Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Thirteen days of Halloween is a production of I heart radio,
Blumhouse television and grim and mild from Aaron mankey headphones recommended.
Listener discretion advised. Good evening, friend, I have something very
(00:27):
special to show you, and the full impact of this
particular place can only be felt on a cloudless night
such as this. No need to change your nightwear is
quite fitting for our destination. Come now, the heavens wait.
Once again, we must ride in our trusty elevator, this
(00:48):
time to the very top. Watch your step. Tonight we
are going to see one of the architect's greatest achievements.
You see, the design of this grand structure did not
spring into his head unbidden. He ached to build his
magnum opus, but sadly he was without inspiration until a
(01:12):
late night journey to lad observatory, were he and a
writer of some distinction together saw something in the stars,
a pattern, a celestial plan that only he could comprehend.
You See, the stars spoke to our architect and he
responded with this place. Again your step, brace yourself for
(01:37):
the universe. This is the great observatory, an exact replica
of the facility where the architect had his empiphany, with
minor adjustments here and there. This was the earliest part
of Hawthorn manner to be built, and the plans for
the rest did not solidify until he further decipher to
(02:00):
heaven's secrets. Please gaze into the telescope. How clear the
stars are from here? Yes, directly above us. Do you
see the constellations of Malacoda, Acino and Barbariccia? Who Shapes
the architect used in plotting the house's course, a house
(02:21):
built to stretch the confines of space and time? Hello,
who goes there? Ah, why am I not surprised to
find you up here on such a night? Be Your
dear and listen closely. We grow ever closer to our goal,
the door. Remember you, remember you. To carry on. I
(02:46):
shall fetch the Astrolabe. The magic of science is that
it creates order from a parent chaos. This telescope captures photons,
particles of light but have traveled billions of miles over
billions of years, and transcribes them into a picture on
(03:08):
a piece of glass you could hold in your hand.
Your cell phone receives data encoded in radio waves and
translates it into voices, images, symphony. Order from apparent chaos,
where chaos really just means enough data points that we
(03:30):
can't make sense of it. And some of sciences most
effective magic is more biological than you'd care to think.
Maybe you've heard that your body is filled with microscopic organisms,
that they outnumber your own selves. It's true. Most of
(03:50):
them live in your guts. There are nine point eight
million microbes common to the human microbiome, identified sequence modified.
Their combined genetic sequence is thirty times as long as
the genomes of the humans who contain them. And with
(04:13):
these microbes, science has programmed solutions to an astonishing number
of human problems. Maybe you didn't know the bugs in
your gut train your immune system, touch your central nerves.
The actions and byproducts of the creatures living inside you
can control digestion in diabetes, heart disease, your body shape,
(04:36):
your mental health, and on and on. You can solve
any of these things by taking one pillar or another.
I take these for acne, to others for anxiety, but
my parents were always uncomfortable talking about the anxiety part.
(04:56):
One Night I was dog sitting for them and their
fundraiser gala another chance for them to impress the sort
of voters who only donate to the poor when they
get an exclusive dinner out of it. I'd backed off
els a crap called. I told them so that night.
I really meant that. The couch called and a literal
eternity of streaming video potential. Besides, their dog, little johnny,
(05:21):
would poop in the closet if you left him alone
for more than three consecutive hours. My intense hope for
no one at the gala to let slip to my
parents that I just accepted an internship with the public
defense office was basically ruining everything I tried to watch.
The first vaguely suspicious thing I remember was a deep
(05:43):
rumbling in my gut, like a video game controller when
your character takes a hit and another and another, a
whole Combo. But I figured it was arrant gala anxiety
or that the leftover tie curry had been finishing was
a couple of days too old. Either way, I was
actively ignoring it when Johnny parked up, jumped off his
(06:06):
couch and quick clacked off down the Hardwood Hall toward
the center of the House, and that was suspicious prime
closet territory. So I followed. I found him sniffing at
the crack to the lower level door. He barked at
it once, as if experimenting with the sound. Then he
(06:28):
shifted to a growl. My stomach shifted to the rumble,
back but sharp this time, cramps snaking between my hips.
That's when the smell hit me. Above the normal cellar
must and sea salt twinge of that house, something sweet
(06:49):
and thick I couldn't define, and the sound rushing so
low I thought it was my heart beat in my
ears until I realized it was the pipes. It was
the house's blood, not mine, roiling through those pipes like
the whole place was a shell I'd held up to
(07:09):
my ear and my guts. I'd heard of colonies acting
odd getting gassy before, but this hurt. I felt my
skin crawling and when I looked down there was a shape, shapes,
pushing my shirt outward and pulling, puckering down. It felt
(07:32):
like to the bone, snatching the fabric away. I watched
the flesh of my belly forming a moving image, ripples
like smoke. A cold flush exploded from the base of
my spine up to my brain, more hopeless than I'd
ever felt before. The pills and without knowing that I'd
(07:53):
started running. Have you ever us time while you were driving,
your hands on the wheel and eyes on the road?
Then you realize half an hour is past and you
don't remember any of it. Somehow the meat of you
functioned to drive the car while you were somewhere else.
(08:18):
That's what it felt like when I came back to myself.
I was standing on the front lawn of my parents house,
the grass cold under my feet and Johnny's fur soft
as he squirmed against my arms. There was a street
light at the end of the driveway, pulsing brighter than
dimmer than brighter, perfectly in time with my still twisting insides,
(08:43):
and at my back the blistering heat of my parents
house burning. Maybe I did hear something, a woff of ignition,
that draw of breath of fire takes when it's catching hold,
but all I remember is the sound my guts turning over.
(09:05):
It felt more like instinct, but I don't think it
was mine. I guess it depends on how much you
consider what lives inside of me to be me. Have
you heard of that thought experiment? Theseus's paradox, you know.
Is a ship still the same ship if you've replaced
every part of it. What if our initial blueprint isn't
(09:30):
really us? How much needs to be added before we
become ourselves? Does part of the mind, or whatever you
want to call it, live in the gaps of that blueprint?
They never did find an arsonist, the accelerant. It wasn't
(09:52):
man made. It was more like a bio fuel. It
was in the pipes, you know. They used micropes to
make that stuff too. Maybe it was all an accident,
meaningless chaos. But what if I was responsible? What if
they were responsible? This symbiotic colony of creatures inside me,
(10:19):
that army? Were they responding to something? Were they protecting me,
or were they angry at me? I don't know. I'm
afraid of what might happen if I keep feeding them
these but not as afraid of what might happen if
(10:42):
I don't. M M Ah, something's wrong. I I apologize
(11:19):
for stepping away. Oh, you look exhausted. Perhaps you should
leave the stars to us for the evening and get
some sleep. This is an astrolabe. Oh, I know it
seems a little outdated to you such a thing, but
there is something about it. The architect used this very
(11:41):
tool to chart and measure the stars. That lends our
little exploration a sort of symmetry, wouldn't you say? Tonight
I will beat the stars and all the night of
the ascension, we too will know where the door is located.
So many secrets hiding out there in the chasms between Gods.
You Sho would rest, my friend, great things are in
(12:03):
store for us. Tomorrow. We will meet in the architect's
personal chambers. Are Answers. We will undoubtedly find them there.
For now at you. Thirteen days of Halloween was created
(12:24):
by Matt Frederick and Alex Williams and executive produced by
Aaron Manky, starring Keegan Michael Key as the caretaker. Today's
story was written and performed by Lauren Vogelbaum and directed
by Matt Frederick, additional writing and script supervision from Nicholas Dakowski,
with editing and sound designed by Josh thane. Only two
(12:44):
days remain. Tomorrow, another story. Children worshiped danger and love
mystery most of all. We were eleven years old that Halloween,
so we decided we would visit the witch house for ourselves. Remember,
(13:05):
we like you, news stories. We like you. We're brave
and no matter where we went every street. Let us,
like you, to this place and the things beneath it.
(13:26):
Thirteen days of Halloween is a production of I heart radio,
Blumhouse television and Grimm and mild from Aaron Mankey. For
more podcasts from my heart radio, visit the I heart
radio APP, apple podcasts or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows, and learn more about thirteen days of Halloween
at Grimm and mild dot com.
