May 4, 2023 • 34 mins
Ben and Ashley are hanging out with Bekah Martinez from Arie’s season, as she prepares for life as a soon to be mom of 3!
Bekah shares her honest experience heading into baby #3, including how she reacted when her fiancé Grayston said he DIDN’T want any more kids!
Find out IF and when she plans on getting married, and why she and Grayston can’t sleep in the same bed when they visit her parents!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast
with iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Hello everyone, Welcome to the Almost Podcast. I am so
thrilled to have on the guest that we have on
today for an in depth episode. It's Beca Martinez. She
hasn't been here in so long and so much has
happened in her life since.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
When was the last time we talked on here?
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Oh my god. I want to feel like I was.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
Probably pregnant with Ruth.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Probably you have, may have been pregnant with Frank.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Some other baby. But I haven't been pregnant in three years,
so it's been a long time.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
That actually is quite a bit of a gap. Because
when you announce your pregnancy, which you did in a
very interesting way, I have so many what questions we
can ask you, like teased it up so like you
did multiple Instagram reels and tiktoks hyping us up for
a big announcement. It was either like you were going
off the grid and like literally living in the middle
of nowhere you're getting a TV show, or you were pregnant. Yeah,
(01:02):
and I think I was between the pregnancy and the
TV show because the going off the grid, like you
really are entrenched in your social media, like you're so
good at it. So I didn't think that was it.
Because what you do, which is awesome and I really
need to take note of it, is you take every
(01:22):
January completely off.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Yeah. I do like six weeks, which is so funny
because people forget that and then they're like, oh, like, a,
were you guys filming something during that time, or like
maybe you were pregnant. I'm like, no, that's just like
my thing. I did it last year, I did it
this year. I'm gonna do it again. I do like
I start the week before Christmas and then I take
that off for like five or six weeks through the
end of January, which January is usually slow anyway for
(01:47):
like partnerships and like social media stuff. And for me,
it's just like the perfect reset and it gets me
all reinvigorated and like, cause you know, it can be
a drag being on social media, but then taking that
time totally off, when I get back on, I'm like
refreshed and ready to go.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
I was like, Becka knows how to take time off,
go off the grid if she wants to. So I
think that's not the option, but the TV option was
definitely thing, and I thought that possibly the pregnancy thing
was sort of like a thing to throw us off.
You you and Grayson just you know, you are fertile.
You are you guys don't have any fertility issues thankfully, yes,
(02:28):
which is very nice. But I remember reading or seeing
on your Instagram or something that you guys were gonna
like not actively try for a while because you wanted
to just kind of enjoy this age in which the
kids are kind of like getting out of the diaper
phase and like the very they're getting more into an
independent phase, and you're gonna take a while, especially since
(02:48):
you're so young. You are, what are you twenty eight,
twenty seventy.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
Eight, it's yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
Okay, yeah, look at you. You used to be the
little twenty two year old from The Bachelor, and now
you're twenty eight and a model of almost I.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
Know we had talked about. What we had really said
is like when the kids are four and five, like
that's when we want to start trying. So like it
definitely wasn't off the table, but I mean, at this point,
when you do the math, like Ruth's gonna be she'll
be five next February, babies do like September thirtieth, October first,
October thirtieth, Yeah, September thirtieth, October first, So she'll be
almost five. Frank's going to be like three in some months.
(03:23):
And so when you really like look at it in
the grand scheme of things, it was kind of like, Okay, well,
you know that's what's the difference.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
So, yeah, I can't believe Frank is almost three.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
I know. No, that's how I feel too. But like Ruth,
I keep calling her a toddler, She's not a toddler anymore.
She's like she's like a little kid now, like she's
like almost kindergarten age. Frank two is like yeah. So anyway,
Gray said, he's really excited. He's like, all right, because
now we're gonna have another little baby. And it does
go by fast. Like of course I'm nervous about, you know,
(03:57):
going through the newborn sleep deprivation phase thing again, and
you know, we do cloth diapers and all that, so
like the first year and a half are kind of
a bitch, but it goes by so fast.
Speaker 4 (04:08):
So I don't know, Ashley, why were you thinking that
she was just going like why were you hinting at
going off the grid. I watched all this stuff, by
the way, it's really good.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
She said that that was one of the three options. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
I mean I'm interesting all three. I don't want to
go completely off the grid, but I think it would
be fun to kind of go somewhere some more remote
and you know, blog it and kind of document it
and do that. Not totally like.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
I can see you doing that though, because like you know,
you rock climbed camp, you do like all these adventury things,
and then you cloth diaper, you know, so you're like
runty like that.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
I would like to do that and make it a
TV show.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
Maybe we could, you know, get that off the ground
in like three years, and then I could get pregnant
on the TV show. So maybe I could do all three.
Speaker 4 (04:55):
And if so, that's an interesting statement because I've always
imagined that you're somebody that like being on television, like
this was a thing that happened.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
Am I wrong?
Speaker 3 (05:04):
That's so funny. Someone else said that in like a comment.
They were like, well, I don't think she would ever
do reality TV again. And I'm like, you know a heartbeat,
are you kidding me? I love it?
Speaker 4 (05:13):
Okay, walk me through that, like, why is this something
you enjoy?
Speaker 3 (05:17):
Well, The Bachelor definitely didn't just happen. I watched The
Bachelor for years and I was like, I'm gonna be
on that show one day, Like next time i'm single,
because like I always had a boyfriend, I was like,
next time i'm single, I'm going on the show. This
guy broke up with me. And the next month I
was like, great, I'm gonna go to a Bachelor audition.
(05:37):
Now's my time. I thought it was going to be
Peter what's his face? Yeah, cross, And so it's like,
I'm gonna go audition.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Bachelor who never was I know?
Speaker 3 (05:46):
And I'm glad though I'm glad that it ended up.
It was kind of cool because on my season I
didn't even know who Ari was and that was kind
of like the fun of it. But anyway, so I
went to the audition and it was so funny because
my mom doesn't like reality TV and she's like, I
don't go to this audition otherwise you're gonna end up
on this stupid show. And then yeah, then I got
(06:07):
cast and that was and I told my dad and
he said at the time, he was kind of like, Okay, sure, Becca,
but I was like, no, I'm gonna go on the show.
And I do think that like if I go like
far on the show, and if I like make a
good impression on the show, like I could really turn
this like into a career.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
That was with my dad. He was like, okay, right.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
I was like, you know, I see these girls like
they're they're making like they can quit their jobs, you know,
like I think I could do this, So yeah, I
mean that was kind of that was kind of my plan.
And I totally was open to, like, well, if I
fall in love and like find my husband on the show, great,
like I'm down, why not? I was ruling out that possibility,
(06:49):
so yeah. And then now, I mean, I I just
think reality TV is is so much fun. So I
would one hundred percent to it again, especially if I
had a little more control over production, if it was
something that like I was helping to produce, I mean,
that would be incredible.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Beca. That's why I think, like, do you have like
a cool diconomy where you're like, oh, I love reality tea,
but I've told you it again. But at the same time,
you try not to have a TV in the house,
and then you like make crafts and only thrift, but
you'll definitely do the influencer thing. Oh yeah, we can
totally trust you that when you're doing ads that like
they're really authentic, I know that you wouldn't do anything
(07:24):
that you don't really like. It's really you just have
really found your niche. And it just makes a lot
of sense to me.
Speaker 3 (07:30):
Yeah, I just think it's you know, life's all about balance,
and I don't know, even with social media. Like I
was just saying to Gray the other day, I'm like, man,
I gotta like delete my TikTok app or something, because
like with I don't know, I've over the past few
years had to find so many different ways to balance
things out, you know how it goes. I'm like, man,
I think I have to delete my TikTok app because
(07:51):
I like, I'll spend forty five minutes scrolling on this
and afterwards I'll feel like legit, like anxiety in my
body and like don't know what to do with myself.
