Dating with Dignity

Dating coach Marni Battista joins us to share some advice on how to meet people that have "evolved" to a more serious level in relationships.

And we tackle some dating issues from 3 different perspectives: a single person, someone in a committed relationship, and one in a new relationship.

Also, we figure out the male equivalent to flowers... what's a quick gift you can get for your guy to show that you care and are thinking of him?

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See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hell I thought your favorite with Mike Benn and Stephanie
and I heart radio podcast. All right, we are back again.
It's me Mike Cosson with Ben Higgins and Stephanie Pratt
and we're here one more week again as we usually are,
to help you at dating because we all suck. Oh no,

(00:21):
I think I'm just the sucky one. Now. Well, Ben
has a new girlfriend. Yeah, I feel like I'm hitting
my stride. You're doing something right over there. Girlfriend. Her
name is By the way, I gotta start this by apologizing,
I've got I got the flu, so I'm gonna be
a little stuffy, a little bit congested, and that makes
for a great podcast host. Um. But my girlfriend's name

(00:44):
is Jessica Clark. She was born and continues to reside
in Nashville, Tennessee. Uh. She is an old miss UH
graduate and is a very very sweet person. So we've
been dating for four months now, so I'm new, I'm fresh,
but I am in a relationship. Okay, then you still
probably need some advice. Yes, yes, I obviously need advice. Michael,

(01:11):
is your relationship going. I know nothing about dating. I'm
probably the worst that dating because I'm married. So I
really know nothing about. It's one of those I feel
like I would have that fear if I was thrown
back into the dating pool. I wouldn't know what to do.
I really, I really don't know. Like I think justin
four years are being married. I think things have changed enough.
Maybe Well, we have a really special guest on this

(01:32):
week's episode. Martie Batista is coming in studio fantastic and
she is a relationship guru with advice. So I also
want to know what she thinks about how you were
how you chase Janna. I think that is like the
coolest story ever. Well, thank you. He literally on Twitter
he was like, I'm coming to your show four days later. Yeah,

(01:53):
So I can't wait to hear what she thinks about
that approach, because I think the direct approach is everything.
All right, So that's she's coming on later, which is great.
Do you think? I mean, Stephanie, you're the one here
that's single. Are you sick and tired of people trying
to give you advice on how a date? Are you
into this? I love it? Really I stuck at dating.
I feel like nowadays since al right, Ben, you are

(02:18):
new and do a relationship. Stephanie you're still single. How
much of it is through social media? Is that like
just the only dating pool? I don't actually because I
don't really I'm not a good social media person, so
I have never looked at messages or d ms. I
don't get notifications. I mean, for ALLABLY know, Garrett Headland

(02:39):
could be like hitting me up and I don't know.
And I also I'm really scared of dating apps. So
I really like advice because that is like the way
now everyone is online and like even Wells, you know,
met Sarah online? Did you meet your girlfriend Jessica online?
Can we have a little story to time? Okay, So

(03:02):
this is how Jessica and I met. I was in Nashville,
Tennessee for a fundraiser. I was staying at the Hilton,
which is downtown Nashville, right next to uh Bridge Town Arena,
which is where the Predators play, And there was a
hockey team checking into the hotel and I got curious
and I was like, I wonder what hockey team this was.
I'm gonna go up to my room and get on
Instagram and look at the top post from this location

(03:23):
because somebody's got to posted from here. And it did.
Will help me find out what team it is. So
I went upstairs and I got on top post and
Jessica's picture popped up and I saw it. I was like,
that girl's stunning. Who is this? So then I did
what every normal person does. I clicked on it and
started creeping on her. And I noticed it right now
by the way on my phone. Yeahs and Jessica um.

(03:49):
And So I saw this and I was like, I
don't know what to do. I'm not gonna message her
because that's weird. I'm just gonna screenshot it. And then
at some point I'm feeling confident I'm gonna messenger, so
I screenshot and her profile totally forgot about it. Six
months later, I was cleaning out my phonks had ran
out of storage, came across the picture and I was

(04:09):
feeling good. That night. It was Thanksgiving evening, I had
drink a little bit, and so I messaged her and
I said, hey, Jessica Clark, Um, you said, Jessica Clark, Yeah,
it's kind of yeah. I just felt like that. I
like the full name approach, yeah, you know, the let's
be formal at the start. And so what happened was
I messed her, I said, I don't. I don't want

(04:30):
you to ask too many questions because I don't want
to tell you how I met you or how I
know you. Uh, let's leave that for some time that
we actually get to know each other, and then I'll explain.
And she messaged back, and we haven't really stopped what,
we haven't stopped talking since that's my that's my story.
That's a pretty direct approach to like you're saying, is that, Yeah,
what was the first meet up? It was like a

(04:51):
pretty much a blind date, wasn't it kind of Yeah,
So we had FaceTime and talked on the phone for
three weeks straight all the time, and uh, it got
to the point where I just getting frustrated because I
had I was interested in her, I was excited about her. Um,
it was a new thing. And so one night it
was the opening up my new restaurant, and I texted her,
I said, thank you, thank you so much. Uh. I texted,

(05:15):
I said, get a flight out here as soon as
you can, if you're interested in coming out. And so
the next day she showed up. Um did I did? No? No? Yeah? Yeah,
yeah yeah. Um. So she flew out and we spent
the first weekend together and uh, and now we see

(05:37):
each other probably about every two or three weeks and
it's been what four months, So it's new. It's exciting. Uh,
it's she's just great. I mean she I've got a
lot of issues, and I've never met anybody that uh
just like knows the issues like loves me through them,
like just like it's like supportive and backing and just

(05:58):
like gets it. It's it's really it's really fun. All right.
We have someone special on the show to help us
with all of my questions, Stephan questions, and band's questions.
Her name is Marty Batista. She's a dating coach and specialist,
and she's coming on here soon to help us out
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that's awesome. Where we have someone a specialist here to
chime in on this now in studio is Marny Batista. Hey,
thanks for coming, Welcome to our podcast. You were excited
to be here. Thanks for coming on. So we are here.

(07:48):
We our podcast is all about we suck at dating.
We have Ben who's newly in a relationship, Stephanie who's single,
and I'm married so I'm definitely bad at dating, so
thank god, yeah, thank goodness. It's probably a good thing,
but you have to date your honey totally torn legend

(08:09):
about all right, So let's go ahead and dive in.
And the I was asking Ben and actually again Ben's
recently in relationships, stephaniely still single. What do you see
out there nowadays? Morning with your expertise? I asked the
question of is everything just based around social media? Is
everything through d ms? Is everything through connecting with each other? Like?
How are people meeting in an old fashioned way? Well,

(08:31):
I think the thing is is that it's a buffet,
right like, and and that's kind of a problem because
you know, you go to a buffet and you just
want a little bite of everything and there might be
something coming, so yes, save a little room. So I
think that people are really limiting themselves emotionally because of that.