Thirteen days of Halloween is a production of I heart radio,
Blumhouse television and grim and mild from Aaron mankey headphones recommended.
Listener discretion advised. Good evening, friend, I have something very
(00:27):
special to show you, and the full impact of this
particular place can only be felt on a cloudless night
such as this. No need to change your nightwear is
quite fitting for our destination. Come now, the heavens wait.
Once again, we must ride in our trusty elevator, this
(00:48):
time to the very top. Watch your step. Tonight we
are going to see one of the architect's greatest achievements.
You see, the design of this grand structure did not
spring into his head unbidden. He ached to build his
magnum opus, but sadly he was without inspiration until a
(01:12):
late night journey to lad observatory, were he and a
writer of some distinction together saw something in the stars,
a pattern, a celestial plan that only he could comprehend.
You See, the stars spoke to our architect and he
responded with this place. Again your step, brace yourself for
(01:37):
the universe. This is the great observatory, an exact replica
of the facility where the architect had his empiphany, with
minor adjustments here and there. This was the earliest part
of Hawthorn manner to be built, and the plans for
the rest did not solidify until he further decipher to
(02:00):
heaven's secrets. Please gaze into the telescope. How clear the
stars are from here? Yes, directly above us. Do you
see the constellations of Malacoda, Acino and Barbariccia? Who Shapes
the architect used in plotting the house's course, a house
(02:21):
built to stretch the confines of space and time? Hello,
who goes there? Ah, why am I not surprised to
find you up here on such a night? Be Your
dear and listen closely. We grow ever closer to our goal,
the door. Remember you, remember you. To carry on. I
(02:46):
shall fetch the Astrolabe. The magic of science is that
it creates order from a parent chaos. This telescope captures photons,
particles of light but have traveled billions of miles over
billions of years, and transcribes them into a picture on
(03:08):
a piece of glass you could hold in your hand.
Your cell phone receives data encoded in radio waves and
translates it into voices, images, symphony. Order from apparent chaos,
where chaos really just means enough data points that we
(03:30):
can't make sense of it. And some of sciences most
effective magic is more biological than you'd care to think.
Maybe you've heard that your body is filled with microscopic organisms,
that they outnumber your own selves. It's true. Most of
(03:50):
them live in your guts. There are nine point eight
million microbes common to the human microbiome, identified sequence modified.
Their combined genetic sequence is thirty times as long as
the genomes of the humans who contain them. And with
(04:13):
these microbes, science has programmed solutions to an astonishing number
of human problems. Maybe you didn't know the bugs in
your gut train your immune system, touch your central nerves.
The actions and byproducts of the creatures living inside you
can control digestion in diabetes, heart disease, your body shape,
(04:36):
your mental health, and on and on. You can solve
any of these things by taking one pillar or another.
I take these for acne, to others for anxiety, but
my parents were always uncomfortable talking about the anxiety part.
(04:56):
One Night I was dog sitting for them and their
fundraiser gala another chance for them to impress the sort
of voters who only donate to the poor when they
get an exclusive dinner out of it. I'd backed off
els a crap called. I told them so that night.
I really meant that. The couch called and a literal
eternity of streaming video potential. Besides, their dog, little johnny,
(05:21):
would poop in the closet if you left him alone
for more than three consecutive hours. My intense hope for
no one at the gala to let slip to my
parents that I just accepted an internship with the public
defense office was basically ruining everything I tried to watch.
The first vaguely suspicious thing I remember was a deep
(05:43):
rumbling in my gut, like a video game controller when
your character takes a hit and another and another, a
whole Combo. But I figured it was arrant gala anxiety
or that the leftover tie curry had been finishing was
a couple of days too old. Either way, I was
actively ignoring it when Johnny parked up, jumped off his
(06:06):
couch and quick clacked off down the Hardwood Hall toward
the center of the House, and that was suspicious prime
closet territory. So I followed. I found him sniffing at
the crack to the lower level door. He barked at
it once, as if experimenting with the sound. Then he
(06:28):
shifted to a growl. My stomach shifted to the rumble,
back but sharp this time, cramps snaking between my hips.
That's when the smell hit me. Above the normal cellar
must and sea salt twinge of that house, something sweet
(06:49):
and thick I couldn't define, and the sound rushing so
low I thought it was my heart beat in my
ears until I realized it was the pipes. It was
the house's blood, not mine, roiling through those pipes like
the whole place was a shell I'd held up to
(07:09):
my ear and my guts. I'd heard of colonies acting
odd getting gassy before, but this hurt. I felt my
skin crawling and when I looked down there was a shape, shapes,
pushing my shirt outward and pulling, puckering down. It felt
(07:32):
like to the bone, snatching the fabric away. I watched
the flesh of my belly forming a moving image, ripples
like smoke. A cold flush exploded from the base of
my spine up to my brain, more hopeless than I'd
ever felt before. The pills and without knowing that I'd
(07:53):
started running. Have you ever us time while you were driving,
your hands on the wheel and eyes on the road?
Then you realize half an hour is past and you
don't remember any of it. Somehow the meat of you
functioned to drive the car while you were somewhere else.
(08:18):
That's what it felt like when I came back to myself.
I was standing on the front lawn of my parents house,
the grass cold under my feet and Johnny's fur soft
as he squirmed against my arms. There was a street
light at the end of the driveway, pulsing brighter than
dimmer than brighter, perfectly in time with my still twisting insides,
(08:43):
and at my back the blistering heat of my parents
house burning. Maybe I did hear something, a woff of ignition,
that draw of breath of fire takes when it's catching hold,
but all I remember is the sound my guts turning over.
(09:05):
It felt more like instinct, but I don't think it
was mine. I guess it depends on how much you
consider what lives inside of me to be me. Have
you heard of that thought experiment? Theseus's paradox, you know.
Is a ship still the same ship if you've replaced
every part of it. What if our initial blueprint isn't
(09:30):
really us? How much needs to be added before we
become ourselves? Does part of the mind, or whatever you
want to call it, live in the gaps of that blueprint?
They never did find an arsonist, the accelerant. It wasn't
(09:52):
man made. It was more like a bio fuel. It
was in the pipes, you know. They used micropes to
make that stuff too. Maybe it was all an accident,
meaningless chaos. But what if I was responsible? What if
they were responsible? This symbiotic colony of creatures inside me,
(10:19):
that army? Were they responding to something? Were they protecting me,
or were they angry at me? I don't know. I'm
afraid of what might happen if I keep feeding them
these but not as afraid of what might happen if
(10:42):
I don't. M M Ah, something's wrong. I I apologize
(11:19):
for stepping away. Oh, you look exhausted. Perhaps you should
leave the stars to us for the evening and get
some sleep. This is an astrolabe. Oh, I know it
seems a little outdated to you such a thing, but
there is something about it. The architect used this very
(11:41):
tool to chart and measure the stars. That lends our
little exploration a sort of symmetry, wouldn't you say? Tonight
I will beat the stars and all the night of
the ascension, we too will know where the door is located.
So many secrets hiding out there in the chasms between Gods.
You Sho would rest, my friend, great things are in
(12:03):
store for us. Tomorrow. We will meet in the architect's
personal chambers. Are Answers. We will undoubtedly find them there.
For now at you. Thirteen days of Halloween was created
(12:24):
by Matt Frederick and Alex Williams and executive produced by
Aaron Manky, starring Keegan Michael Key as the caretaker. Today's
story was written and performed by Lauren Vogelbaum and directed
by Matt Frederick, additional writing and script supervision from Nicholas Dakowski,
with editing and sound designed by Josh thane. Only two
(12:44):
days remain. Tomorrow, another story. Children worshiped danger and love
mystery most of all. We were eleven years old that Halloween,
so we decided we would visit the witch house for ourselves. Remember,
(13:05):
we like you, news stories. We like you. We're brave
and no matter where we went every street. Let us,
like you, to this place and the things beneath it.
(13:26):
Thirteen days of Halloween is a production of I heart radio,
Blumhouse television and Grimm and mild from Aaron Mankey. For
more podcasts from my heart radio, visit the I heart
radio APP, apple podcasts or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows, and learn more about thirteen days of Halloween
at Grimm and mild dot com.
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