And I'm like, Okay, I have to like put curbs
on how I spend my time doing something that's although
it's you know, tied to my job, I still have
to put up barriers and be careful. Justin.
Speaker 4 (08:11):
And my wife has a she's a good scroller at night,
she can really go at it. But I think she
has an app or it's a setting on the phone
where once she hits I think like twenty five minutes
or thirty minutes of total scrolling for the day, it
shuts it off. She can't get back onto the app
for the rest of the day.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
Okay, I need to get that. Yeah, I have the
little phone thing where it's like, you know, you've reached
your time limit and then I'm like fifteen more minutes, fifty.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
She has something to really low.
Speaker 4 (08:39):
I'm sure there's a work around it. She could like
do it, but it's like not easy, and she set
herself to that. So I hear her say Okay, I'm done,
and she's done.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
Smart. It's honestly easy. It's hard on TikTok. These algorithms
these days just like know exactly what to put in
your face for you to like stay on the app
as long as possible. But anyway, I digress.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Let's talk about motherhood a little bit more and your announcement.
So you did it in a very special way. You
made a claimation it's like stop motion. What starts doing
claimation stop motion, like I know claymation is the actual
like you know the clay figures.
Speaker 3 (09:10):
Yeah, I think stop motion is just like because you
could do stop motion like with your body, you know
when you see people on the ground and like doing it's.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Like the movement.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
Okay, yeah, I think it's just the stop motion is
just the idea of like taking a series of pictures
and then putting them together to make like a little movie.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
So in the movie, you show yourself taking a pregnancy
test and then going and throwing it at Grayson, who
is for those who don't know her fiance, and he
has a shocked, like dead face on. So tell us
if it was extremely accurate or like did you just
do it for fun? Like did you did you? Were
you like Grayson, I think I'm pregnant again. I think
(09:47):
I'm pregnant again.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
Or I was saying before I even took a test,
it was so funny, like the chances of me getting pregnant,
like from what I conceived was really like so ridiculous,
Slee Low, We've been really careful the last few years,
but I just like knew I was like dude, I
am going I'm sure I'm going to get like pregnant.
(10:09):
And so before I even took a test, I was like,
I'm pregnant. Gray, I'm convinced I'm pregnant. Like I'm pregnant,
I'm pregnant. And so I took the test like eight
days before my period, and I was supposed to leave
for a flight that morning, so it was six thirty
in the morning. I was like, Okay, I'm just going
to take a test. It was the faintest shadow of
a line I think I have. Yeah, Oh my god.
(10:30):
It was like if I probably would have thrown away
the test if I hadn't been like looking so hard
for it. But I saw like the faintest shadow took
another song, like the faintest shadow in the world, and
I was like, I'm like, yep, that's it. So I
don't even remember what his reaction was. I think he
was just like, oh my god, like are you kidding me?
Because he's so I mean, I know him so well,
(10:52):
so I think it's hard for other people to understand.
But Gray is always like, I don't want any more kids.
I don't like That's what he'll say. That's what he
would say on the podcast and all that, like I
don't want anymore, but I know him and he said
that with like every kid, but he loves being a dad.
When they're born, he's obsessed with them. And look he's
not putting that much work into preventing it. So I
(11:15):
mean every time at the beginning it's been like, oh
my god, what are we gonna do? But this time,
being the third, actually I feel like pretty quickly his
tune changed and now he's really excited and I think
we're both just really so much more confident as parents now.
Like zero to one for us was the hardest, Like
I just felt like the shift from having getting to
(11:37):
do whatever you want with your time to all of
a sudden being like I mean, you know, your whole
world out where you're like oh sleep and like everything
is just everything, everything is new, and it's just crazy
and like the hormones for me postpartum were just so
nuts and just like everything was crazy. And then actually
having the second it was so funny because your perspective
(11:58):
just changes, Like and I had Frank. I remember putting
him on the bed and I was like, wait, this
kid sleeps all day and he like can't roll anywhere.
Like I can stick him on the bed and like
go do something, and he's not gonna go anywhere. Like
this newborn thing is easy. I remember just having a
whereas with the first I was like, oh my god,
like I can't shower, like you know, you're just so
(12:18):
like frazzled, and so I don't know it being the third.
I a couple of my friends had new babies over
the last few months and I was helping out with them,
and I was just like, all right, we know the
drill now, you know. And the kids are a little
bit older so they can do stuff for themselves, like
I can be like, go get a snack, or can
you bring me a glass of water, or can you
grab me a diaper? So, I don't know I'm feeling.
(12:41):
I think we're both feeling pretty confident going into this
new one.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
That's awesome. That's so awesome. I feel like you guys
were definitely gonna have more than two. That's like absolutely ridiculous.
Like Grayson knew that you were going to have more too.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
But we had been talking about it. It wasn't like
completely out of the blue, just wasn't like the perfect
timing and we had I guess what was sort of
a bummers. Like we had talked about like, oh, it
would be so fun to like try I mean, I
know that's not always fun, but.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
For us would say, it's not that much fun.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
Okay. The idea we had the like the intentionality just
because we haven't experienced it of like let's have another baby,
you know, like oh, like am I pregnant, Like we're
you know, I think we just wanted to experience that,
and I think we will get to. I want to
have I see with four or more. Yeah, I think
(13:33):
four is I like even numbers, odd numbers. See, I'm
already numbers. I'm already looking at plane, you know, at
flights with the seats, like we're gonna need to have
like an even number otherwise like someone's gonna end up
sitting alone. So yeah, anyway, but yeah, So I think
that was the only disappointment is we're like, oh, like
we kind of wanted it to be like an intentional
(13:54):
choice that we both made together. So I think that
was the only thing that we were like, oh, well,
here we go, like another surprise. But it's been it's
been good.
Speaker 4 (14:04):
Yeah, before your your first kid did you expect to
have a big family, or did Gray expect to have
a big family? Like, I mean, when you're on the
show and all this and then it happened as a surprise.
Did did your perspective change?
Speaker 3 (14:28):
Well, it's so funny, Gray and I did like a
YouTube Q and a we posted yesterday and I was like, Grey,
how many kids do you want? And he's like one,
and so that he's like one kid. I think for me,
I'm one of five. I always had a really great
relationship with my siblings. I loved having a big family.
(14:50):
A lot of my friends had big families, and the
friends that I knew that had like small families, I
don't know that they always or even like boyfriends. I
remember them always like having fun being, you know, a
part of our big family. And my parents are each
one of like my mom, I think they're both one
of five. So I always grew up around a lot
of cousins and just just a big extended family. So
(15:13):
I knew that I wanted that for myself. And my
oldest brother has five under the age of nine, which
they're nuts. I'm not doing that. I'll take a little
more time. My sister has four, so I don't know.
I feel like, yeah, I was always planning on having
like more than two, and Gray, I don't. I don't know.
(15:38):
I don't even think his even he was like twenty
nine though. I mean, I remember when I got pregnant
with Ruth and he's like, I'm not ready to be
a dad. I'm like, shut up, you're like literally almost thirty.
Like grow up, la boy, You're gonna be fine. So
I don't. I know, he definitely wanted to be a dad,
but I don't think he ever had I don't even
I don't think he thought he was gonna have three
(15:59):
over the course of five years.
Speaker 4 (16:01):
How many nieces and nephews do you have? Then?
Speaker 3 (16:03):
This baby's about to be number twelve of my parents'
grandkids and my parents aren't neither of them are even
sixty yet.
Speaker 4 (16:10):
Yeah, wow, goodness gracious.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
So yeah, I have nine nieces and nephews and my
younger two siblings aren't even married or have kids yet.
So wow, I'm sure that's fun. I mean already, like
Christmases and holidays, like getting the family together, like Ruth's
obsessed with their cousins, and I just think it's really cute,
is it?
