June 28, 2024 • 22 mins
Ben and Ashley are ready for you! Take a seat on the Almost Famous couch and get ready to hear some (almost) good advice!
What do you do if your partner is looking at OnlyFans while you’re pregnant? Should you move your family for a big job opportunity? All this and more from Ben and Ashley on Almost Good Advice!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast
with iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
It's time for the almost Famous podcast. We have almost
good Advice. This is a really great little segment that
we get to do where we can get questions from you,
the listeners, probably people listening right now to this podcast,
at least I hope so, because you're the ones that
wrote us into the questions and we get to just
talk through it. Can't promise any great answers, We can't
promise any one hundred percent truth, but what we can
(00:33):
do is going to talk through how we would talk
through it if these situations came into our lives. Actually,
we're gonna start with Shelby. I'll read the first one here.
I'm twenty four, my husband is twenty nine. We've been
married for four years, and I'm pregnant with our fourth baby.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
Girl. Goodness gracious congratulations.
Speaker 4 (00:51):
Yeah, goodness gracious is exactly what I thought when I
read this too.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Keys seemed awfu lately and I'm figured something was up.
So I went through his phone, and just like my
last pregnancy, I found pictures of a girl from Instagram.
On his recently deleted photos. There was a video of
her in her underwear arching her back. However, I searched
her up and found nothing. My guess is she's an
(01:15):
OnlyFans girl. This happens every time he gets me pregnant.
Then I follow my doctor's orders and stay on bedrest.
He turns to kick me out if I tell him
I'm hurting. He claims that I don't know what pain is.
Then I find those videos and it just makes me
feel so much worse. He did lead to his internet
history before we went to bed last night, and I
(01:35):
guess it was so I wouldn't know where he got
the video.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
Any advice. I'm so upset, but I feel I may
be overreacting because of my hormones.
Speaker 4 (01:45):
No, no, you're not overreacting because of your hormones. Your
husband has a pattern of going to OnlyFans when you're pregnant.
That's pretty gross. I'm sorry, and I and then he
says that your doctor recommended bed rest is fake pain.
(02:08):
I'm really concerned about you having four children with this man.
I feel a lot of sympathy for you. You seem like
you deserve better. I can I laugh a little bit
because I feel very insecure pregnant about my body image.
I am not one of those pregnant women who feel
(02:31):
like like my body is beautiful. Now, I just it
goes beyond the fact that I feel like my face
looks different, Like I don't feel like my body is
sexy at all.
Speaker 5 (02:40):
Like I don't know.
Speaker 4 (02:41):
I don't think Jared, you know, I don't understand like
being attracted to that, even though like it's very healthy
and wonderful that so many men do. And I think
that's great, but I don't but your husband going to
get during pregnancy, specifically, he goes to other, like more
(03:02):
pornographic sources, and that has got to be just a
really bad feeling for you, and I just feel bad
for you. I don't know that I have advice because
I don't want to encourage you to leave your husband.
But I don't know that I like him.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Yeah, I think we take leaving off the table right
now because we don't you know, obviously we don't know
them personally.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
But I don't like them either. I'll say that, Ashley.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
If you don't want to answer this, that's fine, But
there I think her husband is not good. I don't
like him. I don't like what he's saying to her.
I don't like that he's not treating her with respect
as she's carrying another child, as she's on beddress. But
I guess if you had advice, theres two ways I
want to go about this. One is advice on confrontation
(03:56):
within relationships, because there has to be a confrontation here
where she has to stand up for herself. But the
big thing here is he has to love her enough
to want to respond well, and it found sounds like
right now he's just a jerk and he's hiding a lot.
The second piece of this is intimacy while you're pregnant
(04:17):
with your spouse. I would love for you to talk
about that, like, how do you and Jared's say intimate
because also here I'm sure there's some level of Hey,
you're not feeling attractive, you're you know, you're on beddress.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
Are you two still connecting in some way physically?
Speaker 5 (04:33):
Yeah? Okay.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
First off, I want to like not shame the fact
that the husband like that, maybe like a husband's gotta
watch porn.
Speaker 5 (04:41):
Sometimes I'm talking about.
Speaker 4 (04:44):
Only fans here, which it's more of like a personal relationship.
It seems like he's having a person more of an
interactive relationship.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Well, I don't you know, I specifically don't think that
porn is like a healthy choice.
Speaker 5 (04:57):
Yeah, I know, I'm not like, let's like not get.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
To say is.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
I also would imagine that if it was a something
that you did in your life, your spouse should maybe
know about it, right, Like, if you're going to be
doing it, maybe they're okay with it. If they're not
okay with it, then that's a conversation you guys should
have as a couple.
Speaker 4 (05:13):
Yeah, this feels like I know that watching porn can
be interpreted to some people as cheating, but this but
with only fans and with girls, like with pictures being deleted. Yeah,
seems like there's a more interpersonal relationship going on.
