December 28, 2024 • 39 mins
Thelma & Louise are back. Maybe I Do, Part 2 isn't all it's cracked up to be. Why is being single considered sad?? Let's make 2025 great no matter what.
Join Thelma & Louise as they embrace being single, sassy, and satisfied!
Email us at: IDOPOD@iheartradio.com or call us at 844-4-I Do Pod (844-443-6763)
Follow I Do, Part 2 on Instagram and TikTok
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Hey, Hey, it's your favorite non celebrity real life besties.
We're still struggling and having fun in the dating scene,
and we love to sit here and chat with all
of you listeners and swap war stories as we are
all in the same trenches, and we just want to
(00:35):
dive deep into a real topic, which is something Thelma
and I talk about regularly, which is how do you
fill the time or the gray area when you're not
involved in a relationship. And I just want to point
out that at the end of the day, Thelma is
my soulmate and I will always choose all me and
any other guy I date is going to be number two.
(00:56):
And tomorrow Thelma is leaving me for two weeks, and
I have to say we are entering into a long
distance relationship, and I begin to get panicked, but heart
have no fear I have showing up on our doorstep
for New Year's Eve because we can't possibly not be together.
But the truth, the truth to be told is is
Thelma and I are really good at looking at our
(01:17):
life like a huge a huge pizza, and dating is
a slice of it. But we have worked really hard
to find fulfillment and lots of things that find us
joy and dating is just part of it, and our
whole life is not about finding that partner. So, Thelma,
what are your thoughts on this? Do you concur that
this is something that you and I have succeeded in doing.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
I completely agree, and I think that, I mean, this
might just be me, but I feel like often I
when I think about the times where I might be
wishing that I had somebody, or I'm lonely or just
wondering why I'm not in a relationship, it's often a
(02:00):
sign of something far bigger going on within me, and
it really has nothing to do with dating or finding
the person. It's that something in my life is either
off or I'm not I'm trying to think. I'm thinking
that if I find someone, it might be the solution
to something that I'm not really approaching in the right
(02:21):
way in my own like in my own way. So
for example, I think sometimes it's I'm bored and I'm bored,
and so instead of saying Okay, I'm bored, what am
I going to do about it and taking steps to
address that, that's when your mind or my mind might
be like, oh, well, if I was dating somebody, it
(02:42):
would look different. And I think the truth is it's
usually I have it within me to make a change
so that I don't feel bored, or that I don't
feel lonely, or that I am being proactive, and so
often it's about just taking action. And then I find
that it's not even about missing someone.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
I think finding a partner has to be totally additive, right,
Like I think if we make our whole life about
finding our soulmate or finding our husband or finding our boyfriend,
it's kind of always looking out like tomorrow and the
next stop on the train, right, And I think we
need to focus on the day ahead of us and say,
how can we find joy? What's going to make us
(03:22):
feel good? We don't need to fill a hole within
ourselves with another person.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Right, That's never going to work. I mean we both
talked about that.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
Also, shopping buying a new pair of shoes isn't going
to fill a hole, right, Like, it's finding joy within ourselves.
And I think you know what you and I do
is sure we have our five minutes of saying like, oh,
it would be so great if somebody was taking us
out on a Saturday night, But like we can take
ourselves out on a Saturday night completely and we enjoy
ourselves doing it right. And as you and I both know,
(03:51):
I would rather bet on our known, our unknown, than
are known. And I look around at eighty five percent
of the people in my lives who are in marriages
and relationships and they're unhappy, right, and the grass is
not greener. But I have to say that every day
you and I wake up, we are the architects of
our own life period and it's exciting and it's an opportunity.
(04:12):
The unknown is an opportunity, and I just think we
have to look at this period of time in our
life as there is a reason why we are I'm
not saying alone, because we're not alone. We have each other,
we have our children, we have our friends, we have
whatever it is in our life. We've got the Starbucks barista, right,
like our value is not determined because we have a
(04:32):
partner period completely.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
And it's not about playing the waiting game. It's about
what do you want in your life and taking steps
today to make that happen, and you, as you said,
being the architect of your own life. So I think
that a big, huge piece also is recognizing that like
it's not one thing or one person that really meets
(04:59):
all of your emotions needs.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Well, why are we giving that person, that unknown person,
that power.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
But I think it's a common misconception. I think a
lot of people when they get unhappy, go to, oh, well,
it would look so different if I had somebody. But
if you're unhappy, it's because you're unhappy or lonely in
your own life. It's not because somebody else is going
to provide that for you.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Well, it's no different than when somebody's like, oh, if
I had a million dollars more, i'd be happier. It's like, no,
be happy with what you have and how you've achieved it. Right,
So at the end of the day, Look, you and
I do a lot of stuff. You know. Here's what
I do when I'm unhappy or I'm feeling lonely. I
pick up the phone and I FaceTime you. I know
you hate my face time, but we FaceTime. We laugh. Right,
(05:42):
I read a book. There is nothing better than actually
reading a book and getting lost in a story. It
feels really good, putting on a TV show, going on
a walk. I mean, you and I have I'll speak
for myself osteoporosis now, so I have to work weight
ad best right one for Chris I did. That was
a good gift, you know. But I just feel like
(06:03):
there are so many ways to create fulfillment within ourselves
that has nothing to do with finding a partner, right
Like there all this is a chapter when we are
all searching for people. We need to just look. I
think it's two bold. I think you energetically have to
put it out there that you want to meet somebody, right,
but at the same time, you can't make your entire
(06:26):
focus about meeting somebody and coming from this like desperate
place about it. It's kind of like walking a tight rope, right, Like,
it would be great to meet somebody. I am open
to meeting somebody, but at the same time, I'm living
my best life. And because I'm living my best life,
that is the energy that we're giving out there, and
it's going to come back to us.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Andrew, you spending the time I think being your best
version of yourself, and I mean I mean on a
deeper level and trying new things. I meant getting your
self comfortable being uncomfortable. I feel like I always am
saying to my kids, like when they say, Oh, I
don't want to do that. You know, I'm scared to
do it. I'm scared to run for student body. I'm
(07:09):
scared to do this. Like I spend so much time
and my kids are older now, but pushing and encouraging
my kids to get out there and do things that
they they kind of want to do, but then within
five seconds have already talked themselves out of it. And
it's it's about taking my own advice and pushing myself
to do things and operating not out of I mean
(07:30):
not out of fear, but being proactive. And I feel
like I'm really trying to say yes to more things
that are unique and different and not the usual things
that I do.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
So to that point, right, and this is something we've
talked about and I think it's a lot easier to
do it. And we're not in our own city, right,
but you know, it would be amazing to sit at
a bar by ourselves, because we all know guys don't
approach tables of women. Don't people get approached when they're
(08:03):
either by themselves or maybe with one other person. So
traveling alone, going on and eat prey love trip, which
puts us out of our comfort zone, sitting at a
hotel bar and having you know, a pork chop and
a glass of wine by yourself, right, not on your phone,
just with a big smile on your face, right saying
like I'm approachable, Come talk to me.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
We're saying oh to people in the street, I mean,
or when an elevator or a gym, Hey, you know nice,
how are you? How's your day? I mean, it's all
of those things. It's like signing up for a pickleball
class without a friend and doing it by yourself, and
going and meeting random people that you would never have
met before and showing up in that way, you know,
(08:46):
or saying yes when people invite you to things that
you generally would say no to or you don't think
you're going to know anybody. It's like that's what you
have to do.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
Well, there's the reason why these opportunities are presented to us.
We don't know why, right, Like, we have no idea.
Somebody might say, oh, I need you to drop off
you know this this thing at the whatever, and all
of a sudden you walk in and your soulmate is there.
We just have to be open and say yes to opportunities.
I mean, look, don't forget. You were in Atlanta and
(09:16):
I think you were dropping one of her kids off
and you went down to the Four Seasons bar and
you had sat down and had dinner. And I was
so struck by the story because it was you sat
there and you started talking to somebody, and I remember
thinking like, oh, well, you and I had this whole
business idea. Remember what we were going to do still
not off the table, right, We're going to go hotel
bar to hotel bar, city to city and you know,
(09:39):
kind of talk about all the different people we meet,
and it's like, it's very fun. I had a friend
here and I was really she actually had a Saturday night,
had to drop her son off at like a bar
mitzeat and sat at the bar at Brentwood, Catsia by
herself on a Saturday night. I was like, oh, that's.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
Quite old when you know people. And that's why I
think it's so much easier when you're somewhere outside of
your day to day because it's easier being anonymous and
not feeling so uncomfortable kind of being alone. Right, I mean,
not many people in their hometown are willing to do that,
but I think like getting in the car driving to
(10:18):
Santa Barbara, like, it doesn't have to be anything major.
I mean talk about major. You remember I told you
about what my sister and I did. We got divorced
within six months of each other, and we were both
just like, oh my gosh, what does our chapter two
look like? Where do we pick up and start our lives?
Like everything we thought and knew our life to be
completely you know, was not no longer. And we planned
(10:41):
a trip to a visa. The two of us literally
gone on a plane, went to a visa and traveled
for two weeks together. And I seriously think that was
like the best trip I've ever had in my entire life.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
No, you want me to do with my sister? Who's
I just said that to you?
Speaker 2 (10:55):
The idea you did? Have you done that with your sister?
It's just it was so fun. I mean, we wore
clothes we never would have worn, right, We talked to
people we never would have talked to. We stayed out
until five am. It was like it was such a high.
It was such a high, well it was.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
It was something completely different than your normal greatest tips
or what's in your playbook? You know. Look, I will
say it's hard sometimes and to sit there and I
go down the rabbit hole of like, why am I
sol alone? I've been divorced nine years, I've dated, I've
had boyfriends, but like, why haven't I found my unicorn? Like?
And sometimes you begin to say to yourself, like what's
(11:30):
wrong with me? Like why can that person get themselves
into a long term relationship or get themselves remarried. I mean,
I'll never forget when I was going through my divorce
proceedings and my ex husband said to me, oh, you'll
be remarried at no time, and I was like, Okay, great,
well that hasn't happened. And I'm like and meanwhile he's
like engaged and living his best life. And I'm like,
is something wrong with me? And you know, I sometimes
(11:51):
it makes me feel badly about myself. And then I thought, no,
I'm going to not come from that place like I
just haven't found my right person. And this has been
a time where I'm becoming the best version of myself.
And I know I have changed so much from the
person I was when I was married to the early
years of being divorced to who I am today. And
I'm proud of that. Person and the work I've done,
(12:13):
and I know I'm better for it, and each person
that we date, whether it's one date, whether it's one month,
whether it's three years, it's part of our journey so
we get to our final destination. And I believe it's happening,
and it maybe took a little bit longer, but I'm
but I'm also happy that you and I have been
on the same timeline.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
Well, but you might have not and you might not
have evolved as much had you met somebody right away,
right because as soon as you get in a relationship,
that's when compromise starts. And I'm not saying it's not
a great thing, because I think you become less stuck
in your ways and all the rest. That's the danger
of being single for too long, is do I elect
to actually have a partner in my life, because it
is so good without having to make those compromises and sacrifices.
(12:53):
But I do think that attitude is everything right, and
your attitude, I mean, let's be honest, I mean, there's
an ass for every seat. If we wanted a boyfriend,
or anyone wanted a boyfriend or a girlfriend, you could
have one. And it's like every I mean, everybody could
be taken or I mean, I don't want to say everybody.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
For sure, but we don't want to settle, and we'd
like it. I'm the queen of trying to fit a
square peg into a round hole, right because you know,
and so I think you're better at cutting bait sooner
than I do, right because I'm like, oh, like they're
nice or it is or that or good enough. But
I don't want good enough because first of all, the
(13:33):
scary thing is is they say a lot of second
marriages greater percentage of ending up in divorced than first marriages.
So it would I don't want to get divorced again, right,
or I don't it's scary.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Or you want to get married. I mean I also
think that, like you look at people today, and I
think how I view marriage and and commitment and partnership
is so different as a fifty one year old than
as a twenty year old. You know, I used It's
not that I spent time sitting there dreaming about like, oh,
a white picket fence and you know, getting married. I
(14:06):
wasn't really one of those, but I just assumed that
that's kind of what you did, and I think today.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
Well, you also watch a great example in your parents.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
I mean, my parents have been married for over sixty years,
my siblings. You know, I was the first in my
family to get divorced, and it took me a really
long time to not feel like there was this stigma.
And I think I told you, like everyone in my
world and my purview, everyone I saw was married, and
it wasn't until I got divorced that I realized how
many people were actually divorced. But I also think that
(14:38):
a huge, a huge piece for me is that like
back to kind of emotional needs being met by different people.
I don't think that one person in it needs to
be my be all and all you know, as you said,
it's additive, it enhances your life. But the truth is
(14:58):
like we and have somebody, but it doesn't have to
look the same. They can be you know, and out
of town like friends.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
Right like, say we have ten friends and one person
is the person you laugh with, one person is the
one you talk about, make up the genes with one
person you tell them your deepest, darkest secret and can
be your most vulnerable self. Right like that goes back
to the whole point of what we think. I think
this podcast is is finding a partner is just supposed
to be part of your life. There are so many more.
(15:26):
There's so many equally amazing and important aspects of one's life,
right Like, it's career, it's passions, it's hobbies, it's friends,
it's family, it's being a parent, it's professional, it's spiritual,
right like, what turns us on spiritual? Like I love
(15:46):
my crystals, I love manifestation, I love listening to Gabby Bernstein,
I love my eleven eleven numbers, right Like, it's a
very big it's a big landscape. And so I think
you know, you and I are really good not making
finding our partner of the utmost important. Our life is
never going to be defined by that. Look, when you're twenty,
(16:09):
twenty five, thirty, you know, we do want to find
our husband, we want to get married, we want to
have children, Like those are important things. But to your point,
when you're in your fifties, a partner is very different
at fifty than at twenty, right Like, we're looking for
a companion.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Yeah, it can be a once in a month partner.
I mean I think we differ a little bit. I
think you ultimately would like to find one person. But
for me, I don't know. I kind of feel like
it's this archaic, archaic tradition of like, and it's not
that I'm opposed to monogamy, but like, I don't know
if I need somebody full time in my life, and
like you know, for me, it might be finding somebody
(16:49):
that enjoys the same things that I do and hooking up.
And I don't mean literally hooking up, but like hooking
you hooking up. I mean that's never well, that's my
long distance.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
For you, you're very open and comfortable with the concept
of a long business relationship because think about it, you're
getting the best of both worlds, right, Like you get
your life here, you get your time to beat Thelma,
you get your time with your fun girls dinners, but
then you would be able to go away and spend
your time with your boyfriend at that time.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
For me, it's like getting a fix and then after
I've gotten it, I'm like, I feel good.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
I will say, the best thing to do in this
for me, which there's nothing I love more than our
girls trips, Like I think packing up with your friends,
taking a drive, or hopping on a plane to go
to New York. Like, I just got back from a
girls trip in New York for four days. It was
the most fun. We felt so good about ourselves. And
(17:56):
it also when you change your environment and you come back,
you just have a fresh kind of rejuvenated energy about you.
And I don't know, like we're all going to the
pro am in January to sell We're going to have
such a blast.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
You realize the world's also a bigger place, kind of
what you said, It's like it's so small, but it
is big, And like, how do you start doing things
that aren't the usual things that you do to create
excitement and novelty and you know, have butterflies again when
you're going out.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
But I also think we need to look at dating
like fun. Like it's like it's an opportunity, right, and
for example, like you know, and it was hard to
get you to start doing it, right, Like I really
get to push you, and I really kind of look
at it as an opportunity even like the anticipation of
getting ready and like the coordination of the date is
far more fun and exciting than the actual date itself. Right,
(18:45):
It's like the wedding prep and then you have the
wedding right, so you know, eight times out of ten,
the date is like a hard pass, but the fun
that we have doing it. But for me, look, dating
is hard in LA for me because I grew up here.
I feel like I know one won't want a dating
app because I see everyone I know on it. But
there are some really funny dating stories. I mean, I
(19:07):
just have to tell you it's dating fun like I
got remember the story I told you this weekend. This
story is I was telling my kids last night. So
I have a friend who's going through a divorce, and
I've been pushing her to go on the dating apps,
and she's set her age range to mid sixties because
she's like, I don't want anyone with young kids, like
I just want somebody who's like a man, who can
(19:27):
like up and go okay. Fine, So she matches with
this guy. She sends me the picture and he's handsome.