Speaker 2 (16:34):
Fun or chaotic.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
I like it, But I mean, I think it's part
of why I like reality TV. I like chaos. I
like being like constantly stimulated by, like I don't know,
having stuff going on. It's kind of feel like where
I thrive, And yeah, I love it. Well.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
I have to say you're just so inspirational to me
through your Instagram. I have to say that you are
probably like the person who I look at the most
content from on Instagram. Oh thank you, Yeah, I know.
So It's like I feel like I see your every
reel and I always look at your stories. I just
find them really interesting, and you always have an interesting perspective.
(17:13):
Even if like we're not like in agreeance, you always
have like this great way of expressing yourself in a
way where I can see your point of view, do
you know what I mean? Yeah, you're never like too preachy.
I don't know, Like I just really like admire you
in lots of ways. But one of the things that
I wanted to ask you about is just the fact
that it seems like you always have your kids doing
something like fun and interesting, and even though like you
(17:34):
know that they're all over the place, Like I know,
like in my head, like like, yeah, they're they're kids,
They're running all over the house. You seem to have
like some sort of like semblance of common peace in
the house too. Can you tell me your tricks?
Speaker 3 (17:45):
Yeah? I think that For me, I think that it
really comes down to just like confidence as a parent.
And what I mean by that is like not, I guess,
I guess just like accepting that I don't have it
all figured out. Granted I'm only showing certain parts on
social media, right.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
Yeah, but I but I actually believe you, like you
know how sometimes like people like you have like this
great mix of realism and that picture perfect.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
Like curated and not. Yeah, I mean but like, yeah,
I guess I just do want to remind people. I'm
showing usually like ninety second clips of like the day
when you really boil it down to like the whole day.
But I just think like a big thing for me
is I'm into just letting the kids like do their
own thing, like not in the sense that I'm neglecting
(18:31):
them or ignoring them, but from a young like what
we started doing from like twelve to eighteen months is
I just started getting really comfortable with being like no,
I'm not going to pick you up right now, or
like no, I'm not going to play with you because
like I'm in the middle of doing something and like,
you know, that was not fun. They'd be like crying
or upset, and I'd be like, I know, I'm here,
(18:53):
I'm sorry. It sucks. Like you want me to hold you,
I'm not going to. And it's like really uncomfortable to
deal with as a parent, you know, because you like
want it could be happy all the time, and sometimes
in a selfish way where you're just like I don't
want to deal with like this overstimulation right now, so
like please stop. But I feel like that's something we
implemented kind of early and so now you know, if
(19:15):
I'm just like, hey, I'm in the middle of doing this,
like I can't stop what I'm doing in play with
you right now, like you're gonna have to go find
something to do, or you're gonna have to go in
the backyard. And now I feel like they're like, yeah, okay,
and they are really just like they do like a
lot of self directed play, and I think some people think, like, oh,
that's their personalities, but I'm like, no, we did really
(19:36):
work consciously on it, I'm like accepting their tantrums and
they're like upset when when you know, if they didn't
get what they wanted from us in that moment. But
I feel like it's really paid off because they will
literally play sometimes like an hour and a half two
hours by themselves, and I think it's good for them
because I one thing that's important to me and I
(19:58):
learned this as a nanny too, is like I don't
I think kids know what our energy is like and
if I'm not having fun like playing pretend with them,
you know, or if I'm doing this whole fakey thing
like yeah, I love what we're doing, and like I don't,
I feel like kids know, like mom doesn't is not
enjoying herself. So I don't know. What I try to
(20:20):
do is I just try to bring them into the
stuff that I'm doing when when I can, sometimes it's
a little difficult, like some oh my god, Like a
couple of weeks ago, I was like cooking dinner and
I was making pizza sauce and I was making salad dressing,
and the kids wanted to help, so I was like, yeah, sure,
and then Frank like took the salad dressing I just
made and like dumped it in the pizza sauce, and
I was like, and I actually was like I think
(20:43):
I like did that, and I was like, Okay, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I like didn't mean to yell, just like frustrated,
like so sometimes you know it's not doesn't go as planned,
and I'm like, okay, I don't want to like involve
you guys in what I'm doing. When it does go smooth,
it pays off. And so I would say, I only
like play with them. This is kind of the secret
(21:04):
to my piece. Like I only like play with them
for like maybe twenty minutes a day, but I still
make time to like I'll read books with them. I'll
do stuff that I enjoy doing with them, right, Like
let's go on a walk together and like pick flowers.
I'll enjoy that, you know, or like let's let's draw together.
So I guess, I guess that's something that I feel
like kind of grounds me. I feel like that I'm
(21:26):
never stretched too thin.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
That's super duper interesting, and I feel like I could
ask so many questions about that, but I won't drag
it off here. We'll have to do another like side
of this, but do you have a nanny.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
We do three days a week Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and
usually they're like in the house, which that kind of
you know, even.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
That's that's us too. I basically prefer them in the house.
If they're going on walks and stuff, that's fine.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, well, and sometimes it doesn't always go
so well, Like right now, I have the door like
barricaded because I'm like, don't let them in because they're
gonna be following me everywhere I go. But yeah, we
haven't nanny three days a week, and then yeah, I'm
with them Thursday, Thursday and Friday during weekdays, so I
mean that definitely helps too, obviously. But yeah, we didn't
(22:17):
have nanny until I'd say, like a year and a
half ago. But I was like losing my mind trying
to do work, and like it's great.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
He inspired me with that too, you like made me
feel like it was okay that I needed that, because.
Speaker 3 (22:28):
I mean, dude, I know that it feels like it's
not a real job sometimes. So when you're trying to
like feel emails and like get ads done during their
nap and then they wake up thirty five minutes later
and you're like, oh my god, Like how I like,
how am I physically supposed to get this stuff done? Okay,
I'm guess I'm gonna have to do it tonight at
eight thirty when they're passed out. Like that's just I
(22:49):
don't think that's sustainable because you know, we are working moms,
so you can't do it all at the same time.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
Thanks.
Speaker 4 (22:57):
Yeah, well, I would love to hear about the future
plans too. You are obviously engaged. We mentioned your fiance.
Are you in the wedding planning process? No?
Speaker 2 (23:19):
Why not?
Speaker 4 (23:20):
Is it delayed? Is it like just not something you
want to focus on right now?
Speaker 2 (23:25):
What where are we? Are you secretly married?
Speaker 3 (23:27):
No, we're not secretly married.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
People think that you know me, confirm that you're not.
Speaker 3 (23:32):
No, we're not. But Okay, it's funny because, like i
I'll not forgoing over.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
I always like.
Speaker 3 (23:42):
Rolled my eyes at people who said this, and I
was just like, oh my god, shut up. But it's
so funny. Like now that I'm in the position myself,
like more and more I find myself being like, why
do I have to like sut in this like legal
document in order to like make our relationship like legitimate
(24:04):
and binding like it sort of bothers me, I think,
especially just because I come from a very Christian family
and like Gray and I still aren't allowed to like
sleep in the same room together when we go to
my parents' house, which is that yeah, right, or I
guess they just don't want to happen and know they're like,
no baby's made in our house, that's our rule. So
(24:26):
I don't know. I I think I'm just and I've
sort of felt that with my my family lately, where
I'm just like so like our relationship is like still
not legitimate to you, you know, like even though like
to me, making the choice to parent together. I always
I've said this a lot on my own like channels,
(24:47):
but I think it's like one of the biggest commitments
you could ever make, like bigger than marriage, because my
dad always said, my dad's been divorced and he has
kids with other people, and my dad just says, like
you divorce someone, you could never see them again, Like
you could literally erase them from your life. If you
have kids with someone, barring you being like a person
(25:08):
who's gonna ditch your kids, you're gonna see that person
for the rest of your life. You're going to see
them at piano recitals, at your grandkid's birthdays party, like
you are going to be around that person that you
made that choice to have a child with for the
rest of your life. And so anyway, that's kind of
how I look at it, where I'm like, wow, like
we made to me one of the biggest commitments we
(25:30):
could make, which is to raise humans together. And so
it kind of bothers me that some people still don't
view our relationship as like legitimized in the same way
it would be if we like went to a courthouse.