Speaker 5 (05:28):
So that feels particularly cheaty.
Speaker 4 (05:30):
But yeah, uh, intimacy will in pregnancy. It's not the
greatest for us, uh talk to We even talked about
this last night.
Speaker 5 (05:41):
I was like.
Speaker 4 (05:44):
Just letting you know, probably in a few weeks, you
just really won't look at me.
Speaker 5 (05:49):
You're just not gonna You're.
Speaker 6 (05:50):
Just not gonna, you know.
Speaker 5 (05:52):
So, so we have a couple of weeks here. It's exactly,
so if you feel like it, let me know. You're
on the clock.
Speaker 4 (06:01):
It's kind of how it is, but we definitely could
be more intimate and other and just like snuggling on
the couch and stuff like that to make up for it.
And it's interesting that we had this conversation literally last night.
I was like, well, if we're not when we're not
going to do that, like we have to be closer
(06:22):
in some other physical way because I need that physical
touch even though I'm not feeling like my sexiest. So
it's like, you don't have to just need to be close.
It doesn't have to be necessarily like the sexiest.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
Yeah, And I think here's the point.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Thanks for sharing, because I'm sure that's a question a
lot of people have, is like how in the world
do we stay intimate at any level while like.
Speaker 4 (06:44):
And I'll tell you that it was non existent with
Dawson because I was so sick and like it just
no like that because I was I was throwing up
until thirty weeks and then at thirty weeks I was like, hey,
I put on some laundry and then he was like
I know you, like, you know, then here's like an actual,
(07:07):
like viable human being in there, and you're.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Just like, we'll figure this out later. But here's the point.
I think that the undertone here with Shelby. Shelby again
to answer, go back.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
To your question.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
You're not overreacting by any means. You might be underreacting
at some level in my opinion, But in healthy relationships
you have an example like Jared and Ashley there where
they're able to talk it out and be like, hey,
like I just want to let you know, like, this
is what I'm feeling, this is what's going on.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
What are you needing, what are you wanting, what are
you desiring? Like, how can we both be there for
each other? Ashley needs physical touch.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
I'm sure Jared has his own love languages that he
needs as well.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
But you talk it out.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
And the two of you come to a consensus because
you are a team and you're walking through this process together.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
Yes, you are carrying the child.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
You are carrying the way and so my opinion, the
husband then steps in as a support system to encourage
to be there, to care, to love because your wife
is carrying your baby, Shoulby, you're carrying the fourth child here.
But in healthy relationships, you have the ability to talk
these things out so that there's not these things being
(08:19):
hidden and that you're kind of caught off by surprise.
I'm sure if Jared is like, hey, Ashley, I am
you know, starting to look at something like that's a
conversation the two of you would have. It want to
be easy. It's not like a conversation that you would
want to have, but as a couple, you.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
Would have it.
Speaker 4 (08:38):
Yes, definitely, And I'm interested to see how he treats you.
Speaker 5 (08:43):
When you're not pregnant.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
That's a good question.
Speaker 4 (08:46):
Because if this is a pattern of him just possibly
not being attracted to you while you're pregnant, maybe he
just doesn't you know. But it's really when you threw
in that comment that he says that you don't know
what pain is when you're on bed rest, it makes
us like in general, make us judge this man.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
It's ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
Trust me, I just got a lesson on delivery from you,
what two.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Weeks ago on this podcast.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
I have no doubt that it is painful, and I
have no doubt that you know what pain is.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
You've had three children, it hurts. I'm sure.
Speaker 4 (09:20):
Yeah, all right, well we're thinking about you.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Yeah, So the advice would be to try to have
a healthy conversation with your spouse to explain that you
have I don't even know if you need to explain
it to hermind that you have carried now four of
his children, that he needs to step up as a husband,
but also offer the space to allow him to speak
(09:45):
into kind of what he's feeling and where he's why
he's doing what he's doing, so that maybe you guys
can come to a better understanding and build that healthy
kind of communication channel. Not going to be easy, it's
not fun, but it's you guys can do it because
you are our team still.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
But he needs to step up.
Speaker 6 (10:03):
I don't like him.
Speaker 3 (10:14):
Beth has a question.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
She goes, my teens do not want to move again?
We have already moved them once in elementary and middle
school and then back. My husband would like to take
a job that would be really great for his career.
I do not think it is fair to move my
kids again, especially in high school. Terrible idea. Right, We've
been married for twenty years. I don't want to turn
I don't want him to turn down this opportunity and
(10:37):
forever regret it. However, I don't want him to separate,
and God forbid we meet someone else. He will have
to travel here to the East Coast at least once
a month, and I could travel there some too. Any
advice on living on separate coasts, So.
Speaker 5 (10:55):
I'm all, I'm not all.
