The Jenner Conspiracy with Jaci Marie Smith

Influencer  Jaci Marie Smith is with us in the O.R! She explains long-running joke that she’s Kendall Jenner’s social media “muse”, and why it might actually be real!
 
Jaci shares the results of her Instagram detox and what she learned about her relationship with social media.
 
And, Jaci opens up to Tanya and Becca about her journey after stepping away from Mormonism, and discovering new parts of her identity and her faith.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
Hello everybody, we are scrubbing In, and before we get back,
before we get into who we have on the podcast today,
I wanted to say something that I wanted to bring
up on Monday and forgot. But we just need to
give a round of a pause for our Scrubbing In group,
our listeners because I've always we've always known that y'all

(00:31):
are the best of the best of the best. But
I got a message from Natalie Cherry, who is one
of our Facebook moderators and one.

Speaker 3 (00:42):
Of our illustrators.

Speaker 2 (00:43):
We've talked to her on the podcast before, and she
sent me a message and said, Hi, Becca, I just
wanted to let you know the kind community that you
and Tanya have created. Months ago, I decided to start
a scrubber is in Need within the Facebook group. I
took this idea to Crystal and our other moderator and
they were immediately all in and willing to help in
any way. Since we've started this, we have been able

(01:04):
to purchase groceries to help pay for medications and help
pay a bill or two for so many scrubbers. Scrubbers
selflessly donate their harder money to help their scrub sister
that is in need. And this is the community that
you guys have created, and you should be so proud.

Speaker 1 (01:19):
Honestly, like it really that Facebook group, the people that
are in that Facebook group, to me are unparalleled. And
I think that's why I get so passionate and protective
over the podcast, because I feel like our Facebook group
they deserve everything.

Speaker 2 (01:35):
Everything and just like I think showing up these a
lot of these people just like they're only the way
they know each other is through this podcast, and I'm
just like blown away that they share, share their money,
or so willing to help someone or what can I
send you?

Speaker 4 (01:50):
What can I help you with? That's the thing that's amazing.

Speaker 1 (01:52):
That's what's on top of mine. For that Facebook group,
it's like how can I help? How can I be
there for somebody? It's always advice, whatever it is. Now
it's gone to a whole other level of like really
supporting each other in a financial way, and I just
think that's so beautiful.

Speaker 5 (02:07):
So this was brought to my attention Lindsay Jaggers posted
let's start a threat of things in your life that
have come from the podcast, which I thought, was that
seems that's cute, cool, love that, and so a lot
of people talk you I met this person and now
you know she's my godmother to my kids.

Speaker 6 (02:22):
Or whatever it is.

Speaker 5 (02:22):
And then Taylor Crawford posted, so many scrubbers sent me
gifts of my baby registry for my first baby because
I didn't have anyone to throw me a baby shower
and it was peak COVID times. I was venting. I
wasn't expecting anything from my post and it was the
sweetest thing ever. One girl even helped me make the
actual registry because I didn't know what I needed. Whenever
I use the items they got me, I think if

(02:43):
how amazing that was and how there are so many kind,
selfless people out there. Her husband was blown away. Her
husband was like, where all.

Speaker 4 (02:49):
These boxes coming from.

Speaker 5 (02:51):
She even posted a picture of all of the Amazon
boxes that were sent to her by Scrubbers.

Speaker 3 (02:57):
Literally, I know, wow, incredible.

Speaker 2 (03:00):
Yeah, It's just so beautiful and emotional, and I always
am like, my I love the podcast. I love doing
the podcast, But I think my favorite thing that has
come from the podcast is the community of people that
have just come together because of it.

Speaker 3 (03:15):
It really is it's it's it is a sisterhood.

Speaker 4 (03:17):
It's a sisterhood.

Speaker 3 (03:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (03:20):
So we love you guys and think of you for
being so good to each other.

Speaker 3 (03:23):
It's and just being what life is all about.

Speaker 1 (03:27):
Like we were created to be in community with one another,
to help each other, and like that this Facebook group
is such a shiny example of that.

Speaker 4 (03:35):
Agreed.

Speaker 2 (03:38):
So today's guest is one of my favorite influencers to follow.
I think she is so funny. I think she's so
good at what she does. She is a trailblazer in
the influencer world. She'll start trends people follow and has
made a name for herself.

Speaker 1 (03:54):
We have a lot of things in common with her,
one of them being that she hosts a podcast with
her best friend. The podcast What We Said is all
about talking candidly about health, business, relationships, and life.

Speaker 4 (04:07):
She's just so fun to follow.

Speaker 2 (04:10):
She's honest, she's real, and some may say her biggest
fan is Kendall Jenner. And if you know, you know,
please help us give a warm welcome to the one
and only Jase Marie.

Speaker 4 (04:25):
We have been I have.

Speaker 2 (04:26):
Asked you, I've been like I want to have you
on the podcast, and I am so excited that you're here.

Speaker 6 (04:32):
I'm so excited to be here. Thank you so much.

Speaker 7 (04:34):
I was just telling them like, this is the real deal.
That's recording studio is amazing.

Speaker 6 (04:38):
I love it. I'm so excited to be here.

Speaker 2 (04:39):
I kept telling Hannah. She, you know, is always like
who do I want to have on the podcast? I'm like,
get please, get Jace.

Speaker 4 (04:45):
Oh my god, on here.

Speaker 6 (04:46):
I've been dying to him. So excited.

Speaker 2 (04:49):
So you have a podcast with your best friend and
we're best friends as well. Were you all best friends
before you started the podcast?

Speaker 7 (04:57):
Yeah, so we've been best friends for over ten years.
We were high school besties. Wow. So we met when
we were like fourteen fifteen and we've been best friends
ever since. And now we're twenty eight.

Speaker 4 (05:07):
So y'all have done much years. Y'all have just like
done life together.

Speaker 7 (05:10):
Yes, and we've been at such similar like life trajectories
as well. We got married within a month of each other.
We obviously we're like the state we're two or three
months apart.

Speaker 6 (05:20):
We graduated. It's everything has been so like pretty consistent.

Speaker 4 (05:23):
So are you all like the same because Tanya and
I are opposites.

Speaker 6 (05:28):
Yeah, we're opposites.

Speaker 4 (05:29):
Oh you are who's who?

Speaker 5 (05:30):
Like?

Speaker 4 (05:30):
Who has what personality traits.

Speaker 7 (05:33):
It's weird because we're so our sense of humor. We
always say our sense of humor is identical, okay, but
then we just are different in a lot of ways,
like our style, our vibe. Like she is much more
I don't know. I guess I'm more maybe like light
and bubbly, and she's more of this like almost a
dark not like dark energy, but she's more of like a.

Speaker 4 (05:52):
Realist, like just kind of or maybe.

Speaker 3 (05:55):
A little bit or like scorpio.

Speaker 7 (05:57):
It's heart, she's in aries. Oh, she's kind of like
fiery more. And I would say I'm maybe more of
like a bubbly you're more like saying you would you say?

Speaker 2 (06:08):
Okay, is one of you more Type A and the
others more laid back or do you have that especially.

Speaker 7 (06:12):
Kind of similar in that way too, But I'm probably
more type A. She's worked out with the flow. I'm
a little more planner. Okay, you know.

Speaker 4 (06:18):
Does one of you run late ever consistently?

Speaker 6 (06:21):
Probably her?

Speaker 7 (06:21):
Okay, but also mean a little I'm working on that
as well, But but I would say mostly her. Yeah,
I'm definitely a little more type A.

Speaker 6 (06:30):
For sure.

Speaker 2 (06:30):
We're just trying to because like with Tanya and I,
people are listeners are like, oh, I'm a Beck, I'm
a Tanya, or like they have that relationship.

Speaker 1 (06:36):
So I'm very clearly distinctly in our own lanes, like yeah, yeah,
people definitely say that, but do you know what, I
think it's hard to distinguish it about yourself sometimes because
people will say that all the time too.

Speaker 6 (06:45):
I'm a JC. She's the Chelsea to my JC. But
it's hard for me to like distinguish the the real difference.