(08:51):
There's always a little guard up. But if you want
to meet someone who is sharing your you know, your passions,
don't gotta like get out right like you gotta you
gotta get out in the town do something. Well, yeah,
and when you're out doing stuff that is just normal
like Starbucks or Trader Joe's people are on their damn phones.

(09:12):
That's the thing. I go out and I get like
all dolled up. I stopped doing this, and I'll go
put myself at the bar like basically like, guys come
hit on me. No one talks to me. Are you
on your phone? No, I'm never on my phone. Actually
you don't know this about me, but I'm amish. I sweared.
I'm gonna stop saying it. I say it every week
on the podcast. Um No, I'm not on my phone.

(09:34):
I like make myself very available. I don't have my
arms crossed. I mean, I'm basically saying, you don't even
have to buy me a drink. Just ask me what
name is? Have you ever initiated a conversation? Well, I's
gonna ask that. I'm yeah. I mean if there's if
if the bars crowded and someone's like, cute it, I'll
go towards them and I'll be like, oh my god,

(09:55):
it's so crowded, you know, like I will, but I
going out gets me. No. There, I stopped doing because
I'm just like washing my makeup off at night, being like,
which is so annoying. The worst, the worst. So here's
the thing. Maybe don't go to bars with the intention
to like get hit on, because what I'm thinking is
you might have a vibe of like hit on me,

(10:16):
and an actual nice guy might be intimidated by that
because you're really beautiful. Yeah, So what I'm thinking is
you're sitting there like and you've got this like hit
on me, and someone might interpret that as are you
good enough to hit on me? I can see that

(10:36):
if you're well no, So what I'm thinking is if
you're less, I want you to be intentional. But if
you're less like going with the mindset of like hit
on me, and more like I want to make some connections,
and you also go to places that aren't like places
where men hit on women and you're just feeling like
natural and comfortable and doing your thing and you're open

(10:57):
and you're not waiting for that, You're gonna be more approachable. Yeah,
I mean, I don't like dress scandalous, think no, no, no,
don't like when I go out, I'm always like, I
hope there's hot guys there. They're better be hot guys there. Well,
so what you just said they're better be hot guys
there is like then the energy is like they're better
be hot guys there, and that kind of leaks out.
But if you're just going someplace and you're just not
going with that intention, my guess is from doing this

(11:19):
a long past time is you're more approachable. I can
see that because it's just reverting back to the days
that I was single, going out with my buddies and
thinking in my head the same thing. I hope there's
hot women there. I hope there's hot girls there, and
I hope but you know, get lucky to night or
something like that. The nights you go out with that
mentality were the Knights You're never felt like we're going
home alone. And then the Knights that you just kind

(11:40):
of went out just to hang out with your friends
and have a good time. Things just happened platonically without
even trying, and it just happens. You're like, oh, I
wasn't even expecting this, but here it is. You're you're
just more chill. Also, guys are much better at doing
that than women, because like, if a bunch of guys
go out and I'm sure you've seen this, you got
right there just actually out having a good time. They're
just hanging out. They're not really focused on that. That's

(12:01):
the thing. They're just hanging out with each other. Yeah,
because but that's that's what guys. But that's what guys do.
So that's what guys do. It's so annoying, but party,
I gotta apology here for one second, though, I'm listening
to all of this. Everybody has great advice. Everybody has
this good acc But what makes you the person to
give this advice? Like, where does your background come from

(12:21):
that now you're a dating expert? Right? I love? Yeah,
because ben I sucked at dating. I got married when
I was twenty two. I know, basically because you know,
I slept with a guy and then he called me
the next day. So I was pretty stoked about that.
He's the one. He's the one. I'm like, yes, So
I got married to know what I was doing. Um,

(12:44):
I was pretty unhappy, but you know, I it's a
different generation ish and then I was just really unhappy
and so I got divorced. And then basically a younger,
hotter guy I met him online. He's the same guy
with a different face, super do she but really hot?
Which online? Uh this was Craigslist used to have this

(13:05):
thing called miss connections. Oh, my godmercials. Yeah, So I
totally my girlfriend was like driving in l A and
she saw this guy in a tahoe and then my
other friend had met someone I miss connection, so I
was totally like stalking miss connections, right, and I totally

(13:25):
like wrote to this guy and he wasn't like he
wasn't the guy who she saw, but I totally I
just started talking to him. He no, no, he. I
just totally did the same thing. Like I thought it
was the ex husband, but it was just me. Everyone's
done that well totally, so I I figured out a
different way. So back to Ben's questions, So I dated

(13:48):
in l A for like five years, and I really
figured out how to do it with like my dignity
intact and feeling really good about myself and feeling like
I was choosing. And I dated a lot and I
had a lot of fun. And then I met my
husband and who's super hot, eight years younger than me,
and we've been together for ten years. But now I
studied a lot and I'm certified and all that kind
of stuff. But now I've been coaching men and women

(14:10):
for the last ten years, and I have like an
incredible success rate because everything that you're doing with what
most people do, and it's totally encounterintuitive to do it
any other way. Well, you know what, I for pretty
much five years, I was never looking because I was
I live in London and I've I have three businesses
over there and then a TV show that I do,
So it was just work, work, work, Like I put

(14:31):
work before my family before finding a boyfriend. All my
friends are getting married, they're having babies, and I'm just
like turning into this weird single lady in her thirties totally.
So I never put myself out there. But now since
I've been back in l A, I've been wanting to
kind of just to share experiences with you. No, Like

(14:52):
this year, I actually have time to travel and I
went to travel with someone, Like I just went to
Hawaii last week by myself. So you know, I want
a partner to do things with me. But it's just
I don't know if it's just l A. I mean,
I'd love to what you think, but I feel like
every guy here is just like you know, I could
sleep with any any girl, and they just wait for

(15:14):
girls to come up to them because they know they will.
So the other thing is you got If you're getting
guys like that and you're looking for an actual high
quality guy, he's not probably out, you know, like at
a this is like nice, like Dan Tana's crazy. It
doesn't it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter, honestly, Like the

(15:34):
kind of guy that you really want is a different guy.
When you're meeting the same kind of guy over and
over again, right, the results are showing you that you're
like pickers Off. You're not attracting like a high quality
guy who's looking for partnership. You're looking for someone who
just wants to look up, someone who just wants And
by the way, if you're a little ambiguous, like do
you want like a serious relationship or do you just
want like casual dating? Right, you have to get really

(15:58):
clear in your intentions because that it almost like you
have an unconscious radar. So where can Stephanie find Where
do you go to find these? Well? Who are you? Like?
What are you actually looking for? Like? What is your
like specific relationship goal? Well, I'm talking to three guys
right now. Um, I want to be exclusive with someone
like in a monogamous sexual relationship, but I don't want

(16:21):
it to be serious at the minute, I relationships to
me like feel like prison. I'm very much like, give
me my passport, I'm free and ever since I was eighteen.
When I was eighteen, I moved to Paris, like I
like complete freedom and space. So I'm scared of a
serious relationship where I'm you know, nber home home. This

(16:44):
is your problem. But what because you're putting out mixed right,
So the fact that you're scared what you're scared of
kind of what you want because it's gonna be really
hard to find a quality guy who wants to have
a monogamous, serious relationship ship with no strings attached. What
are the strings? We like freedom right Like it would

(17:07):
have to be someone that was just as ambitious, are
very busy with work where they didn't have time for
anything else but have time to see every now and then.
But that's not only that own life. I have my
own life, and then we have a little life together,
you know. But see the thing is the little life
together is so ambiguous, and one person usually gets emotionally connected.

(17:28):
It's it's gonna happen. And so your guard is up, girl,
And that is why you're attracting men who are perfect
for someone whose guard is up, and what kind of
men are they? Men who don't want to have an
emotional connection. They're casual, they're just It's like, this is
like a math problem, Ben. This is why I do
what I do because it's your your your intention is fine,

(17:50):
but you're going to attract guys like that, and they're
not going to be able to give you that like
ven diagram bit because I think you want probably a
little bit of an emotional connection. You want to share
a thing, right, So it's kind of you're asking for something.
I don't think this possible. So if I was coaching you,
like somewhere else, I'd be like, let's look at why
relationships are prison because you could have one and still

(18:11):
have freedom. But I've tried and they all resent me,
and it's you know, but you did. And I also
work more than guy, right, So yeah, this is what
I do is I specialized in women who are really
really successful, and there's just all this that goes with
being successful, right because you do you want what you want,
you're smart, you don't have to settle. You want freedom.
What's interesting is like in our culture is that used

(18:34):
to be a man thing, right, and now it's a
woman thing, and so there's no there's like no paradigm,
there's no model, so women don't know how to do it.
So you can totally have a relationship with the right
guy who totally gives you freedom, he wants freedom, but
you also have emotional connection. I can I can see
where that is harder to find though, for for a

(18:54):
successful woman to find a man who's comfortable and then
being that successful and ambitios is because when I met
my my now wife, I was retiring from the NFL,
so kind of my career was was ending, and I
just I felt like I became her husband. I felt
like I lost my identity and who I was and
I was just kind of like along for the ride.
And that takes a toll on a man, you know,

(19:16):
even as someone who you know, I had a successful
career and I thought I was doing well, but regardless,
it's it takes a toll on you emotionally and mentally.
So it totally does. And my husband had a bit
of that so started interrupt did you ever not resent
her but kind of get frustrated? And I started emasculated. Yeah,

(19:37):
I started saying things like, oh, it's just Janna's world.
It's her world. Okay, I guess I'm just so long
for the ride. What I have to do isn't important.
Oh yeah, we we had a we had a you know,
a lot of issues around. It's the thing. But the
thing is because there there are men who are at
the place where you are now, Like you got through
that thing with her, So there are men who are

(19:58):
single who are already worked through their own stuff and
they are looking and they're actually attracted to someone like you,
and they want to fit into your life and they
want to support you and not be like, you know,
the rock star. So I I want you to not
be afraid of relationships. I'm afraid of the guys. Like,

(20:21):
how did you work through that? Because I had a
boyfriend dumped me four years ago that I lived with,
and it was basically he was so emasculated because he
he was just a rich kid, and so I was
out every day and he wasn't. Yeah, it's just for me.
It was finding my identity again and finding something for myself.
And Jane and I had so much work to do individually,

(20:44):
and ultimately it became it came down to us communicating,
me doing a lot of therapy and a lot of
work with myself, and a lot of it stems from
issues and me never feeling I was good enough in
life period. That stems from when I was a child
and that you know, just kind of carries with you
into your adult self. So a lot of that was
working through that, which I still struggle with from time
to time. So, you know, never thinking I was good

(21:06):
enough for her or any or I know, I was
never good enough and what I was doing in my
life was a lot of the reason on why I
was just felt emasculated and felt like I was along
for the ride. But again, like like Marny said, there
are men out there that are in their thirties that
have done that work or don't have those issues, and
you know, see an attractive woman and if they come
up to them at a bar, it's like wow, like

(21:27):
that can take somebody, you know, for a whirlwind in
a good way. I've never ever heard a guy say,
what you just opened up about that you like had
those issues, Thank you so much. I know you are.
You're amazing. That's that's so great. So you want a
guy like that. He's emotionally intelligent, so emotionally touched. Guy's
self aware can handle you, right, but you need to

(21:50):
you need to do some of that. I think some
of the stuff that he's talking about so that you're
you're open because I think whatever happened to you four
years ago or whatever, you're like, it's like it was
a lot. Well. I was just telling I'm the guys
in the room earlier before you gotten here off off
the podcast that someone asked me about my motor cross
ex boyfriend from the Hills, and I said, you know

(22:12):
what happened. I was filming my last scene at Kristin
Cavalley's house and we finished it. We all were like
outside her patio talking about stuff. So Adrina Low, Kristen
and I and I got a text from my boyfriend
that I brought on the show saying, um, it's over.
So he broke up with me the minute the show
and and that's the second. That was the first time.

(22:34):
But it's happened because I'm on another show in London,
so it's happened on that show too. So I I
just don't have any good you don't have any evidence
that you go there's a good guy. Yeah, and of
course you would feel crappy about it. That's they either
used me or I I emasculate them. Then how you're

(22:55):
talking about, you know, you and Jessica and your new
relationship flourishing and you kind of in in it to
having some issues and to her just kind of loving
you regardless of what you have going on. Can you
speak on that kind of like in the in the
topic that we're talking about. Yeah, how do you guys
make it exclusive? I always want to know that in
an early relationship. Well, you know, I think we can

(23:15):
all speak openly about, you know, what our personal preferences are.
But for me, I've never been able to date. I
don't think I've ever dated anybody, like multiple people at
the same time. Like, I don't think I ever have,
and I don't think I would do it. Well, not
that I'm against it. I actually kind of wish at
some point I would have been able to date and
actually just date. But as soon as I start to

(23:38):
enter into something, it feels like I can't manage multiple
text threads at once, Like it just gets it just
gets too much too soon. For Jessica and I as
we started, I think because of who she is as
a person and her morals and values, I knew very
early on. If I want to try to make it
work with her, then I had to be somewhat exclusive

(23:58):
at least be intentional about how we're gonna date, and
not drag her along. So that never really was a
conversation other than when she showed up for the first time.
I said, do you think this is something that you'd
like to see pursued, and if so, I don't want
to date anybody else right now, and she said I
don't want to date anybody else either. So it just
kind of went like that, and that's how it worked.
It happened pretty fast, I think, Michael, to answer your

(24:21):
question for me, I've had a lot of insecurities and
dating um, which I think most people probably have. But
after a couple of failed relationships, I didn't know if
I was gonna be able to get back into it
and be successful again. Or the other point was I
didn't know if I was even interested in getting back
into a relationship again. I thought it was pretty good
being single, but what Jessica does is she takes everything

(24:43):
about me as a single man and enhances it because
of her partnership. So moments that I am insecure, she's
there to kind of help me and fill that gap
moments that I need more rest, She's there to push
me to get more arrest and so she just takes
who I was as a single man. It doesn't take
anything away from me that adds to life. Um. Yeah,
there's some sacrifices I've had to make, right, I mean,

(25:04):
I can't go out with my buddies every night of
the week anymore, and um, there's some but those are
good and healthy steps. My buddy said this best, and Marty,
I really want to hear because I'm reading more and
more about what you've done, and a lot of it
is science base, and so I want to hear from that.
But I also want to hear if this is a
common feeling. Stephanie, I don't know if you can relate
with this or not. But when I was getting ready

(25:26):
to inter into relationship with with Jessica, I called one
of my best friends and I was telling them, Hey,
I'm scared. I've been single for a long time. My
identity is being single. Um honestly, like, I made a
career off of being single. When I go out to
the public, people recognize me as being single. And the
part that I started to realize because I was getting
really comfortable getting sympathy because I was single. I didn't
know this at the time, but I like the fact

(25:47):
that I could walk into a room and that I,
in a sense could take the victim mentality, and that
people would would not judge me or criticize me, or
they would they would actually be interested in my life
because I was single. They would ask me further questions
about who I was because I was single, and I
got addicted to in a sense. And my buddy said this,
he goes nothing that you're saying is is crazy just

(26:09):
because of the life that you've lived. And he said,
I don't know if Jessica is the one of the
one preparing you for the one, but what I will
tell you is even though this next stage of life
with a partner may not be as exciting or sporadic
or free, what it will do it will make up.
It will be more fulfilling, more joy filled, and more
purpose filled than anything you've done before. And I at

(26:32):
that moment when he texted me that I made the
choice in this here because I've gone on and on.
I made the consciert's choice. Remember in that moment to
say I'm willing to risk giving up the excitement um,
the the excitement, the thrill um, the dating game, for
the chance that maybe with a partner, my life would
be more fulfilled. And that was a scary, scary commitment.

(26:54):
But I remember the moment I said, I'm willing to
take that risk. And so I think Michael and Marty
and you know, Stephanie, I are still kind of sitting here.
You guys can speak to that, and it is something
that I just felt recently. I mean that's a four
four months ago, and it was a big decision for
me again to enter back into a committed relationship and
giving up that freedom. I think what you said is
so profound. Only that literally and I can't remember where

(27:16):
it was, but I saw you and I don't know
what show, and I was like, that dude is addicted
to being the victim a hundred percent. I think it
was on maybe Winner Games or something. You walked in
you were like a mess, and I turned to my family,
I'm like, he's addicted to being the victim, and that
we get an identity of that and there's an unconscious gain.

(27:37):
And what's amazing is you figured out what that gain
was and you decided what is it that I really
want in my life? And your friend said, do you
want that is your experience or do you are you
willing to be vulnerable and take a risk, let go
of that identity and be in a healthy, fulfilling relationship.
Just the fact that you were able to own that

(27:58):
and then be an action of it, because people are
day long talk about you know, I'm going to change,
but the fact that you did it is huge and
and it is it's scary to do that. These two boys,
I'm just so impressed. There's so many out there they
like really like I don't know, but they are. But
but they had to be the boyfriend first, right, And

(28:18):
so you're meeting these guys that are like call it manvolution.
They haven't man involved yet, right, So you're you're kind
of get there, like you know, their ankles or there. Yeah,
they're they're dragging on the ground. But it seems like
it's sorry, if I could jump in here for a moment,
it seems like it's our long term girlfriends and wives
are the ones that evolve us. How do you find
a guy that is somehow manageable on his own? Is that?

(28:40):
Is that what you want, well, no, but somebody who's
gone through a big People don't change unless they have pain, right,
and so someone who's gone through pain is motivated. People
aren't motivated to change or be emotionally whole until they're
in a marriage with someone they care about whatever it
is and be like, oh crap. If I don't think this,

(29:02):
I'm gonna lose something important, which is why, like in
my relationship after five years, because my husband was like,
oh my god, I'm gonna lose my freedom right because
he had this definition of relationship where he couldn't do
what he wanted to do, so we had to confront it.
So there's guys out there that are doing the work,
especially today, especially actually in l A because you know,

(29:22):
we're becoming more conscious and selfware. So I just want
you to find that guy instead of these kind of
like you have you completely nailed it, because I'm the
exact same way. The show that I was on in
London for five years, I wasn't allowed to have a
boyfriend unless it was a cast member. So if I
had a boyfriend, I would have been fired and I

(29:43):
would have lost my visa and I'd be back in
l A. So It's one of those things that I
just was always not pigeonholed, but I was, you know, single,
and i'd have like, you know, kiss here and there
with like a cast member, but then coming back here
like on the Hills is everyone is married or in
a relationship, and I thought it'd be really like, I

(30:05):
think it's great that I'm single on the show because
they get to follow, you know, different things that I do,
not just you know, going to the park and playing
on swings. So I feel like, for my job, I
need to be single. And I also think that I
don't know if I have guy fans or whatever, but
I'm scared that, you know, I'm gonna lose that kind

(30:28):
of demographic if I'm in a relationship. Like I've heard
that if you're single in the business, you're more. Yeah,
well you're more. You're like you're you're got You've got
more more moreau, I have more reasons to talk about you.
It's oh, you're daming this person or you're daming that person.

(30:49):
New what's to stop you? Stephanie from something that Ben
said that stuck out to me, where he communicated from
the beginning with Jessica, Hey, this is what kind of
I'm looking for being exclusive was somebuddy? Are you game
for that? What's to stop you from? Maybee? Maybe making
that statement to a guy that you start to be
interested in, be like, Hey, this is what I'm looking for,
this is what I'm willing to give. I'm busy with

(31:11):
work and traveling, but I'm able to give you, know,
this amount of time or is that something you'd want
to do. I could definitely do that. I mean, one
of the guys that I'm talking to lives in Chicago
and we just met when I was in Hawaii and talking,
but like, obviously I need to go out there, or
we're like maybe saying that he was going to meet

(31:32):
me out in London in July, but all that just
seems up in the air totally. I mean, what is ben?
Is your relationship long distance? It is long distance? She's
a Nashville a Denver um. We set a goal where
we would never leave each other without having a second
or a time to see each other. Getting planned. Stephie,
listen to all this and I'm gonna have to one

(31:52):
to give advice. I honestly have zero advice to give
you and I are feeling very similar things right, Marty
has spoke to it, Mike spoke to it. Is you know,
giving up that singleness does make us more marketable. So
I had to ask the question, what do I want
and what do I see and what I dream of
for the future. Marty, We're sitting here and I'm reading
through and a lot of you stuff is science based.

