Poor Mother

A shadow in the trees; an estranged mother’s passing; an unwanted houseguest. Featuring the voices of Malcolm McDowell, Gina Rickicki, and Lauren Vogelbaum. Written by Kit Fay.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
M twelve Ghosts is a production of I Heeart three
D audio and grim and mild from Aaron Banky Headphones
recommended listener discretion advised. Out of the bosom of the air,

(00:23):
out of the cloud, folds of her garments, shaken over
the woodland's brown and bear over the harvest fields forsaken,
silent and soft and slow, descends the snow. The night

(01:07):
is growing old and a bell My dear, surely your
eyelids are heavy. Are you expecting anyone else tonight? I'm
always expecting someone. I expect the whole of the world
to cross my threshold eventually. I'm happy to have your company,
of course, But you've had a long journey. You wear

(01:30):
the weight of it like a cowl over your shoulders.
You only need lay it down. But if you'll perhaps
indulge one more weary traveler before you go, yes, of course, Hello, dear,

(01:52):
come in, warm yourself. So something was out there in
the woods. I could see it in the trees, and
out there in the trees it will stay, unless, of course,
it wants a drink. I won't turn a thirsty soul away.

(02:15):
And speaking of would you like a seat drink to
warm yourself and settle the nerves. Yeah, okay, am I dead?
Are you surprised? Only surprised it so warm? I was

(02:36):
expecting the cold and the dark. We must come from
similar backgrounds. What do you think was in the trees?
I'm sorry if that was too forward a question. No, No,
it's better to just it's better to get it out,
you know, I'm so tired of dealing with it. Well,

(02:57):
dear a sip for courage. Then, my mother always told
me I would miss her when she was gone, which
made the arrival of the impossibly translucent apparition of the
woman I had not actually spoken to in years almost funny.

(03:22):
I might have laughed, had I not been suddenly and
totally overcome with guilt for not even having any suspicion
that this day was coming so soon. Had she been ill,
had she laid in a hospital bed for months praying
her only daughter would come and see her. Surely if
that were the case, someone would have called. Unless my

(03:44):
mother had wasted away in passive aggressive silence, proving herself
right about her ungrateful daughter to the end, at the
cost of any possible reconciliation, which did not. I realized
stray too far from the realm of the feasible. I felt,
then suddenly that I was being terribly uncharitable to a

(04:04):
dead woman who had, despite all her faults, chosen to
hover now a few inches above the floor at the
foot of my bed, on presumably the day of her death.
I was a little shaky on how ghosts worked, having
not really believed in them until this exact moment. But
the way I had always heard it was that a
relative would sometimes appear around the time of their death

(04:26):
when there was unfinished business, which would definitely apply in
this case. Honestly, I was flattered my mother had chosen
to come to me at all. The day of your
death had to be the most important one since birth,
which hardly counted because infants don't know one days are
momentous and never have the foresight to file away the

(04:48):
memory Mom. The figure didn't move. I tried again, Hey, Mom, Silence, stillness,
except for a faint shimmering. Maybe in our years of silence,

(05:09):
she had forgotten how to speak to me, I could relate.
Arose from my bed, feeling embarrassed in my bare feet
and ratty mismatched pajamas. My mother's ghost was dressed in
a sensible pantsuit, or at least most of one, as
she sort of seemed to fade out of existence around
mid calf. I'm sorry. I wasn't expecting visitors. I took

(05:34):
in the clutter of my room shifted uncomfortably. My mother's
ghost said nothing. Would you like a glass of water
or some tea? We could sit on the couch if
you'd like. After too many moments of awkward silence, I
settled on dragging a chair from the kitchen into my

(05:56):
room and setting the blanket on it in case you
get cold. Old. My voice sounded strange to my own ears.
I ah, I am going to go to bed now
that okay, still nothing, okay, good night. I got into

(06:19):
bed and shut my eyes. I knew sleep wouldn't come,
but I didn't know what else to do. The hours
ticked slowly past, and I stayed perfectly still, eyes shut
and listening to the silence in my apartment and the
muffled noises outside of it, until I could see the
morning sunlight through my eyelids. When I finally opened my eyes,

(06:43):
I could not see my mother's ghost. The air still
crackled with energy and smelled like her perfume, and I
expected her around every corner. I poured myself a bowl
of cereal and felt eyes boring into the back of
my head. I lifted the spoon, chills rising on my neck.