Speaker 1 (06:52):
Working dynamic change your friendship in any way, because people
ask me that all the time about.

Speaker 3 (06:56):
Beck and either like I just don't know.

Speaker 1 (06:58):
They want to go in business with their best friend,
but they're scared because they don't want to ruin their friendship,
and I'm like, we've been able to navigate it in
such like a great way. I think I'm wondering, have
you guys had any sort of turbulent No.

Speaker 7 (07:09):
Honestly, this is a most annoying answer because I feel
like everyone expects to be like, yeah, it's really hard,
but we've gotten through it. But I'm like we've only
gotten closer. I feel like doing the podcast together has
only made us grow closer because we talk and have
these like deep conversations or funny, lighthearted so often that
we're just we know each other so well and we
have such like a deep trust we're Honestly, I think

(07:30):
it's something different too, that we kind of grew up together.
We know each other's families, Like we're very deeply, you know,
intertwined into each other's lives.

Speaker 6 (07:37):
So doing business together.

Speaker 7 (07:39):
Sure they're little annoyances or whatever, but I feel like
it's been pretty seamless.

Speaker 2 (07:45):
Honestly, I feel like we have had I mean, I
wouldn't say it's like challenged our friendship in anyway.

Speaker 4 (07:50):
I think.

Speaker 1 (07:51):
No, we always like at the end of the day,
we always have each other's backs. The only thing that
I feel like, what and you know it, I get
really annoyed when you're late.

Speaker 4 (08:00):
Oh yeah, I'm always late.

Speaker 6 (08:01):
Yeah, yeah, that can be annoying. I get it.

Speaker 4 (08:04):
I think that.

Speaker 6 (08:07):
I think that do you guys have how long have
you been friends?

Speaker 3 (08:12):
When is our friend aniversary?

Speaker 2 (08:13):
Rebecca, It's sometime in May and we met in Vegas
at the Poole part I heart Pool party.

Speaker 4 (08:19):
And that was in twenty fifteen.

Speaker 3 (08:21):
Actually, got there.

Speaker 6 (08:22):
Yeah, so it's been a long time.

Speaker 4 (08:24):
Yeah too.

Speaker 7 (08:25):
Do you guys have like this is like this is
maybe too deep, not too deep, but like too you
know in the weeks, do you guys have like specific
contracts where it's like this is mine, this is yours,
Because like me and Chelsea are done like about your podcast,
it's like we're doing business together.

Speaker 6 (08:38):
We need to like be in a contract where it's
like it's fifty to fifty. Do you know what I mean?
Like if this ends, like this is what happens.

Speaker 3 (08:47):
We have either, Yeah, so.

Speaker 2 (08:49):
To stay how strong our friendship?

Speaker 7 (08:54):
Yeah, I'm saying tuned for the for the fallout. No,
that's what we are too.

Speaker 1 (08:57):
Though.

Speaker 7 (08:57):
It's like and people ask us stuff I don't know't
just like we just know that. We always say there.
It's like, don't get into business with your best friend.
And people also say that about living with your butts.
I don't live with your best friend. But we've lived
together too, and we purposely so when we live together,
we were like, let's not share a room because we
have two other roommates, so we're like, to protect our friendship,

(09:18):
let's not share a room or litter saying here about
every night, Like we hate these too. Like it's so,
you know, our friendship is to the test of time.

Speaker 2 (09:26):
Yeah, because moving in with your friend is a whole
new level of.

Speaker 4 (09:31):
Closeness.

Speaker 5 (09:32):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (09:33):
You see, like their habits, you know, like how they
are if they're clean.

Speaker 3 (09:37):
It's we fight all the time all the time if
we live together.

Speaker 7 (09:44):
We also are both well, especially when we live together
when we're a college age we're both really messy, both.

Speaker 4 (09:50):
Of us, so you could I get mad at each other.

Speaker 6 (09:52):
Yeah, so it's kind of like, well, we don't really
have room.

Speaker 7 (09:54):
But now we've actually, you know, now that I'm thinking
about it, we've both transitioned to being much more like organized.

Speaker 4 (10:01):
Wow, so we've really in all.

Speaker 1 (10:04):
Yeah, we beck when I shared a wall like I
had my apartment was were you two of three and
I was two of four? We like shared a wall,
so apartments were next door to each other, but we
never actually lived together, and I think that was the
best thing for our friendship.

Speaker 4 (10:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (10:16):
Well, I would be like sleeping and she would just
try to open the door and then I'd be like, well,
she'd get so upset and be like why is the
door locked?

Speaker 4 (10:24):
And I'm like I haven't left yet. I don't know.

Speaker 2 (10:26):
I've been sleeping to be saying. She's like Joey from Friends.

Speaker 3 (10:29):
Yeah, I'm not big on boundaries.

Speaker 6 (10:31):
I'm not big on them.

Speaker 3 (10:32):
No, not a fan, not a fan.

Speaker 2 (10:35):
I love your social media I feel like people, I
really I loved I've always loved your content on Instagram,
but TikTok really like just I feel like you blossomed
on TikTok. I feel like everyone has really gotten to
see your personality. And I wanted to talk about that
because you didn't start out as an influencer like you
started as a photographer. Yeah, and where was the transition

(10:59):
from one to the next.

Speaker 7 (11:00):
It's so weird to see how my career has evolved.
I'm like, wow, I'm not doing anything that I really
started with. But there's something about TikTok. I don't know
if you guys feel the same way. And I especially
felt like this a few years ago that allows you
to be more yourself or more casual.

Speaker 6 (11:15):
That's the way I felt.

Speaker 7 (11:16):
Anyways, I started on Instagram and I felt like everything
was so curated and perfect. I legitimately could knocket out
of the mindset like I would try so hard people
are like, oh, it's like more casual vibes now, and
I'm like I'm glitching, like I don't know how to
be casual. Yeah, And so TikTok I think was like
a fresh start. When it kind of came about, I
was like, I'm just gonna try and like, oh, oh,
one thing actually was that on the podcast Chelsea. I

(11:37):
remember Chelsea said like people have no idea that you're funny,
and I'm like, really, like, okay, well cool, awesome. I
I apparently I haven't been like being myself like on
the podcast or something. And She's like, I think that
it would surprise people, like your sense of humor and stuff.

Speaker 6 (11:51):
And I was like, oh, that's interesting. But that kind
of stuck out to me.

Speaker 7 (11:53):
I'm like, well, that's like one of my main personality
traits is like just being fun and like have a
fun sense of humor. So maybe I should start like
showcasing that more so on TikTok, I just kind of
started doing that. I was like just very lighthearted with it,
and I deleted Instagram for six months. I don't know
if I I think I told you about that, yeah,
when we saw each other, because I was so burnt

(12:16):
out from it, and so I just started doing TikTok
like so often.

Speaker 6 (12:20):
I literally a post.

Speaker 3 (12:20):
We're gonna go five tens a day. I didn't have
questions but continue.

Speaker 7 (12:23):
About No, I mean we can talk about it now.
The Instagram deleting thing.

Speaker 3 (12:26):
Yeah, but I want you to continue your thought about TikTok.

Speaker 6 (12:28):
No, it's just it's just more casual.

Speaker 7 (12:30):
So it allowed me to be more myself, I guess,
And it's just more fun. I felt that same sense
like when I started Instagram, I thought it was so fun,
and then it got to be where I'm like, this
is not fun anymore.

Speaker 6 (12:43):
This is like so curated.

Speaker 7 (12:44):
And also I'm just not inspired anymore. I feel like
I just need constant like refreshes in my life. And
so TikTok felt like that, And yeah, I do. I
even feel like I bossomed on TikTok because I felt
like I was being my true, truer self.

Speaker 4 (12:58):
I guess.

Speaker 1 (12:59):
So when you deleted Instagram off your phone, so how
did you Well, I guess you had TikTok, so it
wasn't like you were totally off social media, but did
you feel like, how did you feel?

Speaker 6 (13:10):
I felt amazing?