Speaker 4 (10:57):
I would be more understanding of this him having to
commute situation if it weren't separate coasts. I think that
really puts a detriment on it because this is not
like he could come home for like three day weekends.
This is not like you can come home every weekend.
This is like really life apart. And maybe this is
(11:20):
ironic that I'm saying this considering I was saying that,
like that Gary and Theresa could do this long distance
marriage if they wanted to. But this is different because
I think you're in the point of your you know,
you're probably in your thirties or forties. You you're just
like at that point you're raising kids together. You want
(11:40):
to have the father in the house with the kids
if you can. I don't know what to do. I
do like your mentality where we've moved the kids too much.
Like I was even saying in our Headlines episode this
week that Jared and I want to figure out by
like mid elements entry school, where we're going to like,
(12:01):
really raise the kids because we don't want to take
them and change their schools a whole bunch of times.
I think it's particularly difficult, of course, when you're in
high school. I think this is going to have to
be a conversation with that you and your husband work out.
Like I know that he'd like to take this job.
It'd be great for his career, you say, but is
(12:22):
it worth it? Like how much more money is he
going to take? How big of a step is he
going to take it? Could he take this step if
he stays where he is a little bit longer, it's
really going to be a balance. And how does he
feel about the kids having to change schools?
Speaker 5 (12:38):
These are my lingering questions.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
I mean, I think my advice would be more to
the husband. It would be really hard to move in
high school. You lose great friendships. I have still friends
from my high school that are my best friends in
the world. Yeah, and are they're friends of mine because
we did high school together at some levels middle school together,
(13:02):
And so it would be really hard to move in
high school.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
And I don't think that's fair to the kids.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
If I'm talking about like my family unit that I
hope to have one day. I think once they get
into high school, it's like, you're going to finish at
this high school. Do whatever you can for you to
finish at this high school. Unless you know, some really
difficult thing happens and we have to move. That have
to would be the only scenario where you would be moving.
And then I go to the husband and say, if
(13:29):
you pull one hundred people in their eighties, you ask
them some of their biggest regrets in life, they would
say the pursuit of money at some level that would
be the pursuit of a career at advancement, and the
lack of time I spent with my fame.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
Those are the two highest poll categories. And so I
think here you would have to say, am I going
to regret this one day? Right now? I don't feel
like I would. Right now.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
This feels really good. Right now, it feels like I'm
getting everything I ever wanted. But actually, when it comes
down to it, what is important to you? Is it
seeing your kids, you know, soccer games, is it going
to their graduation, is it going to their plays? Is
it them coming home from school and telling you about
their their you know, be on a test that would
(14:20):
be my upbringing and being very excited about it. But
ultimately I think the question here is for the husband,
do you really want to be away? And and what
and to what you were saying, at what value can
you put on this one opportunity you have in life
to see your kids turn into young adults. Do you
(14:41):
want to be away for that or do you want
to be there because it sounds like you saw have
the option to stay.
Speaker 6 (14:46):
Where you're at.
Speaker 5 (14:48):
I think that was absolutely perfectly.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
But final question which Mononymous says, this that some of
our best friends have become super flaky since we had
a kid. My wife and I have been friends with
(15:10):
another couple for the past several years. We honestly considered
them our best friends because of how reliable, friendly, and
helpful they were and having several shared interests. Then a
year ago we had a kid. Of course, that shakes
schedules up a bit, but we've still been able to
meet up with them a handful of times, once for
dinner out, a couple dog play dates, and ones hosting
(15:30):
at our house.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
But over the last four months it becomes super flaky
with us.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
We'll get texted, we'll text them to make plans but
then the last minute they they got to the point
where we weren't surprised when they canceled. Most recently, we
had plans then they decided to take a spontaneous international trip,
so we made plans to hang out when they got back,
but then they got sick when they returned and canceled again. Fine,
but they didn't even offer to reschedule again. We can't
(15:58):
imagine that us having a kid, it has ruined the
friendship for them. When my wife was pregnant, we were like,
I hope we still have time to hang out, they
would say, and they were saying and they would respond, oh, yeah,
I have a kid and we'll still see them.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
At this point, it's.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
Been months since we've tried making aidends with them, because
we're kind of gauging their commitment to our friendship. Since
having a kid, it's always us that takes an issue
to make plans or reschedule when they fall through, and
even if they're trying to be considerate to let us
initiate since our schedule is well obviously more hectic, but
there hasn't even been anything like, hey, we're free for
(16:37):
the next three weekends if you guys want to hang out.
Neither of them are very confrontational people, so we're hesitant
to just blatantly be like, guys, what's up, thoughts advice?
We don't want to burn the bridge because we aren't
mad at.
Speaker 4 (16:50):
Them, just confused, okay, so we can relate a little bit.