(07:03):
I put the spoon in my mouth and crunched into
the cereal, and a bitter taste exploded over my tongue.
There was a disgusting, wet texture coating my mouth, and
I felt something moving and spit it out with a gasp.
There was half of a leathery brown cockroach legs still

(07:24):
crawling in the air as it got sleeked onto the
table and dropped my spoon into the bowl, which I
realized Horror was now writhing with a wet mass of
giant roaches spilling out over the sides and swarming the spoon.
Pushed back from the table invulsion, and saw her, then

(07:44):
silent and hovering in the doorway. She smiled and her
teeth looked thin and sharp. I at my girlfriend Alice
for lunch at her apartment, as I usually did when

(08:05):
we both had the afternoon free. I sat across from
her with steaming bowls of rice and vegetables on the
table between us and her big sweater draped over my shoulders.
I am being haunted by my mother's ghost. Alice took
both my hands in hers and kissed them. Estrangement sucks,

(08:29):
she said, simply. No, I mean she's dead. I think
you think she's been in my apartment, only she doesn't
have feet and you can see straight through her. Baby,
She sounded wary. Have you been sleeping and taking all

(08:51):
your meds and everything? It's hard to sleep with your
mother's ghosts standing over you. And yes, I have been
taking all my meds. I took a breath and pulled
my hands back from Alice's feeling defensive. They're just anxiety,
meds and ship. Anyway, I know what I saw, Alice frowned,
eyebrows knitting together. I just care about you, and I

(09:16):
am literally on antipsychotics. It wasn't a dick. Alice's shoulders
clenched up into her neck, and I instantly felt guilty.
We never had fights, and she had never doubted me
before about anything. I told her my exhaustion and my
anxiety had me assuming the worst in my partner, and

(09:36):
it wasn't fair. I reached for her hands and she
let me take them back shoulders, relaxing as I kissed
each of her fingers. My situation did sound far fetched.
I wouldn't believe it myself if I hadn't seen it
with my own eyes, And there was only one way
to get us back on the same page. Okay, would

(09:59):
you like to come meet my mother? I was very
much out before my mother died, and she had to
have known I was a lesbian, but I had certainly
never come out to her. When she discovered what she
called and inappropriate friendship I had as a child with

(10:20):
a girl my age, she took me to a doctor
until I learned how to hide myself from her. I
remember her relief when I finally found a boyfriend in
high school, boy from the school play, who held my
hand and brought me flowers and never ever tried to
kiss me. When Alice and I walked into my apartment,

(10:44):
it was cold and smelled like smoke and damp earth.
Mom I didn't see her anywhere. Alice shivered and squeezed
my hand. I could see goose bumps rising on her
neck and her cheeks. There was a faint wrestling, and

(11:05):
my curtains seemed to flutter a bit despite the windows
being closed. Mom a soft skittering sound, and then nothing.
Alice's hand felt cold and clammy, and I noticed her
face was sweating a bit too. Are you okay? Alice

(11:27):
took a deep breath and nodded. It's weird in here. Yeah,
it's making my head hurt. I think I need to
go home. Do Do you want to come stay the night? Yes? Please? Um,

(11:48):
Let me just pack a few things, or you get
to get home on your own. Yeah, no worries. I'll
call you when I get there. Okay, I love you.
I love you too. When I stepped back into the apartment,
Mom was waiting near the sofa. Her fingers looked longer

(12:10):
than before. Hey, Mom, I missed you. It was a lie.
She seemed to get closer to me without actually taking
a step, and I slid past her into the kitchen.
I stood at the sink, watching my mother's ghost from
across the open countertop that served as the only barrier

(12:34):
between my kitchen and the main room of the apartment.
I picked up a plate and a sponge and began
to scrub nervously. My mother's ghost wore a dark expression
that was Alice, She's my I was interrupted by a
loud clattering sound from the coffee machine on the counter
behind me. My coffee pot flew across the room, felt

