#26 What's Inside My Head?

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Help I Suck At Dating with Dean Angler and I
Heart Radio Podcast. Hello and welcome to this week's episode
of Help I Suck At Dating. My name is Jared
Haven and I am with the wonderful Dean Dean Say hello, Hello, Hello.
Um so Dean, I figured we jump right into it,

(00:21):
getting into the nitty gritty. Uh. There was some news
this week that another couple from the Bachelorordin Games has
broken up and that involved you. I don't know if
you wanted to kind of take the platform and and
discuss it a little bit, or just if you had
anything on your chest. Yeah, I've been kind of dreading
this moment for the past four or five days. To
be perfectly honest with you. Um. Yeah, Leslie and I

(00:42):
decided to part ways, and UM, I don't I don't
really want to talk too much about it to be
perfectly honest with you guys. I want to respect her privacy.
UM And I know that kind of with this podcast
comes the territory of everyone expecting me to share every
once in my life at all times, and I think
that I'm going to forego that this time and just
not really speak too much about that specifically. UM, I

(01:05):
will say that, you know, the last four or five
days have been credibly challenging. Uh. Fortunate enough to hang
out with Jared actually on Saturday night and he was
able to kind of like talk with me through a
lot of things. But it's been tough. It's been tough
for both of us. And um, yeah, I don't even
just like talking about it right now. It's kind of
getting me a little sad. But no, of course, like

(01:25):
and I could see it on Saturday, I could see
all right here that you know, it's it's an emotional
time for you right now. Um, and it always is
going through a breakup, and uh, I think it's even
heightened when you're going through a public breakup. UM. So
you know, maybe a question I had for you was
because you do and I do respect your privacy and
and I think that's um a great quality to have

(01:46):
to keep things, you know, Uh, some things don't need
to be public. Um. But having said that, you did
post something a couple of days ago. Um, I just
kind of had a question about like where you were
coming from when posting that and and why you felt
the need to um post uh something so um emotional
like that on Instagram. Yeah, I I think because Less
he posted something as well, and she's like, I don't

(02:06):
know why I have to feel the need to post
something like this, and it's like this the sentiment is
mimicked on my side too. It's kind of like I
don't really feel like I have the need to share
that but for semantic sake, for due diligence sake. I
guess maybe I don't know, But um, it was weird
because the News published that uh split article before either
of us said even even even talked to the news

(02:27):
or talk to anyone about it, Like it was basically
an hour or two old at that point, um, And
so it was just it was a weird dynamic to
introduce to the breakup. Um. But yeah, I mean the
post that I had, it's like it's like I've always
had this idea that you kind of, like, like I
said in my post, like you live your life, you
do your things exactly how you want to do them, um,

(02:49):
and then eventually, at some point in your life, you'll
be introduced to the person that lives their life the
way that they want to live their life, and you
kind of just like come together and become this one. Um.
I guess A couple where you guys are being very
into pendant of each other and you kind of just
build each other up in so many ways and there's
no real like work that asked you put into it.
And as I'm getting older, I'm starting to realize, like
love takes a lot of work, and it takes you know,

(03:11):
a lot of time and a lot of compromise and
a lot of effort on both sides, and um, yeah,
it was weird. It's it's funny too, because like I
thought about what I wanted to say coming into this
podcast and like the things that I'd be willing to share,
and um, one of the things, so my friend asked
me before going into Bachelor Winter Games, He's like, what's
like the one thing that you want out of a
relationship going into Winter Games? And I like that was,

(03:34):
like the one thing that I want is just to
know that I feel loved back, Like I want to
feel loved and like I feel like I belong all
that kind of stuff. And what's what's the worst part
about all of this is like I know that Leslie
did feel that way about me, regardless of everything. Like
I knew that she she did love me, and so
it's like here, I am like, now, it's that's what
I wanted. Like I got the one thing that I
wanted and still didn't end up working out, you know,

(03:54):
which is like the one of the worst things to
to come to the realization of. And so like now
I'm sitting here and I've like taken a few steps back.
Over the past four or five days, I've um, you know,
spent a lot more time alone. I think that that's
one thing that I really need to do, is start
spending a lot more time alone and just kind of
focusing on myself and and kind of come to terms
with a lot of the issues that I have in
my life and from my past that are are very

(04:15):
much affecting my dating life nowadays. And you know, I've
been like meditating more and um, I sought out therapy.
I'm gonna start going to therapy this week. UM. And
even like as I was, it was kind of like
a postmortem with with um one another, and I was like,
I don't know, I don't really think I've ever had
a strong example of a good relationship in my entire life.

(04:36):
Like my parents didn't really like each other when I
was growing up. My brother is in a good relationship
now with his girlfriend, but I don't really see or
hear from them very often. All my friends are, you know,
more or less going from one field relationship to the next.
So like, I've never really had a relationship to look
up to, and I think that that takes a big
toll on on kind of what I think a relationship
should be. Like, UM, I think I have like this,
And sorry for just I'm rambling and I'm just kind

(04:58):
of talking about what comes to mind. But UM, I
like this crippling fear of like turning out like my father.
I think I realized the other day too. I was
like sitting on the beach and I was like doing
my breathing exercises, and I was like, damn if I
end up like him, I'm gonna be really really sad
at myself for that. Um. And so you know, I
have like this, I guess instinctive defensive thing to like
kind of push away from the good things in my life.
And um, hopefully there are people end up helping me

(05:19):
out with that. And UM, I think I just need
to come to two terms with a lot of the
issues that I have ah or have dealt with personally.
And like face myself and like look myself in the
mirror and be like, you went through this, and so
now you need to, like people to build from this.
And obviously all we can do is like, once you
recognize a fault, if you don't like take action to
make it better, like, that's the worst thing you can do.

(05:40):
And I think that I've kind of done that in
the past, where I'm like, oh, I have this problem,
but it's going to fix it self kind of thing.
But now it's more of a matter of like, oh,
I have all these problems. I need to like take
action actually make them better for myself. And of course
you learn from your mistakes. Um and yeah, like like
the guilt, the the remorse, the depression and anxiety that
I feel right now, it sucks. But um, I think
if you know, if the relationship up going, it's it

(06:00):
would have been much worse if it got to this
point again, you know. Um So, so all of these
feelings are a fraction of what I assumed would have been. Um.
You know, if a breakup happened in six months, when
just relationships or I'm sorry, emotions continue to kind of
grow and grow, and um and I said, I wasn't
gonna talk much about this. But again, all of this
boils back down to I think my issues, my securities,

(06:24):
like my incredible fear of abandonment and like needing to
be belonged somewhere all that kind of stuff. So um,
nothing Unleslie. Like Leslie was an incredible girlfriend, and I
know one day she'll be an incredible wife of a
wonderful mother. She's a great uh aunt to her two nephews,
and um, you know she she's she's a great girl.
So um, I don't know, it's tough. It's been a

(06:46):
rough couple of days. Yeah, man, uh you know we
I was, like I said, I've seen you the beast
couple of days, and I can kind of see you
going through a very emotional difficult time right now. And
I think you're handling it as best as you possibly can.
I think you're handling it very maturely. And and also
I wanted to say that like you've been nothing, you
have nothing, You have nothing but nice things to say
about Leslie. Like that's I mean even talking about it.

(07:08):
The past few days, you have said nothing but just
wonderful things about her. Um, and I think that's very respectable.
And I also think that you going through the self
reflecting reflecting time right now is also very important because
I feel like a lot of people that go through
breakups they kind of they can maybe blame the other
person too much, and you're not doing that. You're taking
a lot of responsibility for yourself. Um, and you're learning

(07:28):
from that. And even by you know, you're saying going
to therapy, by the way, but you know, like going
in interviews in the batchelors like exactly like going through
therapy right now, and so UM, trust me, we've all
been there, and I think you're doing the best you
can and that's all you can do. Yeah, I mean,
I don't know. I can't. Like I said, it's it's

(07:48):
one thing to recognize the faults that you have in
your relationships. But I'm working hard and diligently to focus
on fixing those problems, and I don't necessarily know where
to start. I think therapy is a good place to
start for me. I always kind of like, I always
kind of knock therapy. I one of my former girlfriends
from a three year few years ago, I mentioned that
she went to therapy and um and how beneficial it
was for her, and I was I was kind of

(08:09):
wrote it off as like, oh, I always kind of think,
like week, will people go to therapy, like just people
that can't really deal with their own emotions, etcetera, etcetera. Um,
but going through this breakup and like the amount of uh,
I guess things that came to surface throughout it, like
it was like I need to go to therapy. Yeah.
I went to therapy for about two years really, yeah, absolutely,

(08:29):
just to uh kind of went through a difficult break up.
This is before the Bachelorette and um, kind of going
through the same thing you're going through right now. Where
I was just doing a lot of self reflecting and
questioning my own, um decisions that I've made and the
person that I am today. And I was trying to
exactly kind of focus on the things that I don't
like about myself and and try to fix those things.
And so therapy really helped me just being able to

(08:51):
It's amazing how a thought can go through your head
and it feels like the worst thing imaginable, and then
all you do is say it and you just kind
of put it out into the world and get it
off your chest, and then you realize. Wow, Okay, I
feel aho lot better right now just from saying that. UM,
And so I am a total advocate therapy, and I'm
also a total advocate of UM, you know, looking inward
for answers. Yeah, and that's something I maybe you haven't

(09:14):
done so much. I've I've been alone before, like I've
been on my own for you know, however long, but UM,
I don't think I've ever really dived in and like
I asked myself the difficult questions, and so over the
past four or five days, like I'll like be sitting
there and thinking, like I'll have like a like an
epiphany You're like a revelation about UM, something about my
childhood or something about my past where I'm like, I
don't want that and I don't want that to happen again.
So like what are the necessary steps to ensure that

(09:36):
that doesn't happen? Yeah? Absolutely, I think you're showing a
lot of vulnerability right now. And we've talked about it
on this podcast before. I mean, I think we've all
said vulnerabilities a sign of strength, not weakness. So I
think you're exuding a lot of strength by going through
this public ar right now and I want to thank
you for talking about it with us, um, and uh, yeah,
I feel like you're being a little hard on yourself
to be honest with you. I mean, aren't all breakups

(09:57):
snately a mutual situation, don't matter who did the breaking up.
And I don't know in your situation. I don't know
anything about your situation, but it seems like it's just
these things. Sometimes they work and sometimes they don't. I
think you maybe shouldering too much of the blame. I
think I've done that before in the past, and I
think that sometimes I do end up taking too much
of the responsibility and like allowing myself to kind of
be that sponge to absorb that. But I mean that's

(10:20):
just kind of maybe that's again something that I can
work through therapy, but it's just like that's my I
guess default. Like when things go wrong, like the easiest
thing to do is to blame yourself, because at the
end of the day, like you control how you react
to everything, You control your actions to to every situation,
and so it's in a sense always entirely my fault.
But then obviously if you look at from the other
side of that that person can be like, oh, it's entirely
my fault too, So, UM, I understand where you're coming from. Um,

(10:43):
But to bounce off that, I would absolutely agree with you.
Any relationship that breaks off, it's on both people, right,
A relationship is a two way street. Having said that,
I think for me personally, it was just more it
was more difficult to put to talk about Leslie's side
for the simple fact that Leslie's in here and so
she can't really articulate her own feelings about things. And
that's one of the main reasons why I demand that demand.