Speaker 7 (13:11):
So when I first deleted it, I was only going
to delete it for a week at the beginning of
the year, like the first week of January, I was like,
I want to do a social media clims. I'm going
to delete Instagram for a week because I feel this
is what I started noticing. I'm like, when I get
on TikTok, and it's different for everyone. This is what
I've realized. But when I get on TikTok, I feel
so good. I'm laughing, I love the vibes. When I
got on Instagram, I am like sucked into this hole,

(13:33):
and then after forty five minutes of scrolling, I feel depleted,
Like why is that that's so interesting? I'm deleting it.
I'm deleting it for a week start the new year off.
And after a week, I was like, I've literally never
been happier. I feel so inspired to like I cannot
get it back. So they all do like two weeks.
It ended up being six months because I just felt

(13:53):
so good. But I mean, I'm lucky in this sense.
I obviously I have a podcast, I had TikTok on YouTube,
so it's the monetary thing. Like a lot of my
influencer friends are like what are you doing, Like you're
saying goodbye to a huge piece of your income. But
I'm like, literally, that's how good I feel. I can't
justify getting it back. So I was just like, well,

(14:15):
we'll see how long this break lasts. And it lasted
six months, and then I got the app back on
my work phone and I still have not had the
Instagram app on my phone in like a year and
a half. I just downloaded it two days ago. I'm
going to delete it today, like I decided. I was like, no,
I'm done again because I get sucked into this hole.

Speaker 2 (14:34):
Wait, I need to know just because I also get
sucked into the hole. But like, what what was the
final moment where you were like I'm deleted? Like I'm
because I think we all have that feeling of like
I need to just like take a break from Instagram.
But like what was the moment where we were like
I need a break. I need like a break where
it's not even accessible to me.

Speaker 7 (14:51):
I think just reevaluating, you know, at the beginning of there,
You're like, what are my intentions?

Speaker 6 (14:55):
And I'm like that's how I felt.

Speaker 7 (14:56):
I just felt so overwhelmed, and I'm like I feel
kind of dumb that like, Instagram has this old effect
on me, like really, I can't handle it, but I'm like,
I can't deny. It's like such an addiction. That's what
it felt like, too, such an addiction to like. Also,
because of so many algorithm changes. I think when I
started Instagram, I got so used to getting immediate validation,

(15:19):
growing so much, like and I was very young I
started social media.

Speaker 6 (15:23):
I was like eighteen.

Speaker 7 (15:24):
I got used to this pattern, and then Instagram has
shifted and changed a lot, and that wasn't the case anymore.
So I felt so negative about every aspect. I'm like,
I feel dumb, I feel like a failure or whatever.
So deleting it just kind of gave me this like release.
I was like, I think I really need to delete
the app and just see how I feel for a week.

Speaker 6 (15:43):
And then yeah, just snowball.

Speaker 1 (15:45):
We do have thoughts about the fact that people are
now can pay for the verified check mark?

Speaker 3 (15:50):
Did you know that?

Speaker 5 (15:51):
Yeah?

Speaker 6 (15:51):
I do. I do have thoughts. I mean, I don't know, guys,
I don't know.

Speaker 7 (15:56):
If I saw this TikTok and it was like the
only people who are mad about that is the people
were verified, and like don't deserve it, and I was like, hmm,
that's an interesting take. But I do kind of feel
like it loses its meaning, like the verification thing it
used to be to distinguish who, like if people were
impersonating you, right, But.

Speaker 1 (16:15):
Yes, But what I think they're trying to do is
I think they're trying to make it so basically, at
some point everyone's going to be verified.

Speaker 6 (16:22):
I think, so, then what's the meaning of it.

Speaker 1 (16:24):
Instagram makes money because they have to pay fifteen dollars
a month, so I don't have the blue check mark.

Speaker 3 (16:29):
You have to pay to have it.

Speaker 1 (16:30):
Moving forward, that's not the case yet, but I think
that's what they're shifting to.

Speaker 3 (16:34):
I hate that because.

Speaker 7 (16:36):
The reason I hate it is because I just we've
been talking recently on our podcast, like everything just seems
about like money and power these days. It's so annoying
to me, and I feel like so many social media
platforms are moving that way to where it's like, well,
if you pay this, you can get more exposure. And
I'm just like, now we've lost the art of, like,
I don't know, creating and actually.

Speaker 6 (16:55):
Having fun with that.

Speaker 2 (16:55):
I don't know, did you feel like part of it
like the Instagram thing was was it like comparison? Was
it like needing the like the engagement, because I mean
I I the algorithm and engagement. Everything gets in my
head too, So was it like that or was it
something comparison? One hundred percent?

Speaker 7 (17:12):
And I don't know why other social media platforms don't
do that to me as much, because some people when
I opened up about this, people be like, that's how
I feel about TikTok. I feel so I compare myself constantly.
I like, I don't like to get on there. It
gives me the worst feeling something I don't know. For
some reason, that's Instagram for me. And I think like
sometimes seeing people, especially when I was feeling uninspired, then

(17:32):
I get on and see people like getting up five am, Pilates,
Grange Juice, creating six video. I'm just like, I am
a piece, Like I am so lazy. I hate myself,
Like I don't know, I think it you can see
more of people's days. I also just don't think it's
healthy to be able to literally see what everyone's doing
twenty four to seven on their stories.

Speaker 2 (17:53):
I yeah, I feel like I'm You've talked about the
flop era. You know, I feel like I'm kind of
in a fop eerra right now, where like I get
on social media and I'm just like I might be like, oh,
that's really pretty or that's funny, but I'm not like oh,
because used to I would see someone do something like
oh I want to do that or I want to
recreate that or something, and lately I'm just like.

Speaker 6 (18:14):
No, man, really, we've seen it all. And I said
this too.

Speaker 7 (18:17):
I'm like, you could be in a red ball gown
that is covered in diamonds in front of the Eiffel
Tower like be and I just.

Speaker 6 (18:25):
Like, like, I don't care anymore.

Speaker 7 (18:28):
I've seen everything there is to see, Like, unless you're
doing something groundbreaking, I don't care.

Speaker 6 (18:32):
That's it just like gets tiring.

Speaker 4 (18:34):
I don't know at my That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (18:36):
What is even when when someone's like Becca, what's groundbreaking
to you?

Speaker 4 (18:40):
I'm like, I don't know.

Speaker 7 (18:41):
No, literally nothing like you in a spaceship like an alien,
that's it.

Speaker 4 (18:45):
That's almost can impress me. You and a selfie with
an alien Because I have such a I do.

Speaker 1 (18:50):
I have a different relationship with Instagram, like I really yeah,
like I really enjoy it.

Speaker 3 (18:55):
I don't scroll.

Speaker 1 (18:56):
As much as I post, so I can post like
I just post my day, like I just go about
my day, and I like feel like I have friends
and community through Instagram that is so different and unique.

Speaker 3 (19:10):
And so to me.

Speaker 1 (19:11):
I think I post more than I scroll, and with TikTok,
I feel like, but I get I feel it's more
intimidating because I'm like, I don't know how to work
it as well.

Speaker 3 (19:23):
I don't know what anything means if.

Speaker 6 (19:25):
It's unknown to you. Also, that makes sense.

Speaker 7 (19:28):
People always say like you should create more than you consume,
So that makes a lot of sense if you're if
you're kind of going on a platform to create and
then you're getting off, it's like, great.

Speaker 6 (19:37):
All you did was, you know.

Speaker 7 (19:38):
But I think the constant consumption is what gets like
overwhelming for anyone.

Speaker 4 (19:41):
Yeah, wow, I'm very fas.

Speaker 2 (19:43):
So you've got it back and now you're like ready
to say goodbye again.

Speaker 6 (19:47):
So it's more of just having it on my phone.
So I have two phones.