(12:57):
the air as it rushed past my face. Glass shattered
against the far wall, and stale coffee pooled on the floor.
I swept up the glass and mopped my floor until
it's shown, but I could not scrub the yellow brown
coffee stains out of the wall paper. I took the

(13:18):
phone from the wall and dialed Alice, Hey, I can't
come over tonight. What why? Not? Is everything? Okay? I
think she's angry your mother? Yeah? Are you sure you

(13:44):
don't want to Yeah, I'm sorry. I'll talk to you soon. Okay, Okay,
I love you, you too. Clip. When I went to
bed that night, I heard a soft, melodic humming in

(14:06):
a voice that was almost my mother's, and the figure
hovered closer than before. It made me happy. I couldn't
sleep that night or the night after. I had worked
the day after that, and I was so exhausted afterwards
that I nearly fell asleep on the train going home.

(14:33):
My mother's ghost stood in the kitchen when I finally arrived,
making a face of disgust at me and my apron
and dirty shoes, stinking of dish water. Her hair was
matted in some places, hanging loose in other skin stretched
and discolored. She stank too sweet and foul and musty.

(14:56):
I'm sure our faces must have mirrored each other, then
masks of disgust. As I lay awake in bed that night,
I heard something high pitched and soft and disjointed, something
that was just far enough from humming to set my
teeth on edge. I took to staying out as much

(15:20):
as I could after that. Alice was very accommodating about
all the extra nights I was spending at her apartment,
and my mother's ghost was anything but On the occasions
I had to return to pick something up or check
on the place, I always found it in chaos. Often
there were objects flying through the air, always the stink

(15:41):
of decay, and another hole in the wall. My mother's
ghost was looking less human, less familiar, every time I
encountered her. Alice asked a few times if I wanted
to move in with her permanently, and I did, but
of course I couldn't. My apartment smelled like old cigarettes

(16:02):
and wrought. The walls were full of holes in the
floor strewn with broken glass and shredded paper and torn fabric.
There was no way I was going to get my
deposit back on the place, and even in full it
certainly wasn't enough to cover the extent of the damage. Besides,
I couldn't very well move out, just leave my mother's
ghost there to haunt some stranger. On the first chili

(16:27):
afternoon that winter, I went to my apartment to fetch
my coat. When I got there, I was instantly overcome
with nausea, dizziness, and exhaustion, and the room swam in
front of my eyes, and my knees threatened to give
out underneath me. I dropped down on the couch and
sank back, my head resting against the torn fabric and

(16:48):
exposed foam. My vision tunneled out into a black hole.
My head throbbed. I closed my eyes lying on the couch.
The nausea is settled, and a comforting warmth spread over
my body. I could hear my mother humming. Suddenly I
was not in my apartment at all. I was surrounded

(17:14):
by the humming and beeping of machines and the squeak
of new rubber shoes against an old tile floor. I
smelled chemicals and sick and sweat. I heard an authoritative
voice fading in and out, using words like treatment resistant
and experimental in miners. Then I heard screaming and felt

(17:40):
a jolt of electricity through my body, and I drew
in a hard breath and opened my eyes. That was
back when my roomed apartment, and the sharp hands of
my mother's ghosts were pressed into my head, sending jolts
of what felt like electricity down through my spine. Took
all my strength to get to my feet and make

(18:02):
it to the door. When I slammed it shut, my
mother's ghost stayed behind it, and the strange sensation baited.
It wasn't until I was halfway to Alice's that I
even remembered my coat. Screw the coat. I decided I
had to get out of there. When I asked Alice
if she was still open to me moving in with her,

(18:23):
she gave me an emphatic and immediate yes. She met
me at my apartment as soon as she finished work.
We spent the day packing up all my belongings, throwing
away everything my mother's ghost to destroyed, sweeping and mopping
and scrubbing and painting, and patching all the holes in
the walls, and trading SIPs of wine from a bottle

(18:46):
that had somehow remained untouched on the top of the
fridge until now. By the time we had finished, it
was late and we were a little bit drunk, and
the bus was no longer running. The moving truck was
coming in the morning to collect my things, so I'd
have to be there anyway. My mother's ghost wasn't around,

(19:08):
at least I couldn't see or hear her. I never
did around Alice. Alice and I laid together on my
stripped bear mattress in the living room, just for a moment,
to regroup and prepare ourselves for the cold walk back
to her place. My eyelids grew heavy, and I felt