(11:04):
Whatever I demand, I demand it that that the breakup
itself is at least as private as possible, to respect
her privacy because she doesn't have a voice in the situation.
And of course you could go to a news outlet
whatever share her side of the story if she so
intend to. Um, But like, just because she's not here to,
I have no right to talk about that, I don't
think I would agree. Well, could Rachel Lindsay talk about it? Yes,

(11:25):
because she has some thoughts. So before we entered Marketad
informed me that Rachel was on the Almost Famous podcast
with Benn and Ashley, another I heard radio podcast and
if you haven't listened to it yet. Give it a listen.
So here is Ashley I asking Rachel about this. Well,
speaking of things not being sunshine and rainbows, we just
recently had two big Bachelor Winter Games breakups this week
Claire and Benoir and Diana and Leslie. Um, Rachel, did

(11:47):
you see these coming? I never thought had report to
work now and Leslie, I actually thought they were. I
thought that they had to have along with the same
interest like personalities that messed really well together. And I
thought that they were going to work out. Like. I
didn't think that they were going to be running down

(12:09):
the eye only any time soon. But I thought that
they were going to be boyfriend and girlfriend for a while,
so I would it ended so quickly. That's pretty much
my thoughts on it too. I thought Dean Leslie would
be together for a while and think they were each
other's forever person. I think he was going to lead
to marriage, but I thought it would be maybe maybe
become more months actually in rachel thoughts on your situation

(12:30):
is that it's gotta be weird to just to hear
people on other shows talking about your personal life, right,
Is that weird? Well, yeah, it's weird. But my question
with that, and I would love to obviously give the
floor to you guys. In in response to that, so
actually said, and they both kind of seemed to agree
that we would date for you know, maybe another year,
a year and a half. But where if you if

(12:52):
you kind of see it coming to an end eventually,
if it's not your forever person, why why keep going
along with the process and keep it I absolutely agree.
I think that they probably thought that you both of
you would not realize that you weren't each other's forever
person for a little while. That's my only defensive theirs.
But having said that, as they're saying two different things,
are saying, I knew they were never gonna get married,

(13:13):
but I was shocked they broke up. Well, it's kind
of the opposite thing, isn't it. Yes, especially especially at
this age, right when you're getting to your late twenties
early thirties, you're like, well, if this is not my
forever person, that it's better to end it earlier rather
than later. And I think, um, for them, they probably
were just saying that because they thought that you guys
were in day for a while and you guys maybe
would fade out. I'm not really sure, but for you, uh, Dean,

(13:35):
I think the fact that you realized that Leslie might
not be your forever person and that you ended it
earlier rather than later, uh, was the right thing to do,
because it's not good to drag these things on because
all you're doing is hurting each you know, not only
hurting yourself, but hurting um, you know, your partner as well.
So and that goes back to the point that I

(13:55):
made earlier, of all of these horrible feelings that I'm
going through, unless you are going through right now, is
there there a fraction of what they would potentially be
if if you happen in a year too, of course,
because then feelings grow then turned you know, you're turning
into like, you know, deeper love and families being a
part of each other, and potential like you know, other

(14:16):
things you know, moving in that just would really complicate
the issue. So and it's also like, you know, like
with Rachel, as much as a respect her, like, she
just doesn't know. She didn't know the inner workings of
your relationships, so she's just saying like, yeah, I thought
it would work out for a while, and then I
thought they probably wouldn't be you know, married or anything,
but I thought they'd be together for a while. And
so it's just an outsider speaking on a relationship, just

(14:36):
like if you know, if I was speaking upon it,
i'd be announcer. I don't know the inner workings of
your relationship with Leslie. So the only two people that
know that are you and Leslie, right, I mean, yeah,
competing you a little bit. And that's another thing too,
especially with like social media and all that kind of stuff,
is everyone has an opinion about everything. I've I've gone
to the extent of just deleting my Instagram and deleting
my Twitter, not like de activating my accounts, but just
deleting the apps and I'll reinstall them. And I have

(14:58):
to you know, post for a brand or post to
promote this podcast. But I just like it. I had
like this digital dependence of like every time I picked
up my phone, the first thing I would do is
open Instagram totally. And so so now I just want
to if I pick up my phone, it's going to
be either to answer a phone call, call someone, text someone, etcetera,
and not just go on social media. Um again, it's
it's not so much about like listening to like the

(15:18):
negativity that's out there about people talking about the relationship,
and I think that it's just a matter of it's
just it's a waste of time in so many ways,
and I think, like, right now, I just need to
realign my focus and my priorities because of that. And
everyone's got an opinion, and that's gonna be the hardest
part about going through a public situation like this is
everyone you've actually met those people actually, and Rachel, so
many hundreds of people you've never met hav an opinion

(15:38):
on this, and that's Oh, it does driving nuts, right.
Everybody's like, you were right, you were wrong. She's the best,
you're the worst. You're the best, she's the worst. And
it's just like, no, that's not how it works. You
guys don't understand that it's just a relationship. It's a
normal relationship. Yes, that it was. It was on TV,
and it was for the public eye. Having said that,
it was a very normal relationship where feelings happened, We
were together and it was a very difficult breakup, but

(15:59):
it just needed to come to an end. And so
I think people forget that, right they look at you
and they look at Leslie and you guys are like, oh,
these aren't real people. These are just characters that I've
seen on the television show. No, these are real people
with real feelings and real emotions. And while we try
not to look at comments or people's opinions, like, of
course we're going to hear them and see them and
it's gonna affect us and either make us sad or
happy or well, probably not happy. But um, like I

(16:21):
think people just forget that they see you on TV.
They immediately think that you're just a character and that
you're actually not a real person. People forget that this
is reality television. It's not just television, and you can
filter out only so much. But at the end of
the day to to that point as well, it's like
the most important thing that I've I guess, I mean
not the most important thing, because I I'm trying to
see the value and being alone, but like my friends

(16:43):
and uh, the people that are close to me have
been incredibly supportive, like if if, if, and when I
need to talk about anything, like they're the first ones there,
and um, yeah, I mean the people that know you
are really the only ones that should have an opinion
to value and and the ones that you at least
the only people that the people that know you, sorry,
are the ones opinions that you should only really carry

(17:04):
any weight in your life. Of course, yeah, you should
value the opinions of the people that are important to you,
you know, not the people that have no idea who
you are and the only thing they know about you
is either through television show or social media. Of course,
I wholeheartedly agree. Before we start the rest of the show,
we have a psychicon in a minute, because you have
one more question you want to ask, Oh, do I

(17:26):
know I was God Dean? Well, now I feel like
a jerk asking I was gonna joke around and be like, oh,
well Dean, what about Paradise? But now I'm not gonna
ask about that. That's I'll put it out there right now.
There is a zero percent chance there we go. Zero
was seeing Dean on Bachelor? Zero percent chance. And I've
seen before I leave on my Twitter, which just was
last night, so it's it's like a fresh thing to me.

(17:48):
I'm just I'm slowly trying to learn how to be
less engaged with that type of stuff. Um, I saw
people saying things like Uh, if Dean goes on paradise
and it's proof that he's just chasing the fame and
all that kind of stuff, And it's like, I want
to be with someone like I I wish that I
met my person five years ago and I was twenty one,
that I could spend the rest of my life with
or eighteen, and so I could spend the rest of

(18:09):
my life with them from that point forward. But there's
a point where I want to be with someone, but
I don't want to have a very big fear of
being with the wrong person, And maybe that's something that
I need to work on again. Honestly, it's the key
to life. And I don't mean to put that kind
of pressure on you, but as a happily married man,
I've always said the key to life is marrying the
right person right, because then everything else falls into place.

(18:30):
What's your fear of being with the wrong person. Don't
you find that if you were with the wrong person,
you would end it right? So what is your fear?
Is your fear of marrying the wrong person? No? No,
So I guess the point that I'm trying to say
is is I want to be with someone and I
want to be in a relationship, but I don't want
to be in that relationship if it's not with the
person that I see myself really spending the rest of

(18:51):
my life with. So are you more afraid of being
with the wrong person or are you more afraid of
being alone for the rest of your life? Because I
feel like you're the type of person that would never
marry the wrong person. You're the more of the type
of person that would just never marry anybody because you
don't think that they're the right person. Well, so that's
the thing, and that goes back to my Instagram caption
of this utopian idea of what a relationship is. I
don't I don't I want to be married at some

(19:13):
point in my life, Like I I don't think that
I think that marriage has a lot of issues just
fundamentally as as a institution whatever it is. And it
dates back to you know, archaic ages where they were
bringing together two farms so that the families could have
more sheeps and all that kind of stuff, and it
just kind of snowballed into what it is now and
that's probably fine, but there I do have, like the
longing to be with one person for the rest of

(19:33):
my life. I want to meet the love your life
and spend the rest of your life with them and
share your life with them totally, whether that be marriage
or just being with each other. Well, I mean I
want marriage, but be married alright, perfect, you want marriages. Well,
I just don't want to judge people that are like
I'm never getting married, and and even my roommates. So
my roommates, Um, I was talking to me the other
day and he's like, yeah, like I don't know if
I ever want to be married. And I was like,

(19:55):
really like that surprising. He's like, yeah, I don't know
if I ever want to have kids. And he looks
at his father, and his father is kind of the
same way where his father lived in Germany, and you know,
just kind of like dates around and all this stuff
and all this stuff and environment was like usually like
when I'm I guess single, I'm happier and I feel
more liberated and more freed all that kind of stuff.
And um, I can see obviously like if he's happy
because of that, then that's great, But um, I just

(20:17):
think that again back to that that utopian idea of
of kind of two people coming together to creating the
best forms of both of themselves. Um. That's that's what
I want, is like I want to like, I want
to find someone who's whose strengths or my weaknesses my weaknesses,
or there's my strengths or their weaknesses. Um, and we
can just kind of build each other up and grow
off of each other all that kind of stuff. And um,

(20:37):
you know, not to say that I haven't found that
in people that I've dated, Like Leslie is is so
strong in areas that I'm so weak, and I'm trust me,
I'm a weak in a lot of areas, but you're
also strong in a lot of areas as well. Give
yourself some credit. Let's focus on the weaknesses though. Um.
But yeah, it's just it's it's a fear. It's a
fear that I need to just kind of continue to
to conceptualize and realize and understand why it's there and

(20:58):
hopefully fix it one day and get rid of it
and be comfortable. She she sent me like an article
of I wish I could pull it up right now.
It's kind of long, but it's like it was saying, like,
you should never compare relationships to other relationships. You should
never um think about the the one in quotation marks, Um,
you should never do any of that type of stuff
because all that does is pull you away from the
current relationship that you're in. Absolutely should be living in

(21:20):
the moment right. Absolutely A great because I suffer from
the same thing where sometimes if I'm starting off dating
somebody ver earli early on that I start projecting into
the future and thinking, is this person I could spend
the rest of my life with? And I start thinking
about that on the second date, and I'm like, Jared,
you're insane. Don't think about that. Just have fun because
feelings grow, right, like turns into love and then love

(21:41):
changes over time. Um. And that's so that's the thing too.
It's like I was actually thinking about this morning, was like,
I haven't like insane attachment issues, Like on a second date,
I'm like, I want to like just blur out I
love you, like that type of stuff. Sometimes. Yeah, And
then there's also like the mixture in of like, oh,
like okay, slow down, Like this is you've known this
person for however long and you can't really get that
far ahead of yourself. And then it's hard because you

(22:01):
can't tell the difference between love and lust, especially if that,
if it's that early on where you're on the second
day and you're like, I just want to say I
love you, then it might be just this infatuation rather
than actually strong love feelings. True. Um So that's also
something that you need to think about as well, and
that we all need to think about. Right well, anyways,
long story short, not going to paradise perfect to I

(22:23):
don't I doubt they'll let her ask me again I
once I know if they did. Um So, if any
of the the producers are listening, just please don't ask that'd
be great. Thanks. Perfect Well, you're gonna probably gonna get
a phone call right after this after he said that
the door was closed. Door was closed? All right? On
the show today, we have a matchmaker coming up in
a little bit. You'll be very helpful to all the
singles listening if they need any advice on finding the
right person. And we have a psychic coming up. He's

(22:46):
going to be here in just a minute. His name
is Reginald Lewis. And before we get into the psychic,
I wanted to ask you guys what your level of
belief skepticism is about the whole thing. Jared, where where
do you stand with psychics. I've never got I've never
been to a s kick. I've gotten my palm read before,
which I think are very two different things. I could
I'm a skeptic, Like if I'm being honest, I am

(23:06):
a skeptic because I think, like I've looked into psychics
a little bit, and there's something called cold reading. Have
you ever heard of this where it's like they give
it's pretty much like a film in the blank. And
so if I ever went to a psychic, I would
be I would be open to the idea. I wouldn't
have my doors closed having said that I would go in,
I wouldn't say anything. I would want them to tell
me specifics without me answering any questions. But I don't

(23:27):
really think that's how it works. So I'm not sure.
But I'm definitely open to the idea of believing a psychic.
But I am definitely a skeptic, okay. And I think
Jared and I are very much on the same page
in that I don't necessarily if I were to go
to a psychic, no matter the circumstance, I don't think
I would ever believe what they have to say as gospel.
Like I wouldn't be like if the psychic was like,
in two years, this is gonna happen to you, I
wouldn't be like, oh, in two years, like I have

(23:48):
to plan for that because it's happening to me now
because the psychic told me that. Um, I don't necessarily
believe in like extra terrestrial, not extra Rassically I'm sorry,
because I do believe in actually show but like after
like ghosts, ghosts, I don't believe in so much. If
they do exist, I don't think they can interact with physical,
physical things around us. I don't necessarily believe in like

(24:10):
that type of stuff. I agree. I'm much more of
a believer in like energy, that we are filled with
energy and when we die, our energy would be transferred
into something else. Whether that means like an afterlife, I'm
not really sure, or like how are like we could
be able to connect with the dead or talk to
the dead. I don't really believe in a lot of
that stuff. Having said that, I still would never mess
with Luijibar, just because God forbid if I'm wrong, Like

(24:31):
it's not even just Stine worth, it not even worth.
And I think I think a lot of that blows
down to experience because I know Eastern before we even
started the podcast, had mentioned he was kind of in
the same boat as Jared and me, and then he
met with a medium and she completely blew his mind.
So I think if you experience something that is utterly
like mind blowing, then that's kind of caused to change
your mind about certain things with a Long Island medium
and on the Secret Show, and we didn't set anything

(24:53):
up ahead of time, there was nothing, We didn't know
who she was going to talk to in the room anything,
and she started naming some things that really hit home
with East and East and take it from there. Yeah,
it was wild. I wasn't even supposed to be there today.
I was covering for somebody else and she Um, she
started talking about she was She was just kind of
like throwing things out to the room and then she
looked at me and she said, you had a close

(25:13):
friend die recently, and uh, and I said, yes, I did.
And then she told me about my friend that had
drowned um a couple of years earlier, and it was
very hard for me to deal with and she got
very specific. And you know, I'm a I'm a skeptic.
I didn't. I don't buy that kind of thing, but
she got really it was very specific, um and so
that made me like, I left going like, what's you know?

(25:36):
She's either got a crazy team of Googlers, which is
equally impressive, or she's tapped into something. Uh and and
that's on YouTube. So if you want to check out
my experience, go to on earth Ryan dot com. But yeah,
it was. It was wild. And now I'm I don't
know if I'm a believer now, but I'm definitely there's
something there. I think. I guess I'd have to experience

(25:56):
for myself before I can say I'm believer, because, like I,
I do hear stories of people like I never believed
in that kind of stuff, and then I went to
one and they blew my mind. I guess maybe I
just haven't been to one, so it's still hard for
me to be like, I don't know. Well, let's see
if he blows your mind. The age old seeing is believing.
Let's bring him in here. This is Reginald lewis psychic.
So Reginald, do you mind tell us a little bit
more about yourself? Yes, So I'm a psych in the medium.

(26:19):
A lot of people see me on Steve Harvey. You know,
I've done guests appearance on Steve Harvey. So a lot
of people want to know what is a psychic in
the medium. Most people don't understand that, you know. Most
people want to think about, you know, tarot cards and
crystal balls, and you think about the old weird gypsy
lady reading your future. Uh's nothing like that as far
as the real deal of what a psyching medium is. Basically,

(26:40):
as a psychic, I'm able to read energy. So if
you think about it, we all know physics, everything is energy.
Everything has a vibration to it, So I just have
a sensitivity where I can pick up on those frequencies,
those vibrations and kind of tell stuff about people. You know.
The next part of it is a medium. Now, a
medium is a whole another level. So there's a difference
between a psychic and the medium. As I get reads energy, potential, past, present, future,

(27:04):
a medium actually connects with spirit, so they actually have
the ability to connect with our loved ones, you know,
and those who are around you. So basically that's my work,
That's what I do. You know, I've been doing over
ten years. I was born this way. A lot of
people say, did you go to school for this? You
know how I was born with it. It's something that's
actually hereditary for me. I'm Puerto Rican and black. My
mom's Puertorican, my father's black. Uh, they're very spiritual Catholic

(27:27):
and Baptist background. For me, it was just something that
I just naturally had. And as I got older, it
just became stronger and stronger, and I decided just to
you know, follow it and embrace it, because, um, I
tried to run away from it. I'm not gonna be
you know, I'm not gonna lie. I tried to run
away from it because doing what I do is not easy.
When you're being somewhere and you're picking up on stuff,

(27:48):
a lot of stuff, having to deal with death. Then
if someone is sad and picking up on other people,
it's overwhelming. You know. Think about it, your fourteen years old,
your puberty, and not only you're dealing with your own stuff,
but you're literally like you have the weight of the
world around you, you know. And and so as I
got older, you know, practicing meditation and prayer, studying, I
start to learn more about my gifts through you know,

(28:09):
books and studying up about you know, esp and psychic abilities,
and I learned how to kind of hone it, you know,
and so that's what I do now, help to council people,
help people and guide them. Okay, So and that was
right around you said eighteen nineteen is when you started
to fully accept it and kind of take it off
in well, fifteen, actually fifteen in middle school. Was fifteen
when you first started realizing that you could potentially be

(28:30):
doing this uh like thing. Yeah, about fifteen, because in
middle school that's when I started to share with friends, family,
and then all of a sudden you start to grow
from there and everyone found out about my gifts. So
we have to ask you to come in and read
the room a little bit. You got to mark me,
Jared Easton, Erica is back there, Erica back there in
the in the operating room. H um, whatever you call

(28:52):
I'm not really sure what that thing is called, but
the pucer. Okay, So I guess just initial energy pickups
that you get from us walking in here, are we? Yeah? Well,
first of all, you guys have awesome energy synergy. I
like to call it awesome connection here. I like that
it feels like home. It's fine. I feel like I've
been here before, so I feel extremely comfortable exactly. So

(29:17):
the way that it works is I actually have an
ability to read or us. Okay. I discovered this ability
and all elementary school. So basically, when I would watch
the teacher up in front of the black chalkboard, I
would see I would be very distracted. They used to say,
as you used to daydream and and you know school
a lot um. I would be distracted by this white
light around my elementary you know, school teacher. And I'm like,

(29:39):
what is this white light that's following her, you know,
and I can see it because she's in front of
the black chalkboard, which basically emphasized it. Well, I realized
it's like I older, I kept seeing this more and
more colors and lights around people. You know. My eyes
never had any issues, you know with my eyes, nothing
like that. Well, I find out that I have an
ability to read or So that's one of the first
abilities that I found I had as I could read ours.

(30:02):
So that's the most easiest way for me to connect
with someone. When I read them, I basically look at
your ore and basically what ore is your energy field?
We all have an energy field, Okay, a psychic or
a sensitive or a medium, they have the ability to
see it physically with their eyes. And so basically the
colors represent your emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental state of being.
So I can tell, okay, where are you at emotional? Okay?

(30:23):
Like when I look at you, for instance, Yeah, when
I look at you, you have a lot of red
and blue around you. Okay. So what that shows me
is red shows a lot of drive, a lot of
dry sometimes a little too much dry. Sometimes you jump
in head first and a lot of things and you
get yourself in trouble and you need to slow down.
You know. That's the energy I get because you have
a lot of red, meaning you're always anxious. Are is

(30:43):
ready to go? It's like, oh, I'm ready to do this,
I'm ready to go to you know I do have
a lot of anxiety. Yeah, and it's like slow down,
slow down. So you know, it's like you need to balance.
Everyone needs a balance. Sometimes it's bad to have a
little bit too much of one color, and you know
you need to have some good things that you have
blue okay around you, which shows me that you have
a little bit of balance there where you're trying to
learn a little be a little be a little bit

(31:04):
more relaxed, you know, around you. The other thing too,
that I keep getting is you have a gift for
writing that you need to exercise more. That keeps coming
up around you. And also your voice, other than obviously
doing this um, music comes up around you really really strong. Okay,
that comes up extremely strong. That's something I feel that
you need to exercise more. Do you play any instruments

(31:27):
or anything like that? I don't. I did when I
was little, but i've since What did you play? I
was a first chair recorder in first chair, Uh, I
don't know, some other instrument in like fifth grade or
something like that, and everybody at first chair recording might
have been a specialist chair. But no, it's been a
while since I've actually practiced the musical instrument. What about writing?

(31:49):
Uh No, I don't really write that much either. Yeah,
that's what you need to do. But that's you're saying that.
He's saying that I should. Yeah, exactly do because what
I see one of my gifts is telling other people
gifts and talents that thing, do your size more, and
I'm seeing that with you. I can see it's kind
of repressed because it's like a pale blue. So the
fact that it's not a very strong blue that shows
this is something that you need to emphasize the strength
that you need to work more on, you know, And

(32:11):
I think as you do it, it's going to help
you in other areas of your work. Because you're definitely
meant to be a writer. I don't see you writing
in a book or anything like that. I don't see
that around you, but I definitely see you writing more material.
You're like producing something like that. I see you doing
that more of that. I read some pretty good instagram captions.
Every once in a while, I'll see my own horn
for a second. Gift, Um, what about what about Jared?

(32:34):
Well before? Where do you see these colors? Questions? I'm
so interested, Like when you look at Dean, where do
you see like the red and the blue? How do
you yea? So it's a flash. It's almost like it's
a flash. Sometimes I can see you physically sometimes in
my mind's eye, you know, and it's like a flash.
I'll see red or blue or orange. It it flashes
around individual. Now when I look at you, when you
ask that, I kept seeing orange orange flashing, which is

(32:57):
you're extremely creative. I'm actually on fire right now. You
know you're extremely creative. You have all extremely strong creative
energy about you, Okay. And one of the things I
see is that you love traveling. Traveling is a major
thing with you, okay. And I see you doing a
lot of traveling. And I just heard this in the
next two months. So this is what April June June time. Okay,

(33:23):
I do see you doing some traveling that comes up
around you. So I know there's a trip or something
that you have planned. But I see this coming up
around you around in June because it feels like some
traveling something coming up around you. Now I want to
go back to you for some reason, because what happens
is I'll get put. So I have to go to
where I'm being put. It's where do your parents live?
Not live like in the same state. My mom passed away,
but my father lives in Colorado, okay. Because I kept

(33:45):
picking up on an energy of a parent that's in
a different state, okay, And I kept feeling the energy
of visitation or visiting Okay. Uh, this kept coming up
really strong. So that kept coming up. Now you said
your mom has passed, Okay, when I hear first names
that me to actually connect. So if you just say
a first name for me, her name is Debbie okay,
Debbie okay um okay, wow is it? Does she have

(34:08):
a brother? Do's de cease this? Well? I don't. Maybe
I'm not close with that. I'm not close. Okay, she
got assisted that's pasted, okay, because I kept feeling sibling
next her. I also kept picking up at brother energy
and spirit next to her as well. Okay, that kept
coming through. I know I had an uncle or two
and I'm not sure about there. They're okay, Um, I
do feel mom. Mom's energy is around you a lot. Um.

(34:31):
It's quite interesting because she keeps bringing up the month
of May. Okay, So she keeps ringing up the May
connection okay, so that she's me celebration that comes up
in May really strong with her also as well. This
is interesting, keep hearing this, um. But she also keeps
mentioning connection to a Sarah okay um on her side
of the family. So this is blood relations okay, Sarah,
connection to her side of line that she keeps in

(34:52):
living not deceased okay living. Um. Also, the other thing
she keeps showing me as a dog. There's a dog
that's in the spirit that's actually around her, which is
really interesting. So this someone had lost a dog at
some point, and I feel like this is a while back,
so this is not even feel recent. I feel like
this would have been a dog that they ceased a
long time ago. We had a family dog, I guess
that passed away, what eight years ago ago? Okay, And

(35:16):
I feel like I see this dog running around her.
So I do pick up on pats too as well,
that it's true that dogs go to happen too. We
always we always like to assume that. Um no, I mean, yeah,
we had a we had a dog growing up, a
miniature long hair dogs and my mom definitely loved her
to the fullix extent that anyone could love an animal.
So yeah, I'm sure that's what you're talking about. Yeah,
this dog is with her because I kept seeing running

(35:37):
around this woman around her. The other thing too, which
is interesting, is I come from a Catholic background. Okay.
For some reason, I keep feeling a Catholic connection coming through. Okay,
So mom was mother of a Catholic background, she was Presbyterian, Okay, okay, Um,
because she kept showing me. I kept seeing rosary beats. Okay,
I kept literalte rosary. So this will you know that

(35:59):
someone actually have a cross of hers okay, a rosaries
of hers? What you know who would have that? My
sister probably has something like that, Okay, I guess she
keeps referring to that. The other thing, too, is she
keeps showing sports around you. Okay, so I don't early
if you played like football, okay, football, basketball, because I
feel like this is one of her like major memories

(36:21):
of you is sports. And I keep saying I kept
seeing football in particularly for some reason. So it seems
like for something she has a major connection with you
and and sports or remembering you with sports. The only
I guess remember that I could think of it was
actually passed her passing. But on the anniversary of her death.
When I was a senior, it was like a senior
night football game and I had, like I just remember

(36:42):
I had like a nine yard touchdown catch or something,
and I remember I was across the end zone. I
remember like pointing up to this guy and I was like,
oh my mom had my back on that one. Like
it was just kind of a cool connection that we had.
It was like three months after she three years after
she passed um. But in terms of her watching, I mean,
she definitely came to all my sporting events, but I
was definitely never much of a highlight, real guy. But
it doesn't matter. You know, A mom is a mom.

(37:02):
You know. Moms are always your biggest fan, no matter what.
And so this is her way of showing that she
still is your biggest fan, you know, and she's rooting
for you, you know, and she's just very proud. She's
extremely proud. That's great. So I'm gonna leave you with that.
I'm sucker. I don't know. I don't even know how if.
I don't even know if I can continue right now,

(37:23):
you know. And the funny thing, you know, I'm not
gonna lie. I can tell people who are skeptical and
not skeptical or in between, and I always say skeptical
it is a great thing to be. I'm very skeptical.
Anyone who tells me they're just like, I mean, I'm like, yeah, whatever,
show I prove, you know, prove it I want, you know,
I don't I take it. I take my work very serious,
you know, And I tell people it's great to be
a skeptic. You know, don't ever just believe anything and everything,

(37:47):
but don't don't be a cynic. It's a difference between
a skeptic and a cynic, you know what I mean.
As long as you're if you're skeptical and you're open minded,
I can read you and I can connect. That's not
even a problem. Like with you, I did feel a
little bit like hmmm, I don't know, I don't know.
But then I saw your or a change. I saw
you shift, so it's like, wow, okay, you know what. Okay,
I think it's something here. I can feel your energy shift,

(38:09):
like I can actually tell when the person is kind
of shifting or their perspective on what I do, which
is really great. Um, I do want to connect with
you with me yeah, okay, I don't want to connect
with you. Mark for the listening, Thank you. There's two
energies that's actually coming through for you. Um there's a
grandfather energy that comes through Okay. I feel like this
is on maternal side. Okay, that's coming through with you

(38:30):
and I get a very extremely strong military connection that
keeps coming up Okay around him. So you have a
father grandfather that he seas in your mom's side. Yes, Okay,
he had military background. I don't think he did. Okay,
my father was in the military. Okay, So okay, your
father he's alive. Okay. So what I'm picking up is
on two energies at the same time. Okay, Um, I'm

(38:53):
definitely getting military connection comes to in American flag, which
also a law enforcement military connection that keeps coming through. Um,
your grandfather comes through definitely your mom's side. He comes
through a lot. Now, did you not have a very
close relationship with him, because okay, great, because I get
this energy of him being distant, but it's like he
knows you, but I feel like you don't know him. Okay,

(39:14):
I don't know him except that I know that I'm
going to have his hairline. So I look at pictures
of him sometimes because that's my because your mom's father
is your hairline, and so I'm watching for that and
it's not gonna be pretty. Yeah, but he was bringing
that up, that relationship. Okay, I didn't feel very close
because I actually that with him, But he's there, and
you know, whether he was close to him or not,
he's there with you in spirit. Is actually a guiding

(39:35):
uh force or a guiding spirit with you, whether you
realize it or not. Um. The other thing too comes up.
You have a daughter, I do, okay, because your daughter
energy kept coming up. So just letting you guys know
how here this, I literally will hear words in my head.
So I'll get daughter energy, dog energy, mom energy, and
then I'll get concepts and words and feelings. Have two daughters. Okay,
I kept pringing daughter with you. Okay, so I want

(39:57):
to go to maybe older daughter energy. Okay, school and
keeps coming up around her for some reason. Okay, college
or school and graduation comes up. So did your older
daughter just literally like graduate or she's going in schooling
because the program or something keeps coming up. This this
is what this could be is next week she's going
to outdoor school where she has to spend three nights
away from home. And that's a very stressful thing for

(40:19):
all of us because she has anxiety issues, she has
nighttime issues, sleep issues, and we're really concerned about how
that's going to go next week. And this is the
first time that she's not staying at home. Yes, okay,
because that I feel that around her, I got daughter energy.
I kept hearing school, school and energy and literally heard
it and felt it. They call it outdoor school. Okay,
perfect Um. I feel like she's gonna be okay, Like

(40:41):
I feel like parents are going to be parents. We
all know that, but she's gonna be okay. I think
I feel like she can handle this. I feel like
she can handle this. But I think the thing with
her is this is obviously something completely new for her.
Obviously with anything new is it's going to be nervous
and there's going to be some anxiety. But I think
this is something that she's been wanting to do for
quite some times. She is excited about it. Yeah, so

(41:04):
for her to get there. When she actually gets there,
I feel like she's going to fall in love with
it and she's going to come back with so many
great stories and it's going to be just an awesome experience.
I just get that with her. How do you typically
practice this this gift of yours? Is it mostly via TV?
Is it? Um? Like? I don't know, Like, how do
you get introducing new people that kind of Well? I

(41:24):
have a private practice. So what happened with me is
how I first got my exposure is doing missing person cases.
So that's how I actually started getting exposure in the public,
so you would work with like the law enforcement used
to work with law enforcement, yes, over yeah, national working
with law enforcement. In the way that that began is
there was a show on ANY called Psychic Kids or

(41:45):
Psychic Children, and some of you might might remember that,
maybe maybe not, but they had a few seasons on
Any and it was called Psychic Kids. Were basically they
would go to these kids that were gifted, you know,
and they would talk to their parents who didn't understand
the gift to help them to understand gifts and abilities. Well,
there was this one episode. I grew up in Cleveland, Ohio. UM.
There was this one episode that was actually in Ohio,

(42:06):
and these two kids were working with a psyche detective
that was really well known across the nation. And first,
first off, I was very excited because it was in
Ohio and I never met anyone with my gift my age.
One was eighteen years old, another one was probably fifteen. UM.
And first of all, they were in Ohio and they
were gifted my age. So when the show was over with,
I have to find these people. I had to find

(42:28):
this lady. I went on Google, I went online. I
found the woman who was on the show. Um, I
reached out to it and I told her about my
gifts and abilities. She contacted me within twenty four hours.
She said, I want you to work on the case.
So what she did is she gave me two pictures
of cases that they already worked on that they had
notes on. She said, just sit write notes, whatever, whatever
you get, just sit there and write it. Then sent

(42:50):
it back to me. So I'm a little bit nervous
because I've never done anything, like what do I do?
So the only thing I know is meditation. So I
sit there with these pictures a meditating. I write these
notes down, I said them back to her. She comes back,
she shows me their notes and my notes, compare them
and literally they're all the same. My notes and they're
notes so the same. So that really opened up my eyes,

(43:12):
the fact that I was able to pick up on
stuff that I had no idea what I was doing.
So she took me under as an apprentice. And she's
a very well known, you know, psychedective girl, Saint John
that's actually her name, if anyone was to look. And
she took me under his apprentice, and uh, one of
the most well known cases that we worked almost the
Kaylie Anthony case, you know. And the crazy thing about
this at the time, UM, I used to go on

(43:33):
site for the cases of Search and Rescue team. I
couldn't go on site with that because I was in
college at that time, but I worked at a distance. UM.
They were in you know, Florida at that time, and
there's a video where they located the body. They located
the location of the body, which was discovered I think
it was probably three weeks later, and my notes and

(43:54):
everything were saved and we documented everything. Uh and all
the notes on my says you know, garbage bag, wht area, field, everything,
and this is recorded. It's it was showed. It showed
like this is where she's at. You know, she was
discovered you know, three weeks or whatever, you know, in
this field in the bag. And that's actually on YouTube.

(44:15):
So you can't deny something like that, you know, the
fact that we worked on this, we recorded everything. Three
weeks later, they find a body and it's everything that
we said. Quick question before we wrap Erica back there.
She has a first date this week, a second date
this week, and has a crush on her orthodonta, her
orthodonic surgeon. Whatever you call it oral surgeon seven a

(44:37):
good week. So the question is which of those three
iff Any is the man for her. The truth is
it is none of them. She's still independent. She's like,
I don't want a man. If hey, car, She's like, alright,
just don't go on the dates. Then it's not the issue.
I really don't want a man right now because like
you want a man, but you're independent, you don't. The
thing is you don't. You don't want to settle right now,
as much as you want to, man, I know you

(44:58):
don't want to settle right now. Tell me in my line, No,
you're not on at all. This is the conversation I
had with myself exactly meditating. All right, REGI, well, thank
you so much for coming in. Is there anything that
you're working on right now that you want to let
the listeners know about. Well, I have a new website launching.
So my website is Reginald Lewis dot com. That was
my name, Reginald Lewis dot com. People can follow me

(45:18):
on social media Twitter, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Reginald Lewis, Reginald
Lewis Medium. It's not hard to find me, so very awesome, awesome, Well,
thank you so much for joining us. Great, thank you.
I think you mentioned it. Both Jared and I were
skeptics coming in. I think Mark was a little bit
as well. But it's uh, it's always a humbling experience
to hear something spoken about yourself that you definitely shouldn't know.

(45:40):
But thank you so much for coming in. Honestly, it
was al would we love to have you back sometime?
So great, Yeah, thank you, thanks mat So Gean, how
do you feel after Reggie. I'm gonna be honest with you, guys,
I'm still pretty skeptical about same here. Reggie was awesome.
I loved his vibe. There were certain things that I
really enjoyed listening to him about, and I think it's
very knowledgeable. Having said that, there were just you know,

(46:02):
with anybody who's the psychic there there's just a lot
of like, oh is there you know, there's a daughter
or there's a mom, and there's a father, and it's
very you know, very general general assumptions about people like,
for instance, to look at Marc, he's the wedding ring,
you're married, you probably have a daughter, that type of stuff. Again,
not to take anything away from me, because he he
is incredible and you can definitely I feel like I

(46:24):
obviously don't sense oras like he does, but I definitely
sense an aura about him when he walks into the room,
like they're comfortable with it in here. I am less
of a skeptic than I was prior to when he
walked in the room. I will say that, like, I'm
a little bit more open to it. Having said that,
it wasn't like my entire viewpoint was just changed. I agree.
He kind of leads you to it and lets you
fill in the blanks, right, It's exactly. And so that

(46:46):
was the only issue I had, even like with the
grandfather thing with the military and you're like, well, no,
my father, Okay, it's like, well that's you know, it's
kind of connected. I don't know, but yeah, all around,
I definitely see the appeal. I think maybe, uh maybe
the more like session more the more time you spend
with him, I'm sure like the more accurate he could
become reading you. It's it's hard to walk into a

(47:06):
room cold like that, I'm sure and say that you this, this, this,
and this, especially in the room with four guys, right,
So he's probably getting a lot of different vibes a
lot of different ras, so it's kind of coming at
him very quickly and then he's on the you know,
on the mic, having to do it right in the spot. So, UM,
it would be something that I would be interested in
doing one on one, like meeting him in person and
seeing how he's talked to everybody. I would be open

(47:28):
to the idea of of meeting with him one on
one to get a better sense of what he's vibing
with me. Yeah, I agree with that. So yeah, So
that was Reggie Lewis. Um again, great guy. I think.
Next up we have Nora, who is a matchmaker with
the three day Rule. UM. One thing I want to
talk to you guys about before jumping in with Nora, though,
is Beach Body on Demand. And I know you guys

(47:49):
have heard me talk about it before. Basically what it
is is on demand workouts in your house wherever you
are on the go. Um. I personally, like I think
we mentioned at the top of this podcast, I was
just traving through India for seventeen days and one of
my big things that I'm trying to focus on more
and more is is to just kind of be active
and be fit. And I'm not doing a very good job.
But Beach Body makes that a lot easier, especially when
you're traveling internationally. Um. You know, it's hard to wake

(48:11):
up in a different country, would in a hotel that
doesn't maybe have a jam or anything like that, but
Beach Body lets you do that. Um. They have hundreds
of effective workouts for all fitness levels, ranging from like
bodybuilding to weightlifting to cardio, even dance workouts. Because I'm
trying to work on my uh my ballet ballet a
little bit, I've seen him practice in the corner. He's
quite good. It's getting better, it's getting better, and I perfect.
I owe. That's a Beach Body. Um. But again, the

(48:33):
biggest appeal to me personally is that you have access
to it anytime, anywhere. You can watch on your computer,
your tablet, your TV, your smartphone, your Roku, your Apple TV,
all that stuff. I really want you guys to give
it a try as well. I promise you won't regret it. Uh.
There's definitely something to be said about this, just because
it's been around for so long and so many people
swear by it, myself included. So be sure to text
Dean to thirty thirty. That's d E A N to

(48:55):
three zero three zero three zero. You'll get your free
trial membership. I promise you're gonna love it enough that
you're gonna on or renew, You're gonna pay for the subscription.
You're gonna be looking good in time four summer. They
see page two here the program matrix, the program. There's
so much good stuff on here. I mean, look, it's
a sample of some of the things that you get
access to, like the one Day Fixed and P ninety X.
I mean it's program forty five minutes a day, seven

(49:16):
days a week. You got body Beast, you got a
yoga treatment Focus. I mean all this stuff with legit
trainers names, you know, and it's all available to you
wherever you go. That's the coolest thing too, because like
I find it difficult to have time to go to
the gym, but if I could just work off from home,
then there saves me the time. Right there. Likes the gym,
Let's be honest, no, I hate it. It's it's disgusting.

(49:38):
I go in there and some guys let in like
three pounds, and I'm like, I'm just gonna go on
the treadmill for a half hour and get the hell
out of here. I'm not just saying this for the
sake of saying it. I did definitely, I literally cancel
my gym membership. I'm just I can't do the gym anymore.
You don't need it anymore with beach Body, and that's
a great thing. Locker rooms. I mean, there's so much
to deal with at the gym. You don't have to
anymore because you got beach Body at home, and not

(49:58):
just at home, wherever, where you go, wherever you go.
But you only get it if you textan to thirty
thirty thirty a's t e A N too three zero
three zero three zero. Give beach Body on demand a
good shot. Promise you won't regret it. I promise you'll
definitely start seeing some results, just like I am. So
check it out. Okay. So next, we're joined on the
phone by Nora de Kaiser. Nora, are you there? Hi'm here? Hi?

(50:19):
How are you? Thank you so much for calling in? Hi? No,
this is Jared. Yes, Hi, guys. You're joined by both
me Jared market easton Art in studio as well, but
they're kind of more passively listening today. Um yeah, whole
team today just for you Nora. All right, Nora, So
tell us a little bit more about you. So we
understand that you began kind of your matchmaking career as
a three day rule matchmaker in New York, but um,

(50:40):
we understand that you kind of have spun it off
into a little bit more than that. So do you
mind filling us in as listeners to kind of what
you've been up to. Yeah, for sure. A lot of
people when they hear I'm a matchmaker, they're like, wait, no,
massmakers are supposed to be old woman. Um, and I'm
pretty young. And it's it's one of those things where
if this is a passion, it's something I always set

(51:00):
up my girlfriend, my friends, and I was doing it
really successfully. Um. So I started with the company, like
you said, in New York City and did that for
about two and a half years and moved out to
l A. Now I've been working with a lot of
celebrities and CEOs and people who want to who have
a high profile but want to keep it a low profile,
um and actually find love that's gonna last. Or you
said you were pretty young, how old are you? Okay, okay, okay,

(51:24):
you are a young matchpaper So you're kind of like
the riot of matchmakers ceties. Yes, you know, there's there's
really a part of dating for people that don't want
to go on bumble and have their face plastered everywhere
and a lot of people know them publicly, um, so
they want to keep it more quiet, um, but actually
find someone who aligns with them and not go on
a ton of that date love it well. I think
this also relates to people that aren't celebrities, because I

(51:47):
think there's just a lot of people that don't want
to put themselves on bumble and hinge for the simple
fact of like they just don't want to put themselves
out there. So I think whether you're or not, I
think you would work for a lot of different people.
Oh yeah, no, we don't just have celebrity clients. It's
all over the place, but um, it really is for
people who don't want to waste their time anymore, are
kind of too busy to the online dating things. To
Jared's point, one of my great friends just broke up

(52:08):
with his girlfriend of two and a half years or so,
and and he's like, I don't want to get on
tender bumble anything like that because I'm worried that her
or her friends would see me on it and then
like that's obviously another ordeal to deal with, but um,
it is there's definitely something to be said about kind
of like the uh, I don't know how to say,
like the stigmatism. I don't know. I'm just saying, like
the appeal of working with a matchmaker is is that

(52:29):
your face isn't plastered out there on all those dating
sites all that kind of stuff. Exactly, You're working on
a more personal level rather than just putting yourself on
an online dating one site and then kind of like
going through all these people that you don't know. At
least you're working with somebody that you've met, like if
nor you know, if people reach out to you, they
can sit down, get to know each other, and then
you can assess like what's best for them. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I mean the classic definition of insanity is doing the

(52:50):
same thing over and over again but expecting it if
am adults, and that's what a lot of people do
with online dating. I'm sorry for your friend's big break up,
but he'll probably get online dating eventually, um and get
to the point where he's sick of it. He's not
meeting someone who's connecting with And oftentimes you hear your
friends say I'm gonna take a break from dating, um,
But in reality, that's that's not going to do anything,

(53:10):
because you're going to get back on a month or
two later and do the same thing with a different person. UM.
So what we try to do is interject and actually,
you know, tell someone what they're really looking for. Because
a lot of people think they know themselves the best
out of anyone, but um, we're biased to ourselves. We
know what we're good at, we know what we're bad at,
but we try to hide that a little bit. And

(53:31):
having an unbiased person, not your mom, not your best friend, um,
but someone who doesn't know you yet really get to
know you. Um. We have a lot of ways to
be able to figure out who's gonna be a good
fit for whom. Well, you're talking to two people that
have been on multiple bachelor shows, so we are the
definition of uh. Nor, can you tell us a little
bit more about this three day rule? Yeah, you mean

(53:52):
why it's called that? Yeah, I would love to hear
more about that. A lot of people have questions about that.
So it's from the movie Swingers and Vince n says
you have to three days different. Um, we're kind of
poking fun at modern deciding rules and saying there are
no rules. You don't have the least three days. If
you like her, let her not. If you don't also
let her note. Um, so it's kind of poking fun
at at modern dating. Well, you just said if you

(54:15):
don't like her, let her know. But how do you
know if you truly like someone after one day? Like,
do you as a as a professional, you know somebody
that matches people up? Would you give the advice? Say
you go on a date with somebody that you're kind
of not that excited about and it went fine, do
you give that another day or do you just call
it quits after one day? Totally? I always say go
on at least three days because as you guys, probably

(54:37):
not your first time on The Bachelor talking to who
you were matched with. Um, you're nervous and you probably
weren't yourself. You probably said, think you're like, what did
I just say? Why did I just say that? That
was constant for the entire season though for me personally,
But that's how people are our first days. It's nerve
wracking to put yourself out there and say yes, I'm
single and I'm trying to find a partner. Um. So

(54:58):
a lot of times pop will come back to me
and they'll say, hey, he was funny, he was nice,
but oh my gosh, it's just like there were so
many awkward pauses. And when I hear that, I said, well,
give another shot, because I've gotten known him well and
he's really an awesome guy. But on a first date,
it's really hard to bring everything to the table. I
think it usually takes about three days to decide if
you have chemistry or not. Yeah, that makes a lot
of sense. So so what kind of questions do you

(55:20):
typically ask? Me? What are the foundational questions that you
ask someone that you're trying to match. Well, we get
to do the fun stuff because normally on a first date,
not many people are going to ask the tough questions
like so do you want kids? Or what are your
costing religion? Um? So we get to ask the foundational
value questions. UM So I get to know the person
on what they value. Um But the real question that