We just feel like it's harder in general to make
plans with people since having a kid. Sometimes there's a
relatability thing going on with people who.
Speaker 5 (17:06):
Have kids or don't have kids.
Speaker 4 (17:07):
So maybe you are talking about your kid a ton
and they're like, all right, well, I'm listening to you
talk about your kid, but you're not talking about the
stuff that used to interest us.
Speaker 5 (17:18):
Also just feel like.
Speaker 4 (17:23):
You mentioned that they wanted to have kids, and then
you guys got pregnant first. Uh, maybe there's a little
sensitivity there.
Speaker 5 (17:33):
Who knows.
Speaker 4 (17:37):
I can't say that if you guys may have said
something that turned them off. But I do think in general,
just friendships can sort of change when you're in two
different places in life and they said, you know, I
hope we still have time to hang out when the
kid is here. Yeah, like they probably did, but then
(17:57):
maybe like they just realized that you guys are a
different place is in life right now.
Speaker 5 (18:01):
I don't know. I don't think that they hate you.
I think it's a sad situation.
Speaker 4 (18:07):
You know. It sucks when you have people that you
love hanging out with and then all of a sudden,
like it just doesn't seem like there's a mutual ambition
to hang out. Any advice, Yeah, I don't know, Like
you can just kind of be upfront with them and
just say, hey, like, we we really miss being able
(18:27):
to see you.
Speaker 5 (18:28):
Guys more often. Is this something we could work on?
Speaker 2 (18:32):
My advice would one hundred percent be confront this. There's
obviously miss communication going on and maybe they have something
they want to tell you. May but you have to
also be prepared for them to come back and be like, hey,
I like you too. You guys are great, You're still
great as parents, but we aren't like we are interested
in like spending time with people. It's such a different
(18:53):
season of life than us. I don't think that's fair,
but it could be the case, and you have to
be willing to hear it. But there's a difference between
being a confrontational person or non confrontational person and then
just having a really honest conversation. It doesn't need to
be angsy, It doesn't need to be angry. It's a hey,
(19:13):
we miss seeing you guys. We really love seeing you guys.
We consider you too some of our best friends in
the world, and we haven't seen you as much as
we'd like to. Is there something we could do to
be more accessible to you? Is there something that you
haven't told us that you want the opportunity to be
able to tell us? But we miss you, And that's
simply it. That could be the conversation and allow them
(19:35):
then the space to speak to it. But it doesn't
have to be a hey, you guys are being bad friends.
I'm sure that some level they probably already know that
if they're bailing so much.
Speaker 4 (19:45):
There's also the odds that, like they this is all
coincidence and things really have just come up.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
And they got sick and they wanted to go to
Italy for a couple of days, and you guys have just.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
Been a bad like stretch of planning. I get it.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Or it is the other side. They could just be
like really not designing to hang out. I mean, like
Jess and I, we love time at home and it
is very often that it's no, not because we don't
want to hang out with anybody. It's just because we
want to be home, and so we say no to
all plans, like completely all plans. It doesn't mean we
(20:22):
don't like these people.
Speaker 4 (20:23):
When you have kids and you do kind of crave
interaction with adults even more in that case because because exactly, Ben,
I feel like when you don't have kids, I could
get more into like a hobbit mode, but when I
want but but after as being a mom, I find
myself wanting to be more social because I need the
more adult connection. And I think it can seem more
(20:45):
offensive when you're when like you keep getting bailed on
because you look forward to those moments together more.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
That's fair. I guess I get that. I mean I don't.
I don't get it like you got it.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
Understand it. Yeah, I get it.
Speaker 5 (20:59):
Parents, And that is a thing.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
My advice would be the only way to solve this,
unless you want this relationship to kind of flounder, would
be just to have that conversation, say you miss him,
say you want to see him more, maybe even kind
of like fall on the sword a little bit and say, hey,
I know that our lives have changed quite a bit
since having a kid, but we want to find space
to still see friends again. Is there something we could
do because we miss you and just leave it there?
(21:23):
That's the I think the best path forward and the
best conversation to have. And typically in my life, tough
conversations with friends have always ended up in a better
place afterwards, So you know, it's it's always been when
you've had the conversation with friends that I care about. Uh,
(21:43):
there's typically that the after effects are really positive. So
don't be afraid to step into a tough conversation, I
guess would be my advice.
Speaker 4 (21:52):
Yeah, that's good advice. All right, Well that's good. That's
almost good advice. I mean Ben's was good advice, but
the episode was almost good advice. So thank you guys
so much for joining us. Send us your questions. I
can't believe these are real questions. Sometimes our listeners are
going through it out there, so please email those stories
(22:12):
to Ben and Ashley at iHeartMedia dot com.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
We want to hear from you.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
We're excited too, So until next time, I've been Ben,
I've been Ashley.
Speaker 5 (22:20):
Bye, guys.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
Follow the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcasts. On iHeartRadio,
or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.