(19:29):
my body melting into the warmth of hers. The next
thing I knew, I was jolting out of a deep sleep,
with Alice gently snoring beside me. The room was dark
and cold. At first I thought I had awoken on
my own accord, but then I saw her. The figure

(19:51):
looked nothing like my mother anymore. She stood over us,
empty eyes in a hollow face. Mom I whispered, wrapping
an arm around Alice to try to protect her or
wake her. The figure's eyes glowed red, and the silhouette
contorted into something long and sharp and inhuman. Mom and

(20:16):
a flicker, she appeared directly in front of our faces,
needle teeth hanging out of an empty skull, and long,
long fingers. Alice, Baby, wake up. Alice blinked and started
to sit up, and then the figure was upon her,
pressing its long, long fingers into Alice's throat. I tried
to pry the hands away, but I slipped right through
them like air. I grabbed Alice by the shoulders then

(20:38):
and tried to pull her away. She was shaking, her
face turning purple, body thrashing violently. Then she got paler
and stiller, and her eyes grew on focused, and I screamed,
kicking the air where the figure hovered and pulling desperately
on my girlfriend. I was sobbing and shaking, almost as
violently as Alice. Alice is more family to me than

(21:02):
you ever were, And if you still consider me a totter,
then she's your family too. I love her, I want
to marry her. I am a lesbian, and there is
absolutely nothing you could ever do about it except make sure,
I die hating you. The air shimmered, and then suddenly

(21:27):
the room was still, and it was empty, and Alice
was lying silent and pale except for the bruises on
her neck. Then I saw the faint flutter of movement
as she drew in a shallow breath. I squeezed her hand,
she squeezed back. We both exhaled. The rest of the

(21:49):
night was a blur of ambulance lights and hospital smells
and beeping machines and Alice's raspy breathing. The doctor said
that she would be fine, but they asked me to leave.
She promised to call me as soon as she was out.
Alice begged me not to return to the apartment alone,

(22:10):
and even offered to go with me yourself, but I
knew I had to do it. I braced myself before
walking inside, breath catching in my chest. As the key
turned to the lock, click, I stepped inside. The air
was warm and still. Sunlight streamed through the open blinds

(22:32):
onto my still packed boxes, ready for the truck. I
didn't feel watched or threatened or trapped. My head didn't pound,
I could see, I could breathe. My apartment was empty.
I sat down on the couch, buried my head in
my hands and wept. M it was her in the woods?

(23:08):
You thought it was her? Yes, I assure you, dear,
she cannot harm you anymore. She will only ever cross
my threshold when she's ready to rest. Good that in mind,
Perhaps you'd like to rest yourself? Yeah, I would up

(23:34):
the stairs, tenth door on the left. Thank you. And now,
my dearest aunt, Bill, the time is drawing, nigh. I
can see it in your eyes. They aren't as sharp

(23:57):
as they were when you first arrived. You know what
she saw out there in those woods? Now, what's been
chasing you? Twelve Ghosts starring Malcolm McDowell as the Innkeeper

(24:29):
and Gina Rikiki as Annabelle. Episode ten, Poor Mother, written
by Kit Faye with additional writing by Nicholas Takowski, Editing
by Chris Childs and Stephen Perez, featuring Lauren Vogelbaum as Eloise.
Directed by Nicholas Takowski. Original score and sound design by
Chris Childs. Executive producers Aaron Mankey, Matt Frederick, Alexander Williams

(24:54):
and Nicholas Takowski. Supervising producer Josh Thame. Producers Chris Childs
and Stephen Perez. Casting by Sunday Bowling c s A
and Meg Mormon c s A. Production coordinator Wayna Calderon.
Recorded at Lantern Audio in Atlanta, Georgia, engineered by Chris
Gardner Aeros Sound and Recording in Ojai, California, engineered by

(25:18):
Ken Arrows. Twelve Ghosts was created by Nicholas Takoski. That
is a production of I Heeart, three D Audio and
Grim and Mild from Aaron Manky. Learn more about the
show at Grim and Mild dot com and find more
podcasts from my heart Radio by visiting the i Heart
Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows.