:27):
What I respect what that guy did with bringing his wife,
because that's the thing we By the way, I'm not
saying we poor dudes, because I'm not saying that, but
that's a real issue that we needed to come off
as not creepy. And we want to be helpful and
we want to support people, and we want to be
nice to strangers. But it's it's weird because it can
come off as creepy and you gotta be careful about that.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (34:47):
I admired this guy for yes, but mostly because if
I if I were in his shoes, if I saw it,
if I pulled over and I saw you, You're like,
I ran into gas I can't get I have a
gas can, but I can't get in. I'm like, there's
a guy with a gun waiting for that objective idea.
It's like, oh good luck, sweetheart.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
Yes, yeah, I wouldn't.
Speaker 5 (35:05):
Have done it.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
I wouldn't have done it for myself, So yeah, I
wouldn't have done it either.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
I went to take a pick up my youngest at
the elementary school. She was older. She was going back
to tutor and there's a little boy on the corner
outside the school and school's been over for a while now,
and he looks stressed out. He has tears in his eyes,
he looks a little panicky. But I cannot pull over
and start talking to that kid, because now I'm making
the situation worse. You know what I'm saying, I can't
(35:32):
be Hey, buddy's everything, okay, I can't do that. You could,
I can't. He's like an eight year old boy and
now now a guy, a strange man is pulling up
in a car and trying to talk to him. And
he's been told his whole life not to talk to
that person. So I waited till my daughter came out.
Once she was out, I had hair go up to
him and ask him if he was okay, because that
makes me safe for having my daughter with me and
(35:53):
her doing the talking. You just got to be sensitive
to that stuff because then his mom's going to pick
him up and he's like, some guy come and you
forgot to pick me up or whatever it was. And
some guy came and tried to talk to me, she'd
be in a panic. Next thing, you know, the whole
school is sending out letters warning people that there's a
guy pulling up and trying and talk to kids.
Speaker 3 (36:12):
Yeah, but he had his daughter in the car, so
I was that's good.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
Nothing about him came across creepy, And to be honest,
I was in a desperate state. We were like, we
just need your help, sir. Creepy or not so, but.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
That's a sad thing, like what you were saying, we're
all a little suspicious of each other. Everyone's a little
bit creepy, like it's twenty twenty three and like we
can't help each other anymore. That's that.
Speaker 5 (36:34):
When I go on a walk at nighttime and I
see like a woman jogging or something, I always crossed
the other side. Don't want to think I'm fall too. Yes,
last year there before, I was in Austin, Texas for
American Idol and I was on I was just walking.
It was really late and now I was just walking
downtown Austin and this woman's jogging and I like get
out of her way, so she doesn't, and she runs by.
She's like scrubbing in.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
Okay, I will.
Speaker 2 (36:57):
Say every time I'm on to walk, I and I'm
pass it. I mean sorry, it's men. But when a
man passes, I turn around to just make sure they don't.
They didn't turn around. It's it's unfortunate, but.
Speaker 4 (37:08):
This man go at night anymore?
Speaker 2 (37:10):
Like no even during the day though, Oh really, yeah, paranoid.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
I walk my dog a lot. But when we're in Wisconsin,
we don't have our dogs with us, and so we'll
still need to get some exercise. So I'll have my
wife or daughters go for a walk with me around
the neighborhood. But if they're not available, like you just
go like I really can't. It's a little weird to
just be a weird old dude walking around the neighborhood,
especially after.
Speaker 2 (37:31):
That the.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
Dog, no dog, no dog. I think it's not fine,
especially after dark.
Speaker 4 (37:40):
But I think you have really Yeah, if I saw
a man walking in the neighborhood by himself, i'd be
I'd call coughs.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (37:51):
I don't find it weird. Like if you're a good person,
then I don't.
Speaker 4 (37:54):
Know, no Mark would be so sad.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
I look good in people's windows for all they know.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
People don't so that I don't have like a weapon
up mess.
Speaker 3 (38:02):
Leave walking around.
Speaker 1 (38:04):
It's different for you.
Speaker 2 (38:07):
Yeah, well, I'm just saying I don't think that like y'all.
Speaker 3 (38:10):
Have to be locked up in the house.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
That's why I make them go with me if I
have something with you anymore.
Speaker 2 (38:17):
Well. Shout out to Scott and his an amazing family
for helping us that lonely night in Texas.
Speaker 3 (38:25):
Lynn Dale.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
I think that's where we were, so yeah, I think
we have emails, So we'll take a break and we'll
be right back.
Speaker 5 (38:35):
We got more gas in this tank, baby.
Speaker 3 (38:55):
All right, we are back and we have emails. This
first one.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
The disclaimer may be a laugh at while, but I
appreciate it anyway.
Speaker 1 (39:02):
Abby says, please help Before I dive in, I want
to preface this email by saying that I'm fully aware
neither of you are medical professionals or merited adult medical advice,
which is nice because we would have had to say
that anyway. Now we don't have to. With that disclaimer
in mind, I was recently diagnosed with hashimotos. Prior to
my diagnosis, I had never heard of hashimotos. Hearing Tanya
talk about her health journey has made me feel a
(39:24):
lot less alone. However, I have eating habits more kin
to Becca's. Up until now, I've never struggled with my weight,
but now I've gained fifteen pounds seemingly overnight, and I'm
getting married at the end of this year. I am
stressed that I won't feel my best on my big day.
To time you have any tips on how to start
eating healthier and incorporating more health conscious life choices. I
am struggling with transitioning from my previous lifestyle to the
(39:46):
quote granola life, and I'd love any tips on how
to make the transition easier for me.
Speaker 4 (39:52):
Yes, I am not a medical professional. Yes, However, I
do feel like I've done a lot of research for
myself in this and there are two paths. So I
chose the path of no. I'm trying to avoid taking
the medication, but there is a path in which you
could take the medication for your hashemotives, because I read
that you're getting married with congratulations at the end of
(40:12):
the year, and I feel like maybe the medication might
help you speed up the process if that's really important
to you. So that is an option. The other option
is the eating habits. I do think they're like, I
do think there's a way to be gluten Gluten free
is the biggest thing. It's anti inflammatory, and I think
(40:33):
anti inflammatory is so good for just general health overall.
It's good for everything. And so if you could go
gluten free, I think that would tremendously help with your hashimotos.
And I do think there's ways to eat gluten free,
but also still eat a quote unquote like Becca, Like
you could make gluten free macaroni and cheese. You could
make gluten free grilled cheese, you could make gluten free tacos.
(40:57):
I don't know what else. You burger, you can make
gluten free burger. So you can still make the choices,
like you still eat what you want to eat, but
just make them gluten free.
Speaker 2 (41:06):
But I think I think the big thing is because
like everything you eat, I'm like, that looks delicious, Like
I would have no problem eating your you're food if
but it's the commitment of cooking it and like making it.
So I think, well, how did you get in your
head of like I can do this on my own,
because like going out to eat, and like if you're
used to eating out or like getting fast food, the
switch to just like cooking at home and making your
(41:28):
food at home is like drastic.
Speaker 3 (41:30):
I feel like you did that already.
Speaker 4 (41:31):
So yeah, the thing is when you eat out, a
lot of the time, your food's cooked with canola oil,
which is like another really big no note. It's like
very inflammatory. You should be eating with either avocado or
olive oil. And so if I do got to eat,
I do ask if they cook the eggs and like
canola oil, and I'm that girl, I know, but so
I try to avoid things, So I try to avoid
(41:53):
things like that. So like, I know, poach eggs, you
don't need oil, so I'll usually order poached eggs if
I don't. Yeah, so I try to just like now
I've kind of outsmarted the system because I hate being
that customer that's like, do you know if they use
olive oil in their salad dressing? And like I already
have to do the whole gluten free thing. I just
feel like such a pain. But yeah, I do think
(42:13):
trying to cook more at home it's easier than you think.
Upping your protein is like a huge thing. And then
like the seed oils are like a really big I
feel like starting it feels like I say, starting small,
but that's actually a lot of stuff.
Speaker 3 (42:28):
Do you know what?
Speaker 2 (42:29):
Though, you shouldn't feel like a pain just trying to
put good things in your body. Because when we were
in Europe, it was shocking the difference of like when
we had questions, they were so like no one acted
put out by Hayley's food allergies or anything. They're just like,
oh yeah, okay, this is what we use, and here's
what you can have, and this is what we can make.
But like, you shouldn't be annoying by making sure that
(42:53):
you're not putting something in your body that is harmful
to your body. We shouldn't be consuming a lot of
the stuff that we are.
Speaker 4 (42:58):
That's true, that's true. But I do feel like sometimes
I'm so high maintenance that that's like just eat at home.
I'm like, I know you, I know, I do.
Speaker 3 (43:06):
I do, Yeah, and you.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
Do I do.
Speaker 2 (43:08):
So I think it's like maybe maybe it's like starting
out with trying to make at least one meal at
home and like doing a copycat of something that you
love that's like gluten free or anti emplanmatory.
Speaker 4 (43:19):
Yeah, and I would just look into you can google
like hashimotos, different things to do, because like infrared saunas
are really really good for hashimotos. I just think, again,
medication is an option, so I think just kind of.
Speaker 3 (43:32):
Yeah, but isn't the whole thing that once you're on
the medication forever.
Speaker 4 (43:35):
Yeah, That's why I'm hesitant to But she says she's
getting married at the end of the year, so I
feel like there might be more of a deadline.
Speaker 2 (43:41):
Well, it sounds like she's stressed about her weight more
than anything, and you've actually lost weight just by cutting
out gluten.
Speaker 3 (43:49):
And it is true.
Speaker 4 (43:51):
I lost I really did lose weight, and I wasn't trying.
It was total just shift in my diet. But it is,
it's it's I think it's gluten's to the anti inflammatory because
it really just kind of shrinks you.
Speaker 3 (44:04):
Makes sense.
Speaker 4 (44:05):
Yeah, good luck, Abby, Yeah, good luck.
Speaker 3 (44:07):
And congratulations on your wedding.
Speaker 1 (44:12):
Anonymous says, my boyfriend of six years just told me
that he cheated on me a few days ago. He
wanted to take a break to explore and then make
a decision if you wanted to stay with me, but
I told him no, we are done. I'm devastated and
was completely shocked. We had our entire future planned out
and it feels completely shattered into a million pieces. How
(44:34):
do I come back from this? Where do I even
start to meet new guys? Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Speaker 3 (44:41):
Oh that is so.
Speaker 2 (44:45):
Rude. Take a break, to Lauren, then make a decision
if you're worth it, right, I would say, because I
feel like, especially when you're in a relationship for a
long time, there's that feeling of like the thought of
like where do I begin dating again?
Speaker 3 (45:03):
And I think I think it.
Speaker 2 (45:07):
Just to stay on theme with the podcast, is like
you should be able to find where can you find
comfort in yourself, Like getting out of this relationship with
someone who now has made you trusted for six years
and now has made you feel like you weren't worthy
of his loyalty and his trust. You're going to probably
(45:28):
go through a grieving process of this, really like with
this relationship, and I think that it's important for you
to kind of get in touch with yourself again, being
by yourself, figuring out what you love and what you want,
and then get into a place where you feel ready
to give your heart to someone because I think it's
(45:49):
going to be really scary for.
Speaker 3 (45:50):
You because he betrayed you. Yeah, and you trusted him.
Speaker 2 (45:53):
You thought you were going to be with him forever,
and now you're in a place where he betrayed that.
So I think it's I think you give yourself time
to heal. And I'm so sorry that you're in this position.
You you were in a long term relationship for before,
like your long relationship.
Speaker 4 (46:13):
Yeah he didn't cheat on me.
Speaker 2 (46:14):
No, No, no, but like getting just in general, like breaking
up and like getting out, it's like that feel that
fear of Like.
Speaker 4 (46:20):
Yeah, and I think I remember when I got out
of that. I'd never gone to a wedding by myself,
I'd never done anything alone. And so but my pendulum
swung so far to the side that it was like
I preferred doing stuff alone, Like I liked going to
events alone. I liked doing stuff alone. Like I think
I got a little too comfortable in the aloness.
Speaker 3 (46:39):
I always wanted.
Speaker 2 (46:40):
That's not true, Like maybe you got comfortable with it,
but you were always hopeful for it to find a yah.
Speaker 4 (46:46):
But I always I knew there's a thing, the desire,
a desire. It was always a desire of my heart
to like be married, have a lifelong partner, have kids,
Like that's always been a desire of my heart. So
I actively pursued that. Does that make sense? So, like
I kept dating even though it sucked, and like I
kept getting just lots of failed attempts. I knew that
(47:08):
that was something that was going to come to me eventually. Uh,
And I wanted that so much. But maybe if you've
been maybe that's not what you want. Anonymous what's not
what she wants. Maybe she doesn't want to be married,
maybe that's not what she wants. Maybe, oh, maybe she
just wants to be like flung around a little, you
(47:28):
know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (47:29):
I'm note wants to be.
Speaker 2 (47:31):
I think she feels flung around right now, And I
don't know if that's what she's gonna want, right I
think that she's probably gonna want to feel safe and
stable and protect and cared for. So I think that
you do that for yourself, lean into your friendships, lean
into the things that do make you feel safe and
loved and cared for. And I think when your heart
(47:52):
feels ready to put yourself out there to date again,
you go out do things that you enjoy where there's
other people there. You get involved where there's community.
Speaker 4 (48:01):
Yeah, because she said, where do I even start to
meet new guys? And I feel like the world is
our oyster these days. Like you can meet people on Instagram,
you can meet people on dating apps, you can bet people.
Speaker 1 (48:09):
True, but I think she needs time more than anything else.
Speaker 4 (48:12):
I agree, But but where you meet them is like
anywhere anyway.
Speaker 1 (48:17):
Yeah, I wouldn't sign up for an app at this point.
I would just let let yourself heal for a while
and get to know who you are without him, because
you don't know that person it's been six years.
Speaker 3 (48:26):
Yeah, Yeah, so I agree with that.
Speaker 2 (48:29):
And if you if you're like I am just in
the mood for a rebound and I don't want to
do anything safe and that feels like what you need to.
Speaker 4 (48:35):
Do, do it, do it, but.
Speaker 3 (48:38):
But don't take care of yourself.
Speaker 1 (48:40):
The decision you made with him, You made the right call. Yeah,
And she.
Speaker 3 (48:44):
Is not a reflection of your value.
Speaker 4 (48:47):
And also, I know this is going to be hard,
but try not to take that experience into your next
relationship and be very like, don't have your guard up
and don't like, don't put those trust issues from your
ex onto your future partner.
Speaker 2 (49:02):
That's true, because that will happen, Yeah, unless you let
yourself heal from this.
Speaker 3 (49:08):
Yeah, And that might look ugly.
Speaker 2 (49:10):
It might be like anger, it might be rage, it
might be like sadness and grief. But let yourself feel
those things because it's important to get it out now. Yeah,
we have a fun episode coming up on Thursday.
Speaker 3 (49:25):
We're doing something we've never done before.
Speaker 4 (49:27):
It's gonna be more of like a mini episode. If
you will And.
Speaker 1 (49:29):
By the way, if people have ideas for what the
Thursday episode should be, they should contribute them because we
want to do different stuff. Yeah, we did games for
a while, we did guests for a while, and we'll
still do some guests. But we're open to ideas.
Speaker 2 (49:41):
Yeah, we're open to suggestions, So if you have any,
let us know.
Speaker 4 (49:48):
But I'm in the Facebook group.
Speaker 2 (49:49):
But this Thursday, we are going back to two thousand
and seventeen. The year is twenty seventeen. It is episode
seven of Scrubbing In with Bechetillian on Your AD and
it is a wild change that has happened to us
as people since this episode. So we're going to be
(50:12):
recapping it. If you want to listen, it's episode seven
Scrubbing In with Bectillians on your AD and it's.
Speaker 4 (50:18):
Called Annual check Up is the title of.
Speaker 2 (50:20):
The episode, and it has some gems in there. So
we're going to be kind of just recapping it and
like rehashing who we were as people during that time.
Speaker 4 (50:29):
Yeah, and I remember you referenced somebody you called him
Arnold Swartz, and yeah, I don't even remember who that was,
do you?
Speaker 3 (50:36):
I think?
Speaker 4 (50:36):
So all right, we'll get into it.
Speaker 2 (50:38):
Yeah, So we'll be back Thursday with that and we
hope you have a wonderful week and we love you
so much.
Speaker 3 (50:45):
Bye bye,
Tanya Ready, Ready, Baca ready, I'm ready Easton Ready Ready,
Hanah Ready. Here we go.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rad An iHeartRadio podcast.
Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in, scrubbing in.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Can you hear me?
Speaker 4 (00:23):
Yes, I've been having some issues with my sounds, but
I'm back to normal.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
Good.
Speaker 4 (00:27):
Yeah, happy to hear it. How you doing, I'm doing okay.
How are you doing?
Speaker 3 (00:31):
I'm doing okay as well.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Why are we both just okay? Should we get into that?
Speaker 4 (00:38):
I'd like to get into why you're just okay?
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Well, I am just okay because I don't know. I've
just had I've been having a couple of hard weeks.
I think that I I mean, I I had a
hard I have a.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
Hard time when Haley's gone.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
But I think that there's deeper rooted stuff that I'm
like navigating, and her being.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Gone just like.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Exacerbates it makes it. I don't think exactly is.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
That right to create?
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Thank you?
Speaker 5 (01:14):
Thank you?
Speaker 2 (01:15):
It magnifies that those feelings of like what I'm navigating,
and it's like deeper stuff that I'm like navigating with
my therapist. But I think the main part is that
there's a part of me and I don't know. Maybe
you guys can help me if y'all have experienced this,
since you're both married and in long term relationships. I
(01:36):
feel like there's a part of me that started that.
My whole life, I have been so independent, like I
have been so okay on my own. I loved being
home alone. I longed for a long distance relationship because
I liked my space.
Speaker 4 (01:53):
Right, that was the most shocking of everything.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Right, So I think somewhere along the way being a
relationship and falling in love for the first time, I
feel like I've lost a little bit of like myself
and my independence and like and so then when Haley's here,
it's great because I have that comfort of my person
being here. But when she leaves what she with her
(02:16):
job that's common, I feel very almost.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
Like what do I do without her? Or like what
do I do with my time?
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Or like what do I you know, Like I almost
am like, wait, what do I love to do by myself?
And like why why did I lose that sense of
like independence? And as it's nothing that she did or
anything to do with her, it's more like me, like
where or why did that happen. So I was curious,
as y'all have, if you ever felt that feeling of
(02:45):
like dependence or codependency or what or no.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Yes, I have, And I do fight that, and I
do find that when my wife is out of town
with the kids, so I'm home alone, and that's happened
more lately because of dance and colleges and all kinds
of crazy stuff. So when I'm home alone for a weekend,
I feel like I'm house sitting. Like I don't feel
like I'm in my own home. I feel like I'm
I'm just you know, I got to keep things in order,
(03:12):
keep things clean. I'm like, oh, there's nobody here and
it's just me, and it feels like I'm in somebody
else's house. Yeah, And when they're there, it feels like home,
you know, And so they're gone and so it feels weird.
But I do fight that, and I do get into
the stuff that I enjoy, uh huh, like watching baseball
or you know, I go on long hikes and stuff like.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
That, like things that you want to do when they're
normally there.
Speaker 4 (03:32):
But I think becca yours is unique in the fact that, like, yes,
people leave for like a few days or a week, right,
it's not You're not having to fill months of your time, right, yeah,
weeks and weeks, you know, Like I think in normal relationship,
well I would say normal in typical relationships, somebody leaves
for maybe a few days, even a.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
Week, even a week.
Speaker 4 (03:51):
Yeah, but you're what you're going through I think is
unique to you because of the circumstance.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
It's a very unique situation. But yeah, do you have
do you feel that when you're not with Alison?
Speaker 5 (04:04):
Like I am without Alison very infrequently. She comes with
me on work trips.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
It's true.
Speaker 5 (04:13):
Yeah, it's great. Yeah, and I love it so, but
I also I like being alone and I get and
I get a lot of that time.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (04:22):
Still, you know, like so, I don't know, I'm just
thinking in your situation, it seems like you just swung
the other the pendulum just went the other way, right.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Right, Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 5 (04:35):
Is it like a defense mechanism thing, like you're you know,
now that you have this thing, you're afraid of losing it,
even though you were fine without it before.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
That's what That's what.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
That's also what I've been thinking about, is like so
before we before I met Hayley, and then when we met,
she was on tour, so like that was all we
knew for a little bit. And then I feel like
with the pandemic and like all these things happening in between,
like the time we met and now there was time
where we were like always together and we got used
(05:07):
to being together. And then I also think there is
something to the fear of like, Okay, I see my future,
Like I officially feel like I'm I finally let myself
feel like Okay, I see my future with this person,
and the fear of losing that almost feels heavier.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
So it feels like, oh, I need to like protect myself,
you know.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
But anyways, it feels like there's a sense of like
independence lost and like me needing to find because obviously
I'm gonna miss her. Like I don't think that there's
anything I could do. I don't think there's any growth
or self help I could do that would eliminate the
feeling of missing her while she's gone. But I do
think there's a sense of being able to find and
do those things that I loved doing alone, like why
(05:51):
with my friends.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Because now it seems like whatever you come up with
doing you're like, oh, I'd rather do that.
Speaker 3 (05:56):
Right, No, that's the thing. But like, I but is
that what it's supposed to be.
Speaker 4 (06:04):
Like but not necessarily like don't you like you like
to like binge TV shows?
Speaker 3 (06:08):
Not really? I kind of amount of that phase in
my life.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Oh really, Yeah, I get bored, but you know I
have a thing for like weekly airing shows.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
You know, I prefer that anyways.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
Even that I'm like, I'd rather be doing it with Haley,
Like I think I.
Speaker 4 (06:25):
Like you like sitting home and enjoying TV.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
No, I'm out of that really.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Yeah, but I think that I blame TikTok for that
because I think that I'm more short term entertainment on
TikTok is just gone.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
It's gone forever.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Well not forever, but as long as I have TikTok,
it's gonna be preferred to like sticking around for like
a love island. But my whole point is that I
feel like it's such a conflicting thing to open your
heart to love and give yourself to a relationship and
(07:02):
be so content with someone and then also be able
to have that independence of being like I know, like
in my head, I know I'm okay, I was okay
before I met Haley. I can be okay while she's
gone and miss her and support her and also take
care of myself. But instead I'm like crippled with anxiety
and like am not sleeping and mentally unwell.
Speaker 4 (07:26):
But it's not I don't think you fear you're gonna
lose her. I just you just miss her.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Yeah yeah, yeah, but I think subconscious there's something in
my head that's like you could lose her, which you could.
I mean you could lose everyone, yeah, right, but I
think there's been loss in other areas in my life
where I feel like it's like I didn't think I
would lose certain things from people, So in my mind
(07:54):
I feel like, well, she could do the same to me.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
So I almost am like on this like defensive.
Speaker 4 (07:59):
Yeah, I go to on that dark path too.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
Yeah, I mean how do you feel?
Speaker 2 (08:02):
I mean, do you feel like if if Robbie went
out of town for like months at a time, that
you would feel like yourself?
Speaker 4 (08:10):
I would hate it. I don't. I prefer him being everywhere.
I really do.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Yeah, me too, it's so frustrating, it's not.
Speaker 4 (08:19):
But I would not like break up with him because
he needed to. Like what I'm saying, I would.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
Not like this is not really even about Hailey. This
is more about me, like self introspection, being like.
Speaker 3 (08:32):
Becca, what do you love? What do you want to do?
Speaker 2 (08:34):
What do you want to accomplish? Like what do you
want to do without needing Haley to be there with you?
Speaker 4 (08:41):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (08:41):
You know because in my mind, I'm like, oh, like
go travel places, and I'm like, but I don't want
to travel somewhere that I've never been without her.
Speaker 4 (08:49):
It is interesting because I think the only time I
experienced this was a week Robbie took the Robbie went
skiing with the kids, and I stayed home. I can't
remember why exactly I stayed.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
Back, but you were working on your book.
Speaker 4 (09:00):
Oh yeah, I chose not to go on the trip.
And that was the longest I haven't been with him
in a while. And I just filled my time like
I filled that time like it was wake up, work out,
come home, shower, Uh, do book stuff, do more book stuff,
do more book stuff, clean the house, organized closets, Like
there's all these things I feel like that I always
(09:21):
I have on my to do list, and I just
started doing them. Yeah, that's kind of what I did
for that week. I just so I should write a book. Well,
not necessarily that, but like, if there's something you want
to do around your house, organize lause it, or if
there's something you want to do in your backyard, or
if there's something like anything, get to the to do list. Now.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Yeah, that's good advice, But I also.
Speaker 4 (09:41):
Don't think what I did was necessarily healthy. I like
filled every every hour of my day with stuff.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
I mean, yeah, my ideal situation would be to have
most of it filled, but then be at a place
where I'm okay, at home alone with my thoughts. That
hasn't been the safe space for me lately, so I
would like to get back to that because I was
so comfortable alone.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
I was too comfortable alone.
Speaker 4 (10:09):
But I feel like you can't reverse it.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
That's what I'm saying. You can't. Once you experience that,
you can't. So to those who haven't fallen in love yet,
I don't enjoy yet.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
Well, what works for me is a routine, and that
works for me every day. You know, I'm a creature
of routine. Yeah, when my family's gone for the weekend,
I have every minute of every day planned.
Speaker 4 (10:28):
Out right, but I do the same not alone with
my healthy either.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Okay, well maybe, but that's another thing is that with
my job, my job is not like a routine type job,
like my days are always different.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
I get to choose a lot like how I spend
my time.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
And I think, even though my job is amazing and
I'm so grateful for the freedom to do whatever i want,
sometimes it's almost like overwhelming to me because I'm like,
I don't have something distracting.
Speaker 3 (10:59):
Me at all time.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
Times of like, yeah, it's a distractions.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
I don't think that's a negative thing, be distracted.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
You know what, Well, clearly I don't either. Could I
do it, but I do think there's a part of
it that's not healthy. Maybe you could do all your
doctor's appointments.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
I did do my checkup because there's I do need
to do a dentist's siest, your.
Speaker 4 (11:23):
Regular doctor to get your blood work.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
To do all that. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Actually, I was looking into maybe getting my blood work
checked out because I can't. Maybe there's like a hormonal
balance happening without me noticing that.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Is I think that is good advice, just to get
stuff downe that you need to get an oil change.
You know, there's just stuff that you.
Speaker 4 (11:40):
Got to do, and all the stuff that you put
in the back burner of like your to do list,
because they're not like, yeah, what's the word I'm looking for? Timely? Yeah, sure,
time sensitive? Just get those done, all right?
Speaker 2 (11:51):
So I'll do those next week. What about the next
three weeks?
Speaker 5 (11:55):
Is there anything you like to do that Hayley doesn't No, because,
like I just realized, I've never been in my home
that I live in now we live there for almost
six years. I've never been there alone. Wow, Like Allison's
been with Every single night I've spent that house has
been with Allison. She hasn't been out of town with Like,
she hasn't gone somewhere overnight without me in years. I
(12:16):
go out of time for work all the time. But
when she's gone, I eat garbage, Baby, I just eat
straight up garbage. And that's what I look forward to.
And she knows about this. I look forward to it.
Like if she's having like dinner with a friend, I'm like, oh,
rand table pizza, here we go. That's literally the only
thing that is the only thing, yeah, that I look
forward to doing. You can't do You can't just eat
garbage all the time.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
I don't know what I.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Would I do eat garbage all the time?
Speaker 4 (12:39):
You want what you want to start learning how to cook?
You could start cooking more.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Y Yeah, hmm, yeah, there's there's a lot of things.
Oh So my therapist told me, she was like, I
want you to write down a list of a hundred
things you want.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
And my mind felt like overwhelmed.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
But I've been thinking about it and she's like, it
can be any like, it can be even if it
feels unatateed like crazy, I want to mansion with a
big yard.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
Like she's like, just write it down.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
Well, do mansion one big yard too, because you've got
a hundred to fill out, separate.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Fresh grab But I think, like the more I'm like
realizing those things where I think, like, oh, what do
I want? Because at first I felt I was like
a hundred things that I want, But I think I'm
gonna be able to do it.
Speaker 4 (13:23):
And also a thing too. You can create structure in
your day depending on all these things that you want
to get done. So let's say you have doctor's appointments.
Let's write down all the doctors appointments and let's start
sprinkling those in, right, then you can create your day
around each of those. Cooking you want to start cooking,
let's find recipes and start plotting out your weeks with
what you're gonna do. You have to grocery shop, so
that also takes time mm hmm. Then perhaps you want
(13:46):
to start working out a little bit more. You can
plan your workouts according to like that structure of your
doctor's appointments and your meal preps.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Yeah, so just just getting some things on a schedule.
Speaker 4 (13:56):
Yeah, I do think schedule a schedule would do you well?
Speaker 3 (14:01):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, do me right.
Speaker 4 (14:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
So yeah, that's a little bit about me and uh
why I've just been okay, I think that there's a
little element of like wanting to get my mojo back.
Speaker 4 (14:18):
I get it, you know, I understand what you're saying
because I also too, I find myself getting in that place.
Speaker 3 (14:22):
Of complacency, not.
Speaker 4 (14:25):
Complacency, dependency, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, dependency. And
it's like because I feel the same way I love
I love Robbie being everywhere like I love him doing
everything with me, And there is there's that little like
thing in the back of the ear of my head
that's like fearful of that for some reason, like why,
like why can't I just do I can do stuff
(14:46):
alone And it doesn't mean like I can, but I
don't want to. Yes, And I find myself getting freaked
out about that too. But I'm not dependent on him,
but there is some sort of something there.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
I don't necessarily, I do feel like I've become more
dependent on Hailey than I ever thought I would be
in a relationship. But I think it's more that there's
other stuff going on and coming up for me that
I'm navigating outside of my relationship with Haley, and she's
my comfort person, so she's not here to just sit
(15:21):
with me on the couch even if we're not doing
anything important, you know. So I think it's a little
bit of that as well. But it's fine, We're gonna
we'll be fine. I'll be fine. I just am like,
I don't want this month to be Like, do you have.
Speaker 5 (15:39):
Plans to go see her on tour? You're like, yeah, I.
Speaker 3 (15:44):
Think i'll probably.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
I mean, we try not to go longer than two
weeks without seeing each other. So I think the Denver
show where my little sister lives in Denver, so I
was gonna try to go that one. I think that's
like right at two weeks from when she leaves, so
that'll be good, and then.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
Maybe like another one.
Speaker 5 (16:00):
That's okay, it's good to have something to look forward to.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
So anyways, teas and peas, not some prayers.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
And or you telling me to take a break. I
know what that man.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Okay, we'll be right back with my Tanya's just okay,
(16:46):
all right, Well, we spent the whole first half of
the episode talking about my mental health issues.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
So what's going on with you?
Speaker 4 (16:54):
Yeah, I had some mental health issues myself this week.
I'd like to preface it by saying that I am
my liutial end of my liudial phase pre menstrual phase,
so that I'm really low energy, like I could I
could literally fall asleep right now, okay, and I'm emotional,
like really emotional.
Speaker 3 (17:11):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (17:12):
So last week there was this thread in the Facebook
group that was like going on and on and on
about the premise of it was wanting to hear more
from Becca. But as I continue to read through the thread,
there was all this like really triggering words about me
and how my personality is too much and I'm too
(17:33):
overbearing and I'm to this and that like takes me
back to the days of my work. I don't maybe
you should believe his name.
Speaker 6 (17:43):
We can believe his name just because you know, yeah,
but this triggering feeling of when I started out in
my career of this important person at the company who
would say these things about me and my personality.
Speaker 4 (17:56):
And it was like really really damaging to me when
I started, because it was just so hurtful, you know,
because it's like about you and it's about me, and
so it really kind of like brought me back to
that place and I went so dark. Whatever day, I
can't remember what day it was that I was reading
it all, and I was like, I don't want to
do the podcast on Monday. I like, just because I
don't really care about internet trolls, but like this Facebook
(18:19):
group is like those are my people, you know what
I mean? Like that, so that I think that's why
I took it so hard anyway, So I was like,
I text me back. I was like, I don't do
the podcast on Monday, and like all this stuff, and
like Robbie sat down and gave me this speech and
it was like so sweet, and he was like he
could use like a Kobe Bryant analogy, not familiar with
(18:44):
like his work, but the analogy made sense because he
was like he was like trying to explain to me
the overarching theme of it, which was wanting Becka to
share more and open up more. And he was like
Kobe Bryant and used to get a lot of heat
in his day because the people would criticize him that
(19:07):
he was always shooting the ball, like he was always
shooting the ball and he wasn't passing. Are you familiar
with this?
Speaker 2 (19:12):
Okay?
Speaker 4 (19:12):
And so because he was getting so much heat for it,
he did not shoot any balls for like a long
period of time. He would just pass past, constantly passed
to his teammates. And he was doing this interview, which
I guess is what Robbie was talking about, and he
says he regrets so much that portion of his career
that he listened to what other people thought and just
passed the ball and he didn't do what was instinctually
(19:35):
like right for him or whatever. And he was saying
how he really regretted that, and he was like, don't
he's like show up, do the podcast, like don't do
don't be different, don't dim anything, just be you. And
it made me so it was like such a sweet
analogy because like, hey, I don't it really like actually
resonated with me. I never thought i'd resonate with like
(19:56):
a sports analogy. You are your sports, yeah, sortinly, yeah,
but more hockey than anything.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
Oh yeah, basketball for me.
Speaker 4 (20:05):
Yeah it was for a minute, but girls basketball, right right,
But yeah, I don't know. So it was like that
pep talk, and I guess that's what I can relate
Twitter saying that Hayley is like your comfort because I
really was like really really sad that day, Like I
was having like an emotional rollercoaster, and at the end
of the day, he like gives me this pep talk
and like it didn't necessarily make me, you know, I
wasn't like yeah, but it really did make me, like
(20:29):
comforted me in such a way. And I was like,
he's right, I just need to like take the note
and just like move forward and keep doing keep doing me.
So anyways, that was that, and then I just kind
of chilled, like I kind of just wanted to just
like chill and I was like not, Yeah, I was
just kind of bummed over the weekend.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
Yeah, I think that sometimes, like especially before I shared
my relationship. Well, first of all, I'm sorry that you
had to read those things, because like, regardless.
Speaker 3 (20:58):
Of who you are or what.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Where it's coming from, words hurt, especially when it's from
such a special place. Like I said, it's not like
these are like random internet trolls.
Speaker 4 (21:13):
But I do understand because I feel like there was
a point where and I don't remember when, but I
remember when you first started, when you were dating Haley,
and you were really kind of coming into a shell
and you didn't want to share anything, and I remember
I tried to overcompensate, so I was just like blabbing,
like I was just like because I was trying to
like I knew what you were going through, yes, And
so I think I just stuck in that mentality of
(21:35):
just like blah blah, you know what I mean, And
I did. I did notice it a while ago. I
was like, I do need to like chill a little bit.
I get overexcited, and like, I do get it. So
I did get that point a while ago.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
But this was just like I think, also, our personalities
are very different in the sense that I am an
overthinker with everything I share. So when I'm telling a story,
if I feel like there's no interest or like there's
not really any follow up, I just will stop talking,
like I don't even think about twice about it.
Speaker 4 (22:02):
And that's and I think I know too much, and
so I get debilitated because I don't want to like,
I know what you're saying, but I know the listeners
don't know what you're saying. So then I don't want
to ask it because I don't want to put you
in that position because I feel like you're not sharing
it for a reason.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
And then sometimes, you know, sometimes there's conversations where I'm like, oh,
I want to talk about this, and if there's no
interest from it, it is, you know, the conversation kind
of dies. But I also think there's a personality just
like we're opposites.
Speaker 3 (22:28):
And there was a long time where I didn't share
a lot.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
There was a lot of that I didn't feel safe
or like I wasn't ready to share. So I think
you did have to take the lead on a lot
of the conversations because I wasn't talking, you know, So
I think I I I know where I can also
speak up more and stand up and even if like
(22:51):
it comes down to me having a conversation something that
I do want to talk about further than what I say,
be able to be like wait, wait, wait, I want
to go back to that you know yeah, and just
be able to speak up more because sometimes, I mean,
I come from a big family.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
I was always kind of the more quiet, reserved one.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
I've always been that way, so I think sometimes it's
natural for me to just like go inward and you
know yeah, And I think that you're able to pick
up the slack a lot of the times when I'm
in that position. So listen, you're amazing. The reason why
our podcast is amazing is because of our dynamic. And
I don't ever want you to feel shut down because
(23:27):
there's a hard time or no, I'm way too fragile
for it too.
Speaker 4 (23:33):
I too, I'm so preperiod it's like coming any second now.
Speaker 3 (23:37):
But it's true.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
I mean, I think what we have is so special
and I think that if it's a place where we
find more of a balance and that that also comes
for me too. So I never want you to feel
shut down or feel like you're too much because people
love you for your personality and your excitement and your passion.
So don't ever like feel like you have to dim
(23:59):
who you are, shut down or you, or like I
don't want to do the podcast because this podcast is
what it is because of you.
Speaker 3 (24:08):
It wasn't like I don't want to do it today.
Speaker 4 (24:10):
Yeah, yeah, I get it.
Speaker 3 (24:12):
I probably wouldn't have.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
I probably would have been like I'm out week three. Ye.
So but I think it's important we address it because
I think, you know, sometimes I do think sometimes, And
I didn't read a lot of the comments because I
got I honestly felt upset for you and knew that
(24:37):
it was hard for you. But I think the original
post I didn't feel like it was like hateful or anything.
I think it was more just like, hey, we want
to Becca, you know from Becca. But that's also on
me again, So I'll start talking more and if y'all
don't like my stories, then you can tell tell me
on the.
Speaker 4 (24:54):
Facebook group.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
Did you that the day that this happened, I actually
posted this meme It's like a double toilet, and I
tagged you and Robbie and said, like, this feels like
Tanya's dream or something.
Speaker 3 (25:11):
I have the idea for Tanya and Robbie.
Speaker 4 (25:14):
I would love this, not because of the pooping stuff,
but like just in general, I feel like having two
toilets is so beneficial, Like we only have two toilets
in the whole house, and there's four of us, and
sometimes we come home, like we all have to go
to the bathroom, but.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
You don't want to connected toilets like to fine, have
separate toilets the.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
Way that those are a positioned to so fuck, like
you're just doing your own thing.
Speaker 4 (25:38):
I would use this, I would, I would use this.
I'd buy this tomorrow.
Speaker 3 (25:42):
No, because I don't.
Speaker 4 (25:44):
This is your yearine smell after which is how often
I mean.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
Well, then we did discuss Robbie can't smell, so he's yeah.
Speaker 4 (25:55):
It's really such a blessing from the Lord.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
I didn't talk.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
About this, and this was a big thing that happened
while I was gone. But this is mostly a story
for Mark just to get his reaction. So I rented
a car while I was in I was like in
Dallas and then Shreveport, Louisiana, which is my hometown, and
I was on my way home to Dallas and not home.
(26:20):
I was on my way back to Dallas and I
was staying with a friend and I had to return
my rental car to the airport and then uber to
my friend's house. It was just like I did a
lot to do and I I was on the phone
with Haley and we were having kind of like a
serious conversation, and she was in Europe, so like the
time difference.
Speaker 3 (26:39):
It was like, I if I pull.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
Over and get gas when my gas like came on,
I'm gonna have to hang up. And we're kind of
like in this serious conversation and I'm like, I know
how long I have and I'll wait till I see
like a safe gas station exit. You know. Well, I'm
I swear this happened faster than my car goes.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
Because it's incredible.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
So my car starts to just shut down and I'm
like oh no, no, no, no, no, no no, And
Haley's like what And I'm like I'm running out of
gas and she's like, well, just like pull over, wait
till you get to nextit, like get in the right
lane and just pull off when you see an nextit.
I'm like no, Like, my the car is stopping and
she's like, are you kidding?
Speaker 3 (27:24):
She's like where are you.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
And I'm like, I'm on the Interstate and she's like, well,
what are you gonna do? So I like veered off
and there was like there was this weird road in
between the interstate and then the service road and it
just happened to be right where I needed it to be,
and so I pull off and so I'm not in
like the crazy busy part, but I'm for sure out
(27:45):
of gas. Like the car just stops and so I'm like, Haley,
I'm gonna have to I'll talk to you tomorrow go
to sleep. And she's like I'm not what are you
gonna do? And I'm like She goes call Triple A
and I'm like, I don't have Triple A. So at
that time, my friend Laura, who's been my best friend
since high school. She lives in Louisiana, in my hometown.
(28:06):
She texted me and asked how my sister's baby shower
was and I was like it was great. Do you
have Triple A. She's like why, and I go, well,
I might have run out of gas.
Speaker 3 (28:20):
Yeah, and she goes where are you.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
And I was like, I'm in the middle of nowhere,
Texas And she goes, I'm in Tyler, Texas. Will you
send me your location and let me see how far
you are from me? So I send her my location.
She's like, I'm thirty minutes for me. I'm coming to
get you. Wow, And that is crazy. What are the chances?
She was there for her nephew's soccer tournament. And so
(28:43):
I'm just like sitting in my car waiting for her
to show up. She comes, I get in the car
with her and we're like lat you know. She like, no,
She's known me for a long time, Like this is
very own brand for me. And we go and we
get by like a five gallon gas can, fill it
up and I go to put it in the car
(29:04):
and it's spilling everywhere, Like I have gas on my arm,
my leg.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
I'm like, flammable and.
Speaker 4 (29:12):
Flammable is that the word flammable?
Speaker 3 (29:15):
Flammable, isn't it?
Speaker 4 (29:16):
Flammable is correct? So flammable on it today? You really are.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
A few minutes ago you said exacerbated, but since then
you said debilitated, which is also strong.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
So I can't get the gas into the car and
Laura can't. I'm reading the instructions on the gas and
we're doing everything. It says, and I can't get it
to go. So I'm just like spilling gas everywhere. I'm
panicked it it's pitch black now, and I happen to
be parked right outside of a neighborhood.
Speaker 3 (29:46):
So I'm like, I see a house. We should go
knock on their door. We need to, we need to.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
Like the gas isn't getting in.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
The table won't go, It's just spilling out everywhere, and
I'm like, we can't run out, like I need this
gas because I just got to get into the car,
like I'm gonna find a good old Texas countryman in
one of those neighborhoods.
Speaker 1 (30:05):
You know, everyone is going to the wrong house is
getting shot.
Speaker 3 (30:08):
Well this happened after my this decision.
Speaker 2 (30:12):
So we go up and these like spotlights come on
in the house and I'm like, Laura, I don't think
we should do this one, and she's like, yeah, it's fine,
it's fine. So we walk up and she's like I
think I see someone, and she's like, I don't know
why they're not coming to the door. And then this
like big dog starts barking, so I'm like, we gotta go,
we gotta go. So we walk out and we're walking.
These houses are space like, this is not la like.
(30:34):
These houses have a lot of acreage. So we're walking
to the next one.
Speaker 3 (30:38):
Knock. No one answers.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
I'm like, I genuinely don't know what we're gonna do
at this point. So we're walking down this pitch black road.
Speaker 4 (30:46):
I'm guessing Laura did not does not have trouble a you.
Speaker 5 (30:51):
Know, did you?
Speaker 4 (30:53):
Guys ever circle back to the original question.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
That didn't get circled back to. Yeah, No, I didn't
go back to that thought.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
I could have circled back to where you bought the
gas tank maybe and said, hey, how come this isn't working?
What do I need to do? Because they could probably
sell you a spout or something that would get the job.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
Oh, that also could have been something. The guy that
was helping is at the gas station though, could not
even get the thing open like the gas cank go.
So I didn't feel trust like he didn't come across
trustworthy to me. So all of a sudden, we see
lights coming up, like headlights coming up the road, and
I'm like turning, I'm like waving them down.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (31:29):
This guy falls over and he has his daughter in
the car.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
So I was like, Okay, I feel safe, and I'm like,
I'm so sorry I ran out of gas. I'm like,
right at the end of the road, we got a
gas can, but we can't get the gas into the car.
So he's like, okay, I'll come back down and help y'all.
So we like walk back down. He goes to put
it in. It's spilling everywhere. So I'm like, hey, Gray,
I'm not.
Speaker 4 (31:49):
An adot gas can.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
Yeah, or we're both dumb, but I wasn't the only
one dumb in this situation.
Speaker 3 (31:54):
So he's like, I have another gas can. Let me go.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
Just follow me up and then I'll just pour this
one into that and we'll come back down. So he
ends up going by himself, and he comes back down
and brings his wife and she was like, well he
didn't and she like hugs us, and she's like, he
wanted me to come. He didn't want you all to
think he was creepy. And I'm like, where are the
ones waiting? Yeah, And so he brought another gas can
(32:23):
and was able to like fill it up, and then
his daughters come down there having like a sleepover, and
I'm like, okay, girls like this is what you don't do.
Speaker 3 (32:30):
Don't do this, and he saved the day.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
It's the way he had a gas take and that
works fine.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
He had another he had like one with a spouse,
so he was able to like get it whatever. I
had a jeep, come yeah, get it in and uh yeah.
Speaker 5 (32:46):
So he was just a gas can with like just
a cap on it.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
It didn't have the had a spout, but the way
it worked it didn't go deep. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:57):
Yeah, so.
Speaker 4 (32:59):
Gas stations they have like a long spell.
Speaker 3 (33:03):
Yeah yeah, it's long.
Speaker 4 (33:04):
It is long and goes deep. It is long. It's
like probably like over a foot two feet.
Speaker 3 (33:10):
I don't think it's two feet.
Speaker 2 (33:11):
But whatever they're putting the new like way that they're
doing gas Kansas, isn't it. So that was my story,
and that means I've run out of gas like twice
in the past six months, right.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
Which I think should be caused for a certain amount
of introspection. But you're just like, that's me. That's what happens.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
I have a lot of introspection navigating right now. Mark,
So because that's crazy to me.
Speaker 4 (33:36):
When that light comes on, like I don't even let
my car light go on.
Speaker 3 (33:39):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 4 (33:40):
I usually feel it before the light goes on, because
when your light goes on, it means it's time to
get gassed.
Speaker 3 (33:45):
So i'd rather you even let the light come on.
Speaker 4 (33:48):
I usually do a quarter of a tank. When I'm
at quarter, I fill her back up.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
I have dashes on mine, and I got three dashes.
I'm getting that filled up, three dashes.
Speaker 5 (33:56):
I let the light come on. When light comes on,
it's it's let the good times. But I go to
the gas station. I've run, I guess once in my
entire life, and it sucked.
Speaker 1 (34:03):
I hated it.
Speaker 3 (34:03):
Yeah, well no I'm not.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
I'm not having fun when everyone now like, I'm not,
like this is great.
Speaker 3 (34:08):
It's just I thought I had longer and I didn't.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
And none of the one in the family's like, hey
aren't you Becca Tilly from TV's The Bachelor and the
popular podcast and People Choice Aword winning shows scrubbing in.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
No, they didn't say that. No, it'd be nice the podcast.
Speaker 1 (34:27):
What I respect what that guy did with bringing his wife,
because that's the thing we By the way, I'm not
saying we poor dudes, because I'm not saying that, but
that's a real issue that we needed to come off
as not creepy. And we want to be helpful and
we want to support people, and we want to be
nice to strangers. But it's it's weird because it can
come off as creepy and you gotta be careful about that.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (34:47):
I admired this guy for yes, but mostly because if
I if I were in his shoes, if I saw it,
if I pulled over and I saw you, You're like,
I ran into gas I can't get I have a
gas can, but I can't get in. I'm like, there's
a guy with a gun waiting for that objective idea.
It's like, oh good luck, sweetheart.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
Yes, yeah, I wouldn't.
Speaker 5 (35:05):
Have done it.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
I wouldn't have done it for myself, So yeah, I
wouldn't have done it either.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
I went to take a pick up my youngest at
the elementary school. She was older. She was going back
to tutor and there's a little boy on the corner
outside the school and school's been over for a while now,
and he looks stressed out. He has tears in his eyes,
he looks a little panicky. But I cannot pull over
and start talking to that kid, because now I'm making
the situation worse. You know what I'm saying, I can't
(35:32):
be Hey, buddy's everything, okay, I can't do that. You could,
I can't. He's like an eight year old boy and
now now a guy, a strange man is pulling up
in a car and trying to talk to him. And
he's been told his whole life not to talk to
that person. So I waited till my daughter came out.
Once she was out, I had hair go up to
him and ask him if he was okay, because that
makes me safe for having my daughter with me and
(35:53):
her doing the talking. You just got to be sensitive
to that stuff because then his mom's going to pick
him up and he's like, some guy come and you
forgot to pick me up or whatever it was. And
some guy came and tried to talk to me, she'd
be in a panic. Next thing, you know, the whole
school is sending out letters warning people that there's a
guy pulling up and trying and talk to kids.
Speaker 3 (36:12):
Yeah, but he had his daughter in the car, so
I was that's good.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
Nothing about him came across creepy, And to be honest,
I was in a desperate state. We were like, we
just need your help, sir. Creepy or not so, but.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
That's a sad thing, like what you were saying, we're
all a little suspicious of each other. Everyone's a little
bit creepy, like it's twenty twenty three and like we
can't help each other anymore. That's that.
Speaker 5 (36:34):
When I go on a walk at nighttime and I
see like a woman jogging or something, I always crossed
the other side. Don't want to think I'm fall too. Yes,
last year there before, I was in Austin, Texas for
American Idol and I was on I was just walking.
It was really late and now I was just walking
downtown Austin and this woman's jogging and I like get
out of her way, so she doesn't, and she runs by.
She's like scrubbing in.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
Okay, I will.
Speaker 2 (36:57):
Say every time I'm on to walk, I and I'm
pass it. I mean sorry, it's men. But when a
man passes, I turn around to just make sure they don't.
They didn't turn around. It's it's unfortunate, but.
Speaker 4 (37:08):
This man go at night anymore?
Speaker 2 (37:10):
Like no even during the day though, Oh really, yeah, paranoid.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
I walk my dog a lot. But when we're in Wisconsin,
we don't have our dogs with us, and so we'll
still need to get some exercise. So I'll have my
wife or daughters go for a walk with me around
the neighborhood. But if they're not available, like you just
go like I really can't. It's a little weird to
just be a weird old dude walking around the neighborhood,
especially after.
Speaker 2 (37:31):
That the.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
Dog, no dog, no dog. I think it's not fine,
especially after dark.
Speaker 4 (37:40):
But I think you have really Yeah, if I saw
a man walking in the neighborhood by himself, i'd be
I'd call coughs.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (37:51):
I don't find it weird. Like if you're a good person,
then I don't.
Speaker 4 (37:54):
Know, no Mark would be so sad.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
I look good in people's windows for all they know.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
People don't so that I don't have like a weapon
up mess.
Speaker 3 (38:02):
Leave walking around.
Speaker 1 (38:04):
It's different for you.
Speaker 2 (38:07):
Yeah, well, I'm just saying I don't think that like y'all.
Speaker 3 (38:10):
Have to be locked up in the house.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
That's why I make them go with me if I
have something with you anymore.
Speaker 2 (38:17):
Well. Shout out to Scott and his an amazing family
for helping us that lonely night in Texas.
Speaker 3 (38:25):
Lynn Dale.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
I think that's where we were, so yeah, I think
we have emails, So we'll take a break and we'll
be right back.
Speaker 5 (38:35):
We got more gas in this tank, baby.
Speaker 3 (38:55):
All right, we are back and we have emails. This
first one.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
The disclaimer may be a laugh at while, but I
appreciate it anyway.
Speaker 1 (39:02):
Abby says, please help Before I dive in, I want
to preface this email by saying that I'm fully aware
neither of you are medical professionals or merited adult medical advice,
which is nice because we would have had to say
that anyway. Now we don't have to. With that disclaimer
in mind, I was recently diagnosed with hashimotos. Prior to
my diagnosis, I had never heard of hashimotos. Hearing Tanya
talk about her health journey has made me feel a
(39:24):
lot less alone. However, I have eating habits more kin
to Becca's. Up until now, I've never struggled with my weight,
but now I've gained fifteen pounds seemingly overnight, and I'm
getting married at the end of this year. I am
stressed that I won't feel my best on my big day.
To time you have any tips on how to start
eating healthier and incorporating more health conscious life choices. I
am struggling with transitioning from my previous lifestyle to the
(39:46):
quote granola life, and I'd love any tips on how
to make the transition easier for me.
Speaker 4 (39:52):
Yes, I am not a medical professional. Yes, However, I
do feel like I've done a lot of research for
myself in this and there are two paths. So I
chose the path of no. I'm trying to avoid taking
the medication, but there is a path in which you
could take the medication for your hashemotives, because I read
that you're getting married with congratulations at the end of
(40:12):
the year, and I feel like maybe the medication might
help you speed up the process if that's really important
to you. So that is an option. The other option
is the eating habits. I do think they're like, I
do think there's a way to be gluten Gluten free
is the biggest thing. It's anti inflammatory, and I think
(40:33):
anti inflammatory is so good for just general health overall.
It's good for everything. And so if you could go
gluten free, I think that would tremendously help with your hashimotos.
And I do think there's ways to eat gluten free,
but also still eat a quote unquote like Becca, Like
you could make gluten free macaroni and cheese. You could
make gluten free grilled cheese, you could make gluten free tacos.
(40:57):
I don't know what else. You burger, you can make
gluten free burger. So you can still make the choices,
like you still eat what you want to eat, but
just make them gluten free.
Speaker 2 (41:06):
But I think I think the big thing is because
like everything you eat, I'm like, that looks delicious, Like
I would have no problem eating your you're food if
but it's the commitment of cooking it and like making it.
So I think, well, how did you get in your
head of like I can do this on my own,
because like going out to eat, and like if you're
used to eating out or like getting fast food, the
switch to just like cooking at home and making your
(41:28):
food at home is like drastic.
Speaker 3 (41:30):
I feel like you did that already.
Speaker 4 (41:31):
So yeah, the thing is when you eat out, a
lot of the time, your food's cooked with canola oil,
which is like another really big no note. It's like
very inflammatory. You should be eating with either avocado or
olive oil. And so if I do got to eat,
I do ask if they cook the eggs and like
canola oil, and I'm that girl, I know, but so
I try to avoid things, So I try to avoid
(41:53):
things like that. So like, I know, poach eggs, you
don't need oil, so I'll usually order poached eggs if
I don't. Yeah, so I try to just like now
I've kind of outsmarted the system because I hate being
that customer that's like, do you know if they use
olive oil in their salad dressing? And like I already
have to do the whole gluten free thing. I just
feel like such a pain. But yeah, I do think
(42:13):
trying to cook more at home it's easier than you think.
Upping your protein is like a huge thing. And then
like the seed oils are like a really big I
feel like starting it feels like I say, starting small,
but that's actually a lot of stuff.
Speaker 3 (42:28):
Do you know what?
Speaker 2 (42:29):
Though, you shouldn't feel like a pain just trying to
put good things in your body. Because when we were
in Europe, it was shocking the difference of like when
we had questions, they were so like no one acted
put out by Hayley's food allergies or anything. They're just like,
oh yeah, okay, this is what we use, and here's
what you can have, and this is what we can make.
But like, you shouldn't be annoying by making sure that
(42:53):
you're not putting something in your body that is harmful
to your body. We shouldn't be consuming a lot of
the stuff that we are.
Speaker 4 (42:58):
That's true, that's true. But I do feel like sometimes
I'm so high maintenance that that's like just eat at home.
I'm like, I know you, I know, I do.
Speaker 3 (43:06):
I do, Yeah, and you.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
Do I do.
Speaker 2 (43:08):
So I think it's like maybe maybe it's like starting
out with trying to make at least one meal at
home and like doing a copycat of something that you
love that's like gluten free or anti emplanmatory.
Speaker 4 (43:19):
Yeah, and I would just look into you can google
like hashimotos, different things to do, because like infrared saunas
are really really good for hashimotos. I just think, again,
medication is an option, so I think just kind of.
Speaker 3 (43:32):
Yeah, but isn't the whole thing that once you're on
the medication forever.
Speaker 4 (43:35):
Yeah, That's why I'm hesitant to But she says she's
getting married at the end of the year, so I
feel like there might be more of a deadline.
Speaker 2 (43:41):
Well, it sounds like she's stressed about her weight more
than anything, and you've actually lost weight just by cutting
out gluten.
Speaker 3 (43:49):
And it is true.
Speaker 4 (43:51):
I lost I really did lose weight, and I wasn't trying.
It was total just shift in my diet. But it is,
it's it's I think it's gluten's to the anti inflammatory because
it really just kind of shrinks you.
Speaker 3 (44:04):
Makes sense.
Speaker 4 (44:05):
Yeah, good luck, Abby, Yeah, good luck.
Speaker 3 (44:07):
And congratulations on your wedding.
Speaker 1 (44:12):
Anonymous says, my boyfriend of six years just told me
that he cheated on me a few days ago. He
wanted to take a break to explore and then make
a decision if you wanted to stay with me, but
I told him no, we are done. I'm devastated and
was completely shocked. We had our entire future planned out
and it feels completely shattered into a million pieces. How
(44:34):
do I come back from this? Where do I even
start to meet new guys? Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Speaker 3 (44:41):
Oh that is so.
Speaker 2 (44:45):
Rude. Take a break, to Lauren, then make a decision
if you're worth it, right, I would say, because I
feel like, especially when you're in a relationship for a
long time, there's that feeling of like the thought of
like where do I begin dating again?
Speaker 3 (45:03):
And I think I think it.
Speaker 2 (45:07):
Just to stay on theme with the podcast, is like
you should be able to find where can you find
comfort in yourself, Like getting out of this relationship with
someone who now has made you trusted for six years
and now has made you feel like you weren't worthy
of his loyalty and his trust. You're going to probably
(45:28):
go through a grieving process of this, really like with
this relationship, and I think that it's important for you
to kind of get in touch with yourself again, being
by yourself, figuring out what you love and what you want,
and then get into a place where you feel ready
to give your heart to someone because I think it's
(45:49):
going to be really scary for.
Speaker 3 (45:50):
You because he betrayed you. Yeah, and you trusted him.
Speaker 2 (45:53):
You thought you were going to be with him forever,
and now you're in a place where he betrayed that.
So I think it's I think you give yourself time
to heal. And I'm so sorry that you're in this position.
You you were in a long term relationship for before,
like your long relationship.
Speaker 4 (46:13):
Yeah he didn't cheat on me.
Speaker 2 (46:14):
No, No, no, but like getting just in general, like breaking
up and like getting out, it's like that feel that
fear of Like.
Speaker 4 (46:20):
Yeah, and I think I remember when I got out
of that. I'd never gone to a wedding by myself,
I'd never done anything alone. And so but my pendulum
swung so far to the side that it was like
I preferred doing stuff alone, Like I liked going to
events alone. I liked doing stuff alone. Like I think
I got a little too comfortable in the aloness.
Speaker 3 (46:39):
I always wanted.
Speaker 2 (46:40):
That's not true, Like maybe you got comfortable with it,
but you were always hopeful for it to find a yah.
Speaker 4 (46:46):
But I always I knew there's a thing, the desire,
a desire. It was always a desire of my heart
to like be married, have a lifelong partner, have kids,
Like that's always been a desire of my heart. So
I actively pursued that. Does that make sense? So, like
I kept dating even though it sucked, and like I
kept getting just lots of failed attempts. I knew that
(47:08):
that was something that was going to come to me eventually. Uh,
And I wanted that so much. But maybe if you've
been maybe that's not what you want. Anonymous what's not
what she wants. Maybe she doesn't want to be married,
maybe that's not what she wants. Maybe, oh, maybe she
just wants to be like flung around a little, you
(47:28):
know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (47:29):
I'm note wants to be.
Speaker 2 (47:31):
I think she feels flung around right now, And I
don't know if that's what she's gonna want, right I
think that she's probably gonna want to feel safe and
stable and protect and cared for. So I think that
you do that for yourself, lean into your friendships, lean
into the things that do make you feel safe and
loved and cared for. And I think when your heart
(47:52):
feels ready to put yourself out there to date again,
you go out do things that you enjoy where there's
other people there. You get involved where there's community.
Speaker 4 (48:01):
Yeah, because she said, where do I even start to
meet new guys? And I feel like the world is
our oyster these days. Like you can meet people on Instagram,
you can meet people on dating apps, you can bet people.
Speaker 1 (48:09):
True, but I think she needs time more than anything else.
Speaker 4 (48:12):
I agree, But but where you meet them is like
anywhere anyway.
Speaker 1 (48:17):
Yeah, I wouldn't sign up for an app at this point.
I would just let let yourself heal for a while
and get to know who you are without him, because
you don't know that person it's been six years.
Speaker 3 (48:26):
Yeah, Yeah, so I agree with that.
Speaker 2 (48:29):
And if you if you're like I am just in
the mood for a rebound and I don't want to
do anything safe and that feels like what you need to.
Speaker 4 (48:35):
Do, do it, do it, but.
Speaker 3 (48:38):
But don't take care of yourself.
Speaker 1 (48:40):
The decision you made with him, You made the right call. Yeah,
And she.
Speaker 3 (48:44):
Is not a reflection of your value.
Speaker 4 (48:47):
And also, I know this is going to be hard,
but try not to take that experience into your next
relationship and be very like, don't have your guard up
and don't like, don't put those trust issues from your
ex onto your future partner.
Speaker 2 (49:02):
That's true, because that will happen, Yeah, unless you let
yourself heal from this.
Speaker 3 (49:08):
Yeah, And that might look ugly.
Speaker 2 (49:10):
It might be like anger, it might be rage, it
might be like sadness and grief. But let yourself feel
those things because it's important to get it out now. Yeah,
we have a fun episode coming up on Thursday.
Speaker 3 (49:25):
We're doing something we've never done before.
Speaker 4 (49:27):
It's gonna be more of like a mini episode. If
you will And.
Speaker 1 (49:29):
By the way, if people have ideas for what the
Thursday episode should be, they should contribute them because we
want to do different stuff. Yeah, we did games for
a while, we did guests for a while, and we'll
still do some guests. But we're open to ideas.
Speaker 2 (49:41):
Yeah, we're open to suggestions, So if you have any,
let us know.
Speaker 4 (49:48):
But I'm in the Facebook group.
Speaker 2 (49:49):
But this Thursday, we are going back to two thousand
and seventeen. The year is twenty seventeen. It is episode
seven of Scrubbing In with Bechetillian on Your AD and
it is a wild change that has happened to us
as people since this episode. So we're going to be
(50:12):
recapping it. If you want to listen, it's episode seven
Scrubbing In with Bectillians on your AD and it's.
Speaker 4 (50:18):
Called Annual check Up is the title of.
Speaker 2 (50:20):
The episode, and it has some gems in there. So
we're going to be kind of just recapping it and
like rehashing who we were as people during that time.
Speaker 4 (50:29):
Yeah, and I remember you referenced somebody you called him
Arnold Swartz, and yeah, I don't even remember who that was,
do you?
Speaker 3 (50:36):
I think?
Speaker 4 (50:36):
So all right, we'll get into it.
Speaker 2 (50:38):
Yeah, So we'll be back Thursday with that and we
hope you have a wonderful week and we love you
so much.
Speaker 3 (50:45):
Bye bye,
Hosts And Creators
Tanya Rad
Rebecca Tilley
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