(32:14):
A lot of it is pulling somebody together based on neuroscience. Um,
and you're telling Stephanie's sitting here saying, hey, I do
want at least a partner, maybe I relation, but a partner.
How does she then go about doing this? Can you?
Can you give us any site and how this like,
how she can scientifically go out and find her her
mate or her man at a bar. Yeah? I love that. Well. So,

(32:38):
first of all, the reason why it's science, bace is
because you have these like neural pathways that have been
ingrained over and over again that when I put myself
out there, when I do this, I get hurt, right,
So it's normal for you to have your guard up
because you don't feel safe. You know. It's so funny.
So I went on a date with them, actually his

(33:00):
friend Derek path Ah two weeks ago and I didn't
even realize I did this. But when I sat down,
say you're Derek. I walked in. I was late, and
I sat literally where Michael was. I like there was
like four or five ft distance. And I didn't realize
that until like he went on the podcast and was saying,
she sat in another country. Well, I call it. I

(33:23):
call it so your brand puts up. I call it
like a love shield. Right, It's like you can't see it,
but a guy can sense it. And and this guy
Derek was like, that was that was weird. So what
we have to do, like if I was going to
work with you, is we have to create new neural
pathways and sort of get rid of all of the
stories that you have going on that you're not safe

(33:43):
and teach you how to actually be in a place
where you can have what you want and be emotionally
safe that you don't get hurt. But you have to
be with a higher evolved man to get that. They
can have the conversations that he's talking about, because the
right guy will be like, yeah, let's do it. Or
what then was saying, Okay, we're gonna do long distance.
What are my expectations? What how are we going to

(34:06):
set that set this up and that that's intentional. Okay,
In your book How to Find a Quality Guy without
going on Twitter dates? Is this something that if I read,
it'll kind of be like a guide book to coaching? Totally, totally,
so mean, there's three stuffs to the process. It's reveal
released for juvenate. So the first thing is we have
to kind of reveal what's that the unconscious of all

(34:28):
of this, it's coming out in your your I call
it leaking. You're leaking, right, You're leaking by you're sitting
across You're leaking because you're saying relationships are a prison.
I bet if I looked at your text messages, you're
probably leaking all over the place. So we have to
really get what's the damn flood. It's a flood. It's
a flood. And that's what's confusing guys, is because you're
so you know, you're pretty, and you're and you've got

(34:49):
this great like public personality and you're fun and so
that it's like confusing, right, So we have to we
have to get to the root of that. Then we
have to release that. You cannot really release it just
by talking about it. I mean, I'm a fan of therapy.
It's amazing, but there has to be different elements. It
has to be integrated. That's the whole other conversation. But
we have to release it and then rejuvenate. Is how
do you date and show up looking for what you

(35:12):
want in a way where none of that stuff is present,
which means kind of teaching you how to flirt, how
to be open, where to go, what to say? Um,
because there's a gap right when you get rid of
what doesn't work, then you're like, well, how do I
do it differently? How do I be strong and safe
but also be approachable? Okay, what I was gonna take notes,

(35:34):
but like I'm I have it in my brain. It's
in the book perfect you bring books for us, by
the way, No, but I'll get you. And my story, my, my,
my story of the guy in the tahoe is quite
quite interesting as well. I have one quick question, Michael's
got something I'm with texting? Yes, are do you have

(35:55):
any theories or rules that girls shouldn't text first but
they should respond right away? Because that's kind of what
I do. Respond when it is appropriate to respond. Don't
play games? Okay? Good? I also have what I call
the rule of thumb, which maybe you guys can appreciate this.
Don't send a text message longer than the thumb. Oh god,

(36:15):
that's good. That is good because first of all, guys,
guys have like seven thousand words a day and women
have twenty one thousand words a day. So when they
get something like this, they're literally like, oh god, I
went hearing we need to talk. Even where my wife
sends me a long text like that, I'll look at

(36:36):
it and I'll put my phone down and kind of
prepare myself. I have no idea what it's going to
be about, and I'll just like pick it up later
and be like, oh god, I mean I can I
can look at them. So so number one rule of thumb,
that's right, do not just don't just don't. Okay. So
is it wrong that I never text first, that I
wait for them, but then I just respond the minute

(36:58):
I get it. Well, it depends right where you are,
because you have to meet a guy's energy. So if
he's texting you all the time and then you're just
doing like one word answers or you're never initiating, he's
not going to be clear. Men are simple? Is yes,
we're children, so they need to know they needed like
approach approach, especially today, men are really super hyper vigilant

(37:20):
about over approaching. So if you never, like I've had
clients the guys be like, I just you. You never
reached out, like I don't get it because we've gone
on like three or four days. So then it's the like, hey,
I was thinking of you, or you know, like there's
this cool thing, like what do you think you know?
So you want to and that's that prison thing you
got going It'll be like two days full on talking

(37:44):
face time, but then like five days can go by
and we don't talk, and I always want to be like, hey,
but you can, you can, you can really because I
don't want to make it look like I'm but I
don't want to. If the guys really interested, then number one,
you'll probably keep communicating throughout. There won't be like a
week that goes by, in my opinion. And number two,

(38:06):
if you do reach out and he's actually interested, he'll
be happy to hear from you. Exactly, it's not but really,
but here's what's more interesting. Why why are you asking
those questions? Like I don't want you to be like
I don't want to do that. You're like totally all
in your head about like this big manipulation to try
and get a guy to do that. No, I'm just
really worried that, Like I'm being too much, I know,

(38:31):
but you're I don't want to be because I like
literally in London I learned be mean to keep them keen. Okay,
that is not what we do with dating with dignity.
But here's the thing. You will attract a guy who
is in it for the chase only if you do that. Great, Okay,
because I don't want that. I just gonna be myself

(38:51):
and nice. I want you to be nice too. I
am nice. Text Oh my god, I want to text him.
Can help you say? I can figure out what you
should say. Do you know, Stephanie, what is there anything
that comes up for you when Morty talks about like
what you're scared of or your whole mindset about relationship
is a prison? Like do you know where that comes
from for you? Like why you have that outlook? I've

(39:14):
just never had a serious relationship. I've never had a
year relationship. My longest one was when I was seventeen,
and always eleven months. That there's something to that. And
by the way, you guys noticed how her energy is
totally softened just in this conversation. You came in and
you were like, you were like business girl, like whatever,
and now you're like, you're open. There's a difference, right, Yeah,

(39:39):
I agree. I totally agree. Yes. So I it's weird
because my parents went on a blind date and they
are so in love best friends, been married like forty
years or something, and my brother and his wife been
together twelve years, obsessed with each other. So I got
all these amazing role models, and oh, I just I

(40:01):
think I've set the bar too high. But when I
see true love like I do with my family, like
and I know it exists, I keep waiting for that
because I know it does exist, not set. You can't say,
like you just said, I want true love and then
like over here you're like, but I don't. I just
want a venn diagram thing. Oh that's like later when

(40:21):
I'm ready to get married. Okay, so you have to
figure out how to find find your ven diagram guy,
what was your role in your family? So? Like, were
you the good girl? Were you the overachiever? Were you
the rebel? What was your role um. At first, I
was a really good girl in science club and horse
BacT writing. And then I got introduced to drugs when

(40:44):
I was fifteen. So that was very bad. They're like
not just a nice drug like weed, like very heavy ones. Um.
So I was odd a couple of times in and
out of rehabs and was arrested twice. I mean, I
had a very long struggle with drugs. Um And then yeah,
so I was, you know, a nightmare. I was a rebel.

(41:06):
Then in my early twenties, I like got together started
working and I haven't like so then you started to
be an achiever. Yeah, And all I want to do,
like the reason I worked so hard, All I want
to do is just give my parents everything. I just
want to give them a million dollars. They don't need it,

(41:27):
but like they, I mean, they saved my life so
many times, Like my mom broke into my window for
one of them. Like, I just love them so much
that the reason I work is to make them proud
of me, to like say thank you for saving me. So,
if I can sort of pickyback up on what you
were saying, my guess is that because you were a

(41:47):
trouble you know, for a while that now you're sort
of like over compensating, right, the like am I good
enough yet? Am I good enough? Yet? Am I good enough? Right?
And so that's part of all of this stuff. So
your your guard is coming from that time in your life.
Then you're getting all this validation from being the achiever, right?

(42:09):
Is it false validation if I'm getting it from you
know press and no, no, no, it's real. But it's
your safe, happy, comfy zone, right because you never really
had a time because you're either in trouble right or
you're like really successful, and so now you're getting all
this validation from being successful. So that's why it's like
changing it up, right, Like Ben was talking about, changing

(42:31):
the identity is really scary because you've only been drug
girl or achiever girl. So who are you? I don't know.
All we need to figure it, Marty. Before we wrap
up and our time is done with you, M gonna
ask one more question and Ben maybe you can chime
in about this too. So I know in your book
and everything you talk about um increasingly confusing gender rules
and this is something from the outside being married looking

(42:52):
in with all of the meet Too movement, everything like that.
What is your kind of mindset with men approaching women
nowadays and you know, giving them compliments and how do
how do guys know what to say to women's and Ben,
did you come across that since you've been you know,
obviously you're not saying anymore, but when you were single,
did you did any of that come into your head
when you were dating? I mean, yeah, I think my

(43:15):
the best advice I've ever been given is just to
be like, unashamably uh yourself. And so when it comes
to what I'm saying or what I'm doing, I have
to respond and always talk from a place of uh. Now,
as I get older what I'm actually trying to feel
and say, I'm done jumping around and trying to play

(43:36):
games and not communicate clearly. I have to just speak
from what I'm thinking, what I'm feeling, and what I
will out of this certain situation. And then honestly, the
communication feels a lot clearer and better, and it's helped
my relationship so far. So I guess in the four
weeks or four months that I've been dating, it's working.
I think a big thing is and there's a new

(43:56):
study out this is that one of the things that
men are now worried about on a regular basis that
never existed before is do you think I'm a perpetrator? Yeah? Right?
So just imagine the average guy who's like texting or
can we meet for coffee? Or can I walk you
to your car? The back of his mind, he's like,
if I ask her to walk, you know, I can

(44:17):
walk her to a car. As she think I'm gonna
like raper is she getting right? So that's why it's
really important, um as our roles and the power sort
of is shifting. UM is for women to really be
in there sort of alcohol it feminine energy, but to
really do those things like let a guy know where
you stand and what you want. And that's through direct communication,

(44:37):
verbal and nonverbal, because a guy, especially equality guy, is
going to air on the side of like pulling back um,
And so you've got to make it loud and clear,
like what's okay and what's not okay? All right? That
is that it is right there. The best conversation that
we can have right now is where men and women

(44:58):
are coming together to say how the world can we
date each other well and make each other feel the
most respected, the most appreciated, and the most enjoyed through
that without coming off creepy. If you could become an
expert in that. I am definitely reading your new book
as well, Awesome Dating with Duty. It's all about dignity.
Where else can our listeners find you there more? You

(45:19):
can go to our podcast The Dating Dan all Right,
love it now subscribing now you know, come on, I'll
coach you on the show. Oh I'm not letting easy
leave this building without Okay, Marty, thank you for being time,
Thank you, thank you so much. All right. For everyone
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(46:44):
today again, that's noon dot com slash Dean, start losing
weight for good. All right, Well, that was a lot
of fun with Marty. I think we all three of
us learned something there that the dating part of life
is maybe one of the most difficult. It's always intrigued.
I mean, I think you can make a really good
living right now being an expert in dating. Uh. I mean,

(47:06):
this whole podcast is successful on the idea that you're
bad at dating, So just talking about dating seems to
be a hot topic today. So it's it's it's people
like Marnie who study the art of dating UM and
comes up with advice for people like myself and definitely
even you, Michael, you're married, but you're still dating. You're

(47:27):
still dating your wife in a way that uh, I
think I'm always interested to talk to you. Brought up
a good point and I'll close with this at the
at the very end of this that conversation, there's there's
a topic that I think will be it coming more
increasingly more and more. UM talked about uh in the
generation we live in, and it's how do how do

(47:48):
men respond to women? And how do women respond to
men in in the dating world? And how do men
now do it without feeling like a creep? And how
do we flirt both sex? Is flirt with each other?
Or how do you flirt with your partner if you're
interested in the same sex? How do you flirt in
today's world with outcoming off as a creep or like
you're trying to get somewhere Um that you maybe not.

(48:09):
So that is a conversation that I'm sure this podcast
we'll talk about for a long time, but it's not
why we're here. And Michael, I know there's more to
talk about and more emails to read. Absolutely mark on emails,
I do indeed. You know when people want dating advice,
they come to their favorite dating podcast hosts that My
cost and Ben Higginson. This is from Anonymous. She says,
my boyfriend and I've been fighting because we both feel
the other doesn't do enough. I always say it's easy

(48:31):
to buy flowers every once in a while, and he
always says, well, I can do little things for him too.
So my issue was what is the equivalent of flowers
for a guy? He tries to eat healthy, so treats
her out of the question. And I'm a grad student.
I want to do things to make him happy and
feel appreciated, but I'm never creative and I can't think
of anything good. Help. I suck at gifts. Do you
have any suggestions? All right, Anonymous? I do have one

(48:54):
that came to came to mind that my wife and
I do together, and that is right notes. So get
some post it notes. Okay, they're likes that, the cvs
whatever it is, and go get some. If he gets
you flowers or whatever, or even if you want to
do it, put write a note, write something sweet, say
how proud of you, proud of him you are, whatever

(49:15):
the reason. Maybe stick it on the mirror in front
of his side of the sink. It in his pocket, yeah,
put it in yeah, yeah, somewhere and just put it
so he sees it. And I'm telling you that'll that
will melt him. Wait, that's the best idea, Michael. You
need to stop being so great. Tell my wife that
that's good you think, uh, you know, it's all it's

(49:38):
different for each person. I'm a big bourbon fan, and
so if somebody were to buy me bourbon, it feels
like me getting flowers. Like if I walk home to
a new bottle bourbon I've never had, I'd be jacked,
like so pumped up, and just like flowers, it's gone
over time, so then you'd have to get a new one.
And you know, even I really like the note thing, though,
I mean I'm thinking I'm not like, I really don't

(50:01):
love the small little acts, like you know, I don't
love gifts because it kind of stressed me out. But
the idea of getting a note and opening up my
like lunch pail or opening up my suit jacket and
seeing a note from my significant other. Really, I'm just
imagine it would melt me. Oh my gosh, you should
do that to jess keV when she's flying home, like

(50:22):
right when she thought her like luggage and then I
get it. We don't want it. She'll listen to this,
so I don't damn it freaking let her here. Those
are good pieces of advice, guys, A couple of ghost
of emails. So we got a lot of these. Michelle says,
I went to Australia a little bit ago and dated
a guy. There was an immediate connection and I had
to come back to the States. And since I've come back,

(50:44):
he has completely ghosted me. There has been no communications since.
There feels like there was no closure, but it's been
hard for me to move on. Have you guys ever
ghosted someone or ben ghosted? What does it mean? Any advice? Mark?
How often you know? Do you get these types of emails?
About a lot? I really do. We do get them
a lot. And it's sad. It's sad that this is

(51:05):
how we treat each other in this day and age,
the generation we're living in. As you put it, bad.
It's sad that we do this to each other because
a little bit of communication. Look, if you live in
America and he lives in Australia, there wasn't a very
bright future anyway. You might have tried a long distance
for a while, but even so you still let the
person know. Hey, gosh, that was great. I really enjoyed
that time. I don't think it's realistic for us to

(51:27):
pursue this any further, but best it's uncomfortable. They don't
want to communicate that. Yeah, So, Mark, is this a
thing that I mean, was happening in your day? You
remember ghosting being a thing I've on this very show
talked about being I called the triple ghost. I was
ghosted by three consecutive women, one after about two days,

(51:47):
one after a month of dating, and one after two
months of dating. They just vanished off the face of
the earth because they didn't want to tell me, look,
it's over. They just said it's better to stop answering
my phone and never speak to him again. But how
many times did you try? Like, did you try like
five texts? Like in a phone call and tex I'm

(52:08):
afraid to say, but there were a lot of phone
calls I was. I tread a lot more than I
should have. Probably I should have gotten the message sooner.
But you know how you do that in your brain,
You're like, oh, they're just busy. They justify everything for
someone someone Someone's the time change. I just I don't know.

(52:29):
I mean, I've been there too, even when I was
dating and and in single I've been ghosted. I did
ghost but at the same time, I guess it's easier
from a marriage perspective, or it's like now it's like, well,
clearly they're not into you. Because when I was really
into somebody, I would keep texting them, or I'd keep
contacting them so or I would tell them, Hey, I'm
going to be unavailable for the next you know, or

(52:51):
whatever it may be. So I don't know. So Michelle,
I know this isn't the news you want to hear.
But it's over. It's over, and he just doesn't want
to tell you that. And Jamie has another one. She says,
I met to got through work and he asked if
you if I wanted to grab drinks. So I asked
him if he wanted to grab drinks with me, and
he said yes. We had so much in common tends
to talk about. He kissed me good night. He texted

(53:11):
me when he when I got home, and I responded saying, yes,
thank you for tonight. I had a fun time. All
slas signs pointed to him wanting to go out again.
He didn't respond to me, saying at a fun time,
but that's okay. The next day he texted me again,
asked me how my day was going. I said, my
day is going great. How about yours? No response. A
week has gone by and I haven't heard from him
at all. Am I being ghosted? Why would he text

(53:34):
me after the date if he wasn't interested. I'm so confused,
But I do not want to text him first. He's
seeing someone else? Is that what it is has to be?
I bet that that relationship was moving faster than this
girl coming up to him being like, hey, let's grab
a drink. So he was being polite. They worked together,
he had fun with her. But then maybe he's been

(53:54):
talking to another girl for like a month and that
was progressing faster. And the fact that he he would
text her back but he wouldn't respond to what she
ask that's weird. That's a power play. I think that's
just that's rude. It is he knows exactly what he's doing.
So this is if Stephanie's going to create a story,

(54:15):
I'm going to create a story of my favorite game.
This is how I really got Jessica. Let me tell
you what he's doing is he's gonna play. He's not interested,
but he doesn't want to be a jerk and he
doesn't want to feel like a jerk internally. So what
he's gonna do is he's gonna text these random text
at random times that make no sense and never respond
so that if ever comes back to him through one

(54:36):
of her friends at work that you ghost at her,
he'll say, no, I texted look at my phone, I
texted her here, I texted her there. I just wasn't
getting her text or I wasn't seeing it, or this
was just confusing. It got confusing at the end because
he does not want to have the excuse on him,
especially from somebody who knows people. He knows that he
just left her high and dry. Well done, then, sir,

(54:59):
I've been. They're done. That do you think any of
it too? With with kind of still commute, still continuing
the communication is like keeping her in his back pocket. Yeah,
I don't disagree with that. Actually, I think that here
is the heart. Like the the ugliest part is, like
Mark said, it's a little bit of a power play
where um, he can keep her asking these questions without

(55:20):
just closing it off and having the confrontation. That doesn't
allow any one person to have any more power. So yeah,
at the end of this, the ugly, the really ugly
part of this is that he's just dragging her along
until what happens one day when he gives her the
phone call just in case it doesn't work out with
this other person. If Stephanie's right, he can give her
the phone call and be like, you know, I know
it got weird for us, and I know it got confusing,

(55:40):
but I'm still interested because she's still holding on. She's
still wondering is this ghosting? Is he not interested or not?
So it's not ghosting. He's benching her. He's keeping her
on the bench in case the person is in the game.
Right now, it falls out of the game. She's a
role player. That's terrible. It is terrible. It sounds like
advice he got from some dude, Like, dude, if you

(56:02):
want a girl to be eating out of your hand.
You get what you do. You text her and when
she res bounded to you, you don't respond. But we're
the worst. That's gonna be my main message for my
daughters when they get older. Guys are the worst. My
dad when we did never get married. He we're watching
The Batchelor actually this is like seven years ago, and
he was like, Seth, would you ever go on that show?

(56:24):
And I was like, hell, yeah, I'll be the bachelotte.
He goes no, no, no on the Bachelor, like one
of those girls. And I was like, oh, Dad, Like
you don't know. I'm not competitive, you know that. And
he was like, so you would never like fight for
a guy and be very desperate to you know, get
that guy or get married. And I was like, no,
I just hand him over probably like I don't like competition.

(56:45):
And I was like, Stephanie, that makes me so happy.
I want you to know that, mom, and I don't
want you to get married ever. We will support you forever.
We've been married for forty years. You never get married.
I don't. I don't secretly miserable. No. My dad just
doesn't like he sees all these like crazy girls going

(57:06):
for like a guy and it's like in his mind,
he's just like my daughter is like acting like that,
so desperate to get a man, Like I need to
tell her like she doesn't need one, Like we're not
the kind of family where it's like we want grandkids.
But I see what you're saying better than my daughter
is strong and independent and has her own life that
is out there begging for a guy somewhere single and

(57:28):
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podcast crashers during our show here, Hey, Jerry, is there
anything that you want to tell the listeners? Uh? Oh,

(59:39):
we got you guys so good. I bet your listeners
didn't even notice that. You probably liked it more. Actually,
how did it go? What do we miss? Man? We
got deep? Yeah? Yeah? Can I like stay on this podcast?
I don't want to go back to podcast after this
dating coach on It was epic. I've learned so much.

(01:00:00):
You guys had Marnion. Yeah she was fantastic. Yeah she's lovely. Ben,
did you were you able to share anything with the
listeners about how great it is to be not sucky
at dating? I just talked about how my weaknesses and
dating have brought me to find a person that compliments
my weaknesses with their greatness, and as a result, we're
going to flourish like a phoenix into the sunset. Dean

(01:00:23):
and Jared on your time help by Second Dating, do
you feel like you became more educated and any better
understanding love sex? I don't want a relationship, I don't
want to speak on Jared's behalf, but when he started
a co hosting this podcast, he was single. This guy
is getting married in literally three months. Yep, I got
dumber since coming on this podcast. And I actually I

(01:00:47):
started this relationship single, went through a relationship, uh, and
now I'm single again. So at the end of the day,
maybe I'm not really learning too much, but you're just
learning more about yourself, which will set you up better
for the future. When second dating at his like weddings,
thank and so. So, Jared and I were at a
club in Connecticut this past weekend together and we like

(01:01:09):
had this little section to ourselves and we're standing in
front the whole crowd, and Jared just starts looking at
me and he starts chanting, help I suck at dating.
He starts get the whole crowd into it. Help I
suck at dating? And ever since then, I think at
his wedding, I'm going to be trying to do the
same thing in front of everyone. Just for full clearance,
Diana and I were the only too chanting that the
whole club. Diana and I were just in the corner.

(01:01:29):
Help I suck it? Yeah, you're getting a lot of
bad looks. Um, hey, but guys, thanks for hosting our
podcast for us while we were well. I guess Vanessa
and I hosted padcast today. It well was great, cal paines, guys, cool,
Where's Jana? Janna did Almost Famous with wells? Okay, so

(01:01:49):
they did that, and I did wind Down with Actually
we got Yeah, we got real emotional, actually cried. I
mean that's obviously no surprise. But wait, we literally had
every podcast we have Almost Famous help I suck at Dating,
pad Cast and wind Out. We're missing scrubbing In. That's
the only one. Scrubbing In have a suburb. They just
go norms. They did their own thing. Come on, let's

(01:02:10):
definitely talked about her looming date with Derek. No, but
I just told Amy that you asked me out when
you left. Yeah, okay, where that wasn't a secret. I
was turning embarrass The football game that we went to
together just reminded me that, yeah, oh you didn't remember. No,
I just can we put some context in there, like

(01:02:33):
right through me? I don't really and I always think
that things are just I thought we spent a magical
afternoon together at a at a football game Ram's Eagles
week sixteen. It was so much fun. And then you
asked her out on a date after that? Well no.
I come to find out, even just before they started
recording this episode, that she was trying to flirt with
the guys two rows ahead of us, and she had
a big crush on Sean McVeigh, who's the head coach
of the ramp. I know who Sean McVeigh. He's married.

(01:02:54):
Why don't you find he's just a girlfriend? Was my
coach when I was played for the Roads. Oh my god,
you're my connection. Hey, Stephanie, Just so you know, I'm
still sitting right here. You have your favorite. Wait, that's
actually awesome, though I think I think you were too young. Yeah,
that's what it is. Sure, And that was on my
phone too much? Remember, Oh, that sounds like something I

(01:03:15):
would say. I don't like phones. You're on your phone
literally twice as much as I was the entire time
if I was looking at the coach. Let's talk about
Derek's and yours day coming up. I'm twenty seven, turned
twenty next month. Let's talk next month. Oh my god,
my birthday. I'm April. I'm April. Oh it's April month.
Oh I guess it's April now. I can't realized I'm

(01:03:36):
April seventeen. Oh my god, we're both aria so much
comment already work? Are you going to this weekend? I'm
not too. Areas burned? Horrible? Um? Well we can talk later. Great,
can't wait. The coach wants me to start dating. Um Ben,
How is your relationship with Jess going? I mean fantastic,

(01:03:57):
It's going really good. Yeah, she's a sweetheart. I really
just have had a blast. It's been fun. It's made
my life like a lot better and a little like
a lot more clear. Yeah, I guess overall just there's
like no issues, which is crazy, Like my it's just
like really fun and it's exciting and my life has

(01:04:19):
just gotten better with her in it. So um but yeah,
overall really great. And uh I spent my birthday last
week with her, um and she found me my favorite bourbon. So,
like I said earlier on the podcast, the replacement for
flowers for man is a bottle of bourbon. I will say.

(01:04:40):
I'm living to follow you guys on Instagram because you
guys are both so adorable everything. Every single picture you
guys post, I got a little fluttered in my heart
and I'm like, that's just the cutest thing I've ever seen.
You're always there to support me, to love me. Well. Um,
and I feel better after coming out of this podcast.
I do. I feel more prepared for my relations ship
with her, my friendships with all of you. And that's

(01:05:03):
what this podcast is all about. You boys are just
the cutest, most adorable piece beautiful ever. Yeah, I'd like
I've had you can keep really are the cutest sweetest guys? Well,
we try, you guys are Dean's the cutest anyway for
us all single ladies, let me wrap this up with
some thank you as we do. You think third love
go to third love dot com slash Vanessa off today

(01:05:26):
Noon go to Noon dot com slash Dean just not
your trial today, And since your day is not full enough,
go to broommate dot com. Get off your first order
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this week, majority not one code in bronze. What are

(01:05:47):
all the codes up? Lid down? Typically is it? Everyone
is Joanna Sanna? Oh, it's all yeah. What about I'm
gonna slide to Mike in there. One of these people
are gonna be confused. What did you guys, get sandwiches
out there. The yeah, the good, so delicious. They're all
over the place. You should find that the Dutch crunch bread,
so the sandwiches are all crunchy and delicious. I had

(01:06:07):
the Elvis sandwich. It was pretty fantasy. Yeah, really good.
So find Ike's Love and Sandwiches near you. It's Love
and Sandwiches dot com. It's at Sandwiches on social media
and download the app for more lovely um And to
all our listeners out there, thank you so much for
listening to this episode of Help I Suck At Dating.
To our hosts today, Mike, Ben and Stephanie, thank you

(01:06:28):
guys so much for being in on our elaborate apper
pools April Fools joke pol Pool story bro Um. We'll
see you next week for another episode of Help I
Suck at Dating. Be shure to tune in because maybe
we'll suck a little bit less. Follow Help I Suck
At Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared on I Heart
Radio or wherever you listen to podcast