And so I don't know, that's been kind of like
bothering me lately. I'm not going to say that we're
not going to get married, but I'm sort of like why,
Like I guess, like what's for me. I'm just sort
(25:52):
of like, what's the difference at at this point? I
would still like to have a party and all that
kind of thing. But even so, I actually feel like
really uncomfortable at the idea of all the attention being
on like us and like our love and our relationship,
which is strange, but like I just feel I feel
like a little awkward. I'm like, this is kind of
(26:13):
something special between us, and I don't know. I guess yeah,
I guess I just feel like awkward, including like a
whole bunch of other people in that thing that feels
like really just special between the two of us. So,
but also, my family would kill me if we just
did a private ceremony, so I'm not going to do
that either, because like literally all my siblings and my
parents are like, please, like please, can we just like
(26:35):
be there're getting married, like please, don't just like run
off and do this alone. And I'm like, okay, I promise.
Speaker 4 (26:42):
So can I ask a question If you don't want
to answer, you don't have to. No, I'm curious. Uh So,
when you think about your relationship with Gray and it
right you know, right now, I completely understand everything you're saying.
But when you think about it, is this a lifetime relationship?
Is this something that you like, you two will be
together in, you know, a committee relationship or however you
(27:04):
design it forever?
Speaker 3 (27:07):
I mean we literally, that's I guess that's sort of
my point is because we're both committed to like parenting
our children and being involved in their lives like we
undoubtedly will for the rest of our lives regardless of
even of how our romantic relationship goes, like we yes,
we will have to be in some sort of relationship
(27:29):
for the rest of our lives. I guess that sounds
like a little when I say it like that, it
sounds a little doomsy. I will say, I'm one of
those people where I really believe like a lot of
couples could like work through anything given the right tools,
and they're right, like, because look, we've been through couples
(27:50):
counseling the last year so and like our relationship had
a really difficult start. And I will say that I
understand why some couples don't make it just because they
like financially don't have the tools to like get help
on their relationship. And if they didn't have the foundation
of like seeing a healthy relationship, you know, or having
like a healthy foundation in their early life, I think
(28:12):
it's like really hard for people to continue to nurture
and have a healthy relationship when they just like weren't
ever given the tools and like don't have the resources
to like have someone help guide them through learning all
that stuff. Anyway, I don't know why I got up
on that, but I guess I think we are both
sort of realists in the sense of, like, I'm not
(28:36):
going to pretend to know what's going to happen thirty
years down the road, like already so much has happened
in our lives the last five years. Like I don't
I don't know if I could ever I know people
are gonna roll their eyes at this, but like, I
don't know that I could ever say for certain, like
forty years from now, like we're still going to be together,
that is, I will say, though, that is our goal,
(28:57):
and I think we both really feel committed to working
on a relationship and to nurturing our relationship so that
hopefully it is a lifelong relationship. But yeah, but I mean,
shit happens. This is this is super dramatic, But like
what's that? What's that movie? A horrible movie Manchester by
(29:17):
the Sea, where like the house burns down like all
the kids are inside it and like all that kind
of thing. I mean, God forbid anything horrible like that
did happen. But I mean, I don't know, you don't
you just don't know. People have struggle with addictions. Things.
I don't know, things happen, So I guess I could
never say we're certain that, like I would be with
anyone forty thirty years from now, what I would make up?
Speaker 4 (29:40):
I think for me then, because it's super interesting to
hear this, I'm one, I'm curious how these conversations go
between the two of you. Obviously you have a very
open line of communication if you know, these conversations are
existing and you're kind of being like, hey, I you know,
I love you. My plan is to be with you forever.
I don't know if that's going to be the case
or not.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
You know.
Speaker 4 (29:59):
For me, you know, there was when I was getting married,
there's a lot of it that was like wait, is
this necessary kind of thing? Those questions, and I think
for me personally, what it did was it solidified that yes, Jessica,
my wife believes and wants to be with me forever.
You know, like there is no easy way out now,
(30:20):
there is no Hey, you know, we're going to work
on this and we're going to do this thing for
as long as we you know, as long as we live.
And that was what I needed, I think, because if not,
I would all I'm so insecure that I think I
would be wondering, like does this person really like me? Like,
do they really love me, do they really want to
commit to me? Or are they just kind of stuck
in this because well we have kids. So my question
(30:43):
to you is like, how do those conversations exist in
your relationship? How do you keep them healthy and uplifting
so you both feel like I am loved?
Speaker 3 (30:50):
Yeah, I mean we definitely had a lot of those conversations.
I think that's been a difficult point in our relationship
at times, like you said, in times of insecurity. And
I think that, look, all really relationships like have their
ups and downs. I know that's a cliche. I do
think there are some people out there where their relationships
really are just like hunky dory most of the time.
I think just some people have personalities like that. Gray
(31:11):
and I are very like we are not people who
shy away from conflict, and we're very both very stubborn.
So I think like in difficult points in our relationship,
like we have, those insecurities have come up, and those
questions have come up, and sometimes they've been really painful
and difficult to navigate. But luckily, like I was saying,
(31:32):
we've had the support of a really incredible couples counselor
and I will say not all couples counselors are built equally.
We've seen a couple others that were not so great,
and every week it was kind of like, Oh, what'd
you guys fight about this past week? Okay, Like, no,
we have like an amazing couples counselor. Who's really about
Like this whole thing is like how can you connect
(31:53):
in the middle of conflict and like find the other
person even when like instead of avoiding those times where
you guys are both like at a ten, Like, how
can you connect in the midst of that and like
find a way to come back to each other. So anyway,
we've had guidance sort of sorting through those questions. But
I will say like we've had a couple really serious
(32:13):
private conversations that, to be honest, I think for both
of us felt like the point where we sort of
became like sort of made this crossover to like husband
and wife. We call each other like husband and wife
even though it's not in illegal document, but we had
some really like intimate conversations where that basically those things
were said of like no, I do want to be
(32:35):
with you forever, Like I am committed to being with you.
I'm not just here because like we have kids together,
but because like I care about you and and I'm
in this for the long fall, and like I see
you as my wife, and like I see you as
my husband, and so so yeah, I think I think
that answers the question. But I think for us, we
we I think we've had like some really touchstone conversations
(33:00):
about that exactly, and I think since then we do
sort of see each other on that level. And like
I said, we call each other like husband and a
wife and basically consider each other like on the level
being married. But now it's just time for the party
at some point after the next.
Speaker 4 (33:14):
So well, every couple has their own dance, and it's inspiring,
you know, as Ashley said, to see you to his parents,
to see your story play out, it's always exciting, it's
always fun, it's always interesting. Keep up the claymation. I
enjoy it, and come back soon. Don't make it three years.
That's just ridiculous.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
No.
Speaker 3 (33:34):
I love being interviewed on podcasts, and like, everyone invite
me on your podcast, I'll come.
Speaker 2 (33:38):
I love it. Yeah, let's have our come recap an
episode with us, and we still have to talk about
good Alma and all that, your clothing line and all
the other things that you're doing, the fact that you
don't have a podcast anymore. Where's your talking outlet? We
can give you a talking outlet here, so we'll talk
about that next time you're here.
Speaker 1 (33:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
Hey, thanks guys, Thank you.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
Bye.
Speaker 4 (34:00):
Well, this has been another episode of the Almost Famous Podcast.
We have a very special guest, Becca, and as Ashley mentioned,
if you don't know that Becca has her own clothing line,
please go check it out. It's worth it. Also follow
Becca on Instagram to keep up with updates. But until
next time, I've been Ben, I've been Ashley.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
Bye.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Follow the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcasts on
iHeartRadio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.
This is the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast
with iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Hello everyone, Welcome to the Almost Podcast. I am so
thrilled to have on the guest that we have on
today for an in depth episode. It's Beca Martinez. She
hasn't been here in so long and so much has
happened in her life since.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
When was the last time we talked on here?
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Oh my god. I want to feel like I was.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
Probably pregnant with Ruth.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Probably you have, may have been pregnant with Frank.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Some other baby. But I haven't been pregnant in three years,
so it's been a long time.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
That actually is quite a bit of a gap. Because
when you announce your pregnancy, which you did in a
very interesting way, I have so many what questions we
can ask you, like teased it up so like you
did multiple Instagram reels and tiktoks hyping us up for
a big announcement. It was either like you were going
off the grid and like literally living in the middle
of nowhere you're getting a TV show, or you were pregnant. Yeah,
(01:02):
and I think I was between the pregnancy and the
TV show because the going off the grid, like you
really are entrenched in your social media, like you're so
good at it. So I didn't think that was it.
Because what you do, which is awesome and I really
need to take note of it, is you take every
(01:22):
January completely off.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Yeah. I do like six weeks, which is so funny
because people forget that and then they're like, oh, like, a,
were you guys filming something during that time, or like
maybe you were pregnant. I'm like, no, that's just like
my thing. I did it last year, I did it
this year. I'm gonna do it again. I do like
I start the week before Christmas and then I take
that off for like five or six weeks through the
end of January, which January is usually slow anyway for
(01:47):
like partnerships and like social media stuff. And for me,
it's just like the perfect reset and it gets me
all reinvigorated and like, cause you know, it can be
a drag being on social media, but then taking that
time totally off, when I get back on, I'm like
refreshed and ready to go.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
I was like, Becka knows how to take time off,
go off the grid if she wants to. So I
think that's not the option, but the TV option was
definitely thing, and I thought that possibly the pregnancy thing
was sort of like a thing to throw us off.
You you and Grayson just you know, you are fertile.
You are you guys don't have any fertility issues thankfully, yes,
(02:28):
which is very nice. But I remember reading or seeing
on your Instagram or something that you guys were gonna
like not actively try for a while because you wanted
to just kind of enjoy this age in which the
kids are kind of like getting out of the diaper
phase and like the very they're getting more into an
independent phase, and you're gonna take a while, especially since
(02:48):
you're so young. You are, what are you twenty eight,
twenty seventy.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
Eight, it's yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
Okay, yeah, look at you. You used to be the
little twenty two year old from The Bachelor, and now
you're twenty eight and a model of almost I.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
Know we had talked about. What we had really said
is like when the kids are four and five, like
that's when we want to start trying. So like it
definitely wasn't off the table, but I mean, at this point,
when you do the math, like Ruth's gonna be she'll
be five next February, babies do like September thirtieth, October first,
October thirtieth, Yeah, September thirtieth, October first, So she'll be
almost five. Frank's going to be like three in some months.
(03:23):
And so when you really like look at it in
the grand scheme of things, it was kind of like, Okay, well,
you know that's what's the difference.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
So, yeah, I can't believe Frank is almost three.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
I know. No, that's how I feel too. But like Ruth,
I keep calling her a toddler, She's not a toddler anymore.
She's like she's like a little kid now, like she's
like almost kindergarten age. Frank two is like yeah. So anyway,
Gray said, he's really excited. He's like, all right, because
now we're gonna have another little baby. And it does
go by fast. Like of course I'm nervous about, you know,
(03:57):
going through the newborn sleep deprivation phase thing again, and
you know, we do cloth diapers and all that, so
like the first year and a half are kind of
a bitch, but it goes by so fast.
Speaker 4 (04:08):
So I don't know, Ashley, why were you thinking that
she was just going like why were you hinting at
going off the grid. I watched all this stuff, by
the way, it's really good.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
She said that that was one of the three options. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
I mean I'm interesting all three. I don't want to
go completely off the grid, but I think it would
be fun to kind of go somewhere some more remote
and you know, blog it and kind of document it
and do that. Not totally like.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
I can see you doing that though, because like you know,
you rock climbed camp, you do like all these adventury things,
and then you cloth diaper, you know, so you're like
runty like that.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
I would like to do that and make it a
TV show.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
Maybe we could, you know, get that off the ground
in like three years, and then I could get pregnant
on the TV show. So maybe I could do all three.
Speaker 4 (04:55):
And if so, that's an interesting statement because I've always
imagined that you're somebody that like being on television, like
this was a thing that happened.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
Am I wrong?
Speaker 3 (05:04):
That's so funny. Someone else said that in like a comment.
They were like, well, I don't think she would ever
do reality TV again. And I'm like, you know a heartbeat,
are you kidding me? I love it?
Speaker 4 (05:13):
Okay, walk me through that, like, why is this something
you enjoy?
Speaker 3 (05:17):
Well, The Bachelor definitely didn't just happen. I watched The
Bachelor for years and I was like, I'm gonna be
on that show one day, Like next time i'm single,
because like I always had a boyfriend, I was like,
next time i'm single, I'm going on the show. This
guy broke up with me. And the next month I
was like, great, I'm gonna go to a Bachelor audition.
(05:37):
Now's my time. I thought it was going to be
Peter what's his face? Yeah, cross, And so it's like,
I'm gonna go audition.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Bachelor who never was I know?
Speaker 3 (05:46):
And I'm glad though I'm glad that it ended up.
It was kind of cool because on my season I
didn't even know who Ari was and that was kind
of like the fun of it. But anyway, so I
went to the audition and it was so funny because
my mom doesn't like reality TV and she's like, I
don't go to this audition otherwise you're gonna end up
on this stupid show. And then yeah, then I got
(06:07):
cast and that was and I told my dad and
he said at the time, he was kind of like, Okay, sure, Becca,
but I was like, no, I'm gonna go on the show.
And I do think that like if I go like
far on the show, and if I like make a
good impression on the show, like I could really turn
this like into a career.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
That was with my dad. He was like, okay, right.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
I was like, you know, I see these girls like
they're they're making like they can quit their jobs, you know,
like I think I could do this, So yeah, I
mean that was kind of that was kind of my plan.
And I totally was open to, like, well, if I
fall in love and like find my husband on the show, great,
like I'm down, why not? I was ruling out that possibility,
(06:49):
so yeah. And then now, I mean, I I just
think reality TV is is so much fun. So I
would one hundred percent to it again, especially if I
had a little more control over production, if it was
something that like I was helping to produce, I mean,
that would be incredible.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Beca. That's why I think, like, do you have like
a cool diconomy where you're like, oh, I love reality tea,
but I've told you it again. But at the same time,
you try not to have a TV in the house,
and then you like make crafts and only thrift, but
you'll definitely do the influencer thing. Oh yeah, we can
totally trust you that when you're doing ads that like
they're really authentic, I know that you wouldn't do anything
(07:24):
that you don't really like. It's really you just have
really found your niche. And it just makes a lot
of sense to me.
Speaker 3 (07:30):
Yeah, I just think it's you know, life's all about balance,
and I don't know, even with social media. Like I
was just saying to Gray the other day, I'm like, man,
I gotta like delete my TikTok app or something, because
like with I don't know, I've over the past few
years had to find so many different ways to balance
things out, you know how it goes. I'm like, man,
I think I have to delete my TikTok app because
(07:51):
I like, I'll spend forty five minutes scrolling on this
and afterwards I'll feel like legit, like anxiety in my
body and like don't know what to do with myself.
And I'm like, Okay, I have to like put curbs
on how I spend my time doing something that's although
it's you know, tied to my job, I still have
to put up barriers and be careful. Justin.
Speaker 4 (08:11):
And my wife has a she's a good scroller at night,
she can really go at it. But I think she
has an app or it's a setting on the phone
where once she hits I think like twenty five minutes
or thirty minutes of total scrolling for the day, it
shuts it off. She can't get back onto the app
for the rest of the day.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
Okay, I need to get that. Yeah, I have the
little phone thing where it's like, you know, you've reached
your time limit and then I'm like fifteen more minutes, fifty.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
She has something to really low.
Speaker 4 (08:39):
I'm sure there's a work around it. She could like
do it, but it's like not easy, and she set
herself to that. So I hear her say Okay, I'm done,
and she's done.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
Smart. It's honestly easy. It's hard on TikTok. These algorithms
these days just like know exactly what to put in
your face for you to like stay on the app
as long as possible. But anyway, I digress.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Let's talk about motherhood a little bit more and your announcement.
So you did it in a very special way. You
made a claimation it's like stop motion. What starts doing
claimation stop motion, like I know claymation is the actual
like you know the clay figures.
Speaker 3 (09:10):
Yeah, I think stop motion is just like because you
could do stop motion like with your body, you know
when you see people on the ground and like doing it's.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Like the movement.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
Okay, yeah, I think it's just the stop motion is
just the idea of like taking a series of pictures
and then putting them together to make like a little movie.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
So in the movie, you show yourself taking a pregnancy
test and then going and throwing it at Grayson, who
is for those who don't know her fiance, and he
has a shocked, like dead face on. So tell us
if it was extremely accurate or like did you just
do it for fun? Like did you did you? Were
you like Grayson, I think I'm pregnant again. I think
(09:47):
I'm pregnant again.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
Or I was saying before I even took a test,
it was so funny, like the chances of me getting pregnant,
like from what I conceived was really like so ridiculous,
Slee Low, We've been really careful the last few years,
but I just like knew I was like dude, I
am going I'm sure I'm going to get like pregnant.
(10:09):
And so before I even took a test, I was like,
I'm pregnant. Gray, I'm convinced I'm pregnant. Like I'm pregnant,
I'm pregnant. And so I took the test like eight
days before my period, and I was supposed to leave
for a flight that morning, so it was six thirty
in the morning. I was like, Okay, I'm just going
to take a test. It was the faintest shadow of
a line I think I have. Yeah, Oh my god.
(10:30):
It was like if I probably would have thrown away
the test if I hadn't been like looking so hard
for it. But I saw like the faintest shadow took
another song, like the faintest shadow in the world, and
I was like, I'm like, yep, that's it. So I
don't even remember what his reaction was. I think he
was just like, oh my god, like are you kidding me?
Because he's so I mean, I know him so well,
(10:52):
so I think it's hard for other people to understand.
But Gray is always like, I don't want any more kids.
I don't like That's what he'll say. That's what he
would say on the podcast and all that, like I
don't want anymore, but I know him and he said
that with like every kid, but he loves being a dad.
When they're born, he's obsessed with them. And look he's
not putting that much work into preventing it. So I
(11:15):
mean every time at the beginning it's been like, oh
my god, what are we gonna do? But this time,
being the third, actually I feel like pretty quickly his
tune changed and now he's really excited and I think
we're both just really so much more confident as parents now.
Like zero to one for us was the hardest, Like
I just felt like the shift from having getting to
(11:37):
do whatever you want with your time to all of
a sudden being like I mean, you know, your whole
world out where you're like oh sleep and like everything
is just everything, everything is new, and it's just crazy
and like the hormones for me postpartum were just so
nuts and just like everything was crazy. And then actually
having the second it was so funny because your perspective
(11:58):
just changes, Like and I had Frank. I remember putting
him on the bed and I was like, wait, this
kid sleeps all day and he like can't roll anywhere.
Like I can stick him on the bed and like
go do something, and he's not gonna go anywhere. Like
this newborn thing is easy. I remember just having a
whereas with the first I was like, oh my god,
like I can't shower, like you know, you're just so
(12:18):
like frazzled, and so I don't know it being the third.
I a couple of my friends had new babies over
the last few months and I was helping out with them,
and I was just like, all right, we know the
drill now, you know. And the kids are a little
bit older so they can do stuff for themselves, like
I can be like, go get a snack, or can
you bring me a glass of water, or can you
grab me a diaper? So, I don't know I'm feeling.
(12:41):
I think we're both feeling pretty confident going into this
new one.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
That's awesome. That's so awesome. I feel like you guys
were definitely gonna have more than two. That's like absolutely ridiculous.
Like Grayson knew that you were going to have more too.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
But we had been talking about it. It wasn't like
completely out of the blue, just wasn't like the perfect
timing and we had I guess what was sort of
a bummers. Like we had talked about like, oh, it
would be so fun to like try I mean, I
know that's not always fun, but.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
For us would say, it's not that much fun.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
Okay. The idea we had the like the intentionality just
because we haven't experienced it of like let's have another baby,
you know, like oh, like am I pregnant, Like we're
you know, I think we just wanted to experience that,
and I think we will get to. I want to
have I see with four or more. Yeah, I think
(13:33):
four is I like even numbers, odd numbers. See, I'm
already numbers. I'm already looking at plane, you know, at
flights with the seats, like we're gonna need to have
like an even number otherwise like someone's gonna end up
sitting alone. So yeah, anyway, but yeah, So I think
that was the only disappointment is we're like, oh, like
we kind of wanted it to be like an intentional
(13:54):
choice that we both made together. So I think that
was the only thing that we were like, oh, well,
here we go, like another surprise. But it's been it's
been good.
Speaker 4 (14:04):
Yeah, before your your first kid did you expect to
have a big family, or did Gray expect to have
a big family? Like, I mean, when you're on the
show and all this and then it happened as a surprise.
Did did your perspective change?
Speaker 3 (14:28):
Well, it's so funny, Gray and I did like a
YouTube Q and a we posted yesterday and I was like, Grey,
how many kids do you want? And he's like one,
and so that he's like one kid. I think for me,
I'm one of five. I always had a really great
relationship with my siblings. I loved having a big family.
(14:50):
A lot of my friends had big families, and the
friends that I knew that had like small families, I
don't know that they always or even like boyfriends. I
remember them always like having fun being, you know, a
part of our big family. And my parents are each
one of like my mom, I think they're both one
of five. So I always grew up around a lot
of cousins and just just a big extended family. So
(15:13):
I knew that I wanted that for myself. And my
oldest brother has five under the age of nine, which
they're nuts. I'm not doing that. I'll take a little
more time. My sister has four, so I don't know.
I feel like, yeah, I was always planning on having
like more than two, and Gray, I don't. I don't know.
(15:38):
I don't even think his even he was like twenty
nine though. I mean, I remember when I got pregnant
with Ruth and he's like, I'm not ready to be
a dad. I'm like, shut up, you're like literally almost thirty.
Like grow up, la boy, You're gonna be fine. So
I don't. I know, he definitely wanted to be a dad,
but I don't think he ever had I don't even
I don't think he thought he was gonna have three
(15:59):
over the course of five years.
Speaker 4 (16:01):
How many nieces and nephews do you have? Then?
Speaker 3 (16:03):
This baby's about to be number twelve of my parents'
grandkids and my parents aren't neither of them are even
sixty yet.
Speaker 4 (16:10):
Yeah, wow, goodness gracious.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
So yeah, I have nine nieces and nephews and my
younger two siblings aren't even married or have kids yet.
So wow, I'm sure that's fun. I mean already, like
Christmases and holidays, like getting the family together, like Ruth's
obsessed with their cousins, and I just think it's really cute,
is it?
Speaker 2 (16:34):
Fun or chaotic.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
I like it, But I mean, I think it's part
of why I like reality TV. I like chaos. I
like being like constantly stimulated by, like I don't know,
having stuff going on. It's kind of feel like where
I thrive, And yeah, I love it. Well.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
I have to say you're just so inspirational to me
through your Instagram. I have to say that you are
probably like the person who I look at the most
content from on Instagram. Oh thank you, Yeah, I know.
So It's like I feel like I see your every
reel and I always look at your stories. I just
find them really interesting, and you always have an interesting perspective.
(17:13):
Even if like we're not like in agreeance, you always
have like this great way of expressing yourself in a
way where I can see your point of view, do
you know what I mean? Yeah, you're never like too preachy.
I don't know, Like I just really like admire you
in lots of ways. But one of the things that
I wanted to ask you about is just the fact
that it seems like you always have your kids doing
something like fun and interesting, and even though like you
(17:34):
know that they're all over the place, Like I know,
like in my head, like like, yeah, they're they're kids,
They're running all over the house. You seem to have
like some sort of like semblance of common peace in
the house too. Can you tell me your tricks?
Speaker 3 (17:45):
Yeah? I think that For me, I think that it
really comes down to just like confidence as a parent.
And what I mean by that is like not, I guess,
I guess just like accepting that I don't have it
all figured out. Granted I'm only showing certain parts on
social media, right.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
Yeah, but I but I actually believe you, like you
know how sometimes like people like you have like this
great mix of realism and that picture perfect.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
Like curated and not. Yeah, I mean but like, yeah,
I guess I just do want to remind people. I'm
showing usually like ninety second clips of like the day
when you really boil it down to like the whole day.
But I just think like a big thing for me
is I'm into just letting the kids like do their
own thing, like not in the sense that I'm neglecting
(18:31):
them or ignoring them, but from a young like what
we started doing from like twelve to eighteen months is
I just started getting really comfortable with being like no,
I'm not going to pick you up right now, or
like no, I'm not going to play with you because
like I'm in the middle of doing something and like,
you know, that was not fun. They'd be like crying
or upset, and I'd be like, I know, I'm here,
(18:53):
I'm sorry. It sucks. Like you want me to hold you,
I'm not going to. And it's like really uncomfortable to
deal with as a parent, you know, because you like
want it could be happy all the time, and sometimes
in a selfish way where you're just like I don't
want to deal with like this overstimulation right now, so
like please stop. But I feel like that's something we
implemented kind of early and so now you know, if
(19:15):
I'm just like, hey, I'm in the middle of doing this,
like I can't stop what I'm doing in play with
you right now, like you're gonna have to go find
something to do, or you're gonna have to go in
the backyard. And now I feel like they're like, yeah, okay,
and they are really just like they do like a
lot of self directed play, and I think some people think, like, oh,
that's their personalities, but I'm like, no, we did really
(19:36):
work consciously on it, I'm like accepting their tantrums and
they're like upset when when you know, if they didn't
get what they wanted from us in that moment. But
I feel like it's really paid off because they will
literally play sometimes like an hour and a half two
hours by themselves, and I think it's good for them
because I one thing that's important to me and I
(19:58):
learned this as a nanny too, is like I don't
I think kids know what our energy is like and
if I'm not having fun like playing pretend with them,
you know, or if I'm doing this whole fakey thing
like yeah, I love what we're doing, and like I don't,
I feel like kids know, like mom doesn't is not
enjoying herself. So I don't know. What I try to
(20:20):
do is I just try to bring them into the
stuff that I'm doing when when I can, sometimes it's
a little difficult, like some oh my god, Like a
couple of weeks ago, I was like cooking dinner and
I was making pizza sauce and I was making salad dressing,
and the kids wanted to help, so I was like, yeah, sure,
and then Frank like took the salad dressing I just
made and like dumped it in the pizza sauce, and
I was like, and I actually was like I think
(20:43):
I like did that, and I was like, Okay, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I like didn't mean to yell, just like frustrated,
like so sometimes you know it's not doesn't go as planned,
and I'm like, okay, I don't want to like involve
you guys in what I'm doing. When it does go smooth,
it pays off. And so I would say, I only
like play with them. This is kind of the secret
(21:04):
to my piece. Like I only like play with them
for like maybe twenty minutes a day, but I still
make time to like I'll read books with them. I'll
do stuff that I enjoy doing with them, right, Like
let's go on a walk together and like pick flowers.
I'll enjoy that, you know, or like let's let's draw together.
So I guess, I guess that's something that I feel
like kind of grounds me. I feel like that I'm
(21:26):
never stretched too thin.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
That's super duper interesting, and I feel like I could
ask so many questions about that, but I won't drag
it off here. We'll have to do another like side
of this, but do you have a nanny.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
We do three days a week Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and
usually they're like in the house, which that kind of
you know, even.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
That's that's us too. I basically prefer them in the house.
If they're going on walks and stuff, that's fine.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, well, and sometimes it doesn't always go
so well, Like right now, I have the door like
barricaded because I'm like, don't let them in because they're
gonna be following me everywhere I go. But yeah, we
haven't nanny three days a week, and then yeah, I'm
with them Thursday, Thursday and Friday during weekdays, so I
mean that definitely helps too, obviously. But yeah, we didn't
(22:17):
have nanny until I'd say, like a year and a
half ago. But I was like losing my mind trying
to do work, and like it's great.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
He inspired me with that too, you like made me
feel like it was okay that I needed that, because.
Speaker 3 (22:28):
I mean, dude, I know that it feels like it's
not a real job sometimes. So when you're trying to
like feel emails and like get ads done during their
nap and then they wake up thirty five minutes later
and you're like, oh my god, Like how I like,
how am I physically supposed to get this stuff done? Okay,
I'm guess I'm gonna have to do it tonight at
eight thirty when they're passed out. Like that's just I
(22:49):
don't think that's sustainable because you know, we are working moms,
so you can't do it all at the same time.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
Thanks.
Speaker 4 (22:57):
Yeah, well, I would love to hear about the future
plans too. You are obviously engaged. We mentioned your fiance.
Are you in the wedding planning process? No?
Speaker 2 (23:19):
Why not?
Speaker 4 (23:20):
Is it delayed? Is it like just not something you
want to focus on right now?
Speaker 2 (23:25):
What where are we? Are you secretly married?
Speaker 3 (23:27):
No, we're not secretly married.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
People think that you know me, confirm that you're not.
Speaker 3 (23:32):
No, we're not. But Okay, it's funny because, like i
I'll not forgoing over.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
I always like.
Speaker 3 (23:42):
Rolled my eyes at people who said this, and I
was just like, oh my god, shut up. But it's
so funny. Like now that I'm in the position myself,
like more and more I find myself being like, why
do I have to like sut in this like legal
document in order to like make our relationship like legitimate
(24:04):
and binding like it sort of bothers me, I think,
especially just because I come from a very Christian family
and like Gray and I still aren't allowed to like
sleep in the same room together when we go to
my parents' house, which is that yeah, right, or I
guess they just don't want to happen and know they're like,
no baby's made in our house, that's our rule. So
(24:26):
I don't know. I I think I'm just and I've
sort of felt that with my my family lately, where
I'm just like so like our relationship is like still
not legitimate to you, you know, like even though like
to me, making the choice to parent together. I always
I've said this a lot on my own like channels,
(24:47):
but I think it's like one of the biggest commitments
you could ever make, like bigger than marriage, because my
dad always said, my dad's been divorced and he has
kids with other people, and my dad just says, like
you divorce someone, you could never see them again, Like
you could literally erase them from your life. If you
have kids with someone, barring you being like a person
(25:08):
who's gonna ditch your kids, you're gonna see that person
for the rest of your life. You're going to see
them at piano recitals, at your grandkid's birthdays party, like
you are going to be around that person that you
made that choice to have a child with for the
rest of your life. And so anyway, that's kind of
how I look at it, where I'm like, wow, like
we made to me one of the biggest commitments we
(25:30):
could make, which is to raise humans together. And so
it kind of bothers me that some people still don't
view our relationship as like legitimized in the same way
it would be if we like went to a courthouse.