He's cute, right, and so she's like okay. So they
make a plan to wow this Tuesday night, and so
she sends the picture to another one of our friends.
And then our friend was at John and Vinnie's having
(19:49):
lunch on Sunday and she sees this guy on another date,
but the one that my friend is going to meet.
So she takes a picture of him and she says
it to my friend and goes, guess he's really on
the dating circuit. So he's like a total dating machine.
So those are the stories that you have to laugh
at and have fun with. And then the currency and
the laughter. We've dined out on this story all wee
(20:11):
get them out of shared it with you like it's
so funny.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
And that's the same thing. Actually, when my sister and
I were in a Biza, we got on the dating apps,
and remember I told you that we would. I mean,
our profiles were very similar, but we were also seeking
similar in return, and so we were texting the same
people and then taking notes on like who was responding
with what and were they like the same response were
(20:35):
they different responses? Remember I would take her phone put
her on dates with other people.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
Well, it's what I'm doing on your pun But look,
as you know, your friend Louise is very woo woo, right,
like you had to take some of the crystals.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
Out of my place, and you believe everything the sign,
but I.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Do, but I believe in manifestation and I believe in
vision boards. So, for example, every year on January one,
I don't know if you know this about me, I
do a vision board, and I keep it in a
space that I can see. Sometimes it's in my bathroom,
sometimes it's in whatever it is, because again, I believe
in manifestation. As you know, when I see eleven eleven
(21:13):
on a license plate or a clock or a receipt,
you know, I'm busy crossing myself and making wishes and
all that. So what are you manifesting for twenty twenty
five me?
Speaker 2 (21:23):
I funny that you asked that. I feel like this
sounds really superficial, but it's something that I know really
affects my mood, and it's it's basically feeling good about
myself physically and esthetically. And I know that that sounds superficial,
but you know how we joke around about the brawn
(21:44):
and underwear, how the matching raw and underwear. I feel
like when I know this sounds really light to your
big question, because I actually have deeper ones. But I
feel like you get ready because you see clients all
the time, and so you always kind of feel well.
I don't know if you feel good about yourself, but
you look good, you present well, and I think in turn,
(22:05):
it makes you feel good. And I think for me
working from home, not having to present and be around people,
do you know what I mean in a formal setting
on a day to day basis, can really start to
impact my psyche. And I feel like getting dressed and
liking what I see in the mirror makes me approach
(22:29):
my day so differently. And you know, remember you joked
around with me. We were in a dressing room one
time and you're like, oh, I like your bron underwear.
And this is one thing that's always a non negotiable
for me. But like I put on matching braun and
underwear every single day. I do not do it for
anybody else. I do it for me. You wear underwear,
I know not everyone does, but anyway, I do it
for me because I often think, you know, we joke
(22:50):
around where it's like, well, if you don't like yourself,
and if you don't like what you see in the mirror,
why do you expect somebody else to? And I really
do take that to her.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
I think it's a metaphor if you feel good about yourself,
or at least you're faking it till you make it.
Then that's the energy you're putting out there. So even
when I'm going to yoga, you're gonna think this is weird.
But I have a sephor a store in my place.
I put a little cream blush on before I go
to yoga.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
Oh, I know I didn't it, and I always feel terrible,
but I have nothing.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
It makes me feel so much better. And I always
I love two. I love getting I'm so girly like that,
right like I boys, like could you imagine my daughters?
But like I love putting myself together, right like it
makes me feel good about myself and I can put
my best foot forward. So I think that's actually a
really good New Year's resolution for you.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
Yeah, so I think, on a lighter note, it's that.
I also think it's like what am I doing on
a day to day basis to that support my goals
and what I want my life to look like, Because
it's really about what's the bigger goal and then what
are you doing to actually reach it? And I think
for me, we always talk about gratitude is so important,
(24:04):
and you've had a gratitude journal forever. I feel like
I live in a very grateful space, but I need
more of a day to day reminder.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
I'm going to value that journal because honestly, it is.
I just sent it to a friend. It's this like
dear Universe manifestation journal, and it is. It's a quick
morning exercise and a quick night time exercise. But it
is so valuable and it is so centering for me
as I start my day, and centering for me as
I go to sleep at night. It's super reflective. It
(24:35):
takes zero time, and it talks about like what are
you manifesting for the day, what are you grateful for
from the night before? And look, you know, I spend
a lot of time. For example, in the first of
every month, I have a journal where I write, what
do I have this month that I didn't have last month?
What did I accomplish this month that I didn't accomplish
last month? And I really believe in manifesting. And I
(24:56):
could sit here and tell you, which would negate our
entire podcast, that I am manifesting a husband, but I'm not.
I think what I'm manifesting for twenty twenty five is
the ability to stay a little more. Even holidays are
tough for me, right like it's Stephan my childhood. You know,
I did not grow up in the environment that you did, right.
(25:16):
I had parents who had a really ugly divorced Holidays
were hard for me. Christmas was hard for me. And
I think what I'm really learning, what I want to
manifest is staying even right. Like it's a lot of
black and white with me right, not a lot of gray.
And I think that that's my biggest, my biggest lesson
(25:37):
that I need to do, and you're really good at it,
and you really talk me off the ledge. I had
some tears this week, and that's what I really that's
what my lesson is, right, Like I can put myself together,
I can load the face up of makeup, I can
do all that. It's for me more of the kind
of internal sturdiness.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
And that's so funny because I think that's why I
think we are such good friends, is that we our
strengths and weaknesses are very different and for me, which
I admire about you. Yeah, and that's I think. Another
question is who are we surrounding ourselves with which I'll
finish my point, but I think that that's a big
piece of this. But is like you, I want to
(26:20):
start saying yes to more things. And so for me,
I am looking forward like one month and say, okay,
what am I doing this month? That makes me feel
a little uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
So start that like what I do. Start it and
I have your notes section and hold yourself accountable.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Yeah, I'm going on a ski trip with these girls
in February that It's totally not my usual scene. It's
a different group. They're all really really close friends. They
invite me every year, and this year I said yes,
And you.
Speaker 1 (26:51):
Never know what can happen. I always say to my
kids too, like just say yes, don't limit yourself, right,
But I think to go back to your point, like
we are who we surround yourself with. And I've had
to make a lot of changes in friendships over the
last few years, which has been super super painful for me.
But instead of looking at the whole or the change
or the lack, I sit there and I look at
(27:14):
my table at five ten, whatever it is, and I
feel so grateful because you guys all light me up
and fill me up. That if I never found a
husband again and I just had all of you to
live in an old age home, I could not love
my friends, more, I have cleared house, I have the
greatest group of women in my life surrounding me that
(27:34):
make me a way better version of myself. And I
am beyond grateful. And I think that the whole point
of life, other than health is gratitude, right, Like, focus
on what we do have, not what we don't have. Right.
And then the more you focus on what we do have,
the more blessings that are going to come our way.
And just be a kind and a good person and
(27:55):
be nice to people. It's amazing to me in this
world how people just don't think about other people. It
feels good to give, It feels good to be.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
Thoughtful completely, and there's so much power in that, right
when you are helping other people or reaching out to
other people or giving a compliment. I mean so often
my kids always make fun of me because I'll be somewhere,
I'll be at this grocery store, I'll be somewhere, I'll
be like, oh my gosh, you have amazing eyes. And
they're always like that is so creepy, Like why did
you tell that woman that she has, you know, beautiful eyes?
(28:24):
And I was like, because you know what, I felt it,
I saw it and I and you see how people
react when you give a genuine compliment. I'm not saying
compliment people for no reason, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (28:34):
I agree, I mean especially women complimenting other women and
supporting women. But I feel like, you know, doing for others.
I mean, I will tell you Thanksgiving. I live in
a building, as you know, and I have doorman and ballets,
and I love these guys so much. And it was
Thanksgiving and there's there's two there's a turn there's the
day turnover and then the night turnover. And so I
(28:57):
went down on Thanksgiving during the day and I said
to the guys, said hey, I want to order you,
you know, brunch, you know, for working on Thanksgiving. And
they're like, oh my god, that's so nice. Whatever, And
then I sent Thanksgiving dinner to the dinner crew. And
the next morning, when I went down to get my car,
they came up to me and they said, you're the
only person in this building who offered to send us
anything for Thanksgiving. I was, first of all, I was
(29:18):
so sad that in a building of one hundred people,
nobody else thought to send these people Thanksgiving dinner and
show them our gratitude for all that they do for us.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
I love.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
For me, giving feels way more better than receiving. We
did our secret sanding yesterday. I love to give, you know,
and I want my kids to learn this. It's important
to me because it does feel good. I think volunteering
is good for the soul. I think giving. You know.
The other day, you know, we always go to a
restaurant and the valet, for some reason, remembers us. He
is the nicest guy, and as we're getting out of
(29:53):
the car, he said, oh, you know, do they serve
your dinner every night? And so pulled out here. He's like, no,
they don't serve us dinner. And I was like oh.
So in my head I was like, what's your favorite
thing on the menu and he's like, oh, it's the
you know, it's the pulled pork. And I was like okay.
So took the boys into the restaurant, sat down at
the table we were ordering, and I said to the
waitress I'd like to get the pulled pork to go.
And my kids it was like a light bulb went
(30:14):
off in their heads, like, oh my god, Mom got
Me's so nice. I walked out, you know, after dinner,
I handed him the pulled pork and I said, enjoy
your dinner, and he said, he's like, oh my god.
I mean it was like and it felt so good.
Nothing made me feel higher than that.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
Yeah, I bet that was the greatest feeling. Probably better
than any good date.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
You know, it's better than any good date.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
The overall motto for the year for me is if
nothing changes, nothing changes. And so I think you know,
eighty percent of the time, ninety percent of time, I
love my life, gratitude, feel like it's full. I don't
feel like I'm missing anything. But when I do find
myself in contemplative or reflective periods where I do feel
(31:07):
like something is off, I'm really trying to catch myself
and better identify what is it that I'm really feeling.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
Right, And if you want change, you have to be changed,
and nothing drops out of sky, like you can't fix it.
For me, if I'm feeling small or sad, I have
to think to myself, Thelma, what can I do to
make myself feel better in this moment? Right Like it
is a choice for me to either fall apart and
(31:37):
wallow and feel sad or literally find an action, create
an action that I can do to then, you know,
change my mindset and kind of get quote recentered completely.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
And the key word is action. You know, it's proactively
going through our lives as opposed to reactively or passively
is even better. You know. I think that we can
control how we feel and we can control our lens
and we're not putting it in shame on us. I
mean shame on us if we have our health.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
Look, guys, nothing is more important than health. Period. We
can change every single thing in our life anything. And
I always say to my children too, like when you
hear about these awful suicides, I say, nothing is worth
at Like you can change anything in your life. And
I think that you know, sitting in pain and wallowing
(32:30):
in pain and depression, like you have to try to
snap out of it as quickly as you got to
feel it, right, like you got to experience.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
And acknowledge it. I think it's important for acknowledge.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
It and not shove it under the rug. But at
the same time, you have to mobilize right and and
and push yourself. It's like a breakup, right, Like we
all get our ass handed to us and a breakup
and it is heartbreaking. You know, I was listening to
that Mel Robbins Breakup podcast, which is amazing, Like you
got to feel it, you got to go through it,
(33:01):
and then you got to pick yourself up by your footstraps.
And you need to say rejection is redirection. There is
something better coming for me. I am ready, I am open,
I am excited.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
Because people feel that and people want to be around that.
You know. It's like, you know, you always hear about
these like are you an energy sucker or you know
what I mean? Or do you give people energy?
Speaker 1 (33:20):
Right? Do you light people up? Or are you a victim?
Nobody wants to be run a victim all the time.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
No, it's pathetic. And by the way, when I am
around people that are sitting there complaining or wallowing about
being single, I literally like, oh my god, like you
are tragic. And that's what I think.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
I mean, Well, desperation is so obvious, I mean honestly,
like people pick up on that energy, right, Like you
have to love yourself so other people can love us.
We don't fall in love with ourselves.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
Completely, and so looking in the mirror and taking stock
of like where you could be a better version of yourself,
Like I think that's important. And while you are so
called waiting for some or mister right to come along, like,
there's plenty of time to work on yourself.
Speaker 1 (34:04):
Will be missus right yourself? Yeah, I don't know, man,
the game of life, it's like peaks and valleys. It's
learning to navigate. It's just learning to deal with the
curve balls that come our way and the roadblocks and
the winds and the losses.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
You only get one life, and so we should really
be living it to the fullest, you know, and.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
At the very least you know that weighted best and
are whipping around Homebye Park together and laughing. Is you know,
it gives me a lot of joy. It gives me
joy to live a parallel life with like you or
you know, somebody as we're kind of navigating all of
(34:44):
it together because I don't feel alone. I don't have
a partner, I don't have a husband, but I am
not alone because of you or people like you in
my life.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
You know, it's really funny when you say that. I
think back to I don't know if you watch The
Golden Bachelor and Bachelorette, but I did.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
I didn't, and I have to tell you.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
Should because it it is the best lesson in life.
And I feel like if you line ten people up,
I mean, I don't want to speak for everybody, but
I bet large majority of people would say that they
found it far more intriguing to watch the twenty bachelors,
you knowamine in the room and how they interacted and
(35:25):
found one another versus the standalone dates and wondering do
you mean what guy was going to get the girl?
It was like it was just it was so representative
of life, and I feel like the guys that went
on that show kind of back to the friendships are
the most important thing. They they found so much. They
found people that they could empathize with, they could communicate with,
(35:48):
they had similar interests like the friendships. When they got
kicked off the show, they were most sad about leaving
each other, and not that they didn't like the girl,
do you know what I mean, or like the guy
when it was the bachelor. That was the experience, and
I think it helped them get them out of their
comfort zone to know that in real life they could start,
you know, taking steps to go on dates. But it
(36:09):
was like finding kindred spirits and people out there that
like they could relate to it. It was seriously like
it was beautiful, Thelma.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
What new things do we want to push ourselves to
do in twenty twenty five? I can tell you what
I think we should do. Well, I know what I
would really like to do if I can somehow swing
it is. I would love to go live somewhere else
for a month. I think that would be really good
for me to experience somewhere new by myself for a
(36:40):
month and see what changes can come my way. And
at the very least, I can start by going to
have dinner at South Beverly World by myself at the bar,
which will be absolutely terrifying. But I think that would
be a really good challenge for me.
Speaker 2 (36:54):
And didn't you maybe see your ex boyfriend alone at
the bar there? So that might be a little awkward.
I think we might need a new spot.
Speaker 1 (37:01):
Yes, for sure. I mean anything by the way that
was awful. But I think those kind of challenges we
need to do. What about you, how are you going
to challenge yourself?
Speaker 2 (37:11):
Well, I told you, I think I'm gonna I'm going
to move for the summer right to where we always go,
but stay stay there for the summer.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
I didn't know this is this true? Yeah? Wait, no,
I can I come be the.
Speaker 2 (37:24):
A lone purpose. But I've been thinking about doing that. Yeah,
I mean I talked about it with my young aunt
and she really wants to work there for the summer,
and she's able to get a job there, So thinking
that like picking up and moving for the sun, just rip.
Speaker 1 (37:36):
The rug out from underneath my feet.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
Well, maybe I can visit you in your location and
you can visit me.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
No, I'm coming with you period, or I might be remarried.
And I'm joking. This has been so fun. I love
doing this. I love talking about all of this because
we are just normal. We're not celebrities. We're normal, we're older,
we're bumbling along, you know, trying on a bunch of
different things, winning at some succeeding at other. But I
(38:05):
have to say, you know, it's all normal, it's all
par for the course. And at the very least, you know, I.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
Have no regrets.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
Yeah, and hopefully you know, these listeners find us, you know,
doing what they're doing, and you know, throw us some questions,
reach out to us. What do you want to hear?
What do you want to talk about? We're really open books.
We can be totally self deprecating. We do not take
our life ourselves too seriously. And we're here so you know,
(38:35):
real people going through it and you know, not totally
winning all the time. They are really sometimes, but let's
be real, there are hard moments.
Speaker 2 (38:46):
Yeah, but that's why you have your friends.
Speaker 1 (38:47):
Right, So call us, email us, follow us on our socials.
You know, look at the show notes, all of our
info is there. Falling in love is the main objective,
but while you're not in love, loving your life is
the main objective and loving yourself agree. Happy holidays, take
(39:08):
care
Hey, Hey, it's your favorite non celebrity real life besties.
We're still struggling and having fun in the dating scene,
and we love to sit here and chat with all
of you listeners and swap war stories as we are
all in the same trenches, and we just want to
(00:35):
dive deep into a real topic, which is something Thelma
and I talk about regularly, which is how do you
fill the time or the gray area when you're not
involved in a relationship. And I just want to point
out that at the end of the day, Thelma is
my soulmate and I will always choose all me and
any other guy I date is going to be number two.
(00:56):
And tomorrow Thelma is leaving me for two weeks, and
I have to say we are entering into a long
distance relationship, and I begin to get panicked, but heart
have no fear I have showing up on our doorstep
for New Year's Eve because we can't possibly not be together.
But the truth, the truth to be told is is
Thelma and I are really good at looking at our
(01:17):
life like a huge a huge pizza, and dating is
a slice of it. But we have worked really hard
to find fulfillment and lots of things that find us
joy and dating is just part of it, and our
whole life is not about finding that partner. So, Thelma,
what are your thoughts on this? Do you concur that
this is something that you and I have succeeded in doing.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
I completely agree, and I think that, I mean, this
might just be me, but I feel like often I
when I think about the times where I might be
wishing that I had somebody, or I'm lonely or just
wondering why I'm not in a relationship, it's often a
(02:00):
sign of something far bigger going on within me, and
it really has nothing to do with dating or finding
the person. It's that something in my life is either
off or I'm not I'm trying to think. I'm thinking
that if I find someone, it might be the solution
to something that I'm not really approaching in the right
(02:21):
way in my own like in my own way. So
for example, I think sometimes it's I'm bored and I'm bored,
and so instead of saying Okay, I'm bored, what am
I going to do about it and taking steps to
address that, that's when your mind or my mind might
be like, oh, well, if I was dating somebody, it
(02:42):
would look different. And I think the truth is it's
usually I have it within me to make a change
so that I don't feel bored, or that I don't
feel lonely, or that I am being proactive, and so
often it's about just taking action. And then I find
that it's not even about missing someone.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
I think finding a partner has to be totally additive, right,
Like I think if we make our whole life about
finding our soulmate or finding our husband or finding our boyfriend,
it's kind of always looking out like tomorrow and the
next stop on the train, right, And I think we
need to focus on the day ahead of us and say,
how can we find joy? What's going to make us
(03:22):
feel good? We don't need to fill a hole within
ourselves with another person.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Right, That's never going to work. I mean we both
talked about that.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
Also, shopping buying a new pair of shoes isn't going
to fill a hole, right, Like, it's finding joy within ourselves.
And I think you know what you and I do
is sure we have our five minutes of saying like, oh,
it would be so great if somebody was taking us
out on a Saturday night, But like we can take
ourselves out on a Saturday night completely and we enjoy
ourselves doing it right. And as you and I both know,
(03:51):
I would rather bet on our known, our unknown, than
are known. And I look around at eighty five percent
of the people in my lives who are in marriages
and relationships and they're unhappy, right, and the grass is
not greener. But I have to say that every day
you and I wake up, we are the architects of
our own life period and it's exciting and it's an opportunity.
(04:12):
The unknown is an opportunity, and I just think we
have to look at this period of time in our
life as there is a reason why we are I'm
not saying alone, because we're not alone. We have each other,
we have our children, we have our friends, we have
whatever it is in our life. We've got the Starbucks barista, right,
like our value is not determined because we have a
(04:32):
partner period completely.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
And it's not about playing the waiting game. It's about
what do you want in your life and taking steps
today to make that happen, and you, as you said,
being the architect of your own life. So I think
that a big, huge piece also is recognizing that like
it's not one thing or one person that really meets
(04:59):
all of your emotions needs.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Well, why are we giving that person, that unknown person,
that power.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
But I think it's a common misconception. I think a
lot of people when they get unhappy, go to, oh, well,
it would look so different if I had somebody. But
if you're unhappy, it's because you're unhappy or lonely in
your own life. It's not because somebody else is going
to provide that for you.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Well, it's no different than when somebody's like, oh, if
I had a million dollars more, i'd be happier. It's like, no,
be happy with what you have and how you've achieved it. Right,
So at the end of the day, Look, you and
I do a lot of stuff. You know. Here's what
I do when I'm unhappy or I'm feeling lonely. I
pick up the phone and I FaceTime you. I know
you hate my face time, but we FaceTime. We laugh. Right,
(05:42):
I read a book. There is nothing better than actually
reading a book and getting lost in a story. It
feels really good, putting on a TV show, going on
a walk. I mean, you and I have I'll speak
for myself osteoporosis now, so I have to work weight
ad best right one for Chris I did. That was
a good gift, you know. But I just feel like
(06:03):
there are so many ways to create fulfillment within ourselves
that has nothing to do with finding a partner, right
Like there all this is a chapter when we are
all searching for people. We need to just look. I
think it's two bold. I think you energetically have to
put it out there that you want to meet somebody, right,
but at the same time, you can't make your entire
(06:26):
focus about meeting somebody and coming from this like desperate
place about it. It's kind of like walking a tight rope, right, Like,
it would be great to meet somebody. I am open
to meeting somebody, but at the same time, I'm living
my best life. And because I'm living my best life,
that is the energy that we're giving out there, and
it's going to come back to us.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Andrew, you spending the time I think being your best
version of yourself, and I mean I mean on a
deeper level and trying new things. I meant getting your
self comfortable being uncomfortable. I feel like I always am
saying to my kids, like when they say, Oh, I
don't want to do that. You know, I'm scared to
do it. I'm scared to run for student body. I'm
(07:09):
scared to do this. Like I spend so much time
and my kids are older now, but pushing and encouraging
my kids to get out there and do things that
they they kind of want to do, but then within
five seconds have already talked themselves out of it. And
it's it's about taking my own advice and pushing myself
to do things and operating not out of I mean
(07:30):
not out of fear, but being proactive. And I feel
like I'm really trying to say yes to more things
that are unique and different and not the usual things
that I do.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
So to that point, right, and this is something we've
talked about and I think it's a lot easier to
do it. And we're not in our own city, right,
but you know, it would be amazing to sit at
a bar by ourselves, because we all know guys don't
approach tables of women. Don't people get approached when they're
(08:03):
either by themselves or maybe with one other person. So
traveling alone, going on and eat prey love trip, which
puts us out of our comfort zone, sitting at a
hotel bar and having you know, a pork chop and
a glass of wine by yourself, right, not on your phone,
just with a big smile on your face, right saying
like I'm approachable, Come talk to me.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
We're saying oh to people in the street, I mean,
or when an elevator or a gym, Hey, you know nice,
how are you? How's your day? I mean, it's all
of those things. It's like signing up for a pickleball
class without a friend and doing it by yourself, and
going and meeting random people that you would never have
met before and showing up in that way, you know,
(08:46):
or saying yes when people invite you to things that
you generally would say no to or you don't think
you're going to know anybody. It's like that's what you
have to do.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
Well, there's the reason why these opportunities are presented to us.
We don't know why, right, Like, we have no idea.
Somebody might say, oh, I need you to drop off
you know this this thing at the whatever, and all
of a sudden you walk in and your soulmate is there.
We just have to be open and say yes to opportunities.
I mean, look, don't forget. You were in Atlanta and
(09:16):
I think you were dropping one of her kids off
and you went down to the Four Seasons bar and
you had sat down and had dinner. And I was
so struck by the story because it was you sat
there and you started talking to somebody, and I remember
thinking like, oh, well, you and I had this whole
business idea. Remember what we were going to do still
not off the table, right, We're going to go hotel
bar to hotel bar, city to city and you know,
(09:39):
kind of talk about all the different people we meet,
and it's like, it's very fun. I had a friend
here and I was really she actually had a Saturday night,
had to drop her son off at like a bar
mitzeat and sat at the bar at Brentwood, Catsia by
herself on a Saturday night. I was like, oh, that's.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
Quite old when you know people. And that's why I
think it's so much easier when you're somewhere outside of
your day to day because it's easier being anonymous and
not feeling so uncomfortable kind of being alone. Right, I mean,
not many people in their hometown are willing to do that,
but I think like getting in the car driving to
(10:18):
Santa Barbara, like, it doesn't have to be anything major.
I mean talk about major. You remember I told you
about what my sister and I did. We got divorced
within six months of each other, and we were both
just like, oh my gosh, what does our chapter two
look like? Where do we pick up and start our lives?
Like everything we thought and knew our life to be
completely you know, was not no longer. And we planned
(10:41):
a trip to a visa. The two of us literally
gone on a plane, went to a visa and traveled
for two weeks together. And I seriously think that was
like the best trip I've ever had in my entire life.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
No, you want me to do with my sister? Who's
I just said that to you?
Speaker 2 (10:55):
The idea you did? Have you done that with your sister?
It's just it was so fun. I mean, we wore
clothes we never would have worn, right, We talked to
people we never would have talked to. We stayed out
until five am. It was like it was such a high.
It was such a high, well it was.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
It was something completely different than your normal greatest tips
or what's in your playbook? You know. Look, I will
say it's hard sometimes and to sit there and I
go down the rabbit hole of like, why am I
sol alone? I've been divorced nine years, I've dated, I've
had boyfriends, but like, why haven't I found my unicorn? Like?
And sometimes you begin to say to yourself, like what's
(11:30):
wrong with me? Like why can that person get themselves
into a long term relationship or get themselves remarried. I mean,
I'll never forget when I was going through my divorce
proceedings and my ex husband said to me, oh, you'll
be remarried at no time, and I was like, Okay, great,
well that hasn't happened. And I'm like and meanwhile he's
like engaged and living his best life. And I'm like,
is something wrong with me? And you know, I sometimes
(11:51):
it makes me feel badly about myself. And then I thought, no,
I'm going to not come from that place like I
just haven't found my right person. And this has been
a time where I'm becoming the best version of myself.
And I know I have changed so much from the
person I was when I was married to the early
years of being divorced to who I am today. And
I'm proud of that. Person and the work I've done,
(12:13):
and I know I'm better for it, and each person
that we date, whether it's one date, whether it's one month,
whether it's three years, it's part of our journey so
we get to our final destination. And I believe it's happening,
and it maybe took a little bit longer, but I'm
but I'm also happy that you and I have been
on the same timeline.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
Well, but you might have not and you might not
have evolved as much had you met somebody right away,
right because as soon as you get in a relationship,
that's when compromise starts. And I'm not saying it's not
a great thing, because I think you become less stuck
in your ways and all the rest. That's the danger
of being single for too long, is do I elect
to actually have a partner in my life, because it
is so good without having to make those compromises and sacrifices.
(12:53):
But I do think that attitude is everything right, and
your attitude, I mean, let's be honest, I mean, there's
an ass for every seat. If we wanted a boyfriend,
or anyone wanted a boyfriend or a girlfriend, you could
have one. And it's like every I mean, everybody could
be taken or I mean, I don't want to say everybody.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
For sure, but we don't want to settle, and we'd
like it. I'm the queen of trying to fit a
square peg into a round hole, right because you know,
and so I think you're better at cutting bait sooner
than I do, right because I'm like, oh, like they're
nice or it is or that or good enough. But
I don't want good enough because first of all, the
(13:33):
scary thing is is they say a lot of second
marriages greater percentage of ending up in divorced than first marriages.
So it would I don't want to get divorced again, right,
or I don't it's scary.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Or you want to get married. I mean I also
think that, like you look at people today, and I
think how I view marriage and and commitment and partnership
is so different as a fifty one year old than
as a twenty year old. You know, I used It's
not that I spent time sitting there dreaming about like, oh,
a white picket fence and you know, getting married. I
(14:06):
wasn't really one of those, but I just assumed that
that's kind of what you did, and I think today.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
Well, you also watch a great example in your parents.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
I mean, my parents have been married for over sixty years,
my siblings. You know, I was the first in my
family to get divorced, and it took me a really
long time to not feel like there was this stigma.
And I think I told you, like everyone in my
world and my purview, everyone I saw was married, and
it wasn't until I got divorced that I realized how
many people were actually divorced. But I also think that
(14:38):
a huge, a huge piece for me is that like
back to kind of emotional needs being met by different people.
I don't think that one person in it needs to
be my be all and all you know, as you said,
it's additive, it enhances your life. But the truth is
(14:58):
like we and have somebody, but it doesn't have to
look the same. They can be you know, and out
of town like friends.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
Right like, say we have ten friends and one person
is the person you laugh with, one person is the
one you talk about, make up the genes with one
person you tell them your deepest, darkest secret and can
be your most vulnerable self. Right like that goes back
to the whole point of what we think. I think
this podcast is is finding a partner is just supposed
to be part of your life. There are so many more.
(15:26):
There's so many equally amazing and important aspects of one's life,
right Like, it's career, it's passions, it's hobbies, it's friends,
it's family, it's being a parent, it's professional, it's spiritual,
right like, what turns us on spiritual? Like I love
(15:46):
my crystals, I love manifestation, I love listening to Gabby Bernstein,
I love my eleven eleven numbers, right Like, it's a
very big it's a big landscape. And so I think
you know, you and I are really good not making
finding our partner of the utmost important. Our life is
never going to be defined by that. Look, when you're twenty,
(16:09):
twenty five, thirty, you know, we do want to find
our husband, we want to get married, we want to
have children, Like those are important things. But to your point,
when you're in your fifties, a partner is very different
at fifty than at twenty, right Like, we're looking for
a companion.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Yeah, it can be a once in a month partner.
I mean I think we differ a little bit. I
think you ultimately would like to find one person. But
for me, I don't know. I kind of feel like
it's this archaic, archaic tradition of like, and it's not
that I'm opposed to monogamy, but like, I don't know
if I need somebody full time in my life, and
like you know, for me, it might be finding somebody
(16:49):
that enjoys the same things that I do and hooking up.
And I don't mean literally hooking up, but like hooking
you hooking up. I mean that's never well, that's my
long distance.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
For you, you're very open and comfortable with the concept
of a long business relationship because think about it, you're
getting the best of both worlds, right, Like you get
your life here, you get your time to beat Thelma,
you get your time with your fun girls dinners, but
then you would be able to go away and spend
your time with your boyfriend at that time.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
For me, it's like getting a fix and then after
I've gotten it, I'm like, I feel good.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
I will say, the best thing to do in this
for me, which there's nothing I love more than our
girls trips, Like I think packing up with your friends,
taking a drive, or hopping on a plane to go
to New York. Like, I just got back from a
girls trip in New York for four days. It was
the most fun. We felt so good about ourselves. And
(17:56):
it also when you change your environment and you come back,
you just have a fresh kind of rejuvenated energy about you.
And I don't know, like we're all going to the
pro am in January to sell We're going to have
such a blast.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
You realize the world's also a bigger place, kind of
what you said, It's like it's so small, but it
is big, And like, how do you start doing things
that aren't the usual things that you do to create
excitement and novelty and you know, have butterflies again when
you're going out.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
But I also think we need to look at dating
like fun. Like it's like it's an opportunity, right, and
for example, like you know, and it was hard to
get you to start doing it, right, Like I really
get to push you, and I really kind of look
at it as an opportunity even like the anticipation of
getting ready and like the coordination of the date is
far more fun and exciting than the actual date itself. Right,
(18:45):
It's like the wedding prep and then you have the
wedding right, so you know, eight times out of ten,
the date is like a hard pass, but the fun
that we have doing it. But for me, look, dating
is hard in LA for me because I grew up here.
I feel like I know one won't want a dating
app because I see everyone I know on it. But
there are some really funny dating stories. I mean, I
(19:07):
just have to tell you it's dating fun like I
got remember the story I told you this weekend. This
story is I was telling my kids last night. So
I have a friend who's going through a divorce, and
I've been pushing her to go on the dating apps,
and she's set her age range to mid sixties because
she's like, I don't want anyone with young kids, like
I just want somebody who's like a man, who can
(19:27):
like up and go okay. Fine, So she matches with
this guy. She sends me the picture and he's handsome.
He's cute, right, and so she's like okay. So they
make a plan to wow this Tuesday night, and so
she sends the picture to another one of our friends.
And then our friend was at John and Vinnie's having
(19:49):
lunch on Sunday and she sees this guy on another date,
but the one that my friend is going to meet.
So she takes a picture of him and she says
it to my friend and goes, guess he's really on
the dating circuit. So he's like a total dating machine.
So those are the stories that you have to laugh
at and have fun with. And then the currency and
the laughter. We've dined out on this story all wee
(20:11):
get them out of shared it with you like it's
so funny.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
And that's the same thing. Actually, when my sister and
I were in a Biza, we got on the dating apps,
and remember I told you that we would. I mean,
our profiles were very similar, but we were also seeking
similar in return, and so we were texting the same
people and then taking notes on like who was responding
with what and were they like the same response were
(20:35):
they different responses? Remember I would take her phone put
her on dates with other people.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
Well, it's what I'm doing on your pun But look,
as you know, your friend Louise is very woo woo, right,
like you had to take some of the crystals.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
Out of my place, and you believe everything the sign,
but I.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Do, but I believe in manifestation and I believe in
vision boards. So, for example, every year on January one,
I don't know if you know this about me, I
do a vision board, and I keep it in a
space that I can see. Sometimes it's in my bathroom,
sometimes it's in whatever it is, because again, I believe
in manifestation. As you know, when I see eleven eleven
(21:13):
on a license plate or a clock or a receipt,
you know, I'm busy crossing myself and making wishes and
all that. So what are you manifesting for twenty twenty
five me?
Speaker 2 (21:23):
I funny that you asked that. I feel like this
sounds really superficial, but it's something that I know really
affects my mood, and it's it's basically feeling good about
myself physically and esthetically. And I know that that sounds superficial,
but you know how we joke around about the brawn
(21:44):
and underwear, how the matching raw and underwear. I feel
like when I know this sounds really light to your
big question, because I actually have deeper ones. But I
feel like you get ready because you see clients all
the time, and so you always kind of feel well.
I don't know if you feel good about yourself, but
you look good, you present well, and I think in turn,
(22:05):
it makes you feel good. And I think for me
working from home, not having to present and be around people,
do you know what I mean in a formal setting
on a day to day basis, can really start to
impact my psyche. And I feel like getting dressed and
liking what I see in the mirror makes me approach
(22:29):
my day so differently. And you know, remember you joked
around with me. We were in a dressing room one
time and you're like, oh, I like your bron underwear.
And this is one thing that's always a non negotiable
for me. But like I put on matching braun and
underwear every single day. I do not do it for
anybody else. I do it for me. You wear underwear,
I know not everyone does, but anyway, I do it
for me because I often think, you know, we joke
(22:50):
around where it's like, well, if you don't like yourself,
and if you don't like what you see in the mirror,
why do you expect somebody else to? And I really
do take that to her.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
I think it's a metaphor if you feel good about yourself,
or at least you're faking it till you make it.
Then that's the energy you're putting out there. So even
when I'm going to yoga, you're gonna think this is weird.
But I have a sephor a store in my place.
I put a little cream blush on before I go
to yoga.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
Oh, I know I didn't it, and I always feel terrible,
but I have nothing.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
It makes me feel so much better. And I always
I love two. I love getting I'm so girly like that,
right like I boys, like could you imagine my daughters?
But like I love putting myself together, right like it
makes me feel good about myself and I can put
my best foot forward. So I think that's actually a
really good New Year's resolution for you.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
Yeah, so I think, on a lighter note, it's that.
I also think it's like what am I doing on
a day to day basis to that support my goals
and what I want my life to look like, Because
it's really about what's the bigger goal and then what
are you doing to actually reach it? And I think
for me, we always talk about gratitude is so important,
(24:04):
and you've had a gratitude journal forever. I feel like
I live in a very grateful space, but I need
more of a day to day reminder.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
I'm going to value that journal because honestly, it is.
I just sent it to a friend. It's this like
dear Universe manifestation journal, and it is. It's a quick
morning exercise and a quick night time exercise. But it
is so valuable and it is so centering for me
as I start my day, and centering for me as
I go to sleep at night. It's super reflective. It
(24:35):
takes zero time, and it talks about like what are
you manifesting for the day, what are you grateful for
from the night before? And look, you know, I spend
a lot of time. For example, in the first of
every month, I have a journal where I write, what
do I have this month that I didn't have last month?
What did I accomplish this month that I didn't accomplish
last month? And I really believe in manifesting. And I
(24:56):
could sit here and tell you, which would negate our
entire podcast, that I am manifesting a husband, but I'm not.
I think what I'm manifesting for twenty twenty five is
the ability to stay a little more. Even holidays are
tough for me, right like it's Stephan my childhood. You know,
I did not grow up in the environment that you did, right.
(25:16):
I had parents who had a really ugly divorced Holidays
were hard for me. Christmas was hard for me. And
I think what I'm really learning, what I want to
manifest is staying even right. Like it's a lot of
black and white with me right, not a lot of gray.
And I think that that's my biggest, my biggest lesson
(25:37):
that I need to do, and you're really good at it,
and you really talk me off the ledge. I had
some tears this week, and that's what I really that's
what my lesson is, right, Like I can put myself together,
I can load the face up of makeup, I can
do all that. It's for me more of the kind
of internal sturdiness.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
And that's so funny because I think that's why I
think we are such good friends, is that we our
strengths and weaknesses are very different and for me, which
I admire about you. Yeah, and that's I think. Another
question is who are we surrounding ourselves with which I'll
finish my point, but I think that that's a big
piece of this. But is like you, I want to
(26:20):
start saying yes to more things. And so for me,
I am looking forward like one month and say, okay,
what am I doing this month? That makes me feel
a little uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
So start that like what I do. Start it and
I have your notes section and hold yourself accountable.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Yeah, I'm going on a ski trip with these girls
in February that It's totally not my usual scene. It's
a different group. They're all really really close friends. They
invite me every year, and this year I said yes,
And you.
Speaker 1 (26:51):
Never know what can happen. I always say to my
kids too, like just say yes, don't limit yourself, right,
But I think to go back to your point, like
we are who we surround yourself with. And I've had
to make a lot of changes in friendships over the
last few years, which has been super super painful for me.
But instead of looking at the whole or the change
or the lack, I sit there and I look at
(27:14):
my table at five ten, whatever it is, and I
feel so grateful because you guys all light me up
and fill me up. That if I never found a
husband again and I just had all of you to
live in an old age home, I could not love
my friends, more, I have cleared house, I have the
greatest group of women in my life surrounding me that
(27:34):
make me a way better version of myself. And I
am beyond grateful. And I think that the whole point
of life, other than health is gratitude, right, Like, focus
on what we do have, not what we don't have. Right.
And then the more you focus on what we do have,
the more blessings that are going to come our way.
And just be a kind and a good person and
(27:55):
be nice to people. It's amazing to me in this
world how people just don't think about other people. It
feels good to give, It feels good to be.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
Thoughtful completely, and there's so much power in that, right
when you are helping other people or reaching out to
other people or giving a compliment. I mean so often
my kids always make fun of me because I'll be somewhere,
I'll be at this grocery store, I'll be somewhere, I'll
be like, oh my gosh, you have amazing eyes. And
they're always like that is so creepy, Like why did
you tell that woman that she has, you know, beautiful eyes?
(28:24):
And I was like, because you know what, I felt it,
I saw it and I and you see how people
react when you give a genuine compliment. I'm not saying
compliment people for no reason, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (28:34):
I agree, I mean especially women complimenting other women and
supporting women. But I feel like, you know, doing for others.
I mean, I will tell you Thanksgiving. I live in
a building, as you know, and I have doorman and ballets,
and I love these guys so much. And it was
Thanksgiving and there's there's two there's a turn there's the
day turnover and then the night turnover. And so I
(28:57):
went down on Thanksgiving during the day and I said
to the guys, said hey, I want to order you,
you know, brunch, you know, for working on Thanksgiving. And
they're like, oh my god, that's so nice. Whatever, And
then I sent Thanksgiving dinner to the dinner crew. And
the next morning, when I went down to get my car,
they came up to me and they said, you're the
only person in this building who offered to send us
anything for Thanksgiving. I was, first of all, I was
(29:18):
so sad that in a building of one hundred people,
nobody else thought to send these people Thanksgiving dinner and
show them our gratitude for all that they do for us.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
I love.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
For me, giving feels way more better than receiving. We
did our secret sanding yesterday. I love to give, you know,
and I want my kids to learn this. It's important
to me because it does feel good. I think volunteering
is good for the soul. I think giving. You know.
The other day, you know, we always go to a
restaurant and the valet, for some reason, remembers us. He
is the nicest guy, and as we're getting out of
(29:53):
the car, he said, oh, you know, do they serve
your dinner every night? And so pulled out here. He's like, no,
they don't serve us dinner. And I was like oh.
So in my head I was like, what's your favorite
thing on the menu and he's like, oh, it's the
you know, it's the pulled pork. And I was like okay.
So took the boys into the restaurant, sat down at
the table we were ordering, and I said to the
waitress I'd like to get the pulled pork to go.
And my kids it was like a light bulb went
(30:14):
off in their heads, like, oh my god, Mom got
Me's so nice. I walked out, you know, after dinner,
I handed him the pulled pork and I said, enjoy
your dinner, and he said, he's like, oh my god.
I mean it was like and it felt so good.
Nothing made me feel higher than that.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
Yeah, I bet that was the greatest feeling. Probably better
than any good date.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
You know, it's better than any good date.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
The overall motto for the year for me is if
nothing changes, nothing changes. And so I think you know,
eighty percent of the time, ninety percent of time, I
love my life, gratitude, feel like it's full. I don't
feel like I'm missing anything. But when I do find
myself in contemplative or reflective periods where I do feel
(31:07):
like something is off, I'm really trying to catch myself
and better identify what is it that I'm really feeling.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
Right, And if you want change, you have to be changed,
and nothing drops out of sky, like you can't fix it.
For me, if I'm feeling small or sad, I have
to think to myself, Thelma, what can I do to
make myself feel better in this moment? Right Like it
is a choice for me to either fall apart and
(31:37):
wallow and feel sad or literally find an action, create
an action that I can do to then, you know,
change my mindset and kind of get quote recentered completely.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
And the key word is action. You know, it's proactively
going through our lives as opposed to reactively or passively
is even better. You know. I think that we can
control how we feel and we can control our lens
and we're not putting it in shame on us. I
mean shame on us if we have our health.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
Look, guys, nothing is more important than health. Period. We
can change every single thing in our life anything. And
I always say to my children too, like when you
hear about these awful suicides, I say, nothing is worth
at Like you can change anything in your life. And
I think that you know, sitting in pain and wallowing
(32:30):
in pain and depression, like you have to try to
snap out of it as quickly as you got to
feel it, right, like you got to experience.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
And acknowledge it. I think it's important for acknowledge.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
It and not shove it under the rug. But at
the same time, you have to mobilize right and and
and push yourself. It's like a breakup, right, Like we
all get our ass handed to us and a breakup
and it is heartbreaking. You know, I was listening to
that Mel Robbins Breakup podcast, which is amazing, Like you
got to feel it, you got to go through it,
(33:01):
and then you got to pick yourself up by your footstraps.
And you need to say rejection is redirection. There is
something better coming for me. I am ready, I am open,
I am excited.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
Because people feel that and people want to be around that.
You know. It's like, you know, you always hear about
these like are you an energy sucker or you know
what I mean? Or do you give people energy?
Speaker 1 (33:20):
Right? Do you light people up? Or are you a victim?
Nobody wants to be run a victim all the time.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
No, it's pathetic. And by the way, when I am
around people that are sitting there complaining or wallowing about
being single, I literally like, oh my god, like you
are tragic. And that's what I think.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
I mean, Well, desperation is so obvious, I mean honestly,
like people pick up on that energy, right, Like you
have to love yourself so other people can love us.
We don't fall in love with ourselves.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
Completely, and so looking in the mirror and taking stock
of like where you could be a better version of yourself,
Like I think that's important. And while you are so
called waiting for some or mister right to come along, like,
there's plenty of time to work on yourself.
Speaker 1 (34:04):
Will be missus right yourself? Yeah, I don't know, man,
the game of life, it's like peaks and valleys. It's
learning to navigate. It's just learning to deal with the
curve balls that come our way and the roadblocks and
the winds and the losses.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
You only get one life, and so we should really
be living it to the fullest, you know, and.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
At the very least you know that weighted best and
are whipping around Homebye Park together and laughing. Is you know,
it gives me a lot of joy. It gives me
joy to live a parallel life with like you or
you know, somebody as we're kind of navigating all of
(34:44):
it together because I don't feel alone. I don't have
a partner, I don't have a husband, but I am
not alone because of you or people like you in
my life.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
You know, it's really funny when you say that. I
think back to I don't know if you watch The
Golden Bachelor and Bachelorette, but I did.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
I didn't, and I have to tell you.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
Should because it it is the best lesson in life.
And I feel like if you line ten people up,
I mean, I don't want to speak for everybody, but
I bet large majority of people would say that they
found it far more intriguing to watch the twenty bachelors,
you knowamine in the room and how they interacted and
(35:25):
found one another versus the standalone dates and wondering do
you mean what guy was going to get the girl?
It was like it was just it was so representative
of life, and I feel like the guys that went
on that show kind of back to the friendships are
the most important thing. They they found so much. They
found people that they could empathize with, they could communicate with,
(35:48):
they had similar interests like the friendships. When they got
kicked off the show, they were most sad about leaving
each other, and not that they didn't like the girl,
do you know what I mean, or like the guy
when it was the bachelor. That was the experience, and
I think it helped them get them out of their
comfort zone to know that in real life they could start,
you know, taking steps to go on dates. But it
(36:09):
was like finding kindred spirits and people out there that
like they could relate to it. It was seriously like
it was beautiful, Thelma.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
What new things do we want to push ourselves to
do in twenty twenty five? I can tell you what
I think we should do. Well, I know what I
would really like to do if I can somehow swing
it is. I would love to go live somewhere else
for a month. I think that would be really good
for me to experience somewhere new by myself for a
(36:40):
month and see what changes can come my way. And
at the very least, I can start by going to
have dinner at South Beverly World by myself at the bar,
which will be absolutely terrifying. But I think that would
be a really good challenge for me.
Speaker 2 (36:54):
And didn't you maybe see your ex boyfriend alone at
the bar there? So that might be a little awkward.
I think we might need a new spot.
Speaker 1 (37:01):
Yes, for sure. I mean anything by the way that
was awful. But I think those kind of challenges we
need to do. What about you, how are you going
to challenge yourself?
Speaker 2 (37:11):
Well, I told you, I think I'm gonna I'm going
to move for the summer right to where we always go,
but stay stay there for the summer.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
I didn't know this is this true? Yeah? Wait, no,
I can I come be the.
Speaker 2 (37:24):
A lone purpose. But I've been thinking about doing that. Yeah,
I mean I talked about it with my young aunt
and she really wants to work there for the summer,
and she's able to get a job there, So thinking
that like picking up and moving for the sun, just rip.
Speaker 1 (37:36):
The rug out from underneath my feet.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
Well, maybe I can visit you in your location and
you can visit me.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
No, I'm coming with you period, or I might be remarried.
And I'm joking. This has been so fun. I love
doing this. I love talking about all of this because
we are just normal. We're not celebrities. We're normal, we're older,
we're bumbling along, you know, trying on a bunch of
different things, winning at some succeeding at other. But I
(38:05):
have to say, you know, it's all normal, it's all
par for the course. And at the very least, you know, I.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
Have no regrets.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
Yeah, and hopefully you know, these listeners find us, you know,
doing what they're doing, and you know, throw us some questions,
reach out to us. What do you want to hear?
What do you want to talk about? We're really open books.
We can be totally self deprecating. We do not take
our life ourselves too seriously. And we're here so you know,
(38:35):
real people going through it and you know, not totally
winning all the time. They are really sometimes, but let's
be real, there are hard moments.
Speaker 2 (38:46):
Yeah, but that's why you have your friends.
Speaker 1 (38:47):
Right, So call us, email us, follow us on our socials.
You know, look at the show notes, all of our
info is there. Falling in love is the main objective,
but while you're not in love, loving your life is
the main objective and loving yourself agree. Happy holidays, take
(39:08):
care
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com