Speaker 7 (19:50):
I have like a work phone that I do a
bunch of like work stuff, and I have social media
stuff on. And the reason I read down a little
on my actual phone is because it was just getting
kind of annoying to me. I don't upload stories every day.
I'll upload like twice a week or something. I'll just
like give a little update of what I've been up to.
But it was getting so annoying. I'm like, Okay, now
I have to air drop the photos onto this phone
and like upload Like this is a bit much. I'm like,

(20:11):
I can handle just getting it back on my phone.
So I did it like two days ago, and I've
been on it a ton because when I have it
on my work phone day to day, I don't bring
my work phone out with me, so I just don't
have the option. But I find myself like again being
in the line at the grocery store and getting on
I'm like, this is what I didn't want to do,
so now I'm thinking about.

Speaker 6 (20:28):
But also, what platform did you start on? Like did
you get your start Instagram? Instagram?

Speaker 3 (20:33):
Yeah?

Speaker 7 (20:33):
Okay, because I was gonna say, I have this theory
that wherever you start, you get burnt out of it
after a while and you want something fresh. A lot
of my YouTuber friends they hate YouTube and like I
They're like, I don't get how you're posing blogs.

Speaker 6 (20:45):
I'm like, oh, I love YouTube. They're so over it
because they've been doing it for ten years long.

Speaker 7 (20:49):
So I was wondering if maybe you started on a
different platform, if Instagram felt fresh. But sounds like you're
just a very healthy individual who had so that makes sense.

Speaker 4 (20:58):
It's not.

Speaker 1 (20:59):
It's really not about healthy boundaries, to be honest, I
think it's just more of.

Speaker 6 (21:03):
Like your personality.

Speaker 3 (21:06):
I don't know what it is.

Speaker 2 (21:07):
No, I think it's about community. Like I think you
genuinely like to commute. Like do you feel like it's
the community of Instagram?

Speaker 1 (21:13):
Yeah, Like I think, Okay, it's gonna sound so crazy,
but I had weird stuff going off my dog's eyeboogers
and they smelled like poop, and I was just like,
this is gross. And I go on Instagram and like
asking people for help, and I kid you not, it's
better than Google.

Speaker 4 (21:28):
Eyeboogers.

Speaker 1 (21:28):
I made two changes to her diet and she's clean
as a whistle. And I'm like, I love my Instagram
people like I love this community, and like I feel
like it's this I don't know. I just I have
like a really like love relationship with it.

Speaker 7 (21:40):
I think the reason I'm saying you're like healthy is
because that's actually very like, well, I guess it's self
serving in the way you're getting something from them, but
you're kind of looking outwards instead of looking inwards, where
I feel like, for me growing up doing it for
since I was eighteen, I started to become almost like
selfish in a way. It's like, oh, like, why am
I not getting likes? And when you're looking outward and

(22:00):
you're like, I love my community, it's much easier to
be inspired. But when you're when you're thinking me, me, me,
like what, it's never enough? And so that's kind of
what I'm trying to get away from. But I mean
I agree, like it is a million times better than
you can find out anything in two seconds.

Speaker 4 (22:14):
Wild.

Speaker 2 (22:15):
That just struck a chord with me, that you that
conversation about when you're thinking me, me, me, it's never enough.
It's so true because we're never satisfied. It's like ourselves.

Speaker 4 (22:25):
Yeah, glad you're healthy.

Speaker 2 (22:29):
I want to take a break and then we will
be back because I need to talk about j C.

Speaker 4 (22:33):
Jenner.

Speaker 8 (22:34):
I'm ready, Okay, So j C.

Speaker 2 (22:54):
Jenner, the conspiracy theories are that, but Kendall Jenner is
inspired by you and copies you.

Speaker 6 (23:04):
That's what they're saying me, That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 7 (23:08):
Yeah, it started as a complete joke and has legitimately
lasted like a year.

Speaker 4 (23:13):
What was it this place?

Speaker 2 (23:14):
Okay, so walk people through this because I feel like
I almost know too much that I'm gonna like give
people the details because I think it's the funniest thing ever.

Speaker 7 (23:23):
It's so funny, it's like the biggest It's the will
always be the mystery of my lifetime as well. Hopefully
one day I get solid answers. But it started as
a complete joke. So my family, I'm from Phoenix, and
my family like we're super big Phoenix Suns fans. And
I went to a son's game and at the time,
Kendall Jenner had been dating Devin Booker, who is he

(23:44):
plays for the Suns for like years, And you know.

Speaker 4 (23:46):
I said, they work.

Speaker 1 (23:47):
The sun is hotter in what is it, Puerto Rico
than it is in Phoenix.

Speaker 7 (23:52):
That's what I heard from that bunny. Yeah, yeah, so
I thought they were endgame. By the way, I'm like
so sad that they broke up, devastated anyway, So I
made a joke that this was the first thing was
that I got picked to be on the JumboTron at
the Sun's game. This randomly. I was at the game
kind of early and this random lady came up. She like,
do you want to play a game? And I was

(24:13):
like yeah, Actually she asked late for my husband and
he was like no, and I was like I will,
And so I was on the JumboTron and I made
a joke like, so Kendall had dyed her hair red
shortly after, like a few weeks after that.

Speaker 6 (24:27):
So I got on TikTok.

Speaker 7 (24:28):
I'm like, I was wondering, like where she got this
inspiration to go red, and I realized, like it was me.
She must have seen me at the Sun's game because
I was on the JumboTron whatever. She watches all the games,
and it kind of went viral. People are just like, oh,
that's funny. And then the next week she was wearing
this like white tank top with these green pants in
this pose like identical to a photo I had just posted.
So I was like, the conspiracy continues, and everyone's like, eh,

(24:50):
like what the heck, that's actually kind of weird, and
it just was like thing. Then it kind of like
took a pause for a second. I'm trying to think
of like what the next big thing was. But one
one of the biggest was.

Speaker 3 (25:02):
I oh oh oh.

Speaker 7 (25:04):
She posted this photo on a beach chair and it
was like really similar with like a baseball cap, and
it was really similar to a photo I had posted.
But it's also like every Instagram girl in the world
has taken that photo. So I kind of was just
being silly and I didn't say anything like caption wise
or with my words. I just posted on my story
the photo of me and then the photo of her,
and I got on a flight for like an hour.

Speaker 6 (25:23):
I was going to Phoenix.

Speaker 7 (25:24):
When I got off the flight, everyone was messaging me,
They're like, she deleted that photo from her like photo dump,
Like all the photos are still there, but that one
that you posted. I'm like what, And so I went,
I'm like, she deleted it. So then I posted that
that went viral. Then the straw that really broke the
camel's back was the following week. I I had just
put I'd been to Italy and I had posted this

(25:45):
photo of me laying on a beach towel reading this
book called The Surrender Experiment.

Speaker 6 (25:51):
The next week, she.

Speaker 7 (25:53):
Is in a bikini on a beach towel reading The
Surrender Experiment and I'm like, okay, that one is actually
like it's the same and that book is not i mean,
like viral or anything. So I was like, that's actually
like really funny that it's the same book as well.
And then it was I feel like there's more I'm
trying to think of, Like the other big big one.

Speaker 4 (26:13):
Did you just post one about your Instagram break?

Speaker 7 (26:16):
Okay, so that one. So Elle wrote an article. Elle
Australia wrote an article about this whole conspiracy thing. And
then what I think happened, So after further research the
article that they wrote, so they just came out with
an article on Elle like a week ago that was
like I deleted Instagram for six months and here's how

(26:37):
I felt. And it's a photo of Kendall Jenner and
I'm like, okay, that's my thing. I'm like, I deleted Instagram.
But she But but then upon further research, Kendall wasn't
the one who said that the Elle article wrote it
and used her photo. But I have a theory that
someone at Elle knows the connection and they did that
for publicity because they know that I'm going to post

(26:58):
it and say, oh my gosh, and sure enough, like
they always go viral, so I think that that's what
happened there. But it's just been like countless things that
are again it's like funny, yeah, and just like not.

Speaker 3 (27:08):
Ever seen her look at your stories.

Speaker 7 (27:11):
Never she did that, right, you know, I think so
for sure, But you know, Simon huck Yeah, So he
followed me in the midst of all of it and
like dms me and like put me on like the
Lemmy Courtney Kardashian's pr and like literally I replied to
his story the other day. I was like, this kitchen
is in like goals or something, because he posted a

(27:33):
photo of his kitchen and he's like, thank.

Speaker 6 (27:34):
You, I love you.

Speaker 7 (27:35):
Like so we we like DM and I feel like
there was another oh, like someone sent me this thing.
They're like, this is one of Kylie Jenner's best friends
and she was listening to my podcast.

Speaker 6 (27:44):
So they are like.

Speaker 7 (27:45):
Little connections and like seeds. But I in the moment,
I so badly wanted to collab with eight one eight
because a whole other thing is that I grew up Mormon,
and like I never tried alcohol and I was like,
I will literally try to for the first time on
a screen. I don't even think I ever like pitched that.
But I was like, if I was eight one eight,

(28:05):
I would fully take advantage of this, like one million percent.
I would just even not saying like I should meet Kendall,
but I'm like, you should have. You should just send
me a pr pack and you be like from Kendall
that would go viral. It's like just publicity for you,
but they never did.

Speaker 2 (28:20):
You're hearing if they're hearing this podcast, Yeah, I just
think it's so I think it's so funny. But I
also am like, if she's having someone help her, like,
let's say she has someone that helps her with her
social media and they're seeing your stuff and it's like,
let's play into this.

Speaker 1 (28:39):
But also I feel like if that person would be
smart enough to then be like, let's just swap out
the book and make it a different book, or like
you know what I mean.

Speaker 4 (28:47):
No, because I think it gets traction.

Speaker 7 (28:49):
I think people talk like you're saying you think that
someone helps her social media and is like purposely doing ye. Yeah, yeah,
I mean if that was me, not the Kendall Jenner
needs my class out at all. But I feel like
a lot of the Kardashians play into things like that,
Like if someone I remember, there's a girl who looks
a lot like Kylie Jenner, and she would be always

(29:11):
told that on TikTok, like every time she did anything.

Speaker 6 (29:13):
Like it's Kylie's twin, It's Kylie's twin.

Speaker 7 (29:15):
And Kylie, you know, she was always tagged and she
eventually like uh Campton on the girls thing and was like,
I'm gonna send you Kylie cosmetics, and you know, then
that goes viral, and I'm like, it's just smart to
play into that. If it was my business, I would
It doesn't matter how famous or rich you are.

Speaker 2 (29:27):
But I agree, I mean one thousand percent, because all
it is is keeping your name like relevant, especially in
like the social media world.

Speaker 6 (29:34):
Exactly.

Speaker 2 (29:36):
You brought up your husband wife, and y'all met and
got married quick, right, it was this real.

Speaker 7 (29:43):
Quick, how well we got engaged within We met in June,
I think, and we got engaged in November or we
went in July and got engaged in November.

Speaker 6 (29:52):
Maybe it was like.

Speaker 7 (29:53):
Four months or so, wow, yeah, four months and then
we got married five months after that.

Speaker 4 (29:59):
So two before you met, Like.

Speaker 7 (30:02):
No, you we were married before we Yeah, I had
known each other for a year.

Speaker 2 (30:06):
Did you date people? Like where have you dated and
been in relationships?

Speaker 7 (30:10):
Or yeah, I got married when I was twenty one, Okay,
so I had dated, like I had a high school boyfriend.
I dated some people after that, but yeah, I mean
it was one of my first and like probably my
fourth relationship or something.

Speaker 4 (30:23):
Is he also Mormon?

Speaker 6 (30:24):
Yeah? We both grew up Mormon?

Speaker 4 (30:26):
Do you still identify as Mormon?

Speaker 2 (30:28):
Again? I'm really, I I'm I've really related with your
journey in this topic.

Speaker 7 (30:35):
Not really, but do you know what's crazy is like
I still because did you grow up like religious?

Speaker 1 (30:41):
I grew up surbing Orthodox and I am now Christian?

Speaker 7 (30:45):
Okay, I for the first time, Like I'm talking like
a few weeks ago. I'm like just now getting comfortable
being like yeah, I don't really identify as that or
like yeah, I'm not really, I'm just like I distanced
my like I'm not into it. I still have not
even said the words out loud loud like I left

(31:05):
the church, like because it's so deeply ingrained into my
like identity.

Speaker 6 (31:10):
I feel like, but no, I don't.

Speaker 7 (31:13):
I don't identify with it anymore, and I don't really
align with the teachings or most of any of it.

Speaker 2 (31:36):
Was it hard now because I think we I always
often feel like people when they talk about kind of
like deconstructing their faith or like leaving their faith, all
you hear is kind of like the afterpart.

Speaker 4 (31:48):
You don't hear the challenge of like going through it.

Speaker 2 (31:50):
And I feel like it's one of those things of
like navigating my faith and having questions about has been
like one of the most challenging things.

Speaker 4 (31:57):
I've ever gone through.

Speaker 2 (31:59):
And I mean, I I have my own beliefs in
what I believe, but I don't feel like people talk
about that. Did you experience that, Like it's almost like
you grieve something that.

Speaker 4 (32:07):
You held so dear to you for your whole life?

Speaker 6 (32:10):
You know, Yes, it is literally like stages of grief.
It's a really wild experience.

Speaker 7 (32:15):
And what's interesting is like I have obviously had a
platform the entire time I've gone through it, but I
felt so uncomfortable like in that in that phase of
like not knowing which the ironies. I'm still in that
phase that I didn't feel comfortable like talking about in
public because.

Speaker 6 (32:32):
I'm like, I'm still in the midst of this. I'm
not like on the other side yet.

Speaker 3 (32:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 7 (32:36):
But then I think it was probably like a year
or two ago I just like came out and basically
said that. I was like, I'm still in the midst
of like deconstructing all of this. I have no idea
what I believe if I'm going to be honest, and
so many girls were like thank you, Like I feel
the same exact way, and so, yeah, it's been a
huge it's it's been like a really massive journey. And

(32:58):
growing up Mormon is extramely like growing up in any
religion is a unique experience, but growing up Mormon, it's
very like restrictive for lack of a better word, and
very specific, and it's like leaving it is crazy, and
it's a really huge part of your identity in your world,

(33:19):
Like it has influenced every decision I've ever made up
until this point.

Speaker 1 (33:24):
You know, I imagine that that is really wild because
it was like it was an interesting time for me
because I was going to serve in Orthodox Church. It
was more formality than faith based for me, Like I
never felt this faith, never felt a connection like I
did when I started as an adult going to Christian church,
I felt this deep set like I felt like you

(33:45):
know what I mean, Like it was just it was
more about the faith than the religion of it. And
so that was like a tough time with me and
like my parents navigating those conversations because you know that
it they feel like you're kind of turning your back
to something that is like you're culture and where you
came from. And it's just like it's hard to explain,
but it's like, as you grow, you need to to

(34:07):
be a part of things that feel good and feel
right to you as a as a human being, and
it is it's like a really tricky situation to be in.
So I respect that what you're going through because I
had to navigate it too.

Speaker 7 (34:20):
It's I think it's so deeply a part of people's
identity that it feels very disrespectful to them or like
devastating honestly to them if you turn your back on
it or if you want to live life a different way.
They take it as like a hit to their parenting
or like, yeah, oh my gosh, where did I go wrong?

Speaker 6 (34:37):
Like I get it too, Like I get it too,
I do.

Speaker 7 (34:40):
And it makes me sad too, because I think I'll
just speak for like Mormonism.

Speaker 6 (34:44):
I think it's so.

Speaker 7 (34:45):
Fear based, like their reaction is quite literally like as Mormons,
you believe you have to do certain things in order
to get into the highest level of heaven, and so
if your kid is not doing those things, you literally
believe like I'm not going to see and the afterlife.
That's very heavy, that's very devastating. And like, so I understand,

(35:06):
like you said, it's like when people not like disown
their kids, but well that's an extreme, but even when
they're just like, oh, please come back to church, like
and to us I think in this generation, and it's like,
oh my gosh, get over it. But to them, they're
like this is life or death to me, Like I'm
literally not going to be with my kid in heaven.
And so I do feel compassion for that. But like

(35:29):
you said, you have to as you grow, you have to.