This is the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast
with iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
It's time for the almost Famous podcast. We have almost
good Advice. This is a really great little segment that
we get to do where we can get questions from you,
the listeners, probably people listening right now to this podcast,
at least I hope so, because you're the ones that
wrote us into the questions and we get to just
talk through it. Can't promise any great answers, We can't
promise any one hundred percent truth, but what we can
(00:33):
do is going to talk through how we would talk
through it if these situations came into our lives. Actually,
we're gonna start with Shelby. I'll read the first one here.
I'm twenty four, my husband is twenty nine. We've been
married for four years, and I'm pregnant with our fourth baby.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
Girl. Goodness gracious congratulations.
Speaker 4 (00:51):
Yeah, goodness gracious is exactly what I thought when I
read this too.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Keys seemed awfu lately and I'm figured something was up.
So I went through his phone, and just like my
last pregnancy, I found pictures of a girl from Instagram.
On his recently deleted photos. There was a video of
her in her underwear arching her back. However, I searched
her up and found nothing. My guess is she's an
(01:15):
OnlyFans girl. This happens every time he gets me pregnant.
Then I follow my doctor's orders and stay on bedrest.
He turns to kick me out if I tell him
I'm hurting. He claims that I don't know what pain is.
Then I find those videos and it just makes me
feel so much worse. He did lead to his internet
history before we went to bed last night, and I
(01:35):
guess it was so I wouldn't know where he got
the video.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
Any advice. I'm so upset, but I feel I may
be overreacting because of my hormones.
Speaker 4 (01:45):
No, no, you're not overreacting because of your hormones. Your
husband has a pattern of going to OnlyFans when you're pregnant.
That's pretty gross. I'm sorry, and I and then he
says that your doctor recommended bed rest is fake pain.
(02:08):
I'm really concerned about you having four children with this man.
I feel a lot of sympathy for you. You seem like
you deserve better. I can I laugh a little bit
because I feel very insecure pregnant about my body image.
I am not one of those pregnant women who feel
(02:31):
like like my body is beautiful. Now, I just it
goes beyond the fact that I feel like my face
looks different, Like I don't feel like my body is
sexy at all.
Speaker 5 (02:40):
Like I don't know.
Speaker 4 (02:41):
I don't think Jared, you know, I don't understand like
being attracted to that, even though like it's very healthy
and wonderful that so many men do. And I think
that's great, but I don't but your husband going to
get during pregnancy, specifically, he goes to other, like more
(03:02):
pornographic sources, and that has got to be just a
really bad feeling for you, and I just feel bad
for you. I don't know that I have advice because
I don't want to encourage you to leave your husband.
But I don't know that I like him.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Yeah, I think we take leaving off the table right
now because we don't you know, obviously we don't know
them personally.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
But I don't like them either. I'll say that, Ashley.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
If you don't want to answer this, that's fine, But
there I think her husband is not good. I don't
like him. I don't like what he's saying to her.
I don't like that he's not treating her with respect
as she's carrying another child, as she's on beddress. But
I guess if you had advice, theres two ways I
want to go about this. One is advice on confrontation
(03:56):
within relationships, because there has to be a confrontation here
where she has to stand up for herself. But the
big thing here is he has to love her enough
to want to respond well, and it found sounds like
right now he's just a jerk and he's hiding a lot.
The second piece of this is intimacy while you're pregnant
(04:17):
with your spouse. I would love for you to talk
about that, like, how do you and Jared's say intimate
because also here I'm sure there's some level of Hey,
you're not feeling attractive, you're you know, you're on beddress.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
Are you two still connecting in some way physically?
Speaker 5 (04:33):
Yeah? Okay.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
First off, I want to like not shame the fact
that the husband like that, maybe like a husband's gotta
watch porn.
Speaker 5 (04:41):
Sometimes I'm talking about.
Speaker 4 (04:44):
Only fans here, which it's more of like a personal relationship.
It seems like he's having a person more of an
interactive relationship.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Well, I don't you know, I specifically don't think that
porn is like a healthy choice.
Speaker 5 (04:57):
Yeah, I know, I'm not like, let's like not get.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
To say is.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
I also would imagine that if it was a something
that you did in your life, your spouse should maybe
know about it, right, Like, if you're going to be
doing it, maybe they're okay with it. If they're not
okay with it, then that's a conversation you guys should
have as a couple.
Speaker 4 (05:13):
Yeah, this feels like I know that watching porn can
be interpreted to some people as cheating, but this but
with only fans and with girls, like with pictures being deleted. Yeah,
seems like there's a more interpersonal relationship going on.
Speaker 5 (05:28):
So that feels particularly cheaty.
Speaker 4 (05:30):
But yeah, uh, intimacy will in pregnancy. It's not the
greatest for us, uh talk to We even talked about
this last night.
Speaker 5 (05:41):
I was like.
Speaker 4 (05:44):
Just letting you know, probably in a few weeks, you
just really won't look at me.
Speaker 5 (05:49):
You're just not gonna You're.
Speaker 6 (05:50):
Just not gonna, you know.
Speaker 5 (05:52):
So, so we have a couple of weeks here. It's exactly,
so if you feel like it, let me know. You're
on the clock.
Speaker 4 (06:01):
It's kind of how it is, but we definitely could
be more intimate and other and just like snuggling on
the couch and stuff like that to make up for it.
And it's interesting that we had this conversation literally last night.
I was like, well, if we're not when we're not
going to do that, like we have to be closer
(06:22):
in some other physical way because I need that physical
touch even though I'm not feeling like my sexiest. So
it's like, you don't have to just need to be close.
It doesn't have to be necessarily like the sexiest.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
Yeah, And I think here's the point.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Thanks for sharing, because I'm sure that's a question a
lot of people have, is like how in the world
do we stay intimate at any level while like.
Speaker 4 (06:44):
And I'll tell you that it was non existent with
Dawson because I was so sick and like it just
no like that because I was I was throwing up
until thirty weeks and then at thirty weeks I was like, hey,
I put on some laundry and then he was like
I know you, like, you know, then here's like an actual,
(07:07):
like viable human being in there, and you're.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Just like, we'll figure this out later. But here's the point.
I think that the undertone here with Shelby. Shelby again
to answer, go back.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
To your question.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
You're not overreacting by any means. You might be underreacting
at some level in my opinion, But in healthy relationships
you have an example like Jared and Ashley there where
they're able to talk it out and be like, hey,
like I just want to let you know, like, this
is what I'm feeling, this is what's going on.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
What are you needing, what are you wanting, what are
you desiring? Like, how can we both be there for
each other? Ashley needs physical touch.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
I'm sure Jared has his own love languages that he
needs as well.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
But you talk it out.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
And the two of you come to a consensus because
you are a team and you're walking through this process together.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
Yes, you are carrying the child.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
You are carrying the way and so my opinion, the
husband then steps in as a support system to encourage
to be there, to care, to love because your wife
is carrying your baby, Shoulby, you're carrying the fourth child here.
But in healthy relationships, you have the ability to talk
these things out so that there's not these things being
(08:19):
hidden and that you're kind of caught off by surprise.
I'm sure if Jared is like, hey, Ashley, I am
you know, starting to look at something like that's a
conversation the two of you would have. It want to
be easy. It's not like a conversation that you would
want to have, but as a couple, you.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
Would have it.
Speaker 4 (08:38):
Yes, definitely, And I'm interested to see how he treats you.
Speaker 5 (08:43):
When you're not pregnant.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
That's a good question.
Speaker 4 (08:46):
Because if this is a pattern of him just possibly
not being attracted to you while you're pregnant, maybe he
just doesn't you know. But it's really when you threw
in that comment that he says that you don't know
what pain is when you're on bed rest, it makes
us like in general, make us judge this man.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
It's ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
Trust me, I just got a lesson on delivery from you,
what two.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Weeks ago on this podcast.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
I have no doubt that it is painful, and I
have no doubt that you know what pain is.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
You've had three children, it hurts. I'm sure.
Speaker 4 (09:20):
Yeah, all right, well we're thinking about you.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Yeah, So the advice would be to try to have
a healthy conversation with your spouse to explain that you
have I don't even know if you need to explain
it to hermind that you have carried now four of
his children, that he needs to step up as a husband,
but also offer the space to allow him to speak
(09:45):
into kind of what he's feeling and where he's why
he's doing what he's doing, so that maybe you guys
can come to a better understanding and build that healthy
kind of communication channel. Not going to be easy, it's
not fun, but it's you guys can do it because
you are our team still.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
But he needs to step up.
Speaker 6 (10:03):
I don't like him.
Speaker 3 (10:14):
Beth has a question.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
She goes, my teens do not want to move again?
We have already moved them once in elementary and middle
school and then back. My husband would like to take
a job that would be really great for his career.
I do not think it is fair to move my
kids again, especially in high school. Terrible idea. Right, We've
been married for twenty years. I don't want to turn
I don't want him to turn down this opportunity and
(10:37):
forever regret it. However, I don't want him to separate,
and God forbid we meet someone else. He will have
to travel here to the East Coast at least once
a month, and I could travel there some too. Any
advice on living on separate coasts, So.
Speaker 5 (10:55):
I'm all, I'm not all.
Speaker 4 (10:57):
I would be more understanding of this him having to
commute situation if it weren't separate coasts. I think that
really puts a detriment on it because this is not
like he could come home for like three day weekends.
This is not like you can come home every weekend.
This is like really life apart. And maybe this is
(11:20):
ironic that I'm saying this considering I was saying that,
like that Gary and Theresa could do this long distance
marriage if they wanted to. But this is different because
I think you're in the point of your you know,
you're probably in your thirties or forties. You you're just
like at that point you're raising kids together. You want
(11:40):
to have the father in the house with the kids
if you can. I don't know what to do. I
do like your mentality where we've moved the kids too much.
Like I was even saying in our Headlines episode this
week that Jared and I want to figure out by
like mid elements entry school, where we're going to like,
(12:01):
really raise the kids because we don't want to take
them and change their schools a whole bunch of times.
I think it's particularly difficult, of course, when you're in
high school. I think this is going to have to
be a conversation with that you and your husband work out.
Like I know that he'd like to take this job.
It'd be great for his career, you say, but is
(12:22):
it worth it? Like how much more money is he
going to take? How big of a step is he
going to take it? Could he take this step if
he stays where he is a little bit longer, it's
really going to be a balance. And how does he
feel about the kids having to change schools?
Speaker 5 (12:38):
These are my lingering questions.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
I mean, I think my advice would be more to
the husband. It would be really hard to move in
high school. You lose great friendships. I have still friends
from my high school that are my best friends in
the world. Yeah, and are they're friends of mine because
we did high school together at some levels middle school together,
(13:02):
And so it would be really hard to move in
high school.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
And I don't think that's fair to the kids.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
If I'm talking about like my family unit that I
hope to have one day. I think once they get
into high school, it's like, you're going to finish at
this high school. Do whatever you can for you to
finish at this high school. Unless you know, some really
difficult thing happens and we have to move. That have
to would be the only scenario where you would be moving.
And then I go to the husband and say, if
(13:29):
you pull one hundred people in their eighties, you ask
them some of their biggest regrets in life, they would
say the pursuit of money at some level that would
be the pursuit of a career at advancement, and the
lack of time I spent with my fame.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
Those are the two highest poll categories. And so I
think here you would have to say, am I going
to regret this one day? Right now? I don't feel
like I would. Right now.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
This feels really good. Right now, it feels like I'm
getting everything I ever wanted. But actually, when it comes
down to it, what is important to you? Is it
seeing your kids, you know, soccer games, is it going
to their graduation, is it going to their plays? Is
it them coming home from school and telling you about
their their you know, be on a test that would
(14:20):
be my upbringing and being very excited about it. But
ultimately I think the question here is for the husband,
do you really want to be away? And and what
and to what you were saying, at what value can
you put on this one opportunity you have in life
to see your kids turn into young adults. Do you
(14:41):
want to be away for that or do you want
to be there because it sounds like you saw have
the option to stay.
Speaker 6 (14:46):
Where you're at.
Speaker 5 (14:48):
I think that was absolutely perfectly.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
But final question which Mononymous says, this that some of
our best friends have become super flaky since we had
a kid. My wife and I have been friends with
(15:10):
another couple for the past several years. We honestly considered
them our best friends because of how reliable, friendly, and
helpful they were and having several shared interests. Then a
year ago we had a kid. Of course, that shakes
schedules up a bit, but we've still been able to
meet up with them a handful of times, once for
dinner out, a couple dog play dates, and ones hosting
(15:30):
at our house.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
But over the last four months it becomes super flaky
with us.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
We'll get texted, we'll text them to make plans but
then the last minute they they got to the point
where we weren't surprised when they canceled. Most recently, we
had plans then they decided to take a spontaneous international trip,
so we made plans to hang out when they got back,
but then they got sick when they returned and canceled again. Fine,
but they didn't even offer to reschedule again. We can't
(15:58):
imagine that us having a kid, it has ruined the
friendship for them. When my wife was pregnant, we were like,
I hope we still have time to hang out, they
would say, and they were saying and they would respond, oh, yeah,
I have a kid and we'll still see them.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
At this point, it's.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
Been months since we've tried making aidends with them, because
we're kind of gauging their commitment to our friendship. Since
having a kid, it's always us that takes an issue
to make plans or reschedule when they fall through, and
even if they're trying to be considerate to let us
initiate since our schedule is well obviously more hectic, but
there hasn't even been anything like, hey, we're free for
(16:37):
the next three weekends if you guys want to hang out.
Neither of them are very confrontational people, so we're hesitant
to just blatantly be like, guys, what's up, thoughts advice?
We don't want to burn the bridge because we aren't
mad at.
Speaker 4 (16:50):
Them, just confused, okay, so we can relate a little bit.
We just feel like it's harder in general to make
plans with people since having a kid. Sometimes there's a
relatability thing going on with people who.
Speaker 5 (17:06):
Have kids or don't have kids.
Speaker 4 (17:07):
So maybe you are talking about your kid a ton
and they're like, all right, well, I'm listening to you
talk about your kid, but you're not talking about the
stuff that used to interest us.