And so I don't know, that's been kind of like
bothering me lately. I'm not going to say that we're
not going to get married, but I'm sort of like why,
Like I guess, like what's for me. I'm just sort
(25:52):
of like, what's the difference at at this point? I
would still like to have a party and all that
kind of thing. But even so, I actually feel like
really uncomfortable at the idea of all the attention being
on like us and like our love and our relationship,
which is strange, but like I just feel I feel
like a little awkward. I'm like, this is kind of
(26:13):
something special between us, and I don't know. I guess yeah,
I guess I just feel like awkward, including like a
whole bunch of other people in that thing that feels
like really just special between the two of us. So,
but also, my family would kill me if we just
did a private ceremony, so I'm not going to do
that either, because like literally all my siblings and my
parents are like, please, like please, can we just like
(26:35):
be there're getting married, like please, don't just like run
off and do this alone. And I'm like, okay, I promise.
Speaker 4 (26:42):
So can I ask a question If you don't want
to answer, you don't have to. No, I'm curious. Uh So,
when you think about your relationship with Gray and it
right you know, right now, I completely understand everything you're saying.
But when you think about it, is this a lifetime relationship?
Is this something that you like, you two will be
together in, you know, a committee relationship or however you
(27:04):
design it forever?
Speaker 3 (27:07):
I mean we literally, that's I guess that's sort of
my point is because we're both committed to like parenting
our children and being involved in their lives like we
undoubtedly will for the rest of our lives regardless of
even of how our romantic relationship goes, like we yes,
we will have to be in some sort of relationship
(27:29):
for the rest of our lives. I guess that sounds
like a little when I say it like that, it
sounds a little doomsy. I will say, I'm one of
those people where I really believe like a lot of
couples could like work through anything given the right tools,
and they're right, like, because look, we've been through couples
(27:50):
counseling the last year so and like our relationship had
a really difficult start. And I will say that I
understand why some couples don't make it just because they
like financially don't have the tools to like get help
on their relationship. And if they didn't have the foundation
of like seeing a healthy relationship, you know, or having
like a healthy foundation in their early life, I think
(28:12):
it's like really hard for people to continue to nurture
and have a healthy relationship when they just like weren't
ever given the tools and like don't have the resources
to like have someone help guide them through learning all
that stuff. Anyway, I don't know why I got up
on that, but I guess I think we are both
sort of realists in the sense of, like, I'm not
(28:36):
going to pretend to know what's going to happen thirty
years down the road, like already so much has happened
in our lives the last five years. Like I don't
I don't know if I could ever I know people
are gonna roll their eyes at this, but like, I
don't know that I could ever say for certain, like
forty years from now, like we're still going to be together,
that is, I will say, though, that is our goal,
(28:57):
and I think we both really feel committed to working
on a relationship and to nurturing our relationship so that
hopefully it is a lifelong relationship. But yeah, but I mean,
shit happens. This is this is super dramatic, But like
what's that? What's that movie? A horrible movie Manchester by
(29:17):
the Sea, where like the house burns down like all
the kids are inside it and like all that kind
of thing. I mean, God forbid anything horrible like that
did happen. But I mean, I don't know, you don't
you just don't know. People have struggle with addictions. Things.
I don't know, things happen, So I guess I could
never say we're certain that, like I would be with
anyone forty thirty years from now, what I would make up?
Speaker 4 (29:40):
I think for me then, because it's super interesting to
hear this, I'm one, I'm curious how these conversations go
between the two of you. Obviously you have a very
open line of communication if you know, these conversations are
existing and you're kind of being like, hey, I you know,
I love you. My plan is to be with you forever.
I don't know if that's going to be the case
or not.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
You know.
Speaker 4 (29:59):
For me, you know, there was when I was getting married,
there's a lot of it that was like wait, is
this necessary kind of thing? Those questions, and I think
for me personally, what it did was it solidified that yes, Jessica,
my wife believes and wants to be with me forever.
You know, like there is no easy way out now,
(30:20):
there is no Hey, you know, we're going to work
on this and we're going to do this thing for
as long as we you know, as long as we live.
And that was what I needed, I think, because if not,
I would all I'm so insecure that I think I
would be wondering, like does this person really like me? Like,
do they really love me, do they really want to
commit to me? Or are they just kind of stuck
in this because well we have kids. So my question
(30:43):
to you is like, how do those conversations exist in
your relationship? How do you keep them healthy and uplifting
so you both feel like I am loved?
Speaker 3 (30:50):
Yeah, I mean we definitely had a lot of those conversations.
I think that's been a difficult point in our relationship
at times, like you said, in times of insecurity. And
I think that, look, all really relationships like have their
ups and downs. I know that's a cliche. I do
think there are some people out there where their relationships
really are just like hunky dory most of the time.
I think just some people have personalities like that. Gray
(31:11):
and I are very like we are not people who
shy away from conflict, and we're very both very stubborn.
So I think like in difficult points in our relationship,
like we have, those insecurities have come up, and those
questions have come up, and sometimes they've been really painful
and difficult to navigate. But luckily, like I was saying,
(31:32):
we've had the support of a really incredible couples counselor
and I will say not all couples counselors are built equally.
We've seen a couple others that were not so great,
and every week it was kind of like, Oh, what'd
you guys fight about this past week? Okay, Like, no,
we have like an amazing couples counselor. Who's really about
Like this whole thing is like how can you connect
(31:53):
in the middle of conflict and like find the other
person even when like instead of avoiding those times where
you guys are both like at a ten, Like, how
can you connect in the midst of that and like
find a way to come back to each other. So anyway,
we've had guidance sort of sorting through those questions. But
I will say like we've had a couple really serious
(32:13):
private conversations that, to be honest, I think for both
of us felt like the point where we sort of
became like sort of made this crossover to like husband
and wife. We call each other like husband and wife
even though it's not in illegal document, but we had
some really like intimate conversations where that basically those things
were said of like no, I do want to be
(32:35):
with you forever, Like I am committed to being with you.
I'm not just here because like we have kids together,
but because like I care about you and and I'm
in this for the long fall, and like I see
you as my wife, and like I see you as
my husband, and so so yeah, I think I think
that answers the question. But I think for us, we
we I think we've had like some really touchstone conversations
(33:00):
about that exactly, and I think since then we do
sort of see each other on that level. And like
I said, we call each other like husband and a
wife and basically consider each other like on the level
being married. But now it's just time for the party
at some point after the next.
Speaker 4 (33:14):
So well, every couple has their own dance, and it's inspiring,
you know, as Ashley said, to see you to his parents,
to see your story play out, it's always exciting, it's
always fun, it's always interesting. Keep up the claymation. I
enjoy it, and come back soon. Don't make it three years.
That's just ridiculous.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
No.
Speaker 3 (33:34):
I love being interviewed on podcasts, and like, everyone invite
me on your podcast, I'll come.
Speaker 2 (33:38):
I love it. Yeah, let's have our come recap an
episode with us, and we still have to talk about
good Alma and all that, your clothing line and all
the other things that you're doing, the fact that you
don't have a podcast anymore. Where's your talking outlet? We
can give you a talking outlet here, so we'll talk
about that next time you're here.
Speaker 1 (33:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
Hey, thanks guys, Thank you.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
Bye.
Speaker 4 (34:00):
Well, this has been another episode of the Almost Famous Podcast.
We have a very special guest, Becca, and as Ashley mentioned,
if you don't know that Becca has her own clothing line,
please go check it out. It's worth it. Also follow
Becca on Instagram to keep up with updates. But until
next time, I've been Ben, I've been Ashley.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
Bye.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Follow the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcasts on
iHeartRadio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.
Hosts And Creators
Ben Higgins
Ashley Iaconetti
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