(55:42):
tells me what's really going on is when I asked
them why they think they're single? Because that's really a
moment where they get to turn the mirror on themselves
and say, all right, yeah, I have been been more
for five years, and what is the real reason, Because
a lot of times it's not lack of dating apps
or not lack of dates in general. If it's something
going on with you, whether you have wolves up, you're

(56:02):
going out for the wrong person, um, or you're not
over your ex um. So that's really the first part
where we can dive into how we can change the
pattern that they're going through. Interesting. Yeah, I don't know.
I think that's great. Um So, so let's put the
topic on Jared for a second. Let's let's kind of
shift the subject here. So Jared, who has been single

(56:23):
for quite some while. I know I've gotten so last
week I said I was single for six years and
people were like, what about Kala, technically, can I were
never boyfriend girlfriends? When I was thinking back up the
past six years of when I was single, it's been
you know, I've I've been thinking boyfriend girlfriends. So I've
been single. I I was single for quite some time.
Um So if I was, yeah, if I was coming
to you and I wanted you to match, make me

(56:43):
like what some of the questions that you would ask me. Yeah, well,
I was asked, why do you think you're single? On
the talent? Great question, goodense, never but I don't want
to do this Jared single. I mean, I think there's
a lot of reasons as to why uh I was
single for so long was because I I think the
major one is stands from my own insecurities. And I
think a lot of the reasons why I'm afraid to

(57:05):
really make a move or kind of dive deep is
that there are times where I'm really unwilling to let
my walls down for the simple fact of I'm too
scared that people, or at least somebody that I really
care about in value their opinion, will find out how
much of a mess I really am. Because you try
to live up to people's expectations and I, you know,
and we put like this idea of who we are
out into the world. We try to be funny and
charming and confident in all these things. And we talked

(57:28):
about this last week on the podcast, like the idea
of you know, trying to be the Wizard of Oz
when you're really just a sweaty guy behind the curtain.
And I think for me, That's always been my problem
is that I'm really nervous about letting people in because
I'm nervous about them finding out how much a mess
I really am. And I've been called out on it before,
Like I've had girls tell me like, You're gonna end
up alone because you just don't let anybody in, and

(57:48):
I'm like, you're right, and I understand that this is
a problem and I need to try to actively fix
this um, which I'm doing. I'm I'm, I'm you know,
I'm working on it. Do you think it's part partially
a perfectionism thing where you're kind of like, oh, man,
I want to be perfect and I want to do
this right and I want this relation to be perfect,
and if it doesn't go right, that's I don't think.

(58:08):
I don't think it's failure. I don't think it's a
perfect thing. I think it's more of I want to
be the man that I expect to be, you know,
I want to be um. You know, I want to
provide the life for the woman that I love, like
the best life that she can possibly have, and so
sometimes I doubt whether I can be that person. And
I think because of that, I've been unwilling to really, um,

(58:33):
you know, dive into a relationship because I've been too
scared that I've been I will be unable to provide that.
That actually reminds me of a client I worked with
UM recently who you know. I was like, why do
you think you're single? And he didn't have as perfan
as an answer that you just had. You've definitely thought
about this and done the work. But his reason was,

(58:53):
you know, he dat someone for a couple of months,
then he'd get bored UM and he couldn't really figure
out why. And as we started we're together, I realized, Yeah,
he's really afraid to not be that man that he
thinks he should be because he's going after girls that
he's not working that hard to get. He's going after
the girls that are kind of easy and just coming
in very quickly and it's just easy. It doesn't have

(59:15):
to work very hard for it. So he's not he's
not he's not vulnerable in a sense UM, and he's
not going to fail because it was easy in the
first place. UM. So we really worked at Okay, So,
so what is your ideal girl? So I would ask you, Jared,
could you give me a top five must have in
a partner, and your top five like to have, well,
at least top five for Jared, I'm excited to hear this.
For myself, I have to give five or just one

(59:37):
of five that comes to we need all five five
top five or we're making him, we're holding accountable to
give us the five. Oh good god, all right, I
have to be taller than her when she's wearing heels. Okay, um,
now what top five? That's the thing less the one
you read with taller than hers? The number one. Now

(59:59):
I I was, ah, God, that's so hard to really articulate,
because I love all types of people, Like, there's so many.
I would never really say I need this in a
woman in order for me to develop a relationship with there,
because if there was a strong enough connection and strong
enough love, I could look past certain things, like because
I like people for different reasons, you can eliminate them systematically.

(01:00:20):
Do you need a woman to be nice? Of course
the clichiate to be like, yeah, I wanted to be nice,
and it's a launching bad all right, Well, she certainly
has to, uh, alright. One thing I really look for
on a date at least is if we go out
to a date to a bar or a restaurant, how
they treat the bartender or waiter is a huge factor
of how I look at them on the first date,

(01:00:43):
because I've there's nothing that turns me off more than
if I'm on a date with somebody and the bartender
or waiter will come over and the be like, Hi,
how are you, and then she she just won't even
look him in the eye and be like, oh, I'll
take this, and it's like, all right, well this is
not going to go well. So that's certainly something I
look for. Somebody that treats uh, you know, it's very personal,
can talk to somebody, have eye contact, is a conversationalist,

(01:01:05):
because I definitely, um, I need someone who can challenge
me in a lot of different ways. I'm also very
easy going and laid back, so I definitely need someone
to push me and be like you need to do
this and that and this, because if I don't have
somebody to push me in that way, I don't think
I will accomplish the things that I think I'm capable
of accomplishing. I'm the same way. I didn't even realize
that until you just said that. Yeah, So I think

(01:01:25):
I definitely need someone who's not afraid to call me out.
That's one thing as well. I really need someone to
be like, you need to get this done, or like
not even like, but just more so of like, you know,
even if we're talking, there are a lot of times
where I'm uh, not afraid, but like unwilling to talk
about my feelings or things that uh, you know are

(01:01:46):
bothering me. Um. And so I need someone to be like,
you know, tell me yes, don't, don't just say whatever,
don't move past this conversation, talk to me. And so
that's certainly something I guess I could put that on
the top five right after to be shorter than you
wearing heels, no, I mean, And that's it's so interesting
to see that you were pruggling with that because oftentimes

(01:02:08):
people say, oh, love will happen when you least expect it.
But that's my least favorite um dating advice, because it's
not gonna have when when you least expect it. And
that's why a lot of people go after what they
feel is right rather than what they know is right. Um.
And so you end up going after a girl who's
like you're playing the game. It's hard to get and
it feels like luss, but it's really that's not gonna

(01:02:31):
laugh versus Okay, you know the first thing you said
nice to the bar center. So you want someone kind,
You want someone who really has a heart to care
about people who, um, she doesn't really need to be
nice to exactly care enough people to treat them like
human beings, like no matter what they do, Like I don't.
I can't stay when uh, somebody, whether a man or

(01:02:51):
a female, just treat human beings as if they are
a lower class. And it's like the person that's bagging
your groceries as the same quality of person as the
person that's you know, I don't know is that owns
the grocery store exactly like you should treat them one
and the same. And so it's very difficult for me
when I see either friends or even a potential partner

(01:03:12):
treat people differently depending on you know, their quote unquote
importance in life. And I think that's absurd and ridiculous
and something that really turns me off. And or in
your professional opinion, what is your what do you think
the number one reason why relationships fail being a matchmaker.
I guess uh, you know, I think the number one
reason the reason that relationships sale is is because one,

(01:03:33):
you're going after the wrong person, So you're not thinking
logically about what you're looking for and you're just thinking
I was just hot, Like I'm going to go after that,
because that has nothing to do with the values that
are going to be long term. Once you're actually in
a relationship and it is working and it fails, usually
that's because of communication. Um, and you aren't just being
open and honest with what you want and what she

(01:03:53):
not want. Those conversation is going to be awkward, but
that's exactly how relationship is going to flourish. Interesting. Yeah,
and north to your point earlier. Sorry, I kind of
had this weird epiphany, uh the other day, And I
don't want to necessarily rub you in for un necessary reasons,
but I have this weird epiphany that I was like
when I was younger, I used to think that falling
in love with someone and spending the rest of your
life with them was like a birthright that everyone should

(01:04:14):
have at any like, like the second you're born, that's
what you're deserve to have. And I do think that
everyone needs to have that but I think that there
also takes a lot of effort on both sides. And
that's something that I've I've kind of slowly learned over
the past maybe a year or so, is that we
all have the obviously the right to fall in love
and be with someone for the rest of our lives,
but we also have to earn that and then learn
that as well to to to you know, make it

(01:04:35):
right for both people. And it's just kind of this
weird thing that I was thinking about the other day.
I think maybe I read it in a book that
I was reading about or something like that, and I
think you had kind of you know, I was reading
a book one time. It was really good. I don't
know if you knew this. I was reading the dictionary.
I read the book. I read a book. You guys,
I know how to read. But no, you said you
mentioned something like that too, and it kind of coincides
with that thought, and I was like, yeah, that definitely
makes a lot of sense. I feel like, so, yeah,
I mean, love is still exciting and it's so important.

(01:04:59):
I think it's the most important thing in life and
in the world. Um, but we get to choose the
type of love we're going to have and we get
to choose how we're going to teach people to treat us. Um.
And that's why you know, you knew what you wanted,
but it just wasn't kind of upfront. So I would
tell you that, really write those down and know what
you're looking for. And if you go on a first

(01:05:20):
date and it's going okay, but one of those top
five he doesn't have, that's okay. You can be a friend,
no worries at all, but don't waste your time going
after someone that doesn't have those values that you want.
It's not so much I don't think I didn't know
what I wanted. I think it was more so the
guts to go after what I wanted, you know, because
I knew what I wanted, but I didn't I don't
think I had the conviction to actually go through with

(01:05:42):
it because I was always too scared of the outcome,
which is a ridiculous mindset to have, but it's true.
I was just I was. I was fearful. I was,
you know, for a very long time and so um.
But yeah, I totally agree. I think when you were
talking about relationships and love and like I think about
this is of more bid a little bit. But I
always think about being on my deathbed and thinking about,

(01:06:04):
you know, my life, and like, what am I going
like if I was on my deathbed right now? What
are the moments that I would look back on my
life and cherish the most? What are the memories that
I would do anything to go back to? And I've
always gone back to moments that I've spent with the
people that I love, Like it's not my job, it's
not you know. Sure, there's some you know, adventures that
I have that are wonderful, but the reason so many

(01:06:26):
times those adventures are great is because of the people
that I'm with, and so like more so than anything,
when you're talking about love being the most important thing
in life, I do agree with you because I've I've
always thought about this, like what is the most important
memory in my life? And why is that so important
to me? And I always go back to because it's
the person that I'm with, whether that be you know,
my father, my you know, my girlfriend at the time,
my sister, um, so on and so forth, And so

(01:06:49):
I do completely agree with you there. And then I
also agree with you when you were talking about relationships
and to go back doing what you were saying about
how as you've gotten older you thought, you know, as
a young age, you thought it was a right to
fall in love, and then he's gone older, you're like, oh, no,
this is actually something you have to work for, work
for And I think people forget about that. I think
people forget whether they're single or in a relationship, that

(01:07:09):
they actually have to actively put work into love, like
you know, marriage and and and you know, being in
in in a relationship is it can be very difficult
at times, and you're gonna have doubts and you're gonna
have times where you really second guess whether you should
be in this relationship with this person. And then that's
where you have to actively put work in and really
try to make this relationship better. And I think you

(01:07:32):
know obviously there's a line, right, I'm sure that at
some point you'll know what line that is, and if
you guys still haven't come together, then you should probably
end the relationship. But I think so many people give
up so easily these days. Yeah, no, I mean you
hit that right in ahead. Especially with dating in l
A and dating apps in general, there's so many options
and there's so many choices, and I think a lot
of people when it gets a little bit weird or

(01:07:52):
a little bit taught, like Okay, I'm over there, let's
see what else is out there. Um. And a way
to stop that is what we're just talking about, is
being very intentional about what you want in a partner.
Because if you know what you want and you get it,
you're gonna want to keep it and you're gonna do
anything you can to keep that relationship. If you don't
know what you want and you're flifinitly dating, um, you're

(01:08:12):
gonna be very quick to let go of the relationship
pretty fast. Yeah, Yeah, I agree. I mean I always
say this, but I firmly believe love evolves and changes
over time, and so as long as you're aware of that, UM,
I don't think there's anything wrong with uh putting some
work in Well, Nora, this has been in a very
enlightening conversation, I think, more so than I personally expected,

(01:08:34):
not just because Jared has some really insightful points. Now,
Dean is always the insightful one off points right, Um.
For the listeners that want to maybe pursue Nora's advice,
a skill set, anything like that, people free to shoot
an email Nora. I think it's okay if they shoot
your email at Nora at three day rule dot com. Um.
If you have an Instagram, be sure to follow her
on Instagram at matched by Nora. Um and yeah, I

(01:08:58):
mean check her out. Nora. Is there anything you are
working on currently besides obviously all this matchmaking stuff that
you want to talk about real quick? Um? No, I
just I mean just basically putting people together. So if
you have any friends that you need to be set
up and Jared, if you need me help, I'm happy
to help. Oh well, thank you. Well, I think Dean
and I have plenty of friends from the Bachelor franchise
that could use help with. Yes, should just be milking

(01:09:21):
the Bachelor franchise because of the people that go on
that show are perpetually single, it seems like exactly, so
I really, yeah, we'll say, we'll send him your way.
Don't you worry about how your people call our people?
And yeah, we'll put you in touch, all right, Nora. Well,
thank you so much for calling in again, and best
of luck moving forwards. Talk to you guys here. Thanks Nor,

(01:09:42):
what a sweetheart. It's great. She was great. She's wonderful,
and look at that. You were so hesitant to to
talk about the five things that you needed a woman,
and then you just rambled on for five minutes. It's
amazing too. When somebody asked you a question, you're like,
I have no idea, and then all of a sudden,
it's just somebody else will say something and in the
conversation involves and you're like, oh, that's right. No, that
is something I look for. Oh that's right, that is
something that turns me off, So you know, I just

(01:10:03):
need a little work. One of my biggest pet pieces
with this entire podcast is always talk about something uh
at nausea for like ten fifteen minutes. It's nonsense called jargon,
bs whatever. And then I'll get home, I'll be laying
in bed at night and I'm like, damn, I should
have said this, and I should have said that, like
so many things that you know you're probably not going
to talk about again, and then you're like, oh, well,
I totally forgot about the most like uh central points
to that point that I was trying to make. Do

(01:10:23):
you ever regret from that one right there? I won't
know until later tonight. Okay, let us okay, and we
can start it. Can we like start a segment of
things that I wish I said the first time around? Yes,
yes we can. That would make it, and that can
go back to Reggie's point of needing to write things
down Moore and express my stuff to be writing, so
totally good mental note that way. All right, how about
an emails, gentlemen, Let's do it. People value your opinion

(01:10:45):
on relationships and want to know advice and why the
heck wouldn't thing they've obviously seen us. I do think
it's valuable sometimes for women, and I believe all four
of these are from women to get a guy's perspective
on this, because they don't know how guys think. And
your guys that know how guys think. We know how
guys think. I know how a guy thinks. That's singular one. Okay,

(01:11:09):
a guy questionable. See if you can help Tasha. She's
been a long term relationship with an amazing guy for
about three years now. We're quite young, twenty three, but
Tasha here has had a pretty bad relationship in high school.
She was cheated on, lied to, and abused her current
boyfriend and her med in high school. So she knows,
he knows all about that past relationship. They're both very
mature for their age, she says, But then she says,

(01:11:29):
I'm pretty confident he's who I want to spend my
life with. But we're having a conversation recently about different
political topics, how we would raise our kids and so forth,
and I found out we have pretty different views on
a lot of things. I can't help but think that
when it comes to our future and raising a family together,
this would be difficult. I know how I want to
raise my kids and how I want them to treat
others and be receptive towards differences. I guess my main

(01:11:52):
question is do you think this is something that is
minor or do I need to think more about this
before I commit to a possible life with him. Love
and blessings from Tasha I Atasha, thank you for emailing
the podcast. Foremost Um, I personally think that you're kind
of making a big deal out of something that doesn't
necessarily have to have a big deal made out of it.
Have you guys ever seen Parks and rec one of
my personal TV fantastic so An and Chris and Perkins

(01:12:14):
and Chris Traeger are talking about having a baby um
and they go through like the uh, the compatibility tests,
all that kind of stuff, and they score like fIF
on all the compatibility tests. And then by the end
of the episode, Chris like looks at and and Or
he answer one piece of paper with one question on it.
And the one question is will you love our child
unconditionally and hope nothing but the best for them? And

(01:12:35):
obviously the answer to that is yes. And so if
Tasha can see the man that she's dating now have
the love in his heart for a potential child that
they might have, I think that's the most important thing.
There's obviously semantical differences and being raised raised religiously and
all that kind of stuff, But I think, like, if
you love this man and you want him to be
the father of your children, and you know that he's
going to treat those children with love, that's all that

(01:12:56):
should be necessary for you guys to move to that
next step. I totally grant. I would just ask Tasha
how important that your political views are for you because
and for him, because yes, if he is like, listen,
these are the ways that my kids are gonna raise
This is the only thing they're going to watch or
believe in. And then of course those are questions that
you need to ask him before you guys start having kids,
because if he's so stout on it and says no,

(01:13:17):
there's I'm not open to any other ideas, and that's
the conversation you need to have. Having said that, I
do believe that this is more minor than it is major,
because I do think that it is something it seems
like you can move past if he is such a
you know, amazing guy as you describe, which I don't
doubt he is. I'm sure if you guys are open
and honest and you want your kids to kind of
get both sides of whether it be politics, religion, whatever

(01:13:38):
however you want to raise them and let them make
up their own mind, then you know that's best for everybody.
So I do believe, yeah, it's more minor as long
as love is the primary thing for your kids, and
that's the most important thing. I'm a little concerned about it.
I don't want to be contrarian here, but especially the line.
I know how I want to raise my kids and
how I want them to treat others and be receptive
towards differences. That concerns me a little bit. Well, it

(01:14:00):
seems like if he's not receptive towards differences, I'm not
even sure what that means necessarily, but does that have
to do with ethnicities, that that have to do with races, genders,
ages like that he might not be quite as open
minded as he wants him to be. Yeah, and then
raising a kid with one parent giving you that one
parent giving you the other side, I mean, honestly reminds

(01:14:20):
me of my grandparents. But so maybe things will be okay.
But I'm a little bit concerned about this. I would
agree with that just but the only thing is it
does seem different political topics. So I'm assuming that that
would mean he's conservative and she's liberally vice versa. And
so as long as he's you know, I I you
know that I think about that as well, because I'm

(01:14:42):
far more open minded. And if I was with a
stout conservative that was like, no, my kid is going
to believe one thing and that is the only thing
they're gonna believe. That would bother me and that would
cause a red flag as well. Having said that, I
couldn't imagine with a life partner and love, hopefully that
would be not something we couldn't talk about and kind
of wrote it together, right, and especially with a kid,
kind of letting them not make up their own mind,

(01:15:04):
but giving them all the information you can give them
and let them decide what they want. And Tatasha to Tasha,
if you're if you're main initiative is for your child,
your children to be open minded. I don't think money
things could be more open minded than having a liberal
mother and a conservative whether than to liberal parents or
two conservative parents, because it kind of shows your both perceptives.

(01:15:25):
That's very true. Unless this guy was like, he's not
going to hear your side of it in terms of
like you like, my kids aren't gonna like you're not
gonna brainwash my kids, but your political views. They're only
going to listen to my views. Or that would be
a huge red flag. Or let's flip this entirely upside
down and say, maybe she's grasping at straws and trying
to find reasons to break up with this guy. That's interesting, Tasha,

(01:15:48):
think about that one. Maybe she actually figure eternally And honestly,
there was a time, fairly recently that different political opinions
among parents wasn't that big of a deal today, it's huge.
I've never lived in I mean, Grinton, I'm still only
twenty nine, but I've never lived in a society that's
been more divided right now. It's just insane. You can't
even say anything without somebody just be rating him like
you're wrong, blah blah blah. It's it's intimidating to even

(01:16:13):
I've always been one that I'm always open talk about whatever, politics, religion,
I don't really care. But with politics these days, it's
just like you can't even get a word in edgewise
without them. You can honestly present facts towards somebody and
they're like, no, that's not true. Well, I don't know
what else to say, because it's a fact. Do you
think it's better than to have no strong opinions one

(01:16:33):
way or the other on that, because then you're less
inclined to even care so much about it, and like
that's less divisive of you to be just like, yeah,
I see your point, but I see your plant. You know, well,
I think that's the best outcome, is to be able
to have your opinion while also still being open minded
to other people's opinions. I think that's obviously in my opinion,
that would be the best outcome for everybody to be

(01:16:53):
like I have my beliefs, I have my opinions. I'm
still listening to yours. Not say my mind can't be changed,
but you know, have an open mind towards things. Jesse,
I recently moved from San Francisco to Washington, d C.
Around six months ago. About a month before I moved,
I had a guy through a friend and spent the
whole day getting to know each other. At the party,
I was going through some personal family stuff at the time,
and I quickly felt comfortable enough to confide in him.

(01:17:15):
We're drinking all day. We ended up hooking up by
the end of the night. I really saw him at
another group event a few weeks later, but nothing really
came to it since I was moving away anyway. Well,
now that I've moved, he's been calling me every few
weeks late at night. The first few times he was drunk,
but last weekend he called he wasn't drunk. His book
for over an hour in a pretty deep, deep conversation.
What are his motives for calling? It's not a booty
callerve across the country from him, and it's not very

(01:17:37):
often I meet people that click with like this, So
I'm struggling with if I should try to pursue this
or what I should do. I would love to hear
your input. This is a good one to put yourself
in the mindset of this guy. What do you think, Dan, Jared?
Why is this guy calling her all the time late
at night, Dean? After you? I love him the last one?
So I figured on and Ali, then I think this
guy might be just so if she doesn't gets a

(01:18:00):
booty call, it depends on what her meaning of deep
conversation is like, is that just you guys talk about
very insightful things or I don't have I don't have
our long phone conversations with anyone. Yeah, so any conversation
that goes past five minutes I think on the phone specifically,
I'm saying totally, of course, deeper, not that's something to
be said, of course. So maybe this guy just really
likes her, but also is playing it cool because he

(01:18:22):
lives across country. He doesn't really know what to do,
so this is the best thing he can think of,
just kind of like stay in touch and maybe she'll
be back on his side of the country. I think
this is more of a stay in touch thing. Personally,
if I were to stay in touch with someone that
just moved across the country, I text them, I don't
I think that he just enjoys talking to you. I
don't think that they're I don't think you really should
read into it more than that. I don't know if
you really need to put the pressure on yourself to

(01:18:42):
say that you need to pursue it or not. I
think that you should just continue talk to him and
enjoy it and have fun and see what happens like yeah, yeah, yeah.
You don't have to push it in any direction. It's
not going to naturally go right exactly. I do think
it's a weird combination of loneliness and fear of commitment,
which I think describes a lot of twenty something men.
As as as weird as those two things might see him.
I think it's a lot of people, especially twenty something men,

(01:19:02):
who are lonely and want someone to talk to. But
knowing that she lives across the country makes it completely safe.
He knows that it's not going to necessarily be a girlfriend,
She's not gonna expect anything from him. They don't have
to have the talk and all this stuff that he's
afraid of, but it's somebody that he can open up to. Agree.
And here's kind of the weird, awkward beauty of it,
because you guys have already hooked up, so you know

(01:19:23):
that he's not doing this just so he can hook
up with you, because you guys have already hooked up exactly,
So it's definitely more well intentioned, I think, and I
think that you should just continue to kind of let
it happen naturally. It sounds like it's a good thing
that you have going on, So just let it keep going.
Don't be afraid to see other people, let him see
other people, don't put too much pressure on this thing.
Just let it be what it is, and who knows,
if it's meant to be, it'll happen somehow. Good luck,

(01:19:45):
good luck. This is Morgan, similar deal. What is a
guy thinking in these situations? So my best friend and
roommate and I have been we've been hanging around this
group of guy friends for the past couple of months. Well,
I've been crushing hard on one of the guys in
the group for a few years now, but he's really
hard to read. The last weekend, this guy that I
have a crush on. He tried to kiss my roommate.
She said to him, I can't do that. You're off limits.

(01:20:08):
He said, why does Morgan like me? Then he asked
do you like me? To the roommate. Then he asked
who likes me more? Then he asked would it be
weird if I kissed you the roommate, and then kissed
Morgan later. Then he admitted he likes both of us,
but didn't want to make the wrong choice. My roommate's
attracted to him but doesn't like like him. I don't
know what to do with this new information. Is this

(01:20:29):
going to be weird the next time we hang out?
Why did he try to put himself in a love
triangle with my roommate and me? What if he actually
does like me? I'd be willing to accept any thoughts
or advice to help me navigate this terribly weird situation.
Everyone involved is twenty four years old and intoxicated while
confessing their feelings. Well, I think that last line is
the most important one of the entire email. You guys
are twenty four years old, and you guys are intoxicated

(01:20:50):
while confessing all these feelings, And I do. I do
want to say, out of all vachelanation, I think Jared
and I are the least qualified to be giving advice
on this specific one. Uh. Yeah, I I agree with
that one. Yeah. I mean I think, yeah, I wouldn't
take it too seriously if I was Morgan, like, yeah,
if you like him, I wouldn't really pursue him too hard.

(01:21:15):
I think you should just get the hell away from
this guy. Yeah, I entirely your friend as well, this
this line right here. Then he admitted he likes both
of us, but he didn't want to make the wrong choice,
and that's the biggest red flag any woman should need
to get out of that relationship. Exactly. I agree. He's
a twenty four year old guy. He likes you, he
likes your roommate, he likes anybody that he's got a

(01:21:35):
shot with. Exactly. He's gonna be liking a lot of women,
and you guys are just so happening to be two
of them. Not to say, you know, that doesn't make
you special in any way, But think about it this way,
say Morgan, say, under happenstance you end updating this guy.
He's always going to be thinking, well, what if I
ended up dating your roommate's dead. He's always gonna be
comparing the two, and not only that, you're going to
be thinking that way, you're gonna be like, I wonder

(01:21:57):
if he still likes more, not Morgan, your roommate. I
wonder if he's still likes my roommate. There's a it's
a net law situation. No one's ever gonna win, especially
if you guys were drunk while you're talking about this,
and it's like this awkward situation where he's asking you, like,
who likes me more? It's almost it's like a like
an ego thing for him at this point, It's like, well,
who likes me more? Who's going to really come back
for me more? So? I totally agree with Dean, stay

(01:22:18):
with from this guy. He's twenty four. I think a
twenty year old girls should date at twenty eight year
old minimum. I agree. I've always thought that, Yeah, just
for just maturity levels. What about a twenty six year
old dating thirty year old twenty six year old girl
thirty year old guy? No opposite, opposite? Well, what happens
in a six year old guy year old girl? I
see trouble down the road. Oh, Okay, I'm gonna just

(01:22:42):
say it right now. Regyards disagree. Alright, one more, Jenna.
I've been single almost three years now, with a few
almost relationships during that time. Didn't really have the intention
of dating anyone while here in grad school, but I
did end up meeting somebody recently. I've wondered if he
might be interested in me, because he's always kind of
awkward and nervous and usually poking fun at me and
then I do it right back at him. He's mentioned

(01:23:03):
interested in another girl he's known since high school, but
we both said we're content to be on our own
right now. There's other girls also seeing somebody else, so
I don't see her as a factor anyway. I'm not
sure what to do here because the other night we
went out, we were pretty drunk and we held hands
in the uber on the ride home. We talked about
a lot of stuff that night, some of which I
can't remember because I was pretty drunk too. So what
do I do. Do I bring this night up, Do

(01:23:24):
I address that there maybe unspoken feelings and both of
our rounds, and do I just appreciate having a close
guy friend that I can open up to and stick
to being on my own. This is this is Jenna,
and this is similar, isn't It's a similar drunk male confessions.
It's certainly different though, just for the simple fact of
they these two seem a lot on better terms. Yeah,
there's more potential here. It's like a friendship I could

(01:23:46):
turn into something. Promise to Jenna right now that if
she doesn't pursue it, I think that she'll kick herself.
Not that she won't kick yourself, but she will harbor
a lot of romantic feelings towards him down the line,
and I think that they might both act on it eventually.
But I just think that if you really feel this
way about this some guy, obviously you know it's a
drunken night, you really have to take those with a

(01:24:07):
big grain of sault. So you have to do that
as well. But um, I've had a friend in a
situation before where him and this girl were very close friends,
and they their friendship continued to grow together, and she
had always kind of expressed interest in him, but he
obviously wasn't very into it himself, and they eventually like
drunkenly hooked up one night and then like they kind

(01:24:27):
of put a strain on their relationship a little bit,
so I think that you need to. But the issue
with that was that there was never the sober conversation
of hey, this is what we did, this is what
the how I feel about you? You know, we held
hands in an uber, we had this deep philosophical talk
with each other. So what happened with your friend after
they hooked up? I think they're still friends. But you
said to put a strain on their relationship. Well, it's
a temporary strain. I mean you could, like she says,

(01:24:47):
at the very end, do I want to have a
close guy friend who I can open up too and
stick being on my own? It's very difficult to have
a close relationship with a guy who you've at least
one time been romantically interested in or are continuing to
have romantic interests. For um, I was gonna say, I
think more so like, yeah, you sure of course you
could have a close guy friend. But this close guy
friend that you have you actually have romantic feelings with,
so are you? There's always going to be that what

(01:25:09):
if factor? And if you do have any type of
romantic feelings, if I were you, I would articulate them,
because yes, you might lose him as a friend, But
what's what's better losing him as a friend or always
having him as a friend and always wondering is there
something more between us? Yeah? I agree. I think you
just got to go for it, and I think the
best way to go about it. And what we've kind
of seen a trend in these emails at least today
is a lot of people have been drunk, and I

(01:25:30):
think the best thing you can do for yourself is
to stay sober. Stay sober and have a conversation with him. Um,
maybe go out to drinks with him and have a conversation.
That way, by the end of the conversation you're at
least feeling a little tipsy and that can maybe alleviate
some of the pressure and stress. Um, just my two
cents and Jared two cents. That's four cents total. Were
one penny short of a nickel. But that's not too bad,
too bad at all, And I agree with Dean. I

(01:25:52):
would definitely actively put effort into hanging out with him,
just one on one, not like having a random setting
where you guys are out one night and you're like,
by the way, like, I don't know if if I
should tell you this or not like actively be like, hey,
you want to hang out, you know, let's grab dinner
or something like that, and then you know have a
moment to be like, this has kind of been bothering me.
I'm not sure if you remember this night, which I'm
sure he probably remembers too. So he's the thing is, Jenny,

(01:26:16):
he might be going through the same thing you are
right now where he doesn't know exactly what to do.
And I had back to the friend thing. My friend
still she tells me all the time about how me,
her and my other friend hooked up and they still
have had zero sober conversations about it, and it's driving
her insane. Every time I hang out with her, She's like,
I still haven't talked to about it. I still don't
know where we stand. It's like, just go talk to
him about it. And it's weird because like obviously if

(01:26:36):
you're in the same friend groups and all that kind
of stuff, it adds a little different dynamic to it.
But um, Jenn, I just take that. Take Jared's advice
and my advice. No, it's all the same. It's all
the same. So it take Jared mind's advice. Just have
a sober conversation with him. At least put it out there.
You're gonna regret it if you don't. UM. But also
to say, like, if you do put it out there,
that doesn't mean that the friendship is over. No, not

(01:26:57):
at all. Like exactly, you guys could have adult conversation,
talk about it, maybe realize that you're not right for
each other, and like Dean said, that friendship will become stronger.
So you're not really sure. I think it'll be far
worse if you do hold onto these feelings and never
really articulate them, because I think it'll just it'll just
build towards something that you don't want, right. I agree.
All right, Well, thank you all for joining us for

(01:27:17):
this week's episode of Help I Suck at Dating. UM.
Sorry for making you sit through that minute monologue of
the things that are just afflicting my life. We worry,
We we love you, Dean, and we worry about you
sometimes will make sure you're okay. I appreciate it, and
I will say that as much as I was dreading
coming in here today to talk about it, it it is
still nice to like talk and get things off your chest.

(01:27:37):
And that's what we're here for you're among friends, and
I think of the listeners of this podcast also consider
themselves your friends. They know you're pretty well at this
point among friends, but still it's kind of scary to
sometimes just fell your share your absolutely personal issues they
public format. Yeah, I think you just forget that, Like
it's not just for people you're talking to rights, Yeah,

(01:27:58):
it's like forever. Okay. Anyways, Uh, I really like to
thank Reginald Lewis for coming on today. Be sure to
follow on on Instagram at Reginald Lewis. UM. Big thank
you to match maker Dora de Kaiser or sorry Nora
de Kaiser, who works with the three Day Rule dot com.
The word three not the number three, so th h
R E E day Rule dot com with Nora de Kaiser.

(01:28:19):
Keep the emails coming, Um, I say it every week.
I'll say it this week as well. That's one of
my favorite parts of this podcast. Um. You know, it's
it's nice to hear kind of about what's going on
your guys life. So keep them coming. I suck at
dating at I heeart Media dot com. Big thank you
to the emails today Morgan, Jenna, Jesse and Tasha of course,
big thank you to our sponsor, Beach Body. Uh. Like
I said, I've been doing it quite a bit. I

(01:28:40):
canceled my gym gym membership and have been using them
pretty much exclusively and eating right because of their nutrition plan.
And I've already feel a lot better physically. Um and
you can too, So go to Beach Body. Text Dean
to thirty thirty. That's d e A N too three
zero three zero three zero. And of course, big thank
you to my man Jared for being here with me today.
Be sure to next week. And uh yeah, thank you

(01:29:02):
Dean for no but seriously, thank you Deane for coming
in and talking about everything that's going on in your
public life right now, because I know it wasn't easy,
and um, so a big thank you. Thanks, yeah, thanks Dean,
Thanks for listening, Thanks for sharing Deane on Tuesday, help
I Suck at Dating with Dean Anglert on I Heart
Radio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.

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#26 What's Inside My Head?

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