Speaker 5 (17:18):
Also just feel like.
Speaker 4 (17:23):
You mentioned that they wanted to have kids, and then
you guys got pregnant first. Uh, maybe there's a little
sensitivity there.
Speaker 5 (17:33):
Who knows.
Speaker 4 (17:37):
I can't say that if you guys may have said
something that turned them off. But I do think in general,
just friendships can sort of change when you're in two
different places in life and they said, you know, I
hope we still have time to hang out when the
kid is here. Yeah, like they probably did, but then
(17:57):
maybe like they just realized that you guys are a
different place is in life right now.
Speaker 5 (18:01):
I don't know. I don't think that they hate you.
I think it's a sad situation.
Speaker 4 (18:07):
You know. It sucks when you have people that you
love hanging out with and then all of a sudden,
like it just doesn't seem like there's a mutual ambition
to hang out. Any advice, Yeah, I don't know, Like
you can just kind of be upfront with them and
just say, hey, like, we we really miss being able
(18:27):
to see you.
Speaker 5 (18:28):
Guys more often. Is this something we could work on?
Speaker 2 (18:32):
My advice would one hundred percent be confront this. There's
obviously miss communication going on and maybe they have something
they want to tell you. May but you have to
also be prepared for them to come back and be like, hey,
I like you too. You guys are great, You're still
great as parents, but we aren't like we are interested
in like spending time with people. It's such a different
(18:53):
season of life than us. I don't think that's fair,
but it could be the case, and you have to
be willing to hear it. But there's a difference between
being a confrontational person or non confrontational person and then
just having a really honest conversation. It doesn't need to
be angsy, It doesn't need to be angry. It's a hey,
(19:13):
we miss seeing you guys. We really love seeing you guys.
We consider you too some of our best friends in
the world, and we haven't seen you as much as
we'd like to. Is there something we could do to
be more accessible to you? Is there something that you
haven't told us that you want the opportunity to be
able to tell us? But we miss you, And that's
simply it. That could be the conversation and allow them
(19:35):
then the space to speak to it. But it doesn't
have to be a hey, you guys are being bad friends.
I'm sure that some level they probably already know that
if they're bailing so much.
Speaker 4 (19:45):
There's also the odds that, like they this is all
coincidence and things really have just come up.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
And they got sick and they wanted to go to
Italy for a couple of days, and you guys have just.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
Been a bad like stretch of planning. I get it.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Or it is the other side. They could just be
like really not designing to hang out. I mean, like
Jess and I, we love time at home and it
is very often that it's no, not because we don't
want to hang out with anybody. It's just because we
want to be home, and so we say no to
all plans, like completely all plans. It doesn't mean we
(20:22):
don't like these people.
Speaker 4 (20:23):
When you have kids and you do kind of crave
interaction with adults even more in that case because because exactly, Ben,
I feel like when you don't have kids, I could
get more into like a hobbit mode, but when I
want but but after as being a mom, I find
myself wanting to be more social because I need the
more adult connection. And I think it can seem more
(20:45):
offensive when you're when like you keep getting bailed on
because you look forward to those moments together more.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
That's fair. I guess I get that. I mean I don't.
I don't get it like you got it.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
Understand it. Yeah, I get it.
Speaker 5 (20:59):
Parents, And that is a thing.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
My advice would be the only way to solve this,
unless you want this relationship to kind of flounder, would
be just to have that conversation, say you miss him,
say you want to see him more, maybe even kind
of like fall on the sword a little bit and say, hey,
I know that our lives have changed quite a bit
since having a kid, but we want to find space
to still see friends again. Is there something we could
do because we miss you and just leave it there?
(21:23):
That's the I think the best path forward and the
best conversation to have. And typically in my life, tough
conversations with friends have always ended up in a better
place afterwards, So you know, it's it's always been when
you've had the conversation with friends that I care about. Uh,
(21:43):
there's typically that the after effects are really positive. So
don't be afraid to step into a tough conversation, I
guess would be my advice.
Speaker 4 (21:52):
Yeah, that's good advice. All right, Well that's good. That's
almost good advice. I mean Ben's was good advice, but
the episode was almost good advice. So thank you guys
so much for joining us. Send us your questions. I
can't believe these are real questions. Sometimes our listeners are
going through it out there, so please email those stories
(22:12):
to Ben and Ashley at iHeartMedia dot com.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
We want to hear from you.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
We're excited too, So until next time, I've been Ben,
I've been Ashley.
Speaker 5 (22:20):
Bye, guys.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
Follow the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcasts. On iHeartRadio,
or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.
Popular Podcasts
1. Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
2. Stuff You Missed in History Class
Join Holly and Tracy as they bring you the greatest and strangest Stuff You Missed In History Class in this podcast by iHeartRadio.
3. Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations.