December 19, 2024 • 33 mins
Thelma & Louise are back! Is dating long-distance the way to go? Thelma thinks so! Plus, what these besties never anticipated regarding divorce, and they unpack: whether you should or shouldn't be fully healed from your previous relationship before you start dating again.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Wow, we are back, Thelma and Louise still slaying in
the dating world. Not I'm still single? Are you still
had a bunch of shitty dates? Did you? But super
flattered that the audience spoke and responded and had more
questions for us, and makes me feel good that what
(00:35):
we're saying makes sense and it struck a chord and
it's relevant and I guess we're approachable and easy to
talk to, so maybe that will bode well for future
dates for us. What do you think, Thelma, bring it on? Great, Well,
let's go, let's let's do let's do some more questions.
I love this stuff. I mean I love to not
be in the position of always asking the questions because,
(00:55):
as you know, I sit on dates now on my
hands country myself. Stop with the questions because it feels
like an interrogation. One of my dates called the rapid Fire.
That was not a compliment.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
I know it's the truth, though I don't even know did.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
He call me the next day? Maybe he didn't.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
I can't remember on that one.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Anyways, I think Easton here has questions for us. And
by the way, his name alone is so hot. So Easton,
are you single? Are we too old for you.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
I am a married man.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
We don't do married.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
That's a red flag. When you go on a date
with somebody and you go, why did your marriage break up?
And they say they cheat? It it's like once a cheat,
are always a cheater. Like I literally Elvis has left the
building for me on that one.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Or I don't mean to interrupt again, but I also
think one a red flag for me is when somebody
when I'm on a date and someone speaks very disparagingly.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Well, look at Dingong who I dated, and then look
what he did to me when we broke up. When
people show you who they are, believe them.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Yeah. I think we have really good relationships with our
exes and take great pride in that. And I don't
think that that's everyone's case, and I don't think it
needs to be, but I still think it says a
lot about a person, especially when they do that right
off the bat and they don't even know me. I
just it just rubs me the wrong way.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
I think they are the mother of their children, and
I think it's disgusting when they do that. And you're right,
you and I are deeply proud of our relationships with
our excess so much so that he and I had
dinner last week. The kids are in college, he's engaged.
I love his fiance, and I said to him, you know,
if this is who you were when we were married,
we'd still be married. And he goes, we would never
(02:33):
still be married.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
I was like, oh, in the nursing home together. I
still think you might be in the nursing home together. Yes.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Anyways, Okay, what do you got for us? What do
these people want to what do these people want to learn?
Speaker 3 (02:43):
You know, this is a question that just popped into
my head as you guys were talking about that. At
what point? I know it's like a case by case
basis thing, but like when you're on a date and
the other person was married before, how soon do you
get into that conversation of why did your marriage break up?
That seems like an it's a hard thing to do
early on. But you also got to know that.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Definitely not the first date in a real kind of
pointed way if it organically comes up. But I've always
found like being too heavy on a first date is
not It should be a little more light and fun, right,
It could be more in my opinion for me, you know,
second or third date. Now, if it's a setup, then
you kind of know a little bit about why relationship ended,
(03:27):
so then you can kind of navigate around it.
Speaker 4 (03:31):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
In my experience, it does come up a lot on
a first date. I feel like it just naturally comes
up because hey, you both ended up at this date,
so you know your history brought you here, so I do.
I don't choose to delve too deep into it, but
I think there always happens to be a few questions
around it, and then I just try to like know
when to move on.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
But I also think the way we answer those questions
on a first date it's going to be very different
than how we answer it, like when you're more involved
with something, right, Like I kind of a cat answer
as to why my marriage went south, which is, you know,
not inflammatory, it's you know, I'm never you know, negative
about my ex husband or anything. So I just give enough,
(04:13):
but not like enough of the depth that maybe I
would share later on if I was really involved with
somebody and I, you know, trusted them, agree.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
And now we're gonna we're gonna take things to the map.
Here is the dating seemed really bad in Los Angeles.
You always hear about that, but is it actually that bad.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
I think it's it's hard. I mean, look, I grew
up in Los Angeles, so this is a lot of
the reason why, you know, dating apps have made me
uncomfortable is because the few times I've played around them,
I've seen nine thousand people I know, so I feel
super exposed. I prefer setups. Like if I was to
go to northern California, where Belmow was from, I would
be on every dating app because I don't know anybody.
(04:54):
I think it's hard, like I think that there's well
let's talk about this. I mean, we're in our f
fifties and it's very rare that a fifty year old
guy wants to date a fifty year old girl. In fact,
my children came home last summer and they sat me
down and they said, Mom, we're very concerned about what.
They go, Well, we're concerned about your options. What do
(05:15):
you mean. They go, well, it's the you know, eighty
year old guy or the twenty five year old guy
you need to support. And I was like, wow, that
does sound dismal. Do you have a preference And they said, yeah,
the eighty year old guy, and I was like, oh,
but I think it's true, Like, I think there are
way more. I mean, I would say, out of you know,
my ten best friends, eight and a half of them
are single, and I think they're all amazing, Right, there
(05:38):
are fewer good men, and there are you know, fewer
men out there that want a date age appropriate women.
I mean, I have a guy best friend who's you know,
mid fifties, who's a fabulous guy. He's my guy best friend.
His dating app age range is twenty five to thirty eight.
He is fifty five with two kids, so he wouldn't
(05:58):
even we wouldn't even come up on his swiping. And
I think that's more normal. Oh, it's one eleven. Make
a wish. It's my good luck number that my soulmate
is coming. Okay, got it. I know I do this
all the time. Anyways, I find LA dating hard.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
What do you think, Thelma, I don't know if it's
La per se. I feel like my mindset is very different.
When I am at home. I feel like I'm in
kids mode or work mode, and I'm just going through
the motions. I'm going to the same grocery store, I'm
doing the same things I'm running around in my workout clothes,
(06:34):
and I feel like part of it is just getting
out of my comfort zone. And I am more apt
to do that when I'm outside of my hometown. And
I find that it's easier for me to date when
I am traveling or going on vacation because I'm just giving.
I'm on receive and I look like I'm open to
meeting people more.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Well, you still have a kid at home, I mean
too in college and one at home, so your life
is very different than mine, right, Like, I don't have
children at home, so I could go on a date
seven days a week. I could. I guess. I could relocate,
I guess, But I don't know. I just think it's hard.
I think it's hard in LA to meet people. And
(07:16):
I think somebody who lives in Chicago or somebody who
lives here wherever, you know, I think anyone's going to
say that there's just a lack of options. And I
think that there's so many amazing single women out here,
and I think they're all beautiful, and I think they're
all talented, and I think they're all really interesting. So
I think that's also what the sweite mentality has done.
(07:37):
Is it's kind of like thirty one flavors, right, I
mean it's like, oh she was great, we had fun,
but I could keep swiping. There could be somebody else
better out there, and you never just kind of feel
satisfied or content with what's in front of you. And
I think that's I think that it's just too many
options out there, good for men.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
On the last episode, you guys did uh Thelma, you
said that sometimes a plane ride is easier than an
hour hour and a half drive. And now I'm curious, like,
if you were to meet someone that was long distance,
how does that work? Like are you does there have
to be an end point in site? Is there a distance?
Like would you do across country thing? What do you
think about dating long distance?
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Like I'm obsessed with it? Well, you did it, you
did it four years years and I love it. I
think I'm I like to compartmentalize my life apparently, but
I think for me, what I love about it is
unlike when I say a plane ride, I think it's
nice because it's it's a total separation. Like when I
get on that plane to go see my significant other,
(08:50):
I feel like I'm all in, I'm present, I'm engaged.
It's almost I mean not literally but engaged. I feel
like it's almost like this honeymoon and I have great
time and it's amazing, but then it's great because I
get to leave or he leaves, and then I get
to go back to my week and I have my
friends and my family and work and everything. So I
(09:12):
kind of get the best of both worlds. Now, it's
not necessarily balanced in like the traditional sense, but it is.
It's like I get to have my fun, I get
to have that romantic hit, but I also get to
kind of keep my life intact, which I think is
you become older and are you know, fifty plus. I
think we alluded to this our last episode, But it's
(09:33):
a little harder to juggle. You have a lot going
on and a lot of times, I feel like when
you are all in on a relationship, sometimes men are
needy and they kind of need a lot of your
attention and time, and I feel like sometimes distance it's
easier to manage it.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Do you see yourself ever finding yourself in a situation
where you are twenty four to seven, you know, remarried,
seven nights a week, sharing a bed with somebody like
living that life that we all did when we first
got married. Or do you think when we fall in
love and have relationships in our fifties that it's just
(10:15):
part of our life, it's not all encompassing. Or do
you think it's a function that you and I say
that because we just haven't met the person that has
swept us off our feet that would make us want
to make some significant changes in our lives.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Oh my gosh, how many times have we had this conversation.
I mean, the thought of sharing a bed, a closet,
a bathroom with somebody twenty four to seven sounds my
living nightmare, like so, and the longer I stay single,
I appreciate it so much. I mean I even go
to dinner with my married friends and I think some
of my girlfriends are like, oh my god, I'm so
(10:48):
jealous of you. Well, the grass is not greener, right,
And so I think that's one thing to always remember.
But I think that for me, I'm not saying that
I couldn't meet the right person. I think with my
first relationship, I was able to be twenty four to
seven with somebody because they very much had their own life.
(11:08):
So I know, for me, if I met somebody who
had his own interests and own priorities in life, and
we could come together but also have our independence. I
will never say never that I couldn't be with somebody
under the same roof. But I also feel like I
wouldn't be surprised if my next chapter looks far less
traditional than my first.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Great answer, thank you, I try. You're a smart cookie, Thoma,
glad you're guiding me.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
I mean, who needs a boyfriend when your friends compliment you?
Speaker 4 (11:39):
Right?
Speaker 1 (11:39):
I mean, by the way, you're a hard act to follow.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
Let me tell you, I don't put out, but I
do a lot of other things for you.
Speaker 3 (11:46):
You guys are so fun. What's one thing that people
don't talk about when dating posts divorce that you wish
every divorced person knew when entering the dating world.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
I think that when you first get divorced, I mean
I can speak from myself, like I think I thought
like I would just find my next person really easily,
and I would just slide right back into almost like
a traditional relationship. I don't think I anticipated how hard
it would be to find another really great situation. So
(12:23):
I think that was the hardest thing for me, that
it hasn't happened the way I thought it was going
to happen. And you know, I'm comfortable being by myself.
I've gotten really good at being by myself and I
have a really full life. But I do want to
find a partner. And I didn't think nine years later
(12:46):
I would be looking in the rear view mirror at
multiple great relationships but not one significant relationship.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
I didn't anticipate that I would still be here nine
years later, and it makes me scared. Sometimes Sometimes I
call down Lap in the morning, Oh, I love to FaceTime.
She hates hated in the morning, and I say to her,
is this the best it's going to be?
Speaker 2 (13:12):
And I think for both of us, I don't want
to speak for you, but I think right now I
am totally happy. My life is full. I do sometimes
get concerned that, like when my last child really really
leaves and ten years from now, am I going to
be rattling around in my house and sad?
Speaker 1 (13:29):
Well that I am.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
I'm not there yet, But I think for me, the
back to your post divorce question, I think I didn't
realize how many, how much more complicated it was, and
how many more variables there were it's really not solely
about me anymore. Right, it's I have children, they potentially
have children. Are we in the same place socioeconomically, Like
(13:55):
do we have different aspirations?
Speaker 1 (13:57):
Are they?
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Are they slowing down because they're ten years older, and
you know, we just operate at different frequencies and levels.
Like I don't know. The first time I fell in love,
I was twenty two years old, I was married for
seventeen years, and it just seemed really simple. We were
in the same place, kind of growing up together. And
I think now everybody has so much history that I mean,
(14:20):
in many ways, it's really interesting because you get to
meet very interesting people, but it's also, I don't know,
it's a lot more fumple.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
I think we have to look at it like an opportunity, right,
It's about flipping our lens. And I think what I
started to do is wake up every day and say,
I get to not I have to write. And I
think it's awesome to meet a lot of people. And
you know, I think so much about getting excited, you know,
about going on a date is less about being the
right person, but the anticipation. I mean, you and I
(14:49):
have so much fun, like we'll be at Plate's and
you know, and I know you're going to probably just
have a little salad for the day so your stomach
is flattered. And then we talk about the outfit, and
then we FaceTime the outfit and it's like it's like
a whole thing, and the data is actually less important.
It's the prep that's fun. One thing I wanted to
just bring up because somebody said this to me the
other day, to your point when you talk about like
how am I going to feel in ten years when
(15:10):
I'm an empty nester, And I was telling somebody I'm
the empty nester, it's interesting, and she because, don't call
yourself an empty nester. Look at it like it's an
open door, right, like you are walking into a sliding door.
I love that Gwyneth Paltrow movie. Right, this is an
open door where every day I wake up something new
and exciting can happen, Like what surprise is in store
(15:30):
for me today? So every day I'm looking for the
magic in whether it's a date or if it's a
swiping thing, or it's you and I, you know, laughing
about something, or getting our weighted vest. Because we now
have osteoporosis like I every day am looking for the
magic in my day where it's not focused on just
finding a partner, And there are so many amazing things
(15:51):
that we all have going on. And I think at
the end of the day, friendships obviously, our relationships are
family in our case, like friendships are the glue, Like
you are on my gratitude list every day. So I
don't know, like we have open doors.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
And we can't control what is isn't going to happen
in terms of a relationship, but we can really control
our mindset and our outlook.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
And I know our attitude.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
We're just cheesy, but it's so true.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
I'm a little woo woo. You know, me and my crystals.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Who doesn't love a crystal in la?
Speaker 3 (16:23):
Do you do you charge them up in the moonlight?
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Is that I do it during the day? Actually really yeah?
Is it supposed to be at night? Because maybe that's
my problem.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
I think you have to do it for what works
for you. What I've learned is I used to try
to follow the rules on it. I thought, you know,
I'm just gonna I'm going to operate spiritually in a
way that speaks to me, right, whether it's like the
one crystal here or not washing them or like I
try to like be comfortable with the way that I'm
doing it because it's pressure all the other rules on
(16:53):
how to do all of it.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
I meditate laying down. It's way more comfortable.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
So there's so much importance on a first eight. What
do you think is to each of you, what's which
first date activity is the best way to determine if
there's like a spark is it? Is it a walk,
a coffee, a dinner, miniature golf. Is there something that
stands out above the others?
Speaker 1 (17:16):
Glass of wine?
Speaker 2 (17:16):
For me?
Speaker 1 (17:18):
I know, at meat at a restaurant that has like
at like five or six that has like a bar,
a bar slash restaurant. I like to go, And I
actually like to sit next to somebody at the bar
if I'm on a date with them, just to feel
if there's kind of any energy. And it's interesting, like
you can kind of tell if you feel yourself gravitating
(17:39):
and turning towards somebody or if you're kind of sitting back.
And I don't know, body languages super important, but I'm
definitely not one who likes to go on a walk
or miniature golf or do I like to talk to
somebody and just see if there's an organic conversation that
starts to flow.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Yeah, not to sound like I'm not interesting, but I
kind of am the same the same for me. I
also think being kind of in an environment where there's
people around you and background noise and all of that,
like it just takes a little of the pressure off,
you know. It's like, I don't know about you, like
when I went on my honeymoon, or you go to
these quiet resorts where it's like you can hear a
pin drop, and even if you're with like the you know,
(18:20):
the love of your life, it's just so awkward, Like
you find yourself talking about the weather because you feel
like the three other people are listening to what you're saying.
And we all know, we've all been in restaurants where
you look at somebody on a first date and you're
just like, oh my god, I feel for them and
like they're barely able to, you know, care on the
conversation or whatever. And I just feel like being in
a bar environment or something where there's just more going on,
(18:42):
it just seems a little like it diffuses the fact
that you don't I.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
Think people like people up right, Like I just think
it creates like a buzz and an energy. And but
by the way, to your point, like I recently was
aut of dinner and I saw two people on what
clearly looked like at first date, and I was with
my twenty two old son, and it was like, watch,
you can't try And I was so uncomfortable them. So
I found a way to try to start chatting with
them with the conversation because you know me, I don't
(19:08):
shut up, and so we were chatting all of us together,
and then it didn't.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
Be kind of like you then I feel like he
kind of well, that was bad.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
Then he asked when I got up, he kind of
asked for my own phone number in a work thing,
And I thought to myself, I hope she's paying attention
to the kind of guy that he is, because that's not.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
Like I'm a girl's girl.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
Oh, such a girl's girl. Such a girl's girl. I
love setting up my friends with somebody i've gone out
with that maybe doesn't feel right to me. And you know,
I'm doing that for my sister right now, and I
don't know. I would hope somebody would do that for
me too. Recycle. We have to recycle men.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
We think that that's a business idea. How are we
going to properly recycle men?
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Matchmaking is hard. I tried to be a matchmaker for
a minute.
Speaker 4 (19:49):
It was not easy.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
Here's a scenario for you. You're you're casually you see
someone that you're casually dating, You see them out in
public and they're clearly on a date with somebody else.
Do you bring that up to them? Do you pretend
like you never saw them? What's your reaction there?
Speaker 2 (20:13):
I don't think that that bothers me unless I feel
like we're exclusive, you know, and I think that at
the time that I mean, the way you present that scenario,
I'm taking it like, hey, we've gone out on one
or two dates, which I think until you have that conversation,
that's okay.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Do you think you have to have a conversation to
be exclusive or do you feel like it organically happens?
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Well, I think either romantically things start happening and then
at that point I'm having a conversation or I mean,
reading the situation where you're starting to want to be
with each other all the time, you kind of understand
that that's where you are but if I've just come
out on a couple days. I mean, I did have
a situation where I had just broken up with a
guy literally like the night before, and I remember feeling
(20:59):
bad that I had ended it because he was a
nice guy. And then the next day I picked up
a friend from the airport and was coming back from
LAX and went to where what's the old AOC whatever
tavern or something, and I walk and they have communal
bathrooms and he is literally at the bar in the
same first date outfit, I guess, same first date outfit.
(21:21):
Then he wore with me, same spot. And then the
worst was I was in the bathroom and he came
into the communal bathrooms. Obviously he didn't know I was there,
and it was really awkward.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
Wait, I don't know the story. Would you say this
is your worst dating story. We didn't even talk about,
like what's your worst dating story? Something.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
I had broken up with him, so it's not like
he broke up with me and the next worse than heartbreak.
But I mean, who knows, Maybe he had it set up.
I don't know, But the point was I broke up
with them, and then I mean it was so awkward
and then he was like, hey, how are you? And
then he and then he texted me the next day
and was like, oh, I hope that was not I
was just like, just move on.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
What is your worst dating story?
Speaker 2 (21:55):
I don't know what. I don't feel like I've had
any horrific I mean, do you have one?
Speaker 1 (22:01):
I had a weird I had a really weird one.
I mean I haven't ever gone had a scary, like
dangerous one, but I had an interesting thing happened. So
it was a brief. So during the pandemic, because it
was harder, I was like, you know what, my friends
and I were like, let's just do these apps for fun,
Like we made it like fun, right. So I talked
a couple of times to this guy and he lived
on the East Coast. He's like, I want to fly
(22:22):
out and meet you. And that was stressful for me
because then you're like, oh, he's flying all the way
out to meet me, Like it's not just a drink,
like at least have to sit with dinner and then
and he's like, and I'd love to know that we're
going to have lunch the next day and we're going
to do this. I go, let's just start with the
first date. So we meet for a first day and
you know, and he's staying at a hotel and so
(22:42):
we meet at the bar and weet it just have
dinner there or whatever, and you know, I was like,
in my head, I was like, I'm definitely gon have
lunch with him tomorrow. It's like the right thing to do.
But I wasn't like I was not into it. But
he was nice, and you know, he was you know,
he had a good core value system and we were
aligned down a lot of things. So I was like, okay,
you know whatever. So the next day we're at the lunch.
So now this is now probably you know, ninety minutes
(23:04):
total of learning meeting him and talking to him, and
he says, oh, I just was diagnosed with can't They
just found a tumor and they have to buy upstate
and they think it's lung cancer, which was like talked
about it's like a heavy a heavy first date, right,
And I was like, WHOA, okay, fine, And it just
(23:29):
felt I actually didn't know if it was true or
not true, Like it was just it was really strange.
He's liked, can we go in to dinner tonight? And
I said, oh, I have plants whatever, Okay, cut you.
So he goes back to the East Coast and he's
texting me, and then he texted me He's like, great news,
false alarm. I'm totally fine. Check your email. And he
(23:51):
had sent me airline tickets for Saint Bart's to go
on a trip with him for ten days. And I
was like, I barely knew this guy, and you're so weird.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
I mean, you're such a private person, like and it
made me so uncomfortable and I was like, oh gosh, no, no, no, no, no, no,
like I don't know you, like I didn't even know
if it's going to about a second, and I'm hardly
going to stay in a hotel.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
And I felt really uncomfortable, and I felt like it
was super forward and slightly aggressive, and so I was like, okay, fine,
that's fine, but can I come to LA again? And
I thought I just didn't. There was something about it
that seemed a little too fast to It didn't feel authentic.
It felt weird. It was rushing, you know, and that
was it. I mean, I'm sure I would have liked
to have gone to Saint Barts, but with somebody that,
(24:32):
you know, I really am would have been into me. Yeah, totally.
Dating is hard.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
Dating is so hard. It's so hard. Here's this might
be a this is a deeper question, Uh do you
have do you believe you have to be fully healed
from your previous lover in order to love someone new
to have that capacity again?
Speaker 1 (24:53):
I mean, look, we've all had our hearts broken where
you just want to, like right away go out with
somebody else. And for me and my personal experience when
I have been heartbroken or really really really hurt, I
am not able to switch gears that quickly, like I
have to be totally healed to be open to meet
somebody else. Like it's I've tried it. It's just too
(25:15):
hard for me. I feel breakups very intensely, and I
think it's really important to you know, to almost kind
of shut that door and then move on to the next.
So for me, I'm not one who can overlap to
try to move on.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
And I don't know if you're asking more from like
a time perspective or is it the first person after
a breakup, because I think it could be the first person,
but maybe you know you can't expedite the time on
feeling and healing.
Speaker 3 (25:49):
Do you think, is it like a set you know
they said on I think it was on Friends, one
of those sitcoms. They said, like, you take the time
of the relationship and what cut in half, and that's
the time it takes to get over it. Do you
believe that? Is it a time thing or I think
it has.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
To do with the intensity of it. And like I
dated a guy for two and a half months and
he dubbed me, and I swear to god, I think
it took me a year to get over him. And
my friends are like, what is wrong with you?
Speaker 2 (26:12):
He was not even a great guy.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
I mean, she's none of that. But I know and
I think that that falls under the category of, you know,
something in his childhood wounds, emotional baggage in mind. It
was like this like imprinting right, and it was it
just I don't know, I could not recover from that.
And then there have been people I've dated for a
(26:34):
year and a year and a half and it's like
I don't even look back, like it just didn't trigger
me in that way. So I don't think it's so
much time for healing. I think it's like, what was
it that struck such a chord? With you that you
have to get over it. It's more about like what
work do I need to do within myself, you know?
(26:54):
And I feel like every relationship I've had, I'm making
healthier choices and I'm learning like I like this from
this person, this from this person to help build the
toolbox of what's going to be you know, the perfect,
the perfect thing for me. But I don't think it's time.
I think it has to do with something with your wound,
your emotional baggage.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
For me, I agree, And I think also on making
healthier choices, I feel like I'm getting much better at
course correcting or communicating earlier so that something doesn't either
become a bigger problem as I continue on in a
relationship and has a chance to potentially, you know what
I mean, kind of rectify itself because I'm doing a
(27:37):
better job of communicating. And I think dialogue is so important.
That's a total tangent.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
And communication is really important and vulnerability. That's something I've
had to learn is have really uncomfortable conversations instead of
shut down.
Speaker 3 (27:53):
Okay, this will be our last question. We're in the
holiday season here. Do you think it's a red flag
if a guy and suspend the holidays with his family
instead of being with yours.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
Well, this is really interesting because a friend of mine's
daughter who's thirty, has been dating this guy for about
a year. And my friend called me and said, do
you think it's weird that she's not invited on the
You know, she went last year on the family trip
with them, and this year they haven't brought it up here.
Do you think that's a red flag? And I said,
(28:25):
I do for her, right, because they're you know, at
a year end, you thinks potentially starting their life together.
I think for us when people have children or maybe
like a regular plan that they've always doe. I think,
as long as you're kind of communicating, maybe why like, hey,
(28:47):
like it would be so fun to do something together
this vacation. But you know, we just started dating recently,
and I'd already had this plan or I had, you know,
committed to doing this. But you know, it's nothing more
than a function of of you know that, right. It's
not a deeper message of like I'm just not that
into you. But we can all read the tea leaves
(29:07):
and read the room and know if somebody's into us
or not or wants to be that and where there's
a will, there's a way, you know, somebody could fly
home to be home for New Year's Eve if they
really want to see somebody.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
And I think that's back to like the post divorce
where life is a little messier and complicated, and when
it comes to the holidays, I think kind of what
you're saying, Louise is if you communicate on what why
the reason for not wanting to be there, I think
it's totally fair because post like, I prioritize my family
holidays with my immediate family. And I mean I dated
(29:42):
somebody for several years and we would do Christmas the
three days prior to my family, you know, I remember, Yeah,
and then I would essentially kick him out and be like, Okay,
my family's here now. That really hurt his feelings, Yeah
I did. But I aren't going to change your routine,
which is a happy routine. Yeah. So I guess I'm
(30:05):
on the flip side of that question. But yeah, I
mean that's how I feel. It's important to me.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
But if you are really I mean I also think
like sometimes we don't make changes because we don't want
to make the changes. Like it's like there's a will,
there's way if you really wanted him to be a
part of it, you know what I'm saying, Like you
could have made changes, you just didn't want to, And
(30:31):
that's okay too.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
But I also think I have it all. I think
you can have your cake and eat it too. And
I think if you guys, do you know, a week
with each other and then a week with families for
various reasons, like, I think that that can work. So
I think it's I don't think you can generalize, and
I think all situations, no, I.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
Agree, But I also think friends no friends like you.
When I'm getting somebody and I'm like, look warm on it,
I'm like, yeah, it's great. You're like yeah, you look
like you're really excited, but no, it's amazing.
Speaker 4 (30:57):
This is it.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
This is really great, and you're like okay. And then
when I'm like, yeah, we're done, and she's like, no surprise.
I've been waiting for weeks for her. I was at dinner,
Oh my god, I and then I know we have
to go. I've been dating somebody and it was it
was good.
Speaker 4 (31:11):
Like it was. It was good.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
It was nice and fun and it was good and
it fell under the category of like I had a
big life. It was a part of my life. And
I was at a dinner with a bunch of a
bunch of girls and in front of mine sat down
and she was like glowing and she said, the fucking
my boyfriend, I'm so in love. And I was like
sitting there thinking, I don't know that way, why don't
I feel that way? And my other friend looks at me,
she goes, you're dating somebody, right, I go yeah, She goes,
(31:33):
why don't you sound like that? And I was like
and it was like like getting hit over the head.
You know what I'm saying, because I knew what I
felt on the inside, but when a friend can see
it and can like call it out, it's sometimes hard
to hear because the truth, you know, the truth deep
down that voice we have that little inner voice in
our heart and mind.
Speaker 3 (31:54):
M hm, Well, this has been so much fun. Thank
you guys for letting me be part of the action here.
I feel like we j all just went on our
first date.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
Would we get a second date?
Speaker 3 (32:05):
Yes? I was going to say, I would call you
both back the same time.
Speaker 4 (32:09):
Thanks Easton, such a cutie.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
Well, thanks for your vulnerability thanks for being so honest.
We appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (32:14):
Here well, fun to talk to you.
Speaker 5 (32:16):
Thank you for having us.
Speaker 6 (32:28):
Hey, Hey, it's Jenny Garth. I love hearing those gals
Thelma and Louise when they take over the show. Such
great insight and advice. If you are single or trying
to get back out there after a divorce and you
want dating advice, or you're ready to find love again,
we want to hear from you. Call us one eight
four four four I Do Pod that's eight four four
(32:50):
four four three six seven sixty three or email us
at idopod at iHeartRadio dot com, follow us on Instagram
and TikTok at. But I Do Part two Pod. All
this information is going to be in our show notes,
but make sure to rate us and review us because
we love you. I Do Part two and iHeartRadio podcasts
(33:11):
where falling in love is the main objective
Wow, we are back, Thelma and Louise still slaying in
the dating world. Not I'm still single? Are you still
had a bunch of shitty dates? Did you? But super
flattered that the audience spoke and responded and had more
questions for us, and makes me feel good that what
(00:35):
we're saying makes sense and it struck a chord and
it's relevant and I guess we're approachable and easy to
talk to, so maybe that will bode well for future
dates for us. What do you think, Thelma, bring it on? Great, Well,
let's go, let's let's do let's do some more questions.
I love this stuff. I mean I love to not
be in the position of always asking the questions because,
(00:55):
as you know, I sit on dates now on my
hands country myself. Stop with the questions because it feels
like an interrogation. One of my dates called the rapid Fire.
That was not a compliment.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
I know it's the truth, though I don't even know did.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
He call me the next day? Maybe he didn't.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
I can't remember on that one.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Anyways, I think Easton here has questions for us. And
by the way, his name alone is so hot. So Easton,
are you single? Are we too old for you.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
I am a married man.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
We don't do married.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
That's a red flag. When you go on a date
with somebody and you go, why did your marriage break up?
And they say they cheat? It it's like once a cheat,
are always a cheater. Like I literally Elvis has left the
building for me on that one.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Or I don't mean to interrupt again, but I also
think one a red flag for me is when somebody
when I'm on a date and someone speaks very disparagingly.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Well, look at Dingong who I dated, and then look
what he did to me when we broke up. When
people show you who they are, believe them.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Yeah. I think we have really good relationships with our
exes and take great pride in that. And I don't
think that that's everyone's case, and I don't think it
needs to be, but I still think it says a
lot about a person, especially when they do that right
off the bat and they don't even know me. I
just it just rubs me the wrong way.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
I think they are the mother of their children, and
I think it's disgusting when they do that. And you're right,
you and I are deeply proud of our relationships with
our excess so much so that he and I had
dinner last week. The kids are in college, he's engaged.
I love his fiance, and I said to him, you know,
if this is who you were when we were married,
we'd still be married. And he goes, we would never
(02:33):
still be married.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
I was like, oh, in the nursing home together. I
still think you might be in the nursing home together. Yes.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Anyways, Okay, what do you got for us? What do
these people want to what do these people want to learn?
Speaker 3 (02:43):
You know, this is a question that just popped into
my head as you guys were talking about that. At
what point? I know it's like a case by case
basis thing, but like when you're on a date and
the other person was married before, how soon do you
get into that conversation of why did your marriage break up?
That seems like an it's a hard thing to do
early on. But you also got to know that.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Definitely not the first date in a real kind of
pointed way if it organically comes up. But I've always
found like being too heavy on a first date is
not It should be a little more light and fun, right,
It could be more in my opinion for me, you know,
second or third date. Now, if it's a setup, then
you kind of know a little bit about why relationship ended,
(03:27):
so then you can kind of navigate around it.
Speaker 4 (03:31):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
In my experience, it does come up a lot on
a first date. I feel like it just naturally comes
up because hey, you both ended up at this date,
so you know your history brought you here, so I do.
I don't choose to delve too deep into it, but
I think there always happens to be a few questions
around it, and then I just try to like know
when to move on.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
But I also think the way we answer those questions
on a first date it's going to be very different
than how we answer it, like when you're more involved
with something, right, Like I kind of a cat answer
as to why my marriage went south, which is, you know,
not inflammatory, it's you know, I'm never you know, negative
about my ex husband or anything. So I just give enough,
(04:13):
but not like enough of the depth that maybe I
would share later on if I was really involved with
somebody and I, you know, trusted them, agree.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
And now we're gonna we're gonna take things to the map.
Here is the dating seemed really bad in Los Angeles.
You always hear about that, but is it actually that bad.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
I think it's it's hard. I mean, look, I grew
up in Los Angeles, so this is a lot of
the reason why, you know, dating apps have made me
uncomfortable is because the few times I've played around them,
I've seen nine thousand people I know, so I feel
super exposed. I prefer setups. Like if I was to
go to northern California, where Belmow was from, I would
be on every dating app because I don't know anybody.
(04:54):
I think it's hard, like I think that there's well
let's talk about this. I mean, we're in our f
fifties and it's very rare that a fifty year old
guy wants to date a fifty year old girl. In fact,
my children came home last summer and they sat me
down and they said, Mom, we're very concerned about what.
They go, Well, we're concerned about your options. What do
(05:15):
you mean. They go, well, it's the you know, eighty
year old guy or the twenty five year old guy
you need to support. And I was like, wow, that
does sound dismal. Do you have a preference And they said, yeah,
the eighty year old guy, and I was like, oh,
but I think it's true, Like, I think there are
way more. I mean, I would say, out of you know,
my ten best friends, eight and a half of them
are single, and I think they're all amazing, Right, there
(05:38):
are fewer good men, and there are you know, fewer
men out there that want a date age appropriate women.
I mean, I have a guy best friend who's you know,
mid fifties, who's a fabulous guy. He's my guy best friend.
His dating app age range is twenty five to thirty eight.
He is fifty five with two kids, so he wouldn't
(05:58):
even we wouldn't even come up on his swiping. And
I think that's more normal. Oh, it's one eleven. Make
a wish. It's my good luck number that my soulmate
is coming. Okay, got it. I know I do this
all the time. Anyways, I find LA dating hard.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
What do you think, Thelma, I don't know if it's
La per se. I feel like my mindset is very different.
When I am at home. I feel like I'm in
kids mode or work mode, and I'm just going through
the motions. I'm going to the same grocery store, I'm
doing the same things I'm running around in my workout clothes,
(06:34):
and I feel like part of it is just getting
out of my comfort zone. And I am more apt
to do that when I'm outside of my hometown. And
I find that it's easier for me to date when
I am traveling or going on vacation because I'm just giving.
I'm on receive and I look like I'm open to
meeting people more.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Well, you still have a kid at home, I mean
too in college and one at home, so your life
is very different than mine, right, Like, I don't have
children at home, so I could go on a date
seven days a week. I could. I guess. I could relocate,
I guess, But I don't know. I just think it's hard.
I think it's hard in LA to meet people. And
(07:16):
I think somebody who lives in Chicago or somebody who
lives here wherever, you know, I think anyone's going to
say that there's just a lack of options. And I
think that there's so many amazing single women out here,
and I think they're all beautiful, and I think they're
all talented, and I think they're all really interesting. So
I think that's also what the sweite mentality has done.
(07:37):
Is it's kind of like thirty one flavors, right, I
mean it's like, oh she was great, we had fun,
but I could keep swiping. There could be somebody else
better out there, and you never just kind of feel
satisfied or content with what's in front of you. And
I think that's I think that it's just too many
options out there, good for men.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
On the last episode, you guys did uh Thelma, you
said that sometimes a plane ride is easier than an
hour hour and a half drive. And now I'm curious, like,
if you were to meet someone that was long distance,
how does that work? Like are you does there have
to be an end point in site? Is there a distance?
Like would you do across country thing? What do you
think about dating long distance?
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Like I'm obsessed with it? Well, you did it, you
did it four years years and I love it. I
think I'm I like to compartmentalize my life apparently, but
I think for me, what I love about it is
unlike when I say a plane ride, I think it's
nice because it's it's a total separation. Like when I
get on that plane to go see my significant other,
(08:50):
I feel like I'm all in, I'm present, I'm engaged.
It's almost I mean not literally but engaged. I feel
like it's almost like this honeymoon and I have great
time and it's amazing, but then it's great because I
get to leave or he leaves, and then I get
to go back to my week and I have my
friends and my family and work and everything. So I
(09:12):
kind of get the best of both worlds. Now, it's
not necessarily balanced in like the traditional sense, but it is.
It's like I get to have my fun, I get
to have that romantic hit, but I also get to
kind of keep my life intact, which I think is
you become older and are you know, fifty plus. I
think we alluded to this our last episode, But it's
(09:33):
a little harder to juggle. You have a lot going
on and a lot of times, I feel like when
you are all in on a relationship, sometimes men are
needy and they kind of need a lot of your
attention and time, and I feel like sometimes distance it's
easier to manage it.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Do you see yourself ever finding yourself in a situation
where you are twenty four to seven, you know, remarried,
seven nights a week, sharing a bed with somebody like
living that life that we all did when we first
got married. Or do you think when we fall in
love and have relationships in our fifties that it's just
(10:15):
part of our life, it's not all encompassing. Or do
you think it's a function that you and I say
that because we just haven't met the person that has
swept us off our feet that would make us want
to make some significant changes in our lives.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Oh my gosh, how many times have we had this conversation.
I mean, the thought of sharing a bed, a closet,
a bathroom with somebody twenty four to seven sounds my
living nightmare, like so, and the longer I stay single,
I appreciate it so much. I mean I even go
to dinner with my married friends and I think some
of my girlfriends are like, oh my god, I'm so
(10:48):
jealous of you. Well, the grass is not greener, right,
And so I think that's one thing to always remember.
But I think that for me, I'm not saying that
I couldn't meet the right person. I think with my
first relationship, I was able to be twenty four to
seven with somebody because they very much had their own life.
(11:08):
So I know, for me, if I met somebody who
had his own interests and own priorities in life, and
we could come together but also have our independence. I
will never say never that I couldn't be with somebody
under the same roof. But I also feel like I
wouldn't be surprised if my next chapter looks far less
traditional than my first.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Great answer, thank you, I try. You're a smart cookie, Thoma,
glad you're guiding me.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
I mean, who needs a boyfriend when your friends compliment you?
Speaker 4 (11:39):
Right?
Speaker 1 (11:39):
I mean, by the way, you're a hard act to follow.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
Let me tell you, I don't put out, but I
do a lot of other things for you.
Speaker 3 (11:46):
You guys are so fun. What's one thing that people
don't talk about when dating posts divorce that you wish
every divorced person knew when entering the dating world.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
I think that when you first get divorced, I mean
I can speak from myself, like I think I thought
like I would just find my next person really easily,
and I would just slide right back into almost like
a traditional relationship. I don't think I anticipated how hard
it would be to find another really great situation. So
(12:23):
I think that was the hardest thing for me, that
it hasn't happened the way I thought it was going
to happen. And you know, I'm comfortable being by myself.
I've gotten really good at being by myself and I
have a really full life. But I do want to
find a partner. And I didn't think nine years later
(12:46):
I would be looking in the rear view mirror at
multiple great relationships but not one significant relationship.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
I didn't anticipate that I would still be here nine
years later, and it makes me scared. Sometimes Sometimes I
call down Lap in the morning, Oh, I love to FaceTime.
She hates hated in the morning, and I say to her,
is this the best it's going to be?
Speaker 2 (13:12):
And I think for both of us, I don't want
to speak for you, but I think right now I
am totally happy. My life is full. I do sometimes
get concerned that, like when my last child really really
leaves and ten years from now, am I going to
be rattling around in my house and sad?
Speaker 1 (13:29):
Well that I am.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
I'm not there yet, But I think for me, the
back to your post divorce question, I think I didn't
realize how many, how much more complicated it was, and
how many more variables there were it's really not solely
about me anymore. Right, it's I have children, they potentially
have children. Are we in the same place socioeconomically, Like
(13:55):
do we have different aspirations?
Speaker 1 (13:57):
Are they?
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Are they slowing down because they're ten years older, and
you know, we just operate at different frequencies and levels.
Like I don't know. The first time I fell in love,
I was twenty two years old, I was married for
seventeen years, and it just seemed really simple. We were
in the same place, kind of growing up together. And
I think now everybody has so much history that I mean,
(14:20):
in many ways, it's really interesting because you get to
meet very interesting people, but it's also, I don't know,
it's a lot more fumple.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
I think we have to look at it like an opportunity, right,
It's about flipping our lens. And I think what I
started to do is wake up every day and say,
I get to not I have to write. And I
think it's awesome to meet a lot of people. And
you know, I think so much about getting excited, you know,
about going on a date is less about being the
right person, but the anticipation. I mean, you and I
(14:49):
have so much fun, like we'll be at Plate's and
you know, and I know you're going to probably just
have a little salad for the day so your stomach
is flattered. And then we talk about the outfit, and
then we FaceTime the outfit and it's like it's like
a whole thing, and the data is actually less important.
It's the prep that's fun. One thing I wanted to
just bring up because somebody said this to me the
other day, to your point when you talk about like
how am I going to feel in ten years when
(15:10):
I'm an empty nester, And I was telling somebody I'm
the empty nester, it's interesting, and she because, don't call
yourself an empty nester. Look at it like it's an
open door, right, like you are walking into a sliding door.
I love that Gwyneth Paltrow movie. Right, this is an
open door where every day I wake up something new
and exciting can happen, Like what surprise is in store
(15:30):
for me today? So every day I'm looking for the
magic in whether it's a date or if it's a
swiping thing, or it's you and I, you know, laughing
about something, or getting our weighted vest. Because we now
have osteoporosis like I every day am looking for the
magic in my day where it's not focused on just
finding a partner, And there are so many amazing things
(15:51):
that we all have going on. And I think at
the end of the day, friendships obviously, our relationships are
family in our case, like friendships are the glue, Like
you are on my gratitude list every day. So I
don't know, like we have open doors.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
And we can't control what is isn't going to happen
in terms of a relationship, but we can really control
our mindset and our outlook.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
And I know our attitude.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
We're just cheesy, but it's so true.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
I'm a little woo woo. You know, me and my crystals.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Who doesn't love a crystal in la?
Speaker 3 (16:23):
Do you do you charge them up in the moonlight?
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Is that I do it during the day? Actually really yeah?
Is it supposed to be at night? Because maybe that's
my problem.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
I think you have to do it for what works
for you. What I've learned is I used to try
to follow the rules on it. I thought, you know,
I'm just gonna I'm going to operate spiritually in a
way that speaks to me, right, whether it's like the
one crystal here or not washing them or like I
try to like be comfortable with the way that I'm
doing it because it's pressure all the other rules on
(16:53):
how to do all of it.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
I meditate laying down. It's way more comfortable.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
So there's so much importance on a first eight. What
do you think is to each of you, what's which
first date activity is the best way to determine if
there's like a spark is it? Is it a walk,
a coffee, a dinner, miniature golf. Is there something that
stands out above the others?
Speaker 1 (17:16):
Glass of wine?
Speaker 2 (17:16):
For me?
Speaker 1 (17:18):
I know, at meat at a restaurant that has like
at like five or six that has like a bar,
a bar slash restaurant. I like to go, And I
actually like to sit next to somebody at the bar
if I'm on a date with them, just to feel
if there's kind of any energy. And it's interesting, like
you can kind of tell if you feel yourself gravitating
(17:39):
and turning towards somebody or if you're kind of sitting back.
And I don't know, body languages super important, but I'm
definitely not one who likes to go on a walk
or miniature golf or do I like to talk to
somebody and just see if there's an organic conversation that
starts to flow.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Yeah, not to sound like I'm not interesting, but I
kind of am the same the same for me. I
also think being kind of in an environment where there's
people around you and background noise and all of that,
like it just takes a little of the pressure off,
you know. It's like, I don't know about you, like
when I went on my honeymoon, or you go to
these quiet resorts where it's like you can hear a
pin drop, and even if you're with like the you know,
(18:20):
the love of your life, it's just so awkward, Like
you find yourself talking about the weather because you feel
like the three other people are listening to what you're saying.
And we all know, we've all been in restaurants where
you look at somebody on a first date and you're
just like, oh my god, I feel for them and
like they're barely able to, you know, care on the
conversation or whatever. And I just feel like being in
a bar environment or something where there's just more going on,
(18:42):
it just seems a little like it diffuses the fact
that you don't I.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
Think people like people up right, Like I just think
it creates like a buzz and an energy. And but
by the way, to your point, like I recently was
aut of dinner and I saw two people on what
clearly looked like at first date, and I was with
my twenty two old son, and it was like, watch,
you can't try And I was so uncomfortable them. So
I found a way to try to start chatting with
them with the conversation because you know me, I don't
(19:08):
shut up, and so we were chatting all of us together,
and then it didn't.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
Be kind of like you then I feel like he
kind of well, that was bad.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
Then he asked when I got up, he kind of
asked for my own phone number in a work thing,
And I thought to myself, I hope she's paying attention
to the kind of guy that he is, because that's not.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
Like I'm a girl's girl.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
Oh, such a girl's girl. Such a girl's girl. I
love setting up my friends with somebody i've gone out
with that maybe doesn't feel right to me. And you know,
I'm doing that for my sister right now, and I
don't know. I would hope somebody would do that for
me too. Recycle. We have to recycle men.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
We think that that's a business idea. How are we
going to properly recycle men?
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Matchmaking is hard. I tried to be a matchmaker for
a minute.
Speaker 4 (19:49):
It was not easy.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
Here's a scenario for you. You're you're casually you see
someone that you're casually dating, You see them out in
public and they're clearly on a date with somebody else.
Do you bring that up to them? Do you pretend
like you never saw them? What's your reaction there?
Speaker 2 (20:13):
I don't think that that bothers me unless I feel
like we're exclusive, you know, and I think that at
the time that I mean, the way you present that scenario,
I'm taking it like, hey, we've gone out on one
or two dates, which I think until you have that conversation,
that's okay.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Do you think you have to have a conversation to
be exclusive or do you feel like it organically happens?
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Well, I think either romantically things start happening and then
at that point I'm having a conversation or I mean,
reading the situation where you're starting to want to be
with each other all the time, you kind of understand
that that's where you are but if I've just come
out on a couple days. I mean, I did have
a situation where I had just broken up with a
guy literally like the night before, and I remember feeling
(20:59):
bad that I had ended it because he was a
nice guy. And then the next day I picked up
a friend from the airport and was coming back from
LAX and went to where what's the old AOC whatever
tavern or something, and I walk and they have communal
bathrooms and he is literally at the bar in the
same first date outfit, I guess, same first date outfit.
(21:21):
Then he wore with me, same spot. And then the
worst was I was in the bathroom and he came
into the communal bathrooms. Obviously he didn't know I was there,
and it was really awkward.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
Wait, I don't know the story. Would you say this
is your worst dating story. We didn't even talk about,
like what's your worst dating story? Something.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
I had broken up with him, so it's not like
he broke up with me and the next worse than heartbreak.
But I mean, who knows, Maybe he had it set up.
I don't know, But the point was I broke up
with them, and then I mean it was so awkward
and then he was like, hey, how are you? And
then he and then he texted me the next day
and was like, oh, I hope that was not I
was just like, just move on.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
What is your worst dating story?
Speaker 2 (21:55):
I don't know what. I don't feel like I've had
any horrific I mean, do you have one?
Speaker 1 (22:01):
I had a weird I had a really weird one.
I mean I haven't ever gone had a scary, like
dangerous one, but I had an interesting thing happened. So
it was a brief. So during the pandemic, because it
was harder, I was like, you know what, my friends
and I were like, let's just do these apps for fun,
Like we made it like fun, right. So I talked
a couple of times to this guy and he lived
on the East Coast. He's like, I want to fly
(22:22):
out and meet you. And that was stressful for me
because then you're like, oh, he's flying all the way
out to meet me, Like it's not just a drink,
like at least have to sit with dinner and then
and he's like, and I'd love to know that we're
going to have lunch the next day and we're going
to do this. I go, let's just start with the
first date. So we meet for a first day and
you know, and he's staying at a hotel and so
(22:42):
we meet at the bar and weet it just have
dinner there or whatever, and you know, I was like,
in my head, I was like, I'm definitely gon have
lunch with him tomorrow. It's like the right thing to do.
But I wasn't like I was not into it. But
he was nice, and you know, he was you know,
he had a good core value system and we were
aligned down a lot of things. So I was like, okay,
you know whatever. So the next day we're at the lunch.
So now this is now probably you know, ninety minutes
(23:04):
total of learning meeting him and talking to him, and
he says, oh, I just was diagnosed with can't They
just found a tumor and they have to buy upstate
and they think it's lung cancer, which was like talked
about it's like a heavy a heavy first date, right,
And I was like, WHOA, okay, fine, And it just
(23:29):
felt I actually didn't know if it was true or
not true, Like it was just it was really strange.
He's liked, can we go in to dinner tonight? And
I said, oh, I have plants whatever, Okay, cut you.
So he goes back to the East Coast and he's
texting me, and then he texted me He's like, great news,
false alarm. I'm totally fine. Check your email. And he
(23:51):
had sent me airline tickets for Saint Bart's to go
on a trip with him for ten days. And I
was like, I barely knew this guy, and you're so weird.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
I mean, you're such a private person, like and it
made me so uncomfortable and I was like, oh gosh, no, no, no, no, no, no,
like I don't know you, like I didn't even know
if it's going to about a second, and I'm hardly
going to stay in a hotel.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
And I felt really uncomfortable, and I felt like it
was super forward and slightly aggressive, and so I was like, okay, fine,
that's fine, but can I come to LA again? And
I thought I just didn't. There was something about it
that seemed a little too fast to It didn't feel authentic.
It felt weird. It was rushing, you know, and that
was it. I mean, I'm sure I would have liked
to have gone to Saint Barts, but with somebody that,
(24:32):
you know, I really am would have been into me. Yeah, totally.
Dating is hard.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
Dating is so hard. It's so hard. Here's this might
be a this is a deeper question, Uh do you
have do you believe you have to be fully healed
from your previous lover in order to love someone new
to have that capacity again?
Speaker 1 (24:53):
I mean, look, we've all had our hearts broken where
you just want to, like right away go out with
somebody else. And for me and my personal experience when
I have been heartbroken or really really really hurt, I
am not able to switch gears that quickly, like I
have to be totally healed to be open to meet
somebody else. Like it's I've tried it. It's just too
(25:15):
hard for me. I feel breakups very intensely, and I
think it's really important to you know, to almost kind
of shut that door and then move on to the next.
So for me, I'm not one who can overlap to
try to move on.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
And I don't know if you're asking more from like
a time perspective or is it the first person after
a breakup, because I think it could be the first person,
but maybe you know you can't expedite the time on
feeling and healing.
Speaker 3 (25:49):
Do you think, is it like a set you know
they said on I think it was on Friends, one
of those sitcoms. They said, like, you take the time
of the relationship and what cut in half, and that's
the time it takes to get over it. Do you
believe that? Is it a time thing or I think
it has.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
To do with the intensity of it. And like I
dated a guy for two and a half months and
he dubbed me, and I swear to god, I think
it took me a year to get over him. And
my friends are like, what is wrong with you?
Speaker 2 (26:12):
He was not even a great guy.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
I mean, she's none of that. But I know and
I think that that falls under the category of, you know,
something in his childhood wounds, emotional baggage in mind. It
was like this like imprinting right, and it was it
just I don't know, I could not recover from that.
And then there have been people I've dated for a
(26:34):
year and a year and a half and it's like
I don't even look back, like it just didn't trigger
me in that way. So I don't think it's so
much time for healing. I think it's like, what was
it that struck such a chord? With you that you
have to get over it. It's more about like what
work do I need to do within myself, you know?
(26:54):
And I feel like every relationship I've had, I'm making
healthier choices and I'm learning like I like this from
this person, this from this person to help build the
toolbox of what's going to be you know, the perfect,
the perfect thing for me. But I don't think it's time.
I think it has to do with something with your wound,
your emotional baggage.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
For me, I agree, And I think also on making
healthier choices, I feel like I'm getting much better at
course correcting or communicating earlier so that something doesn't either
become a bigger problem as I continue on in a
relationship and has a chance to potentially, you know what
I mean, kind of rectify itself because I'm doing a
(27:37):
better job of communicating. And I think dialogue is so important.
That's a total tangent.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
And communication is really important and vulnerability. That's something I've
had to learn is have really uncomfortable conversations instead of
shut down.
Speaker 3 (27:53):
Okay, this will be our last question. We're in the
holiday season here. Do you think it's a red flag
if a guy and suspend the holidays with his family
instead of being with yours.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
Well, this is really interesting because a friend of mine's
daughter who's thirty, has been dating this guy for about
a year. And my friend called me and said, do
you think it's weird that she's not invited on the
You know, she went last year on the family trip
with them, and this year they haven't brought it up here.
Do you think that's a red flag? And I said,
(28:25):
I do for her, right, because they're you know, at
a year end, you thinks potentially starting their life together.
I think for us when people have children or maybe
like a regular plan that they've always doe. I think,
as long as you're kind of communicating, maybe why like, hey,
(28:47):
like it would be so fun to do something together
this vacation. But you know, we just started dating recently,
and I'd already had this plan or I had, you know,
committed to doing this. But you know, it's nothing more
than a function of of you know that, right. It's
not a deeper message of like I'm just not that
into you. But we can all read the tea leaves
(29:07):
and read the room and know if somebody's into us
or not or wants to be that and where there's
a will, there's a way, you know, somebody could fly
home to be home for New Year's Eve if they
really want to see somebody.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
And I think that's back to like the post divorce
where life is a little messier and complicated, and when
it comes to the holidays, I think kind of what
you're saying, Louise is if you communicate on what why
the reason for not wanting to be there, I think
it's totally fair because post like, I prioritize my family
holidays with my immediate family. And I mean I dated
(29:42):
somebody for several years and we would do Christmas the
three days prior to my family, you know, I remember, Yeah,
and then I would essentially kick him out and be like, Okay,
my family's here now. That really hurt his feelings, Yeah
I did. But I aren't going to change your routine,
which is a happy routine. Yeah. So I guess I'm
(30:05):
on the flip side of that question. But yeah, I
mean that's how I feel. It's important to me.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
But if you are really I mean I also think
like sometimes we don't make changes because we don't want
to make the changes. Like it's like there's a will,
there's way if you really wanted him to be a
part of it, you know what I'm saying, Like you
could have made changes, you just didn't want to, And
(30:31):
that's okay too.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
But I also think I have it all. I think
you can have your cake and eat it too. And
I think if you guys, do you know, a week
with each other and then a week with families for
various reasons, like, I think that that can work. So
I think it's I don't think you can generalize, and
I think all situations, no, I.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
Agree, But I also think friends no friends like you.
When I'm getting somebody and I'm like, look warm on it,
I'm like, yeah, it's great. You're like yeah, you look
like you're really excited, but no, it's amazing.
Speaker 4 (30:57):
This is it.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
This is really great, and you're like okay. And then
when I'm like, yeah, we're done, and she's like, no surprise.
I've been waiting for weeks for her. I was at dinner,
Oh my god, I and then I know we have
to go. I've been dating somebody and it was it
was good.
Speaker 4 (31:11):
Like it was. It was good.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
It was nice and fun and it was good and
it fell under the category of like I had a
big life. It was a part of my life. And
I was at a dinner with a bunch of a
bunch of girls and in front of mine sat down
and she was like glowing and she said, the fucking
my boyfriend, I'm so in love. And I was like
sitting there thinking, I don't know that way, why don't
I feel that way? And my other friend looks at me,
she goes, you're dating somebody, right, I go yeah, She goes,
(31:33):
why don't you sound like that? And I was like
and it was like like getting hit over the head.
You know what I'm saying, because I knew what I
felt on the inside, but when a friend can see
it and can like call it out, it's sometimes hard
to hear because the truth, you know, the truth deep
down that voice we have that little inner voice in
our heart and mind.
Speaker 3 (31:54):
M hm, Well, this has been so much fun. Thank
you guys for letting me be part of the action here.
I feel like we j all just went on our
first date.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
Would we get a second date?
Speaker 3 (32:05):
Yes? I was going to say, I would call you
both back the same time.
Speaker 4 (32:09):
Thanks Easton, such a cutie.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
Well, thanks for your vulnerability thanks for being so honest.
We appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (32:14):
Here well, fun to talk to you.
Speaker 5 (32:16):
Thank you for having us.
Speaker 6 (32:28):
Hey, Hey, it's Jenny Garth. I love hearing those gals
Thelma and Louise when they take over the show. Such
great insight and advice. If you are single or trying
to get back out there after a divorce and you
want dating advice, or you're ready to find love again,
we want to hear from you. Call us one eight
four four four I Do Pod that's eight four four
(32:50):
four four three six seven sixty three or email us
at idopod at iHeartRadio dot com, follow us on Instagram
and TikTok at. But I Do Part two Pod. All
this information is going to be in our show notes,
but make sure to rate us and review us because
we love you. I Do Part two and iHeartRadio podcasts
(33:11):
where falling in love is the main objective
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