Speaker 6 (35:32):
Do what makes your soul feel good. And that's what
I'm trying to do.

Speaker 2 (35:36):
And I think that what you said about like every
decision you have made was based around your faith. I
relate to that so much. Like I made so many
decisions and lived my life so carefully based on religion
and my faith, and it I think now I'm kind
of like I almost feel like I exhausted myself trying

(35:57):
to be this like perfect person that was living by
this like fear based guideline of you know, what I
was supposed to do. And it's kind of been eye
opening because I'm now in my thirties and I'm like,
oh my gosh, so much so much of my life
was just like making sure everyone was happy with me,
you know.

Speaker 7 (36:14):
And a lot of people like leaving religions, they feel
a lot of betrayal because they feel like, oh my gosh,
kind of like what you just said, not that anything
is a waste, but like I still feel like that's
sometimes a little resentful for the way that I grew up,
just because I have friends who weren't really religious growing
up and they're so open minded and I like really
respect the way they think, and I'm like, couldn't be me,

(36:35):
Like I have so many limitations on my mindset because
of the way I grew up that was very restricted,
very specific, that sometimes I'm like, dang, I wish I
had like a more open mind to those things. Like
I'm trying now, but it's literally reprogramming your entire brain. Yeah,
but at the same time, I, you know, love and

(36:56):
respect a lot of the things that I gained by
growing up.

Speaker 3 (36:59):
Really is such an interesting.

Speaker 1 (37:03):
It's such an interesting conversation just because I feel like
it's so layered, and like, you know, people, I'm dating
a guy that's Jewish, and I get a lot of
comments from people being like, how can you be a
Christian woman and dating a Jewish guy? And I'm like,
it's actually quite beautiful, you know, because he embraces my
traditions and my faith and I embrace his. And we're
having open dialogue about, you know, when we have a kid,

(37:26):
how we want to raise that kid and like have
them experience both and then maybe decide or you know
what I mean. Like, it's just like it's such a
beautiful way to be accepting of each other. And I
feel like that's kind of what has been missing in
religion or in faith. It's been it's been less acceptance
and more I don't know what the word is.

Speaker 4 (37:44):
But like, well, I think it's just like respect for
each other.

Speaker 2 (37:48):
And also everyone who's like part of a religion feels
very passionate that their religion is the only and right one,
And so I think it's like being able to open
your mind to hearing someone else's experience, so not immediately
feeling defensive or feeling like you're wrong for that is
a very beautiful thing to adapt to as a human being.

Speaker 7 (38:09):
It makes it hard to be a good listener if
you have like an agenda, even if it's just internal,
if you have a specific agenda where you're like, Cause
I always say, growing up Mormon, it gives you a
superiority complex, even though again I didn't ask for that,
but it's like you literally grow up being like you
need to be a good example to these people, Like
it's sad that they don't have what you have, So
you grew up thinking you're literally better than everyone, just

(38:30):
being like I feel for them so deeply.

Speaker 6 (38:32):
Now I'm like I'm cringing.

Speaker 7 (38:33):
Oh. Like, as I'm older, I remember specifically going over
in like fifth grade, I didn't have many friends who
were not Mormon. Pretty much all my friends, my whole
circle was Mormon my entire upbringing, and I was friends
with this girl who was not Mormon. In fifth grade,
I went over to her house and her mom was
like in a tank top and like drinking a glass
of wine, which both of those things are huge no nos,

(38:55):
like from where I came from, and I literally was
like I could not even believe. I was like, oh
my gosh, like I can't. I remember they were maybe like, oh,
I'm mean have a birthday party and like sleep over,
and I was like, I definitely can't like sleep over.
I shouldn't even be in this house. I remember feeling
like very strong feelings of like I shouldn't be here
literally because of those two things. And they were the kindest,

(39:16):
sweetest people. And I again, it's like I can't shame
myself now for not knowing better, but in I just
can't wait to like raise my kids.

Speaker 6 (39:25):
A little bit in a different way, Yeah, a little
more open mind.

Speaker 3 (39:28):
Your husband going through the same thing as you.

Speaker 4 (39:30):
Yeah, so he.

Speaker 7 (39:33):
I feel like his journey, I don't want to say
it was slower than mine, Like we've pretty much like
grown and evolved together. But there were times when I
would like be so like talking about it a lot,
like oh my gosh, what as I was deconstructing things
like now this doesn't make sense in this and he'd
just be like, for I don't know if it's like
men and women, but he's just less of an overthinker.
He's like, I mean yeah, and I'm like, why are
you mad? Like why don't you understand this or whatever?

(39:55):
And I remember specifically probably like the year or two
ago us kind of like really getting on the same page,
like him being like, I totally get where you're coming from.

Speaker 6 (40:04):
I feel this way.

Speaker 7 (40:05):
I feel the same way, and like, sure we have
a little bit of our differences with it, but we're
pretty like, yeah, you know, similar in our where we're
at now with it, which is really nice.

Speaker 2 (40:16):
Yeah, because I feel like that would be to come
from the same place and be like on opposite pages
would be, I'm sure of challenge to navigate.

Speaker 3 (40:24):
Do you like marriage?

Speaker 6 (40:25):
Love it? I'm literally so passionate two them's up.

Speaker 7 (40:29):
I am so passionate about like just giving the narrative
that marriage is like so fun and actually the best.
I really hate when it's like branded as this. She's like,
it's so hard but worth it. I'm like, no, it
literally doesn't have to be like yes, they're gonna be
hard moments. This is my personal belief and like my relationship, Yes,
I think there are hard moments, as there are with

(40:49):
anything like rewarding in life, but majority of it is just.

Speaker 6 (40:54):
So fun and the best. That's how I feel.

Speaker 4 (40:57):
Yeah, I'm happy to hear that because the.

Speaker 2 (41:00):
Sometimes when people will be like that, that exactly what
you said.

Speaker 4 (41:04):
It's so hard, but it's so worth it, and I'm.

Speaker 3 (41:07):
Like, yeah, is it like it's not like a triathlon.

Speaker 4 (41:11):
No, I'm trying to have you heard the thing.

Speaker 7 (41:15):
It's like the more like, the longer the Instagram posts
like yeah, the word more relationship like, the more suspicious
we should be like, I don't know, and.

Speaker 1 (41:25):
Also I get might get pretty lanky, yours get pretty likey.

Speaker 3 (41:29):
Oh yeah, I can like profess my love.

Speaker 7 (41:31):
But here's the thing, if if you if that's your
you know way with words, it doesn't have to be
one hundred percent of the time. It's just sometimes people
overcompensate by being like, you know, seriously, you know. I
marriage though, is weird, Like where I come from, you
literally get married when you're nineteen years old and have
kids during you're twenty two. And I have so many
friends that are already divorced, so it's like I have

(41:53):
a very I also feel like I have.

Speaker 6 (41:54):
A weird skewed vision of like, yeah, marriage as well.

Speaker 2 (41:58):
Well. I do think I think coming from the same background,
like being in the South and Christians, like people get
married really young and then they have kids really young,
and then it's like by the time they're thirty, they're like,
what happened to my you know, what? Did I do
anything for myself? And I think that's more of the key,
is like making sure you still are doing, like you're
growing as a person and not just like, oh, I'm

(42:19):
doing what I'm supposed to do by society's guidelines.

Speaker 4 (42:22):
Yeah, just because that's what I'm supposed to do.

Speaker 7 (42:24):
Have you talked about like your faith journey on your
podcasts and stuff?

Speaker 4 (42:29):
Yeah, I've talked about it.

Speaker 2 (42:30):
I mean I don't it's kind of com I don't
really know exactly what I believe. I believe I have
a relationship with God, and I feel like that part
has never really wavered because I think my faith has
been so important to me. But I have just you know,
in my relationship, specifically being with a woman.

Speaker 4 (42:47):
I think that it's like.

Speaker 2 (42:50):
I've watched people even though I know they're not God
or they're not supposed to not everyone represents God in
the right way when you're what you were saying about
being Mormon, where it's like we got to really show
people an example and like this is a terrible example
of this is what if this is what it looks
like to be Christian? You know, and people are like
you can't you can't walk away because of people, and

(43:11):
I'm like, yeah, but I'm allowed to have questions about
why the people that are supposed to be the most
loving have been the most hateful and that is.

Speaker 7 (43:20):
So that is something that they say a lot within
Mormonism as well as like it's not the doctrine, it's
the culture. It's the culture, but like where did the
culture come from? The culture doesn't appear out of thin air.
The culture is brought up out of out of you
know what I mean. It's like I think it's important
and however you identify in whatever religion, it's important to

(43:41):
still want to make things better.

Speaker 6 (43:43):
That's how I feel like, if you are very.

Speaker 7 (43:45):
Bought into an organized religion, it will take like being Mormon,
for example, if you really believe that it's like no, no,
it's just the culture. It's like, well then you I
shouldn't like should on people, but like then you should
try really hard to make the culture a better if
you're going to be in this organization, Like that shouldn't
be an excuse that we all just like, oh, well,

(44:06):
that's just how we are. Like it's like, no, let's
do better. Then, Let's be more accepting. Let's not judge.

Speaker 4 (44:11):
Other people for their choices, Like we.

Speaker 6 (44:13):
Don't want that. Can't we do better than that?

Speaker 1 (44:15):
You know?

Speaker 2 (44:15):
Yeah? I want thought, But I've had a lot of
grieving with it, Like I've gone through a lot of like,
you know, because it was it was so ingrained and
it was never taught like it's okay to question, Like
it felt like if you questioned it that that was
like bad, Like you do not question what you've been taught.
You don't question what the church is saying. And and

(44:35):
I think like being able to get out of that
mentality has been really hard because it's the same thing
of like am I doing the right thing?

Speaker 4 (44:42):
You know?

Speaker 6 (44:42):
Yeah, it's hard.

Speaker 7 (44:44):
You're taught also to not really trust yourself. That's how
I felt growing up, is that you're literally taught to
like not listen to your own intuition and like listen
to other people and that's been like a huge and
that's hard too. When I start listening to myself and
and I'm like, wait for my evil, like am I
literally am I path? Then I'm like, oh my gosh,

(45:05):
so lately this is what I've been doing is because
none of my family, all my family's still Mormon. And
my mom literally has six or there's six kids in
her family. All of them are still Mormon. All their
kids are still Mormon. Like I'm talking, I'm like them
the wild West right now for them. And sometimes I
will feel like isolated or like I'm I'm like, am

(45:26):
I crazy? And then I will like get so still
with myself. I will literally pray and be like God,
like I want to do what I want to live
the best life I can, Like I'm trying to make
right choices for me, Like if I'm not on the
right path, please like help me know that I'm not
on the right path. And I always feel just like
immediate peace, and I'm like I feel like that's enough.

(45:47):
Like I feel like if I'm feeling peaceful and I'm
trying my best to be a good person and have
a relationship with something greater than myself, like that's enough,
you know.

Speaker 2 (45:55):
What has it been I mean, if you're comfortable talking
about it, what has it been like having conversations with
your family about that, because like that's a big family
that's all believes one way for you to go in
a different direction.

Speaker 7 (46:08):
My parents are amazing, and my dad specifically actually is
super like open minded and very like he has questioned
the church a lot as well, which I'm so grateful
where he's actually the only person in my entire like
extended family who has kind of been on that same wavelength.

(46:29):
So I feel like very comfortable talking to him about
those things. And I actually called him like six months
ago and I was like, can I ask like why
are you Mormon? Because he still goes to church a
lot and like but I've heard him say like, ah, yeah,
I don't buy into that or like I don't like
this part of it. So I was like, why do
you still go? And he like just cut. We just
had like a pretty candid conversation about things. My parents

(46:51):
and my siblings are really the only people I talked
to it about. And it's not ever like I sit
them down and I'm like, hey, like here's where I'm at,
But like they'll just ask questions sometimes, like so you guys,
you know, like they were in town and it was
a Sunday, So are we like going to go to church?
And I was like no, They're like okay, Like I
don't know. I feel like they're pretty I've always been
very much, very independent and very like I'm gonna do

(47:12):
what I'm gonna do. So I think that they really
respect that I'm like an adult now, which I'm so
grateful for because a lot of people don't have that
same reality. And as far as the extended family, don't
don't tell them like hope they're not listening, don't talk.

Speaker 4 (47:26):
Yeah, I don't.

Speaker 7 (47:27):
Talk about it very much. Like I'm sure they see
my social media stuff and but I don't talk about
it that much because it's like I also feel bad
because I respect and love my family.

Speaker 6 (47:39):
So I'm like, yeah, I don't want them.

Speaker 7 (47:41):
To feel like I think they're dumb and that they're
you know, I'm like, we have different paths and I'm
trying to be respectful of that as well, which is hard.

Speaker 4 (47:51):
I think that's the thing.

Speaker 2 (47:52):
It's got to be a two way street of like respecting, like, hey,
if you believe this and you still believe this way
or what you believe. I can respect you, but like
respect the differences that I believe in.

Speaker 4 (48:02):
Yeah, so exactly. I think that is a big part
of it. You also have been really candid with your

(48:23):
journey to start a family, and I wanted you to
talk about this because I think we have a lot
of our listeners who have been navigating this as they're
like in the process of either getting married or wanting
to start a family, and the struggle of like watching
everyone else have success and be able to get pregnant
and like not being able to do that yourself. When

(48:46):
did you start trying, and like, what's that process been
like for you?

Speaker 7 (48:50):
So I originally it's so crazy looking back on now,
and it's actually interesting because the religion thing ties into
it significantly. I feel like, just in a sense that again,
and when you grow up you Mormon, you think like
you have to get married and have kids immediately pretty much.
And so I Lafe and I thought we were like
waiting by being like, I want to all get pregnant
when I'm like twenty five.

Speaker 6 (49:11):
That's like what we said.

Speaker 7 (49:12):
So I started trying when I was like twenty four
because I was like oh, then by the time I'm
twenty five, I'll have like my first kid. And so
I'm twenty eight now, so it's been like almost four years.
And I felt like I was living in these two
worlds where in Arizona and in my circle, everyone was
having kids like at a young age. I even felt late,

(49:33):
like starting when I was twenty five, I'm like, well,
it'll still be fine. And but then when we moved
to California and like specifically being in LA, people.

Speaker 6 (49:40):
Are like, you're two years old.

Speaker 7 (49:42):
Like when I meet them, they're like, first of all,
you look twelve, like you're already married. And I'm like, oh, yeah,
I've been married for five years, like it's been a minute.
And so I felt like I was living in these
two alternate universes where it's like people do not even
get married till they're like, you know, early thirties and
don't even think about having kids, and then people who
already have my you know, four children at this age.

(50:05):
So yeah, we started trying and we realized so my
husband life actually had childhood cancer. He had leukemia, and
that's kind of what they point.

Speaker 6 (50:13):
To, like our fertility issues.

Speaker 7 (50:16):
So we're gonna do IVF actually this year, which I'm
really excited about.

Speaker 6 (50:19):
But yeah, it's.

Speaker 7 (50:22):
Been a journey because interestingly enough, like again, even though
I do feel young, I am like the last of
my friend group and my family you know, family members.

Speaker 6 (50:31):
To have kids.

Speaker 7 (50:32):
But this is so cliche, like everyone says it. But
now where I'm at, like when we started trying, I
was in the midst of like my faith journey crisis.

Speaker 6 (50:44):
Like I feel like I.

Speaker 7 (50:45):
Am so much more confident now and in such a
better place to raise a child that I'm like grateful
in hindsight that it hasn't happened and that we even
have the option to do IVF, Like I'm super excited
about that possibility. But yeah, it's it's hard when all
your friends are telling you they're pregnant, if you're trying
for years and they like just get pregnant in the

(51:06):
first time, or it doesn't matter even if they tried
for a few months, and then it's just constant. Like
I told late, if I started to get on edge
whenever i'd hang out with any of my friends, especially
if I hadn't seen them for walks and' like they're
gonna tell me they're pregnant, and sure enough, it was
like constantly just like and I'm pregnant, and like I
was just like, oh yeah, and I'm so that it's
very hard. And what I've been trying to realize is
like two things are allowed to be true at the

(51:27):
same time. You're allowed to be so happy for your
friends or your family, and you're allowed to be kind
of bummed for yourself at the same time. That's like
perfectly normal and perfectly okay, because I would feel so
bad if I feel any negative feelings. So I'm like,
this is the happiest moment of their life, and I'm.

Speaker 6 (51:42):
Literally like congrats.

Speaker 4 (51:44):
But that's okay, I think. So, I mean, we're human beings.

Speaker 2 (51:48):
I think sometimes we feel like we have to be
a certain way or we feel guilty for having like
a genuine emotion.

Speaker 4 (51:55):
And I think that realizing even.

Speaker 2 (51:58):
We've talked about like when people are getting engaged, like
Tanya want she's like just waiting for the ream, and
so like, you know, when people are getting engaged, it's
like okay, but it's okay to if you can be
happy and be like I'm still waiting.

Speaker 1 (52:13):
And I definitely taught me that you can have two
emotions with like this, the same situation can create two
different emotions and that's perfectly fine. Yeah, Like I never together,
Yeah I never had that kind of like life realization
until recently.

Speaker 6 (52:27):
Same I would didn't know as possible.

Speaker 7 (52:28):
I'm like, I'm bad and I can be happy and
said at the same time, yeah's perfectly normal.

Speaker 2 (52:33):
But I also do feel like, like just watching you
just on through social media, I feel like you've done
so much and like like discovered who you are as
a person so much that like what a beautiful thing
to have experienced that through this journey. And then like,
when the time is right, you're gonna have a family
and that's gonna be your life. And up until then,

(52:54):
you just get to be the best version of yourself
and like continue to grow, which is really not that
you can't do that when you have kids, but you know,
your perspective shifts a little bit. You focused on just
raising a human being.

Speaker 7 (53:05):
And I think it's easy when you're going through something,
just whether it is like you're waiting for an engagement,
you're waiting to find the love of your life, you're
waiting to have kids, it's so easy to fixate it
on that and just be like, why isn't this happening?
And I did that for like over two years, and
then after we had a bunch of failed like fertility treatments,
I was like, Okay, I want to take the next
like six months off, which turned into a year, and

(53:26):
I was like, I'm really going to try and like
not like give up or something, but just like I'm
going to try to live my life and not be
like constantly just thinking about this. Yeah, And it was
the best year of my life literally because and I
truly was like successful at that I felt like, yeah,
I had little moments where people tell me they're pregnant.
I'm like, oh, dang, I'm kind of like bummed that
our kids won't be the same age. But like, for

(53:49):
the most part, I had such an incredible year because
and I'm not saying it's that easy.

Speaker 6 (53:53):
It's just like, oh, just forget about it.

Speaker 7 (53:55):
But like I got to that point I've kind of
I had to because I'm like I'm so miserable all
the time, Like I literally have to just at some
point give this up and be like, you know, when
my control my control, I can't control it.

Speaker 4 (54:06):
I think that's important.

Speaker 2 (54:07):
I think with that with everything in life, Like we
put so much focus and energy into something and then
when it doesn't happen, when we get so exhausted that like,
I think the key is being able to say, like,
maybe I don't have control over the situation, and being
able to release control, like let go of your grip.

Speaker 4 (54:21):
A little bit.

Speaker 6 (54:22):
Yeah, is key to just like comforting too.

Speaker 4 (54:26):
Yeah, what is your goal? Like what? What?

Speaker 2 (54:29):
What's your dream situation? What do you what are your
dream aspirations in career and life?

Speaker 7 (54:36):
Oh gosh, so many? Literally, you know, it's funny. On
the way over here, I was like, maybe I'll write
a book. I was like, maybe I'll write a book someday.
That was the most random thought I had. I've literally
never thought about that my entire life. So that dream
started today. But I'm actually creating my own brand right now,
which I have talked about a little bit, but I
like I've had so many delays with it that I

(54:57):
feel like that annoying person that's like they think, but
I can't tell you any details, Like it's literally so annoying.
But most of the stuff I've said so far as
it's like not something that you wear. It's not like accessories.
It's not clothing or anything like. I feel like it's
kind of it's very on brand for me, but it's
like kind of different. So I'm really excited about that.

(55:19):
I could tell you more off air, but I'm super
excited about that.

Speaker 6 (55:23):
So that's like.

Speaker 7 (55:23):
Really been my thing the past. I've been working on
it for over two years, so that's like something that
has been really heavily on my mind. And then for
our podcast, we just went on tour and we have
like two shows left. That's been really fun and like
something that I didn't realize we would ever do.

Speaker 6 (55:38):
But I want to continue.

Speaker 7 (55:39):
With just the podcast and stuff, and then honestly just
having a I'm super like my biggest passion in life
is just like doing what you want to do and
having everything that you want, Like I really believe that's
possible for anyone, and I that's all I want for
my life. Like I think that that changes a lot
what I want specifically, but I just want to have

(56:02):
like a happy family, a strong marriage, my dream home.
I want to leave live in my dream location, and
I want my kids to just have like a fun upbringing.
I mean, you know, at the end of the day,
that's probably what I want the most, and then I
want to be an entrepreneur. I want to do creative
things my whole life, Like that is always going to
be my goal. I've never had a normal job, normal

(56:23):
quote unquote. I've just like always been my own boss
since I was seventeen, and I kind of just always
want to do that. I think that that makes me
happy and it makes me feel really fulfilled to like
just create things and make them come to life. So
I always want to be in that space.

Speaker 4 (56:42):
I see that, I like see that for you.

Speaker 2 (56:44):
I feel like just even talking to you, just your
like knowing yourself and knowing like your journey and what
you see for yourself. You're very like sure of it,
and I think that's a really cool like quality to
have because I think there's a lot of people who
feel uncertain, and I feel like you're very certain what
you want you just are like open to when it comes.

Speaker 6 (57:03):
Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 7 (57:04):
I think it's been work to get to that point,
but I do feel that way. I feel like really
grateful for the current mindset headspace that I'm at.

Speaker 4 (57:12):
Well, where can everyone follow you?

Speaker 2 (57:15):
On TikTok, YouTube, Instagram.

Speaker 4 (57:19):
JC Jenner no.

Speaker 7 (57:20):
You can still find me Instagram. I still post Yeah,
JC Murray Smith Nite. That's my handle on everything jac
Is jac I and I will be changing it soon
on everything to JC Jenner say, stay tuned.

Speaker 6 (57:34):
I would love to do that.

Speaker 7 (57:35):
I wonder if I would lose my verification, but then
I can just buy it.

Speaker 3 (57:38):
That totally buy it back. Maybe it's a fun April
Fool's joke.

Speaker 4 (57:41):
True, just past that would have been need to do.

Speaker 3 (57:46):
Earlier your counter for twenty twenty four.

Speaker 7 (57:48):
Yeah, I need to secure that user name now that
I'm saying that, before this goes live, I need to
secure that user name.

Speaker 2 (57:53):
I'm manifesting a eight one eight collab.

Speaker 4 (57:56):
Yeah, thank you, I kindle Jenner collab. I mean, thank you.
The possibilities of a TikTok together are endless.

Speaker 7 (58:03):
So it's like, Kendall, come on, She's like, I'm literally
the highest paid supermodel in the world.

Speaker 6 (58:08):
I don't need you, but you know we could create
a product together. You never know, you never know.

Speaker 2 (58:13):
I think you're more creative than she is, So I
think there's potential there for her to grow as a
as a creator herself.

Speaker 4 (58:20):
And first we'll see what happens. Thank you guys so much.
It's so much fun u

Speaker 6 (01:00:02):
U